SHARE
Hates gay marriage. Makes “hilarious” jokes about murdering puppies in puppy mills.

LATE-BREAKING UPDATE: is officially dead on arrival.According to North Carolina House Speaker Tim Moore, a Republican, the bill we discuss in this post That said, everything we say in this post is true and valid and important, because this is part of the new strategy of the gay-hatin’ wingnuts. SO READ IT ANYWAY.

Let’s be clear: If you are a person who is still butthurt over how the Supreme Court crammed all our throats with gay marriage ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO, for 14th Amendment equal protection reasons, then you have severe personal problems. So we can safely assume that North Carolina state Reps. Larry Pittman, Carl Ford, and Michael Speciale — about whom there is a “very funny” anecdote about puppy murder further down in this post, KEEP READING! — are completely broken in their brains and in their souls, as they have introduced a bill, HB780, or the “Uphold Historical Marriage Act,” to say the Supreme Court’s ruling on marriage equality doesn’t count, even though it clearly does count, because the Supreme Court fucking said so.

Here, have a bill:

Let’s see, how much of this thing is bullshit?

  • The part where it says that the 10th Amendment means the Supreme Court can’t kick a state’s ass on the equal protection of the 14th Amendment.
  • The part where it cites a 61% vote in favor of fucking gays up the ass (in the unkind way), when first of all, that’s a bullshit statistic from a low turnout election. Moreover, we found polling from 2015 that shows North Carolina voters evenly divided on the issue, and marriage equality gains support every year, because people are getting smarter, young people are turning 18, and useless bigots are dying. So fuck your “61%,” you shitheads.
  • The part where it cites Genesis 2:24, as if that Bible verse prohibits marriage equality, AND ALSO AS IF our laws are in any goddamned way based on some pig-romancing yokels’ interpretation of the Bible.

That’s a lot of bullshit, and we were just skimming it. And it’s clearly unconstitutional.

Wait, what does this have to do with puppy murder?

This is where Wonkette would like to change the subject in the most unkind way possible, to point out that one of the bill’s sponsors, Rep. Speciale, made a lot of news in 2013 when he opposed a puppy mill bill, you know one of those things that tries to ban evil, cruel puppy mills where animals are abused and mistreated. Here’s what he had to say about the regulations included in the bill, which he thought were silly:

“‘Exercise on a daily basis’ – if I kick him across the floor, is that considered daily exercise?” Speciale said. ‘Euthanasia performed humanely’ – so should I choose the ax or the baseball bat?”

Yep, he’s talking about killing puppies to death with axes and baseball bats. And just kicking them. LOL! At the time, one of the co-sponsors for this year’s gay-hatin’ bill, Rep. Pittman, was pretty sure Speciale was just making jokes about axe-murdering puppies, because it was very “funny.” Many of his other colleagues, including Republicans, were appalled.

Pittman, for his part, was also a birther, so he’s obviously S-M-R-T.

We just wanted to let you know what kind of upstanding moral values people we’re dealing with here.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way …

Anyway, this is their new strategy. Even after North Carolina got its financial ass handed to it over its anti-LGBT bathroom law, these morons want to pass laws invalidating the Supreme Court’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. If they pass, those laws will immediately be challenged, and gay-hatin’ wingnuts are hoping against hope they can have a second showdown at the Supreme Court, which maybe this time will be “friendlier.” Of course, for their little plan to work, one of the judges who voted in favor of marriage equality — all of whom are still there, by the way — would have to retire or die (and newly confirmed Neil Gorsuch would have to vote to overturn precedent, something he doesn’t seem to like that much), but we’re dealing with really stupid people, so we’re not surprised they are bad at math-ing.

This is on top of their other plans to chip away at the rights of marriage for same-sex couples from sea to shining sea. We don’t want to beat the dead horse, but for real, fuck those of all political persuasions who couldn’t bring their sad asses to vote for Hillary Clinton, because this is the real world gay folks live in now.

Anyway, fuck these A-holes. They need to grow up, get over their prurient obsession with gay marriages, and Rep. Speciale needs to stay the fuck away from my dog.

Wonkette is nice to puppies. Wonkette is funded by readers. Put those things together, and you will find yourself clicking below to give us money.

[Time / WRAL h/t Mark Joseph Stern]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Chadwells
    • Persistent Demme

      That’s some brilliant comic timing there!

      • Especially more so given that Wilder and Little had been smoking BIG ol’ reefers right before filming.

  • “Uphold Historical Marriage Act,”

    So polygamy, buying 13 year-old girls from their fathers, and concubinage?

  • GoutMachine

    Historical marriage? As defined by the Bible? Sure! Let’s go there, shall we?

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/bd187eca3c4674e85146f0ea15b5d320ecde2b8cb11874cf447cb6a9a68a0030.jpg

    • chortlingdingo

      Ah, I was going to make a post like this, but yours is better.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Betty Bowers would approve!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw

      • Judykhaynes

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !sw388c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !sw388c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs678MediaPrimeGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!sw388c:….,….

