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Remember when the new Beauty And The Beast first came out, every god-fearing Christian in America clutched their pearls in horror over how there was a gay in their beautiful fairy tale about a precocious young girl who falls in love with the guy who kidnapped her, who also happens to be a literal bison with a pretty serious anger management problem? And those of us on the Right Side of History(TM) were all like “OH, so you guys are cool with bison-fucking but you’re gonna freak out about a character being gay? A character who legit sang a song in the cartoon version about what a dreamy sex machine Gaston is?”

WELL! We have been called on our bluff by none other than Pastor Kevin “Kill The Gays” Swanson, who will have you know he is not at all here for inter-species breeding, nor does he appreciate Beauty and The Beast promoting it.

After frothing at the mouth for a few minutes about Gay LeFou, Swanson actually brings up the argument several of us evil secularists have made about the bison fucking, but interprets it as an endorsement of inter-species breeding and a threat of what’s to come from Disney and other entertainment companies. He points out that this has been a thing on “Star Trek” forever, and that Gene Roddenberry was an evolutionist who loved inter-species breeding and thought it was a good thing. The evolutionists, he explains, are super in favor of inter-species breeding, because they don’t believe man was made in god’s image.

BUT HE WILL NOT LET THIS STAND!

Via RightWingWatch:

“Christians, I don’t believe, can allow for this,” Swanson stated. “Humans are made in the image of God. Humans are assigned a spouse which happens to be a member of the opposite sex. Friends, God’s law forbids it … Christians should not allow for this, man. We cannot allow for humans to interbreed with other species. It’s just wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s confusion, it’s unnatural.”

“We are in some of the most radical, most anti-biblical, the most immoral, the most unethical, the most wicked sexual environment that the world has ever known, right now,” he warned.

Surely, if young girls — and perhaps even young boys — are allowed to see this movie, they will immediately demand to be taken to the zoo so they may find their very own bison to breed with. They’ll flock there in droves! And then we’ll have all these animal human hybrids walking around, spitting right in the face of God. Will they even be able to talk? We don’t know. Perhaps they will just grunt a lot. Perhaps we will have to set up special schools for all the half-bison half-human children in the country.

And just how are we going to find work for them once they grow up? It’s not like they could be writers or plumbers or go into automotive repair or manufacturing. Not with those hooves!

Will there be affirmative action quotas? Will good Christian employers be forced to hire these manimals against their will? Bake cakes for their weddings? It is all too much! Kevin Swanson is not ready for this future.

Swanson notes that the very idea of inter-species breeding was not a thing until “Star Trek” happened in the ’80s and ’90s, contradicting Angela Lansbury’s assertion that Beauty And The Beast is a “tale as old as time.” If you were to ask a cannibal about inter-species breeding, he says, that cannibal would be like “NO WAY, THAT IS A BRIDGE TOO FAR, AND I AM A PERSON WHO EATS PEOPLE.”

This also contradicts the fact that Beauty and the Beast was written in 1740 and that it shares a premise with myriad folktales worldwide that are even older than that. In fact, there are so many of them that there are two separate categories in the Aarne–Thompson classification system for folktales about people marrying animals (Beauty and the Beast for manimals and The Animal Bride for WOmanimals).

Oddly, despite the prevalence of such tales throughout history, as well as the multiple iterations of Beauty and The Beast in cinema, inter-species breeding has somehow never been a thing. Bestiality has existed, sure — and it’s even legal in Texas — but we’ve yet to see a half-human half-caribou walking along on its hind legs and speaking the Queen’s English. Not that we don’t want to, as that would be hilarious.

Swanson doesn’t need to worry too much about fairy tales convincing young people that inter-species breeding is a swell idea. I read a good deal of Hans Christian Anderson in my youth and did not come away with any kind of fetish for foot-related pain (seriously, between “The Red Shoes” and “The Little Mermaid” … Hans had a whole thing about punishing women who want stuff by bloodying up their feet).

He also needn’t worry about lady-bison romantic procreation actually becoming a thing, being that it is scientifically impossible.

Kevin Swanson … does know that, right?

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  • Anna Elizabeth

    And in this universe, Star Trek was on TV in the 1960s, and Mr. Spock is a cross-species hybrid.

    Of course, it’d be more likely that a human could mate with a Petunia than with a being from another planet whose blood chemistry is based on different elements, but those of us that can think realize that Spock et al. are metaphors for being different, for being outcast.

    Unlike Mr. Kevin Swanson, I don’t have fantasies of fucking animals which I them project on others. I’m quite happy having consensual sex with consenting adults, however they are equipped to enjoy it.

  • The Wanderer

    Apparently Mr. Swanson skipped that bit of the Bible that speaks of there “being giants on the earth in those days” that interbred with female descendants of Adam and Eve.

  • Mavenmaven
    • JCfromNC

      I saw that story, the tweets in response to her were great.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    Humans are assigned a spouse which happens to be a member of the opposite sex.

    God, could you please tell me which spouse you assigned me? I’m a little hazy on which womb I am to deposit my seed into.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      AOT,Katies ?

    • JCfromNC

      IKR? What if I got the wrong one? I’ve gotten pretty used to having her around after nearly 30 years, though, so if we’ve got to change up, I’m going to need some adjustment time. Maybe we’ll all end up in a big group marriage until everyone’s assigned partner is part of the group and we can all pair off again.

  • JMP

    No one tell him about the myth of Theseus fighting the Minotaur in the labyrinth, and how the Minotaur was conceived when King Minos’ wife fucked a magic bull.

    • Count Awesome

      It’s like Zues turning into a cow and picking up chicks.

    • vivian

      Yeah, better keep him away from the Greeks in general…

  • wavicles

    Bison, meh, but caribou are so hawt!

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      An ilk dayted mi systre once…

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Look, kids, if you really want to be cool, you gotta join the Mile High Club with a bison. It is teh awesomeness!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I think it depends whose bi son.

  • Count Awesome

    Just wait until he hears about “The Island of Dr. Moreau” is about.

  • Jamoche

    Nobody tell him about Furries.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      The spelling error aggravates me, but still damn funny.

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        Hahaha MY Bad.

        • Martini Ambassador 🍸

          I’m the world’s worst speller, though, so I shouldn’t be casting asparagus.

          • Undocumented Skwerl!

            I corrected it.

  • Zonath

    I just wish someone would go to this guy’s church, and start loudly singing, (to the tune of row your boat)

    “Fuck, fuck, fuck a duck
    Screw a kangaroo,
    Sixty-nine a porcupine
    A fun day at the zoo”

    Bonus points for bringing two friends and doing it as a round.

    • Wait, we’re supposed to have friends now?

      • Zonath

        Well, I know that I have plenty of friends!

        (in my imagination…)

      • vivian

        This is getting complicated. Next thing I know there will be rules about pants.

        • Parakeetist

          I hate that.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        In a pinch, you can use your assigned spouse.

  • Now now, everyone knows half-human half-caribou beings speak Athapaskan. Or maybe Inuktitut. Or both. They’re clever like that.

  • Khavrinen

    “Pastor Fears ‘Beauty And The Beast’ Is Slippery Slope To Co-Ed Naked Lady Bison Orgies”

    But I thought slippery is how orgies were supposed to be…

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Well, in the main, but some degree of traction is helpful.

  • JMP

    Gay marriage really did start us on the slope to sex with ducks…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXPcBI4CJc8

  • Why is this fairy tale the dangerous one? I’m pretty sure the one that tells him it’s ok to stone people is much more dangerous to society at large

  • DeputyVanHalen

    Hopefully that dumbass never sees Bojack Horseman.

    • Rasilom

      My fav part of that show was Bojack’s ex dating a stack of three little boys stacked into a trench coat.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I’m sorry, does nobody remember the 1983 TV show Manimal? It ran a full four episodes into the first season before being canceled.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Wasn’t there one with the Sara Connor / Terminator actress too? Very popular, as I recall.

    • Rasilom

      I remember that show. I was 13 and thought being able to turn into an animal was awsome. Was bummed when it was camceled.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Those that knock lady-bison orgies have never tried lady-bison orgies. Or so understand, from a friend.

  • Ricky Gay

    ” a half-human half-caribou walking along on its hind legs…” — Sarah Palin libel!!!

  • Ezio

    I’m a bisexual Catholic. I must blow a lot of people’s minds by my existence.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      I have a (straight, married) Catholic former co-worker who’s heavily involved in LGBT rights activism. Pretty much her whole parish in St. Paul is similarly minded (though I’m reluctant to give out the name of the church, just in case the much more conservative Archdiocese somehow hasn’t already heard…)

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    we’ve yet to see a half-human half-caribou walking along on its hind legs and speaking the Queen’s English. Not that we don’t want to, as that would be hilarious.

    Ahem … Sarah Palin™. And you’re right, she’s hilarious.

    • Ricky Gay

      jinx u owe me a coke

    • Rasilom

      Caribou liblez!

    • Bobathonic

      The Wasilla Wendigo!

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Queen’s English, though? Hardly.

  • Count Awesome

    It’s a good thing Noah’s Ark was in the Bible or else some perve would have written it as a bestiality pleasure cruise.

    • It’s why there are no unicorns or dinosaurs… they only brought one, and the ones they brought were hot…

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    I had forgotten about Manimal!

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manimal

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Years of medication and therapy erased in a second.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Humans are assigned a spouse which happens to be a member of the opposite sex.

    And God so loved Little Donnie, he assigned him three spouses (so far). Plus allowed him to grab as much pussy as he wanted. So it is written.

  • Shibusa
    • Anna Elizabeth

      XD

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Duh. The Beast’s pants are shrunk into capris by the transformation magic. That’s just science.

      • Edith Prickly

        Like the way The Hulk’s shirts get destroyed when he transforms but his pants miraculously stay intact?

  • Ezio

    You know what LeFou’s big gay scene in Beauty and the Beast was? A throw away scene near the end where they show him dancing with another man. That’s it. These guys are getting butthurt over nothing.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Yeah. We get better Gay scenes in the MCU when Cap talks to Tony Stark, or Sam Wilson.

      • Ezio

        Fans: Hey, why not make Steve Rogers bi or have a boyfriend?

        Marvel: Okay we hear you. But how about making him be a Hydra agent all along instead?

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Yep.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I haven’t seen it, but given the controversy the sex scenes must be super hot.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    Oh, right, but sister-fucking is OK with the hicks who follow this knucklehead, I’m sure.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    …Aaaaaaand?

  • Shoto
  • Swampay

    Humans are assigned a spouse

    You’d think it would all go a lot easier if god would just tell us who our assigned spouse is.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      No kidding. All this guesswork is really stressful!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Does Beauty and the Beast explain the Bible story of Lot fucking his daughters? I THINK NOT! Good day, sir. I said … good day.

  • Swampay

    If he really objects to interspecies sex on Star Trek, you’d think he’d notice that the assumption of other species ON OTHER PLANETS kinda goes against his whole “we are the purpose of the universe” thang.

  • Crystalclear12

    I am more worried about the lunatic in White House right but you be you, Kevin.

  • jesterpunk
    • thixotropic jerk

      Just in time for another stolen pagan holiday!

  • Suse
  • Shibusa

    If Pastor Swanson were any more inbred, he’d be a sandwich.

    • DerpyGurdyMan

      @ Chik-Fil-A

    • Count Awesome

      Definitely with Wonder Bread.

      • mancityRed6

        and miracle whip
        only miracle whip

  • mancityRed6

    “We are in some of the most radical, most anti-biblical, the most immoral, the most unethical, the most wicked sexual environment that the world has ever known, right now,” he warned.
    and if it wasn’t for that prick in the white house…wait, he’s in Florida again? *sighs*
    if it wasn’t for that orange bastard, I’d be a lot happier with this.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Speaking of interspecies sex…arguing with religious whackos is like fucking a porcupine. It’s one prick against a thousand.

    • Crystalclear12

      You’ve been saving that one, haven’t you?

    • Jamoche

      The porcupine, like the hedgehog, can never be buggered at all.

    • cheetojeebus

      That’s a very pointed analogy.

  • willi0000000

    OK . . . this completely blows my suspension of disbelief fuse . . . please tell me this isn’t fiction.

  • Err… as I recall, a lot of Greek mythology involved animal-human interbreeding. Zeus was notorious for disguising himself as an animal (bull, swan) and banging some woman. So it wasn’t just Star Trek. Matter of fact, if the pastor wants to take a look at the Bible, particularly Genesis, there’s a bit there about angels getting around with women.

    • Count Awesome

      You could make the argument that Jesus is an inter-species individual.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    This just in…Dungeons and Dragons is a tool of the devil!

    • DainBramage

      My late grandmother thought so. Along with The Lord of the Rings and all other fantasy novels.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
    • Tishalicious

      I love her trail bags!!

    • thixotropic jerk

      I saw her on the MAX train in Portlandia!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Cute face but I worry I would feel… inadequate…

    • bupkus23

      Anyone remember John Varley’s Gaea trilogy ( “Titan”, “Wizard”, “Demon” ). This hipster looks a lot like what I imagined the Titanides looked like ( altho’ probably not anatomically correct )…

      Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaea_trilogy

      • JCfromNC

        I do remember that! I have the trilogy buried in a box somewhere in my house, I believe.

  • Swampay

    And how about a religion that depends for its very existence on teh concept of god impregnating a human? Xianity doesn’t come out and say that the spirit of god outright boned Mary, but somehow some sort of divine sperms got all up in her lady bidness.

    I kinda prefer the greek and roman mythology, where they were straight up about the gods sexing the ladies.

    And I wonder, throughout our early history, how many ladies tried to tell their fellas “No, really, a god appeared in the night, honest, I haven’t been fucking around on you!”

  • Ezio

    While we’re on the subject of Disney, I’m surprised right wingers aren’t offended by Lady Tremaine or Frollo or Gaston. You know, because they act just like them.

  • PixieThis

    What about gay bison fucking? If we allow that to happen, we’ll risk shortages of delicious bison meat for our tables! Will no one think about the gay bison fucking???

    PS – I can’t wait for the Disney movie “Leda & the Swan”

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    It’s fiction dude. Most of Ayn Rand’s characters were less human than the Beast.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      For example, Paul Ryan and Steve Bannon.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
    • Shanzgood

      I know how she feels.

      • snark-lurker

        i know how [he] feels…no i donut just said that to be contrary and you are goofy

        • Shanzgood

          Well, she was the smart one engaging in what was probably for her pretty much besiality so….

          • thixotropic jerk

            I hope your exchange keeps going for it is most informative and yet delicately perverse with also too a hint of the animally obscene

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
  • TheGrandWazoo2

    ♪ Buffalo gals won’t you come out tonight
    Come out tonight, come out tonight
    Buffalo gals won’t you come out tonight
    And dance by the light of the moooooooooo ♪

  • Ezio

    I’m diasspointend that the Beauty and the Beast movie didn’t take place in a modern setting. They missed a perfect opportunity to make Gaston an MRA neo Nazi who acts like Richard Spencer and that women are there to serve him.

  • Count Awesome

    Someone should mae a xxx porn parody of “Beauty and the Beast” with an entire cast of midgets and send it to his guy.

    • PixieThis

      Should make? Um, rule 34 – is made.

    • DerpyGurdyMan

      You mean shoot surveillance video of the guy himself this weekend?

    • I’m not going to look, but I’d be willing to bet it’s already been done. Or, you should copyright that idea because it will be.

    • mancityRed6

      *googles*
      judging by the title graphics and the hairdos, it was at least the very late ’80s, maybe early ’90s.
      no midgets, though

      • thixotropic jerk

        Stop judging!!!!

        • mancityRed6

          the hairdos make me think of this girl I had a crush on in 8th grade. well, the hair on the head. I have no idea what her other hairdo looked like.

          • thixotropic jerk

            Insert carpet matching drapes trope here…or don’t

    • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

      Rule 34. ‘Nuff said.

  • Shanzgood

    Ok Wonkette going wonky for phone users: posts with “next post” available seem to behave properly. Posts left last standing don’t.

    Anyone else?

  • President in Exile Firefly

    Or, or, could it be that Beauty and the Beast is a metaphor for loving someone’s interior nature?

    • thixotropic jerk

      We’s Biblical around here see? So’m we dan’t doos the metataph, metaformin, metawhatevers m’kay?

      • II Gosala

        What’s a metaphor for?

        (Not mine. George Lakeoff, I think)

        • thixotropic jerk

          With four you get meta

          • II Gosala

            With 12 you get egg roll. (But not with trump in office)

    • II Gosala

      Well, it’s a story. We can read it as an entertaining tale with no signicance, as a metaphor as you suggest, as literal truth, as a tale of dark and satanic powers, or any way we wish.

  • mancityRed6

    My mom’s family had a friend who “adopted” some bison at some kind of auction. Beautiful animals. When they went to pick one up, they had to have an extra tall cage on the truck because those bastards can do a standing jump of at least 6 feet.

  • Parakeetist

    Kevin Swanson is so certifiable, it’s hilarious.

  • Ian

    For the bible-y readin’ types, they certainly don’t understand that all this is a fucking METAPHOR!

    • ariel_gee_398

      Not terribly shocking given they are also the people who think the earth is only 6000 years old.

      • Ian

        Fair, for me it’s like… The Bible has TONS of those goddamn things, then again, some take it all (in a non-sexxxxy way) literally like.

  • Count Awesome

    I’m sure “Pastor” Swanson went to an online divinity school.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump Univ. Theological Seminary

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        If Trump were to start such a business, I have no doubt this asshole would be on the faculty PDQ.

  • vivian

    You’d think a horse’s ass wouldn’t be so upset by bestiality.

  • II Gosala

    The “good” reverand is simply wrong on many points.

    I’m not clever enough right now to be entertaining and snarky, and I’m sure the Wonketariat is uninterested in a theological discourse on a religion most don’t care a fig about.

    So I’ll just make a few notes without justifying them:

    In protestant Christianity, good behavior is the product of faith. It is simply pointless and futile to try to impose it on the faithless.

