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Secretay Of Eudcaion Btsety Devo

If it weren’t completely fucking over at least 2,400 low-income high-school students, this would be among the funniest things yet out of Trump’s First 100 Days Of Rage: Under America’s least literate president, the Education Department has rejected grant applications from at least 40 colleges and other organizations for the Upward Bound program, which provides poor kids — many of them members of minority groups — with tutoring and counseling to give them a better chance at college. Why? Because, as the Chronicle of Higher Education reports, the grant applications ran “afoul of rules on mandatory double-spacing rules, use of the wrong font, or other minor technical glitches.”

Yes, this is the same Education Department that was was mocked on social media in February for sending out a tweet misspelling the name of educator and NAACP founder W.E.B. Du Bois (they spelled it “DeBois”), and then misspelling “apologies” in its later correction: “Our deepest apologizes for the earlier typo.” (The department has since outsourced its social media to Ralph the Wonder Llama at great expense.) So maybe the move to punish poor kids for schools’ minor formatting errors is a passive-aggressive way for the Education Department to lash out. “You want nitpicking? We’ll show you NITPICKING!”

Says the Chronicle:

The affected colleges, whose programs serve at least 2,400 low-income students, and the members of Congress who represent them are furious, especially because their appeals to the department for reconsideration have so far been met with little sympathy or indication of any sort of resolution.

The program director for Upward Bound at [Wittenberg University in Ohio], Eddie L. Chambers, said he did have a conversation with Linda Byrd-Johnson, acting deputy assistant secretary for higher-education programs. It was “gracious,” said Mr. Chambers, who has overseen the Wittenberg program for 40 of its 50 years. “But in the end, she told me, ‘A rule is a rule.’ She told me, ‘Eddie, I too have to abide by the rules.’”

Rules are rules. What do you want, anarchy? Are you an anarchist, Mr. Chambers? Are you? If the president has to follow rules, then so do… OK, bad example. But rules matter.

Oh, and also, speaking of details, the Education Department’s Linda E. Byrd-Johnson is a completely different person from famous presidential daughter Lynda Bird Johnson Robb, who spells her first name differently and does not have a hyphen in her name. Maybe being mistaken for the other woman with the similar name is at the root of all this. RULES MATTER, YOU IDIOTS, AND YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU FUCKED WITH LINDA BYRD-JOHNSON WITH AN “I” AND A HYPHEN! Also, don’t call her “Liz!”

So, what outrageous violation of the rules did Wittenberg University commit? Failure to include accurate data on its student population, or inadequate information on goals and procedures? Oh, dear. Far, FAR worse. We hope you are sitting down, Gentle Reader:

Wittenberg’s error, according to the March 22 letter it received from Ms. Byrd-Johnson: In its section on its budget, it apparently violated the double-spacing rule requiring “no more than three lines per vertical inch,” including text in charts and tables.

See here, Mr. Chambers, if you think you can get away with just double-spacing your document all willy-nilly, in direct violation of the rules, then maybe instead of an institution of higher education, you should be running scam real estate seminars… again, maybe not the best example, but you see what we’re getting at.

Chambers, no doubt in a state of complete disbelief, told the Chronicle, “It’s more about format than it is about content,” a few days after telling the students that funding for Wittenberg’s Upward Bound program would run out May 31. He said the college had applied for $2.5 million to run the program for five years, and is now attempting to find other funding options. At the very least, Wittenberg hopes to salvage a summer bridge program for 10 high-school seniors who’ll live on campus and take first-year-level college classes with extra support to help them get accustomed to some of the challenges they’ll face when they really start college. (Yr Dok Zoom taught in a similar program for several years during grad school at the University of Arizona, and they’re terrific. Needless to say, they need to be eliminated.)

In another example from the Chronicle story, the University of Maine at Presque Isle had two grant applications rejected, leaving 129 students from 16 high schools shit out of luck. The offense this time was even more heinous:

Two infographics inserted in each of its applications included type with one-and-half-line spacing, rather than double-spacing.

It was unclear as of press time whether the spacing crime could be attributed to guys named D-Money, Smoothie, or Shifty, but we wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if, after having set the graphic spacing all wrong, they then impregnated some white girls and fled the state.

Unlike Eddie Chambers, the unrepentant spacing anarchist at Wittenberg, UM Presque Isle’s Darylene Cote, who runs the school’s federal college-access programs, at least took some personal responsibility, telling the Chronicle (presumably between guilt-ridden sobs), “I should have seen it […] Maybe I should have sat there with a ruler.”

Even so, Cote was all too quick to shift the blame for her failings. Rather than committing ritual hara-kiri, as a good administrator might,

Ms. Cote said denying the opportunity for needy students to receive academic advising, go on college visits, and receive advice on how to save for college seems like a harsh punishment for her mistake. The university has run Upward Bound programs since 1980. Even if the department just blacked out the infographics and ignored them as part of the application, she said she thinks the grants would score well under the department’s formula.

Well, yeah, maybe Big Government in the past would let slackers just throw margins and line spacings wildly all over the place, but this is the Trump Era, the era of Law and Order, and if the scofflaw bureaucrats of Maine want that sweet money from Uncle Sugar, they’d better get out their rulers. Oh, sure, the congressional delegation from Maine is asking the Department of Education to overlook all this blatant disregard for order, but the era of “common sense” and lax enforcement is over, you TAKERS!!!!

In other news, the Trump Inaugural Committee took in over $100 million from god only knows who, and didn’t properly record donors’ names, addresses, citizenship status, or other information required under federal campaign law, and no one really knows where the unspent money ended up. One $400,000 donation was attributed to a nonexistent person whose address was a vacant lot in New Jersey. The inaugural committee is only now acknowledging its records are full of errors, and promises to get everything sorted out, maybe.