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Cause I never get tired of saying it

      -Makes sure everyone has a Bible

      -Assumes nobody ever reads it

  • SweetDeeKat

    That’s not how it works. That’s not how any of this works, fuckwits. In the rock-paper-scissors world, idiots, you are paper and the Soopreme Court is nasty, nasty scissors.

    • GoutMachine

      You can buy a gun without any kind of license or training. You can span hellbeast kids (redundant, I know) with out any kind of license or training. And you can get elected to a legislature without any clue of how government works.

      What could possibly go wrong?

    • Mpeg
      • SweetDeeKat

        Wow. Just wow.

  • Mpeg

    Quit making South Carolina look sane next to you, North Carolina!!

    Actually… here in Virginia, I’m eyeballing the upcoming Solar Eclipse and trying to decide where to book lodging in the ideal path-of-the-Fullest-Eclipseyest-vantage-points – – and damned if South Cackalacky isn’t hoarding the mostest optimals. I won’t bore y’all with how many fried chicken greasyspoons I’d be stuck choosign from if I bunked in Sumter SC.

    • proudgrampa

      Do not. DO NOT. “Eyeball” the upcoming Solar Eclipse!

      You could drive up to Idaho. Jusr kidding. Who would want to go to Idaho?

    • anwisok

      Yeah, but you could drop by my house and I could cook you up something GOOD!

  • Zonath

    Wingnuts gotta wingnut.

    Also too, imagining that just because the Bibble says something that it’s “the clear meaning and understanding of marriage in all societies throughout prior history” is just really fucking dense.

    But hey, we haven’t had a good nullification crisis in a good long time. I just hope that the good State of North Carolina gets the bill when the National Guard is called in.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “‘Exercise on a daily basis’ – if I kick him across the floor, is that considered daily exercise?” Speciale said

    http://i682.photobucket.com/albums/vv181/knightsofnodd/Gifs/Words/tumblr_lphw3kmXTo1qal1os.gif

    • chortlingdingo

      10/10 perfect usage of gif.

    • Persistent Demme

      Herp-a-derp!
      Hur-hur!
      (How does anyone even think that way?!)

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      MY daily exercise is when I [redacted] Reps. Pittman [deleted by NSA] Ford and Speciale [obscured by various bodily fluids] out through their [redacted].

  • Oblios_Cap

    We don’t want to beat the dead horse, but for real

    Why not? These guys are willing to kick your living puppy.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Quoting the bible on a bill eh? That’s the trouble with Christianity – it’s not a religion, it’s a legal and governmental system seeking to replace the constitution.

    • Bill Slider

      He should have quoted in the Koran as well to give the bill some real authenticity.

    • Persistent Demme

      WWJD?

  • ariel_gee_398

    Jesus, these numbnuts are exasperating. It doesn’t matter if 99.9% of the people want to take away my fundamental constitutional rights. They don’t get put up to a vote because they’re fundamental constituonal rights.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    ‘Euthanasia performed humanely’ – so should I choose the ax or the baseball bat?”

    Damn Rules for Radicals prevent me from saying what I would like to do to this asshole with the ax and the baseball bat. Suffice it to say NOT with votes FFS.

    • GoutMachine

      I’m sure he’d be just fine with us doing that to his dog, right?

      • chortlingdingo

        He clearly should not be allowed to have a dog.

        • GoutMachine

          What is it with the GOP and animals, anyway? Romney putting his dog on the car roof, Huckabee’s son …

          • chortlingdingo

            The “man has dominion over all creatures” type doesn’t usually see an animal as anything but property.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Step 1: Put asshole is nice comfy chair preferably with padded straps to support the neck and wrists.
      Step 2: Wrap barbed wire around baseball bat.
      Step 3: Stand behind chair and old bat in wide stance. Stability is important!

      Damn…lost text for steps 4 thru 8. Well, shucks!

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Negan Libulz!

        • C4TWOMAN

          Silly aside, I upvoted you, but 2 people felt moved to down-vote your comment.

          To feel so strongly about a snarky throw away Walking Dead reference…man, some peeps take their politics SERIOUSLY!

          I can’t remember the last time I downvoted someone..well, not counting Infowars….

      • Hizzoner

        Walking Dead as training video?

      • ImGoingBacon

        Previously, on the The Walking Dead…

  • exinkwretch

    Islam Sharia Law = bad. Christian Sharia Law = awesome!

    • Zonath

      Well of course. Christianity is all about loving your fellow man (just not in any “icky” way). Just ignore the past couple thousand years of history where it was not at all that.

  • x111e7thst

    He is ugly and his mommy sure dresses him funny.

  • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

    Cue indictment for hebephilia/pedophilia/sexual harassment (double points if victims are boys) in three…two…one…

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Gettin’ it on with Teh Jooz is still a crime down there?! Oh wait, not what that means.

  • Randy Riddle

    Sigh. I don’t know what the problem is with NC’s Democrats. There’s enough dirt on those GOP closet queens in the legislature that it would keep several newspaper editors and prosecutors busy for a few years. But they’d rather “compromise” with those asshats.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Gerrymandering for one.

