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Just a couple of Republican presidents

Donald Trump addressed the National Republican Congressional Committee Dinner on Tuesday night, and he dropped a BREAKING BOMBSHELL on the Republicans in attendance, about Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, who is an example of somebody who has done an amazing job that is being recognized more and more, Trump has noticed, much like Frederick Douglass:

Great president. Most people don’t even know he was a Republican, right?

RIGHT? The Republicans, who, as Time snarkily points out, call themselves the “Party of Lincoln,” probably because they all drive luxurious Town Cars, all slid out their seats in orgasmic glee to find out that the president who freed the slaves was a Republican. “We should use this in an ad,” the GOP strategists probably thought, “to once and for all convince The Blacks to leave the Democrat Plantation,” an idea that none of them had ever had before in their entire lives.

Trump added:

Does anyone know? A lot of people don’t know that.

Christ, what an idiot.

Trump, understanding that he had discovered something completely new, set his brain wheels in motion on what the GOP could do with his startling discovery:

We have to build that up a little bit more, let’s take an ad, let’s use one of those PACs. Those PACs. You never know what the hell’s gonna come out of those PACs.

Uh, we think they have their marching orders, and it is an ad about Abraham Lincoln being a Republican! It could be the big surprise at the end, like the reveal on “The Apprentice” when we find out that the black contestant is going home.

Here’s MSNBC’s Joy Reid, translating Trump’s words in a way we all know too well at this point:

Oh, to be the aide who whispered this one in Donald Trump’s ear! Sarah Huckabee Sanders or whoever you are, you’re getting TWO crunchy well-done Trump steaks with ketchup and rainbow sprinkles after work today, for being such a good aide!

Anyway, yeah we guess there are a few people out there who don’t know Abraham Lincoln, of the Party Of Lincoln, was a Republican. They are probably Trump voters. Meanwhile, Trump has accomplished something remarkably mediocre, in discovering this information. He’s gone from literally not knowing anything except vaguely that Lincoln was the president of America, and graduated to the very “needs improvement” place where the average teabagger Republican is, which is thinking you have a real “GOTCHA!” for stickin’ it to the liberals, that you can pull out and say, “HA! Lincoln freed the slaves, and he was a R-E-P-U … aw fuck it, I ain’t know how to spell it, but he sure as hell wasn’t no liberal! Also, reckon this means we can still be racist, because Lincoln.”

Idiots like that have literally no idea that the parties have fully switched places on issues like race since the time of Lincoln, and because they have literally no idea, they have no idea that the rest of us know it.

In short, Donald Trump is now doing teabaggery at a Kindergarten level, and that is pathetic.

Sweet Jesus, what a fucking moron.

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  • Msgr_MΩment

    Most people do not know that Jesus was a Samaritan-hugging Pharisee-h8er.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Lincoln was in bed with Big Stovepipe.

      • Iron Monkey

        And it hurt so good.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Hence Mary Todd’s depression.

  • LarryHoudini

    Please, no one tell him that the Democrats started the KKK–we’ll never hear the end of it.

    • therblig

      was just coming here to post about robert byrd. yes, we can expect that tomorrow.

      • peteywheats

        Don’t forget to share a photoshopped picture of Robert Byrd’s head from the late 90’s on top of a Klansman’s uniformed body. That helps to assuage the guilt of being a Republican racist.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      We’ve already never heard the end of it.

      • Mpeg

        And we’ll continue to never hear the end of it. Because the end of it.. seems so, so long coming~

  • memzilla Ω

    Easter is a few weeks away, but we can all still commemorate The Assassination of Peepraham Lincoln.. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0fcb4e01c57cba30613362ca1295d750a1d1df2ddb8b4ee69050d0d43d5fb395.jpg

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I did not know that Lincoln was a Peep.

      • Crystalclear12

        The best peep, does great things!

    • arglebargle

      Ohhhhhh, a peep show.

    • Historicat

      Too soon!

  • peteywheats

    4 scores and 20 Russian hookers ago….

    • Msgr_MΩment

      …for amner waves of peeeeee….

      • Rags

        Oh beautiful for spacious skies
        And amber waves of pee
        For Bannon’s purple face and lies
        And 4-5’s stupid tweets
        America, America
        What happened to our dreams?
        To Canada we send this hymn
        Can we surrender, please?

  • Zonath

    In other news, the Log Cabin Republicans are reportedly thrilled that their randomly-chosen metaphor for their group name might actually have some historical relevance.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Good thing Buchanan Republicans didn’t do well in the focus groups.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Not that random, if you’re a 14-year-old boy

  • memzilla Ω
  • george gonzalez

    And doubly dumb– he doesn’t know that although the party was called “Republican”, they actually were all Democrats, i.e. liberals. Somewhere down the line the parties slowly swapped ends of the spectrum. So what Trump was actually saying is “Lincoln was a liberal Democrat”.

  • Iron Monkey

    And in other news, Donald Trump just discovered that Muhammad was a Muslim. Who knew?

    • mancityRed6

      “Ali, that fighter guy? Yeah, I knew him.”

    • Celtic_Gnome

      From the way they treat him, I guess they assume his son is one, too.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
  • anwisok
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    “Wait…you mean to tell me there’s a NEW Mexico??”

    • Pilotshark

      Yep same as the old Mexico but smaller.

    • therblig

      shit, now we need TWO walls?

      • Patriciaavaughn

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dw276c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dw276c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs536DigitalNationalGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dw276c:….,……

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Instant classic, just add retweets

    • Seek

      You all kid, but Never Forget – Their license plates used to say New Mexico USA on them for just this sort of stupidity.

    • HooverVilles

      Who would have thunk it?

  • Lizzietish81

    Suddenly all the racists feel they’ve been duped!

  • Shibusa
  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    “You know, I invited Abe to play golf, great guy, doing beautiful work with the Orientals and the Blacks.”

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • TJ Barke

    This is about how I feel every time I see the newses these days: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nLhe2yj5fQ

  • mancityRed6

    Is this winning? Are we winning? I ask because I am definitely tired of this.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Tillerson’s already tired of so much winning. He’ll be lying down for now, if there’s nothing urgent…

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        “Let me sleep until right before the Russian ICBMs hit Washington.”

    • Paganish

      If this is winning, we now know why “nice guys” finish last.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    So, I guess the question is: what happened?….

  • Iron Monkey

    At least there is no question that Trump is an idiot.

  • therblig

    (((Abraham)))? that’s kind of a, you know…

    • Msgr_MΩment

      He was born (((Linkowitz))). Few people know that.

      • therblig

        well, he did have that place in Gettysberg

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Let’s make a coin with even less value than a penny and put Trump on it.

    • Zonath

      The US Mint already tried that. Turns out it’s really hard to mint bullshit into acceptable coinage.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Shitcoin = FAIL

    • Hutch

      Minted from genuine gold-tone pot metal, Ladies and Gentlemen: The Piss-Penny.

    • arglebargle

      Maybe a stamp with no glue or adhesive.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        If you make a stamp with Trump’s picture on it, no one will know which side to spit on.

        • willi0000000

          well . . . there’s no way i’m going to lick t’Rump’s backside!

  • Crystalclear12

    The man in charge of our nuclear arsenal, ladies and gentleman.

    I need a vitamin tequila.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Along with Rick “Oops” Perry who didn’t even know the DOE, the agency he now heads, oversees our vast nuclear arsenal.

      Scary shit!

      • LucindathePook

        Y’mean the one so inconsequential we should just do away with it?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Shhh! I only let myself realize that on odd number days.

      • Crystalclear12

        I thought all the days were odd at this point?

        • wide_stance_hubby

          When You’re Strange

    • Nockular cavity

      I’ll have one in heroin flavor, please.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Rum and zinc for me, I have a cold.

  • Iron Monkey

    Trump sez “most people don’t know”. What he means is “Why didn’t someone tell me?”

  • orygoon

    When Chump finds out Lincoln is famous for freeing the slaves we’ll never hear another word about this. Also he should know that anticorruption T. Roosevelt guy was a Republican.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Or the North won.

      • Historicat

        Or so it seemed …

    • LucindathePook

      National parks, too.

  • Chadwells

    The depth of Dampnut’s stupidity is astounding.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Breadth libel.

  • You never know what the hell’s gonna come out of those PACs.
    https://www.dailydot.com/wp-content/uploads/c2c/92/pacman11.gif

  • wide_stance_hubby

    I can’t hardly fucking stand it no more.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    And the Russians hacked Stephen Douglas’s emails!

    • Lizzietish81

      I blame the people who voted for Beckinridge.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The Czar made a bundle off that Alaska deal. Coincidence?

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Frederick Douglass stored his on Hillary’s server, so you know they were secure.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    In Trump’s defense, the Chyron at Fox News keeps getting Lincoln’s party affiliation wrong.

  • Chadwells

    Can we all take a moment to marvel in the Russians’ ability to choose the perfect puppet?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Кукла, Trump, and AOT,K.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    We must develop a purer form of weapons-grade snark to counter what’s coming out of DC these days.

    • data_ninja

      Generating snark like that needs industrial level commenting equipment, and we just don’t have access to that here.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      We need the pure stuff, but CERN’s accelerator doesn’t have the power to create free snarks.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Just wait until he finds out that the New Deal wasn’t a morning game show.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    That picture of Lincoln made me realize that’s Trump’s hair is basically Lincoln’s beard upside down.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I got nuthin’.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      srsly

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Who needs a PAC to spread this amazing fact when Twitter is at his tiny fingertips?

    Also, too, wait until he finds out that the KKK was started by Democrats!! Woah!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Dearest Morans That Voted For Turmp.

    I hope you’re all proud of yourselves. You’ve managed (with the help of Roohsan hackers and the FBI) to elect someone that truly represents his base.
    A horde of abjectly and willfully ignorant, intellectually incurious, misogynist, racist, Homo/Trans-phobic, Xenophobic, science denying TRAITORS!

    Fuck every last one of you anti-American, putin loving fascists.
    May you ALL live in interesting times, and get EXACTLY what you all so VERY MUCH deserve.

    Sincerely,

    The American people that didn’t vote for Putin.

    • LucindathePook

      Except we have to live in exactly those same interesting times.

      • Claire

        At least thanks to the Great Sorting the times might not be quite as interesting for us as it is for Trump’s base.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    That’s nothing! I hear that James Buchanan was wireless-tapping Lincoln’s staff during the election.

  • boyblue122

    How bout instead of creating ridiculous super-pacs to let everyone know about Lincoln, just use that money and, i dunno, invest in public education so there will be less number of Donnie dumbarses

  • MynameisBlarney
    • willi0000000

      that’s nice . . . and they should look into how he padded-out the length of time he was committee chair and getting chair’s pay increment.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Just wondering here . . . do the KKKretins love that Lincoln-who-freed-the-slaves was a Republican? Or is this just one of those monstrous contradictions that they keep buried in their psyches, lest it asplode their gravel-filled skulls?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That was a long time ago and they got over it when Trump promised to get rid of all the Mexicans.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Lincoln also curb-stomped the Confederacy. They’ve certainly not gotten over THAT.

        • Historicat

          Their ability to compartmentalize is truly astonishing.

  • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist
  • Iron Monkey

    Damn, who woke up Trump?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    And most people didn’t know health care was complicated. They thought you could just say “everybody will be covered and you’ll love it” and that magically fixes everything. Maybe a PAC can do something about that too.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Phoenixdoglover

      I’ll just tag along.

  • The Dark Knight

    A lot of people don’t know he was Republican? How could we forget? The right wing reminds people of that every single day.

  • SadDemInTex

    He is the most ignorant and ill-educated president ever and I include Andrew Jackson as better educated even though he was orphaned at 14 and never had any true formal schooling.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      At least Jackson knew how to point an army all in the same direction.

    • sure enough

      Ironic that Jackson was the reason there was a Whig party and that Lincoln was a Whig and then become the first Republican to win the Presidency

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Yes, although the Whigs are an example of how “I hate that guy” can’t hold a party together in the long term.

        • sure enough

          I think slavery was the reason that they couldn’t continue but yes they were a temporary response to an idiot elected President. History may not repeat, but it sure does rhyme.

