Maybe not the devil.

The internet is currently having a mad because FBI Director James Comey made some wrong claims about Hillary Clinton BFF Huma Abedin’s evil email practices during last week’s hearing in the Senate Judiciary Committee. Because it was the committee’s annual oversight hearing on the FBI, all the stuff about Comey’s handling of the Hillary Clinton email investigation came up again and again, which was to be expected, both because Democrats relished another chance to yell at Comey for throwing his dick in the middle of the presidential race 11 DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION, and because Republicans will never pass up an opportunity to bitch and moan about Hillary Clinton.

Comey protested SO HARD during the hearing that he saw no better option besides telling Congress, 11 DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION, that the FBI was reviewing some new exciting Hillary emails, that may or may not be Hillary emails, and that may or may not be relevant. And in his explanations to the Judiciary Committee, he made the following boo-boo, as reported by ProPublica:

Perhaps Comey’s most surprising revelation was that Huma Abedin — [Anthony] Weiner’s wife and a top Clinton deputy — had made “a regular practice” of forwarding “hundreds and thousands” of Clinton messages to her husband, “some of which contain classified information.” […]

The problem: Much of what Comey said about this was inaccurate. Now the FBI is trying to figure out what to do about it.

Oopsie! We actually heard Comey say the “hundreds of thousands” thing, and we just assumed his wires got crossed, because we knew from reporting at the time that it was just a handful of problematic emails that somehow ended up on Anthony Weiner’s Sexting Machine. ProPublica’s sources confirm that Comey fucked up in his testimony, and now the Washington Post is confirming ProPublica’s reporting, noting that “Justice Department and FBI officials are now considering whether and how to clarify the misstatements.”

Cool story, right? And now the internet is yelling about JAMES COMEY LIED AND HILLARY DIED and stuff, and we understand the temptation, because oh boy, James Comey has pissed us the fuck off over the past year, and there’s a part of us that wishes we had never laid eyes on his 6-foot-8-inch gigantic man body. But we’re just not sure this story of Comey saying a wrong thing during last week’s hearing was as OMG YOOOGE as some people seem to think.

For the record, we were FURIOUS about Comey’s first letter to Congress. We were VERY ANGRY at Comey when he meekly sent a second letter, TWO DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION, that was like “DOY MY BAD YOU GUYS, FALSE ALARM!” We were SPITTING NAILS GRRR ARGH on November 9, when it became clear that America had just barely “elected” an incompetent puss-grabber as its new president, by a margin of negative three million votes. THANKS JAMES COMEY, GO FUCK YOURSELF JAMES COMEY, is what we were saying.

Was there really no good option for Comey in those days before the election? Could he not have handled this “new information” in a quieter (classified) way, especially since he wasn’t sharing with the American public that Donald Trump and his comrades had been under FBI investigation for months at that point, regarding their possible collusion with an enemy power (Russia) to steal the election? FOR REAL, COMEY, FOR REAL?

We would like to suggest that, much to our chagrin, Comey actually might not have had any other option, and in doing so, we will share our current Running Theory Of James Comey, which goes like this:

  • WHEREAS there was a rogue element in the New York FBI field office that hated Hillary Clinton so much they wouldn’t even let her piss on THEM if THEY were on fire; and
  • WHEREAS that group of agents seems to have been leaking to Rudy Giuliani, who openly telegraphed on live TV just before the Comey letter that something was coming to turn the tables in Trump’s direction; and
  • WHEREAS Comey was very likely being pressured from within to act publicly on the “new Hillary information”; and
  • WHEREAS even after Comey sent his now-infamous letter, but before he sent his second letter that said “Oopsie poopsie, no big,” creep-ass Blackwater dude Erik Prince, baby brother of Betsy DeVos, who ALSO has ties with that FBI New York office, was leaking “information” about how the FBI had found eleventy jillion new Hillary emails, all of which were about her doing disgusting #Pizzagate to innocent children; and
  • WHEREAS Comey probably figured the rest of those FBI agents would just leak metric fucktons of horseshit to Giuliani and Prince anyway, so he might as well try to share accurate information about what was going on, instead of letting those fuckholes control the media narrative; and
  • WHEREAS Comey’s top-secret FBI investigation of Team Trump’s ties and possible collusion with Russia is probably WAY MUCH BIGGER than any piddly-ass thing involving Hillary Clinton ever was, and moreover it’s fairly fucking likely that both Giuliani and Prince are named targets in the FBI’s investigation; and
  • WHEREAS we’re pretty sure Comey wanted to protect the integrity of that investigation, and moreover wanted to make sure he could keep his job, so he could see it through to its conclusion;
  • NOW THEREFORE, WONKETTE PROCLAIMS that our current Running Theory Of James Comey, which is subject to change at any time, if new facts come to light or hindsight becomes even more 20/20, is that he’s actually one of the good guys, and we probably shouldn’t let ourselves get distracted because he accidentally said a stupid about Huma Abedin’s emails during a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing.

We hope we’re right. We hope the rumors are true and grand juries right now at this very moment are reviewing Trump Russia evidence, and that, slowly but surely, we’re getting closer to the day where we can watch gleefully as all these fuckers GO TO JAIL.