But the spacing appears to be mostly OK.

Yr Wonkette relies on donations from readers like you. Don’t even get us started on our occasional typos. But please click the “Donate” clicky anyway. Thnaks!

[Chronicle of Higher Education / HuffPo]

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  • anwisok
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    ‘A rule is a rule.’ She told me, ‘Eddie, I too have to abide by the rules.’”

    Say, you know who else had to abide by the rules?

  • PubOption

    Are we not pedants?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Personally I find Blackletter typefaces terrifying…and a white space is a safe space.”
    — Betsy DeVos

  • Nounverb911

    “My brother is hiring.”
    –Betsy DeVos to affected students

    • Clyde Barrow

      “Get your Amway starter kit, today!”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Well, at least those kids will learn the importance of double-spacing their documents!!!

    http://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/OFFS.gif

    • Nounverb911

      Ahem, your gif is NOT doublespaced!

  • anwisok

    These people. THESE PEOPLE!
    http://i.imgur.com/Cevs7qm.jpg

    • Clyde Barrow

      Bottom Jesus seems to have a wicked tan line. I thought he wore a toga or something like that…

  • Marceline

    Remember this shit when it comes time for you to vote, kids. This is how they will try to disenfranchise you.

  • Latverian Diplomat
  • Ezio

    What do you really expect from a woman who thinks that HBCUs were created by choice and totally not because of segregation?

  • Clyde Barrow

    Grant applications were rejected because “afoul of rules on mandatory double-spacing rules, use of the wrong font, or other minor technical glitches.”

    Why do I suspect that’s a polite euphemism for “We don’t like your kind, and having you educated makes you all the more scary & dangerous.”

  • schmannity

    Clean water regulations? ROLLBACK! Bank Regulations? ROLLBACK! Anything smacking of human decency from the Obama administration? ROLLBACK! Conflict of interest/nepotism? ROLLBACK! Typespacing? Rule of law, motherfuckers.

  • Swampay

    So our tax muneez are funding a format checker or three? Good to know. Better we have the formats robustly and accurately checked then, you know, do the actual work of the program.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Upward mobility is a threat to the wealthy but stupid.”
    — Betsy DeVos

    • Opalescent Riddles

      Upward mobility is uppity.

  • orygoon

    I hate today so much…and out west here there’s so much of it left to face.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Secretary DeVos is aware of the issue, and that a bipartisan coalition in Congress is now organizing to demand a fix, but she has yet to reply to their inquiries, according to aides to U.S. Rep. Warren Davidson, Republican of Ohio. The congressman, whose district includes Wittenberg, has also written to Secretary DeVos that it would be “incredibly unfortunate” for the students to lose out on the program because of minor line-spacing issues.

    You know the Education Secretary sucks when the asshole who doesn’t think people who serve his food deserve health care is criticizing her. JFC…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Executive orders with spelling mistakes and muddled semantics remain okey-dokey, however.

    • schmannity

      Unpossible with great words.

    • Khavrinen

      I never realized the “IOKIYAR” even extended to spelling and formatting errors…

      • willi0000000

        it’s like Hydrogen and stupidity.

  • memzilla Ω

    Actually, these applications were rejected because the ink was black.

    I certainly hope that Disqus properly kerns the letters in FEELING STABBY NOW.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      White ink matters!

      • willi0000000

        you need it to fill-in the centers of the ‘O’s.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Next time, pink ink that smells like strawberries.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Sounds like this grant process is being run like a 1950s voter literacy test.

  • schmannity

    Extreme vetting of typefaces. Can’t be too careful with Radical Pica Terrorism.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      If Times Roman was good enough for Roman Times, it’s good enough for today.

      • PubOption

        Would they hound someone for using Baskerville?

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Comic Sans is not comic.

          • Resistance Fighter Callyson

            Arial don’t think this is amusing.

          • Painter of Goats

            If you want to courier favor with them it’s best to stick to the rules.

          • foreign agitator Captain Kraut

            Wingdings for wingnuts!

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Courier New is not New.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          There’s nothing funny about Comic Sans.

    • NellCote71

      This DeVoss woman sounds like a bembo. I don’t know what univers she’s from, but I would like to zapf her to helvetica. With votes.

  • Painter of Goats

    Sounds like the Department of Education is now being run by double space cases.

    • Nounverb911
      • Latverian Diplomat

        Parking an en car in an em space.

        • NellCote71

          V. good!

      • aureolaborealis

        I used to have a complete bomb. It was rusty. It leaked oil. The interior had been customized by my dog. Whenever I saw someone parked like this, I would park as close to them as possible, often crooked, too. I don’t know why. It just made me feel better about life. My last triumph involved a candy-apple red 930 quadruple parked at … wait for it … Walmart.

  • msanthropesmr

    Uh, this happens ALL the time in the 10 years I have been applying for grants. I have had a grant rejection for an ampersand in the title of a document. This is not news to me. That ampersand thing happened in 2010, so this is not new.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Fair enough if that rejection came from a foundation that follows the rules to the letter. Coming from Donald’s regime…not so much IMO.

      • msanthropesmr

        FDA under Obama. This happens in my experience with the feds a lot.

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          Oh. Sorry to hear that. Hope you got funding elsewhere!

          • msanthropesmr

            I do not think this is a Trump thing. It has always been this way for certain grants and agencies. Don’t even get me started on NSF and their Byzantine computer system and their peer review but not really.