  • snark-lurker

    Does anyone ever tell tRump when he has exposed his deep stupidity? I wonder if they all think, “Too late, the horse is out of the barn, let it go.”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      ”That was wonderful, Mr. President*. You didn’t misspell a single word this time.”

    • Crystalclear12

      President Trump freed the horses – PR spin

  • The Dark Knight
    • snark-lurker

      that’s a good one

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Other things Trump thinks people don’t know:

    A guy named Ford had a company that built a lot of cars. Really a lot.

    Two thirds of the contestants on To Tell the Truth are liars. Terrible name for that show, really. The Apprentice is a much better name for a show.

    Hamilton is based on a real guy.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy and Kennedy’s was named Lincoln.
      Oh, and Ted Cruz’s father killed them both.

    • LucindathePook

      Who was a Republican, I bet.

  • wandajayne

    Wait until the so-called president finds out Lincoln wasn’t a failed theater critic.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Playwrights have taken the ‘surprise twist’ too far. It’s killing me.”
      — Abraham Lincoln

      Too soon?

      • laughingnome

        I need another tragicomedy about the Civil War like I need a hole in my head. – Abe Lincoln

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “My American Cousin simply blew me away. They’ll be talking about what happened in this theater well after I’m gone.”

    • therblig

      Ok Mary, but later at the restaurant I don’t want a table, how about a booth?

  • Chadwells

    I want to see the camera angle of the crowd responding to this idiotic statement!!!! The looks on their faces must have been priceless! (I refuse to watch video of him…I can’t stand the sound of his stupid fucking voice. Was it on there?!?!)

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      My guess is that it was either news to most Republicans, or they have a mindset so slavishly devoted to kowtowing to authority that they pretended to be amazed and surprised.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Definitely an “Emperor has no clothes” moment.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    And we wonder why Trump voters are so stupid that they don’t know Obamacare and the ACA are the same thing.

  • CriticalDragon1177

    Evan Hurst,

    Even hardcore Republicans must be embarrassed by Trump now.

    • therblig

      embarrassment of riches is all they know or care about

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Four months and 14 days ago our voters brought forth on this continent, a new moron, conceived in Queens, and dedicated to the proposition that all ideas are debased equally.

    Now we are engaged in a great uncivil horror, testing whether that moron, or any moron so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      That’s Moran.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Proving also that trump has no idea what a PAC is.

    • Nounverb911

      Putin Access Committee?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Or that a sitting preznit shouldn’t be blatantly coordinating with a PAC by attempting to tell them what to do. Admittedly, he didn’t single out any specific PAC, but still. You get the feeling that if you handed him a phone number, he’d have called it.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Now here’s the bullshit artist at work: When you don’t know the answer and barely know the story.

    Bob Woodward interview with Trump. Question on Lincoln:

    [Transcript: Donald Trump interview with Bob Woodward and Robert Costa

    By Bob Woodward and Robert Costa April 2, 2016

    BW: And why did Lincoln succeed? Thought about that at all?

    DT: Well, I think Lincoln succeeded for numerous reasons. He was a man who was of great intelligence, which most presidents would be. But he was a man of great intelligence, but he was also a man that did something that was a very vital thing to do at that time. Ten years before or 20 years before, what he was doing would never have even been thought possible. So he did something that was a very important thing to do, and especially at that time. And Nixon failed, I think to a certain extent, because of his personality. You know? It was just that personality. Very severe, very exclusive. In other words, people couldn’t come in. And people didn’t like him. I mean, people didn’t like him.]

    Caitlin Upton: Miss Teen South Carolina: “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and therefore….”

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/04/02/transcript-donald-trump-interview-with-bob-woodward-and-robert-costa/?utm_term=.78344fbf9e9b

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      “He was a man who was of great intelligence, which most presidents would be.”

      There have been some very notable exceptions – and they’ve mostly been Republicans. Donnie himself is almost certainly the least intelligent individual to ever occupy the White House.

    • thewalkindude

      Bart: Well, as Mrs. Krabappel already mentioned, the name of the book was Treasure Island. It’s about these pirates. Pirates with patches over their eyes. And shiny gold teeth! And green birds on their shoulders! Did I mention this book was written by a guy named Robert Louis Stevenson? And published by the good people at McGrath Hill.

      • Bad Tom

        That’s several facts! More than Trump has said all Presidency.

    • Sardonicuss

      Think of it. He has had years to perfect the art of speaking authoritatively…on subjects he knows absolutly nothing about: to the final end of knowing absolutly nothing about anything at all.

    • therblig

      “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

      • PubOption

        Sounds like proto-Palin.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Mrs. Carmine, my history teacher, would have given this answer an “F” with “NEXT TIME, DO YOUR HOMEWORK” written in big red letters.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      “Little Women – it was a great book. Tremendous. It was about a family of midget women who go on to do a lot of great things. Not as great as my daughter, Ivanka. Did I mention she’s a real beauty? Maybe one died. That’s what some people are saying, anyway, Sad”

  • Sardonicuss

    A literal 70 year old toddler occupies the White House. Chauncey Gardiner dwarfs his intellect.
    You could not pitch this as a movie without being laughed out of the room 2 minutes in.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      They kicked Putin out of five pitch meetings before he decided to self-finance it.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      It’s almost like a story Dostoyevsky could use for a novel of the same name or some shit.

      • Sardonicuss

        I guess an idiot can sound stupidly profound, Trump just sounds profoundly stupid.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          That actually does sound sort of Russian novelistic…or something Wes Studi’s character in “Mystery Men” might say.

    • grindstone

      Upfist for the Chauncey Gardiner reference.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Zombie Abe will be totally Whigged out to hear this news.

    • He couldn’t believe a Know Nothing finally made it to the White House.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      I hear he “free soiled” himself when he heard it.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I don’t want to Know Nothing about that.

    • therblig

      cool tory, bro

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Why does this President always sound like he’s about to pitch you a timeshare?

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Or a used car? And you WILL take the undercoating and scotch guard on the upholstery, dammit!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Or a reverse mortgage. With Tupperware.

      • Bad Tom

        Or an Annuity. With very high fees.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          And maybe Burial Insurance…the prey-on-poor-folks scam of all time.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸
  • Proud Liberal

    It’s astonishing because a Republican would never free the slaves!

  • Iron Monkey

    Trump wouldn’t qualify as a tinhorn dictator of some third world hell hole.

  • AJ Milne

    Oh, Onion, you just slay me! And who’s that playing him? Not as good as Baldwin, but damn, he’s… appropriately disturbing, anyway.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    But other than that, Mr. Trump, how was your presidency?

  • laughingnome

    Future Trump: That Hitler. Great dictator. Most people don’t even know he was a Nazi, right?

    • mancityRed6

      so, Thursday?

  • exinkwretch

    Is somebody gonna learn him the rest of the Lincoln story, the War of Northern Aggression?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      His plan is to learn that in his second term.*

      *which will help pass the time while he waits to die in jail.

    • Historicat

      “Tell me more about this Ford’s Theatre.” – Melania

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    If Abe came back to life, the first thing he’d do is change party affiliation.

  • Vicious Babushka

    Wait till he finds out his hero, Andy Jackson, was a Democrat….

  • canes_pugnaces

    How did a retired gameshow host come to be president, I ask myself each day. Then I remember he’s Republican and somehow missed he memo about Lincoln.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    The day irony killed satire dead.

    • Nounverb911
      • Lizzietish81

        Who the hell irons any more?

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        “It helps me to forget. Well that, and the gin. I love the crisp botanicals of gin. And ironing…did I mention that I find ironing soothing? Sweet, sweet gin…”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Ironing sucks. It’s tedious, meticulous, hot work and you can burn yourself or ruin something if you make a mistake. Who the fuck find that relaxing?

        • Lizzietish81

          Well watching her Vietnamese maid do it is relaxing…

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Exactly what I was thinking is the real story there.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Poor Pegs does not know her handmaiden cut the cord off her iron years ago.

  • jesuswasablack

    I keep hearing grown men and women say how smart der-Trump is, really many people say wow he’s so smart in private, he listens, he’s really not a boorish moron? That can’t be true if it is he is one great character actor cause he comes off as dumb as a fucking post every time I see him?
    http://media.gq.com/photos/571a58200b5c36b80bc2b596/master/pass/DJT300dpi.jpg

  • Mpeg

    That’s even more startling a revelation than when it was revealed American slaves were actually immigrants!

  • Proud Liberal
  • proudgrampa

    And this guy gets the nuclear codes. We are FREAKIN’ DOOMED, I tells ya.

    • Proud Liberal

      I’m not too optimistic at this point.

  • Nockular cavity

    In the future, as the aliens sift through our radioactive rubble, trying to figure out what went wrong, they will spend years arguing over our final president’s record. “No,” they’ll say, “that can’t possibly be right, can it? There’s no way they could have purposely chosen a leader like that, right???”

  • azeyote

    as the crowd cheers –

  • Creepoman

    What the . . . President Kennedy’s been shot?

    • Nounverb911

      And by Ted Cruz’s dad apparently.

    • Bill D. Burger

      realdonaldtrump@trumpanzees
      Found out president kennedy was shot. horrible. we will form a commission to get to the bottom of this. terrible.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        realdonaldtrump@trumpanzees

        It will be the “Jones Commission.” Alex will find out who committed this horrible crime!

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Abraham Lincoln would have been primaried by this Republican Party.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Can you imagine a “debate” with Lincoln, Rubio, Trump and W? I cannot.

      Although, I’m not sure how he would deal with those stupid formats where people are constantly interrupting each other.

    • TJ Barke

      RINO!

  • writersbloc

    haha, “brain wheels”, so rusty and creeky they must sound

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    News Flash: So was Theo Roosevelt. And he created the National Parks.

    • The Dark Knight

      “Yeah well Trump says nobody needs the government to do things for us!” Said the wingnut who drives on public roads, has his trash collected, visits public parks and uses the fire department.

      • TJ Barke

        “Yes, but all those things would be far better if they were privatized”
        -people who stand to profit from privatization.

        • Bad Tom

          That’s how they were in the beginning.
          Then people like Ben Franklin noticed there was a problem with that.

          Damn. I miss Ben Franklin.

          • TJ Barke

            He was a horny old bastard.

      • orygoon

        The Spare, Navy person, was in Naples. He loved it but said it was also fucking disgusting because people don’t pay to get trash collected so it isn’t.

    • And the FDA.

    • Logic of Color

      …and Nixon created the EPA. You’d think they’d get a clue about how badly they’ve lost their way.

    • therblig

      Trumpy: so only a republican can take them back, right?

  • ltmcdies

    OT …my twitter is reporting shots fired outside UK parliament….developing….nobody knows much….first reports are usually wrong..

    so Trump’s gonna jump all over screaming …Mooslims…..isn’t he

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    We’re in for it big time when Betsy DeVos informs him that the earth is really only 6,000 years old.

    • therblig

      he’ll correct her and say that since she told him 2 weeks ago, the earth is actually 6000 years and 2 weeks old. smrt

  • OrG

    Hey donnie,guess who else was a repuke.richard nixon,you might wanna study up on him.

    • willi0000000

      . . . and his buddy spiro

  • Zonath

    You know who else were Republicans? The first three African-American senators, the first dozen or so African-American US Representatives, the first African-American state governor…

    Maybe one of those PACs could make something like that… remind black people how the Republicans used to be so good to them. Nevermind that they’ve spent the last few decades being absolutely shitty to minorities.

    Yep, never know what’s going to come out of those PACs, with their long hair and their reefer cigarettes. Yep.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Maybe be a democratic PAC can make some ads about the southern strategy and Jim Crow and Willie Horton, to explain to Donald why the blacks don’t love him.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    This is from the Onion, right? Dear dog, PLEEZE tell me this is from the Onion.

    • willi0000000

      do you have any idea how heavily they are drinking over at The Onion

      [ you would too if you had to try to get ahead of this screwball ]

  • zerosumgame0005
  • Latverian Diplomat

    A spokesperson for Disneyland said that the new Hall of Presidents feature where Animatronic Lincoln walks over and slaps Animatronic Trump is unintentional and due to a programming error they are trying to get to the bottom of.

