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For once, last night America got some early-evening BREAKING NEWS that didn’t leave us reaching for the hard stuff (booze, porn, or legal encyclopedia). Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein announced the appointment of former FBI Director Robert Mueller to be the special counsel to run the Justice Department’s investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election as well as “related matters,” like whether there was any collusion between the Trump campaign and the Russians, or maybe a spot of light treason.

Rosenstein issued a statement saying the appointment of Mueller was “not a finding that crimes have been committed or that any prosecution is warranted.” Rather, he explained, a bit vaguely,

What I have determined is that based upon the unique circumstances the public interest requires me to place this investigation under the authority of a person who exercises a degree of independence from the normal chain of command.

A statement put out in Trump’s name — sure, this sounds exactly like his voice — said

[A] thorough investigation will confirm what we already know — there was no collusion between my campaign and any foreign entity. I look forward to this matter concluding quickly. In the meantime, I will never stop fighting for the people and the issues that matter most to the future of our country.

The news of Mueller’s appointment was only sent to the White House 30 minutes prior to the public announcement; after being informed of the news, Trump called his top staff to the Oval Office to draft the statement. The Washington Post got a nice atmospheric leak from a “senior White House official” who said Trump’s reaction was “unbelievably calm and measured.”

“I expected him to be ranting and raving, but he was like, ‘Fine, let them do what they have to do, but we’ll be focused on our agenda,'” said this official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe the private talks.

We’ll just assume the raving and breaking things came after Trump found out someone (we are guessing Trump!) at the Oval Office meeting had already leaked to the Post. By this morning, Trump had found his phone and was back in Pouting Victim mode (expect the first one to be deleted and replaced, with “councel” corrected at some point, probably).

It’s rather sad to see a man getting that high on his own supply. For a fact check, Trump may want to consult with any historian who’s followed Ken Starr’s investigation of Whitewater, which took a few years to morph into an impeachment over a blowjob.

Rod Rosenstein will brief the Senate today on the decision to appoint a special counsel, and presumably to tell senators that the whole memo about how James Comey was fired for being mean to Hillary Clinton was just a prank that got out of hand.

As it happens, Yr Wonkette just mentioned Mueller yesterday as part of our look back at that time James Comey and pretty much the entire Justice Department told George W. Bush to take his warrantless wire tapps and put them where the sun shone a little more than where they were, which was deep in the NSA. Back in 2004, James Comey, then the Deputy Attorney General, was actually the boss of Mueller, the head of the FBI, and the two of them thwarted an attempt by Bush’s White House Counsel (with an s), Alberto Gonzales, to sneakily get AG John Ashcroft to reauthorize the wiretap program while he was recovering from surgery and barely conscious. So there’s the kind of guy who’ll now be running the Trump-Russia investigation: a highly respected law-n-order man who’s not willing to take any guff from a president who wants to play outside the rules. For a nice longread on the working relationship between Comey and Mueller, including a detailed look at the Ashcroft/Gonzales hospital showdown, see this 2013 Washingtonian profile of the two.

And finally, there’s the big question: Can Donald Trump just get pissy in two weeks and fire Special Counsel Mueller? He can’t go straight to Mueller and tell him he’s fired, but he can tell D.A.G. Rosenstein he wants Mueller fired, and then Rosenstein can either comply and ruin his reputation forever, or refuse and get fired himself, after which Trump would have to take the Saturday Night Massacre approach, moving through (and possibly firing) others in the DOJ chain of command until someone agrees to rid him of the turbulent prosecutor. The rules governing special counsels are designed to limit presidential interference, and if Trump went ahead and tried to pull the plug on Mueller, you’d expect that to be the last straw before impeachment, but Donald Trump does seem to have that protective coating of Teflon over titanium, so who knows? Norms don’t apply to Donald Trump.

And now it’s time to sit back and wait for Trump to accuse Mueller, a nominal Republican but according to all sources, professionally apolitical, of being one more cog in the mean old Democratic machine that’s out to get him. We weren’t terribly worried that “unbelievably calm and measured” act would last more than a few hours.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader contributions! As your attorney, I advise you to click the “Donate” clicky below.

[NYT / WaPo / Washingtonian / ThinkProgress]

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  • Parakeetist
    • mardam422

      Hillary had him killed, I’ll bet.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Was he smothered with a ppillow?

      • laughingnome

        Two pillows – man boobs.

    • BosGrl

      The bucket kicked the [Roger] rabbit.

  • Belasaurius

    so Trump’s never heard of Andrew Johnson either

    • Me not sure

      “Andrew Johnson, …Andrew Jackson,… whatever.”

    • ariel_gee_398

      Of course he has. He’s the one what took over for Kennedy.

    • La forza del resistino

      Didn’t he play centerfield for the Mets or Braves?

  • schmannity

    I give Trump less than 2 weeks before he refers to Mueller as the so-called special prosecutor.

    • DrBigHead

      I’ll bet we hear that before noon today.

    • PubOption

      “This Special Prosecutor, he’s not so special, he’s a real loser.”

  • Shibusa

    Trump tried to fuck Rosenstein with that stupid memo. Rosenstein fucked him back.

  • Greyhame
    • Kateaux

      Yes!! Exactly the song that leaped into my head when I heard the news about Mueller yesterday…

  • La forza del resistino

    I know the end is near after seeing crazy neighbor scraping off his Trump Pence 2016 bumper sticker last night.

    • snark-lurker

      You should-a snapped a pic.

      • La forza del resistino

        I would but, he is touchy about perceived surveillance and black helicopters.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Remember to keep your Illuminati membership card in your wallet.

          • schmannity

            DO NOT mention that you are in regular contact with Bill D. Burger.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          All the more reason to hide in the bushes with a camera pointed at his house.

        • Meccalopolis

          Tell him you’re from the deep state you’re here to help

    • canes_pugnaces

      Maybe he thinks Mueller is coming after him, too? Which probably should happen.

  • Scooby

    Do ex-presidents still get Secret Service protection in prison? Asking for a friend.

    • La forza del resistino

      There is a vacant cottage on St Helena. The French provincial furnishings may need some more gold gilting though

      • Scooby

        God, then we would have to name a pastry after him.

        • Tishalicious

          Able was I ere I saw Elba? Yeah, not even then…

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          The Trump: it’s just an empty pieshell with Russian Caviar on the edges.

          • Scooby

            And a half cocktail wiener.

    • Mary Sandoras

      But, does he still get 2 scoops of ice cream?

      • Scooby

        Yea, Chocolate Fudge.

  • memzilla Ω

    Who else besides me thinks that the news that Mueller was named special prosecutor is what killed Roger Ailes?

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I figured it was the Faux News ratings slump, but why not both?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I think it was the knowledge that he will never again have corporate lawyers allowing him to prey on young women.

    • ServantToTheStars

      That, or Cinemax After Dark.

    • schmannity

      Unconfirmed reports that I just read on the internet suggested that he choked on a salted rat dick.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        *fingers crossed*

    • Mary Sandoras

      I thought it was Hillary?

    • Crystalclear12

      I only regret he didn’t live to see the Republican chain gang.

  • calliecallie

    Help us, Special Counsel Mueller, you’re our only hope.

