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He doesn’t have it in his hands….

Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • Lulu Mac

    Ahhh…I love the smell of impending global disaster in the morning…

    • Me not sure

      …it smells like Trump (a very fine cologne for men, I’m told).

    • Nounverb911

      Well, he threatened North Korea again this morning.

      https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/852508752142114816

      • GoutMachine

        God, as if his tweets weren’t juvenile enough, that plaintive “U.S.A.” at the end just brings it all home. Too lazy even to type a !.

        It’s like the jingoistic version of a Millennial’s text messages. Instead of ending everything “LOL” it’s “U.S.A.”

        • Tallmutha

          It’s enough to make you miss “Sad!” Or “Must find leaker!”

      • Lulu Mac

        Nice. Well, at least I’m almost in Mexico and may be able to avoid most of nuclear fallout in time to dye Easter eggs…

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        “with its allies”….

        Seems like that’s becoming a smaller and smaller group. Pretty soon it’ll just be us and Tonga.

        • FlownΩver

          Atouk LIBEL!!1!!1

          Oh… Tonga. Never mind.

          • The Wanderer

            I’ll have Zug-zug for $500, Alex.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Jeffrey Lord is the Eddie the Eagle of analogies.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    “…whether or not Trump and Co. followed federal ethics rules…” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…Oooh boy. You kill me Wonkette.

    • From Russia with Love

      “Et hics. Nope, doesn’t ring any bells.”

    • Crystalclear12

      At least the report will be short:
      No, they didn’t.

  • goonemeritus

    Just in, CNN to higher Paul Manafort to head their Russian Bureau

  • Nounverb911

    New details of trump’s chocolate cake have been released.

    http://www.thisiscolossal.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/cake-4.gif

    • GoutMachine

      That is disturbing.

    • Lulu Mac

      This gif really bothers me…like, its fascinatingly disturbing and I am way too mesmerized by it…

  • Crystalclear12

    Let’s see, why will I be drinking today.

  • GoutMachine

    Drumpf on NATO: “I said it was obsolete. It’s no longer obsolete. … I complained about that a long time ago, and they made a change – and now they do fight terrorism.”

    You didn’t know what NATO was six months ago, you vomitous mass. And now, by the power of Greyskull, it’s fighting Teh Terra because you called their customer care line and lodged a complaint!

    Fuck right off!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Shorter Dump: “When it was the black guy doing the presidenting, everything sucked, but now that I’m doing it, everything’s exactly how I want.”

  • dslindc
  • dslindc

    And Trump has already decamped to Mar-A-Lago for the Easter weekend, because Presidenting is hard, probably.

  • Belasaurius

    Can we turn Sherman loose again in North Carolina? I don’t think they got the message the first time.

  • Nounverb911

    Sean Spicer was named “Employee of the Month” by both Pepsi and United Airlines.

    https://twitter.com/RoseAnnDeMoro/status/852293982906232834

  • lucidamente

    Is flip-flopping the new pussy-grabbing?

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Everything good that happens in the world is caused by Drumpf. Bad things are Hillary’s Obama’s the Democrats’ the Freedom Caucus’ the Intelligence Community the failing New York Times’ fault. Got it?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If just one of them was ALLEGED to be a foreign agent due to unsourced speculation on InfoWars, there would’ve been 8 years worth of congressional investigations.

      • Spurning Beer

        Are you kidding? Obama would have been impeached if he’d had silly hair and a big ass.

        • eka

          or a weird voice. yes, I’m looking at you, bill.

  • chortlingdingo

    Flying foxes are the cutest bats ever. I like the giant ones from the Philippines.

    https://i.ytimg.com/vi/55KFrPjeuhM/maxresdefault.jpg

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Gotta love the Party of Personal Responsibility. Get the driver’s license after you get caught, pretend to be tough with Putin after you committed treason colluding with him…voila! It all goes away.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    It’s good that we have a “president” that’s so focused on making America great again and doesn’t waste time and taxpayer dollars on frivolities.
    https://twitter.com/USARedOrchestra/status/852511379986796545

    • ariel_gee_398

      Even if he wanted to use the dumb-ass “Winter White House” excuse, it’s not fucking winter anymore.

    • Nounverb911
      • GoutMachine

        FREE MARKET!