    Even for nonJewish Christians, the old testament Hebrew Scriptural law does not apply. So even if you think Gen. 2, implies Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve (it doesn’t), it doesn’t apply.

    Finally, as Barth (the founder of neo-orthodoxy, which Swanson belongs to even if he doesn’t know it) points out, Jesus does not exist to confirm the cultural assumptions but to challenge them, to test them against God’s demand, which is that “you love one another. ”

    (Don’t ask how I know these things)

    • mancityRed6

      my dad went to two years of once a week night school (two hours each way on a weeknight!) to become a deacon in the Catholic church. he has told me lots of things he was taught.
      plus, I used to read a lot and it’s a habit I need to get back into.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    So, how does the Adam & Eve story not provoke lady-on-snake marriage?

    • mancityRed6

      and how apples aren’t prohibited?

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      With such a wide range of pleasure products to choose from, you and your partner may be tempted to try them all.

      Don’t ask me how I know about this.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Deal.

        So, how do you know about this?

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Word of mouth.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Snakes In A Vag!
      C’mon, you were thinking that you know it!

  • Shanzgood

    Is this our Open Thread?

    • thixotropic jerk

      It could be an out in the open thread. Why, who’s asking?

      • Shanzgood

        Um

        • weejee

          It’s after 5:00 EDT.

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            Drink!

          • Shanzgood

            I was joking about the “out in the open” part.

            Never mind!

          • thixotropic jerk

            Never make jokes on an out in the open thread espy if its about being out in the open! Feelings get hurted and then anger bearss show up with fire ants and ruin the picnic basket

    • vivian

      I think tonight it’s more free-(de)range.

  • Daniel Hooper

    As a anthro wolf demigoddess (only in my mind, sadly) and as an erotic fiction writer, I look forward to what I’m absolutely certain will be now rampant demand for my stories. Which should I edit and republish first?

    Cowgirl City, which is basically a zombie apocalypse with anthropomorphic cows?
    Neko Mimi, which involves magical animal girls, gender shifting, and lesbianism?
    Or Full Moon University, which combines the pressure of college life and lycanthropy?

    I can already see the money rolling in…

    • mancityRed6

      self publish on Amazon, you’ll make some money on all three.
      although, cowgirl city would be a weird DLC for Fallout: New Vegas.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      I say Neko Mimi.

    • Trip Space-Parasite

      This noncomment is useless without links!

  • DainBramage

    Yeah, but what about all those human-animal hybrids we’ve read about in myths? Centaurs, minotaurs and the like. I’m sure Pastor Swanson is thinking(?) that if enough people become pagans, a critical mass effect will be reached that will allow these sorts of creatures to become viable.

    • jesterpunk

      How many pagans do we need for that to happen? Asking for a friend.

    • vivian

      Everyone knows that when guys splooge in the shower it goes down the drain and impregnates fish and that’s how we get mermaids. It’s Science! Duh!

      • thixotropic jerk

        Explains why I always hear “Daddy!” when I go by the Fine Fresh Fishies counter, hmmm…

        • mancityRed6

          that’s it. the mercury didn’t scare me off, but now…

      • Shanzgood

        That’s good because all the pee from wimminz who are using hormonal BC is making the fish all confused about their sex. So we def need more testosterone-infused man-splooge gushing down into the sewers as well.

  • Vecchioivan

    Does fucking that chicken count as interspecies breeding, because if so . . .

    • Count Awesome

      Do you plan your vacation around visiting the Tyson Chicken plant?

    • mancityRed6

      is that why it crossed the road?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Can’t peck me no, satisfaction.

        • vivian

          Is that why they’re called peckers?

          • thixotropic jerk

            The Woodpecker pecked on the old barn door
            And he pecked and he pecked till his pecker got sore
            (My Grandpa liked to say that ditty and he taught Sunday School so there)

  • ManchuCandidate

    Be that guy! Be that guy!
    Say it’s all a bestial sex lie
    Spread your fetish ’round the world, Swannie
    And we’ll just make a knowing sigh
    Sex du jour
    Hot furry whores
    Why, we only live to serve
    The buffalo stuff

  • thixotropic jerk
  • Edith Prickly

    This is the same Pastor Kevin Swanson who thinks taking the pill fills up a lady’s uterus with teeny-weeny fetus corpses, so I am not surprised that he also thinks a human being can reproduce with magical manimals.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    “What if god is one of the bison?”

    • Carpe Vagenda

      American Gods spoiler

    • weejee

      The Pastor Kevin will be buffaloed.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    (Does he know about Spock’s mom?)

    • vivian

      or Churchill’s?

      • Rick Hill

        Churchill? It was a bulldog, right? I could tell.

        • vivian

          Close. Mom was … an American. *shudders*

          • Rick Hill

            Oh, the shame! Of course that ezplains why he had such moments of awesomeness.

          • vivian

            Quite the outrage back in the day.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I don’t know – Jennie Jerome was the daughter of a robber baron who was for sale, Randolph Churchill was the useless son of a peerage that was for sale. I think they were remarkably similar species.

        • vivian

          A fair point, at least… that’s how it looks from over here.
          I believe the general perception amongst the Old World aristocracy was that Randy had consorted with a Banshee.

    • Count Awesome

      He just masturbated too much, that’s all.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Dang bro you better chill with all that beasty attitude ‘n shit! Maybe check out the barber shop and while you at it lose the Rogaine prescription!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    How much is that doggie in the window? Asking for a friend.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    C’mon Kevin, the more pressing question is why Disney’s Goofy character never had a girlfriend.

    • Count Awesome

      He probably has bad aim and always puts it where he isn’t supposed to.

    • Rick Hill

      And, if he’s a dog, why does he have walrus like features?

    • bupkus23

      Whaddya mean? Mickey filed for divorce from Minnie, and when asked why he thought she was crazy, he said, “I didn’t say she was crazy – I said she was fucking Goofy!”

      I’ll show myself out….

      • Count Awesome

        It’s like he old home where Mickey’s lawn gets pissed on spelling out “Fuck you Mickey” and it’s Goofy’s piss, but Minnie’s handwriting.

    • Thiazin Red

      To me the most concerning thing was that Goofy owned a slave. Seriously, Goofy and Pluto are both dogs, and look to be very similar kinds of dogs, yet Goofy wears clothing and keep Pluto naked as a pet.

    • JCfromNC

      Oh, no — he got a hot librarian girlfriend when Max went to college:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ait5pRVCd2g

  • Rick Hill

    Are we just making shit up to have a lerf with friends or is this real? I have no way of telling, anymore.

  • Crank Tango
  • Ezio
  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    You had me at naked.

    And then at naked lady.

    And then you had me at naked lady bison.

    I love being had.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      that’s ok. we’ve all been buffaloed at least once before.

  • Rick Hill
  • Marceline

    OT: It’s time for my Friday Obama post. Let’s remember what it was like to have a President who could speak in coherent sentences.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HO-9AZjflY

    • Shanzgood

      Dammit, woman. Now I’m crying.

    • Bitter Scribe

      And was intelligent, and emotionally mature, and had good judgment, and studied and considered before making a decision, and…

      I’m going to go cry now.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I hope this guy never reads “Leda and the Swan.” His head might explode.

  • jesterpunk

    Some people just have way too much time on their hands to be worrying things like this. Running around telling people you worry about things like this just makes you seem like more of a moron.

  • Vecchioivan

    And for God’s sake put some pants on Donald Duck!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    It’s Friday, so just in case nobody’s done this yet…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k

    • Nockular cavity

      Whatever else happens in life, I will always remember when some goober creationist lady angrily quoted this song in the United States Congress.

      • Courser_Resistance

        LOL! That’s sounds awesome! Sure, dredge up the most shocking crap you can find and present it to Congress. Trust me, there’s much, much worse stuff out there. Like I once spent an entire afternoon on a website that makes dongs for furries and others into more exxxotic sexxxytime. It was fascinating.

        • Nockular cavity

          No, her point was that evilution had warped our culture, leading to goofy bands singing, “You and me, baby, we ain’t nothing but mammals/so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.” Which she recited, completely deadpan.

  • Debra Dassow

    It is a fairy tale for the love of goddesses.

  • Tolkien was also before Star Trek and prominently featured humans and elves getting their sex freak on.

    • Courser_Resistance

      I must have missed the bestiality episodes in Star Trek. I was pretty sure I’d seen them all… about 10,000 times each.

      • Persistent Demme

        Mr. Demme ALWAYS says, “I don’t think I’ve seen this one.”
        Then he says, “Oh, yeah. Now I remember seeing this before!”
        *eyeroll*

        • Courser_Resistance

          Hahaha! I’ve done that!

      • Well, Kirk and the Gorn did get pretty handsy with each other.

        But I am not googling Kirk/Gorn slashfic.

  • Shanzgood

    All this talk of bison and goats is making me hungry.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Is that the hunger that dare not speak its name?

      • Shanzgood

        No. Pretty much just throw a bunch of garlic at it and it’ll be legit.

        • That is true of a lot of foods. But not chocolate

          • Shanzgood

            Mmmm…maybe…I might say put a little bit of chocolate in my garlicky stuff but it would have to be dark chocolate.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Pinky to the rescue with an all cloven hoof casserole recipe?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Garlic cloven hoof with linguini….Mmmmmmmmm…

  • weejee

    Pastor Kevin should keep his eye on the bunny.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Ummmm… maybe the new B&B took some liberties or something (i haven’t seen it), but I’m pretty sure–positive even–that Beast wasnt actually a “beast”, but an actually man who was such an asshole he was cursed with beastiness until he learned how to not be such asshole.

    Standard morality tell of not being a asshole. But if the “Pastor’s” takeaway was “Go fuck buffalo!!”… well…

    • Courser_Resistance

      I seemed to remember it was a curse. Thanks for clearing that up!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Now I want the T-shirt – a Beauty & the Beast illustration above, and “Go fuck buffalo” underneath. Discount in kids’ sizes.

  • Vecchioivan

    So the little buffalo says to his father, What do you call a buffalo who swings both ways?

    Bi, son.

  • dslindc

    OT – A helpful and infuriating website: https://istrumpatmaralago.org/

  • Bill D. Burger

    And yet while overseeing the arrangement of his grand nativity show for Christmas at his church just last year, Swanson had to call for help before the congregation arrived:

    http://img.memecdn.com/beauty-and-the-beastiality_o_3579657.jpg

    • puredog

      ships of the desert something something Arab seamen something

  • Lance Thrustwell

    What happens between me and my herd of adorable sheep is our business alone, Mr. Swanson, and I’ll thank you not to insert yourself in our affairs.

  • Picabo

    So. Kevin Swanson has a Master of Divinity degree.

    “There was a young fellow from Trinity,
    Who took the square root of infinity.
    But the number of digits,
    Gave him the fidgets;
    He dropped Math and took up Divinity.”

    George Gamow

    • weejee

      Prolly from Universal Life Church.

  • Ezio

    OT more geeky stuff. This time featuring Doctor Who and the World’s Finest. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/79d5be19f741c1a6d16de97b67575df9e5b1be5ae601f4a3237d7fac74b2f172.jpg

    • Fifth-and-a-Half Element
      • My sister made me a replica of that scarf! It weighs a bloody ton

        • Thiazin Red

          When I made mine, I halved all the row numbers. Its still really long but more wearable.

          • Mine’s still 14.5 feet long.

          • Thiazin Red

            I don’t think mine is quite that long.

          • mancityRed6

            and you would make another for…how many jelly beans?
            (jelly beans being ameros, of course)

          • We can both wear mine at the same time.

          • mancityRed6

            that sounds…interesting.
            should I be scared?

          • Seriously. If it’s not wrapped around my neck 3 times, i trip on it

      • mancityRed6

        my favorite doctor (from my memories of dad watching it late at night)
        my first ex family in law met him in London in the late ’60s.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          My fave as well. I watched Fourth Doctor when i was in elementary school. Sarah Jane, K-9, The Brig, and Teela?

          • mancityRed6

            when he found out where the ex father in law was from (Iraq) he said something about Mesopotamia. it was a much better story than anything about the ex FIL

  • puredog

    “Christians should not allow for this, man.”
    Worst Lebowski spin-off ever.

  • Courser_Resistance

    Christ, after this week, my brain is like a piece of soggy toast disintegrating sadly into a sink. So I can’t even grok this guys bullshit freak-out. Libtards are all in for bestiality? I guess you learn something new every day, but that just don’t compute.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Pretty much there’s no such thing as a metaphor except for the stuff Jesus said to do that we don’t feel like doing.

    • mancityRed6

      reference: Santorum’s man on dog love

      • Courser_Resistance

        Wa-what? I think that is a thing I do not know about. Which, I don’t think I need to know.

        • mancityRed6

          “If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything. Does that undermine the fabric of our society? I would argue yes, it does. … That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing.” (AP interview, April 7, 2003)

          http://theweek.com/articles/479083/9-controversial-rick-santorum-quotes

    • Lance Thrustwell

      He makes perfect sense. Just listen to his sermons over, and over, and over, and over..

  • Bill D. Burger

    The sheep protested her honor
    Pastor Swanson kept pressing his offer
    And all night long
    From dusk until dawn
    It was honor and offer…..honor and offer.

    • Vecchioivan

      Ewe devil you.

      • mancityRed6

        you’re so baaaad

        • thixotropic jerk

          That was lambe

          • mancityRed6

            with a little rice and some chutney?

    • Serai 1

      Now that’s some great lamb pooning.

  • TundraGrifter

    Remember that television show about Beauty and The Beast? I think Ron Pearlman was The Beast. I always thought he looked like the bass player in a major league rock ‘n’ roll band.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Loved that show.

      OK, and Linda Hamilton.

      • Serai 1

        Mmm, Linda. I was sad she kinda faded off there. Her performances were wonderfully earnest.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I’m just saying. The beast was way hotter.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fWdHHjOt7w

      • mancityRed6

        chewbacca libels…wait, wut?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Jason Momoa first broke out as the kickass alien with awesome dreads on Stargate Atlantis. The head of his team was a Star Wars geek who called him “Chewy.” Which on one level is kind of problematic, but, well. Yes. Kinda chewy.

      • Thiazin Red

        If Jean Marais weren’t dead and gay…

        • Carpe Vagenda

          As long as he wore his fur.

    • mancityRed6

      yes. yes he was. Ron Perlman is the man I want to be. ugly and a good choice of roles.

      • Serai 1

        I saw him once at the Beverly Hills Shopping Center. I was sitting near the escalators having a sandwich, and he came up out of the parking garage with a couple of other guys. He’s actually more handsome than you’d expect in real life. (That’s not saying a whole lot, but still.) Dressed in a very natty tan suit with a black shirt. Looked good.

        • mancityRed6

          Oh, I think he looks good. Johnny Depp can…oh, wait, he’s got a good Thompson impersonation….huh…Jared Kushner can kiss my ass, Perlman is the man I’d like to be (I have no idea about his politics)

          • Serai 1

            Perlman’s got something more important for an actor than beauty – he has a face that’s interesting. He can keep acting as long as he wants without anyone thinking he’s declining because of age. He’ll just get more interesting.

          • mancityRed6

            and here I am thinking of him as Hell Boy or in that Alien movie….yeah, he has a hard time finding hats that fit. not that that’s a bad thing.

      • TundraGrifter

        And big.

        Really, really big.

    • Serai 1

      That was a great show. It must have been very interesting for Perlman to suddenly become a sex symbol like that. I wonder what he thought of the whole thing.

      • TundraGrifter

        Thank you for spelling his name correctly! I spent enough time in politics to know I should have done that. My wife (my girlfriend at the time) loved that show! Along with “Knots Landing.” I was a “Dallas” and “Miami Vice” guy.

        • Serai 1

          I had a Friday night ritual with my friend Indian Mike: the new Twilight Zone at 8, out for munchies and weed, and then back for Miami Vice. That was another great show, for sure. I loved their version of Miami: a lot like Disneyland, only with cocaine and tits.

  • Nockular cavity

    “We are in some of the most radical, most anti-biblical, the most immoral, the most unethical, the most wicked sexual environment that the world has ever known, right now,” he warned.

    Note to self: buy stock in K-Y.

    • jesterpunk

      I think the Bundy clan has some left over from when they took over the wildlife refuge.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      We are? Then why did I pay to book that stay at Sandals for Singles?

    • II Gosala

      This guy really does not know his bible. Even if what he says is true, it’s not his look out. It’s God’s

      • Serai 1

        They’re really terribly arrogant and presumptuous about their god. I’d be worried about what he might do once he hears about their bullshit, myself.

    • mancityRed6

      astroglide or GTFO

    • thixotropic jerk

      Whattabout them other states?

    • Serai 1

      *yawn* These people are always and have always been panicked about all the OMG PERVERTS around them. Clutching their damn balls so hard, it’s a wonder they don’t all end up with gangrene.

  • TJ Barke

    I wonder what it’s like to be that deluded…

    • vivian

      I wonder the exact nature and extent of my own delusions. For example, I have it on reliable authority that comments aren’t even allowed here, yet I spend hours every day responding to them…

      • TJ Barke

        What comments?

        • vivian

          Exactly.

      • snark-lurker

        i donut know anything about no comments. nobuddy doz

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I am pretty thoroughly deluded, but I can’t even touch Swansonian levels of hallucination.

      • Rasilom

        Then you my friend need to drop some more acid. Just sayin.

  • Mary Sandoras
    • Rick Hill

      That’ll add some shine to his image!

    • mancityRed6

      and you all didn’t think he had any experience for his current job…
      jeebus, my grandfather and my uncle would both [redacted] his lilly white ass.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Someone at the WH must have suggested a keelhauling was in order.

    • jesterpunk

      Wait they actually want him as a public relations person?

    • ltmcdies

      During WWI this was known as being “sent to the Russian Front”…

    • YoBunnyBunny

      “…making a reputation for ass of himself with curt responses to the press.”

      • Mary Sandoras

        I can only speculate, which would be wrong not to. I’m guessing he’s going to PR for the navy. It may mean we are going to war with NK.

    • FlownΩver

      Somehow (nudge, nudge) the Pentagon has assigned him a couple of weeks’ duty as ballast.

