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Not you, Sergey. Or you, Sergey.

Moments after Donald Trump and a YOOGE retinue of courtiers were wheels up on their Very Bigly Middle East Vacation, near-simultaneous scoops arrived from the New York Times and the Washington Post.

The first, today’s bombshell from the New York Times: While President Trump was yukking it up with Sergey Lavrov and Sergey Kislyak last week — either before or after dropping some “code word classified” intel on them — the president told them that firing “nut job” James Comey as FBI director the day before was a huge relief that would take the pressure off him and Russia, according to a White House summary of the meeting. Also, telling the Russians about that was supposed to be a “negotiating tactic,” somehow. We’ll give you a moment to squint, clean your glasses, and look at the screen with your head tilted like a Labrador retriever. Yes, he still really said that:

“I just fired the head of the F.B.I. He was crazy, a real nut job,” Mr. Trump said, according to the document, which was read to The New York Times by an American official. “I faced great pressure because of Russia. That’s taken off.”

Mr. Trump added, “I’m not under investigation.”

It is unknown if that statement is still operative.

The Times says the document is “based on notes taken from inside the Oval Office” — by either a true patriot, an idiot, or both! — “and has been circulated as the official account of the meeting.” The Times confirmed its existence with two officials, one of whom read it to them; the other simply confirmed “the broad outlines of the discussion,” presumably while making a two-fingers-toward-his-open-mouth gagging gesture.

Oh, yes, and this gets even stupider: Not only did Sean Spicer not dispute the story, he issued a statement saying that Trump was absolutely right:

“By grandstanding and politicizing the investigation into Russia’s actions, James Comey created unnecessary pressure on our ability to engage and negotiate with Russia,” Mr. Spicer said. “The investigation would have always continued, and obviously, the termination of Comey would not have ended it.

Golly. Shame on that terrible James Comey, cramping the prospects for peace like that. Anything else, Spicey?

Once again, the real story is that our national security has been undermined by the leaking of private and highly classified conversations.

Well that just goes without saying! So basically, they aren’t even bothering with denials anymore, just yelling at the leaks and hoping maybe the water around their ankles doesn’t get much deeper. An old Steven Wright Joke comes to mind: “I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I’m in a submarine that’s been hit.”

But all of this was just a “negotiating tactic,” according to a government official quoted by the Times:

A third government official briefed on the meeting defended the president, saying Mr. Trump was using a negotiating tactic when he told Mr. Lavrov about the “pressure” he was under. The idea, the official suggested, was to create a sense of obligation with Russian officials and to coax concessions out of Mr. Lavrov — on Syria, Ukraine and other issues — by saying that Russian meddling in last year’s election had created enormous political problems for Mr. Trump.

Huh. so the idea is to make the Russians feel sorry for what they did to Trump by helping him win the election (or at least trying their darnedest), and then when they see what a pain that’s been for him, they’ll help him out by softening their position on the stuff they want him to do for them? Does Vladimir Putin sound like the kind of fellow who changes his mind because of pity for pussies? We are beginning to see how Donald Trump is such a genius negotiator that he managed to go bankrupt in the casino business.

Meanwhile, the Washington Post had its own fine addition to the Trump Russia canon: Russia probe reaches current White House official, people familiar with the case say.

The law enforcement investigation into possible coordination between Russia and the Trump campaign has identified a current White House official as a significant person of interest [. …]

The senior White House adviser under scrutiny by investigators is someone close to the president, according to these people, who would not further identify the official.

Twitter is currently full of Talmudic parsing on whether “Senior White House adviser” is title (Jared Kushner/Stephen Miller) or description (all the rest of them, possibly including Steve Bannon, Ivanka, Mike Pence, or, hell, Kellyanne Conway, if she in fact still exists).

But was it really Jared Kushner? Totally.

The White House also has acknowledged that [Jared] Kushner met with [Sergey] Kislyak, the Russian ambassador to the U.S., in late November. Kushner also has acknowledged that he met with the head of a Russian development bank, Vnesheconombank, which has been under U.S. sanctions since July 2014. The president’s son in law initially omitted contacts with foreign leaders from a national security questionnaire, though his lawyer has said publicly he submitted the form prematurely and informed the FBI soon after he would provide an update.

Vnesheconombank handles development for the state, and in early 2015, a man purporting to be one of its New York-based employees was arrested and accused of being an unregistered spy.

President Trump is expected to land in Saudi Arabia in 12ish hours, where he will partake in a men’s-only Toby Keith concert, many assurances that he is much better at presidenting than that horrible black Obama, and enough red-faced profane screaming to be heard at the Mir.

Your Wonkette welcomes what is supposed to be an eight-day break from the psychological abuse of the past four months, the incessant drama, and the stupid dumb words in their incomprehensible order. It should last until morning.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader contributions. And lots of booze. And this chair. And this paddle game. Please click the “Donate” linky, won’t you?

[NYT / WaPo / Politico]

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  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Wonderful to visit Saudi Arabia. They are TERIFIC Muslims who have always rejected Radical Islamic Terrorism.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

    • SterWonk

      Except that binLaden guy…

  • ken_kukec

    No, seriously, Mr. Prez — delete your account.

  • coozledad

    Das Boot in the ass.

    • The Wanderer

      Das-a not my Boot! Das-a U Boot!

  • elviouslyqueer

    Your Wonkette welcomes what is supposed to be an eight-day break from the psychological abuse of the past four months, the incessant drama, and the stupid dumb words in their incomprehensible order. It should last until morning.

    Oh, I dunno. It’s 11pm in Riyadh right now, which means that the inevitable Tweetstorm should be kicking off in less than an hour.

    • Bebecca

      Wonder how he will react when there are anti Trump protests in every country? It might come as a surprise to him that foreigners hate him as much as Americans.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        He’ll never acknowledge this. Never.

  • mappo

    I’ll bet Air Force One is experiencing some slight turbulence right now.

  • DainBramage

    Are we experiencing some sort of vindictive, karmic payback for having 8 years of a mature and intelligent President?

    • ArgieBargie

      Also: Black.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • GemlikeFlame

      Anorak.

  • Also, telling the Russians about that was supposed to be a “negotiating tactic,” somehow.

    Of course it is a negotiation tactic. For all their help in trashing Hillary and the millions funnelled into Trump’s pocket, they got a complaint president and one fired FBI Director. Exposing an Israeli agent was just a sweetener.

    Just imagine what they will get for their next couple of million plus a promise to hack the emails of Rachel Maddow!

    • Caepan

      If they do, Trump will try to threaten Rachel by telling her viewers that she’s… (gasp!) A LESBIAN!!!

  • coozledad

    Spicer’s next statement: The Vice President has often said suborning perjury is just his way of heightening the contradictions with the swamp, and oh fuck I can’t do this anymore.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      His position has always been clear on that and it speaks for itself.

    • chazmanr

      I wish I owned the liquor store down the block from Spicey’s place.

  • Chadwells

    Dok, you’re a true wordsmith!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Yes, admitting to obstruction of justice is always a good negotiating tactic. Did he pick that up at Wharton?

  • chazmanr

    “Vnesheconombank handles development for the state, and in early 2015, a man purporting to be one of its New York-based employees was arrested and accused of being an unregistered spy.”

    This begs the question, how effective would a spy be if they registered as a spy?

    • FauxAntocles

      I was wondering where a spy would register – at the U.N.?

    • The Wanderer

      Vnesheconombank?
      Why not just call it “Universal Exports?”

      • SterWonk

        I suspect a lot of people won’t get that reference; I don’t thin Universal Exports has been mentioned in any of the recent movies.

  • ArgieBargie

    “Once again, the real story is that our national security has been undermined by the leaking of private and highly classified conversations.”

    Weird. I thought Trump’s actions were undermining our national security. Those pesky leakers, I swear.

  • beingreleased

    Trump’s gone – someone change the locks.

  • All the conservative pundits are beginning to sound like abuse children. Just substitute “I’m sure ’45’ will be presidential today.” for “I’m sure Daddy will show up for my birthday this year and not get drunk with hookers instead.”

    • Rags
    • NellCote71

      Much less Russian pee hookers.

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      As a dad I find it’s good to skip the drinking, hookers, and blow on birthdays and family holidays. Except Thanksgiving when I need those things to cope with all the visiting relatives.

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  • Shoto

    “I just fired the head of the F.B.I. He was crazy, a real nut job,”

    That’s gonna go over really well with the rank-and-file inside the FBI. Keep digging, asshole.

    • Mary Sandoras

      I hope so.

    • ThunderCat

      Everything he accuses other people to be or have done goes doubly so for himself.

      It’s almost like he’s trying to send signals to get himself some help (intervention style) …

      • Jamoche

        Nah, just too stupid to realize that not everyone does it.

      • anomie

        It’s classic projection, a la Borderline Personality Disorder. The thief is the first to accuse others of stealing; the cheater the first to believe others are cheating, etc. He’s got it bad.

    • Bebecca

      Paraphrasing one of my favorite sayings: Never pick a fight with someone who can throw your ass in jail. He just didn’t learn from picking fights with someone(s) who buys ink by the barrel, did he?

      • therblig

        or bullets by the truckload

      • Riley Whodat Venable

        And has so much money that metric numbers don’t go that high.

      • Lamashtar

        I liked Colbert’s paraphrase:

        “They tried to throw Rosenstein under the bus, forgetting that as deputy AG, he’s actually the bus driver.”

        • Bebecca

          Now he actually does have the best words. He’s a master.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • georgiaburning

    BBC is going nuts with this story over here. Trump is Europe’s comic strip villain.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Ours too.

  • Fartknocker

    Trump is currently scribbling his name on every embossed Air Force 1 match book and napkin and stuffing them in his luggage so he can sell them at the Florida Golf Course, Wedge and Taco Salad Bar resort for $250 a piece because he’s MAGA.

  • And just remember Wonketeers, we haven’t even reached the 6pm EDT news dump yet!

  • Donkey Option

    So, nice time! Our local zoo has two Lynx cubs born: http://www.beardsleyzoo.com/connecticuts-beardsley-zoo-welcomes-two-lynx-kittens-to-the-family/

    They are tiny and super cute!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Really cute!

  • One more news dump like this, and I bet Jared will seek asylum in Israel, and My So-Called President in Oompaloompa land.

    • I posted this upthread (or downthread – don’t know how it goes): i are very seriously economist reader and all around geopolitical geek and i are entertaining the possibility in my very brain that he is going to defect to Russia.

      Like for real

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I disagree with many of their positions, but find comfort that there are center-right publications that are not batshit crazy.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Doobety doo, I have a little puzzle for you.

      Sorry, that’s all I got.

  • jesterpunk
  • Asterix

    “Unregistered spy” WTF is that? “Hi, I am Sergi, and I am here to register as a Russian spy. Thank you.”

    • Lamashtar

      A registered spy is basically a lobbyist.

  • lucidamente

    We’ll give you a moment to squint, clean your glasses, and look at the screen with your head tilted like a Labrador retriever.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zYGQ80ZS-w

  • Internet Hitler

    Cross-posted to here.
    LOTS to unpack here. I’m shocked (shocked!) that Trump would LIE to the Russians.

    Comey fired before meeting because Trump thought it would end investigation and Trump would look good to Russians.

    Trump was under great pressure (true) because of fake investigation (false), but he got rid of the pressure (false) by firing Comey, and now there’s no investigation (FALSE).

    Thanks to me that crazy man is gone, comrades, so we can get on with lifting sanctions and raking in $billions through the oily back door!

    Spicer: Comey was grandstanding so that poor Mr. Trump couldn’t make peace with Russia! (FALSE)

    Unnamed official: LYING was just a SMART (false) tactic (false) so Trump could get what he wants (always true).

    Also, the White House wouldn’t be FORCED to lie constantly (as a smart tactic) if it wasn’t for all the leaks of information – that becomes lies when the media repeats it!

    • Wild Cat

      I heard of the Kitlers, the bad side of my species, but are you a Ditler?

      • Internet Hitler

        I’m @dolf on Twitler

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Does Kellyanne Conway even still work at the WH? From her inauguration dress I assumed she took a new job at Hot Dog on a Stick down at the local mall.

  • Anna Rompage

    “Two scoops at once, just like the president reportedly prefers” Michael Del Moro

  • Does the existence of “unregistered” spies mean that there are registered ones?

    If so, is it their job to basically walk around in a trench coat with a magnifying glass and a martini so that people don’t pay attention to the *real* spies?

    If also so, how do I land this gig?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      We registered at Crate & Barrel.

      • “The crate is full of two kinds of gum that can be combined into an explosive, and the barrel unrolls into four pairs of skis.”

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I’m suspicious. This is waaaaay too early in the day. Wtf is coming next?

  • FDRliberal

    “The president’s son in law initially omitted contacts with foreign leaders from a national security questionnaire, though his lawyer has said publicly he submitted the form prematurely and informed the FBI soon after he would provide an update.”

    Jared Kushy is in for a world of hurt. Maybe the feds can book him into his Dad’s old prison cell.

    • Krombopulous Pichael

      hes a legacy!!!

      • WotsAllThisThen

        That’s good, otherwise his dad might have to donate a whole new wing to get him in.

    • Wild Cat

      maybe we can have the first son-on-father prison shank or something nice like that?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      This too:
      https://twitter.com/USARedOrchestra/status/865664728756080640

      Seems kinda obstruction-y, doesn’t it?

    • cmd resistor

      But maybe it would be OK if he didn’t sign that questionnaire.

  • The Wanderer

    Kellyanne Conway was last seen in the company of her children and Karl Rove’s former leather slave (h/t Rude Pundit) with valises full of money and firearms, headed for the Piney Woods.

  • cmd resistor

    So does “unmasking” fit into this?

    • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

      Release the unmasking tapes!