And if we’re not right, we’ll just update this with a new Running Theory of James Comey, because gah, we don’t fucking know, stop asking us.

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[ProPublica / Washington Post]

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  • memzilla Ω
    • wait! what?

      Insert Dragnet music or SVU’s “dun-dun” as needed.

      • John Thorstensen

        It’s that last diminished-fourth interval that does it.

    • ManchuCandidate

      Not Female Body Inspector?

      • Marion in Savannah

        Or Fucking Ball-busting Incompetents?

  • wait! what?

    Maybe put a plank over James and slowly add bolders until he’s mightily nauseated.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Much of what Comey said about this was inaccurate. Now the FBI is trying to figure out what to do about it.

    I’d say “nudge Comey to do the right thing and resign” if I weren’t afraid Donald would replace him with someone even worse FFS…

    • DrBigHead

      That’s why I hope to hell Evan is correct

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Evan, I feel for you. However, no matter how you spin it, Lordy! Comey is a douche….

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    It would be nice, or at least funny and not rage inducing, if he were definitively inaccurate, like the Hitchhiker’s Guide.

  • cheetojeebus

    “integrity of the investigation” Oh christ! Hahahahahahahah Oh stop! Hahahahahahahah sigh……..hahahahahahahahahah [clutches chest and keels over]

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot


  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    And while I think this gives Comey far too much credit, I have to hope you are right and that he will do the right thing when it comes to Donald’s collusion FFS…

  • Lascauxcaveman

    WHEREAS we need the FBI to keep on doing its investigating and (eventually) revealing the whole Trump-Russia fuckfest, I sure hope you’re right, Evan.

  • WideStance

    I think we’ll feel better about Comey when the Eastern District of Virginia indictments are unsealed.

  • John Iwaniszek

    When he gets back to even after Trump is behind bars, he will still be on my shit-list.

  • SayItWithWookies

    There were several Union generals in the Civil War who were such strategic and tactical blunderers that their troops joked about them being assets of the Confederacy. If Coney’s one of the good guys, it’s possible he’s too much of a boob and a milquetoast for it to be discernible.

  • Vecchioivan

    Anything that includes jail time for Giuliani is fine with me.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Especially if he’s a smoker.

      • Laurenajohnson

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !sa404c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. Follow this link for more information
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    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      Can we lock up the chronic masturbator too, just because?

      Kinda crazy to think that if Anthony Weiner wasn't a compulsive masturbator we might not be on the brink a nuclear war with North Korea.— Greg Saunders (@waltisfrozen) May 2, 2017

  • mrFawkes

    The credibility of Comey being 6 foot 8 has been questioned. So, I went to the Gateway Pundit and the stupidest man on the internet clarified things…”Comey is not 6′ 8” he is 5′ 20”

    • Red Bird Ω

      Is that the same as saying you’re 12 half inches?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    WHEREAS there was a rogue element in the New York FBI field office that hated Hillary Clinton so much they wouldn’t even let her piss on THEM if THEY were on fire; and

    Now you’re not even keeping your own scandal narratives separate.

  • Oh no, Comey is definitely a bad guy. He knew exactly what he was doing when he made that announcement 11 days before the election.

  • CindyinEncinitas

    And so that relates to Bamz not firing him, I think, right?

  • Yr. Gma

    OT: Happy Teacher Appreciation Day!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Believe me, I’m appreciating June, July, and August a metric shit tonne right now.

  • Crystalclear12

    I think he thought Hillary would still get elected but this would deny her a mandate.

    He should have less faith in the intelligence of Americans.

    • DrBigHead

      The concept of a mandate doesn’t mean shit anymore. It was a short walk from claims of a small numerical majority being a mandate to claiming a mandate even when the popular vote went against them. Call me old fashioned (or a grumpy old man), but I would think “mandate” should be reserved for at least a two digit percentage margin of victory.

      • Grumpy Twat

        You haven’t seen the voting figures for Brexit, I take it.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      That was pretty much a fault he shared with the media: he thought she was a sure-fire winner so he felt no compunction about going after her with both barrels.

  • Shoto
    • Msgr_MΩment

      From where do her dollars creflo?

    • FlownΩver

      “White sat at Trump’s table at an intimate private dinner with religious leaders, also presenting the president with a framed page of the King James Bible from 1611 A.D., a gift from the Museum of the Bible.”

      I’m guessing it’s too much to ask that it was the page with that “bear false witness” stuff.

  • eyelashviper

    Sigh, just so worn out with the mountains of basura all over our planet, our country, so just have to fine something wonderful to cope:

    • cmd resistor

      There was this great little old bar in Atlanta with the world’s greatest juke box and this song was on it.

      • eyelashviper

        Used to hang out at old bars in Atlanta, many years ago when I was in school there…

        • cmd resistor

          So did you ever go to the Stein Club? That’s where the juke box was.

          • eyelashviper

            OMG, that’s the place, can’t believe it!!!!!

          • cmd resistor

            There is a FB group called We Miss the Stein Club. (Sadly, it closed.)

          • cmd resistor

            They had spelling bees and limerick contests, also, too.

  • FlownΩver

    Well, he was wrong last week so I guess Hillz won after all.

