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FUCK YOU JEFF SESSIONS, for trying to undo the only good thing that came out of Freddie Gray’s pointless death. We see you trying to weasel out of the Consent Decree the Justice Department brokered between Baltimore and its police department (BPD). And timing it to coincide with the anniversary of Freddie Gray’s arrest on April 12, 2015, is a nice touch. Your “bad apples” theory of police misconduct may play on Fox News, but the Department of Justice crunched actual data and found systemic violations of our citizens’ constitutional rights. And since you are the Chief Law Enforcement Officer in the land, we’d like you to do your job and not throw away years of work because cooperating with Democratic cities doesn’t fit with the Trump administration’s political agenda. Or because you are a notorious racist. ALLEGEDLY.

FUCK YOU JEFF SESSIONS, for forgetting how Freddie Gray died. Remember how officers stepped on his spine before they cuffed him and threw him into the van without a seatbelt, then gave him a “rough ride” to beat the shit out of him before he got to the station? Remember how he slipped into a coma and died a week later? Remember how no cops got convicted because it wasn’t consistent BPD policy to bother with seatbelts in the paddy wagon? If Gray had survived, he’d have been just one of the many of lawsuits filed against BPD every year. The city paid out $5.7 million in settlements for police brutality in the four years leading up to Gray’s death. Your Motion argues that we should not “undermine” police because of a few bad cops.

The misdeeds of individual bad actors should not impugn or undermine the legitimate and honorable work that law enforcement officers and agencies perform in keeping American communities safe.

It’s not anti-cop to point out that Freddie Gray’s community was not safe, not from cops, and not from criminals. The city wasn’t paying out millions to settle lawsuits because of a few “bad actors.”

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS, for thinking that no one cares if black kids get hassled by cops. WE CARE. This is our city, and those are our kids. All of them.

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSONS, for being devoted to the Second Amendment and not giving a damn about the Fourth. As a senator, you had an A+ rating from the NRA. You’re very concerned that we all have the “right to bear arms,” including automatic weapons. It’s the “freedom from unreasonable search and seizure” that doesn’t bother you much. Did you know that Freddie Gray was tackled to the ground because he ran from the cops? They found a knife in his waistband and arrested him for it.

So, you’re good with this.

But not this

The actual knife found on Freddie Gray, measured in centimeters.

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS, for treating this Consent Decree like it’s an insult to law enforcement, when our Police Commissioner Kevin Davis supports it. The 227-page document outlines policies and procedures to protect our citizens’ Constitutionally guaranteed rights. You’re asking the Court to pause so you personally can get a handle on The Decree. Well, here are some highlights.

  • BPD should focus on Community Policing, building relationships with the people they serve to reduce crime and build stable neighborhoods.
  • Involuntary searches must be based on Reasonable Suspicion as required by the Fourth Amendment. They cannot be justified by a citizen’s refusal to consent to a search, or his neighborhood, or his race, or boilerplate language broad enough to be meaningless.
  • Police must have specific reasons for thinking a citizen is armed and dangerous before a pat down examination, i.e. frisk.
  • No more “pretext stops,” where police say that a citizen is loitering and detain him for questioning or a search.
  • Strip Searches will be a last resort, not a first.
  • No Body Cavity Searches without a warrant.
  • BPD officers shall not conduct Frisks or searches of LGBT individuals for the purpose of viewing or assigning gender based on the person’s anatomy or genitalia. LGBT individuals shall not be subject to more invasive Frisk or search procedures than other individuals on the basis of their gender expression or sexual orientation.”
  • Officers may not rely on information they know is false to justify arrest or detention. (Does this sound obvious? It appears at least five times in the document, strongly implying that this is an ongoing issue.)
  • Quit locking people up for Stupid Shit: “BPD will enforce its policy instructing officers that, for Quality of Life Offenses, that the appropriate response is the least intrusive response appropriate under the circumstances as reasonably understood by the officer at the time. In other words, a verbal warning and counseling is preferable to a Citation, and a Citation is preferable to a custodial Arrest.”
  • Document Racial Disparities in numbers of arrests and searches.
  • Police Officers should be trained to deal with persons who are suffering from mental illness so that situations don’t escalate into violence.
  • When force is necessary, use force in a manner that avoids unnecessary injury or risk of injury to officers and civilians.
  • BPD will prohibit the use of chokeholds or neckholds unless deadly force is authorized and no reasonable force alternative exists that is within BPD policy.

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS, because Freddie Gray would still be walking around if this Consent Decree had been BPD policy two years ago. Literally everything about this man’s interaction with police violated his Fourth Amendment rights. The police pursued him without reasonable suspicion of any criminal activity, searched him without consent, physically restrained him in a deliberately injurious manner, and arrested him without cause. As his lawyer Billy Murphy put it, “Running while black is not probable cause. Felony running doesn’t exist, and you can’t arrest someone for looking you in the eye.”

