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Dammit, Mama bit into an olive pit.

Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan won the 2017 Pulitzer Prize for commentary today. Yeah, we know! The Pulitzer website — we double-checked to make sure it wasn’t like “pulitzer.org.com.ru” — attempts to explain what happened:

For rising to the moment with beautifully rendered columns that connected readers to the shared virtues of Americans during one of the nation’s most divisive political campaigns.

Um. So yes, that would probably mean the Pulitzer committee got into Maureen Dowd’s candy jar.

In any case, congratulations, Dame Peggington Noonington! We’d pour you a drink, but that would be redundant, now wouldn’t it? The portrait of Robert Taft has no doubt offered you its best wishes already. Everyone get ready for the inevitable column in which Ronald Reagan smiles down on her from heaven.

Also, just to be absolutely clear, we wrote our headline before seeing Charlie Pierce’s Tweet on the matter:

In a far less jaw-dislocating decision, The Washington Post’s David Fahrenthold won the prize for National Reporting, which frankly was almost a no-brainer. The Pulitzer website praised his “persistent reporting that created a model for transparent journalism in political campaign coverage,” and we’d call that one accurate, to say the least.

The other Pulitzers are listed right here, for your discussion pleasure. Please try to keep a civil tongue, and please, try to refrain from friendship-ending fights over the poetry prize. We know how high-strung you poetic types can get.

Now get to open-threading!

Yr Wonkette is kept afloat by donations from readers like you. And like Peggy Noonan, by lots of alcohol. Please click the “Donate” linky below to help!

[2017 Pulitzer Prizes / WaPo]

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  • BearDeLaOursistance

    A drink for the lady, to celebrate! Red Bull and Kool-Aid, comin’ right up!

  • Nounverb911
    • marxalot

      is that a github hurricane snifter?

      • willi0000000

        no, it’s a glass with a drinking problem!

        [ problem is . . . it won’t let me have any ]

  • Snopes Shop

    Un. fckng. believable.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      fcking? Are we not allowed to say fucking on wonket anymore? Next we won’t be allowed to call Donald Trump a cocksucking ephebophile.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Stream of unconsciousness is a writing style now?

  • BoatOfVelociraptors

    I need the Newell interpretation, smelling of gin and a smoke filled haze of regret and opportunity.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Fake news.

    • Snopes Shop

      So fake.

  • memzilla Ω

    …beautifully rendered columns…

    Wikipedia: “A rendering process yields a fat commodity (yellow grease, choice white grease, bleachable fancy tallow, etc.) and a protein meal (meat and bone meal, poultry byproduct meal, etc.).”

    • Nounverb911

      Noonan Schmaltz?

      • memzilla Ω

        Crisco® ‘N Gin shooters.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Soylent Spleen?

  • Nounverb911

    And what does her amazingly loyal houseboy Manuel get?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Canned clams.

      • Nounverb911

        Geoducks libelz!

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Monster libelz!

      • Crystalclear12

        You monster!!

    • StereotypicalCubsFan

      Not fired!

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      carpal tunnel surgery after twisting off all those bottle caps?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      The sole remaining DACA waiver?

    • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

      Why, Manuel, of course, receives the Pulitzer of Special Recognition for his late night forays into the snowbound, blizzard battered streets of Manhattan to obtain spiritual sustenance for Dame Peggy, without which she could not find the inspiration for her prize worthy prose.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Pulitzer committee members have “…have slipped the surly bonds” of fucking sanity.

  • cheetojeebus

    Wonkette reader Fwowed up.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    The guy who won the editorial cartoon Pulitzer seems like a good choice. I’mma stay outta the conversation about Dame Peggington.

    • He’s well established and, according to my husband (who used to be a political cartoonist), he does solid work. But Jen Sorensen was a finalist, and I really wish she’d won.

  • Nounverb911

    Was this a pity award for never being sexually harassed by Ailes or O’Reilly?

  • Jenny

    Pulitzer prizes for martinis?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Alcoholism is no barrier to success! This one’s for all the lushes out there.”
    — Peggy Noonan

    • Skeptical_thinker

      “Alcohol does not solve any problems, then again, neither does milk.”, PN, D

  • Bill D. Burger

    When asked to comment, Baby Peg just lifted her glass and slurred something about
    “sending a letter to Daddy.” ….. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_0wRJjXvyZ1I/TRe3b-OUJtI/AAAAAAAAF5A/5IYzq8JSeKc/s1600/BABYPEGGY.jpg

  • Kiri the Unicorn
    • StereotypicalCubsFan

      an affront to the ancient Greco-Romans, I should say!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Except whose head did Dame Peggington spring from? George Lincoln Rockwell’s?

      • Bill D. Burger

        Jack Daniels?

    • Bill D. Burger

      It looks like it’s in the same condition as Noonan’s liver.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        She certainly puts the pomp in Pompeii.

    • memzilla Ω

      The Parthenoonan.

    • Nounverb911

      Noonan was a Cayatid?

      • Gregory Brown

        Major like for caryatid ref. I doubt Dame Peggington would pick up on it.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Pic of Athens after 100 days of Trump rule?

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    No moar liquor for me.

    Damn, too late.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    And houseboy Manuel wins the Nobel for advancements in mixology.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Blurry, slurry, eating curry
    Manuel, my gimlet
    Quick, you dimwit!
    Ronnie Raygun
    In my bedroom
    Ooh, I’m tingly!
    Need more drinky

    Icanhaz Poetry Pulitzer nao?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I don’t want to say this thing is rigged…but it was totally our turn.”
    The Wall Street Journal

  • Nounverb911

    Maureen Dowd was seen later entering Peggy’s apartment with a plate full of ‘Colorado’ brownies…

  • Me not sure

    It’s real. I saw it at the pawn shop next to “Ye Olde Spirits Emporium”.

  • theblackdog

    No friendship-ending fights over the poetry prize? Maybe the folks who comment on it should play Monopoly.

  • TJ Barke

    Peggy’s trains of thought fueled by gin.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Noonan must have had the men on the Pulitzer committee roofied and pegged.

    • therblig

      do we call it noonaning now?

  • Nounverb911
  • Crystalclear12

    The retirement party for WTF will be in the break room. We are sad to see him go but he just couldn’t keep up with the pace. He said:
    If only Hillary had been elected I would have had a chance to rest!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    So Peggy joins the esteemed company of fellow commentary winners such as David Broder, George Will, Nick Kristof, Kathleen Parker, William Safire, Charles Krauthammer, and, of course, MoDo.

    • God Emperor Emeritus

      I bet Krugthulu is muttering something under his breath about clubs that would have him as a member.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Sometimes I think the Times would love to cut Krugman loose if it weren’t for all the pageviews he generates. His columns just don’t seem to fit their regular mold.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Pundits tend to be human sewage; this only continues the trend.

    • Kathleen Parker has a Pulitzer? She doesn’t even deserve to write for a PTA newsletter.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        She was the 2010 winner for commentary.

  • miss_grundy

    Was the committee drunk at the time????

    • snark-lurker

      they were all wearing pants at the time–witch tells you all you need to know about that

      • Nockular cavity

        The same pair? Because that would explain it.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Apparently they’re drunk ALL the time, judging from their work.

  • Okay, Lord. We’ve all had a good laugh. Time to stop the jokes and get us back to the sane universe.

    • TJ Barke

      He took the brown acid…

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    “For rising to the moment with beautifully rendered columns that connected readers to the shared virtues of Americans during one of the nation’s most divisive political campaigns.”
    Um . . . what shared virtues? The rise of the reichwing? the return of jokes about Monica Lewinsky? the hatred of BernieBros for Clinton voters? The campaign was dreadful, but what it unleashed in this country was even more dreadful than anything except the outcome. I must’ve missed the columns where Peggy united the nation, extolled us to allow our better angels to take the reins, and single-handedly brought wearers of “Trump that Bitch” t-shirts together with the pussy-hatted to sing Kumbayah.

  • memzilla Ω

    ANNOUNCER (whispering): “We’ve secretly switched the Pulitzer Committee’s bottled water with Grey Goose vodka. Let’s see if they can tell the difference…”

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Nooner won the Pulitzer vote but lost the popular vote.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The wisdom of the Founding Pulitzers.

  • Proud Liberal
    • Latverian Diplomat

      I remember a New York Times magazine exert of her first book that had a few pithy remarks like this, so I bought the book.

      So, I bought it and absolutely all of the rest of it was Republican boilerplate Reagan ass-kissing. I was so pissed, mostly at the Times for misrepresenting her book so badly.

  • schmannity

    Does is it come with a silver (one gallon) goblet?

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I find ironing very relaxing…threatening the Pulitzer committee with a red hot iron is also very rewarding.”
    — Peggy Noonan

  • Anna Rompage

    Did I miss something? When were Robert & Rebekah Mercer appointed to head the Pulitzer selection committee?

    • Nounverb911

      When they bought it?

  • Portia McGonagal

    I’m choosing to ignore drunk Peggy and celebrate Fahrenthold’s Pulitzer for his Trump articles and Colson Whitehead’s Pulitzer for “The Underground Railroad”.

    • Sister Suffragette

      Ditto. And Hilton Als for criticism, also too.

      I just finished Underground Railroad yesterday. What a book.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Priceless:

    The Further Adventures Of Peggy Noonan
    By: Tengrain (Crooks and Liars)
    Peggy Noonan opened a bleary eye and gasped. “They’ve found me again,” she murmured to the cardboard cutout of Ronald Wilson Reagan, the greatest president of the last half of the last century, maybe the greatest president ever, which was keeping guard over the head of her bed. Her hand, small and bird-like fluttered up to the ever-present pearl necklace, a gift from the great man himself.

    There, spray painted in gold on the wall of her bedroom, there was the vandals tag: Political Piggy xlv. She gasped at the brazen vulgarity of it all. She had moved to the Upper West Side to get away from the rif-raf in the Upper East Side, after all. “In my own home,” Noonan thought.

    She called the doorman to find out if he had let anyone in last night, anyone crazy. “Did it happen again, Miss Noonan,” the doorman inquired. “Filthy hippies,” he added remembering Noonan’s generous Christmas tip.

    “Near the end of the campaign I wrote a column called Imagine a Sane Donald Trump, lamenting that I believed he was crazy, and too bad,” she said to the doorman, who told her Trump did not visit last night. “I would have remembered that, Miss Noonan,” he assured her.

    “Too bad because his broad policy assertions, or impulses, suggested he understood that 2008 and the years just after (the crash and the weak recovery) had changed everything in America,” she pontificated to the doorman, “and that the country was going to choose, in coming decades, one of two paths—a moderate populism or socialism—and that the former was vastly to be preferred, for reasons of the nation’s health.”

    The doorman sighed and turned down the game on his radio. It was going to be a long call.

    “A gifted politician could make his party the leader toward that path, which includes being supportive and encouraging of business but willing to harness government to alleviate the distress of the abandoned working class and the anxious middle class; strong on defense but neither aggressive nor dreamy in world affairs;” Noonas had found her second wind and continued with gusto, “realistic and nonradical on social issues while unmistakably committed to protecting the freedoms of the greatest cohering force in America, its churches; and aware that our nation’s immigration reality was a scandal created by both parties, and must be redressed.”

    “Filthy immigrant hippies,” the doorman interjected, hoping that Noonan didn’t hear his slight whoop as a terrific triple play was announced on the radio.

    “You could discern, listening to his interviews and speeches, that this was more or less where Donald Trump stood,” Noonan muttered darkly to the doorman, who agreed to arrange for a locksmith to change her locks (second time this month, and to have the painters in to restore the cheerful Tequila Sunrise pink-orange walls to their, well, sunshine best. “Yes,” the doorman said to the painters who were now on his speed dial, “her home has been vandalized weekly since the election.”

    The painters were finishing up the job, and asked Noonan how this keeps happening to her, but she was deep in thought, and took a long sip from her refreshment, and replied, “It amazes me that in his dealings with the health-care bill Mr. Trump revealed that he has no deep knowledge of who his base is, who his people are. I’ve never seen that in politics.”

    The painters nodded their heads as she tipped them generously for their fine, fast work. They departed and told her that they hoped no one would vandalize her penthouse again. Noonan clicked the newly installed locks and sighed deeply. Her house, her home, her inner sanctum, she felt so violated, she stared at Ronnie with his warm sunny smile, and picked up the spray paint can and paper bag and took a big huff.
    http://crooksandliars.com/files/imagecache/node_primary/primary_image/17/03/noonan-in-her-cups.jpg

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Upfist? I’d like to give that a whole up-boxing team. If that’s a thing.

  • Nounverb911
    • jesterpunk

      Can he share a cell with Trump?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      No word on a Presidential Pardon?

    • Sister the Resister

      “says a person who spoke to governor”

      a reporter? the janitor? a guy sitting on a park bench? jumpin’ jeebus….

      • willi0000000

        i remember the good old days when men were men and women were persons . . . so, obvs, a woman . . . and that narrows the search by almost 50%

  • elviouslyqueer

    Congrats Peggington “I Saw a Mexican Once and Felt a Stirring in My Lacy Underthings that May or May Not have been Related to Sharting after Having One Too Many Rum Rickeys” Nooningtonshire. All our drinks are belong to you!

    • snark-lurker

      did she really say that?

      • Sister the Resister

        but of course she did! in her mind!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate

    • therblig

      she slipped the surly bonds of continence

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Kinda makes me want to try a Rum Rickey…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Judging by 2017, at some point we went all the way past participation ribbons to giving absolutely everything only to the completely undeserving, didn’t we?

    • Proud Liberal

      Sigh. It appears so.

    • subatomic

      No kidding. Is the Pulitzer committee just that incompetent?

      • willi0000000

        wait till you see what they get.

  • mrFawkes

    A Milli Vanilli award. I can recognize poolboy Manuel’s style and witticisms even after a carafe of martinis.

    • Tallmutha

      If she doesn’t thank Manuel during her acceptance speech, she really is a bitch.

  • janecita

    Nothing amazes me anymore. All those awards are meaningless, The Oscars, The Pulitzer Prize, The Nobel Peace Prize, they are all bullshit. Don’t forget who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/67c27deb0d4af1847552b3fa88054724b5939579df204736d6e451d12eb0ffea.jpg

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Not to disagree with most of that, but that specific image is… concerning. Particularly the term “globalist” (alt-right lingo for a J-O-O) and that they made his nose larger than it is (again, J-O-O reference).

      • janecita

        I don’t think think that the alt right gives three flying fucks, about the overthrowing of the Socialist government of Salvador Allende. It is a bad picture though:-)

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Yeah, but that fits in with their/the Nazi overall narrative, which is that globalists (AKA Jews) overthrow governments to make them more pliant, and murder people for kicks. I don’t disagree that Henry Kissinger is a sociopath who loves him some international realpolitik, but that image’s main message is that he’s that way because he’s Jewish.

          • tomamitai

            A little too on the nose?

          • Tallmutha

            I’ve had a snootful of these anti-Semitic caricatures.

    • proudgrampa

      Yup. That was a really interesting year…

      We have been living in 1984 since then. In the Ministry of Truth, Peace is War and War is Peace.

      FSM help us.

      • puredog

        We have always been at war with reality.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    A little bummed Steve Sack didn’t win for editorial cartooning. His work gets a lot of play around these parts.

  • marxalot

    Writing to us from the convent grounds of Our Lady of the Little Ginblossoms, far above the west 30s, Sister Mary Reagan Lady Peggington O’Nooninghamshire graciously accepts this floor.

  • whitroth

    Roses are red,
    Violets are purple
    The Orange One’s head
    Makes me want to puke and loose the rhyming scheme…

    Or, perhaps,
    I have seen some of the worst minds of my generation
    Driving in long black cars to the White House…

    • Latverian Diplomat

      It’s OK, US poets are not on the metric system.

      • wait! what?

        But iambic dodecahedrameter is all the rage.

        • marxalot

          dactylic hexameter or gtfo

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Nounverb911
    • Vincent Ricola

      Creepiest “see more” click of the day.

      • puredog

        Seymour? I hardly KNEW her!

    • marxalot

      And you’re sure there are no cannibalism charges?

    • wait! what?

      Did he just call the woman who took his mug-shot “baby?”

    • ariel_gee_398

      That man getting caught up in a sex scandal was as inevitable as Peggy winning a Pulitzer.

      • HazooToo

        If by “inevitable” you mean “fucking why oh god, my eyes”, then yes.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Oh it is always so so good to see a hypocrite being caged.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      LOCK HIM UP!

    • therblig

      he don’t got a purty mouth

    • Tallmutha

      Governor, of all the times for you not to make bedroom eyes, this is the nottest.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    I can’t believe I didn’t win aGAIN and all because I never publish anything. So unfair.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This Pulitzer award is the same kind of corrupt nonsense that killed the Wonkette post of the week.(*)

    (*)Or maybe Doc just got sick of it. Both theories are valid?

    • Sister the Resister

      They probably still have a post of the week…. and just laugh about amongst themselves in the Sekret Chat Cave

    • Jenny

      Those were simpler times, before the Trump catastrophe.

  • Bill D. Burger

    When reporters caught up with Dame Pegs, she had heard the news and couldn’t help but burst into song.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQ_2ybhot_w

  • Kurt Weil

    I’ve said it before, but I always repeat it: Peggy Noonan is the Orson Wells of vodka.

    • Tallmutha

      Well, Orson at least tried to sell wine. I don’t think you could drag Peggy’s vodka from her clutches for any amount.

  • proudgrampa

    You. Have. GOT. To. Be. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

    That shows you how worthless a Pulitzer has become.

    We have really gone down the rabbit hole. Or God’s anus.

  • wait! what?

    Oldish- news, but very aggravating.

    http://www.reuters.com/article/us-hungary-soros-president-idUSKBN17C23M


    The new law requires foreign universities to have campuses both in Budapest and their home country. The CEU operates in Budapest but is the only international college with no branch outside Hungary.

    CEU has said its dual U.S.-Hungarian identity permitted it to comply with both Hungarian and U.S. laws and award both Hungarian and U.S.-accredited degrees. It has said it is committed to staying in Hungary.

    After a similar protest a few years ago against a government plan to tax Internet traffic, Orban scrapped the move. But the situation with foreign universities is different, said Attila Juhasz, a political analyst at think tank Political Capital.

