SHARE


Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Hey! Wonkette is supported by readers like you, so donate/subscribe and we’ll keep giving you all the ‘splainerings, dick jokes, and mommy blogging you can stomach!

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Nounverb911
  • Msgr_MΩment
  • Nounverb911
  • Nounverb911
  • TundraGrifter

    Lost in the swamp of Trump Administration alternative facts and other false news was our President again repeating nonsense about 100,000,000 Americans not working. Again, Mr. Trump said if someone seeking employment stops looking that individual is counted as “employed” by the BLS.

    We all know that looking for work is more work than working, but Whiskey Tango Foxtwat?

  • dslindc
    • Msgr_MΩment

      With a name like John Dingell you either go into politics or porn.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Why not both?

      • Michael R

        Hopefully Halle Berry doesn’t marry him .

  • Rick Hill

    It seems as though the people trump has surrounded hisself with have never been held accountable for their actions. I wonder if some of them are starting to get the feeling that may change?

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      Only if they take their fingers out of their ears.

  • Lulu Mac
    • Yyeyy, I was hoping someone would get that!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Dominic, Wonketeers are Snarky Geeks, I think we *all* got it, Babe. XD

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Oblios_Cap

      Time for a sternly-worded Tweet!

    • The Wanderer

      I’ve always wanted to go to that festival.
      Or the Folsom Street Fair. One or the other.

  • OddMan

    23 Skidoo to Bill O. Last I looked, Mr. Lufa lover has lost 23 advertisers, and more are asking for ads to be moved to other shows.
    Good.
    Damn busy news day Dominic, thanks for your work putting all this together.

  • BadKitty904

    Aight, Wonketteers, it’s Hump Day Up and at ’em!!1!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIk7lksJ2OE

  • janecita

    Another day of terrible news in King Trump’s kleptocracy! On a derpy note, I just saw some chick wearing a shirt that said, “Blessed by God, spoiled by my husband.”

    • Rick Hill

      I think I now understand what my wife’s shirt says(It’s in Chinese)

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Blessed by Dog? I mean, who isn’t?

    • SnarkON

      Oh, honey, you were spoiled long before you got yourself a husband.

      • janecita

        That’s exactly what I thought!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I make definite judgments about any chick wearing a shirt like that. They are not positive judgments. They are judgments which make feminists cry.

      • janecita

        I’m not proud of myself, I laughed right in front of her face. She gave me a dirty look, I didn’t care, I just kept on laughing.

    • From Russia with Love

      Hallelujah!

    • therblig

      she should check his credit card statements for that ashley madison subscription.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “This false attack has been strongly refuted by highly-regarded academic experts, including those who reviewed, professionally examined, and edited Judge Gorsuch’s scholarly writings, and even the author of the main piece cited in the false attack,”

    But, but, but…. I thought academics experts were the bad guys. So that makes this fake news!

  • Napoleanofthetrump

    Ya’know, Eric Trump is actually right there. And further, by the definition of nepotism (when other people get an unfair advantage due to familial or social relationships), he doesn’t think he has been nepotized.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple.
      When he should have been born with a rusty silver chainsaw up his ass.

  • dslindc

    It’s almost like it’s some sort of problem with them . . .

    https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/849585538986323969

  • Oblios_Cap

    If I had used quotes from other people or failed to credit my sources in the paper I just turned in, I would be failing and facing disciplinary action from the University. IOKIYAR, I guess.

  • Rick Hill

    “Trump has been quietly sending US soldiers into Syria despite previous vocalizations about how he definitely didn’t want to put boots on the ground.”

    trump has ordered they all wear Crocs so, you see, he’s not lying

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Ivanka’s merch ain’t earning nobody no money just sitting in the warehouses, people!

  • wide_stance_hubby

    I wonder if Ivanka knows what SNATCH* means?

    *Spay and Neuter All Trump Children Hastily

    • From Russia with Love

      I think her daddy taught her the other meaning.

  • SammyDEEEE

    So… the plagiarism thing is sort of a big fucking deal, right?

    Why am I just now reading about this? Why aren’t Dems plastering this absolutely EVERYWHERE?

    • Rick Hill

      Their racist, bigoted, corporate freindly, consumer raping, poor people fcking over agenda doesn’t get traction but that they copy their homework does. Got it.

      • SammyDEEEE

        None of those things, unfortunately, tends to disqualify scholarly individuals, but “copying homework” does.

        America. I didn’t make it. I just live here.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          America. I swear it was broke when I found it.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “The Norwegian Blue prefers stealing other people’s words.
      “Beautiful legal mind!”