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS, for forgetting that police mismanagement directly contributed to the riot/uprising on April 25, 2015. Acting on a social media rumor of impending violence, police shut down all public transportation near Frederick Douglass High School, going so far as to force riders off buses in the area. Five thousand students a day catch the bus at the Mondawmin Mall transportation hub across from Douglass High. When Douglass let out that afternoon, a thousand kids came face to face with cops in riot gear. Without public transportation, the kids were trapped. Half an hour later, the riot started. Maybe it would have happened anyway, or maybe not. But the city was a powder keg that day, and the BPD recklessly dropped a match.

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS, for trying to bring us back to unconstitutional “stop and frisk” searches by pretending to be “tough on crime.” Here’s an excerpt from the Justice Department’s Report on how searches were conducted in Baltimore.

BPD’s pedestrian stops are concentrated on a small portion of Baltimore residents. BPD made roughly 44 percent of its stops in two small, predominantly African American districts that contain only 11 percent of the City’s population. Consequently, hundreds of individuals — nearly all of them African American — were stopped on at least 10 separate occasions from 2010-2015. Indeed, seven African-American men were stopped more than 30 times during this period. […]

During stops, BPD officers frequently pat down or frisk individuals as a matter of course, without identifying necessary grounds to believe that the person is armed and dangerous. And even where an initial frisk is justified, we found that officers often violate the Constitution by exceeding the frisk’s permissible scope. We likewise found many instances where officers strip search individuals without legal justification. In some cases, officers performed degrading strip searches in public, prior to making an arrest and without grounds to believe that the searched individuals were concealing contraband on their bodies.

Mr. Sessions, I have lived in this city my whole life. No police officer has ever treated me like this, and I send my teenage sons out into the world knowing that no one strip searches a white kid in Sperry Topsiders. If my kids were black, I’d be terrified. Of the police.

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS, for your unsubtle threats to hold our city hostage to your hatred of immigrants.

Collaboration between federal and local law enforcement is important, and jurisdictions whose law enforcement agencies accept funding from the Department are expected to adhere to the Department’s grant conditions, as well as to all federal laws.

You want to use our police departments to round up undocumented immigrants who pose no harm to anyone, and you don’t care if it further erodes the power of our police to keep the city safe. We’re not spending our tax dollars to break up families. Not here.

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS, for your Reefer Madness obsession with marijuana. We have no interest in permanently ruining someone’s job prospects because he gets caught with a dime bag. There is literally no evidence for your “gateway drug” theories. The War on Drugs was devastating to Baltimore, and you want to bring it back here?

FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS for thinking that we’re all just itching to get the Feds off our back so we can go back to the way things were. The death of Freddie Gray and the riots that followed broke our hearts. Do you think we came out the other side of that horror unchanged? It is no attack on law enforcement to say that the old way was a disaster. How dare you threaten the progress we’re trying to make!

AND FUCK YOU JEFF SESSIONS, because this city will survive without the Consent Decree. We have a dozen colleges and universities, two law schools, two medical schools, the best hospital in the world, a port, and the safety net of the 95 BosNYWash corridor. More importantly, people here are not falling for your fake populism as an excuse to turn on each other. We are fighting like hell to get our house in order, and we will make it.

Federal Judge James K. Bredar will hear the Justice Department’s Motion tomorrow, and is expected to enforce existing agreements regarding the Consent Decree. But whatever happens, Fuck You, Jeff Sessions. From the bottom of my Baltimore heart, Fuck You.

[US v. BPD, Motion for Continuance / Consent Decree / Justice Department ReportMother Jones]

Help Wonkette yell Fuck You at power every goddamn day.

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  • Wild Cat

    We. Permit. Monsters.

    • FlownΩver

      I hear Jeff Sessions is a fan of canned clams.

      • Wild Cat

        He’s a fan of death, destruction, hate, and a psychotic god.

      • calliecallie

        MONSTER!! But he would be a monster even without the canned clams.

  • Marceline

    What’s sickening is how Sessions claims that low police morale makes cities less safe. Funny but it seems not hold cops to any standards is what makes cities less safe.

    • MynameisBlarney

      And that holding cops to any standards at all is apparently bad for their morale.

    • marxalot

      High morale for cops generally seems to be associated with or lead to bustin’ heads, so maybe that shouldn’t be our perfromance measurement of choice.

  • proudgrampa

    Fuck that guy…

  • Wild Cat

    Giuliani’s perverted Manhattan Institute is now publishing books on how the police are the real victims and how we need a realistic talk about ‘race and crime’ in the US.

