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Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

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  • Nounverb911
  • Al Swearengen

    Poor, poor Bannon. Please. Don’t. Go.

    • From Russia with Love

      Really, where else can we quench our pus-bag addiction?

      • Al Swearengen

        Research in facial athlete’s foot will suffer.

    • To New Orleans during hurricane voting season?

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      LOL

  • The Wanderer
  • Nounverb911
  • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

    I saw on the Internet that Kushner is the real President, and Trump is just his Bitch.

  • Nounverb911
  • In the “Wow, that’s ironic” news this morning, The Kentucky Coal Mining Museum has announced that they will be converting to solar power to lower operational expenses.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/04/06/the-coal-mining-museum-in-harlan-county-ky-switches-to-solar-power/?hpid=hp_hp-morning-mix_mm-museum%3Ahomepage%2Fstory&utm_term=.91095bbeb460

    Surely trump can stop this with an E.O.

  • dslindc
    • Yeah, I HAD to include that today.

      • Mpeg

        Good stuff. (I’m still trying to get around to viewing your round-ups from yesterdayz)..

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Seriously, send in the kids.

    • Amelia Resists and Persists

      That is incredible.

  • Al Swearengen

    When Bannon leaves the field, it’ll be in a golf cart like a baseball player. Except it won’t be in the shape of a batting helmet, it’ll be in the shape of one of those airline bottles of scotch.

  • dslindc

    Also, I think “Democrat” Joe Manchin has been missing a lot of memos for years now.

  • wait! what?

    Ugh.

    Too much crap in the world right now to face. It’s no longer Thursday; it’s “Ryerday.”

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iQyXZkN_5ZM#

  • Vincent Ricola

    Seth Meyers 2020!

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
  • Nounverb911
    • PubOption

      The Rangers didn’t do very well with W in charge.

      • The Wanderer

        Nothing did well with W in charge.

    • FlownΩver

      In conjunction with, or in opposition to Derek Jeter?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Irony News Alert: The Coal Mining Museum in Harlan County Kentucky is installing solar panels to generate power for their exhibits. They will sell excess to the electric company.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/04/06/the-coal-mining-museum-in-harlan-county-ky-switches-to-solar-power/?utm_term=.e5bed5ded55f

  • LarryHoudini

    Every time I find myself feeling slightly hopeful about Bannon, I remember that Trump is still president.

    • Al Swearengen

      Getting Grima Wormtongue out of the Oval Office is a big start.

      • Amy!

        Grima LIBEL!!

        He undermined a sane and honorable leader.

  • memzilla Ω
  • memzilla Ω
  • Nounverb911
    • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

      *Might* be Gay? Vlad, Baby, just cos you make Donald beg for it before you creampie his anus, doesn’t make either of you Gay. Neither of you have enough style to be Gay.

      • The Wanderer

        I don’t think he creampies him, just butters his buns.

        • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

          XD

          • The Wanderer

            “Phwagh! There! Superior Russian semen too good for filthy American interior stinky part!”

      • From Russia with Love

        I know! “Suggests!” Bwa ha ha ha ha!

  • Michael R

    Vice President Pence’s Secret Service agent suspended after prostitution arrest

    ” Please tell me he didn’t have dinner with her !!! ” – Mike Pence

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/pence-secret-service-agent-suspended-prostitution-arrest-article-1.3022736

    • From Russia with Love

      Yeah, dinner leads to… dessert.

      • onedollarjuana

        Cream pie, jelly roll, etc.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Trump was shocked, SHOCKED! to learn children are dying in Syria. Then he banned refugees again.

  • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

    And, what with stealing Dominic’s “Sadimir Putin” to post on Tumblr, it’s time for Anna to do her morning bath. These legs don’t shave themselves.

    • Little Doll

      A girl goes to shave her legs and Nunes takes a “temporary vacation” from the investigation. We always miss the cool shit when we groom!

      • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

        Indeed. What a nice thing to return to, though!

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      You need to get the self-shaving upgrade. Totally worth the price.

      • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

        XD Naw, shaving is a joy. Sitting in the bubble bath, scented shaving gel (Raspberry, right now), a fresh razor. It’s a great way to start my day.

  • memzilla Ω
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Looks like Ivanka’s strategy of being silent about women’s issues while simultaneously claiming to be the Voice of Women’s Issues in the White House isn’t working out all that great for her.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Today’s word is
      pho·ny
      ˈfōnē/Submit
      informal

      noun
      1.
      a fraudulent person or thing.
      synonyms: impostor, sham, fake, fraud, charlatan

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Maybe she’ll have better luck with that word than she did with “complicit”.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        “pho·ny”: Isn’t that a soup shop in Little Saigon in New York?

  • Nounverb911
  • FlownΩver

    The cover story is a hoot – Bannon was always going to leave NSC because he wasn’t needed anymore to keep an eye on Michael Flynn’s work there. No one seems to have noticed that Flynn’s been gone since Hector was a pup.

    • puredog

      Well, The Gang That Couldn’t Govern Straight tends to be a little slow on the uptake.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Approximately one billion sponsors have abandoned Bill O’Reilly. Still on the air.

  • OddMan
    • The Wanderer

      Like I said earlier, he looks like a gender-bent Tammy Faye Bakker.

      • OddMan

        Ah yes, I see that this was posted already.
        well twice is nice for Pootie Poo.

        • The Wanderer

          Oh, it needs to be smeared all over the internet, just to enrage Neo-Tsar.

          • OddMan

            Strangely, I had difficulty figuring out how to spell Putti Poo or Pootie Poo or Putti Poop or . . .

          • The Wanderer

            Call him ‘petukh’ (rooster) or ‘goluboi’ (light blue) – those are slang terms for gays in Russia, and not in a complimentary or positive sense either.