      • Randy Riddle

        Gerryandering don’t keep nobody from hiring from private dicks and slipping a few c-notes to well placed staffers to leak incriminating documents.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Y’all tried nullification of Federal authority 156 years ago. How’d that go again?

    • Oblios_Cap

      They’re gonna rise again, damn it!

      • Hizzoner

        Not without Viagra and a compliant hooker they ain’t…

    • SweetDeeKat

      Waiting for the NC bill to strip the Supreme Court of authority to find state laws unconstitutional in 3..2..1..
      (We get one in the Texas Leg every 3-4 years.)

    • BearGHAZI

      From the looks of it, the South kind of won

  • exinkwretch

    Also, the Mooslimbs don’t like Fido. Maybe this guy should be checked out. He made a closet handler of the Crescent scimitar, if you know what I mean.

  • chazmanr
  • SayItWithWookies

    So these jackasses are now citing one of the foundations of Sharia law for their legislation? Nice to know they have that much in common with ISIL.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Brags about kicking puppies?

    Literally the globally accepted definition of “worst kind of bully”?

    Jesus wept.

    • Persistent Demme

      Full of the milk of human kindness, isn’t he?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Even Hitler didn’t kick puppies.” — Psycophant Spice

      • anwisok

        Actually, that’s probably true. He loved his German Shepherds. I mean, yeah, pretty sure he gave it cyanide before he shot himself, but at least that was quick.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Jesus, that Speciale is a special asshole indeed:

    Speciale took to his Speciale for NC House Facebook page Thursday night to defend himself. He posted:

    There have been some comments in the Raleigh press about some things I said during today’s debate on the House floor regarding the Puppy Mill bill, which I found to be a very ambiguous bill, and that was one of several reasons that I opposed it.

    My comments were intended to get my point across to the other members about the many ways that some things in the bill can be misinterpreted. I wasn’t trying to be humorous, I was serious about how the wording in this bill could be twisted…

    For those of you who were not there and did not understand the context and the moment, reading my printed words could give the wrong impression, so get off your high horses and do your research before you take what you read as gospel. I will debate as I believe to be most effective, and I will not succumb to political correctness.

    Speciale deleted the post after it was bombarded with critical comments.

    He didn’t immediately respond to a request for comment.

    Other people could have twisted interpretations of the law? That’s your defense of your comments?

    http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/607/749/e6b.gif

    • Lefty Frizzell

      He’s describing unlikely ways to circumvent a law because he doesn’t want puppy mills regulated – so the context doesn’t help unless he has proposed a better puppy mill bill. Has he?

    • clubseal

      Get off your high horses, or I’ll hit them with an ax, or maybe a bat.

  • MynameisBlarney

    *cues JAWS theme*

    Just when you thought it was safe to go back to NC again.

  • Bill Slider

    If there were a god he would give this man two gay sons and a transgender daughter.

    • Jeffery Campbell

      Were there a God, she would make damn sure there were no LGBT children anywhere need this man.

      • cats530

        She would make sure one of her mistakes (GOP pols) could not reproduce.

    • clubseal

      And a boy who is a centaur.

  • Persistent Demme

    HUCKABEE LIBELZ!!!

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Paunchy, badly fitting suit, school tie, greasy hair – I’ll go with dead girl as more likely than live boy.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I’d love to know what the lapel pins are ….

  • goonemeritus

    South Carolina is going to have step up its game.

    • anwisok

      Please, don’t tempt them. You do realize that, when Nikki left for the UN, she was replaced by a teabagger, right?

      • goonemeritus

        I’m sorry, Nikki wasn’t totally evil, at least by Republican standards.

  • therblig

    so, there’s actual pig romancing before the pig fucking? my view of the south has completely changed.

    • Jenny

      I mean, you gotta chase and catch the pig first.

      • therblig

        so the pigs play hard to get?

      • Hizzoner

        Counts as foreplay in the South….

  • Lascauxcaveman

    marriage equality gains support every year, because people are getting smarter, young people are turning 18, and useless bigots are dying.

    Read more at https://wonkette.com/615456/north-carolina-rep-will-axe-murder-your-gay-marriage-probably-wont-axe-murder-your-puppy#LlrWft5LyTpdvmvE.99

    • theblackdog

      I know it’s petty but I agree with it as well

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “The part where it cites a 61% vote in favor of fucking gays up the ass (in the unkind way), when first of all, that’s a bullshit statistic from a low turnout election.”

    And it wouldn’t matter if it was 100%-0% in a 100% turnout election, because people aren’t allowed to vote away your constitutional rights. Get that through your heads, Jesus.

  • Beowoof14

    Oh another constitution loving conservative, until the constitution guarantees rights for people he doesn’t like. Sounds like the typical republican.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    Well, isn’t that speciale.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    He seems nice. Bless his little heart.

    • Crystalclear12

      Yes, that is perfect Southern.

  • Swampay

    Literally kicking puppies. I really wish these guys would stop making caricatures of themselves and leave some work for the poor comedians.