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      After the moves to remove the protections of internet privacy and to effect net neutrality, it shadened my freude to see those asshats squirm with their “unmasking” questions.
      Yes you assholes, you can take the Patriot Act and shove it straight up your ass. Didn’t think that your info would ever be accessed? Bahahahahahahaha

  • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

    A better negotiating tactic would be to demand a jet to fly to the Middle East, one million Rubles in unmarked bills, and the removal of the letter “m” from the English language.

  • DrBigHead

    OK, this more than makes up for no late-breaking revelation yesterday.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I think the lesson here is, if you’re a corrupt billionaire, don’t run for President. Not in this country, anyway.

  • clairence

    Wait, so the White House admits and confirms that Russia influenced the election?!

  • schmannity

    I’m starting to think that all of these leaks, contrary to Trump’s assertions, are the only thing protecting our national security from the FSB

    • tomamitai

      Flying Spaghetti Beast?!!!!!!!!!!

  • Bebecca

    Taking Toby Keith to Saudi Arabia for a men’s only concert has to be from The Onion. That is about the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

    • Internet Hitler

      Can you imagine being there? (Ladies, you are not allowed to even imagine it)

      • specialcircumstances

        odds are good most ladies are actively avoiding that thought

      • I am very jealous of ladies right now.

    • anon_the_great

      No, no, no. Racist, misogynist, nationalist: Keith is perfect for men of the Saudi Royal family. (And their down low boyfriends).

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        How many songs will he sing about bars and drinking?

      • tomamitai

        Perfect for some Israeli men also, too.

    • mancityRed6

      hell, he doesn’t even have the beard for it.
      and now, for some reason, I really wished they’d invited the duck dynasty crew.

    • Shibusa

      I’m sure Keith’s “The Taliban Song” will be a huge hit there:

      ….♩ ♪ ♬Now we prayed to All** with all of our might
      Until those big U.S. jets came flyin’ in one night
      They dropped little bombs all over the holy land
      Man you should’ve seen ’em run, like rabbits they ran, the Taliban…♩♫

      Good grief. What a boneheaded thing to do.

  • baconzgood

    How does firing our chief law enforcement officer play in negotiations?

    I’m flabbergasted at how boggled my mind is.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      He gives Putin something of value, and in return the tapes remain secret. That’s negotiating 101.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        The FBI has to be pissed. Comey fired, and Trump tells the Russians he’s a nut job. Lieberman is Trumps pick for FBI head, rather than a respected insider. How long till we see the Pee Hooker Tape on Colbert?

    • ariel_gee_398

      “Go ahead, bribe me all you want. No one’s looking anymore.”

    • Chadwells

      I was just wondering the same thing? Relieved great pressure? Really?

    • The Wanderer

      He was getting too close in his investigation, and the grand scheme to get Donald Trump metric fucktonnes of monies was in jeopardy. Negotiations as to how many metric fucktonnes were stalled until Comey was sacked.

      • And trump is so fucking stupid he thought firing him would make the problem go away.

        We are being trolled for sure.

    • mancityRed6

      “Mr. Trump added, “I’m not under investigation.””
      That’s how.

    • Shoto

      I’m boggled at how flabbergasted my mind is, but I take your point.

    • Nockular cavity

      How does firing our chief law enforcement officer play in negotiations?

      …The Aristocrats!

  • LarryHoudini

    “I just fired Comey, head of the FBI. You probably don’t know anything about him, even though you’re both Russian spies and he’s a top counter intelligence official, but man! What a nut job! Anyways, over here I’ve put up the map from my Electoral College win. They say it was the biggest ever! Historic!! Really terrific.”

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I wonder if Comey’s being “mildly nauseous” about having foisted this nightmare upon us has turned into a full blown case of stomach flu.

    • cmd resistor

      I bet they planted the bug right behind the framed Electoral map.

      • tomamitai

        They put it in a Fabergé Electoral map that they presented to Dumbass.

      • ltmcdies

        they need a bug….Trump just opens his yap and, like magic, he failed to uphold the constitution or committed obstruction of justice.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    My money is actually on Bannon. Don’t have the linky ( might have been The Hill) but money being funneled to Breitbart and Cambridge Analytica was part of the investigation.

  • schmannity

    An eight-day trip should give Mueller enough time to go to court and have Trump’s passport revoked before Trump is scheduled to return.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I propose a complete ban of Trumps entering the United States until our special prosecutors can figure out what’s going on.

      • schmannity

        The security of the United States is at stake!

      • beingreleased

        Extreme vetting of Trumps.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          If Trumps were skittles, would you eat them?

      • Internet Hitler

        I mean, we don’t even know who they are.

      • schmannity

        These Trumps, they’re coming here, they’re grabbing our women’s pussies, they’re bringing their treason and suspicious drug sniffles. Some are good people I suppose. . .

    • I am so considering the possibility that he defects to russia.

      Like I’m considering that a thing that could happen in trump’s america.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • The Wanderer

      Oy.

      • Shoto

        Gevalt.

    • Shoto

      I wonder if the tack is shifting to, “We gotta find the leakers?”

      Nixon was all about “plugging leaks.” Somewhere around 40+ people went to jail, so that worked out really well for them.

  • FDRliberal

    Meanwhile, hapless Sean Spicer keeps yelling “But the REAL problem are these LEAKS!!” as chaos ensues and the Orange Fart Cloud expands and kills everyone in it’s path.

    • clairence

      if nobody KNEW we were dismantling the government from the inside with help from Russia, there wouldn’t be any problem.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      You know, it’s bad tactics for the Trump administration to keep ranting about leaks.

  • Jamoche

    http://www.sfgate.com/news/politics/article/Worldwide-effort-to-keep-Trump-happy-on-1st-trip-11158088.php
    “Worldwide effort set to keep Trump happy on 1st trip abroad”

    “Two officials said they feared that a difficult trip might even lead the president to hand off future traveling duties to Vice President Mike Pence.”

    It’s a start.

    • Pisto75666

      Give him a great big juice box and a box of crayons for the trip there. Problem solved!

  • Internet Hitler

    Wait – spies are supposed to register as such? No wonder Jared was meeting with them! He didn’t see their names on the Spy Registry.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • WotsAllThisThen

      It’s okay, as President he can declassify anything he wants.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Has Spicer figured out that the leaks are coming from inside the house yet? I mean, they gotta know who was in the room, right?

    • Paperless Tiger

      Unless it was someone who hides better than Comey.

    • AyeDiosDrinko

      Perhaps it is Spicer

  • lunar62

    Anyone think these leaks are coming from Republican operatives who want Trump out of the way so Ryan and Pence can get on with important business like big tax breaks for the rich? I bet my husband after the election that Trump would be out of there as soon as he outlived his usefulness. Of course I was envisioning something more dramatic like a tragic fall down the stairs or a little something extra in the morning coffee. Too Alex Jones?

    • georgiaburning

      His plane is over water right now, unfortunate things can happen

    • Internet Hitler

      I suspect McMasters.

    • It’s only too Alex Jones if you add BBQ sauce to the coffee. And given Trump’s purported/obvious awesome health, that might just be enough to do the trick.

      • maxneanderthal

        I wouldn’t be so sure on the “awesome health” bit. Try googling the symptoms of tertiary neuro-syphilis. It ain’t called the great imitator for nothing…

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Isn’t that what got Capone?

    • Lamashtar

      According to Erik Son of Erick at least one leak was from a Trump loyalist who said nobody could control Trump. He was hoping the public blowback would get through to his boss.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    What’s the time difference with Riyadh, so we can brace ourselves for the 3 a.m.-his-time tweet storm.

    • Unhappy Fingers

      UTC+3. It’s seven hours ahead of EDT, so depending where you are in the US you can either have your nice evening disrupted or lose your dinner.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Oh brother! This was how they got him on the plane?
    https://twitter.com/anamariecox/status/865667045140172801

    • Jamoche

      “If there’s anything more important than my ego around here, I want it taken out and shot.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I can’t look at that picture without imagining him walking up each step saying “Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump.”

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      My head hurts now…

    • Chadwells

      Isn’t that how they always catch James Woods on Family Guy? “Oh…a piece of candy”

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        “Top men!”

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      So they had to kinda slip something in his milk? Is this the A-Team? This is the A-Team, right?

    • Chadwells
    • anwisok

      Pre-e-e-e-e-etty sure that’s Trump’s own plane, not AF1.

  • Well, it should be a nice relaxing overseas trip, especially when he lands in Israel, because they don’t take their national security all that seriously, you know? They’re pretty chill about their intelligence secrets.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Yeah, the Mossad’s a very chill group. They’re probably toking a bong and snacking on some matzo or something.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    You have a paddle chair? What’s a paddle chair? I want a paddle chair! And a goose! And a bean feast!

  • It’s hard to believe from a White House that never tells the truth, but all of this started with two stupid lies that served no purpose.

    1) Mike Pence claiming that he didn’t know that General Flynn had been working for foreign governments, which was clearly coming out anyway, and which, as transition chief, he clearly knew.

    2) “45” claiming that President Obama had “wire tapped” him, which was blatantly untrue.

    If these two lies had not been told, no one would have to dig into everything else.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Death by a thousand self inflicted cuts.

  • Jgb979

    Can’t we lock the door/change the lock?

    Did they have to unveil the bouncy emergency slide to get him off the plane and over his paralyzing fear of “stairs”?

    Days like this- knowing how miserable he is- make me truly appreciate the word schaudenfraude

  • Al Swearengen

    “The Times says the document is “based on notes taken from inside the Oval Office” — by either a true patriot, an idiot, or both!”

    Or chaos-spreading Russians leaking their “transcript” a little at a time.

    • mancityRed6

      that. I can see that. Putin doesn’t want a lackey he could control, he wants a lackey he can intimidate.

      • yyyaz

        And, boy howdy, he sure has one.

      • Al Swearengen

        He’s not a lackey, he’s a “useful idiot”. There’s a difference.

        • JustDon’tSaySurety

          Yeah. Lackies actually do work.

  • clairence

    Does Kushner’s tightness with Russia explain why he’s been given so many projects? Trumpence had to know, as they knew of Flynn et al…..

    This whole thing is so confusing. I keep finding myself saying what the heck?! (more than I normally do)

  • Picabo
    • schmannity

      Sessions can’t talk back to Trump like that!

  • DainBramage
  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

    I think we need to consider the possibility that the Trump White House is populated by morons. https://t.co/N3KwNPoH65 pic.twitter.com/jBScoL3YO7— Daniel W. Drezner (@dandrezner) May 18, 2017

    //twitter.com/dandrezner/status/865333812363841536

    • DainBramage

      The fish rots from the head.

      • yyyaz

        So does cabbage.

    • Jamoche
    • Nockular cavity

      “War-gaming,” lol. I’m assuming Trump is wearing a Napoleon-style hat while war-gaming.

    • JustDon’tSaySurety

      “possibility”?

  • Jamoche

    I feel like there have been enough news items today that it ought to be Maddow time already.

    • Al Swearengen

      Nope, we still got the 5pm outrage dump to go. Only 2 trump-years away.

  • Shoto
  • beingreleased

    OT: My almost 5 year old just saw a fly flying around: “I want it to die.” Now he’s licking peanut butter off a plate. I’m a bad parent, aren’t I?

    • Jeff Ackerman

      Not at all, children wear you out. Think of what the poor white house staff goes through daily…

      • ltmcdies

        you’d be amazed at how resilient and not at all fragile kids can be….be thankful said child didn’t drop peanut butter on the floor then lick it.

    • Crystalclear12

      He sounds positively presidential.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Embarrassing confession- I picked up a popsicle my 2 year old dropped on the sidewalk and gave it back to her. She’s 26 now, so it turned out ok.

      • Crystalclear12

        Dirt fills the spot too.
        My mother as she hand me my sucker I had dropped.

    • calliecallie

      Nothing about that sounds out of place to me.

  • memzilla Ω

    Oh look, two scoops — exactly what Dolt 45 likes.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • Shoto

      Fucking goons.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        In Europe we call them Turks but it pretty much means the same thing.

    • baconzgood

      Apparently this woman knows nothing about Trump rallies.

  • ltmcdies
    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Wins the tweeter for the day.

  • FDRliberal

    The WH has apparently confirmed that Trump was gloating to his Russian creditors that he took care of the Comey problem. I’m sure Sergey dave his debtor Trump some “tips” on how to permanently solve the Comey problem via chemical means. If I were Comey I would check everything that I imbibed.

    https://twitter.com/allegrakirkland/status/865650710184050693

  • Shoto
  • mrFawkes

    Donald Trump is going to give a speech on Islam in Saudi Arabia this weekend. And country singer Toby Keith will be joining him for a free men-only concert. Yes, seriously.
    Just add Kid Rock, Ted Nugent and Scott Baio to the show and this is what greets you for entertainment in Dante’s ninth circle of hell. Well, minus the 10,000 rabid country & western music loving fundamentalist Saudi men.

    • maxneanderthal

      A speech on Islam? You’re shitting me, right…?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        True, actually. It should be comedy gold.

        • The Wanderer

          It’ll rival MacArthur’s “Old Soldiers Never Die” speech as one of the best mescaline recordings ever made.

        • maxneanderthal

          Abso-fucking-lutely.
          “Well that was worth the price of admission!”

      • jesterpunk
      • mrFawkes

        Nope. Bannon is the scribe. Had his signed copy of Mein Kampf out and was cramming all night.

        • Actually i think it’s Steve Miller that wrote it. Which isn’t any comfort.

      • clairence

        It starts out, “Believe me, you’re doing it all wrong….” and goes from there.

      • jaspersdad

        I love it when Trump speaks in public. He should have a microphone in his face all the time.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        written by an islamophobe apparently

        • maxneanderthal

          Netanyahu?

    • Jamoche

      Ivanka is talking to Saudi women also too.