  • TundraGrifter
  • Rick Hill

    Shouldn’t the underlying message be, that, even if we are ugly and stinky and hairy that we can still have Emma Watson for a girl friend? Providing we are also rich and have a castle, of course….

    • jesterpunk

      Donald? Shouldnt you be running the country instead of golfing or bragging about your Russian mail order bride?

    • Little Doll

      Oh gawd, don’t tell the MRAs. Never mind, they already think that.

  • Thiazin Red

    Ah the Bible, where you can bone your wife, concubines, father, mother, girls you captured from a neighboring ethnic group and enslaved, wives of guys you had killed because they wouldn’t let you bang their wives, etc.

  • Picabo

    Betty Bowers explains traditional Christian marriage.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw

  • Count Awesome
    • II Gosala

      Evil…spawn of Satan…pagan beastiality…idolatrous pagans…creeping Hinduism…sexualization of Hindu pagan idols that substitute body imagery for the image of God….the image of God, a healthy young white heterosexual cismale with a son (but no wife or adaption papers. — shut up!)…cows should be fat, they should be luscious, they should have big tits and pink skin, blond hair…shut up you…I meant Eve…Eve was blond, blue eyed, an Aryan beauty, made to make blond, blue eyed babies, and lots of them, and God, in his infinite mercy arranged it so that it should all be easy and painless…but the bitch, she just had to go munching on apples…so God cursed her to suffer in pregnancy (and don’t you go ripping beautiful little babies out of wiminz’s uteri…heathen!) and being forth filthy little black and brown things that go believing in cows and self images and gaysex love and things like that and not me God!!!11!1!11!!!

    • CriticalDragon1177

      I have a bad feeling that he maybe secretly into that. You know how so many people who are obsessed with the “evil” of homosexuality, turn out to actually be gay themselves>

  • Nockular cavity
  • Thiazin Red

    Maybe I’ll get out Belle et le Bete tomorrow, haven’t seen that in a while.

  • memzilla Ω
    • puredog

      Made from canned clamshells?

      • vivian

        Gaaaaaaah! YOU MONSTRA!!!1!

      • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

        You MONSTER!

      • vivian

        The origin of the Can-can I believe.

      • SnarkON

        SEA MONSTER!

        • Sherrymwilliams

          Managing director of Google!, is explaining to users to start off “Work at home” method, that People have been doing for about one year now. These days alone, I generated close to $36,000 until now with no more than my home computer as well as some spare time, despite that i have a fulltime 9 to 5 job. Even everyone not used to this, can make $89/per h easily and the earnings can go even higher over time… This is how i started
          !se330c:
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          Managing director of Google!, is explaining to users to start off “Work at home” method, that People have been doing for about one year now. These days alone, I generated close to $36,000 until now with no more than my home computer as well as some spare time, despite that i have a fulltime 9 to 5 job. Even everyone not used to this, can make $89/per h easily and the earnings can go even higher over time… This is how i started
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        • Dolorespjefferies

          Managing director of Google!, is explaining to users to start off “Work at home” method, that People have been doing for about one year now. These days alone, I generated close to $36,000 until now with no more than my home computer as well as some spare time, despite that i have a fulltime 9 to 5 job. Even everyone not used to this, can make $89/per h easily and the earnings can go even higher over time… This is how i started
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    • CriticalDragon1177

      LOL!

    • Serai 1

      If I could choose, I’d be a vampire, myself.

      • therblig

        me too, but only after i lose about 15 pounds and get my hair cut.

    • Goposaur
      • proudgrampa

        Someone once told me, “You don’t fuck the face.”

        • TheBoatDude

          Interestingly, that’s the exact opposite of what a C130 pilot once told me. Renaissance man, he…

    • SpideySenser

      And no dropping entire paychecks at DSW!

  • Suse

    Lunatic Cernovich is mad about a thing!
    Alt-Right head threatens to release intel on the personal lives of GOP if Bannon is fired
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/alt-right-head-threatens-to-release-intel-on-the-personal-lives-of-gop-if-bannon-is-fired/

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      If true, it’s gonna get crowded in Lindsey’s closet.

    • Count Awesome

      If it’s true, which one wore the Bison mask at the orgy?

      • anon_the_great

        The one that you suspect gave everyone herpes. Yannow, Bannon

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          Are you sure?
          Because that’s just how his face looks naturally, like a bison with herpes.

    • jesterpunk

      Trump already released Lindsey’s phone number at a rally. What else will they do and where can I get tickets to watch?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      That’s awesome. Because the FBI totally has nothing at all on our playful alt friends online that they’ve chosen not to pursue because they’re serving the purposes of the NY office and their coevals in Russia.

  • Blacktop Autumn
  • Anna Elizabeth

    I’m tired today. With the trip to Big Lots, I walked 4 miles in heels. Waiting to pay at BL, I noticed an older man checking me out from the next line. Not starey, but like he thought I was interesting. But, when I’m tired, my Resting Bitch Face goes to Max Load, and when I made eye contact he found somewhere else to look. XD

    I didn’t mean to scare him, but he was way too old. :)

    • Suse

      I can’t walk across a room in heels, much less 4 miles. LOL re old man!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I love my heels. These are boots, with 3 inch heels. Easy to walk on sidewalks in.

    • SnarkON

      Girl, never walk four miles in heels.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        2 trips, Hun. I do it all the time. :)

        • SnarkON

          You’ll ruin your feet!

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I haven’t had the heels on more than 2 hours at a time. I’ve worn heels or wedgies everyday for 2 years now. :)

    • thixotropic jerk
      • Anna Elizabeth

        This fella looked too much like my dad. :p And he was at least 60. No offense to anyone, but for dating I prefer younger men.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Actually the Star Trek aliens, if they really are aliens, shouldn’t be able to interbreed with humans either, even if they look like us. I mean seriously, even if they off chance that a real extra terrestrial is humanoid, what are the chances that will have compatible DNA with ours, even assume it has DNA in the first place?

    • Thiazin Red

      There was a mini arc about that on Next Generation. There was an ancient alien species that seeded life on different planets.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        In other words, they retconned an explanation for why everyone was having hybrid babbies.

        • Thiazin Red

          I seem to remember in the episodes themselves, it had never occurred to the different species to wonder about that.Like everyone was just having hybrid kids and never thought that was odd before.

          • CriticalDragon1177

            Yeah you think it would, otherwise you would expect them to think that they must be related to each other some way, or that evolution by natural selection was wrong.

          • Thiazin Red

            You would think, but I guess not.

          • SnarkON

            It all started when the United States of America on Planet Earth legalized gay marriage back in 2015.

      • SnarkON

        The Wrath of Ghengis Khan

    • SnarkON

      SHUT UP TOO COMPLICATED GOD MAN DUST WOMAN RIB!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Approximately zero chance. You may as well try mating with a sea urchin.

      • vivian

        OW ow ow ow!

    • Serai 1

      This is a question that has been explored in the Star Trek novels. Some writers have come up with very interesting answers.

      But the Star Trek universe is one in which all those “aliens” look like us and act like us for a very good reason – we are all related. Way the hell back who knows when, there was a race that “seeded” the galaxy with life, and that’s why so many of the “civilized” races of the galaxy are so physically similar – we’re all extremely distant cousins.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Pfft. Next I suppose you’re going to question the ability of dilithium crystals to control the energy output of matter and antimatter!

  • Ezio

    Sean Spicer defending movie villains is trending on twitter. #SpicerSpinsMoviePlots https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1e24e9fadab34156e3a02a69b3485dfa50a9ea287e24fb57ad69b2b9395e0d5a.png

  • ltmcdies

    OT…..can finally put that Dukakis in a tank helmet meme to
    rest…https://twitter.com/bitchyologist/status/852988428782374913

  • SnarkON

    Wait, so we liberals are now *not* OK with bison sex? Just trying to keep up.

    • vivian

      Depends on who you bi it from.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Boson sex NOT bison sex. It is the “god” particle.

    • Serai 1

      Depends on the liberal, I guess. I’ve never had much of a yen for furry sex, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert
    • Suse
    • eyelashviper

      I have that tshirt from their Voodoo Lounge tour, saw them in Miami, had front row seats and backstage passes, thanks to friend of Keith Richards.
      Good times.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Kevin Swanson Is well aware of the fact that the “Beast” in Beautify and the Beast is really a prince who was turned into a “Beast” due to a curse isn’t he? I mean, if the writer of the tale wanted to promote bestiality, wouldn’t he have just made him stay a beast and have made him a beast to begin with? Also, how is a love story about a romance between a human and a fantasy creature or an alien promoting bestiality when the creatures don’t exist in the first place and its not going to change who we are attracted to?

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      It is Disney. Suspend disbelieve. I mean about people who comment.

    • No, yes, and once you go Centaur you never go back.

      • SnarkON

        Unicorn libel!

      • therblig

        once you go satyr, you’ll want more latyr

    • SnarkON

      Also what about “Shrek”? Is Kevin Swanson OK with ogre-human relations? Or donkey-dragon relations?

  • eyelashviper

    Get yer popcorn and drinks ready, the End Times are nearing for Gopers…
    Right wing nut jobber will unleash all the dirt on Gopers if Bannon gets kicked to curb…
    This is better than binge watching Breaking Bad or Blacklist…

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/alt-right-head-threatens-to-release-intel-on-the-personal-lives-of-gop-if-bannon-is-fired/?comments=disqus

    • Suse

      Just posted this below.

      • eyelashviper

        oops, didn’t scroll…

        • Suse

          ;-)

    • SnarkON

      Good grief, please don’t use “End Times,” as those evangelical fuckers may take it literally.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        And causing thousands of our Jewish friends hide in the woods.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Yeah, from the asshole that thinks Hillz is raping children in a Pizza Parlor.

      • eyelashviper

        And shockingly, I have seen the same basura on some of those far far left sites who attribute all bad things in the universe to Clinton..

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Shit. So many stupid people. I guess if the Alt-Right gets out the Long Knives, it’s no skin off my ass. The worthless hate-filled fucks.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        There is more abuse to children on the menu at your local Chuck E Cheese Not to mention the diverse bacteria exposure in the ball pit

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Indeed. As a survivor of incest, other sexual abuse, and emotional abuse, I get very angry when assholes like the Alt-Right makes up stories like this.

    • Jamoche

      If only it was from someone who might have a remote chance of having any real intel.

  • anon_the_great

    Remember Kids

    Two legs good
    Four legs bad
    That is the Law

    Man, Sunday at Pastor Kevin’s church must be a hoot. Or Howl. Maybe even a bugle in Elk season.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Boo!

  • FZsdaughter

    Crikey the things these nutters are afraid of. All the wrong things, eh? They’re not afraid as Trump takes down the world like a hijacked plane crashing into a building, but Disney movies send them running to the fainting couch. Christianity ain’t what it used to be. #AmorVincetOmnia

  • Thiazin Red

    Speaking of not heterosexual movies, The Handmaiden is out of dvd already, nice. I’ll have to see if I can rent it tomorrow. I really enjoyed the book, and I like the director’s other work.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      You enjoyed the book?

      • Thiazin Red

        Yes?

        ETA: Okay I see the confusion now. The Handmaiden is a movie based on the book Fingersmith by Sarah Waters, not The Handmaid’s Tale.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Ah. OK. Thank you. I was briefly aghast. I feel better now.

      • anon_the_great

        Yeah. The book so disturbed me there is no way in Hell I’m gonna see the movie. In light of the current regime, a movie about systematic misogyny is beyond redundant.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I found the book to be more eyerolling than anything else. To disturb me, the author has to convince me this is a system that would hang together through one agricultural season…

          It’s a common flaw of some dystopian writers…if the OMG aspects can’t plausibly sustain themselves, I’m out.

          That said, it was good for one read through, even if I was thinking the world building could have been better.

    • It’s a good, weird movie

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        I found the Stepford Wives especially hypnotic too.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Stepford Wives was better executed IMHO.

      • Shanzgood

        The new one or the previous one?

        • Suse

          The Handmaiden is a Japanese movie. I think that’s what they’re talking about, not The Handmaid’s Tale.

          • marxalot

            Korean, I think? I saw it in theaters, with firends, at least one of whom had never read Fingersmith, so it was all new to her.
            I have never seen that kind of POV shot in a non-porn movie before!

  • Alt-dog
    • DainBramage

      Double upfist for Garfunkel and Oates!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump totally fucks up the Easter Egg Hunt Sunday: true or false?

    • SnarkON

      Please, god.

    • Rasilom

      I think he is still going to be in FL. Please Dog.let it stay in FL.

      • vivian

        Maybe we can find a Physics major who can refute Bernoulli’s Principle over the weekend.

        • II Gosala

          Bernoulli’s principle: the more it blows, the more it sucks.

    • Rick Hill

      If by fck it up you mean he makes it all about hisself then, yes.

    • Jamoche

      http://www.newyorker.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/Byrnes0414-south_lawn-690×690-1492183309.jpg

      “Whaddya mean, the White House South Lawn? That’s where I am. The White House–South. On the lawn. So where’s the damned Egg Roll?”

    • therblig

      according to melania, it will take him 3 days to rise.

    • SayItWithWookies

      He’ll have rally flashbacks and turn his angry mob loose on any crying children. I’m hoping he makes King Herod look like Mother Goose by the end of it.

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    I was into bison-fucking before it was cool.

    • Rick Hill

      Ha ha ha. And. That’s all we need to hear, ‘k?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        hee hee hee…!

        • Jennifer R

          Night time is a grand time for verbal indiscretions.

          • mancityRed6

            those were the days….

    • C4TWOMAN

      What kind of Unicorn are you?
      *clutches stolen pearls*

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        I’m a naughty unicorn who deserves a good spanking.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          XD Not until I get my spanking!

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Botty, botty, loose woman, erogenous zoooone….

    • therblig

      so, 1975 – before the bisontennial?

      • data_ninja

        *applause*

      • SpideySenser

        You win. All the intertubes. Like forever.

  • C4TWOMAN

    “Not with those hooves!”

    Hey, there’s an app for everything.

  • Nick Danger

    One can only hope.
    At least he got it bison instead of the usual buffalo.

  • C4TWOMAN

    And I cannot stop LOLLING.

    I don’t remember this kinda Moral Minority Meltdown with previous BatB lead, Vincent. D&D and Harry Potter, sure, but Vincent somehow escaped unscathed. Maybe it’s because he looked like a lion…

    • jesterpunk

      They did freak out about D&D though.They just didnt have the internet to scream about it where everyone can hear them (and make fun of them for it.)

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_%26_Dragons_controversies

      • C4TWOMAN

        Yeh, that’s what I meant, they had a go at D&D, and Harry Potter but NOT B/B Vincent.

        • jesterpunk

          Oh sorry I read that wrong.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Sokay. Sometimes it me and my horrid typing….

        • Shanzgood

          I knew a woman who pretty much threw everything away to write B&B fanfic. Really strange.

          • C4TWOMAN

            Wow. I sorta get it, if there had been fanfic communities when I started writing, I would have totally been LOTR. BUT–
            I made a conscious choice to stop reading Tolkien for a decade to develop my own voice. It was totally the right choice. Now I can enjoy Middle Earth, but not be swallowed by it creatively.

            So it sounds sad, but if she’s happy? Whatev. Basically it’s the literary version of Tribute Bands…
            *shrugs*

      • Ezio

        Ah, I remember the 90’s and early 2000’s when Pokémon and Yugioh were the ines being scrutinized as well.

    • SnarkON

      Remember Satan worshippers? Another Moral Majority freakout that somehow never materialized.

  • vivian

    Christ, those quotes read like Swanson thought it was a documentary.

    • C4TWOMAN

      IKR?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      The only fairy tales he endorses are in the old testament.

  • geoffalnutt

    I just finished reading How To Dress Your Lady Bison – and boy, was I surprised!!

    • II Gosala

      I’ve long been a fan of Stacy and Clinton on “How Not to Dress (Your Bison) “

  • Prof. T. Green Bastard

    Gettin primal ova here: https://youtu.be/eTLTXDHrgtw

  • therblig

    My bible promotes interextraterrestrial breeding, sadly, without foreplay – Gorns 6:45 – “I will be quick and merciful”

    at least that’s my interpretation

  • chascates

    Easy, preacher man! Centuries of man-sheep sex have yet to produce a viable offspring.

    • Suse

      Demon sheep libulz!11!!

    • therblig

      The Sheep Child
      BY JAMES L. DICKEY

      Farm boys wild to couple
      With anything with soft-wooded trees
      With mounds of earth mounds
      Of pinestraw will keep themselves off
      Animals by legends of their own:
      In the hay-tunnel dark
      And dung of barns, they will
      Say I have heard tell

      That in a museum in Atlanta
      Way back in a corner somewhere
      There’s this thing that’s only half
      Sheep like a woolly baby
      Pickled in alcohol because
      Those things can’t live. his eyes
      Are open but you can’t stand to look
      I heard from somebody who …

      But this is now almost all
      Gone. The boys have taken
      Their own true wives in the city,
      The sheep are safe in the west hill
      Pasture but we who were born there
      Still are not sure. Are we,
      Because we remember, remembered
      In the terrible dust of museums?

      Merely with his eyes, the sheep-child may

      Be saying saying

      I am here, in my father’s house.
      I who am half of your world, came deeply
      To my mother in the long grass
      Of the west pasture, where she stood like moonlight
      Listening for foxes. It was something like love
      From another world that seized her
      From behind, and she gave, not lifting her head
      Out of dew, without ever looking, her best
      Self to that great need. Turned loose, she dipped her face
      Farther into the chill of the earth, and in a sound
      Of sobbing of something stumbling
      Away, began, as she must do,
      To carry me. I woke, dying,

      In the summer sun of the hillside, with my eyes
      Far more than human. I saw for a blazing moment
      The great grassy world from both sides,
      Man and beast in the round of their need,
      And the hill wind stirred in my wool,
      My hoof and my hand clasped each other,
      I ate my one meal
      Of milk, and died
      Staring. From dark grass I came straight

      To my father’s house, whose dust
      Whirls up in the halls for no reason
      When no one comes piling deep in a hellish mild corner,
      And, through my immortal waters,
      I meet the sun’s grains eye
      To eye, and they fail at my closet of glass.
      Dead, I am most surely living
      In the minds of farm boys: I am he who drives
      Them like wolves from the hound bitch and calf
      And from the chaste ewe in the wind.
      They go into woods into bean fields they go
      Deep into their known right hands. Dreaming of me,
      They groan they wait they suffer
      Themselves, they marry, they raise their kind.