    “This is a long-form strategy that they (Fidesz) want to maintain until the elections, so it is much more difficult to backtrack on this. This is not just about CEU, this all fits into the campaign against Soros,” Juhasz said.

  • marxalot

    Meet me behind the softball fields
    wear your leather like armor let’s do something we can feel
    no crying no quarter no asking if it’s real
    I just wanna sleep bruised tonight

  • Gregory Brown

    The Pulitzer Committee must have been trading heroin enemas before they evaluated Dame Noonington’s scribbles.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    The Onion?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Well,the Pulitzers have always been a bit of a joke. Now they’re fully a joke. Sort of like the Nobel Peace Prize killed satire when they gave one to Henry the K.

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Vampirism always suited Satire.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      It’s not a bad line-up, other than the Maureen Dowd Memorial Roman Spring of Dame Noonington award.

  • TJ Barke
    • Snopes Shop

      I knew that was coming, it was only a matter of when.

    • Vincent Ricola

      “I hate to break up the 100 percent white male card game in the retiring room, but I think this is an important debate,” Hortman said.

      BURN THE WITCH!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Meteor cannot hit the GOP Caucus Club in St. Paul a moment too soon.

    • janecita

      Snowflakes!

      • Lambsendbeds

        Cupcake libelz!

    • And they demanded apology.

      Another take on racists being hugely offended at being called “racists.” You did the deed, why does the label offend you so much?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I guess that guy from eBay who bought Greenwald his threatened to stop donating to Columbia if his team didn’t get at least one.

    International Reporting — The New York Times Staff
    For agenda-setting reporting on Vladimir Putin’s efforts to project Russia’s power abroad, revealing techniques that included assassination,online harassment and the planting of incriminating evidence on opponents.

    Can you imagine how disgusted these people are with their DC bureau?

  • BreakingDeadMen

    You’re a pickled egg, Noonan.

  • HazooToo

    Has someone here already mentioned that a teacher and two students were shot by a gunman who then killed himself?

    • marxalot

      I think we covered that in a previous thread, but yeah, everything is fucking garbage

    • Juan de Fuca

      Yup, up the road in San Bernardino. I feel for the teacher and those kids.

      • HazooToo

        I am SO looking forward to hearing how it could have been just as bad with a knife, and also, something-something beta uprising.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Just got home – hadn’t heard that. Jeebus fucking Christ on a pogo stick, what’s the MATTER with people?

      • HazooToo

        They think it was a murder/suicide and that the kids were just close enough that he somehow thought he should shoot them too.

        • Yr. Gma

          The kids are in two different hospitals. One is Loma Linda where they take the worst trauma cases and where they have a children’s hospital affiliated. The other one went somewhere else, but no news has leaked out about that. They would probably be 8 to 9 years old.

          • HazooToo

            I hope they make it.

    • Yr. Gma

      http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/10/us/san-bernardino-school-shooting/
      My daughter teaches in the district and has friends there at Northpark. The teacher was a 3-4 grade teacher (not special ed as first thought) and her husband was a cop. Their name is Smith. He shot her and himself and somehow managed to hit two kids in the crossfire.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “I saw TERIBLE pictures on TV. Have ordered Marines to rescue sherif Rick from the walking dead.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

    • proudgrampa

      Christ. I hope he hasn’t seen the “Beauty and the Beast” trailer…

  • thewalkindude

    THIS is what causes friendship-ending fights…

    FORT LAUDERDALE, Florida — Jan Flato says when he allowed his friend to hit the button on the slot machine for luck, he had no idea that move would cost him $100,000.

    Flato says he was with his friend, Marina Navarro, and was playing video poker at Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino when he hit it big.

    Lights flashed and the pay line showed that he had won the $100,000 jackpot or so he thought.

    When it was time to collect the winnings, he received some bad news.

    Once managers of the casino analyzed the video, it showed that Navarro pushed the button, which made her the rightful winner of the jackpot.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, if the friend doesn’t share, she’s not much of a friend, now is she?

      • proudgrampa

        This is a true statement.

      • thewalkindude

        These are the parties in question-he’s 66, she’s 35…”friends” may be a stretch https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3069c3e951472805026fa3531057c74d475c10b2807b8554848fbb2cf849dccc.jpg

        • therblig

          A lady never flirts with strangers
          She’d have a heart, she’d be nice
          A lady doesn’t wander all over the room
          And blow on some other guys dice

          • proudgrampa

            “Blow” and “Dice” are not what you might think they mean…

            Just sayin’…

      • Tallmutha

        She is, however, a very flush non-friend.

    • proudgrampa

      Never. NEVER. Ever. EVER. Give up you machine!!!

      • Vincent Ricola

        You are completely right. Never let anyone touch your machine.

        I worked at a Casino for awhile as the person that called down to the cash out cage to release winnings and this type of thing happened on a weekly basis. Shockingly, casino friends aren’t the most loyal of people.

        • proudgrampa

          I would venture to say that proudgramma and I spend a bit more time in casinos compared to most of my fellow Wonketteers.

          This was a Cardinal Rule from Day One.

          Almost like a Primary Directive.

          Never let anyone touch your machine.

          • marxalot

            I go to casinos to see movies.

            I cannot emphasize this enough, Vegas is weird.

    • Uhh… Shouldn’t the prize go to the person who paid for the spin?

      • thewalkindude

        Casino says it’s who pushed the button, not who put the money in…

  • Sheepshagger

    I recall an anecdote about Kaiser Wilhelm having won a humane medal. To the effect that one time he saved a life, but the other time….

  • Manders

    Hooray Pro Publica! And Lynn Nottage! And Taylor Mac (honorable mention or whatever)! It’s a good list. But Noonan is a real head-scratcher.

  • ♚ King Leo ♚
  • Nounverb911
  • nightmoth

    Belated April Fool’s Day prank? Not funny.

  • Nounverb911

    Senator Ed “Are You Effing kidding Me” Markey announced that when the Dems take control of the senate they will reinstate the filibuster.
    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/851516273079013376

    • BreakingDeadMen

      Well, if they are retaking it in 2018, it’s a good idea.

      • Tallmutha

        And then they can abolish it again when we have a Dem president in 2020.

        Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Rabbit Season! Duck Season!

    • jesterpunk

      Why? They should leave it like it is.

    • janecita

      Why? Are we still doing the “when they go low, we go high,” thing? Because at this point I think that we should go lower.

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Seriously. Nuke the conservatives into glass.

      • Crystalclear12

        I brought a shovel.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      And Senator Markey has the authority to speak for the Democratic Party, the office of Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, and the DSCC since…?

      • marxalot

        He should watch his left.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Because everyfuckingbody who can assemble three people with microphones has the authority to speak for us.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I think that I might call Senator Markey’s office and offer my services in putting cats back into bags.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      In 2021, I’m assuming President Warren/Booker will add 5-10 new justices to SCOTUS and Senate Dems will confirm them all as part of the inauguration ceremony.

    • puredog

      Maybe I’m dense, but outside of a fealty to “Senate tradition” — cruelly abused by the Repubs — WHY WOULD THEY? Once they’re in the (bare) minority, the filibuster could only hurt them.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I heard Baghdad Sean on the news today explaining Trump’s “red line” policy on Syria:

    “​If you gas a baby, if you use a barrel bomb on innocent people, ​I think ​you’ll see a response from this president​.” – Sean Spicer

    Because blowing them apart using conventional bombs is somehow more respectful and you’ll let that slide?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Only if there are pictures on the TV about it. Otherwise, he don’t care.

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, our obliterating innocent civilians “on accident” is totes okay.

    • marxalot

      And what about white men who cross straight lines in order to kill black men? Nothing, Sean? I see, thank you.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      They dropped incendiary bombs the following day. A violation of international law.

      Sean Hannity == something wrong with him.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Because blowing them apart using conventional bombs is somehow more respectful and you’ll let that slide?

      Technically, I believe that International Law says yes, that’s a totally different thing.

      • Juan de Fuca

        That’s true, but having been in combat and having seen what a charred corpse looks like, have never understood it, at all. International law needs to come up with a way of saying, no more wars. Or perhaps the media should start showing photographs of what it looks like when a person was inside of a building that just got hit by a guided conventional missile. Because they don’t look like people who died from a chemical attack. Just my $0.02.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      But if you get that baby in a refugee camp, you’ll see nothing from this president.

      • Juan de Fuca

        Exactly.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “You’ll see a response from this president​, which is 180º the opposite of what he insisted should be the response of the president last year.
      “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go drink myself into oblivion.”
      –Sean “Baghdad Bob” Spicer

  • Nounverb911
    • TJ Barke

      Please god let the momentum continue

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        It’s a long shot. Would be quite a coup.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “In general, do you have confidence in Donald Trump’s ability to handle the situation with North Korea’s nuclear program, or are you uneasy about his approach?”

    Confident: 39; Uneasy: 56%

    CBS News Poll. April 7-9, 2017. N=1,006 adults nationwide. Margin of error ± 4.

    • nightmoth

      No category for “terrified and just renewed my passport”?

  • Maybe they read one of the parody Noonington Wonkette columns and meant to give THAT the Pulitzer

    • Latverian Diplomat

      This is the Age of Satire Mistaken for Reality, and Vice Versa, after all.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      They tried to notify us in the comments, which are not allowed.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    connected readers to the shared virtues of Americans

    And that’s how we all came together and united behind President Trump. The End.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    OK, I feel slightly better about the arc of the universe for the day. Tackyass adulterous Governor Asshole’s tackyass adulterous mistress was also his point woman on Jim Crow.

    https://twitter.com/CharlotteAlter/status/851537458424631296

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I hope his stay in jail is less wonderful than he is dreaming about it being right now.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Hers too.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Seems like the type of guy that would do that anyway. Think of the gross fucks you could’ve avoided, Bekah!

  • dslindc

    Well I know I need a drink. I’ll just say I learned it by watching Sister Peggy.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Look on the bright side, there’s never been a better time for Nooners to retire. She can finally go out on top.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      of Manuel?…

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    I’m gonna wait for Moonlight to gently come up on stage.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • proudgrampa

      Wow. That is profound.

      Especially after the third (but who’s counting?) martini…

    • Erala Contratista

      “And the large type giveth and the small type taketh away….”

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Surely Manuel deserves a part of this award.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Are there any wonkers with ABC knowledge? I would not consider myself an expert on Sarin but I do know it also works through skin and this is a thing that raised some suspicion. I am the first to acknowledge that we don’t know the faith of these first responders but it is a thing that kept me up some night.

    https://twitter.com/ShehabiFares/status/851524291258613760

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      The sarin likely dissipated a fair bit, but there’s also the simple fact that, in a Syrian warzone, full body hazmat suits are in somewhat short supply. Those guys are probably still getting exposed to an unsafe degree, but are going anyway because they’re all that’s available.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Yes that is what I like to think.

      • jowgajen

        There is a documentary about these guys on Netflix. Go anyway is basically their creed.

    • Jenny

      I’m going to go with war torn country has money for hazmat suits??

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Yes but they should still be droppping like flies was my first reaction but Dr. Robotnik said it correctly that the sarin likely dissipated.

        Good god, how do we know what to believe and what not?

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          I will say, if the Syrian government’s stooges are now claiming that the gas is “fake”, then it’s all the more evidence that they’re the perpetrators. Because why would they try to prove that the gas was fake if their excuse was that it was the rebel’s gas in the first place?

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Good call.

        • Jenny

          Semi related to this bullshit meme, but child actors are difficult to work with. Getting a child to suffocate on camera like shown in the Syrian video is either real, or a group of the most prodigious child actors in the history of acting. I’m going to go with real.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Aren’t they are wearing gas masks? Or am I missing it?

      Edit: now I see it. Hum.

    • janecita

      At this point, I’m skeptical of everything.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Feeling is mutual. There is also this doc. that the white helmets are really just al Nusra. I simply don’t know what to believe anymore.

        • janecita

          Sort of like, The Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, is just one dude that lives in London.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            This.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg
          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            Generally speaking, youtube videos with ALL-CAPS titles should be taken with a diabetes-inducing lump of salt.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            Agree but I have seen more. Christ we might never really know.

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            We probably will, but not for a while til the miasma of propaganda dries up. In general tho, it’s the duty of medics to treat all injured people, even al Qaeda fighters. That they’ve done so proves nothing.

          • Lamashtar

            Visited that person’s channel. They subscribe to Russia Today. They uploaded a video about fake doctors who are faking chem attacks.

            Dude, you need to be more discerning.

          • janecita

            That’s all sorts of fucked up! The truth is that none of us really knows what’s going on in Syria. News are filtered and both sides use propaganda.

        • Lamashtar

          The White Helmets are first responders for injured people. Its a Russian propaganda thing that they are SEKRET TERRoRISTS. Cuz Terrorists are always the ones showing up with bandaids and all..

    • Anna Rompage

      From what I read, sarin becomes quite unstable and breaks down rather quickly once it is exposed to air. It stays active for about 30 minutes max, once released.

      Also, the hazmat suits would be the proper way to respond to any sort of chemical or biological weapons release, however most folks in Syria don;t have access to such things…

      The one thing that is a red flag for me as far as the conspiracy theories go, Russia has admitted there was a Syrian fighter dropping bombs in the area where the gas was released, and shortly after the victims were taken to the hospital, the hospital itself got bombed by a jet…

      Lest time I checked, the rebels, and islamic militants were not operating any sort of aircraft in the region..

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Interesting times indeed.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        So they used chemical weapons, then bombed the hospital to cover up the crime.

        Lovely people, the Syrian government.

    • jesterpunk

      I have seen that White Helmet BS on other sites to go along with the Mike Cernovich claim the Syrian bombing is fake.

      https://www.buzzfeed.com/claudiakoerner/a-conspiracy-theory-is-falsely-claiming-that-the-chemical?utm_term=.camRlzpmJN#.im7eNKWARm

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Fire crews hosed down the area, and the victims, before the medics moved in. (You can see on the right that there’s water on the ground.)

    • CptnEng2311

      Robbertjan, I am Ops level hazmat certified, but by no means an expert on organophosphate nerve agents. If your question goes to the relative lack of PPE on the responders in the photos, and if that reflects upon the veracity of the overall story line, the answer is: it depends.

      Cultural, operational, and situational concerns all blend together in emergency response. The response group will have it’s own internal culture within the larger societal culture. Both worlds will effect strategic and tactical tasks on scene.

      I have seen the documentary “White Helmets” and while I can’t know if it is propaganda designed to mislead, or if it is reasonably representative of the responder’s reality, I can tell you that it feels real.

      The way that they wade through the chaos, forced to make decisions in information-starved and time-compressed environments has a familiar timing and pace.

      The small pauses during searches where they evaluate the relative safety of the next move, the glances at each other as they make risk/reward decisions, the frustrations at obstacles (of any kind) that delay or prevent them from helping those in need, are either superb acting or the real deal.

      Given what was shown about the level and variety of available equipment, the tiny bit of exposure to their internal culture, and the fact that children are involved, leads me to conclude that the photos could certainly be real.

      Regards

  • I hope someone starts a negatively-charged shame-Pulitzer, a Negapulitzer, and award it to every media outlet that devoted time and page space to “But her emails” all 2016

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    I was wondering when I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S NOT SHIT™ SHIT SANDWICH© SPREAD® would win a Pulitzer!

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

    Wait, isn’t there a Pulitzer awarded to the best internet commentary? I didn’t see that listed.

    • Nounverb911

      Trump won for tweeting….

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Internet commentary is not allowed.

  • Nounverb911

    And the anger at United Airlines continues unabated.
    https://twitter.com/clipfan123/status/851537640885067776

  • ken_kukec

    Who announced the winner, Warren Beatty?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Steve Harvey

  • Nounverb911
  • Nightcrawler
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      A rare bit of good news on the corporate criminal front: Wells Fargo wants to skim a paltry $75,000,000 from the compensation paid to the former CEO and head of “community” banking.

      • Goposaur

        That’s clawback on the level of asking for a clean spoon at a restaurant.

        Fuck

      • folderol

        Ow, that hurts! With mere hundreds of millions of dollars left, how will he possibly survive in the gated community he lives in?

    • Rags

      After citizens united and hobby lobby, corporations are officially court- sanctioned sociopaths

      • Nancyjrios

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dk373c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dk373c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs663TopCrossGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dk373c:….,….

  • Bill D. Burger

    OT__but
    bawwwwahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

    https://twitter.com/JennWSFA/status/851546297517690880/photo/1

    • The Wanderer

      Expected to resign by Wednesday.

  • Nounverb911
    • WotsAllThisThen

      Sad!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • Lamashtar

      Trail of dead Syrians?

    • Erala Contratista

      And tidy, also too.

  • The Wanderer

    I has given $20 to Wonkette just now, which I shall never do for the likes of Peggy Noonan.
    Wonkettariat Vincit!

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • The Wanderer

      Rut. Ro.

    • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

      What could possibly go wrong?

    • Bill D. Burger
      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Neeeeeooowwww budda budda budda neeeeooooow.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Sigh.

    • Juan de Fuca

      It’s almost like some people running our government don’t know anything about history and the thing about how it repeats itself.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Well, this is all opera.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      One of the most interesting things I remember reading from the U.S. diplomatic cable leaks was that the Chinese leadership were tired of North Korea’s antics as well as the refugees that keep pouring over the border. The troop movements might be a signal to Washington, but it might also be a signal to the Kims that their patience for NK’s shit is running out.

      • jowgajen

        Seriously one area where I’d be fine with China taking over. Perhaps we can trade Tibet for North Korea? At least the NK citizens would have a fair chance at getting fed on the regular under the Chinese.

    • Lamashtar

      Let them take over. Please.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Texas no black voter ID law just got shitcanned by the District Court. Watered-down version of the same thing coming soon, because Texas.

  • Nounverb911
  • msanthropesmr
    • Yr. Gma

      Hi puppy!

  • How many Pulitzers did Breitbart win?

    • Zonath

      AOT,K?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Breitbart swept the Turner Diary Awards again this year.

      • The Wanderer

        I misread that at first as “Turner Dairy.” I suppose that they have milked it for all it’s worth.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        The Academy Awards has the Oscar.
        The Turner Diary Awards has the Adolph.

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      All of them*

      *alternative facts.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Just one….but it cums with a trumpet.

