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Haha, Kellyanne believed us!

Politico brings us yet another story of INTERNAL CHAOS in the Trump administration, this time all about the communication team’s sense that, with Trump’s 100th day in office coming up on April 29, the White House needs to straighten up and fly right, ideally to drop lots of munitions on Syria. The piece suggests that, with that 100-day coverage on the way, it’s unlikely Trump is likely to make any big changes in staffing, because he’s media-savvy enough to know that’s all the cable news talking heads would be talking about. That’s cute, since it assumes Trump ever gives any thought to how the media will cover much of anything he says or does. Still, everybody in Trumpland seems to be pretty tense with that mile marker on the way:

“One hundred days is the marker, and we’ve got essentially two-and-a-half weeks to turn everything around,” said one White House official. “This is going to be a monumental task.”

Our favorite part of the story was this anecdote about a meeting last week attended by more than 30 Trump staffers in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, based on accounts by “a half-dozen attendees who described the Tuesday meeting.” Yup, roughly a fifth of the attendees talked to Politico, demonstrating once again this administration leaks worse than a cooler full of cyanide-laced Flavor-Aid. The meeting, led by communications director Mike Dubke and his deputy, whose name is — we shit you not — Jessica Ditto (talk about “I was born to do this!”), kicked off with Dubke emphasizing the need to package the first hundred days with some exciting “rebranding” aimed at getting the administration back on track.

“I think the president’s head would explode if he heard that,” one of the White House officials present said.

Not sure if the explosion trigger was the bit about rebranding or the bit about getting back on track; maybe both, since Donald Trump himself is apparently convinced his presidency is off to the best start of any administration in history.

The rest of the meeting sounds like everybody’s worst nightmare of a corporate team-building retreat:

Staffers, including counselor Kellyanne Conway, were broken into three groups, complete with whiteboards, markers and giant butcher-block-type paper to brainstorm lists of early successes. One group worked in the hallway.

“It made me feel like I was back in 5th grade,” complained another White House aide who was there. “That’s the best way I could describe it.”

We’re not sure why these highly skilled people from business and government don’t seem to know anything about corporate retreats. Guess that staffer didn’t learn anything about working as a team from sharing common stereotypes, playing Two Truths and a Lie, or that “web of connections” thing where everybody sits in a circle and passes a ball of yarn to each other while saying “I appreciate you for…” Bet the group sauna didn’t break down their barriers, either.

Dubke, who wasn’t on the campaign and joined the White House team after the inauguration, also raised some eyebrows when he said one of the tougher parts of messaging would involve foreign policy, because the Trump administration doesn’t actually have one.

“There is no Trump doctrine,” Dubke declared.

Some in the room were stunned by the remark.

“It rubbed people the wrong way because on the campaign we were pretty clear about what he wanted to do,” said a third White House official in the room, “He was elected on a vision of America First. America First is the Trump doctrine.”

One of the administration officials lamented, “We’ve got a comms team supposedly articulating the president’s message [that] does not appear to understand the president’s message.”

Sounds like somebody needs to do another Trust Fall!

Poor Mike Dubke was very, very unhappy when Politico asked him for comment, because what kind of team tells tales out of school?

“It was a brainstorming session and I really wish they had spoken up in the room so that we could have had an open and honest conversation,” he said. “It is unproductive adjudicating internal discussions through the media.”

Sometimes, too much communication can be as big a problem as too little, huh?

We’d like to believe that at that very moment, Jessica Ditto came on the line to say “You said it, boss!”

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[Politico]

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  • memzilla Ω
    • Red Bird Ω

      And yet, many of their readers probably voted for him.

      • Ill_Used_Floppy_Disk

        I read that magazine because, though I may disagree with some of their ideas/theories, at least the articles are written coherently. I did not vote for the SCROTUS.

      • msanthropesmr

        I’m a big fan of the economist. I did not vote for Trump and I doubt that most of its readers did.

        • aureolaborealis

          I have a subscription, and I didn’t vote for Dampnut, either.

    • BearGHAZI

      Needz moar jiggly golfing buttocks

      • msanthropesmr

        No, it does not.

      • Tallmutha

        Nowhere are those needed.

    • MizzMazz

      This pic never gets old.

      • memzilla Ω

        It’s up there with Brolly Bunny, all right.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    One of the administration officials lamented, “We’ve got a comms team supposedly articulating the president’s message [that] does not appear to understand the president’s message.”

    I’m not even sure Trump understands Trump’s message.

    • Crank Tango

      Trump great, Trump fantastic. Sad!

      Something like that.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Dump would need one of those flippy books that shows birds flying and cool stuff like that to keep up with his own ideas, since they seem to flit in and out of his head at will (possibly because they’re terrified of that thing on top of his skull).

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Trump Turd Polishers Express Confidence In Job Security

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I am shocked – shocked, I tell you! – that a man who declared bankruptcy numerous times, who does not appear to know how to read, who has surrounded himself with people who, if not born rich, would be underqualified to work third shift at a highway Denny’s, and who apparently believes his son-in-law is able to clone himself at will is having a rocky start to his ‘presidency.’ This is how shocked I am: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c519b475db09db2ef0e1e980e47ea3b12efb53866887bb4db096bd821261b2db.jpg

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I, for one, would not feel competent to work third shift at a highway Denny’s. You’d have to be prepared for some really really weird shit, both in dining, and, probably, in the kitchen…

      • MizzMazz

        I have never worked at a Denny’s, but as a cook knowing other cooks, the stories are…weird, to say the least. If you love yourself, stay away from Denny’s

        • Tallmutha

          Judging from their Twitter and Facebook, Denny’s employees must stay really high all the time.

      • marxalot

        My ex did that job. And the highway in question was real close to the local college.
        That was a weird time.

      • georgiaburning

        I did work late night at a highway McDonalds. Our #1 policy was free food to all cops/deputies/MP’s/uniformed security just to have them dropping by.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Why you make me stabby again? Why?

      • MynameisBlarney

        We’re all feelin’ a bit stabby.

        • Tallmutha

          If you’re not feeling stabby, you’re not paying attention.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Kudos for the correct reference to Flavor Aid. When I accuse someone of drinking the Flavor Aid, they look at me like I’m the crazy one.

    • MizzMazz

      Yeah, forget about it. It’s so seared into the culture that it’s always going to be Kool-Aiid, even though it’s wrong.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I’ve often wondered how the Kool-Aid people feel about this. On the one hand you’ve got people saying the trade name, which is free publicity, which is recognition that the product exists and can be purchased.

        On the other hand, you’ve been associated with gruesome death by cyanide.

  • Nounverb911

    My boss at IBM tried the trust fall thingy once, the entire department refused, no one trusted him….

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I’d be on team no-trust, too. On general purpose.

  • boyblue122

    If all else fails and they still achieve next to nothing right before the first 100 days are up, im sure theyll start dropping more Tomahawk missiles in the middle east

    • FlownΩver

      And Brian Williams will get another stiffie over the visuals.

  • Vincent Ricola

    If my (too) long corporate history has taught me anything, it’s that not communicating and setting departments against each other to watch the Lord of the Flies outcome is the best way to foster productivity.

    Oh no, wait, it’s the opposite of that and Donald Trump is a fucking idiot human and a terrible businessman that bankrupts everything he touches.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Have you learned nothing?

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      And setting goals that everyone knows are absolutely unattainable and, therefore, hopeless and pointless all while making any bonuses are contingent on reaching those said goals is the best way to boost morale. Also, make sure you do set some objectives that are attainable but always change them midstream.
      Go Team!

    • theblackdog

      But it’s totally working for Sears! They’re gonna turn it around any minute now, so says their CEO who worships at the altar of the Almighty Ayn Rand.

  • I’ve gotten my hands on one of the white boards:

    Trump’s early successes…
    1. An asteroid hasn’t hit the Earth and killed all of the mammals on the planet.
    2. We haven’t gotten into a nuclear war… yet…?
    3. Oh, I know… the president continues his 70 yearlong streak of turning oxygen into carbon dioxide.
    4. Managed to cover up collusion with Russian state intelligence officers and agitprop during the election. (As attorney general, my advice would be to cross this one out. – J.B.S.)
    5. Uh… ah! Raised number of followers on Twitter.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      6. An asteroid hasn’t hit the Earth and killed all of the birds on the planet…

      • FlownΩver

        7. Profit!

      • aureolaborealis

        7. He made a poop in the toilet today … like a big boy!

  • wide_stance_hubby

    There’s no point in having a “message” because he’ll just have to deny ever having met it next week (or tomorrow, or 2:30).