  • DerpyGurdyMan

    Perhaps Mr. Speciale has a Speciale Family Recipe for Mustard-Vineagar Puppy BBQ Sauce?

  • Pilotshark

    you know I think i will go with the baseball bat, but not on puppy’s or gay`s, but to shove it up your fourth point of contact and than turn it side ways. but it would have to be a two phase deal, first is to remove your head from that said fourth point of contact, so we can perform phase 2.

  • Persistent Demme

    There are no words…

  • toughsister

    Typical of southern legislatures/legislators: they’re generally incompetent to enact legislation that actually accomplishes anything practical, such as improving infrastructure, schools, health care, employment, because, HEAVEN FORBID, that involves spending money and, perhaps, horror fo horrors, raising taxes!. So they piss away their time and taxpayer money on crap like gay harassment, transgender bathroom issues and keeping minorities from voting. They’re cowards, small minds and lazy bums.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    As with abortion, this strategy has a number of goals: fundraising, chipping away at the right itself, tying up resources that could be spent on expanding rights even further, and pandering.

    • h4rr4r

      I also think there is a fair bit of “the lady doth protest too much” here. I suspect these two have some issues in their own lives, if you catch my drift.

      • Strepsi

        The use of porn, and the most extreme searches, are in places with the highest religiosity, both worldwide (Pakistan, Afghanistan) and in the U.S.

        But I mean, that’s just scientific data from Google and Pornhub, not the Jesusplaining of 3 assholes in North Carolina.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/293116ed0876862032211fec84e0948357ada07f91b6120b56b65803033cc4e5.png

        • The Wanderer

          MILF porn? Seriously? And Kentucky is the only state that views hentai?

          • grindstone

            But the real question is, who is Anita Queen???

          • The Wanderer

            No idea, but I might run a Google search.

        • Lefty Frizzell

          The Carolinas are deeply divided

        • Lefty Frizzell

          Mississippi spoiling a straight run for the deep south there.

        • Gayer Than Thou

          Huh. Kinda surprised that “college wrestler” isn’t the top search for my state. I’m obviously slacking off too much.

        • Nyumbu

          I don’t even know what most of those terms mean! (porn-wise)

          • GoutMachine

            And WTF, Wyoming? Smoking? Is that a thing? (Of course it is; everything is a thing.)

            I’ve no idea what “compilation porn” is, though.

          • Nyumbu

            I’m guessing it’s like a mix tape?

          • theblackdog

            Usually it’s a collection of short clips of certain acts mashed together in one longer video.

      • MizzMazz

        Even if there isn’t, the right are desperately trying to hang on to their talking points, the stuff that gets their base fired up to send money they can ill afford. Thing is, more and more people don’t give a shit about ‘the sanctity of marriage’ and it has become accepted. And of course they have issues in their own lives – I’m not saying closet queen or anything like that, I just think you have to have serious issues if you object to what other people do that doesn’t hurt anyone else. On the flip side, being A-OK fine with puppy mills DOES hurt someone else, but hey, they’re just animals, amiright? these assholes can’t dissapear fast enough.

    • GoutMachine

      I just assume any Republican who bleats loudly about how the homos are all going to hell will be caught boning an underage boy in 3 … 2 …

  • Zonath

    “Let’s see, how much of this thing is bullshit?”

    It’s the section starting with the words “General Assembly” Through the sentence ending “becomes law”.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Tillerson ditches press before putin meeting.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/rex-tillerson-ditches-us-press-before-heading-to-kremlin-to-meet-with-vladimir-putin/

    Yeah…
    Nothing suspicious about that at all.

    • jesterpunk

      He cant get orders from the boss with the media around.

    • Crystalclear12

      Move along, nothing to see here, that building has always been on fire.

    • Asterix

      I thought that was supposed to be a joint presser with Laverov (however that is spelled).

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      He was KIDNAPPED and forced to participate in PEE HOOKER PARTIES!!

  • Crystalclear12

    I am sure it looks good on his fundraising mailers.

  • cats530

    The guy in the picture looks like he would enjoy some toe-tapping, wide stance, airport bathroom stall action on the downlow.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    One of my oldest friends is a gay-married lesbian who has lived in the state of North Carolina for decades (she and her wife had a civil union many years before Obergefell v. Hodges). She is also a psychotherapist, a skill she needs now more than ever because the professional victims in the statehouse won’t stop attacking her as a sinner, a second-class citizen, and an abomination in the eyes of the lord.

    May these paid bigots get what they so richly deserve, with votes and a pack of angry, angry dogs.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I wish your friend the best and I hope that the bigots all get cases of severe ass-rot.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        I can’t imagine how painful it must be to have my state elected officials attack me and my family at every turn, and to have half of the electorate actually agree with them.

        Seriously: fuck every one of these assholes – they don’t deserve to live in a democracy (and if they get their way, none of us will).