      • arglebargle

        I hear the chocolate cake is to die for.

        • Doug Langley

          Um . . . that isn’t chocolate . . .

          • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

            “Organic” “Toblerone”

      • From Russia with Love

        That ceiling looks like an elephant’s ass.

      • beingreleased

        Coincidentally, Trump is going to cut funding for food inspections.

      • From Russia with Love

        hole.

      • cheetojeebus

        Maybe they can curb his trips there by constantly harassing the place with code inspections.

        • GoutMachine

          Or just stop altogether, let the kitchen do whatever they want and see what happens.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Dump is there already, amirite? Let’s nuke the place from outer space. It’s the only way to be sure you get all those pesky food-borne micro-organisms. We wouldn’t want Glorious Leader Fatass to fall ill and suffer.

      • The Wanderer

        If Putin goes there to eat and gets food poisoning, I expect accusations of biological warfare to be leveled at Trump.

    • arglebargle

      I believe that should read, “it’s unpresidented”.

    • From Russia with Love

      Fuck, and hurricane season is still months away.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank
        • From Russia with Love

          OK, I thought it really got going around August, but I’ll defer to superior intellect.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            It peaks in August and September, but it starts in spring.

          • From Russia with Love

            Thanx!

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            I just saw a thingie on the teevee about how they’re having a conference down here in South Texas about hurricane (and other disasters) preparedness and response, and they mentioned that hurricane season runs from May through October or November. But most of the strong storms don’t get rolling until later in the summer, so it’s easy to think that it doesn’t start until then.

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            OK, I just looked it up on these interwebs, and it looks like NOAA defines the season as starting June 1, not May 1. So I stand corrected.

          • The Wanderer

            I live in Florida, so June 1 and November 31 are circled for the start and end of the season. Of course, it can start earlier and end much later.
            Is it wrong of me to see a Cat 4 storm hit Mar-a-Lago and sweep it into the sea?

          • bupkus23

            Gee – November 31st? No wonder it seems like hurricane season never ends!

          • Amy!

            Could we make suggestions to NOAA for the names of the storms? Alec, Barack, Clinton (or Chuck), D…, Elizabeth, F…, G…, Hillary, ….

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          I need this, so I’m stealing it. This is allowed, because it’s Dump’s law now.

          • Indivisible Snark Tank

            I stole it myself, so go for it!

  • ariel_gee_398

    So why is it permitted to retroactively register as a foreign agent? That seems like a loophole we should close.

    • LOOPHOLE LIBELZ

    • Chadwells

      Puss grabber. ‘Nough said.

      • Chadwells

        Sorry. My crude attempt at a loop”hole” joke.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Crude jokes are never out of place here.

          • Thaumaturgist

            Bless our hearts and other parts.

      • wait! what?

        Retroactive gynecologist.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Can I rob a bank and retroactively register as a Fed agent?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I performed botched illegal surgeries for years. When I got caught, I went ahead and got my M.D. Everybody was cool with it.

    • Suttree

      I am going to retroactively register as a non-dropout. I now have a Harvard degree and sit on the SCOTUS.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Pfft. That’s nothing! I dreamed last night that I was a pilot, so now I am one.

        • Suttree

          I actually do a lot of parkour in my dreams. But it is to run away from the people that chase me.

        • From Russia with Love

          I have bad dreams about being a pilot on lots of nights.

          But I am one.

        • wait! what?

          I wear a parachute to bed because I have dreams where I’m falling off a cliff.

      • Paul

        Pleased to meet you your honor.

    • Spurning Beer

      Mitch McConnell is going to promote retroactive voter registration for white people.

      • Suttree

        He might team up with the Mormons to help dead people vote.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Similar to Jeff Sessions “amending” his congressional testimony.

      • ariel_gee_398

        And if he wants to say he honestly forget those meetings or didn’t count them in his brain for whatever dumb reason, I don’t think we could prove otherwise. But these guys knowingly failed to register. How can they be allowed to fix that by just doing it after they get caught?

    • Tallmutha

      If only the Rosenbergs had thought of it.

  • beingreleased

    Do you think if I register as a foreign agent, Russians will send me money on the off chance I have some influence?