    • Ryan Denniston

      The Deep State Strikes Back!

  • Ryan Denniston

    “What I have determined is that based upon the unique circumstances the public interest requires me”

    This reads like the deputy AG trying to stand behind his reputation/payback for Trump lies. But it could also be a deft move to keep the investigation in the administration. Congress still needs to act.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Congress? What’s that. Oh you must mean the House of Pain.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        They’re too lazy to jump around.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I thought we renamed Congress the Politburo last week.

  • calliecallie

    Yesterday I gave some serious thought to laying off the news for a while. It’s just too much some days.

    • BosGrl

      I concur.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Yeah. I’m doing 28 days of clean eating which means no alcohol. I don’t think I can give up the booze unless I give up the news.

    • Painter of Goats

      Like drinking from a firehose lately.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    This is the single greatest bowl of corn flakes in American history.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      What was the first?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        The bagel I had last week.

  • Relativicus

    Get over it Mueller and RosenSTEEEEEEN, you lost! Losers!1!

    • canes_pugnaces

      What did they lose, exactly?

      • Relativicus

        Whatever it was, they need to accept it.

  • schmannity

    This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American history.

    Like the single greatest inauguration crowd and the most successful first 100 days in presidential history. Soon to be followed by the greatest scandal and flameout in presidential history. Death by hyperbole.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “More weight.”

  • canes_pugnaces

    And ohhh the Orange ulcer is mad mad mad as a mad Tweet king. Clearly he and a gin-soaked Bannon stayed up too late sticking pins in voodoo dolls and reading the comments from Breitbart. Now he’s tired and cranky because things could go oh so very wrong in Grifterville.

  • Scooby

    This is a bigger witch hunt than the Salem Witch Hunts.

    • canes_pugnaces

      This is a much bigger witch hunt than all of the Narnia books combined.

      • Or that time Serena turned the guy into a bed warmer.

        • BosGrl

          I am so sad that I know what you’re talking about.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    When the White House releases a calm, reasonable statement purportedly from Trump himself, I wonder if they even bother to tell him about it.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Hamburger Dick — the silent killer.

      • Bette Davis said you should only say good things about the dead…

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          and look at her now.

        • just_jim

          Ok then.

          He’s dead? Good!

    • Nounverb911

      Who?

    • If a shapeless blob of flesh can be said to be living? Sure.

      Groping Satan as we speak, getting a place ready for O’Reilly.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • La forza del resistino

      Vincente should send a $2 check to 1600 Penn to get the Wall building started.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        That check will be cashed the same day.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        In homage to Spy Magazine, the check should be for $.13.

    • elviouslyqueer

      The only way that could be more delicious is if Quesada referred to him as a “so-called fucking President.” Because he can.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Let’s hope the stripes are vertical and not horizontal. That would not look flattering on Trump.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Does anything look flattering on Sir Lump?

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          Well, I for one would LOVE to see him in something striped, with a number on the pocket.

      • Turgid Love Skwerl
      • Painter of Goats

        Well, his orange spray tan would definitely clash with prison orange. Sad.

        • Meccalopolis

          Weak tired

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    WikiLeaks is totally not connected to Russia in any way and this is totally not a ridiculous attempt to discredit the investigator.

    https://www.balloon-juice.com/2017/05/17/wikileaks-jumps-in/

    https://twitter.com/wikileaks/status/864994472492453888

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I refuse to believe this until Glenn Greenwald confirms it.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      They’re still on the uranium bullshit? That record’s irreparably scratched dumbasses. Get some new material, ffs.

    • snark-lurker

      Hey WikiLeaks: Boooooringgg

    • Joe Beese

      Yesterday, Greenwald (who I’m still on board with) gingerly referred, in the context of Manning’s release, to “the changed perception of Wikileaks”.

      Nicely put, Glenn.

    • memzilla Ω

      Wikileaks is hosted on five servers, one of which is in Russia.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      How long until right wing world jumps on this, it makes its way to Fox News, and is tweeted by Trump? Maybe a week?

      • Resistance Fighter Astraea

        I’d guess minutes, not days.

    • george gonzalez

      Actually, giving the Russians a 10-gram sample is a *good* idea. From the sample they can likely figure out where it was originally purloined from, and maybe then they will put a new padlock on the door. There is nothing you can do with 10 grams of HEU that is any danger to anybody.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

    OT: Hahaha! So yeah, Toby Keith is going. Will he sing about putting a boot up their ass / it’s the American way?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/17ef5c8093d63d1d4e113207055b5968e313080107f12719cff9e00c683926b6.jpg

    • BosGrl

      Wut.

      • Turgid Love Skwerl

        Da.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I was just wondering the other day about who Dampnut would be considering for the Kennedy Center Honors (after he renames it the Drumpf Family Honors, of course). Scott Baio, Ted Nugent, Toby Keith and Tim Allen?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Victoria Jackson, Kid Rock, Rob Schneider.

    • elviouslyqueer

      What? Lee Greenwood wasn’t available?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      In the finale, Trump with show off his tremendous drawing skillz by rendering a portrait of Mohammed.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Then Toby Keith will mock hump it.

        God, if you’re up there. I only ask that you broadcast this live.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      The fuck.

  • BadKitty904

    OT, sorta: Thanks, Republican collaborators!

    Inside Russia’s Social Media War on America
    http://time.com/4783932/inside-russia-social-media-war-america/

    On March 2, a disturbing report hit the desks of U.S. counterintelligence officials in Washington. For months, American spy hunters had scrambled to uncover details of Russia’s influence operation against the 2016 presidential election. In offices in both D.C. and suburban Virginia, they had created massive wall charts to track the different players in Russia’s multipronged scheme. But the report in early March was something
    new.

    It described how Russia had already moved on from the rudimentary email hacks against politicians it had used in 2016. Now the Russians were running a more sophisticated hack on Twitter. The report said the Russians had sent expertly tailored messages carrying malware to more than 10,000 Twitter users in the Defense Department. Depending on the interests of the targets, the messages offered links to stories on recent sporting events or the Oscars, which had taken place the previous weekend. When clicked, the links took users to a Russian-controlled server that downloaded a program allowing Moscow’s hackers to take control of the victim’s phone or computer–and Twitter account.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Read down in the Time article and you find this:

      As they dig into the viralizing of such stories, congressional investigations are probing not just Russia’s role but whether Moscow had help from the Trump campaign. Sources familiar with the investigations say they are probing two Trump-linked organizations: Cambridge Analytica, a data-analytics company hired by the campaign that is partly owned by deep-pocketed Trump backer Robert Mercer; and Breitbart News, the right-wing website formerly run by Trump’s top political adviser Stephen Bannon.

      • BadKitty904

        Here’s hoping for enough rope to hang them all.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    His Fraudulency’s worst nightmare – a man who can’t be bought or threatened.

    • snark-lurker

      But McMaster…

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        McMaster still had a chance at some sort of career. Mueller was off teaching at Stanford when they called him back.

      • Crystalclear12

        Was surprisingly cheap.

    • Turgid Love Skwerl
  • Nounverb911
    • Antonin Dvorak

      Well someone is scared.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Was he the one Hilary’s child sex slave team killed in the basement of the pizza parlor? I can’t keep track these days.

