Poor, naive Chief Justice Roberts! How was he to know back in 2013 when he gutted the Voting Rights Act that state legislators would take it as a license to bring back those oldtimey Jim Crow laws? Who could have seen that one coming?

On June 25, 2013, Justice Roberts was the fifth vote in Shelby County v. Holder, overturning the requirement that states with a history of racist vote suppression must pre-clear any changes to their election laws with the Justice Department. In an amazing coincidence, on June 26, 2013, North Carolina’s Republican legislators decided to embark on a sweeping overhaul of their state’s voting laws.

Before enacting that law, the legislature requested data on the use, by race, of a number of voting practices. Upon receipt of the race data, the General Assembly enacted legislation that restricted voting and registration in five different ways, all of which disproportionately affected African Americans. […]

Although the new provisions target African Americans with almost surgical precision, they constitute inapt remedies for the problems assertedly justifying them and, in fact, impose cures for problems that did not exist. Thus the asserted justifications cannot and do not conceal the State’s true motivation.

As Judge Diana Motz pointed out in the NAACP v. McRory, the 4th Circuit decision striking down the North Carolina law, the Republican legislators weren’t exactly subtle.

Prior to Justice Roberts’s gift to American voters in Shelby, black registration and turnout in North Carolina had almost reached parity with whites. Obama carried the state in 2008, and Romney barely squeaked out a win in 2012. But then Republican legislators got to work. If black voters wouldn’t see reason and vote Republican, maybe it was because voting was just too easy!

There was no evidence of fraud by in-person voters, although there was a marginal degree of fraud in absentee ballots. But white people vote by mail! So the Republicans hunched over the demographic data and came up with this fine plan instead.

  1. Since African Americans are less likely to use drivers’ licenses as ID, mandate that voters show photo ID issued by the DMV at the polls;
  2. Over 60% of black voters used early voting, as compared to about 46% of whites. So NC cut early voting from 17 days to 10. Bonus, one Sunday of Souls to the Polls voting is eliminated. Hallelujah!;
  3. Who needs same day registration to vote? Not North Carolinians!;
  4. After the Republican legislators noticed that African Americans were more likely to accidentally vote in the wrong precinct after a move, they remedied that problem by not counting those ballots.;
  5. And, just to spread the love around, North Carolina eliminated pre-registration for those uppity 16-year-olds.

The US District Court for the Middle District of North Carolina found that there was no discriminatory intent in North Carolina’s voting law. Oh, mah stahs and gahters, how could a person think such a thang? It was entirely coincidental that black turnout for early and primary voting declined 8.7% between 2012 and 2016.

In July of 2016, the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled the law was clearly enacted with discriminatory intent. The fact that Republicans ordered up all that demographic data was a big tip off! Republican Governor Pat McRory pleaded with the Supreme Court to prettyplease let them disenfranchise black people protect the integrity of the ballot for the November election, but the Supreme Court refused to intervene. Donald Trump carried North Carolina, but voters gave poor Pat McRory the boot. Sad!

And then all hell broke loose in North Carolina! New Governor Roy Cooper and Attorney General Josh Stein, both Democrats, sought to withdraw the appeal of the 4th Circuit decision to the Supreme Court. The Republican General Assembly argued that they had the right to obtain private counsel to keep the case alive. And then the Speaker of the House decided to intervene personally to tell the Supreme Court how absolutely important it was for North Carolina to “protect the ballot!”

Today Justice Roberts brought the final hammer down on this episode of North Carolina’s long running soap opera, The Black and the Voteless. The Supreme Court will not be hearing North Carolina’s argument as to how they accidentally came up with a plan that disenfranchised black voters so well, which was never their intent. We have no idea which Justices wanted to hear North Carolina’s appeal, but we know that at least five of them elected not to stick their noses into a steaming pile of racist horseshit. So, thank you Justice Roberts for going easy on us this morning, since this promises to be a crazy, nightmare week. Can we look forward to future non-crazy decisions from your Honor in the future? We hear that DC’s wanton ways have ruined many a Republican Judicial appointee…

NICETIMES! We’ll take ’em where we can get ’em!