          • OddMan

            Thanks, always nice to know the local lingo.

    • Thaumaturgist

      This is really disrespectful. It makes Valodya look goofy. In stomps on his brand. Donnie isn’t going to like us mocking his BFF.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I would have thought that being in close proximity of Mike Pence would destroy ones sex drive.

  • BosGrl

    Ivanka couldn’t care less if the stupid poors get abortions. That’s what she probably said to Cecile Richards.

    • Little Doll

      I doubt she’s interested in anyone not rich enough to buy her shitty stolen diamonds jewelry.

  • Nounverb911
    • Little Doll

      Hm. To avoid embarrassing himself (some moar), or to impede the investigation?

      • The Wanderer

        AOT, K.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Hard to run a committee from a jail cell in Leavenworth, Kansas.

        • FlownΩver

          Why does everyone want to burden Kansas with all these fuckwits? Our quota’s already met with the likes of Brownback and Kobach.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            Isn’t Leavenworth a jerb creator? Could be with the current administration …

          • shivaskeeper

            Federal/military prison? Not a nice place to be and it’s traditionally where traitors would go to serve time.

  • Nounverb911
    • Little Doll

      Derp derp derp hiccup derp.

      Dumbass liar.

    • Thaumaturgist

      First Bannon. Now Nunes. How are we supposed to Make America Great Again?

      • Little Doll

        Just the way we’re doing it. By taking out the fucking trash.

    • Suttree

      Whatever. I’ll be happy when you’re in jail. Fuckface

    • Phoenixdoglover

      15 minutes of fame.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Ha, you beat me on that scoop, ace cub reporter!

      • Nounverb911

        No problem, news flies too fast lately…

        • Querolous

          Like shit from a fan.

    • goonemeritus

      Well if Trey Gowdy is on the team I’m sure every thing will be fine now.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Since when does US healthcare policy sound suspiciously like a STD outbreak?

  • Lance Thrustwell

    That koala must have been raised by humans. I’ve heard the wild ones are kinda mean.

    • The Wanderer

      Slash at you with those climbing crampons on their paws, and soak you with eucalyptus-scented piss.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Yurgh.

      • FlownΩver

        Don’t let Dolt 45 know about the eucalyptus scent. He might get ideas.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’
    • Al Swearengen

      Haha. Trump is going to be livid. This is going to suck all the media oxygen out the room on his yooge visit with Xi.

    • FlownΩver

      “Several leftwing activist groups,” i.e., AOU,K.

      Also, too: still with the “improper unmasking” crap? Not exactly a credible source any more, are you, Devin?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Wanting to “spend more time with his family” already? That’s usually a sure sign of a looming indictment.

  • C4TWOMAN

    Wow, that Trump/Bannon slap fight is fer realz!
    Alas, I do not have time to photo memes of Putie as a gay clown. Must go to gym. I’m sure others will pick up the slack.
    =^-^=

  • Some “aww” and hope for the future. Little girl has the best answer.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Adorable.

  • Nounverb911
    • Little Doll

      Are you fucking kidding me? Well, fuck-a-doodle-doo, the committee’s now a zoo.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Great! Trey Gowdy will get to the bottom of this Bengha….er, Russia investigation.

      • Nounverb911
        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I’m wondering what day he’ll call Hillary in for 14 hours of interrogation to find out why Mike Flynn lied.

      • puredog

        Well, you know, since there’s probably something THERE this time, he might.

        • James

          Benghazi in Moscow with the candlestick. Call Hillary Clinton to Congress to testify what she knew and when she knew it.

          I suppose that Trey Gowdy is better than Louie Gohmert . . .

    • Lefty Frizzell

      At last these proceedings have been granted some much needed credibility.

    • FlownΩver

      Gowdy? Fuck. This is a lateral move at best.

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      Rumor has it that Gowdy’s first witness call will go out to Hillary Clinton, telling her to prepare for another 11 hours of grilling on Benghazi.

    • vivian

      Why Old Dog Trey? If they want credibility they should have gone all the way to the finger puppets.

      • puredog

        They wanted credhillbillitry.

    • LesBontemps

      Gowdy? That’s the way to guarantee your committee doesn’t find anything.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
    • Nounverb911

      Was that one of the lesser known stories from “Route 66”?

    • The Wanderer

      “Rodney Manlove?”

      • Lance Thrustwell

        They’re, like, all subtle and shit.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Who knew the king of surf guitar wrote gay erotica?

    • Querolous
  • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

    US Strategic Command now linking to Breitbart.

    Oy ve.

    https://twitter.com/US_Stratcom/status/849690534172123136

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      We’re fucked.

    • bupkus23

      Yeah, I’m sure Rick Perry is just the man to oversee the job…

    • They’re the branch that tends to have the highest percentage of bible-thumpers, so it’s not surprising.

    • Nounverb911

      Considering that the B-52s are collecting Social Security now….

      • Thespian Pony Ron

        Though they may be the one arm of the triad that DOESN’T need updating.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Trump re: the Triad: There’s this thing called uranium. Have you heard of it? It’s nuclear weapons.

      • Thespian Pony Ron

        ‘Nukular.’

  • canes_pugnaces

    Trey Gowdy, who never met a Benghazi he didn’t like, will now conduct the investigation into Obama’s and HRC’s emails to Russia.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Had to google this to make sure it wasn’t true.

  • Nounverb911
  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    Bannon may be off the NSC but he’s still slithering around the White House. I’d feel better if he’d been kicked out of D.C. altogether.

    • LesBontemps

      I’d feel better if he’d been kicked out of D.C. off the planet altogether.

      FTFY

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        My list for the rocket for a one way trip to space is getting very long.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        Say, does Elon Musk take requests..?

        • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

          His rockets come back.

      • puredog

        Sorry, you’ll have to do better than that. Mars doesn’t want him.

