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Hates gay marriage. Makes “hilarious” jokes about murdering puppies in puppy mills.

LATE-BREAKING UPDATE: is officially dead on arrival.According to North Carolina House Speaker Tim Moore, a Republican, the bill we discuss in this post That said, everything we say in this post is true and valid and important, because this is part of the new strategy of the gay-hatin’ wingnuts. SO READ IT ANYWAY.

Let’s be clear: If you are a person who is still butthurt over how the Supreme Court crammed all our throats with gay marriage ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO, for 14th Amendment equal protection reasons, then you have severe personal problems. So we can safely assume that North Carolina state Reps. Larry Pittman, Carl Ford, and Michael Speciale — about whom there is a “very funny” anecdote about puppy murder further down in this post, KEEP READING! — are completely broken in their brains and in their souls, as they have introduced a bill, HB780, or the “Uphold Historical Marriage Act,” to say the Supreme Court’s ruling on marriage equality doesn’t count, even though it clearly does count, because the Supreme Court fucking said so.

Here, have a bill:

Let’s see, how much of this thing is bullshit?

  • The part where it says that the 10th Amendment means the Supreme Court can’t kick a state’s ass on the equal protection of the 14th Amendment.
  • The part where it cites a 61% vote in favor of fucking gays up the ass (in the unkind way), when first of all, that’s a bullshit statistic from a low turnout election. Moreover, we found polling from 2015 that shows North Carolina voters evenly divided on the issue, and marriage equality gains support every year, because people are getting smarter, young people are turning 18, and useless bigots are dying. So fuck your “61%,” you shitheads.
  • The part where it cites Genesis 2:24, as if that Bible verse prohibits marriage equality, AND ALSO AS IF our laws are in any goddamned way based on some pig-romancing yokels’ interpretation of the Bible.

That’s a lot of bullshit, and we were just skimming it. And it’s clearly unconstitutional.

Wait, what does this have to do with puppy murder?

This is where Wonkette would like to change the subject in the most unkind way possible, to point out that one of the bill’s sponsors, Rep. Speciale, made a lot of news in 2013 when he opposed a puppy mill bill, you know one of those things that tries to ban evil, cruel puppy mills where animals are abused and mistreated. Here’s what he had to say about the regulations included in the bill, which he thought were silly:

“‘Exercise on a daily basis’ – if I kick him across the floor, is that considered daily exercise?” Speciale said. ‘Euthanasia performed humanely’ – so should I choose the ax or the baseball bat?”

Yep, he’s talking about killing puppies to death with axes and baseball bats. And just kicking them. LOL! At the time, one of the co-sponsors for this year’s gay-hatin’ bill, Rep. Pittman, was pretty sure Speciale was just making jokes about axe-murdering puppies, because it was very “funny.” Many of his other colleagues, including Republicans, were appalled.

Pittman, for his part, was also a birther, so he’s obviously S-M-R-T.

We just wanted to let you know what kind of upstanding moral values people we’re dealing with here.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way …

Anyway, this is their new strategy. Even after North Carolina got its financial ass handed to it over its anti-LGBT bathroom law, these morons want to pass laws invalidating the Supreme Court’s decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. If they pass, those laws will immediately be challenged, and gay-hatin’ wingnuts are hoping against hope they can have a second showdown at the Supreme Court, which maybe this time will be “friendlier.” Of course, for their little plan to work, one of the judges who voted in favor of marriage equality — all of whom are still there, by the way — would have to retire or die (and newly confirmed Neil Gorsuch would have to vote to overturn precedent, something he doesn’t seem to like that much), but we’re dealing with really stupid people, so we’re not surprised they are bad at math-ing.

This is on top of their other plans to chip away at the rights of marriage for same-sex couples from sea to shining sea. We don’t want to beat the dead horse, but for real, fuck those of all political persuasions who couldn’t bring their sad asses to vote for Hillary Clinton, because this is the real world gay folks live in now.

Anyway, fuck these A-holes. They need to grow up, get over their prurient obsession with gay marriages, and Rep. Speciale needs to stay the fuck away from my dog.

Wonkette is nice to puppies. Wonkette is funded by readers. Put those things together, and you will find yourself clicking below to give us money.

[Time / WRAL h/t Mark Joseph Stern]

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