      • ltmcdies

        about what….”archtechiing”…”shoe”…

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          They should ” follow their dreams”

        • Jamoche

          “How to get ahead in business when your daddy is rich but you aren’t even allowed to drive”?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Men-only Toby Keith concert — also known as karaoke night at the Eagle.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Riley Whodat Venable

    Is Trump planning to come back? I’m sure there is a spare palace. Or call the bin Laden family to build one. I hear their business is slow. The hardest part for him living in the Kingdom is convincing his Hareem that his junk isn’t a shrimp.

  • Chadwells

    WH not denying something? Something is SUPER fishy. Maybe Fuckface really is just gonna stay overseas.

    • jaspersdad

      Asylum in Russia?

      • MississippiLefty

        Does Snowden need a roommate?

        • Blackest Noobs

          another fucking whiny white boy ( sure sure Snowden exposed the US nasty habit of spying on everybody but he did it because he was mad at his boss, disgruntled worker, not working class hero)

      • Chadwells

        That would be fantastic. They can have him!

    • Blackest Noobs

      i say good ridden….stay there you stupid orange scrotum fuck!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I heard on TV that the press pool is totally cut off from seeing the president on the flight. I wonder if they’re storming the barricades yet?

    • ltmcdies

      so Trump took hostages with him did….

  • Nockular cavity

    It should last until morning.

    Sorry, Dok. The fact that they’re going to be 5 – 9 hours ahead of the US means the New Trump Disaster Klaxons will be screaming 24 hours a day here.

    • DainBramage

      Yeesh, you’re right! US reporters dropping bombshells and Trump taking dumps all over the world. Going to be an interesting week.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        I’m genuinely tired of living in interesting times.

        • Roni Raven

          I’m tired of winning.

    • maxneanderthal

      Can’t wait for any European reporters to start firing questions- they didn’t get the memo on sycophantic ass-kissing that was circulated to the US press corp(se)..

  • anwisok

    “I just fired the head of the F.B.I. He was crazy, a real nut job,” Mr. Trump said, according to the document, which was read to The New York Times by an American official. “I faced great pressure because of Russia. That’s taken off.”
    http://weboo.link/images/articleimage/DETQ_53c1d8264a35e1405212710.jpg
    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/jHs5POy8-8Y/maxresdefault.jpg
    http://68.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m310s4X6jp1rthehuo1_1280.jpg
    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/010/041/internet-memes-fetch-my-mind-its-blown-away.jpg

    • Jamoche

      Comes the time for the trial, don’t put him on the witness stand – lock him in a room alone with his phone and wait for the tweets.

      • Bebecca

        But you know his ego would make him a terrible witness, he would be proud of what he did and brag about it.

    • That is an absolute admission of obstruction of justice

  • OneYieldRegular

    Wait wait wait wait, so Arab culture gave us algebra, the hospital, the astrolabe, coffee, toothbrushes, the first theory that the earth orbited the sun, surgery, the first guitar, and optical lenses, among other things, and we’re giving the TOBY KEITH??

    • Blackest Noobs

      sounds like a raw deal.

      if Arnold was around…there would be no raw deals:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sr1PSyCxb7g

    • Lamashtar

      Don’t be ridiculous, we’re giving them a missile system.

      (not joking)

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • MississippiLefty

    Did the news just come out early because it’s Friday and the hard-working souls at the NYT and WaPo just want to knock off? Or is there more? I don’t know how much longer I can go on holding my breath all the time. This captures how I feel pretty much exactly:
    http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/commentary/ct-donald-trump-child-president-20170517-story.html

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • maxneanderthal

      Very tactful of her. I read that as “gross pile of tacky, tasteless shit”, but maybe I’m mistaken…

  • Paperless Tiger

    It’s probably a good idea to get him out of the country. I hope he learned his lesson before he went to visit the foreign capitals. Walls have ears.

    • Beowoof14

      I hope he finds a non-extradition treaty country and stays there. And whomever buys Trump Tower, refurbishes it and names it Obama Place.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        He’ll hate that! I love it!

      • JustDon’tSaySurety

        I think I like Trump’s Folly better

      • Christopher Story

        Make it an undocumented immigrant sanctuary.

  • Swampay

    The idea, the official suggested, was to create a sense of obligation with Russian officials and to coax concessions out of Mr. Lavrov

    So saying “I faced great pressure because of Russia. That’s taken off.” was supposed to convince the Russians of what exactly as a negotiating point? It seems if you wanted to make “I’m under a great deal of pressure” a negotiating point, you wouldn’t want to follow with “That’s taken off”. Doesn’t quite sound like “Hey guys, I’m getting a lot of shit here and I need you to back off to help me out” does it? More like “Hey guys, I deal with a lot of shit but hey, no problem. What more can I do for you?”

    • Internet Hitler

      His entire rep as a negotiator is based on making people think he has the most money of anybody in the room, so the other party feels weaker. Sergeys were laughing at him.

    • ltmcdies

      Oh yah… that’ll do it.

      Jesus fucking Christ, Trumpsters, the Russians were pulling this shit back when they had actual Tzars…whining about Comey pressure would not really impress them

    • Lamashtar

      The Trumper idea is that investigations of Russian election meddling are Russophobic and ending those investigations by getting rid of crazy old Big Jim is how we make friends and become all white and religious.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • jesterpunk
    • Me The People

      All very normal.

    • DainBramage

      I wish someone would project “Idiot” in Arabic below Trump’s face.

    • PixieThis

      Wow…um, that’s just, um, tacky.

    • Darrell Imaginarian

      Where are the gladiators fighting lions for the god King’s amusement?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      It’s hard to tell there are two hands shaking in the middle panel.

      At first glance it looks like trump is cupping his hand, reaching out to grab someone by the Convenient Grip Handle (for Big Stars™)

  • runfastandwin

    What ELSE did he submit prematurely, is what I want to know…

    • jesterpunk

      Not his resignation sadly.

  • Crystalclear12

    Well, this is happening a lot quicker than it did for Nixon.

    • Beowoof14

      Proving Trump is superior to Nixon in being a fuck up.

      • Crystalclear12

        Yeah, winning!
        Oh, wait.

    • MississippiLefty

      24-hour news coverage and Twitter.

    • whitroth

      There was a news story ’bout that: he *is* setting records. It took Nixon five years to a special prosecutor. He’s managed it in 17 weeks! SpecTACular.

      • NellCote71

        The yoo-gest time in history.

  • anon_the_great

    I can’t help but imagine Lord Dampnut and his entourage fleeing down the tarmac to Air Force One with a wave of angry Saudis in hot pursuit aka Looney Tunes.

    Ah Da Da Da Dat’s All Folks

    • mancityRed6

      I picture something along the line of Benny Hill, but without the scantily clad women.

      • anon_the_great

        Bikinis and head scarfs

        • Bebecca

          I think birka swimsuits (not making this up) are called birkinis.

    • 52camellias

      I keep seeing a picture in my head of the scene in the movie “Clerks,” where Randal and Dante enter the place where the ex-girlfriend’s memorial service is being held, and have to leave, really, really quickly. While being chased by people who are yelling and throwing things. Glad it’s not just me.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Al Swearengen

      I’m sure he did a delighted waltz with his half-empty bottle of scotch at the news.

      • spacecat in space

        Then fell into a hedge.

  • Me The People

    “How can one hand wash the other properly when we’re tasting brylcreem from the FBI up our asses?”

  • calliecallie

    Do we have an extradition treaty with Saudi Arabia? Just curious.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I hope not.

    • anon_the_great

      I Googled that. Answer is Nope.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Do you want him back?

    • Daisy

      Google says no.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Most saudi criminals never make it back alive from the states so I doubt it.

      Except off course the ones that are flown back by Bush.

    • Al Swearengen

      There’s a Russian embassy in Riyadh.

    • Nope and there’s a Trump hotel in Riyadh

  • Can you imagine being trapped on Air Force One with him for the next several hours? He’s got to be raging himself to a heart attack by now (with votes).

    • Thaumaturgist

      When Donald does it to his own self, he doesn’t have to use votes.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      The Third Circle of Hell?

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Ima watching The Untouchables on Prime right now. It seems fitting, somehow.

    • Al Swearengen

      The “gunfight/knifefight” speech works.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        *nods*

      • Jamoche

        They go low, we go the Chicago way.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        “What the Hell…you gotta die of *something*.”

    • Christopher Story

      I love Kevin Costner and that movie!
      “He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way. That’s how you get Capone.”

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Ness: [looking at a gold chain Malone is holding while they celebrate after a successful liquor raid] What is that?
        Malone: Ah, I’m among the heathen. That is my call box key, and that… is my St. Jude medallion.
        Ness: Saint who?
        George Stone: Santo Jude. The patron saint of lost causes.
        Malone: And policemen.
        Ness: Well, which are we, gentlemen – policemen, or lost causes?

  • We’re going to break disquis aren’t we?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      We may already have.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      You dear always see a silver lining dont you?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Well, no more NN rules, so if they don’t like what we’re saying, they’ll just throttle us

    • JustDon’tSaySurety

      You mean break it some more?

  • whitroth

    Two things to put together: first, yesterday, the WaPo reported that Rosenstein, briefing the Senate committee, said the investigation had expanded to include *criminal* investigation. Second, today, the Reps were unhappy that he was so “guarded” in his comments. And… he told them, when asked about the memo, that he had been made aware of the intent to fire Comey, and wrote the memo. So, who told him to: Sessions (jail time, guy), or Trumpolini himself?

    But put that together with the recent report that up till a month ago, Comey was getting weekly reports on the investigation… and then it changed to daily.

    Alla that together, along with the Tuesday eve surprise (letting the WH know half an hour before he announced it) the Special Counsel… well, I was dead right last Fri, saying (including here) that I thought we were less than two weeks from such an appointment, so I’ll make another prediction: we’re less than a month, maybe even less than two weeks, from a criminal indictment of the whole freakin’ Trump administration: him, Pence, Jared, Flynn, and the rest.

    Hope that cheers your weekend, Wonketeers!

    • From your mouth to god’s ear.

    • Inshallah.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      If the Republicans had a spine, they’d get it all out in the open, and get rid of him fast. Otherwise, this whole thing could look like an administrative coup. But the longer it drags out, the more spineless and complicit Republicans will look.
      The investigation has been going on for almost a year already. I’d rather they dot every last i, so that only the RWNJ fringe (who’ll never accept the truth) will dispute it.

      • Claire

        The explanation I’ve seen floated on Twitter is that the Republicans know Trump won’t go quietly, and he’ll probably barnstorm around the country whipping his idiot brigade into a frenzy against them. I’m not sure they’re even afraid of being voted out of their offices so much as being hauled out of them and strung up from lampposts.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          That actually makes sense. Which is creepy as fuck.

      • Ms.Moon

        Nope they are a whole lot more in bed with the Russians than just Trump I’m guessing. This investigation is probably going to sweep up a whole lot more people Ryan is already looking hinky, Chaffez is out, Mitch Mc. as well I hope they all go down.

    • Nockular cavity

      So let it be written, so let it be done.

    • NellCote71

      Ryan, too. Pretty please.

    • Cock Blockula

      From your lips to the FSM’s ears. Ramen!

    • Ms.Moon

      I have been saying my novena to the Blessed Mother for Justice for Us and myself (I was going through things at work). She has pulled through on my issue (my old manager is no longer my manager) now I got to get on real hard and pray down this administration. (I’m Anglican, but we’re Catholic adjacent enough for the saints.)

    • Lamashtar

      According to Claude Taylor, who Vox says we shouldn’t trust, Mueller visited the Department of Justice the day after Comey’s firing. Hopefully, that means he is more prepped than people think.

  • jaspersdad

    However much I believed Trump’s Presidency would be scandal-plagued, before he came to office, I never thought it would be this bad. It’s not just the seriousness of it all, it’s the rank amateurism.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      IK, R?

      • jaspersdad

        I don’t know what that means.

        • mancityRed6

          I know, right?
          these kids and their text speak.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Sorry. I was agreeing with you.

          • jaspersdad

            No worries.

        • NellCote71

          Urban dictionary is your friend.

          • jaspersdad

            Written English is my friend.

          • aureolaborealis

            This is part of written English.

          • jaspersdad

            Get off my lawn…..

        • mancityRed6

          it’s easier (with google, of course) to just highlight the text and right click, then “search google for ____”

          • jaspersdad

            I’m old, but I’ll figure it out eventually.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I’m old too. I only learned this here, actually.

          • Bobathonic

            My daughter taught me.

          • mancityRed6

            a lot of the people I know are also school teachers, mostly middle school, so they keep up with the kid speak and I have learned not to ask, but to google it and then reply with “k”

          • jaspersdad

            k will be my standard answer from now on.

          • Grokenstein

            It’ll be amazing, how quickly we come back around to communicating solely through grunts and whistles.

          • Yr. Gma

            I have the handiest grandsons.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Let me introduce you to a wonderful tool – The Urban Dictionary
          http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ikr

    • mancityRed6

      Nixon weeps in shame from the bowels of hell.

      • DainBramage

        The bowels of hell have got to be the stinkiest place.

        • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

          Even stinkier now that Ailes is there.

        • mancityRed6

          Falwell and Reagan can attest to that.

    • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

      i felt the same about W, so I put no floor on this dumpster fire.

      • Chris

        There’s a difference, we had Molly Ivins during W. We need to drag Linda Ellerbee out of retirement. I do not care how much money she is making on those preteen detective books, she has a patriotic duty now.

    • NellCote71

      This. No finesse at all.

    • BeachLoafer

      Maybe they could make a TV show about it, they could call it “The Apprentice”

    • CeeQ

      They’re not even trying to be competent. Just a bunch of morons who think they are kings and princes.
      In Trump’s mind – he’s Henry VIII pre-chubby phase and all the courtiers are fawning on him while the ladies vie for his attentions.

      • Lamashtar

        This presidency is a great example of how mafia has similarities to royalty.

    • M.E. Lawrence

      You put it well, jaspersdad. I expected evil, but not incompetent, ludicrous evil. People have made a case for Nixon being a tragedy, but the Con, if it weren’t for things like appointing Sessions, would just be a farce.

