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But please, tell us again how you’re Rosa goddamned Parks

A jury in Las Vegas deadlocked on almost all charges against six men being tried in federal court for the 2014 standoff between federal law enforcement and armed loonies supporting welfare rancher Cliven Bundy. The jury did manage to agree on guilty verdicts on some counts against two of the men, but was unable to reach a verdict on the rest. U.S. District Judge Gloria Navarro declared a mistrial on the unresolved charges and scheduled a new trial for June 26, the same day that ol’ Cliven and other leaders of the standoff will go on trial.

The Las Vegas Review-Journal has the skinny on the partial convictions:

Gregory Burleson, a formerly active member of Arizona militia groups who used to be a paid FBI informant, was convicted of assault on a federal officer, threatening a federal officer, interference with interstate commerce by extortion, obstruction of justice, interstate travel in aid of extortion and multiple gun counts. He faces a mandatory minimum sentence of 57 years.

During the standoff, Burleson was photographed holding a long gun on a mesa, perched above the dried-up wash where Bureau of Land Management agents were impounding cattle.

Despite having been a paid informant, Burleson was happy to talk about his hopes of killing him some federal officers in recordings made by undercover FBI agents. The FBI had a very cunning plan for getting statements from several participants in the standoff: They pretended to be filming a sympathetic documentary about the Bundy Freedom-n-Guns Jamboree, with the working title “America Reloaded.” Here’s hoping once the trials are over, some clever documentarian makes an actual movie by submitting a FOIA request for that footage.

The other guilty verdicts came against Idaho gun humper Todd Engel, one of the Bunditarians who carried guns on a highway overpass above the federal agents, who was convicted of obstruction of justice and interstate travel in aid of extortion, for which he faces up to 20 years. The jury couldn’t reach verdicts on remaining counts, which seems incredible since he was representing himself.

Even though they were convicted, Burleson and Engel may still be retried on the remaining charges against them. They’ll be sentenced on the guilty charges in July.

Another Idaho defendant, Eric Parker, the guy who became famous after being photographed aiming at feds from behind a concrete barrier, was among those the jury couldn’t reach a verdict on, despite the photos of him training his rifle on law enforcement officers. Militia expert and Forbes columnist JJ MacNab summed up the astonishing outcome quite nicely in a single Tweet:

Parker fans are even happy to sell you a t-shirt, cap, or beer cozy commemorating his brave fight against tyranny:

But come on, the guy was a patriot who was just defending himself against tyranny. It’s not like he was a black guy reaching for his wallet during a traffic stop and getting shot to death for putting a cop in fear for their life. Yes, yes, we’re racists for even suggesting such a comparison.

None of the six defendants were found guilty on two key charges of conspiracy, which could present a challenge in the retrial, according to one of the defense attorneys, Todd Leventhal, whose client, O. Scott Drexler was one of the four defendants the jury couldn’t quite find any reason to convict:

I think it should show the federal government that they have a much weaker case than they thought going into this, because we’ve now had two months of testimony from over 50 prosecution witnesses, and they couldn’t get 12 people to agree[.]

The six defendants in this trial were charged as gunmen for a conspiracy organized by Cliven Bundy, who’ll face trial in June along with other organizers of the attempt to prevent the seizure of cattle for which Bundy had spent years refusing to pay grazing fees. Bundy has his very own special version of the U.S. Constitution that says the federal government can’t own any land or have any law enforcement agents, either. Prosecutors had previously said the six were the “least culpable” of the 17 defendants who will eventually be tried; after the mistrial was declared, prosecutors didn’t comment on whether they plan to go ahead with a retrial.

Fortunately, there’s no chance at all “Patriot” groups will be emboldened by the mistrials or anything. It’s not like they have a skewed view of reality, as this ALL-CAPS Tweet from during the trial proves:

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please click the “Donate” clicky below, or the jackbooted federal thugs will take away your guns!!!! (Hey, that works wonders for NRA fundraising…)

[Las Vegas Review-Journal / JJ MacNab on Twitter]

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  • MynameisBlarney

    That so many people think he’s a goddamned hero is disturbing.

    • Ezio

      The people who think they’re heroes are the same ones who think Confederate generals should have statues in front of schools.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Easy now, that kinda talk will attract that stupid troll from that other thread, lol.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Is that Mr/Ms “This comment was deleted”?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Prolly, lol.
            I didn’t flag any of them though.
            They weren’t really offensive, just dumb.

          • MynameisBlarney

            He’s still on that thread, must be a different troll getting deleted.

    • Kurt Weil

      What about Freedum?

      • MynameisBlarney

        That’s just another word for nuthin’ left to lose.