        • persistently_resistant_gayby

          I hear Virmire is quite nice this time of year…

    • Ωbjectifier

      How can we miss him when he won’t fucking leave?

  • Edith Prickly

    QUIT BANNON, QUIT!

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Right? Those Trump ingrates don’t deserve his brilliance. He should deny them any further opportunity to “profit” from his “wisdom.”

  • Nunes to announce he’s “stepping aside” from intel committee.

    Lead, follow, or get out of the way, Devin.

    • Brendan_M

      Just like Bannon wasn’t demoted, this isn’t a recusal. According to a high-ranking GOP member of Congress. On background.

    • OddMan

      And he blamed “Several left wing activist groups”

      Hehehe

      • NastyBossetti

        That strikes me as stupid, strategically. He’s basically confirming all the work activists are doing is WORKING, so they should keep at it!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        Eh-yup. That’s what we’re doing. Groupin’ together and activatin’!

  • memzilla Ω
    • Ωbjectifier

      Wash it down with some pee!

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      I can attest to this – it leaves my poopchute quite minty…

    • Suttree

      Does it give you minty fresh ass?

  • persistently_resistant_gayby

    Ah, Trumpcare.

    The perpetual nightmare that somehow doesn’t seem to die.

    • puredog

      Drolly, the NYT article contained the following snarky sentence: “The revived measure, stirring in its grave, was known informally on
      Capitol Hill as Zombie Trumpcare.”

  • janecita

    Irony, how does it work? I’m sorry, but I don’t feel bad for these people, stupidity has consequences!
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/04/indiana-trump-supporters-husband-gets-deported-to-mexico/

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Can we have less of these stories right now..? I don’t need unending proof that Trump supporters basically dug their own graves.

      I need to know how people who didn’t vote for him are coping….

      • janecita

        Please, stories like this one, make me feel a little better about this shit show. I don’t want the poor people that didn’t vote for this asshole to suffer, their stories make me sad.

        • persistently_resistant_gayby

          But I’m sick and tired of hearing people who WILLFULLY VOTED FOR THIS ASSHOLE, get fucked in the face. These people deserve the consequences of their actions FULLY.

          But those people that voted for Hillary and got this turdcake instead will be suffering with a choice THEY DIDN’T MAKE. America needs to hear more of this side. They need to learn what they’ve fucking done – they’ve condemned some of these people to a death sentence.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            The MSM narrative is all about self-flagellation and the “forgotten Americans” who voted for Trump who the Dems supposedly failed to reach out to. If you were smart enough to vote for Hillz but unfortunate enough to be poor, they don’t give a fuck about you.

          • Doug Langley

            Here is the only article I came across on the subject of “who’s voting for Hillary and why”:

            http://www.patheos.com/blogs/daylightatheism/2016/10/hillary-clintons-silent-majority/

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Too bad this was written before the election, but aside from that, spot on. I feel like Hillary voters are the true forgotten Americans. Thx for sharing that.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Classic Trump/Republican mentality: Fuck everyone else until something bad happens to me.

  • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

    Hey Y’all? You know why the Russian army calls the T-90 tank “Vladimir”? Because it takes a rod in the rear to start the T-90, also too.

    • Brendan_M

      You should post these on some sites with large Russian readerships, like Breitbart, Infowars, and The Intercept.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        No no no no no no – oh I wouldn’t condemn that on Anna… :/

        • Brendan_M

          She can create a troll account with a name as imaginative as the trolls they send here:
          ConsAreAMentalIllness
          PrezDon’taldPeeBlumpkin
          GOPisBad!!!

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      What if Rod isn’t available? Can Chad or Jake do instead?

      • Doug Langley

        Check and see if Dick can make it.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      LOL, you’re on fi-ah today!

      • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

        *curtseys*

  • Nounverb911

    Oh and this, Borowitz went all serious yesterday and he does it just as well as satire.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6586ea06f4aeb95ca4938ace383c973d403295d7de7fe5c17819c48116a6cee7.jpg

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Thanks Andy – you’ve got more spine than all of those GOP fuckers in Congress.

  • tapp_my_wire,please
    • BosGrl

      He will never be good looking but he’d look a lot more human if he had a normal human hair style; a tie clip instead of sticky tape; and lay off the Clinique Self Tanner.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        I think he has a secret govt lab working on a coal based hair gel.

        • FlownΩver

          But it’s clean-coal based. Very clean.

      • Major_Major_Major

        As a man who is follicly disadvantaged, he should definitely consider the Jean Luc Picard like so many of us.

        • TakingAmes

          I agree. Own that sexiness!

    • Greyhame

      There’s such a mangy, gruesome quality to his scalp condition, it’s like looking at a scab that’s started to peel off.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Is he allergic to whatever his “hair” is made of?

  • Nounverb911
    • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

      Bye, Nunleicia.

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Sure he does.

    • Suttree

      “Can I have immunity also, too?”

      • ♚ King Leo ♚

        imnune-ity

    • ♚ King Leo ♚

      You know what they say: no Nunes is good Nunes.

  • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

    But, c’mon Y’all, Vladimir Putin isn’t Gay. When he takes it up the ass, he takes it in a Manly way, like all Strong Russian soldiers!

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      Elephants are the best people.

      The GOP deserves something like a mosquito: bloodsuckers that spread disease and suffering.

      • shivaskeeper

        Leeches or ticks would work as well. Yes, mosquitoes cause a lot of death worldwide, but people here have a more visceral reaction to leeches and ticks.

        • Sedagive ’em Hell

          Leeches actually perform a positive function (via non-clotting, medicinal bloodletting) and are therefore ineligible for GOP mascot.

          A agree with you about the ticks – gross. Mosquitoes, however, hold a special, evil place in the worldwide ecosystem, and are champion disease-incubators on a global scale.