  • Antonin Dvorak

    That gif is staged, right? Right?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Period!

    • NastyBossetti

      I really need some follow-up on that gif. I’m concerned about that poor lady.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        No kidding. There’s gotta be a couple mattresses down there. It’s just to perfect not to be faked.

    • Hardly Ideal

      I always hope so when I see something like that.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Trump hired Dubke in mid-February after a frustrating first month of bad press, telling Fox News later that month “in terms of messaging, I would give myself a C or a C+.”

    Yo, Donald? That’s not because of your messengers–it’s because we don’t like your message, and no amount of switching the chairs is going to fix that.

    You’re welcome.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ae24e88accd8ee6d25143f6e6f3dbcd6c7ae90f2154d4f8415360721a716f0d4.jpg

  • SweetDeeKat

    Did they hang the best ideas on the wall? Were stickers given out? Oh, and the icebreakers linky is priceless. Speaking as a heavy partier in my younger days, I can testify that the “I’ve Never Done” game gets realllll raunchy.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Pics or….

      • SweetDeeKat

        When the statement “I’ve never given a beej” comes up and the wife of the straitlaced boss throws in her candy, the party breaks up early.

        • BearGHAZI

          “But I can smell the cock on your breath from across the room, sir.”

    • marxalot

      Oh, “Never Have I Ever,” the game which in my friend group, vacilates between prosaic and profane and requires a lot of clarifications and house rules.

      • theblackdog

        My favorite rule we had was if a single person drinks, they have to tell the story about what happened.

  • Anna Rompage

    Lets see, accomplishments in 1st 100 days;

    More golf than any other president in history

    Highest protections costs spanning 3 separate properties

    National Security Advisor fired after 3 weeks on the job

    Assistant to the National Security Advisor reassigned as an ambassador

    Steve Bannon demoted to White House dog

    1st major piece of legislation failed even though party hold majority in congress

    Son-in-law promoted to President

    A failed attack in Yemen resulting in US and civilians deaths, and a lost aircraft

    Massive failed attack on Syria, leaving airfield and military aircraft totally operational

    Several top Trump advisors being investigated for illegal ties to Russia

    Advisor used the White House & job to promote President’s daughter’s “luxery” clothing live

    And the list goes on and on and on and on…

    Can’t wait to see how they turn this pile of shit around….

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      It’s going to be like turning an oil tanker around in a swimming pool.

      • Anna Rompage

        I’d say it’s more like the Exxon Valdez, after running aground…

        • theblackdog

          Fits nicely with President Bannon’s gin blossom look.

    • WeaselPoo

      Claimed credit for 288,000 jobs created during Obama’s last month in office, ignored 98,000 jobs created in Trump’s first month in office.
      Blamed Obama for failed Yemen raid, whilst also claiming the raid was an intelligence-gathering success which it evidently wasn’t.
      Accused UK of spying on him and his campaign on behalf of Obama based on some prattle from a Fox & Friends guest with Russian ties, creating major diplomatic incident.
      Sent Germany a multi-billion dollar invoice for US participation in NATO when NATO members don’t actually bill each other for their voluntary contributions—diplomatic incident with Germany successfully accomplished.
      Also pissed off Canada and Australia (don’t remember why)
      Confused Sweden by inventing a terrorist attack for them.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’d like to know what is wrong with Make America Great Again. If that isn’t a detailed, well thought out foreign policy program, I’d have to ask Vladimir….

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Trump and the Republican-controlled Congress must still pass a bill before April 28 to keep the government running.

    If they fail, a shutdown would begin on Trump’s 100th day in office.

    If any of you have to do some business with the federal government, best take care of it now!

    • Nounverb911
    • Crank Tango

      Whatever happens, I blame the democrats/Nobama.

    • Kshitij Jain

      Keep crying stupid snowflake…ok…keep that resistance in maxine waters ass…rofl

      • Crank Tango

        Get a job you fucking loser.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Get enough snowflakes together and you end up buried. Savvy?

      • Anna Rompage

        Howdy friend,

        You seem like you might be new around here….

        Let me give you a little tip, it’s probably not a very good idea to spew poorly written crappy posts that are filled with lame ass right wing talking points and bad grammar …

        If you care to discuss you views in a civil and reasonable manner, by all means, welcome and join the fun…

        If all you care about is regurgitating some crusty, mindless Bill O’Riley & Sean Calamity bull shit here, then I suggest you fuck off and find somewhere else to troll

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson
      • aureolaborealis

        Any tears are from laughter at this point.

      • Alienist

        Jain, Jain, Jaaaiiiiin (jain, jain, jain)
        Jain, Jain, Jaaaiiiin (jain, jain, jain)
        Jain, Jain, Jaaaiiiin
        Jain’s a fool.

        (apologies to Aretha Franklin)

    • Kshitij Jain

      Stupid useless thugs working for george soros and looser democrats

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        Trump and the Republican-controlled Congress work for George Soros and looser Democrats (you should really use spellcheck BTW) now? Thanks for the update, troll!

      • aureolaborealis

        TIL: the Freedom Caucus works for George Soros.
        (And enough with the slut-shaming, already.)

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I am a loose Democrat and proud of it.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Your argument sucks, and the orbital banhammer is coming into range. Make wittier comments or get an umbrella.
        http://i.imgur.com/yXA8KBC.gif

    • Kshitij Jain

      Keep doing jerk…tye best way to skinned these antifas thugs alive under martial law

    • theblackdog

      Just what I need, to be out of a job at the end of the month.

      Actually you know what would really scare them into passing a funding bill? A government shutdown delays getting their tax refunds.

  • memzilla Ω
    • MynameisBlarney

      Consider this meme purloined.

    • aureolaborealis

      The idiot: “How hard could it be?”
      The Expert: “No one could be that stupid.”

    • schmannity

      Dunning was on NPR last week talking, inter alia, about how his name has turned into an insult.

    • Hardly Ideal

      Nerd OT if I may?

      Mrs. Ideal and I were listening to This American Life over the weekend. The theme of the episode was Ignorance, so of course they talked about Dunning-Kruger.

      Hardly: “Hey, remember that time we saw a World of Warcraft guild* that called itself “Dunning-Kruger?””
      Mrs. Ideal: “Yeah, really fitting. That’s what they should call people instead of “newbies.””
      HA: “Heh, that guy’s such a Dunning-Kruger. Such a DK**.”
      (short pause)
      MI laughs hysterically
      HA: (holding face in hands) “Oh god, it all makes sense now!”

      *basically an online club for players and friends
      **Death Knight. Overpowered character class that seemingly anyone with a pulse plays, but rarely knows how to play well

  • Msgr_MΩment

    “Hold on, Brenda! It’s that cake we like!”

  • WiscoJoe

    I just hope Trump is enjoying his “honeymoon” as much as Melania enjoyed hers.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Just biding time until the dick is out?

  • WeaselPoo

    They had to “brainstorm” Trump’s ‘accomplishments.’
    Think about that for a second.
    They had to think hard and creatively about Trump’s ‘accomplishments’ and then write them down SO THEY WOULDN”T FORGET!

    • grindstone

      They had to brainstorm how to spin the first 100 days into “accomplishments” is the translation, there.

  • Nightcrawler

    I sincerely hope I live long enough to see how historians put this last couple of years into perspective. History is going to be BRUTAL to this administration..

  • Mpeg

    I’d give them a ‘congrats’ if within the 1st 100 days anyone on staff mastered how to pronounce Reince Priebus’ name~

    • jesterpunk

      Isnt it RNC PR BS?

  • Kiri the Unicorn

    “…(W)ith Trump’s 100th day in office coming up on April 29, the White House needs to straighten up and fly right.”
    http://media.giphy.com/media/Acgxx5TBA5LeE/giphy.gif

    • Nightcrawler

      Donnie may need to call in that inflatable co pilot from Airplane!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Otto!

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Kudos to the driver for not losing it. Jesus that would be scary.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      This is how I picture the Rapture. Only billions of airplanes.

    • Kshitij Jain

      Keep wasting people time by useless protest…nobody listening…and jerks antifas need to be thrashed

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        You don’t really understand how this works, do you?

  • TJ Barke

    The eternal republican question; how do we polish this turd?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Futily, and with much party loyalty.

      • TJ Barke

        As Jim Fucking Sterling, Son once phrased it “You can polish a turd, but it’ll still smell like shit, mate”

    • MizzMazz

      Roll it in glitter.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Is our turds learning?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      This is the most phenomenally polished turd in history. Period.

    • jesterpunk
    • Vecchioivan

      The eternal Republican answer: bomb something.