  • Mavenmaven

    In much of the world, Xi is the adult and Trump the poodle (or, more technically, his b***h).

    https://static01.nyt.com/images/2017/04/08/world/asia/xxchina_media1/xxchina_media1-master675.png

    • GoutMachine

      Look how coyly President Fatass is sitting on that couch. Looking deeply and longingly into Xi’s eyes. He’s so enamored!

      • Little Doll

        I’m glad. I mean, since he changes his mind based on the last person he talks to, maybe he’s finally seeing some sense about the situation in Asia.

        • GoutMachine

          Well, until he talks to Bannon, at least.

          • Little Doll

            True, that. Hm.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      So, kinda like here, then, is what you’re saying.

    • From Russia with Love

      Xi “No, my pants aren’t too tight, why do you ask?”

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Look at Dump’s pants in that right-side shot. Dumbass OWNS A CLOTHING COMPANY and dresses like a homeless guy. What would the reptiles have had to say if Obama had looked like that?

    • ariel_gee_398

      Wasn’t there a some Twitter account from an alleged WH staffer saying Donnie has gained 60 lbs. since January? I thought that seemed high, but…I mean, you could shop Chris Christie’s head on that body and I’d believe it. That kind of gain is really not healthy.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        Good.

      • From Russia with Love

        Promise?

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Doesnt surprise me, Trump has appalling eating habits. He eats nothing but red meat, junk food and fried foods. It will be a miracle if he doesnt have a heart attack or stroke by 2020.

        • ariel_gee_398

          I know, but he’s 70! Why couldn’t it have caught up with him 5 years ago??

          • Little Doll

            Pills.

        • Good_Gawd_Yall

          Wait. Did you just say it will be a miracle if he DOESN’T have a heart attack? I kinda have a different opinion, there, Hal.

          • Alexander Stallwitz

            I try not to wish harm or ill will toward anyone. Trump is severly testing this through

      • Little Doll

        The bigger you get, the more weight you have to gain to actually look bigger. I wish I didn’t know this.

        But, take a woman’s size 6. She’d probably only have to gain 5-10 pounds to end up a size 8. But start as a size 22, and you’d have to gain about 20-25 lbs. to go up another size.

        Ugh. So glad I can’t eat anything anymore, the weight’s finally coming off!

      • Doug Langley

        How is it possible? I thought the Presidency was supposed to be fast faced and stressful and even if you found time to eat it’d all burn off?

        • ariel_gee_398

          I guess 6 hours of cable news and Doritos every night takes its toll?

          • Shanzgood

            That’s a LOT of Doritos. I couldn’t eat them for 6 hours. The most chips I’ve ever eaten was three cans of Pringles in a row. The carb crash afterward was terrible!

          • Doug Langley

            My bet would be on cheesecake, ice cream, and beer.

          • Shanzgood

            If I could eat cheesecake and ice cream I would weigh 300lbs, too.

      • starfanglednut

        Let’s hope he keels over before 2020.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Jesus fucking Christ hes fat….it looks like Trump ate Chris Christy!

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        Wow! How much beautiful chocolate cake did they have together, FFS!

  • Suttree

    CATBAT! Ok so this is what I look like this morning. I am running a bath. Hopefully that and some eye drops, and some yerba mate will make me look less batshit crazy. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a777f9e6d1fc2647a8ced0103bb0b743f51f3cf3ffd712e6edf070f257de5cbd.jpg

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Um; yeah, OK.

      • Suttree

        What! Do I not look normal? Henrietta the Hedgehog is totally keeping me at peace.

        • From Russia with Love

          That’s a big hedgie. Or a very small moose.

          • Suttree

            Welcome to my reality. :P

        • Little Doll

          I thought it was a lamb. I thought you were bathing with the mooselambs.

          • Suttree

            My next request is a goat. Heehee….

        • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

          Henrietta is acting out of fear?

    • The Wanderer

      This picture should be captioned “SOON.”

    • Shanzgood

      Can I have your hair when you’re done with it?

      • vivian

        *things a man could never say*

        • Shanzgood

          Well, he has pretty hair.

      • Suttree

        Heehee. I am about to go chop it all off. I could put it in a bag with some crazy glue for you though.

        • Shanzgood

          I don’t think it’d be the same…

        • Skeptical_thinker

          Donate your hair when you are done with it.