          • I live in a faraway land called Academia, and in my part of it there is an entire DEPARTMENT dedicated to proof-reading grant proposals to make sure they conform to the requirements. The cost of this is even accounted for in many grant applications.

          • msanthropesmr

            As a friend from Stanford told me, my liberal arts University is not a research institution. We do not have said department in that for.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Were you allowed to resubmit?

      Sounds like these applications are done for?

      • msanthropesmr

        Nope – we were not allowed to resubmit. For all the horrible things that Trump does, I’ve see this one before and this doesn’t seem to be out of the norm. It’s just getting press now. This shits been fucked up since I have been applying for grants.

        • Thiazin Red

          Yeah, I can’t blame his administration for this. If they messed up their applications, it would have been rejected by a Clinton DOE too.

          • msanthropesmr

            Many of these rejections were likely automated.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Yup. Any excuse to kick them out of the system so the review committees won’t have 1000 grants to sort through.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Agreed. And federal grants are The Worst. I’ve had plenty of 3am sessions rewriting and reformatting grants to make absolutely sure they were done to exacting specifications. And this was before the actual review and scoring.

    • Shibusa

      I thought that too–I’ve applied for grants that got rejected for trivial errors (but the grant-giving organizations were also very good about helping us to correct our mistakes).

      • msanthropesmr

        Depends on the agency. I have also reviewed grants for an agency, I will tell you that when people try to subvert the rules, reading the Grant application becomes a giant pain in the ass.

        Some of these rejections, I guarantee, were automated.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    I’ll be honest, I’ve rejected grants for formatting, but they were always given the change to correct the errors right away. — Rant: 4pt font is never acceptable. Use fewer words.

    • Rags

      Yeah – the Feds are pretty persnickety in general. NSF will also throw it back in your face with no chance for revision if you abuse their formatting rules.

  • theblackdog

    Gee, it’s almost like they were trying to find any excuse to deny the money

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m kind of pretentious, so I don’t acknowledge any documents unless they are triple-spaced and use bold comic sans font.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You monster.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        There’s a special place in Hell. Next to the mimes and clowns.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          You need a special kind of mind to rule a city like Ankh-Morpork, and Lord Vetinari had it. But then, he was a special kind of person.

          It was said that he would tolerate absolutely anything apart from anything that threatened the city [footnote: And mime artists. It was a strange aversion, but there you are. Anyone in baggy trousers and a white face who tried to ply their art anywhere within Ankh’s crumbling walls would very quickly findthemselves in a scorpion pit, on one wall of which was painted the advice: Learn The Words.]

    • Ezio

      When I was in middle school I used comic sans for my papers all the time because I thought it looked cool.

      • NastyBossetti

        In my early 20s I lived with several graphic designers, and I used comic sans for everything because I knew they hated it.

        • Vincent Ricola

          I’m way past my early 20s and I still do this to drive my graphic designer friends nuts.

          • Wild Cat

            Graphic designers can read? Every one I’ve met just see words as blocks of images.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

          • Contemplative Ron

            Sez you.

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. (!)

          • Opalescent Riddles

            [those who work with graphic designers will recognize this as the default text they put in the layout before you supply them with the real copy; i.e., the words are just to fill the blocks of images]

          • Grokenstein

            YOU ARE WHAT’S WRONG WITH AMERICA

  • Randy Riddle

    Is Betsy DeVoss pro double-space after period or single-space after a period?

    Does she know what sentences are?

    • Nounverb911

      1 to 3 years for whites?
      5 to 10 years for non-whites?

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Painter of Goats

      All the extra time and bunches of us still don’t seem to have evolved much.

    • Contemplative Ron

      Fascinating stuff. It’ll be interesting to see where the research goes.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Also in the area marked “DO NOT WRITE IN THIS SPACE”, they put “OK”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      All the blank pages have “This page intentionally left blank” written on them!

  • Grokenstein

    Future requirements will include counting the number of bubbles in a bar of soap.

    “I just didn’t feel like voting for the lesser of two evils.” — self-absorbed moron

    • Nounverb911
      • MynameisBlarney

        I’d forgotten about this movie.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Crack tube atom, Bruce!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Hey somebody’s gotta get to the bottom of that floating Ivory Soap thing. How do they do it?

  • William
    • Grokenstein

      Those who can, do. Those who can’t get a job working for Donald.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Those who can’t teach, teach edumacation*. Those who can’t even do that donates shit tonnes to fascists and wait for their turn at the trough.

        *Not the opinion of this non-commenter, but stick with me for a minute, folks.

        • Judithrmoore

          My last paycheck was $22500 for working 12 hours a week online.Start earning $97/hour by working online from your home for few hours each day with GOOGLE… Get regular payments on weekly basis… All you need is a computer, internet connection and a litte free time… Read more here
          !sd318c:
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          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs608MediaStudioGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!sd318c:….,….

    • mailman27

      Say it ain’t so. Are you serious??

      • wavicles

        isn’t so- being serious
        (/s)

      • William

        Absolutely.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “It’s more about format than it is about content,”

    Ladies and germs, I think we have an early favorite in the running for Trump 2020 campaign slogan!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      All grant proposals should be submitted in orange, overstuffed binders with troll hair glued on.

      • jesterpunk
        • Latverian Diplomat

          “Overstuffed with emptiness” seems a suitable description of all things Trump.

          • jesterpunk

            It also sounds like a good band name for a political rock group.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Binders must have internal pockets, so that you can stuff an appropriate honorary, in unmarked bills, inside, to enhance the committee’s consideration of your proposal.

  • Crystalclear12

    Yep, yep, I was warned on this very website. I am completely out of “can’t even”s.
    Now what?