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Back long ago, our Sainted Joe Biden had his first attempt at the presidency shattered by a plagiarism scandal. It was a big deal then. It should be a big deal now. Ought to go double for anyone presuming to stand in judgment of his or her fellow humans.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        IOKIYAR

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          #Truth

      • The Wanderer

        Yeah, Biden stole Neil Kinnock’s speechifying back in 1988.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          As I understand it, one time he didn’t give Kinnock credit for it. That’s when the Village pounced.

          • The Wanderer

            Pretty much, yeah. But it was enough to make him leave the race.

      • From Russia with Love

        Ought to go double for anyone presuming to stand in judgment of his or her fellow human.

        Or anyone who writes opinions for a living.

      • Rags

        Does plaigerising fox and friends coun

    • From Russia with Love

      Yeah, if they need something to read during the filibuster, that would be just the thing!

    • cmd resistor

      I think Merkely did read the initial stories that came out last night. That’s where I first read about, reading about him reading it.

    • Koch Blockula

      As I said in a reply to another comment, plagiarism doesn’t matter to the functionally illiterate.

  • Oblios_Cap

    “The United States has spoken enough about North Korea.”

    Really? Just what did it say?

    • “Cash me ousside. How bow dah?”

      • Lulu Mac

        That would seriously be an improvement on the current “statement”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Hillary, Pyongyanghazi, something something.

    • Finnabar87

      Now, the stealth shall commence!

    • msanthropesmr

      “is that where Gangnam style comes from?”

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      ‘Who does your hair?’

  • Nounverb911
    • Thespian Pony Ron

      ‘Order one from column A and two from Column B. That’s how you people eat, right?’

      • Nounverb911

        Fun fact: No Chinese restaurants on Palm Beach Island.

    • therblig

      a president from a major nation visits, and instead of hosting him in DC or even NYC, with all those cities have to offer, orangeanus drags him down to a fucking retirement home. what a fucking douchebag.

      • cmd resistor

        BUT, golf. Also, too, the wedge salads.

        • janecita

          The Chinese president doesn’t golf:-)

          • Nounverb911

            He’s trying to shut down golf courses in China…

          • Thespian Pony Ron

            That’s our Donnie, so sensitive to nuance.

          • janecita

            I think that Trump doesn’t know that, it hasn’t been reported on Fox and Friends.

          • cmd resistor

            Really? I thought that was the excuse for taking the Japanese guy down there and having all those “meetings” with him on the golf course. I just assumed he was doing the same this time. I guess they will just sit around and make some really good deals.

          • cmd resistor

            So looking for info on what the hell they would actually be doing, I found that it’s pretty much a 24-hour visit, starting tomorrow afternoon, which means I guess Trump will already be down there for the weekend when the prime minister leaves. From a White House briefing: Q Can you shed a little bit more light on how these two men will be spending these 24 hours? Will there be a series of sessions? Any leisure time — golf, photo ops, anything like that?
            SENIOR ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL: Yeah, I think it’s safe to say there’s not going to be any golf — (laughter) — and there will be — the First Ladies are both going to be there. There will be time, particularly in the first day, for them to get to know one another in a more informal kind of interaction as well as a dinner.
            The next day will be a series of meetings up to and including a working lunch. And it’s possible that they’ll walk around a bit, as the mood strikes, but nothing formal or nothing involving golf clubs.

          • janecita

            Basically, Trump is just starting his weekend early. What a useless asshole!

          • cmd resistor

            Also, too, I am sure he will find a way to grift some money by charging the government for the wedge salads or something. Some reporter asked whose idea it was to go there. Q Can you talk about the atmosphere? Why Mar-a-Lago as opposed to here at the White House? If memory serves correctly, President Bush met with the then-Chinese Premier at Camp David. Do they not like the White House?
            SENIOR ADMINISTRATION OFFICIAL: No, I think that this was actually at the invitation of — in fact, I’m certain it was President Trump’s invitation that they meet outside of Washington, D.C. — that this is the first time the two are ever going to be meeting, and the President — you know, you’ve heard people refer to it as the “winter White House.” It’s a place where he feels comfortable and at home, and where he can break the ice with Xi Jinping without the formality, really, of a Washington meet-up.

          • bupkus23

            The only people referring to Mar-A-Lago as the “Winter White House” are those “senior administration officials” and other Rump toadies.

            Of course, they’ll probably bump yp the “membership fees” again, what with the prestige of meeting with foreign leaders there…

            Rump’s grifts are totes transparent, while he tries to cover up everything else….

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    And fuck Lindsay Graham.

    *just because I need to say that every day, for reasons*

    • Lulu Mac

      Careful! You’ll give Miss Lindsay the vapors!

