Did you know that Donald Trump used to be a guy who was totally not interested in dropping bombs on Syria, but then changed his mind when his hot daughter Ivanka was all “Daaaaad! OK first of all I would like another pony, and also those pictures of gassed Syrian beautiful little babies gave me some feels in my heart, so please do the bombs to an empty airstrip in Syria and let Russia know first so nobody gets hurt”? That is … OK, it is Wonkette’s joke version of what might have happened, but according to a Daily Telegraph interview with Little Brother Eric Trump, AKA the dumb(est) one, that is kind of what happened. Ivanka was reportedly “heartbroken and outraged,” and that helped her daddy make the decision to make cruise missiles go boom:
“Ivanka is a mother of three kids and she has influence. I’m sure she said: ‘Listen, this is horrible stuff,’” Eric Trump told the Telegraph.
“My father will act in times like that. And by the way, he was anti doing anything with Syria two years ago. Then a leader gasses their own people, women and children.”
Donald Trump did not understand the conflict in Syria two years ago and he still doesn’t. For the record, the Syrian leader Assad gassed his own people, including women and children and itty bitty babies, back in 2013. And while there is a part of us that would like to believe Trump and Vank-Vank saw these terrible pictures and it made them sad, we don’t really believe it because A) they lie a lot and B) oh good grief. And also too, can you imagine if we were learning that President Hillary Clinton did bombs to an airstrip — that somehow magically failed to hit any of the runways, and that, again, Russia and Syria were well aware of beforehand — because Chelsea had the feels? Oh Jesus, we do not even want to imagine what CNN and Fox News would be like right now.
Anyway, Eric Trump has his own thoughts about the Syria airstrike, and you will be surprised to learn they are dumb thoughts:
seemed really effing stage-managed to us. Trump vaguely bombs the Syrian government’s side in the civil war — when U.S. policy beforehand has been much more about fighting ISIS over there — and that distracts the American media from the multiple investigations into Russian interference in the 2016 election and Team Trump’s possible collusion with the Russians in order to win said election. Meanwhile, it gives Trump and Putin a good little manufactured reason to GRRR at each other, because that’s good optics. Meanwhile, whatever shit we broke on that Syrian airstrip will just be replaced by the Russians, in exchange for some rubles, and the missiles we sent will be replaced by us, in exchange for $100 million or so in taxes to Raytheon. (We are just going to assume it is Raytheon, please don’t make us look it up.)
He said: “If there was anything that Syria did, it was to validate the fact that there is no Russia tie.”
Are we missing something here? Maybe we are, because Slate says Eric Trump is totally right and this little bitty weenus of an airstrike proved that all these Democrats (and Republicans and intelligence experts) who think Trump is in cahoots with the Russians are C-R-A-Z-Y.
Nope, we are still not seeing how Eric Trump is right.
As for the other grown-up Trump children, Donald Jr. has been retweeting his sister and daddy’s tweets about the airstrike approvingly, and he also retweeted a Dinesh D’Souza thing about how there’s a new sheriff in town in Syria, and it is Donald J. Trump:
Golly gee, so many thrills running up so many legs right now.
On a related note, here’s a poll that says how many Democrats and Republicans supported Trump’s Syria strikes, vs. how many Democrats and Republicans supported Obama doing the same. Guess which party is more intellectually honest?
Huh, it’s like the Democratic Party is populated by people who think through issues and form their own opinions and then are pretty consistent about them whether it’s a Republican or a Democrat doing actions they agree or disagree with, whereas Republicans are fascists who respect the authori-tah of whatever their GOP leaders say, because if Daddy says we should do something, Daddy’s right, because Daddy’s always right, and no, Obama doesn’t get to be Daddy, what are you, race-mixin’? The GOP says NO THANKS!
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