    • Jamoche

      Ask the Mythbusters. Oh wait, they do science; can’t have that.

  • marxalot

    Dubke and Ditto. Among the many gifts to comedy this adminstration has produced, that is not only the most classic but also the least likely to result in real human harm.
    hums “Gee, Office Krupke Dubke”

  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Nounverb911

    Is one of the ideas get a pulitzer for trump?

    https://twitter.com/jmandese/status/851409205672148997

    • WotsAllThisThen

      How about best conspiracy theory involving pizza parlors?

      • Kshitij Jain

        Only jerks democrats can support paedophile….

        • Antonin Dvorak

          And which candidate walked in on teen Ms. USA contestant’s dressing?

  • Kshitij Jain

    Keep barking u pathetic BLM terrorist and SJW THUGS…your views dont matter..despite ur lunatic liberal stupidity Trump won…so stfu

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Obama won twice. Did you STFU during those eight years?

      • Mavenmaven

        He wasn’t old enough. He still isn’t.

    • Mavenmaven

      He convinced me!

    • Lefty Frizzell

      So Trump won despite lunatic liberal stupidity rather than because of it?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Preach on. I am so sick of Brand Lifestyle Management and the Stanford Jazz Workshop.

      • MizzMazz

        Stanford Jazz was pretty good. I saw them in Monterey a few years ago at the Jazz festival.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      What’s the Bureau of Land Management got to do with any of this?

    • jesterpunk

      What has he done since he won? Name 1 accomplishment.

      • ariel_gee_398

        He hasn’t fallen down a single flight of stairs. That we know of.

    • MizzMazz

      This one isn’t even any fun. Up your game!

    • HorseChestnut

      Tell me one thing the Trump administration has done for me, as a taxpaying American voter. Tell me how we are better off now.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        The aqueducts?

      • Kshitij Jain

        Whats ur obama had done with 19 trillion dollar deficit….oops forgot..american libtard universities admit people on simply writing black lives matter

        • HorseChestnut

          You didn’t answer the question.

          • Kshitij Jain

            Listen…no increase in trade deficit… tried to make america safe but stopped by obama bin laden appointees in courts….thrashing illegal out…bringing more jobs back…..neil gorsuch to supreme court….dakota pipelines….how hard u try….u lunatic low IQ fiberals are finished….only media is in your side…supreme court,senate,congress…u lost buddy

          • Lefty Frizzell

            Can you explain why trade deficit might be a good or bad thing?

          • ariel_gee_398

            You know, of all the stupid bullshit the administration is peddling, the trade deficit bullshit might be most stupid (though not the most harmful). That if we stop importing things, magically the US will start manufacturing and selling stuff to the rest of the world. It’s stupid and wrong in so many different ways I don’t know where to start.

          • Lefty Frizzell

            I run a huge trade deficit with my local grocery store. For several years I’ve been giving them money and they never give me any.

          • HorseChestnut

            None of this has helped me. My taxes and health insurance premiums are about to go through the roof. IDGAF about Gorsuch. It looks to me like the only ones set to benefit from Trump’s presidency are the wealthy elite.

          • MizzMazz

            U bot. Fail bot. Ask for upgrade real quick soon.

          • doktorzoom

            Boring troll is boring, banhammered.

            — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

        • Lefty Frizzell

          Fuck you’re a cretin.

        • ariel_gee_398

          The non sequitur is strong with this one.

          • marxalot

            Yeah, first appearance downthread was on Cally’s comment about the impending shutdown bc of the budget not being passed, and had nothing to do with it. Also has problems with noun/verb and number agreement.

        • yes, but why is it that every policy Trump and the GOP are pushing for costs me money and freedom?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      You’re not TLM are you? He usually has an opener like this before returning to his usual schtick.

    • HazooToo

      Awww, bless your heart. Republicans, Trump and the alt-right would love to see you dead. It’s the only way you’re valuable to them.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      despite ur lunatic liberal stupidity Thanks to the complaisant media, gerrymandering, James Comey, Russian hacking, the anachronism of the EC and appallingly stupid, ignorant GOP voters, Trump won…so stfu”

      FIFY

      • Kshitij Jain

        Stupidity of democrats voters can be judged by their joker leader maxine waters who dont know the difference between crimea and north korea….rofl…and these jerks blame russia for their failure…haha..more failure coming soon

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          Trump is providing more than enough failure for everyone, thanks. We’re all full up.

        • MizzMazz

          Beep beep beep…Norman coordinate; need human to explain.

    • TJ Barke

      Like you shut up despite Obama winning legitimately twice? Go fuck yourself you stupid servile scum.

      • Kshitij Jain

        Haha truth hurts so badly….haha …democrats lost to TRUMP….their fuckin identity politics failed…just wait 2018..democrats will be wiped out…

        • Lefty Frizzell

          Can you explain what “identity politics” is?

          • Zonath

            It’s where you’re allowed to participate in politics if you identify as anything other than a white male.

        • Sir Ergot of Rye

          You can’t spell Kshitij Jain without s-h-i-t. I understand your anger having to go through life with a name like that. My deepest sympathies friend.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Oh, if you’re gonna taunt you’re gonna have to better than this. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ee50eda31f58feaeb1fe9a9c3d9c97c4cc7528a2407542f987a4bedaced386b0.gif

    • Sister the Resister

      troll alert, obviously not here to engage, just to attack. Not worth the time, not worth making Dok pay attention, therefore….
      flagged, blocked, dismissed, laughed at

    • Kiri the Unicorn
    • jesterpunk
    • Resistance Fighter Callyson
    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Very Jain of you.

  • Mpeg

    Trust fall lady: “Now watch this dive!”
    Ms. Ditto: “May I quote you on that!?!”

  • Mavenmaven

    The first dogma of Trump Doctrine is that there is no Trump Doctrine

    • Nounverb911
      • marxalot

        Someone should be wedgie’ing Paul Ryan

      • TheoLib

        For those, like me, who didn’t know before, click twice (but not double-click) on the image to get the full-size image so you can read the text. Great poster!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      If it’s your first day in the Trump Doctrine, you must doctor the documents.

    • Kshitij Jain

      Haha thats only u media jerks can do…he had win..and winning big….tomorrow democrats will blame for their fever due to russia…looser jerk democrats

      • Red Bird Ω

        You rite funny. No speak English good….learn more better then talk….looser paid troll.

        • Kshitij Jain

          Yes keep crying snowflakes and wiping your obama bin laden ass

          • Antonin Dvorak

            We can’t, Obama killed him and dumped his ass in the ocean.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Punctuation- how does it work?

          • Lefty Frizzell

            This isn’t going well bud.

            It’s not convincing at all – it’s a random collection of buzzwords. I get that you have to read them off a list but could you at least attempt something like a sentence and a coherent thought?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Does the manager of the call center you’re working at in Bangalore know you’re trolling (quite poorly, btw) on company time?

          • aureolaborealis

            I suspect this is part of a company contract that he/she is fulfilling.

          • aureolaborealis

            Tears of laughter?
            Also: You attempt an insult by accusing people of wiping their asses? Does this mean you walk the Earth crusted in your own waste, like a daggy ewe?

      • Mavenmaven

        Kshiti, ਨੂੰ ਬੰਦ ਕਰਨ ਅਤੇ ਦੂਰ ਜਾਣ ਦੀ

      • TJ Barke

        Oh, you’re not even American, are you? Does your CO know how bad you are at this, comrade?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        What, India’s not fucked up enough that you have time to lick Trump’s ass?

      • Kiri the Unicorn

        Bah, you can’t even insult us correctly. Try again.

        • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

          I doubt there’s very much he can do correctly without assistance. Probably winds up with his underwear on the outside of his pants half the time.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            Tsk. Now all of them will think it looks cool.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        You know, you might have a chance to be a successful troll if your comments weren’t so illiterate that they make us all laugh. Better take some more English classes and try again later!

      • Lefty Frizzell

        In Russia, Internet trolls on you!!

      • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance
      • MynameisBlarney

        Well…
        You spelled everything correctly….but I still have no fucking idea what you’re trying to say.

      • aureolaborealis

        You are not passing the Turing Test, my friend.

  • MizzMazz

    Who hasn’t felt like their time was wasted when being forced into one of these stupid corporate ‘meetings’ or team building exercises? Being made to stand in a circle, and ‘express yourself’ or state what your favorite/least favorite part of the job is, and do stupid things like throw paper at a target, break into teams, and play act scenarios.
    I quit drama in high school, dammit!

    • Anna Rompage

      I lived in an intentional community for a few years back in my 20s, and we used to do all sorts of stuff like this on a regular basis.