      • Nounverb911

        Unfortunately, no!

    • Augustus

      Why would he begin “Russia Investigation” by looking into something that has nothing to do with Russia?

  • Mary Sandoras

    “unbelievably calm and measured”

    Could that be code for, he’s finally on some meds?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      More likely they had him sign it, then wrote it.

  • Well, at least My So-Called President has learned a few lessons now as president, and will just be quiet and let the investigation go forward, knowing anything he says or do will just make things worse.

    What? He has already tweeted that this is the worse witch hunt in history?

    Let the circus begin!!!!!

    • And, really, let’s get on this ill-advised use of “witch hunt” Wiccans. It’s not like we will actually get to put “45” on a pyre.

      • Ferroequinologist Ron

        Probably.

    • Crystalclear12

      Popcorn producers are pleased.

    • DrBigHead

      I am convinced the problem with Trump is not that he is unwilling to learn, but that he is incapable of doing so.

      • Darlene Underdahl

        He’s got some crazy charisma going, and he’s lived on that plus Daddy’s money. Pence has none of it, thank God.

        • DrBigHead

          The charisma thing I just don’t understand. To me he is repulsive. Always has been.

          • cmd resistor

            I totally agree. I wouldn’t buy anything that guy was selling, even Girl Scout Cookies, which pretty much sell themselves.

      • Trump only knows one thing, and that is a paranoid fantasy where people question his god like power and giant hands.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Still hasn’t learned to spell “counsel,” but then he’s never misspelled it before. Oh. Wait…

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        I’m pretty sure he’s misspelled “it” a number of times.

        • You would think he would know how to spell Eric’s pet name.

  • Crystalclear12

    Calm and measured?
    Hmm, I’m guessing more like, shocked and panicked.
    They look similar until the shocked wears off.

    • snark-lurker

      Good point. This should get better with time.

    • VirginiaLady

      How bout drugged to the gills? To keep the scared shitless under control since he don’t do drinky time.

  • Joe Beese

    Trump is fucked. The breadth of the Special Counsel order means that Mueller will have free rein to investigate any past financial dealings, legal or otherwise, with Russia, the mob, etc. to make sure there’s no possibility of collusion or blackmail. So even if there’s not recent collusion during the campaign or administration, there’s no way Trump isn’t dirty with Russia or the mob at some point in the past. His best case is Mueller only finds money laundering.

    http://www.metafilter.com/167031/It-has-been-0-days-since-the-last-Trump-disaster#7032176

    • Reximus

      hard to imagine his tax returns aren’t going to be subpoena’d, and that will be the last straw, he quits

    • BosGrl

      Rachel noted last night that he would have to ask to go outside the scope of Comey/Flynn.

  • FauxAntocles

    Some are saying we’re better off with Drumpf under investigation than having him removed and having a semi-competent Rethugican turd in charge. Something to ponder.

    • FlemmishSpy

      Verily, Pence is the impeachment upper-decker.

  • Nounverb911

    Does Saudi Arabia have an extradition treaty with the US?
    https://twitter.com/Ibrahimhalawi/status/865140122345291777

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I’m torn between wanting him prosecuted and telling them they can keep him.

      • BosGrl

        It’s rude in their culture to refuse a gift.

  • laughingnome

    Ailes dead. Way to go Hillary!

  • William

    *yawn*. Well this is some interesting news to wake up to.

    Roger Ailes, former president of Fox News, dead at 77
    Looks like the Almighty was at his keyboard
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/171b433b98e730687ace6fdfcae8d7d31f72672f2da81512502a6f694c57e880.jpg

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Satan has brought him home!

  • schmannity

    Next question. When Paul Ryan becomes President, will he appoint Mitt VP?

    • Painter of Goats

      Maybe this is all just an 11th dimensional chess game set up by Mitt that finally ends with him as president. Devious and convoluted, but more likely to succeed than one of his campaigns.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        If it means we get to hear him sing “who let the dog out” again, I’m all in!

      • BosGrl

        MIND BLOWN!

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Careful Dok, you can get in bigly trouble for practicing law without a license!

  • pstockholm

    Alongside ramping up the pressure on Trump and minions until the ketchup spurts out, I really want to see Democrats saying immediately, often and loudly “no mandate”. To try to hobble the fuckery that is Sessions, DeVos, etc.
    And I really want to see the attacks on the Congressional enablers and traitors. Often, loud. Starting now.
    I know, I know.
    But I swear, the first one that says “and now in this time of national confusion and trauma, we have to come together, we have to give President [Pence, Ryan, ??] a chance”, I’m gonna lose it.

    • BosGrl

      They’re gonna say it. You know they’re gonna say it. Although at this point it might be President Hatch.

      • pstockholm

        Oh I know they’re going to say it, it’s Chuck Schumer saying it that’s going to get me to blow a gasket.

        • BosGrl

          That’s who I meant – the Dems.

          • pstockholm

            OK!

      • Shanzgood

        Would he pick his own VP or…how does it work?

        • Antonin Dvorak

          If he has a most of this term left , then probably. He may just leave whoever the new speaker is as the de facto VP, and just be “Acting President”. Though, I could see the GOP try to get their preferred 2020 candidate in to pad the old resume.

          • Shanzgood

            What’s the Russian word for clusterfuck?

          • Rags

            Дональд Трамп

        • BosGrl

          Yes, I think he does. Though I’m not sure if the Senate has to approve?

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Exactly.

      The Democrats have been handed one of the fattest, heaviest, spikiest cudgels in American political history.

      Take no prisoners or GTFO.

      • DrBigHead

        This is the Democratic Party’s chanced for redemption. Prove to us that you FINALLY realize this is about pure, naked power. USE IT, DAMNIT!

      • Meccalopolis

        We cannot let them fuck this up. NO KUMBAYA MOMENTS

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Trump is a idiot if he thinks appointing spechul councel is unpresidented.

    • BosGrl

      Go big or go home!

    • Turgid Love Skwerl

      Spatula Council libelz!

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Trump is a idiot if he thinks appointing spechul councel is unpresidented.

      -FTFY

  • La forza del resistino

    Donald to give a speech on Islam in Riyadh? It’s either bye, bye to his base or buh bye Donald’s head.

    • DrBigHead

      I still can’t believe that this is going to happen. Surely someone had to suggest this would be a bad idea.

      And I apologize for calling you Shirley.

      • La forza del resistino

        Some website said I was more of a Laverne.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      He will brag about his crowd sizes. His wealth. And how much he loves Jeebus.

      • La forza del resistino

        You’re right. He’ll likely boast that the Trump Grill has only the best humuus platter during Passover.

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          When he gets to Israel: “No one in history has been persecuted as much as I have.”

    • PDT

      not just that, but Stephen Miller wrote it, according to “experts” who have seen the draft there are more than a few factual inaccuracies and they don’t seem to think that it’s going to be received well.

      • PDT

        should be fun

      • cmd resistor

        I heard that this morning about Miller. So much for thinking it might be an effort to build bridges, etc. Trump managed to throw in “radical Islamic terrorism” in his commencement speech yesterday. Well, we don’t need no stinkin’ apology tour, I guess.

