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GO TO JAIL

We reported this morning that former national security adviser/literal actual foreign agent Michael Flynn was engulfed in smoke again because it turns out his weird work for the Turkish government also seems to be connected to Russia. Of course he was also taking money from various Russian entities for other work at the time, which was during the 2016 campaign. Meanwhile, Donald Trump allegedly had NO idea his buddy Flynn was a literal actual foreign agent.

Back in March, Democratic Rep. Elijah Cummings, ranking member on the House Oversight Committee, sent a letter to the Trump administration, demanding to know whether Flynn disclosed all his Russo-Turkish Dolla Dolla Bills Y’all, when he was applying for his security clearance. In early April, GOP Rep. Jason Chaffetz, chairman of the House Oversight Committee, in a rare episode of actually doing his job, said Flynn might have to remit “tens of thousands” of dollars to the U.S., in order that he may be in compliance with the law, since former military officers are not really allowed to be on the take from foreign governments. It’s just, you know, frowned upon.

WELL! Chaffetz and Cummings had a briefing Tuesday morning on Flynn’s possibly criminal feats of derrings-do with the Russians and the Turks, and when they came out of that briefing, they pretty much confirmed that Flynn broke the law:

“Personally I see no evidence or no data to support the notion that General Flynn complied with the law,” Chaffetz told reporters following the briefing.

“He was supposed to get permission, he was supposed to report it, and he didn’t,” Cummings said.

Look, here is a video from their presser, so you can see what it looks like when Jason Chaffetz sort of pretends to do his job. You can also see what it sounds like when Chaffetz refers to the “Department of Army,” like a common Buster Bluth:

And here is Chaffetz, in response to a question about whether Flynn broke the law, saying, “It doesn’t appear he COMPLIED with the law.” OKAY, JASON, whichever verb you’d like to use!

For his part, Cummings, who ALWAYS does his job, said the classified documents he saw on Flynn were “extremely troubling”:

Cummings also noted that if Flynn actively lied on his disclosure forms, he is in deep shit, because (he was reading from the statute in question), “knowingly falsifying or concealing a material fact is a felony which may result in fines and up to five years in imprisonment.” In other words, GO TO JAIL.

The House Oversight Committee had also requested documents from the White House on Flynn’s disclosures and his foreign contacts. In response, the White House sent a letter last week telling both Chaffetz and Cummings to fuck right off.

So! What does this all mean? Well, first of all, it’s weird that Jason Chaffetz seems to be lifting a single hairy finger to do some work, in advance of his upcoming resignation/prison sentence/Fox News gig.

It also seems like there’s a laser focus on Michael Flynn this week. Stories are leaking, classified briefings are happening … is an indictment coming soon? Will Flynn be the first to fall? (Say it’s so, Jim Comey, SAY IT!)

We’re not sure, but here’s another interesting thing. On the same week this is all happening, Donald Trump’s state-run newspaper tabloid of choice, run by his BFF Michael Pecker, has decided to give Trump a new narrative in the story of his Russian scandal:

Trump is innocent! He had NO IDEA all these crimers were scheming in his midst! He was clueless that his Studio 54 friends Paul Manafort and Roger Stone were knee deep in Russia shit, and that this new random boy he’s never met, Carter Page, was being “wire tapped” by the FBI for his contacts with Russia. And Michael Flynn? Who is that even? Just a wee foreign agent, a bit player really, who ended up being the national security adviser.

By the way, three of those men (Stone, Manafort, Page) hosed down Slip ‘N Slides with jizz about a month ago and raced to see who could testify before the intelligence committees first. Meanwhile, Flynn was begging for immunity. Is the White House actively throwing them under the bus? Are they supposed to take the fall and pretend like Trump had absolutely no idea what they were up to?

We just don’t know, but if Comey wanted to do one of his famous grandstanding press conferences right now, that’d be cool.

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  • WotsAllThisThen

    Someone ask Flynn to lead a “Lock him up” chant. He enjoys that.

  • Chadwells

    HAH!! “Slip n slide with jizz”….holy fuckballs that’s some funny shit!!!

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Hey Y’all. I tried. I’m sick of being lectured, I’m sick of people parsing my every fucking word when I’m insulting rednecks, and I really think Y’all need to think about what stresses someone might be facing in real life before you leave your oh-so-funny comments.

    So, bye. Don’t worry, Ima just do my stuffs. If you have my EMail, you’re most welcome to contact me, but as for posting here, I’m done. I joined because I’m lonely, but it’s obvious I’m better off alone.

    • MynameisBlarney

      What?
      Noooooooooo!

      • C4TWOMAN

        You’re the one who said that troll was still around…I thought you’d know what happened….???

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          What troll? Where? Got a username for me so I can rip it a new one?

          • C4TWOMAN

            He didn’t say. I assumed it was in the Confederate thread, but its pretty quiet. Maybe this happened yesterday?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Yeah, that was the one, but I missed what happened with Anna though.

        • MynameisBlarney

          Ok, I’m seriously lost now.
          Was this from the confederate statue thread?

          • C4TWOMAN

            I have no idea. I was speculating…on the assumption they were related events. I appear to be wrong.

          • Resistance Fighter Callyson

            I just went there and it seems Dok took care of the troll. Didn’t see a connection to Anna Elizabeth so she may be talking about something else.

          • MynameisBlarney

            It looks like some of Anna’s comments were deleted.
            That makes no fucking sense.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Meh, even the best of us can go overboard now and then. But maybe it was part of a convo that got deleted….