      I would refer to it as “circle jerking in the light”

      • MizzMazz

        Perfect description. Also, “wasting my time when I can be doing my job”

        • marxalot

          “This is on the clock, right?”

          • Anna Rompage

            It’s not? Then I don’t really have to be here do I? I mean there are labor laws against that aren’t there?

          • aureolaborealis

            I used to wait tables (we called it ‘waitressing’, whether we were male or female), my pre-tip hourly wage was something less than $2. We would have multi-hour meetings, and when anyone complained, the MBA student who was hostess/manager would say, “You are being PAID to be here.” “$5 for three hours? Where on your ass would you like your kiss, O Munificent One?” Pretty sweet gig. I ended up giving negative notice. That’s when you call and quit two hours after your shift started.

          • WotsAllThisThen

            “Will there be snacks?”

          • Anna Rompage

            Snacks?

            PIZZA!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      My team building exercises generally involve buying myself a few beers after work.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      My department director calls them “Unity Meetings”. And we have to introduce ourselves to the group, every time. Director also calls us “associates” which feels doublespeak-y to me.

    • Vincent Ricola

      My company refers to it as “employee care time!1!!1” because nothing says employee care like making me miss lunch to sit through a useless Skype meeting where we’re forced to say nice things about each other and our bosses or risk getting fired.

      I guess the team building part is where we all come together to decide we fucking hate employee care time.

    • Sister the Resister

      Well, one time I did get to tell the owner of the company to stop trying to work out his family drama on all of us, and the facilitator actually helped him understand what I was saying, so yeah, staff retreats can be helpful. But mostly, nope, a distraction from getting things done.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      And the absolute WORST thing you can do is talk about the actual problem. That’ll get everyone to turn on you.

      • MizzMazz

        Yeah, look over there, and if you aren’t with our agenda, you are against us.

    • JoeChristmas

      And they still outsource, streamline, restructure, etc. your job

      • MizzMazz

        Every time I learn the rules and parameters, they change them. It’s the bullshit speak, and the PR shit I can’t stand. I think it’s a tool to learn who are ‘Team Players’ and who are not.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      They’re like company picnics but without even the possibility of fun.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        There’s a possibility of fun at company picnics?

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Theoretically, yes. In practice, not so much.

    • grindstone

      Once. ONE time, we got to list a bunch of concerns and issues and places where we felt we had gaps. The whole group was very forthcoming and it was all written down. Then everyone got an entire sheet of “dots” and we got to walk around and stick them on the issues we felt most strongly about, using as many dots as we liked.

      There were some issues that were very clearly of concern to the majority, it was very visual. All was well. These here, THESE are the biggest concerns.

      Then they created committees (not out of the management) to address those issues. The committees either came to no consensus, or had no time to spend outside, you know, their jobs, or fixed something just vaguely tangential to the issue, or worse: came up with a great fix, only to be shot down by management.

      Nothing was fixed.

    • Speaking as a theatre person, they’re ALL theatre excercises and they have only limited use in the actual theatre.

  • Nick Scroggs
  • Nick Scroggs
  • Ryan Denniston

    OT: Welcome to the Age of Trump! MAGA!

    Trigger warning: Huff Poo and their stuipd autoplay

    Update: Chicago PD! No doubt they’ll render this uncooperative passenger to the city’s black site!

  • marxalot

    Portnoy in a Park Ranger hat! We got ourselves a poorly spelled troll downthread! …And they can’t be too bright, they’re going after Cally. Popcorn dot gif.

  • Nick Scroggs
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I wonder how much paste was consumed during this retreat.

    • Crank Tango

      All of it, katie.

    • Nightcrawler

      Ralph Wiggum libelz!

    • MynameisBlarney

      Nobody eats paste like turmp.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Mountain Dew was chugged, boogers were eaten. Good times.”

        • MynameisBlarney

          “Fingers were pulled, vaginers was grabbed”…
          Just like their last family reunion.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            “Vaginers”. I like that. Could be a great team name/mascot for the women’s soccer team at a lib school like Oberlin.

          • MynameisBlarney

            The Oberlin Fightin’ Vaginers!

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Even the men’s team is afraid to play them!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Except for their arch-rivals, The Springfield Subs.

    • Alan

      Hope they had safety scissors.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • JoeChristmas

      Before there was Wonkette, there was Tom Tomorrow

      • MynameisBlarney

        And before Tom Tomorrow, there was Bob Dobbs?

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
  • JoeChristmas

    It’s like Chi-Chi’s corporate HQ’s before the fall.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Wow.

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      Git it, Bee!

    • She persisted

    • Alan

      That’s dedication.

    • Hutch

      I’ve actually seen bumble bees tear Turk’s Cap flowers to pieces, almost in spite, in order to get at the pollen. Very cool picture!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I spy with my little eye,
      The letter B.

  • Nick Scroggs
    • Nightcrawler

      On a related note, as a New Yorker and a comic fan even I find it a little ridiculous how many Marvel superheroes operate out of NYC. At least in DC they all live in different places.

      • Nick Scroggs

        Well that’s because we’re not on Earth-616.

      • Nockular cavity

        New York is where all the evil is, duh.

        • Nick Scroggs

          And where Marvel Comics was based in the 60s. Most of the writers and artists were born and raised there, like Jack Kirby (I’m trying to find an autobiographical piece of his done in pencils, and so were Bill Everett and DIck Ayers.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well, the HAVE too, seeing as that’s where all their arch-enemies live.

      • Nick Scroggs

        Originally the Fantastic Four lived in California, and for a while in the 60s Daredevil was based in San Francisco.

        • Nightcrawler

          Really? I thought he was always in Hells Kitchen?

          • Nick Scroggs

            Nope, in the 70s Daredevil moved to San Fran with Black Widow for a short time.

      • To be fair, there are not that many cities in the world where one could wear tights and a cape or a mask and not be bothered every other minute about it.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “America First” is not a doctrine; it’s a bumper sticker. That’s emblematic of the whole everfucking problem with these dolts. They don’t understand that election night is when the work starts.

    • Nightcrawler

      Nationalism is the delusional belief that your piece of dirt is better than someone else’s piece of dirt.

      • Vecchioivan

        🎶 This dirt is mine 🎶
        God gave this dirt to meeee 🎶

      • Steely_Fan

        Nationalism is the delusional belief that your piece of dirt is better than someone everyone else’s piece of dirt.

      • jaspersdad

        Nationalism is a silly cock crowing on its own dunghill and calling for larger spurs and brighter beaks.

        Richard Aldington

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Earth First – We’ll strip-mine the other planets later.”

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        That takes me back. I remember when Earth First! was the ultimate bogeyman in Washington, Oregon, and Idaho — like ACORN plus Planned Parenthood multiplied by Black Lives Matter.

        • keenanjay

          Those the guys who gave driving steel spikes into old growth trees a bad name?

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            I was thinking more of the old fencing staples, nails, and bullets they got blamed for.

      • Nick Scroggs

        “As long as as much money is made, for man and God’s name.”

    • MynameisBlarney
    • Crank Tango

      What? Nothing that happens outside America has the slightest impact on America.

      Right?

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And happens to be a slogan used by the American isolationist pro-Nazi/fascists before WWII. Which actually makes it pretty apt for Trump.

  • The Librarian

    Communicate THIS:

    Happy National 📚 Library Week!!!!!

    • Kiri the Unicorn

      Visit your local library while you still can!

      • The Librarian

        If push comes to shove, I’ll have my Little Free Library up and running!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Yay! Does that mean I get a break on my overdue books?

      • The Librarian

        Lol, yes. NLW is a time for forgiveness……

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          How many “Hail Marys” do I have to say for penance?

          • The Librarian

            Omg! I said forgiveness, not cruel and inhuman punishment!!!*

            *Not a believer, but can you whip a good batch of guilt over it?

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Guilt is the gift that never stops giving.

    • MizzMazz

      Fuck Yeah! I have always loved libraries and librarians, who have tilted me to books I should read, and a nice place to read books, not to mention I could check out records, and have a nice calm place to do research. Even in these Internet days, I find the Library so valuable. Cheers to you and all the good work you do.

      • The Librarian

        Many thanks! I saw a great quote today:

        “In the nonstop tsunami of global information, librarians provide us with floaties and teach us to swim”

        • MizzMazz

          You rule, and thanks for all the things you do

    • Fartknocker

      Praise Jeebus and the Dewey Decimal System. And libraries always, always have the best umlauts EVAR!!!

      • Nancyjrios

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dk374c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dk374c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs664MarketCrossGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dk374c:….,……..

    • I am in a library right now doing obamacare stuff. It is my favorite library of all the places i go.