      • chortlingdingo

        I propose the humble (yet disgusting) cockroach. Specifically the giant, flying variety.

  • Nounverb911
  • MynameisBlarney
    • Bill D. Burger

      Jared Kushner will probably take his place.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Paul Ryan: “Blah blah healthcare lies blah blah blahdevinnunessteppingasideblah blah blah healthcare lies blah blah healthcare lies.”

    • Suttree

      You could have just said “lies”.

      • Vincent Ricola

        This is true.

  • bookish
    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Oh, coal miners!! YOOHOO! Do you like these jobs…?!

    • Did not see this coming.

  • OddMan

    OT
    Nunes steps aside from investigation, blames “Several leftwing activist groups”.

    Asshole
    http://thehill.com/homenews/house/327570-nunes-steps-aside-from-russia-investigation

    • MynameisBlarney

      And of course, when he says “several leftwing activist groups” he really means “a fucking shit-ton of pissed off patriots that refuse to let russia take over this country without a fuckin fight”.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Or a couple of senior citizens with walkers and oxygen tanks at a town hall meeting, asking questions about health care.

    • Greyhame

      Fuck em, throwing that around like it was an insult. Leftwing activist groups are the only ones defending long standing institutions of American democracy from this Trumpian debacle.

    • janecita

      Thank God for “leftwing activist groups!” Because right-wing activist groups are fucking up the country big time!

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Fuuuuuuuuck you, Nunes. “Several leftwing activist groups” didn’t change your mind, ya cuck. Jail time did.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Sending the Trump bots and trolls into fits.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    With the usual Rethuglican diversity:

    This is incredible window-dressing. The GOP health care bill is in flames, and Republicans are here to discuss a consensus amendment. pic.twitter.com/6RGvIQlxpN— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) April 6, 2017

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      ‘YOU guys passed the incredibly popular ACA! Now it’s up to YOU to help us wreck it!’

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    https://twitter.com/Taniel/status/849984212031737856

    Putin’s Le Pen holds narrow lead in polls.

    • cheetojeebus

      god damn it.

    • janecita

      She was always expected to make it to the second round, and to lose there. Basically, this happening now is fine, if it happens in the second round France is fucked.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Must be all those rubles.

      • msanthropesmr

        Fillon is a crook.

    • msanthropesmr

      If you think Sec. Clinton was a “flawed candidate” – you ain’t seen Fillon….

      (And if you think Sec. Clinton was a flawed candidate – fuck you.)

      • janecita

        I thought that Clinton was a flawed candidate, now I think that she was perfection personified.

        • persistently_resistant_gayby

          Compared to these scummy rectalturds – she’ll always be better.

        • msanthropesmr

          I always though she was a flawed candidate – not because of anything that she did – but rather, because of the hard-on that the media had for anything to drag her down. She could have been Jesus, Buddha and the Wizard of Oz, and fucks like CIlliza would have still harped on her.

          • persistently_resistant_gayby

            Why does that fuck Cilizza still have a job. Shitmuncher.

          • msanthropesmr

            I have NO idea. He pisses me off sooooo bad.
            (Matt Bors too – but for different reasons)

          • persistently_resistant_gayby

            Same.

            And that includes those turdmunchers at TYT as well.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            and of course a fuck exactly like Cillizza just got hired by CNN.

          • persistently_resistant_gayby

            I hate CNN.

            Clinton News Network MY FUCKING ASS.

          • janecita

            They are the Clinton News Network, the same way as The New York Times is a liberal paper.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I have nothing but complete confidence that your fucking ass is exponentially less distasteful than CNN.

          • janecita

            Can CNN get any worst?

          • Carpe Vagenda

            Jeff Zucker went to Harvard. He thrives on challenge.

          • Brendan_M

            Which was great news for WaPo. I finally subscribed after Cillizza was out.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            I’m going to miss writing detailed rude things in response to his columns.

          • Brendan_M

            We’ll always have CNN.com. No Paris, but it’ll have to do.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            No, actually, that works. Now I can picture CNN being captured by the nazis as my train pulls out.

            Although I watched the election so I already sort of had that.

      • Marceline

        Every candidate has flaws and weaknesses. Unfortunately a lot of people can’t understand that.

        • No. Trump didn’t.

          Jeeesh.

    • ariel_gee_398

      C’mon France. If you elect her, you lose the ability to be smugly superior to Americans.

      • msanthropesmr

        No, you can’t take that away from the French.

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        You can have that chance on more time…! REMEMBER 2003! :D

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      Two nights ago they had a national debate with all 12 of the candidates on the same stage. Almost as chaotic as the early US Rethug debates. Anyway, according to polling, folks were really impressed with Macron, and Fillon handled himself well too. LePen was called out for her racism and had no solid response, was generally seen as weak in the debates. But, like tRumpy, she dies have that crazy winger/isolationist/nationalist fan club that supports her no matter what. It’s still looking like she’ll squeak into the final round, but I can’t see her doing well against Macron at that stage. I would love to see her getting dropped in the first round by secret Fillon supporters, but he still seems a bit too far back. And unlike LePen’s stealing from the EU, I think Fillon’s grifting the National Assembly with phony jobs for his wife is costing him support.

  • Crystalclear12

    Hmmm, I think the GOP are starting to realize if they fuck shit up there is no black man to save them or take the blame. They may have to take . . . PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!!

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

    • Crank Tango

      Ha!

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Never happen.

    • Greyhame

      Personal whaaaat? No no, that’s just something required of people who didn’t have the good sense to be born a rich white male.

    • geoffalnutt

      Never!!! They’ll blame Obama for everything for the next century (if we make it).