  • Nounverb911
    • Oblios_Cap

      They’re already blaming it on the victims. Apparently a rebel ammo dump had sarin-infused weaponry in it and was hit by Syrian warplanes.
      *nudge, nudge. wink, wink*

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Riiiiiiiiiiiight…

  • memzilla Ω
    • Lulu Mac
      • Irenewhoward

        Google is paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !fq338c:
        On monday I got a great new mclaren f1 from having earned $12778 this last four weeks.. 3 to 5 hours of work a day… Weekly paychecks… Bonus opportunities…Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !fq338c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs628MediaCommunity/GetPaid$97/Hour ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫:::!fq338c:….,…….

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Take away the twitter, and another few IQ points, and you have Reagan.

      • georgiaburning

        Reagan had supervision

  • SammyDEEEE
  • From Russia with Love

    North Korea fired another ballistic missile last night, prompting someone to rouse Rex Tillerson from hibernation so he could literally state, “The United States has spoken enough about North Korea.” Meanwhile, the head of US StratCom is saying that any decision will involve China.

    Ruh Roh, USSTRATCOM is the command with all the nukes. The big ones anyway.

    • Finnabar87

      The Chinese intelligentsia has already slapped Trump the Idiot with the fearsome ‘paper tiger’ charge.

      China plays the long game, and Trump has the attention span of a fucking flea.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Speak softly and wave your big dick.

      • OddMan

        That’s why The Don has those small hands, he had them surgically altered to make his dick look bigger.

    • Anna Elizabeth

      Great. Drumpf launches a Minuteman, and China splashes the Navstar connstellation, most likely rendering spaceflight impossible for all for 500 years.

      • The Wanderer

        Ditching Navstar would only be a setback. We were launching stuff into space long before the Navstars were up.

        • Anna Elizabeth

          It’s not the loss of GPS, it’s the debris field. The cascade effect will damage or destroy every LEO object.

          • From Russia with Love

            Yeah, even knocking down ballistic missiles leaves a cloud of shit orbiting for a while, enough so that sensors can’t see up through it.

          • Anna Elizabeth

            Yeah. The Chinese demonstrated their satellite killer system a few years ago. Even that test created loads of new micro-debris.

    • Rick Hill

      CEO, er, Sec of state Tillerwhatever issues a statement
      “We’ve addressed this and the individuals responsible will not be held accountable due to their familial relations in the copr…country. We advise termination and recommend you do not interrupt us with this matter after today.”

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      *yawn, rubs eyes* “Wait, what?”

      –Rex Tillerson

    • Alan

      I give him about 6 months before he quits because people wake him up.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Why not just give the codes to that Mar-a-Lago guest who was so excited about the nuclear football? He certainly couldn’t be any more terrifyingly trigger-happy than Tillerson/Trump.

  • From Russia with Love

    I’ll bet the tortoises peed on that guys hand.

    • Finnabar87

      They love to do that!

      • therblig

        that’s why leon isn’t helping

      • From Russia with Love

        Frogs too. Hard as it may be to believe, I was a kid once myself.

    • Lulu Mac

      Russian Tortoise Pee Hookers?

      • OddMan

        Death metal band out of Omsk?

  • Villago Delenda Est

    That’s my Senator!

    • Finnabar87

      Hurrah!

      The Daughter foes to U of O; we’re also invested!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      My senators are busy chuckling about how they voted to allow wolf pups and hibernating bears to be slaughtered their dens in Alaska.

  • LarryHoudini

    You mean nepotism is kind of a factor of your life, Qusay. (Or is he Uday?) Dumass.

    • Finnabar87

      Which ever is the freakiest one.

      Tall order? Sure!

  • The Wanderer

    Didn’t Eric Trump excuse the rampant nepotism in the regime as a natural and inevitable result of his family having ‘superior genes’ or some such bullshit?

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I don’t even want to do fun things all night and into the morning. Filibustery, no-pee-breaks things? That man is a hero.

  • Rick Hill
  • Michael R
    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Sack of shit libelz.

      A sack of shit (manure) can be useful as fertilizer.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Finnabar87

      Those silly ladies, they didn’t KNOW they needed to be born a Trump.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Alternatively respectful.

  • OddMan

    OT
    A little something to brighten your day, the Don has put a few people back to work.
    Boeing Ramps Up Bomb Production as Stockpiles Decrease
    “But with JDAM, we’re currently on a path by July of this year to ramp to a 150 weapons a day [rate] or over 36,500 [tail kits] per year — that is two full shifts at our facility,”
    Chicago-based Boeing recently celebrated its 300,000 JDAM production, Gruensfelder said.