      • The Librarian

        I hope you enjoyed your experience!

  • FlownΩver

    “…worse than a cooler full of cyanide-laced Flavor-Aid.”

    Still too soon, Dok.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Dok’s just saying the Congressional investigation could be worse.

  • Relativicus

    I am not surprised they believe isolationism counts as foreign policy.

    • Nightcrawler

      It’s the Gary “What is Aleppo” Johnson approach.

  • marxalot

    I’m compiling a list of the phrases and other “logical” (not well spelled or used) units the troll downthread is using. Suppose this counts as ethno-linguistics?

    • Sister the Resister

      Well, that’s certainly making lemonade out of lemons. Let us know how it turns out!

    • Nick Scroggs

      Where’s the troll’s name?

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Not even worth Dear Shit For Brains. Nothing to see here.

      • Sister the Resister

        Kshitij Jain
        @disqus_Csg3LeQCRw

        • MizzMazz

          Like I said, Beep beep beep.

      • HazooToo

        He’s really just sad and pathetic. Somehow thinks he’s different from all the other non-whites that Trump’s base wants to deport or murder, not necessarily in that order. Incredibly deluded and thinks it’s hysterical.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          That assumes he actually is Indian/any minority whatsoever, in a particularly weakass Milo-esque attempt to give himself more credibility.

          • There are a LOT of internet trolls pretending they are POC to slag libtard sites.
            For some reason they think it gives them a magic shield. It does not, just further illustrates how little they actually understand, but there ya go.
            Not saying your fellow is or is not fake, but eh? Would not surprise me either way, really.

    • Anna Rompage

      Snowflake, martial law, Soros….

      If he throws in a Alinsky, Barry Sorerto, Killary, & Communist all in one post, I think he gets entered into the drawing for the all expense trip to Ken Ham’s Museum of Creation?

      • If he mentions ACORN I win bingo today

        • suziq

          We have GOT to quit funding ACORN already! Terrible organization. BAD!

      • marxalot

        Notice how certain nouns are only paired with certain verbs? And the number (plural or singular) of nouns and adjectives agrees only randomly? Lexical issues.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    “He was elected on a vision of America First. America First is the Trump doctrine.”

    “It then dawned on them that they’d been sold a massive bill of goods, as none of them had ever taken the time to ask themseleves what the hell ‘America First’ even meant, both as an overall ethos and as a foreign policy strategy.” – Words that would be written in a better, nonexistant world.

    • Nightcrawler

      Note that not a single reporter during the campaign even bothered to ask 45, “hey, what makes America great in the first place?”

      • jesterpunk

        They could have even asked “When did America stop being great?”

        • “When we elected a black president.”

        • Tennessee Rain

          “When was America ever great?” also elicits really cool responses because the answer is obviously, “Never, unless you’re a white dude.”

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        “So, what specifically would you do to make America great again?”
        – Words that would have justified our press corps’ existence.

      • capnkrunch

        “Hey, shouldn’t be calling him out on the America First thing every time someone in campaign/transition/administration uses that phrase?”
        Said apparently no journo ever.

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          I remember jokes being made about how Nixon had a “secret plan” to win the Vietnam war, and wondered how the press corps could be so stupid as to let him get away with something so patently false.

          I don’t really wonder anymore.

      • RobKanC

        You dirty Red Commie. America is first cos we have. Uhmmm. Uh. We have that. Uh. Constitution, liberty and 2nd amendment. Libtard

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      America First was stupid and short sighted in 1939. In the age of the internet and the ICBM it’s inexcusably stupid.

  • JackLinks

    Trump and I are just alike, here’s why!
    When I was in Vietnam as a 18 year old marine grunt (67-68) my entiire view of what was going on around me was limited to about a 4 foot circle, with me in the center! If I needed to know anything I was told what I needed to know! Nothing else was mattered! It was me and my circle!
    Trump’s the same way, except I believe his circle is a lot smaller, maybe 1 foot in any direction! He know’s nothing, doesn’t want to know anything, unless of course he’s having his arse buttered up for a great big kiss and he couldn’t care less, as he’s always been that way!
    At least I grew up and left that little circle around me, Trump never did!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      And you served in Vietnam. He had bone spurs.

    • Painter of Goats

      You also just described most of his followers.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    Did anyone there make a list of Trump’s suck-cessec?

    • He gave a speech that was not awful that one time
      AND he got to bomb an air strip.
      Bout it really

  • Chadwells
    • Kiri the Unicorn

      We gotta protect our phony-baloney JOBS, gentlemen!

      • Vecchioivan

        Harrumph!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      In Birmingham they loved the Guvnah.
      Sorry, not sorry. Wrong thread.

  • It was a brainstorming session and I really wish they had spoken up in the room so that we could have had an open and honest conversation,” he said. “It is unproductive adjudicating internal discussions through the media.”
    Welcome to team Trump Mike! Where everyone constantly stabs everyone else in the back and runs whining to the media when things are UNFAIR!!!!

  • Nick Scroggs
  • Crystalclear12

    Did anyone suggest painting the flaming dumpster fire, hmmmmm?

  • Portia McGonagal

    You know they were all just sitting there sniffing whiteboard markers and getting high.

  • Rachel Book Harlot

    Christ. Has it only been 100 days? Feels like a freaking eternity.

    • Jennifer R

      79? Something like that.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    George Pataki. Now there was a man with a strong foreign policy vision.

    • Wild Cat

      He was from the Neo-fascist Hungarian Goulash Party, no? Allies with the D’Amato Long Island Pasta Mafia Militia, if I recall . . .

    • Crank Tango

      I will always fondly remember him as the guy what doubled my tuition in undergrad.

  • Nounverb911
    • Wild Cat

      “How did my foreskin end up being snipped off in your anal cavity, Steve?”

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Who pissed in Bannon’s hair?

  • Yr. Gma

    Shouldn’t someone put Kellyanne’s face on a milk carton? The girl is AWOL.

    • Jennifer R

      She is spending more time with her painting.

      • Thorn Spike

        Still looking for a school that’ll take her kids.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      Jesus Christ, no! What if they FOUND her?!?!?

  • So I am sitting here still snickering about the idea that a communications retreat seminar team building exercise thing meant to “turn this thing around!” ended up with a bunch of whiners crying to politico and the guy in charge going “Well that was a waste of time, I guess”

  • DrBigHead

    Maybe if they would put just a wee bit more effort in appointing people who actually know what the hell they are doing, they wouldn’t have to worry about the goddam “brand”

  • Nightcrawler
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Auntie Freeze is the coolest!

      • Nightcrawler

        There should be one that says “Spider-Ma’am” though.

  • Nounverb911
  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • efoveks

      Personal responsibility at its finest.

    • Nick Scroggs

      Well, technically it was Vichy France and not the current French state, but were there not collaborators?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Some of those collaborators were put to death for their collaboration. And many young French women were shaved bald for their collaboration with German soldiers.

        • Nick Scroggs

          Right, that’s what I meant.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            They spared Marshal Petain, but Pierre Laval was put to death by firing squad.

          • georgiaburning

            So was Darnand, the Militia leader.

      • Paul Dietzel

        Yeh, and Rick and Louie got to go down to Brazzaville to continue their
        beautiful friendship.

        • Nick Scroggs

          That was Morocco.

    • Nightcrawler

      Historical revision seems to be the way white wingers use to cleanse themselves of having to confront the past.

    • Nounverb911

      She seems nice.

    • Crank Tango

      Isn’t that illegal in France tho?

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Right wingers: minimizing past atrocities, so they can commit new ones later.

    • OddMan

      She learned well from her father, Jean-Marie Le Pen. He was also a holocaust denier.

    • cheetojeebus

      One minute they’re advocating vicious atrocities, the next they’re saying “not me”. At least the nazi’s of 1945 were proud of their work.

    • Internet Hitler

      What death camps?

    • georgiaburning

      Now that she needs only a few votes to get elected, LePen starts to deny what her party (and father) was bragging about a few years ago.

  • jesterpunk

    The final thing at the retreat before they all left:

    Guy I know he didnt shit his pants when he was golfing.

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C786DhyWkAIAzk4.jpg

    Dammit, anyone else have any ideas?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Spicer is a sloppy eater?

      • jesterpunk

        You owe me a pepsi, good thing I didnt spit my soda all over my computer.

    • suziq

      Depends fail!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, with the swing he’s got I’d say he probably fell on his arse.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Never trust a fart?

    • Nightcrawler

      Deadpool: This guy did NOT have the right idea. He didn’t wear the brown pants.