    These ads for the book are being placed on NYC subway cars.

    We. Are. Disgusting.

  • msanthropesmr
  • jodyleek

    Did anyone else see that Bannon has been removed from the security council? Or is that fake news. Just saw it a minute ago.

    • theblackdog

      It’s on AP’s website as of 11:59 AM EDT but it’s a developing story so no details yet.

      https://www.apnews.com/

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      I guess he was done unmasking Little Donnie’s political opponents.

    • janecita

      It’s true BBC just announced it.

      • Nounverb911

        Bannon Broadcasting Conspiracy?

        • janecita

          Isn’t that Breibart?

      • Oblios_Cap

        Fake news!

    • FlownΩver

      So now everything is awesome, right?

      • Nounverb911

        Only until Bannon demands immunity.

        • MynameisBlarney

          He can demand it all he wants.
          Doesn’t mean he’ll get it.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Just going to say this.

  • msanthropesmr
  • Nightcrawler

    “If every Black male 18-35 applied for a Conceal and Carry permit and joined the NRA on the same day, there would be gun control laws in a second”. ~Wendell Pierce

  • Mpeg

    “Rah rah ree,
    Kick him in the knee;
    Rah rah rass,
    Fuck you Jeff Sessions!”

    • msanthropesmr

      That shit don’t rhyme.

  • Zonath

    Jeff, why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the mooooooon?

    • marxalot

      Take a flying fuck at a rolling barrel of apples!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Because a rolling donut isn’t a woodchipper? Votes, &c.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Little Donnie has now answered his stump speech question to The Blacks voters: “What do you have to lose?”

    • Nounverb911

      Unfortunately the answer has always been “Everything”.

  • proudgrampa

    We seem to be getting the government and law enforcement that we deserve…

    • Thespian Pony Ron

      NOBODY deserves that.

  • It’s funny you think the 2nd amendment applies to black men. I have almost that exact same pocket knife on my person at all times. It’s useful for opening packages, mail, or beer bottles. I’ve never given it a second thought because I’d never be illegally detained for it, but if my skin were darker, I’d have to consider it.

    The only way white Trump voters feel safe is if the police have their boots firmly planted on the necks of African Americans. Real data doesn’t matter to them. Civil rights don’t matter to them. They are terrified of crime by big black men and long for a strongman to put “those” people in their place.

    White supremacy remains a cardinal sin of America to this day.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    REPRESENT Five Dollar Feminist!!!!!

    Side note: Tomorrow, I’m finally making the plunge to become an Official Citizen of Baltimore–I’m going to the MVA to get my driver’s license and registered to vote here.

    As a Baltimorean (is that correct?): FUCK THAT GUY!!!!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Welcome to Bal’mer, hon!

      • YoBunnyBunny

        I’ve been here for a minute, but I was clinging to my NC roots and hoping to go back south. Well… we see how THAT worked out… Roy Cooper notwithstanding, FUCK NC TOO!

    • msanthropesmr

      Have some Berger’s cookies. Have a few for me.

  • MynameisBlarney

    As long as they keep Comey out of the loop, it might actually work.

    https://politicalwire.com/2017/04/04/fbi-creates-unit-coordinate-trump-russia-probe/

    • Antonin Dvorak

      And the NY field office.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Wait, Five Dollar Feminist is in Baltimore? Let’s have lunch!

    • O4FSake

      Holy shit Widestance, we need to hook up with her!

      • wide_stance_hubby

        We need to hook up. Period. Long time, no see!

  • janecita

    I’m so fucking tired of the “few bad apples” narrative. Where are all the God damned good cops when the bad ones are committing crimes? Why do they always defend their own, even when they know that they are criminals? The day when I see hundreds of Serpicos speak up against police brutality, that will be the day that I will believe that only a few cops are “bad apples.”

    • MynameisBlarney

      Damn right.

    • Nightcrawler

      I said it before and I’ll say it again. Any so called “good cop” would WANT to expose corruption in the police department instead of covering it up like everything is perfectly fine and pretending the cops are the real victims.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      It can be a very dangerous job, and I can well understand the “brother officer” mentality, that you need someone at your back or by your side that you can absolutely count on and trust with your life every single fucking day.

      I can get that.

      What I can’t get is how the overwhelming majority just don’t seem to get that the minority are dragging their reputations through the mud and making their job far, far more dangerous every fucking day.

      • C4TWOMAN

        See my comment below(?) about police unions. They act like a protection racket. IMHO.

    • C4TWOMAN

      You have to direct your ire at police unions, who, as far as I can tell, kinda act like a mafia. So what are the isolated good cops supposed to do?

      One solution IMO is abolishing the police unions and forcing them to use the public employee unions, just like fire fighters, who also have a risky job.