    • BMW

      Can’t even? How odd.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    At least this can’t be laid directly at Trump’s door, since it’s clear he has no fucking idea how to write a complete sentence, let alone detect formatting errors.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Or (unintelligible) in English.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    How bad is it, HuffPo link?

    Donald Trump’s Presidential Inaugural Committee acknowledged late Monday that a final report it filed with the Federal Election Commission this month was riddled with errors, many of which were first identified through a crowdsourced data project at HuffPost…

    The scores of mistakes contained in the more than 500-page FEC filing can largely be traced to a fundraising and ticketing system the Republican Party introduced this year, which provided special online access codes to Trump supporters.

    The access codes, mailed out in early January, entitled recipients to buy tickets, at $50 each, to the larger of Trump’s two inaugural balls. Within days, a secondary market for the access codes had sprung up, with some people asking their friends for codes, and others buying them on Ebay.

    No two access codes were the same, and each code was good for a specific number of tickets, like rides at a carnival. Some codes were good for only two passes, while others were good for 100. But each code was tied to a specific address, meaning that if it was passed to someone else, that person’s name would be on the disclosure alongside the original code recipient’s address.

    A Trump supporter who spoke to HuffPost Monday described how she used four different access codes ― each belonging to a different friend ― to purchase $400 worth of ball tickets.

    “People who donated to Trump got these written fancy invitations, inviting them to the inauguration, with a cover letter that said, ‘Here’s an access code,’ and you had to enter a PIN,” she said.

    “We needed an access code so we could get a ticket to the inauguration and the ball. We used that access code, but it wasn’t a donation. It was a ticket price,” said the woman, who requested anonymity because her job prohibits her from making political contributions.

    “The inauguration website did not request my street address when I purchased the tickets, even though I paid for the tickets using my credit card,” she continued. “I also listed the individual name of each ticket holder and their email address for delivery of their ball tickets.”

    According to available records, none of those names was submitted to the FEC as a Trump inauguration donor. Instead, the final report submitted by the 58th Presidential Inaugural Committee this month said the original donor made eight donations of $50 each, using four different addresses.

    That such errors made their way into the official inauguration committee filing suggests that the committee failed to perform even basic checks to ensure that its record-keeping was accurate, a requirement under FEC guidelines.

    “Even in light of the diminished reporting required by inaugural committees as opposed to campaigns, it doesn’t seem that they’ve done the basic reporting required by the FEC,” said Fischer. “These are not new rules, and this looks like negligence.”

    tl;dr: maybe the kids who don’t get Upward Bound can go work for the FEC!

    /FFS

  • Msgr_MΩment

    🎵 🎶 I shot the serif,
    But I did not spellcheck W.E.B.

  • Isaac Heston

    Alright, that’s it, motherfuckers. Republicans hate America and want to destroy it. I don’t even think Al Qaeda was this committed to ruining this place.

    • Ezio

      Right wingers: George Soros and the liberals are out to destroy America!

      Also right wingers: Let’s gut any semblance to universal healthcare, make boom booms in other countries to provoke wars and make sure the poor don’t get bread.

      • Wild Cat

        Squirrels: Yuppies are out in my shrubbery selling twee consumer goods. They are out to destroy my America!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Calm down. We just want to hate and destroy the swarthy parts. And the liberal parts. And the parts with vaginas. And…”
      — America’s Right Wingers.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Yup. We should just leave.

  • William
  • Wild Cat

    Is that a photo of DeVos or Geoffrey the Girafe?

  • elviouslyqueer

    Henceforth, all DOE grants will be required to use Comic Sans 24 point, with line height set at 2.5 and 1.15 line spacing, and everything right aligned. Except for the appendices, which should be centered with 3 inch top and bottom margins.

    • jesterpunk

      Comic Sans… you monster.

    • Fartknocker

      Funding Bonus point Round 1: Conjugate a sentence with a word containing an umlaut.
      Funding Bonus point Round 2: How many decimals are in the Dewey Decimal system?

      Undersecretary of Peons Who Need No Book Learnin
      Kay Bailey Hutchinson Cadillac Bourgham (R)

      • Opalescent Riddles

        Henry Peter Brougham libulz.

  • jesterpunk
  • Clyde Barrow

    What difference does it make? The Russians have different parameters for their documents anyhow. The poor kids don’t need school, just a handy miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible, and perhaps a Dollars-Rubles calculator.

    Long live the Republic of Trumpistan, capital district of the United States of Russia, and the capital city of Putingrad.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Why should I annex when I get the grift for free?
      — Vladimir Putin

    • C4TWOMAN

      Damn kids need to start learning Cyrillic.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • aureolaborealis

    Yes, this is the same Education Department that was was mocked on social media in February for sending out a tweet misspelling the name of educator and NAACP founder W.E.B. Du Bois (they spelled it “DeBois”)

    Shit. I bet they even pronounce it Doo Bwah.

  • Yr. Gma

    When I was in graduate school (back in the day of the printed document) the graduate coordinator on campus was famous for his little ruler he carried around to check the margins on theses and dissertations. An inaccurate margin could cost you. People used to have standards.

    • major_asshole

      Had a professor in grad school who claimed he used to measure page margins for undergrads, who always had a minimum page limit. Grad students, meanwhile, had the following page limit:

      “If you make a convincing argument with proper citations, I don’t care if it’s one page or one hundred.”

  • Sophia

    You fail, it’s the Department of Educatuon. That’s probably why they’re not getting the grants. They sent it to the wrong Department.

  • Shibusa

    http://www.pbh2.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/trump-draws-the-alphabet.gif
    Trump’s successful application for an Upward Bound grant.