  • Ezio

    Vanilla ISIS

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Nevada jury. ‘nuf said.

  • Me not sure

    Free Bundys sounds like an Oprah givaway. …AND YOU GET A BUNDY…AND YOU GET A BUNDY… https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/11b1ebc4b4003d187daa73ad31b93712632459be1ac3fdfb5c1967409645b470.jpg

  • Red Bird Ω

    It’s telling that the only person the jury convicted on most of the charges was the FBI informant. Can you say biased jurors?

  • It’s confusing because they were illegally pointing guns at Federal police, but… they’re white so they can’t be criminals!

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Ezio

      Saving

    • Oblios_Cap

      Winning!

  • mancityRed6

    You have to remember, since they don’t believe the government can own land, they don’t believe the BLM are law enforcement.

  • Rickyphoo

    What the ever loving fuck?

  • Ezio

    If a group of brown men armed to the teeth took over federal property (regardless if it was occupied or not), they would have called in tanks within an hour and Donnie would be gloating on twitter about how he was right.

    • jesterpunk

      Black men just standing around with guns is enough of a reason for Ronny RayGun to pass a gun control law.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mulford_Act

    • BadKitty904

      Bingo.

    • Oblios_Cap

      They would just drop a bomb on them and destroy a whole neighborhood. Say, in Philly, maybe.

  • Michael R
    • jesterpunk

      Married with Children libelz.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    It is a truism among the gun-wielding crowd that you don’t point a weapon at someone unless you intend to shoot, is it not? So the photographic evidence in this post seems to me to be evidence enough to warrant a conviction. But, Hell, I’m not from Nevada. Also too, though OT, that was the first thing I thought, and it was a thought that scared me half to death, when Rambo there in the White House announced he was sending “an armada” to N. Korea. You don’t point a weapon unless you intend to use it. Was THEIR crazy ass leader thinking the same thing?

  • LarryHoudini

    I’m sure the “Law and Order” President will have something to say about this!

    • Shibusa

      Sean Hannity was a big fan of Cliven B, right up until Bundy wondered aloud if African-Americans might have been “better off” as slaves.
      https://i.ytimg.com/vi/YtpUpMdigWk/maxresdefault.jpg

      • LarryHoudini

        I’m kind of surprised that comment stopped him.

  • weejee
  • BadKitty904

    Greedy businessman steals public resources belonging to We the People to line his own pocket, then poses as “oppressed” hero. How is this asshat not running for office on the Republican ticket?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/eeb614836039506a1c961af5c25628da79a6e3cb3c238217d523f8c9c0d1b5ec.jpg

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    If he’d been doing anything illegal, I’m sure the cops would have shot him.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    He was probably just hunting squirrels for dinner.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Wabbit season! Squirrel season!

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Back-woods Brunswick stew season!

  • Nockular cavity

    Well, you can tell the photo of the guy pointing a rifle from an overpass is fake, because of the kerning, and the shadows, and you can’t see any curvature of the horizon from an airplane, and carbon dating doesn’t work, and Monsanto, and jet fuel can’t melt steel beams, and the Rothschilds, and Soros.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Alex Jones said it was fake, so QED and also too.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Lucky for him not everyone on the jury has been exposed to vaccines that might impair their judgment.

    • MynameisBlarney

      False!
      You failed to mention the Bildeburgs and the Illuminati.

      • elviouslyqueer

        CHEMTRAILS.

        • MynameisBlarney

          FLOURIDE!!!!

          • elviouslyqueer

            Have a seat and calm down, Jill. And no, I’m not going to refer to you as “Miss Stein if you’re nasty,” for God’s sake.

          • C4TWOMAN

            WIFI!

          • schmannity

            JOOS!

          • MynameisBlarney

            HOLLYWUD LIBRULZ!

          • schmannity

            ROSIE O’DONNELL!

          • MynameisBlarney

            ARUGULA!

          • schmannity

            Gesundheit.

          • LiPao

            Burma Shave

        • schmannity

          Pizza pedophile rings!

          • Mark Lungo

            False flag!

      • BadKitty904

        The Knights Templar!!1!

    • osceola

      Isn’t that the same desert where they faked the moon landings?

    • Master Contrail Program

      I saw the letter C on one of those rocks. Just like the “moon landing” that Kubrick directed!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I know I wasn’t there listening to the hours of testimony and counterarguments, but WTF were the jurors smoking?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      The problem is when you draw from as big an area as Clark County, you get a lot of rural “keep your gubmint out of my life” folks mixed in with the more left-leaning city dwellers.

      • Oblios_Cap

        A pretty poor job was done during voir dire, if you ask me.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Or a really good job. Somebody’s lawyer paid attention to the OJ trial.

