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Watch where you point that thing, bub

Radio millionaire, Donald Trump advisor, and Ever-Nude Alex Jones is in the midst of a nasty custody trial. While we honestly have no idea why this trial is open to the media, and we can see that it would be very frustrating for Jones to have a gag order slapped on him while stories are written about how his current wife used to be a massage-sex-worker (yikes!), it seems to be eating what is left of his mind.

Thanks to the Austin-American Statesman, we know (without having to have watched it ourselves) that Jones took the opportunity over the weekend to “not brag” that he’d boned 150 ladies by the time he was 16, because he was a MAN dammit. A man with barbecue sauce on his nipples, who fought grown men, most likely shirtless.

Oh, wrong video.

When I was 16, I didn’t want to party any more. I didn’t want to play games any more.

I grew up. I’d already been in the fights, all the big rituals. I’d already had probably – I hate to brag, but I’m not bragging, it’s actually shameful – probably 150 women, or more, that’s conservative. I’d already had over 150 women. I’d already been in fights with full-grown men. I was already dating college girls by the time I was 15-years-old. I was already a man at 16.

At 21, I was a leader. At 21, I had a radio show on one of the biggest stations in town, and by 22 I had top ratings. By 23, I was syndicated.

By 24, I had my son.

By 24, I had a son. I had the beginnings of a media empire that was reaching millions of people and everybody couldn’t believe it.

Ladies and gentleman, Thomas Jefferson was leading Virginia by the time he was 24. Thomas Jefferson had four college degrees by 22. Thomas Jefferson was designing architecture at 20, building and getting contracts by 22. Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Thomas Jefferson was the leader of the Illuminati by 34, worldwide. And I don’t mean the modern, devil-worshiper Illuminati, that’s the counterfeit of the, quote, Illuminated, and they were Masonic, and they weren’t devil-worshipers, and they created the country, and I’m not Masonic, I’m just giving you the historical facts. The rites of passage are all being removed.

This — and it went on for an hour — was supposed to illustrate, we don’t know, that Millennials suck or something we guess, because Masons and chemtrails and Sandy Hook.

You will want to head over to the Statesman website, because obviously you don’t want to watch the video, and they did the public service of transcribing a whole bunch of shit about vampires, and also took screencharts of Alex Jones’s charts, which the man with multiple talents did on the fly:

Alex Jones’s brain

But buried in there was a tidbit that honestly just makes us feel sad.

By 24, I had my son.

If Alex Jones had a son by 24, that son had not, until now, been a known part of his biography; until now, the only unacknowledged son he’s talked about is Bill Clinton’s. Sure, you could give him the “benefit” of the doubt and say he probably just didn’t know when his acknowledged son was born (14 years ago, when Jones was 30ish). Or you could NOT do that and do the man the honor of believing the words that came out of his own mouth: that Alex Jones has a secret child.

This is all dirty and we feel gross. Thank God I don’t think we’re cut out to do Real Journalism like Alex Jones.

[Statesman]

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • Me not sure

      I’m guessing that tertiary syphilitic dementia has kicked in by now. That would explain a lot.

      • The Wanderer

        Jones, or Trump?

        • Me not sure

          AOT,K.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        So, if it is the syph, then you know at least one of those 150 chicks was real. Unless it was a dude, of course. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    • No doubt all 150 of his teen conquests were totally real models who happen to live in Canada.

  • canes_pugnaces

    He must mean his demon son who, like him, has a head that spins around, and spews acid.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/45c9cf41129993f807d2e95560bb94d396e40461fbe9c3cc120050ec1fe2f0a0.jpg

  • Villago Delenda Est

    All this proves is if you take actions without any respect for norms or ethics, you can make it big in America.

  • Randy Riddle

    “If Alex Jones had a son by 24, that son had not, until now, been a known part of his biography.”

    Hillary Clinton stoled all the mathz and hid them in a pizza parlor.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The biography is a work in progress, obviously. The past is mutable, as INGSOC demonstrated.

    • False flag fetus.

  • Ezio

    I have a hard time taking someone seriously who wants the media to “be respectful” when he gave a platform to someone who thinks that a tragedy of children getting murdered in a school was just a hoax to take their guns.

    Pro life my ass.

  • tihond

    “BY 24, I also realized that the Lizard people run everything, and that Donald Trump definitely is not a lizard person.”

  • whitroth

    First, Alex old boy, YOU didn’t have a son. Your WIFE had a son.

    And second, 150 by age 16. Did you use any kind of birth control in all that time? If not, and ANY of them got preggers, why, Alex, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal, you ought to be paying about a zillion dollars in FUCKING CHILD SUPPORT, you piece of shit.

    • The Wanderer

      Not to mention the entire elephant herd of STDs he could have contracted.

      • Swampgas_Man

        Untreated syphilis would explain a helluva lot, wouldn’t it?

        • jesterpunk

          I think Alex Jones may be living syphilis and not an actual human like he claims.

          • GemlikeFlame

            Spirochete… you know, like Agnew.

    • puredog

      Assumes fecundity not in evidence.

  • Me not sure

    Please. If you are one of the 150 women who fucked a minor named Alex Jones please step forward and dish. The statute of limitation for statutory rape or interference with custody of a minor have probably passed, so you’re probably safe with those things. I feel sure the Wonkette will protect your identity. …. Anyone? …Anyone?

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      They’re all hanging out in the same place as all of those black guys that lil Milo piece of shit fucked. Must not be wifi there.

      • Me not sure

        Just sitting around the porn telegraph?

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Dah dah dit dir dah dit dah daaahhh daaaaaahhhh DIT DAHHHHHH!

    • schmannity

      There is no statute of limitations on Alex Jones sex shame.

      • Me not sure

        So no takers, then?

  • arglebargle

    If I was a betting man I’d wager Alex had his lunch money stolen on a regular basis throughout his time in junior high.

    • aureolaborealis

      He didn’t care. He was hip-deep in lunch-lady pussy.

  • writersbloc

    Pull-Out KING– ALEX JONES!

  • calliecallie

    Sex with 150 women by the age of 16? Did he quit school and become a teenage boy hooker? WTF?

    • BearGHAZI

      He was the manliest teenage boy hooker in town, though. Didn’t take shit from no Jon.

    • laughingnome

      They were all Canadian girl friends from summer camp.

      • GoutMachine

        Yeah, you wouldn’t know them.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    When I was 19, I finished high school with pretty good grades. Then I did my military service, and by the time Peter Wessel (1690-1720) was 29 he had been made a vice-admiral and been knighted under the name Tordenskiold. I think these facts speak for themselves, but in case you need me to spell it out, I’m pretty damn great.