    • Clyde Barrow

      I thought that was from his signing of his Executive order to ban all kids under 12 years old working at his overseas sweatshops from receiving more than 20 cents an hour and bathroom breaks, those ungrateful little brats!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        How’s Vank-Vank supposed to make a buck?

        • Clyde Barrow

          There’s always Amway, or a coveted Wal-Mart greeter position.

    • Dutchman

      The M and N are out of order. Is that a submliminable message?

      • Opalescent Riddles

        They look fime to ne.

  • Thiazin Red

    Trump and DeVos are shitty, but this has always been a thing with grants, especially government grants. If they weren’t properly formatted, they would have been rejected under Obama, or Clinton if she had won.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      OTOH, I once reviewed a Fulbright proposal that had made it past the preliminary round, in which the applicant misspelled the country name. Repeatedly. Starting with the project title.

      • Shanzgood

        Oh, Jeez.

    • Alan

      That’s not true. I’ve seen lots of crap formatting. If it’s reasonably close to the eye it’s okay because nobody gets out a ruler to check unless it’s obviously difficult to read.

  • Relativicus

    I’m usually with you on this stuff, Dok, but there’s a border wall and a yuge corporate tax cut to pay for, and it’s not like El Chapo is still making bank, so you gotta save where you can.

    On the plus side, no donor records means no donor favors. Right?

  • C4TWOMAN

    sending out a tweet misspelling….
    and then misspelling “apologies”

    They haven’t figured out how to activate the browser spell-check function? It’s not a substitute for copy editing and you’ll still have grammar mistakes(your/you’re), but the technology exists that pretty much eliminates spelling errors.

    I’m a terrible speller if I’m typing fast. If I was representing the Dept of bloody Education you can bet I’d be extra extra careful.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Well now it’s clear why Trump has failed to fill 400-some positions that require Senate approval. He had to fill more vital positions first. “Help wanted: Assholes with rulers who really hate the poors. Apply in person at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.”

    • Clyde Barrow

      “Golf caddy experience preferred.”

  • Shanzgood

    OT: Ok let’s try sending BAD vibes at baconz this time for the interview he’s at today. Maybe those will work instead.

    • I am awesome at bad vibes!

      • Shanzgood

        I know! Workers are the best!

    • hendenburg2

      I take it good ones didn’t work?

      • Shanzgood

        Not so far, sadly.

      • Shanzgood

        OMG I AM CACKLING AND MY FACE IS BURNING

    • HazooToo

      I am feeling the blood boiling. Does sending bad vibes to the Judge and the assholes running the place help?

      • Shanzgood

        I’m not quite sure how it works yet. Yesterday’s judge wasn’t actively evil, just incredibly stupid or lazy in allowing the ex to be the one to decide whether baconz could go home or not.

        But, yes. You can send all the Goodwill staff rampant STI-catching vibes. I believe karma itself will be enough to take care of the ex, though. I don’t see how she can escape THAT one.

        • HazooToo

          Why the fuck was she even there? What could it possibly have to do with her that the halfway house is fucking over her ex?

          • Shanzgood

            His original court order was “6mos or until you get a wage-attachable job” for the contempt of court thing. Since it’s actually impossible to get a job while you’re in County, they bumped him up the line to get into the halfway house…where it’s apparently only slightly less impossible

            He had a previously set hearing to review his case on 4/25. He and his attorney were sure that his having just been refused permission by Goodwill to take the job he’d been offered would be enough to show he would be better able to comply with the order by beikg sent home.

            It didn’t matter that Goodwill, according to the judge, had “no standing” to interpret the court order that way. She revised it to clarify that commission based jobs were acceptable and sent him back because that’s what his X wanted. The judge actually ASKED her what she wanted her to do. Because the whole thing is insane.

            His X didn’t want money (she refused the judge’s offer to have an immediate payment ordered). She wanted him sent back to “teach him a lesson in responsibility” somehow. Because being basically locked up and unable to see your kids or effectively look for a job by which to support them is how people learn to be responsible.

          • Sister the Resister

            thanks for the splainer, Shanz

          • HazooToo

            Wow. Who is this Judge?

          • Shanzgood

            Standard family court, I guess. Not the same as the first one but according to baconzgood’s attorney a real hardass.

          • HazooToo

            And apparently doesn’t actually know how to do her job. Amazing.

          • Shanzgood

            Maybe that IS her job. It’s family court and normal rules don’t seem to apply.

          • HazooToo

            But like you said: Proof he was being kept from working. That alone should have been enough. But then to ask his ex-wife, who apparently still hates him, what she should do, and then not even try to ‘cut the child in half’? It’s batcrap crazy. If that’s what family court is, then we need a major fucking overhaul of family courts across the nation.

          • Shanzgood

            You’re not wrong about the family court system. It’s one of the reasons the MRAssholes are as rabid as they are. I used to think they were all full of self-pitying hyperbole or outright lies but now I actually feel a bit sorry for them for getting that badly screwed over, dawg help me. Baconz isn’t the only one in the halfway house now for exactly the same thing that landed him there. It really IS batcrap crazy.

          • HazooToo

            What even was it that got him in this situation? I missed ALL of this. I know you guys wouldn’t be on his side if he did something unforgivable.

          • Shanzgood

            He missed an appointment with some sort of agency set by the family court. That’s it. Bench warrant issued for contempt of court. When he showed up for a regular court date, they arrested him and tossed him in actual real jail. He was in holding for the first 3 days, sleeping on the filthy concrete floor with bleeding gang-bangers and crap-smeared homeless guys. They got gray bologna sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. No showers, no toothbrush, no access to the meds he needed.