    Srsly, people, hadn’t we better get to work on 2018? It’s a tossup for me whether we’d be better off with Dolt 45 or VP Q-Tip in the meantime, but them’s the options.

    • OrG

      Not if they ALL go to jail.

    • Jennifer R

      It’s important so we know if Comey deserves to be fired or be in front of a firing squad.

    • Yeah, I’m torn. Sometimes I think we’re better off if Trump stays in office*. He’s a goddamn disgrace and a national embarrassment, but he’s so dumb that he can’t get anything done. And he really doesn’t stand for anything other than lining his own pockets. He can turn on a dime. Pence, on the other hand, is a true believer, and what he believes in is scary as hell.. He’s not too bright either, but he knows how the game’s played.

      *What I really want is for everyone from Trump on down to land their asses in jail. And when they die, they all die broke, alone, and in obscurity.

      I agree that 2018 is immensely important. Congress has all the power right now. It doesn’t matter who’s President (we found that out during the last administration). The shithead Republicans do whatever they want.

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    Any script kiddie knows how easy it is to hash the files and find deltas.


    I have suspected something like the Wonkette Running Theory Of Comey(WRTOC?). After all, why take it back before the election if he was one of the Hardcore Hillary Haters?

    It would have been nice if he’d been clever enough to leak –through a proxy–that Trump was being investigated about his Russian connections though. That might have evened out the effect of the “OMG EMAILS!111!” issue.

  • calliecallie

    Two issues with this. A) The Rogue NYC FBI leaking to Ghouliani and Erik Prince should have had that shit shut down by their boss, one James Comey, who should have spent a little more time getting his own goddam house in order, and 2) who would have been pressuring him from within, since he is, in fact, the head of the FBI? If there’s any pressure being directed at anybody in the FBI it should be coming from him, not at him.
    That said, I will not write him off completely, yet. I will wait to see if this investigation of his bears fruit. If not, he is dead to me. Dead.

    • ImGoingBacon

      Phil and Elizabeth Jennings on line one, Mr. Comey.

      • calliecallie

        I had to google that, but good one! In light of what’s just happened, I now feel perhaps I have been a bit harsh with him.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    No, because if he had been forced to release that information he also would have said something about Donnie, to level the playing field. But he “concealed’ that investigation. He’s just a partisan hack and even CNN won’t be able to defend him when this is over.

    • timpundit

      Yeah I too disagree with Evan here, mostly because of that.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Or he concealed that investigation to protect it. This is 99% the right call in a criminal investigation–you don’t want the targets to know you’re coming or learn what you know from the media.

      I agree however in this instance it was the wrong call, but I’m not going to fault him for his law enforcement instincts. He played it safe when he should have been bold, IMO.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I’m not a Comey fan, but the theory I heard was that he believed Hillary was going to win the election. Up until a few weeks before the election, the polls were showing that the Senate might flip, and even the House. He might’ve believed that he could investigate Trump and clean house at his leisure.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Lately there does seem to be a theme among Feds of outsmarting themselves. See Malheur Refuge terrorists who walked away scott free because the case was bungled.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I’m sorry but he can’t have both. He can’t be as transparent as possible while following his law enforcement instincts, that’s not how anything works.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Well I definitely agree he could have handled the whole thing better.

  • Red Bird Ω

    OK. I’m ordering that edible arrangement fruit bowl for Comey right now. Chocolate strawberry bouquet! This theory explains why B Barry Bamz didn’t “you’re fired” him when it happened. 11th dimensional chess, indeed.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I agree with the above, to a point. But the rogue FBI office didn’t apparate out of thin air. This must have been building for months, and Comey had every opportunity to put his foot down and squash this shit. He declined to, and so he’s ultimately responsible for the actions of his office and his agents. Which means that while my perception of his intentions have changed, my view of his culpability and moral cowardice hasn’t. *This is still at least partially his fault.*

    • Crystalclear12

      The body follows where the head leads.

    • C4TWOMAN

      “This must have been building for months”

      Try years, though the op may have been specific to the election. The question is when did Comey learn about it? If it was just recently, he might not have to time, support or evidence to act decisively before the election. And if any of the actors how powerful friends, then I don’t envy Comey’s position.

      Remember, law enforcement in darker days, fabricated evidence against activists. Can you imagine what a rogue faction would be willing to do to either save itself or at least the reputation of it’s members? It could be a blood bath. And with Trump president, Comey doesn’t have the back up or institutional mandate that could scare the shit out of trouble makers.

      Honestly, if anyone’s in danger of a Russian funded “accident” it’s Comey.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Yeah, but if he really was that isolated at the top of the FBI then his duty is to quit and tell people why that’s so. Continuing to abet an attempted coup d’etat because you don’t want to lose your job is just a modified Nuremberg defense.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Perhaps he’s juggling god knows how many people, backstabbers, office drama, all of who are also career feds and, like the article says, wants to see this investigation through.

          But you’re right. At the point he knows he can do no good, he should resign in protest or whatever you call that.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          I can tell you from personal experience as a manager that “I had no idea my people were doing that” does not fly.
          Also if Comey resigns, who will Trump and his Republican enablers put in that job. Until or unless we manage to flip Congress, I’ll take Comey.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Here is an example of the classified info Huma forwarded to Anthony “The peen jokes write themselves” Weiner.