      • PubOption

        Where does Michele Fiore live?

    • Mormos

      fentanol

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Mesquite?

  • BadKitty904

    “Civil disobedience” doesn’t involve guns. “Armed insurrection” involves guns.

    • BadKitty904
      • Nockular cavity

        WTF?!? I have a photo of what looks like the same cat, in what looks like the same place: the steps of the Blue Mosque, in Istanbul. Maybe it’s “his” spot; they love their stray cats in Istanbul. ETA: Oh, FFS. Look at it sideways. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/18e29451f878d2ba163a5dc320bf8096d7d9e5a0239801968e5667857e2de50e.jpg

        • BadKitty904

          The cats of Istanbul are famous throughout the world, as has been seen in documentaries, photo essays, etc. Traditionally “Beloved of the Sultan,” they enjoy a special legal status – it’s considered very bad luck to harm a cat, each winter the city’s mosques open their doors to local felines to stay warm, etc.

          • the cats of the region are very different than most merkin cats, whoo doggie. i don’t forget that since the dawn of time people and cats have shared space. and it started roughly in that area.

        • Erala Contratista

          I was impressed by the apparent yogi cat…..

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Sometimes it depends on the skin tone of the people holding the guns.

      • BadKitty904

        You’ve noticed that, too, eh?

        • Nockular cavity

          What a weird coincidence, right?

          • BadKitty904

            “Funny” how that works. But not ha-ha “funny”.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    All it takes is 1 (though one of the defendants boasted that the jurors deadlocked because the “holdouts” were pressing for guilty verdicts).

  • schmannity

    Not all blue lives matter. Hm, weird.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m just spitballing here, but it seems to me there’s a teensy, weensy, tiny chance that at least some of the jurors are also militia members. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • Nephilim

    These guys are not patriots. They are opportunists pretending patriotism.
    They all want a showdown with the government at any cost. It has never been about the 2nd Amendment. It has always been about a few wanting to overthrow the government, because they don’t like that the democratic process is an inclusive system.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They share this belief with the .01%, who hate the democratic process precisely because it places limits on what they can do.

  • pgjack

    Most of “Bundy’s Ranch” is on federal land and he has not paid for the grazing rights. My life spans just Truman to Trump. This idea that gument is the problem can be laid at the feet of Ronnie Reagan, patron saint of those who think society would be better without governments. But I don’t see a lot of those folks moving to Somalia or Afghanistan where there is very little gument.

    • Oblios_Cap

      I’ve been around from Eisenhower to the present and I wholeheartedly agree with you. Reagan screwed this country up terribly.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Also remember, these are the folks who also say the problem is that BLM and Forest Service Personnel are armed agents of the government. If we took away their guns, it would be much easier to intimidate and harass enjoy their freedom.

  • Mormos

    gotta wonder how the jury would find the defendants if they were black… oh wait, no i dont.

    also, breaks my heart to see poor people put their lives on the line for rich people, like the bundys

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    You really shouldn’t be surprised they found nothing wrong with this, when you consider WHY gunfuckers think they need guns. They’re just using the Second Amendment Solution™, and what could be wrong with that?

  • Chadwells

    It’s stories like this that make me loathe the human race sometimes.

    • Shibusa

      It’s stories like this that make me think the USA is a failed state.

      • Chadwells

        That too.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • weejee

      offs

    • Lance Thrustwell

      what the hell is wrong with Chechnya? This isn’t the first fucked-up thing I’ve heard about that country. I know they’re under the thumb of Russia and all, but good grief, so are a lot of other countries.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        The Chechen leader is actually an ally of Putin. Probably part of the job description to be a human rights violator.

      • MynameisBlarney

        There’s a very strong anti-LGBTQ movement in Russia and it’s spreading.
        NPR had a very in depth program about it over the weekend.

        Apparently the West is attacking them with teh ghey.

  • schmannity

    Here’s a story
    Of a man named Bundy
    Who was busy with three boys of his own
    They were four men
    Living all together
    And the cows were scared.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      ‘Til the one day when this fellow met some ammo
      And he knew that it was much more than hunch
      That this group must somehow form an army
      That’s the way they all became the Bundy Bunch.

  • weejee
  • Getting judged by a jury of your peers gives you a really good chance of getting off if you happen to have idiots as your only peers…

  • Lance Thrustwell

    A little peripheral to the issue, perhaps, and suspiciously climatological-sounding I’m sure – but do you see that fucking maddening desert scrub they’re in? That borderline moonscape, that thirst-inducing, quasi-desert they inhabit, with just a little bit of tantalizing green thrown in? Who voluntarily lives in that shit? Bundys and their ilk.