    • Amy!

      “The developers say that they’re sure they can track down the bug. No more than four years for a solution, they tell us.”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Disney executives deny that this is a “Ghost in the Machine” situation.

      • ariel_gee_398

        “As a precautionary measure, the animatronic Trump has been removed from office. I mean the hall. Custodial staff have expressed gratitude for the subsequent reduction in spit and rotten tomatoes they have to clean up on a daily basis.”

      • After which, they’ll attempt to figure out the bug that causes the Animatronic Theodore Roosevelt to use a big stick on Animatronic Trump’s head.

    • The Dark Knight

      Also, I hear animatronic Disney Trump is best buddies with Governor Ratcliffe.

      • Rags

        I heard that there is only an animatronic Disney Trump. On the internet. Just now.

  • kittygrrl

    Dr. Ben Carson, legendary brain surgeon, opens Donald Trump’s skull on new episode of The President’s Brain Is Missing. There’s nothing there Carson declares incredulously! Obama stole his brain and is keeping it in his microwave to send special signals to the Dark State!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Today, in “good luck with that, FUCKO!” News…

    http://observer.com/2017/03/trump-cease-and-desist-kitten-punch-site/

    Turmp sics lawyers on teenager who created a website where kittens punch tumrp in his fat fuckin’ face.

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      I couldn’t sleep, so I played that game in the wee hours.

      I highly recommend it.

      • willi0000000

        fun . . . satisfying . . . 7/10

    • I’m sure more than a few lawyers offered to write a “FOAD” letter for free.

      • willi0000000

        didn’t need them . . . the young lady schooled t’Rump good.

    • Rags

      Word of warning. As of noon EST typing in the name of the website provided in the Observer article sends you to a porn page.

  • orygoon

    About those nuclear codes. I just read McCullough’s bio of Truman. Y’all recall that Crazy MacArthur wanted to thoroughly nuke all the Chinese cities during Korea war, right?

    Lucky that Trump wasn’t Preznit then.

  • Bill D. Burger

    realdonaldtrump@murrikkka
    shootings outside British parliament. Parliament refused to issue invite to me to speak to them. SAD. I could have stopped this. BAD HOMBRES.

    • ltmcdies

      I bet that comes later today

    • Obligatory NRA: If only they allowed Members to have guns!

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    Everyday he’s a bigger embarrassment to our nation. Honestly??? Who knew? EVERYONE fucking knew you ignoramus!!! Turn off Faux News & go read a book…not with your name on the cover.

  • Bebecca

    Wow, what 45 doesn’t know could fill a what? football field? Every day is a new day for him.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      You know, as a parent…it’s really fun/cute to watch your children realize things in the world when they are small. As a citizen watching the clusterfuck of 45’s administration? Not so cute.

      • Bebecca

        Yes, that little light in their eyes when they get something. Unfortunately there’s no time for a learning when you’re the most powerful man on earth.

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          Exactly ;)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Field? More like the stadium.

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor

    “Trump, understanding that he had discovered something completely new, set his brain wheels in motion…”

    http://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/42.gif

  • “Christ, what an idiot.”

    “Sweet Jesus, what a fucking moron.”

    These are today’s “Quotes of the Day”.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Donald couldn’t name 5 preznits who’s faces don’t appear on money.

    • Alan

      He can’t even name the guys on the money, president or not.

    • Zonath

      “Washington? Who’s he? On the $1 bill, you say? Lousy bill. Very low-power. I never use them. Like the $5 bill, who’s on that? Lincoln, you say? Hey, I just found out he was a Republican, did you know that? Most people don’t. And now you’re telling me that he’s on some of our money? Amazing! We should get one of those PACs on this.”

    • LucindathePook

      Let’s see: Hamilton, Franklin, Salmon P. Chase……

      • eggsacklywright

        Pres. Camacho should be on the $200 bill.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Well, not exactly true. He has never seen or made REAL money.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    In other news, still missing The Biden. [*sniffle sniffle*]
    https://twitter.com/frankthorp/status/844566436391649280

  • Lefty Frizzell

    “We have to build that up a little bit more, let’s take an ad, let’s use
    one of those PACs. Those PACs. You never know what the hell’s gonna come
    out of those PACs.”

    He knows that coordinating with a PAC is illegal, right?

    • Liberoid Ron

      ‘He knows’ is wishful thinking.

    • Amy!

      That’s clearly phrased the way it is ’cause he knows he can’t admit coordinating, but he’s such a fucking control freak that he has to tell them what to do.

      I so despise that cheeto-dusted egotist.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      To quote the old German left: “legal, illegal, sheissegal.”

  • The Librarian

    There isn’t a container big enough to hold all Trump doesn’t know.

    • SpideySenser

      And what he does know wouldn’t fit on the pointy end of a pin.

  • Sardonicuss

    On the good side: A nation’s hopes and prayers for a tragically fatal “tooth brushing” accident seem all but sure to be answered!

  • calliecallie
  • Alan

    Just when you think you’ve figured out how stupid he is….

  • Isaac Heston

    Wait until he learns about Dixiecrats.

    Never gonna happen, but one can dream.

  • theblackdog

    Ugh, the problem is they continue to point at this and conveniently ignore that the parties basically switched platforms on Civil Rights back in the 60s.

    • From Russia with Love

      Shhhhhh. Fuck dude, you’re giving away the game!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Two people just shot outside British Parliament..

    • The Librarian

      Just saw assailant was shot by police, no link yet.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Now extra news report on dutch TV.

    • I just think Trump is at his personal best when completely politically incoherent.

  • Liberoid Ron

    That’s right world, America is being run by a guy who wouldn’t even have qualified to be ON ‘Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader’

    • Isaac Heston

      C’mon…they might have let him sweep up the green room…..

    • Alan

      Nah, I’m pretty sure you have to pass the stupid test to be on that show.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      He wouldn’t even qualify for ‘Are You Smarter Than A Road Grader’.

      • Liberoid Ron

        And there goes the Diet Pepsi all over my monitor.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Nope, I’m sorry. I draw the line at stupiding on a Wednesday.

    • orygoon

      Which day works for you? Please pass it on to all officialdom so we can get our respite days.

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      By new EO decree, every day is the stupiding day. Well, except for Saturdays, that’s golf day.

    • The Wanderer

      Speaking of stupiding, I have a staff meeting – on my day off – this afternoon at 2:30.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Oh no no. That’s a beating right there.

  • Christopher Story

    I had my 6 year old nephew for the weekend, and it’s amazing the similarity in mannerisms. Like my nephew’s glee in explaining to me how my solar powered garden lights work. That same, “I just found out” enthusiasm, like nobody knew something before he knew it.

    My nephew is six years old. Just let that sink in.

    • AJ Milne

      Has he filed his nomination papers?

      • From Russia with Love

        Republicans will be looking for some new talent in the near future!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Not mention that there is NO fucking way Trump could explain how your solar garden lights work.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Come on, even champion brown-noser Chaffetz must be a little bit embarrassed by that.

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      To be embarrassed, one must first have a bit of self respect.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Weak. Sad. Low Energy. And Dead.

    “He was shot watching ‘Hamilton’ in a theatre. Not many people know that.”

    • “But other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?”

    • Sally

      Hamilton is Our American Cousin? People don’t know that. But theaters are not safe. Won’t catch me, Mr. Wonderful, going to watch some musical. Men dancing? Singing? Dancing and singing will not be permitted in the New Great America.

  • Mike

    He’s the living definition of the Dunning-Kruger effect

  • Bill D. Burger
    • The Wanderer

      Police officer stabbed outside the Houses of Parliament. Assailant got shot, the Tube station nearby’s been locked down, and the MPs were advised to stay indoors. http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-39355940

  • nightmoth

    Troll alert on the Tomi Lahren story. Have fun: I need more coffee first.

    • From Russia with Love

      With all their other obvious faults, why can’ the trolls figure out which story is current? Tomi’s like yesterday’s snark bukake.

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Abe’s 2nd Veep was a Democrat. Better check Pence’s credentials.

  • Little Lulu Ω

    “I’m tired of hearing this noise about the American Indian, about how poor they are, all the joblessness. That’s all you hear, ‘The poor drunken Indians!’ What about the casinos? They’re raking it in, folks, that I can tell you. They also have their own land where these casinos sit. Free land, so free, believe me. Now I hear there’s even an Indian Ocean! Unbelievable! Where the hell? An Indian Ocean! I mean, someone discovers a new ocean and gives it to the Indians? It’s probably sitting underneath the Atlantic or something, so deep it’s only been recently discovered. Who decided this? Give it to the Indians? Is that how Obama bought his second term? ‘Give the Indians their own ocean!’ Unbelievable.”

    • Sedagive ’em Hell

      OK – that’s scary good.

    • Iron Monkey

      You have a great future as either a Trump speechwriter or as a spokesperson for Satan.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • alwayspunkindrublic

    In my weekly letters to my senators and representative compiling all of McDickwart’s assaults on decency and intelligence for the period, it’s getting REALLY hard not to sound like some ranting, drunk uncle.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Well, to be technical about it, are “ranting” “drunk” and “uncle” inaccurate descriptions?

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        My niece, ladies and gentlemen!

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      But ” to sound like some ranting, drunk uncle.” are the job credentials of half the House members.

      • Sally

        Gannon looks like someone’s ranting drunk uncle. Would you leave your daughter alone in a room with any of them?

    • SnarkON

      Trump has made us all into your ranting, drunk uncle.

  • goonemeritus

    He probably thought the Party of Lincoln referred to Millie Lincoln.

    • From Russia with Love

      Lincoln Logs party!

      • The Wanderer

        Is that the GOP equivalent of a Lemon Party?

  • Bitter Scribe

    It’s possible he was trying to be funny.

    It’s certain that that’s how this will be spun.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Whatever exactly happened in London they appear to be fucking amateurs.

  • Michael Smith

    Yes, but how to explain the fact that black voters heavily favor Democrats? I mean, the GOP must have had to do some really awful things to lose the black vote, right?

    Not according to wingnuts! What REALLY happened is that the Dumbocrats figured out a way to bring slavery back by a so-called “Civil Rights Movement,” in which they bullied the stupid blacks into believing that they needed to live on the GOVERNMENT PLANTATION in order to overcome racism. They painted the Republicans as “racist” because WE believed that blacks could achieve for themselves, and didn’t need to be government slaves. And the blacks, led by RACE BAITERS like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Barrack Obummer, voted Demoncrack because the Damn Oh Craps give them free stuff to bribe them.

    So there’s no big switch, where Republicans are anti-black now. Its the LIEBERALS that “SWITCHED” when they went from wanting to separate the blacks via slavery to wanting to separate via a new slavery – WELFARE!!!1!

    Of course, the fact that Republicans are constantly bitching about how horrible black people are, and how they just mooch and look for handouts doesn’t contradict this. Nor the fact that slavery was a system by which all black people in America were seen as chattel property by default (you could be a “free black,” but you damn well had better be able to prove it and fast). Or that slavery included forced labor without pay. Or myriad myriad other things that easily demonstrate the absurdity of the conservative narrative.

    But hey, that narrative got Trump elected so I guess enough people buy into it.

    • From Russia with Love

      Alternative (to) knowledge.

    • Darlene Underdahl

      Even supposedly smart folks eat that up like ice cream, and no amount of arguing will change their minds. Then they go home to Fox news, Limbaugh and other liars. You have to walk away to save your own sanity.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • From Russia with Love

      Let me know when they land at the White House.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Donald Trump: Moe’s temperament, Curly’s knowledge, and Larry’s hair. The ultimate stooge.

    • Nounverb911
      • Hutch

        “It’s hard out here for a stooge.”

      • Nockular cavity

        The rare three-in-one slap. Well done, Madame!

    • From Russia with Love

      *golf clap* Well done.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Shemp’s charisma, also, too.

      • The Wanderer

        Joe Besser’s speech.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      One Stooge to Rule Them All

    • Rags

      I”m sorry, but the Stooges don’t deserve this comparison.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        It’s true that they often did “the right thing” eventually. And they helped two attractive young people find each other more than once, however ineptly.