    • LarryHoudini

      Rank amateurism libel!!!
      (Obligatory)

    • anomie

      I have a new sympathy for countries with tinpot dictators now.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    In a couple of days, when trump slaps the Pope on the butt, you’ll forget all about this.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Doubt it.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      “I took him furniture shopping…”

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      I’d like to see the Swiss Guard’s response to that

  • jesterpunk

    Well what do we have hear?

    http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/306990-trump-appeared-to-register-eight-companies-in-saudi-arabia

    President-elect Donald Trumpregistered eight companies during his presidential campaign that appearto be tied to hotel interests in Saudi Arabia, according to a report in The Washington Post.

    • Chadwells

      There it is!!!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it’s like somebody explained what emoluments are and he missed the point.

        • Roni Raven

          No, he said “hold my beer and watch this.”

        • Chadwells

          Aren’t emoluments what he spray tans with?!

          • Pisto75666

            Ugh……no! ok so, *sigh* we’ll go through this again. Emoluments are the stuff he puts on his hair so it doesn’t blow off.

          • Chadwells

            HAHAHA!!!

  • Jeff Ackerman

    BBC, Putin is trolling us and Trump
    http://www.bbc.com

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      Saw it. Goddamn I would feel so ashamed if he did that to my government.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        If it helps, many of us are. Even though we worked hard to prevent this.

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          We are with you guys. Trust me.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thanks. This has been a heart-breaking time. The country that I thought I loved doesn’t seem to exist anymore. Has it ever been perfect? No. Have there been gross injustices? Yes. But the ideals that are the best part of us, have just been shat on. Excuse me, I’m actually weeping right now.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Don’t cry. We are older democracies but still young. We have learned through two world wars and the second one you pretty much saved us. I don’t look as much at the defeat of Nazi Germany since that was pretty much the Soviets achievement but with the Marshall plan you guys helped us back on our feet. NATO is a two way street and maybe we won’t be able to perform a D-day we are loyal to your true leaders. European intelligence will help you bring down this dictator. Semper paratus pro Jusitia.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thank you. But it’s still very painful to realize just how many of one’s fellow citizens don’t actually believe in our best ideals. Trump and his vile cronies may go, but his awful followers will always be with us.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB9sFOU-2f8

            This was performed on the canals of Amsterdam during rememberance day. It was about the resistance during world war 2. See how a proud and defying force leads to more following. Lead by example. We are with you.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thank you. I need to remember the good people. And on the way to the Womens March, my train also spontaneously broke out into this song.

            https://youtu.be/KLe054W6R1Q

          • and remember the lawyers rushing to the airport after the first travel ban.

            american lawyers rushing to help foreigners landing in our country. i still tear up thinking about that.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Thank you. I really need to keep this in my mind. Goddess knows there are many Deplorables. But there are many wonderful people too.

        • it’s kinda weird. i was horrified and depressed and angrier than hell (and now the ‘i told you so’ schadenfreude is kicking in) BUT i don’t feel ashamed. i’ve never really been a rah-rah patriot type and i just don’t feel this is something on me.

          for whatever reason people voted for this schmuck, i didn’t, i worked hard against him and i continue to fight in every way i can.

          in some ways, i’m even prouder of america (republicans: i am not looking at you).

    • MississippiLefty

      I don’t see what you’re referring to on the bbc page. Splain?

      • Jeff Ackerman

        The link didn’t go to the video, it is down the page, the title is “Putin jokes about the Trump crisis.”

      • Lamashtar

        Its the press conference where Putin offered to send a record of the Oval Office meeting to the White House.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The pilot said they were changing course because of turbulence. Prankster.
    http://i979.photobucket.com/albums/ae272/DougCurtis/Surrender-Donald_zpskas7xtzh.jpg

  • #where’sJared&Ivanka

  • FlownΩver

    Jared will roll over on Orange Dad like a dachshund offered a Beggin’ Strip.

    • NellCote71

      Glad I haven’t started drinking yet. A keyboard spared for another day.

  • anon_the_great

    Anybody else notice Trump’s surrogates sound increasingly like Mob
    lawyers

    • They’re working for a mobbed up developer so, yes

  • SadDemInTex

    “Unregistered spy”? “Hey, dude, you are not only an enemy of the state, you did not register!”. I’d sure love to see the papers you have to fill out to “register”.

    • Nockular cavity

      How are we supposed to buy gifts for them if they’re not registered?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      If you’re unregistered you’re a “spy.” If you’re registered you’re an “agent.”

  • mancityRed6
    • BeachLoafer

      hey, if they’re wearing a dress, there might be a grabbable pussy under there

      • mancityRed6

        “I moved on her like a…”
        Yeah, I’d really like to see him try that in a country that still cuts off body parts as punishment.

        • BeachLoafer

          works for me

        • Al Swearengen

          Not if you’re one of the cast of thousands of overpampered “royal family”. Get-out-of-consequences-free card for all situations, domestic and foreign.

    • jesterpunk
      • mancityRed6

        that’s just an everyday, run of the mill actual billionaire. it means he has more money than tRump, but he’s not of the royal (or Royle) family.

    • mailman27

      I think W dug it!!

  • exinkwretch

    Geez, ya get busy and miss the news for a few minutes and WHAM! — Donnie Bumblefuck has struck again!

    • Marion in Savannah

      I’ve reached the point that when I get up in the morning I ask Mr. MinS (who wakes earlier than I) “Well, has he committed any NEW treason today?” The answer is invariably “Not yet,” because we’ve both learned that a simple “no” just won’t serve any more.

      • BeachLoafer

        Mrs. BeachLoafer and I were commenting last night on what it must be like to wake up as Sean Spicer every morning and pull up Twitter …

        • Crystalclear12

          Well, I am sure it involves Scotch.

          • Pisto75666

            And a big travel coffee mug.

          • BeachLoafer

            or everclear

          • exinkwretch

            . . . and rain water.

    • NellCote71

      I know. I went to change the sprinkler, and when I come back in all hell has broken loose. And since I live in a townhouse, it’s not like I had to go to the Back 40.

  • DainBramage

    Not content with merely pissing off the US intelligence agencies, Trump went for the Israelis as well.
    https://twitter.com/benpauker/status/865653425635172358

    • TJ Barke

      “We’re sorry! We didn’t vote for him!”

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Trump’s just lucky that Mossad has such a well-earned reception for being a mellow, laid-back, live and let live kinda group.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Did he leave in his own plane?

  • BeachLoafer

    You know, I really was going to wait until dinner was ready to start drinking today, I really, really was!

    I can’t even … oh fuck it, now I’m just waiting for the martini to chill.

  • Crystalclear12

    Going to craft store. I need a flow chart to follow this shit.

    • BeachLoafer

      fuck that, go to the liquor store, I’m sure there’s on on the way

      • Crystalclear12

        Well, the liquor I already have stockpiled. I was afraid of a shortage after 11/8/16.

        • BeachLoafer

          Me too, but it doesn’t seem to be lasting per my planning … I’m just hoping my liver survives this administration

    • jesterpunk

      You might need a bigger house to fit that flow chat in. Something with about 100 stories and no floors in it might be big enough.

      • Crystalclear12

        You can see it from space!

        • jesterpunk

          That would work too, a space station might be big enough to see the entire flow chart.

    • weejee

      Far too many words.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Not enough peppering of his own name in the text. Also, more brightly colored pictures.

      • Chadwells

        And then I saw this post! Damn it…I did a repeat again!

    • Chadwells

      Didn’t say Fuckfaces name enough….you lost him after the title.

    • Crystalclear12

      Packing list for Trump handler:
      2 ball gags (he always chews thru that first one)
      1 Shock collar
      30 Ambien

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Only 30?

        • Crystalclear12

          That’s just for the plane ride. They’ll refill it when they land.

    • SadDemInTex

      Calling the Burn Unit.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    The bracer isn’t working no more!
    https://twitter.com/lasrina/status/865657130338136064

  • weejee

    It should last until morning.

    Dok, you are such an optimist.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Dutch late night TV is wreaking absolute havoc on Trump. Then again that’s nothing new.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      They are basically informing us how Trump can best be treated without world leaders going into his tantrums and not make a total fool out of himself. Follow up piece: After Trump let’s discuss how we best can treat other malfunctioning dogs like Pittbulls and Rottweilers to be treated the right way so they won’t bite and be put to sleep.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Pittie and Rottie libelz!

        • Robbertjan Brandenburg

          Keep in mind This isn’t late night comedy but serious late night TV. Just to put in perspective how seriois this guy is taken.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            It’s unfair to compare these dogs to Trump. Generally, they’re pretty nice.

          • Persistent Demme

            And wicked smart, too.
            (A lot smarter than Trumpy-boy!)

          • dlemex

            My pet amoeba smarter than Trumpy-boy!

            My rottie is in a different league. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dd967befcfcd7ff6ccade59956da350dd8ccf940e074311d25d26cacdb4d4c5d.jpg

          • Persistent Demme

            OMG!
            What a face!
            XXXOOO

          • dlemex

            That is his time for a walk face…. followed by the paw in your lap… dad get off wonket… you have business to attend to.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Is Tobykins going to sing that horrid song about putting a boot in your ass like a real ‘Mericun? Ima sure the Saudis will luv that.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Maybe all those songs about beer and bars and Red solo cups. Should go over well with all those teetotalers.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Allegedly teetotalers.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Mebbe he’ll sing the one about gettin high with Willie Nelson.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD

    • Al Swearengen

      Lyrics will be adjusted.

      “Put a burka on your woman,
      Like a real Bedouin!”

      • Anna Elizabeth

        xD Brilliant!

    • jesterpunk
      • Anna Elizabeth

        Nice! :D

        • jesterpunk

          That just fits with any mention of him. 😀

    • Ricky Gay

      Will Trump apologize for Bin Laden’s untimely demise?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Thanks, Obama.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        I thought he was hanging out with Frederick Douglas in Dupont Circle?

        • Ricky Gay

          Bowling Green massacre. :(

  • Picabo

    “There is no real direction here, neither lines of power nor cooperation. Decisions are never really made – at best they manage to emerge, from a chaos of peeves, whims, hallucinations and all around assholery. ”
    ― Thomas Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow

    • Al Swearengen

      English major, never read that. [Hangs head in shame…]

      • NellCote71

        English major, tried to read it. Failed.

        • Nockular cavity

          Scientist, never finished it. Someday I will!

        • Al Swearengen

          Yeah, it’s chewy.

        • Blackest Noobs

          English major, ah fuck me, wasn’t Joyce’s Ulysses enough….WAS IT????? DAMNIT!!!!!!

        • Yr. Gma

          English major, still trying to get through “Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.”

          • coozledad

            Try “The Giant O’Brien” by Hillary Mantel. She outjoyces Joyce. Just as good or better a writer in many ways.

        • coozledad

          Like Auden said about Moby Dick, it’s song. And this song is in it:

          If you see a train this evening,
          Far away, against the sky,
          Lie down in your woolen blanket,
          Sleep and let the train go by.

          Trains have called us, every midnight,
          From a thousand miles away,
          Trains that pass through empty cities,
          Trains that have no place to stay.

          No one drives the locomotive,
          No one tends the staring light,
          Trains have never needed riders,
          Trains belong to bitter night.

          Railway stations stand deserted,
          Rights-of-way lie clear and cold,
          What we left them, trains inherit,
          Trains go on, and we grow old.

          Let them cry like cheated lovers,
          Let their cries find only wind,
          Trains are meant for night and ruin,
          And we are meant for song and sin.”

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Philosophy major. Never tried. OK with that.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Nothing terrible has happened while I got an implant! Maybe the sanity can hold when I go to dinner this evening?

  • boyblue122

    So is the Trump statement a way for Trump to claim he didnt fire Comey cause of Russia, he fired Comey because he thought he was crazy.

    This after the fact Trump said he fired Comey because of Russia in that interview to Lester Holt

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Yup.
    https://twitter.com/DavidGrann/status/864660111171649536
    I’m still annoyed about the pre-election bullshit, but I’m glad they are doing their jobs now.

  • Joe Beese

    “Ivanka, sweetheart, if I rat on your father to stay out of federal prison, will you understand?”

    • Ricky Gay

      “Well honey, he will demand conjugal visits.”

      • Pisto75666

        “Sweetie, all you have to do is say no. He’s your dad, he’ll still love you. You’re not the Other One.”

        • Ricky Gay

          “No, Snookems, I meant you.”

      • Bobathonic

        Truewwww.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack
    • That’s really nice… Though I feel the choice of “hanging out with…” could have been better.

      • My newstation reported earlier this week that a man in OR decapitated his mother “before deciding to head into the local grocery store.”
        It struck me as intentional.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Yeah, that might have been a poor choice of words, but being a suicide survivor myself, I’d rather see more of this attitude than the whole hellfire and damnation bit.

    • His mom grew up with and is close friends with my mom. My heart is completely broken for her. She’s an awesome woman.

    • jesterpunk

      Chris Cornell wrote this song about his roommate and singer of Mother Love Bone Andrew Wood but it also fits for him.

      https://youtu.be/bTkFzfvkmCE

    • Aaron Wise

      The last thing that seriously suicidal people do is call a suicide helpline.

      Suicidal depression is way beyond that.

      • And it can hit very, very fast – e.g. Gary Speed the welsh football manager

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Not really. That hotline saved my life on six different occasions. It’s a resource.

  • Michael R

    Trump isn’t allowed out of his bubble

    https://s11.postimg.org/lmy6h1koz/trump_bubble_up.jpg

    • jesterpunk

      What a snowflake.

  • SadDemInTex
    • Pisto75666

      Kitteh needs better staff. Or to just do things themselves.