  • AJ Milne

    Nunes recused himself.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • Bill D. Burger
    • cmd resistor

      According to the Hill, it might be temporary: “Several leftwing activist groups have filed accusations against me with the Office of Congressional Ethics,” Nunes said in the statement. “The charges are entirely false and politically motivated, and are being leveled just as the American people are beginning to learn the truth about the improper unmaking of the identities of U.S. citizens and other abuses of power.”
      Nunes said he will step aside while the House Ethics Committee “looks into this matter.”

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        NEW: Investigation into Nunes is called an 18A investigation — NOT, as Nunes suggested, triggered by outside groups https://t.co/5ITpYnWR37— Tim Mak (@timkmak) April 6, 2017

        • cmd resistor

          Ha ha, you mean he lied about the leftists? I was going to be happy to take credit for it.

      • AJ Milne

        … also, this cookie jar just jumped onto my hand, and I couldn’t pull it off… A little help?

      • kaydenpat

        So even as he steps down, he flings out unsubstantiated nonsense. I hope he is punished for his wrongdoing. Stepping down temporarily is not enough.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    If Neil fucking Gorsuch cares about the Constitution as much as he says he does, he needs to remove his name from contention NOW.

    • kaydenpat

      Remember that those people don’t see the Constitution the way we do. They read anti-gay discrimination into the Constitution, for example.

  • William
    • Bill D. Burger

      “We’ll always have Syria.”

    • Ghenghis McCann

      That one must be OK. It doesn’t show Putin as a clown. His friend, though…..

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      …Aand there goes my dinner. Great.

    • snigsy

      Eeew.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Spkr Ryan speaking about the need for choices in buying healthcare coverage.
    Dude, you are as likely to catch cancer if you buy a Lexus or a used Yugo.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “You don’t buy a fishing pole until you want to go fishing. So why shouldn’t you be able to wait and buy insurance that covers cancer when you get cancer?” – Speaker Ryan (R-Doofus)

      • James

        Geez, I’m a socialist and I understand how insurance works better than those who follow the Libertarian religion of Ayn Rand.

        “Why shouldn’t I be able to wait and buy insurance that covers car wrecks when I get in a car wreck?”

        • Jamoche

          Said every defendant with a wrecked car on Judge Judy, sadly.

      • Longstreet63

        Great plan!
        Of course, it won’t actually cover cancer and will be Everything You Possess per month, but, sure, that’s technically Access to coverage.

      • MizzMazz

        Don’t any of them understand how insurance works?

        • James

          No. Insurance is socialist redistribution or something.

          • MizzMazz

            I wish it were. Unfortunately, as insurance exists now, it is a for-profit business IN the business of saying “No!” Just give us single payer, and re-train the insurance goons to do something else, like the rest of us have had to do.

          • James

            Well, I don’t think of most of the people in the insurance business as “goons,” but health insurance as it exists today solely exists to take a cut of the money stream from patient to care provider.

            Insurance provides no added value whatsoever to anything but investors’ and boards’ profits. Healthcare would be a whole lot cheaper if the insurance industry wasn’t skimming from the money stream like a mob-run casino.

          • MizzMazz

            My father was an insurance man for many years, and he told me, “Look at all the shiny buildings and offices they have. They’re bought by that floor of people who are paid to say ‘No!” When he got into the business, profit wasn’t a motivation, but when it became that, he grew very cynical, especially when the company he worked for got into ‘financial products’. Selling insurance in his day (60’s and 70’s) was about helping people, now it’s about fleecing them.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Holy crap, y’all. Nunes is (reportedly) stepping aside.

    • mancityRed6

      “Mr. Nunes said that his decision came after “left-wing activist groups” filed accusations against him with the Office of Congressional Ethics. He called the charges “entirely false and politically motivated,” but said it was in the committee’s best interests for him to temporarily step aside from the investigation.”

  • MynameisBlarney

    HA!

    Nunes under investigation!

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C8vBYgLUMAAkl1f.jpg

    • Vincent Ricola

      This is going to be a fun day.

      • cmd resistor

        We have a tornado warning in Florida.

        • Vincent Ricola

          Seek shelter!

          • cmd resistor

            It passed. I’m in an office building about 10 feet from the door to a windowless bathroom so would have run in there if it got too nasty.

          • cmd resistor

            Of course, it’s supposed to be on and off crappy all day. I would hate for air traffic into WPB, about 80 miles south of here, to be disrupted today!

        • This is not the same at all, but we are having 60 MPH winds in chicago.

          (I biked in anyway…)

    • cheetojeebus

      Is it too early for a pina colada?

      • dshwa

        It’s 5 o’clock​somewhere

      • OddMan

        I just got my first Amazon order of six cans of Coco López – Cream of Coconut this morning.
        PS It is supposed to make the best Pina Colada ever, I also heard it makes a great coconut cake. I’m a real coconut fan.

        • MizzMazz

          I need that. I love coconut too. Off to Amazon.

        • James

          My last order from them was diabetic cat food (not for me, for my cat). I wrote a review of the cat food on Amazon as if I was my cat’s stenographer.

        • cheetojeebus

          Yep Coco lopez is the stuff. I’ve even used it to marinade shrimp kabobs, for which I will probably burn in hell they were so good.

    • Nockular cavity

      It’s Nunesmas!

      • AJ Milne

        Snarkness at Nunes.

        • geoffalnutt

          Nunesikova.

    • puredog

      Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

      Well, that maybe answers that.