          • MynameisBlarney

            It looked like they were harmless comments about Italian Cars.

          • C4TWOMAN

            You know Mussolini was Italian…
            *shifty eye*

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            She deleted her account, which deletes all posts associated with it.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Fuck

          • C4TWOMAN

            Well crap.

          • BrianW

            She did that a few months ago when someone was harassing her. I hope everything’s OK.
            EDIT: What did I miss over the weekend?

          • MynameisBlarney

            I don’t know all the details, I wasn’t online much over the weekend.
            But apparently someone was harassing her about how she dresses or something.

          • BrianW

            Again? Goddammit! Useless dickweeds. Is it wrong to wish that these people had wound up in a crusty sock instead?

            On an unrelated topic, I owe Anna some wargaming related stuff. Does anyone know how to get in touch with her that doesn’t entail putting email addresses on here?

          • MynameisBlarney

            I’d like to get in touch with her too, but I don’t know how.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      IDK what this is about, but whoever did this doesn’t represent all of us. I for one will miss you!

      Hope you’ll come back at some point. If not, best wishes to you. Take care and be well.

      • MynameisBlarney

        For real, this place ain’t gonna be same.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Obviously I missed something, Did some shit go down here over the weekend?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yeah, some did go down over the weekend. But I thought we had nipped it in the bud…

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          I was barely here because that was the weekend of the Book Festival. Wish I had been around to speak up about whatever the fuck went down.

          • Oblios_Cap

            I don’t think I did it. I wasn’t even on-line over the weekend.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I don’t know wha happened. I understand what you mean about ” people parsing my every fucking word when I’m insulting rednecks” because that, in a nutshell is why I don’t comment at ‘We Hunted the Mammoth’ anymore. Anyway, sometimes people don’t mean anything but snark and other times it’s good to take a break.
      Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
      Peace out.
      =^-^=

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I’m sorry to read this. I sincerely hope you reconsider.

    • arglebargle

      I don’t know what this is about, but no one is better off alone. Some time away to recharge is good, but don’t let the bastards wear you down.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • WotsAllThisThen

    Give Flynn credit for being right. Like he said, you don’t ask for immunity if you haven’t done something wrong.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    So I’m gonna speculate that this is why we’re suddenly going all thrash metal on the war drums?

    • Ezio

      Who will Donnie go boom boom on next to distract us?

      • Randy Riddle

        He’s running out of scapegoat countries to go to war with, unless he wants to try for something in Africa. And God knows, your average GOP voter doesn’t even know that Africa actually exists.

  • DainBramage

    OK, either Trump knew about all of his peoples’ connections to Russia and was fine with it, or he didn’t because he’s a clueless fuck.

    • Proud Liberal

      Me thinks it’s the former.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        me thinks he will claim the latter as always when caught.

        • Proud Liberal

          Plausible deniability may or may not work this time around.

      • DainBramage

        Me too.

    • arglebargle

      All together now, why not both?

      • Proud Liberal

        You said it best!

    • WeaselPoo

      Clueless (about EVERYTHING) for three reasons:
      a) sheer ignorance
      b) sheer stupidity
      c) sheer indifference to anything that doesn’t stroke his ego and earn him money

      • arglebargle

        Trump’s ego is the only thing about him big enough to get stroked.

    • C4TWOMAN

      This is the Ron Paul Newsletters all over again. Either Ron Paul is a racist loon who wrote racist newsletters and made money off them for years….
      or…
      He’s an incompetent buffoon who let someone use his newsletters to promote racist propaganda that he STILL made money off of for years.

      Ignorance is not going to save him or Trump.

    • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

      or both? he seems t have the attention span of a gnat.

  • nightmoth

    Thanks for showing that National Enquirer cover, which I turned around backwards at the grocery store on Sunday night. The fact that the Nat. E. is even admitting the Russia connection gives me hope for impeachment, no matter how much the assholes try to spin it.

    • JMP

      They were saying it was all Flynn before, they have to keep shifting those goalposts to try and protect their criminal traitor Dear Leader.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      I turned it upside down. People in line laughed (at the NE, not me.)

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    President Trump’s Justice Department ultimately would make the decision about whether to investigate or charge him.

    Will he be in like Flynn after all, or will he be the scapegoat? Stay tuned…

  • Duke

    Bat Boy colludes with Russians!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    So the House and Senate Russia investigations should really get rolling now. Ha hahahaha… oh I couldn’t say that with a straight face.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Former acting attorney general Sally Yates and former director of national intelligence James R. Clapper Jr. are scheduled to testify before a Senate Judiciary subcommittee on May 8

    Grab your calendars, put in your request for PTO, and pass the popcorn!

    • Lamashtar

      Notice its not the Intelligence Committee, its the Judicial Committee. This feels like Miss Lindsey laying a smackdown. :D

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    If the WH is refusing to turn over docs related to the Flynn investigation, seems to me that they can’t also claim innocence that they knew nothing.

    Guilty as fuck, lock ’em up.

    • Randy Riddle

      “What did he know and when did he know it?”

      • Crystalclear12

        Ah, the classics!

  • HonestRightAmerican

    A Day In the Life of the Average Homosexual Male

    7:00 a.m. – wake up after night of taking crystal meth at an orgy
    7:30 a.m. – glance over at “husband,” swoon.
    7:45 a.m. – gaze longingly at husband’s butthole
    8:00 a.m. – shove erect cock into husband’s butt
    8:15 a.m. – bust inside
    8:30 a.m. – make breakfast for adopted children, teach them about anal sex
    9 a.m. – 5 p.m. – work as interior decorator, masturbate in bathrooms along the way
    10 p.m. – go out clubbing
    10:30 p.m. – take more crystal meth
    3 a.m. – go to sleep

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Hey turgid, way to stay on topic, you one-note pony.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • Sister the Resister

      Not helping. Troll. Flagging. Blocking.