        • theblackdog

          It’s very painful but easier to deal with when you know that they just refuse to listen. Even more painful is when family and friends who say they are okay with you then turn around and vote for these idiots. Compound that with the “Well I know they’re bad but…” type of excuses when you call them on it and you become really good at reaching back around to pull the knives out.

          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            The fight truly never ends.

            Take care.

          • theblackdog

            Thanks. I had a few nice years but the 2016 election really brought around some painful truths about people I know.

  • cheetojeebus

    Don’t quote me on this, but I think I heard on the internet that he has a scandal brewing involving a baby bunny crush porn video. It must be true?

    • Nyumbu

      Some people are saying that. Certainly this is a question that needs to be asked.

      • MynameisBlarney

        He hasn’t denied it, sooo….

    • jesterpunk

      I heard that too, so it really must be true since its on the internet.

  • Strepsi

    This is the same as a Texas one that just went through this week… I wish the (non-Wonkette) media would expose clearly that these things are written by a handful of massively well-funded Religious Extremist anti-gay hate groups (i.e. the Wotherspoon Institute, Focus on the Family, Family Research Council) then shopped around to the most assholish or religious legislators (or the huuuuge Venn diagram overlap in Republicans between the two).

    Which is why you see a dozen anti-transgender “bathroom” bills pop up at once, or a dozen anti-gay-accommodation bills, etc. etc.

    http://www.timesrecordnews.com/story/news/2017/04/12/bill-would-allow-clerks-opt-gay-marriage-licenses/100371884/

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    I propose that the not-bigots and actually nice ponies of NC rise up and beat this guy with baseball bats at the voting booth.

  • Nyumbu

    I think this post calls for some puppies. https://youtu.be/a6KGPBflhiM

  • Asterix

    I am so happy for the good people of North Carolina. Their state is so perfect in every single way that their elected representatives have no better use of their skills than to attack the rights of the people for no reason, whatsoever.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    These people need to be rounded up and sent to reeducation camps. I blame Obama for not doing it before.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Thanks Obama!

  • Nick Scroggs

    Well, Taiwan’s banned eating cat and dog meat, so that’s an improvement. Unfortunately it sounds like North Carolina’s becoming a theocracy, and another civil war might happen again. Is that me?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Asheville will become a walled city…

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Cruella de Vil and his cronies are white men desperately trying to cover up their own cruelty and predatory natures by putting them on other people. Hide your kids, hide your puppies.

    • Anna Rompage

      Or just carry a can of military grade mace & a taser, and if one of these fucknuts even looks at you in a threatening manor, blast them with the mace, and then taze their testicles…

  • Reality Killswitch

    It’s have been two years. Get over it! Republicans always thinking about others’ intimacy.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Besides, I thought wiser heads had planned to dump that cultural war rubbish? I guess with Trump in the White House, they couldn’t resist trying one more time…

      • Reality Killswitch

        They want their heads into everything that is private. Dr office, in your bed, and your bathroom.

        • C4TWOMAN

          This reminds me of this lady who used to ride the bus. She was getting on in years, slightly disabled and a bit heavey. During a particularly hot and muggy summer, she said she slept nekkid with the window wide open: “Oh hell, if anyone’s snooping around an peeks in, it’ll serve them right!”

          Kinda reminds me of these people obsessed with the gey seks. You know, if it bothers them that much, they should just let it go.

      • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

        Yep, Lord Dampnut gave these bigots a reason to slither out of the woodwork and try to drag this country backwards because “Jesus!”

    • theblackdog

      That and how their rights were taken from them back in 1865

  • jesterpunk

    You know if he is going to quote the NC state constitution he should probably read it.

    http://www.ncleg.net/Legislation/constitution/ncconstitution.html

    Sec. 5. Allegiance to the United States.
    Every citizen of this State owes paramount allegiance to the Constitution and government of the United States, and no law or ordinance of the State in contravention or subversion thereof can have any binding force.

    • The Wanderer

      He’ll find a way to GOP hand wave it.

      • jesterpunk

        “We didnt mean any laws when a black guy was in charge, back then they where barely people.”

        Republican logic.

  • LesBontemps

    Jesus, what is with that jacket?

    • cheetojeebus

      A dipshit is wearing it?

    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s got some asshole in it?

      • C4TWOMAN

        The most common fashion faux pas….

    • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

      A homophobic puppy beater is wearing it.

      • efoveks

        At first glance, I thought you were calling the puppy homophobic LOL. (Now I am smrtr tho, having re-read it properly.)

        • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

          Hahaha!

    • Anna Rompage

      There was an APB out for a guy who had molested multiple children that fit this guys description, but wearing a dark jacket

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Apparently the dress code for “conservative dipwad” is an ill-fitting, badly-tailored suit coat.

      • efoveks

        Jesus was a carpenter, dammit, not a seamstress!

        • Anna Rompage

          I’m an earthy Jewish carpenter, and even I have better sense than to wear something that gawd awful…

    • efoveks

      It doubles as a paper sack?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Looks like any self-important preacher man on any given Sunday.

  • Anna Rompage

    Uphold Historical Marriage Act; Does that mean interracial marriage is going to outlawed as well, or have these neanderthals evolved to the point where that is just on this side of being permissible?