      • Suse

        Didn’t he write Deliverance?

        • therblig

          yes.

    • DainBramage
  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Suse

    I remember when Mick Jagger was a satanic beast and a threat to young girls everywhere. It made me love and want him all the more.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    If in case it turns out to be something (because people with their ears to the train tracks say it might), Wayne Barrett of (mostly) the Village Voice, who was a life expert in both Giuliani and Trump, wrote this about the santorum-spattered place where they intersect.

    • Suse

      “Rudy was just a guy I ran into in New York once in awhile. Never really knew him that well.”

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        Didn’t want to, but you made me do it.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IrE6FMpai8

        • Suse

          I knew somebody would!

        • Major_Major_Major

          Which is more unfuckable; the overly combovered dicksnot, or the one that derides trans-people?

          • Suse

            Yes.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Is there something that distinguishes the two?

          • Major_Major_Major

            The hairdo, otherwise no difference.

    • weejee

      Santroum-spattered indeed.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    For those employed with monies to burn:

    https://twitter.com/HansZimmerMusic/status/852939291361726464

  • marxalot

    Darn, if only I knew I had been “assigned a spouse which happens to be a member of the opposite sex” (great use of the definite article there, you whackjob, don’t you know people take who and not which? are you proposing my god-assigned opposite sex spouse is also an inanimate object, you pervert?!), I probably wouldn’t have turned out queer! I feel bad for the poor slob, hope he didn’t get in trouble for not completing his assignment.

    • II Gosala

      If your soul mate is of the same sex, than the same sex is also the opposite sex.

      It’s a contradiction in logics. Too bad for logics.

    • Suse

      Which inanimate object would you choose for a spouse?

      • therblig

        bicycle

      • Major_Major_Major

        A kumquat?

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Are vibrators still considered inanimate?

        • Suse

          Good question!

      • janecita

        A good book.

        • Suse

          I was going to say the same thing! Can I have 2 spouses – my bed AND a good book?

          • janecita

            As long as you don’t want a bison, sure!

          • Suse

            I have a kitteh who “reads” in bed with me. He has to mark every book before I start reading by rubbing his face on the spine.

          • janecita

            That’s adorable! My stupid dog, likes to chew on my books.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        A credit card.

      • redarmyzombie

        Does a vibrator count as inanimate?

        EDIT: Nevermind, someone else beat me to it…

  • janecita

    I feel sorry for all those spinsters out there, that were late to the “spouse assignment” party! Some people got there very early, and they got several spouses assigned to them!

    • Suse

      I got lucky with my one and only assignment. Thank yew, Jebus!

      • janecita

        Me too!

        • therblig

          same here!

          • CindyinEncinitas

            I got a rock.

          • janecita

            I told you to get up early, but noo, you wanted to sleep in!

    • Thiazin Red

      I feel like my aunt and my mom were some of the ones wrecking the numbers. Aunt Rene has been married 4 times, and Mom 3.

      • marxalot

        My ex’s mom is on her fourth. Fun fact: my ex didn’t know about the second until her great gran let it slip one time (she’d been, like, two at the time and didn’t remember it at all).
        …But dating a girl was unacceptable.

  • Jenny

    Just sat through Fast and Furious: A New Another One.

    I kept thinking about whether Luke has fallen to the dark side.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    He’s worried about fairy tales influencing kids?
    I thought that was his business! Isn’t he a Christian pastor??

    • Jamoche

      Can’t stand the competition.

  • Serai 1

    It must be exceedingly weird to look around and see gross perverted sex maniacs everywhere you go. I imagine it’d make conversation awkward.

    • The Wanderer

      It did, at first, but then I got used to them.

      • HazooToo

        One of us, one of us, one of us…

  • Michael R
    • Vecchioivan

      There is no god, and he hates us.

      • therblig

        look at how long he let jack t. chick hang on

        • Suse

          At least Chick had a sickish sense of humor.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I try to remember with these shithead haters, that they have never had or performed great oral sex evers. It helps.

    • Michael R
    • tapp_my_wire,please

      It’s wasn’t necessary to even include the ‘great’ adjective.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        XD

    • Suse

      They’d lose their minds (and their souls).

      • Anna Elizabeth

        This chick I knew told a story from her university days, her roommate was Mormon, and she and her Mormon boyfriend decided to walk on the wild side with some oral.

        Chick walks in on them, and busts a gut laughing. “You’re not supposed to blow *on* it, Honey!”

        XD

  • Nightcrawler
    • HazooToo

      We truly are living in the future!

    • Crank Tango

      I’m holding my laptop upside down so to me they look like teefs.

      • SnarkON

        I”m holding mine sideways so they look like mutant sperm.

        • Tishalicious

          Thanks a bunch–now all I can see are teeth.

      • therblig

        could also be a walrus

        • SpideySenser

          Or the eggman … gugugaju.

    • Vecchioivan

      What, no flying cars?

      • Lord Jim

        I was promised a jetpack!

  • Crank Tango

    I’m having flashbacks of the satanic panic in the 80s, maybe they will get together and burn some mp3s.

    • SnarkON

      I just had the same thought downthread!

      • Crank Tango

        That’s what I get for not scrolling!

        • SnarkON

          No — you couldn’t have. We literally had it at the same time.

    • Nightcrawler

      I remember when people used to think Pokémon was evil and would indoctrinate children into accepting evolution. Even though Pokémon is more like metamorphosis than evolution. In a way you could blame the misunderstanding of how evolution works on Pokémon.

      • Crank Tango

        But teletubbies totally made kids have teh ghey, right?

        • kareemachan

          Po…..

          • Koch Blockula

            No, it was Tinky Winky. The one who carried the purse and was lavender.

    • Suse

      The McMartin pre-school thing was so awful! Not so far from the Salem trials, really.

    • Koch Blockula

      Remember the Proctor and Gamble man in the moon logo, which the wackaloons thought was a goat’s head?

      • Crank Tango

        Oh man I didn’t remember that, but snopes says AMWAY had something to do with the rumors lolol.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    I’ll worry about that when bison stand up on two legs to dance wearing an elaborate embroidered frock coat. In the meantime, I am concerned about christo-fascist morans breeding.

  • snark-lurker

    i grew up thinkin the “Beast” was just a very ugly (mebbee deformed by some malady) man, not a animal! anybuddy else?

    • Suse

      Yeah – kinda like Claude Rains in Phantom of the Opera.

      • snark-lurker

        Phantom of the Opera is on my “re-readable” shelf. never seen any stage or film vergin

      • snark-lurker

        love Claude R in everything

    • Nightcrawler
      • snark-lurker

        me not know Hank McCoy(?)

        • Anna Elizabeth

          X-Men comics and movies, Doll. :)

          • snark-lurker

            oh. thx. not my thing

          • Anna Elizabeth

            No probs. Not everyone is into superheros and shit. :) I grew up with X-Men myself.

          • snark-lurker

            i thought X was like a “G-Men” rip-off. that is all

          • Anna Elizabeth

            LOL Actually, they are Mutants, born different. The comic was really a metaphor for being Queer, that’s why I loved it.

          • snark-lurker

            ah, i had no idea. never wanted to watch that show about guys with steel claws that pop out of their arms either, (?)name(?)

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Wolverine. He’s a bit overused. My fave stories with Wolverine were when he took younger female X-Men under his wing. Kitty Pryde especially. She was a cute, brave, smart teenager, and Wolverine helped her grow into a strong woman.

            I could have used a fierce Big Brother at that age, too. :)

          • Nightcrawler

            You see my profile picture and username? It’s Nightcrawler. In the comics, he is often attacked by religious people for his appearance (they call him a demon). However, Nightcrawler is deeply Catholic himself. I’ve always identified with that aspect, as a bisexual Catholic.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            I always loved Kurt. He had a lot of courage to stand up and stay positive and fun-loving with all the crap he lived through. :)

          • Nightcrawler

            He actually gets joy from his faith. Unlike someone such as Daredevil, who is constantly laden with guilt about it. That’s why I didn’t like how Nightcrawler self harmed in X2.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah, that was ugly, and I agree that Kurt keeping his faith is one of his admirable qualities.

            Wolverine is always so angry or brooding, but Nightcrawer is smiling or laughing, even when he hurts. :)

          • Nightcrawler

            Logan is like Batman to me. He has his moments but he does get too much exposure. I prefer Colossus to Logan.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            That’s an apt comparison. I always liked Colossus too. He had a fresh, innocent approach to life.

            I am old enough to remember Phoenix, and Phoenix, Storm, and then Kitty were my faves.

          • Nightcrawler

            I also like Rogue and Storm. The movies treated the female X -Men characters like crap sadly. And pretty much anyone not named Wolverine or Magneto.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yep. The movies were ultimately a disappointment. Rogue was great in the comics. When the team was Storm, Dazzler, Rogue, Psylocke, and a couple of guys I loved it. :)

          • snark-lurker

            all new news to me

          • Nightcrawler

            Yeah. In the second movie, Iceman tells his mom he is a mutant and her response was “well have you tried not being a mutant?” It’s pretty obvious what that’s a metaphor for.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Exactly. :)

            It turns out that Chris Claremont taught me how to be Queer way before I knew I was. Be yourself, be fierce, find a new family when your blood throws you away. I relate to Storm & Kitty Pryde most of all.

          • snark-lurker

            mutants odd connect to make a queer metaphor (imho)

          • Anna Elizabeth

            It’s cos they are born different, often visibly different, their powers manifest at puberty, and they are almost always thrown away by their families when they manifest.

            Some are beautiful, many are strange, and the best of them fight to make the world a better place no matter how difficult it is.

          • snark-lurker

            that aspect haz not been in my brain before, i see it now thx

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Of course. :) It’s just not something you were familiar with. :)

        • Nightcrawler

          Beast from X-Men!

  • Anna Elizabeth
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Humans are assigned a spouse which happens to be a member of the opposite sex

    Wait–so God is spending all Her time playing matchmaker now? Because if so, I’ve got a few questions, like “why on earth did you make me think I was compatible with him FFS?

    • SnarkON

      I ask God this about my first husband and my current one.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      For an all knowing divinity, god does a really shitty job with the spouse assigning.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      No, you misunderstand. The line for the really hard-core Handmaid’s Tale evangelical women is that their fathers are arranging their marriages because they know what God wants. IOW, no matter how disgusting the man your family is selling you to is, you have to go along with it because god’s will.

  • BearLeft

    Hol’ on a minute!1 This Swanson guy, HE fucks humans, don’t he? And he’s just a bit further removed from the intellectual divide between bison and people. What’s sauce for the goose is bison sauce for your self-righteous ass … or words to that effect …

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Yes. I Believe This Is A Thing Which Happened.

    Someone involved in the decision making describes in detail to high-powered news outlet the Washington Examiner how the general in charge of doing shit like this used the MOAB without permission because he has blanket using shit without permission privileges.

    “From his perspective, it was just another bomb,” a senior defense official told The Washington Examiner for a report Friday. “We should have realized how it would be viewed. That’s on us.”

    “He didn’t ask permission. He didn’t have to. He had been looking at this target for months and decided it was time to mix things up.”

    • Thiazin Red

      That sounds distressingly casual. Oh just wanted to change up the old routine, try some new things. It was a toss up between using the MOAB and taking a spin class.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I’ve seen the decision to put pineapple on a pizza described with more heat.

        • Rasilom

          Pineapple is wrong wrong wrong!!!!!

          • Thiazin Red

            No you are wrong! MOAB deployed!

          • redarmyzombie

            No MOAB! No MOAB! You’re the MOAB!

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Well, yes. It is a scandal and a hissing and a thing that is wrong. But at the end of it noncombatants are not dead.

          • Rasilom

            And if you want it to stay that way DO NOT try and put anchovies on a pizza! :-)

          • Carpe Vagenda

            You know, I’m going to get out of the way and let you and the beleaguered husband have at it. He’s a huge fan. Me, I think anchovies need a caesar salad or a lamb roast.

          • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

            Mmmmm anchovies. You just don’t like pizza, do you?

          • Rasilom

            I love pizza. I just rate anchovies at the same level as canned clams. Just put the can down and step away.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I’d be more open to the pineapple thing if they didn’t use parboiled pineapple from a can, and I’d be more open to the jalapeno thing if they were open to using the pickled ones from a can. But neither one is anything like italian pizza, so it’s hard to get purist about it.

          • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

            Pineapple and jalapeño is even better!

          • Rasilom

            That might actually work. For me the sweet over powers the canadian bacon on a hawian pizza. The spicy hot could counteract that a bit. Ok Ill try it.

    • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

      In the Soviet Union lower ranking officers had authorization to fire nuclear weapons. We are literally only here because a sub captain in the missile crisis didn’t.

    • HazooToo

      If there is a link there, it’s not working for me.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Fixed, I think?

        • HazooToo

          Yes! Thank you!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Will good Christian employers be forced to hire these manimals against their will? Bake cakes for their weddings?

    Don’t be silly: the manimals are the bartenders. All of the bakers are gay now!

  • marxalot

    Paging Tank Girl and Boogah; Tank Girl and Boogah, will you please come to the white beastiality phone.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Swanson notes that the very idea of inter-species breeding was not a thing until “Star Trek” happened in the ’80s and ’90s

    While I will admit that I had a thing for Leonard Nimoy and Patrick Stewart back in the day, I never got the urge to sex anyone of a different species. But thanks for the offer, Pastor!

    • OrdinaryJoe

      What the heck was Lois Lane and Superman all about if not inter-galactic interspecies breeding?

      • DainBramage

        And what about God and that poor girl, Mary?

      • ariel_gee_398

        Which brings us back to the old argument about whether Lois and Supes could feasibly have sex given his superpowers.

    • redarmyzombie

      Also, pretty sure inter-species breeding was being attempted waaay back before Kirk was fighting the Gorn…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    And what about the MAMILs? (packs of Middle Aged Men in Lycra riding bicycles all over the world every Saturday and Sunday morning.)

    • aktlib101

      Lycra keeps things from…umm…falling apart. Lycra good.

    • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

      Wire stretched across the road at a certain height?

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • OrdinaryJoe

      Ice cream bombe?

    • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

      The Los Angeles Times called it a “robust military strategy” on the front page. Can I scream? Can I say “fuck” a lot? Please?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        I’ve spent the whole day not cursing like a sailor when it was clearly called for. You go right ahead, for the both of us.

      • HazooToo

        Yes. Yes you can.

    • aktlib101

      Chinese media apparently joined in:
      “Chinese Media Can’t Stop Making Fun Of Donald Trump
      “Trump slaps self in face, again.”
      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-china-media-mocked_us_58f039c5e4b0da2ff85fa722?ncid=inblnkushpmg00000009

  • II Gosala

    Have I mentioned recently how much I despise my congress critter?

    He can meet with the Republican club, but can’t be bothered to have a town hall.

    http://www.naplesnews.com/story/news/local/communities/the-banner/2017/04/14/congressman-rooney-stopped-republican-club-meeting-south-lee-county/100457282/

    And he is full on tea party as regards taxes

    http://www.news-press.com/story/opinion/2017/04/14/tax-day-reminds-us-importance-tax-reform/100425940/

    • Suse

      Mine (Swalwell) is having one in my city on the 22nd.

    • HazooToo

      Still no sign of Pat Toomey.

  • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

    Hey, where’s Volpe? He should be breaking this to us:
    https://arstechnica.com/science/2017/04/hylands-finally-recalls-homeopathic-products-linked-to-baby-sicknesses-death/
    Those fucking woo-peddlers at Hyland have finally backed down, but still insist their deadly nightshade pills are good for infant toothaches.
    Special place in hell, if only there were such a place.

    • DainBramage

      Iz confuz’d. I thought homeopathic meant, not only “like cures like”, but that it was diluted down to the point where you would never even get one molecule of the so-called active ingredient.

      • Trip Space-Parasite

        Assumes they have some idea what they’re doing, which they obviously don’t.

        • DainBramage

          True. They have a homeopathic understanding of chemistry and physics. 100c, I expect.

          • Trip Space-Parasite

            Well phrased!

    • HazooToo

      At what point do you look at something with the word DEADLY in it’s common name and think “Let’s add that to a medicine for babies” ?

      • JustDon’tSayFlatEarth

        At no point. Unless you’re homeopathological.

  • Nightcrawler

    For people who always like to talk about “family values”, their actions and lives make them seem more like the villains in Disney movies.

    O’Reilly = Frollo, Coulter = Lady Tremaine, Richard Spencer = Gaston etc

  • Goposaur

    “…it shares a premise with myriad folktales”

    Bless you for proper usage of the word “myriad” by not putting “a” before it.

    • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

      The proper usage is, of course, “an myriad”.

  • Scooby

    He must really hate Leda and the Swan!

    • Thiazin Red

      Or the legend of the Minotaur.

  • janecita

    Speaking of bison, they just got reintroduced to National Parks in Canada.

    • jesterpunk

      Dont let Uday & Qusay know that. Actually Canada might want to just ban both of them to be safe.

      • mancityRed6

        A friend of mine and I really wanted to go to a game preserve in Africa because we heard a rumor (pre everyone had internet days) that you could shoot poachers.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        They’ll be busy tracking down hibernating bears in Alaska. They aren’t really good at shooting.

        • AJ Milne

          It’s when they _miss_ the hibernating bear–which then wakes up and mauls them–that the comedy really begins.

  • mancityRed6

    I love Gwar
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMkA76KpWO8&list=PLMbSQCzYprh5YVjkp6eVN33UhaLJ8AjGs&index=2
    Listen to the end, and yeah, the now deceased lead singer was right wing, but still.