    We are the leader in the world in bomb production.
    https://www.dodbuzz.com/2017/03/29/boeing-jdam-production-stockpiles/

    • Finnabar87

      When Trump’s approval hits under 30%, he’ll attempt a Reichstag fire of his very own.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I agree, but I think it will take the form of a terrorist attack…in fact, I bet Bannon and Putin are already working on it.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          Jared Kushner is in Iraq, probably interviewing the BEST terrorists right now.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      FreeBOOM!

    • Pilotshark

      I be happy if we just got back to dropping the MIC (both), and not the JDAMs.

  • Nightcrawler

    Morning wonkers. Did anyone see this terrible Kendall Jenner ad for Pepsi yesterday? Apparently Pepsi stops police brutality.

    http://fusion.net/the-twitter-jokes-about-kendall-jenners-insanely-awful-1794028792

    • Nounverb911

      The right wing nutcases are already having a field day with it:
      https://twitter.com/apurposefulwife/status/849456732447416321

      • SayItWithOtters

        The account that brought the existence of the Mormon alt-right to the world’s attention?

      • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

        Wow. I checked out “Wife With A Purpose” Twitter page. I had no idea these people were so open about being Nazis (Admittedly, I don’t have an account so I don’t peruse Twitter that often). I mean it’s RIGHT THERE. Crazy stuff.

      • Nightcrawler

        “Former SJW now raising alt right Christian family and white culture”? Are we sure this isn’t a Poe?

      • janecita

        For a crazy fuck with 10,000 kids, she surely spends a lot of time online!

      • Anna Elizabeth

        Fucking Nazi Cunt.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I saw it because someone posted it on the open thread.

      I’m sure they are a lot of protestors who got their heads cracked or sent to the clink-clink and thought, “Gee, why didn’t we think of that one weird trick???”

      Fuck all of it, Katie.

    • Lulu Mac
    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Will someone PLEASE explain to me what “Kendall Jenner” is? Is it the ad agency? Is it a product? Is it the actress? (I am serious)

      • Nightcrawler

        Apparently she’s tied to the Kardashians even though I had no idea she existed before yesterday.

      • Antonin Dvorak

        Kim Kardashian’s younger sister.

        • Skeptical_thinker

          I really wish I didn’t know what a kardashian was. I’d like to think of it as a citizen of Kardash.

  • Chadwells
    • therblig

      did the space wasp swallow the entire trumpy administration?

  • Nounverb911
    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Wow, there’s like eight necks in that picture.

      • Thespian Pony Ron

        Eight necks and almost one head.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Hah, almost. And no balls at all.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Orcs are better looking than those two.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        The one on the left, Baron Harkonnen, I recognize.

        But who is the other asshole?

  • therblig

    i’ll see your cute little turtles and raise you nature’s most adorable killing machine, fiona, dreaming of food.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqXl1O8n1wE

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I’ll be in my bunk.

  • Nounverb911

    The comments to this are blisteringly classic.
    https://twitter.com/IvankaTrump/status/849581431806459904

    • Stulexington

      Am I cynical for assuming she’s complaining about the pictures and not the actual atrocity?

      • Longstreet63

        Heartbreaking chemicals do not include high explosives.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “Leakers” are worse then the crimes they expose.
        Pictures are worse than the underlying evil acts.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “Awwww… They’re not wearing any clothes… Why aren’t they wearing any clothes??? I have JUST the solution!!!”

  • Mavenmaven

    Xi Jinping is going to so humiliate Trump during and after their meeting, bigly. Actually sad.

    • Nounverb911

      His tweets should be epically embarrassing.

    • canes_pugnaces

      No, sorry. Xi Jinping is not going to do that. For anyone who has worked in China we know how exceedingly polite and tradition-bound the Chinese are. Nope. Trump is going to humiliate himself, and the country.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Have you considered the possibility that we’re all super cosmic giants in super cosmic giant universe and that baby turtle is A’Tuin? The resemblance is uncanny.

    • h4rr4r

      Where are the elephants?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Hiding?….

  • Mary Sandoras

    Sixty-six percent say the president is not level-headed, while 29 percent say he is normally composed.

    So 29% of the voting population is cray cray?

    • AJ Milne

      Mebbe they misheard? Thought it was ‘his noggin looks decomposed’?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Indirectly.

      Nobody thinks Trump is level-headed, but 29% will tell any damn lie they feel like in order to bray about their side winning.

      And that’s cray cray.

    • Ghenghis McCann

      He possibly is composed of the same chemical compounds as the average human being, but I would need to see a detailed analysis.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Alternately compos mentis?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Delusion is just a state of mind.