    • James

      House Ethics Committee. A committee run by the GOP at the moment. Forgive me if I seem non-plussed about the idea that they will find anything other than a big steaming pile of DARVO

    • Doug Langley
  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Okay, during Ryan’s “We fixed healthcare” blah, blahs, I heard the words “Like Maine.” So I looked around. Found this: http://www.pressherald.com/2017/03/28/lepage-considers-starting-health-insurance-program-to-replace-obamacare/ So if they really are trying use this idea (apparently based on a workers’ comp program), it still means high risk pools, but subsidized by a fee on all individual health insurance plans. It also “loosens regulation” on employers with fewer than 50 employees. The article cautions:

    But critics said it gave insurance companies too much latitude to raise rates for companies with older workers or those in rural, high-cost health markets, while lowering rates for younger, urban companies that tend to have lower health care costs.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    …one agent on Mike Pence’s detail has been suspended for visiting a prostitute after succumbing to Pence’s hormone distortion field.

    Rob Lowe will play him in the movie.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Phooey. I was hoping for Hugh Grant.

      • AJ Milne

        S’okay. Grant’s playing the prostitute.

  • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️
  • snigsy

    Heigh-ho and good morning! I had evil dental surgery two days ago and am now thankful for the happy pills!

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      Damn, I’ve never had dental happy pills EVER.

      Thanks, local anaesthesia..

  • Mike

    On the Healthcare plan…
    My dear old dad (who was an absolute asshole) had a saying…
    “Give people what they want whether they want it or not”

    I’m convinced the only way Trump voters will understand just how bad their choice was is to get some of this legislation passed. And before you say it, I admit I’m fairly well insulated from any of the repercussions.
    The poor, sick, and stupid will be devastated but 1/2 these people voted for Trump so they “…should get what they want whether they want it of not.
    If I’m right, we’ll take the house or senate in 18 and put an end to some of the insanity until we can gussy up a winner to take the WH in 20.
    Healthcare is the real issue most Americans can identify directly with…everyone gets sick or has a sick relative or friend.

    • James

      On the other hand, a whole lot of people I know didn’t vote for this, and I’m not insulated from the repercussions at all. The GOP is aiming at the VA as well. I am well and truly screwed.

      Where’s the transporter to Earth-2, the one where Hillary Clinton and Tim Kaine are now in office?

      • persistently_resistant_gayby

        We have yet to discover the Mass Relays…

        • James

          Or a mass driver, that drives conservatives and small-l libertarians out of office with a whole lot of massive votes.

        • Longstreet63

          Today, Congress cut funding to investigate the Prothean Archives on Mars. Science committee chairman Louis Gohmert (R-Texas) stated that nothing important could possibly be found there that was not already in the Bible.
          The money will be diverted to tax cuts, which Gomert asserts will help reduce the Earth’s rising temperatures.

          • persistently_resistant_gayby

            Louie Gohmert announced the cuts right before his mask slipped, revealing himself to be a Reaper.

          • Longstreet63

            To be, fair, his motives ARE incomprehensible.
            And when revealed, make utterly no sense.

            Also, which Trump official is the Illusive Man?

          • persistently_resistant_gayby

            Bannon..?

        • chortlingdingo

          I love this whole thread. Y’all are the best!

      • Mike

        I still think it will only take a few months of the actual plan in effect to cause a virtual riot.
        I feel for ya…but let’s face it, this argument has been going on for decades (Ayn Rand v morality) and might be the only path to any kind of constructive change. So “Give em what they want…”

        • James

          I want asylum in Canada or Mexico.

          • Zyxomma

            We’ve got a perfectly good asylum in the USA; the inmates are running it. Or is that ruining it. Wait, what?

    • persistently_resistant_gayby

      They’re too stupid to admit they’ve made a HUGE mistake.

      They’ll always blame the Democrats and somehow still vote Republican.

      • Marceline

        Yeah, it’s time to realize how futile it is to hope that these people will ever learn. They’re practically third world in their superstition and ignorance.

        • THIRD WORLD LIBELLZZZZ!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      The problem with that is that folks are conflating wilfully ignorant and uneducated with poor. Trump’s voters may not have gone to college, but they have blue state money pouring into their communities, quite a few have manufacturing jobs that pay good money for the communities they live in, and not a few of them collect fixed-rate pensions or disability checks (which appear to be remarkably easy to qualify for in the flyovers if you’re white).

      The actual poor people voted for Hillary.

      • James

        I live in a village with a significantly higher percentage of college educated people than the national average. The vote here was everyone for Trump, except for 8 for Clinton, 3 for Johnson, and 2 for Stein (who were those people voting for Stein here).

        All the veterans in town voted for Trump except for me, despite my pleas about his treatment of Gold Star Families (see my avatar). I now wear my Gold Star Family pin as a protest – I almost never wore it before the election.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          Yeah, obviously the income distribution for Trump voters slanted high, because, well, Republican. But even the legendary blue collar voters whose feefees we’re supposed to be respecting by giving @maggienyt her Koch tax cuts are significantly more affluent than what I think most people assume ‘working class’ signifies.

          • James

            I’m a (former, due to disability) blue-collar worker (enlisted Navy, atheist, and erotic Romance editor, but that’s another story). I didn’t for a second ever fall for the “we’re for the little guy” Republican shtick.

            My very first vote was for Jimmy Carter over Ronald Reagan from an aircraft carrier in the Mediterranean. I have never voted for a Republican for President, and precious few for other offices.

            I get the “blue collar worker” is a dog-whistle for “white,” but not all of us white guys are morans like the fellow in the Tea Party photo holding up a sign.

            And no one in my town questions my patriotism as a liberal or atheist, unlike President Geo. HW Bush.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            This is what I love about the Villagers. They really believe (or at least are determined to look as if they do) that people like you are most closely represented by the rich kid who stiffs his vendors and the academic radical who didn’t hold a job til he was in his thirties.

          • James

            I’ve never stiffed one of my vendors. (That said, I’ve never had a vendor.) I wouldn’t do so if I had vendors though . . . . something something the worker is worth his wage. . . .

          • Carpe Vagenda

            This is what I’m saying. It’s just so telling that these peoples’ imaginary stalwart yeomen of the soil are just as dodgy and awful as they are.