    He was disappointed though as it wasn’t the pussy pics he demanded.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    The one good thing about Trump being elected is that the Republican Party is exposing itself for the treacherous assholes they have been for decades, and aren’t even pretending to disguise it anymore. Hopefully the people who have been voting for them will finally wake up and smell the coffee before it’s too late.

    • Crystalclear12

      You made a funny!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      They won’t.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Not according to the letters to my local fishwrap.

      • TheGrandWazoo2

        They might. By 2006 the Bush cabal had screwed up so badly the Dems were handed the House. In 2008 Obama won by 10 million votes and a huge EC advantage and got 60 seats in the Senate. Of course the Obama victory was a double edge sword because it gave the GOP a chance to crank up their propaganda machine to 11 to their grievance base. So, there is precedent, but I suppose it depends on how badly they manage to fuck things up.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance
  • rocktonsam

    lordy what an asshole

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Can we compromise and say that Comey should be reassigned to something more his speed. Like say, working as a crossing guard somewhere?

  • William

    He said he was mildly nauseous, but the rest of us are the ones who will suffer from the deluge of Orange Cheeto’s executive diarrhea for the next four years. He claims to be unbiased, yet spent twenty minutes telling you how Hillary was a terrible person AFTER he told us she didn’t commit a crime. When a nation spends three decades investigating someone, more time, money and hearings than the 911 commission, the Warren commission, Watergate and the Nuremburg trials combined and find nothing, that is fucking biased.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Yeah, I still say “Fuck that guy”.

    • Atheist

      agreed. the enemy of my enemy is NOT my friend.

  • Jgb979

    Regardless if he believes he’s one of the good guys or not:

    He’s carelessly reckless with the details of his investigations (and he’s about the only one currently investigating Putingate so eeek)

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Crystalclear12

    I’m sure Benedict Arnold felt bad afterwards, too.

    • chortlingdingo

      You know, Benedict Arnold’s entire history is really fascinating. He was apparently extremely accomplished, but got passed over by the Continental Congress, and other people claimed credit for his achievements. His rivals were constantly accusing him of corruption, and he spent so much of his own money in the war effort that he became indebted to Congress. When Congress declined Britain’s offer of self-governance, Arnold was like “fuck this” and switched sides.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    If I were Huma Abedin, this is when I would start my killing rampage. I know, I know, she can’t because then RADICAL ISLAMIC TERRORISMS but fuck it, how much can a 90-pound woman take?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      That Anthony Weiner isn’t currently at the bottom of the Hudson attached to cinder blocks is evidence enough that the Clintons don’t kill people.

      • Cliff Hendroval

        For that matter, Linda Tripp is still alive.

    • Chris

      A 90 pound, fashion designer’s dream woman take. FTFY

  • Dutchman

    Why then, if the above is true, have we not heard of the wholesale firings and prosecutions of FBI NY field office agents??? I’m firmly of the opinion that a buncha bitches need to be in jail.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Exactly. That a bunch of FBI agents were willing to pull a freaking coup d’etat and apparently haven’t been punished should be a national scandal.

      • Bobathonic

        I’m sure Congress will get right on that. Since apparently no law enforcers will.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Comey did mention it was “being investigated”. Not holding my breath.

  • Thaumaturgist

    I can see how a boy can piss on someone who’s on fire, NYT, mechanically, how does a girl do it?

    • OrG

      Stand over them.

      • Thaumaturgist

        She’ll catch fire.

      • Me not sure

        Not worth the singe risk, I’m guessing.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      We must first locate an appropriate receptacle in which to pee. Then assume an appropriate squatting position. Do a quick test-squirt to make sure said pee comes at normally and into the cup because the line of site is not exactly clear and we are SOOOO not pissing on our fingers (GROSS!). Then we finally slow drain, because pee-on-fingers-HELL-NO!!!. Of course, the person on fire will have burned to a crisp by the time we finish up.

    • marxalot

      Stand wide, deep knee bend to get the angle right, reach down, spread and lift, et voila.
      I did a lot of camping, okay?

      • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

        We don’t judge.

    • major_asshole

      My boyfriend has this device that lets him pee standing up. It’s basically funnel.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      The girls down on the farm managed. It was mostly a matter of practice…

    • cats530

      Pulls up in her fire truck, gets out the 1-1/2 inch hose line, connects to fire hydrant or truck (uses hydrant wrench to release water or valves on truck), aims nozzle at fire and Voila!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Maybe the Steele Report has some details?


      Guess we’ll have to let the motherfuckers burn, then?

  • george gonzalez

    WHEREAS the most likely cause of a lot of emails ending up on Weiner’s computer is that Huma used his computer at least once to peek at her emails, and did not know that so many email browsers download everything.

    WHEREAS Comey apparently still does not know this, even though most likely he has noticed that when he reads his emails in Outlook or Thunderbird or whatnot, it spins a long time saying “Downloading #12 of 3,478”, which should have clued him in as to how those things work.

    and WHEREAS if he had asked a IT guy how long it takes to compare two sets of email, he would have known it takes ABOUT FIFTEEN SECONDS TO GET THE ANSWER.

    and WHEREAS instead he just threw the info out there that there may be some new emails there, at the precicely worst possible time.