      Oh yes I did!

      http://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/r5IAAOSwI3RW9hzE/s-l300.jpg

      • yyyaz

        “You do know how to blow that, right?”

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I think Andrew Breitbart won The Most Liveliest Living Human to Be Alive Award, right after Noonan won hers.

  • nightmoth
    • Crank Tango

      Catchy.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Bomb everyone except al Qaeda, naturally.

  • Tallmutha

    I want the Pulitzer committee to have their eyes hooked open Clockwork-Orange style, gazing at a screen that has Nooner’s “Magic Dolphins” column scrolling up on perpetual repeat.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Runner up to Noonan sent this note of congratulations.

    http://i.imgur.com/wPbZHcH.jpg

    • puredog

      Is that Gregg? [translate pliss?] Or just the handwriting of someone pickled in gin?

  • schmannity

    Damn liberal Republican prosecutors arrest poor, patriotic Alabama Governor.

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/10/us/alabama-governor-robert-bentley-meeting/index.html

  • anon_the_great

    It’s not been a good day for irony, has it?

  • Nounverb911

    Chicago Police Officer that dragged passenger off plane has been placed on leave pending investigation.

    https://twitter.com/MicaelaVanZwoll/status/851556420025815042

    • HazooToo

      Yay, they did the bare minimum!

      • Lamashtar

        He needed a day off anyway.

    • Erala Contratista

      Was he dragged from his car?

    • marxalot

      Paid, though, right? We wouldn’t want him to suffer any additional distress during what must be a very difficult period for him.

  • chascates

    THAT’S IT!! Were in the End Times now.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Little good news! A win for the good guys.

    [Federal Judge Strikes Down Texas Voter ID Law
    By MANNY FERNANDEZ __ APRIL 10, 2017

    HOUSTON — A federal judge ruled on Monday that the voter-identification law that the Texas Legislature passed in 2011 was enacted with the intent to discriminate against black and Hispanic voters, striking down the law and raising the possibility that the state’s election procedures could be put back under federal oversight.

    In a long-running case over the legality of one of the toughest voter ID laws in the country, the judge found that the law was passed, at least in part, with a discriminatory purpose, violating the federal Voting Rights Act.]

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/10/us/federal-judge-strikes-down-texas-voter-id-law.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=first-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=1

    • chascates

      Justice moves slowly, especially so in the hot Texas stupidity!

    • yyyaz

      “Federal oversight” = Sessions’ DOJ switching thumbs while refusing to prosecute.

  • Tallmutha

    “Mr. Bush is the triumph of the seemingly average American man. He’s normal. He thinks in a sort of common-sense way. He speaks the language of business and sports and politics. You know him. He’s not exotic. But if there’s a fire on the block, he’ll run out and help. He’ll help direct the rig to the right house and count the kids coming out and say, “Where’s Sally?” He’s responsible. He’s not an intellectual. Intellectuals start all the trouble in the world. And then when the fire comes they say, “I warned Joe about that furnace.” And, “Does Joe have children?” And “I saw a fire once. It spreads like syrup. No, it spreads like explosive syrup. No, it’s formidable and yet fleeting.” When the fire comes they talk. Bush ain’t that guy. Republicans love the guy who ain’t that guy. Americans love the guy who ain’t that guy.”

    SMELLLLLLLLLLLL THE PULITZER!!!

    • yyyaz

      Who farted?

      • Tallmutha

        That’s the P. U.-litzer.

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

        Trump

    • HazooToo

      What the fuck is that?

      • Tallmutha

        That, my friend, is Commentary Gold!

        • HazooToo

          That is some hogwash. Is there some name for it when you’re prejudiced against people who aren’t thick as molasses?

        • HazooToo

          Just making sure you know, I meant “you” in the general sense, not “you” specifically.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      “No, it’s formidable and yet fleeting.”

      Something tells me this lady’s association with how humans speak is confined to Ayn Rand novels and the odd BBC period drama.

      • Tallmutha

        I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be her satire of how “intellectuals” talk.

    • smitallica

      Yeah, that’s who starts all the trouble in the world. Intellectuals. Not morons with daddy issues and guns. Nope.

      • Tallmutha

        Later in Bush’s term she did some sort of online Q&A availability. I quoted this passage and asked whether, in light of Katrina, this was still how she would characterize GWB. My question must have gotten lost in the shuffle, because she never answered.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • Sister the Resister

    My fun life: After listening to 2+ hours of jackhammering in the basement under our studio – literally 15 feet away from my work station – I called it an early dinner break. No concentration, hard to even talk to people, let alone draw. Thank goodness I didn’t have any appointments scheduled (I’m a tattoo artist). They are fixing plumbing problems under the basement floor in an old building, so it has to be done. But between all the stupendously wonderful news today, and this, and my screaming sinuses, I’ve about had it.

    • therblig

      that’s about to happen here at chateau blig. our sewer pipe is broken in 3 places and needs to be replaced.

      • Sister the Resister

        I don’t resent that the landlord had the work scheduled – the building is old, and it’s great that he maintains it – but wish they could have wrapped it up by the time we opened. My head is splitting.

    • marxalot

      but do you have an instagram tho
      I creep on tattoo artists hardcore

      • Sister the Resister

        Nope, do not do the Instagram. And maybe telling me you “creep on tattoo artists hardcore” is not the best pitch to get me to do so.

        • marxalot

          Sorry, it’s been a loooooong day. If it makes me seem less like an (unacceptable) weirdo, what I mean is I fill my IG feed with beautiful ink work, and occasionally that leads to me setting up 8 appointments and leaving with a work of goddamned art.

          • Sister the Resister

            Now, see? Thats a good pitch! :)

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    There needs to be a Pulitzer for the “best snark” category.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      we would ridicule their choice with gusto…

    • Tallmutha

      If there was they’d probably give it to Bristol Palin.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Peggy: “I won an *urp*, Pulitzer? Really? A $15,000 cash award? Let’s see…how many bottles of gin is that?”

    • schmannity

      A month’s worth?

    • yyyaz

      Dame Noonandniter’s gin bin is a converted fuel-oil tank buried in the side yard. A monthly midnight delivery is so less jangling to the nerves than the horrible crashing of empties she had to endure on garbage day every Tuesday. Keeps those nosy neighbors in their place, too.

      • wavicles

        No doubt hooked to the re-purposed water spout on the kitchen sink.
        Hey, that’s not a bad idea.

  • Nounverb911
    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Good to see an example of honest, ethical behaviour like this from a Republican.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Yeah, because misdemeanor campaign finance charges are far more serious than instructing the state’s chief law enforcement officer to find a pretext to arrest and charge his wife’s chief of staff for knowing about his zipper issues.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      So now the position falls to Lt. Governor Kay Ivey. She was best known for overseeing the collapse of the state’s pre-paid college tuition fund as State Treasurer, and when Chief Justice Roy Moore was suspended pending ethics charges she lamented the “lack of due process” afforded him.

      • Lamashtar

        Yayy!

    • Duke

      Lesson: bang your staff but don’t use campaign money for the coverup.

    • puredog

      So there’ll now be a liberal snowflake in the governor’s manse any day, the chastened good folk of Alabammy having larnt their lesson?
      ETA: Shoulda scrolled down. Yep, she seems nice.

  • wandajayne

    Sounds more like the Prize Patrol publisher sweepstakes people…can’t be THE Pulitzer.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Yeah. There’s a lot to keep track of.
    https://twitter.com/brianschatz/status/851464076962086912

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      I’m really of the opinion that I’d rather have no one doing those jobs than the people the current person in charge would pick to do them. He doesn’t have a bang-up record of picking winners.

      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        That’s a fair point. We are fucked at State either way.

      • Lamashtar

        If the Senate did its job of refusing to okay nominations, this wouldn’t be so stupid.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    In other news: Pulitzer Prize Committee resigns after 50 universities write strongly worded letters ridiculing their choices and belittling their relevance… you read it here on Wonkette first, where news you agree with rules….

  • Rick Hill
    • marxalot

      …You wouldn’t want it anymore, dude.

      • Rick Hill

        Well…damn…it’s not funny anymore. Thanks.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    “So, what’s new?”

    “Not too much…oh, Peggy Noonan won a Pulitzer.”

    “…https://youtu.be/gG7LoTezLO8…”

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Heh, and no Pulitzer for shouty porn either:
    https://twitter.com/DPRK_News/status/851561168762273792

  • not_vh

    if halloween bauble can be the preznit of the US of A, peggy noonan can be holder of pulitzer.

  • Nounverb911
  • Rick Hill

    Still trying to grok…did she win for the “Jeebus! trump!?! Are you people fcking craezy?” columns she wrote? Because if she did, let’s take a hard swallow, shake our Wonklective heads and start goading the small handed one post haste

  • calliecallie

    I think the Pulitzer people confused Dame Noonington’s columns written by Peggington with the Dame Noonington columns written by wonkette. Fake news wins again!

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    I wonder if she’ll give her friend Cesar at the deli a nice tip the next time she’s buying pastrami. She owes him a lot…

  • Tallmutha
    • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

      Does that cat have front legs?

      • Jamoche

        Sure, you can see them down the cat’s side, with white paws.

        • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

          Oh, okay, now I see them. Thanks!

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          That is a pose of total resignation. Are you sure it’s not in reaction to Gorsuck being confirmed?

    • Bill D. Burger

      Surprised gopher was also surprised.

      https://media.giphy.com/media/kKdgdeuO2M08M/giphy.gif

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Frick is wise.

  • WiscoJoe

    “…beautifully rendered columns that connected readers to the shared virtues of Americans…”

    Next time the media whines about people being out of touch or living in a bubble, they should point to this as exhibit A.

  • Shoto

    In accordance with Passover: Pulitzer, Schmulitzer.

  • Shoto
  • Nightcrawler

    Totally OT, but I noticed some users on Wonkette post pictures of themselves in their avatars so I thought I would do something very daring. Here is my ugly mug. And yes, I know I need to shave.

    Here is the link. Sorry if the pic is sideways. It’s the best I could,do. https://unsee.cc/rizapebo/

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Handsome!

      • Nightcrawler

        Why thank you

    • Lamashtar

      Aren’t you supposed to protect your secret identity?

      • Nightcrawler

        I don’t think Nightcrawler has a secret identity. XP

        • Lamashtar

          You’re wearing a Spiderman shirt! XD

          • Nightcrawler

            In my defense, they don’t really make Nightcrawler shirts. Or, at least not shirts just with him.

    • janecita

      Nice eyebrows:-)
      Ps. And yes, very handsome

      • Nightcrawler

        Eyebrows are the one thing I do not mess with.

      • puredog

        Like that threesome/twosome/handsome post the other day?

    • HazooToo

      Awwwwwwwww, you do kinda look like your av, only not blue.

      • Nightcrawler

        I take this as a compliment.

        • HazooToo

          Good, because both you and Nightcrawler are awesome!

    • marxalot

      I like how you and Kurt up there in your avi have the same basic hair.

    • Duke

      No hat

      • Nightcrawler

        Nope

        • puredog

          And apparent pants.

    • janecita
      • Martini Ambassador 🍸

        Aw, you’re a cutie :)

        • janecita

          Thanks:-)

      • Nightcrawler

        I don’t know but some users do it on their avatars. I just decided to post it like this because I’m not leaving this post up permanently.

        Nice smile btw. :)

        • Red Bird Ω

          You missed the OT where we did that.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            That was pretty awesome.

          • TJ Barke

            It was good for my self esteem.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I said it then, and I’ll say it now. You, sir, are a cutie patootie.

          • Red Bird Ω

            Yeah. Wonkette has some special features. The NYE live blog, dance party, Brazilian invasion, Brad, comments ban. We’re a unique bunch.

          • Nightcrawler

            I guess I did, but better late than never?

      • snark-lurker

        oh my : )

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Sorry, I’m not wearing pants…

    • TJ Barke
      • Nightcrawler

        Are you staring into my soul?

        • TJ Barke

          I stare into everyone’s.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      It’s a wee bit dark, but you have a lovely silhouette. And I am, in fact, a 13 pound Yorkie mutt.

      • Nightcrawler

        The lighting isn’t the best here I admit.

    • Persistent Demme

      What a cutie!

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/8219d48a9dc4f04c5b2520ef6c8332616d832add159aeaaa9b3fcaec6897fc67.jpg Here is a photo of me, feelin’ sassy, and calling my Congress-people!

      • Nightcrawler

        Why thank you. I totally believe that’s you, also too.

    • Doug Langley

      Fine, okay, here’s my pic:

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7885bc3de66f221704a761fe9375faf199aa53f39c38dfd59029b6448d80fff3.jpg

      You did know I’m a cartoon character, right?

    • Sister the Resister

      Ooooo! Pretty eyes!

      • Nightcrawler

        Thanks!

    • DainBramage
      • Sister the Resister

        Your adorable kitten looks stoned to the gills

        • DainBramage

          Poor thing was taken from her litter mates and thrown in with 6 kids!

  • JD Mulvey

    Personally I was rooting for Doc Zoom’s epic takedown of A Birthday Cake for George Washington. Perhaps next year.

  • Shoto
    • Bill D. Burger

      “Well Cletus. They tell me it’s gonna’ happen right after we git’ ar’ trickle down riches. ___ So it’ll be real soon!”

      • Red Bird Ω

        This quote makes me sad because there are many who genuinely believe that.

    • mancityRed6

      tucker and dale libelz!

    • Thiazin Red

      It has been a doozy of a day.

  • Rick Hill

    Ok, Dylan done sweetly is what’s needed to bring some sanity back to reality. I’m just hoping the cosmos isn’t doing this to us to get us ready for something like Jong Un lobbing a nuke at his neighbors
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1KxthvX1Ms

    • marxalot

      Gotcha some Joan while I was out.

    • Tallmutha

      I may not be in the majority here, but I truly love Bob’s new 3-disc set of standards.

      • Rick Hill

        Has to be a different name, though. Standards just doesn’t get it with Dylan

      • mancityRed6

        I want that live disc set where the first half is acoustic and the second is electric. Apparently you can hear the people call him Judas from the crowd.

        • Tallmutha

          Yes. Yes you can. Well, one guy. Then you can hear Dylan say to him “I don’t beLEEEEVE you… You’re a LIAR,” and then turn to the band and say “Play fucking loud!”

          Anyway, it’s available as “The Bootleg Series, Vol. 4: Bob Dylan Live, 1966: The Royal Albert Hall Concert,” and the first disc is smokey and trippy and even without the audience interaction, the second would be the most dramatic rock music ever recorded, so you shouldn’t wait.

    • Vincent Ricola

      This is one of the greatest songs ever made in the history of music. I will fight anyone that disagrees.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      This made me cry. It made me want to be young again.

      • Rick Hill

        The version on Putumayo’s American Folk is a little sweeter even than this.

  • Doug Langley

    Well, I’m pissed. Had the phone interview and turns out they fucked up the job description royally. What they really want is NOTHING like what I was promised. No multimedia, no graphics, just hardcore server side programming with tools I never used. So no, not moving to Maryland.

    Then checked with the food stamp people and the system is STILL screwed up and it falls on someone’s shoulders (guess who?) to unscrew everything. How, HOW is it that people just can’t hire me because I’m not brilliant enough but the people they do hire are hopeless stupids? Someone explain that me.

    Another recruiter called and has an opening with a local firm, we’ll see where that goes.

    • suziq

      Maybe you will get a local job that starts sooner than the other one? I know, still no food, but eating is over-rated anyway.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I’m stuck in Memphis. Laid off December. Job went to China and Mexico mostly.

      Computer stuff. There have been 3 positions for doing what I did that were advertised in the last 4 months here. I got none of them. Used to make a great wage too. Way above normal for this region. Stock options, etc.

      It’s getting scary now, and I have a house and 2 dogs here that I alone take care of, or I would have already taken the first consulting gig I could get.

      I feel kind of screwed. Bad choice moving here in 2005 when you do what I have the most experience doing :(

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDohTSCKJWM
        Wait for the clarinet solo.

      • Doug Langley

        You had no way of knowing they would dick you over. We make the best decisions we can, but don’t know if they’re going to change the rules on you.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Well, shit. I’m so sorry to hear that.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Sorry to hear that. Are you still looking for permanent instead of contract?

      • Doug Langley

        Yeah, but will take anything at this point. (Which is why my resume is so crammed with temp work.)

        • Red Bird Ω

          Got it. I’ve been through a lay off before so I now the feeling. I don’t do programming but I know some folks who do. I can ask around to see if they know of anything temporary if you want.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Doug, hang in there. The moral arc of the universe…may not bend in time for next months rent…

  • Paperless Tiger

    I kinda feel for them. The purges in the media have not left much to choose. Now it’s mostly cheerleaders for the latest war. Nobody is left with the balls to point out that it is a series of wars, all of which were planned in advance for reasons that have nothing to do with the welfare of the American people.

    • Lamashtar

      We’re still in the gunboat diplomacy stage!

  • Mavenmaven

    Gin and Tonics for everyone!

    • OrG

      Hold the tonic.

      • jowgajen

        Gin IS the tonic.

    • TJ Barke

      Caucasian please, Gary.

  • CripesAmighty

    15 grand? Imma drink til I throw up on my keyboard. Where’s my check?

  • Persistent Demme

    Did Sarah win the poetry prize?

    • *shudder*

    • Shoto

      If she didn’t, she was robbed. Sarah poetries real good from her smrt poetry brainz.

    • Doug Langley

      It was the Betty Crocker award for best word salad.

      • hendenburg2

        Nah.

        It was the Hidden Valley Award

        • Doug Langley

          The Uncanny Valley, maybe.

    • therblig

      todd awarded her the “Pull it, Sar” prize

  • Sophia
  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Gorsuch sworn in while most of us generally swear. Donald plays eenie, meenie, minie, moe from a list of judge’s name given to him, Mitch puts his thumb on the scales and the pundits are hailing a Trump accomplishment in < 100 days. FFS!

    • mancityRed6

      some are calling it a win for McConnell as well. how, I don’t have any idea.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        blowing up the filibuster did require him to stick his neck out a little from his shell.

    • Red Bird Ω

      At this point, they take whatever they can get.