      I’m open to input from people who have personal experience with either the police(as employees, etc) or public unions.

      That’s where I see the problem; the police unions acting like a protection racket.

      • Police unions aren’t labor unions, as you rightly say. In civilised countries the police unions aren’t accepted into the labor union federations, first and foremost because when real workers strike, the cops will be busting their heads rather than standing in solidarity. Private prisons and drug prohibition are kept in place by the cop “unions”. I consider them as bad as the Tea Party.

    • Stulexington

      A few rotten apples spoils the bunch. That’s the actual adage they’re trying to mangle. The few bad apples need to be removed before they ruin the lot. That’s what needs to be done.

    • Red Bird Ω

      Where is the “few bad apples” narrative when they talk about black people?

      • NastyBossetti

        In that case, I believe proper usage would be to use the WHOLE proverb: a few bad apples spoil the bunch.

        • Red Bird Ω

          Which is why white mass murders are lone wolves and black people buying skittles are representative of a crime wave.

    • LeighBowery’sLuxuryComedy

      Funny how for cops, it’s “a few bad apples”; for Muslims, it’s considered endemic and hard-wired in.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “We need to stop everything and get to the bottom of this.”

  • YoBunnyBunny

    “But the city was a powder keg that day, and the BPD recklessly INTENTIONALLY dropped a match.”

    I’m not giving them the benefit of doubt.

    • C4TWOMAN

      And threw petrol on the fire…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Someday soon I hope, Sessions and the rest the Trump crime organization will be gone from office and there will be reconciliation trials all over America to expose the damage that was done.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
    • Red Bird Ω

      Good luck with that dream. If white Americans were able to hold on to a white supremacist system for over 200 years, what makes you think they will let go of it because they elected a Russian puppet?

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Somehow I get the feeling that in about 30 or 40 years, ALL of white America will suddenly have not have voted for Trump and he was such an abomination and they would not ever support him or his hateful minions. And they will write historical novels about how they were always on the Good Side and even had such heroic roles in stopping tyranny… but tell all the blahs and browns that they have it so good now and please stop complaining because Those Bad Old Days Are Over! WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?!?!?

        • Red Bird Ω

          Nah. This time we have records. Which makes me wonder why no one has ever thought of using facial recognition technology on those old photos from lynchings and civil rights protests. I wonder how many of those people in the background of those pictures are still alive.
          Also, too, are you related tot he hairless rabbit that hangs out here on Wonkette?

          • YoBunnyBunny

            There’s a hairless rabbit around here???

          • Red Bird Ω

            Yes. It commented on one of my comments (which aren’t allowed) and made a butt joke (which are required).

  • C4TWOMAN
    • Nightcrawler

      The Keebler elf thinks of crime the same way he thinks of coffee. What a shocker.

    • MynameisBlarney

      That jug eared, beady eyed racist pissant go fuck himself.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Just got a notification that Bannon’s been booted from the National Security Council.
    The wheels are coming off.

    • Major_Major_Major

      I did Nazi that coming. Boy howdy, this is kinda fun.

      • Zonath

        How is Trump Göring to manage things now?

        • Major_Major_Major

          A whole lotta putsching is my guess.

    • Nounverb911
      • YoBunnyBunny

        I don’t know if I should celebrate or run for cover FOR REALZ!!… I’m somewhat worried about what filth Trump will bring in next.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          That Bloomberg article said Trump has replaced him with McMaster.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            I’m thinking maybe McMaster sat Donnie down and gave him a kick-ass lecture.
            Remember when McMaster tried to shit-can Cohen-Watnick (one of the W.H. weasels who gave Nunes the “evidence” of wire tapps), and Bannon induced Trump to block the move? I’ll bet the ranch that McMaster was sorely pissed, and finally threatened to quit if Bannon wasn’t removed from the NSC.

          • Antonin Dvorak

            One can only hope.

          • TJ Barke

            I hope the phrase “sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up” was uttered.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            “You’re out of your element!” would have been a nice touch.

          • YoBunnyBunny

            Whew, if true, that’s a bit of a relief… Will McMaster finally get to punt kick whichever little shit weasel staffer was leaking intelligence to the Nunes???

          • Antonin Dvorak

            Maybe, he is basically in control of the group now.

    • Thiazin Red

      Weren’t there rumors that he and Kushner had problems and Jared was trying to oust him?

      • Oblios_Cap

        A Jewish was having problems with a Nazi? Will wonders never cease?

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        Wow, a test of wills and Jared comes out on top over Bannon? I’ve been joking to myself that Jared is the Antichrist, but now that he bested Bannon, I have to wonder…

  • Shoto

    Speaking of assholes, here’s the updated list of advertisers who have fled Bloviating Bill-O.