          • Suttree

            If it didn’t annoy me so much, I would grow it down to my butt and donate it.

  • Nounverb911
    • arglebargle

      Somehow I think he really didn’t have any use for them anyway.

      • GoutMachine

        The gene pool thanks him for this.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        All together now!:

        I was gonna make love to you but then I got high
        I was gonna eat yo pussy too but then I got high
        Now I’m jacking off and I know why
        ‘Cause I got high
        Because I got high
        Because I got high

    • Possible Darwin Award candidate?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      I think something about this story is escaping me – two things, actually: why anyone would try this, and how it would make your balls fall off. OTOH, it’s Florida man, so LOL!

      • From Russia with Love

        Something tells me that reefer smoke does not compress like fresh air.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        How? My guess would be shrapnel damage.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      He also seems to be wearing safety goggles in the pic so at least he had safety gear on….I guess cup should no longer be considered optional in this experiment. This has been another episode of “Florida Man of Science”

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      That was really ballsy to try- I mean sure filling your scuba tank with weed smoke is nuts but still lots of testicular fortitude required. Ah who am I kidding, guy lost his marbles with this one.

      • FlemmishSpy

        Stoner loses stones.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Actually, Tampa man loses testicles because he was so intoxicated, he knocked the scuba tank to the floor, causing it to explode. But sure, let’s blame the weed in the headline.

    • The Wanderer

      BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    • anwisok

      Sadly, too good to be true is, in fact, not true. Snopes

    • calliecallie

      Here I was thinking just this morning that we hadn’t had a good Florida Man story in a while.

  • Vincent Ricola

    “In two of the club’s coolers, inspectors found that raw meats that
    should be stored at 41 degrees were much too warm and potentially
    dangerous: chicken was 49 degrees, duck clocked in a 50 degrees and raw
    beef was 50 degrees. The winner? Ham at 57 degrees.”

    Mar-a-lago is so gross. $200,000 a year for food poisoning and the opportunity to brush shoulders with old white criminals while having everything you do secretly recorded. Fucking ew.

    Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/entertainment/restaurants/article144261894.html#storylink=cpy

    • GoutMachine

      What’s the over-under on how many secret cameras are in the women’s locker room?

      • Vincent Ricola

        Obligatory AOTK.

      • beingreleased

        You know, as owner, Trump has free reign of the women’s locker room.

    • arglebargle

      Mmmmmmmm… pork sashimi

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Nothing like a little room-temperature ham and potato salad to settle one’s stomach.

      • NastyBossetti

        Just reading that un-settled my stomach.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          “Perhaps the lady would like to try our famous Mar-A-Lago warm raw oyster platter?”

          • NastyBossetti

            You’re even more of a monster than people who use canned clams.

          • Doug Langley

            WARM canned clams.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Hey, no need to get personal!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      What’s meat without a little active bacteria? Gives you that nice tingly mouthfeel.

      • Left Coast Tom

        …tingly bowels, also too.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Annnd it’s another band name for my list! Tingly Bowels. Now on tour.

          • Red Bird Ω

            What about drippy shits?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      “I paid $200,000 and all I got was the drippy shits! Would not recommend.”

      ~A Yelp review

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        A TRUE Trump-fan would proudly wear his Diarrhea-a-Lago on his sleeve!

    • Rick Hill

      What do you expect from a cheap dive like that? It’s not as though people pay a lot to dine there….

    • Little Doll

      If this is what passes for “the life of the rich and idle,” they can keep it.

    • NastyBossetti

      No wonder he eats his steaks burned.

    • Nockular cavity

      Is price you pay for being able to hear American state secrets discussed on patio, tovarisch. Now get back to work!

    • Shanzgood

      But the chocolate cake was fine, right?

      • NastyBossetti

        It was made with house-specialty rancid dairy products and was just BEAUTIFUL.

        • Shanzgood

          The weevils in the flour add extra protein.

      • Doug Langley

        “Such a divine chocolate velvet cake!”
        “No, it’s just regular chocolate.”
        “But why is it red?”
        “The chef lost a thumb in the Cuisinart.”

  • Nounverb911
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      That is some epic trolling right there.

    • Suttree

      The only thing lacking,is the passengers to yell about the first rule of fight club.

      • Thaumaturgist

        First rule of FLIGHT Club.