      • Proud Liberal

        Same here.

    • nightmoth

      Hi, turgid. Still no help for your love muscle, eh?

    • MizzMazz

      Hey! That’s MY life! except for the adopted children and interior decorating bits. I’m not patient or creative enough for either. Oh, and I don’t get that much done in that little time.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard
    • Anna Rompage

      Here let me correct that for you…

      A Day In the Life of the Average White Power, Trailer Trash, Closeted Homosexual Male who’s moniker happens to be ‘HonestRightAmerican’, or as I call him, the sad tiny flaccid turgid rancid brain

    • elviouslyqueer

      15 minutes to “bust inside”? My, aren’t we the overachiever?

      • dshwa

        This guy probably couldn’t even last 15 minutes with his beard, let alone someone he really wanted to bone.

    • JMP

      Oh good, TurgidLoveMuscle is still cheating to break into this place after getting kicked out and told never to come back so many times. Seriously, fuck off, asshole.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Also, crystal meth is so 2009.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Don’t resist it, Turgid, be it.

    • C4TWOMAN

      I’m tempted to make a heterosexual parody that will be less a parody and far more realistic considering the abundance of child sexual abuse perpetrated by married heterosexual males, but I fear Dok would have some stern words.(Talk softly and carry a big banhammer?).

      So I will restrict my comments to, Sod off…if we ever see you again it will be 10 billion years too soon.
      Also too, flagged.

    • FauxAntocles

      Are you referring to Flynn or Trump?

      • C4TWOMAN

        Bannon or Jared?

        • dshwa

          There’s a hate sex visual that’s going to take more than the usual brain bleach to remove.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Is that you, TLM?

      • HonestRightAmerican

        Who is TLM?

        • Bobathonic

          A self hating gay conservative troll. Turgid Love Muscle, but apparently xe’s been repeatedly banned, and can’t stand the lack of attention.

          /picked up by reading posts

          • dshwa

            That about sums him up. His repeated incarnations are the source of much mockery by the crowd, to the point where the mods occasionally leave him around longer (allegedly) than an average troll just so we can play with him.

        • Royal Ugly Dude

          Only you can answer that.

      • Shanzgood

        It’s about that time of the month.

      • dshwa

        Not his usual style. Unless he finally passed 3rd grade and learned how to use the CAPSLOCK.

    • laughingnome

      Who is Crystal Meth?

      • GoutMachine

        Most famous stripper in New Mexico, I think.

    • GoutMachine

      Someone sure gets excited by the notion of gay buttsecks!

      • HonestRightAmerican

        Yeah, homosexual men and their liberal enablers.

        • Shanzgood

          Yeah, we love to help get them all lubed up and then watch them go at it for HOURS.

          • Bobathonic

            With their gallons of jizz.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Actually, sweetie, it’s YOU.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He always has. I’ll bet he’s got a stinky finger, too.

      • Meccalopolis

        I hope he doesn’t think he has to do meth to experiment with his sexuality

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      That’s…awfully specific there.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      I dunno where you’re buying your meth, but if you can go to sleep at all, you’re getting ripped off.

    • dshwa

      This is like an Ivanka Trump designed TLM. Away with this one, Shy!

      • starfanglednut

        I think it might be TLM.

        • dshwa

          I’m not buying it. Not enough random caps, and the sentence structure is past third grade reading level.

  • MynameisBlarney

    WTF just happened with Anna?

    • Sister the Resister

      I don’t know, and by the time I caught the comment, my reply could not be posted because “this comment has been removed by the moderator” or some such.

      I am sad. I will miss her. I’m missing TJ. What the fuck?

      • MynameisBlarney

        TJ’s gone too?

        Fuckin hell!

        • Resistance Fighter Callyson

          I hope they both come back at some point. I’ll miss them both.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Any idea what made TJ bail?

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            He’s going through a rough patch. Said some things that, while not quite on the edge of total freak-out, made a lot of us concerned. Also said he was going to block anyone who responded, and since a fairly large segment of us did.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Goddammit

            That fucking sucks!

          • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

            A lot of folks have been kinda on the edge for the last few days. Some of the Open Threads have been…a bit snappish. I’ll admit I’m dealing with a lot of pressure myself and may have been abrasive to some folks who probably didn’t deserve it.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Yeah, there was that one time I just felt there was too much openness on the open thread and decided it was my bedtime…or at least time to unplug from the Intertubes.

          • Lamashtar

            Happening on Twitter too..people who’ve been going through serious emotional issues because of Trump Treason but trying to support #resistance and help citizen journalists with their investigating just getting more irritable lately.

        • Sister the Resister

          I sent a message to Pinkham’s Law in case he has contact info for them – not to give me their emails, but maybe he can pass on a message? This whole thing makes me sad. Sure, people exit forums from time to time, or just drift away as other parts of their life takes over, but both of these people were very upset before they quit. I am a bit distressed.

          • MynameisBlarney

            I got a bit upset with some folks here last Friday, but I left before I got pissed and said some stupid shit. There was a lot of folks having differences of opinion in that thread.
            I wonder if this is related.

        • nightmoth

          Angryblackman has been gone for a year and I don’t know why. Miss him, too.