            He said the eclairs were good, though. Very fluffy.

          • HazooToo

            Jesus fucking christ!! What the fucking hell is wrong with these people?!

          • Shanzgood

            I’d say “It’s Pennsylvania” but that’s where baconz is from, so…

          • HazooToo

            Me too. This isn’t a punishment that is proportionate to missing a fucking appointment, and continuing to fuck him over with this halfway house nonsense is just compounding the injustice, and I want to do something. Is there ANYthing I can do?

          • Shanzgood

            I want to do something as well but so far I haven’t been able to figure anything out. The only clear way out for him now is to get a job and he’s doing everything he possibly can. He had a good interview yesterday and is going to a temp agency tomorrow. He’d planned on going today but he turned on his pass request 45 minutes too late. Assholes.

            He’s also ignoring Goodwill’s previous proscription against going for temp work, because, like their dumbfuck rule against commission based jobs, they have “no standing” to interpret the court order that way. The only thing the job needs to be is “wage attachable” so…fuck them. The judge said so.

          • HazooToo

            I sure as fuck hope the Judge remembers what they said, when Goodwill refuses to let him take the job and he takes them back to court again. And that next time, his asshole ex isn’t fucking invited.

    • LucindathePook

      GRRR. I hate you, Baconz.

      • Shanzgood

        Good job!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    You forgot the typo by the guy who hit the “N” key instead of the “Y, I receive money from Russian oligarchs, funneled through Turkish cut-outs who are also paying me to — among other things — lobby the US government” key.

  • Royal Ugly Dude
    • elviouslyqueer

      The question must be asked: is our Secretary Educatuoning?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I think it’s sweet how the kids are helping her with the big words.

      • Bitter Scribe

        I think it’s sweet how the kids are all white.

        Seriously. Whenever a Republican politician does a photo-op where he or she reads to a bunch of little black or Hispanic kids, you can bet your ass that huge cuts to minority education programs are going to be announced in the next few days.

        • thixotropic jerk

          Not quite all gaze closer…

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      They sure know hoe put they’re best feet forewarned

    • thixotropic jerk

      “Hey kids! Which one of you would like to have their future completely fucked over????”

  • Rick Hill

    But…those letters were perfect! I mean there’s even a red line under the words they want to highlight. Green underscore for those points that are extra important. Why can’t you people just get a life?

  • Sister the Resister

    “The Unrepentant Spacing Anarchist” is my new sci-fi mystery series, coming to a librul weekly tabloid near you

  • Jan_in_the_pan

    I worked as a graduate assistant for Upword Bound while I was getting my Master’s of Ed at Ohio University. The re-application process for that grant takes YEARS. I-I can’t….

    • JohnQFugly

      They know this, making them obscene jackholes.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    This story makes me want to get out the Supervolcano Vape and get double spaced.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I’m on a 1 hour countdown ’til I’m done with work.

  • Professor Fate

    Man there is chicken shit and there is this. Petty and evil.

  • Koch Blockula

    It would have been OK if they used a Cyrillic font.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Slavonic Sans.

  • Marsupial99

    Holy hell… this reminds me of my first adult-job boss. When presented with a report, he would frequently take a ruler out of his desk and measure the margins and spacing to be sure everything lined up! This was commercial property accounting — not something that requires precision margins. (He mellowed out a bit and became my mentor eventually, so he wasn’t actually a bad guy.)

    • Courser_Resistance

      I had to put together financial statements for a CPA firm. Using the old WordStar word processing program. I’d like those years of my life back.

      • Marsupial99

        Same! This was back in the days of Lotus 1-2-3 and Word (DOS versions), before we were “upgraded” to QuattroPro & AmiPro!

        • Courser_Resistance

          God, I loved QuatroPro! It’s what I used when I started my own accounting biz. I used Peachtree accounting software – back when it was DOS-based and a total PITA to use.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Aren’t these fuckers always screaming about “Bureaucracy!!!” and oh noes!! RED TAPE!!! when not in power?

  • Koch Blockula

    Didn’t you know that using one and a half line spaces instead of double spaces makes the page 33% heavier with all those letters?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    fwiw, I have been a teacher in this program (different state) in the past. Upward Bound makes a difference in these teens’ lives. Those of us who have worked in it are paid a pittance but we know how important it is.

  • Bitter Scribe

    What a bunch of chickenshit assholes.

  • Alan

    This would be funny if the program wasn’t so successful. Oh wait, black kids.

  • calliecallie

    OT, but I can’t help myself. The quite brilliant Republican Libertarian guy I work with sent me this in response to our thinking about Trump’s team talking about withdrawing from NAFTA, and I had to share:

    “At least I’m starting to hear commentators talk about “the Wal-Mart customer” who voted for Trump. Three years might be enough time for them to realize who’s getting screwed by tariffs.”
    In general, I love this guy’s snark. But in general we don’t agree about politics, so this is refreshing.

  • Indivisible Snark Tank
  • UnsaltedSinner
  • Contemplative Ron

    Heavens forfend that the DoE actually, y’know, let anyone get educated. These shits really get off on being petty bullies, don’t they?

    • VirginiaLady

      Kill their spirits while they are still young.

  • Nockular cavity

    They want proper spacing? Because I can think of a few people at the Education Department that could use a proper spacing.

    OK, fine. With low-Earth-orbit votes, then.

    • DarkEnigma

      Nah, we should put them on the Mars mission. And forget the oxygen tanks

  • Courser_Resistance

    There are not enough swear words for this fuckery. And yes, it’s fucking racist as shit. Saw that bullshit myself when I was in college. It happened to me a couple of times but students of color could Never. Fucking. Win. I grew up Northerner so I don’t know *exactly* what all bullshit Jim Crow laws were about, but I’ll say this is exactly like Jim Crow. ‘Oh, minority students? Yeah, that ain’t happenin’.’