    ETA: Almost forgot the obligatory video…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVbBU4rlNnE

    • GoutMachine

      ALL of the upfists for ‘A Bit of Fry & Laurie’. Pure genius.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    I hope this probably-imaginary son knows nothing about his paternal parentage and is living a blissful life in some liberal enclave smoking tons of weed, silkscreening t-shirts for college kids and in his spare time designing signs for the science march.

  • Anna Rompage

    By 43, I looked like a haggered, half insane 56 year old due to being hooked on trucker speed from the time is was 11 years old…

    • coozledad

      I’ll bet if you squeezed Alex, little worms of fat would come out of his pores like a Slim-Jim.

      And by the time he got to work today, he’d eaten 150 of those jerky treats.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        EEEEEEEWWWWWWW

      • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

        NONONONO DO NOT NEED THAT IMAGE.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Uh, OK. You go first.

      • Eo Raptor

        Where’s the damned brain bleach!?!

    • I’m always shocked when I remember Alex Jones is actually younger than I am.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    150 women? Likely he found his Dad’s stash of 12 years of Playboy centerfolds.

    • Anna Rompage

      Oh, you beat me too it!

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        He likely was busy beating both of us to it.

    • Creepoman

      Who knew gym socks had genders!

  • Anna Rompage

    I’d already had over 150 women… See, I inherited my dad’s collection of Playboys, and there must have been at least 13 years worth of magazines in there…

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    Jones took the opportunity over the weekend to “not brag” that he’d boned 150 ladies by the time he was 16

    I remember claiming that very same thing when I was his mental age.

    • coozledad

      By the time I was fifteen I’d mucilaged several hundred pages of magazines together, too. But I didn’t call them “ladies”.

  • Swampgas_Man

    Maybe Jones had chili for breakfast.

  • Zonath

    By 17, Alex had already won the Kumite twice and he and his Canadian girlfriend had followed a set of clues in the Declaration of Independence which led to a fabulous treasure.

  • mardam422

    When I was 16. It was a very good year.
    It was a very good year, for fucking 150 women
    When I was 24. It was a very good year.
    It was a very good year, for having a son no one knows about.
    And being a radio host with barbecue sauce on my nipples.

    • coozledad

      When I was forty-two, they stuck me in a pine box
      because my wife’s lawyers got the house and changed all the locks
      they left a bag of Hydrox
      on the concrete front stoop
      I ate them and took my last poop.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      🎵 🎶 People
      People who shag 150 people
      Are the lyingest bastards in the world.

  • JMP

    And by 43, you look like you are at least in your late 50s or early 60s and it really is shocking to read how young you are when you look so very very old.

    • coozledad

      The myocardial infarction might be televised, might be televised…

    • GoutMachine

      Tell me about it. I’m the high school class one year after his (different school, but in the Metroplex) and I had no idea we were around the same age.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I can see why Little Donnie likes Jones. They have much in common, including leaving sadness and broken people in their wake.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Also, too, lying their faces off just because it’s a weekday.

      • puredog

        And those doodles of his look a lot like Donnie’s “I signed this bill” memes.

  • coozledad

    By comparing himself to Thomas Jefferson, is Alex telling us he raped his wife’s half sister?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Uh yeah, I’m gonna need the receipts on that “150 women by age 16” lying ass claim.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I mean, I’ve seen enough women bowled over by fast-talkers like him to give him a tiny bit of credence for when he was younger and presumably more attractive/less hairy. But I think that total’s lifelong, if you knock a zero off of it. And that’s being generous.

      • puredog

        He could scarcely have been less hairy. At least, as far as they could see, until it was “too late.”

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    When I was 7, I wrestled 10 huge alligators, and beat them all. It was awesome. Believe me.

    • LucindathePook

      Ah kilt me a bar when I wuz only 3.

      • mackafritz

        Beat me to it.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Alex Jones walking into a bar…..
        *knocks on wood*

      • Why would you put a kilt on a bar? Was it Burn’s Day?

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        But can you eat any man opposed to Jackson?

    • not_vh

      by 16 i had ruled zamunda with an iron fist for over a decade and renounced the throne to pursue other interests. during this period i taught che, fidel the ways of the armed resistance, and mandela the non-violent one. i had also boinked a dozen ladies each from over 150 countries.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      How old were you when the bear took your eye?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I was 10, and thank you so much for bringing up that painful memory!!

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          I apologize. If I were on Maui, I would comfort you with cheese.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I would appreciate that. Sometimes the loss of depth perception makes it hard to cut the cheese.

          • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

            Interesting. I am quite sure that I would have no difficulty cutting the cheese even if I were struck completely blind…

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Well, you are Canadian.

          • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

            Now just a minute, eh?

          • katkelly57

            Same fr cutting the mustard?

          • mardam422

            Is that an island in the Pacific?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I am so dominant and I am so prominent that I conquered all of Asia, as a continent. You won’t hear about it because of the globalist media.

    • aureolaborealis

      Yeah, but how many grown women had you banged?

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Well….none. Who has time with all the gator wrasslin’?

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Now, where’s that woman I have to wrestle?

      OK, I’ll tell the joke, but only if somebody asks. Otherwise, google.

    • Jgb979

      So did I

      https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/23/Bayou_Billy_box.jpg/220px-Bayou_Billy_box.jpg

      Game considerably less awesome than that cover art would make it appear

      • Meccalopolis

        I think I met that guy at langerado one year

    • goonemeritus

      My favorite librarian told my mother I was sweet when I was 7.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “By 24, I had a son. I had the beginnings of a media empire that was reaching millions of people and everybody couldn’t believe it.”

    Remind you of a certain someone’s speech pattern, anyone? If there’s anything these bloated assholes have done that’s positive, it’s giving America a tour de force education on identifying people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

  • Prof. T. Green Bastard
    • aureolaborealis

      He was counting strokes, silly.

      • Ellencconway

        My last paycheck was $22500 for working 12 hours a week online.Start earning $97/hour by working online from your home for few hours each day with GOOGLE… Get regular payments on weekly basis… All you need is a computer, internet connection and a litte free time… Read more here
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  • JMP

    I also know karate and once got mugged by two, uh, four, no wait it was ten guys and I fought them all off with my super-karate skills I even punched one of the mugger dudes in the eye so hard his brain exploded.

    • BearGHAZI

      Were you on Infowars-Brand testosterone boosters?

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    I’d already been in the fights, all the big rituals.

    Sir, the only fights you were in were with the voices in your head.