  • jowgajen
  • lucidamente

    From the one and only Charles P. Pierce:

    The president* is touring the Middle East on a double bill with Toby Keith. (Meatheads Over the Levant World Tour, 2017).

    http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a55171/trump-steak-ketchup/

  • Bitter Scribe

    The president of the United States is calling the former FBI director “a real nut job” to the Russian ambassador.

    Gee, I can’t imagine why anyone thinks Trump is too cozy with the Russians, can you?

    • Bobathonic

      Kissing up to his supervisor. Sickening.

  • msanthropesmr
  • Run2Live
    • DainBramage

      How many parachutes do they have?

      • data_ninja

        [Rest of joke goes here]

        And the boy scout said to the priest, “It’s okay Father, we can both have a parachute. He just jumped out with my backpack.”

  • ServantToTheStars

    Here’s the lead car in Trump’s Riyadh motorcade:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iswi7IEpZcc

    • Well, I hope when those assholes wreck that they only kill themselves…

      • Persistent Demme

        I don’t know why the assholes in the back are so proud of themselves!
        They aren’t doing a thing!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      At least there’s no homosexxxicans in those videos. That would endanger society.

  • jesuswasablack

    Why won’t the joo york times and the washington post just leave our dear leader alone?
    https://pics.onsizzle.com/dear-leader-is-magic-12586833.png

  • Rick Hill

    Well, my great event to look forward to was provided by Bookish today, listing as part of his itinerary a major speech addressed to the mOoslum world while in Saudi Arabia

    • jaspersdad

      He can’t even speak the Christian world with any coherency.

      That being said, I too am looking forward to it.

    • cmd resistor

      Written by Stephen Miller, no less, allegedly.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Rick Hill

      Submitting a bribe is now more convenient than ever!

  • Blackest Noobs

    so Comrade when do we raise da Russian Federation flag at the White House?
    we do it now? we do it later? soon, Comrade?

  • Joe Beese

    If Jared does go to prison, be prepared for the inevitable tearful Ivanka interview about “staying strong for my children” as she re-brands herself as a “survivor”.

    • jesterpunk

      Do they allow inmates from the women’s prison to visit inmates in the male prison for conjugal visits?

    • DainBramage

      Ugh! Shoot me now.

    • boyblue122

      is that the person speculated as being “the significant person of interest in the White House circle”

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Likely. Could also be Bannon. Rumors is that they are looking at payments to Brietbart also too.

    • jesuswasablack
    • Will they be interviewing her from her own cell?

    • mancityRed6

      “It’s a good thing I got a great prenup.”
      -Ivanka

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Impeachment watch
    Nov Dec Jan Feb Mar Apr May June July Aug Sep
    https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2016/12/19/05/11/thermometer-1917500_960_720.png

    • Can we change that to Perp Walk Watch?

    • BeachLoafer

      I don’t see it getting anywhere near September – the Republicans are days, or at most weeks. away from their limit for this shit

      • mancityRed6

        I applaud your sense of optimism.

      • vivian

        The depths to which these craven dullards will sink in pursuit of the slightest advantage in myopic self-interest can not be fathomed.

  • ThunderCat

    He hasn’t landed yet. He’s caught in The Odyssey of Airforce 1, in The Twilight Zone…

    So if some moment, any moment, you hear the sound of jet engines flying
    atop the overcast—engines that sound searching and lost—engines that
    sound desperate—shoot up a flare or do something. That would be Airforce 1 trying to get home—from The Twilight Zone.

  • Rick Hill

    As far as his methods of dealing with people, I would think that trump suggesting he would bring Flynn back in to the WH if he’s cleared is his way of trying to keep Flynn from spilling what he knows about trump

  • jesuswasablack
  • Mavenmaven

    What’s the problem with sharing everything with the Russians? They are white!

  • Chadwells

    Final thought.

    I really stepped on my dick with the Huma Abedin post. I don’t want you guys to think I was judging her…but I understand how the way I posted my comment and a few others in reply may have appeared that way.

    My exasperated tone was only because Huma Abedin appears to me to be a strong, intelligent woman whom I assumed, mistakenly, would be too proud to stay around after something like that.

    It’s easy to say that she should have left…but, as pointed out to me repeatedly, it is a much different a story to be in her shoes and make that decision.

    My snark got in the way of my sensibilities in regards to an extremely difficult situation that is clearly none of my business.

    In short, my sincere apologies to anyone I offended.

    That is all. I’m sorry. Carry on.

    • sw19wilson

      Love is a crazy thing.

      • Chadwells

        True dat.

    • janecita

      Dude, I get your frustration! We are stuck with Trump, and this point I’m ready to blame even Huma for Hillary’s loss. I have reached peak frustration.

      • Chadwells

        yeah….but somethings should be hands off…and that was one of them.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Hey, it’s, like, your opinion, man. No, seriously, that’s how you felt and i’m sure it was fine. The apology is very nice, though.

      • Chadwells

        I care what you guys think and it bummed me out to feel like some of you were like “what a dick!”

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          I think we know better. We all have our moments and there are things that just rub us wrong, y’know? Nobody takes any of this personally, as far as I am concerned. You’ve always been a decent guy where I am concerned and I’m sure most people would agree with that.

          • Chadwells

            That’s very kind. Thank you for that!

        • janecita

          We all are “dickish” at times. It is a side effect of the Trump era.

        • Shanzgood

          FWIW, I didn’t think you were being a dick. It’s just that professional women get judged on what goes on in their personal lives MUCH more often and more harshly than men do. That’s why I mentioned Hillz, instead of personal instances. There are probably a lot of women here who have had the same type of thing said to them or about other women they know so it hit a nerve.

          But thanks for addressing it. It’s nice to see someone listening instead of doubling down.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            ^^^THIS^^^

          • Shanzgood

            Except that maybe I shouldn’t have restricted it to professional women. That’s just the extent of my experience and observations so that’s why I qualified it.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Last I checked, all women are professionals at being women.

          • vivian

            Oh, I’ve met a few part-timers.

          • Shanzgood

            Ha! Fair enough!

            I was specifically thinking of a girlfriend of mine who I helped extricate from two husbands over the years. The first one she left because he became increasingly erratic. He locked himself in the apartment as she was trying to move out and threatened to kill himself. I went over and talked her out of allowing him to force her to engage in his emotional blackmail.

            The second one started isolating her from family and friends after he convinced her to quit her job to freelance instead and sell her condo in order to invest the profits in his dream of renovating a houseboat and sailing orotund wherever. He started getting weirder and weirder until she became so frightened that she had me help her pack up her car and leave one night while he was gone.

            And after she finallly got back home – a drive ALL the way across the country – and was trying to get her life back together, a (male) job interviewer actually had the gall to not only ask her marital status but *questioned her judgment* (in those exact words) because she was twice divorced. Yes, I know she shouldn’t have answered the question because it was illegal. But she REALLY needed the job.

            Anyway.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            That’s, well, super illegal (on the interviewer’s part) and also not super surprising.

            And what a good friend you are.

          • Shanzgood

            Well, you just do what you can. She was the one going through the hard stuff, not me. Helping was easier than what she had to do.

            I hope she’s okay now. I lost touch after she moved because not long after that I left the country and it was pre-internet days. I’ve tried to find her on social media but had no success.

          • Chadwells

            I appreciate that…and I understand. I’m sorry and thank you!

          • Shanzgood

            I don’t think any more apologies are necessary since you “got” it! That’s the most important thing here IMO.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Civilized discussion of differences?! Don’t you realize this is THE INTERNET?!?!?

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Thanks for this. And I never thought you were an asshole. Just, perhaps, unaware.

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      Very honorable of you–I didn’t see the original post, but I know the thoughts it must have sprung from.

    • Yr. Gma

      *hugs* Here, have some cookies.

      • Chadwells

        Thank you! I was most worried about you! You seemed very displeased and that gave me a sad!

        • Yr. Gma

          Gma still lovers you.

          • Shanzgood

            Gma also has some Auntie Maxine going on. (That is a compliment!)

          • Yr. Gma

            That’s the nicest thing anybody has said to me all day. Yep, Maxine has been my role model for years.

          • Chadwells

            :D

    • vivian

      ^THAT^ Ladies and Germs, is how you do a sincere apology.
      This should be required reading in the halls of Congress, the back offices
      of Fox News, the White House, and countless other places where
      simple minds eschew decency.

      • Chadwells

        HAHA! Awesome!

      • Chadwells

        And thank you!

    • mancityRed6

      I’d only be mildly perturbed if I remembered the same marriage is sanctity crowd said the same thing about Hillary in the ’90s.
      although he did sext an underage female, so I’d have probably said the same thing.

    • Jennaratrix

      I didn’t see the original post, but what a gracious apology. You’re a model for the rest of us when we dick it up. Oh yeah, we all do it. I’ve made more than my share of sheepish “Um, yeah, that thing I said? Shitty. I’m sorry. Don’t kill me” posts. Here I keep my crappy posts for the trolls, or I did until they weren’t fun to play with anymore.

      Anyway. Nice job, truly. Yer good people. And if Yr. Gma says you’re good – you’re good.

      • Chadwells

        Too kind, thank you!

  • HogeyeGrex
    • jesterpunk

      But by republican logic by him taking the lower amount he actually has more money. Thats how it works right?

    • jaspersdad

      He was just happy he didn’t get fired.

    • mancityRed6

      “I woulda done it for nothing. What a sucker!”
      tRump

    • Roni Raven

      Ha HA I read that as Tic Tac.

      • JustDon’tSaySurety

        So did I!

      • Zombishroom

        So tRump uses the TicTac tactic with the ladies?

  • Koch Blockula

    Will Donald start tweeting at 3:00 a.m. Riyadh time or will he start tweeting 3:00 EST?

  • memzilla Ω
    • jaspersdad

      He’ll just deny that it’s his signature.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        “Obama put that. . . Obama tapped my pen.”

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        Have you seen his signature? Creepy pasta.

        • cmd resistor

          Looks like a serial killer.

        • jaspersdad

          I saw some compare it to a Klan rally.

        • LucindathePook

          seismograph

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          It’s like a graph of one of his dickish yank/handshakes.

  • Badonkadonkette

    I think we need to start considering the possibility that Trump and his administration are all geniuses the likes of which we have never seen because however unlikely that is, it is not fucking possible that they could really be this stupid.

    • jesterpunk
    • Jennaratrix

      Yeah, no. I’m afraid it’s completely possible that he really is this stupid. It’s the narcissism; it completely blinds him to reality. And some Americans are even stupider, because they actually voted for him. I’m glad he’s finally going down, and probably taking a fuckton of people with him, but what are we going to do about the 60-odd million people who voted for him? They ain’t going anywhere.

  • jesuswasablack
  • Roni Raven

    sorry if already posted. I’m at work

    https://twitter.com/lstewart747/status/865680717174366208

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Untouchables: Ness: I said, “Never stop fighting till the fight is done.”

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Am I the only one literally salivating in anticipation of a speech by Donald Trump about Islam?

    “Islam…what I love about Islam is, you Islams know all about yuuuge. The hajj, bigly yuuuge. Hajj, it’s a mecca for Muslims. The best.”

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      The haaaaaajest haaaaaajj. It was right there for you :)

    • Roni Raven

      “President’s Speech Sparks Riots in Riyadh”

      • vivian

        “Look everybody, Mohammed is the greatest, really a great guy. Look, I drew a picture of him! Isn’t he cute?”

        • Shanzgood

          OMG WILL YOU MARRY ME

          • vivian

            In a heartbeat

          • Shanzgood

            BRB checking with baconzgood…

          • vivian

            I suppose I should check with my wife as well : /

        • VirginiaLady

          Oh dear.

    • vivian

      “President Blasphemes In Important Speech”
      Saudi Officials placed in untenable position…

    • WomanInThePersistence

      As I said earlier, it will be comedy gold.

    • HogeyeGrex

      He’s going to try to get them to license his name to put on the Kaaba. Failing that, he’ll try to get it on the Abraj Al-Bait, cuz hotel envy.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Anybody else wonder if he’s going to try to insist on going to Mecca? Because he’s the president?

  • ltmcdies

    OT….so when Mom and Dad leave on a trip the kids have the place to themselves

    https://twitter.com/HansNichols/status/865673600568889344

    • jesterpunk

      Do you blame them? If I had to listen to Trump for more then 5 minutes I would need some alcohol. I think a few Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters will allow me to listen to him any longer then that.

      • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

        On the other hand, no one forced them to take the job. Or to stay with it.

        • jesterpunk

          That is true, they sold their souls (if they ever had one) to work for him.

          • ltmcdies

            and I challenge the notion that this was a “successful” week …unless one believes surviving a week without being personally indicted..successful.

          • jesterpunk

            Yeah I really want to know their definition of “successful”.

          • M.E. Lawrence

            Well, there do seem to be some leaks coming from that part of the world;. Perhaps not everyone in the Trump W.H. thinks he’s a delightful human being. Perhaps a few of them crossed their fingers when pledging loyalty.

          • HogeyeGrex

            Yeah. That struck me too. Successfully evaded the gallows, I guess.

          • Persistent Demme

            I have selfish, greedy, and highly educated relatives like these little shits.
            They should know better, (they can’t plead ignorance), but their greed trumps everything else.
            I wish nothing but bad consequences for them and their Trump-worship.
            (Why yes, I’m full of rage. Why do you ask?)

          • jesterpunk

            I do too, they just care about themselves and what will make them more money.

          • Persistent Demme

            I don’t know if I’ll ever speak to these idiot relatives again, (even if we don’t talk about politics).
            Last time we spoke, they sneeringly said something about the ACA, and I had to inform them about how their cousin, (my daughter), was benefiting from it.
            They were shocked.
            *eyeroll*

    • Chadwells

      The dude in the pink shirt looks like he’s saying “thank fucking god he’s gone for 9 days…”

      • vivian

        They’re all in the pink shit.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I wonder if they realize that people are going to ask them what that two year gap in their resume is.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        I think “Rehab” will go over better than the truth

      • Persistent Demme

        Yep.
        I hope that particular stain on their resumes ruins their careers.
        (If they are GOP opportunists and not just Federal employees).