    Wonder what a real, traditional, biblical marriage is all about? Well check out Betty’s primer here, it’s chock full of good information!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw

  • Mavenmaven

    If “Almighty God” as they put it is so perturbed by this legislation, why don’t they let Almight God appeal it himself?

    • yyyaz

      Too busy being Omni-impotent.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    So, I just officially dropped North Carolina and become a true Maryland Crab Personer–or whatever people in Maryland are supposed to call ourselves. I even got my new driver’s license in the mail. Despite the MD license being a black-and-white photo rather than full-color like NC’s, I don’t think I could be any happier to not claim NC my home.

    Fuck those guys.

    (Yeah, I might still have soft spot for NC, but damn fuckers like these are hardening that little spot.)

    • LesBontemps

      Don’t worry: Crabs > Bar-B-Q.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I don’t know about all that… But I have become obsessed with Bay seasoning.

        • LesBontemps

          Just don’t get it from the actual Bay.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      You left, too?! Congratulations on the move!

      I will always have a soft spot for NC, and truly hope it manages to move forward, and break free from the shackles of religion and gerrymandering. I love a lot of people there! Many of our own Wonketeers are there.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        It makes me a little bit sad (and very angry) because NC used to be a reasonably good (not bugfuck crazy) state back in the day. They even went for Obama in 2008. Like, WTF, NC???

        If the voters can slap some sense back into them, I may just reconsider and go back home one day.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          I feel the same. NC has so much potential.

      • Parakeetist

        Can we rescue them?

      • TakingAmes

        Me too. I have many fond memories from my childhood and adolescent vacations, camps and mission trips to NC. Their legislature, though…

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          The most beautiful beaches and mountains, fun, funky towns and that hideous legistlature…

    • GoutMachine

      Oh, Christ, not another Maryland driver!

      Seriously, though, do not succumb to Maryland driver habits. Please. All of D.C. will thank you.

      • Bobathonic

        It’s true. Mary Landers are just the worst drivers. Avoid that, YBB, and Virginia will thank you, too.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Oh, I haven’t. I pride myself on my excellent driving skills precisely because I am NOT from Maryland.

      • theblackdog

        I’ve seen the way DC drivers handle their traffic circles and cut across traffic…

  • Paperless Tiger

    Needs moar ‘man on dog’.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Is that you, Rick Santorum?

  • pstockholm

    “some pig-romancing yokels’ interpretation of the Bible goat-romancing late-bronze-age parochial pastoralists’ eccentric version of common near-eastern myths and prejudices”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I thought the bibble had sheep-romancing late-bronze-age people, what with the shepards and the star and all ….

      • pstockholm

        Well he cited Genesis, but I have nothing against anyone insulting early Christians. However their problem was maybe that they weren’t romancing anything, what with the celibacy and living on stone columns and such.

  • Me not sure

    Will someone explain to me exactly what harm has befallen our country as a result of marriage equality. Did I miss the seven God-sent plagues? Did God send Trump to chatise us?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Sad men like these feel less in control of everyone and everything. To them, that is a plague.

    • jesterpunk

      Y’all Qaeda cant force their religious beliefs on everyone? Not the part of the bible that says dont force your religious beliefs on everyone though that part doesnt count.

      http://biblehub.com/matthew/6-5.htm

      “When
      you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on
      street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell
      you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get.

    • theblackdog

      White men are upset they can’t call us faggots and get a chuckle from their friends and family.

  • clubseal

    What do I hate more – the fact that these idiots put this completely unconstitutional thing forward, or the smug looks that were probably on their stupid faces when they did?

    All of it, Katie.

  • Bitter Scribe

    If someone asks you in a self-righteous way where you got your dog, say “I rescued him from a puppy mill.” Guaranteed to mess up their heads.

  • LesBontemps

    Quoting Genesis 2 for “the clear meaning and understanding of marriage in all societies throughout prior history”? Honestly, they didn’t even have to read all that much further in the same damn book — Genesis 29: Jacob marries Leah and Rachel.

    • clubseal

      Followed by Brazzers 3: Jacob, Leah and Rachel experiment.

      • LesBontemps

        So that’s the origin of “sheep may safely graze”!

    • Beanz&Berryz

      I liked that episode of Friends.

    • TakingAmes

      And I don’t think it’s in Genesis, but Lot’s daughters seducing him and being impregnated by him… Wait, no. These Dampnut douchebags would actually probably go for that.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    But, really, is he talking about blunt axing the puppies or sharp axing them?

    • puredog

      There are no sharp tools in those sheds.

  • elviouslyqueer

    I would suggest that these motherfuckers eat several dicks, but judging from their religious, erm, “bent” (not to mention Speciale’s so-deep-in-the-closet-it-backdoors-Narnia gayface), I’d wager they’ve done quite a lot of that already.

    • GoutMachine

      Well-played Narnia ref.

  • Nockular cavity

    Well, isn’t that Speciale?