        FIFY

        • Opalescent Riddles

          FIST rule?

    • CeeQ

      Hahahahahahahahaha omg Americans fucking hilarious

  • Rick Hill

    He wants to get back on healthcare because reality and the money guys are not easing up.

  • Suttree

    I swear that I am going to get a haircut today. I don’t think that I can handle another weekend of Lizzie giving me a Bob Ross.

    • Me not sure

      Is “getting a Bob Ross” a sexual euphemism?

      • wait! what?

        Just don’t get a Glenngary Glenn Ross. You’ll

        Always
        Be
        Crying

      • Suttree

        No! It means I wake up and my hair is fucking nuts! When I sleep at home, I wake up to normal hair. When I sleep at Lizzie’s I wake up with a fro! She plays with my crazy hair in my sleep! I wake up and I can feel it. And then I yell at her about playing with my hair while I sleep! And then I make her breakfast. After I calm down my hair.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Kempt hair is overrated…trust me.

        • Me not sure

          So, yes, kinda?

          • Suttree

            Invariably. :)

          • Me not sure

            Write the hair shit off and consider yourself lucky.

          • Suttree

            Nooooo! My father had some horseshoe looking shit when he was 4 years younger that I am now!

          • Me not sure

            The skins of the father shall be visited on the son.

        • Tallmutha

          Is she trying to make your hair into happy little clouds? Because it’s your world? And you can put anything you want to in it?

    • Shanzgood

      I had to look up who that was and now I think I’ll have to be celibate forever.

      • NastyBossetti

        Counterpoint: Bob Ross is very soothing and actually kind of awesome. Also, he hated his hair that way, but it became part of his brand, and he felt trapped by it. This is what he looked like before he permed his hair:
        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2b97b830b561844bd674bf1c838becd65871bb5769fdead7171a35b86ab21e05.jpg

        • Shanzgood

          Now that I think on it, I caught my daughter watching Ross videos not long ago. I think I WTF’d worse than if it had been porn.

          • NastyBossetti

            Yeah, it’s definitely weird. But maybe she was just having a rough day and needed something nice and soft to land on.

          • Shanzgood

            She’s also an artist.

          • Tallmutha

            I’m a artist too and I really like Bob Ross. I wouldn’t want to paint like him but he’s just so awesomely positive.

          • Shanzgood

            I have a hard time relating because I can’t even draw a stick figure properly. I’d watch him paint and be thinking “FU MINE WOULD LOOK LIKE A BABBOON DID IT!” instead of focusing on how positive he was.

          • Tallmutha

            Happy Nightmare, Baby.

            https://vimeo.com/211758157

      • Suttree

        But he had happy little trees!

  • wait! what?

    Almost an Austin Powers character.

    #ivankahuntalot

  • Rick Hill

    Speakings of teh Mar a Lago stuffs. Guess who’s clocking out this afternoon to head south for a long weekend?

    • The Wanderer

      Um . . . me? No, no, that’s not it . . .

      • Rick Hill

        Pee Wee Herman….

    • Me not sure

      Is it orange?

  • Rick Hill

    So. Just what kind of corners does he cut on the staff for his “high class” resorts? If he cheaps out the kitchen, bets that his cleaning crew has about fifteen minutes to clean a room and that they use the toilet rag on the sinks?

    • Carpe Vagenda

      What kind of hard-working dedicated foreign domestic staff with hot accents do you figure he’s swiping right on?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Terrible! Mar-A-Lago is a world class club. Terrific. Beautiful. The best. Those so-called health inspectors are being very mean to me. I’m going to find out who they are and make their lives hell. Sad!

    • Doug Langley

      YOU’RE BACK!!!!!!!

    • Me not sure

      I hope Trump orders the improperly handled fish this weekend. The parasites therein are considered a delicacy in starvation zones.

    • Greyhame

      As long as it’s only the guests at Mar-ga-Ritaville, and not the President himself being served poison in the form of rotting seafood, then the Secret Service won’t have to get involved in shaking-down the kitchen staff.

  • Me not sure

    A US Air strike gone wrong killed 18 of our allies in Syria, according to the AP. WINNING!

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Just went over to the Whitehouse Easter Egg roll website and saw that they have a previous year’s roll pic posted (which is reasonable).