          • Sister the Resister

            yep, I had just started really paying attention to Wonkette discussions and appreciating his input, and then ABM left. Now, of course, I’m more invested.

            We haven’t seen much of Daisy, at least in the evening, but I figure that’s just because of being busy with school.

          • dshwa

            We’re approaching finals time. I expect she’ll be back after that.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      IDK–maybe the troll who posted just below you said something to her?

    • nightmoth

      I wish I knew. That was a serious flounce out of here, and I don’t know why.
      Anna! You get back here, young lady! We miss you already!

      • MynameisBlarney

        She was my most favoritest person here.

        • Proud Liberal

          I know! I tried to convince her to stay but the post had been deleted before I could. :-(

          • MynameisBlarney

            Goddammit.
            This fucking sucks!

          • Shanzgood

            She always comes back.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Well that’s hopeful.

          • Oblios_Cap

            How can anybody stay away from such jocular nocular folks like us?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Hope she returns. She’s whip smart and I always enjoy her posts and very sharp perspective.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      I think this started when another Wonker (not a troll, but sometimes a blunt person) asked a question of her, not to necessary be mean, but it came off a bit judge-y. And then a few days went by before I saw another (I think) related response, so clearly this was festering with our Anna. I hope she comes back too. It’s got to be hard when you are evolving and embracing your true self and you feel attacked, even if unintended.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    At the rate these investigations are going, they’ll be able to gather enough evidence and testimony just in time to impeach President Chelsea Clinton.

  • BearLeft

    But I’ll bet he doesn’t look as sharp as Buster in jodhpurs …

  • WiscoJoe

    “(Say it’s so, Jim Comey, SAY IT!)”

    Please, Comey won’t respond to your pathetic requests because that could make him look partisan and put the reputation of his entire agency on the line, besides if he did anything that could possibly be interpreted as being anti-Republican than Republicans would accuse him of being partisan and would impugn the reputation of the his entire agency.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Can you fake outrage and scowl menacingly while saying that? I hear the White House may be looking for a new Press Secretary…

    • Crystalclear12

      Heaved a little bit when I read that. The memory repression isn’t working.

      • dshwa

        If only alcohol could be trained to target the brain cells we want targeted…

    • Paul

      WJ, does your tongue cramp up being firmly planted in your cheek like that?

      • WiscoJoe

        Only when my head isn’t spinning watching people try to avoid the perception of partisanship by bending over backwards to placate partisans.

  • writersbloc

    This Yates hearing gonna be better than the Super Bowl.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I sure won’t be watching IT just for the commercials!

  • Mpeg

    Tsk, y’all. After all the crap Chaffetz has been putin up with, this is the thanks he gets?!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      We had to give all the participation trophies to the neo-Confederates a couple threads back.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Hardly worth the t’rubles.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “Let’s see… maybe if we throw one person under the bus, nobody will notice how we’re all up to our eyeballs in sweet pee hooker rubles.”

    • clairence

      that was my thought – “There you go America. Russia influence problem solved. Let’s move on.”

  • GoutMachine

    I think Comey’s done with grandstanding press conferences. Hillary’s out of the picture.

  • Shibusa

    WTF got into Jason Chaffetz?

    • MizzMazz

      Fear?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        “The water’s rising, sir! It’s up to your neck!”

    • Randy Riddle

      The wrong enema?

    • MynameisBlarney

      The CIA?

    • dshwa

      Either A) Suddenly, looking complicit isn’t such an attractive idea after some more evidence turned up, or II) The FOX news crackdown on sexual harassment made that job less appealing.

    • LarryHoudini

      I’ve heard Utahans hate Trump. I think Chaffetz plans on running for governor.

  • Randy Riddle

    “Tens of thousands” of dollars?

    I had no idea that Trump’s cronies (and Putin) were so cheap.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      They didn’t realize how shitty the Rubles-to-dollars exchange rate was.

  • jesterpunk

    Trump didnt know Michael Flynn, he just snuck into the White House, picked an office and sat on the national security council with Bannon. I guess anyone could just walk right in and take an office and any position they want anytime they want./s

    • GoutMachine

      Seems to be the case at Mar-a-Lago.

      • jesterpunk

        Mar-a-Lago they have to pay to get in, the White House they just walk in and take an office and a position on the national security council.

        • yyyaz

          And a paycheck signed by us.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    Rep. Cummings has the weary and fed-up look of one who has just spent too much time in the same room with Chaffetz.

  • Magic Juan

    I have no problem believing Trump did have a clue. I pretty much believe he’s clueless about almost everything. Hey at least he’s consistent.

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    LOCK HIM UP, KATIE!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Michael Pecker sure has a fitting name.

  • See, the thing about being President of the United States is that “gawrsh, I didunt know” doesn’t fly as your excuse for making a secret foreign agent your National Security Advisor.

    • Proud Liberal

      He knew Russia was hacking the election long before the election and still had his administration speak with the Russians. Donnie has no loyalty to this country whatsoever. As a matter of fact, neither do the Republicans.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Republicans’ loyalty is to party, their cult, and the country comes a very, very distant second, if that.

        • Crystalclear12

          Don’t be silly. Rent boys are we second, then country.

        • Lamashtar

          It has been pointed out to me that clan (family and those loyal only to you) comes before party for Trumpy.

      • jesterpunk
    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      I’m pretty convinced that Lord Dampnut knew and just didn’t care.

      • Proud Liberal

        He believes he is above the law. Still does.

    • dshwa

      I hope your right. But the “Gollee gee willikers, look at all that tomfoolery I wasn’t aware of!” schtick worked for Reagan in Iran Contra.