  • Holly

    They appear to have no concept of – the separation of church and state…put that in your fucking pipes you fucking turds. A fucking bible quote??? I’m so done with all these southern assholes!!! and I’m a fucking southerner!!! for fucks sake.

  • Y’know, for a guy opposed to teh ghey, he really seems to be romancing that microphone in a manly fashion…

  • honeywest

    Email him direct here: michael.speciale@ncleg.net

  • UnsaltedSinner

    And when this works out brilliantly and is blessed by the Supreme Court to shouts of “Hallelujah!” and “Hosanna!”, I guess he’ll be going after Loving v. Virginia?

  • Gorillionaire

    As a resident of North Carolina, I can assure you that the districts these fucktards represent all have full employment, total health care coverage, clean non-coal ash infested water, and absolutely no drug abuse problems. HA HA HA HA HA just kidding they’re just fucking wastelands.

    • zerosumgame0005

      just like their souls!

  • Relativicus

    Hillary would’ve totally nominated Jeff Sessions as AG.

    • Roadstergal

      No, see, the DNC should have overruled its voting base and nominated Sanders instead, who would have been the bestest, most unifying president ever, bringing white people of all political stripes together.

      I have this mansplained to me daily, so I know it’s true.

  • Lefty Wright

    You don’t have to worry about your dog, Evan. He was talking about puppies. He would be afraid to face an adult dog, even with an axe. He might get a boo boo when he trips running away. But his bill is in line with a few others in NC in the last few years, including minting our own currency in gold and establishing a state religion. And of course our famous bill outlawing sea level rise.

  • Parakeetist

    The fuck is wrong with people?

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      These people. What is with them on this issue? They like to pretend they’re “small government conservatives”; they do not see a conflict between their actions and their so-called “beliefs”. Of course, it may just be a scam to get campaign $$. But they keep coming back to it.

  • brucej

    Are they aware that the bar code on the bottom of their bill specifically means it’s got Satanic Cooties all over it as some whackadoodle fundie acquaintances have informed me.

    Also people who joke about kicking puppies should be kicked in theirs. with votes AND feet.

    • kareemachan

      OMG, that made me remember a woman I interviewed for the Census last time around. Not only did bar codes spy on people (I didn’t hear the satanic part), but her husband invented bar codes and the Navy cheated him out of his invention!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!

      She was also going to give sailors special shoes to see where they go when they aren’t on base or on a ship, etc….

  • theblackdog

    I’ve been hearing Texas is going to try similar tactics to get the Obergefell decision in front of the US Supreme Court again. I don’t live there but I’ve wondered if my fiance and I are going to have to race to the courthouse so that we can gain rights sooner rather than later.

  • nightmoth

    These NC dickheads got into office by whipping up the extreme evangelicals with their anti-gay marriage bill during an off-year election. Lots of Democrats didn’t notice it on the ballot, or didn’t think it was important. The right-wing thought it was the most important legislation they’d ever seen in their narrow, blighted lives. The NCGOP is not about to give up a winning strategy yet. CRUSH THEM IN 2018, DEMOCRATS, CRUSH THEM LIKE A CAN and repurpose them into a useful ashtray.

    • kaydenpat

      I was disappointed with N.C. but hope that Reverend Barber and other activists can get more progressive voters out in the mid-term.

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Rev. Barber is awesome!

      • ContextIsKey

        Rev. Barber is my hero. NC NAACP does some great work.

  • kareemachan

    Do they also support historical medicine, like leeches, bloodletting, and such?

    Come to think of it, historical marriage also includes harems, seraglios, child brides, etc…

  • Notreelyhelping

    You just know this is a guy who shoots a buck and then leaves everything but the antlers.

    • kaydenpat

      And eats it raw.

  • VirginiaLady

    That’s one of Huckabee’s sons? They grow up so fast.

  • unclejeems

    Oh, good. Here we go again. Another “nullification” controversy. Andy Jackson had to threaten to send federal troops to South Carolina in 1832-3 before the fuckers backed down. Then we had a nice, four-year civil war thirty years later when a bunch of traitors decided they just couldn’t stay with the union any longer. States’ rights, suh, and the honah of the South! But I guess in the South, no hard lesson is ever learned very well.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Well isn’t he Speciale, bless his heart.

  • kaydenpat

    These people are so hateful and in so many different ways. Yet they boast about being Christians and having family values. Makes you wonder which god they worship and what goes on in their families.

    • Stulexington

      These people are why I left the church. You can’t really kick them out and I refuse to have my name associated with them.

  • TootsStansbury

    I recently purchased a future retirement nest in NC. I love it there. There were no stars and bars or Gadsden flags in the immediate neighborhood so I figured it was safe. When I saw how heavily the county voted for tr**p I was dismayed; my neighborhood had a bit closer of a margin but still. How can such nice people be so fucking awful? I seriously considered selling and still do.

    I looked up this Speciale viper and whaddya know; asshole is from retirement nest central’s district. I just hurriedly gave monies to NC Democrats. As Gawd is mah witness this motherfucker is going down (with votes) at the soonest opportunity.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      I live in the blue island of the Triangle. The eastern part of the state, i.e. Jesse Helms country is fucked up.