        • PDT

          actually, truth be told, supposedly he’s going to go there to create some kind of Arab NATO oriented against Iran, I honestly think that he has no clue how badly this stupid speech is going to be received. I mean, he was surprised people were upset about the Comey firing, I absolutely think that he is stupid enough to go to Saudi Arabia, give an address in which he trashes Islam, and then tries to create a massive multilateral web of alliances over dinner or something.

          • Rags

            An institutionalized permanent war in the Middle East where we are the Wahabi’s BFF. What could possibly go wrong?

          • SeriousSummer

            It’d be no problem if he would just give everyone two scoops of ice cream!

    • Can you imagine what going off script is going to look like?

  • pragmatist3

    A Special Prosecutor!
    Roger Ailes Is Dead!
    Republicans Announce Belief that Trump Was Paid by Putin!
    Can the Rapture Be Far Behind???

    • William
      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Apparently Ailes heart raptured without him.

      • anwisok

        Except, the ones who do the damage are the phony xtians, who would also too be left here.

      • Blackest Noobs

        though if it was a just God…it would be us that disappears leaving all the xtians and religious wackadoos on a burning cinder known as Earth.

      • MizzMazz

        Start going through the pockets!

    • Blackest Noobs

      maybe not in the religious sense but probably a Republican Rapture.
      the Republicans had their fucking chance to right the ship and become more inclusive….that lasted about a day and then they doubled down on white people.

      what we have is that result. it works for them in the short haul..but they will lose bigly in the long haul.

      not saying white people’s perspective gets thrown out….you just need to make more room for the rest of us….you KNOW the thing white people refused to do for a long long long long long long long fucking time.

      • Shanzgood

        RACIST!!!

        (lol j/k after yesterday)

        • Blackest Noobs

          oooh im sure secret-agent-trolls will bemoan how i am such a racist.

          https://goo.gl/images/vSQfvU

          • Shanzgood

            The one dude just doubled down and was totally unteachable so I blocked him. I don’t need any more of his bullshit.

  • William
    • pussygrabber in chief

      I *hate* those uniforms. That is all.

  • Bozilingus

    Would a President Pence, in an effort to restore some dignity to the office, replace many of the worst of the Cabinet? Or keep them, as he probably helped choose them for tRump?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Pence needs to worry about his own ass first – he’s on record saying that he did not know Flynn was a foreign agent.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        IOW, Pence = Agnew in this scenario.

        • laughingnome

          Agnew was accepting bribes as governor of Maryland before he became VP.

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            ….And your point is….?

        • Crystalclear12

          And Ryan is compromised.

          • laughingnome

            That Ryan comment is incredible. These guys knew something was up a long time ago.

          • cmd resistor

            Those were all jokes, perfect examples of “republican humor.”

          • Persistent Tennessee Rain

            Ryan is a fucking whore. For months, he couldn’t utter Turnip’s name and now, he can’t stop licking the guy’s balls.

          • Ryan is an honest politician, he stays bought
            https://twitter.com/funder/status/865000083229519874

          • Crystalclear12

            Well, yeah, Republican.

        • William
        • Rags

          And that would be great as it would likely require some negotiation to find an untainted and acceptable to at least some dems replacement for Ponce prior to the end of 4-5

  • proudgrampa

    In the end, it’s all a game…

    https://youtu.be/5znh58WITU8

  • William
  • LarryHoudini

    OT: Roger Ailes has died???

  • anwisok
    • Meccalopolis

      Stop.you’re killing me

  • Reximus

    This has to meme’d and repeated…over and over and over…Trump’s explanation to Lester Holt about his motive for firing Comey, aka Obstruction of Justice

    “I said to myself, I said, you know, this Russia thing with Trump and
    Russia is a made-up story; it’s an excuse by the Democrats for having
    lost an election that they should have won.”

  • canes_pugnaces

    I just had a nice visit with International House of Paranoia over at Bretibart comments. I bring you this: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e7cddf82e27bbfee14bb2699e31d216b5cffd557383d760c252a70a5b7af627b.png

    • TJ Barke

      These fucking people…

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Isn’t the “Fast and the Furious” franchise already declassified? I mean, I saw the last one at my local theater.

      • canes_pugnaces

        But there is a secret one in the vault that no one can see. What’s wrong with you.

        • cmd resistor

          Yeah and who really killed that one guy who was “allegedly” speeding. Huh.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      “If we can finally prove that the Illuminati were behind the signing of the Magna Carta, Trump will be exonerated!”

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Maximus Braveheart? Good thing I didn’t have coffee to spew on my keyboard.

      • laughingnome

        Worst Scottish porn name ever.

        • Celtic_Gnome

          Biggus Dickus was already taken.

      • La forza del resistino

        Roman toga with a kilt over skirt?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      What, they don’t want to know what the eleven herbs and spices are?

      • canes_pugnaces

        I think that’s covered in “And so on”… although maybe not. I was wondering about alternate street parking here in NYC..

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      THIS is the primary “news” source for the Trump White House. Think about that for a sec.

      • canes_pugnaces

        That’s why I like to visit once in a while. It helps me calm down to know they really are insane.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I try not to think about that. I already go to bed and wake up screaming as it is.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Roswell! The truth is out there!

      • Lefty Wright

        Adam and Eve is a hoax. Eve screamed when she saw a snake, Adam chopped off it’s head and Eve made an apple iPad to celebrate.

    • La forza del resistino

      Disappointed there is no talk of the shady Moon Landing or the Black Sox 1919 World Series.

    • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

      What? Chemtrails and the CERN supercollider get left out of the rabid conspiracy theory loop again? They never get any respect.

    • They are trolling, they missed out Roswell,

    • TJ Barke

      9/11 was a consequence of disastrous US/middle eastern foreign policy, JFK was shot by the Cancer Man, the wars in the middle east were about establishing western regional hegemony over an important resource and trade region, WWII was about wresting control over Europe from the Nazis and foiling Japan’s imperial ambitions, Vietnam is the same answer as the middle east wars, Latin America is the same answer as Vietnam and the middle east wars, Israel illegally developed nuclear weapons as deterrent against their hostile neighbors, Benghazi was local militants attacking an under-defended CIA safehouse before a rescue force would have been able to be effectively deployed, fast and furious was a somewhat poorly thought scheme to try and track various guns to map out various cartel connections that backfired tragically.

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        I thought JFK was shot by The Comedian. Which universe’s timeline are we in again?

        • TJ Barke

          Actually he was shot by himself from an alternate timeline from the grassy knoll.

          • The Wanderer

            Twilight Zone ref ftw!

          • TJ Barke

            No, that’s a Red Dwarf reference, as far as I know.

          • The Wanderer

            There was a modern TZ episode that had JFK pulled out of the limo before the shot. The guy who did it (a distant relation) discovered, to his horror, that JFK’s assassination prevented a nuclear war that wiped out humanity. He traded places with JFK and took the bullet to seal the breach.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            But at least Sam Beckett was able to keep Jackie O from getting shot as well, just before he leapt into another body. Who knows, maybe his next leap will be the leap home?

        • The Wanderer

          I think we’re in Universe 4.76.Upsilon-Rho-Tau.3, where JFK was shot by some twisted little Commie-symp geek, Patton and Harriman were never President, and Neil Armstrong was the first man on the Moon.