      • Being fair to Reagan, I’m fairly certain the Alzheimers was a legitimate excuse.

        • clairence

          Trump’s mental health issues are even more apparent than Reagan’s were. So, legit?

          • C4TWOMAN

            There’s difference between legit not being able to follow whats happening(Regan) and being a pathological narcissist who is reckless because you believe you’re entitled to get away with shit(Trump).

            Regan couldn’t control his disease.
            Trump chooses not to exercise self control.

          • Shanzgood

            Trump might not be able to if he’s suffering from neurosyphilis.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

          • Red Bird Ω

            I’m pretty sure Regan thought he was entitled to get away with stuff too.

        • Me not sure

          …for him to be removed as per Article 4 of the 25th Amendment?

        • CripesAmighty

          So if addled ignorance is an excuse, I suppose that he’ll skate on bone-stupid.

      • I was more referring to the National Enquirer apologetics because I fully expect Trump to get away with it.

        • dshwa

          Fair enough, though a good chunk of the media bought it with Reagan for Iran Contra as well.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        But John Tower! Such thorough! So integrity!

    • Red Bird Ω

      GTBW.

    • SadDemInTex

      Truman is spinning so fast in his grave. Of course the way Republican 45 understands “the buck stops here” is “All the bucks stop here and drain into the Trump offshore account”.

  • Crystalclear12

    Are we finally at the sacrifice portion of the program?!

    • Notreelyhelping

      “Crucifixion? To the left, please.”

      • aureolaborealis

        “One cross each!”

  • elviouslyqueer

    I’m sure it’s not just me, but Jason Chaffetz looks not dissimilar to a penis that’s just vomited up a tribble.

    • yyyaz

      I would swear his appearance greatly resembles a penis that has just been vomited up by a tribble.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Tomato, tomahtoe.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Vomiting Tribbles is the name of my new Spoons, water whistle and Whoopie Cushion band.

        • Sister the Resister

          please post a link when you upload videos! That’s a combo I’ve GOT to see!

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Workin’ on it. Since I’m the only member who knows how to video stuff but also too I play the water whistle, I’m still trying to figure out how to multitask. Which is difficult given the amount of caffeine and adderall, I have to take to do this and have it come out perfectly.

        • eggsacklywright

          A disciple of Harry Partch, eh?

    • GoutMachine

      Penis libelz!!!!1!

    • Bobathonic

      I’m a little afraid to ask, but how do you know that?

    • Bill D. Burger

      I always see the character Grawp Hagrid when Chaffetz’ melting puss appears.

      https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1581838471/images.jpg

      Sorry Grawp!

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Man, I hope that you have not seen a penis hurling a tribble in real life. :)

  • BadKitty904
    • clairence

      am I supposed to be seeing a red wingless butterfly humping a white wingless butterfly?

      • vivian

        uh….. sure, yes, yes you are… *reaches for glasses*

      • Paul

        Holy shit, stay away from Rorschach tests please.

        • clairence

          heh. For some reason I said butterfly but I meant dragonfly.
          Oh well.

  • Anna Rompage

    It appears Michael Flynn is about to become the Ollie North scapegoat of the Donnie t-Rump administration…

    • jesterpunk

      So he will get a job with Fox News?

      • GoutMachine

        So When will he will get a job with Fox News?

        FIFY

        • Proud Liberal

          He will get a job with Fox News.

          • Bobathonic

            They’re probably heating up a butt warmer for him right now.

          • Proud Liberal

            Oh, no doubt.

      • rocktonsam

        fox will hire felons.
        pussy grabbers not so much anymore

      • Anna Rompage

        I think Michael is aiming for a slot over at DeadBart…

        • jesterpunk

          Does Zombie Bannon know?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “The President isn’t aligned with Russia; he’s just incompetent and clueless!” Baller move, Enquirer.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      They’re kinda running out of ways to spin this mess…

      • Contemplative Ron

        Amusing watching ’em try, though.

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Actually, there’s no reason to avoid considering likely possibility that the President is all three: Incompetent, clueless, and involved with Russia.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Educated guess? Manafort and others worked out a deal with Russia to release the emails with Wikileaks as the intermediary. Roger Stone was one of the actual go-betweens. As a conspiracy theory, it’s a lot more plausible than pizza-gate.

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          And of course, it would be irresponsible not to speculate along those lines, also too.

    • gene108

      Well every President has a learning curve on the job. He’s just getting settled. /Trump supporter

      • dshwa

        I mean, who knew you were supposed to vet people for a job like NSC head?

    • And apparently super easy to conquer

  • geoffalnutt

    There’s ‘kompromat’ on Chaffetz, too…involving deceased farm animals.

  • WeaselPoo

    The important thing to remember here is that Flynn is neither a cantaloupe-calved murderous rapey messican who won’t pay his wall-building taxes, nor is he a 4 year-old Syrian refugee ISIS terrorist from the future, two facts that surely rate a couple more ribbons for Flynn, for his service. .

  • Red Bird Ω

    So we’re supposed to believe that the leader of our country who is supposed to make America great again had no idea he is a Russian asset? INPEACH!!111!11!!!111!!!!

  • BadKitty904

    Chaffetz and Cummings had a briefing Tuesday morning on Flynn’s possibly criminal feats of derrings-do with the Russians and the Turks, and when they came out of that briefing, they pretty much confirmed that Flynn broke the law

    Sessions broke the law by publicly committing perjury before Congress, yet he hasn’t been prosecuted, either, because…?