  • Panika MCD

    a) kinda surprised that anyone would joke about messing with dogs in the South. that seems to be one thing everyone can agree on: puppies are cute and we should protect them. but, then again, TX State Sen. Estes for REASONS voted against Sen. Uresti’s “you can’t sue people who saved your dog/kid/granny from your car in the middle of summer” (SB188) when the State Affairs voted on it last week and it had language included from Nelson (R-Flower Mound), Huffman (R-Houston) and Zaffirini (D-Laredo) in the substitute because Uresti had assumed you already couldn’t sue someone for damages to your car if the person was saving your kid or your granny (turns out you can do that, but we hope you won’t be able to much longer!). all the best bipartisan bills are dog bills.

    b) TX passed this glorious little nugget out of the Senate today: http://www.capitol.state.tx.us/tlodocs/85R/billtext/pdf/SB00522E.pdf#navpanes=0
    it basically would say that if Kim Davis were a county clerk in TX and all her staff were also bigots, they could hire someone from out of the county to process the EWWW GAY marriage licenses. I hope they don’t start appointing people to listen to testimony they don’t want to hear next.

    c) we also too passed out SCR 3 which is much stupider than naming the Gonzales Cannon the state firearm. it says that the state should be able to ignore anything the feds do that are not in the 2nd Amendment or the Federalist Papers because: 10th Amendment…and again ignoring all amendments that aren’t #2 or #10. and, by the way other people, we would absolutely not be the first with a state firearm so you can shut your mouth about it if you’re in AK, AZ, IN, KY, PA, TN, UT or WV because you all have state firearms and they don’t have any history when the Gonzalez Cannon (in all of its 6 lbs) started a revolution.

    d) (b) and (c) will probably be killed dead by House Calendars because they do that very well.

  • Lefty Wright

    Another update on Speciale and one of his best buds in the General Assembly, Larry Pittman. They have sponsored a bill to set a referendum to remove the part of the NC constitution saying the state cannot secede from the US. See the end of section 2 on the link.

    http://ncleg.net/Sessions/2017/Bills/House/PDF/H780v0.pdf

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba
    • Lefty Wright

      They did that with another bill just a few days ago. Before we got a Democrat elected as governor this year, the state and all county elections boards were controlled by the party of the governor, last year, 2 Republicans, 1 Democrat on each county board, 3 and 2 on the state board. Along with some other bills passed in a two day special session in December allegedly to discuss HB2, the LGBT bill, they removed several other prerogatives of the governor, including taking away over a thousand jobs exempt (politically appointed) from the normal employment rules that they just expanded by about a thousand when the previous Republican governor was elected. They wanted to combine the ethics committee and the board of elections into a single 8 member board. 4 from each party, with the chairman switching between parties every 2 years. Of course, the GOP got the post of chair every election year. The state courts ruled that was illegal and took away the right of the executive branch to handle executive branch matters.

      Now comes the stripping of one bill and putting in something completely different. They took a bill that was supposed to help increase attendance in public schools, and did a ridiculous rewrite of the bill that was overruled by the courts. They “improved” it by allowing the governor to appoint all 8 members. But the 4 members of each party must be picked from 3 people for each seat selected by that party. Meaning the governor still has no real choice. Nothing else really changed. Meaning that like the Federal Elections Commission, any politically sensitive issue will never get a majority ruling. And the GOP will hold the chair position on each board in every election year.

      http://www.wral.com/veto-fight-ahead-over-elections-board-rewrite/16638956/

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Yeah, I’m so sick of their bullshit screwing around in the General Assembly. The motorcycle law, at least, was obviously ridiculous — and provided great memes. Some others, like the bill you mentioned take a whole lot more explaining and if people aren’t paying close attention; they’ll keep slipping crap through.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    The party of the Constitution has absolutely no fucking idea how it works! They will never get anywhere with this and they know it. But as long as they can go back to their districts and brag how they are at least trying to punish “those people” the will continue to get reelected. Because hatred!

  • Mr. White

    Love it that the far right crazies still continue with this futile act. What’s the definition of crazy? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

  • JCfromNC

    We have to do this, because as we all know, the nature of marriage has never changed since God created man:
    http://thismodernworld.com/blog/TMW03-03-04color.jpg

  • Angela Ruzzo

    I think if Rep. Speciale said what he said about puppies in the UK, people would stone him in public. Well maybe not stoning, but they would definitely gather in large numbers outside his house and demand his resignation.

    • TheBoatDude

      But the brits would take a pissy tone. That’s for sure….

  • JCfromNC

    Here’s another of Pittman’s gems, where he compares Abraham Lincoln to Hitler. Yes, you read that right. Yes, that Lincoln. And that Hitler.

Previous articleDonald Trump: Steve Bannon? Steve Bannon Who?
Next articleTrump Idiots Mick Mulvaney And Betsy DeVos Smart Enough To Steal You Blind