    We the somewhat-clued-in people of America ask him to go run a Cinnabon on St. Louis, or equivalent thing that he can’t screw up too badly.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    There’s a letter to the editor in today’s Daily News from a trump voter. She doesn’t are if he lies and lies and lies, as long as it pisses off libtards. How do you combat this level of ignorance?

    • OrG

      Baseball bat?

    • jesterpunk

      You cant, they are too far gone and there is really nothing you can do about them.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      People who think like that are likely hopeless cases.

    • Hollandaise


      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        For them, or for us?

        • Bobathonic


        • major_asshole

          Less drugs for them, more for us.

          Xanax is lovely, I hear…

        • Chris

          ideally both. If ever there was a time to bring back qualudes it would be now.

        • Hollandaise


    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Contaminate the meth supply with votes.

    • Doug Langley

      Arrest her for being a terrorist. Well, she wishes harm on Americans, right?

    • Stop giving them a fucking platform.

    • Contemplative Ron

      Transportation for life?

  • Shibusa
    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      “Schoolie McSchoolface” – we have a Winnah! XD

      • Opalescent Riddles

        It was like from my fingers to Fox 7’s screen.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl


        • Opalescent Riddles

          (But it wasn’t me.)

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Something-ie MC-SomethingFace is ALWAYS an option.

        • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

          Yiss, and it should be ever thus.

          • YoBunnyBunny


            Keeping with the decree-theme of the post.;-D

    • William
    • Nockular cavity

      “Bruce Lee Elementary” would be pretty badass.

      • NastyBossetti

        Then they could still just call it “Lee ES,” as they undoubtedly already do.

    • Goposaur

      I can get them a mascot tomorrow at a local junk store. A bit overpriced if you ask me, but I’m a sucker for these sorts of finds (once went into a contract with Maxilla & Mandible in NYC for a 2 headed calf @$4800 but a theme bar paid me off for a cool $800).
      edit:: wrong thread

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I don’t think it matters how he felt about handing the country over to the guy he supported who he knew was in bed with Russia, since he didn’t leave himself a way back from with the way he grossly and unprofessionally mishandled the server investigation,

  • whitroth

    He lied to Congress, under oath. That’s jail time…

    Oh, and what the media has *never* asked: why is it, if he’s so non-partisan, that when he wrote that letter to Congreff before the election, he didn’t mention that there was also a Trump-Russia investigation? That *would* have made it non-partisan….

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Khavrinen

    “FBI Director James Comey Said A Stupid About Hillary’s Emails, Burn Him For A Witch!”

    Were they Emails about newts?

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Anna Elizabeth, Tank Grrl

      “Trump has no ties to Russian Financiers, Comrade. All his moneys as American as Apple Cake!”

    • Jennifer R

      Is it going to come with a map of the electoral college? Maybe a mangled quote from Comey?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        “Being in the possession of large, manly hands, which he can nonetheless barely force to span the girth of his…”

    • Jennifer R

      Even better! No way any law firm on the planet would EVER write that letter. It’s carte blanche for an ethics investigation.

    • major_asshole

      I’ll take “Meaningless Bullshit and Bufoonery” for two thousand, Alex…


        Funny, that’s exactly what his contract with that DC lawyer says. Hope they got their full retainer up-front!

    • Doug Langley

      And I also believed Nixon when he said “I am not a crook!”

    • kaydenpat

      I have two words for that: Independent Investigator.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Then he can threaten Miss Lindsey with a billion quadrillion dollar libel suit, just like it was one of his casino bankruptcies. That’ll work!

    • Claire

      Oh, well. I guess we know all of the truths now, no need to look any further.

  • IdiokraticDrumpfenJugend
    • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

      Finally, a fresh new genre:

      Concession porn.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    This explains the large crates of printer paper being delivered to Weiner house each week.

  • cats530

    My spidey sense doesn’t trust Comey. I must admit to a confirmed bias against political opportunists though.

  • Pongo

    I think Comey misspoke and his comments were garden variety hyperbole. Doesn’t make me think less of him. But it was public testimony and it does need to be corrected for the record–for his sake, as well. He was under oath and, while it pretty clearly was exaggeration in the heat of the moment, some enterprising jackwad could use it against him to question his credibility in the future.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Are you suggesting that there’s an enthusiasm exemption for falsely accusing someone of a felony you know them not to have committed in front of congress? For intelligence chairs?

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        I had thought that. An ordinary citizen who lies to the FBI is prosecuted. Comey had better clear up whether it was “hyperbole” (lying) or if he was mistaken, and quickly.

    • kaydenpat

      Good of you to give him the benefit of the doubt but after his intentional decision to reveal the Clinton investigation while concealing the Trump-related investigation right before the election, I take everything he says with a huge grain of salt.

    • theblackdog

      As if he hasn’t already sent his credibility down the toilet?


      I dunno, for a man whose job involves speaking as truthfully about things as possible, yet straddling the line to hide the details of the classified arts, that’s quite a magnitude to be off into making-it-up-land.

    • Claire

      The FBI director testifying under oath before Congress isn’t a garden. If he’s employing ridiculous hyperbole or exaggeration about actual numbers in ANY area while he’s under oath, he’s not fit for the job.