  • Panika MCD

    a) Upward Bound is like Outward Bound for people who live in rural areas–so they’re not just shitting on poor people, they’re shitting on the rural poor (i.e. the kids of the people who actually voted for them!). and, at least at University of Alaska – Fairbanks, the kids who are in the program are there with their teachers providing some supervision so that while the kids are in their computer classes or whatever, the teachers are getting CE from the same college! so they’re also shitting on the people who are teaching the GOP’s kids and making them stay mediocre. bless Betsy’s itty-bitty heart! at least she’s not killing kittens–yet.

    b) Linda Byrd-Johnson sounds like someone who’s trying to impersonate Lynda Bird Johnson Robb. bless her heart also too!

    c) on the Inauguration Committee thing:

    dear Tsarina Tic Tacs and Co.,

    please
    http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/581/641/add.gif
    of votes.

    BLESS YOUR HEARTS!

  • Me not sure

    I’m surprised they didn’t ask for no more than one page with eight bullet points.

    • TundraGrifter

      Using at lease six different fonts.

    • benyth

      Eight bullet points? Well, aren’t we Mr. I Have Bullets to Spare.

      You know, that doesn’t sound quite right for some reason…

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I tell my clients to be absolutely assiduous about rules when applying for grants, because a lot of program officers are just looking for arbitrary reasons to send your proposal into the trash heap, just to reduce the onslaught. Of course, these are private foundations. For govt to do this and not give the applicants the opportunity to correct the issues is NOT how government is supposed to work.

    On the other hand, remembering some of the “govt workers suck” stories from the Obama years, I would really like to see more information about this before condemning all players out of hand.

    • anon_the_great

      Correct what ‘issues’? Were the applications illegible, incoherent; you know, like a Gropenfuhrer interview? If not, I don’t see any ‘issues’ beyond the fucking racism and classism of a lunatic Christian richer than God.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Yes, the wrong kind of double spacing is an egregiously stupid reason to reject a grant application. However, the NEA, for instance, would reject grant applications for using margins that were too small, and yes they used a literal ruler. It’s seems stupid, but these requirements are very clearly stated, and if these were in fact applicants who have done this before then they should know better, and in fact are EQUALLY liable for screwing these kids over.

        And the reason they have these seemingly ridiculous spacing rules is that people try to sneak in extra verbiage in the idiot belief that more words help their chances, instead of just adding to the time that overworked government employees have to spend doing their jobs.

    • VirginiaLady

      They may be trying extra hard to look professional after that incident where education was misspelled. Let’s rename ole Beasty’s department The Department of Efucation.

    • I have ten bucks that says there were no spacing rules on these particular applications before they needed to come up with rejection reasons.
      Not even lying.

  • mancityRed6

    so, double spaced, comic sans font, and what else?

    • therblig

      poop emojis

  • therblig

    if you do not kern, they will not learn

    • Peripatetic Poltroon

      Fonting is daunting.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        When you single space it(ler)
        It’s worse than Hitler

        • thixotropic jerk

          Godwin’s Law
          Written Raw

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    You could count the number of minority or poor students Betsy has ever shared a classroom with on the fingers of Captain Hooks bad hand.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Math! You did a math! I was tolde this ws to b an artikl on edumacasuon not the maths!

  • Old-So-and-So

    I am confused. Instead of funds for these programs that will help them get into college, why don’t they have their pop-pops donate a building to the school of their choice? Duh!

  • SCK

    I like rules. I don’t like stingy, malicious, fucking assholes who use those rules for their personal enrichment and ideological masturbation. Assholes.

  • Raan
  • wavicles

    Didn’t I just look at a clusterfuck of headers, font and spacing in the tax cut memo handed out to the press pool?

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Wait. I thought trumpanzees hated oppressive rules.

    • Bad Scooter

      wonder if the coal companies had to keep writing requests to dump their waste in the rivers until their grammar, punctuation, and spelling was perfect?

    • DarkEnigma

      Only the rules that apply to them. Like the Constitution.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I bet Bird-Johnson used two spaces after each period too.

    • benyth

      Heathens! As we all know, the 10 Commandments were properly double-spaced as God intended! If Moses can double-space, so can you. And don’t get me started on using two spaces after a period! What are we China?

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        No, Russia.

  • VirginiaLady

    They. Used. The. Wrong. Spacing. Oh good, for a minute there I thought it had been done in comic sans or something really unholy. I need to start heeding trigger warnings………grrrrrr

  • azeyote

    some people have too much space between brain cells

  • not_vh

    in her defense, since she prolly can’t read the text, she relies on the shapes of glyphs.

    i was like that during the first half of 1st grade, when my mom put me into first grade without me knowing the alphabets. i just copied the glyphs to look smart. worked till lunch on first day.

    my gramma was also like that. she was an ardent critic of my handwriting even before my sister and i taught her reading.

    good news is that it’s curable. my gramma learnt reading at 60+. i bet betsy can do too.

  • not_vh

    too much pain to do space based snark in html. screw it. just register protest and move on.

  • sadboy

    Wonder if the feds will be as stingy with all of the bullshit bid proposals for the Great Wall. Having spent years reviewing contractor bid documents, I can pretty much guarantee that they will not conform to those guidelines. Or any other guidelines, for that matter.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    What would be worse is the wrong spacing in emails.