  • Thiazin Red

    Today was lets do all the regulatory training that I’ve been putting off day. They must have figured out that people were skipping the slides and just doing the online quiz, so now you can’t fast forward. Its excruciating. I don’t even see patients so exactly none of it is relevant to me.

    I swear if there was really a personal Hell, mine would be an endless in person regulatory training session. There would be no writing implements so I couldn’t draw. There would be a vague promise of coffee and snacky cakes that would never actually come. Once in a while to taunt me we would get to the end of the slide show, then someone would ask a brutally stupid question and it would start over.

  • HazooToo

    Okay guys, i’ve been looking, and now this is a serious question. What the hell is it called when you have great hate and resentment and fear towards intelligent people? We have words for hatred of races, sexualities, genders, disabilities both physical and mental. All I can find when I search for an answer is “joke” articles about “Fools demand right to be fools with no bad consequences!” and real articles about ableism versus those who are mentally impaired, but nothing about this absolute hatred of “intellectuals”.

    • Painter of Goats

      Synapse Envy?

      • Sister the Resister

        That’s kinda catchy!

    • CripesAmighty

      ‘Real ‘Murkin’.

    • TJ Barke

      Just anti intellectualism.

      • HazooToo

        That’s concerning.

        • Jennifer R

          Actually it’s a happy day! It means that as the discoverer of a need for this word, you get to make it up! While you can go hogwild in this day and age, I would personally suggest maybe not going for “word”y Mc”word”face for it. It won’t age well at all.

          • HazooToo

            I doubt I’m the “discoverer” and I’m terrible at naming things. Intelligist, maybe? Fuck it. There’s no point in naming it, if the people who embrace it can’t even spell it.

          • Jennifer R

            Well have a drink and start using it here anyway. It’ll catch on here, then it’
            s only a matter of time until the rest of the world uses it too.

          • HazooToo

            Intelligist ass-monkeys are the kind of people who accuse colleges of indoctrinating their kids, who they put a lot of time and effort into suppressing since birth.

          • Shanzgood

            Keep going. I’m trying to think of something as well.

          • HazooToo

            Brilligerents?

    • yyyaz

      Idiocrats. And Replicants.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Republicanism?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      White evangelical Protestantism.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Galileo pondered this same question years ago. Then Oscar Wilde, then Dalton Trumbo, then anyone employed at the NYT

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      The Idiocracy…

    • Crank Tango

      Is this for your online dating profile?

      I keed, I keed!

  • Yr. Gma
    • Painter of Goats

      Damn.

    • Yr. Gma
    • WomanInThePersistence

      I just got home from work. What happened?

      • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

        Murder suicide shooting at a school.

      • Painter of Goats

        Murder/suicide at an elementary school. Guy shoots his wife who is a teacher there, shoots through her and hits 2 students. One now dead, one in critical condition.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Dear God/dess. Thats…that’s….there are no words.

    • Sophia

      Shit

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Crap. I will punch the first person saying ‘too soon’. (ok, with votes, Dok)

    • Yr. Gma

      Special needs classroom, not necessarily special ed.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Isn’t there some airbase in Syria we need to punish for this? Because going after the NRA is of course off the table.

      • Sophia

        Hey! Betsy sent her prayers, what more do you want. Noticed she didn’t have any thoughts.

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        beautiful babies being poisoned but not the ones in Flint, MI

  • herrointment

    I used to drink all the time and nobody considered my work prize worthy.

  • snark-lurker

    Pulitzer prizes haz totes lost every last iota of chill–they reached the bottom of the barrel & now haz drilled right thru it

  • Rick Hill

    Baby Kushner cries to daddy trump about mean bully bannon stepping on his new glasses at school. Bannon sent to detention.
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/breitbart-backs-off-jared-kushner-criticism-after-he-personally-complained-to-trump-report/

    • Shoto

      “Two sources tell Darcy that Breitbart writers have been told by senior editors to back off slamming Kushner…”

      If I had to bet, I’d say the Mercers, who have been major benefactors of the Breitbart operation, leaned on them. The Mercers don’t want to screw up their access to the White House, no matter how much they loathe Kushner.

      That’s my guess, anyway.

      • Rick Hill

        Such intrigue….

        • TootsStansbury

          Such absolutely horrible corrupt bullshit.

    • jesterpunk

      Wait wouldnt that be some of the PC police Trump talked about? Are they saying President Jared is as bigly of a snowflake as Trump is?

    • therblig

      now they’re cucking with gas

  • Villago Delenda Est

    OK, I think I know what the problem is here…the Pulitzer Prize Commentary committee met in Colorado, Washington, Oregon, Alaska, or DC and legally ate MoDo’s brownies, right?

    • Jennifer R

      I guess if they hooked her up that would explain a lot. Unconnected White People and all.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Yup. You have to do your research.

  • jesterpunk

    Can I just say the police chief’s comment about the shooting today makes me really mad?

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2017/04/10/at-least-two-students-hospitalized-after-shooting-at-san-bernardino-elementary-school-police-say/

    The suspect had come to the classroom to visit the adult female,” he
    said. “We think the two children were unfortunate recipients of
    injuries.”

    Unfortunate recipients of injuries? WTF does that mean?

    • Nicer (and fucked up) way to say Crossfire

      • Me not sure

        Tommy had better have a Dr.’s note when he returns to school.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      The adult female also was the unfortunate recipient of injuries. This is just ghastly.

    • Doug Langley

      Is that what they call “collateral damage” these days?

    • Rick Hill

      Same category as “Passenger reassignment” by the United spokesman about the man who was dragged off a flight

      • puredog

        “Re-accommodation,” please.

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          Voluntary Exchange Libels!!!!!

        • Thaumaturgist

          All things considered, I feel today was a good day. I learned two new wordies: ” re-accomodation” and “bless our hearts and other parts.”

      • Crank Tango

        “Resettlement in the east”

    • Yr. Gma

      He isn’t a talker. He was the police chief during the San Bernardino terrorist attacks. He’s a good guy for a cop, but he doesn’t do words good.

      • jesterpunk

        He may be a good cop but they should have someone else do public relations instead of him.

        • Yr. Gma

          Probably.

      • not_vh

        thanks for context

    • Sophia

      Kind of down plays what they were the recipients of doesn’t it?

      • jesterpunk

        That seems to happen a lot with shootings if the shooter is white. Its an “unfortunate accident” he was just a “lone wolf” or “mentally ill”. So many different phrases to make it seem like its just a normal thing that you cant do anything about when it happens. But if the shooter is brown or black its a huge deal.

    • CripesAmighty

      As contrasted with a ‘fortunate recipient of injury’ which, for some of us, would be a merciful hammer-blow to the head, right about now.

    • marxalot

      “casualities”
      “collateral damage”
      “domestic violence victims by proxy”

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      #ThanksNRA

    • not_vh

      deleted.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      What about all the other kids who were witnesses?

      • jesterpunk

        He didnt mention them.

  • Me not sure

    Known sex mochine AL Luv Guv Robert Bentley just resigned.

  • Me The People

    “Wall Street Journal columnist Peggy Noonan won the 2017 Pulitzer Prize for commentary today.”

    https://youtu.be/iKqGXeX9LhQ?t=15s

  • Count Awesome

    Sh probably actualy won that Pulitzer for a bunch of drunken texts. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • Therein lies the power of a good gin. ” Bols”, she said. “If I have two I’ll be King”.

  • CripesAmighty

    Next up: American Philosophy Association Lifetime Achievement Award: Norman Vincent Peale.

    • Doug Langley

      Fun fact: Norm was the pastor at the church Trump attended as a child. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

      • Jennifer R

        “attended”

      • CripesAmighty

        No. Shit.

        • Rasilom

          Lots of shit. Thats the problem…

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Shoto

      Way off the record…like somewhere in Siberia, probably.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        The special communications room in Trump Tower…

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      ??

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Seems like nobody wants their name on this.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    As if 2017 wasn’t already the shittiest year…

    • Rick Hill

      Buckle up, Rocket. The ride’s just starting

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Um……………………………Grrrrrrrr?….

        • Rick Hill

          Well, aside from Sweetcheeks, that was all I could come up with

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Remember how fucked up 2016 was?

  • Me not sure

    When asked for comment Ms Noonan slowly raised her head from the stained leather edged blotter on her desk and said ” Whuh?”

    • Count Awesome

      She didn’t ask for more gin?

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        Manuel, google Pulitzer for me.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        That’s what it translates to.

        • Count Awesome

          I don’t speak Nooningtonese.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Not a single person on earth does.

      • Me not sure

        There was still some she spilled in the blotter. Slurrrrp!

        • Count Awesome

          Worse comes to worse she’ll suck it out of the carpet.

          • marxalot

            “an’ if ya spill it gel, you know I will a lick it off the floooooooor”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Please, please, please, please, let there be a Dear Gin fer Brains Noonan piece this weekend.

      • Me not sure

        Gin and lime on the rocks makes a mighty fine brunchfast drink.

  • Nick Scroggs

    Can we write the Pulitzers and ask them what the hell they were thinking? Cuz I am still going to.

  • Pretty perky Peggy has a Pulitzer. Can I have one now?

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Predicated precisely on what preciousness?…

      • Count Awesome

        Perscipacity?

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          How see-through a piece of perspex is?

  • Rick Hill

    This has got to be easier on the soul for this evening. Bonus it up with the background of this folks song. This accompanied a different video with some awesomeness allit’s own but I like this version, simpler and very sweet:

    “Lullaby of Takeda”, one of Beautiful Japanese Folk Songs, but in reality the lyrics of the song is including significant meanings, which is based on a sad folklore of a small girl, born at a very poor family in an isolated small village which is called “Takeda”, located at current Fushimi-Ward, Kyoto Prefecture of Kansai Region.

    One day she was forcibly put out to service for a rich family of a landlord to earn their keep, whose house was located at the next village over a mountain even though she was an infant, .

    During the period of her bitter days, her dairy hard works carrying a small baby in her back always have reminded her of her family and sweet home with looking at the silhouette of the mountains in the direction of her homeland.

    That is to say, such circumstances seem to have made her sing this song sadly in her mind, and which orally has been transmitted from people to people and changed to be a very beautiful lullaby across Kansai Region.

    Song performed by Akai Tori [The Red birds], Japanese folk-song group.

    Contents of Lyrics in English

    Unwilling baby-sitting,
    Thinking of days after mid-summer Bon[*] holiday,
    Then flurry of cold snow continues,
    And a baby’s repeating cry.

    Even coming Bon holiday, what is so joyful.
    No clothes and no sash to attire.

    The baby is so irritable to cry,
    That baby’s crying annoys me

    Baby-sitting for a whole day,
    That makes me getting so skinny

    Wishing to get back home in a hurry across the border,
    That’s my parents’ home which can be seen far away.
    That’s my parents’ home which can be seen far away.

    Bon[*];
    Bon or Obon is a Japanese Buddhist custom to honor the deceased spirits of one’s ancestors. This Buddhist custom has evolved into a family reunion holiday during which people return to ancestral family places and visit and clean their ancestors’ graves, and when the spirits of ancestors are supposed to revisit the household altars.
    It has been celebrated in Japan for more than 500 years and traditionally includes a dance, known as Bon-Odori, Mid-summer Dance Festival.
    The Festival of Obon lasts for three days; however its starting date varies within different regions of Japan.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewvLQWCEJbs

  • TootsStansbury

    I am so flathened to accept tis Putziler. My peals of cocksuasion withdom are a gin, much cravered by thamricuns pepes in these troubling tomultuoushnesh.

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

    More good news on the Zombie Apocalypse front!

    https://www.geek.com/tech/survive-zombie-apocalypse-in-3d-printed-autonomous-house-1692370/

    *self sufficiency space*

    • TJ Barke

      A goodish idea.

  • Goposaur
  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Gin has an effect on synapses and she prolly thinks she was awarded for that space shuttle disaster speech she wrote for Reagan.

  • therblig

    sadly, not mel blanc. not sadly, frank gorshin. sadly, frank’s gone too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_gGG8yOF78

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    The only way this makes sense is if Donald Trump is President. Woops

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      So-Called President

  • Bill D. Burger

    This bodes well for BillO’ getting a Nobel for literature, huh?

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Cop watches my client (who he helpfully calls a “known drug user”) put a 12-pack of beer in the back seat of his car. Uses this as a pretext to stop him (Idaho law requires that “alcoholic liquor” be transported in the trunk, or behind the last seat in a vehicle not containing a trunk.) Notices a baseball cap in the back seat with a marijuana leaf embroidered on it. Decides this constitutes probable cause to search the vehicle. Finds 5g of methamphetamine, an 8-ball of heroin, and assorted pills.

    Silly cop. The statutory definition of “alcoholic liquor” does not include beer. We didn’t even take up the PC issue. All charges dismissed. Angry words in the hallway. Cop blames me for . . . defending my client? Cop blames prosecutor for not arguing the case more bigly. Cop blames judge for being spineless liberal.

    • Rasilom

      Rasilom points at cop and says stop being a dickhead and find a new line of work. Cleaning porta-potties at the state fair maybe.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      Blamed everybody but the guy who fucked up, then. SNAFU.

    • OrG

      Everyone but his own dumb ass. Prolly voted for tRump.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Cop needs a reeducation camp. Stat.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Stick him on a United Airlines flight.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Twelve weeks of academy then out on the streets busting heads. In most civilized countries police training lasts 2 years or more.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      You have quality clients.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Anyone know where a time machine is or a hole in the past I can go through? If i can find one, i could reset the timeline. It might fix everything. That or i need to stop someone from changing the past. Its the only answer.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Good luck. If you do, could you get Elvis’ autograph for me? Lennon’s would be great too.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I want out of this Spock-With-A-Beard universe NOW, dammit!

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
      • mancityRed6

        I once rode a Greyhound from Knoxville to NYC and back.
        I went through Baltimore at around 2 AM which was itself, a trip.
        But I’d never actually seen hookers working on a Sunday afternoon until I went through some of those smaller towns before that. Hell, even before I left Knoxville.

        • Shanzgood

          I went from NYC to Seattle with all my worldly goods in the underbelly of the bus. That was fun. Also, humans are awful.

          • mancityRed6

            good dog almighty, that must have taken at least 3 or 4 days.

          • Shanzgood

            The bus drivers were on strike so the scab we got ended up getting us lost in the backwoods of Pennsyltucky for a while one night. Fun.

          • mancityRed6

            this was us in ’04:
            we have to get to the airport three hours ahead of time to drop the two cats off and still make it to the terminal.
            we left with plenty of time, but the motorway was shut down (!) on an early Sunday morning for god knows what.
            the ex was literally crying and I’m doing the best to not slap the driver in the back of the head.

          • Shanzgood

            I think our trip was about 10 years earlier than that, judging by the fact that I don’t remember having any children accompanying us.

  • FlownΩver

    This was the Pullet Surprise Committee message to all columnists.”Do you realize how poorly you did in your bloviating about the 2016 election and how Hillary was so fucking “flawed”? We’re gonna give this to Drunk Peggy just to show y’all up.”

    • Sister the Resister

      Ok, I like your theory best of all.

  • Pinkham’s Law

    CNN just did a segment on The Navy task force heading for Korea. They included a literal Geography lesson on Korea and the surrounding area. Fuck me sideways!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Korea is somewhat to the West, North, East, and South of Baghdad.”

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Globalist!

    • Sister the Resister

      Well, better that they make sure people know where they’re talking about than let some yahoo assume “Karia” is somewhere in Mooslim country.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Hope they didn’t get all 38th parallel techy.

    • not_vh

      it would be nice if we could learn our geography and social studies without first having to bomb countries, though.

  • WeaselPoo

    Who else was in the running? David Brooks?

    • mancityRed6

      at least it wasn’t Cal Thomas

  • FDRliberal

    Apparently the fucking fascist in the White House doesn’t like being called a “fucking fascist.”

    https://twitter.com/SarahNEmerson/status/851490782544449536

    • Yr. Gma

      Fucking fascist says what?

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Something fucking fascistic, as usual?

      • FDRliberal

        I don’t work in the EPA so it can’t be me. Besides, I usually refer to Trump as a “fucking fascist moron” or “fascist fucking moron”, rather than the more concise “fucking fascist’. I’m a bit of a completist.

        • Shoto

          It would seem that your chosen forms are the more technically correct / proper.

    • jesterpunk

      Wait is Trump trying again to unmask people? I heard from Trump that doing unmasking is a bigly crime and the person unmasking should be locked up.

    • TootsStansbury

      Shall I Google Donal Trump Fucking Fascist until my fingers bleed?

    • Shoto

      “Apparently the fucking fascist in the White House doesn’t like being called a “fucking fascist.”

      Probably because he’s a fucking fascist.

    • SayItWithWookies

      There’s an easy way not to be called a fucking fascist, Assmouth — or at least to lower one’s chances of earning said designation. You know — like, not being a fucking fascist. Not that change is within your repertoire.

    • Rick Hill

      trump’s not a fcking facsist but he responds by calling for an investigation and acting like a fcking fascist but he’s not a fcking fascist ….SSpppttt**

    • Roadstergal

      It wasn’t me. I call him a fucking shitforbrains sexist xenophobic pansy-ass daughterfucking fascist.

      Oh, and I don’t work for the EPA.

      • FallsAngel

        Tell us how you really feel!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      AOT, K.

    • Mister Atoz

      Don’t tell Trump that he’s just proving that employee’s point.

  • calliecallie
  • WomanInThePersistence
    • jesterpunk

      Good song but its funny how so many people dont understand the band or lyrics.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      That was some incredibly solid and detailed reporting. And it takes some brass to take on BYU and the Mormon Church in Utah.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • tehbaddr

    So , I was listening to a stream earlier and heard this piece, thought for sure it must be some Waters, Gilmore, or Floyd that I never heard. it is not.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6r1c_DeK3m4

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
    • Count Awesome

      Your move Texas.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Florida. Of course.

    • Floida and Wal-Mart. Where’s the meth?

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Why do you always want to hit the trifecta?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Protein enhanced. No extra charge.

    • mancityRed6

      maybe they thought they’d get free salad for life?
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC6dBsNz0oc

    • Nightcrawler

      After little Eddie found a bat in the Salad while shopping at Walmart with his parents, he decided to become a dark avenger of the night. He would become….Batman.

    • Count Awesome

      Needz moar baby alligator!