        • Doug Langley

          No, no, no. The Comedian took care of Woodward and Bernstein. And today Nixon is remember as a fine President.

          • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

            I thought he was in the Grassy Knoll as well.

          • BadKitty904

            Say, how’d the interview go?

        • Rags

          No, no! It was the Smoking Man!!!!

    • William
    • Meccalopolis

      Ha! Carter couldn’t even get the CIA to release the ufo file, need to know

  • Blackest Noobs

    special but not independent….not since 1998 i think.

  • BadKitty904
  • Alan

    So called special prosecutor.

    • La forza del resistino

      On an island in the Pacific.

  • memzilla Ω

    Guess Who Else Has A Russian Connection?

    “Sheriff Clarke, just nominated for DHS, was in Moscow last December at the same time Michael Flynn dined w/Putin. Clarke went with funds provided by a Russian national named Maria Butina whose bio reads suspiciously like that of a Russian spy.”
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7c4a893c2ffd12a4d742b32c5fa8cd149ad4484ae6766a3d671879228c2e0a40.jpg

    • MynameisBlarney

      I’d be surprised if there was anyone NOT connected to roosha in the turmp administration.

    • Joe Beese

      Well, looky loo!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk315/Denryuu0/HommerRussian.jpg

      “I told him that picture would come back to haunt him.”

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Someday we’ll find it, the Russian connection.

      https://youtu.be/V2OuJYaz_oE

      • MizzMazz

        I love Randy Rainbow.

    • MizzMazz

      I hate that scumbag. He wears more flair than a TGIFridays waiter. No serious LEO wears all that shit.

  • William

    Roger Ailes went home.https://youtu.be/q_whWAUbdsg

  • MynameisBlarney
  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Aaaaaand, predicted spelling correction complete.
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/865207118785372160

    • DrBigHead

      There must be someone on his payroll whose job it is to fix these. We should be able to determine when he/she starts work by tracking when his late-night tweets are corrected.

    • BadKitty904
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      It only took a few hours to pry the phone from his hand to make the correction. LOL.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      You can always tell the ones he writes himself.

    • TJ Barke

      That’s largely because those things were all made up by insane rightwing nutbars.

    • Carole

      His nutfuck supporters probably think it’s misspelled now.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    The spin is already happening. Ten hours ago, Assange fabricated a Mueller/Hillary conspiracy theory wherein Mueller acted as a literal bag man for uranium delivery. It’s very crazy, but the Brietbart crowd is eating it up.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Assmange and the fucking idiots at breitbart can fuck off.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Do we get another Trump speech about how he now loves Wikileaks?

        • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

          Or how about a speech where Wikileaks admits how much they love 45?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Their little love affair IS complicated, ain’t it?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Pretty much. it’s clear they have no grasp of reality. Maybe once the grownups get in charge of things again, we can treat these people for the mental illnesses they have.

    • Rick Hill

      “I got a uranium rocket…in my pocket”

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        “The most beautiful uranium cake you’ve ever seen!”

        • Crank Tango

          So yellllllow…

        • Rick Hill

          The cake…is a lie

        • pussygrabber in chief

          That is *not* the cake we like.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I hear Mueller was responsible for the Bowling Green Massacre.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        You misspelled Massacree.

    • DrBigHead

      So if I understand WikiLeaks argument, Mueller carried a parcel containing highly enriched uranium on a commercial airline. How can anyone believe he could be that stupid?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        People have been knocked out and dragged down airplane aisles for less!

      • FlemmishSpy

        It was marked “Chemtrail Additive” and TSA whisked it through.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        How do you get through the scanners with that?

        • DrBigHead

          Perhaps he kept it in a clear plastic bag.

          • Carole

            And it was less than 3 ounces.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Why would he

        1) Do it himself when he didn’t even work for the government anymore

        2) Do it on a commercial airline when there are procedures for this kind of thing

        3) Do it clandestinely at all, since it wasn’t a secret, and

        4) Do it in a way that would make him light up at night for the rest of his very short, cancer-ridden life?

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Pffft. Libruls with their stupid “facts’ and “logic”.

      • pussygrabber in chief
        • Meccalopolis

          Gonna have to listen to the rest of that album sometime

      • Meccalopolis

        To a country that is a uranium supplier

    • Rick Hill

      So…..it must have been pre-trump, when Russia was evil?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I remember those days. Good times!

        • Rick Hill

          Yeah…republicans imagining communists under every bed and Sarah batting putin’s head when he tried to sneak into Alaska for some cheap meth

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Republicans hadn’t come to terms with their genuine love of demagogues and fascism quite yet. It took Trump to help them realize their true nature.

          • The Wanderer

            Putin doesn’t need cheap Alaskan meth when there’s cheaper Siberian meth and krokodil to be had.

    • Michael R

      Good news for them :
      the amount of made up conspiracy shit you
      can invent to feed the idiots is just endless

      https://s29.postimg.org/76u2dr4x3/bannon_pepe_frogs_feeding.png

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Of course they are. They’re desperate and well-trained.

    • Marceline

      These assholes always go back to Hillary.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      So instead of some CIA flunky, you ask a highly visible director of a federal agency to do it?

      Yeah, makes total sense to me… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/801d82fd237cc13b399f5fdbe30c9d91543e0a8c5888789f486ee0232a60486e.png

    • DrBigHead

      Quick question. Does this not call into question EVERYTHING WikiLeaks has been a part of? I know a lot of it has turned out to be true, but how do you not look side-eyed at anything they release?

      • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

        Assange doesn’t care anymore. he’s found a regular market for his crap and quality is starting to suffer for it. Like how a really good local restaurant starts to turn to shit once the masses start going there.

      • Meccalopolis

        They should be dead to any one who purports to have any sense (looking at you, purity ponies)

      • chortlingdingo

        I’m all in for transparency (obviously as long as people aren’t going to get hurt or killed by the info being released), but I wouldn’t trust WikiLeaks to tell me what day of the week it is.

  • Painter of Goats

    Because we all need a chuckle about now.

    A friend spotted this creative trolling at a Barnes & Noble near Kansas City: pic.twitter.com/tsgOOxOZ7B— Sarah McCammon NPR (@sarahmccammon) May 16, 2017

    • William
      • Stulexington

        Pay no attention to the two guys in suits with ear pieces and just place your order citizen.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        And as I recall, R’s bitched about the cost of her SS protection when she worked.

        • Stulexington

          Huh, how loudly are they bitching about Fort Trump, NY?

        • William

          That’s right and the same republiclowns who had no trouble with funding the Benghazi debacle….. Lets stop for a minute here. The Benghazi investigation/hearings. Longer and more expensive than the 911 commission, the Warren commission, the Pearl Harbor commission and even the Nuremburg trials. Suddenly, the GOP is outraged and VERY concerned over the potential cost of the upcoming independent investigation into the Russian connection. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ac26d42c6c71a13ad488077ede38f594a4b3ccc159f00e16a6ee3d3d62d78c02.jpg

    • artem1s

      damn, good for you. so at least one sane voter in KS? or maybe just another ill eagle?