    • Michael R

      Interesting fact : Steve Bannon wrote ” America Must Be Destroyed “

      • mancityRed6

        oh, no. just no. no and no again. Bannon has trouble wiping his own ass, hence the destroyed hot tub.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    It’s Friday, Beer:30. Catch you all after happy hour.

    • Michael R
    • Reddishrabbit

      Already started! ://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0cf2c99f04227372b5fd307a2cb55afd9436d24681bae443ff7191fbb9c1dde7.jpg

    • ariel_gee_398

      Being an ordinary joe that likes beer, have you considered running for high office? I’m led to believe that appeals to voters.

    • mancityRed6

      I’ve been home for the last 4 hours, today was pure overtime.

  • Anna Rompage

    “we’ve yet to see a half-human half-caribou walking along on its hind legs and speaking the Queen’s English.”

    What? You mean to tell me the Palins are 100% human? Get the fuck outta here!

    • AJ Milne

      Caribou libels.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      There are some strange things to be seen out there in Mat-Su land.

  • Rick Hill

    Not to forget how every time we hear about someone having sex with animals it’s always a religious conservative bringing it up. Usually in conjunction with marrying your dog, too.

    • Anna Rompage

      The irony of that of course, is that just about every time a sex scandal comes out in the news, it’s usually a religious conservative that’s getting busted

      • Rick Hill

        Or a voter fraud. Or a corruption scandal…

    • ariel_gee_398

      Or me making a joke about the former prime minister of the U.K.

      • mancityRed6

        that is warrented, because he is a pig f#cker

    • AJ Milne

      I generally file these under ‘projection, disturbing’.

      • Rick Hill

        Maybe turgid member will show up and give us his thoughts on the matter…

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          It’s Friday! We need some TLM snark!

  • Pisto75666

    “Christians, I don’t believe, can allow for this,” Swanson stated. “Humans are made in the image of God. Humans are assigned a spouse which happens to be a member of the opposite sex. Friends, God’s law forbids it … Christians should not allow for this, man. We cannot allow for humans to interbreed with other species. It’s just wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s confusion, it’s unnatural.”

    “But, if you know, by chance a Christian accidentally on purpose diddles 5 of his sisters, I mean, *throws up hands* whaddyagonna do?”

    • jesterpunk

      Mike Huckabee will scream how its part of the war on Christianity?

      • Anna Rompage

        If Adam fucked his own rib, and every human on the planet are all decendants of that funky union, then aren’t we all really brothers & sisters with everyone else?

        • mancityRed6

          I am never dating again…just kidding.
          maybe.

        • Thiazin Red

          And Adam and Eve never had any daughters.

          • mancityRed6

            but Cain and or Abel still married someone….

          • therblig

            Cain and a bull?

        • TJ Barke

          No, they got wives that came out of nowhere. Somehow. Because continuity is hard.

      • Nounverb911

        Huckabee is too busy trying to ride the toy pony at Wal-Mart to worry about this…

        https://twitter.com/GovMikeHuckabee/status/852631106860044290

        • jesterpunk

          What the… well I guess that is better then him actually doing anything else.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          Go ride the baloney pony, Huck.

        • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

          Who is gonna bake a wedding cake for the Huckabee-Pony Ride nuptials?

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      You can’t interbreed with other species. Kind of the definition of species.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Shoto

      “Swamp wins again.”

      Great line.

  • Idaho4644

    If God is such a good spouse-picker, why do all those so-called Christians join Ashley Madison?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Nounverb911

      So the IOKIYAR defense doesn’t work anymore?

    • Nightcrawler

      Maybe Rudy GIULIANI can….make him an offer he can’t refuse.

      Too easy.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Hoisted on his own peetard?

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        It appears he has been up to no good representing a corrupt Turk with ties to Trump, and now he may be in legal jeopardy, and nobody wants to help him get out of the jam he got himself into.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Lock Him Up!

          • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

            Lock ALL of them up, Katie!

  • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

    What this tells me is that interspecies breeding in an actual thing in certain areas.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Nope. No matter how hard you try.

      A species is a group of individual organisms that interbreed and produce fertile, viable offspring.

      • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

        Ever live in the San Fernando Valley?

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          How about Venice?

    • jesterpunk

      i think its a thing in NYC, I mean he does look like someone cross bred a beaver, a horses ass and a human.

      https://theintellectualist.co/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/eric-trump.jpg

      • Rick Hill

        Idk. Not seeeing the human part

        • jesterpunk

          They claim Trump is his father and Trump did own a casino in Vegas…

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Horse’s ass libelz!

      • Shoto

        Patrick Bateman Libelz!

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    Not with those hooves!

    HOOVES LIBELZ!!!1

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ed7742fee83a5b65352a6c54f6ea88980a034da52c8d4bfb20f150640a01992a.gif

    Also Kevin Swanson is a big dumb, but you probably know that already.

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      No no, let the foolish humans continue to underestimate us…

  • TJ Barke

    He does understand that the Beast is a cursed human, right? The point is to break the curse…

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      He “conveniently” skipped over that big part of the story, didn’t he?

    • Sister the Resister

      Well, if the Beast has properly prayed to Jeebus and suchlilke, he wouldna been turned into a Beast, now would he (allegedly)? Dear reverend got the whole Satan’s influence misplaced, that’s all

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      And the fairy tale thing too…

    • Lord Jim

      Literature is very hard for fundies.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Thiazin Red

    All humans are assigned a spouse? So god is like me when I play Crusader Kings and marry off my various courtiers?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      So that explains why my 1st marriage assignment was like doing my assigned math homework?

  • Jgb979

    Would love to see this guys face when he sees this tale of demon / jackal cross breeding
    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/415RS9DW0XL._AC_UL320_SR230,320_.jpg

    • Rick Hill

      And that boy…grew up to be….#45. And now, you know, the rest of the story.

      • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

        You’re essentially saying Rump’s the Antichrist, aren’t you?

        • Rick Hill

          Shh. That’s a sekrit. You don’t tell the sekrit plans if you are not dining in Mel Larjo

        • Lord Jim

          You don’t think that headweasel’s there for looks, do you? It’s to cover “the mark”.

          • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

            That ‘splains so much…

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Paul Harvey libelz!

  • OneYieldRegular

    If Kevin Swanson finds the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast to be unnatural confusion, don’t ever let him near a copy of Giambattista Basile’s 17th century collection of fairy tales, The Tale of Tales.

  • Rick Hill

    On the eve of the apocolypse:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ8bpdfy02c

  • mancityRed6
  • Longstreet63

    Hooves are fine if you’re into that, but I’ve always been an antlers man, myself.

  • Nounverb911
  • Michael R

    I’ll post this so I don’t ruin the holiday ,
    this was a before punk band that existed from 1972 – 1975

    Electric Eels – Bunnies

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRLMpEk3F-8

  • Thiazin Red

    I wonder what this guy would say about Donkey Skin.

  • Shoto
    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      One thing you have to admit about Donnie…he has a very attractive, sincere smile.

      • Shoto

        He still thinks he’s on a reality teevee show.

      • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

        He seems nice.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        Like the guy at the seniors home smiling appreciatively after his chin is wiped.

        • Shoto

          “That pudding was good. Can I watch “Wheel of Fortune” now?”

      • Lord Jim

        I bet he can also smell blood a mile off. Sharks are known for that.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Like he finally cleared that blockage.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          “Kellyanne, the Oval Office toilet is badly clogged. You’ll need rubber gloves…and a hazmat suit.”

          • Anna Elizabeth

            LOLOMG

      • Serai 1

        He reminds me of Dabney Coleman that way – both of them have smiles that look like they hurt.

    • aktlib101

      Oh Gawd, why? WHY?

  • Anna Elizabeth
    • Lord Jim

      I admire his integrity as an artist – as he grew he actively resisted being a pawn of the music industry and its fixation on glamor and celebrity. He wanted to be judged by the quality of his music.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I have great admiration for George Michael. Sometimes I wish I had listened to the feelings this song stirred for me in 1990, but if I had come out back then I probably wouldn’t have met my Baby Girl – my daughter in all but blood – and she might be dead if we hadn’t met when we did.

    • mancityRed6

      the first few tapes I bought at Xmas ’84: the newest Van Halen, Hall and Oates (Big Bam Boom) and Wham! Make it Big. Yeah, I was 10.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        In ’84 I was listening to Men At Work. I got “Cargo” for XMas 83. XD

        • mancityRed6

          I didn’t have MTV at the time, I had to rely on my aunt and uncle who had a satellite at the time to hear Corey Hart

  • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy
  • Shoto
  • jesterpunk
  • Rick Hill

    Just read the MOAB cost 16 mil. Not sure if that’s accurate or if it is, if it also includes the delivery

    • msanthropesmr

      Amazon prime is great that way.

    • AJ Milne

      It’s the customs brokerage fee that really burns ya with those.

    • Shoto

      Pretty sure that’s just the weapon. Personnel and delivery charges would drive up the cost just a bit.

      • Rick Hill

        Ik,r? Just petty cash when you’re dropping 16 large.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      the TRUMP signage fees cost a million alone

    • Duke

      I wonder if UPS could do it more cheaply.

    • Doug Langley

      “Batteries not included, some assembly required.”

  • Anna Rompage

    Jesus fucking Christ wolfing down half of the Passover ham… what the fuck did this guy do to become so deranged with guilt?

    Did he used to dress up in him moms clothes as a child and masturbate?

    Did he try to diddle his little sister?

    Did he suck off the family dog as a child?

    Is he secretly married to his first cousin?

    Did he kiss a boy and liked it?

    Did he used to eat lead fishing weights as a child?

    What?

    This special little snowflake certainly not be this fucked up without doing something that he either feels super guilty about, or altered his brain chemistry in a super, super bad way…

    • Shoto

      Wait: Those are a bunch of trick questions, right?

    • redarmyzombie

      All of them, Katie.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      The consensus seems to be that he was that kid who tried to take mom away from dad by being the most like dad ever, and as dad was an abusive shit it didn’t work out well.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Dunno. I live down the way from his Elizabeth CO church. On any given Sunday, the parking lot is the largest assemblage of beige minivans you can imagine.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      But does he bareback his horse Flicka?

    • The Witch of Endor

      I think one of his claims to fame is that he “home-schooled himself”. That’s a fucking recipe for success and mental stability.

  • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

    Tim Daggett “gets all over that pommel horse like a naked lady” – 1984 Olympics announcer. One of those things lodged in my memory that surfaces now and then.

    • Michael R

      I had a memory of Jaye P Morgan showing her tits on the Gong Show and the internets helped me confirm it wasn’t all in my head .

      https://s23.postimg.org/zdzz3qk7v/Gong_Show_Jaye_P_Morgan.gif

      • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

        Wow.

      • Yr. Gma

        Gene Gene the Dancing Machine!

      • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

        Either Cracked or Mad magazine had a parody counterculture mail order catalog (this is early or mid 1970s), and one of the fictional items was “Support Chicano Shrdlu Shrdlu Shrdlu” bumper stickers. I have never been able to find verification of this, but I know I saw it.

        • Michael R

          Some cartoonist did a thing where a fly is eating a candy bar called ” Bit O Shit ”
          and no one has posted it to the internets yet – any help out there ?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        true story- I got to see her do that in person once

  • Rick Hill

    The real reason this guy is worried about beastiality
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/agL1gw6_700b.jpg

  • Shoto
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Human-Bison hybrids would be great- and I know the perfect job for them. Finally the Chicago Bears could build an O-line capable of protecting the QB

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      They could always make a trade with the Buffalo Bills.

    • Anna Rompage

      Are you kidding, they just got a little lazy after taking so much joy in seeing Jay Cuttler getting sacked over and over and over again…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        They might actually be motivated to try, now that crybabby Jay is gone

  • Anna Elizabeth
    • mancityRed6

      yes, yes, and yes.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfK-WX2pa8c

        Imagine what seeing videos by The Clash was like for a little kid with a religious fanatic father who played John Denver & Kenny Rogers incessantly. :D

        • mancityRed6

          I have a bootleg Clash album that sounds like someone with a mono tape recorder and shitty microphone stuck it up against the speakers back in ’77.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Nice! :D The Clash and Blondie are my childhood faves I still listen to most often.

          • Rasilom

            I was a Concrete Blond fan. Wore that poor casset of their first album right out!

          • Anna Elizabeth
    • Serai 1

      I loved this song as perfect meta decades before I ever heard the term.

  • mancityRed6
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Wait until he finds out that Ariel is the result of Snow White hooking up with Charlie Tuna

    • Rasilom

      Sorry Charlie, you were a drunken 1 night stand. Please stop calling.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        She called in a favor from Grumpy and the boys- now Charlie is sleeping with the fishes

      • Doug Langley

        Sunkist libelz!!!!1

    • Count Awesome

      “Why couldn’t she be the other kind of mermaid with the fish part on top and the lady parts on the bottom.”
      –Phillip J. Fry

  • II Gosala
  • Nightcrawler

    I totally forgot the new MST3K is on Netflix today.

  • Rick Hill
  • Thaumaturgist

    Joy Reid, subbing on MSNBC for the guy with the big glasses, just called someone “the chicken hawk in chief.”

    • Shoto

      Joy Reid has been killing it over there, along with O’Donnell and Maddow.

  • Nightcrawler
    • Michael R

      Uh oh , the parasites are destroying the host .

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I don’t understand how any of this got so much attention. It’s a children’s story about a human (presumably, I think a couple versions have him related to fairies) being cursed and something about magic and roses. Shouldn’t religious people be upset about witchcraft?

    Also, I can only assume these people didn’t mind when children used “gay” or slurs for gay as insults and bullied people with non-conforming sexualities and gender identities, which means they are hateful and their real objection is to the normalization of humans that exist.

    • mancityRed6

      so was Harry Potter.

    • AJ Milne

      Culture war sorties are _selected_ for their absurdity. That’s what makes them fly. Were someone to say in nuanced, reasonable, balanced tone something arguable, mature and/or thoughtful, something maybe about the dangers of presenting the archetype of the ‘wild man you can make better with love’ and its implications for abusive relationships, it wouldn’t get far… Might get a few column inches, a few mentions on social media from the earnest and thoughtful, ye, all six of them…

      No, but go full snake oil soapbox preacher, tho’, and it travels. Gets coverage, gets outrage from some quarters, amusement from others. And that’s the very strategy, so long as it gets attention, the only real currency that matters, here. No point, either, in inveighing against something you’re likely to be able to do something about, as that’s not even the object. The culture warriors of the right _need_ the culture to be ‘coarse’ and ‘hostile’ to their ‘values’ to keep their game going; notice how long they’ve been using it for votes, how little they ever actually try to do about it. The _point_ is keeping people stirred and angry and focusing on whatever actually _doesn’t_ matter. So if the complaint and the complainer themselves are more cartoons than the movie the whinge concerns itself with, so perfectly ridiculous it’s almost impossible to ignore, that’s a winner, right there.

  • Duke
  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    I demand to be entertained!
    Turgid Love Muscle! Turgid Love Muscle! Turgid Love Muscle!

  • The Reverend Stu’

    The nice thing about having a bison for a mate is that when they die you can make really great burgers out of them. And it’s not cannibalism… It’s delicious.

    • mancityRed6

      oh, no, they give me gas. you don’t want that.

    • Truck Fump

      And a nice rug.

    • janecita

      And a mounted head, so you can remember your partner forever.

      • The Reverend Stu’

        Or a hat!

  • Anna Elizabeth
    • mancityRed6

      I do prefer the Marc Bolan (and T Rex) version, sorry.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOjCjXfG9yg

      • Anna Elizabeth

        No need for apology, I love this too. :)

        Also too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI-NGIXS9JU

        • mancityRed6

          jeebus christo, blondie and Johhny Thunders? Imma share this on my facespace. thank you.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            My pleasure! :D I found this a few years ago, it’s awesome. :)

          • mancityRed6

            I have my earphones in and watching the sun set on this glorious Friday. thank you.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            You are indeed welcome. I was dancing to it but I had to sit down. XD

          • Anna Elizabeth
          • mancityRed6

            I got a boy in Lawrence, known him for 24 years now, he got me into Johnny Thunders. I’m sharing this, too.
            thanks.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            :D Of course!

          • Wild Cat

            Yeah, usually someone from NYC wouldn’t be caught dead with someone from Hawthorne, NJ . . .

          • mancityRed6

            Well, one was a heroin addict… and the other was Blondie

    • mancityRed6

      I have four youtube tabs open now, dammit.

    • janecita

      Are we doing random music?
      https://youtu.be/WdRViFCvvUo

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    He also needn’t worry about lady-bison romantic procreation actually becoming a thing, being that it is scientifically impossible.

    As is the earth being created in six days, virgin birth, floods that completely inundate the entire planet, building a wooden boat to accommodate every species on the planet, turning water into wine, feeding a multitude with five loaves and two small fishes, coming back from the dead, manna from heaven, etc, etc. And we can be sure he believes all that bullshit too.

    • JesusWasAHippie

      You make a good point.

  • Rick Hill

    Rare footage of trump working to fix ‘Murica:
    https://i.imgur.com/vdLE8dJ.gif

    • mancityRed6

      libelz!

      • Rick Hill

        We should be lucky trump isn’t a cat?

        • mancityRed6

          he would be even more popular….jeebus, you’ve seen the views on those cat videos. no, best he is the fake star bellied sneetch that he is

    • Michael R
      • aktlib101

        That MOAB Trump?

      • JesusWasAHippie

        America!

      • Doug Langley

        Reminds me of an Undercover Boss episode, where they take the CEO of a big corp and sneak him back into his own company as a new hire. One boss was order to drive the forklift in the warehouse. He was so reckless the supervisor “fired” him.

    • cmd resistor

      My abs fave.

  • Vecchioivan
    • Anna Elizabeth

      OMGLOL you’re fucking kidding me!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      “When the angry T-Rex corners the huntress in a box canyon, it seems more interested in her wet womanhood than in her flesh.”