    • Rags

      29% of Americans approved of Nixon the day he resigned.

  • Chadwells

    So I donated to Ossoff’s campaign last week….and I’m not gonna lie, the over the top “we are doomed” emails 5 times a day asking for more money is starting to aggravate me.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Co-sign. I’m very close to regretting giving him money based only on the number of click-baity-titled emails demanding more of my very small stash of fun money (ordinarily saved for alcohol to fight post-election malaise).

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        First World problem. Just keep unsubscribing and deleting. Direct mail and direct email companies do this because it works. In the volumes they send, only a tiny fraction need to come through. Yes it’s annoying. But if it puts Dems and progressives back in Congress it’s worth dealing with this.

        source: I’m a professional fundraiser.

    • Thiazin Red

      Although, that might make them easier to resist than the ones from the Clinton campaign that made me feel like I would personally be disappointing Clinton, Obama, and Biden if I didn’t give them another $5.

    • Rick Hill

      I don’t think anything is over the top when it comes to the doom that is coming ou way.

    • puredog

      Unsubscribe. Easy-peasy. You’ve done your part.

  • Nounverb911

    Someone else didn’t pay attention in English class.
    https://twitter.com/MerriamWebster/status/849584883953541120

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Totally unfair to use dictionary word meanings in Trumpland.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Perhaps answering the question, “How will we know if Donald Trump has dementia?”
    https://twitter.com/joshtpm/status/849619834291859456

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Well, first of all, you know, um, I’m inhibited in what I can speak of, because I can’t go into any classified materials… ”

      This explains why our Adam’s eyes appear to be so bugged out so often.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Jaysus!….

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • cmd resistor

    So, OT, but I read another Russian guy “died.” Supposedly he slipped and hit his head while working out. I don’t know if he has any connection to anything. Relatively young, 52? Now I can’t find the story.

    • Chadwells

      I saw it too!!!

      • cmd resistor

        It may have been in my FB feed. Perhaps one of those Brit papers. Guy’s name started with a T and he was involved in government in St. Petersburg.

    • Chadwells

      And I can’t find it either….

    • OneYieldRegular

      I’ve heard of this kind of accident – like when one slips and accidentally hits their head on the baseball bat that someone nearby is holding.

    • thewalkindude

      MOSCOW, April 4. /TASS/. Russia’s Investigative Committee has launched a pre-investigation check into the circumstances of the accidental death of Russian Senator Vadim Tyulpanov.
      Tyukpanov died earlier on Tuesday after losing his footing and falling down at a fitness center in St. Petersburg. He was already dead when an ambulance team arrived.
      According to the Committee’s press service, investigators are examining the site of the accident. Forensic examination will follow.
      Vadim Tyulpanov, 52, was speaker of St. Petersburg’s Legislative Assembly from 2003 to 2011 when he was delegated to represent the city’s authorities at Russia’s Federation Council upper parliament house. Later, he represented the Nenets Autonomous Area. He was chairman of the Federation Council’s regulations committee.

      More:
      http://tass.com/politics/939385

      • cmd resistor

        Thanks — I just found a story, similarly short on details.

        • cmd resistor

          When I googled the guy’s name after that, I found some stories obviously translated from Russian that didn’t add a whole lot, except some said he slipped in the bath, and one said he had gone to put flowers at the site of the subway explosion that morning. Also, he had something to do with preparations for the 2018 World Cup.

  • Thiazin Red

    The plagerization thing is nuts, in an academic papers I’m not even allowed to use my own text from previous papers or grants. Its also really easy to avoid, just rephrase things and site your sources. Plagerization is so lazy and stupid it makes me angry.

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but he seems to like stealing prose from female writers, and bypassing them by attributing *their* sources.

    • Blackest Noobs

      site your sources? plagerization?

      I’m kinda doubting your academic prowess with such obvious mistakes.
      plagiarism was so much easier in the past but nowadays it’s very difficult to get away with it. my school has a plagiarism test you must complete in order to begin your graduate courses. The test is dynamic, which means if you answer the first question correctly, the next one increases the difficulty. Most people complete the test in 6 to 8 questions; I did mine in 4.

      • Courser_Resistance

        For several of my grad school courses I had to run my papers through a plagiarism checker. You couldn’t submit your paper without a pass. And it was a requirement for virtually all major papers. It would also flag you if you can too many citations. Simply regurgitating what your sources said isn’t not using critical thinking skills.