    • Rick Hill

      Walmart responded that the couple would have to pay extra for the off menu ingredients….

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        United Airlines responded by dragging them down the aisle and straight out of the store

        • Rick Hill

          Carpet cleaning for dripping blood from his face will be added to his CC

    • HazooToo

      APPLEBEES HAS RATS! I FOUND A WHOLE RAT IN MY COBB SALAD!

      • msanthropesmr

        That was part of the unlimited appetizers.

      • vivian

        That’s a feature, not a rat.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Personally, I prefer my salad without so much bat in it.

    • not_vh

      promptly wins the highest culinary award of the land.

  • Nightcrawler

    OT: I don’t know if anyone else has heard the news, but New York just became the first state to offer free tuition starting in Fall 2017. My school, SUNY Old Westbury, just emailed me about the news. And my family makes less than 100k a year, so I’m very interested.

    http://www.nbcnews.com/news/education/new-york-becomes-first-state-offer-free-four-year-college-n744561

    • jesterpunk

      Didnt they used to offer free tuition to in state schools?

      • Nightcrawler

        I’m not sure.

      • OrG

        Cali for sure. Until raygun.

        • Yr. Gma

          Well, it wasn’t just Reagan… lots of blame to go around on that one.

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        Mine was free at a SUNY school in the ’80s. (Blue collar family with 5 siblings) So yes. I still live in Ny and make 150k so bad investment on their part?

        • jesterpunk

          That sounds like a great investment on their part, put people through school for free then collect the increased taxes when they get good jobs and use that to repeat the process.

      • tehbaddr

        Umm, not SUNY, but my degree was a bargain for the buck back in the 80’s.

  • gullywompr

    Somebody crossed the streams.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      I blame those russian pee hookers.

      • Brendan_M

        Damn it. I had an excellent pee hookers joke and just before finishing it and pressing the post button my browser crashed. Now it is too late. It was gonna be just tremendous. Believe me.

        • Shanzgood

          It’s Obama’s fault.

          • Brendan_M

            The Deep State, at it again.

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          I have trouble getting it up sometimes, too. :/

          • Brendan_M

            I had a long day at work, and the Wi-Fi signal is weak upstairs, give me a break!

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot___ To cut down on the bad PR, United Airlines has established a Passenger Liason Team to help people deplane with more alacrity.

    http://i.imgur.com/lY6hSv8.jpg

    And there will also be a new “Club Class” for many routes.

    http://i.imgur.com/TKLs9lo.jpg

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • gallbladder

    It’s official: Nothing surprises me anymore.

    • OrG

      Welcome!

    • Rick Hill

      Wait till they give trump the Nobel. Of course it will be because he’s found a way to hold them hostage with threat of military action…

    • Count Awesome

      “I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.”

  • Sister the Resister

    Been going through my head since I head it the other day…. and oldy, and a sweet one
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2xODjbfYw8

    • Picabo

      Fun fact. “”The Battle of Evermore” is a folk duet sung by Robert Plant and Sandy Denny, featured on Led Zeppelin’s untitled 1971 album. The song’s instrumentation features acoustic guitar and mandolin playing.”

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Battle_of_Evermore

      • WomanInThePersistence

        Sandy Denny died way too young.

        https://youtu.be/n2xODjbfYw8

        • Tallmutha

          And, on a similar British folk-rock tearjerking tip, Richard and Linda Thompson, “A Heart Needs a Home.” I never understood how anyone could perform this all the way to the end without breaking down.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaEO_T9UAV8&list=RDDaEO_T9UAV8#t=183

          • WomanInThePersistence

            during the break-up:

            https://youtu.be/G5RRbQFSSR4

            After the break-up:

            https://youtu.be/_dk2G0yCvR8

            My. What happy times.

          • Tallmutha

            I remember reading a quote from Linda where she was talking about the American tour they did for “Shoot Out the Lights.” This was after Richard told her while she was recovering from childbirth that he’d fallen in love with someone else. They normally might not have gone through with the tour but “Shoot” was by far their most successful record to that point and it just seemed they had to go promote it.

            Anyway, that tour was kind of legendary for the onstage snarking and the backstage fights–thrown bottles, destroyed dressing rooms, etc. Linda said that one promoter said “Christ, we had the Sex Pistols here and they weren’t as bad as this,” and she thought “Oh, isn’t that fantastic, I’m worse than the Sex Pistols!”

          • WomanInThePersistence

            There was a segment on her on “This American Life”, iirc. It’s sounds like it was quite the tour. And, while I certainly don’t wish pain on anybody, I do find it darkly amusing that this English female folky singer out-trashed the Pistols.

          • Tallmutha

            Of course, the best thing is that she liked the idea.

        • Biff52

          Loved her in Fotheringay, too:
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3x01BYDmDY

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
    • Tallmutha

      THAT is an all-time great song and SHE was a goddess. For more gorgeous heartbreak, Look up Fairport’s version of Dylan’s “I’ll Keep It with Mine,” and especially Sandy’s own “I’m a Dreamer.”

      • Tallmutha

        Or if your heart can stand it, Richard and Linda Thompson’s in-concert cover of “I’m a Dreamer,” recorded when they already knew their marriage was dead. Devastating.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          I’m getting a bit weepy. I really love their music.

          • Tallmutha

            I love them so much that I actually pretty much lost interest in Richard not long after the breakup. I know he’s a transcendant guitarist. I just never found him as interesting again.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Fair enough. But I do love this:

            https://youtu.be/5yw2yKNLEPc

            And this:

            https://youtu.be/8H5Q6-OVRbA

  • Persistent Demme

    Just got this in an email (shudder):

    April 15 – Ocean Beach All4One One4All (10:30am, before the Tax March): The Human Banner event has been canceled due to physical threats against the organizer.

    • HazooToo

      There’s no snarky reply to crap like that. People are physically threatening to harm other people for trying to protect others.

    • Shoto

      San Diego area?

      • Persistent Demme

        I think it’s San Francisco or SF Bay area.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Roadstergal

    I woulda won the 2017 Pulitzer for commentary, if comments here were allowed.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Pulitzer? Moar like a Hearst Prize, Rosebud.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I know this guy getting dragged off the United flight is horrible and the video is completely disturbing and it should absolutely be reported on to make the public aware.

    On the flip side, CNN has been playing this video all day and interviewed everyone who was on the flight, near the flight, or picking up someone from the flight. I’m wondering if there shouldn’t be just a little more discussion about the potential American wars popping off and the US response or maybe the school shooting or Neil Gorsuck’s confirmation or any one of the 100 other huge things that are happening.

    • Brendan_M

      Why are you excusing UA’s brutality, like a common Ross Douthat?

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
      • Msgr_MΩment

        Bismarck was a commie!

        • WomanInThePersistence

          My great-grandmother was from Schleswig-Holstein, and I have a familial duty to loathe Bismarck. It’s not a great heritage, but hey, what can you do?

          • Yr. Gma

            We don’t choose our ancestors.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            True. And it amuses me how few people even know who Otto Von Bismarck was.

          • Yr. Gma

            He sank?

          • yyyaz

            HMS Robin Hood was his last victim.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            You wonder how they escaped herring about him.

          • My whole fam damily was from Schleswig-Holstein, with a few Danish raconteurs thrown in to keep from inbreeding.

            I know of what you speak.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            According to my mother, this great-Gran considered herself a Dane until the day she died.

          • There were (war related) fluid borders according to the Gosch side of the family.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            I don’t know much about the Rixen’s, just what my mom heard as a girl.

    • Sophia

      Have they done the holographic depiction of what could have, maybe, might have happened on the plane yet?

    • Pinkham’s Law

      They only have 24 hours each day – you can’t expect them to cover everything!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Look on the bright side. As long as CNN’s murderer’s row is reporting on this they’re not discussing politics.

  • Michael R
    • Jennifer R

      If you can’t get through a discworld novel then you aren’t getting it with me.

  • Bill D. Burger

    United Air Customer Relations Suggestion:

    http://i.imgur.com/Fm8eCJ8.jpg

  • Left Coast Tom

    I’m drinking a Mendocino County Zinfandel. If the Pulitzer folks had given adequate warning I could have recognized the Noonan-Pulitzer occasion properly with a bottle of gin.

  • Vecchioivan

    When a hen lays her first egg, do they call it a pullet surprise?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Omelette you leave quietly.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Noone’s cracked that one for quite a while.

    • not_vh

      participation trophy

    • mancityRed6

      I really have egg on my face for not being able to come up with a good pun.

      • puredog

        If you capon trying, I’m sure you’ll come up with something.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Factoid: You cannot push a chicken; you can only pullet.

    • not_vh

      peg no none against no none

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Yolks on you!

    • Crank Tango

      That was pretty fowl but it still cracked me up.

    • TJ Barke

      Beta cluck.

      • SnarkON

        NICE

    • not_vh

      my thoughts on this are scrambled, i dont see the sunny side up.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Unintentional vulgarity: Farmer picks up two chickens and turns to his partner: “Here take my cock and pullet.”

      • Shoto

        “Pullet my finger.” <= (Chicken Comedy.)

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Well, when your rabbit takes a dump on your bathroom rug and your feet find it in the middle of the night, it’s a pellet surprise.

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    They gave one to Maureen Dowd one time, so yeah.

  • TundraGrifter
  • Jennifer R

    After a stressful and mostly rained out week, I managed to come in 1/5th of a pound lighter. I guess it’s good I still lost something with all the lack of exercise and stress eating.

    • TJ Barke

      Lucky. I grabbed an extra 4 pounds.

      • Crank Tango

        It’s a lot easier to do it in bulk like that, I find.

      • Jennifer R

        I was up four pounds a few days before, I can flux four or five pounds in a day but I have a general downwards trend.

    • Shanzgood

      How does 1/5 of a pound even register? I allow 2lbs leeway either way on my scale. 1/5 of a pound is a decent morning pee.

      • TJ Barke
        • Shanzgood

          Sorry. I shouldn’t be flippant.

      • Jennifer R

        My digital scale gives me my weight by fifths of a pound/kg/whatever the fractional for stones is. I try to control for externalities by only weighing naked, after my walk, after my shower, on days where I don’t eat or drink before my walk.

        • Biff52

          Mine displays tenths. I count them, they count!

        • Shanzgood

          I have a digital scale as well. It gives me tenths of pounds (! why !) but I ignore them and I don’t weigh every day. I’m also not trying to lose so I’ll just shut up about the whole subject.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Bill D. Burger
      • Count Awesome

        I will keep my seat in the upright position when ever I fly United Airlines from now on.

      • Yr. Gma

        Delta just loses their luggage instead.

        • Left Coast Tom

          UA has, somehow, managed to put my luggage on the wrong carousel – so it arrived with me, but it took me a bit of time to locate it in SFO.

          I’ve, twice, had luggage not arrive with me, and the culprit both times was Air France. One time, my skis didn’t arrive with me in Geneva – luckily they showed up at my hotel in Val d’Isere the afternoon before I planned to ski. Another time I bought skis on sale in France and my new skis didn’t arrive with me in the US – this was actually nice, because it meant I didn’t have to pay duty on them (the duty-free allowance at the time was less than now).

    • Shoto

      Seriously, how does a company fuck up like this? We’re not talking rocket science here.

      • Left Coast Tom

        Maybe they put the engineers in charge of marketing?

        • Shanzgood

          Even engineers would know better than to alienate, you know, the entire market. We’re dealing with actual idiots here.

          • Left Coast Tom

            As an engineer I thank you for your vote of confidence.

          • SnarkON

            I would WAY rather have an engineer than an MBA in charge of my customer-service experience, any day of the week.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Engineers are awesome. Dog bless all engineers.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        I have to admit, I’ve always had a good experience with United.
        But then I’m not a doctor.

      • SnarkON

        Actually, if it is an airline, you kind of are talking about rocket science.

    • CripesAmighty

      My solution: if it’s less than 8 hours to drive, I rent a Cadillac. It’s 4 hours not spent taking off shoes/being molested by wannabe Sturmbannfuhrers/running down broken conveyors; and another 4 strapped into a stale sardine can. Instead, playing cool tunes, munching at obscure and delicious bar-b-q joints, and checking out a fun/hokey tourist trap or two.

  • Ωbjectifier
  • Blackest Noobs

    so fun fun at work one of the staff is claiming sexual discrimination on getting passed over on a job that went to a male librarian. there are some caveats…like she is a fucking lazy piece of shit and the guy is bilingual…she isn’t. but cuz of her bogus waste of time, it is holding up the administration from sending much need circulation staff ( a full dept at 6, current at 2) replacement because now, as incompetent as they are, the admin gotta deal with this dumb honkey monkey-shit bitch.

    • Yr. Gma

      This is really bothering you, isn’t it?

      • Shanzgood

        Noobs hates that job.

      • Blackest Noobs

        it should bother everyone. there is no sexual discrimination. this lovely example of a human being is wasting everyone’s time because she is being petty about not getting a job. and god forbid someone actually does get sexually discriminated, because of this fake one, they’re going to make it much harder for the real cases of it.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
    • SnarkON

      Maybe it was discrimination. Just saying.

      • Blackest Noobs

        HA HA HA HA oooooh OOOOOH GOD HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

        • SnarkON

          OK but no snark — I would have completely been on your side before the Trump election. Now there’s a small part of me that thinks that women really are considered second class citizens and are subject to institutionalized sexism the way black people are subject to institutionalized racism. I could be totally wrong about this, to be sure. But it occurs to me now. (I should probably also make it clear that I am a white woman.)

          • Blackest Noobs

            it’s not so in this case. seriously i’ve heard her snicker about how she’s gonna show them..them being the incompetent administration.but then i do recall a quote from Rosa Parks Anita Hill saying oooooh boy i got them good over that Clarence fiasco.

            disingenuous claims of sexual discrimination diminishes the real claims.

    • mancityRed6

      This was my reply to your first post:
      I know a couple of librarians (middle school and public), it’s not a job I could handle.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    YES! This means that I’m absolutely positive that I will get next year’s Nobel Prize in Physics!

    Or at least a Wurlitzer Prize.

    • SnarkON

      Or a Hurlitzer prize. Also, are you really a physicist?

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        If I was a real physicist, I would never admit it. And I’m not.

  • SnarkON

    You know you’re living in a dystopian hellscape when you’d gladly let a couple of thug cops beat you up for the chance to sue an airline for a couple of million. I would do this in a heartbeat.

  • Suse

    Nice knowin’ ya, Wonkers. I just got my 4th call of the day from the IRS, who are coming to arrest me any minute now. Send me one of those cakes we like with the appropriate break-out tools baked inside.

    • SnarkON

      Didn’t we tell you to hide that shit in the Caymans??

      • Suse

        I shoulda listened!

    • Rick Hill

      They make calls now? How many millions did you evade?

      • Suse

        Many, many millions. I can tell you that.

        • mancityRed6

          as someone who is not a or your lawyer, you should really rethink that post.

          • Suse

            I didn’t say millions of what, though.

          • mancityRed6

            true. zimbabwe dollars?

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
          • mancityRed6

            I had a missionary that showed up to my grandmother’s church give me a $10 million dollar note in the late ’80s.

          • JustDon’tSayKingLeo

            millions of evasions. so many evasion, you’re going to be sick of all the evasions. I’m the best, it’s amazing really, how I evade, because I’m so smart…

          • vivian

            Bolivian Pesos?

        • vivian

          Wait, did you get a McLaren too?

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            range rover Land Rover hybrid or GTFO

    • Left Coast Tom

      I thought they arrested that guy, did he make bail?

      • Suse

        It was a woman. She sounded like a bar-fly. Hard to get good help these days.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
      • Suse

        Aww

    • RobKanC

      You got a call from the IRS. Let’s make you the next president then

    • Shanzgood

      Sorry, sent all mine to baconz already.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • georgiaburning

      Run for public office, that seems to work

      • Suse

        I’ll have to delete all of my sexts first.

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          Not if you run as a Republican.

          • Suse

            Family values!

        • Count Awesome

          In this day and age that seems to be an asset.

    • Yr. Gma

      Oh, was it “Chuck from the IRS” with a thick Indian accent? He’s after me.

      • SnarkON

        Is Chuck friends with “Emily from credit services”? The one who has a little trouble with her headset?

        • data_ninja

          I make loud animal noises when they ask if I can hear them. Amazingly, they go on with their pitch! Such brave phone robots!

          • SnarkON

            What kind of animal noises? Asking for a friend.

          • data_ninja

            Loud “BUCKAW!!!” from chickens seem to be the most fun.

          • SnarkON

            I just LOLed.

          • data_ninja

            My guess is that somewhere some machine is recording the conversation, and translating it to text for one of the scammers to read. I just hope their onomatopoeia function is up to spec.

      • Suse

        Hee! Today it was the same woman x 4. Sometimes it’s a Chuck-like guy. He once pronounced IRS as “ERCE.”

        • Who woulda thunk the bureaucratic alphabet soup would be useful for something.

    • shivaskeeper

      Last time I got one of those IRS calls, after the very nice man on the phone with and official sounding IRS agent number told me the police were on their way to arrest me and seize all of my assets and they would see me in the district court in Washington DC, I told the very nice man with the official sounding IRS agent number that he has batter hope they go there quick, because in the mean time I had already tracked down his physical location and I was buying a plane ticket out his way right now to do some pretty horrible things to him. Three years an no more scam IRS calls,

      • Suse

        Hmmm… that gives me an idea.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        When I was running the SC for Bernie FB page (since taken down), I got a call from a peckerwood pretending to represent a credit card company. I laffed because I have no credit cards. So I told that young cracker that if he ever called again, I would reverse his number and call his mama. No better, I’d call his grandma. And runtellit to all his friends. No more calls.
        That was after, on the page, I was accused of being a “Rachel Dolezel” and that they had a local SC “journalist” who was going to take me down. That troll was fun.

        • shivaskeeper

          Good deal. The problem I saw with the IRS scam calls I was getting was they were using spoofed numbers. Most of them came back as residential numbers in the Richmond, VA area. I ran down some of the non secret protocols I used to use to track shit on the internet, with a judicious amount of made up technical sounding jargon as to how I found him and no more calls.

          I let the normally low simmering rage I have in me out with phone scammers.

    • MApispevooooiCaptainHowdy

      Is he named “Steve Martin” and have an Indian accent? Have you given him your credit card number?