[ Shelby County v. Holder, 570 U.S. 2 (2013) / NAACP v. McRory, No. 16-1468 (4th. Cir. 2016), Supreme Court Statement on denial of certiorari, North Carolina v. NAACP / Mortiz College of Law ]

Hey, we managed to give you a story that wasn’t FUCKING DEPRESSING! No mean feat in the Trump era! Don’t forget to tip your server.

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  • memzilla Ω
    • Shoto

      Paul ZEGS Ryan: First Place, Punchiest Face in US America contest.

      • sw19wilson

        Richard Spencer Libels!

        • Nockular cavity

          Ted Cruz libels!
          Sean Hannity libels!
          AOT,K libels!

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            The Punchy Party!….

    • wait! what?

      According to SNL Paul gets fed dog food by Donald; but not two scoops.

    • Paul Ryan. The America 2018 version of Brutus.

    • weejee

      So he could get santorumed?

    • Mary Sandoras

      Gallup has Trump at 38 approve 57 disapprove, is that low enough for you Ryan?

      • MassiveQuantitiesofPie

        Nope, too many right wing wackos are still on board. He’s lost literally everyone else. They need to see him drop among a lot more among GOP voters. He’s dropped between 12 and 16 points among Republicans, depending on the poll, but that’s not enough IMO and Trump’s support among those who voted for him is even higher than that of the ordinary GOP base itself. He’s still far more popular than Ryan, McConnell, or the Republican Congress as a whole.

  • DainBramage

    Seriously, how is it not illegal for legistraitors to conspire to steal peoples’ civil rights? They should be in jail.

    • jesterpunk

      Did you forget IOKIYAR, also the only way republicans can win is if people cant vote.

  • Ezio

    White wingers: LOL! These SJW college kids and millennials are so brainwashed and in a cult! They think they need “safe spaces”! Suck it up, babies!

    Also white wingers: Bring back Jim Crow! We need a safe space for white people! But it’s not racist because property values!

  • Wild Cat
    • sw19wilson

      smol picture is smol

      • Wild Cat

        So is his dick and cranium.

  • JMP

    Republicans just can’t stop themselves from saying the quiet parts out loud and openly admitting that they’re acting out of illegal discriminatory motives these days, and it’s great, undermining some of their more hideous attempts to subvert the Constitution like these anti-voting laws or Donald’s attempted Muslim ban.

    • Here is why:
      Saying the quiet parts out loud is what their base wants to hear.
      So either they say it out loud and risk pissing off the libtards, or not say it out loud, with all the winks and dog whistles, and their base might vote for someone who IS saying it out loud.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Wild Cat

      “How goes it, Sally?”
      “Ok, Anderson. How’s life in your $12M firehouse?”
      “Not bad, Sally, although Mom had better mansions.”
      “Are we supposed to pretend we care about the proverbial “Little People”?
      “Nah. They think they’re exceptional and rich. [laughs.] That’s a lovely brooch.”
      “Why thank you, Anderson.”
      “We’ll be right back after this message from Geritol.”

      • sw19wilson

        Why, what’s this, you rapscallion, you! Suggesting hegemony amongst the upper classes? Anderson will set his cousin, Timothy Olyphant, upon your rascally soul!

        • Wild Cat

          Are they related? His former co-worker died today.

          • sw19wilson

            Something cousin removed anyway. They are both of the Vanderbilt line for sure tho.

        • wait! what?

          Still a better plot than “Live Free or Die Hard.”

    • wait! what?

      Whenever Anderson asks if Donald has done something illegal Sally will just smile and press a button that plays “Breaking the Law” by Judas Priest.

  • jesterpunk

    They should have learned from PA, when you admit the reason for voter id laws they get overturned.

  • Who could possibly have known that the states responsible for slavery and the systematic oppression of black people would use the death of the VRA as an excuse to engage in systematic oppression of black people again?

    I’m shocked. Shocked, I tells ya.

  • Ezio

    The law changed on paper, but hearts remain as hateful as ever.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Now it’s the wah of legal aggreshun!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Guys, guys, when you make it this obvious, you cross the line from honky-dory de facto discrimination to really kinda not OK de jure discrimination. Can’t have that (yet). Sorry. Pro-Tip. Be more secretive next time.”
    — John Roberts?

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    We have no idea which Justices wanted to hear North Carolina’s appeal, but we know that at least five of them elected not to stick their noses into a steaming pile of racist horseshit.