  • AndyC316

    I really want to believe that Comey is on the up and up, but damnit I just can’t! His fuckery saddled us with Trump, and if his justification is that he was trying to bring down Trump and his merry assholes then that’s not good enough because he put a maybe traitor in the fucking Oval Office!

  • BobbyTolberto AKA TDA

    Nothing burger.

  • Queens Lawyer

    Comey was out of bounds with the first letter. not the one 11 days before the election. I mean the one during the summer where he described hillary’s use of her private server as ‘reckless’. that comment was out of bounds, and obama should have fired him then.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      True. It wasn’t his job to editorialize. It was his job to say whether a crime had been committed.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      But the Republicans are on him like Matt Yglesias on Chelsea Clinton. There is literally no way he can abase himself enough to make them treat him with respect if he pulled out a gun and gave them the execution they’re salivating for. These are frat-bro sadists, and at this point they’re making him crawl because they think he looks pretty on his knees.

  • jowgajen

    For me it’s a ding against his credibility. From what we’ve seen so far, it seems to me that he’s not able to completely separate his partisan loyalty from his conduct and his portrayal of his conduct. And that’s just something I expect of an FBI chief.

    • AndyC316

      Agree — he also got creepily excited when we was discussing potentially finding the “golden missing e-mails” — to me it seemed like that’s what he was hoping to find, which I think speaks to his intent and the lack of impartiality, or following where the evidence leads.

    • Mojopo

      He can be professional and even cordial unless the name Clinton comes up. He becomes agitated and animated during (any given) hearing when he’s asked about Hillary. His whole face reacts – he can’t even contain it.

    • Erala Contratista

      Even after the example set by J. Edna for years….

  • Mojopo

    I feel you, Evan, I do. We are stuck with Comey, but I really don’t trust his judgement about Hillary. Anything to do with her and he fucks it up with Clinton Derangement Syndrome.

    During his testimony last week, he dropped several verbal cues that point us at his bias. Also, he was salivating, looking for “golden emails” and threw Loretta Lynch’s integrity under the bus (because he doesn’t trust Bill). Comey is still in denial about the role he played last October, too. He has been smearing boggers on the Clinton name since Whitewater, and it’s not something he can stop doing. He is a wrong and awful fucker about Hillary, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt about Trump/Russia unless he proves me wrong.

  • Jenny

    Bringing down a sitting president would put him in history books for the right reasons so here is hoping he does his job.

    • AndyC316

      Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance
  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    As news of breach at plutonium production waste site breaks, a reminder that this is our Energy Secretary.— Brian Beutler (@brianbeutler) May 9, 2017

    • SisterArtemis

      Perry’s an idiot. But I will never begrudge someone their right to get their groove on. Also too, if only he’d stayed in dancing, and not in politics…

  • Claire

    Regardless of what his motives are, this is the guy we’re supposed to be trusting to lead an investigation of unimaginable complexity involving tax evasion, money laundering, real estate deals, treason, and influence-peddling; an investigation that would, in a just world, result in bringing down not only a sitting president but the majority leaders of the House and Senate.

    He can’t even get his shit straight about an email count when he’s testifying under oath in front of a Congressional committee.

    It does no goddamn good for a man in Comey’s position to wear a white hat if it’s a dunce cap. The investigation is screwed either way.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      He can’t even get his shit straight about an email count by a factor of several orders of magnitude.

      • Claire

        Fucking right? The whole thing was like “Omg there are THOUSANDS of emails, oh wait I guess there are only a handful of new ones, oh wait it’s a nothingburger,” and now it’s thousands again. If the dude can’t keep this straight, how can he keep the Trump mess straight even if he means to try?

  • Manhattan123

    Bring back the dead guy who wore the dress. At least he seemed to realize Russia was our adversary.

  • It’s totally cause he’s 6’8″ isn’t it?

    • TundraGrifter

      “I see the six feet. Where’s the eight inches?”
      ~ Mae West

  • DainBramage

    So, if Comey is one of the good guys, at least concerning the Trump/Russia investigation, then I guess he just didn’t think that the American people would be so monumentally stupid as to elect Trump just because of the bullshit email thing which he had to know was bullshit.

    • puredog


    • Contemplative Ron

      Well, who would? I mean, who would have then, because we’ve had our noses rubbed in how they actually would.

  • Lot of whereas there, Evan. I like Occam’s razor, cause it cuts like a knife.
    Whereas: Comey tried to swing the election, did so, got caught at it, and is now covering his ass because his new boss, who he helped instill, turns out to be a fucking foreign agent.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      It may cut like a knife, but I’m not sure it feels so right.

  • puredog

    I’ve always suspected Comey was one of the good guys, ever since the Comey/Gonzales/Ashcroft kerfuffle.

    • whitroth

      No. If he’d been actually non-partisan, and didn’t just hate the Clintons, he’d have mentioned the Trump-Russia in that letter to Congress, *also*.

  • BMW
  • VirginiaLady

    Alright, it’s good theory. It also means that someone in his department was leaking stuff to hurt Hillz and we don’t know if that person is still there. What has he done to find that rat? And is said rat also too working for a foreign government. He needs to clean his own department so nothing gets out about current orange investigations. Or is the rat somehow also under investigation?