  • Nounverb911

    In other trumpian news, donnie is lining up commencement addresses at ALL the best schools.
    https://twitter.com/CBNNews/status/844502677904150528

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Makes sense… Fake University giving fake degrees pays fake President to give fake commencement speech.

    • Sally

      Liberty U? I hope Harvard and Penn ask for Obama! I read that Penn wants nothing to do with the Trump family.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    “…….we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military–industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists, and will persist.”

    Dwight Eisenhower, Republican President and 5 Star General.

    • The Wanderer

      Ike was more prescient than he knew.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Perhaps you should quit then, ya flamin’ turd polishin’ fucknut.

    http://occupydemocrats.com/2017/03/22/rex-tillerson-just-admitted-became-sec-state-reason-horrifying/

    *edit*

    This is what I meant to link, lol.

    • therblig

      trumpscratch has been redirected to trumptytrump and it’s not that kind of cat anymore

      • MynameisBlarney

        HA!
        Pasted the wrong damn link…
        That’s what I get for trying to do 4 things at at once.

        • Sally

          You must be female. Men can barely sip coffee and search the web. Trump can barely breathe and tweet at the same time. Thinking? WAY down on his list of must do’s.

          • MynameisBlarney

            HA!
            Naw, I’m totes a dude.
            But thanks for the compliment.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Jeebus F. Christ…

    Trump Team Wanted Tanks at Inauguration
    Trump’s Team Said It Didn’t Ask for Military Vehicles at Inauguration. Emails Show It Did.
    “Such support would be out of guidelines,” one Pentagon official wrote.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/emails-trump-military-vehicles-inaugural-parade_us_58d094d1e4b00705db5223ed?

    • BadKitty904

      Thanks, GOP!

    • SnarkON

      To be fair, the Trump team meant to write “Thanks” at the inauguration.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      The fact that they have absolutely no idea how tone deaf they are just baffles me. Jesus Hussein Christ – could there possible be a worse optic?

      • OrG

        Russian tanks?

        • The Wanderer

          You win.

      • BadKitty904

        TrumpCo. has to be the most the most self-deluded, blinkered crew to ever hit DC, which some pretty tough competition.

        The gratuitously lying about it is just their default response whenever their dumbfuckery is exposed. If America had a functioning media, actually keeping tabs on these bozos, the current Administration and most of the GOP Congress would be in prison by now.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Unfortunately, the one thing this administration has been successful at is convincing large swaths of people that the media cannot be trusted. This, of course, is compounded by an excessive amount of Fox News viewing by stupid, easily manipulated, fearful people.

          • BadKitty904

            The media had best do something to correct that. Asap.

    • The Wanderer

      Feh. I knew he or one of his minions wanted a DPRK-style military show. This isn’t news to me.

    • proudgrampa

      To be fair, that’s no more ridiculous than flying jets over football games.

      Just sayin’.

      • Sally

        He wanted that too. He wanted the whole freakin’ military on parade like we’re China or something. He wanted those photos of him saluting the troops like he gives a damn. Thank God the Pentagon said no.

      • BadKitty904

        Not being a sportsball fan, I have no idea what you people get up to at those things…

    • therblig

      “Fake news! I specifically said I wanted skanks at my inauguration!!” – DJT

      • The Wanderer

        He had two sitting next to him.

      • BadKitty904

        Well,he did get those…

    • Edith Prickly
      • BadKitty904

        And stupid. Really, really stupid.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I know I always prefer riding in a tank when my bone spurs are acting up.

      • BadKitty904

        Sure beats getting your boots all dirty or getting shot at or stuff.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          I like people in the military who DON’T serve!”

          • BadKitty904

            We don’t do ‘service’. Only the little people do ‘service’.

            ~ Donald Leona Trump

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Didn’t this come out around the inauguration, though? I seem to recall the streets themselves would not hold up to the weight of the tanks, as if a reason was needed for not doing this.

      • BadKitty904

        It did and TrumpCo, facing national and international ridicule, categorically denied that they’d requested any such thing…for the 5 minutes the media covered the story.

        Another gratuitous lie, courtesy of the GOP…

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I’m surprised he didn’t just switch the inauguration to Red Square.

      • BadKitty904

        Per these emails exposing their lies (how ’bout that, Chaffetz?), he was pretty much trying.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          That’s one of the maddening things about the Trump Crime Tsunami. Any one of literally hundreds of his lies, conflicts of interest, or sleazy associations would bring a Democratic administration to a screeching halt in outrage, recriminations, and investigations. But the deluge is so massive and constant that lesser examples of it become tempests in a teapot esp. when he’s being investigated for treasonous collusion with a foreign power. The grifting, profiteering, and parade of daily lies seem almost…quaint. It’s a patented technique used by the two genuine pathological liars I have known in my life. Keep ’em coming fast and thick…people either can’t keep up with them or just walk away shaking their head..”whatever”.

          • BadKitty904

            That’s why I get frustrated – time is on THEIR side. This is rapidly becoming the norm.

  • SnarkON

    No, really, not a single one of Trump’s illiterate homeskooled redneck supporters does know that Lincoln was a Republican.

  • Hutch

    I can’t find the original tweet, but some wise person remarked today, “Chuck Barris died just when we needed the gong most.”

    • The Wanderer

      Ramen.

      • snark-lurker

        NOODLES!
        oops, sorry. that just slipped out

        • The Wanderer

          BURMA!

          • snark-lurker

            Burma is a kind of bull, right?

          • Marion in Savannah

            No. It’s a kind of shave.

          • snark-lurker

            Ah yeah, now i remembers

    • SnarkON

      Chuck Berry is all pissed now because Satan is going to mix up him and Chuck Baris down in hell for all eternity.

  • Bill D. Burger

    ot but great update on London shooting incident.
    36 mins ago.

    http://metro.co.uk/2017/03/22/gunshots-fired-outside-houses-of-parliament-6526598/

    • cmd resistor

      Much more thorough than most. I did find this line in the Guardian — not that it’s funny but they sure do have a way with words:
      I’m outside Downing Street- 200 metres from parliament Square – where police are in force and there is a nervy mood.

  • Chyron HR

    “I think the PACs should run ads like this.”

    I assume this illegal coordination with PACs thing is meant as a distraction from the illegally colluding with the Russian government thing?

  • lucidamente

    He then added “Sic semper tyrannis.”

  • Rick Hill

    Proly found this out as he was listening to Bannon try to talk him into attacking Democrats as the party of slavery and the KKK

  • lucidamente
    • The Witch of Endor

      I love this man.

      • Snopes Shop

        You know, during the last days of the Obama/Biden America, I had a ridiculous, recurring fantasy of NBA head Adam Silver standing at a mic appointing these two guys presidents “FOR LIFE”. Because I am manic, it ran over and over in my head for no reason.

    • Nounverb911
    • Nockular cavity

      Never change, Joe.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump: “Why doesn’t anyone ask about Mrs. Lincoln? Ask her if she enjoyed the show?”

  • Old Man Yells at Cloud

    Not just TWO crunchy well-done Trump steaks with ketchup and rainbow sprinkles, but they have extra whinny!

  • lucidamente

    “Nobody knows that Lincoln Logs were named after Lincoln because he was born in a log cabin.”

    • MynameisBlarney

      Lincoln was born in a log cabin that he built himself!

      • laughingnome

        With Dick Nixon’s father.

      • HolidayinCambodia

        When he had to put on the roof, he didn’t use a ladder, he pulled himself up by his own bootstraps.

      • Sally

        Was that in Nebraska? And didn’t he also cut the trees down alone, slice them into logs, carry them to the site, and THEN built it all alone in the middle of the night after he got done reading his law books by candlelight! What a man! And now look….

    • Bill D. Burger

      “That’s why I named Trump Tower after myself….as a tribute to Lincoln.”

      http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/cali-fred.gif

    • HolidayinCambodia

      I though it had to do with poop when I was a kid. In fact, I still think that most things have to do with poop, one way or another.

  • Zachary Taylor died from an overindulgence of cherries and milk . . . they dug him up a few years ago and proved NO ARSENIC MURDERED

    John Quincy Adams like to go skinny dipping in the Potomac River during his administration

    James Buchanan was nicknamed “Miss Nancy”

    Now there’s some presidentin’ trivia for ya.

    • The Wanderer

      Warren Harding nailed his mistress in a White House closet. Didn’t give her time to hang up her coat.

    • Zonath

      Taft was the first President fat enough to have rumors started about how he got stuck in a White House bathtub*

      *Trump was the second.

    • therblig

      JQA’s swim habits cost him an interview with a female journalist

      http://www.historyofold.com/2011/08/john-quincy-adams-skinny-dipping-other.html

    • Mpeg

      I think “overdosed on cherries and milk” sounds more delightfully bizarre~

    • OrdinaryJoe

      Wow! When he finds out about J Edgar Hoover.

      • FlownΩver

        And how he lost to…uh, one of the Roosevelts. Sad.

    • janecita

      James Madison weighted only 100 pounds.

    • lucidamente

      Ma Lucidamente once told me that her wingnut father (yes, they had them back then, too) maintained that FDR’s didn’t die of a cerebral hemorrhage. No, his mistress shot him in the head in a fit of rage, which is why there was a closed casket funeral.

  • mardam422

    What…a…fucking… maroon.

  • Crank Tango

    Nobody knows this, but Thomas Jefferson was the best first black president.

    He had the courage and gumption to move on up, to the East Side, to a deeluxe apartment in the sky.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Shit, I thought he was just the first President to have a black child. Our education system is in shambles. What are they teaching us in school?

      • laughingnome

        Marketing

      • Crank Tango

        Is our children even learning anymore?

        • ariel_gee_398

          On the evidence of our electoral outcomes, no.

    • laughingnome

      That was George Washington. It was the West Side and they named the Heights after him.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Lincoln lived in the West 60s.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          A more central location.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Close to the opera house. I hear he loved the theater.

      • Ghenghis McCann

        Somebody should mention George Washington and King George to Trump, just to see how confused he could get. “That great American patriot George King….”

    • FUN FACT: At no time during the Jefferson Administration were fried fish and burned beans prepared in the kitchen on the grill.

      • FlownΩver

        But the presidential airplane really rocked.

  • Poly_Ester

    Except perhaps in religious schools (the DeVos kind) and among Trumpistas, this is common knowledge among grade schoolers.

    • JohnBull

      If they have the new updated Bibles that focus on Lincoln freeing the slaves with Jesus as his veep.

      • Ducksworthy

        Riding a Velociraptor like they do in Kentucky.

        • Sally

          Carrying the latest machine gun and wrapped in bullets.

  • Darlene Underdahl

    That kind of person spends all their time inventing schemes to get OPM. So no, they wouldn’t know Lincoln was a Republican.

  • Zyxomma

    I learned this from my parents when I was a tot. ITMFA.

  • Edith Prickly

    I’m not even American and I fucking know that. Weak!

    • laughingnome

      That’s an advantage when it comes to history

  • MynameisBlarney

    Turmp “discovering” commonly known things could SO become a meme.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      “We landed on the moon! Amazing! Why are the Democrats trying to hide this? They don’t want America to be great again!”

      Edited to add: “SAD!”

      • His followers think the moon landing was faked.

        Seriously.

        • Kiri the Paid Protestor

          It’s Obama’s fault. And Hillary’s.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    I heard this news, and it made me flip my Whig.

  • HolidayinCambodia

    “I think it’s a very important play. I, for one, never realized that the Third Reich meant Germany. I mean it’s drenched with historical goodies like that.”

  • YoBunnyBunny

    I just wanted to post it just to upfist the fuck out it y’all. Who’s with me?!?!?!?!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/13b2f28d05677ff1c021494419a44e3118ccf64d41fb18c54f7910df0f4df1da.png

    • NotReallyHere

      It can also translate to, “I just pulled this out of my asshole.” One example I can think of isn’t quite literally “most people don’t know,” but it’s close.

      “The murder rate in our country is the highest it’s been in 47 years, right?” Trump said. “Did you know that? Forty-seven years. I used to use that — I’d say that in a speech and everybody was surprised, because the press doesn’t tell it like it is. It wasn’t to their advantage to say that. But the murder rate is the highest it’s been in, I guess, from 45 to 47 years.”