  • efoveks

    Instead of worrying about “branding”, maybe someone should actually be “working”. Then the story of the First 100 Days would (almost) write itself,

    Cool that they got to go to camp though..

    • aureolaborealis

      Get a load of the libtard here who doesn’t understand how business works!

    • Internet Hitler

      Working would interfere with Not Hiring and Blaming Others.

  • Nounverb911
    • wide_stance_hubby

      Perfectly normal relationship between WH and media.

    • TJ Barke

      The American Pravda.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Minitru has spoken!

    • Nightcrawler

      A Jewish guy getting attacked on a website infested by Nazis? What a surprise.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Did they update their style guide on the use of triple parentheses?

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      We need more of that sort of integrity in the news media.

    • Internet Hitler

      Wonkette editors have issued the same instructions.

      Haha JK! He’s a crooked shmuck!

  • Villago Delenda Est
    • Nounverb911
    • TJ Barke

      Let’s see, why do I hate America?
      The corporate captured government
      The imperialism
      The blatant disregard for justice
      The racism
      The exploitation of vulnerable demographics
      The agenda of deprivation and humiliation of the poor
      The corporate control of news networks
      The mass incarceration

      • Tennessee Rain

        You just made Lee Greenwood cry.

    • jesterpunk

      We love America just as much as they do. But in a different way. You
      see, they love America like a 4-year-old loves his mommy. Liberals love
      America like grown-ups. To a 4-year-old, everything Mommy does is
      wonderful and anyone who criticizes Mommy is bad. Grown-up love means
      actually understanding what you love, taking the good with the bad and
      helping your loved one grow. Love takes attention and work and is the
      best thing in the world.

      Al Franken

    • cheetojeebus

      These days when I read “No nonsense commonsense reforms” etc… The resulting brain frying anger short circuit stops any ability to read further.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        The problem is the people who come up with these “commonsense reforms” have no common sense whatsoever.

    • Parakeetist

      Whoa!

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I keep saying this, but it should hurt to be that stupid.

  • Flashman

    This would have run a lot better if Jared Kushner had been in charge.

  • Fartknocker

    I damn sure hope that those TPS reports are filed as part of the overall rebranding of the POTUS (Putz of The US). TPS reports for democracy!

  • marxalot

    I took the weekend off from the internet (sorta) in order to assemble furniture, mat some prints, move some stuff around, and watch 11.5 out of 13 episodes of Wynona Earp. I’ll finish that later today/tomorrow (it’s pretty good, y’all).

    • Crystalclear12

      Good plan, good plan. Pace your rage.

      • marxalot

        I don’t count Netflix as internet proper, but internet was used.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I know how we can turn this around. Next time Syria uses Sarin gas, Kendall Jenner hands them a Pepsi. Cue dance number, peace in the mideast! Kushner doesn’t even have to change out of his suit.

    • Crank Tango

      He’s starting to like the way his flopsweat makes his kevlar vest smell tho.

  • Nick Scroggs
    • marxalot

      What’s up, Shadowcat(?)

  • Nounverb911

    Well, the good news is trump hasn’t has anyone dragged off Air Force One yet.
    https://twitter.com/WSJ/status/851464615028551687

    • MynameisBlarney

      The bad news is, no one’s dragged turmp off of Air Force One yet.

      • fredoandme

        is there a way to sign up? put my name on a list of candidates? we should be ready to go so it can be accomplished like removing a bloody bandaid.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      I think we can stop looking for Kellyanne Conway. She’s obviously in charge of customer relations for United Airlines.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      “Come fly the Friendly skies!”

      • vivian

        “or not. We’ll decide. Just pay for your ticket. In advance. Oh, you want legroom, hunh? Well that’s gonna cost you. Got an extra bag too? Ca-ching!” Pro-tip: pay for the extras and maybe they won’t pull you off a flight. Hey United: People are not freight. Scumbags.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          People, freight…nothing but revenue to us!

    • Shibusa

      United is Making Americ[an Airlines] Great Again.

  • Nounverb911
    • Nightcrawler

      This ties in really well with our Marvel posts.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Lex Luthor gave up Lexcorp when he became President. This means a comic book villain is more ethical than Donald.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Trump Doctrine
    1 Fuck the poor
    2 Give Jared and Ivanka every job in Federal Gubbiment
    3 ?????
    4 Profit!

    • Internet Hitler

      America First, who cares second = no foreign policy

    • Proud Liberal

      1. is “Raid the public coffers to enrich himself so he can surpass Putin as the richest man in the world.”

    • Pilotshark

      kind of reminds me of the mad TV seek the hardess working family in the country.

      • efoveks

        Whut? Joo only got 4 jobs, man?

  • Proud Liberal

    Oh, let’s just face it. Donald Drumpf will go down in history as the worst president this country has ever had.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Just as long as he doesn’t go down as the last president this country ever has.

      • Proud Liberal

        Indeed.

    • Jgb979

      Pretty awesome to be following the last Republican to hold office, the previous worst president this country has ever had.

      Just wait for president racist potato Alex Jones in 2024.

      • efoveks

        They put Harding & Hoover to shame.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I have read more than one book about Emperor Nero and somehow this guy is worse.

      • Proud Liberal

        I didn’t think anyone would surpass W, but damn, Drumpf is setting an all time record of incompetence/corruption.

      • Nick Scroggs

        Well I read somewhere Nero did try to help stop the Rome fires, but also blamed the Christians, so….

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          and his CD burning software was pretty good…

      • TundraGrifter

        Lyre!

      • efoveks

        Aw, he’s just fiddling around. Just wait until he really gets fired up!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      James Buchanan, Warren G. Harding, and the deserting coward all breathe massive sighs of relief.

    • cheetojeebus

      You should probably append a, …until Kanye and Kim are sworn in in 2020.

      • Randy Riddle

        Or until Chancellor Bannon is sworn in.

    • Pilotshark

      lets hope it not because he will be the last president of the USA. i can handle worst (some what) it is him selling out and taken the country down, that has my attention.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    They’ve got their work cut out for them.
    http://thefw.com/files/2013/05/FlamingCar.gif

    • Once&futureFred

      Look at that teamwork! Do you know how hard it is to push unconscious people under burning cars?

  • Jgb979

    https://19818-presscdn-pagely.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/4f3/a4/66be8e222ea4de3be314a206c807c669.jpg

    Uhhh……..they got the dumpster fire three stories high? Take THAT libs!

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    were broken into three groups, complete with whiteboards, markers and giant butcher-block-type paper

    I recently worked in a large public agency that was being informed by corporate practices.

    I HATED THAT PHONY TEAM-BUILDING SHIT. If you are over say, 25, and you don’t know how to work on a team authentically, you don’t belong.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I learned “team building” in 3rd grade PE class when we finally broke up into kickball teams.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      “I want you all to break up into groups by table. Everyone gets some shish kebob skewers, a bag of marshmallows, a dozen pipe cleaner stems, a blue Sharpie and a bottle of glitter. Your goal is to work together as a team to build something that represents the vision of the company going forward”

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        NOOOOOOOOOO!

        Damn you to hell.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I’ve seen hundreds of these and they’re all dopey as hell. The good news is, the techs swoop through the room afterwards and steal all the Sharpies

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            True that. Whilst chuckling to themselves what idiots the rest of us are.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            pert much…

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Tallest free-standing vision wins?

        • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

          Wins a free drink at Applebee’s.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            well only

        • Ill-Advised

          You were in my scrum class as the facilitator, weren’t you.

      • Once&futureFred

        We did that one, the winner is the team that doesn’t use the glitter..oh, wait..spoiler alert!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Team building”. Been there, done that, have DD214 to prove it.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        But are you ISO-compliant?

  • Ninja0980
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Quick and brutal is better than slow and brutal.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      But, rockin’ great hair!

  • Jennifer R

    I have been saying it for two weeks, the only way China could stop a flood of refugees would be to line up troops shoulder to shoulder.
    https://twitter.com/th3j35t3r/status/851493757581234177

  • Nick Scroggs

    Now, words from an administration much more competent than this one:
    President Truman: Whistling Dixie! I want this taken this to Area 51 for analysis.
    Soldier: But sir, that’s where we’re building the fake moon landing set.
    President Truman: Then we’ll have to really land on the Moon! Invent NASA and tell them to get off their fannies!

  • Nick Scroggs
  • II Gosala
    • Proud Liberal

      Jesus Christ. These wingers never stop.

    • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

      The only three qualifications needed to be appointed to a position of power by a GOP pol these days are: rich, stupid & crazy.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Or, in the case of Donald, allegedly a Billionaire, stupid, and crazy.