          • MizzMazz

            A wise man once told me, “The republicans don’t care about you. they only care about themselves, money and power.” Observation has proven that to be true.
            I’d also like to know what erotic Romance editor entails, if you ever want to talk about it. Sounds like an interesting gig.

    • Mystery_Poster

      They’d find a way to blame Obama.

    • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

      I gave Hillz a dollar, which literally cut into my food budget. I haven’t seen a doctor in almost 3 years because even with insurance, I can’t afford co-pays.

      How does this plan do anything but push me into the abyss?

      • James

        I’m guessing that’s the plan – push us into the abyss.

        • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

          Roger that. Limousine Libs always throw the Queers, the disabled, and the poor under the bus. I am all three.

          • James

            Well, I don’t know about “limousine liberals” . . . I certainly ain’t one (I drive a Smart car – one of two in W. Nebraska.)

            This liberal wants good things for all people (even conservatives) – not like my representative who says he only represents Republicans.

          • Persistent Demme

            I don’t know what you mean.
            I know lots of Libs who have plenty of money, (I am in Silicon Valley, FFS!), and they fight like hell for everyone.
            (I must be misunderstanding you, and need more coffee.)

      • MizzMazz

        I hear ya, sister. I have two broken teeth I can’t afford to fix, and I *have* insurance, it’s just bare bones stuff. Better than nothing, and I’ve had nothing. They just want us to suffer and die.

        • James

          Job creation for funeral directors and grave diggers.

      • Mike

        Hopefully it will push us faster to where we should be…a universal system of some sort…even a 2 tiered one like Germany.
        I loved Obama, but the ACA is still forcing you to buy a product every other industrialized nation in the world supplies for free or at reduced costs.

        What is the point of a government of the people by the people and for the people if it refuses to include the general welfare of those people…my taxes are being spent on wars…I want to help people, not kill em.

        • James

          But warfare is the general welfare – for General Dynamics, Lockheed-Martin, Electric Boat, Raytheon, you know, donors to politicians.

    • Yr. Gma

      I hope you are right about 18 and 20. Of course, the bone heads who voted for Trump will get what they asked for, but I always remember that they also have children who will suffer, and those kids didn’t ask for it. The whole thing is a disaster.

      • Mike

        The band-aid has to come off…it can be quick or slow…I think implementing their plans will alienate 60-70% of the population…
        Healthcare is unique in that it affects everyone to some extent…even the healthy. R’s will fk with it at their own peril.

        • James

          Well, the president’s tanking support in polling doesn’t seem to be scaring them off. It’s the old problem of “Well, Washington is full of corrupt representatives and senators, by my representative or senators are saints.”

    • I really really really think you’re wrong about ’18.

      I really really really hope i am the one who is wrong.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Devin Nunes has recused himself from the Russia investigation so now he doesn’t get to see the pee hooker tapes. Sad!

    • AJ Milne

      (Raises hand tentatively…)

      Umm… Can _I_ recuse myself?

      • James

        Perhaps they’ll turn up on PornHub. With the destruction of browsing privacy now, we get to see which conservative states view them the most.

        Okay, now I need brain-bleach.

        • AJ Milne

          Well, y’know what they say… Gotta have something to look forward to in life.

        • tapp_my_wire,please

          Don’t speak Russian. Hope they’re subtitled.

      • Doug Langley

        Yes, dear, and be sure to wash your hands when you’re done.

    • kaydenpat

      He can ask Trump to send him to Russia for a live pee hooker session. That’s the least Trump could do for him for getting him into so much hot water.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Well, there’s always xhamster.com!

      • James

        Motherless.com Libelz.

        • mardam422

          Oh man!! That’s some good pron there, I hear.

          • James

            Well, my research for my erotic Romance novel editing job takes me to some strange places on the Web.

            Amongst other things, that is why my router uses protection.

            Strangely, that job doesn’t seem to turn off the voters in my town. (I’m guessing if I ran for a higher office like state senator I would get pilloried in advertising though.)

          • mardam422

            Links or GTFO.

          • James
          • mardam422

            Cheerful mindlessness? Sign me up!!

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    “We’re trying to figure out a way to insure pre-existing conditions and lower costs.” ~Paul Ryan
    https://i.giphy.com/T29Fy6xUOK4oM.gif

    It’s either individual mandate or Medicare for all.

    • kaydenpat

      Ryan really expects us to believe that he’s trying to do anything but give tax break to the 1%? How come Republicans didn’t have a bill ready to pass after voting to repeal the ACA scores of times over the last 8 years?

      Who’s zooming who?

      • James

        It was never about “repeal and replace” for Republicans (originally it was just about “repeal”). It was about driving (R) voters to the polls to vote against what the scary ni*CLANG proposed, even though it was their own plan.

        They don’t have a plan and can’t come up with one because President Obama proposed their plan. Like Merrick Garland (their own suggestion for a Supreme Court nominee), they opposed it despite those being their own ideas because the Black Guy in the White House proposed it.

        • Longstreet63

          They need to get working on their reverse gaslighting. Propose Obamacare with a new name, pretend it is totally different, take credit.

          • TakingAmes

            That’s the one thing I’m actually shocked that they haven’t done yet.

          • Kiri the Unicorn

            “AmericanFreedomLibertyJesusCare”.

          • James

            There are no guns in that plan name.

    • Bebecca

      OMG that looks just like my little terrible terrier Jack. He would never chase his tail, he just chews. He’s mostly good now but he chewed a hole in my kitchen linoleum when he was young.

  • geoffalnutt

    Trumpcare is just like Benghazi – in that once Republicans glom on to a thing – they cannot, will not, let go.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Like the good times in Taft’s 1908.