    • shivaskeeper

      If they are under investigation it would most likely be part of the DJT/Russia investigation.

  • Dave Wayne

    On this one Evan, Fuck off. James Comey is a political hack who never says anything unintentionally. He wanted the right wing blogosphere to go crazy-again-about the evil Hilzbeasts emails and her wicked handling of them. An easy call would have been Comey coming out and saying gee I misspoke but has that happened? No it has not.
    Hate to say you’re a credulous stooge for this POS, but dude, you are such a stooge.

  • shivaskeeper

    People misspeak. We all do it. We want to say a hundred and say a hundred thousand. We want to say the mid 80s and say 90s. We answer the phone at work with the name of the last place we worked at. It happens.

    Stories about things like that are filler at best, “look at what this dumbass just said”. It pulls the focus off whatever the real story might be at worst. It’s just a thing that happens. Granted in this case a retraction or clarification should be issued since its part of the official record.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba


    BREAKING #TrumpRussiaSenate investigators want FINANCIAL info on ALL OF TRUMP TEAM#TaxReturns #EmolumentsClause— Alice Stollmeyer (@StollmeyerEU) May 9, 2017

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    He rushed to send a note to Congress about the emails before there was even a warrant because something he told them was no longer correct.

    Where’s his rush to correct the record now? He should be making a public correction and apology.

  • Chris

    James Comey was just fired!!!!! I’m doing a little jig! Asshole.

    • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

      Wrong. This is not a good thing. Comey was actively investigating the Trump-Russia collusion. We wanted him doing that.. Now Trump can appoint a boot-licking sycophant in his place.

  • Jgb979

    Whoa bitch got fired

  • CripesAmighty

    Uh-oh. Comey’s been Archibald Coxed.

  • Napoleanofthetrump

    He’s on to something. He was just taken of the case, and all others.

  • puredog

    I shudder to think what cretin will be named to take his place.

  • eyelashviper

    As the Wanking Shitgibbon plays boss and fires Comey, he actually might think that everything about his unlawful behavior will go away.
    He has assumed all along that his dissing of the IC would not be noticed, and that they would all roll over and obey.
    Will the request for documents about his financial matters, and the testimony of Yates and Clapper, the net is tightening, and the idjuts in the Oval Office are running around like chickens with no heads.
    Order popcorn by the barrel.

    • Edith Prickly

      At this rate, they’ll be able to form a new agency with all the people the Orange Menace has fired – PWKSAT (People Who Know Shit About Trump)

  • pianoplayer1

    Comey has been fired.

  • Scooby

    Knowing numbers sounds like math & science to me.

  • xbutter

    Let’s not over analyse this. He was fired simply because he was hired by O – just like the firing of the head usher- and because DT wants a stooge in the position to ignore his many treasons.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Hey Evan, I like your theory. Not sure I can buy into it whole-hog just yet, but the logic is solid. And I kind of hope that Comey isn’t the creep-ass that we all thought he might be. I’ve been thinking about a lot of espionage movies where people are stuck with NO good options, just a range of shitty ones. I can also tie it into another tidbit from a few days (or weeks, fuck knows, these days) that the FBI had kind of been operating under the assumption that Hillary was going to win it. It’s been spun as the FBI isn’t as ‘afraid’ of Dems as they are Repugs. But it can be spun another way too. Maybe, releasing the Hillary email statement was the least shitty of the options in front of them, in the interest of protecting the larger investigations. Just because it’s a movie plot (no particular one in mind) doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. An allegory might be, ‘You’re not paranoid if they’re really out to get you’.

  • Begin Anew Day

    Yo Jimmy!

    Glad to see you out here on the street again! What brings you back to the neighborhood?

    Fired? You? C’mon Jimmy! Who would fire you? Aren’t you, like, the head honcho at the FBI? I mean that is way up there in the cop world ain’t it? Who fires head honcho cops nowadays? I mean Donnie T is on your side ain’t he? He has your back don’t he? All the cops I talk to think Donnie’s shit don’t stink! I seen him on TeeVee and he is always palling around with sheriffs and police chiefs and US Marshals and even ICE Deportation Officers! Are you telling me he has their back and NOT YOURS?

    Wow! Really Jimmy I don’t know what to say. You must have really screwed the pooch, huh?

  • And let it not be forgotten that just a few months before the memo about the new batch of e-mails, the GOP ripped Comey a new one because, although he shredded Clinton over her careless and irresponsible use of a private server, they didn’t get the sprinkles on top of the ice cream sundae when he stated that there wasn’t enough “there” there to justify an indictment. Can it be that the guy was just being human and wanted to cover his ass with the new memo?

    And also let it be known that Comey did NOT share the info about the new e-mails with the general public; he sent a carefully worded memo to eight members of Congress, who, because of their positions on various committees, were basically on a “need to know” list.

    And also let it be known that it was Rep. Jason “I HATES CLINTON TO PIECES!!!” Chaffetz (R-UT) who was the one that revealed the matter to the public when he tweeted that the investigation was being re-opened (which it wasn’t).

    I can sympathize with Comey, because in his situation, I don’t think I could have done any better.