  • Reximus

    Fox & Friends hosts tearfully eulogize Roger Ailes: ‘He saved this country by starting the Fox News channel’

  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • MynameisBlarney

    http://crooksandliars.com/2017/05/how-you-talk-trump-surrogate

    Yanno…had the fucking press been doing this shit from the gotdamn get-go, instead of fucking cupping the balls of the turmp people…we likely wouldn’t be in this fucking situation.

    • The Wanderer

      They did a lot more than merely cupping his balls gently.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Deep throated with gusto.

        • The Wanderer

          There was much nuzzling of taint, and licking of bunghole.

          • Meccalopolis

            Fart boxes were tongue punched

    • Claire

      On the bright side, the busier reporters are with impeachment, the less time they have to do long-read poverty porn articles about Forgotten America.

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        This. All of this.

        If we make the suffering rust-belt snowflakes feel special maybe they won’t keep electing assholes.

  • Claire
    • BosGrl

      Uhhh

    • Joe Beese

      Memo to all old people: Don’t fall down.

      Seriously.

      • laughingnome

        Seems like a good rule.

      • Courser_Resistance

        Yeah, I’m re-evaluating my role with my SAR group. I’m already part cyborg and I’ve seriously damaged my hands a couple of times in the last couple of years. Sadly, I no longer bounce when I fall, stuff gets fucked-up and, all pain aside, I can’t play when shit’s busted. I’m working on some training programs instead.

    • artem1s

      um, Palm Beach as in Mar a Lago?

      • Claire

        I will light candles with gratitude in my heart FOREVER if it was at Mar-a-Lago.

    • Randy Riddle

      Ailes was a walking complication.

      • Carole

        Also too, he had the preexisting condition of intractable ickishness.

        • Querolous

          Congenital derpes.

    • canes_pugnaces

      We felt that all the way up in Harlem.

    • Carole

      Clearly, it was the Palm Beach wing of the Clinton Death Squad.

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        She pushed him.

    • Nockular cavity

      I will become suspicious if O’Reilly suffers a fatal loofah accident now.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        If he choked on a loofah, would anybody bother to perform the Slimelich maneuver on him?

    • Kateaux

      I’m guessing the “complication” was a pulmonary embolism.

    • Meccalopolis

      Hannity: deep state murdered ailes in 3.. 2.. 1

  • Michael R
  • WTF! Chris Cornell has died! Come on God, why can’t you let us have good things!

    • Blackest Noobs

      rumour mill says maybe suicide.

      • Detroit can do that to you, I guess. Just doesn’t seem right. He always seemed the most together of the Seattle singers.

        • Blackest Noobs

          The Connor Bros are still alive! (<—Screaming Trees)

          • Buzz and the Melvins are still around. There will always be hope.

      • Parakeetist

        I has a sad.

    • Nockular cavity

      Maybe we had to “pay” for having Roger Ailes croak by balancing him with Cornell? NOT COOL, DEATH!

      • Carole

        Death, thou shalt die.

      • Ricky Gay

        One wrote Black Hole Sun, the other was a black hole, son.

    • Bobathonic

      Roger Ailes kacked it, too. Balance?

      • OppressedMass

        “Speak only good of the dead” – Seneca

        “Roger Ailes is dead. Good.” – me

        I go with the classics.

      • Not even close.

  • Joe Beese

    SUCKS TO BE YOU

    Some White House staffers have turned to impeachment gallows humor. Other mid-level aides have started contacting consultants, shopping their résumés. And at least one senior staffer has begun privately talking to friends about what a post-White House job would look like, according to two people close the staffer.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/the-worst-job-in-washington-right-now-working-for-trump/2017/05/17/a3d9ec00-3b17-11e7-a058-ddbb23c75d82_story.html

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Jesus Christ, “Veep” is NOT a training manual, people!

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      A post-White House job would look like license plate manufacturing or if they’re lucky, a kitchen job.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        CNN analyst. Let’s be realistic here.

      • theblackdog

        I think they’re hoping they can be like G. Gordon Liddy, do that kitchen job for a few years, then go on to write a book and make money on the wingnut grifter circuit.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Unbelievably calm and measured” = “Before that night’s cocaine supply arrived”.

    • Carole

      And after the heroin.

  • BREAKING SNOWFLAKE NEWS: WHY YOU YOUNG’ENS BEING MEAN TO LIL’ JIMMY FALLON ANYHOW? Y’ALL KNOW HE AIN’T RIGHT IN THE HEAD!

    Fallon stands by his assertion ‘Wonder Bread is the bestest bread ever’ and Trump’s ass is even tastier.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/17/arts/television/jimmy-fallon-tonight-show-interview-trump.html?action=click&contentCollection=Media&module=Trending&version=Full&region=Marginalia&pgtype=article

    • Blackest Noobs

      well that’s what you get for taken a job that still should be Conan Obrien’s.

      TEAM MUTHERFUCKIN COCO!!!!!

      • theblackdog

        Fuck Jay Leno for undermining Conan

  • Stulexington

    “this is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American History” Buahahahahahahaha it isn’t even the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in America this decade!
    http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/laughter.gif

    • TJ Barke

      Even the criticism he receives has to be the best ever…

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    I wish I had no moral fiber. I could get rich peddling conspiracy theories to the Brietbart crowd. Of course, I’d have to live with myself afterwards and I have no desire to just watch the world burn, so you all see my issue here,

    • SeriousSummer

      No, I really don’t see any problem.

  • pstockholm

    I’d say we need a walk of shame, but the nation has suffered enough.

    • Meccalopolis

      Perp walk of shame

      • Courser_Resistance

        Yup, I need that…

        • MizzMazz

          Said it before and I’ll say it again. I want to see him crying.

  • Carole

    “Councel?” Living proof that the best schools in the country can’t educate a lad whose greatest ambition is to shoot spitballs.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      His ambitions ran more to thumbtacks on chair seats and punching his teachers, but….yeah.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      The spell check on his phone only works with Russian.

  • BadKitty904
  • Crank Tango

    I can’t believe they would go after a president based on something so flimsy as being an enemy asset and overall corrupt shitheel.

    http://www.bethesdamagazine.com/BlueDress.jpeg

    • Blackest Noobs

      though of all things to do the thing he did on that dress…you think doing that on hosiery would be more apropos.

      but she probably wouldve washed the pantyhose.

    • Miss Courbevoie

      Liberals will use any excuse for a witch hunt!

      • Crank Tango

        Hey girl!!!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    He should welcome a Special Counsel. If he is innocent he has nothing to fear. Isn’t that what THEY always say?

    • Reximus

      Trumpy’s always been a back-room schemer, and this ‘councel’ negates that strategy for him

  • Weird Fishes

    I’m glad that he’s finally using “Greatest” properly.

  • The Librarian

    Pfffft! If this a true witch hunt, Trump would have about 50 lbs of clothes put on him and thrown into the water to see if he floated or sank.

    • DrBigHead

      He turned me into a newt!

      • C4TWOMAN

        I got better…

        • Carpe Vagenda

          He turned me into a Newt and then sent my wife out of town.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Is there anything more romantic than a beej in the Vatican?

          • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

            The College of Cardinals just got very quiet.

    • Rick Hill

      Doesn’t he already wear 50 lbs of clothes? Takes a lot of cloth to cover that bulk

      • Al Swearengen

        50 lbs of tie alone.