    • generalleeme

      Could it be grief counseling…the dude in pink shirt looks like he is contemplating a jump!!!

      • Doug Langley

        Nah, he’s just helping install a Jacuzzi. Oh, wait . . .

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Cheers! Drink your delicious glass of Flavor-Aid, comrade!

    • theCryptofishist

      For a certain definition of “successful.”

  • Poly_Ester

    Trump – “I could have worked such a great deal with Bin Laden, the greatest deal in the universe, but Obama had to go and kill him before I got the chance, damn.”

    • ltmcdies

      I know you’re being droll and amusing but ……….

      • Poly_Ester

        Oddly, the Bin Ladens are in the construction business, Bigly.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    “Pity for pussies” sounds totally like Putin. Or not.

    And also too, “a current White House official as a significant person of interest” has the nice ambiguity between whether they say what they mean, in relation to a significant person, of if they’re also meaning that person is of significant interest.

    • Bobathonic

      Sounds like an album name to me.

  • vivian

    ” It should last until morning.”
    HAHAHAHA! Have you learned nothing, dear Dok? If he rage tweats at 4am EDT, that’ll be later tonight Saudi time. More like, you get a few hours break… unless he turns the plan around which is a 50/50.

  • Claire

    Dan Rather just said we’re going to be all right. I might or might not have teared up a little.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      That’s what I needed right now. I love Dan

    • theCryptofishist

      Re-animated corpses of Murrow’s Boys lIEBullZZZZ!!!!11

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Okay, weird observation, but it jst struck me. With the crazy nature of his tweeting, what does it mean that he never swears on Twitter? We know he swears in speech, but no “locker room talk” on his Twitter account?

    • He doesn’t type out his tweets, during the day (and probably at night) he shouts them out to a serf

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        It’s just kind of strange, right? I mean, unless they’re just letting him crazy himself out, why doesn’t he tweet like he speaks?

        That makes more sense in my head.

        • Shanzgood

          …interesting

          Maybe he’s saving characters for the more bigly important words?

    • Cat Cafe for the Investigation

      Didn’t you get the feeling, though, that he doesn’t even know how to do locker room talk–his tape with Billy Bush was so weird and grandstanding, like a grade-schooler, had nothing to do with reality? Alternatively, I side with Playonwords. He doesn’t know how to type. He shouts them out to a serf and they manfully edit them, like running around with duct tape on the Titanic.

      • Slamtundra

        Manfully? You mean, like they use their dick?

        Sorry…

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        You’re right about the Billy Bush thing. He used that word like it was just something he had heard a tough guy say once. No real concept of what he was really saying. he’s just pathetic.

    • mancityRed6

      only 140 characters, it’s the only time he’s big on conservation.

  • memzilla Ω
    • That is what i imagine Rachel’s office looks like

    • Scrofula

      Awful lot of single straight lines in there. I don’t buy it. No wall of text and odd font changes, geocities wallpaper. Nothing here worth a trip to the county library, just obvious shit that should have DQ’d these fuckers months ago.

    • mancityRed6

      that is what confuses me about the people who say there’s no evidence (civilians or politicians both), jeebus, just look at the connections! has there ever been an administration with that much contact with a foreign power before they were ever an administration?

    • i want to see more sticks coming out of jeff sessions’ head.

    • schmannity

      It’s missing Bannon, FSB code name Jackov.

  • Chris

    Not really off topic. I was going thru a large Rubbermaid container of papers (as you do when you are looking for something and realize you have zero organizational skills at home) and found a complete bottle of Xanax that I had filled a couple of years ago but never removed from the pharmacy bag.
    Sometimes the Universe is looking out for you.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Careful with that stuff. It’s hell to come off of.

      • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

        Come off? In this administration?

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Well, not in this administration, but at some point, someday, in the future.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Not sure how well that stuff ages.
      It could be harmful.
      Be careful.

      • Lamashtar

        In my experience, that stuff ferments.

    • Doug Langley

      And its shelf life is . . . ?

      • Chris

        Not really sure. I’ll certainly check should I decide to take it. More likely I’ll call the doctor on Monday to find out how to dispose of them. On the other hand, nice to know they are there – until I misplace them and find them again 4 years from now.

        • Ivana Schtupp

          I think I’ve had the same bottle for ten years. I like to have it on hand when I fly, just in case.

  • janecita

    Did Trump bring his own pee hookers on this trip, or will they be provided by the Saudis?

    • snark-lurker

      saudis got a million of’em

    • Caepan

      He’ll probably insist on 72 virgin pee hookers.

      Trump: “Like those terrorists guys get for a reward for destroying America!”

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Untouchables I <3 Andy Garcia, and Stone is one of his best characters.

    • cmd resistor

      I love that scene where he saves the baby bouncing down the stairs in the train station. And gets the bad guy, right?

      • Battleship Potempkin libelz!

        • alpacapunchbowl

          It’s an homage if you do it well :)

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Yup. :) “Take him.”

        *bang*

        “Two.”

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I think of that scene every time I walk through Union Station (which is fairly frequently) and it makes me happy.

        • cmd resistor

          I was only there once but it was before I saw that movie. I think that might be my fave movie scene of all time.

    • Persistent Demme

      That movie started my life-long love affair with him.
      OMG, that grin!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        This one, and Black Rain are my faves, but he is great in everything. :)

        • Persistent Demme

          Black Rain is fine, but the co-stars, costumes, sets, and score in Untouchables.
          I can’t even…
          Sean Connery and the scene in his apt. with the train schedule is unforgettable.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah. It’s still hard to watch, even 1000 times after the first. And when the little guy gets it, too…..

      • Jennifer 8 did it for me.
        https://youtu.be/x3wYdKIthfk

        • Persistent Demme

          What a cast!
          How did I miss this one?
          Thanks!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Listening to Andy Card (another swell MSNBC hire) talking about how successful he thinks Trump will be is cringe worthy. He doesn’t look like he believes a word coming out of his mouth.

  • CrusaderAXE

    Hey Doc, he can get into a lot of trouble in Saudi, Israel, NATO and the Vatican…perhaps Francis will greet him with three Cardinals, one carrying a bell, one a book, and one a candle and proclaim in Latin, “Be gone Satan…” and start the exorcism.

    • Magyar Has Had It With Trump

      Followed by him being chased across St Peter’s square by yardstick wielding nuns

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        If anything can get this lapsed Catholic back into the arms of Holy Mother Church, that’ll be it.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        And once he’s caught, he’ll brag that he wasn’t hit by the regular Sisters, no, sir. They had to send the Mother Superior to deal with him. Superior.

      • BosGrl

        Benny Hill style.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Bet he won’t “move on them like a bitch”.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      Maybe the Swiss Guard will meet him with halberds.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Doubt it. Many in the church are happy with Trump because of his stand on abortion and muslims.

      • mancityRed6

        yeah, but the Catholic church?

        • Red Bird Ω

          You must think the Catholic church is full of liberals.

          • mancityRed6

            consider the fact that a lot of them use birth control even though it’s not what they’re taught.
            most Catholics I’ve known have either been one out of a sense of duty or obligation; or, like my parents, converts who embrace the religion. both draw a line that says “my religion is a personal thing for me”. maybe there’s others, but I don’t have personal experience with them.

          • mancityRed6

            and yeah, I did spend 16 years in one. I don’t remember the first 8 or ten, but I do remember every saturday/sunday and every wednesday and friday during Lent.

      • CrusaderAXE

        Yeah, well, we’re assuming he gets out of both Israel and Saudi Arabia alive. But, Pope Francis has been pretty clear in his attitude about Trump from the beginning, and I suspect he’s going to be politely troubling for this trip. Of course, Francis could declare him anathema, and demand that all American Catholics ignore him, disobey him and oppose him under pain of excommunication and eternal damnation. That might be fun…

        • Red Bird Ω

          I’m Catholic so I’m not joking when I say that many/most like Trump.

          • CrusaderAXE

            Let’s see. St Mary’s, Baldwinsville NY, Valedictorian, Winner of Religion Award. Bishop Ludden HS, Syracuse NY, Number 5 in Class of 400; College of the Holy Cross, Worcester, MA, Cum Laude, Honors Philosophy and Theology. Served Mass from Fourth Grade through my third tour of duty as a First Sergeant as needed.

            So, I guess by education, upbringing, and programming, I’m a Catholic too. Here’s the thing — there are two strains in Catholicism historically, a rabid pro-authoritarianism and a rabid anti-authoritarianism. Lots of us anti-authoritarians would have been burned at the stake in centuries past; now, we just do other things. But, theologically, after Baptism, First Communion, and Confirmation, we’re always going to be Catholics…of one stripe or another.

            Me, I’m an anti-theist, Stoic Catholic. One of my closest friends from High School just won an award from one of her Alma Maters, Harvard Divinity School, and she also just got back from a ten day training and confab with the Catholic LGBT community in Havana. Stephen Colbert is Catholic…and he practices. Francis is one of us, and a Jesuit…so, could be fun.

          • Red Bird Ω

            I hope you’re right. I tend to be very cynical about the church sometimes.

        • theCryptofishist

          Positively medieval.

      • Edith Prickly

        Pope Francis is a master troller of American wingnuttia. He has no time for Trump’s nonsense.

        • theCryptofishist

          But how in the hell did he get roped into meeting with O’Reilly? Unless he wanted to be the soft distraction while the firing went on in the background.

    • Lamashtar
  • memzilla Ω

    Ironically enough, next week I’m having a similar procedure to what Twitler is gonna get: a colonoscopy. Unlike Dolt 45, I’m gonna get lubed first.

    • Persistent Demme

      Good for you!

      • Scrofula

        You wouldn’t say that if you were around for the “cleanse” that comes before.

        • Persistent Demme

          Oh, honey!!
          The cleanse is easy-peasy, happy-time compared to what I have been through with Mr. Demme!

          • Scrofula

            Oh, I know. I’m talking about listening to my Dad whine constantly for weeks–a guy who normally fasts every Monday anyway, and has for over a decade.
            I take Metformin, so I say fie on all you GI normies.

          • Shanzgood

            What’s the Monday fast about? Just a personal thing?

          • Scrofula

            I don’t know, for sure. Definitely a combo health and goal-setting personal deal. I do similar weird things, and I can’t explain why, so he might not know himself. 24hrs, just water.

        • VirginiaLady

          I’ve heard it’s gotten better. I had to drink a gallon of the stuff over the course of an hour. Now it’s 2 bottles of Gatoraide with the powder mixed in. The procedure itself was a cakewalk.

          • Scrofula

            Dad this time had a full plastic jug, powder inside, prob. a gallon. And before he had those pills to make him shit forever, so no sympathy.

            The drugs appear quite effective at making you blithely unaware of the hose sliding up your rear.

          • VirginiaLady

            He got the same stuff I did. Gross. Next time request the Gatoraide method. And remember it’s worth it. I go again in November and I hope they don’t find any new polyps. Charming discussion ain’t it? Life saving too.

          • Scrofula

            When you hear “polyp” just think soothing corals, clown fish gliding around . . .

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          Meh. The cleanse wasn’t that bad. And whatever they hit me with during the procedure made me feel so good that I was disappointed that I would have to wait a whole ten years before I needed another colonoscopy. I wanted another one right away, dammit!

          • dlemex

            That is me with contrast for MRI’s. I love that shit and the nurses think I’m weird. (Because I am!)

          • OppressedMass

            Great drugs right?

  • jaspersdad

    Tens of thousands are expected to protest when Trump visits Brussels on the 24th.

    https://www.trumpnotwelcome.be

    • boyblue122

      Trump will have landing issues at Brussels and skip the trip

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Trexit.

      • jaspersdad

        “That Erdogan has the right idea.”

        trump probably

    • unclejeems

      He’ll be OK. I heard he’s hired Erdogan’s bodyguards to keep him safe from all those damned socialists.

    • Sarah E. Grove

      Well, they can take Ergodan’s Turkish “security” asshole to attack all of them, right? Just like they did in D.C. this week?

    • theCryptofishist

      Well, they can handle terrorism, so they can handle Trump.

    • Lamashtar

      Thanks, guys!

  • Lyly Sirivong

    It’s funny how quickly all these people “forget” about their contacts with the Russians.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      I know! I mean, who “forgets” meeting with Russians? Isn’t being Russian a thing you use to identify a person? “This is Sergei, he’s a Russian”.

      Forget that they all have, well, RUSSIAN NAMES.

      • puredog

        An’ they talk in Russiananian!

        • theCryptofishist

          Forget it, Trump and his family are too illiterate to recognize Cyrillic.

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          And have funny Russianian names like Sergei, Vladamir, Mischa, Mascha, etc.

    • Lamashtar

      Kislyak is very forgettable, thats why they forgot to tell us he was even there last week.

  • Christopher Story

    In case nobody else has said it, we should change all the locks on the White House right now. And change the nuclear codes while we’re at it.

    • VirginiaLady

      Oh shit, is he taking them with him or do they stay within our borders?

      • vivian

        They are always with him. : (

    • unclejeems

      Yeah, Trump would probably trade the codes to King Salman for a chance to build a new hotel and golf course in Riyadh.

      • Swampgas_Man

        The GOOD news about that is that there is no “big red button” in the case that just launches everything immediately. It’s just a series of codes for talking to the Joint Chiefs, who can, and probably will, tell him to fuck off.

  • george gonzalez

    Jeepers, just when you think we’ve hit bottom of the derp barrel, this comes out. Trump seems to not realize that the US government does not and should not revolve around personalities. Getting “rid” of Comey neither gets “rid” of him or changes much of anything going on at the FBI. So much is out of his control and way over his head. I almost feel a teensy bit sorry for the poor clueless dude.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well, it may have changed one thing. The FBI is now pissed.