    Mercedes-Benz, Mitsubishi, Hyundai, Lexus, BMW of North America, Constant Contact, Ainsworth Pet Nutrition, UNTUCKit, Allstate, T. Rowe Price, GlaxoSmithKline, Sanofi, Credit Karma, Wayfair, TrueCar, Rollins, Inc, Bayer, Esurance, Society for Human Resource Management, Coldwell Banker, The Wonderful Company

    • Zonath

      Better late to the party than never, but what the fuck took them so long?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Glorious.

    • Nightcrawler

      I’m sure Ted Nugent would be proud to advertise his new album on Bill’s show.

      • MynameisBlarney

        The one titled “I’m a disgusting pedophile that shit my pants to avoid Vietnam and the republicans love me!”?

  • C4TWOMAN
    • MynameisBlarney

      Backpfeifengesicht.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      This smarmy asshole should be litigating fucking parking tickets

  • Nightcrawler

    “We need to put more taxpayer money into giving the police tanks and doing everything we can to make sure they can get away with whatever brutish behavior they want. But single payer healthcare? Nah, that’s evil”. ~White wingers

  • marxalot

    The kinfe was legal in the first place.
    And you know what “bad apples” do?
    They ruin the whole stinking barrel, Jeff.

  • memzilla Ω

    As a senator, [Jefferson Beauregard], you had an A+ rating from the NRA.

    How the fuck did he get the “plus?” Did he conceal-carry onto the floor of the Senate? Did he print up a bunch of Trayvon Martin Hoodie targets and mail them out to his constituents? Send a bunch of pee hookers over to NRA Headquarters?

    . https://media.giphy.com/media/l0IybqzI2w6NvxIoU/giphy.gif

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Here’s my solution: pay for wrongful death lawsuits out of the police pension fund.

    They’ll find those bad apples REAL quick, then.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      That sort of vengeful oversimplified eye-for-an-eye-style solution raises big red flags for me. It’s not the way I’d like to run my society. Nevertheless this one does have appeal!

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        I think of it less as eye-for-an-eye and more as a powerful financial incentive for good cops to not cover for bad cops. It’s easier to rationalize away things when the harm is in the abstract, and harder when it’s personal.

        • calliecallie

          Not a cop, but have watched enough teevee to know that if you fail to cover for a bad cop, the harm to you could be personal, and not financial, the next time you are in a bad spot with that guy. It’s an inherently dangerous job.
          I think the message must come from the top of the organization, and run consistently all the way through, that bad police behavior is not tolerated. PERIOD. And I mean that in an emphatic way, not a Sean Spicer way.

          • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

            Sure, but I figure my system will turn *all* officers against the offender in question, minimizing the bad cop’s power in the station house. Officers can rationalize that the bad cop isn’t actively hurting them so they can stay safely out of his way, but if everyone is being hurt, together and severally, by the bad officer then they have an incentive for group action against them.

    • marxalot

      Wrongful death insurance. Every officer must be covered by a 500K$ bond. To be provided from Union funds, and covering not only settlements but the legal fees involved. If he chooses not to oppose a suit, it may be immediately paid out to the complaintant.
      If it runs out, he’s off the strength or must pay from his own funds.
      No stealing from widows and orphans, but plenty of disincentive!

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        I’d accept the amendment, but it needs some tweaks since I believe most WD lawsuits are against the department rather than individual officers. The bond would make a pretty massive pool for larger departments to borrow against, particularly the LAPD and the CPD. It wouldn’t be quite as much of a hit to the wallet, and probably not enough to get officers to inform on the bad ones.

        • Irenewhoward

          Google is paying $97 per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !fq337c:
          On monday I got a great new mclaren f1 from having earned $12778 this last four weeks.. 3 to 5 hours of work a day… Weekly paychecks… Bonus opportunities…Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !fq337c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs627NetworkCommunity/GetPaid$97/Hour ★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫★✫★★✫:::!fq337c:….,……..

  • Chadwells
  • SayItWithWookies

    Apprehended, cuffed, arrested and killed for doing nothing illegal. And Sessions wants to go back to that? Not only in Baltimore, but also in Chicago, Milwaukee, Portland and every other goddamn place where the cops were malevolently racist and fascist. Fuck you, Jeff Sessions. And epic rant, FDF.

  • Chadwells
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I don’t even want to think about the green light this will give LAPD. Fuck.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yeah…
      It’s gonna get a lot fuckin worse.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Bannon is OUT! YEEE HAWWWWW! Only the rest of Saint Trump of the Grabbed Pussy’s cabinet and Trump himself to go.

    • TJ Barke

      We ain’t out of the woods yet…

    • C4TWOMAN

      I think he’s just off the NSC…I don’t think he’s out of the White House….