      • Suse

        I gave him all of my numbers – should I not have done that?

        • JustDon’tSayKingLeo

          Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine, just fine.

        • data_ninja

          No, you were being polite. But putting letters in your social security number might confuse them. Try emoticons next time.

    • Shoto

      True story. I got a panic call from a client last week about the “IRS” threatening her. It took me awhile to talk her down, including having to support my position with real IRS info describing this scam. If people don’t know how the service operates, these calls can tend to freak them out.

      • Suse

        This type of stuff really pisses me off. I can see my granny falling for this if she was still around.

    • Jenny

      I thought they made a big arrest for a big ring…but I’m guessing that is a big business in India.

      Anyways my mom told them to please send her to jail, she needs heart surgery. They hung up.

    • Sophia

      Tell them you’ll transfer the money through online banking as soon as that guy that called from Microsoft Tech fixes your computer.

    • puredog

      Um — I suspect you’re unserious, but if you are at all worried, please know that the IRS does not do telephone threats. Scam.

  • georgiaburning

    The Chicago police are ignorant of airline jargon and enforce their city’s more traditional definition of “bumped off”?

    • Suse

      Cement overshoes?

    • mancityRed6

      is that black site still running?

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        “Why? Is that a problem? Should they not have been doing that? I gotta tell ya, I’m gonna have to plead ignorance on this one. If anyone had told me when I was hired that this sort of thing was frowned upon . . .” — Jeff Sessions.

    • Me not sure

      I think they print this on the back of their Miranda Warning script cards. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9baea31bb4c9e9726cff41aaa2d63748447f0fd2789fe560a829305a12526a9a.jpg

      • feh. That is from a movie and it is a misquote anyway.
        Fucking people comeon

        • Me not sure

          It’s one of only two Brian de Palma movies that I kind of like.

  • MApispevooooiCaptainHowdy

    “but it’s eating my popcorn”

  • memzilla Ω
    • MApispevooooiCaptainHowdy

      Seems rather violent.

      • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

        Seems perfect for my kids.

      • mancityRed6

        it’s not like you’re gonna eat ’em

    • SnarkON

      Somewhere in Syria, a child is starving.

    • tehbaddr

      Two peeps enter…

  • Blacktop Autumn

    So, I kinda want to see what you guys think about this idea. I’m slowly aggregating all of my “talking points” on trans issues into a “fuck them up” debate guide for use against transphobes.

    Worthy endeavor? Maybe even worth it’s own domain?

    https://transdebate.wordpress.com/

    • Jennifer R

      Very worthy.

      • Blacktop Autumn

        I knew you’d like it. :-D

        • Jennifer R

          I dropped it over at where my queer activist friends hang as well.

          • Blacktop Autumn

            Oooooh, nice. :-D

    • shivaskeeper

      Did you write that?

      • Blacktop Autumn

        I did not write the guide, just trying to summarize it.

        • shivaskeeper

          I see. That seems like a good starting point. As Jennifer R said, a worthy endeavor.

          I am not trans but I have trans relatives. Going after the hate with science is good to a point, but I know a lot of the shit they have to deal with is a visceral reaction to them, and no amount of science or rational talking points seem to get through to the haters. So, I guess my question is will you be adding some strategies for dealing with that as well? Or is that out of the scope of what you’re doing here?

          • It does not get through to them, but once you have stripped all their other arguments, all they are left with is the hate, and then they either scurry off in shame, or, yell stupid derp in caps. In either case, you get to ignore them ever after.

          • shivaskeeper

            True. I was thinking more in terms of meat space than internet space though.

          • Same works in life. They, to a man, tuck tail and run. Especially if you can do it calmly and with a smile. Strip it all away from them, all the fake stats, all the false science, all of it. It ALWAYS gets to “agree to disagree then!” and they scurry off all hurt.

          • shivaskeeper

            Not always. I got a call from my trans godson one night to please come to his work. An employee that had gotten fired for being an ass to anyone who was LBGT, and in particular to my godson, was waiting outside to seriously fuck some people up. I ended up having to go down there and explain to him in no uncertain terms what was going to happen if he didn’t let it go right now and leave, and what would happen if he showed up again. I told the kiddo when he came out that he always had an ogre in his corner.

            Do not fuck with my family.

          • Blacktop Autumn

            To a degree, yes. Jen has the right of it, but their decision to begin by targeting children really opens them up to criticism. That’ll be the next post.

          • shivaskeeper

            Very good. For the trans folk I know personally, that visceral reactions has been the hardest one to deal with in any sort of meaningful way without direct threats. I would love to point them at your links as well

    • mancityRed6

      “Emerging research reports that transgender children whose families affirm their gender identity are as psychologically healthy as their non-transgender peers.”
      Amazing how a little support at home can do wonders.

    • Me not sure

      “Fuck them all” is always my starting point for any debate. Go for it.

    • mancityRed6

      dammit, now there’s another post…still reading.

    • HazooToo

      Definitely. Just make sure it doesn’t fuck YOU up in the process. Lots of TLC!

      • Blacktop Autumn

        That’s why there’s such a gap between postings. need to figure out how to sticky the first one, though.

        • not_vh

          its been around 8 years, so don’t remember clearly, but you can do it in wordpress. i know that ‘coz i’ve done it before. check stackoverflow.

          • Blacktop Autumn

            I figured it out. :-D

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      *nods*

      Yeah, I think this is good. Always best to have a one-stop shop for responding to nitwits and gender scolds.

    • mancityRed6

      bookmarked. I spend more time reading from this screen than I do actual books, which I am embarrassed about, but I will be checking back for more.

      • Blacktop Autumn

        I’ll try and keep it updated. :-D

    • Yr. Gma

      That’s quite impressive.

  • Rick Hill

    Saving the planet, not a job for conservatives
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_tvJtUHnmU

    • tehbaddr

      If you trim and stunt your plants, this could work for weed too, also!

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      But, Teddy Roosevelt!1!1!!1

    • TJ Barke

      And how much unsustainably sourced fertilizer?

      • cheetojeebus

        Not sure if they use it but I understand in some set ups like this there are also large tanks for farming fish and the water is recirculated through the plants roots filtering it and nourishing the plants. Not sure if other nutrients are needed? or if it’s feasible at this scale.

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω
    • HazooToo

      404’d.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        fixed … sorry.

        • HazooToo

          I love that entire scene! So beautiful

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Bonus points for being a ska fan, also, too.
      https://twitter.com/DaveBlacklist/status/851385556609245184

      • FEARLESS.

      • TJ Barke

        PUNK ROOOOOOOCK! and ska, also, too.

      • II Gosala

        I dunno. The society for kreative anachronism is OK, though the authenticity cops very tiresome.

        Oh…

        Never mind

      • TJ Barke

        Nazi punks fuck off!

      • Crank Tango

        Even more bonus points for being gorgeous, also.

        • TJ Barke

          Right?

  • Fuck the poetry prize, I am OUTRAGED MoDo did not get it. I mean…wormwood tits.
    WTF, Pulitzer people? What the actual fuck. That was art right there.

    • With her and the Nooster up there on the dias, there woulf be too much intoxication on stage

      • Wormwood tits, Picky. She needs to win the Nebula, the Pulitzer and the purple prose for that alone.
        Also, something tells me someone at WSJ was owed a favor. Cause I read some of Peggy’s clap trap and I gotta say, I found it infinitely lacking in “rising to the moment with beautifully rendered columns that connected readers to the shared virtues of Americans”

  • memzilla Ω
    • boyblue123

      Who wore it better? Florida PD or ISIS

      • Nounverb911

        ISIS looks more professional.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Less likely to be using steroids, too.

    • The guy on my far right could TOTES play Snakeeyes in the GI Joe Reboot.

  • Sheepshagger
    • cheetojeebus

      [heads off to store to buy peanuts]

  • ariel_gee_398

    Did Donnie even bother offering thoughts and prayers after the school shooting today? Or has the cat NRA got his tongue?

    • Yr. Gma

      He made Betsy do it.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Cause it wouldn’t have happened if there were no public schools, natch.

        • ariel_gee_398

          And taking time out to offer his condolences would cut into narcissistic news watching time, no doubt.

    • Left Coast Tom

      It didn’t happen in Russia, so…no.

  • Regigiygas

    She produces ‘well written’ pablum for lazy readers in an anxious and frightening point in modern history, a time when the height of discourse appears to be an acknowledgement that while something is wrong, the best course forward is reverse course and yield to the dark impulse that things will never be just if we continue to demand equality and embolden despots and bigots by calling them by their full names. Craven, cowardly bullshit.

    Sounds about right that she’d be praised for being the creme of the crap.

    • I object! It isn’t well written at all.
      For serious, any other publication would have an editor with a big red pen going “Dear fucking lord, these metaphors do not even make sense”

      • Regigiygas

        Haha, I agree of course… hence my use of scare quotes!

        • I just noticed that. Erm.
          Monday…..
          LOOK ELVIS *points and runs*

          • Regigiygas

            Haha, don’t sweat it, pobody’s nerfect and all that.

  • tehbaddr

    I still can’t get over that United Airlines bullshit. The CEO’s head should be served up on a platter. The fish is rotten from the head down.

    • not_vh

      seriously. it’s like chicken and egg. customers forget that people serving them are real people, service people forget that their raisins de entree are the customers.

      • tehbaddr

        That does not apply here in any way. WRONG! I know, I’ve had to work in the service industry the past few years.

        • not_vh

          ok. sorry. i didn’t read the story in detail. whatever be the circumstance you don’t treat any customer like that. i used to work for my dad since high school and worked in the US also. none of my bosses would have tolerated this.

      • II Gosala

        Nothing will teach you faster that people are evil, fucking selfish bastards than customer service work.

        • tehbaddr

          That might be so, but it has nothing to do with the United kerfuffle!

          • II Gosala

            Sure it does.

            United needed to get a flight crew to wherever so that a plane load of passengers could get where they needed to go.

            They offered $800 for anyone who would give up their seat.

            They needed 3 seats and only two people took their offer. So, make exceptions for those flying to their mother’s death bed, no one on that plane had the decency to make a small — compensated — sacrifice for a larger good.

            So United exercised its rights to deny a seat to some random person. It’s right there in the terms and conditions, which exist for exactly this kind of situation.

            And the ransom person turned violent.

            Could United have handled it better…Maybe, but given the crappy, entitled attitude of many (not all by any means) maybe not.

          • vivian

            Wow. I really hope you are no longer in customer service.

          • II Gosala

            I am, and I’m good at it. Perhaps you should walk a mile in my moccasins before passing judgement.

          • vivian

            I have and do and your attitude towards people verges on contempt. I know that we have fostered a culture of entitlement and indignation and that makes the work of dealing with tired, anxious people very (at times extremely) difficult. But that is the job.

          • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

            Speaking of passing judgment:

            “Sure, buy from Amazon, just one of the most evil employers on the planet, but that doesn’t matter of you can get cool shit.”

            “Excuses, excuses.”

          • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

            Factual errors.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      I know, right? It’s outrageous.

  • Sophia
  • Nounverb911
    • Rachel Book Harlot

      This made me laugh out loud! I’m totally retweeting this.

    • boyblue123

      Itd be nice if airlines asked in advance for volunteers just in case theres an overbooking instead of yanking people off the plane after they find out its overbooked

      • Left Coast Tom

        Typically they ask before boarding, I’m thinking something else was also fucked up if UA only decided it needed to transport 4 crew members after it had boarded this plane.

        • I figure they were in danger of having to pay overtime pay if they did not get them home in time

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            Welp, at least this whole incident saved the company a little bit of money.
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0c75933c667f320490a2ef91bf5e61204b3a3f358e74d2c7e6364117d5d179ce.gif

          • Left Coast Tom

            From what I read, the crew were scheduled for a flight from Louisville the next morning. So, UA had just figured out they needed crew there? Maybe crew members who were planned to be there were sick, but…that comes to flight planning, Louisville isn’t a UA hub, they know that, so schedule the flights to handle that.

            And…really…they boarded the flight then discovered a problem? And that was the last ORD->SDF (I’d never have guessed SDF for Louisville without looking it up) flight?

          • vivian

            A five-hour van ride woulda solved their problem without assaulting any of their paying customers…

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            A five-hour van ride is what they’d have offered the passengers.

          • vivian

            Who ostensibly, as paying customers, should have priority over the flight crew.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            “Ostensibly” yes; officially, no. According to United, it’s in the fine print on the back of your e-ticket. Which you’ll read sometime after you’ve read your iTunes agreement with Apple.

      • Suse

        Hubs and I volunteered to be bumped from Paris flight home. We scored bigly with first class flight home 2 days later and huge discount on our next flight.

        • If they offered to put me up AND gimme first class when I got a flight I’d do it. Not gonna lie.

    • mancityRed6

      now you make me want to fly.
      “this is for the last bag of peanuts!”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      I thought that was the new layout for Air Force One

      • mancityRed6

        the press section is clearly labelled

    • tehbaddr

      You’re not supposed to talk about it! Or post diagrams on teh interwebs!

  • Nounverb911
  • mancityRed6

    for the airline story, kinda, maybe, NSFW
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK6b-Y5u_jg

  • Bobwurst

    Those damn Russians are at it again.

    • georgiaburning

      This time they really have no shame

    • not_vh

      what’s this about?

  • Juan de Fuca

    Trump becomes president in the same year that Noonan wins the Pulitzer prize. If I’m Kirk Cameron, I’m thinking 2017 might a good year to release another movie because of the rule of three.

    • msanthropesmr

      Kirk Cameron in “Jesus hates teh gays!”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Afterwards, for fun, read this, about how that particular variety of banana is so heavily genetically engineered that only massive scientific intervention is keeping it from extinction.

        https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2z-OLG0KyR4

        • msanthropesmr

          I aktually read this book in Costa Rica
          https://www.amazon.com/Banana-Fate-Fruit-Changed-World/dp/0452290082
          I wish our bananas were still called “Gros Michel” hee hee hee…

          What it means, the way I read it, is that we’ll just have to stop the mono culture bullshit, and get naners that don’t taste exactly like a cavendish.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Oh, absolutely. I just really enjoy that this misbegotten marvel of human intervention is some idiot’s proof that God Is Our Product Development Manager.

  • Picabo

    Please someone explain this to me. Peggy Noonan won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary. I wish Mike Royko was here. Can’t imagine the response. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b77459d8b0417a9671374e347a2134942d7cb160aff533c69aa39be9f11fafcd.jpg

    • My hypothesis is that someone on the Pulitzer committee owed someone at WSJ a big favor.

      • georgiaburning

        Lost a bet on the election?

      • Carpe Vagenda

        The Columbia J School appears to be refreshingly open to financial support.

    • Suse

      I’ve never read her stuff, really. I know she’s an insufferable Reagan groupie. I just like to read what Wonkette says about her and her gin-soaked words.

  • Nounverb911
    • not_vh

      pultizer of communications it must be.

    • Idaho4644

      What an arrogant preek!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Heckuva job, Oscar. I bet overbooked flights will be much less of a problem for United now.

  • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

    She’s going to celebrate with a lot valium and a lot of gin. Good for her.

  • Nick Scroggs

    I just, feel sad. That this is considered the best journalism in our world, that 4.5 billion years of life on this planet, could be annihilated by a few idiots and thugs in power willing to kill their own people, other life forms, and a whole planet, just to prove a point to the “other guys.” That with time given randomly by biology and quantum mechanics, that it is spent looking for reasons to fight. I mean, I might not have been, millions of sperm to fertilize an egg, and one might have gotten there before me. or further back, my parents might never have met or decided to not marry, and then i wouldn’t exist, just a black void in the universe. Such chance, but instead I’m here, a blob of flesh, water, and calcium, with a brain that sits in my head, visually reading the words I type, aware I’m in a time and place where I might not have been. My point is, I’m sad about all the people of the world who squander this, who figure that the best to do is be greedy, bigoted, and make as much money and fame as possible, or die fighitng people they’ve never met in pointless feuds. And they are in power.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Here’s a cookie. You need to raise your blood sugar, honey. Viva la Resistance.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Yup – exactly what I expected. San Bernardino shooter walked into the office, told them he had something to drop off for his (estranged) wife, they let him through after he signed in, he walked calmly down to the classroom, entered, and opened fire.

    In other words, gun nuts: nothing that you propose would have changed the outcome. This could have happened in the grocery store, in the park, on the street, or inside the most heavily fortified installation on Earth.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      What is in the water in San Bernadino? Is it the Hellmouth?

      • ariel_gee_398

        Without Buffy.

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          And Dark Willow in charge.

          • ariel_gee_398

            Or Warren. Pre-flaying.

      • Yr. Gma

        The shooter lived in Riverside.

    • Suse

      An armed society is a polite society.

      • shivaskeeper

        Heinlein libelz.

    • TJ Barke

      I wanna make a “if only the kids had been armed” joke, but humor as a coping mechanism is starting to wear thin…

    • shivaskeeper

      The two kids who were wounded could have been armed.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        They were armed. And legged. And alive and healthy this morning. Fuck the NRA.

        • shivaskeeper

          I agree. I figure it’s only a matter of time before the argument is made though.

          That would be the same NRA that just had someone shoot themselves in their own leg at the NRA headquarters doing some sort of training. They can’t even not fuck up with guns at their own headquarters.

    • ariel_gee_398

      A man shot and killed an 8-year-old child rather than deal with the fact that his wife wanted a divorce. Please, gun nuts, tell me again that we don’t have a problem with guns in this country and that domestic abusers’ Second Amendment rights should be sacrosanct.

      • shivaskeeper

        If Sandy Hook didn’t sway them, another dead kid won’t do it.

        • ariel_gee_398

          Of course not, but I’m just so fucking sick of men who can’t deal with rejection turning guns on their partners and innocent bystanders.

          • shivaskeeper

            Rejection, or hate, or anger, or fear, or being cut off in traffic, or loud music, or sometimes the voices in their fucking heads telling them to go out and be famous.

  • Relativicus

    Peggy won? Ross Douthat must be spinning in his grave.

    • not_vh

      ross does that.

  • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

    Road rage incident in British Columbia caught on CCTV…
    https://twitter.com/MrFilmkritik/status/851599559990136833

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
      • TJ Barke

        Fucking rude goddamned deer.