    • Internet Hitler

      Well, at least he made his money by selling people poisonous houses, so we can overlook his racism and lack of experience. Plus, it says right in the story that he’s on a LISTENING tour, so I’m sure the new constitution won’t be just a bunch of wingnut ideas he just made up himself. C’mon – it’s Florida.

    • cheetojeebus

      You could at least put down some newspapers first.

    • Sister the Resister

      “[Gov.] Scott, a translucent anglerfish from the Mariana Trench who functions best in pitch-black darkness….”

      nice touch with the pen, there!

      • Beowoof14

        Scott is a money grubbing shark without the charm most sharks have.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Great. Three months ago she was designing purses.

    https://twitter.com/Independent/status/851320773558120448

    • WotsAllThisThen

      “If complicit means making life or death decisions for the whole world, then I’m complicit.”

    • Vincent Ricola

      Experience, qualifications, and a general idea of what is going on is for elitist liberals.

      Republicans just have to have pretty hair and a general disdain for the poors to make world altering decisions.

      • Ill-Advised

        If I apply for a job and claim to be Republican, can I be hired for anything? Cause I’m not sure what experience, qualifications, and a general idea of what is going on really buys anymore. And the number of things other people will judge me able to do is so much longer!

    • Nounverb911
    • MizzMazz

      Let’s fix that. She was stealing designs.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Good thing she’s got Donald’s ear. Imagine what the email lady would have done!

      • MizzMazz

        Shit! We might have had good healthcare, clean water and air, and people might have been insured! Imagine the horror!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well I’m sure she has the necessary political and military expertise…oh, who the hell am I trying to kid?

    • Master Contrail Program

      Purses-> Satchel Charges->Tomahawk Missiles. It’s easy to see the connection!

      • Pilotshark

        well at least one out of three was made in America.

    • Proud Liberal

      Ivanka: Dad, we’ve got get the narrative off of you and Russia. Do something.

      Dad: What do you think I should do, Ivanka?

      Ivanka: I think bombing Syria will get the narrative off of you and Russia.

      Dad: Okay. Jared, tell them to launch the missiles.

      • Internet Hitler

        Dad: That oughta do it!
        Jared: …
        Dad: Hold on. I thought you were in Syria…?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ.
        Soldier: You can just point to him.
        Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don’t tell you how to do your job.

    • Wild Cat

      Remember when Chabbad Rebbe Messiah just seemed like another religious wackaloon who handed out dollar bills to politicians and delighted in the death of black youths? Those times were so innocent . . .

    • Beowoof14

      Well they could have been real assholes about it and just dropped her clothing line and purses.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      And butt-fucking-ugly purses, at that.

    • kareemachan

      No, she was stealing other people’s designs.for purses…

  • Nounverb911
    • Tennessee Rain

      That’s impossible. Trump promised to end the violence.

      • MApispevooooiCaptainHowdy

        The carnage, he didn’t say anything about violence.

    • Yellerduck

      I’ll bet it was one of those Trump no-gun zones. Why hasn’t Trump given all the guns to all the people? Surely one of those kids could have taken out the shooter.

  • Shibusa
  • chascates

    Actual Known Genius Karl Rove states there are three ‘tribes’ in the White House and they are working at cross purposes. No offense to First Americans but all 3 need to be sent to a reservation, preferably via a Trail of Tears.

  • Jennifer R
    • chascates

      Perry didn’t know DOE was in charge of nukes? I lived in Amarillo a few miles from the Pantex nuclear assembly plant in the 70s and even winos there knew that.

      • Jennifer R

        Do the pill heads? Cause Perry likes the hillbilly heroin.

    • Internet Hitler

      Trump: Fire the missiles!
      Missiles: We’re sorry. Windows 95 needs to shut down now.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    You mean they didn’t split up into Agile teams with a Scrum Master and create story points and figure out what their backlog was, etc?

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      Couldn’t possibly fit all the bullshit in a 10 minute stand up.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Too much planning involved in that when their leadership is clearly winging it.

    • Ill-Advised

      That was epic.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        It’s my story, and I am sticking to it. Until at least the next scrum.

  • Michael R
    • MizzMazz

      Rally cry of the Republicans.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Meanwhilst, the United Airlines PR Dept. Strikes back!

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10028914450

    • Wild Cat

      “Fly the friendly skies of . . . UNITED!”

      • Pilotshark

        you either like flying our fu((king friendly sky’s or will will have you removed by friendly agents. dam enjoy your trip.

        seat 23C come on out! Or we will come in and get you .

  • MynameisBlarney

    United Airlines new Customer Service Rep.

    https://www.democraticunderground.com/10028914308

    • Beowoof14

      My personal United experience already had me avoiding them. Their latest move has me convinced that is a good move.

      • Wild Cat

        Problem is that all airlines have us by the balls, as they’re all interlinked.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I used to sear by Delta, but man…they got fuckin mean.

        • Wild Cat

          Twenty years ago, their customer-service bot signed “his” name as “John Galt.” I am not making this up. They were (are still?) an objectivist-loon corporation. (But I do use them frequently.)

          • MynameisBlarney

            Oh god.
            That’s so fuckin lame. lol

            The only reason I was ever partial to Delta was because my grandpa worked for them for 35 years.
            He retired before they started getting shitty.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        My problem is that, from the airports closest to me, United is almost ALWAYS the cheapest option, by far….and they get to many more places non-stop than the others. So sure, I could go with Delta, but I’d pay more and have to fly through ATL…neither of which I’d like to do. And I already boycott American, cuz reasons. Virgin America (my personal favorite) doesn’t fly to that many places, and is currently being bought by Alaska, which also doesn’t fly that many places (basically, nowhere on the east coast). And JetBlue is only acceptable if I’m flying to NYC.

  • Bitter Scribe

    “America FIrst is the Trump Doctrine”?

    Why, were “My Country Tis of Thee” or “America the Beautiful” taken?

    • Rick Hill

      Screw you, I got mine was trademarked, too. Funny, though. It’s owned by the RNC

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “America First” was the doctrine of our own home-grown fascists in the 30’s.

  • weejee

    cyanide-laced Flavor-Aid

    That’s not Kool™. Did Kraft’s attorneys launch some preemptive legal Tomahawks?

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      I hate that I know this, but at Jonestown (which this is a reference to), they actually used Flavor-Aid. Dok Zoom is extremely meticulous, which is why we love him so.

      • Lamashtar

        Everything I knew is wrong!

  • Rick Hill

    So….as usual with republicans, it’s not their actions. Rather it’s their advertising that is the problem. If only they could convince everyone their shitsandwich tastes as good as an Arby’s roast beast

    • Villago Delenda Est

      It’s always marketing with these assholes, never a reconsideration of policy points.

      • Rick Hill

        Well, that would mean rewriting their entire platform, in order to include any of the 99%

      • Master Contrail Program

        The succinct and hard-to-argue slogan, “Ya gotta eat.” seems to have done wonders for Checkers/Rally’s. Perhaps they should give them a call?

    • Beowoof14

      Well does it come with horse’s ass sauce?

    • CripesAmighty

      Arby’s? If someone could convince me that Arby’s ‘roast beef’ (pulverized, pressed ‘mystery meat’) tasted as good as a shit sandwich, that’d be worth some serious Jack.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Worst version of Improv Everywhere ever.

  • Rick Hill

    Just two and a half weeks to turn it around! Come on People! Let’s get brainstorming!

    • BeachBum

      Maybe a real life Wag the Dog ? Are Di Nero and Hoffman busy ?

  • Nephilim

    Trump has fulfilled my expectations during his first 100 days. He bombed the shit out of someone. It was getting close. But he came through. /s

  • YoBunnyBunny

    cyanide-laced Flavor-Aid.

    Knock-off Kool-Aid LIBELZ!!!!1111!1

    • Rick Hill

      Even flavored artificially colored sugar water has a standard to adhere to to have that label.

    • leaknoil

      Ugh. Ok young liberals. Time for a history lesson. Jim Jones poisoned a whole bunch of poor people with cyanide laced “Flavor Aid”. That’s actually what he used. Not Kool Aid. It created the term, “Drinking the Kool Aid” . I am an old fuck and for some some reason drinking the kool-aid doesnt bug me but, when this article mentioned “cyanide-laced Flavor-Aid” it brought chills to my spine. That’s not that same as saying, “drinking the kool-aid” really. Bad choice of words in my mind for those of us that watched all those bloated bodies across our tv screens as kids.