        • Blackest Noobs

          i think some people get stuck on paraphrasing. if your paraphrase is because of some other source other than you, YOU CITE THAT MUTHERFUCKER!!!

          basically cite everything that is not your own.

          we too have a plagiarism checker but it allowed a certain percentage of flagged items as ok and not plagiarism ( we are talking about 5% or less…anything higher and the instructor kicks the paper back and told you to re-do it)

    • canes_pugnaces

      Plaigerism, in the old universe where absolute evil was frowned upon, was considered a offense severe enough to warrant firing, expulsion, removal from shelves, rescinding of degrees, etc. Thankfully we live in the new orange universe where greed, hate, theft, and all manner of offenses are considered virtues.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        I miss shame. It was so useful.

      • Blackest Noobs

        Plaigerism Plagiarism, in the old universe where absolute evil was frowned upon, was considered a offense severe enough….

    • From Russia with Love

      Remember that day in high school when you realized that all you have to do is quote it and footnote it? It’s not like you had to be any smarter to not get into trouble.

    • LucindathePook

      Obligatory Tom Lehrer reference:

      From Lobachevsky

      Plagiarize,
      Let no one else’s work evade your eyes,
      Remember why the good Lord made your eyes,
      So don’t shade your eyes,
      But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize…
      Only be sure always to call it please, “research”.

    • Koch Blockula

      Plagiarism doesn’t matter to the functionally illiterate. It’s not a concept they would understand or care about.

  • DensityDestiny

    Mitch McConnell coming out of his shell? Tortoise video? I see what you did there, Dominic. Well played.

    • From Russia with Love

      It’s not a happy story. Mitch McConnell is breeding.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Thespian Pony Ron

      Now that is VERY curious. Perhaps they’ve seen the writing on the wall and figure they might as well be responsible corporations? Or more cynically, do they think this gives their ‘clean coal’ nonsense more legitimacy?

      • Courser_Resistance

        Nope, they want to ensure that ‘low-emission’ coal plants are part of the discussion rather than being cut out of it completely. Two of the biggest coal mining companies want to be able to export their toxic product to 2nd and 3rd world countries.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          “But America will produce and sell our coal to whoever the fuck we want and however we want!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!111!1”

          International trade, regulations and diplomacy… how do they work? The going-it-alone route never works out quite right, does it?

        • TJ Barke

          Someone invent reliable fusion already!

          • Persistent Demme

            Someone will invent it, but not here.
            We don’t do science anymore.

        • Thespian Pony Ron

          That makes much sense, especially knowing how much they already export.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Well, they should have fucking voted for Clinton then.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Some news. Do I renew my passport and work on my conversational Italian or dig a lower level in my backyard bomb shelter?

    • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

      Get a ticket to Austrailia, man. On a sub…

    • Courser_Resistance

      I need to renew my passport. The only holdback is getting the photo taken. Walgreens will probably do it, but I just have to get it done.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Or Target. I had the most flattering picture of my entire life taking by the photographer there. She probably recognized me as a toddler (her more usual subject) in a navy blazer and snapped accordingly.

      • From Russia with Love

        Be sure it’s biometric.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Passport. If you’re extended family is like mine, they’re already eyeballing the bomb shelter and making plans for it that don’t include you.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        lol. last Thanksgiving dinner should have alerted me too.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      I’m going to Mexico this weekend. I feel like just staying there. Seriously. It has its own problems, but los Estados Unidos just seem a million miles away and Trump doesn’t even matter anymore, except as an inspiration for piñata design.

      • Notreelyhelping

        I could put my feet up and watch the butterflies in Cuernavaca. With a glass of aged tequila in one hand and a Cuban cigar in the other….

        Hmm? What?

      • Persistent Demme

        Take the “Unidos” part out.

        Have fun!

        (Don’t mind me. I wake up full of despair.)

  • Crystalclear12

    OK, I get that the GOP has no soul but I thought they at least had some sense of self preservation.

    Their “healthcare reform” makes cyanide look like tic tacs.

    • bupkus23

      I didn’t know they made (bitter) almond flavored Tic Tacs!

  • Blackest Noobs

    file under OT and dumb grad school:
    why in the fuckity fuck would you post an article over 80 fucking pages???? you see in this class each one of us has to take lead in a discussion forum based on an article we selected. the general consensus has been to select articles under 15 pages ( most have selected articles around the 7 page mark). do we not have enough required readings from the instructor? I MEAN FUCK YOU ASSHOLE FOR POSTING AN ARTICLE CLOSE TO 100 FUCKING PAGES!!!!!! it’s bad enough we have to do these dumb fucking discussion forums but fuck you for overkilling it.

    more does not equal better.

    • Thiazin Red

      That is a real dick move.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I assume the rest of you are collaborating on insanely complicated questions based on the footnotes on page 87 for that discussion forum.