      • MynameisBlarney

        They were pissed before. Now they’re seething.

    • vivian

      Donald never saw a rattlesnake he didn’t try to pee on.
      They are going to have to rewrite to rules of the OED just so
      they can have his picture next to “fuckwit”.

    • puredog

      Lie down and drink until the feeling goes away.

    • FlownΩver

      “Personality,” singular. There can be only one – just ask the One.

  • M.E. Lawrence

    God, I love the Times and WaPo these days. I fantasize W.H. whistleblowers tossing them leaks like so many bouquets, and various journalists from both papers getting together over beer to divvy up the loot: “OK, you guys run with the latest Comey stuff tonight, and we’ll break another Russia-meeting gaffe in the morning.” Then high-fives all around. (Wish there were more females among the story-breakers, though.)

    • mancityRed6

      I imaging the leakers either calling and getting a busy signal (from all the other leakers) or texting and not getting a reply for a few hours (due to all the other leakers)

    • Persistent Demme

      Glad to see that journalists are (finally!) doing their jobs.
      Hope it keeps up.
      (Still doesn’t make up for the shitty job they did before the election, though.)

  • BosGrl

    Next time Dear Leader claims he never mocked the disabled, someone needs to remind him of his disgusting language. This is what they all wanted – someone who talks like them. Way to go.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    We could all use a comedy break.

    https://youtu.be/UF8LoVSRPDs

    • theCryptofishist

      Spicer will never live down those bushes, will he?

  • Rick Hill

    So, trump is heading to the worlds largest sand trap…..

    • mardam422

      And his balls are buried in it.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      If only it could be quicksand.

  • CeeQ

    Negotiating tactics works better if you’re not
    the one on your knees. Just a suggestion Trumpy.

  • vivian

    So let’s review:
    Monday, Tues and Wed each bought us scandalous revelations about Trump,
    Thursday was throwing Pence to the lions (as he so richly deserves) and
    today it’s a “high ranking White House Official”. I guess the good people in Quantico believe in working deductively as well as inductively.

    • Scrofula

      Seem to remember roughly 1980 to the present bringing us scandalous revelations, slight uptick in all of 2016.

      • vivian

        Upticks? This is a Geiger counter in Chernobyl.

        • Scrofula

          The continual piercing scream of a pegged counter? I’ll take it.

    • Shanzgood

      Wait, what? I must have missed the thing about Pence.

      • vivian

        He lead the team that vetted Flynn, the team that Flynn informed he was being investigated for conflicts of interest. But Pence gave multiple interviews saying the first time he heard about Flynn’s conflict was the day Flynn was fired.

        • Shanzgood

          Oh, right! Jeez, I’ve done so many brain dumps this week I must have accidentally tossed that. Thanks!

          • vivian

            NP. It’s like if the ants in an anthill had names and someone asks “who’s missing?”

          • FlownΩver

            Hitler?

            [Sorry… this Wonkette Dependence Syndrome is a nasty critter.]

          • theCryptofishist

            Me, I get to the point where I can’t deal with the news any more, so I have a sketchy sense of the whole thing–even though, big picture, I can see it’s kinda insane.

        • generalleeme
  • RobKanC

    Every time I see a news like this, I think he can’t be this stupid. But he keeps proving me wrong. FSM bless his soul.

    • vivian

      He really should have been a miner.

  • Red Bird Ω

    Get ready for the news proclaiming his trip a success. Hopefully the investigation will continue while he’s gone.

    • FlownΩver

      “Hurrah! He didn’t blow up the entire fucking world!” – Mark Halperin et al.

      Yet another Moment He Became President

    • Saint Stephen

      It’s probably already been written.

  • Apple Scruff

    So these stories dropped just as the plane took off. Presumably, he cannot Tweeter while he is mid-flight (I hear wi-fi is shitty on airplanes, and wonder if they revoked his twitter). Anyway, he must be seething right now. I can’t wait to hear the leaked stories once they land.

    • vivian

      Have a nice flight guys.
      “Would you like some peanuts, Mr. President?”
      “FUCK YOU!!!!”

      • redblack

        “russian caviar, then?”

        • andyshelt

          “How about a white russian, Mr President?”

          “I’ll have two of them. Bring them to my bedroom in 10 minutes, I just need to get the rubber sheets on the bed”

          • dlemex

            The first part was funny. The second part requires brain bleach.

    • Scrofula

      Why can’t you twat up high?
      Thought that was the career destroyer of many an entitled white lady.

      (Never sent a tweet, haven’t been on a plane in ten years, don’t know why the TV shows me typing)

      • Marla

        ???

      • Apple Scruff

        Everyone keeps joking how he is stuck on a plane and can’t comment right now. So I wonder if they took his Twitter away or maybe not letting online.

        Even, so, he must feel totally helpless right now.

        • Scrofula

          Maybe it’s time for his monthly “sleep”? Y’know, amphetamine come down? One hour a night for a month, then a single 24 hour coma assisted by IV phenobarbital and some of Ben Carson’s ketamine.

      • Doug Langley

        I heard that Air Force One has communication mojo that us mere mortals can only dream of.

        • Scrofula

          You mean like leaving your devices on? Even Samsung models?

          • Doug Langley

            “Now remember, Donald, you must leave your laptop on during takeoff. Because if anything goes wrong, only you can save the day!”

        • theCryptofishist

          Isn’t that why he can’t use his private jet?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        They told him there’s “no signal” and he believed it. Just to give the staff a break.

    • DrBigHead

      Would you want to be locked in an airplane with him right now?

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        …Now?

      • Apple Scruff

        I picture him screaming and kicking the walls. Oh, the stories we will hear from anonymous sources.

        • DrBigHead

          At what point does he just curl up in a corner and start sobbing?

          • Jennaratrix

            Can it be now? I’d like it to be now.

        • Doug Langley

          Hey, that worked great for Goldfinger.

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Don’t kick those outer walls too hard, Donnie. Depressurization is a nasty phenomenon.

      • aureolaborealis

        Better before he eats the well done steak with ketchup.

    • aureolaborealis

      He can launch nukes from that plane. I’m sure he can tweet.

    • Marla

      Wow.

      (if true)

    • Swampgas_Man

      Are these the same lawyers who have to meet with Donnie in pairs?

    • ManchuCandidate

      But first they have to teach the Donald to spell impeachment.

      • vivian

        Nah. They only need to teach him:
        “I hereby resign the office of President of the United States.”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Nah, they have to find a way for him to bail ship and escape indictment.

          And, let’s face it, his co-conspirator Pence is going first.

          Would Ryan do it? Maybe. But Ryan could be going second.

          But whatever way it goes, Trump has officially established us as an insecure destabilized banana republic that nobody can count on as an ally.

          Good goin’, Koch bros. This will be sooooooo good for bidness.

          • theCryptofishist

            Yeah, I think the only way to make America great again is to redefine great as precarious.

    • aureolaborealis

      Googles: “inpeachmunt meens wut”

  • andyshelt
  • redblack

    two sergeys walk into the oval office.

    (stop me if you’ve heard this one before.)

  • mancityRed6
  • memzilla Ω
    • Saxo the Grammarian

      I was thinking more along the lines of a glop of melted candy corn, but OK.

    • theCryptofishist

      Is that “Nom, Nom Magazine” in English?

  • Pre-existing Ugly Dude

    look at the screen with your head tilted like a Labrador retriever

    http://i.imgur.com/OtSswQ5.gifv

  • Doug Langley

    In today’s episode of Job Hunt: finally got ahold of the recruiter who’s been dodging me for a week. He tells me the client put the job “on hold” and offered to call me if and when anything else turns up.

    Also. Remember that crazy online test I had to take yesterday? Well, the HR lady called, asked me a few questions, then tells me she’s submitting to the hiring manager. Could have sworn I had flunked it. Job would pay in the low $40,000s, which is riches after what the stingy schools had tossed me.

    And applied for another couple jobs. One here in town, easy work, over $60,000. Wow.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I almost said something before, but decided to keep my mouth shut cuz you never know…

      I’ve taken a couple of tests like that but my recruiter gave me a head’ up (which is clearly not supposed to happen). NO ONE could complete those tests in the time given. They want to see how you cope with crazy time pressure – But also kind of critical thinking skills. Can you glean certain points and use them? It’s very weird and unsettling, but I did well too, knowing what I was going into.

      It’s not so much what you do as how you do it. You didn’t give up in the middle and say “Fuck it! It’s un-possible!!”, so you’re persistent and do the best you can with what you have.

      You passed! Congratulations!!

      • Doug Langley

        I figured as much, considering that I speed read and have some decent math skills, that if I was barely completing some of the sections it had to be intentional.

        • Ferroequinologist Ron

          There are aptitude tests that are set up like that – how far you get in the time allotted is part of the test. I remember taking one of those: I finished it and had five minutes left over…

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      You go, Doug. Good things will happen.

    • kareemachan

      Fingers crossed for you!

    • Ferroequinologist Ron

      Wow indeed!

  • OddMan

    Your Wonkette welcomes what is supposed to be an eight-day break from the psychological abuse of the past four months, the incessant drama, and the stupid dumb words in their incomprehensible order. It should last until morning.
    Oh Doc, wishful thinking.
    Breaking News.
    “Comey agrees to testify in open at Senate Intel.”
    Hell who needs a link, it will be all over the place in 10 minutes.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      CNN is talking about it now. Hearing will be after Memorial Day.

      • OddMan

        I saw it on CNN, dammit they are interfering with my Blue Bloods and Law and Order time.

        • Pisto75666

          Not that I’m complaining but, anyone else find it weird that Comey changed his mind AFTER Drumpf left the country?

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Nah. Comey was waiting, like Susan Rice is waiting. Comey wanted an open hearing, and that wasn’t offered until after Mueller came back to act as the special prosecutor. You know that Comey has spoken to Mueller.

          • Pisto75666

            I hadn’t heard that (that it was offered. For some reason I thought it had been offered before and Comey turned it down UNTIL Meuller came back.) but I meant ‘does anyone find it weird’ in a sarcastic way. Sarcasm still doesn’t translate well on the internet, sadly.

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            That’s why we use the /s or /snark sometimes to indicate drollness.

          • Pisto75666

            I had the impression the drollness was implied (I don’t recall the /s being used here that often but then, I’ve been known to miss the obvious sometimes)

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Sometimes you can miss the droll mark and you need to make sure people know that you are goofing. /s and /snark are used across the internet. I do follow other sites that use Disqus or have forums. *ssshh* that’s just our secret, K?

          • Pisto75666

            Oh so do I I just hadn’t known that was a thing that existed (BTW apologies if my previous comment came off mean. That wasn’t my intention.)

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            I have a thick skin. NP.

          • OddMan

            I think the entire FBI is in the ‘Fuck You Trump’ mode.
            Hehehe

          • Pisto75666

            It’s about time someone was (other than the American public, that is)

          • Mehmeisterjr

            The pro-Trump NYC group must be about as popular as the guys who sold out the Bureau to Whitey Bulger.

          • theCryptofishist

            Do you suppose that Hoover and Tolleson will rise from their graves and …. uh, I dunno, shove Donny down the stairs?

          • pat tolle

            @OddMan – Somebody should have told tRUMP you don’t pick fights with the people who know where the bodies are buried and they know because they’re the ones who buried them there.Likewise, you don’t pick fights with people who buy printer’s ink by the barrel.

          • OddMan

            I have a feeling that Mr. Trump does not take advice. He know it all.

          • kareemachan

            Polonium is a cruel, cruel thing….

          • Pisto75666

            It doesn’t even PAIR with anything!

    • Courser_Resistance

      I just got a little WashPo pop-up at the side of my screen with the news.

    • Edith Prickly

      Who’s the nut job now, Trump?

  • m3bosha

    Dude is half way across the world. If he thought shit was leaky in the White House before, he better be ready for a full re-pipe because his disgruntled staff be ready.

    • Lori

      I assume that’s why he took so many people with him. He didn’t want to leave them alone with the press.

    • Grokenstein

      If (IF) he was smart he’d never come back.

      (I must admit, I didn’t think he’d actually go.)

      • Mehmeisterjr

        But he gets three scoops on AF1. Three scoops!

        • Dudleydidwrong

          “Uh, steward, this brown ice cream doesn’t taste like chocolate.”

        • theCryptofishist

          Ah, the special raisen bran.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    A third government official briefed on the meeting defended the president, saying Mr. Trump was using a negotiating tactic when he told Mr. Lavrov about the “pressure” he was under. The idea, the official suggested, was to create a sense of obligation with Russian officials and to coax concessions out of Mr. Lavrov — on Syria, Ukraine and other issues — by saying that Russian meddling in last year’s election had created enormous political problems for Mr. Trump.

    “WTF–that’s a better line than any of those other officials have come up with!”

    • Erala Contratista

      Equivalent to rolling on his back and peeing himself.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    If Der Fubar ever has the common sense that God gave a goose and lawyers up, the first thing that counsel will say to him will be “STFU. No, I mean it. Everything you say can be used as evidence against you. So STFU. I mean it. STFU.”

    • Lori

      “Give me your phone. No, I am not kidding.”

      • theCryptofishist

        That lawyer will be fired right away. Pretty soon Donnie’s going to be stuck with the top graduate of the Shadetree Scheister Academy.

    • Grokenstein

      “Nobody tells me what to do!!”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRdTetA_Dqo

  • kareemachan

    So….. did Jared ever get back with that “updated” information?

  • Panika MCD

    last until morning? we still have other assholes extant in our government.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Just got home from work. Jesus, this guy can’t keep his dick out of the meat grinder for even a couple of hours straight these days.

    • NerdWithNoName

      Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his orders.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend
  • mancityRed6

    I’m looking at things on another site…and I’m suddenly reminded of the time I rode 17 miles on my bmx/freestyle bike to call a girl I was “dating” just so it wouldn’t be long distance from the house.
    She let me know I went a few miles too far since she lived outside of town and that I coudn’t come over since her parent’s weren’t there and we were 15 which also explains why I didn’t drive.
    damn. I wish I could say I could ride 34 miles round trip on a bike now.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Wait, supposedly he’s using a negotiating tactic to gain sympathy, by saying “So the pressure is off” …?