    Total apologies to any Wonkers who voluntarily live in those kinds of surroundings. But I did for a while, and I realized I would go mad if I didn’t move. So I did.

    EDIT: I may be misjudging the region in question from this photograph. Apologies if so.

    • Isaac Heston

      I lived in a tent in 29 Palms for 3 months. I understand.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      Some people (my husband) just hate the mold-inducing moister climates. I can live pretty much anywhere, but he can’t.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      If you grow up in it, it’s a little easier to be acclimated. I have a hard time in environments where the humidity is over 40-50% because I grew up in the high desert.

    • eyelashviper

      Your skin dries up, but so do sinuses…
      Not seeing much green would give me the sadz, and the dust, yuk.

      • Erala Contratista

        That’s when sinus infections would kick in for me.

    • Sister the Resister

      Perhaps this occurs to me because I’m about 15 pages shy of completing Dune (for the 15th+ time…) https://ih0.redbubble.net/image.294263531.1588/flat,800×800,070,f.jpg

    • Phoenixdoglover

      From my perch at 58 East Longitude, that looks unusually green.

  • Crystalclear12
  • BadKitty904

    If the Bundy family had been any skin-tone other than white, they’d be in prison or dead by now.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I have no doubt in my formerly military mind that this is true.

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        I once was asked by a returning soldier how my uncles knew who to shoot at in WWII because Germans were white. The answer was, “they wore uniforms. You shoot at the uniform or the guys shooting at you”

        • BadKitty904

          I never heard my Granddad or Great-Uncles mention any problem in making that distinction.

          • Undocumented Skwerl!

            Mine too, one of my cousins asked how they could shoot someone they didn’t know. They both said they concentrated on the uniform and tried not to think about the person inside of it.

            This is what happens when you draft people who would never join the military otherwise.

          • BadKitty904

            a.) So, it’s OK to shoot someone if you’ve been introduced to socially?;
            b.) “Because they were shooting at me.

          • snark-lurker

            a draft ain’t fair when deferments can be bought, but your point is still valid (imho)

        • Sister the Resister

          So much wrong with that question…

  • azeyote

    i doubt, after the new age we have entered, that you can get 12 people who are smart enough to see a picture and know what they are seeing – and if they are Trump supporters you couldn’t even get 2 of the twelve to show they have a clue –

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Nevada jury: dumbfucks who need to spend time in prison with the “militia” members.

  • Crystalclear12
    • Antonin Dvorak

      “I did not want my legacy to be the elimination of a seat and the impairment of a court that I have served on,” Judge McCullough explained.

      Newly sworn-in Judge John Arrowood is the first openly gay member of the North Carolina Court of Appeals.

      Wow, good on him.

  • eyelashviper

    I guess finding a sane jury with good eyesight is a feat for Sisyphus in Nevada.

    • Master Contrail Program

      The pee-wee football games in that neck of the woods must be savage indeed. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45666323d28400c39e966f31bf73da740f4879a7a28a74fca547e9f71667c41a.jpg

    • snark-lurker

      any how many other States would end up with the same kind of jurys? most, i bet-cha

      • eyelashviper

        Actually, in Georgia recently, two armed righties were found guilty, with hefty prison sentences, for harassing and terrorizing a group of black residents who were outside their own homes celebrating a birthday…
        The nitwits who harassed them had big confederate flags on their trucks, and brought guns…small town Georgia, and found guilty…some small victories.

        • snark-lurker

          that is a Yoooge! victiry! : )

  • Chadwells

    OT: Not suspicious at all. Nope.

    “Trump Inauguration Admits Errors, Vows To Correct Numerous Faulty Donor Records”

    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_58fec92ae4b00fa7de170e73?ir=Politics&utm_hp_ref=politics

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “We had no idea you’d check if those people really existed or if those addresses had buildings at them!”

    • snark-lurker

      The Correction: The tRump camp never received any of those [purported] donations. The money was never was.

    • Hrmm… I guess you have to be a bit more subtle with your money laundering schemes, even in Dampnut’s ‘murrica.

  • jesterpunk

    Kind of OT but maybe not. Trump is going to sign an EO this week to have the department of the interior review the prior designations by presidents of “National Monuments.”

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-seeks-to-review-national-monuments-after-obama-set-record-with-designations/

    • eyelashviper

      I recall some discussion at the time, and it would be a difficult feat to undo the designation, so we can hope that this is all more tRump blather and pathetic attempts to appease the far right orcs.

      • jesterpunk

        Congress would have to do something to remove that designation. Trump cant.

      • cheetojeebus

        Come on, are Orcs really that bad? Your comparison seems a bit libelous to me.

        • eyelashviper

          Goper orcs, the malignant kind…

        • Sister the Resister

          They have terrible breath, and no manners. ‘Nuf said.