      That sentence has so much potential for snark that I don’t even know where to begin.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Joy Reid is sitting in for Chris Hayes tonight. Life is good.

  • Serai 1

    So is this the open thread?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cle4jJFoeQg

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • Jamoche
    • Anna Elizabeth

      If WaPo is so fond of blood and ‘splosions, they outta sign up for combat somewhere.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      The fucking villagers collectively orgasm at the thought of bombing brown people

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Works every time.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I swear to God, they’re as helpless as a cat in the presence of a laser pointer

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Been avoiding news all week. The credulous MSM falls for this shit like Pavlov’s dog. Part of Trump and his sociopathy getting mainstreamed.

          • Wild Cat

            I think they hold those jobs because they willingly cheerlead for war. The whole nation has been turned into a military-fetish state since Cheney and Bush II fucked up 16 years ago.
            They’re media whores—and that was a good blog.

          • cmd resistor

            I actually was surprised how stupid they were on this bombing shit, when they sort of seemed to be wising up that Trump is an evil idiot.

      • Lord Jim

        Have they never read Donne’s “Meditaion XVII”?

        No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea,
        Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a
        manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were: any man’s death diminishes
        me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know
        for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          John Donne and Bill O’Reilly are Trump’s two favorite authors….next to Donald Trump, obvs.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I gotta get drunk and I sure do dread it…

  • Bitter Scribe

    Gee, I wonder if a black guy with a white girl would appear “bestial” to the good pastor?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Anna Elizabeth

      They made a fucking internet Troll the POTUS.

    • ariel_gee_398

      That photo looks like what would accompany a news story about someone’s missing, senile grandpa who was last seen going out for a walk by himself in the afternoon.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        And who’d had a little “accident”.

        • Rasilom

          I think that look is more like I shit my pants daily and I dont care.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The look that says, “die for my sake, asshole…I got bone spurs.”.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      He wanted to try saber rattling but aides advised against letting him handle sharp objects.

    • TundraGrifter

      “Sure – they dropped that mutha in Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan.”

  • Serai 1
  • TundraGrifter

    “Bison bison – so big they had to name him twice.”

    ~ Big Daddy Tundra Grifter

  • TigerTron

    ; . ;

  • mancityRed6

    All or Descendants? I’m in the All camp and this song just hits me so hard:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xINYL5Fv0g&list=PLbVFyTD7kddG3yinr0uv2-cTEkM0lNths&index=5

  • Anna Rompage

    So let me get this straight…

    On one side, we have an insecure narcissistic bully, who’s ego is so fragile that he has to compulsively lie about the size of his inauguration. As it turns out, this guy has sent a naval armada to North Korea with the threat that if NK conducts a nuclear test, that we should probably respond with some sort of military action.

    On the other side, we have a totally insecure psychopath, that has had half of his family killed off (including with VX nerve agent in a foreign country, and an anti aircraft gun) due to the perceived threats that they interfere with this guys overall power, who
    has promised to “unleash the hell fires of doom” on us, South Korea, and Japan, if the narcissistic bully gives the command to attack the psychopath’s country.

    Neither of the fragile man children seem like the type to blink first and back down, and both have laid out their ultimatums…

    With China massing troops on the NK border, and Japan looking to
    evacuate their 60,000+ citizens from South Korea, this isn’t going to
    end well for anyone, is it?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ6QHfZwTSw

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
      • Anna Rompage

        Too late for that one…. Anyways, this war won’t go nuclear unless NK has some sort of nuclear weapon that they unleash first…

    • mancityRed6
      • Anna Rompage

        Nice! Could Ozzy still remember the lyrics to the songs?

        He seems a little soft in the head these days

    • therblig
    • SayItWithWookies

      We can only hope this adolescent fuckin’ brinkmanship leads to war. Because if Li’l Kim backs down, Assmouth is going to feel validated, and the next country he threatens is going to be lot more trouble than North Korea would have been.

      • vivian

        I take it you are neither Korean nor Japanese…
        But why should they pay for our folly?

        • Anna Rompage

          Exactly!

          That’s the stalemate with NK, they know we can easily wipe them off the face of the earth, but they also know they can kill millions of people outside of their country before they are obliterated…

        • SayItWithWookies

          If Assmouth has even a hint of validation, everyone’s gonna pay for our folly, inevitably. Because if it’s not his life or property, he does not give a shit about it. A horrible outcome was guaranteed on 11/8/2016 — not wishing hell on anyone, but if the suffering is kept to mildly cataclysmic, that might be the best we can hope for.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    So… dunno if this guy is legit, but interesting if true. Believable, for sure.
    https://twitter.com/TheGOPWatchdog/status/852890236984201216

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Waiting for news to break Pence had an affair with Putin’s wife.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      The folks at the memory care facility need to be more careful about letting him out unsupervised.

    • Wild Cat

      Indirectly, at least by name, and probably reached fruition in the Port Authority’s lower-level urinals.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        The wide stance stalls then?

        • Wild Cat

          It’s been a well-known ‘secret’ in NYC for over 40 years now.

  • mancityRed6
  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Wait till he finds out that kissing a frog is a euphemism for cocksucking.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    His and Hers jets, paid for by American taxpayers: Melania adds $100,000 to Trump’s massive travel tab so she could fly separately to Mar-a-Lago with Barron, just minutes apart from the President

    Melania Trump flew separately to join President Trump for a long Easter weekend at Mar-a-Lago, getting the chance for some quality family time – while also contributing to her husband’s growing taxpayer-paid travel tab.

    The first lady arrived in West Palm Beach Thursday on a government aircraft – the military version of a Boeing 757, about 6:30pm, just minutes before her husband landed on Air Force One.

    The per-hour cost of operating the plane is $15,846, meaning the total trip cost was at least $100,000.

    • janecita

      IOIYAR

    • Count Awesome

      He’s on pace to outspend Obama’s 8 years in one year.

    • Anna Rompage

      to be fair, if you were married to Donnie, and finally got a decent break from having to be around him all the time, wouldn’t you opt to fly separately too, just to have a couple more hours of peace and quiet…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Some serious swamp-draining right there.

      • vivian

        Curiously aligned with fleecing the minions

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          The Golden Fleece. More classic literature courtesy and Trump and Sons.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It beats living on her allowance. Maybe she’ll use the extra cash to learn English.

    • DainBramage

      But they say that Bill Clinton got a haircut on the tarmac once, so it’s even.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    I’m too tired to go scare up some action tonight,but otherwise my mood:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JZ4pnNtyxQ&index=30&list=PLgA_QpnjZQyyg2xGkWCAkeBlscomEi1Fn

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    Panic at New York’s Penn Station as cops taser a man causing a stampede of passengers who feared he had a gun

    Amtrak police used a Taser on an unruly man and passengers falsely assumed he had a gun according to PIX 11. Two people were taken into custody for ignoring the officers’ orders and one of them was tased.

    No shots were fired in the busy station during the Friday rush hour. Many people left behind their belongings amid the chaos, littering the station with cellphones, suitcases and purses during the massive stampede at approximately 6.30pm.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d373220ccca06c6ee3f18e9e69d81151e688b4927655d5747da55a5aa9c4ad61.jpg

    • SayItWithWookies

      Damn — people were so terrified they dropped their phones?! That must’ve been some scene.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Penn Station is a fucking horror show. It’s an enclosed strip mall that smells like fried rat grease and has train tracks.

        This is my commute:
        https://c1.staticflickr.com/7/6011/6009955649_9eb2d5f1e9_b.jpg

        • SayItWithWookies

          Don’t I know it — I slept on the floor of Penn Station once after an all-night bender in New York, when the person my friend and I were supposed to crash with bailed on us. A memorable bookend to the time my brother and I were ten and nine, and were stranded there for hours trying to find the train we had supposedly bought tickets to, though every conductor insisted it was the next one. This was in the day before cell phones.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      In Atlanta yesterday, we had a shootout in a train station. 4 dead. Closed a whole line of track and started what they call a “bus bridge”, where people are bused from one location to another. It was the fourth “event” resulting in five deaths in the first four months of this year. Cray-cray.
      http://www.ajc.com/news/local/marta-works-calm-fears-after-rider-killed-train-shooting/wDBosFEkQfxmuhI74jcaDK/

  • Nounverb911
    • Nightcrawler

      So the tie is the umbilical cord and Donnie is the baby?

      • Lord Jim

        I think you’re onto something.

  • aktlib101

    In 1998, when India and Pakistan did their nuke tests and announced the arrival to the Club, we were mostly “meh, whaddayougonnado” . Don’t remember us sending any naval fleet or strategic bombers to “blast the fuckers”. But our fee-fees are being hurt by lil’ Kim’s narcissistic ambitions? Looks like a really expensive squirrel for the wargasmic American public

    • Wild Cat

      They’re not “communist.”

      • aktlib101

        Yeah, but “coloreds”, and “mooslims”…scary

        • Wild Cat

          Capitalist trading allies. And the anti-Muslim sentiment was mostly an Israeli-fueled/neocon fetish until 2001.

      • Wild Cat

        They also twisted the US Army’s balls into impotentcy, like Castro.

      • Panika MCD

        don’t tell our little professor, but I’m pretty sure the White House was pretty scared of India and Pakistan going to war. hopefully they kept someone in the EEOB basement or at the DoD who understands that war between those two is terrifying to everyone else living on the planet…except Donnie and our little professor.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
    • suziq

      Are they saying they are too stupid to know if chocolate and jelly bean “eggs” are appropriate for Easter or not? They have to be labelled or they aren’t sure? Because for that easter hunting and baskets thing you take them out of the package.

      • Courser_Resistance

        LOL, Well, and what do eggs and bunnies have to do with Jeebus? Those things are pagan symbols that were co-opted by missionaries?

        ALL UR BUNNIES & EGGS B ARZ!!!!!111!

        • suziq

          Something something rebirth? It is all a bunch of nonsense but they sure get cranky about it.
          All I know is I don’t have any candy and now I am craving it!

          • Courser_Resistance

            I am Peep-less this morning. Woe is me.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Because the crucifiction and resurrection are all about bunnies, chicks, and bad candy.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Egads, the snark in the comments over there! VERY well done!

  • Hutch

    Nothing like the Viet Nam war soundtrack for now.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNYT1J8Fop4

    • Anna Rompage

      Gulf of Tonkin, round Deux…

      • Hutch

        “Hello. I love you. Won’t you tell me your name?”

    • georgiaburning

      AFRTS used to alternate Petula Clark and “Ballad of the Green Berets”

  • Pinkham’s Law

    Well, Hubby is reluctant, but possibly persuadable. For some reason, he’s worried about inviting people I’ve never met, to our home. I don’t understand – what could possibly go wrong?

    So, any suggestions on how I can convince him that you lot wouldn’t leave a smoking crater of destruction behind when you left after pillaging everything that isn’t nailed down?

    • Jamoche

      “We aren’t Republicans”

    • snark-lurker

      uhhhh…
      No

    • Anna Elizabeth
      • Pinkham’s Law

        I can state, with 99% certainty, he’s never heard of MLP, so . . . no.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Assuming facts not in evidence. We can ride our Harley’s through the living room, right?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        You’re . . . not helping.

    • notaten

      I can tell you with a great degree of certainty that I haven’t left a smoking crater of destruction behind me in at least a decade, if not two. Maybe. I’m almost certain. I believe this most certainly, with a large degree of certainty.

    • SayItWithWookies

      I’m up-to-date on all my shots. Wait — most of them.

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Booked the hotel already, I hear. If nothing else, we’ll get together somewhere for a drink, or something.

        • SayItWithWookies

          Indeed — we were gonna end up somewhere in the path of totality anyway, whether it was SC or Tennessee or wherever — so even though it’s only a potential party, why the heck not plan to be there? Now I want to think of a suitable beverage for a total eclipse.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          BF and I have not booked hotel yet, but we had not decided on all the stops because we plan more than one viewing. If we end in the Columbia area, why not also too make it a Wonkette Party?

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Inorite? I’m trying to convince Hubby to let me host it. Here. At our house. It’s a fantastic venue (seriously. He planned the yard with parties in mind.), and wonderfully positioned for the eclipse – 2 minutes, 26 seconds of totality, with about an hour of partial before, and another hour or so after. That’s damn near perfect!

    • Panika MCD

      people he’s never met or people you’ve never met or both?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Both. Specifically, the Wonkette Commentariat. Had the bright idea to float a trial balloon last night, to see if there’d be interest in an eclipse viewing party in Col’a. There was.

        • Panika MCD

          then they’ll be outside most of the time, right? you can just spray off the patio! it’s not like anyone’s going to bring their cats to knock things over.

          • Pinkham’s Law

            “Just spray off the patio.” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! AS IF this will be that easy!

          • Panika MCD

            well, are you planning on serving anything that stains?

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Prepping for a party is like a military operation around here. Hubby would NEVER allow a party if everything wasn’t perfect. It’s worth the effort, but DAMN!

            As for food? Well, the more people there are, the more food you need. If it’s a good turnout, I figure I’d start with appies: Cheese plate, Charcouterie, antipasti, Gazpatcho shooters, grilled & chilled shrimp, Lamb, Beef & Ricotta meatballs in Mushroom sauce. That kind of thing, then swap it out for real food after about an hour. Pulled Pork BBQ, Lamb Kabobs (with mint sauce, of course!), Tomato pie, German Potato Salad, Purple Coleslaw with Walnuts & Bleu Cheese, Baked Beans, Country-style Green beans, rolls, cornbread, etc. Leave that out for an hour, then bring out desserts.

          • Panika MCD

            you’re a fabulous chef, so I doubt that you would have any problem subbing other things. can you sub anything for things that stain? for example: pulled pork is one of the few BBQ items that absolutely requires sauce so do sausage links or brisket. and no red wines! it’s getting warm!

          • Pinkham’s Law

            Now you’re scaring me. I had assumed that Wonkers would be able to feed themselves without damaging outdoor patio furniture. I mean, yeah, “what happens when you assume,” and all that, but . . .it’s a pretty low bar, I thought?

    • Anna Elizabeth

      More seriously, I’ve dated and such with people I’ve met online. One safe way is to meet before hand.

      I realize the cross-country thing makes it difficult, but perhaps if Everypony met for drinks first, at a public place?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        He married somebody he met online! ME!!!

        Meeting in public, like Sunday night, sounds good, but not really practical. Either I do a shitload of work for a party that may not take place (AND a bunch of Wonkers made a trip here based on me saying I’d do something, then not following through), or I have no time to do ANY prep. Neither is acceptable.

        Perhaps there are some SC Wonkers with whom we could meet in advance, so he can see that at least SOME are reasonable folk.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          Yeah, I can see the practicality problem. Honestly, I’d invite any Wonketeer over, but that’s me. I cannot blame your Hubby for being leery of strangers partying at Ya’lls home.

          Would he up to eMail convos with the people that can likelu make it over?

          • Pinkham’s Law

            He’s pretty much allergic to computers. *eyeroll*

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Hmm. Phone calls?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Has he read our posts? Does he realize exactly how nerdy, geeky, introverted loners we all really are? That we us our F2F meetings as validation of that status? That the weirdest thing that may happen is the most normal ~ the creation of another Wonkette couple?

      • Pinkham’s Law

        That’s part of the problem – he’s already assumed you all greatly resemble me in those respects, and he’s worried y’all are as weird as I.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Weird isn’t bad. Creepy is bad. And I haven’t picked up creepy from the regulators.

    • redarmyzombie

      Tell him we just came by for a bit of a ding-dong.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kW3KC9mWV8

  • Nounverb911
    • snark-lurker

      that gives me ahead ache

    • Pinkham’s Law

      And his base says, “So?”

      • Panika MCD

        hey, you know all those millions of illegal voters they claim to have seen…you think they drove them to the polls?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Nounverb911

      “Promises?”
      “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

    • mancityRed6

      “on day one!”

  • mancityRed6
  • Bill D. Burger
    • mancityRed6

      “Mulligan!”

      • mailman27

        Pelligan!

    • Little Doll

      Damn, for a moment there, I thought the meme was referring to his chins.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Fly the Friendly Skies of United. Make friends with a scorpion at the same time.
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/13/health/scorpion-united-airlines-flight-trnd/index.html

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      A scorpion is a mean, weaponized spider. If I ever saw one in my home, I’d get the propane torch. Burn it down? Oh well…..

  • Nounverb911
    • DainBramage
    • SayItWithWookies

      Really — why doesn’t corporate America honor the true spirit of Easter, whose fertility rituals were so debauched that even Jesus wouldn’t stay dead if he didn’t have to miss them, and arose from his crypt to feast on the brains of his followers.

      • msanthropesmr

        Not sure many brains in some of his followers these days.

    • Panika MCD

      that’s because most people prefer their chocolate eggs to be Eucharist free.

    • mailman27

      What, no reference to the Book of Jelly Bean?

  • Anna Elizabeth
  • BoatOfVelociraptors
  • Panika MCD

    umm…what the fuck does he think a mule is? not to mention that similar to the Ancient Greek myth of Leda and the Swan (Zeus), many depictions of Mary getting knocked up by God depict a dove flying right at her lady parts.

    if HB 1087 passes in TX, it will no longer be legal, so you’d better figure out what the other 7 states that still don’t outlaw it are.

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger

    While the bombs are falling and the media is fixated on Drumpf’s pivoting and being all presidential-n’-all, this jug-eared and loathsome little maggot has gone about the business of quietly ending the DOJ’s cases involving equal access and voting rights, cases against discrimination in various areas….etc. It’s the snake you don’t see that’s the deadliest, and this little mangy, racist fucker is a deadly reptile, make no mistake.

    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17903598_1499952313371456_6573600183151344518_n.jpg?oh=24d7508774e130e41f9679c1c3096a49&oe=598B32AD

    • SayItWithWookies

      “The Bible don’t say nothin’ about black people bein’ allowed to vote.”

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      I would rather see him get locked up than Trump. Both would be ok though.