    Yes, this guy has the greatest tactics! Like when you tell the salesman, “I have no idea what this costs, but I have this many dollars in my wallet. I am sure you’ll give me an enormous discount!”

    • cmd resistor

      I keep thinking about these vacuum cleaner salespeople who my husband and kid let into the house so I had to deal with them when I got home one night. A night I had planned ahead and had a meatloaf ready for kid to put in the oven. And these kids (my family) were such wimps they couldn’t get rid of them and although I eventually did the meatloaf was pretty dry. None of these types have ever come close to convincing me to buy what they were selling, nor did stupid ass Trump.

  • Sarah E. Grove

    Dok Zoom, I honestly don’t know what I’d do without the laughs I get from you in these posts. Long-term recovery from a serious operation stinks, but thank you for making me laugh out loud! (even if it hurts to laugh!)

  • BMW

    It’s like he wants to be impeached.

    • theCryptofishist

      It will be the yooooogist, classiest impeachment ever.

  • Sister Suffragette

    My husband is tooling around on Twitter and just reported that all of Jared’s tweets have been abruptly deleted. That’s a weird coincidence, no?

    • sweeettt.

    • mancityRed6

      holy shit, I had to look, but holy shit
      and it’s not at all obvious, how do you get 40k+ followers if you haven’t tweeted anything yet?

      • theCryptofishist

        Sycophants. It goes with the general corruption of this administration. Toadies, also, too.

      • yyyaz

        Russbots.

      • Make 40k+ bogus accounts, and have them all follow you.

        Jared00001
        Jared00002
        Jared00003……

    • violet moon

      I don’t think he ever actually tweeted.

      • Sister Suffragette

        Hmmm . . . maybe my husband jumped the gun on that one.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      That will definitely make them go away forever. I bet his e-mail archives have all vanished, too.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Trump to Putin: You own me. Now let’s make a deal.

    Artful!

  • SnowBomber

    No rest for you, Rachel always has news breaking during the last half hour of her show. Since Dipshit is headed to Saudi Arabia, I’m pretty sure a tape of him admitting he loves to steal other men’s virgin wives will surface.

  • Jennaratrix
  • idiotboy

    Wow, just wow! The timing of these releases was too perfect not to be on purpose.
    I was running at lunchtime today and realized that as an average male I have thought about sex at least four times an hour since I was eleven or so.
    I now think about trump four times an hour,also too the sex thing, it is really getting difficult to make a living.

    • Dazza

      As a female (never average if I can help it) I would say that I think about sex about 4 times an hour – for at least four and a half decades now. I think of the whole Trump thing a fair bit, too. But while I can’t do anything about the Trump thing, I do have a spousal unit handy to share “thinking” about sex. Whilst we’re having a good think, Trump does not distract us. After a good think, Trump does not cross my consciousness for a long time.

      TL:DR – Have a long think about sex with a partner/friend/self/consenting stranger – it helps prevent Trump thoughts.

      • idiotboy

        No big, my wife totally gets me after 30 years. But the trump thoughts wake me up at night as much as work does.

        • Dazza

          Damn. I’m sorry – truly I am. Sleepless worry is a bitch. I know this sounds flaky, but meditation can help. It does for me when worry keeps me up into the hours of the wolf (2-3 AM for me).

          • idiotboy

            Thanks, not a worry. Back exercising daily after a very difficult winter. Smoke some herb, I’m good.
            The thing is you WANT your contractor to awake at night and worry about your job. That is one of the things that makes a good contractor.

          • Dazza

            I’d rather have him well-rested and alert, so’s he can do a good job and not get hurt on site. Did I mention I am my workplace OSH rep, as well as the union rep? :-)

          • Christopher Story

            Represent!

            I’ll see myself out

      • I am reminded of a tale from Jackie “Moms” Mabley….

        She went up to her great-grandmother, who was something like 105 years old, and asked, “How old do you have to be before you stop thinking about wanting men?” To which great-grandma replied, “I don’t know, child, you’ll have to ask someone older than me…”

      • Christopher Story

        Amen!

    • JurisGal

      Just don’t think about those two things at the same time and you should be good. Or, perhaps try a reverse psychology ‘thing’ ( you can tell this is not my area of expertise)- think about trump and sex at the same time. Your mind will hopefully reject such thoughts and shock you to dream about puppies.

      • Erala Contratista

        Don’t do both things and any other third or fourth thing or more at the same time. You’ll be ok.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Stulexington

      2. Sell access and give me a cut.

    • Les H

      3. Let me win at something.

  • Scooby

    Spaceballs II: The revenge of the Comey

  • yyyaz

    This was posted over on the open thread:

    White House looking at ethics rule to weaken special investigation: sources

    http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-mueller-idUSKCN18F2KK

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      Wow. I can’t even.

      • yyyaz

        Exactly. Makes me wanna tear what is left of my hair out and then eat it.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          Meanwhile it’s a-ok for him to nominate Lieberman even though his firm represented Trump. Ugh.

          Do you think he’ll actually try to fire Mueller? I’m 50/50 on that.

          • yyyaz

            This would certainly be an end run to cut Mueller off at the knees, making firing him less likely. Whether that is a workable strategy to tamp the investigation down enough to survive, though, is another matter. It is going to require WaPo, the NYT and every investigative reporter in the country, patriots putting their jobs on the line to leak info and an angry public to burn this monster out of his lair.
            BIG OOPS: And especially Rachel, cannot forget Rachel.

          • Sakonyachen

            Can you imagine the backlash if he finds a way to circumvent the possibility of being tried with a technicality? The Mexicans and Muslims in prison would have more sympathy for him than the public. He would be safer in Guantanamo surrounded by people who had been water boarded

          • yyyaz

            What I fear is that if he weathers this, both he and his party of traitors will be emboldened to strengthen his strongman rule with the inevitable blood in the streets of protesters. Even if he makes it to the 2018 election, the harm he is wreaking every day will take years to repair, if it is even repairable.

          • cmd resistor

            Yeah, that Turkey bodyguard beating up on protesters was scary. I had thought they couldn’t pull that kind of thing (Trump) but ????

      • Greyhame

        I can just picture how this plays out in court: “You see, Your Honor, the Special Counsel who is threatening to indict my client has a vested interest in giving Mr. Kushner preferential treatment. Obviously after working at the very law firm that represented Mr. Kushner, prior to being appointed to his current position, he is predisposed toward unfairly going easy on my client by throwing him in jail.”

        • yyyaz

          The concern for the court here is that Mueller could access Kushner et al’s files for information that would compromise the OPOS. I would not be the least surprised to hear WH counsel argue it your way, though.

          • cmd resistor

            But he can’t at this point, can he?

          • yyyaz

            Typically no. Law firms use what is referred to as a “Chinese Wall,” meaning that whichever lawyers and subordinates have had access to the files are required to not divulge any of the contents, conversations, memos etc. to whatever other employees are engaged in a case that could be detrimental to the interests of the original client.

    • AJ Milne

      There is a place beyond shameless–beyond even any memory of shame–a place where any faint shred or pretense of ethics is annihilated on contact with the toxic, diseased, fatally compromised, unholy air… It is a place called… The Trump Zone.

      (Dee dee dee dee…)

    • AJ Milne

      (Adding…)

      It may seem perverse of me, but this particular shenanigan–or as-yet-just-kinda-maybe-might-do-this shenanigan–actually kinda encourages me.

      Why: it’s been one of my concerns throughout that what’s under this rock, while no doubt sleazy–might well _not_ actually rise to the level of, say, treason or impeachment. The big questions remaining, it seems to me, still are: a) was there actual collusion with the Russian disinformation campaign, and b) was there quid pro quo, an actual ‘we help you with this, you help us with sanctions’ thing. I keep half wanting to type at people getting _too_ excited, that look, this can end a lot of ways that aren’t impeachment. It looks shady as hell, but it could still have all been at levels of sleazy you can’t quite make a case for impeachment, from, or which will allow a Republican house plausibly to pass on the same, and possibly imagine they’ll weather any political damage it costs them…

      ‘Course, then there was the obstruction (now far less theoretical), which may, remember, wind up making that almost moot. _Should_, I’d argue, even, already, just with what’s in the press, but y’know, impeachment. Weasel and wiggle room galore, I’m afraid, for a political body looking for excuses…

      But back on the topic: I keep trying _not_ to take this too far, until the evidence is actually in. Trump’s a piece of shit I’d put absolutely _nothing_ past, but how far he really went, this we don’t at all know the entire dimensions of, yet.

      But then they keep pulling shit like this. And it doth truly reek of desperation. And I get to thinkin’:

      Yeah, his political opposition have to have stuff to run on anyway that isn’t just he’s a treacherous, lying shit… Call it plan B, call it look, you need that anyway; ‘we’re not traitors’ isn’t a platform, exactly… (ETA/eaten by Disqus:) And it bugs me, a bit that this much time is spent on this stuff, even as I spend a lot myself. Notwithstanding it _is_ important, and there are larger, important questions around how democracies in general are going to deal with noise like this, in this increasingly wired age…

      But the more he pulls this stuff, the more I think: his actually being technically clean (minus the already pretty much evident obstruction) is seeming… well, let’s just say were I putting money on it, it wouldn’t be there. So, y’know, increasingly unlikely it’s time much wasted, anyway.

    • Sakonyachen

      This is why the far left is not big on gun control.

    • Erala Contratista

      Well, of course!

  • theCryptofishist

    Because, if you’re going to spy, you should register first. The trenchcoat and tiny camera is conveniently placed across the street from the spy registry. Of course, with 850 comments, it’s been said before, but if I’m lucky it won’t be multiple times in the 100 to 300 posts I’ll actually read.

  • theCryptofishist

    Who knew presidenting was a high pressure job?

    • anomie

      no one ever talks about it.

      turns out it’s way more pressure than anyone ever thought.

      • theCryptofishist

        Several atmospheres, even.

  • NerdWithNoName

    “Talmudic parsing” Dok, you are a gem. I am a lapsed Unitarian and even I think that is hilarious. I sent in some dough yesterday so I am doing my part to keep this show on the air!

  • yyyaz

    Is there a Dunning-Kruger equivalent in psychiatry for actually insane peeps who think they are just fine? If not, there needs to be one concocted for the OPOS.

    • Sakonyachen

      Insane is the word for that. They think everybody else is crazy.

  • Ducksworthy

    “Once again, the real story is that our
    national security has been undermined by the leaking of private and
    highly classified conversations.” Comeon Spicey. We know you’re stupid enough to believe this gibberish and Trump’s followers out their with their fingers in their noses waiting for your boss to being back the coal jobs are profoundly stupid but can you please stop pretending that you think the rest of us, the ones who can still read words and speak in complete sentences, are that stupid? It’s unbecoming for a middle aged man who will forever be mistaken for a Melissa McCarthy lookalike.

  • Ferroequinologist Ron

    So does this mean that Jared won’t be inheriting the Presidency after all?

    • anomie

      goes to Ivanka now, clearly.

  • brucej
    • zerosumgame0005

      why won’t this dumb hu-mon shut-up and take me out!

      • SeeTrain65

        “For Christ’s sake, make up your mind? Walk? Park? Store? Supper?

        “Why do you do this to me EVERY DAMN DAY?”

  • brucej

    By now Putin must be pissing himself laughing at what he’s done. HE prevented a person who was probably the most qualified person to be president *ever* from wining, and got a total stooge, (Curly’s dumber cousin!) installed.

    I would not want to play poker with either of the Sergeys, if they could keep a straight face in that convo, they could convince me that their 5-high nothingburger of a hand could be my aces over kings full house.

    • redarmyzombie

      I dunno, I’m pretty sure Trumplethinskin isn’t that hard to bluff…

  • Noxious Resistance

    “The idea, the official suggested, was to create a sense of obligation with Russian officials and to coax concessions….by saying that Russian meddling in last year’s election had created enormous political problems for Mr. Trump.”

    This is the WH finally admitting there actually was Russian election meddling last year.
    After months of stone cold denial. Hmm. Howboutdat!

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Donald: Your meddling in the election caused me really big problems!

    Sergei: Our meddling got you elected.

    Donald: Doh!

    • Zyxomma

      Donald: I didn’t think I was gonna win. I planned on yelling at Hillary on Fox News and CNN for the next 8 years.

    • theCryptofishist

      Perhaps we need a new word for this situation. “D’ah!”

      • Pisto75666

        “D’ahlink!”

        • theCryptofishist

          Natasha!

  • miss_grundy
  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    So…. Party at 4 am when the plane lands?

    • Quick! Change the locks on the White House!!!

  • SeeTrain65

    “Has Donald Trump Landed Yet?”

    “Shhhh! … They haven’t even thrown him from the helicopter!”

  • theCryptofishist

    “Vnesheconombank” sounds like it does a lot of business with MGTOWs.

  • Raan

    To borrow a phrase from the Best Friends Zaibatsu, the Trump administration is falling apart like a Chinese motorcycle.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    On AF1 flying over
    //twitter.com/CillizzaCNN/status/865660314964156416

  • Stulexington
  • UnsaltedSinner

    Norwegian newspaper headline this week: “While the White House is burning, the arsonist leaves the country.”

  • where he will partake in a men’s-only Toby Keith concert

    Definitely not gay.
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/vNU5PyxaM8bBu/giphy.gif

  • Belasaurius

    any chance we can just move the country while he’s gone, or turn off all the lights and hope he thinks we’re not home and just keeps on going? He seems stupid enough to fall for that.

    • Incoming Ham

      He’d be flying around in AF1 looking for something the same shape.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Bet it was a great flight over.

  • Diannelgates

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