    I’m gonna guess Thomas (because dude is the most self-loathing man I ever did see), Alito (because he’s got no soul) and Gorsuch (because he thinks that the Legislature passed it so it must be okay).

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I expressed interest, but it just came out as ‘Boo!’ again. Darn it!”
      — Ghost of Antonin Scalia

      • sw19wilson

        Shut up and have another pillow.

      • MrTusks



        SO ORDERED.

  • calliecallie

    Small victories carry the day, as my dad would say.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The Supreme Court rejected the “those people could be grateful even some of them get to vote at all” defense. Jeff Sessions was dismayed.

  • theblackdog

    Good! Now I wonder what kind of disenfranchisement they will come up with next.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Separate but equal voting machines. Only the ones for white people are plugged in, however.

    • boyblue122

      Only people with NRA memberships and IDs can vote

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This Just In: North Carolina legislature quietly tables “Ship ’em all to Monrovia” bill.

    • Augustus

      That’s a pretty solid, obscure reference, please accept these 5 Internet points from me, on behalf of the Internet.

    • SadDemInTex

      LD must have listened in history class.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Quietly? I thought they’d have blamed its failure on “Liberiatards”.

      • SeeTrain65


  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I bet the racists are telling each other what kind of ‘lover’ Roberts is.

    • sw19wilson

      I thought Virginia was for lovers, not North Carolina?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        That’s just because Lovers were awarded Virginia in the famous Loving v. Virginia case.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      They never tell each other what king of ‘lover’ Thomas is, though. They don’t like to think about it.

  • wait! what?

    I think there’s a bit of Leia/Han libel in that meme…

  • Crystalclear12

    I’m sure he didn’t mean to do the right thing.

  • Pre-Existing Condition Jack

    Thank you, $5 F for a least one happy time story today. I really appreciate it.

  • schmannity

    Infowars soon to speculate that Demoncraps have incriminating video and blackmailed decision.

  • goonemeritus

    The UN really needs to send the “Blue Helmets” to North Carolina.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      UNC fans will riot if they see “Carolina Blue” helmets and no football present.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Not to mention what Duke basketball fans will do.

    • janecita

      They need to send the Blue Helmets, The Foreign Legion, and maybe even Jean Claude Van Damme, to D.C.

      • goonemeritus

        hopefully the Sense8 Van Damme

        • janecita

          I was thinking “Universal Soldier” Van Damme.

          • goonemeritus

            Also good

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • kaydenpat

      Finally Grumpy Cat is pleased about something.

  • Crystalclear12

    Be honest, this is the only nice time we are getting this week, isn’t it?

    • wait! what?
    • sw19wilson

      It’s always darkest before the dawn.

    • sw19wilson
      • ltmcdies

        Is that cracking sound I hear jbarro and his dudebros warming up there tweeting thumbs?
        In anticipation I write. Fuck You, Dudebros

    • janecita

      Probably yes. Here is a nice pic of the true leader of the free world, and the new, kind of cute French president, to make up for the rest of the week.

      • sw19wilson

        Pro-banking neolib, but strong on social issues. But most importantly, not a nazi.

        Merkel… welp, pretty much the same, but with added extra austerity measures.
        Also, nazis don’t like shaking hands with her.

        • C4TWOMAN

          The NYT interviewed a French “both sides” free range half wit who said, “I don’t want to vote for a racist. But I also don’t want to vote for a banker so I abstained”.
          Luckily the free world was able to win in spite of the idiocy of her and her Stein-botish countrymen.

          • As if bankers were any worse than any other capitalists. The concentration on bankers as the epitome of greed of evil has something vaguely fascist to it.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Oh definitely. It’s a dogwhistle that, if you’re a level headed person of left leanings, you would NEVER figure out(unless you studied fascist propaganda):

            Bankers > Jews
            This is how leftist causes get coopted too:
            Corporations> the rich> bankers> Jews
            Big Pharma> Coprorations> Rich> Rich Bankers > Jews

            I’m sure what ever Stienbotish Franglais propaganda she assimilated was feeding her fascist propaganda repackaged for leftists.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Sigh. Adults.

      • kaydenpat

        Not “kind of cute”. Cute. Very cute.

        • janecita

          He isn’t my type, but he is cute.