    • Panika MCD

      in most of the cases, the DOJ jumped on board and took lead after they were filed. they’re all class actions, so they’ll keep going through the courts. that’s why you heard they dropped the TX Voter ID case before you heard that the court had once again ruled that it had discriminatory intent. so go donate a bit more to the ACLU, MALDEF and the NAACP.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Out of all of Trump’s deplorables, Sessions scared me the most. He is the most dangerous as he can use his office to inflict the most damage.

      • me too. i was talking about this earlier today (here). of all of them, he is the worst. i’m an obamacare person and price will fuck up my life a lot more than this cracker – but… this dude..pure sanctimonius evil.

        putting his claws on america and ensuring its decline.

    • Wild Cat

      It took the Union Army four fucking years to defeat these things?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Jefferson Beauregard Sessions is so inbred that he got put off the Klan when he learned they smoked weed. Yeah, think about that.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Fetch my clutching pearls and fainting couch, boy!

    • Ducksworthy

      Reminds me of the vicious biting pixies in Labrynth.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Taking Molly for a walk, we just went past a neighbor who was out in his front yard lifting weights wearing nothing but REALLY short shorts. Of all the things one might see milling around the neighborhood on a Good Friday evening, this isn’t one I would’ve opted for.

    • mancityRed6

      and where do you live? yes, you’ll never see that in Kansas.
      well, unless you go way out west, but that is eastern Colorado basically.

    • Panika MCD

      forgot to wear the ones with lace trim?

    • janecita

      Please, tell me that he wasn’t fat!

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Pushing my age. And not svelte. I can probably get his phone number for you if you’re interested.

        • janecita

          Nah, that’s OK. Thanks for thinking of me though;-)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Always. Service for others is very important to me.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      “My God….it’s full of hair.”

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Is he at least haut?

    • Good on him doing something healthy. I suppose he just figures if he gots to suffer through it…so does everyone else.

  • Nounverb911
  • mancityRed6
  • notaten

    The co-ed naked ladies bison orgies, that’s enough to keep my brain busy for a long while. I’ll read the article once I wrap my head around that hed. haha. Maybe happy hour was too hoppy. Haha, I kill me!

    • Panika MCD

      you want a three species orgy, have the nymphs play with mules.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Panika MCD

    YOUR MODIFIER IS DANGLING
    AKA FUN WITH ANTECEDENTS

    if done right, dangling modifiers can add a lot to the meaning of a message. but if done incorrectly, they can totally reverse what you were trying to say. take Pastor Swanson–seems like there ain’t an antecedent he won’t fuck (up). so let’s see how antecedents managed to reverse his message, shall we?

    “Christians, I don’t believe, can allow for this if it was the answer to a question about B&tB, then they can’t allow for B&tB; if not, then they can’t stand for what comes next:,” Swanson stated. “Humans are made in the image of God. Humans are assigned a spouse which happens to be a member of the opposite sex. Friends, God’s law forbids it either humans being made in the image of god or humans having an assigned spouse of the opposite sex–which means ladies are a different species!!!! … Christians should not allow for this either man or what came before this because Christians are also too a different species from ladies and mens, man. We cannot allow for humans to interbreed with other species. It’s just wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s confusion, it’s unnatural.”

    so Christians should not allow for Hugh mens to be made in the image of God or to be assigned a spouse of the opposite sex because Female sapiens is a different species–duh! and Christians are the best species so they can’t allow for these Hugh mens to be lookin’ like god. it’s confusion and also too unnatural. every Christian knows!

  • Me The People

    Great article Robyn, needed a good laugh – thanks!

  • Just a happy reminder the ALL NEW Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes are now streaming on Netflix.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ct0Z2bQndM

    • mancityRed6

      calendar and alarm set, are you kidding?

    • snark-lurker

      o my doodness forgot thx!!!

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Mhm, so far what I have seen is good, the second episode is amazing

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Ohhhh something fer tomorrow. Catching up on Legends of Tomorrow, new epis on Netflix now too. Bingewatching, beetches.

  • mancityRed6
  • The Librarian

    Nope, Kevin Swanson doesn’t know that or he wouldn’t be ranting about it. The man needs a beginning course in zoology, but that would just make him foam at the mouth even more. Maybe a rabies shot.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Just saw this and cringed. Those eyes….those are Trump eyes. ~shudder~
    ___ Maybe Trump and Paula Deen had a love child? ~ewww…and shudder~

    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17884502_10208799694017736_4176303742214732124_n.jpg?oh=3d7c0bd8b2fd974363a3d892391f517e&oe=59889363

    • janecita

      Ewww, I just ate!

    • Count Awesome

      Teeth optional too, also.

      • zerosumgame0005

        now now, don’t be too hard on those of us with dental issues! I lost most of mine in a motorcycle accident a couple of decades ago and wear full dentures. this guy needs to have his all pulled and replace with dentures which would cost him 3-6,000 bucks, real hard to do on Welfare and Food Stamps!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Count Awesome

      I hope to God it tastes better going in than it does going out then.

    • Panika MCD

      no. no FL ever again. it has been ruined.

  • mancityRed6
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      some weird japanese fetish with schoolgirls.

  • Bill D. Burger

    While she’s been harder to find than Waldo lately (Thank you Great and Powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster), it appears KC has been on the mAnn Coulter diet.

    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17903570_102036060354167_5104878838780093687_n.jpg?oh=6beb98eda2775b80a0b29baff620bd9a&oe=5956394B

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      That’s gonna leave a mark…*reaches for bottle of bourbon…*

    • SpideySenser

      Agent Orange is def gonna reduce that to a “1”. What the hell happened to her boobs? There are none! YOU”RE FIRED!!!!!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Most of those with the grudge didn’t even own slaves. But in their ignorance, they themselves are now pwned by TPTB. /drunkpost.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        But they BELIEVE they would have owned them, and they can’t stand the thought that someone freed them. Just as they BELIEVE that they won’t always be sitting in a crappy doublewide, wearing a stained wife beater and sweat pants, eating cold Spaghetti-O’s out of a can and watching “Duck Dynasty” while their wife is out at Walmart shoplifting Huggies and pork rinds. One day their ship will come in, dammit – and ain’t no damn pointy hed librul soshalist gonna screw things up by raising the marginal tax rate on incomes over $250,000!

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      THAT IS HEINOUS! EYE BLEACH! I NEED EYE BLEACH! /drunkpost

    • janecita

      That’s it, I’m done!

    • George Kaplan

      Paid? Oh, yeah, …

      Go whistle for it.

      The Magic Fairy will trickle down your cash $$$ like snowflakes, onto your poor, benighted head …

      • I never did understand that.
        Liberals are all taker moochers because we want to pay taxes and so pool resources for those without, because when you lift anyone out of poverty, you improve us all.
        But conservatives are literally banking on an economic scheme where you make the rich richer and hope they hire someone.
        FOR REALZ.

        • George Kaplan

          ” … because when you lift anyone out of poverty, you improve us all.”

          That one statement might encompass about 90% of the difference in the competing philosophies.

          Conservatives seem to feel that when you lift anyone else up, that’s less for them.

          And, if you do any lifting, at all, then they should be first in line for it, to make sure they don’t miss out

          I think that’s underlying why you haven’t heard jack-spit about the “Crushing, Unsustainable National Debt” in the last 3 months or so. They think they’ll be First In Line for the largesse.

  • mancityRed6
  • Tallmutha

    Hi! I’m mostly on retreat, staying at my dead father’s house in faraway, primitive Michigan. Abstinence from news is salutary, I find. But since I’m a creature of shit habits, I’ll probably be “in the swim” again soon.

    Right outside the dining nook floor-to-cieling window of this house, there’s a group of four trees planted in an area of–I dunno, plantings?–it’s not just grass, I can tell ya that, anyway this darling sweet kickass mama DUCK has made her nest right at the base of those trees! I have a basically pretty good view of her head, rising above the plantings at virtually all times. I’m told by the landscapers that she’s sitting on a sweet nest of li’l eggs! Sweet Mom! She just sits there all day, warming her babies! All I can see is her head, but I think I love her!

    That is all.

    • janecita

      Take a picture!

      • Tallmutha

        I have, will share later.

    • Tallmutha

      She’s so steadfast! I don’t know how she keeps from getting bored just sitting there!

    • SpideySenser

      Sorry about your dad. Was this recent and/or unexpected? My bad if this sounds ignorant. Otherwise, sounds like you’re in a nice place to be.

      • Tallmutha

        No problem. It was a little over a year ago, in September 2015, and not totally unexpected though once it came, it came on fast.. He was 95 and had most of his marbles. In the meantime, his house is still in the estate and is a peaceful location for thoughtful retreats by me and my brothers. Thanks for asking.

        • I am glad you and your brothers have such a place :hugs: Especially with mamma ducks

        • SpideySenser

          My Dad passed at 91 YO, in 2009. Had a sweet spot on a lake in FL about an hour from Orlando, nowhere near the commercial rifraf. The bird activity was unreal and I swear it kept him going. We just settled the estate last May, rented his house for a few years but had to let it go. Life goes on.

    • Tallmutha

      Now, here’s the most dramatic twist I’ve witnessed so far. Yesterday evening around 6 I just happened to look out the window and she was actually off the nest! Not very far away, just on the grass walking around, a little constitutional I guess, I certainly couldn’t blame her for wanting to stretch her legs. But all of a sudden out of the blue–I sure as hell didn’t see it coming–this big black CAT comes bouncing out of nowhere after her! I love cats but that pissed me off! She took flight and escaped the cat easily. But I was worried the cat might have disturbed her nest..

      • SpideySenser

        We go to ME for weekends in the summer and get really pissed about people fucking around where the loons nest. Good luck with that cat situation.

      • Tallmutha

        Good news though: This morning she was back at the nest like nothing ever happened. Never moved away all day as far as I can tell. A very steadfast mum.

        And that’s what’s been absorbing my attention the last few days and even though nature in the raw is seldom mild, it’s been a shitload better for my hayed than remembering Trump exists. The End.

        • vivian

          Thank you for this.

        • calliecallie

          That duck is offering lessons from the universe. Enjoy your respite.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • mancityRed6
    • Rags

      Yesssssss!

    • I tease my “true metal” friends with this band all the time.

      “So, what do you think, Sean…Metallica or Baby Metal?”

      • mancityRed6

        they have a true live backing band and another album out now…jeebus

        • All kidding aside…more power to them. If I’m watching a band live, regardless of what genre of music they’re playing, whether I like that genre or not, if it looks like they’re having fun, then I say god love ’em. Shit…I play guitar in the rhythm section of a ukulele band…but even we manage to have a good time.

          Rock on
          m/(>.<)m/

  • Me The People

    We’re not hiding anything, it’s just that you don’t need to see a bunch of stuff that wouldn’t mean anything anyway!

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/04/white-house-says-it-wont-make-visitor-logs-public-237235

    “President Donald Trump’s administration announced Friday that the
    White House won’t release records of its visitors, raising new concerns
    from transparency advocates.

    The decision not to voluntarily disclose White House visitor logs is
    a break from the policy of former President Barack Obama’s
    administration, even though Trump had called his predecessor the “least transparent president.””

    • TJ Barke

      Say it with me! IOKIYAR!

    • I honestly think that was a mistake on Bamz’ part. He strived to be so transparent that the right wing took advantage and twisted everything.
      Coulda done that without him making it easier on them.

    • major_asshole

      Here’s what it irks me the most: Even if you buy the argument that disclosing who visits the President should be kept secret (I don’t buy that*), that still leaves the large number of OTHER people who work in the White House who would receive visitors we should know about. And that is the group who will be exempted from public visitor logs.

      *The President’s visitors should not be secret. The conversations he has with SOME of them, however, probably should be. Like if he’s having a conversation with the Director of National Intelligence. But conversations with heads of state which do not involve national security information? Maybe those should be public information.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Shoutout to all the American troops in Syria. You know, Syria…that place that PrezNUT’ Trump says “….we’re not going into.”

    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17425940_338968379834813_2598464332043041600_n.jpg?oh=0168115b9123d01bac0b052adacbb969&oe=599543CA

  • azeyote

    hey i can accept bestiality – but digital bestiality crosses the line

  • notaten

    Can you even imagine going through life so fucking scared, of a Disney movie, that you devote so many hours of your life to denouncing it? I can’t. Sorry, I still haven’t read the article, because I am still laughing at the idea of co-ed naked ladies having bison sex, or whatever. I have waaaaay bigger things to worry about right now. Like nuclear winter and stuff like that. But maybe that’s just me.

    • I consider that one of the “differences between liberals and righties” whenever anyone does the both side do it BS.
      Libtards worry about stuff like…having clean air to breathe or thousands of people starving to death or the lose of civil liberties.
      Righties worry about children seeing a disney movie and wanting to fuck a cow.

    • artem1s

      and that Star Trek is soooo disturbing to him. Egalitarian society based on science and discovery not capitalism or war mongering

  • He did not kidnap her. He kidnapper her dad and she chose to take his place as a voluntary prisoner, which he agreed to because he was overcome by her loyalty and bravery and willingness to sacrifice herself for someone she loved.
    Damnit.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Also, if he tapped that, he knew he’d be bragging about it for decades to the other members of the herd.

  • Rags

    Zeus plus Leda equals swan son?

    • Panika MCD

      equals 2 big eggs with a set of twins each. Helen and Clytemnestra were in one. Castor and Pollux were in the other.

      • Rags

        So which egg was Kevin Swanson hiding in?

        • Panika MCD

          the one that was made by K-Con and the Corn Cob.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Tyndareus libel!!!

        • Panika MCD

          chill: Timandra, Phoebe and Philonoe were all his. unless she fucked a goose.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Me The People

      It’s like he was actually trying to emphasize the orderly nature of Hitlers operation, as opposed to the less well organized and therefore far more evil Assad. Moral reasoning is a mysterious dark forest filled with danger for this guy.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ben Carson knows them as holocaust organizations.
      “I think you want that prisoner over there.”

    • artem1s

      like you know, the local JCC, right?

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Not only did they not suggest it . . . they’ve said out loud that they were OK with it.

  • Me The People

    Sun ‘Journalist’ and former editor Kelvin MacKenzie suspended for doing a bit of the old racism again. Also more attacks on Liverpool, where the Sun has been regarded as scum for decades, ever since their disgusting coverage of the Hillsboro disaster.

    https://www.theguardian.com/media/2017/apr/14/police-investigate-sun-column-after-racial-hate-complaint

    • weird how they keep bringing him back ain’t it?

      • Me The People

        They all come back – Rebekah Brooks, Andy Coulson – consequences are rare and short lived for these fuckers.

        • I get a similar feeling when seeing a gorilla at the zoo. The physique is magnificent but it’s the eyes that tell the story.”

          Fucker has never seen a Gorilla. Ever.

          • Me The People

            If he did, though, he probably would stand in front of it, gloating like the asshole he his, thinking about how superior he was to it, just like he described.

          • magnificent physique though!
            Dude …..might be what the pastor above is warning us about

        • Reply second because of fucking course…
          This time, surely, MacKenzie’s great supporter, Rupert Murdoch, cannot save him.”

          AAANNDDDD now it makes sense.

        • Ω cynmac will never surrender

          Piers Morgan. The Brits begged us to keep him.

    • What Pierre said

      So, MacKenzie is “currently on holiday.” Would that be the same “holiday” spot where O’Reilly is right now? Maybe Murdoch has a special island where his nasty ‘journalists’ are sent when they misbehave. If so, may I request he keep them there?

      And publishing this a day before the anniversary of Hillsborough? So sensitive.

      • Probably Thailand.
        IDK, I am wondering what is worse- the insensitivity of the timing or the flat out making stuff up to make a neighborhood look very bad. Prolly both

        • What Pierre said

          AOT, K.

        • What Pierre said

          And it wasn’t just a neighbourhood, it was an entire city (sorry, my ex was a news photographer in the UK at the time, and vividly recalled the Hillsborough coverage, it was disgusting, really, seriously disgusting.)

          • Anything like how Fox vilifies the entire city of Chicago?

          • What Pierre said

            Similar, if at a Bears game an entire section of stands collapsed because the police wouldn’t let the fans of one team into another section of stands and the fences were so placed as to make it nearly impossible to get out and get help or for help to get in, and people died in front of their parents (or parents in front of their children) for want of medical help. And then Fox reported that said parents (or children) robbed the dead and pissed on the police.

          • ariel_gee_398

            I remember reading about the testimony of the father who lost his two daughters there. In the wake of seeing his kids killed, the police badgered him and his wife about whether their teenage daughters had been drunk and contributed to the riot that killed them. Probably fairly similar to a lot of policing of black communities, actually, and equally appalling.

          • Jesus fuck.
            Yaknow, it does not make me feel better than other police forces besides Murrican ones can be fascist fucks.

          • What Pierre said

            I know, that Tolstoy dude knew some stuff.

          • Me The People

            I boycotted all UK tabloid newsapers at that time due to their coverage,(Mirror group wasn’t much better than the Sun on Hillsborough) never bought once since.

          • What Pierre said

            No, no one was much better. The first time I worked in the UK (a little less than 10 years after Hillsborough) I was still hearing what monsters Liverpudlians were from certain people. The fact that it took until a couple few years ago for any official acknowledgment of wrongdoing by the police/stadium/press didn’t help much.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “Takers”, if ever there were any.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    To be fair, Belle gave her beast Bison Conversion Therapy before boning him, so that was all cool. Swanson will have to explain how they got properly married in a proper Southron Baptist Church, in their imaginary village in an imaginary land in some imaginary age.

    Also too, Spock is the only “hybrid” I’m aware of in Star Trek, although hardcore trekkies may be better-informed. Most of the Star Trek interspecies fun times were just that: fun times (at least they were for Kirk, boldly coming where no man had come before.)

    • Jennifer R

      Deanna Troi was half Human/half Betazoid and B’elanna Torres was half Klingon/half Human.

      • If worf made babby with Deanna or with Dax, that woulda been some interesting hybridizing

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      On Enterprise, Trip, a dude, got impregnated by an alien woman. That was fun.