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          Compared to the Uruk Hai, they’re positively Entish!

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Lawyer here: the biggest problem with celebrity trials of all sorts is that you need an unbiased jury. Essentially, a jury that has no preconceived notions on the issues at hand, and generally are unfamiliar or ignorant of the particular circumstances of the case.

    In celebrity trials, where the events have been broadcast far and wide, the juries almost invariably tend to be the most ignorant, uninformed, living-under-a-rock types you could possibly find. That’s the reason why famous trials end up with moron juries.

    *EDIT: Along with one other type: the Motivated Liar, who is informed and wants to get onto the jury to force an outcome (almost always for the defense), appears way more often in celebrity trials too.

    • WeaselPoo

      Interesting. Thanks.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Zis is sumpsing I alvays suspected…

  • Shibusa

    “America Reloaded”?
    Better title: “America Pantsloaded.”

    • Master Contrail Program

      Does that segue into America: Revolutions where we spend most of the running time in the drab real world instead of the stylish and action-packed Matrix?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “America: Turn it off and back on again.”

      • Hardly Ideal

        Take it out, blow into the cartridge slot, and put it back in. That’ll bring the jobs back!

  • SayItWithWookies

    What’s a poli-sci Latin term for “rich fuckin’ morons getting away with whatever they want?” ‘Cause that’s the form of government I feel like we’ve got now.

    • snark-lurker

      and nothing will change (for the better) until our politik stops dumming down the population by making education too costly for the majority

    • eyelashviper

      Libertarian Trickle Down???

    • chortlingdingo

      Plutocratic Oligarchy.

    • georgiaburning

      Vote every election like your life depends on it. Cuz, it does.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • georgiaburning

      Without those EPA regs against mercury vapors we can bring back daguerreotype photography. Brain damage issues will be more than offset by the costs saved due to reduced life expectancy.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Quite.
        Maybe now we can finally start using lead plumbing again.

        • Shanzgood

          That’ll make PPH obsolete. The lead will reduce birth rates AND drive up fetal deaths and stillbirths, making wimminz TOTALLY uninterested in birth control or abortion.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I always did like heavy metal.

    • eyelashviper

      8 tracks, it’s the future….

    • He should also bring back Digital Audio Tape and MiniDisc jobs, that’s just an untapped market right there! Maybe a Zune plant too!

      • MynameisBlarney

        Laserdiscs.

        • Bozilingus

          78 LPs

          • MynameisBlarney

            Player Pianos.

          • Contemplative Ron

            The reason 78 LPs never caught on was because the discs were about three feet in diameter.

    • Marsupial99

      Kould he also open a Dicta Phone facorry? Mah secatarry kint keep up!

    • Contemplative Ron

      He really IS stuck in the 80s, isn’t he?

    • bobbert

      satiresite.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Antonin Dvorak

      So, she is less Thatcher and more W?

  • Shibusa

    Seems like this whole mess might have been avoided if Cliven ‘Let Me Tell You ‘Bout The Negro’ Bundy would have simply paid the $1+ million they owe taxpayers for their mangy herd’s grazing fees. A freeloading welfare mooch in a cowboy hat singing Christian hymns and hiding behind Old Glory is still a freeloading welfare mooch.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Maybe in the crime-ridden hellscaped horror show that was pre-Great America.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Antonin Dvorak
    • Sister the Resister

      ol’ Comic Sans gets a bad rap, but I’ll tell you, as someone who’s set up handouts for the average person for years, it’s one of the easiest typefaces for people to read, and one of the least intimidating in “feel.” I still use it from time to time.

      As a tangent: I was told years ago, during a brief tenur as a typesetter (pre-PC and Mac) to avoid using Helvetica (similar to Arial, for you kids) on anything you wanted to make inviting to read because it was the font the IRS used for all forms and informational publications, so there was a subtle aversion to it in most readers.

  • William
    • snark-lurker

      is that a wonker on the couch (no pants on)

  • Shanzgood

    OT: I’m glad it’s not possible to actually DIE from waiting.

    • snark-lurker

      wut hoppin’? did you crash-land in a circus tent?

      • Shanzgood

        Baconzgood’s in a hearing right now. XW could have signed off on letting him go home this morning, just in front of a clerk. Instead, she said “put him back in jail” so now they’re in front of a judge, making their respective cases. RIGHT NOW.

        • snark-lurker

          you have my sympathy (no snark)

          • Shanzgood

            Thanks. It’s baconz who really needs it the most.