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          And Betsy Devos was worried about gun-toting bears. Pfft.

      • mancityRed6

        here in Kansas I only have to worry about them jumping in front of my car.

      • jesterpunk

        Is the deer ok?

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        The deer was being chased by a dog. In the slightly longer version I saw, you can see it run on the other side of the car.

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          FALSE WAG!

      • RobKanC

        Oh deer god.

      • RobKanC

        Me thinks this might have been stag-ed

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      First round draft pick for the NY Jets ….

  • Nounverb911
    • Nightcrawler

      Ana Navarro is one of the few republicans I like. She was all over Trump since the beginning.

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        She’s certainly more moderate than Evan McMullin, but this is a true “coalition of the willing”.

  • Nightcrawler

    How fitting a movie called Boss Baby happened to come out while Trump is President..

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    https://twitter.com/nytgraphics/status/851514915273805826

    Also, Trump on track to spend more on personal travel in one year than Obama did in 8 years.

  • boyblue123

    It didnt take much time at all for someone to make a twitter account to make fun of United’s seating problems

    https://twitter.com/UnitedOverBooks/status/851541810619043845

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Suse

      Fuck you, Neil.

      • TJ Barke

        With a 32 and 1/2 foot pole.

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Not long enough.

    • ok, it was NOT Scalia’s seat. He happened to be a justice, but there is no heir to the SCOTUS.
      Fucking Republicans need to quit that shit

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        I am going with Garland’s seat. And if I ever run into “Mr” Gorsuch, I intend to remind him.

  • Nounverb911
    • The optics of pulling an Asian passenger off surprisingly doesn’t look good in Asia.

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • Poor, poor KaCa…she looks so tired.

      • Yr. Gma

        I was thinking “dead.”

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          Only on both the inside and outside.

    • Suse

      Malaria has not defected to Slovenia
      Marla has not released her tell-all book
      No one has found Don, Jr.s burial ground

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      “No nukes launched”
      Are we sure he thinks that’s a “win”?

      • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

        File it under “Practiced Restraint”

    • 3FingerPete

      One would think a few post-it notes would be more than sufficient.

  • Nounverb911
    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ban the muslims, and there’ll be more seats.

    • Suse

      lmao!

    • Why not? According to Jared, citizens are customers of the government.
      You know. Instead of the Boss of the government.

    • CripesAmighty

      ‘So, Jared, just remember. When the seat belt light goes off, just pull that lever with the red arrow. They’ll be there with your Chivas momentarily.’

  • 3FingerPete

    A short while ago someone told me Miracle Whip is mayonnaise. I have spared his life…for now.

    • MApispevooooiCaptainHowdy

      Whatever it is, it’s absolutely disgusting.

      • 3FingerPete

        I told him they were two totally different tastes. He gave me a “you’re being ridiculous” attitude.

        • Jennifer R

          Hey now, he might have lost his tongue in a meth accident.

          • 3FingerPete

            He has had lifelong sinus issues. I suspect he is actually the taste version of color blind. Having watched him prepare some of his meals that would be the most likely explanation.

        • Shoto

          Sounds like a real connoisseur.

      • Ω cynmac will never surrender

        My mom can’t tell the difference between cola like drinks. Unless they are diet. Go figure.

    • Shoto

      Miracle Whip: A genuine, alleged, quasi-food-like substance.

    • Jenny

      I like miracle whip! Cuz I like sugar! But really that’s all it is, mayo with sugar and paprika.

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      My dad does that. He loved Miracle Whip but has an awful sugar tooth and is also too diabetic.
      Pro tip – Avoid the diabeetus, kids.

      • Jenny

        My grandmother only used miracle whip. I had no idea mayo existed until I went next door for lunch! “What is this bitter white stuff on my turkey sandwich,” I yelped!

        Alas it was Helmann’s. And then I recoiled in horror as they slathered it on iceberg lettuce, onion, carrots, and tomatoes for a “salad dressing”…

        Noooooooooo! I ran home before they could ruin banana pudding with egg whites!

        • 3FingerPete

          In the fourth grade I attended a birthday party that served hotdogs with mayonnaise instead of mustard. I literally gagged. Mayo is good in very specific circumstances, with very little tolerance for use outside those very specific circumstances.

          • Jenny

            I agree. The neighbors put mayo on everything. Including bananas and strawberries. Allegedly because that’s what Elvis did. They were weird.

    • Pinkham’s Law
      • 3FingerPete

        I looked it up a short while ago. Miracle Whip does not meet the FDA definition of mayonnaise. Not enough oil content. I can’t find a Federal standard for hagfish slime but I suspect Miracle Whip is somewhere on that spectrum.

        • Bonus, Miracle whip can last for like…ever…on a shelf.

        • Jamoche

          But “Just Mayo” is allowed to call itself “mayo” when the only thing vaguely egg-like is the label.

          Miracle Whip has enough oil to be a moisture barrier between the bread and the contents, and to hold the sandwich together. That’s all I ask of it; if I can taste the sandwich adhesive then there’s too much of it.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Jesus is forgiveness. He is pleased with you. Even if the dude did say Miracle Whip is mynaze.

    • Suse

      We had MW in lieu of mayo when I was growing up, so I didn’t know the diff until I was 18 or so.

      • cmd resistor

        We had stpre brand. My mom called it salad dressing.

        • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

          The Miracle Whip label used to say it was salad dressing.

      • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

        I knew the diff because we had mayonnaise at my aunt’s house, but otherwise, same here.

    • Sophia

      If I have learned nothing else since I became a Wonkateer I have learned not to say the words Miracle Whip

      • some of us like a lil miracle whip, betwixt consenting adults……

  • I am waiting for a bus it a pretty good lightening storm. It’s stopped raining, so i can Wonk whilst i wait

  • Nounverb911
    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Fucker.

    • TJ Barke

      What a piece of shit.

    • Suse

      Did anyone expect anything else?

    • Dear Faux News….
      This is precisely why we mock the fuck out of you.
      Sincerely,
      Everyone but your slowly declining target demographic.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      There are murderers in real life with no ability to empathize acting better than this idiot.

      • The look on the other guy’s face in that still is pretty priceless.

    • ariel_gee_398

      And yet, this won’t crack the top ten most offensive things he has done/will do this week.

    • jesterpunk

      Can someone drag BillO off the plane and beat him with votes?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Honestly surprised he didn’t parrot the “YOU MUST OBEY AUTHORITY AT ALL TIMES!” bull he usually spouts when people don’t sufficiently snap to at the bark of an order.

  • Sophia
    • No, Shi-shi, I ate, but thank you

    • Jamoche

      Like to see United try to get him off the plane.

  • TJ Barke

    I wonder, should I get a Nintendo 3DS or just skip it and get a Switch?

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Find me a job in Memphis doing what I know how to do. That should keep you busy.

      • TJ Barke

        I, uh, what?

    • Idaho4644

      Only 32 GB of on-board memory on the Switch concerns me…

    • Jenny

      3DS has libraries and libraries of games. Boyfriend has the switch, zelda is good but that is really all there is right now.

      • IS WORTH FOR ZELDA.
        No I am not biased *is totally biased*
        I am actually trying to figure out a way to get my lads the switch before christmas that the hubby will go along with because want so much.

        • Jenny

          I have only played for 10 minutes cuz well I am busy but it has an mmo feel to it. I don’t like weapons breaking all the time. And a lot of gathering to upgrade things. More than usual I mean. Herbs for a potion, an imbue, or food. Rocks, gems, bones…have to gather everything.

          • I am ok with that XD Harkens back to an early PS game, forget the title, was never pops. But basically you were a lil proto human trying to build a temple out of mammoth bones and advance your tribe through gathering materials and making ever more complex tools. Friggin anthropological game boner.

    • Shoto

      What about that fancy, new-fangled “Pong” game?

      • TJ Barke

        I’ve got that on my phone.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    In a week from now, I will not be a conspiracy theorist for thinking the voting machines themselves were messed with. I swear to FSM. Not sure that makes me feel better or not.

    • TJ Barke

      I thought in Michigan they did find evidence of it?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        They did find irregularities when they started recounts and there is that whole hacked USB angle but people still call it a conspiracy theory. I’ve stopped arguing with them because it’s literally the same as when we found out Donnie’s campaign might be colluding with Russia last year. Just “It Can’t Happen Here” on radio playing on repeat.

    • Shanzgood

      I’m voting tomorrow so…

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      I will remain silent, but skeptical.

    • boyblue123

      I thought they hacked into the voting machines to get the voter roles. Then they used the voter role information to target individuals with personalized anti-Clinton FB ads

    • HogeyeGrex
      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I know, I just saw that on “Rachel Maddow” but it’ll be a week before we get more information and it is accepted into the mainstream.

        • HogeyeGrex

          You’re very much an optimist there.

    • Jamoche

      There’s a reason paper ballots are popular here in Silicon Valley…

      • huh so weird that a buncha tech people would not want some high tech voting machine! Almost as if they know how easy…..

  • memzilla Ω
  • not_vh

    gn folks. remember united you fall. take the train instead.

  • Poly_Ester

    To be charitable, her opeds embody the spirit of the age — boozy, incoherent, and WTF?

    • I am thinking at this point that I could have been the greatest columnist known to mankind.
      I mean, if Peggy sets the bar of Pulitzer material…..we all have a shot!

  • Picabo

    Some good news. “Tiny, family-run newspaper wins Pulitzer Prize for taking on big business”
    http://www.poynter.org/2017/tiny-family-run-newspaper-wins-pulitzer-prize-for-taking-on-big-business/455465/

    “He won for editorials that confronted the state’s most powerful agricultural interests, which include the Koch Brothers, Cargill and Monsanto, and their secret funding of the government defense of a big environmental lawsuit. His “tenacious reporting, impressive expertise and engaging writing” were quite self-evident if you’ve seen his labor (which actually spanned two years, though he won for last year’s efforts).

    But he cranked those out while functioning as a de facto city editor, part-time reporter and editorial writer. He lays out the main news pages and used to run the press until printing was moved to Sheldon, Iowa, an hour away.”

  • Jonny On Maui
    • Suse

      Nice!

    • Siiiggghhhh. Thank you. It is good to know this still exists.

      • TJ Barke

        It won’t by the end of Trump’s second term.

        • It will if we keep fighting.
          We’re gonna lose some- not gonna lie or sugar coat it.
          But we must keep fighting, always, forever.

          • Lord Jim

            Yeah, I once tried to bolster up friend by saying “Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness”.

            His reply?

            “Fuck darkness.” :)

        • Suse

          The coral reefs are in big trouble.

          • TJ Barke

            They’ll all be dead within 100 years, probably. Sooner depending on who’s in charge where.

          • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

            The Great Barrier Reef is mostly dead now, I guess. At least I can cross one thing off my bucket list.

            http://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-39524196

          • Logic of Color

            Trump wants to get rid of them. Says they’re “weak” and “sad” and “underwater where no one can see them anyway so who cares?”

    • Shanzgood

      I adore the beach but baconz likes snow and mountains and hates sand in his toes so I’m not sure this whole thing is going to work for us after all.

      • mountains pwn beaches in every measurable way.
        Not so much snow…but thick, green, living forests with sounds and smells and the fresh air and all of that. sssiiiggghhhhhh

        • TJ Barke

          Less chance of being killed by tsunami…

        • msanthropesmr

          Ugh. I hate the beach. Sooo much sand. Sticky. Smells bad.

          • Lord Jim

            Too much sun. Bad for vampires.

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
          • I am down with mountain islands.

          • TJ Barke

            That’s what New Zealand is for.

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            From my housemate’s lips to the FSMs noodly appendages.
            Although I’d be sorry to see her go. :( Ex-Navy – pays her rent on time and makes sure the place is ship-shape. :)

        • Shanzgood

          Mmmhmm, okay. Scruffy man building a fire and making roast beast.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I love the beach and swimming, Future Mr. Cats loves winter. It’s going pretty well so far.

        • Shanzgood

          I think these things can be negotiated, yeah. Baconz just will just have to find a way to keep me warm when it’s cold outside.

          • Lord Jim

            I have a strange feeling he will rise to the occasion. Er…um… :P

          • Shanzgood

            Yeah baconz um…he’s like Xander with the linoleum.

          • Lord Jim

            XD

      • Jamoche

        Ocean cliffs. All the nice ocean, none of the nasty sand.

      • Jonny On Maui

        We’re 3000 feet up the mountain. This particular beach is 20 minutes away. Come for a visit…

        • Shanzgood

          I’d love to! Maybe on honeymoon!

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
      • Idaho4644

        I recognize Ted Cruz but who’s the lady?

        • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

          Canucky Campbell, the soup heiress.

    • Kiri the Unicorn
  • Me not sure

    Here’s to you Mrs.Noonington, Jesus must love you more than you can know. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1097c303600aa5e18bb6393749aaf09f27c0f871ff93a724533b95acb24448db.jpg

  • going4baroque

    Speaking of poets and their poetry, what other field of endeavor is content to produce 500 metric tons of crap to produce perhaps an ounce of award-winning word wizardry? None other, correct! EDITED due to some pontificating word user: make that “what other ARTISTICALLY CREATIVE field of endeavor …”, etc

    • msanthropesmr

      Gold miners….
      Diamond miners…

      • going4baroque

        fixed that, it is now loop hole and fool proof

    • Shanzgood
    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit
    • Logic of Color

      The Rolling Stones?

    • John Grisham LIBULZ!!!!!!

      • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

        Dan Brown Libe…. oh, wait..

        • ANN COULTER LIBULLZZ!!!!

          • Logic of Color

            Where is there wizardry in any of her work?

          • She did mention how Trump was a bought out shill for the corporate war machine lately ^.^ Not in those precise words.
            But close enough, for her, I give her an Ann pass

          • Logic of Color

            Works for me! Can’t wait to hear her next little gem in the 2030s.

          • Optimist. I was thinkin 2040 at the earliest.

      • going4baroque

        from THE FIRM: His eyes left the fence, and he cocked his head sideways … was searching for line I remembered reading in the same first novel that went something like “his eyes fell onto the table” wonderful stuff

    • BloviateMe

      Corporate. Doesn’t matter which company.

      • The paradigm of the overall design is rife with copacetic nuances you know.

        • yyyaz

          I think you misspelled coprophilic.

        • BloviateMe

          I will perform a gemba analysis of your sentence, could be a kaizen event.

          • Logic of Color

            Oh My God I have to get a “green belt” next month. Kill me now?

          • Oh FSM, do you working in Canadian community health care?

          • BloviateMe

            Nope, it’s spreading like a virus, there’s no escaping Lean practices.

            I mean, it used to be called synergy, but whatevs. New day, new name.

    • Jamoche

      Sturgeon’s Law: 90% of everything is crap. Sturgeon was talking about the stuff that made it past an editor, though, so for every level of filtering, take another 90% off. Step 1: the slushpile, filtered by lower-level minions. Step 2: the real editor. Therefore, it’s more like 99.9%, as you have just noted.

      • yyyaz

        Separate the wheat from the chaff, publish the chaff.

      • going4baroque

        thank you for that extraordinary display of scientific acumen, which totally supports my intuitive hunch and deals a knockout punch to all the naysayers that dare enter the ring and dispute that which careens and ricochets inside my skull. Best regards

    • Pinkham’s Law

      “Speaking of poets and their poetry, what other field of endeavor is
      content to produce 500 metric tons of crap to produce perhaps an ounce
      of award-winning word wizardry?”
      Um, if AOT,K was ever appropriate, this is the time.

      • going4baroque

        that is one point of view, right up there with Feynman’s view that there is only one electron in all the universe, which is to say that AOT, K, in this case proves the point I was making, as in this case, its use is a load of crap! Best regards.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Presenting the Clio Awards, just for starters.

    • 3FingerPete

      Have you seen that gold mining show on the Discovery Channel?

  • Suse

    Eewww – Rachel just played an icky Bentley recording.

    • Amelia Resists and Persists

      She hopes it was the last time as much as we do. Yech.

  • boyblue123

    Looks like Jared Kushner didnt like that Breitbart was targeting him with the FireKushner twitter tag and that they were publishing anti-Kushner articles so he complained to Drumpf about it

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/breitbart-backs-off-jared-kushner-criticism-after-he-personally-complained-to-trump-report

    • Suse

      He sure is a big baby for being the man who will save the planet.

      • they are ALL big babies.

      • boyblue123

        The whole clan is super sensitive

      • TJ Barke

        “the man who will savepave the planet.”
        FTFY.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Ooh — a Kushner/Bannon feud could really divide the Russian coalition. But at least I’ve got a working title for my history of the Assmouth cabinet: A Team of Assholes.

  • Suse

    Supper prep time. Have to come up with something for chicken boobs and fridge odds and ends.

    • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

      Your kids have the weirdest names!

      • Honestly, it is one of my favorite things about Suse.

        • msanthropesmr

          We threatened to name our pets
          Z-score and T-test
          or
          Maggot Cider and Naan Bread

          • Suse

            We named one of our cats Abysmal.

          • puredog

            I knew a cat named Brain Death. I had a dog named Bonkers, and a cat named Rat.

          • msanthropesmr

            We had Riff Raff the cat.

          • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

            We had Izzy Blanche Drooly.

          • shivaskeeper

            My brother has a cat named Lucy Fur. One of my cats is named Beast.

          • My brother named his cat Roach.
            Because. Reasons.

          • Abbie Small! Too cute

          • Logic of Color

            Mocha and Butterscotch. We’re nauseating.

          • Steely_Fan

            My ex was a (certified) crazy cat lady & we had many, many cats over the almost 30 years we were married. Three of my favorites: Gnossos (Pappadoupolis), Yossarian, and a pure black Persian named Smudge.

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            Fatty Jinjapewbs. RIP.

          • HazooToo

            Three ferrets: Tohru, Hisoka and Lirin.

      • Suse

        I wanted them to stand out from the crowd, you see.

        • msanthropesmr
          • Logic of Color

            Rick? He spells it with a silent “P”, right?

          • msanthropesmr

            “Can you actually die from overdosing on laxatives?”
            “I don’t know, but I’m going to stick around and find out”

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Picatta. Butter, lemon, capers. Never misses.

      • Suse

        I have all of that stuff.