    And I want documentation of the Klingon Age of Ascension Ritual you underwent or you will be forced to repeat it.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Yeah, well, I also had 150 women by the time I was 16, AND I’ve got really silky hair. Top that, Alex fucking baldy Jones!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Jones has millions of followers. Um … has Canada built a wall yet?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    I’d already had over 150 women.

    Also, too…
    Oh he’s been to Nice and the isle of Greece
    While he sipped champagne on a yacht
    He moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed ’em what he got
    He’s been undressed by kings and he’s seen some things
    That a manly man ain’t s’posed to see
    He’s been to paradise, but he’s never been to he

  • BMW

    Who does he think he is? Chuck Norris?

    • Vincent Ricola

      Yes.

      • Wild Cat

        Norris may be odious, but he doesn’t felch like Jones does . . .

        • H0mer0

          what did the little rodent do to deserve that?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Was it Magic Johnson (owner of the world’s best pr0n name, btw) who supposedly slept with 25,000 women before he was 40? Maybe AJ was shooting for those kinds of numbers.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Thought that was Wilt Chamberlain, but coulda been Magic.

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          See above and/or below!

      • BMW

        You’re thinking of Wilt Chamberlain.

        Magic Johnson’s johnson couldn’t have been too magic considering what happened to him.

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          Dangit, you’re right, it was Wilt! Thanks!

      • Grumpy Twat

        Doesn’t that work out at one per day for over 68 years?

  • mardam422

    By 16, I’d had sex with about 150 women. I’m not bragging. That would be wrong. But I did. Of course, it was in my head. But not really. I mean, I had orgasms, but not with women. It was about women though. So I could have had sex with 150 women. But I chose not to. Or maybe they did. Or something. Oh, yeah, and that media empire thing. That too. And a Corvette with flames on the side.

    • Wild Cat

      I was once charged in a paternity suit by a mens magazine . . .

    • OrdinaryJoe

      150 women. That would be about 10 years of old Playboys hidden in his closet. Wouldn’t have wanted to handle the pages or anything but must have been quite the collection.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Who does he think he is, Joe Biden?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Clyde Barrow

    Alex is obviously projecting his Pizzagate fantasies. I’d bet many of his “conquests” would constitute statutory rape, and raping of a drugged victim(s).

    • I’d bet more on the local ranchers wondering why their cows were acting funny.

  • Wild Cat
  • Vecchioivan

    I was just 11 when I’m shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. True story.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      And you would have gotten away with it too, if it had been Fifth Avenue.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    To be fair, was this human sex or was this kinky lizard sex?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Anyone who brags that he had 150 women before he was 16 had zero women before he was 25. End of discussion.

    • arundel

      They were all co-eds living in Canada.

  • Fartknocker

    I’m calling Bullshit on Alex’s sexy time frequency. First of all, Wikipedia reports he grew up in Rockwall, TX which is the smallest county in Texas. If he had sex with just 50 women in that county, he would either have been shot, beaten, or ran out of town – Rockwall is a tight knit town, almost a clique.

    As to if he did this in Austin, you couldn’t get away with that shit in the 1980s. Most everyone knew numerous families and a lot of us were raised to be Baptists, who do know how to fuck around and drink a lot. And so does everyone in your wife’s, husband or children’s church. The population during his sexy time line was around 180K the town area was only about 70 square miles. Maybe Alex had some sex out a Hippy Hollow but he didn’t bed 100 women. I can see him having a son out of wedlock but his sexual prowess is just like his theories: bullshit.

    • Most of us figured it was bullshit because it was Alex Jones. Or maybe he just stole money and was paying hookers.

    • Msgr_MΩment
    • Wild Cat

      Texas? That’s where that Bush clan run a ton of Mexican and Russian hookers. Mister Jones got 150 freebies for spreading 150 lies and 150 diseases.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      If he had sex with 150 women in that county, he must have been screwing around with a lot of sisters, cousins, aunts, grandmas and suchlike. If it’s like many small counties everybody’s related to everybody,

      But, yeah, what you said.

    • Vecchioivan

      So you’re saying this guy may be full of shit then.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Is Rockwall any where near La Grange?

      http://youtu.be/Vppbdf-qtGU

  • Creepoman

    The most frightening thing? AJ draws people exactly the way I do.

  • SweetDeeKat

    Thank you, Rebecca, for wading through this cesspool so I don’t have to. Your stomach must be cast-iron. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2251376146b1921eba64f613929c6d382b01f0c0cd28159cd61a68d2d0fafdea.gif

  • MynameisBlarney

    “I grew up. I’d already been in the fights, all the big rituals. I’d
    already had probably – I hate to brag, but I’m not bragging, it’s
    actually shameful – probably 150 women, or more, that’s conservative.
    I’d already had over 150 women. I’d already been in fights with
    full-grown men. I was already dating college girls by the time I was
    15-years-old. I was already a man at 16.”

    ok…so, when I was 16, there were a lot of morans in my school that talked like that.
    One of my older friends told me that guys that talked like that were obviously virgins.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He was such a man at 16 that he lied to the Marine Corps recruiter so he could join the Corps and see the world on Uncle Sugar’s dime!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Makin’ it to second base, but saying you went all the way
      Monday afternoon at practice.”

    • Vincent Ricola

      The virgin morans at my high school were smart enough to keep the number believable because they knew girls talked to one another.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        And compared notes.

    • Thiazin Red

      Those girls all went to college in Canada, you wouldn’t have known them.

  • Vecchioivan

    Did you know there is an opera about this guy?

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JtJ1VqeyrCI

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    When I was 16, America elected its first black (and MUSLIM!!!111) Prez. Also, somepony please hit Alex Jones with a rusty vote.

  • rocktonsam

    by 25 I had people believing those water vapors left by air planes in the sky were going to kill us all or something. Buy my brain pills losers.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Have you ever seen one of those clock face drawing tests for someone with severe cognitive impairment? I say get Jones evaluated ASAP…

  • schmannity

    1-2 is the new 160.

  • schmannity

    Still couldn’t shine Muddy Waters’ shoes.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgaxYEsEVVY

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Hoochie koochie libel!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    The 150 women thing. That’s gotta be just like the Sting making love for eight hours things. Obviously doesn’t mean what you think he meant. I’m guessing it means that he exposed himself in his megachurch once.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Yeah, it’s like when a guy says they had sex X number of times in an evening, when X is 4 or more. I don’t care who you are or how much ecstasy you dropped, having sex from time 5-onwards is about as enjoyable as whacking off with a ball-peen hammer wrapped in barbed wire.

  • jesterpunk

    Did he leave out part of the sentence?

    I’d already had probably – I hate to brag, but I’m not bragging, it’s actually shameful – probably 150 women,or more, that’s conservative.