          • snark-lurker

            doznut sound like he’z sufferin’ alone

          • Shanzgood

            Well, I’m doing my best to get him through this. As hard as it is sometimes, it’s bajillions of times harder for him.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            So he’s facing some Nurse Ratched type, eh? Hope the judge is making her prove things instead of just nodding and accepting whatever bullshit she’s accusing him of (I’m assuming it’s all bullshit because WONKETTE SOLIDARITY!!)

          • Shanzgood

            I don’t know what she’s said other than “there’s no point in sending him home early” so far. Which isn’t true and can be proven by the fact that all this would be MOOT right now if Goodwill had allowed him to take the job he was offered. He’d be home ALREADY and not subject to her vindictive bullshit.

          • Lance Thrustwell

            No point? How about zero risk to the community, disproprtionate punishment for a technical infraction, and his incarceration is costing the state money? Good grief, lady (her, not you).

          • Shanzgood

            Yes, and getting to be a dad to his kids again. That would be nice.

          • Paul

            I missed that stuff about Goodwill and a job offer. Got time to give a quick recap?

          • Shanzgood

            He was offered a job, which is the ONLY thing he needed to comply with the court order to be allowed to go home. But Goodwill (the halfway house where he’s staying) wouldn’t let him take the job because it was commission based and that’s against THEIR rules. But not the court’s. I hope heads roll over there, I really do.

          • Paul

            Power tripping pinheads.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Fingers and toes crossed for justice!

          • Shanzgood

            Thanks! She’s a “hanging Judge” so I’m not…something.

          • Up In Smoke O’hontas

            Keep us posted!

          • Shanzgood

            I will. I feel bad about so much OT after Editrix asked not to and made the Open Threads but I’m kind of beside myself right now.

          • Contemplative Ron

            Don’t fret about that. The boss has a good heart and I don’t see anyone having a problem. Especially not something like this.

        • Paul

          Oh fuck. Good luck.

          • Shanzgood

            Thanks. What I don’t understand is what’s changed since January. She didn’t WANT this, and she said so to her attorney and the judge. Did she lose her mind in the meantime?

          • Paul

            Something here doesn’t add up

          • Shanzgood

            Who knows. Maybe he said something that pissed her off when she wasn’t allowing him to talk to his kids and now she’s trying to get back at him.

          • Paul

            WTF??!! Keep the kids out of it. Rule #1.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Suttree

    I don’t like America any more.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      You’ll like it even less after His Fraudulency and the media get everyone lathered up to blow Pyongyang off the map.

    • Suttree
      • Shanzgood

        Spacepig kind of freaks me out.

        • Suttree

          She is hiding in my shirt right now. She is kinda weird though.

        • Paul

          Any news from Baconz?

          • Shanzgood

            Down thread a bit

          • Paul

            OK….I’ll get there

      • Little Doll–MOAMF

        Was she made in America or is she one of those awesome furriners?

        • Suttree

          Jesus fucking christ I need glasses. Yes, she was made in the USA! Yay!

        • Suttree

          Actually all of my stuffies are made in the USA. Lizzie buys me special stuff. Specialty stuff,

          • Little Doll–MOAMF

            Well, there now, you have at least one good reason to still like America. ;)

          • Suttree

            Hehe. You are correct.

      • tehbaddr

        Why does spacepig have flippers?

        • Suttree

          Because spacepig is a seal.

      • Contemplative Ron

        Who doesn’t love spacepig?

    • proudgrampa

      But we still love you!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • MynameisBlarney

    Seems the WH don’t wanna cooperate with the investigation.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10028976414

    Shocking.

  • Proud Liberal
    • MynameisBlarney

      America:
      “Oh yeah, watch this.”

      • William

        Hold my beer.

    • Shanzgood

      Can I just add WTF also too?

    • proudgrampa

      So much for my plans to visit Cornwall this year…

    • Grumpy Twat

      Well, they ARE foreign!

  • William
    • Indivisible Snark Tank
    • doktorzoom

      I know sometimes I sound like Aunt Meanypants, but could we all agree not to make fun of Ryan Bundy’s nerve-damaged face? He was hit by a car as a kid, his head trapped under the vehicle, and a bone fragment in his brain left his face partly paralyzed. His control over his facial muscles has improved somewhat since the fragment was removed a few years back.

      We’re better than making fun of disabilities, damn it. His political beliefs are plenty fucked up enough, and we should limit the mockery to those. Thanks.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • eyelashviper

    OT, this is sooooo good, just now available to the unwashed masses, your special application to join MarALago…I’m in, gonna just sign an IOU for dues, and fill out the form, with all my special interests..

    https://mar.alago.me/#apply

    • Contemplative Ron

      You can just get Florida to pay for it.

      • eyelashviper

        I am sending my application in with a note that Mexico is paying for it…

        And my main interest is playing with the nuclear football in some kind of league on the front lawn.