        • Duchess Gummybuns

          Great…and our guy looks like a cheese doodle left out in the rain.

          Obama was easy on the eye…I miss that.

          • willi0000000

            Obama was easy on the brain . . . i really miss that!

  • Spurning Beer

    In North Carolina, “Jim Crow” is a cocktail made from three store-bought whiskies: one part Jim Beam and one part Old Crow, with a splash of Southern Comfort.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      You can drink it, but the more common option is to pour it over a wooden cross and light it on fire.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance


    • Spurning Beer

      Many North Carolinians like to have the shots of Jim Beam and Old Crow served separately but equally.

      • sw19wilson

        Does the barman dispense sodas from separate fountains?

      • SeeTrain65

        Wild Turkey + Old Dan Tucker = Turkey Tucker.

  • Meccalopolis

    And NC used to be the reasonable one

    • Latverian Diplomat

      When I first heard of East Carolina University, I thought maybe we had a third option, but nope, there’s just the two.

    • Me not sure

      Nope. They just liked to play one on television. They will always be the state that elected that racist asshole Jesse Helms to the US Senate.

      • Duchess Gummybuns

        Racist assholes are not exclusive to NC, as this election has shown us. Gerrymandering is a big, fucking thorn in our side here.

      • Meccalopolis

        To our great shame. Gantt almost beat him until white hands and hunt

  • Jgb979

    NC has already suck to banana republic levels of democracy (the house today voted cutting school funding JUST from democratic districts to pay for a narcotics program because satire is dead).

    Really hope the Trump effect is mammoth, if for no other reason to fix States like NC (which honestly has progressive pockets-largely where all the $$ is) from totalitarian fuckwads.

    • erm, the Gov can veto that shit, right? I mean, you can’t cut funding from just these people over here…can you?

      • Jgb979

        Still have veto proof majorities thanks to gerrymandering.

        I still don’t get how there aren’t cross over suburban districts that are horrified the abject lunacy of the NC legislature, even if they are more Republican by nature.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          “I feel my taxes are too high because of the blahs getting welfare.”
          — An ‘educated’ suburbanite professional

      • Duchess Gummybuns

        The Repubs in power have overidden EVERY veto Cooper has issued, including one where home owners could sue hog farms for their shitty smell ruining their lives.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      No fair, they did it at 3AM, so you weren’t supposed to notice.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Like the motorcycle vagina bill.

      • Duchess Gummybuns

        It was the same damn thing they pulled with HB2.

        It reminds me of when I was a baby and I would poop behind the recliner because I was convinced no one would ever find it.

        • Gregory Brown

          You have a great memory!

          • Opalescent Riddles

            It was probably some great poop.

    • iceweasels

      They’re having a special election in 2017 because of ALL THE RACISM, so these idiots have to try to cram as much through as possible, since they know they’re all about to lose their jobs.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “North Carolina was named after King Charles I, who was beheaded. So in his honor we try to govern as brainlessly as possible.”
    — North Carolina State Legislature

  • Edith Prickly
    • SeeTrain65

      Me: “You posted that already.”

      Edith: “I know! I’m posting it everywhere!”

      • Edith Prickly

        Yup. It’s a Nazi-punching kind of day.

        • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

          Every day is a Nazi-punching kind of day.

    • John Mruzik

      I’m just a drunk country doctor but I would punch a Nazi too!

  • Dolmance

    That dissenting vote undoubtedly came from Clarence Thomas, who seems to have a pathological need to stick it to black people whenever the opportunity arises.

    • Duchess Gummybuns

      I’m pretty sure Clarence doesn’t know that he’s black. Nor does Ben Carson…nor Sherriff Clarke.

  • Pazuzu75

    While it’s great that cert was denied, let’s not pat Roberts on the back too much. He basically says cert was denied because the new NC AG dismissed the petition and then ends by saying: “the denial of a writ of certiorari imports no expression of opinion upon the merits of the case”. In other words, “someone with standing please bring this back to us!”.

    • Fivedollarfeminist

      Maybe. Although he doesn’t say, “Hey, morons! Go work out your standing issue and get back to us.” He just stated it as part of the history of the case.

    • Gregory Brown

      Denial of a case gets stated that way all the time. Because the court has not accepted it, the case was not considered for the court’s opinion.