      • Nasty Candy Apple

        Good point, but I’ll take what I can get.

    • Nightcrawler

      Na na na na
      Na na na na
      Hey hey hey
      Gooodbye

      • Querolous

        ♪ I said bye, bye b-bye baby, baby bye-bye! ♪

  • Chadwells
  • calliecallie

    If it’s from the bottom of a Baltimore heart, shouldn’t it be “fuck you, hon?”
    I snark, but this was a great piece. Thank you, five dollar feminist, for being mad about a thing.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I spent about 8 months living in pre-gentrified SoBo. “Hon”, and home of the non-ironic beehive hairdo.

      • marxalot

        John Waters musta got a voice coach or his own momma to train Travolta into that accent for the “Hairspray” remake.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          My love of polka dates back to my time there.

        • PigtownDesign

          believe me, his momma didn’t have a baltimore accent.

          • marxalot

            …did I miss something? John is from Bal’more. Born there, of local parents. He still does the accent on occasion.

          • PigtownDesign

            If you have ever spoken with his mother, she didn’t have an accent. she went to private school in baltimore and lived in lutherville most of her life. And yes, he “does” the accent, like most of us on occasion, but in general, we don’t “have” the accent.

          • marxalot

            TIL
            (almost no one where I’m from “has” the accent either, and that begs the whole question of what “the” accent even is in a place that big)

  • OddMan

    Damn Five Dollar,
    You nailed it, excellent research, well reasoned, and a good dose of righteous indignation.
    Thanks

    I sent my check in last week.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Sessions is a shitweasel.

  • Nounverb911
    • wide_stance_hubby

      If he can’t throw a ball, he surely can’t throw Bannon.

    • theblackdog

      We really need to do something about these bus attacks.

    • Alan

      I think it would be great if he did and then Bannon tossed him under the bus. He knows things.

  • marxalot

    I was just in Baltimore at the end of last month, for the first time in years. It felt like nothing had changed, and reminded me of the alternate universe in which I started living there in 2012. Sometimes I wonder how that timeline would have gone. It’s my kind of city.
    Even in business professional drag and sticking to the inner harbor/Peabody area, though, my queer ass sped up and looked down when I saw cops.
    Ooocean city, y’all!

  • efoveks

    According to Jeff Sessions then, as long as criminal behavior is not the norm, and only a minority of people engage in it, we should do away with criminal law altogether because it mischaracterizes the rest of the citizenry. After all, it might not do to have laws that address the “misdeeds of individual bad actors” because it gives the rest of us a bad name, amirite ?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      That charitable interpretation is not for blahs, browns or libtards in general.

      • efoveks

        Of course not. Everyone knows that only applies to white people because they do not commit crimes, unlike those Others. Also, I drive faster when it’s foggy because what I cannot see cannot, in any way, hurt me.

  • Thespian Pony Ron

    Beautifully said. Passing it along to the g/f, who’s never lived outside of Baltimore and its suburbs in her LIFE, and who grew up in the Lumberyard.

  • Bub, Zombie of the Resistance

    “Could one of y’all bring me a big glass of sweet tea and some possum fritters? I’ll be down by the SEEment pond, thinkin’ up more ways to keep them nigras in their place.”

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9762771d3dc382643e5b9165645a145310ca8592dbf29b1b0b9a92558315b0ce.jpg

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    I got married in Baltimore. That didn’t work out so great. Other than that, I love the place.

  • Red Bird Ω

    OMG. I totally never suspected that the police were racist. Whoa! If true.

    • efoveks

      Came outta nowhere…

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    It’s a bit OT but this week I went to a concert in Amsterdam where Sampha was performing. I loved his voice and songs and for some reason this article made me think of his performance. I will leave this just here.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NSuIYwBxu4

  • rocktonsam

    so to summarize…fuck you jeff sessions and fuck you Donald also too

    • davej1s

      Don’t forget President Bannon…especially he should get fucked.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Don’t forget President Kushner also, too.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Jeff Sessions can take his policing justice thoughts and put them in a time capsule dated 1965 and bury it in Alabammy, with instructions never to be opened.

    • davej1s

      First he should shove them up his ass and then bury them.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        karma is knowing he’ll end up in senior home where a person of color will wipe his butt with gusto.

        • SayItWithWookies

          If that’s a brand of sandpaper, yes.

          • tapp_my_wire,please

            60 grit works best to restore that whiteness to a-holes.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Is turpentine good for high colonics?

          • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

            Drano libelz!!111!

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            If you’re going with Drano, at least take Gary Gilmore’s lead on the process. With votes.

        • davej1s

          I would suggest wiping it with brillo instead.