      • So did Arnold in that movie he did, not the twins one, the other one. And yet no pastors shrieking about how unnatural and not christian he is.
        Wonder if it is anothr IOIYAR

      • HazooToo

        On Voyager, the Captain and Paris turned into lizards and had babies together, then left them on a weird lizard planet.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Worf had a GF who was Klingon/Romulan, I believe.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Wild Cat

      He’s buggering his acolytes?

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      “Dang! Couldn’t y’all warm that thing up first?”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Which one is his death mask? Or … where’s the Ex-Lax?

    • SayItWithWookies

      If the Reverend Pat squeezes his eyes together and believes hard enough, another dollar pops out of an old lady’s retirement account.

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • Bill D. Burger

    Hey Trumpanzees! Howz’ your boy working out? Are ya’ feeling it yet? Tired of winning so much?

    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17799011_1690475917921854_8686769247024855007_n.jpg?oh=74fc878baa4b79b4b61417ef1bb5cafa&oe=59541DD9

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      OK … that’s just wrong.

      • ariel_gee_398

        This is what the good pastor was trying to warn us about….

        • Anna Rompage

          Can a gay trump supporter getting topped by an elephant really get pregnant?

          This is all new to me…

          • Ω cynmac will never surrender

            Butt Baby.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Not usually. As I understand it, the Trump supporter has a way of shutting that whole thing down.

      • Bill D. Burger

        Trumpanzee: “Ohhhh….but it feels so right. Make MurriKKKa great agin…and agin…and agin….never stop!”

    • Me The People

      Quality.

  • Andrew Rheinheimer

    It still boggles the mind that people don’t know what chromosomes are, or what they do.

    Was science always so taboo?

    • Panika MCD

      science is a myth and it undermines our good Christian myths.

      • Also most literature, music, art, history, philosophy….

        • Panika MCD

          nah, it enhances those and those lead away from our GOOD CHRISTIAN MYTHS. what does this look like, Footloose?!

    • weejee

      I blame those sneaky maths.

    • jesterpunk

      “There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”

      Isaac Asimov

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Bill D. Burger
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Also works when you substitute “pooping” for “lyin'”.

  • Fuck bisons…what I want to know is when will that fucking giraffe have that fucking giraffe baby so my fucking cubicle neighbor will stop talking about fucking giraffes.

    • Isn’t giraffe gestation like 2 years?
      Or is that elephants

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    The new MST3K is now on Netflix! Bye, loosers!

  • Bill D. Burger

    I’m ordering several dozen of these Tees to send out to every fucker I know who voted for that Orange Menace.

    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/17800346_278249359288398_1378497846402589244_n.jpg?oh=6b8f5d2e892bc442a5e647316c547419&oe=5989D7D9

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • Swanson doesn’t need to worry too much about fairy tales …

    Except the one he uses to scam him flock earn his daily bread.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Blender_415

    Am I to somehow gather that some freakball-nuts-crazy people see Beauty and the Beast as some kind of perverted sex ed film? Or a documentary? I dunno.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Reminds me of the weirdo Mormon (but I repeat myself) lady who spent a long time explaining that “Frozen” was a lesbian promotion film and part of the ‘gay agenda’ to take over America.
      True story! Freaky shit.

      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/02/18/disney-frozen-mormon-gay-_n_4810851.html

      • ….I guess she did not bother to note that the ladies were actual sisters and the one had not one but TWO special guy friends?

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Specifically, they see it as promoting the “homosexual lifestyle”. This of course includes bestiality, because they think that if you’ll fuck someone of your own gender, you’ll fuck anything. According to them there is no such thing as gay people; there are only people who choose to sin because they hate god and/or are possessed by demons.

      • Ken S., As Seen On Watch Lists

        It really is a bizarre perspective to see. Apparently, people willingly “choose” to be part of a despised minority that is and has been subjected to torture and murder for millennia, because they just wanna piss God off sooo much!

        Sometimes I wonder if some of the “homosexuality is a choice” crowd are actually bisexuals who don’t realize that most people are not.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    So, this shows up at the top of my FB feed tonight. I was like, well, that’s nice. Would have been helpful A YEAR AGO!!!!!! *flips desk* *throws chair thru window* *stalks off, muttering curses*

    • I think it would be hilarious if blightfart got shitcanned from facebook for this

      • Pinkham’s Law

        They’re bleeding advertisers almost as bad as BillO. Couldn’t happen to a better website!

  • btwbfdimho

    According to the U.S. Central Command spokesman, regarding the Mother Of All Of Them, Katie:
    We mean business, President Trump said prior that once he gets in he’s going to kick the S-H-I-T out of the enemy. That was his promise and that’s exactly what we’re doing.”
    http://thehill.com/policy/defense/328781-why-the-us-dropped-the-mother-of-all-bombs-in-afghanistan

    • Kick the shit out of the enemy, blow up a bunch of rocks, tomayto, tomahto, watch it go BOOm!

  • Reality Killswitch

    Donald is the beast but Melania is not the beauty unless is the fake beauty for sure.

    • silly, the beauty in that one would have to be Ivanka

      • Reality Killswitch

        Sick.

  • Reality Killswitch

    The mother of all mothers, would have certainly be a mother.

  • Anna Elizabeth

    Ima watching the first Iron Man again. Love this movie. The chemistry between Stark and Pepper is incredible. And again, note that in The Winter Soldier, the only person Cap has any chemistry with is Sam Wilson. Black Widow treats Cap like a kid brother.

    • We watched Agent Carter on the TV last summer or whenever it was, and the chemistry of Carter and Stark Sr. Was pretty friggin good XD

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I need to see those. My Baby Girl adores Agent Carter.

        • It was pretty kick ass. They have the entire spectrum of women characters, so it doesn’t seem all…contrived?…that there is a kick ass lead woman, and a pretty kick ass bad lady also

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Sweeet! :D I remember Peggy Carter from some comics set during the war, I always liked her.

          • The bonus is Jarvis as a human butler type making the same types of /jokes as computer Jarvis does. But not to excess XD Just enough to make you go…wait a minute!

          • I wish so hard there would be more. I loved that show

          • Is it done? Seems silly, was pretty good for a summer filler and I am sure got plenty of marketshare

          • Only two seasons. ABC sucks, they thought there wasn’t enough ‘splosions

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Nice! In my old Avengers comics, Jarvis was a human butler, first to he Starks, and then to the Avengers.

          • I did not know that. I did not read much Avengers back in the day. Some X Men, obvs, but mostly stuck with indies and small timers
            Makes total sense now XD

          • Anna Elizabeth

            In one comic, Jarvis reflected on that he was the first friend that Cap made after being awakened from suspended animation, and also the first friend to the Vision after he joined. :)

    • SpideySenser

      Loved the first … a little meh on the sequels. So now I must go find it on cable.

      • Anna Elizabeth

        I enjoyed all three. The first is on Amazon Prime if you have that.

        • SpideySenser

          I do! Thanks for the tip.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            :) You’re very welcome.

    • the pepper / stark writing is pure noel coward. we need more of that in our world.

  • Reality Killswitch

    I hope we all and media can agree not talking about Trump for a day. Whatever that day is.

    • Reality Killswitch

      Memorial weekend sounds like a great one.

    • Nu uh. We gotta watch him. These squirrel boom booms are covering some nefarious shit- like dumping civil rights cases left and right and defunding PP.
      Individuals are allowed breaks, but the community at large has GOT to keep on top of this shit.

      • Reality Killswitch

        OK, Jen, boom, boom, boom, but so what? What can we do until next year? In the meantime we are about to have a heart attack with every 5-second breaking news!

        • Gotta pace and become objective. The boom is actually secondary to my mind than the very rapid stripping of our civil liberties.
          Bombs are scary; the other shit they are pulling is even scarier.

          • Reality Killswitch

            I live near an Air Force base. Jet sounding is very scary.

          • I may or may not live or work near on and or around something of that ilk myself. Busy as bees of late.
            Sigh.

        • Reality Killswitch

          Honestly, my blood pressure is high as of now. Fuck Donald and his family. Never signed up for this.

          • Nor I. But pace yerself. Try to keep objective. Know it will get worse but accept that only through communal activity, hard work, sacrifice and personal heartache are we going to succeed.
            Can’t sugar coat this shit, it sucks and it will get worse.

    • Panika MCD

      we were going to do that this weekend, but then they went and decided to fuck up on the Easter Egg Roll which Barron could have probably planned on his ‘puter.

  • msanthropesmr
  • Bill D. Burger

    Very, very interesting if it pans out.

    [Guardian Report Claims U.S. Has “Concrete Evidence” of Trump-Russia Collusion

    By Ben Mathis-Lilley
    4/14/2017

    Buried in the last paragraph of a Guardian story about British intelligence alerting the U.S. to contact between Trump advisers and Russian officials is this sort-of bombshell:

    ***One source suggested the official [American] investigation was making progress. “They now have specific concrete and corroborative evidence of collusion,” the source said. “This is between people in the Trump campaign and agents of [Russian] influence relating to the use of hacked material.”***

    That’s a bombshell because evidence that Trump advisers were involved in any way with the release of hacked Hillary Clinton-related emails would be an impeachment-level smoking gun in a scandal that currently involves a lot of reports about sketchy relationships but no proof of clearly illegal conduct.]

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/04/13/_concrete_evidence_of_trump_russia_collusion_exists_the_guardian_reports.html?utm_content=inf_10_2641_2&wpsrc=socialedge&tse_id=INF_99fc0dc0213711e7ab1b4bd69f1788b7

  • btwbfdimho

    You sew your trousseau
    And Robinson Crusoe…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWS5OYcQN10

  • Bill D. Burger

    Ya’ gotta’ love this:

    [The first protest in space just happened, and it was against Donald Trump
    4/13/17_
    The first protest in space just happened, thanks to the Autonomous Space Agency Network (yes that’s Nasa backwards), and ever better: it was against Donald Trump.

    The team printed out a giant tweet from their own Twitter account, which read “LOOK AT THAT, YOU SON OF A BITCH,” tagging Trump’s personal Twitter account.

    They then attached the sign to a weather balloon and flew it at 90,000 feet.

    The reason they wrote this on their tweet was because Apollo 14 astronaut Edgar Mitchell, the sixth person to ever walk on the moon, once said:

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch.’]

    https://static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/styles/story_large/public/thumbnails/image/2017/04/13/14/capture-2.png

    https://www.indy100.com/article/protest-donald-trump-autonomous-space-agency-network-edgar-mitchell-7682096

    • HazooToo

      Is that going to come back down, or keep going?

  • Serai 1
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      VTOL Komondor!

    • Harry Potter and the Great Mop

    • mancityRed6

      levioroso!

  • jesterpunk

    So a congress critter Jim Sensenbrenner (R-Wis.) thinks ISP’s selling your web browsing data is ok because you dont have to use the internet.

    https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2017/04/dont-like-privacy-violations-dont-use-the-internet-gop-lawmaker-says/

    http://reactiongifs.me/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/jack-nicholson-middle-finger.gif

    • lol saw on the PBS that one of those dorks said the laws blocking those sales was unfair to ISPs because facebook does not have that law!
      And the lady went….you can choose to not facebook. But if you internet, you HAVE to use an ISP and because of other laws most people do not have a choice in which ISP they have.
      And dude went all, they could read books instead!

      • jesterpunk

        Do they know you cant do much of anything without an internet connection? You cant even apply for any job without one. Guess they are just paid to not care.

        • What Pierre said

          That last sentence should be on a tee shirt with a picture of the Freedom Caucus.

          • jesterpunk

            It would also work for the entire current “corporations are people” republican party.

        • I want to know where all the wingnuts, so afraid to get on a gun registry because government spying on them!, are with this whole your ISP can literally track your every internet move and sell it to whomever wants it.

    • Anna Rompage

      My only hope is that someone buys his ISP info and releases it all to the interwebs!

      • I read somewhere someone was go funding for that XD I was all HELL THE FUCK YEAH

        • jesterpunk
        • ♚ King Leo ♚

          Does Larry Flynt still have any money? This seems like something he’d do (and he apparently hates Trump).

          • dude still sells sex I am thinking so dude still has money, probably

          • ♚ King Leo ♚

            Also I seem to recall he was offering a ton of money for Trump tapes or something at one point. But my efforts to blot 2016 from my memory with powerful narcotics are finally paying off, so maybe that never happened?

          • ♚ King Leo ♚

            tbh I am shocked and dismayed to learn that sex sells

            if anyone needs me I will be at church praying for y’all

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Typical GOP scumbag. I hope he has a massive fucking stroke

      • ariel_gee_398

        While looking at some egregiously embarrassing porn.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      My whole job is sorting through searches, many of which are unsavory (and I’m pretty sure his, specifically). Tell me how I don’t need the internet again.

      • jesterpunk

        My job is working on network storage, without networks and the internet I have no job. I also work from home with no office anywhere near me so again no internet means no jobs.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • mancityRed6
  • akryan

    EZ 23:20
    There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

    Maybe that’s the bible verse he was thinking of

    • Sorry not sorry. Some dude shows up with a horse dick and I am run not walking the other way.

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        *sad unicorn*

        • I am too old for you anyway *pets*

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            *purr*

        • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

          Umm . . . *trying to be noticed* . . .

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            *curious, ambles on over*

  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • mancityRed6
  • Kiri the Unicorn
  • IOnlyLikeCats

    Wonkette was just low key mentioned on MSNBC.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      What did they say? Did they say we’re too unruly?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Someone said Donnie shouldn’t care if someone calls Steve President Bannon on a blog.

        • Oh well, that could have been any one of a hundred blogs. Or WaPo even.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            It was the way it was said.

          • FAMOUS! ISH!

        • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

          In theory that’s correct. He shouldn’t care because he is the President. He does, though, because he’s an insecure, pathetic drama queen and a poor excuse for a man who can’t stand it when he’s not the center of attention.

          • Could you imagine if Bamz freaked every time someone said something mean about him?
            Jesus, and wingnuts think it makes Trump look strong to lash out like a hurted brat every time someone hurts his fee fees.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            You don’t have to imagine. Every time people so much as thought maybe Hillary had lost her temper a little, they implied she was some crazy terrorist.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Put yourself in alternaworld and imagine how these headlines would be received by his adoring fans:
            “Michelle Obama staying in Chicago, could cost up to $500,000 PER DAY in additional security”
            “Obama advisors retroactively registering as foreign agents”
            “Obama skips church again in favor of hitting the links”
            “Obama schooled on N. Korea by Xi”
            “Strong evidence some in Obama camp colluded with Russia”
            The only thing they give a shit about is that Trump isn’t black.

          • jesterpunk

            They freaked out about Michelle’s mother living in the white house to help raise the kids.

    • FAMOUS!!! HAI RACHEL!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Were dick jokes involved?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Depends on the kind of joke you think the current White House is.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Dicks, one and all. But for some reason, I’m not laughing.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Pyongyang Big Event so far:

    More than an hour of speeches followed by hundreds of thousands of soldiers marching up and down the square…. 90 mins of yawwwn

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      http://img.videosift.com/vidthumb/Marching-Up-And-Down-The-Square-Monty-Python.jpg?v=7

      Marching up & down the square not good enough for you, eh?

    • ooo just what Trump wants to do!

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        90 + mins in, no weapons yet except guns the soldiers are carrying as they goose step in perfect unison.

        • Kim gets a military parade, why don’t I get a military parade?

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Been waitin for the tanks and missiles and rockets and boom booms for 100 minutes.

          • Maybe they got the soldiers on a loop to make it look like a bigger army than it is.

      • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

        You know he actually said that.

        • He did actually say that! With his mouth! And his planning committe whatevers wanted to have tanks roving DC for the inauguration!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Wait til tubby Kim sees our big ol’ MOAB.

      http://i.imgur.com/rXksDJf.gif

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        He don’t look to worried. He’s all grins and laughs a lot. He’s the only one who appears to enjoy this.

      • Ever notice that MOAB sounds kinda…furrn?

        • ltmcdies

          Thought it sounded like a House out of Dune

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance
  • mancityRed6
  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • zerosumgame0005

      my high school years :)

  • mancityRed6

    there is only one other person I would like to be, and Jello is it
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPuTlCYiSo&index=23&list=PLYvz938Sr5e4wu9Aj8OIYtEw8kDzNCIgI

  • btwbfdimho
    • PressSecretaryCaptainHowdy

      Anyone who looks at that is going to hell.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Pyongyang : planes fly over in formation “1 0 5”, Kim Jong Un happy–hardware coming down parade route.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      tanks and more tanks

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        APCs now

        • mancityRed6

          so long and thanks for all the fish
          i love you all

          • And you’ll never walk alone’… Impact minus five seconds, it’s been great knowing you guys, God bless….‘You’ll ne…ver…walk…alone!

          • mancityRed6

            I am not a Liverpool fan….wait

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          More tanks.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Mobile cannon.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            rocket launchers

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            More rocket launchers.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Big rocket launchers.

          • mancityRed6

            keep talking, I’m almost there
            ; )

          • mancityRed6

            we are all dead here, now

          • mancityRed6

            I’m gonna wake up to nothing, Please?

      • Bill D. Burger

        You so welcome! ;)

        I’ll show myself out.

    • Bill D. Burger
  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • Panika MCD

      is this because they didn’t invite him to their birthday party?

  • Truck Fump
  • btwbfdimho
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Pyongyang Note as I wait for the big missiles and rockets.

    The music is like an old warner bros cartoon that the military band is playing.

  • Bill D. Burger

    When out Orange Menace sees this display, he’s gonna’ bomb the shit out of that place out of pure jealousy.
    This was exactly the bigly display he wanted for his inauguration . I’m actually surprised FOX didn’t run pics of this AS his parade.

    http://bugejaconsulting.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/img5.jpg

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    SA-3 Missiles.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Pyongyang – ICBMs.

    • mancityRed6

      they don’t have them
      they barely have SCUDs

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        They have tested them. They just can’t hit us yet.

        • mancityRed6

          dear god no, because they can’t get anything over 1K miles
          stop. just stop.

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Nodong is 1300km–could hit Japan.

          • mancityRed6

            link that anything is happening?
            anything?

          • mancityRed6

            “could”

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            hypothetically, yes.

          • mancityRed6