    And actually mean to say

    I’d already had probably – I hate to brag, but I’m not bragging, it’s actually shameful – probably 150 women turn me down,or more, that’s conservative.

  • BMW

    By the time Alex Jones was 16, Thomas Jefferson had been dead for almost 164 years. FACT.

    • laughingnome

      So he couldn’t have had sex with him.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Hold my beer.

      • JohnW

        Well, we certainly hope not, but the depths of the depravity of his ilk are pretty low…..

  • mardam422

    Who knew?? Alex Jones is the most interesting man in the world!!!11

    • BMW

      Stay thirsty stupid, my friends.

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      And the stupidest man on the Interwebz.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Here is what we know. Do not let that man anywhere near children if there isn’t a monitor of some sort watching him…..

  • schmannity

    It’s not sex, it’s performance art!

  • Mary Sandoras

    Overcompensate much for a small peener, Alex?

    • MynameisBlarney

      It think he’s overcompensating for more than a micro-peen.

  • MynameisBlarney

    “By the time I was 3 years old I’d already killed my 1st Grizzly!”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      With a Red Ryder 200 shot range model air rifle.

      • MynameisBlarney

        With a compass in the stock and a thing what tells time!

    • Vecchioivan

      “He goes a-huntin’ bear with a switch.”

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Bald, dumb and delusional. Sad way to live even a short life.

  • Courser_Resistance

    I hope that one day they discover the particular alien parasite that lives in Alex Jones’, and other assorted right-ring assholes’, brains. Because whatever it is is driving them all barking mad… as bad as fucking rabies.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      You ever seen a movie called “Pontypool”? Freaky. I suspect it’s like that. They keep saying things like ‘smaller government’ & ‘skin in the game’ until they’re all infected.

      • Great movie, and I happen to live super close to the town of Pontypool where it is set (there is no radio station in the actual Pontypool…)

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Jerking off in the basement to Showtime is never going to count, honey. Bless your heart and other (bloated, icky, best-unseen) parts.

    • Me not sure
      • Vincent Ricola

        That man had zero sex in high school.

        • Me not sure

          He might’ve been having sex with the smiley fat guy while the picture was being made.

          • Opalescent Riddles

            Still counts.

          • That’s Newman from Seinfeld.

          • Me not sure

            Funny you should say that, Wayne Knight, the guy who played Newman, went to high school here.

        • Buzz1313

          He blends into the background. College girls don’t do high school wallflowers.

        • aureolaborealis

          Depends on how horny the custodians were.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Kinda hard to see what he looks like.
        But he doesn’t strike me as someone that could have had consensual sex with over 150 “women” before he was 16.

      • not_vh
        • Me not sure

          …or the Illuminati.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Christ. I keep forgetting that he’s barely older than me.

      • BrianW

        That photo means he’s 10 years younger than me. Just from looking at his current pictures, I would NOT have guessed that. I mean, I’m no prize but at least I try to take care of myself.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Hello walking advertisement for Malignant Masculinity.

  • katkelly57

    Radio millionaire…where DOES he put them all?!?
    Inquiring minds and all that….

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I’d already been in fights with full-grown men. I was already dating college girls by the time I was 15-years-old. I was already a man at 16.

    Right. Fighting and fucking make you a man.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Bullshit, he wasn’t dating college girls. Unless he’s talking about the girls enrolled at the community college beauty school. And I doubt that, too.

  • Crystalclear12

    I think as a a society we walked away from involuntary commitment too soon.

  • Elvis Causticfellow

    By 24, Bob Dylan recorded Highway 61 Revisited.

  • Joe T.

    Note to Jones—a veal calf does not count as a woman.

    • Wild Cat

      He thought Portnoy was leading the International Conspiracy of Jewish Bankers.

  • proudgrampa

    When I was Seventeen, It was a Very Good Year!

    https://youtu.be/emAe6IClGys

    • H0mer0

      “To those of us who knew the pain
      Of Valentines that never came…”

      • proudgrampa

        Thanks for reminding me of that gorgeous song. This is a version she did in Liverpool a while back. She’s still “got it.”

        https://youtu.be/BxGG8UvEpzY

  • exinkwretch

    Smart move by AJ to get all that manly boning in at an early age — before his gut enlarged enough to block his view of his tiny pecker.

  • timpundit

    “’I’d already had probably – I hate to brag, but I’m not bragging, it’s
    actually shameful – probably 150 women,or more, that’s conservative.”

    No, 150 rent-boys in public restroom stalls..now that would be ‘conservative’ or at least ‘republican’.

  • Vecchioivan

    This one time, in fourth grade, we had a snow fight and I hit a fifth grader in the back of the head with a snowball. It was really cool.

  • BMW

    “Alex Jones can eat a dick.”
    -the ghost of James Madison (probably)

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I haven’t had that many women or men, but I’ve had more than I can remember at this point. I don’t point that out to show how incredibly adult I am, though. I just mention it in case any of you need to know which of the Wonketteers are the biggest sluts.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      We kinda figured that your nym indicated you were a free spirit.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        No, I’m not really easy-going. Just easy.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Like Sunday morning?

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            Huh, I DO spend a lot of time on my knees…

          • Anna Elizabeth

            XD

          • Meccalopolis

            Oh, baby!

        • H0mer0

          my motto is “it isn’t pretty being easy.”

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I like to know who the biggest sluts are so I can make friends with them!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        *raises hand*

    • MynameisBlarney

      *stands and raises hand*

      Hi, my name is Blarney (CWIDT?) and I’ve slept with hunnerds o’ womerns!
      HUNNERDS!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    OT: Verdict’s back in the Bunkerville/Bundy trial – Two convicted. Four others (including the guy who set up a sniper’s perch), the jury deadlocked.

  • Christopher Story

    Wow. He sounds like a teenager in highschool bragging to his buddies. Especially the college women line.

    “Who are all these girls you’re sleeping with?”
    “You wouldn’t know them, they’re all college girls.”

    • Elvis Causticfellow

      “They’re in Canada.”

    • Wild Cat

      “Well, Alex, what are college girls like?”

      “Well, they have hairy legs, no tits, and really big clits that they want to stick up my ass.”

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Their tits feel like….bags….of….um….sand.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    It explains a fair amount about Alex Jones that by the age of 16 he’d already searched out 150 women who were into statutory rape with unpleasant teenagers. Or at least that he thinks we’d be impressed if he had.

    • Christopher Story

      Beat me to it!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Nah. Great minds and all that.

  • Christopher Story

    Btw, but what is the age of consent in Texas? Because unless it is 16, that’s a lot of statutory rape he just confessed to.