        • Résistance Land Shark Ω

          Brown the boobs. Set aside. In the same pan, melt butter, add lemon juice. Add capers, return boobs to pan. Warm covered, serve with rice or couscous or bulger or whatever.

          • msanthropesmr

            Whitey Bulger?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Only if he’s well done?

          • ifyalikeityashuldaputasw19onit

            Is that bulger in your pantry, or are you just pleased to see me?

          • Thaumaturgist

            I am going to try this. Thanx.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            You can deglaze the pan with some white wine before the butter & lemon as well. That would make it a true picatta.

          • Thaumaturgist

            I will do that.

    • shivaskeeper

      Depends on the odds and ends, but boneless buffalo chicken is never a bad thing.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        mmmmm ….. a good choice.

    • My grandmother called that a “moxo di glama” or a “maxa di glamo”, depending on I don’t know what. Whatever leftovers had to be used up, with some protein.

    • 3FingerPete

      Chicken parmesan. Easy and delicious.

  • BloviateMe

    Growing up, finding out about masturbation was a gift met with the songs of angels, but that sketchy going thru puberty thing was a little rough on the ego.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f7bbd7895ba20c9c959dc4efef28910c76d1a8d2ea3786f32a4e2a6ee3b6c95d.jpg

    • Logic of Color

      I just reacted to that post.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Peggles won the Pulitzer Prize in blackout drunken commentary- the Pulitzer Committee regrets the erroneous attribution.

  • Wild Cat

    Well, they didn’t give William Faulkner the Nobel Prize until his brain and liver were totally eaten away by booze, too . . . but at least he wrote some decent shit in the 1920s.

    • yyyaz

      If I had had his brain and grew up in the Deep South in the ’20s, I would have been electrocuted by the state by 1930.

      • Wild Cat

        He was upper class and cosmopolitan. Fought for Canada in WWII. Wasted time in Hollywood.

        Our greatest writer.

        • yyyaz

          My vote will always go to Sam Clemens. Faulkner remained a Southerner at heart until his death.

          • Wild Cat

            Clemens was a Confederate supporter, then saw the light re the Belgian Congo. But as a writer he was clever, but not as complex as Faulkner by a light year. This is indisputable.

            But Faulkner was our James Joyce. Maybe Wm. Gaddis can approach him. Maybe.

          • Wild Cat

            Jesus H. Fucking Joe Christmas – – -will you finish typing already???

          • yyyaz

            James Joyce wrote the quintessential ode to self-erudition. Have you ever read “Capt. Stormfield’s Extract from Heaven”? Also, Clemens evolved. Indisputable? Hardly.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Eh, YMMV on the quality of Peggles brain to begin with- her stock in trade is fawning over a complete bullshit image of Reagan.

      • She was his image maker, really

        • yyyaz

          And that is enough to make any thinking human want to puke their toenails out.

      • Wild Cat

        She’s just a cheap whore. No other way to describe her.

        And so are the Pulitzer fuckheads who chose her.

  • Sophia

    Mike Cox retired after three decades at the Environmental Protection Agency on March 31 with a scathing letter for EPA administrator Scott Pruitt.

    https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/3538076-EPACoxlet.html

  • Pinkham’s Law
    • TJ Barke

      FUCKING LOL!

    • BloviateMe

      That dad is my kinda guy.

    • shivaskeeper

      Also need to have them change the winter air in the tires to summer air, and collect exhaust samples in a trash bag.

      • TJ Barke

        Needs moar flight line!

    • MynameisBlarney

      HA!
      I was once asked to go ask the foreman where the “Walking Grease” was.

      I didn’t have that job for very long.

    • Shanzgood

      Y’all that was an internet joke back in the dialup 90’s before videos!

  • TJ Barke
    • ooooooo do like!

    • Master Contrail Program
    • yyyaz

      Teej, at 7000′ of elevation, I water my sole blackberry bush.

      • TJ Barke

        At 50′ of elevation, I go to war against mine.

        • yyyaz

          In Orygun, you need a flamethrower and lots of fuel.

          • TJ Barke

            We could nuke the site from orbit and I still wouldn’t be sure.

          • WomanInThePersistence

            There’s an area I passed by not too long ago. Completely taken over by blackberry and English Ivy. It was like “Godzilla vs. Mothra”.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Be careful with it and have an expert show you how to use it safely.

      https://media.giphy.com/media/wvWMl2iKkEGre/giphy.gif

    • Shucky Ducky

      Pretty and functional!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Heh….
      And here I thought I had the baddest machete on the planet.

      It’s a Bolo from Japan. Way, way older than I am.

      I’ve chopped down trees with that fuckin’ thing.

      That beauty you got there though…yeah…WANT!

      • TJ Barke

        Fiskars makes some cool shit. Most of which can be bought via amazon.

        • II Gosala

          Sure, buy from Amazon, just one of the most evil employers on the planet, but that doesn’t matter of you can get cool shit.

          • TJ Barke

            I live in bumfuck nowhere. Stuff gets shipped here, or I don’t get it.

          • II Gosala

            Excuses, excuses

          • TJ Barke

            It’s not like I advocate for more lax labor regulations.

        • MynameisBlarney

          That they do.
          How long is that fucking thing? Full tang?
          My Bolo is probably just over a foot long. But it’s heavy, and it’s fucking sharper’n fuck.
          Thing’s gotta be 60-70 years old, at the least.

          • TJ Barke

            It’s bigger than it looks, it’s about 29 inches, and the handle can be gripped with both hands for chopping like it’s an axe. I tested it this afternoon, and it is much more effective than a normal machete, but not quite as good as a regular axe.

    • shivaskeeper

      Kill the roots or they will come back. Like a bad horror movie character, they will come back.

      • TJ Barke

        The war never ends.

    • HazooToo

      I want one. Do they sell them at S-Mart?

      • TJ Barke

        I donut know. But it’s called a Fiskars machete axe.

        • Shanzgood

          Fiskars makes sewing scissors* and this axe is about how I feel trying to use them.

          *Not a product dis-recommendation.

        • HazooToo

          Googling away!

  • memzilla Ω

    Keith Olbermann again. https://youtu.be/sGFel-fhGkw

    • Sophia

      Keith’s gonna have a stroke before the trumps term is over

      • TJ Barke

        I hope Trump has a stroke before Trump’s term is over.

  • Bill D. Burger

    “Thank You For Flying United….You’re one tough motherfucker!”

    http://i.imgur.com/o08vOKC.png

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    https://twitter.com/thehill/status/851611527987818497

    Expecting a retweet from Bashar al-Assad.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Title: “An Asshole and Its Clone.”

      • aktlib101

        Alternatively, “An Asshole and his Anal Fissure”

      • An asshole and the spawn currently in his favor more like.
        Word is, he plays them off each other, like they have to complete for his attention, love, even support

      • Amy!

        “Asshole and its product.”

    • DainBramage

      Kim Jong-un approves.

    • aktlib101

      Is Saddam still alive, somewhere?

  • Sophia

    Okay you artistic people get those creative juices flowing and submit an entry. .

    This Koch-backed group invites you to celebrate fossil fuels this Earth Day
    The contest is designed to “showcase the awesomeness of fossil fuels.”

    “Enviros celebrate by planting trees but they never celebrate the trucks that deliver the trees, or the gas that powers that truck, or the plastic handles of the shovels they use,” an email from the organization reads. “Shouldn’t Mother Earth be thanked for making Earth Day events possible?”
    Budding artists are encouraged to send their original works in by April 21 with the main requirement that it “should showcase the awesomeness of fossil fuels.”

    https://thinkprogress.org/koch-backed-group-celebrates-fossil-fuels-425ca28de8da

    • HazooToo
    • TJ Barke

      How about a tall glass of go fuck yourself?

      • Shanzgood

        That’s another thing I like about you, TJ. You never equivocate about how you feel.

        • TJ Barke

          Run away with me.

        • snark-lurker

          i like your latest pic, i like’em all

          • Shan has loverly pictures

          • Shanzgood

            Snapchat FTW!

            Except for that one with the fetish mask. I didn’t know what it was until TJ pointed it out but it was too late and I’d already sent it to baconzgood and it made him laugh so hard he had to get off the bus before they ejected him.

          • snark-lurker

            fetish mask? FETISH MASK?! i demand s pix (plz)

          • Shanzgood
          • snark-lurker

            beautiful!

          • Shanzgood

            Snapchat is evil.

          • snark-lurker

            i donut do snapchat or evil, but i am pure naughty!

          • Shanzgood

            I should post the “wtf where is my coffee you useless amoeba?!” pic

    • Silly Kochs, trees do not come from trucks.
      They come from seeds and acorns and other biological things, being, you know, trees.

    • II Gosala

      The glory of fossil fuels is that they will end the insanity that is civilization.

      When the seas rise, when temperatures make a third of the planet uninhabitable, when climatic instability makes a mockery of agriculture, we can get back to the paleolithic society that served us so well for 190,000 years.

      True science facts: paleolithic life expectancy (if you survived childhood) was about 60 years. Paleolithic people were taller than civilized people until about a generation ago and they had fewer dental lesions.

      • TJ Barke

        While I agree with yer point, this ain’t the best forum for it…

        • II Gosala

          I am so past caring about that

      • Not so sure that last bit is true science fact at all?
        Pretty sure most anthropologists agree that the average life expectancy of paleo peoples was about….40ish, some living longer, infant and childhood mortality about 1 in 3 so many many many not even reaching that far…. And they are usually found with insane tooth problems, the remains still have teeth, because so many do not. Also, they were much shorter, by almost a foot, than the mean average now….

        • TJ Barke

          Nope. Extreme dental problems are shorter stature are features of early “civilized” life.

          • Pretty sure that is not a thing that is true, TJ. Height has regional variations across the spectrum, in both pre-historic and historic societies; people did not really, actually, shrink because they took up farming and sedentary settlements.
            Sounds to me like one of them idealized misconceptions like they never warred back then and everyone lived in peace and harmony with the world around them. Afraid the evidence is that they died young, had bad teeth later on like…everyone would without toothpaste (unless you drink nothing but sugar) and were, actually, shorter on average across the globe *allowing of course for those regional variations*

          • TJ Barke

            And the evidence is that our civilization is in every way destroying the biosphere and is wholly unsustainable. It is literally causing the 6th mass extinction event.

          • That could be, the evidence certainly points that we are not helping anything.
            But that has nothing to do with the above, really.
            Not saying civilization won’t eventually lead to the end of civilization, as is possible and as time goes on, increasingly likely.

          • TJ Barke

            The point being, what’s more right? A less convenient life, or potentially the wholesale destruction of the global biosphere? At the end of the day, who cares? I’ll be dead before it’ll matter. I could go live in the woods now, but it won’t make a difference, apart from soothing my conscience.

          • I would not mind living in the woods myself. I sort of do live in the woods now.
            I do not think there is any going back. No heading off to Eden as it were; we’re not designed to en’mas abandon knowledge and technology since it is what has enabled our species to not only survive, but thrive in every condition nature or our fellow man can throw at us. I am thinking it a good idea to work with what we have and figure out how to make it work instead of romanticizing what came before.

          • TJ Barke

            There is no way to make it work. Not in any sort of morally acceptable way. We’ll find a way to maybe support ourselves and nothing else on a dead planet, or we’ll simply engineer our own destruction. There’s no going back, because we have already destroyed our ability to do so. So fuck it.

          • II Gosala

            No one is romanticizing the past. We’re simply pointing out that modern civilization had its downsides.

            TJ says we’ve gone past the point of no return. I’m not quite there yet, but we have a number of high hills to climb

            1. Can we mitigate the effects of rapid global warming?

            2. Can we ameliorate our destruction of species and the biosphere?

            3. Can we sustain the advantages of technology?

            4. Can we wean ourselves from the destructive effects of civilization: neurosis, stress, separation from sources of health and happiness (nature, family, self awareness and expression)?

            5. Can we adapt to technology in a way that does not leave large numbers of people behind in poverty and hopelesness?

          • I agree with TJ, pretty much figure we’re past the point of save the human. But that might be late night pessimism creeping in ^.^
            I hope we can do those. I am pretty sure we can do those since we are a clever species after all. I am just not so sure we are willing to at this point

          • II Gosala

            Nope, not a romantic notion at all.

            Crazy dental problems were a result of eating grain based products — bread, rice, noodles — which were only possible because of agriculture.

            The shortness of civilized peoples, until recently, is also definitively not made up.

            Civilization was good for the species, but it was bad for the individual

            https://riversong.wordpress.com/health-impacts-of-a-grain-based-agriculture/

          • I am sorry, the author appears to be cherry picking some data, specifically focusing on the top end of population 1 and comparing it to the average of modern humans.
            For example:
            While the largest cranial vault of heilderbergensis did reach 1300cc- modern human’s average size- their vault was much thicker so, in effect, they probably had less cranial capacity. And their smaller end is much smaller than our smallest end.
            http://anthro.palomar.edu/homo2/mod_homo_1.htm
            and
            http://www.becominghuman.org/node/homo-sapiens-0
            List both extreme ends and averages.

            Also, as for height:
            Some populations may have had taller individuals, specifically in certain regions, but the cross mingling of non-stationary populations introduced shorter genes; in effect, the average then was shorter than the average now though some small populations, specifically northern Europe, may have been taller. Did people get shorter? By average no. Some localities may have seen a population that got shorter, but it is just as likely that those populations were sub planted by shorter people than setting up farming did it.

            Wish I could link in the biological review article but, they want students to pay being bastards like that.

            http://www.hormones.gr/127/article/article.html
            https://australianmuseum.net.au/homo-sapiens-modern-humans

            Much of the claim that paleo people lived longer healthier lives appears to be because of that paleo diet. Just googling now, nearly all the resources that claim paleo people lived longer are sites and people who support said diet, while the actual evidence indicates that on average, people did not live as long as they do now, though certainly there are some individuals that defied the odds. For example: There is a neander skeleton that may be about 50 or so, surrounded by others that seem more 30-40ish range, buried together in southern Europe. Just as now there are people who live longer than others.
            Of course, what advocates of the paleo diet forget is that entire populations would suddenly cease to exist because of the uncertainty of food-specifically if hit by drought or catastrophe- while agricultural populations were better able to plan for and withstand such events.

  • aktlib101

    Krugman going after Trump’s war cheerleaders in the media
    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/10/opinion/publicity-stunts-arent-policy.html
    “One thing is certain: The media reaction to the Syria strike showed that many pundits and news organizations have learned nothing from past failures.”
    “Mr. Trump may like to claim that the media are biased against him, but the truth is that they’ve bent over backward in his favor. They want to seem balanced, even when there is no balance; they have been desperate for excuses to ignore the dubious circumstances of his election and his erratic behavior in office, and start treating him as a normal president
    “You may recall how, a month and a half ago, pundits eagerly declared that Mr. Trump “became the president of the United States today” because he managed to read a speech off a teleprompter without going off script. Then he started tweeting again.”
    “One might have expected that experience to serve as a lesson. But no: The U.S. fired off some missiles, and once again Mr. Trump “became president.” Aside from everything else, think about the incentives this creates.”

    • boyblue123

      Some in the media like to resurrect the “trump’s pivot” storyline even though theyve been proven wrong every time a couple days later

    • Master Contrail Program

      Imagine the plaudits from the pundits if he ever manages to tie his tie correctly.

      • aktlib101

        Baby steps: learn to not use sticky tape first

        • Master Contrail Program

          “Looks like a Half-Windsor knot there. Do we even need to hold an election in 2020?”

      • AJ Milne

        A president first becomes president when his unreasonably long tie gets caught in the landing gear of an F-14 during takeoff and he is dragged to general hilarity off the flight deck and into the ocean.

    • Jamoche

      I want to see him “become presidential” by quitting.

      • Master Contrail Program

        That’s more of an Alaska governor thing I think.

        • jesterpunk

          Well he doesnt have any political experience so starting small is a good start.

    • SayItWithWookies

      It’s quite Reaganesque — really, his aides used to call up their friends in the press (George Will and that Cannon guy, chiefly) and crow that Ronnie was looking alert at Cabinet meetings, and even asking questions. Bonus if they were relevant ones.

      Assmouth is awesomely Reaganesque — he’s incoherent, but it’s a decisive incoherence. Bring on the swooooons.

      • aktlib101

        Reagan, Bush II, Mama Grizzly (almost), Donald Trump…who elects these people. And why?

        • SayItWithWookies

          Понятия не имею.

          • ya nyeh znaiyo nichivo

          • SayItWithWookies

            спасибо!

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Be still my heart – a thank you note that’s not asking for more money. So, vote for the nice man, if you get to.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f1aa151695a88a52b6e41aa5f19d2d86476746651394d9bb46e98101bc1797a8.jpg

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • security detail.
      Seriously.
      For…the EPA

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Snowflake.

        • Just staggers the mind that his EPA guy thinks he needs MOAR security.
          I mean, did anyone even know Bamz guy? Like wingnuts I mean, I know we all know em all and everything. But it is not a position that needs a big security presence, normally.
          Maybe these dudes ought to rethink what they are doing that they are this afraid of backlash?

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Devos has around-the-clock security too. Secretary of Education.

            Snowflakes.

          • Thaumaturgist

            Did it stagger your mind to learn that the Department of Education has to spend a million dollars a month on US Marshalls to protect Betsy DeVos?

          • Yes. It really did.
            I never hated a teacher that much….

          • vivian

            Well since her brother ran Blackwater, the security is probably outsourced to his private security firm.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hey, I just found out Alabama Governor Robert Bentley resigned — don’t know how long ago, but it was “after he was booked into a Montgomery County jail and pleading guilty to two misdemeanors.
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/04/10/us/alabama-governor-robert-bentley-meeting/index.html

    So — see, Donald Trump — there is an honorable way out.

    • shivaskeeper

      Funny. He was swearing just today that he wouldn;t resign and he did nothing wrong.

      • SayItWithWookies

        He couldn’t understand why, if God forgave him, the law enforcement community of Alabama was being so damn petty.

        • II Gosala

          Render unto Caesar…

        • MApispevooooiCaptainHowdy

          Terrible how religious freedom is under attack these days.

          • II Gosala

            It is. I never used to be afraid to express my religious point of view.

            But now, …

    • HazooToo

      Technically, there are two. But one is forbidden to discuss by commenting rules.

      • jesterpunk