      • Pazuzu75

        That’s not true. The vast majority of cert denials are single line statements. They certainly don’t include a “wink wink nod nod” reminder like Roberts did “all the time”.

        • Gregory Brown

          Guess we’ll see.

  • Bitter Scribe

    “Hey, guys, you need to be a little more subtle about this, OK?”

    • kaydenpat

      You know that Republicans in North Carolina will take this ruling that way and try again with this foolishness.

  • Peter Walford

    Great story, well told. Thank you.

  • Khavrinen

    In an amazing coincidence, on June 26, 2013, North Carolina’s Republican legislators decided to embark on a sweeping overhaul of their state’s voting laws.”

    And yet, after seven years of claiming loudly and often how they were going to replace the dreaded Obamacare with something so much better at the earliest possible opportunity, when their chance came, Republicans were like, “Well, shit, we gots nuthin’.”

  • kaydenpat

    Republicans are disgusting. How the hell can they call themselves patriots when they constantly try to stop their fellow citizens from voting? How about let everyone vote who is eligible to do so and let the chips fall where they may? So glad this discriminatory law was struck down but a similar law is still in effect in Wisconsin.

    • wavicles

      Cuz they’re the chips, that’s why.

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      Republicans hate democracy

    • britishvoiceman

      Surely you don’t think that these racist bastards view black people as “fellow citizens” do you?

  • Joseph Stans

    Poor Justice Robets , he has the look on his face he only gets when the vibrating butt plug comes apart while he’s using it. now he has to go see the Vet to have it extracted.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      John McCain?

  • BeachBum

    Maybe there is some hope for us. Maybe it takes Der Trupenhimler for Roberts to see just how evil the GOP grassroots/rank and file are. I know, I know, big assumption that he would actually be AGAINST evil. Uggggh.

  • Scooby

    Maybe Gorsuch just has t found the courthouse yet.

  • TootsStansbury

    What I say about my future retirement nest:
    Nice digs, shame about the State.

  • azeyote

    why is this carolina north – it sure seems to be heading south –

    • anomie

      but the point of this article is that a Good Thing happened in NC.

  • Dang!
    It’s like ya can’t be racist no more anywhere.

  • Lefty Wright

    Late getting this in, but the NC legislature is still trying to fuck over the elections in the state. Up through last year, the state Board of elections had 5 members, 3 appointed by the governor, and each county board had 3 members, 2 appointed by the party of the governor. In NC, the local boards have a lot of discretion on early election dates and polling locations, and also implement voting regulations, giving them some control over voting. During one of the emergency sessions before Cooper, a Democrat, took office, the lege, in the interest of fairness, tried to combine the board of elections with an ethics board with 8 members, 4 from each party but appointed by the legislature. With the chair rotating every year. Guess which party had the chair every election year? The state courts over ruled that law because it takes mandated power to appoint boards from the governor. So they rewrote the law. They let the governor appoint the board, but required him to pick from a legislature approved choice of three candidates for each seat. Fortunately, the state Supreme Court returned to a liberal majority last year so this will probably be shot down too.

    The efforts by the legislature to tamper with elections is not over. The date to introduce new bills this session is past now, but I bet they are looking as I write this to strip the language out of an unrelated bill so they can try their voter disenfranchisement all over again. With a veto proof majority, this is far from over. On a side note, another little cut they put in may cut off food stamps to about 130,000 people under a program 100% federally funded. The only way to describe these people is evil and hateful.

    • anomie

      Our legislature here in NC is the lowest, sleaziest, meanest bunch of snakes. They pull dirty tricks at 3:00 a.m., passing legislation the Democrats are not even allowed to read once. And the whole state is so gerrymandered it’s not likely we’ll have Democrats with a fair chance of winning in most of these districts. IT SUCKS, Y’ALL!!!!

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Poor John. He’s suddenly started thinking about his legacy, only it’s too late. It’s going to come out that the entire Republican party is compromised with Russian dark money made possible thanks to Citizens United. That’s his legacy.

    • DT

      Oh, the VRA and his “creative solution” to allow Republicans to keep killing the poors via medicaid expansion denial will definitely be remembered with equal “fondness”.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    So, this means the darker folks can vote now? I feel a Twitter storm a brewin’.

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