    • Wild Cat

      Age of consent is 7 in Texas.

      • wait! what?

        5, if we are counting fingers.

    • MynameisBlarney

      OK, but can he REALLY rape his own hand?

      • Christopher Story

        Well, he isn’t known for his gentle disposition

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So, how many college degrees did Alex earn by the time he was 24?

    • GoutMachine

      AOT,K.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    OT, the water has been off all day. Luckily I got my bath first, but have you ever put on makeup with no water?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I have, but only because I had a toddler in diapers and as such, have many wipes handy.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I should buy some handi-wipes Payday. Oh well, I can eat east stuffs if I can’t cook.

    • Rex Thorne

      Never.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        XD It’s a bitch, let me tell yous.

        • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

          you have any moisturizer? slather it on your face and wipe it off with facecloth/ paper towel. Clean makeup-ready face.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Good tip! I’ll remember it for next time. I was fresh out of my bath when the water was shut down – it’s supposed to be fixed in another 2 hours – so the only dirty part without water was getting stuff on my fingers while applying.

            A hassle, but not too bad.

  • BMW

    The most impressive thing about Thomas Jefferson writing the Constitution was at he wrote it all the way over in France, while the Constitutional Convention was being held in Philadelphia!

    • wait! what?

      So, maybe he wrote TO the Constitution:

      Dear Consti,
      Writing from my third eye, as per usual. I would use French but I know how Hancock gets all randy when anyone says “oui, oui…”

    • Meccalopolis

      And cribbed it from Locke and Smith

  • Angela Ruzzo

    What the flying fuck difference does it make whether Jefferson was a Mason or not? Alex seems hung up on it, as do a lot of people, even though there is zero contemporary evidence that Jefferson was a Mason, and it is meaningless anyway, except to people who wanted to be a Mason and got turned down, and now they are emotionally crippled with jealousy. Ben Franklin was an acknowledged Mason. Ben Franklin would have joined any club that had free beer and advertising opportunities, so he is hardly an upstanding example.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      These Conspititards think America is run by a vast Masonic Conspiracy. And the Masons use secret codes, languages, architechure, etc to run the world.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Something, something, something Illuminati.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          *nods*

          • Msgr_MΩment

            *secret handshake*

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Ixnay on the hakeshay! You wanna make Everypony suspicious?

      • Vecchioivan

        My uncle was a Mason in a tiny town in Douglas County, Oregon. Little did I realize the old boy was secretly running the world from the back of his laundromat.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I had a relative that was/is a Mason.
          He said it’s basically just a place where they go to drink and talk shit without the wives.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Yeah, I know. XD

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yeah, I know, I’ve heard it before. A bunch of impotent white men sitting in wood-paneled rooms wearing funny hats and using secret handshakes are running the world. Yawn. These are the same guys who act like they’re dying when they have the flu and want a woman to take care of them, and who don’t know how to refill the salt shaker.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Roger that. *shakes head* It’s stoopid and pathetic.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      “It opens doors!”

      https://youtu.be/DyL5mAqFJds

    • Villago Delenda Est

      George Washington was a Stonecutter!

      https://youtu.be/dSpOjj4YD8c

    • OTB

      People with NPD are obsessed with exclusivity. Most narcs I’ve known have been obsessed with arcane groups like The Masons, or the society for colonial wars, DAR, etc….Or just their own private country clubs and golf courses, ahem.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Very true. And since I was a teenager I’ve had this sneaking suspicion that a lot of men secretly wish they were women, but they know they never can be, so they want to punish us for our exclusivity. It’s just a thought I had. . .It would explain a lot. I was in my 20’s before I knew that a lot of people had written books on this same subject.

  • Ezio

    At 16 it’s the age where you’re supposed to have kids in every culture and have sex with a bunch of women?

    If my parents found out I was doing that at 16 they’d give me the biggest smack upside the head of my life and never let me watch tv or play a game ever again as long as I lived under their home…

    • Yr. Gma

      They made you live under the house?

      • Ezio

        Good catch.

        *Under their roof

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Needs moar Jacobins.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    To be fair, he always assumed it was a woman on the other side of the wall.

  • OTB

    Narcissists are obsessed with age and youth so he’s probably subtracting years from his age on the fly.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    For some reason these blue bicycle Glo-Nads seem apt.

    https://i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NjU1WDcwNQ==/z/LfUAAOSwmgJY6I8Y/$_58.JPG

    • Rasilom

      No, just no no no!

    • The Wanderer

      Blue balls. Very apt.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Truck nutz libel?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Dear Penthouse Forum,

    I always knew I’d be writing you, because I have a very, very fertile imagination…

  • not_vh

    was he paying taxes by 16?

  • Gorillionaire

    I would love to know what my sister and brother in law, enthusiastic infowars groupies both, think about all this, but they pretty much cut off contact with the rest of us last year.

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    I’m not sure how 150 underwear models in the Sears Catalog count as sex partners.

    • Rasilom

      Its easy, just jam your pecker through each.page and make a notch on your bed post.

  • Ezio

    And getting into fights with grown men at age 16? If my parents found out about THAT they would be fuming.

    • Buzz1313

      I read that as he and his friends ganged up on men and beat them.

      • teele

        He had friends? At no point in his rant does he mention that he had friends, and I would want to see actual evidence of that. I was thinking maybe he meant that he had kicked the crap out of homeless addicts while they were sleeping on the street.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Speaking of sexual perverts in the news, this is titillating: https://twitter.com/gabrielsherman/status/856591561429274625

    • Rasilom

      Please Please Please Please!

    • Shoto

      If Shine and his crew are not gone before this thing is over, then nothing will have changed. Cosmetic changes ain’t real changes.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Shoto

    “I’d already had probably over 150 women…”

    Rough translation: “Both my hand and arm were really sore.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m really surprised Hillary let this man live.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Why not? He would have made a perfect sex slave

      • theblackdog

        Ew

    • The Wanderer

      Every court needs a jester.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Maybe, but most courts usually don’t let that jester tell everyone to put a knife in the queen’s eye.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Fuck Alex Jones with a pitchfork. That piece of scum along with outlets like FUX Noise have brought us the Trump FUBAR Freak Show that threatens our very republic.

    http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/246/579/d7e.jpg

  • Ezio

    What parents these days would give the green light to their son impregnating a girl at 16? That’s not a sign of maturity, that’s a sign of irresponsibility.

  • Jenny

    Maybe he just pooped so good he thought it was a real child?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Anna Elizabeth

      LOL

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Ok, that really is a good one!