    • Jennaratrix

      Because IOKIYAR.

    • Mondoshawan

      That’s nobody’s business but the Turks’

  • dshwa

    OT: Derek Jeter and Jeb Bush just bought the Florida Marlins at auction. Odds that JEB? can run a team better than big brother the Shrub?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Odds on JEB! running a team better than a head of lettuce? <.0000001%

      Odds on Derek Jeter selecting a competent GM and while low-energy JEB! pumps in the money? Considerably better. Jeter might be that competent GM himself or the Coach.

      I'd say it's at least 50/50 as long as JEB! remembers that his place is to hang around country clubs attracting money and occasionally trotting out his more-than-respectable Spanish to impress the DR recruits.

      If he succumbs to his ego and starts thinking that he has the ability to lead a chant of ♪Let's go team, Let's go team!♪ then the Marlins are doomed.

      • dshwa

        Can’t you just see him trying to change a chant of “Jeter! Jeter! Jeter!” to “Jeter, Jeb! Jeter, Jeb!” ala Romney with the Ryan chants in 2012?

        • Bobathonic

          Pronounced “Heater, Heb!”

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Ha! I hadn’t thought of that.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Miami’s long nightmare of having to deal with that scum-sucking, Canadian-hating, Trump-supporting punk Jeffrey Loria has come to an end?

  • jenny_whyme

    The problem with the Trump administration trying to throw Flynn and any of the other unscrupulous bastards under the bus.. is that eventually one (or more) of them is going to start squealing like a pig.

    • dshwa

      Loyalty not a highly developed trait in that crowd. Ain’t no Oliie Norths taking one for the team there.

      • Notreelyhelping

        🐷 LET THE PIG SQUEALING BEGIN! 🐷

    • Anna Rompage

      Reagan and Bush Sr were plumb guilty of running a huge scheme selling arms to Iran and giving the cash to rebels, yet the only one who took the heat was a lowly Colonel…

      • BMW

        Vice Admiral John Poindexter took the blame for the Reagan Administration, before he and Lt. Col. Oliver North both had their convictions overturned. A few years later, North failed to win election to the U.S. Senate, but was later given a job with Fox News. Poindexter was later given a job in the Dept. of Defense during the second Bush Administration.

      • dshwa

        Say what you want about Ollie, and I have, but he did have loyalty to the people he thought were his superiors. He was willing to fall on his sword for them. I don’t see anyone in Trump’s crowd with that kind of mentality.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Also a different time. Unlike the current bumbling idiot, Reagan was a likeable bumbling idiot. North was a “brave patriot trying to keep the commies at bay in our hemisphere”.The narrative is very different here.

          • Meccalopolis

            And none of them were pawns of a foreign power

  • BMW

    Remember how Republicans LOST THEIR SHIT after the previous National Security Advisor, Susan Rice, gave some incorrect information from CIA talking points in a television interview? Pepperidge Farms remembers.

    • dshwa

      gave some incorrect information the best information available at the time that later turned out to be inaccurate from CIA talking points in a television interview.

      I’m not conceding even the partial wingnut talking point in this matter.

    • ltmcdies

      They were whining about it not two weeks ago when her name came up because as NSA she did her fucking job

    • TheBoatDude

      And Pepridge Farm best get a big bag o’ Cash if you want that shit to stay quiet…

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I just want to say, since I have to say it a few time per year, #busterbluth4ever

  • HonestRightAmerican

    Obama is a drug addicted prostitute. He met Biden while trolling the streets of DC turning tricks.

    • Did you do the dishes yet, TLM?

      • dshwa

        mom told him to clean up his room first.

        • puredog

          Crusty.

          • dshwa

            Probably needs a jackhammer to get all the dried spunk off the wall after watching all that gay porn.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Yeah, I miss him too. We all do.

      • /sob so very much! A president who was not a Russian asset and who knew how complicated things were ahead of time!

        • Bobathonic

          And one who could speak in complete sentences, and explain intricate thoughts and issues. With nuance!

          And now we have a barnyard animal doing that job.

          • barnyard animal LIBULZ!
            We have the excretion of a bottom dwelling bit of pond spunk, nothing higher than that.

          • dshwa

            Exploding foamy pig doots! for president.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Not to run down barnyard animals, most of whom wouldn’t even dream of grabbing anyone’s pussy.

          • Meccalopolis

            And could understand where you were coming from as an ordinary American

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          It was so nice having a President who could speak in complete sentences.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        Do you really believe we have seen the last of him?

        He is the man of a thousand faces engorged schlongs.

        • dshwa

          I think Kiri meant he missed Obama, not TLM guy.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Oh. I think Barry’s inspired his share of engorged schlongs…

          • Mehmeisterjr

            All in vain. Barry has Michelle.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            And she has him, and they have those two beautiful girls, and I can’t help being just a little bit jealous of it all.

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            That Al Green cover? Sploosh!!

          • Mehmeisterjr

            Fair enough. I assumed (through the confusion of threads) that we were meant to ironically miss TLM.

            Missing Obama? Hell, yeah!

            Missing TLM? Hell, no!

        • Kiri the Unicorn

          I expect he’ll launch the Secret Gay Commie Kenyan Muslim coup d’etat any day now. My people have a prophecy about this; I’d tell you more, but I’m trying to eat lunch.

          • CripesAmighty

            I’d tell you more, but its a super-sekrit. But, if you’re one of the lucky first 10 to subscribe to my super-exclusive newsletter for only $129.95…

    • dshwa

      Again, you’re like Ivanka Trump tried to design a TLM guy. Off with you!

