Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.
- Trump will sign a series of E.O.’s this week in a desperate attempt to make it look like he’s done something over the last three months.
- Democrats will try to avert a government shutdown this week as legislation for TrumpCare/RyanCare/WealthCare and government funding flops on the floor of the House and Senate.
- Nobody wants to build the Tortilla Curtain except Trump and as Congress debates spending measures, there’s a possibility that funding for the Tortilla Curtain could shut down the government seeing as how Mexico isn’t actually going to pay for it.
- Trump’s Tortilla Curtain is definitely going to be built, but not right now, though it will be earlier than expected, eventually.
- Trump is so kind of maybe sure that the Tortilla Curtain will probably be built soonish his administration is already eye-balling border towns.
- Jeff Sessions thinks Mexicans in America could pay for the Tortilla Curtain from all the money they’re picking from the pocket of Uncle Sam.
- Remember all those jobs at that air conditioner company Mike Pence “saved,” you know, the 800 jobs that Trump took credit for? The other 700 people who lost their jobs aren’t very happy right.
- The arch rival of Mitch McConnell and former Trump campaign official in Kentucky, Tim Nolan, a former county district judge and schoolboard member, was arraigned for sex trafficking. Nolan previously wanted to be a fight promoter, but had his dreams shattered when photos surfaced of him in a KKK outfit this past June.
- North Korea has kidnapped a Korean-American professor teaching in a North Korean university, a career choice that is about as noble as it is stupid. Luckily, Chinese President Xi Jinping called Trump in order calm him down before he could start World War III.
- The rest of the world is watching with narrowed eyes and gritted teeth as France’s Marine Le Pen and Emmanuel Macron will face each other in a run-off election in two weeks.
- The GAO scienced up some numbers and found that far-right wing extremists groups are responsible for over 70% of all terrorist incidents, and that’s left the rightwing think tank Cato Institute full of butthurt that Bubba may be more dangerous than Mohammed.
- Poor Melon Trump! After trying to make it as a model and marrying a self-indulgent and power hungry asshole, she’s trying to be a mom while locked in a glass tower and having to compete with her step-kids for attention.
- Sean Hannity is being accused of sexual harassment, and that’s about as hilarious as it is really sad and pathetic that ANOTHER Fox News fuck head is being accused of grab-ass.
- Supreme Chancellor Bannon may have helped manipulate the shrill and inarticulate screams of ignorant racists at Breitbart yelling about a career civil servant because of her interest in making Not America less shitty.
- Now that O’Reilly’s out, the nightly cable news wars have begun. Will Tucker tap out as CNN tweaks Tapper? Will Chris Hayes Bern down the elites? How bad will Maddow kick Hannity’s ass?
- Despite his rhetoric, when the cameras are off and the
constructionmake-up crew heads home, Trump has a secret love for the lying LIBERAL White House Press Corps.
- And here’s your late night wrap-up! John Oliver broke down ALL THE JOBS held by Ivanka and President Jared and Chelsea Handler pointed out how Trump has a problem with Supreme Chancellor Bannon and President Jared.
- And here’s your morning Nice Time! Friggin’ ADORABLE baby penguins!
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