    • TundraGrifter

      Or, “The Devil and Donald Trump.”

  • Reximus
    • Lamashtar

      Annoying people inform me that pointy building isn’t the Kremlin, it’s St Basils Cathedral.

  • DrBigHead

    I hope Trump tries to remove Mueller. Come on, Donnie, go for it! That’s what a real man would do!

    OK, if he does try, I want credit for the success of my childish taunting.

  • Can we start a betting pool with odds on Trump defecting to Russia during his ‘trip’?

    • DrBigHead

      I’m counting on a Saudi prison after they charge him with blasphemy following his speech on Islam. In front of a bunch of Wahhabi clerics.

    • C4TWOMAN

      This could be why he was so calm about this news; he already had a plan. That could be the real reason for this “peace tour”: he gives the secret service the slip and stays in Saudi Arabia because no extradition, then phones Putin to rescue him.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        That’s not a good plan when you take into account what Putin does to people who can’t keep their goddam mouths shut.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Yeh, but Trump thinks they’re buddies fer realzies, so….

      • Jeff Ackerman

        Maybe he will join Assange in Ecuador’s Embassy.

        • C4TWOMAN

          That would be a horrible or hilarious sit com.

          • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

            why not both?

        • H0mer0

          like the Odd Couple!

      • Bebecca

        wouldn’t he be an immigrant if he did?

  • Al Swearengen

    Cross-posting this photo-shop opportunity.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hdSqk2NzD1M/maxresdefault.jpg

  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Meccalopolis

    Some coverage I read was t rump was, stunned? Shocked? I don’t remember but maybe someone mistook that for calm or resolute

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Jared had to explain what “special counsel” means before he reacted.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Annie Karni in Politico talked about that

      Trump handled it better than anyone expected, according to a person in the room. His reaction was “extremely measured,” another said.

      He didn’t yell or scream. He told the assembled crowd they had nothing to hide.

      But that levelheadedness was quickly replaced Thursday morning by a wounded tweeter in chief lashing out — as some of his staffers had been expecting the news would bring out.

      [tweets]

      The change in attitude followed a typical pattern with Trump: accepting a defeat in real time, then later raging against it after talking to friends and watching television. After his first attempt at repealing and replacing Obamacare failed, he was calm and conciliatory, then later began blasting the House Freedom Caucus from his online pulpit.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I think he went into some kind of seizure from the shock and took a few hours to get his vindictive mojo back.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Donnie Trump is the saddest Russian agent to ever infiltrate our highest echelon. Sad!

    • TundraGrifter

      Remember that cute young lady who was on LinkedIn and turned out to be a Russian spy? She had to flee back to the USSR and she was still more successful.

      Vlad didn’t get his money’s worth. Which is generally the case with those who indulge in the folly of trying to do business with Mr. Trump.

      • SadDemInTex

        ^^^^^THIS^^^^^^

  • TundraGrifter

    “It’s rather sad to see a man getting that high on his own supply.”

    Words of wisdom!

    Professional gamblers say “Don’t gamble with your eatin’ money and don’t eat your gamblin’ money.”

  • Carole

    Thanks for making me mentally revisit the melismas in the original
    version of this. Fuck George Friedrich Handel. Fuck Karen Handel, too,
    but that’s a different story. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0ec43c990786e977190aefcdd786d404789adaf8206a0aa4617ed010a289f62d.jpg

  • C4TWOMAN


    after which Trump would have to take the
    Saturday Night Massacre approach, moving through (and possibly firing)
    others in the DOJ chain of command until someone agrees to rid him of
    the turbulent prosecutor.

    Thomas a’Becket reference FTW!

  • Keith Taylor

    Donald Trump supporters are, really are, numbnuts stupid AND demented. I kept hoping (for their sakes, because I’m soft) that their state was a kind of temporary delirium that could be cured by reality. It can’t. Someone over there on their channel just asserted solemnly that the New World Order and Deep State (who are the same people) had JFK assassinated and framed Nixon and are now after Trump, and others agreed with them. One from New Zealand, which sort of hurts. Oh, and Antonin Scalia was murdered. Clearly an intelligence operation. Probably the same hit squad that assassinated Zecharia Sitchin. (Odd they waited until he was ninety.)
    Some other genius announced it would be just fine with him if Trump declared the Democratic party a terrorist organization and had it disbanded.
    Wait until tomorrow, mate. He will probably try to grant your wish by sunset. That’ll be just before even the Republican Party gives a collective resigned sigh and awards him a white dinner jacket with very long sleeves. Get help before you need one too.
    But it’s probably too late, as I said at the start.

    • artem1s

      I’ve been wondering for a while now if they will opt to go Jonestown, Branch Davidian or Heaven’s gate. Here’s hoping they don’t take too many innocents with them when them decide to immolate themselves on their messiah’s pyre.

    • H0mer0

      I used to love that New World Order song “Bizarre Love Triangle” back in the days of radio and vinyl.

  • Carole

    And the Government shall be upon his shoulders, and his name shall be called Wonderful! Councelor!

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Mynd yew, Councelor byts kan be nasti…

      • amrak63

        Well, I wasn’t expecting a Monty Python reference…

        *CRASH* NOBODY EXPECTS THE MONTY PYTHON REFERENCE!

        • H0mer0

          dats not true, knowing this crowd.

    • SadDemInTex

      Hallelujah! 🙂

    • H0mer0

      …almighty dog, the everlasting power, the prince of pee.

    • SeeTrain65

      Excelsior!

  • TundraGrifter

    This morning the talking heads are chattering about Mr. Trump’s “extraordinary loyalty” to Gen. Flynn. Through thick and thin he’s stuck up for him. Mr. Trump dropped Gov. Christie, 9/11 Rudy, Duh Gov’, and many others very quickly.

    But he’s continued to hang in there with Flynn.

    Why?

    Is it really “loyalty?” Or is it something much, much deeper? It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • Internet Hitler

      $$$

    • MrTusks

      Apparently Flynn is refusing to comply with subpoenas. Which means he has something that is equally devastating for both of them.

      • TundraGrifter

        Gen. Flynn offered to testify if he got immunity and he was turned down. This indicates to me the folks he approached already knew what he knew and they knew they didn’t need it. Mr. Trump, meanwhile, knows what Gen. Flynn knows and it must be dynomite because he continues to suck up to him (Gen. Flynn) every chance he gets.

      • artem1s

        Flynn is A Idiot who refused to listen to the advice of his lawyers when they told him to take the deal the Fibbies were offering him to begin with. That he was going to jail, directly to jail, not passing go and not collecting any more dirty Russian rubles. The only question up for negotiation was how fast he could spill his guts, how many names he could name, and maybe, if the prosecutor was feeling especially nice that day, they might be willing to talk reduced time for cooperating so bigly. Now he has A Idiot for a client.

    • Bebecca

      Trump doesn’t know loyalty, I’m sure it’s bribery, you know, where the bodies are buried-possibly literally.

      • TundraGrifter

        I’ll agree with you if you spell bribery “B-l-a-c-k-m-a-i-l.”