        • davej1s

          I would suggest that they wipe his butt with a Brillo with gusto.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Jeff Sessions is a racist cracker. Period.

    • Rick Hill

      Why, you pointing that out shows just how rcist you are!!11!!

    • Alan

      That’s fairly succinct.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      He’s even worse than that. He’s a Nixon era dinosaur who wants to drag this country back to the nightmare it was just beginning to wake up from- the War on Drugs, mass incarceration, and military style policing.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    In short, then? – Fuck you, Jeff Sessions!?…..

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Did she bury the lede again? IDK…

      • Rick Hill

        I had to go through it three times to figure it out, myself

  • timpundit
    • Persistent Demme

      Fuck her!
      And fuck the sound track behind her that says “we are the chosen.”
      Were all these people duped into this ad?
      I don’t want to believe that they all went along with this premise!
      This could have been great, but-NOOOOO.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Well, if they’re all actors and models, their agency just sent them to a one-day shoot (or there was an open call), and the producers generally don’t clue the extras into the story line or post-production process. So, sucks to be them…

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Yup, for 99% of them, it was a day’s pay, nothing more

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Fuck her!

        you know, if she stuck to that, I wouldn’t have a problem with her. Kendall, you got lucky and won the genetic lottery- stick to modeling and being a subject for all the supermarket rags like People Magazine, or doing fluff interviews on Access Hollywood (or whatever it is people like you do). But don’t appropriate other people’s cultural touchstones and make a mockery out of serious issues, just to pimp some fucking Pepsi.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Only if the question is “Who would I fuck in the ass, then wipe my dick off in her hair?”

      • doktorzoom

        That’s pretty gross, actually; while it’s not overtly a rape joke, it’s close enough that somebody flagged it. Please review the rules.

        — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • h4rr4r

    You really don’t understand Sessions.

    These are all features not bugs. He wants police out there going after minorities.

    • Rick Hill

      Well, the blahs are too lazy to start the race war the right wants, on their own, so they need incentive.

  • rosenbomb

    I shed some tears, 5DF. Thanks for fighting the good fight in your city.

  • Sister Suffragette

    Bravo!!!

  • Persistent Demme

    I think 5DF is mad about a thing.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    I lived in Baltimore for 5 years, and I approve this message.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    That was one of the more powerful pieces I have read here on the Wonkette. Thank you FDF for being so eloquent. And so judicious in your use of “FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS.”. I don’t think it can be said enough.

  • Terpsichord

    “The death of Freddie Gray and the riots that followed broke our hearts. Do you think we came out the other side of that horror unchanged? It is no attack on law enforcement to say that the old way was a disaster. How dare you threaten the progress we’re trying to make!”

    Lifelong Baltimorean here,too. I am looking out my window at a sparkling, gorgeous harbor. My back is to West Baltimore at the moment. My physical position in this chair is a metaphor for how white, privileged Baltimore still treats West ( and most of East) Baltimore. Turn our backs and keep it out of sight. I applaud your fury and join in your FUCK YOU to Sessions. But an equally big FUCK YOU is warranted for everyone who contributed to this situation, which was decades in the making.

  • theblackdog

    Regular visitor to Baltimore and I’ll join with you in saying FUCK YOU SESSIONS!

  • Alan

    Shall I assume someone is not fond of Elmer Fudd?

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Beautifully written. Hope to hear more from Ms Feminist.

  • Bitter Scribe

    All the Jefferson Beauregard Klanhumper Starsnbars Sessions IIIs of the world won’t be able to stop the progress that has been made against police brutality, because of two words: Cellphone videos.

    They can slow it down a bit. They can gum up the works and keep police from being punished. But as long as cops know that they could be caught in the act at any time, it will make them a little less enthusiastic about brutalizing people.

    • wait until it is against the law to video cops.
      A government who thinks leaks are worse than treason are heading that way already

      • Bitter Scribe

        It used to be illegal in Illinois, but that got overturned by the courts IIRC. I don’t see why it would fly anywhere else.

    • sarafina

      The man selling cigarettes in New York (?) was killed on camera and, afaik, no cops suffered meaningful punishment. And I haven’t noticed much slowing down of offenses.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    OK, this is one of those articles that makes me remember to click the recommended button. Kudos…

  • Edith Prickly

    **standing ovation**

  • Mike Janowski

    Nice try. But I don’t think Jefferson Beauregard reads Wonkette…

    • Qntino773

      Highly unlikely that a 70 year old Alabamian knows how to navigate the web, much less find an awesome site full of snark like Wonkette.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        He avoids it entirely, because he heard it can give you Teh Ghey.

  • MeerkatsRMammals
  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Whoa. That. Was. Amazing!

  • Jonny On Maui

    Not enough recommends for this article.