        • Contemplative Ron

          Really redefines the term ‘long bomb.’

  • amindofitsown

    Of course they’re deadlocked. Wrong skin color. They musta obvs been good Patreets defendin’ themselves from the teerranical gubmint.

  • Little Doll–MOAMF

    OT: Yay, it’s raining, I can open the windows!

  • dshwa

    After the Oregon trial, I’m just happy there were at least a few guilty verdicts handed down.

  • Shoto

    Who are you gonna believe, the Brave US America Patriot Jurors, or your lyin’ eyes?

  • nightmoth

    Back when this circus was happening, If only I’d had a magic wand to turn all those gun-humpers into 12 year old black boys, there wouldn’t be a trial today.

  • Lefty Wright

    This may be mentioned elsewhere but does anyone know the actual count of guilty vs. not guilty? Were there 11 people stupid, or brainwashed enough to think these idiots thought they were at Saturday afternoon gun club meeting and those people in uniform were just paper targets, or was there more than one sane person among them. As opposed to the Oregon jury of 12 fools. Someone needs to clue these juries in that you do not have to have a document describing a complicated plot, signed by every member, to have a conspiracy. Or to prove assault by pointing a weapon. When you have a group of people on videos or still photos pointing guns at officials, threatening to shoot anyone who crosses them, and assemble as a gang, convincing a jury that they acted on concert should not be hard. But apparently absent a signed, notarized or recorded statement and video with the phrase we are knowingly conspiring to threaten, kill or otherwise impede the lawful actions of law enforcement, there cannot be a conspiracy. Unless you happen to be two black guys demonstrating against police brutality. Then just showing your face in public is a conspiracy.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Juries seem to have no problem convicting dim witted young Muslims who are involved in sting operations that border on entrapment, where the FBI used questionable informants. However, they can’t decide if a white guy pointing a gun at a Federal agent did anything criminal. Murika.

  • Ωbjectifier

    They pretended to be filming a sympathetic documentary about the Bundy Freedom-n-Guns Jamboree, with the working title “America Reloaded.”

    Mind if we film your sedition?
    Man these guys are stoopid.

  • jesterpunk
    • Contemplative Ron

      It depends on that the definition of ‘more’ is.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      It might be better to let him keep thinking that.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Remember when all the Executive Orders signed by Mr. Obama were the acts of the antichrist?

      • jesterpunk

        Good times, can we go back to those days?

  • Notreelyhelping

    Ah. The “this is not a gun” defense. Though not always effective in court, it remains provocative semiotically, and thus can dovetail with the “I am not a criminal–I am a performance artist” defense.

    It also works with the “I am fucking crackers” defense.

    • proudgrampa

      As an amateur semiotician, I approve of this message.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    If I had some free time on my hands I’d go occupy some of Bundy’s land.

    • hillarysleftone

      he’s got some of his own? I thought it was all federal land he “leased” per an unusual definition of “leasing” he’s come up with, that doesn’t require actually paying the agreed-upon rent, ever.

    • Bongstar420

      Armed squatting is only OK for redknecks to do.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    TRANY,,,,!!

  • atheist

    Redneck Logic:
    White guy holding a gun = Patriot
    Black guy holding a gun = Terrorist

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Brown guy holding a gun: Terrorist
      Even browner guy holding a gun: Murderous Thug

      FIFY

  • Raan

    “The three scariest words in the English language: ‘trial by jury’. Juries are made up of twelve people who are so dumb that they couldn’t even come up with an excuse to get out of jury duty.”

    • Grokenstein

      Jury duty gets me away from work for at least one day. I’m good with it.

    • Gregory Brown

      We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don’t know anything and can’t read. — Mark Twain

      • Raan

        You win the quote fight.

    • Ulricii

      I thought trial by a jury of my peers meant the jurors would be 12 guy standing next to me at the airport urinal. And no, I don’t want them deciding where I spend the next 5 to 20 years. Not even if they zip up first.

  • tehbaddr

    So when he represented himself, was he the person, citizen or agent?

    • puredog

      I suspect he was the sovereign.

      • zerosumgame0005

        the idiot savant

        • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

          “savant” assumes facts not in evidence.

          • zerosumgame0005

            servant perhaps?

  • SeeTrain65

    I guess they mean the women and children who were used as human shields.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/06912e184145bcc7d67c9ae61f3c0fc5d283ed5181bc10e1744b04d8c47320b7.jpg

  • Contemplative Ron

    Is it my imagination, or are you running out of people who actually LIKE the country they’re living in?

  • Relativicus

    I can hear it now: “Parker could be aiming at anyone…”.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Did the prosecution do a shitty job?
      Did they pick a jury of idiots?
      All of the above?