      • Blackest Noobs

        ooooh the person gets to ask us a question based on the article. Like when I did mine ( a 7 page article) I proposed 3 questions; 80+ page article dickhead only proposed one fucking question.

        • Carpe Vagenda

          But you’re all going to have lots of clarifications you want them to address, surely.

          • Blackest Noobs

            well the point of the question(s) is to kick start the discussion…like my questions took it to place i hadn’t even considered…i.e. the whole fucking point of doing these fucking things.

        • From Russia with Love

          Like we said in grad school, it’s only a lot of reading if you actually do it.

          • Blackest Noobs

            i had once told an instructor the articles he assigned us needed a good fucking editor because i would have gutted most of it.

            he agreed with me.

          • PubOption

            It was known that profs, in the days when submissions were printed on paper, preferred to evaluate by weight rather then actually reading them.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Major dick move. Way to piss off everyone probably including the prof.

      Having done the grad school thing, I suspect the offender has an agenda to push. Why else make everyone read something s/he chose?

      • Blackest Noobs

        to be brutally honest, she isn’t the sharpest tool in the course’s shed.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I don’t know what you study but in history 80 page articles weren’t that uncommon. Then again of there was a consensus on a certain amount of pages that surely is a dick move.

      • Blackest Noobs

        it was an unwritten consensus, like no one was told, hey limit yourself to a certain amount of pages, and you are certainly correct, I have had to read some lengthy articles by the instructors. But this person is a fellow student, there should be some sense of solidarity, like you ought to know fucking better.

        • gamera23

          If there was a written consensus it’d be 800 pages long.

          • Blackest Noobs

            no.

  • Jay Free

    Every time Spicey, Trump, Sessions or whoever lies it is an act of treason. When will somebody execute these dumbasses?

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      As soon as you find someone who’ll charge them with treason.

      • Jay Free

        Nevermind charging them…just handle it. Straight up, no chaser, blame it on NK

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          That’s pretty much a Putin move. We don’t do that in this country, comrade.

          • From Russia with Love

            LOL. Not normally, at least not normally to our own politicians.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Fair enough. He seems to be on a bit of a tear here lately though.

          • Jay Free

            We should…if this world made any sense these idiots wouldn’t be alive and fucking up everybody’s lives

          • Jay Free

            But since it doesn’t and they won’t let me anywhere near these fuckbags, I guess I’ll just bitch here on Wonkette

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            I understand the sentiment, but that way ends the American experiment with lawlessness.

          • Jay Free

            Democracy is a failure. The idea of a democratic republic is a failure. This has been proven time after time for over 200 years…yet we’re still dealing with the same problems and the same lame game. When something fails you either repair or replace it…we have done neither. We are allowing this idiocy to continue because we are a country of cowards and partisans.

          • Jay Free

            My bad for gettin all serious and shit…this shit got my PTSD exploding!

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Naw, just your basic respect for humanity got temporarily overwhelmed by the rotten core of the Russian Puppet and his American enablers. We’re here for you. Rant away.

        • gamera23

          Get ’em out of here.

          In the old days we could rough ’em up.

        • Yr. Gma

          At the risk of running afoul of the rules, I will say that I have been predicting such an outcome for some time. The list of potential patriots extends beyond our borders, and sooner or later, the Orange Mass will do something to warrant the attention.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      I agree in principle, but the rules say you have to qualify that ‘with votes’

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        Can we go old school and hang them with votes, as opposed to firing squad them with votes?

        • tapp_my_wire,please

          I have experience with tying hangman’s knots that I can’t speak of further.

          • Nasty Candy Apple

            I like you.

          • Jay Free

            Classified…..KNOT

        • LesBontemps

          I like guillotining them with votes, since we basically have a Louis XVI administration.

          • suziq

            Yay! Does that mean we get cake?

          • Yr. Gma

            Yes, the ones we like.

      • dlemex

        I suggest we Shirley Jackson them so we can all get a chance to Rock them wth votes.

    • TJ Barke

      The only answer is not soon enough.

    • From Russia with Love

      I’m not much into mob violence, but one of the two possible punishments for treason, if proven, is death. If the gallows just happens to be in the Rose Garden, I’m OK with that.

      • Jay Free

        America bought a lemon and then allowed the dealership to rewrite anti-lemon legislation

        • From Russia with Love

          Americans need to learn how to fucking play the game. We keep getting “outwitted” by these fucking hicks, even though we’ve got the numbers.

  • TJ Barke

    Go, Jeff, go!