    • MynameisBlarney

      What is he expecting to accomplish with such childish displays?

      • Honestly? This is one that I am sometimes on the fence about “actual mental illness” vs “con for the grift”
        And I gotta say, things like that make me lean A and curse Reagan some more.

    • Shanzgood

      That’s just bizarre. Sometimes I feel like that when I get home and wanna take off my bra, but I usually wait until I have some privacy.

  • george gonzalez

    150 women? Wow, that’s a substantial portion of the blind and olfactorily-challenged inventory of women. He must have scoured the country.

    • Christopher Story

      It was originally 1.5 women. He tacks on another zero every decade to compensate. Next it’ll be more than a thousand.

    • Manders

      It helps to explain why he and Trump are such buds; they both partake in casual mendacity that consists mostly of totally unbelievable hyperbole.

    • Grumpy Twat

      How many day-centres are there, where he grew up?

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Thomas Jefferson was born into a wealthy, established family with connections (I looked it up to make sure) and much of what he paid for was off the backs of slaves. Now, Alex Jones doesn’t mind any of this, but I feel with political correctness run amok (/s) he should choose who he says he wants to emulate more carefully.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      If you’re only smoking it once a year, wouldn’t it all be strong?

    • The Wanderer

      If he thinks law enforcement smokes weed to test its potency, he’s more fucked in the head than I thought.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    A male with confidence is showing a good indicator that he is a skillful bed partner.

    Bragging that you slept with “150” women by he age of 16 is *not* confidence.

    • Shanzgood

      I always wonder at numbers like that. Why so many? Wouldn’t anyone have him more than once?

      • Male prostitute.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Average number of partners is five. Basically, either he’s lying or he has a sex addiction.

        • Shanzgood

          And at 16? When I was 16, boys still had cooties.

        • Anna Rompage

          Or he was really confused, and counted live stock as people…

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Not even the goats would have him more than once?

      • Little Doll–MOAMF

        Bingo!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Right? When I find a good lover, I try to see them again.

    • Christopher Story

      You’re so right. I’ve personally only had seven partners my entire life thus far; and I have no problem admitting that because my sense of worth and pride and accomplishment isn’t tied to my penis.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I wouldn’t even say only, Christopher, it’s not that big a deal either way. In my experience, when adults are into each other, it’s a good time for all.

        • Christopher Story

          Hallelujah and amen! I meant “only seven” in the context of “more than 150.” And actually, I’m still with my lucky #7. Four years and going strong. But yeah, my perfectly healthy and respectable history is so “only” to somebody who has to brag about “more than 150 women” when he was 16. Lol!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Indeed, and many happy returns for you and your significant other. :)

          • Christopher Story

            Aww… Thank you

  • Alex, Dear, Rosy and her 5 sisters do not count as actual women, even when you pretend that they are.
    The more you know!

    • Little Doll–MOAMF

      “There were 150 different women in that stack of girly magazines, and they all count!”

  • CripesAmighty

    If “fights” is defined as: “having one’s face shoved into a locker to peals of derisive laughter”, I’ll buy that part.

    • And by grown men you mean guys who were bigger than me in HS….

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      “Getting decked outside a 7/11 for being a mouthy little scrote” also too

      • Persistent Demme

        Does getting swirlys count?

  • Anna Rompage

    150 encounters by the time he was 16?

    I bet he kept the good folks down at Planned Parenthood busy with having to treat the various STDs he contracted during that period of time…

    • Shanzgood

      It was his own personal Gulf War.

  • I hate to brag, but I’m not bragging, it’s actually shameful – probably 150 women, or more, that’s conservative. I’d already had over 150 women.

    No, you can’t talk to them. They moved to Canada. But they’re totally real.

    • RiSheil

      He met them at camp. You wouldn’t know them.

  • Little Doll–MOAMF

    Just another con-con-conservative, bragging about his ‘glory days’ which were over before he turned 25.

    Loser. And liar, also too.

    • It is amazing how many of these so very much macho men peaked at 24ish

  • wait! what?

    I’m thinking maybe 1 “woman” he dressed up 150 different ways, after school. Foreplay was always the same. Alex would lean over and whisper:

    Annie, Annie; are you okay?

    • Mehmeisterjr

      To be fair, she was a rubber doll. And she still felt cheap about it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Found the 150 women Alex Jones fucked by the age of 16.

    (*The factory discarded em’ and changed the locks after the 150th one was soiled and so Alex had to stop.)
    https://thebrainchancery.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/sex-dolls.jpeg

  • Bill D. Burger

    OT..but I’m getting a hat and T ASAP:

    [Dan Savage Raises $100K With ‘Impeach The Mother F*cker Already’ Swag
    And he isn’t planning to stop there.
    By Curtis M. Wong

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BTCSqmvjRtY/

  • DainBramage

    Instead of the classic “in bed”, you have to tack “in my head” onto every statement Jones makes about himself.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I see no reason to doubt Alex here. 150 women by 16? Pshaw, that ain’t hard. Why, when I was a strapping lad of 15, I would walk to school, and on the way, I would explicitly proposition nearly every woman I saw to go make sweet love in their car, a nearby alley, a broom closet, whatever was handy. And they were all flattered by the attention, none were offended or creeped out, and a good, I’d say, 20% of them enthusiastically agreed! And I never got anyone pregnant, and I never got an STI. I think it was my winged unicorn that impressed them. And don’t get me started on my classmates! I was known reverentially as “the stud” to one and all. To sexx me up was every girl’s dream. The principal created a shrine to me and put it in the main hall.

    What, isn’t that everyone’s experience? Just me and Alex I guess. Oh but Alex got the syphilis.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That was my exact experience, too.

      At age 16, I was an irresistible babe magnet, probably because of the sexy braces that I was then sporting.

      Yeah, it was the braces and the zits. They were all over me.

      • Persistent Demme

        You guys are killing me!

  • Notreelyhelping

    Right. And he killed a bear when he only three. (A stuffed bear, but still….)

    • Yr. Gma

      “Killed him a barr when he was only three.”

      • The Witch of Endor

        Alex Jones is no Fess Parker.

    • TundraGrifter

      “I shot a bear in my pajamas. How he got into them, I’ll never know.”
      ~ Grouch Marx

  • Raan

    You could have stopped this headline at “Who’s The Dick”.

  • The Wanderer

    (does a quick count) Huh. Almost even – mind you, that’s in the 38 years after my virginity and I parted ways.

  • rubikcube

    He has had 150 conservative women? Wow, that is a lot.
    Why are we privy to all this Alex Jones juicy bit stuff and still nothing about Donald chasing Pam Bondi around the Churchill bust.
    *Can we please also make it so that Alex never gets custody of his secret son either? Not even for manly shirtless breakfasts every other week.