    • Lefty Wright

      Comey knew his letter would be released immediately on receipt by congress. If he didn’t, then he is a fool. I think most people would have done better. All they needed to do was follow decades old agency policy. And if leaks occurred, straighten them out through press releases, on air press conferences, and a prior letter to the staff that anyone leaking anything about this would be immediately fired.

  • Lefty Wright

    Well, of course we now know that Comey was fired. But the thing that blows your whereases out of the water is that Comey never came clean on the basis of writing the letter. The GOP and the media took off with it and made it appear the FBI had some new and almost certainly incriminating evidence that would surely result in charges being brought. Comey had several days to come out and say that all the buzz was pure speculation and at that point in time, there was no evidence these emails contained any new information. And that the FBI had only speculation, but no evidence of new information, as a reason to review the emails in the first place. In other words, Comey carefully crafted a letter that said nothing but could imply whatever you wanted it to. And did nothing to clarify the matter. I would like to see Comey in jail, but I agree that whoever Trump replaces him with will probably be worse.

  • Lark_in_the_AM

    Actually there is one other thing he might have done with regard the the Weiner emails, but it would have made him look bad and Not In Charge: he could have gone public with the fact that the NYC FBI office had gone rogue, was illegally leaking classified information and trying to influence the election, and then fired their asses and prosecuted them to the full extent of the law – including Giuliani and Prince who are not official government actors and had no right to the information they were disseminating. Instead, he took the coward’s way out, much good that it did him.

    • Bebecca

      Anything would have been better than what he actually did.

    • Akat

      You may be right, but ever since Comey said he was acting to prevent appearing to influence politics by hiding the information, I’ve felt the same as Evan. The important thing now is that the Russia probe carries on honestly.

      • Lark_in_the_AM

        That’s like saying he had to destroy the village in order to save it, and I’m not buying it. The moment the NYC FBI Hillary Haters Club and Sprinkler Appreciation Society decided to start leaking because they wanted to torpedo Clinton, it didn’t just “appear” to be interfering politics, it was interfering with politics. That was the whole point of it.

        To claim to be avoiding the appearance of something which actually is happening doesn’t make any sense. If he wanted to stop the agency from interfering in politics, appearance or otherwise, then the thing to to was to fire the people who were, in fact, politicizing it illegally. You especially don’t drop your bomb and then disappear and remain silent for weeks until you quietly let it be known that “oops, nothing new here, too bad (for Hillary)”, as that really, really ‘gives the appearance’ of meddling in the election. And, of course, when you know that a much more consequential investigation is going on of Clinton’s opponent, but you say not a word about it, you aren’t helping the notion that the agency has one set of rules for one candidate, and an entirely different set of rules for the other.

        In other words, he fucked up royally attempting to cover his own ass, and was an epic fail at that too, as well as at his stated purpose. That he was attempting to rescue his reputation when he got fired may or may not have anything to do with why the investigation is so crucial. Those “rogue” agents are still in the NYC office, and there has been no investigation into how Rudy Giuliani or Erik Prince ended up in possession of information which should never have been known outside of FBI offices by unauthorized persons. The self-serving explanation, rather than the ‘saving our democracy from hostile foreign intervention’ explanation, looks very plausible in that light.

        The truth is that Comey was tainted by the mess with the emails, and his credibility concerning the outcome of the Russian investigation would have been under fire no matter its conclusion. We’ll never know the truth, in part because Trump and minions have had plenty of time to destroy anything incriminating, and in part because the Republicans will tolerate any calumny as long as they get to keep holding on to power. An independent prosecutor is our only hope, Obi Wan, but we know how likely that is with the Empire in control.

        • Akat

          Hmm, yeah, I do agree. It just makes no sense, so it feels like there should be some motivation behind it that would make sense. I wish we could know the truth.

  • brittany

    Does Lord Dampnut “read” (Have read to him) Wonkette? Are you the real reason Comey got shitcanned yesterday?

  • Moar Wordz

    I’m really fucking confused as to where to stand on Comey.
    It’s been suggested that he was pressured from ” within “, that he reported what he did in an effort to provide a true testimony of events in the face of FBI agents ” leaking ” to Guiliani. Leaking what ?
    I clicked on the Wonkette link re Hillary’s Yoga emails and found no reference to Yoga. Was confused. Decided was an inside joke or click-bait.
    Noticed in my mad perusal of Wonkette articles tonight that Cernovich and some elected officials still feel that Pizzagate is actually a THING and really happened. Was confused. Wasn’t that roundly discredited ?
    Read an internet missive from Cernovich regarding his encounter with an ” Indian, ” how they’re difficult ( he didn’t clarify if he meant ” Native American ” or ” Indian ” from continent of India. ) Perhaps they’re the same to him, as female, ” dark-skinned ” and there to do his bidding ? Was really grossed out and feel I can never look at American Apparell ribbed tank tops or t-shirts in the same way.
    Considered the comment I made after which I was accused of creating a ” word salad .”
    Decided that I had been pretty clear in my post and that my accuser didn’t particularly care for me standing up for myself, and then decided to latch on to my misspelling of the word ” disingenuous ” in order to discredit my post entirely.
    He seemed nice !
    He’s also blocked.

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