      • YoBunnyBunny

        “Yes, Donnie. Everyone was surprised because YOU JUST MADE THAT UP!!!!”

  • Shoto

    “Donald Trump is now doing teabaggery at a Kindergarten level”

    Comforting to know that he’s learned so much in just two short months on the job.

    “Christ, what an idiot.”

    • Sally

      Yeah, he might be up to first grade by September (can we all pray that this national nightmare is over before then??)

  • JohnBull

    And democrat Robert Byrd was a klansman. These things matter because the world is exactly the same as it was 70 years ago.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Yup. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to take my Studebaker into the shop and then catch the Boston Braves-Brooklyn Dodgers game on the Philco.

  • Chadwells

    Of course…because no one else would even remotely fucking consider it.

    “Trump will deliver commencement address at Liberty University”

  • Foocatchoo

    Me and my Sister-wife just lerned that Linkin was a Republican, water is wet and that it gets dark at night…we reckon cause that bright thing in the sky goes away?

    • Edith Prickly

      “How did the moon get there? How did the sun get there? How did that little amoeba get there?”

      • thewalkindude

        You can’t explain that…you can’t explain it…

  • Nounverb911

    Somebody actually got around to telling donnie about London.
    https://twitter.com/PressSec/status/844571247774257152

    • Martini Ambassador 🍸

      LOL, the trolling responses to this tweet are hysterical!

    • cmd resistor

      Time for a stupid tweet, I guess.

    • Carpe Vagenda
    • Foocatchoo

      He seems to be very informed, Presidential and reassuring to his followers…pffft!

      • Edith Prickly

        None of them fucking know where London is either…

        • JohnBull

          The London hotel in New York? I’m sure Donnie stiffed someone there, too. Contractors, I mean.

    • Edith Prickly

      Is he going to call in The Avengers?

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      Was he reading to school children?

      • Crank Tango

        He was sacrificing a Pet Goat confiscated by ICE. Does that count?

      • Sally

        God. What teacher would want him anywhere near her kids? What would he read? Mein Kampf for Dummies?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Trump will let the world know that the previous administration is responsible for this act of terror any minute now.

      • NellCote71

        Or Hillary, somehow.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          From her private drone server.

    • Liberoid Ron

      ‘Mr President, there has been an unusual shooting incident in London.’
      ‘Shut up, Sean, not until after my stories.’

    • Sally

      UK? Is that one of Ivanka’s perfumes? Someone shot her perfume?

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Oh wow. When Brit Hume questions your credibility, that’s gotta leave a mark.

    https://twitter.com/brithume/status/844540626381295618

    • Nyumbu

      Oh hell, there’s not enough aloe Vera on the planet to cover Trump’s burns for the next 8 years

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Wow. They just figured this out? You gotta get up awfully early in the morning to put one over on those keen minds at the WSJ!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Their character-judgment skills are matched only by their empathy.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Of course, in true WSJ spirit, their concerns are over how Trump’s pathological mendacity is harming getting Gorsuch and the his health care plan inflicted on us. And how it muddies the waters about what is “legitimate” Republican outrage over why poor patriot Michael Flynn was being listened in on. These fuckin’ people…

    • Zyxomma

      Of course, being WSJ, they had to take a shot at Hillary.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I’m just going to say it, Evan writes the funniest Trump articles. The sarcasm and caustic jokes are magnificent.

    What does Donald say? I dunno, he’s still running around telling everyone about this unknown fellow named Abraham Lincoln. He’s too busy to respond.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • OddMan

    Evan, with this one sentence you have captioned the entire mess that is our President.
    ‘Sweet Jesus, what a fucking moron.’

    Heaven help us all.

  • BMW

    Someone ask him what party he thinks George Washington belonged to. Regardless of how close he comes to answering correctly, you know the answer will be fucking hillarious.

    • CripesAmighty

      ‘Dance Party, USA’.

  • Nounverb911
    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      *sigh*

    • TJ Barke

      Please god let it have been neo-fascists…

    • Shoto

      Preznit Bannon will milk this for all it’s worth. Nothing like a terrorist incident / shiny object to divert attention from the obvious.

    • laughingnome

      Such compassion and sensitivity.

    • laughingnome

      This immature exclamation was the way I announced I saw the family dog get hit by a car when I was three.

    • NastyBossetti

      Super preznidential.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    From yesterday, so maybe a re-post:
    Nikolai Gorokhov, the lawyer representing the family of Sergei L. Magnitsky, a Russian auditor who died in prison in 2009 after uncovering a $230 million fraud, suffered severe head injuries on Tuesday after plunging from his Moscow apartment building, a day before he was due to appear in court in connection with the case.
    According to Russian news organizations, Gorokhov fell while
    helping movers carry a hot tub up to his fourth-floor apartment. It’s well-known that in Russia, this puts you at risk of plunging out of your apartment.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      How convenient.

    • Crank Tango

      The funny thing is, he was IN the hot tub at the time.

      Talk about throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

    • Pilotshark

      funny thing about those coincidences.

    • snark-lurker

      He is not expected to survive (IMHO).

      • Msgr_MΩment

        He is not expected intended to survive (IMHO).

        FTFY.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Donald Trump is – as Winston Churchill said of John Foster Dulles – “the only bull who brings his own china shop with him.”

    • AJ Milne

      … and unlike your standard proverbial bovine in the presence of crockery, it just never stops with the usual breakage of merchandise. It’s more: the entire staff is dead, the floor of the shop has fallen through the foundation, and, somehow, the entire block is now on fire.

      • Liberoid Ron

        And it’s all Obama’s fault.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Yeah, fuck off, Kraig Moss. Asshole.

    “Grieving father: ‘I don’t play Trump songs anymore'”

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/21/health/opioid-trump-supporter-medicaid-health-care-reform/index.html

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I felt a wee bit bad for the guy until…

      “The bill is an absolute betrayal of what Trump represented on the campaign trail,” he said. “I feel betrayed.”

      No. No. No, it does not represent a “betrayal”.

      • Chadwells

        A common thread that I’ve noticed is that with every single one of these Dampnut regretters, as you read their stories you begin to feel bad….until that one thing you see and are like “nope.”

        Haven’t seen one story that actually makes me feel bad in the end.

        • YoBunnyBunny

          I just can’t spare the pity on people who are so divorced from reality. Just can’t.

  • eggsacklywright

    OT: Chuck Barris died! The Gong Show was an American masterpiece. Woe.

    • Crank Tango

      As a child, I often confused the names Chuck Berry and Chuck Barris. This has been a tough week for that confused child in me.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Me too!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s brother, Charles, is under tight security.

      • Thats okay, when I found out that Chuck Berry died, I felt happy surprise, then shocked, perplexed, and saddened. I thought he’d already died a couple years ago. So I was shocked and happy to learn that he actually had lived to 90. Then I was sad again to realize he had died.

        • OrdinaryJoe

          Johnny Be Gone

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Just wait until people tell Donald about this very little known man named, uhm Martin Luther King. Do I have that right? I had to consult Wikipedia for the spelling. He’s going to be so excited about this King and everything he’s doing these days…

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Does this jackass know who is buried in Grant’s Tomb?

    • proudgrampa

      “Most people don’t know that someone named Ulysses is buried in Grant’s tomb.”

    • Bill D. Burger

      Odds are Trump thinks it’s “Lou”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The original reels of Love, Actually?

      • OrdinaryJoe

        That is funny.

    • He knows it’s prime development location!

    • Nyumbu

      Yeah that’s where the community development block grants get buried.

    • Gary Charound

      President Grant and his wife are entombed in above-ground sarcophagi. Nobody is buried there.

      • “Sarcophagi”? Sounds like throat cancer.

      • snark-lurker

        i wanna peek inside

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Mary Tyler Moore?

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • Is the spelling change in honor of Jon?

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      So, was that turtle killed with voights?

  • DainBramage

    I’m sure that a bunch of Republican voters hate that Lincoln, the man who made those nice southern states give up slavery their cultural traditions, was a Republican.

    • BMW

      States rights!

  • Bill D. Burger

    Even the spirit of Lincoln couldn’t stand Donny.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/26gspXk1IaQEilbXi/giphy.gif

  • WiscoJoe

    I think the point here is not that people don’t realize that Lincoln was a Republican, it’s that they don’t associate Lincoln with the modern-day Republican party, and with good reason.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Richard J. Champagne

    the dude has been living in an isolated diamond-encrusted golden cave at the top of a tower like an evil fairy tale motherfucker for most of his parasitic existence. what did you expect?

    • Exactly. What kind of supreme ignorance controls the minds of those who think a man living in a tower can empathize with a man living in a shotgun shack?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Yup. Back in Trump, Inc., the people bringing him papers to sign generally stood to gain if Trump made money. This is how rich idiots get richer.

      Now? Not so much.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Well…sure…but daaayum! I didn’t think he was gonna be THAT fucking stupid.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        He continues to surprise and delight!

  • Chadwells

    OT: How is this shit NOT illegal as fuck?!?!?!

    “We Fact-Checked Lawmakers’ Letters to Constituents on Health Care”

    https://www.propublica.org/article/we-fact-checked-lawmakers-letters-to-constituents-on-health-care

    • HogeyeGrex

      How is this shit NOT illegal as fuck?!?!?!

      The word “lawmakers” is right there.

      ugh

  • MynameisBlarney

    The Art of the What Now??

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10141735049

    This is fucking hilarious!!!!

    • Bill D. Burger

      Trump: “I straightened out those Freedom Caucus fuckers. They’ll do as they’re told.”

      Tea Potty be like: https://media4.giphy.com/media/138Gn7ZOxMPy0M/giphy.gif

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Seriously, they should take the opposite tack. “If you don’t vote for it, you’ll have to meet with Trump. DON’T MAKE ME BREAK OUT THE KETCHUP STEAK CINDERS!”

  • Bill D. Burger

    Lincoln: “This country is about ‘the people’ not ‘you’ Orange Man.”

    http://i.imgur.com/bI4qMMR.gif

  • Crank Tango

    Wait till he finds out it was “Republicans” running the guillotines, stone cold killing the French nobility and such.

  • snigsy

    Donald Trump is stupid. (Does anyone know? A lot of people don’t know that.)

  • TundraGrifter

    So we’ve gone from “some people say” to “most people don’t know.”

    Is this a great country or what?

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    Now…if we could just catch him lying about getting a blow job we might actually be able to impeach him, since that’s what it seems to take.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Two words: “Pee Hookers.” ____ PERIOD!

    • TJ Barke

      Dude admitted to sexual assault. You think a bj will be the last straw?

      • Jennifer R

        Maybe if it’s from a 9 year old alter boy? Surely that’s something the Russian mafia government church could provide. Well fuck I went all super redundant I guess.

        • Marion in Savannah

          Either a live boy or a dead goat…

          • CripesAmighty

            Live boy, maybe. Dead goat, no problem.

          • Jennifer R

            Now I am reminded of my friend who drove around with a goat head in his trunk for three months.

            It was a pet of his uncle’s and some coyote killed it. He took the head to make the skull in to an alter and double bagged it in his trunk. No one would lend him a cook pot to render it down and he had some bad leaks crop up around his home at the same time so he had to pay for that instead.

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        No, I don’t. But isn’t amazing that for Bill Clinton it WAS enough for impeachment?

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistent

      He could be caught in a closet with Ivanka on her knees and it wouldn’t raise an eyebrow among these Republicon sellouts.

    • Crank Tango

      In his case, he’d be bragging about one he didn’t get, or if he did get it, it was more of a Cosby situation.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Marion in Savannah

      Gotta love it that one of Tommy’s shining examples, SOS Tillerson, decided to blow off NATO and swan off to Russia.

    • Robbertjan Brandenburg

      I’ve used up my free articles for this month I’m afraid.

      • Marion in Savannah

        I drag their stuff out from behind their firewall. If you Gazoogle my nym…

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        right click- incognito mode or private browsing window

    • Ghenghis McCann

      Well I never, he’s wanting a real life Caine Mutiny.