    • Pisto75666

      What about shirtless chili contests?

      • rubikcube

        Fine, but that is it.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Are there any pictures of him where he doesn’t look like he’s in mid-embolism?

  • Poly_Ester

    The godless Jefferson wrote the US Constitution? Don’t tell the Evangelicals, they think it was jesus, but especially, don’t tell Alex that James Madison was the principal author.

    • Meccalopolis

      Think he knows Jefferson was a deist?

      • Contemplative Ron

        Since it’s a fact, then no.

        • Meccalopolis

          Ah, those inconvenient facts.

  • Jgb979

    Jones took the opportunity over the weekend to “not brag” that he’d boned 150 ladies by the time he was 16……

    I’m sorry if any part of that is true….that’s statutory rape.

    You could divide that number by over 30 for me😇

  • Buzz1313

    Alex Jones, you sir, are no Thomas Jefferson!

  • snark-lurker

    150 & no STD? Damm–me got the clap 1st time out (H.S. chick) & the 2nd chick too. Damm

    • Yellerduck

      Untreated syphilis would explain a lot.

      • snark-lurker

        i been meanin to take care of that

  • Rex Thorne

    It’s good he got an early start, since from the look of him, he’ll die of a stroke or infarction by 50. I can’t believe he looks so bad at 43! I guess that’s what a life of spewing hate and delusion will do.

  • Mike

    I like how he compares himself to Jefferson, that’s funny.
    I’m not sure he knew 150 people by the time I was 16 … let’s put that to paper…
    From off…1st-10th grade, maybe 30 kids to a class half of which are girls, 10% of them are reptilians and 20% are grays (maybe blues IDK), 40% are Bilderbergers, and all the rest are Illuminati, the new evil kind not the good Jefferson kind.
    That leaves no one but Mary Palm and her sisters….

    • Sophia

      Thank you. Best laugh I had all day!

  • Notreelyhelping

    “And every one of them,” he said, his voice breaking, “loved me.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      But only for his Apollonian body (at age 16.) Women are so superficial.

  • Edith Prickly

    I’d already been in the fights, all the big rituals. I’d already had probably – I hate to brag, but I’m not bragging, it’s actually shameful – probably 150 women, or more, that’s conservative. I’d already had over 150 women

    The fuck you did, numbnutz. That’s the chemtrails talking.

    • Pisto75666

      IMO, if you have to brag, it didn’t happen.

      • Moar Wordz

        He vomit-brags

  • goonemeritus

    He slept with a 150 women and only has 1 illegitimate kid? Either Alex has a lot to thank Planned Parenthood for or he is about as fertile as a two year-old.

    • The Witch of Endor

      He slept with over 150 women by age 16? If he started immediately after his 1st birthday, that would be nearly 10 women a year. If he started when he was 13 it would be nearly 38 females per year. Look at that ass, listen to that ass, I’m thinking he was lucky to get any woman to look at him until he got some money and notoriety.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        How dare you, how dare you, I say, question the accuracy of Alex Jones’s recollection of how many women he nailed by age sixteen?

        His record for accuracy is unparalleled in the history of nutso screaming assholes.

        Also, too, guys never brag about anything.

      • Heyzeus Ahchay

        Hey, come on! His mom hired babysitters for him until he was doing his radio show from her basement at 21, and many — at LEAST 150 — had to have fallen asleep on the sofa while he watched TV and choked down chips and soda while mommy was out on the town.

    • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

      By “had”, I think he means “imagined them naked while fapping”.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    By “had” he means looked at their Penthouse photo spread.

    • Contemplative Ron

      Wow, that’s a LOT of back issues.

  • Fillet John

    He’s high on fluoride. And Pure Unadulterated Dick.

  • Bemused

    Interesting. Did all the girls at his school somehow miss the “If you let anyone touch your naughty bits you will die of AIDS and go to hell” message that was happening in the early 90s? Because while there were some girls at my HS that were sexually active, there weren’t THAT many and they mostly weren’t the 9th graders and nobody 10th grade+ was going out with anyone who couldn’t drive yet..

    • rosenbomb

      That message was still strong when I was in HS in the 2000s…except it was more about all STDs and the fear of being pragnent. Of course, instead of talking about safe birth control habits, my teacher showed us some pics of nasty things like genital herpes, then changed the subject.

      • Bemused

        Oh, the preggers thing was definitely there, but the emphasis was definitely DEATH!!! apparently pregnancy wasn’t considered scary enough.

    • We had that message at my high school in the mid-90s, but most of us were having sex anyway. We just used condoms.

      That said, I’m willing to bet that I’ve been with more women than Alex Jones, and I’m a mostly straight female. He’s a liar.

  • TundraGrifter

    Just after humble-bragging about how he’d “had” over 150 women, he says he “had” a son.

    Poor choice of language.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Ouch, daddy!

  • Nockular cavity

    Keep fucking those chickens, Alex.

    • Contemplative Ron

      If they were hens would they count as ‘women’?

      • Heyzeus Ahchay

        No woman I know is a dumb cluck.

  • Nockular cavity

    So, as a teen, he had sex with a lot of “full-grown men?” That’s what I got out of it.

  • anon_the_great

    Let’s do the math. 150 bangs by 16. Uh, no fuckin way. That would be like a banging a new chick every eight days, assuming you started banging chicks about 14 y.o.

    And that’s what effin’ pisses me off about Righty Tighties. The can’t lie worth shit.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They ain’t good at math.

      • subatomic

        Does not compute… compute… compute…

        • subatomic

          And it is 1 every 5 days or so over two years.

      • Snarkbot 9000

        2+2=TYRANNY

  • While we honestly have no idea why this trial is open to the media

    For the lulz, obviously.

  • Hardly Ideal

    He slept with 150 women? Wow, this is kind of embarrassing. I’ve only got… (sideways glances, blushing) …uh, just one. But she was really nice! She liked the same obscure games I did and took me camping at the beach and married me and had my son. Oh yeah, and she slept with me lots of times after that!

    I… I think she likes me.

    • Contemplative Ron

      I’d have to agree. Hope you’re keeping her around.

    • Moar Wordz

      Smiling a wavering smile with tears gathering….that is really cute

  • BreakingDeadMen

    This one combines my two favorite German words, Schadenfredue and Backpfeifengesicht: Watching Alex Jones and his stupid backpfeifengesicht get taken to the cleaners in court is giving me great schadenfredue.

  • Querolous

    Someone forgot the “air quotes.” The 150 “women” were Rosie Fingers and her sisters.