  • Mehmeisterjr

    …Trump would have to take the Saturday Night Massacre approach, moving through (and possibly firing) others in the DOJ chain of command until someone agrees to rid him of the turbulent prosecutor.

    I would souncel anyone thinking of following cuch an order to think of hic or her celf-interect besauce not only would it be a total cell-out move but would make caid percon a parayya.

    • Once&futureFred

      i c wut u did there

  • sadboy

    Everyone in the political media yak-yak crowd gushing about how great Robert Mueller is. I don’t disagree, but there have been a lot of other people with sterling reputations who have been fucked over and ruined by working with Trump, and I’m not sure even Mueller will be immune. I’m willing to listen to what he comes up with, but if it turns out to be another ‘nothing to see here’ pile of crap without presenting the details then he’ll just end up another Trump victim.

    • Lord Jim

      My feeling is that bipartisan admiration for Mueller is so high, that (in addition to the mounting evidence and the Comey firing) any attempt to dislodge him will prove to be the short path to impeachment.

    • H0mer0

      [like the 911 commission]

  • theblackdog

    I tell you, I’m gonna get fat from all the popcorn I’ll be eating

    • Lord Jim

      I’m told that it helps to ease up on the butter. :)

      • theblackdog

        Good idea.

        • javadavis

          Flavored salts are available, but watch out for too much sodium, as well.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Listened to Republican pols ask this morning if Mueller could be TRUSTED to investigate this whole thing fairly, because he used to work closely with Comey. As though he were investigating Comey, and not THE FUCKING ADMINISTRATION.

    • artem1s

      they will never stop trying. even when they are being crushed under the wheels of Putin’s giant red tank

  • [A] thorough investigation will confirm what we already know — there was no collusion between my campaign and any foreign entity. I look forward to this matter concluding quickly. In the meantime, I will never stop fighting for the people and the issues that matter most to the future of our country.

    And if “45” had actually written it:

    [A] bigly investigation will confirm what we already know — That this is the greatest witch hunt ever. Just incredibly great. Sure, there was collusion between my campaign and the Russians, that is why I fired Comey after all, but the Russians are the best, they are impressed with me and all the secret intelligence I’ve shared with them. I look forward to this matter concluding quickly, so I can get back to making America Great so I can sell it out to even more countries. In the meantime, I will never stop fighting the press and the people who refuse to admit that I won the biggest electoral victory and had the greatest inauguration ever.

    • Zyxomma

      Not enough digression, far too coherent. C.

  • eyelashviper

    Wow, read this, it appears that an attempt was made to access Comey’s computer at FBI just after he was fired. Comey was a good agent, knew he was in the aim of tRump and the Russians, so had software installed that would detect such actions:

    https://patribotics.blog/2017/05/17/comeys-fbi-computer-illegally-accessed-data-given-to-russian-diplomats/

    • SadDemInTex

      If this is true (and it probably is) the fall guy will not be 45. It will be the stupid shit lackey who did the actual download and then handed it over to the Russians. Now that person could be subject to crimes against the state and executed, right? I hope they realize that. And I hope their picture is big and clear on the cameras.

    • artem1s

      yea, I heard rumors about this the day after. wasn’t it twittler’s brownshirt head of security who was sent to ask Comey to fall on his sword?

  • Internet Hitler

    “In the meantime, I will never stop fighting for the people and the issues that matter most to the future of our country.”

    Now watch this drive!

    • Khavrinen

      Wow, I never realized that “the issues that matter most to the future of our country” were stroking tRump’s … ego, and lining his pockets. Shows how much I know, I guess.

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Now watch this drivel!

  • SadDemInTex

    I wonder if 45 will have a “clot” and die like a common Ailes on this “trip”. Just thinking……

    • vivian

      Can a clot have a clot?

    • pstockholm

      Cmon, we’ll get dehydrated pissing on all those graves.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I don’t believe Trump has ever been “calm and measured”. Besides, they don’t devices tiny enough to measure parts of him.

    • Bebecca

      I don’t believe he has ever been focused on his own agenda, I don’t think he has an agenda or even knows what one is.

  • ken_kukec

    “It’s rather sad to see a man getting that high on his own supply.”

    Say hello to my little Twitter friend!

  • Yr. Gma

    Trump’s former ghost writer says he’s sure Donnie is working out how to resign and make it look like a win. I’m sort of betting on resignation at some point.

    • Ms.Moon

      That won’t help he’s basically accused of Treason. They put people convicted of Treason to death electric chairs and everything. This is not a witch hunt once the evidence comes together it will not be a matter of who is convicted but how many will go down with this ship.

      • Yr. Gma

        He resigns before he’s convicted. President Pence pardons him. (See: Nixon and Ford.)

        • Ms.Moon

          Pence might be on the tumbrel with him Pence is in big trouble mister along with Drumph.

          • Yr. Gma

            If he times it right, he can get Pence to pardon him before Pence goes down.

          • Ms.Moon

            Legally can they do that Pence is in hot water and under investigation for the Flynn stuff if he’s going to go down for that and Trump for everything else illegal he is in trouble for Pence should not be able to do any of it.

          • SeeTrain65

            Pence is going down with him.

          • Maybe

            Maybe Trump could pardon Pence, resign, and be pardoned in return. And the Repub base would see both of them a victims.

      • Maybe

        I expect Mike Pence already has his first draft of a blanket pardon drawn up. It worked for Nixon.

    • Maybe

      I honestly can’t predict what Trump would do. He might convince himself he would be vindicated in an impeachment and make his enemies look like fools. And we know how he loves a big audience.

  • Yellerduck

    For some of us, legal dictionaries ARE porn (Oh, Baby…give me some consideration over here and I’ll cum copula your prima facia until you scream estoppel.)

    • H0mer0

      “until you scream estoppel”
      you’re punny.

  • Stephanie Rakowski

    Appreciate slipping in the Murder in the Cathedral reference there

  • whitroth

    Hard stuff: booze, porn, or the legal encyclopedia? Shouldn’t that be booze *and* porn, or the legal encyclopedia?

    Maybe Mar-a-Cheetoh didn’t know who Mueller was, so he was calm and measured (for him), and then, later, he found out….

  • Zyxomma

    Calm and measured. Sure.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    With any luck, Donnie’ll start firing people right and left until they agree to fire Mueller while he’s down at Mar-a-Lago, and we can refer to it as the Mar-a-Lago Massacree.

    • Paperless Tiger

      It’s writing itself again.

    • SeeTrain65

      … with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that …

    • Maybe

      We could call it the Trump’s Restaurant Massacre in honor of Arlo Guthrie.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Will Director Mueller have to get tough to extract all of Ryan’s GOP family secrets? Just kidding!

  • SeeTrain65

    “This is the single greatest witch hunt of a politician in American History!”

    Really, Don? I thought you were a FUCKING OUTSIDER?

  • Maybe

    I hope this investigation is allowed to proceed. It sounds as though it’s in good hands.

    In fact, despite how much I hate Donald Trump is President, I hope this investigation takes months. It would be nice if it wrapped up just before the next election. The problem with a quicker outcome is that too many voters have the attention span of fruit flies and we need to keep this as a live issue.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Yeah, but can Trump just fire him? I mean, I remember this Nixon thingy…

  • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️
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