      • BadKitty904

        I was thinking more of Brutus, Cassius, and company.

        • Lance Thrustwell

          Now yer talkin’!

      • Doug Langley

        You mean he’s playing the Fred McMurray role who incites the mutiny, then stands back going “Who, me?”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Oh my God, I have finally read a Thomas Friedman column I can follow and respect. The world is indeed upside down.

      • CripesAmighty

        You’re right. Finally, a Friedman column that I don’t want to set afire, run over with the car, and flush down the can.

        • HogeyeGrex

          One that you could actually use for fishwrap without endangering the fish.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Tillerson? Thomas the moustache STILL doesn’t get what’s really going on here

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Even if he’s wrong about Tillerson, at least he’s not missing the basic point. For Friedman, that’s a hole in one.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          From what I’ve seen of him doing the news show circuit, he seems to be catching up to the basic plot

      • pstockholm

        Not buying any of the crap in that op-ed. Tillerson is clearly laughable as one of “five good men” but the rest are not much better. At the risk of committing a “no true Scotsman”, anyone serving in the Trump administration is in effect enabling everything that’s happening, and by definition lacking judgement, if not in fact being in essential agreement with the Bannon/Trump/Republican agenda. They’re all certainly willing enough to carry it out.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Relatively speaking- the ex military are least likely to be wingnuts or grifters (with the exception of Flynn). Granted, that’s an awful low bar and TF is being his usual over optimistic self, but I’ll give him baby steps credit for at least getting into the same ball park as reality.

  • GemlikeFlame

    What is it going to take before the congressional republicans turn on him, and how soon can it happen? The ACA repeal is doomed, and the budget will follow suit. Russia is hanging over the executive branch like Damocles’ sword. The immigration reforms are bogged down in the courts.

    The wall is generally conceded to be a laughable impossibility. Other than gut a few more vulnerable low-cost social programs (whose budget overhead is dwarfed by the amount of money needed to shuttle Trump to Mar-a-Lago and back over the weekend) what other things can this administration do that even remotely fulfill a campaign promise?

    Hill Democrats have already taken their toys and gone home. Republicans are heavily divided. The next two or three congressional votes will be pivotal, but I see only one result.

    Trump blames his party, and threatens to resign. If that happens, I think we should take him up on it.

  • vh

    whatta dumb nut.

  • By accidentally wandering in on Eric’s weekly private “Tim Burton Saturday” Trump discovered another Lincoln Fact:

    Lincoln was actually some sort of Vague Monkey.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/dba1b84a0ee317a308ac622af08a6531a48625725f38d5d1d2786281f35163af.jpg

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    As I said yesterday, I seriously doubt that Donnie didn’t actually know this until recently. I doubt much of anyone in the GOP doesn’t know this. The fact that they all use this as their all purpose excuse to justify their continued racism and bigotry proves they all know. In fact, a good many of them are even aware of the pole shift between the two parties- they just ignore that inconvenient fact and refuse to admit it, because it enrages liberals to do so (which is what is really important to them- they get off saying stuff that is stupidly wrong but takes a bit of effort to untangle and explain just to watch liberals lose their shit). It’s important to understand this from a cult psychology standpoint. Claiming Lincoln is one of the cult rituals of the GOP. Besides using it as a weapon to excuse their racism, and using it as a way to annoy liberals, it serves as a bonding point and solidarity within the cult. The shared myths get reinforced and the cult loyalty gets reinforced by each member having to publicly commit to the dumb lies that bind them together.

    There’s a reason for all the dumb stuff Donnie says, especially all the blatant lying- it defines who is or isn’t part of the cult- accepting those lies binds one to the cult. In much the same way, touting the whole “we’re the party of Lincoln” nonsense helps define the GOP cult. Think how we here at Wonket use our own colloquial idioms that define the family here, such as “A Idiot” or “Get a brain, morans”. Anyone who doesn’t get the inside joke is immediately recognized as being an outsider, and we delight in watching them flail about trying to correct our grammar. Waving Lincoln around like a magic talisman serves much the same purpose to the wingnuts- and they likewise take delight in watching well meaning liberals attempt to explain the nuance of the politics of the 1960s for the ten millionth time (Pro Tip: Don’t bother-most already know and don’t care, the rest are too stupid to understand). But this was Donnie’s signal to the base- See? I’m one of you, part of the RWNJ commenter community. I read Breitbart and Infowars too- watch me troll liberals all over the country as they all condescendingly try to claim I don’t know who Lincoln is. This is nothing more than Pepe the Frog trolling BS.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Funny how often smarty-pants elitists like you are right about shit, yeah?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        That’s the problem- right now the entire left wing blogging community is giddily posting some variation of “ROFL look how dumb Trump is”, but does anyone actually believe he managed to go to an elite military style private prep school and then to Wharton and not know the story of Lincoln and the GOP? All this does is feed their shared sense of persecution in the base from those coastal elitist liberals. “Look at those smug, superior libtards who think we’re not smart enough to know who Lincoln is!” And we are falling for it, hook line and sinker.

        • NastyBossetti

          I know some Wharton grads, and yes, I absolutely believe he managed it.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            And every DSFB commenter who corrects our grammar is absolutely convinced that we’re not smart enough to spell ‘moron’.

            Then we laugh at them.

          • NastyBossetti

            I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t think that’s what is happening here. I don’t think anyone thinks he just learned who Lincoln was yesterday, but I do think it makes him look stupid to say things the way he does. And, honestly, I think that’s because he IS stupid. I haven’t seen anything to make me believe otherwise. If people want to laugh at me because of that, so be it.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            No one will be laughing at you (or any of us), but we lefties need to learn better to figure out what makes the RWNJs tick- what seems stupid to us may not necessarily seem so to them and that is who Donnie was talking to.

        • Zippy, you are overlooking one simple fact- his father bought him all that.
          IDK, I for one think he, who was registered as a democrat like 2 years ago or whatever, honestly did not know that Lincoln was a Republican.

          • He didn’t know (or once knew, but forgot), guaranteed.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          To be fair, I have know people who were (theoretically) highly educated, yet managed to be profoundly ignorant. They viewed education in terms of validation and certification, rather than a quest for knowledge and wisdom. It IS hard to believe Trump could actually be this stupid, but we know he doesn’t read, is thoroughly incurious about anything beyond himself and money, and processes information the same way a toddler does.

          • Whollyholeyholy

            I have a friend who was paying bank for a Seven Sisters education and we were both home for the summer, where I was taking Spanish at the local community college. We were using the same book, and curriculum–down to publisher provided tests. She also knows nothing about American history because that wasn’t required for her degree. Private schools don’t have to require any of that well rounded stuff. I had to take two semesters of science and two of math to get my English degree at a “football school,” as her peers snottily called it. She is devoted to getting her kids into Ivies. For the pedigree and the jobs, ($$$$) not knowledge.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            I went to Northern Az. U….at the time anyway, pretty much considered a “B-/C+” school by the silver spooners. And admittedly, no one there was exactly setting the intellectual world on fire, but because they didn’t have a “publish or perish” rule, the place was staffed with smart people who’s goals were to be good teachers rather than further their careers in academia while resentfully teaching a class or two. Small classes, and I never had a T.A. the whole time. Of course, this was back in the Jurassic Period…

        • pstockholm

          There’s also the factor of dementia or whatever it is that happened to Trump. If you look at for example the Howard Stern interview, other things from that time, still an asshole, and a narcissist, but a lot more awareness of his surroundings and playing the game. So he might have been vaguely aware of such things as Lincoln at one point but forgotten them now, or it’s all scrambled in his brain.
          But sure, I can also believe that his instincts lead him to troll as you have described. I just doubt how much calculation there is in it.

    • I think it didn’t matter to Trump who Lincoln was, so whether he once knew it or not, it never sunk in. I honestly believe the gist that “a Republican president fought to free slaves” is a new meme for him. Trump is a narcissist. Only those things which directly effect him matter to him.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        then you underestimate him- just like the left has been doing this whole time. He’s certainly no intellectual, but this is basic stuff. He’s trolling the left by getting them to conscend to both him and his base, which just cements their loyalty to him and their hatred of us.

        • My best friend was his PA in the 90s. Trump is just not that clever. I’ve known wealthy, powerful narcissists. It’s very easy to manipulate and fool them. No one is honest with them because everyone wants something from them. You tell them their hair looks good while you pocket their valuables behind their back. Trump comes from a very twisted world. Trump could easily be played by Russia.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            Oh, I am quite convinced that Donnie is being played by Russia, whether it’s empty flattery or coercion or a combination thereof.

    • laineypc

      Wait, are you saying Wonkette is a cult???!!!!1!!!!1

      • Doug Langley

        Good grief, didn’t the secret handshake, special ring, code words, and blind adulation to Doc give it away?

        • laineypc

          If blind adulation to Dok is wrong, I don’t wanna be right!

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Regarding your opening premise, you might consider this:
      http://www.gallup.com/poll/9526/how-many-americans-know-us-history-part.aspx

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        When is the last time you engaged a RWNJ that failed to invoke the Lincoln was a Republican nonsense when called out on their racism? They can be both historically illiterate and good at parroting talking points. They know the answers to spew when confronted with their BS, regardless if they know much of anything beyond that (I’m speaking of commenters, more than people in general). The entire RW is a bullshit factory and the minions are well trained.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    WAIT, WAIT, WAIT…FAKE NEWS! The Russian Puppet was doing air quotes the whole time he was talking about Lincoln so it totally doesn’t count!

  • BoziSpicer

    They should write a book on everything tRump doesn’t know.
    And they can call it The Encyclopedia.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy2jWJtO3lE

    • Old town Urbandale

      Oh my god. I’ve had that “E-N-C-Y-C-L-O-P-E-D-I-A” snippet of the song stuck in my brain for at 55 years. Now I know where it came from.

      • BoziSpicer

        Yep, stuck inside my gray matter, also, too.

  • CripesAmighty

    OT–Well, maybe Mike Pence won’t be so bad…
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/chuck-barris-the-gong-show-host-dies-at-87/
    Wait, what?

  • efoveks

    Republicans are also the party of Nixon. They should take out an ad and brag about THAT.

  • Someone should let him know that the states that broke hardest for him were the treasonous ones that thought Lincoln was a devil.

  • jaspersdad

    Some decent snark in this opinion column.

    http://www.cbc.ca/news/opinion/james-comey-report-1.4034998

  • disqus_5a0Okswbr2

    Trump
    ” Does anyone know? A lot of people don’t know that. ”
    ( just like healthcare – ? Slavery / Republican ? nobody knew it was so complicated )

    • laineypc

      He was also surprised at the “scope of the presidency”.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Great president. Most people don’t even know he was a Republican, right?

    “Not anymore!”

    – Abe Lincoln

    • vh

      i don’t want to have beer with this guy.

      • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

        THAT is a great test for voting! Who would you have a beer with, and WOULD YOU BUY?

        • vh

          it’s not a serviceable test though. ‘coz it depends on who the “i” is also in the equation right? bannon would have beer with donald, i won’t.

  • Juan de Fuca

    “Susan B. Anthony was a real person and not just a nickname for those dollar coins. Not many people know that.”

    • BadKitty904

      That George Washington. Fought against the Germans, founded his own state, invented the dollar bill – what a guy, eh?

      • Juan de Fuca

        And landed the Mayflower at Plymouth Rock!

        • JesusWasAHippie

          I thought that was the santa Maria.

          • Doug Langley

            No, she gives presents to kids on Christmas.

          • Juan de Fuca

            And now I can’t get that Rage Against the Machine song out of my head…

    • JesusWasAHippie

      “Okay, we got the emancipation proclamation, and civil right for the blacks​, you know that, right? We all know that.

      Now. Did you know that they both happened in the sixties, these things? Maybe you do.

      BUT. Here’s the kicker. They happened A HUNDRED YEARS APART. That’s the kicker. In the sixties, a hundred years apart. Not many people know this.”

  • BoziSpicer

    Yes, Donnie, Lincoln was a Republican. He was also a Progressive as he was anti-slavery. Today’s Republican Party will be trying to bring back slavery in the form of lower wages and private prisons.