      • Heeeyyyyy if the wingnuts are always speaking in projection as if it were opposite day, does this mean that Trump is a drug addicted prostitute and maybe the Russian pee hookers paid him?

    • eyelashviper

      but, but, what about Hillary??????

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I would still vote for him over Trump if it were true. I’d have more confidence in a drug addicted prostitute than the current blathering idiot.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Funny that you mention that,

      Trump is a literal addict, to his own praise. He can’t get enough of it ever, and even then, he’s so needy for a hit, he’s gotta make up his own lies, to pat himself bigly on the back. “I DID MORE IN 100 DAYS THAN ANY PRESIDENTS!!1”

      Pffft… Is Trump high??

      Remember his sniffling during debates? That he denied even doing? “No sniffles” he said. Suuuure, troll, Obama must be the drug addict.

      And about that other thing? Dude, Trump’s current wife.

      Troll, you’re not even fun to punch.

    • Hardly Ideal

      http://i.imgur.com/n0KlA.gif

      Also, weak troll is weak, but I still like watching the orbital banhammer go off. Pretty lights…

      http://i.imgur.com/n0KlA.gif

    • HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHA

      (deep breath)

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA

  • Mehmeisterjr

    I noticed that Enquirer article in the checkout line today. My first thought was: The classic “If only Stalin knew” excuse is alive and well.

    • georgiaburning

      It was all Beria’s fault.

  • Internet Hitler

    Let us focus on the LEAKS!!

  • puredog

    The phrase “Even Jason Chaffetz” could be used to spawn a whole line of “Yo mama” -type jokes.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      OK, I’ll start.

      Yo Chaffetz so strange even Joseph Smith says, “Who is that weird-ass dude?”

      Yo Chaffetz so weaselly that ferrets won’t bite him out of professional courtesy.

      Yo Chaffetz so chicken he lays eggs.

  • Anna Rompage

    That must have been some nasty https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/103b841c5aeec5c14175aec9ff961aa984d352dd75a001f5fe2a0531365b327e.jpg taco bowl from the kitchen in the Mar A Lago…

    • dshwa

      And this, children, is why you do not cook a steak well done.

    • Rags

      This is photoshopped, by the way – see snopes.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Well, of course the text was added later, I can tell by the pixels!

      • and it’s really stupid and i wish we’d stop replaying it.

  • diogenez
  • dshwa

    “What Trump Doesn’t Know!”
    I didn’t realize the Enquirer! came in encylopedia length publications.

  • Me not sure

    I saw where Chaffetz called Flynn’s behavior “inappropriate”. Picking one’s nose at the dinner table is inappropriate, Flynn’s alleged actions would be more properly called “illegal”.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Flynn’s alleged actions would be more properly called “illegal”.
      TREASON.

      • NellCote71

        Sorry🙁. Did not read down before posting. It’s a good thing we are not allowed to comment or I would really be embarrassed.

    • Apple Scruff

      Also too, the way he answers the questions in a roundabout way —

      “Mr. Chaffetz, did Michael Flynn lie?”
      “He didn’t not not tell the truth.”

    • NellCote71

      And, properly, “treasonous.” I find it hard to swallow that the party that is always wrapping itself in the flag is so willing to turn a blind eye to what is obviously high treason.

      • Tosca

        For many years I’ve looked at the extremely ostentatious PATRIOTISM of many in America, and thought it looked disturbingly like the displays staged by North Korea and their ilk. Those in power orchestrate the displays to disguise their own self interest. Those without power cling to the displays, in a desperate attempt to convince themselves their country has any good in it. Like a woman repeating, “But he does love me!” as she ices the latest bruises.

        Those shitheels with their flag pins and “patriotic” twitter handles aren’t showing how devoted they are to America, they’re gaslighting their constituents.

        • James

          It’s projection with them, always. The first president I served under in the Navy was Jimmy Carter. Mr. Carter was a concerned, thoughtful leader. (That’s why he lost his reëlection to another actor.) I wasn’t terribly impressed as an enlisted man serving under Reagan, but he wasn’t trying to sell out the nation to the bloody Soviet Union.

    • Sue Erb

      I’m not sure if it’s a double standard, or an alternate reality. Only Democrats do illegal things, Republicans are merely inappropriate.

      • Lamashtar

        No no, its “did not comply with the law”.

  • I can almost believe that trump was not aware of most of the Russian stuff as long as his minions kept telling him how SMRT he is. Or that he wasn’t aware of the ramifications of such treachery because he was winning bigly. Almost.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Except for the fact that he is obviously an asset himself.

      • That may be true but I don’t think he has the ability to understand well, anything. He’s a total clueless dumbass.

    • Rags

      What’s ‘useful idiot’ in Russian?

      • IDK but that’s why I qualified my post with “almost”. He is so blindly in love with himself not much else gets thru, I would get even more satisfaction from his impeachment/arrest.

      • chicken thief

        Carter Page?

  • Me not sure

    The Trump administration says they can’t supply Flynn’s security clearance records.
    They should be easy to find, they’re the ones written in Cyrillic Alphabet.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      It’s a simple one-question interview for clearance in Trump’s cabinet: How much do you hate Hillary? (correct answer: a lot!)

      • Me not sure

        …followed by an obligatory Grrrrrrr.

        • Jennaratrix

          Followed by slipping Trump a big-ass check.

      • SqueakyRat

        Whole bunch!
        Very very bigly!
        These are also acceptable.

  • Come here a minute

    “WHAT TRUMP DOESN’T KNOW” wouldn’t fit in the Library of Congress.