    • EC Penny

      Or Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters.

  • ziggywiggy

    We are assuming that by “had” he means sex…. maybe it means something totally different in his mind. Maybe his mom was really generous with food so Alex had lots of girls over for dinner.

  • natoslug

    Pretty sure that there was supposed to be a “buried in the crawlspace under my house.” at the end of “I’d already had over 150 women.”

    • Chris

      Actually that was Dean Corll in Houston (and Pasadena) Texas.

      This involved one of the stranger explanations for why my 1st was home late from work.

  • dshwa

    “Had” in a looked at nude pictures in a magazine while fapping way.

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes

    150 women by the time he was 15?! Dafuque? He’d have had to have slept with every girl in his class and all the lady school teachers and administrators as well. Gym teachers, social workers, even the lunch ladies. I cannot stop laughing at this.

    • JAFischer

      One per day, unless he claims to have started before he sprouted pubes.

  • I preferred the picture as cropped on the homepage. “Who’s the dick?” (“Whose dick?”) …oh, wait. It’s his *finger*.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/83a071eadd3aa07888651135ab0bdbee2efa1ead2953868718a4dc35088e7ed9.jpg

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Great minds think are horrified alike.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • rubikcube

      Is that a finger or…mmm.. a sausage? Chomp!

  • Pickles

    150 women by age 16 means “i didn’t lose my virginity until i met my ex-wife the “sensual massage/prostitute””

    • Panika MCD

      pretty much.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    My one and only question about Jones is, why doe he have a national following, instead of a YouTube channel with 600 views like all the other whacked-out certifiable schizos out there?

    • AJ Milne

      Ya really do wonder.

      My working conjecture is: timing/he got in on the ground floor. Turns out (mercifully) there’s a finite pool of people susceptible to the tinfoil hat routine, and he got there relatively early, drew a lot of the following…

      But, less mercifully, in the conditions we’re talking about, it is/had been made a _large_ pool. And Jones and the general phenomenon are probably in large part fed by social meda, funny you should mention YouTube, and speaking (again) of timing. Social media for, I think, a host of simple structure reasons, at least so far, has been fertile ground for this stuff…

      Add to that there were fairly organized campaigns being built around that and even in more traditional media, and around the time, by more institutional, organized players, like the Kochs, and the whole GOP culture wars/stick it to the ‘elites’ game, and it’s built a whole ecosystem, made the entire government is out to get you thing a sort of partially manufactured folk religion, with memes widely repeated and widely reinforced…

      Jones having already having become a bit of a name as that grew, he was well positioned to ride the energy of that wave, with a growing circle passing his material around. Eventually made him one of the ‘established’ voices of nutty.

      (*Where the ‘elites’ are snooty college professors and students, any government department that actually restricts business, not business itself, in the Koch/GOP case, especially, oddly enough. But this is old news, I guess. The one odd tension they never seem to have much trouble with: with Jones’ flavour of crazy, sure, corporations can also be the enemy, but they’re always in cahoots with those damned black helicopter flying bureaucrats, so, really, this goes along pretty okay with the GOP line. They know, when the legislative rubber hits the road, they can frame reactionary nastiness that rolls back environmental, labour and educational standards as just that: protecting you from ‘big bureaucracy’, and let’s just not think about the fact this also actually _frees_ those large corporate interests some of us previously found it fashionable and convenient to imply were out to get you to run wild… Our _point_ is… Look! A gay abortionist squirrel! Right there! Get ‘im!)

  • Scooby

    “What a lightweight!”
    -Wilt Chamberlin

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    The more Republicans find out about this douche, the more they must be convinced he would be a perfect candidate for public office.

  • The Reverend Stu’

    Maybe he didn’t finish his sentence?:
    I’d already had over 150 women…
    …slap my face.
    …file charges.
    …make me cry.
    …ask me if I was gay.

    • … take money from me in exchange for sex.

      • Heyzeus Ahchay

        … fall down laughing at my proposal to have sex.

  • Contemplative Ron

    His impression of Dear Leader is spot on, hafta give him that.

  • TheBoatDude

    The only thing I think when I see this guy is “At least his jackets fit better than Trumps.” And that’s a low bar to clear…

  • Manhattan123
  • Panika MCD

    I know a few people who went to high school with him because he somehow managed to come up in Austin and never got the mental health services he need or learned how to eat, you know, food–like not choking on jalepenos or getting a food coma from a bowl of chili or learning that TX BBQ is not supposed to have sauce, you monsters. (other types of BBQ are supposed to have sauce like the superior pig stuff from other states, but we rule the cow stuff.) those people described him as anything but a ladies man. he was kind of a little shit that no one liked…a bit like a certain German I could name, but, no, I won’t because the being rejected by his peers turning him into a social reject with a need to subjugate pretty much everyone is about where the comparison ends.

    in short: Alex Jones doesn’t know how to eat or be a ladies man.

    also too: he did let his “reporters” “mentor” the son and it was gross.

  • He must have had a policy of never having sex with the same hooker twice.

    Either that, or any hooker who did business with him was so repulsed that she wouldn’t do it again no matter how much money he offered.

    Hey, his current wife is a message hooker, folks, so, y’know, he has a … history … of hookers. Just sayin’.

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    So, um, these 150 or so women: Did they KNOW they’d been boned by Sir Alex the Screechmaster, or were they just the subjects of his well-oiled imagination and right hand?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Yep….posterboy for NPD right there. Yeah Alex looks tough, I’ll bet he’d go into zebra steak induced cardiac arrest after a minute fighting.

  • Ants In My Eyes Johnson

    Another possibility is Alex Jones ate a big bowl of chili right before he did this show, and couldn’t even remember when his kids were born.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Sure talks a big line. I’m calling bullshit.

    Those that can do; those that can’t make shit up.

  • SeeTrain65

    “By 24, I had a son. I had the beginnings of a media empire that was reaching millions of people and everybody couldn’t believe it.

    Ladies and gentleman, Thomas Jefferson was leading Virginia by the time he was 24.”

    One thing, Alex … Jefferson wasn’t huffing lead paint before his 24th birthday.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    Upon first glimpsing that pic, before I realized it was his finger, it looked like someone was hitting him in the face with a turgid peen.

  • Maybe

    If he’d had a daughter he would probably not have bothered mentioning it.

  • rubikcube

    That diagram makes it all clear. I mean, you can’t argue with science!

  • Donna Schoenkopf

    Your cousin Alex is going to love this one. And, I, too, am sad he has a secret son. (Unless, of course, his timeline is as skewed as his political ideas, which is probably the case.)

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