    • Andrea Karim

      That said, Lincoln did not believe that the “black race” could ever be considered equal to other races. So in a way, he is somewhat in line with the moderate branch of the GOP.

      • Red Bird Ω

        But how many of his peers (politicians from that time) DID believe blacks were equal to whites?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    David Nunes holding a 1 PM presser.

    • BadKitty904

      Business as usual, Граждан – no treason to see here…move along…

    • Red Bird Ω

      Why?

  • cosmiccowgirl

    I’m embarrassed for our whole country.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

      Shows how this asshole’s thinking has ‘evolved,’ doesn’t it?

  • mardam422

    Jesus. Have you heard about him? What a guy. Lived a long time ago. Did great things. Christianity was named after him even though he was Jewish. Not many people know that.

    • Froggy

      Republican was he?

      • Andrea Karim

        And you know who killed him? International bankers.

        • Old town Urbandale

          And the Democrats did nothing to stop them!

          • puredog

            STOP him? The best people are saying that Hillary was in on it.

      • mardam422

        In the truest sense.

  • Swampay

    I bet he wets his pants when he learns about Robert Byrd

    • Brendan_M

      I thought he usually hired people for that kind of thing.

  • rubikcube

    ‘Member when ol’ Rand Paul pulled the same schtick at an all Black college and was met by a very loud unison “YES!” followed by much laughter and tee hee and ridicule.
    Republicans must think that is their ace in the hole fun fact. That and the favorite: “You know the KKK was started by Democrats!!” Yeah, sure– pretty ironic if the KKK propelled Obama into the White House (twice)?

    • Brendan_M

      I think his whitesplaining was specifically “did you know that the NAACP was founded by Republicans?”, which was delivered in a typically dumb and smug Paul manner.

      • rubikcube

        Thanks, but don’t you ever correct me! Now that’s two for flinching.

    • Robert Ivey

      Its factually true that there was a democrat party that was for slavery and started the kkk. Its also false, because they left and joined the Republican party later….

  • Andrea Karim

    Can someone whisper to him about how he’s not supposed to collude with PACs?

    • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

      Better yet, can someone whisper, “You’re under arrest for colluding with PACs”?

      • Andrea Karim

        “You have the right to remain silent. God knows there’s no way in hell you will exercise that right, so let’s just skip straight to the jail cell, yeah?”

    • Whollyholeyholy

      If he does it in public it doesn’t count, right? Just like when you stand behind a podium and say treason into a microphone.

    • Thaumaturgist

      Silly, if president does it, its legal.

    • Doug Langley

      “I never colluded with any PAC! I always steer around them!!

      What?”

    • No one can get him to stop colluding with a hostile foreign power. Don’t think this one will happen either

  • otherplans

    I don’t think I EVER didn’t know that. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has lived any time at all in this country who didn’t know that.

    • Andrea Karim

      There are unborn children right now who know that.

  • rubikcube

    Correction: Most STUPID people don’t know Lincoln was a Republican.

  • sosuume

    Wish I had a nickel for every teabagger who has smugly called Democrats racists because it was the Republican party that freed the slaves.

    • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

      You and me both. When I was more active for the DNC back in 1999 the repubs were using that chestnut. It’s always been the fringes go-to.

      They also lurve pointing out that George Wallace was a dem even though everyone know that he was what we called a Dixiecrat, which means Extreme Republican pretending to be a Dem, in the South. Our Dems are more like the rest of the country’s Repubs. That’s kinda why so many southern politicans changed party affiliation after Clinton was elected. Registered Dems became Repubs overnight. Nobody really talks about that anymore.

      • Don’t forget Robert Byrd’s membership in the Klan in 1955!
        Makes you want to curl up in a fetal position and whimper, doesn’t it?

        • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

          Yes, just like most derp does. History without actual context is turning out to be the death of the republic.

          • One of my favorites: “The Nazis were National Socialists, therefore they were Socialists, so if you favor universal health insurance you’re a Nazi!”
            Stands to reason, don’t it?

          • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

            And yet they continue to push this error despite the fact that the only ACTUAL Nazis in this scenario are right-wingers. In fact, even in Germany, the Nazi party was considered far right.

  • Isabella Martin

    I am a Canadian and I knew Mr Lincoln was a Republican, long before I knew what a Republican was. Honest Abe, that moran ain’t.

  • Mavenmaven

    He never really cared about the Lincolns, only about the Benjamins.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Wait…there’s a NEW Mexico? Let’s build a wall around that, too.

    • gamera23

      New Mexico can pay for both. But not in those dumb pesos!

      • BreakingDeadMen

        Chilis, meth and mole are the usual coins of the realm there.

  • Thaumaturgist

    It’s a small point but most of the gramma-raping Republicans I know drive luxurious foreign cars because United Auto Workers union which, unlike Vladimir Putin, is a threat to the American Way of Life.

  • Wow, that’s spectacularly stupid even for him. Can someone enrol him in remedial presidentin’ or something?

    • BreakingDeadMen

      “I just found out that John Quincy Adams was a different guy than John Adams? Isn’t that amazing? Maybe that could be one of my kids some day. Usay, Qusay, Ivanka, Tiffany…OK, maybe not Tiffany, let’s not go crazy over here….”

      • Pfft, he absolutely does not know Tiffany’s name, he calls her “whats’erpussy, y’know, the one I don’t want to fuck as much as the other one”

        • BreakingDeadMen

          “…but still do when I can.”

        • LesBontemps

          Ivanka and Not-Ivanka.

  • mailman27

    Displaying seventh grade knowledge with fifth grade English.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Fourth grade knowledge with second grade English. WHY ISN’T EVERYONE SCREAMING IN THE STREETS? I don’t understand how we are here and everyone isn’t appalled. But I’m a child of a Holocaust survivor. Maybe we know better where this all leads.

  • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

    Did you know water is wet? Not a lot of people know that, but it’s true, believe me. Water is wet and that’s something maybe we need to promote. get one of those PACs to to do an ad or something. You know, the PACs? Not many people know water is wet.

    • Me not sure

      So too is hooker pee. Do people know that?

      • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

        Not a lot of people know that but Russian hooker pee is doing good work and getting more and more recognition every day.

        • Me not sure

          So like Frederick Douglass, then?

          • Jack of the Resistance Tenhet

            Who? ;)

  • Doug Langley

    At this point, Poppa Bush’s amazement with bar code scanners seems downright quaint.

  • puredog

    “Sweet Jesus, what a fucking moron.”
    It sounds to me like you have very little respect for the President. Just note that the President is learning.

  • Me not sure

    Maybe we should build a monument in memorial to him somewhere.

    • Doug Langley

      I have an outhouse I can donate.

  • Red Bird Ω

    Being mediocre is how America’s white middle class was built.

    • Paperless Tiger

      Well, that and union scale.

    • chicken thief

      IF AVERAGE WASN’T GOOD ‘NUFF IT WOULDN’T BE AVERAGE NOW WOULD IT?!!!1!!!

    • ahughes798

      Not all of it.

      • Red Bird Ω

        Yes, Brad. #notall

        • ahughes798

          My name isn’t Brad, and not all of America’s white middle class were mediocre. But you keep on believing that.

          • Red Bird Ω

            Brad is what we call new people. I was trying to be sarcastic. I know not all white middle class people are mediocre. No offense intended.

          • ahughes798

            I’ve been here a while. No problem. In the immortal words of Bill Diaz, Have a great day. LOL!!

  • gamera23

    And most people don’t know but are saying – because of Lincoln, who was a Republican, the most patriotic and conservative Republicans are even called “Log Cabin Republicans.” Because President Lincoln lived in a white log cabin even before there was a White House. We should put all that in the PAC ad, too.

    • Bill Slider

      I thought Log Cabin Republicans were the gay ones. I’ll bet their membership drives are tough these days.

      • chicken thief

        You are correct, Bill. gamera23 was jes pulling our leg. Making a joke, as it were. But given the depth of Trump’s knowledge, he might bite on it.

      • ahughes798

        Log Cabin Republicans may be the most patriotic and conservative, but they are also the most gay conservative patriots!

      • FreddieFree

        That was the joke. Woooosh.

        • Bill Slider

          Amazing what one misses when attempting to function normally on 6 hours of sleep. I think I will not attempt that again anytime soon. Or, if I do, hopefully I will at least remember that’s it is better to remain silent, and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

  • Robert Ivey

    Hey maybe next he will learn the founding fathers weren’t actually christian and in general held organized religion with contempt at best.

    • TundraGrifter

      Something our President actually does have in common with them.

      • britishvoiceman

        Something else the rubes don’t realize.

  • gamera23

    Trump’s new hero Andrew Jackson was considered progressive because he wouldn’t whip plantation slaves unless they needed motivation to work.

  • vh

    just wait till donald figures out lincoln’s net worth. he’ll be so dissapointed.

    a donald tweet would say: surprising. how can such a poor man be popular or great?

  • Ryan Denniston

    No doubt Lincoln is doing incredible things that are way ahead of all of us and that people are just beginning to discover.

    • TundraGrifter

      Only President to hold a U.S. patent!

  • vh

    if you ask them are you a rascist, anyone can get away simply by by asserting i’m not a racist.

    the question to ask is, why do you think racism is bad?

  • btwbfdimho

    For someone like Trump, who has no clue about history, it’s must be hard to associate Republican with end of slavery.

  • Lefty Wright

    Just more confirmation that Trump is incompetent. As if we need more confirmation. Like needing to have a robotic sub film the Titanic wreckage to prove it sunk. Of course, that could just be a fake. Liberals just staged the sinking to give icebergs a bad name. The real Titanic is still sitting in port in England.

  • TundraGrifter

    From the Great Emancipator to the Great Prevaricator.

  • Paperless Tiger

    And his band, Linkin Park, they had some hits, right? Something for the young voters there. Maybe Linkin PAC. Yeah, that’s the ticket!

  • vh

    i’m sorry. i can’t get over this. how can this guy sully abe lincoln’s name?

    abe lincoln ivmho did more tangible good to humanity than even jeebus christ. he didn’t promise heaven or eternal salvation to anybody. but in real practical terms he did provide practical relief to generations of people.

  • Rags

    I would have been proud if my 5th grade son came home from school and told me “Did you know Lincoln was a Republican?” 4-5, so not so much.

  • JMP

    It’s about as obscure as the fact that health care policy is complicated; in other words something that literally every single person in America who isn’t Donald Trump has always known.

    • Truthiness2U

      To be fair, there are some shit-gibbon voters who probably don’t know how hard health care is. Or should I saw was, as their insurance is going to go bye-bye (along with their Meals on Wheels), if SGOTUS has his way.

      • britishvoiceman

        That could well be true, considering that many of them didn’t know that the ACA and “Obamacare” were one and the same.

  • unclejeems

    . . . and you, sir, are NO Abraham Lincoln.

  • subatomic

    Trump is a fuckin idiot. If he wasn’t born into money he would have died young in some accident due to his being a moran.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      He certainly would be living on Skid Row, panhandling

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        I know panhandling. I do the best panhandling. Everybody says so.

  • Professor Fate

    Hey Donald why don’t you go to the next NAACP national meeting and tell them this. I’m sure they will be all surprised and amazed and will decide to vote Republican forever.
    Idiot. I mean Sweet Jesus on a stick did he just find out about this? By the by not only is old Abe a Republican president, he was the first Republican president.
    Gad these people.

  • Bill Slider

    Oh shit, Trump learned Abe Lincoln once was President too. I await the Trump tweet, allegedly, with Trump telling us about Lincoln’s best friend and advisor on civil right issues, John Wilkes Booth, allegedly.

  • Wait’ll he finds out Putin invaded Georgia.

    • Yr. Gma

      The devil went down to Georgia?

  • WeaselPoo

    16 hours ago I wrote this on the Gorsuch post:

    Anything Trump ‘learned’ yesterday, he then assumes is exclusive knowledge befitting his status and big brain that he has—everyone says so—that is his duty, as the most tremendous person there is—you don;t even know, believe him— to impart to the uneducated masses—who he loves, by the way, just tremendous, wonderful people, well most of them, he assumes— so that they may better appreciate how terrific he is.