  • Rick Hill

    Rebranding. They already let us know they want to do all the things to please their small minority of key supporters. Maybe they can get the WIN campaign folks to come up with something catchy to take attention from the incompetant shitshow in the WH

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Isn’t this the point when they need to release another survey on Trump’s website asking his fan club constituents what they think Trump’s administration should do next:

      A. Prosecute Hillary Clinton for All The Crimes
      B. Bomb the shit out of ISIS
      C. Ban ISLAMS
      D. Host a Brietbart/Infowars Summit at Mar-A-Largo
      E. Make America GREATERER Again! FUCK YEAH!!!!

      • Rick Hill

        “What do you mean there’s more to this gig than those things? This is like a jerb or something that requires effort!”
        d.trump.

  • Shanzgood

    I did one of those team building things a few years ago working for a General Contractor. The exercise was organized by the owner’s rep, acting as the Construction Manager, to get us, the architects, engineers, and major MEP subcontractors to work together. We were mixed up and split up into multiple teams of two in front of a table full of wooden blocks and instructed to build the best “structure” we could.

    One member of each team was blindfolded and told to remain mute but was able to use their hands to move the blocks and the other member could give verbal instructions but not touch anything. Each team immediately started frantically building their own thing. Even my “team mate” started fumbling for blocks before I’d even given any instructions.

    After a few seconds of mayhem, I asked aloud “Is the object here to build all our own individual structures or just one, collectively?” Of course, the “team builder” organizers couldn’t answer (because that was the actual point of the exercise) and everyone continued blindly and chaotically doing their own thing until the exercise timed out and everyone failed.

    And, yes, of course I was the only woman there.

    • Rick Hill

      I went through something similar, LMET(leaderblip, malfeasance, equative timestamp or something) in the Navy. Most effective part was we watched 12 o’clock high with Gregory Peck and then dissected it for it’s leadership points. Aside from that it was a waste of time.

      • Shanzgood

        My favorite part of the exercise I did was being completely ignored by dozens of men when I was the only one who asked the right question.

        • Rick Hill

          “If management is asked a reasonable rational question, do they hear it?”

        • Erala Contratista

          The poor things can’t hear our tiny, shrill, sub audible voices.

        • Strepsi

          Obviously you should have asked it while handing out muffins.

      • tkingt

        “If there’s a bombardier who can’t his plate with a fork, you get him”.

    • timpundit

      If I hear “Synergy” from the top of the food chain one more time imma gonna burn the building down.

      • H0mer0

        Bon Chance! You might get what you’re after…

    • CripesAmighty

      Hey, look at the bright side: new employment for all those ’90s TQM (‘Total Quality Management’) consultants who, for 35 grand, gave you a sticky-board and cartoon mascot (‘deliverables’).

    • phoenix00
  • wait! what?

    “We just need to slow down our detractors with maybe spike strips, or lasers.
    What about tryptophan?”

    • Rick Hill

      You know, what worked very well for the Carter administration was flooding the streets with quaaludes. Everyone was way too mellow to worry about inflation, then

      • BeachBum

        What inflation ?

        • Rick Hill

          They must have whipped it by then

  • A_Changeling

    Group sauna libel.

  • Master Contrail Program
  • goonemeritus

    After 100 days there are zero photos of Trump in Mom jeans.

    • Erala Contratista

      But way too many of him in his Depends chinos, not to mention that shot of his bubble butt climbing on to the helicopter.

  • PixieThis

    I’m sorry…what the shit?

  • MApispevooooiCaptainHowdy

    Trump Targets The Endangered Species Act

    Jamie Pang, who tracks legislation for the Center for Biological Diversity, said she has seen an average of one bill every four days targeting the Endangered Species Act since Trump took office.

    http://www.dcreport.org/2017/04/06/trump-takes-aim-at-the-endangered-species-act/

    • Rick Hill

      Fkcers!

    • Tallmutha

      It’s sad alright, but look at it from the Republican point of view. Don’t you see that species must go extinct so that liberals may be pissed off?

      • Lamashtar

        I’ve been gratified that some Republicans don’t like that. Something about liking animals, and wanting to hunt them when they’re awake instead of shooting them when they’re asleep like weenies.

    • VirginiaLady

      But if we get rid of all the sleeping bears our schools can become gun free zones again right?
      RIGHT??

      • H0mer0

        If the president can lie, why can’t we just let sleeping bears lie?

        I was just leaving…

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Former Idaho congressidiot Helen Chenoweth: “Extinction is God’s way of calling them home.”

  • Khavrinen

    “I think the President’s head would explode if he heard that.”

    You say that like it would be a bad thing…

  • BeachBum

    Good one Dok ! Good people wouldn’t be hired in the first place if most didn’t already have those desired qualities already. If things aren’t getting done, it’s usually because the institution or leader is shit. Or both.

  • Tallmutha

    I saw this episode of the British Office.

  • whitroth

    It’s all “rebranding” and “label building”.

    There is no actual content, just style. The fucking airheads have no idea of what their jobs are, what has to be done, or how to operate in the Real World, outside the Trumpolini bubble….

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      When you eliminate reality, perception is all that’s left.

  • Me not sure
    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Pegee goes in front!”

      “But … My name’s not pegg.. WAHOOOO YI YI”

  • VirginiaLady

    Maybe if they make a cola commercial with him starring in it the day will be saved.

  • Rose McFrog

    Brainstorming? Try barnstorming. “Barnstorming was a form of entertainment in which stunt pilots performed tricks, either individually or in groups called flying circuses.” Trump even has his own jet. “There’s a man on the wing!”

    • phoenix00

      “Oh hey look! Missiles!”

  • Daniel Hooper

    Oh man; my company did that stupid Net of Trust thing, and I thought it was stupid then. So I’m absolutely not surprised the Trump administration would fall back on that.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Trump’s well-oiled machine is a high speed fan, and the “oil” is, well, shit.

  • CripesAmighty

    The United States is being run by a backbiting HOA with a $75/day ‘facilitator’.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    One of the trust excercises is for the ladies to get changed in a room, and then Trump walks in.

    How does this build trust, you ask? FAKE NEWS!! YOU’RE THE PUPPET

  • President in Exile Firefly

    On day 99, they’ll just pull an all nighter.

    • kev

      more likely they’ll find some other country to bomb.

  • Paperless Tiger

    You know, business is not really that complex. You buy and/or make stuff for money and then sell it for more money. Not to say that’s easy to do, but it’s not exactly the secret of the universe like these dopes seem to think.

    • Raan

      Or you do things for people that they either can’t or don’t want to do.

  • dshwa

    America First is not a strategy. It’s a slogan. There’s their problem.

    • BPMM

      This happens a lot with amateurs. They think a slogan is strategy, but for slogans there is always the lack of an implementation plan

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Reminds of Gerald Ford’s crackerjack economic “strategy”, the WIN button. Whip Inflation Now!

  • BPMM

    I thought this administration was running like a “fined tuned machine.”
    Why the need for a brainstorming retreat?

    • Panika MCD

      and you believed it?

  • Panika MCD

    so he’s going to resign on day 98?

    • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

      That would require him to both recognize and admit how badly he’s fucking up. Ain’t gonna happen.

      • Panika MCD

        but Russia could both recognize and dose him with polonium. if I had my druthers he’d just be gone to golf in Mar-a-Lago on his own dime, but I don’t see any other thing and he just really pissed them off.

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      Dear dog, this incompetent and his absurd administration are 8 weeks in. Let’s hope the races in Montana, Georgia and Kansas go our way (I think Ossoff is heading for a runoff in GA, but not sure what happens then). I have contributed to all of these campaigns, and would really like to win at least one.

  • phoenix00

    So who’s tired of winning? All of you in this room? Everybody?

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      I think that about captures it. Tired of it. Is this what winning is?

  • Phoenixdoglover

    I know who is not team player in that group. It’s the half Hispanic guy, Semi Colon.

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    I find your use of “… leaks worse than a cooler full of cyanide-laced Flavor-Aid” to be in poor taste and highly offensive. A more appropriate analogy would have been ” … leaks worse than Lil’Donnie’s favorite Russian #PeeHookers”

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    And what is the story on that gif? Cripes, there would be some trust issues after that. Medical too.

    • doktorzoom

      Assuming it’s from a movie, with stunt performer and a nice airbag on the floor

  • Dubke’s deputy was Jessica Ditto? Any relation to Beth?
    https://youtu.be/IPbiklLnDQo

  • Nancyjrios

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dk374c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dk374c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs664MarketCrossGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dk374c:….,………

  • Northern Isaac

    The way trust falls work in Trump admin is that you fall back, people stab you, rifle through your pockets, 30% of proceeds go to Donny.

  • Zyxomma

    Brainstorm assumes brains not in evidence.

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