      • Relativicus

        I think there are lots of people out west who are susceptible to the reasonable-sounding arguments these “Patriots” make. Too many folks, particularly out west, consider “it could be true” to be more persuasive than “it isn’t.”

        • puredog

          “It could be true” and “reasonable doubt” can be bedmates.

          • Relativicus

            More like step-siblings.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    The people on that jury must be… very special.

  • SadDemInTex
  • Greyhame

    Oh good, more jury nullification for Vanilla-ISIS.

  • sadboy

    Hint to wacko militia types…doing reenactments of scenes from “Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas” will not help your relationship with law enforcement.

    “Well now, Mister . . . ah . . . Duke; you understand, of course, that it is illegal to discharge a firearm of any kind while standing on a federal highway?”

    • Gregory Brown

      Your remark makes me so wish that the good Dr. Hunter S. Thompson were still with us. He would be in his glory.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    This whole Bundy thing was funded by the Kochs from the git-go, through groups like the American Lands Council. It’s just godawful. The fossil fuel industry–which has a history of pretty much destroying the whole living world over the last hundred years or so, and making trillions of dollars in the process– has been involved in all kinds of chicanery, subversion and agitprop out there in God’s country, all with the goal of opening up these federal lands for fun, rape, and profit, mostly rape and profit.

    Having some halfwit racist Marlboro Man like Cliven Bundy act as their proxy is clever politics, of course.

    Even Republican voters might shrink a little bit from the demand that they open up huge tracts of federal land for the profit of a handful of murderous trust fund brats in $7000 bespoke suits.

    But tell them it’s about Freedom in the form of some Plucky Little Rancher Standing Up For His Rights and the Rights of White Men Everywhere, and they sprint to the ballot box to vote for their own doom.

    • very much this. and it’s sad, too. cause all those little penis-substitute types who like to shoot exotic animals are too dumb to realize that giant oil rigs and spills and strip mining where those animals live causes them to not live there anymore. oooops, so much for that hunting you’ve been dreaming about for so long. morAns, every one.

  • Scooby

    Let me tell you what I know about the snipers.

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Wait…armed insurrection is illegal? Since when? ….Oh, yeah, OK, carry on.

  • Delu

    Which pretty much means that the same thing will happen again.

    And it will happen again because Americans allowed it to happen again, or in this case, an American jury.

    This, together with Trump’s election and the Comey freakout, makes for convincing proof that Americans are idiots.

    • Al Swearengen

      Half of all people are by definition, idiots. It’s a spectrum from “Thinks reality TV is real” to “Still supports Trump”.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I made a joke about the jury taking one look at Eric Parker’s “sniper” position and wondering who in the hell he was hoping to take out with the barrel of his rifle lodged between two concrete barriers but damn if I thought they really would.

    Jokes aside, he might be a dipshit but he was threatening to do really bad things to government officials down on the ground and the last time I checked, threatening government officials is a federal crime.

    Convict this guy and get him off the street before he hurts someone. That and he openly committed a federal crime.

    #LawandOrder

    • Bongstar420

      Dude is too afraid to take a shot where he isn’t 98% protected from retaliation.

      Some courage to stand up for ones rights…for sure.

    • javadavis

      To get a jury of Parker’s peers, like the ALL CAPS tweeter, to convict you’d likely have to convince them that he might have been taking aim at one or more of the Bundys, or at some other militia members, in order to improve his street cred in the gang he is in. It could be what he was doing, waffling over which militia group he wanted to take over.

    • I think he’s just hiding the erection these gun-humpers get when they’re packing.

  • Bongstar420

    I think they are related to ted bundy..that explains it.

    • javadavis

      ted was a whole different class of nut job. And don’t even bring Al into this, he doesn’t deserve it.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Al’s only crime was sticking his hand down his pants on TV.

  • Tosca

    It reminds me of the juries that acquitted Klan members after lynchings. How did that get sorted out?

  • iceweasels

    Watch whiteness work.

  • toughsister

    Can someone explain to me in what way these so-called “patriot” scumbags are not terrorists?

    • David Bailey

      One word: pigmentation.

  • toughsister

    An innocent question: were the Feds out of tear gas grenades that day, or what?

  • David Bailey

    If only one of them had been black . . . if only one of them had been a Muslim . . . if only . . .

  • svejk

    Cloven Bundy cain’t even spell his’n own name right!

  • thixotropic jerk

    Same basic outcome with the Malheur Munglestnucs! What do you have to do to get these fucking free (de)range(d) criminals convicted?

  • Invidosa

    Well add Nevada to the list of places that will never receive my tourist dollars

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