  • Thespian Pony Ron

    Stupid rotten cold… it’s very hard to snark when you’re burning through Kleenex at a rate of one box an hour…

    • Jeffery Campbell

      It’s the WORST! Feel better soon!

    • Anna ElizabethTifosiforLife

      ~hugs~ Sorry to hear that, I really hate that kind of cold.

    • jaspersdad

      Elitist……

      • James

        The rest of us have to use old newspapers. Kleenex is for wealthy liberal elites. /s

  • Red Bird Ω

    I recuse myself from humanity. From now on I’ll associate only with puppies.

    • James

      I prefer guinea pigs. YMMV

    • Jennifer R

      Artic foxes are adorable.

  • RumAddled

    I love love love koalas! Thanks Dominic!

  • SweetDeeKat

    I don’t blame the secret service guy. In that atmosphere he had the decency to try to pay for it.

  • James

    Ah, small town politics. I went out briefly (y’all didn’t miss me) to go to the General Store here in town to get booze and cigarettes (sadly, they don’t have hookers and blow).

    Was queried by a resident on why the billing changed on water bills in town so she now can’t split up her bill to pay two times a month rather than once.

    My answer: I dunno, I’ll go ask and find out, but it might be related to the new billing software the village just purchased. Took heat for about ten minutes about how this impacts her ability to pay (to be clear, our water bills are about the cheapest in the nation, but I don’t know her income situation).

    I suggested she come to the next village board meeting and put her concerns to the whole village board; this would give her the opportunity to address the issue not only to the board, but any other person in town that attends the board meeting that night.

    “I’m too busy to go to village board meetings.”

    Well, I will enquire from the village clerk for her, but geez.

  • Angela Ruzzo

    In the article about the Secret Service they say “You can’t just step back and say it costs too much to protect these people.” But they can step back and say “it costs too much to keep sick Americans from dying.” The Secret Service should go on strike. Do they have a union? Of course not.

    • Jim Johnson

      Why do they even bother protecting Trumpy and his minions? Everyone knows that all the violence-prone crazies, gun nuts, and “blood of tyrants” Second Amendment whack jobs are on Team Trump anyway as supporters. It will be a few months before they want to implement any Final Solutions to the Drumpf problem.

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Probably because some of those crazies and nuts and whack jobs are inevitably going to turn on Trump when he fails to fulfill some of his crazier promises because SURPRISE! Democracy doesn’t work that way, also Checks and Balances. I bet you $1 that if anyone tries to assassinate him, it will turn out to be one of his disillusioned crazy followers.

        • Jim Johnson

          Crazy is as crazy does. None of the hard core crazies will turn on their Dear Leader.

  • Persistent Demme

    Dammit, Koala!
    How dare you melt my dark and twisted heart this morning?!
    Thanks, Dominic.
    (Just what I needed after a friend suggested we try to understand T***P voters. I can’t decide between “NO!” or “NEVER!”)

  • James

    Tornado siren going off . . . (checks village board agenda) . . . test. Was wondering since the sun is out and there are no clouds. . . .

  • Hardly Ideal

    (Trevor, at the end of the clip): We love you, Sean [Spicer].

    “We?” You got a mouse in your pocket? Because I want to threaten him with a broken off chair leg until he gives a straight answer.

  • Boscoe

    “Facebook lost an appeal to block courts from slurping user data during search warrants, which has civil libertarians and tech companies pissed.”

    Damn straight they’re pissed, only facebook and tech companies get to slurp that data (and sell it)! Stoopid courts are devaluing their commodities, yo!

    • James

      I’m not on Facebook nor Twitter. I find Wonkette and Little Green Footballs fill all my social media needs. (The snark is better here, though.)

  • Jamoche

    You think somewhere in the distance, someone is saying “Aim for the one in the suit”?
    https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–iE1B6NY—/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/s0iut02ukwhf7atahadd.jpg

    • You can’t see him because he’s wearing khakis and boat shoes to blend in with all the other yuppies.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Oh my, how did I miss Mary Vought’s brilliant explanation of why it’s no problem to be a woman working for Mike Pence, because Republicans absolutely don’t discriminate? Money quote:

    My gender never factored into how my work was evaluated, or whether my responsibilities were expanded. In fact, the congressman would sometimes send me to GOP leadership communication meetings to represent his voice —and more often than not, I was the only woman in the room.

    No shit.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2017/04/01/i-worked-for-mike-pence-being-a-woman-never-held-me-back/

    • James

      Did she take a can of mace?

    • gamera23

      Which was okay as long as there was no drinks or dinner.

  • James

    Aaaand . . . it’s official. Mitch McConnell just nuked the filibuster for Supreme Court nominees.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/republicans-nuclear-option_us_58e664ace4b05894715eabda

    WASHINGTON ― Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) and his
    fellow Republicans pulled the nuclear rules trigger Thursday, ending
    filibusters for Supreme Court nominees after Democrats blocked President
    Donald Trump’s conservative pick, Neil Gorsuch.

    Democrats had argued that Gorsuch, a Colorado federal appeals judge,
    was simply too conservative, and were nearly united in opposing a
    cloture vote to end debate on the nominee. Opposing cloture amounts to a
    formal filibuster, which takes 60 votes to break. With just a few
    Democrats joining the chamber’s 52 Republicans, McConnell’s only way to
    confirm Gorsuch was to change the rules.

    More at Huffington Post

  • It’s now illegal in Russia to make memes of Putin as a gay clown

    So no more showing Putin wearing a Milo Yiannopoulos face mask, ok you guys.

  • William
    • phoenix00

      “Days without being a national embarassment: 0”

  • rick

    The Secret Service is SUPER stressed out covering Trump’s family, which may be why one agent on Mike Pence’s detail has been suspended for visiting a prostitute…

    At least the “meeting” was consensual – unlike the normal CONservative behavior of simply grabing the lady by her ***MEOW***

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