    • Nockular cavity

      Pretty much any library could use that phrase as their name.

  • FlownΩver

    So, about that immunity request – whatcha got, general? Better be fucking yooge, IYKWIM.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    We’re living Men In Black in real life now. Want to know the real news? Check the Enquirer.

  • Mavenmaven

    …but Trump knows what he likes

  • Greyhame

    “Although we did not find clear evidence that Secretary Clinton or her colleagues intended to violate laws governing the handling of classified information, there is evidence that they were extremely careless in their handling of very sensitive, highly classified information.”

    Jim Comey, hoisted on his own petard.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Mr. Trump COULD, in theory, and based on the level of intelligence he has indicated in his recent public statements, be stupid enough not to know what his friends were doing, although it seems absurd. I think it is slightly more likely that he knew what they were doing, but is too stupid to understand what it meant. This level of stupidity would be enough to impeach him, if you ask me.

    • georgiaburning

      Hmm. Firing people who are too stupid to do their jobs could open a lot of positions in corporate America.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I am starting to believe that unless Dems are able to flip Congress in 2018, no level of stupid would be enough to get Trump impeached. Republicans in Congress consider Trumps stupidity a feature, not a bug.

      • HenryJ

        Trump is useful to this Congress in delivering by Executive Order what they can’t find a way to legislate. Why would they give that up until that usefulness has passed and they have their tax cuts for the rich in place?

  • Don the Con and his cell of administration and congressional Russian moles would be well advised to find a country that didn’t have an extradition treaty with the US.

  • (((fka_donnie_d)))

    Can I have the _other_ reality back please, when the National Enquirer is not the go-to source for hard-hitting investigative journalism?

  • Bill Slider

    Should Congress reach a point where they believe impeachment of multiple Administration officials is a must I hope it’s a very long list, and includes at least one Trump child

    • HazooToo

      Can the Trump children be impeached if they were never asked to do a damn thing by anyone but the freakish President? Put him on the list instead. Jared and Ivanka will drop, too.

      • Bill Slider

        You’re on the right track. I think you have to be elected before you can be eligible for impeachment.

        • James

          They can still be jailed. . . .

          • MassiveQuantitiesofPie

            Yes, they can.

      • MassiveQuantitiesofPie

        Impeachment is unnecessary for Trump’s kids or Kushner since none of them were elected as civil government officers or confirmed as such by elected officials. They serve at the pleasure of the President and can be fired or arrested.

        Impeachment is generally reserved for Presidents, Vice Presidents, Cabinet officials, members of Congress, governors, and judges.

  • azeyote

    Flynn might give it up to stay out of prison like Ollie – but Trump is no Reagan whose dementia saved his treasonous ass – being bat shit crazy as well as just plain stupid won’t save Trump if a real investigation gets it on –

  • merl1

    that makes it even worse, he didn’t know all of his people were committing crimes? why?

  • Scooby

    I’ll believe it when I hear it on Fox and Friends.

  • whitroth

    One small problem: Trumpolini’s a micro-manager. There’s no way he’d not know….. So, it’s time for either the 25th Amendment… or IMPEACH!

  • Scooby

    Who knew Espionage was so uncomplicated.
    -Vlad Putin

  • Scooby

    I don’t get it. What does this have to do with Benghazi?

  • Opiwan

    This should be simple. Look at his SF86 and see what was and wasn’t written down. Case closed.

    • James

      The form is pretty long. That said, when I filled out security forms for the Navy, I had to list all my principal contacts as a high school exchange student to Brazil, and a summer vacation to Canada as a teenager.

      Lying on that form carries a stiff Federal pokey penalty. . . .

  • BrendaKay

    Somebody else probably made this observation already… but does Trump think he looks good if he knew nothing and all these guys committed treason behind his back? Isn’t he always claiming to be so smart and he hires the best people?

    • Tosca

      It’s the least bad option available. Pleading ignorance makes him look bad, but not as bad as saying “Yeah, I knew these guys were committing treason and foreign espionage, but I hired them anyway”.

      • James

        If I’d have lied on my security clearance forms when I was in the Navy, I would have been hung from the highest yardarm and shot at dawn. (No, Dawn was not guilty of anything, the sunrise dawn.)

        I could also have been tied to the bridle arrester gear of an aircraft carrier (the thing that sticks out from the forward deck edge to catch F-4 bridle gear) – sort of like a modern version of tying someone to the bowsprit.

        • javadavis

          Why does the navy have all the most imaginative punishments? I’m guessing too much time on their hands and too much horizon on their eyes, but maybe you actually know how this happens.

        • Odd Jørgensen

          no atomic wedgie by way of catapult?

  • Manhattan123

    Guilty. Next case…the People vs. Eric Trump….

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    My money is on Mike Flynn being the Trump Junta’s designated Scooter Libby.

  • James

    Psst. Mr. Flynn. The first person who rolls on a Federal investigation gets the best deal . . . just spitballn’ here. . . .

    • Mehmeisterjr

      He’s hoping that Scott Baio will be dumb enough to take the fall.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    CNN from the not too distant future:

    Breaking: Trump Pardons Himself

    • James

      I don’t think that’s allowed. However, if he wants to fly off into exile, I am not opposed to that.

  • penny stock

    The impeaching part actually comes after the first ever perp walk, with shiny new FBI windbreakers all around, straight out of the Oval office. What’s taking so damn long?

  • chicken thief

    God damn it, Flynn, just confess already so CNN can get back to full time coverage of the missing airliner.

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