    What’s the likelihood that if (hahhaha, “if”) the turnout is low, Trump & Co. will pretend like it was the most hugest ever or try to pass off Obama’s bigly turnout rolls as one of their own… or just scrub the internets of proof that it never happened?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4bc5bb00256ab1c6c6a0efbb93899f86b91efbcbcd0eeeebbb67246b0a23f3dc.jpg

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Well, you KNOW they won’t admit they fucked it up, so I’m guessing this is the picture that will be up for all eternity.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Or they’ll announce that someone threatened the grandchildren and restrict it to children of Republican staffers and the little Haberman boys.

    • Greyhame

      I’m looking forward to the side-by-side, aerial photography comparison.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Husband: the Easter egg roll at the White House is this week, honey. How ’bout we take the kids?
      Wife: Are you effing crazy?

  • Rick Hill

    Ivanka-“Why are you telling me this again? The food does not spoil that quickly. Do you know how much refrigeration costs in Florida? Now, turn up the setting on the reefers and don’t bother me with this.”

  • The Wanderer
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I read a really terrifying thing on the FaceSpace last night – DDump has one easy step to force Obamacare to fail. All he has to do is withdraw the Obama administration’s appeal to the court that ruled that insurance companies don’t have to be compensated for making low-cost insurance available to low-income patients, and it will collapse. He’s said to be thinking of doing just that. It will cause insurers to either drop out of the market or wildly raise their premiums to make up for the coverage they’re forced to offer, and he’s claiming that Chuck Schumer “should be” calling him every day begging to work with him to “fix” the ACA. Of course, Drumpf is stupid, so he’s failed to realize that his ransom and his hostage are the same thing: either help me fix this according to what the reptiles want (i.e., no coverage for low-income people, etc) or watch me blow it up so there’s no coverage for low-income people. SMH.

    • Rick Hill

      And, as large a sector of the economy as health care is, everything will collapse, not just Obamacare. Win!

    • bupkus23

      Even as just about every sane person recognizes this as a particularly ham-handed extortion attempt, what could be done about it? I doubt it would be an impeachable offense ( especially not with the asshole GOP House ).

      Of course, the Dems could always “open negotiations”, waste months, then walk away from any vote ( i.e., what the fuckin’ GOP did back in 2009/2010 ). Who’s gonna be the Democrat Chuck Grassley?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba
  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    In the past, Trump, who has spent most weekends at the club so far this year and hosted Chinese leader Xi Jinping there last weekend, was often involved personally in the day-to-day operations.
    It wasn’t rare to see him check out the kitchen and give directions to the club’s floor personnel.
    At the time, Mar-a-Lago passed inspections with flying colors, with one or two violations at most.
    But as Trump jumped into presidential politics, so did the number of health violations.

    I call bullshit. They’re saying there is something Trump is actually good at?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He had to make sure the steaks were going to be well done and that the ketchup would be served at the correct temperature.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Sure! The cock-a-roaches would leave town whenever the Dungbeetle King rolled into their neighborhood. They knew better than to try to deal with his shit.

  • Greyhame

    Oh bless his heart, North Carolina’s own Larry Pittman would like y’all to know on Faceplace that he may very well be a member of the Party of Lincoln™ (as they’re so fond of saying on the Republican side of the aisle) but hell, that there Lincoln feller was really the same “sort if tyrant” as old Adolf Hitler, and they don’t cotton to Hitler-Lincolns down in Cabarrus County, no sir!

  • Tallmutha

    So if tomorrow is Good Friday, does that make today Decent Thursday? Not Unbearable Thursday? So-so Thursday?

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Meh Thursday.

    • Doug Langley

      When you’re job hunting, no day is good.

      • Me not sure

        My son went 3 months without a job last year and not only was it horrible for him, but it really was a downer for all of the family. Good luck to you.

        • Doug Langley

          It’s been almost a whole year now, with the only break being that idiotic place that hired me for a 3 month contract back in Feb then fired me 2 weeks later.

          What does your son do?

          • Me not sure

            He’s an auto-tech, but he has a two year degree and really wants to move into the business end at the dealership where he works. He bought a house a year ago in Dec. of 2015 and then lost his job. Thankfully he had enough savings to weather the storm. He seems secure now and recently got married.