  • Manders

    The Undisclosed podcast is doing a great series on Freddie Gray and from listening to it, may I say: rough ride my ass. That kid was already very badly hurt before he ever entered the van.

  • What she said.

    -chicago

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

    Fuckin’ A right!

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Must-read story here about race, justice, identity, friendship . . . hell, just read it already!
    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/apr/03/identity-theft-racial-justice

  • dshwa

    Satan’s Keebler Elf clone needs to go take a long walk off a short pier.

    • zerosumgame0005

      whit shark-votes circling the end of the pier

      • lurch394

        With visions of Pecan Sandies dancing in their shark heads…

  • Jim Johnson

    Has anything that the Drumpf “administration” touched NOT turned to shit.

  • Jim Johnson

    Remember when Jeff Sessions should have resigned, but he only recused himself for colluding with the Russians? Then the man-baby-in-chief got on the tweeterhorn and said a squirrel may have “tapped” him. FUCK YOU, JEFF SESSIONS and please resign already.

  • zerosumgame0005

    for Sessions and his ilk keeping the city (any city) is NOT why police are police. it is to keep ORDER and fuck the silly law.

  • Jane Oliver Christie

    he doing exactly the same thing to the Chicago Consent Decree. Chicago Sun Times headline yesterday: “Feds’ memo casts doubt on significant Chicago Police reforms.” in CHICAGO . . . the most corrupt police department in the US!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      The difference is that Sessions’ bullshit will work in Chicago, because there is ZERO political commitment to fixing the problems of the police department.

      • ahughes798

        Yep. The cops even have their own “dark site.”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    crying.
    screaming.
    so. fucking. done.

  • Hardly Ideal

    Just one thing to add that came to me as I was yelling at the radio:

    People who shield police thugs need to stop using “a few bad apples.” It seems we’ve forgotten that that’s only half of the phrase “a few bad apples spoils the whole barrel.” In this case, the actions of a trouble officer throws the whole department into suspicion. So what do you do when you’ve got a whole lap full of bad apples?

    Get it right, you Foghorn Leghorn-sounding fuckstick.

  • Why can’t the voters and politicians of Baltimore solve their city’s policing issues themselves?

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      If the cops can kill you just for Walking While Black, they can certainly find a way to intimidate you for political activity……

      • Democratic mayors and city council’s chronically fail to tackle there cities’ policing issues. Frankly, it’s an embarrassment. Makrs the party look inept or worse. If local government can’t tackle basic problems, perhaps it shouldn’t exist.

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Frederick Douglass High School? I thought someone had to be dead before they named schools after them.

  • Zyxomma

    I always like FDF’s posts, but I could feel my blood pressure rising as I read, so I had to stop. I’ll get back to it when I’m calmer.

  • Nicholas Yates

    Very well written. I agree wholeheartedly (fellow Baltimorean). One small correction: date of Mondawmin closure & uprising was 4/27 not 4/25.

  • phoenix00

    Liar. Under. Oath.

    Why is this slimeball in any kind of office?

  • mfp

    oh my…i’ve never been anywhere near baltimore, but uhhhh…$5fem…swoooooooonnnnnn

  • mfp

    oh, and btw…that photo of freddie gray with the reg cop and two bike cops…look at freddie gray’s face…if you can, find the video of what happened prior to that…he’s already injured, his back/neck/spinal cord is already injured from one of those dicks’ knees in his spine, and he is in severe pain and probably already paralised

    and if i recall correctly, not one of the police in that photo were charged with anything in relation to his injury/death (correct me if i’m misremembering), they were only hit with unlawful arrest-type charges–the entire criminal case rested on the circumstantial evidence of the (unwitnessed, cause ‘he was in the back of the van and we couldnt see him’) ‘rough ride’ causing his injuries/death…look at this photo and the video–this man, freddie gray, is already critically injured, unable to support himself, and in severe pain– yet the case as charged was based on ‘unwitnessed’ (back o the van, youknow) rough ride evidence…designed to fail

    FDF?…anyone?

  • Unregistered Hijabi Rockstar

    Did anyone post this yet? I’m always late to the party now, I’m in a different time zone this summer.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TvDge63Iy8

  • silverbeardloon

    C’mon, don’t sugar coat it FDF, tell us what you really think.

  • BehaveYrself

    Sessions tried to pull the consent decree from Newark, NJ as well. Newark also too told him to go fuck himself. The Consent Decree works, there are data to prove it. Sorry it doesn’t fit into Sessions “Cops Good/Blacks Bad” theory.

  • Guest Liberal

    Fuck you, Jeff Sessions!

  • randomness lez

    sounds about right

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Fuck you Jeff Sessions for being a racist Keebler Elf.

  • OTB

    So, what do you think about Jeff Sessions?

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