  • The Librarian

    Apr 3, 2017 — New Cosponsors

    H.R. 676: Expanded & Improved Medicare For All Act

    New Cosponsor: Rep. Anthony Brown [D-MD4]

    New Cosponsor: Rep. André Carson [D-IN7]

    New Cosponsor: Rep. Kathy Castor [D-FL14]

    New Cosponsor: Rep. David Cicilline [D-RI1]

    New Cosponsor: Rep. Peter DeFazio [D-OR4]

    New Cosponsor: Rep. Gene Green [D-TX29]

    New Cosponsor: Rep. Jimmy Panetta [D-CA20]

    New Cosponsor: Rep. David Price [D-NC4]

    The bill now has 84 cosponsors (84 Democrats).

    Trackers: H.R. 676: Expanded & Improved Medicare For All Act.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Thank you for the tortoises, Dominic, I needed that. I saw like eight pictures of Trump already this morning, and it’s just too early for that kind of shit.

  • Carpe Vagenda
  • TJ Barke
  • Nockular cavity

    McCain crashed into a sea of reporters and said anyone who wanted change the rules was “a stupid idiot.”

    Okay, non-commenters: WHICH ONE OF YOU IS MCCAIN?

    • gamera23

      That’s AN stupid idiot.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    Who knew McConnells were so cute when they were babies?

    • gamera23

      Remember how proud we were when Mitch made it into the sea without getting eaten by gulls?

      • Zyxomma

        I wish the ghost crabs had gotten him. Okay, with VOTES.

  • Blackest Noobs

    even hints of plagiarism should automatically disqualify you from a seat on the Supreme Court.
    You think Sonia Sotomayor, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Elena Kagan, and Sandra Day O’Connor would’ve been given a pass if they had hints of plagiarism???

    • From Russia with Love

      They had other hints against them. Hints of XX chromosomes.

  • PubOption

    I heard part of the Ivanka interview: her voice is as blank and expressionless as her face.

    • gamera23

      FAKE NEWS!

      • Jay Free

        Your fake news is FAKE NEWS!!! I don’t know what’s real anymore.

        • Jim Johnson

          Grifter Barbie is not real.

          • Jay Free

            Oh yes she is…they just changed her name to Nikki Haley

  • Jay Free

    But seriously folks…who gives a shit when Louis CK is hosting SNL…amirite?!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    “But I’m not going to prejudge.”

    Fuck you Lindsey, I’m not going to prejudge either, but it wouldn’t surprise me if you’re enabling Russian stooges and white supremacists in the White House.

  • gamera23

    Trump will treat civil rights violations the same way Russia treats gays. Say they are imaginarary!

  • Jay Free

    I love quoting myself ;-)

    “We are allowing this idiocy to continue because we are a country of cowards and partisans.”

  • BrendaKay

    OT: Someone here linked to Lawyers, Guns & Money a while back and I’ve been reading it ever since… this is a great insight:
    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/04/democrats-in-disarray

  • Persistent Demme

    Will T***p will “wag the dog” soon?
    Will someone step up and stop him?

    • HazooToo

      Yes. No.

  • Yellerduck

    Hey! Why do you have McConnell in the nice-time pic? Oh, wait…

  • Jay Free
    • UnsaltedSinner

      So much winning.

    • Doug Langley

      No intrigue in this administration, no sirree.

    • Bill Slider

      Yes but I see it less as a demotion and more of a protective cover to insulate the White House from the events that perhaps are about to unfold.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    I kinda wish Trump had managed to give Fox News exclusive rights to the inauguration. It would probably have meant that the number of viewers would have been abysmal compared to Obama’s inauguration, making the whole turnout thing even more embarrassing to him.

  • Bitter Scribe

    In the brief statement Trump gave about the Syrian gas attack, something like 40 of the 78 words consisted of slagging on Obama.

    Hey asshole, you’re the president now. For more than a year you ran around the country telling everyone about what a tough, resolute, decisive winner you are and how you could do things so much better than the wimps then in office. So DO SOMETHING.

    • phoenix00

      And he’s willing to send troops into Syria? To fight Russia? His best friend Putin?

  • Bill Slider

    GoPee care took an interesting turn yesterday as I read of their willingness to drop pre-existing conditions. I hope they do. I hope they do. The impact of that alone should make up for all the foolish mistakes the Dems are making with respect to preparation for the elections of 2018.

  • Zyxomma
    • phoenix00

      “We cannot examine the brains of every voter in this country, and the lord knows the ones who voted for Trump wouldn’t have much to examine anyways”

Previous articleTrump Letting Strangers Finger Your Internet Porn. Happy Now, Republican Closet Cases?
Next articleJustin Trudeau Reading Books Like A Total Nerd Who Reads Books. NERD.