      • wait! what?

        Best of luck.

    • wait! what?

      Android update Thursday. Same but different; me likey.

    • Lord Jim
  • Me not sure

    Trump says that he was eating “the most beautiful chocolate cake” with the Chinese President and explaining the reasons for the strike as the strike was taking place, and yet they released a picture of Trump and various hangers on (including Wilber Ross for some reason) in some sort of makeshift situation room at Mar-A-Lago, watching as the attack took place. Is either story true? God knows, they both can’t be.

    • Tallmutha

      It actually could be that he wasn’t eating the damn cake but when recounting the incident he wanted to get a plug in for the desserts at his dumb resort. That would be in character. But that’s really funny about Wilbur Ross.

      • Me not sure

        I mean, what role could an 83 year old billionaire commerce secretary have in an airstrike?

  • Tallmutha

    Well, tomorrow is Good Friday so let’s make this the best damn holy day observing the supposed-not-really anniversary of when they put our Saviour up on a stick with spikes drivien through his wrists and ankles and left him there to expire slowly and horribly ever!

    • wait! what?
    • Bill Slider

      What a lovely painting you created. Is it available in Black Velvet

    • Lord Jim
      • Zyxomma

        I scored a 98 or 99 on one of those world religions tests; 100 questions and I, the atheist Jewess, scored better than almost all the self-proclaimed Christians who took the test.

        Any of my fellow Wonketteers watch Last Days of Jesus, recently shown on PBS? It has a convincing thesis that the last “week” of Yeshua’s life according to the gospels was far more likely six months.

  • Tallmutha

    Not even Hitler stooped to freeing the slaves.

  • Me not sure

    Beautiful

    Large slabs of brown cake
    Missiles drop from the skies
    Chinese guy has doubts

    • Persistent Demme

      T***p has managed to do the impossible.
      I am now off chocolate cake.

      • Me not sure

        The bastard!

    • Yr. Gma

      Haiku is underrated.

      • Me not sure

        I’m sorry, but on Poets Jeopardy all non-allowed comments must be in metric form. … Wait I think it is.

  • calliecallie

    It seems a shame we made such an effort to save those Rodriguez flying foxes over the past four decades when four decades from now their Rodriguez island habitat will probably be underwater. Sigh.

    • Internet Hitler

      How many of their refugees are we taking in?

      • Khavrinen

        None, of course. They’re much too brown not to be terrorists.

      • calliecallie

        AOT,K

  • ltmcdies

    for a wee bit of levity…twitter is comparing Jeffrey Lord to Bellatrix Lestrange

    https://twitter.com/fawfulfan/status/852552201201496064

  • epzik8

    This is mostly off-topic, but I’m dying to say it!

    There’s a gas station/convenience store called Wawa on the East Coast, that I’m sure some of you have heard of and been to. Wawa has a thing called “Wawa Day” on the second Thursday of April every year, where they let everyone have any size cup of coffee for free. It makes me so sad that Wawa is Doing Free Handouts to Real Americans like me. Free coffee is SOCIALISM FOR AMERICA!!!!! And you know what the worst part is? I ENJOYED it!!!!

    For real though, free coffee is free coffee, and I fucking love Wawa for doing this every year.

    • Lord Jim

      Taker. :P

    • What Pierre said

      My friend has always wanted a Wawa to open in Mahwah, so he could say he was going to the Mahwah Wawa. I fully support him in this dream.

    • Zyxomma

      Yes, Wawa is an east coast store, but there is not one in NYC, so I don’t get to be a Wawa Day celebrant.

  • Internet Hitler

    Right now I’m seriously praying that the MOAB actually hit an ISIS secret base and the intel was good.

    http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/u-s-targets-isis-afghanistan-large-non-nuclear-bomb-n746106

  • Take the kids to the discount department store and play Ivanka Trump Hunt, as retailers are hiding their Ivanka Trump crap in their stores, while scrubbing adverts and online listings.

    And I bet a trollish dog will laugh at you then too.

  • Panika MCD

    wow! from 70 to 20 thousand? now if we could do the same thing for Livingston bats (largest bat in the world and also a species of flying fox on Madagascar proper) as we did for the Rodrigues bats we may be able to work our way West before all the Elephants and Rhinos are gone!

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