  • brittany
  • Iam Reading

    Time for some wholesale redrum, because M-O-O-N. Spells, fuck these guys.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Someone call Harry Buttle to come in to solve their typesetting problems.

  • Scooby

    Youse been dynied you grant fer baad spooling.
    Betzy Divorce

    • Moar Wordz

      Bwaaaaaaaaaa- haaaaaaaaa-haaaaaaa !!!!!! Hi-5

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    This from the lackey of a man who can’t put a sentence together correctly? Awesome in it’s irony, stunning in its audacity, yet perfectly in tune with the impudence of the man in charge.

    • Bad Scooter

      thank you for putting that in the eloquent words I was thinking. I was too worked up to write much besides various forms of the f-word.

      • eka

        I think we need a new guide for how to respond to the current administration (notice that I avoid saying the title and the name together, that’s deliberate)

        So, various forms of the f word and other expletives. Example: when the head of the administrative branch of government says something hateful, the appropriate response is: “fuck that fucking fucker” or something along those lines. Who would like to write this new very necessary manual?

      • Opalescent Riddles

        I would have been fine with the various forms of the f-word, also, too.

  • Bad Scooter

    Are you. fucking. kidding me. for fucks sake. fuck. I hate these fucking fuckers.

    • don’t you feel like you get up every morning and spend all day saying exactly that?

      • eka

        The thing that’s shocking is how unashamed they are about being evil. Previous republican administrations were all about screwing the poor, but they tried to pretend to care.

    • Chris

      You forgot “fuck them and the horse they rode in on”. Sorry horse, you hang with the awfuls you get it too.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Paying someone to look for spacing errors on grant applications is definitely the “smaller government” we’ve all been looking for.

  • I do not much care for the new cruelty.

  • Zyxomma

    I spent 39.6 hours of the last week proofreading financial documents on the graveyard shift. Most were part of a huge project that had to be submitted to the SEC Monday. I got called in last Monday and worked 6:30 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. Tuesday, then back Tuesday night at 7 (I couldn’t see anymore, so I quit at midnight). Got the call Wednesday to ask if I could come in at midnight Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. Mind-numbingly boring stuff, some of which had to be slugged (check beginning and end of paragraphs to make sure everything was there) apart from tables, which had to be checked number for number. Others had to be read word for word.

    The type was tiny; the printouts weren’t high quality, but I’m a pro, even as a temp. That’s not what got to me. What DID get to me was seeing, again and again, that the “worst quarter” was the one ending 12/31/08, when the friends of these fucking fuckers brought down the economy and stole 20% of our country’s wealth, and the “best quarter” ending 6/30/09 after we bailed the sons of bitches out. Fucking fuckers.

    Many decades ago, I worked at a non-profit and typed up a zillion grant applications. No one ever rejected us based on fonts or spacing.

  • Nephilim

    If you’re not part of the 1%, I have the solution for everyone else. Meet my wonderful team.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1344a41c6325c56c24c7c5dfba3769f941f817dbc71d0b0f888412b538516b3a.jpg

  • akryan

    I worked at an Upward Bound camp. It was awesome. It was set up for kids from rural Alaska. Many of those places are extremely remote (only accessible by plane) and most have populations lower than 500. Fairbanks, AK (pop. 30,000 in the city proper) might as well have been NYC for those kids. It was the big city. The kids went to classes during the day, then we did all sorts of fun things when they got back. Puppy love romance bloomed. Friendships were made. Everything about the camp was great for the kids. It is shameful that great programs like Upward Bound would be screwed over.

  • Odd Jørgensen

    Space Nazis? What`s next?

  • kaydenpat

    This is a real shame. This is why we can’t have nice things like educational opportunities for the working class. I hope Devos is being called out for this by Democratic legislators.

    • eka

      They’re too busy normalizing to deal with this right now.

  • Dutchman

    What do these grant writing savages think they can do, just ignore those sweet, sweet rules? That AP Style Guide is not meant to be a paper weight, ya’know.

  • mardam422

    Maybe they should have sent in the applications in Cyrillic?

    • SeeTrain65

      What do you expect from an administration of Zapf Dingbats?

      (Never get tired of that joke.)

      • mardam422

        Me likey.

  • mardam422

    Under Obama these illegal, not properly documented applications would have just been allowed to cross the border into review, taking grants and jobs and raping and killing regular American applications. No more!!!1 I say more walls like this. Metaphorical walls, analogous walls, symbolic walls, allegorical walls, walls of spacing and correct fonts. It’s the only way to protect regular law and space abiding applications from this scourge.

    • SeeTrain65

      “Next thing you know, they’ll want rights.”

  • SeeTrain65

    O.K., I’ll admit it … I didn’t expect a deep cut Holy Grail reference like “Ralph the Wonder Llama,” but I’ll certainly take it.

  • eka

    I’d like to compare these rejected grant applications to some of the approved religious ones and see exactly how many more errors they had.

    • Chris

      Now that is what the FOIA is for.

  • davej1s

    Ms. DeVos is another person who needs a little spit in her food, IMHO. Every time she eats at a school cafeteria she should wonder about that.

    Not a fan of Ms. Devos or her “agenda” for education. Ignore Donnie’s tweets, y’all and look closely at what is being done behind the scenes.

  • Trent880

    Dumbass rules that block things we like? Job killer!! Dumbass rules that block things we don’t like? There are rules gahdambit and Jesus Jugs Devos is gonna enforce them; if you don’t like em you can get out!

  • Lizernst

    Oh, deboyz!

  • Don Gwinn

    Imagine being so furious that poor kids are getting help with college that you delegated the job of finding violations of spacing rules to people whose job titles would suggest that they should be regulating higher education and trying to improve it.

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