    What have I won, announcer guy?

    • Teecha

      Gold star from me!

    • mancityRed6
      • Nine

        EEElec-trical Banana, is gonna be the very next phase…

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      A gift certificate from Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills!

  • chicken thief

    “We have to build that up a little bit
    more, let’s take an ad, let’s use one of those PACs. Those PACs. You
    never know what the hell’s gonna come out of those PACs.”

    Vladimer, add that to our Honey Do List, mkay, start a PAC, Trump continued.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      “Vanya Ivanovich, are you the one who told him about Lincoln? You are always good for a laugh. Here, have a drink. WHAT AN IDIOT!” –Putin, holding a bottle of Russian vodka

  • Holly_Wight

    Cue the Republicans that don’t quite understand that, due to the southern strategy, that Republicans in Lincoln’s day were liberals, not conservatives, and that Democrats were mostly conservatives up until the next major shift.

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Senator Byrd alert!!!

    • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

      Good luck explaining Dixiecrats to them… they melt into puddles

  • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

    “Did you know that Russia is actually one big country? You look at the map, it’s two smaller countries, one on each side. Most people don’t know this.”

    • JD Mulvey

      “Which goes to show what a strong leader Vladimir Putin is!”

    • Teecha

      It took me a good 90secs to get that. I suppose your maps have the US in the middle of the page… I had never considered that before.

      • Christopher Boscarino

        In the US, we use the Mercator projection with the US at the center. That’s why we know Greenland is bigglyer than Africa!
        (I have a graduate degree in Physical Geography, please no letters)

        • Teecha

          We use that one too. But we put Britain top middle. And colour a quarter of the world’s landmass pink.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            You Brits and your superfluous “u”s. Do you know how much time you waste typing those things?

          • Teecha

            It’s balanced out by the time we save not using your elongated versions of words- obliged rather than obligated, burgled rather than burglarized etc etc.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Oh yeah? Well, we say, “coffee break” and you say, “elevenses” where you drink nasty instant coffee! That’s worse than us pouring tea over ice!
            ( I remember the elevenses thing from Good Neighbors. Barbara yells out the backdoor to Tom, “Nine O’clock! Time for elevenses!”)

          • Teecha

            Ha! I love The Good Life.
            Mind, I’m not sure if anyone on our sceptred isle has said elevenses since that programme was first shown.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Programme? Seriously? What were we just talking about?

          • britishvoiceman

            Programme is closer to the original Latin programma and Greek prógramma than the abbreviated US version. BTW, the US has it’s own share of unnecessarily long words, e.g unbeknownst, as opposed to the simpler and less antiquated British unknown.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            Yeah, but we gave McDonald’s to the world, so there!

          • britishvoiceman

            Yes, the US invented junk food as well as junk spelling.

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          WHY do we use these things? The Mercator projection is WRONG! It’s like having a big sign next to the chalkboard that says, “2 + 2 = 5”. Are globes really that expensive? I’ve seen inflatable ones you could toss around the room!

          • Christopher Boscarino

            Well, since I taught this in college once, I can’t resist replying :) The issue is not that the map is distorted (all maps are, in some way) but that it’s only useful in providing a straight-line bearing from any point to any point on the map. It was developed for sailors, and that’s where it should of stayed. Plus, West Wing did a whole bit on this that is funnier than I could ever be.
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLqC3FNNOaI

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            But there ARE inflatable ones…just like a beachball! I would have loved taking your class, BTW. And thanks for the WW video. I did remember a scene where Allison Janney was freaking out about a map.
            I was with my sister the first time she flew to Europe. While looking at the video of the flight tracker she was furious. “Why do they fly like this? Why don’t the fly in a straight line?”

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        Yes, it’s crazy. When I was doing research in East Germany years and years ago it was the first time I encountered a map where Russia was shown in its entirety and the U.S. was cut in half. I had never considered that before either! We here in the U.S. all grew up with this (notice ridiculous “size” of Greenland as Christopher points out). Although now, apparently, they don’t even teach geography in the schools, which is why most Trump voters don’t even know that Iraq isn’t in the United States. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b6e703a56bb35f757c099915fd8fb4b613ae901c613d7de9ed26817d8ae805b0.jpg

  • Dartemus

    “I knew Abe Lincoln…Abe Lincoln was a friend of mine, and president, you’re no Abe Lincoln.”

  • BeverlyCrusher’sWig

    Wait until he finds out he was a Vampire Hunter! Those GOP commercials are gonna be amazing.

  • Belasaurius

    next, he’ll discover the sun is not eaten every night by the moon dragon only to be reborn the following day

  • gkshenaut

    “Donald Trump is now doing teabaggery at a Kindergarten level, and that is pathetic.”

    You’re just saying it’s pathetic because you’re an agist. If he were seven instead of 70, you’d be saying it was adorable.

  • Yr. Gma

    I wonder if he thinks Mary Lincoln was a 10.

  • Operation American Jesus®

    Wait till he finds out he’s President, then y’all are really gonna be sorry.

  • OneSunnyDay

    It used to be funny.

  • Bill Diaz

    I dont come to this hole any more and despite being a liberal/prog from the ‘Peoples Republic of Vermont’ am not surprised that such a stupid, meaningless article is here. Wonkette taught me exactly why anyone who is not among your echo chamber despises you and even though I was once within your beliefs (and a frequent visitor), you all chased me out because of your intolerance and stupidity.

    I really, really dont like you all at all (with a few exceptions), you tend to be pompous, closed minded, ignorant of a wide variety of facts and overly thrilled to ‘be you’. In short, you suffer from all the same deficiencies that your opposite number (the Trumpanzees) exhibit. The difference is, my expectation of intelligence was MUCH higher for you than for the mouth breathing Trump supporters, but the only real difference is vocabulary. You have one, they dont.

    But all the fingers you point at the Trumpanzees, save some for yourself as well. You are man and woman, hypocrites and throw stones of ignorance and contumny in your crystal palace and see nothing wrong. This is a fine example of why I left and the Fark listing brought me back out of curiosity.

    I hope certain of you are well and anyone who thinks kindly of me probably knows who you are. Those who wish to reply with harsh words, dont bother. Your mewling is that of kittens and makes as much sense to me.

    Have a great day!

    • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

      You still biting the bubbles in the bathtub?

      • Bill Diaz

        You are an f*cking idiot, lol and EXACTLY the sort of asshat I was speaking of (3rd in line)

        Have a great day!

        • ahughes798

          If you don’t like any of us, or Wonkette, why do you continue to post here? Have a great day.

          • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

            He is a “shit stirrer”. He wanted to get these responses.

          • ahughes798

            Thanks! Have a great day, LOL!

          • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

            Bill is feeling lonely and wanted some human interaction but he’s too much a sissy to go lash out at the crazies on Breitbart…

          • Bill Diaz

            You are a fucking moron and I would love for you to be all brave etc in front of this elderly cripple.
            .
            Again, the people here are the left win equivalent of Breitbart and similarly disgusting to me.

            Have a great day!

          • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

            Boohoo zippy…. don’t break your back trying to suck your own d*ck…

          • ahughes798

            He’s a Chaplain…he would do nothing of the sort.

          • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

            Men of the clothe are usually the worst

          • Bill Diaz

            I never said that I didnt like any of you, if that were the case, I wouldnt have been here for several years. But how many turds do there have to be in the punch bowl before you dont want to drink anymore.

            I used to like the kitchen poster they poached from Gawker (and who was poached in turn), like Meet your Senator, Dear Shit for Brains and even made some recipes.

            But as some point, the self satisfaction and willful ignorance becomes too much. Hopefully the donation made to the ‘Josh Pallotta Fund’ in lieu of a donation to Wonkette will be appreciated.

            I came by today because you were listed on Fark and like an old girlfriend, I thought I would check in. And much like an asshole girlfriend you left long ago, its not worth going back.

            Chaplain, VFW #1767

            Have a great day!

          • Mike Steele

            Which flavor of organized religion do you represent? Don’t recall any in our studies that espoused passive-aggressive, judgmental self-righteousness. Must admit, you’re well along to mastering the technique. Scientologist, maybe?

          • britishvoiceman

            Hypo-Christian

          • Mike Steele

            Gonna borrow that one, if you don’t mind:)

          • britishvoiceman

            I can’t claim to have invented the term – there’s even a band of that name!

          • Mike Steele

            Hey, Bill! lady MS here: So sorry you didn’t get the memo – that’s ‘vile little snark mob’, okay? Now, I don’t dabble on the dark side myself, but have heard that there are countless RWNJ sites offering the intellectually-stimulating, open-minded, well-informed and mutually-supportive company you seek. Many people are saying that those folks are also downright Canadian-polite when they don’t share your views. Good luck with that:)

        • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

          *a f*cking idiot…

          But you didn’t answer my question…

    • ThaagNasty
      • Bill Diaz

        You are an f*cking idiot, lol and EXACTLY the sort of asshat I was speaking of (2nd in line)

        Have a great day!

        • ThaagNasty

          If you don’t shut up and go away, how can we miss you?

          • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

            Yeah dont go away mad, just go away

        • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

          *a f*cking idiot…

    • Tony Prost

      This guy just found out Lincoln was a Republican, too.

      • Bill Diaz

        You are an f*cking idiot, lol and EXACTLY the sort of asshat I was speaking of.

        Have a great day!

        • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

          “Those who wish to reply with harsh words, dont bother. Your mewling is that of kittens and makes as much sense to me.”

          Followed by, “You are an f*cking idiot, lol and EXACTLY the sort of asshat I was speaking of.”

          Now, who’s the hypocrite? And you hate this site so much and yet here you are. You’re entire post had one purpose: to start an argument. Nasty and snarking comments is EXACTLY what you wanted. Fuck off.

        • PussyGrabbinRussianPatsy

          *a f*cking idiot… .

        • Tony Prost

          You are a f*cking liar, lol, you don’t want me to have a great day!

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      More fun to call people idiots on Mediaite and Raw Story, huh? I apologize for every single reader of this site ever, for failing to meet your personal standards of intelligence. I’m so sorry we fooled you by masking our ignorance in all things with our vocabulary. You’re on to us!

      For other readers here, so you can understand: Mew mew mewly mew. ROWR – am I right?

      Have a great day!

      • HarpyLibtart

        People who can’t understand kitten mews are what’s wrong with America. :P

    • Jenny

      Fwiw, I always thought you were awesome.

    • FreddieFree

      I agree.

    • James Lamere

      Can you give us some facts proving your statements ?

    • TundraGrifter

      “I dont [sic] come to this hole any more…” But you just did.

      A liar – just like President Trump.

      I assure you that you can’t be missed unless you go away.

    • Hizzoner

      You have come to a place that lists itself as a “Nasty, Vile, Little Snark Mob” and seem offended by the snark. Also, you don’t get to call someone pompous while using contumny in your screed. However, I thank you for the descriptive word “Trumpanzee” and hope you don’t mind if I appropriate it. I wish you a very prosperous future and bless your heart.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      I think maybe we did something to upset you.
      Love, Captain Obvious.

  • going4baroque

    Lincoln: The Man, The Car, The Tunnel, The Town, The Penny
    the penny in 1787:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/05f73240a462adce0793921c3aa2099b0d35fb6e8342291887818da55b2107fb.jpg

    • Megaera la Pict

      That’s some Lion King 2 level metalwork.

    • TootsStansbury

      Mind your business, with Godzilla in a life ring on a bright sunny day?

    • FreddieFree

      I once knew a woman with the last name Lincoln. She worked in a casino opposite Hair Hitler’s. She was known as the Lincoln Tunnel for the amount of men that passed through each day. I would have. I was too low on the food chain.

    • mardam422

      Here’s something a lot of people don’t know. LIncoln. Didn’t drive a luxury car. And that tunnel into Manhattan? He didn’t build it. They named it after him after he died. Shot you know. Assassinated. Lots of things people don’t know.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Those 18th century Americans had no respect for Lincoln. Probably all liberals. Did you know they call it the 18th century even though it was the 1700s? A lot of people don’t know that.

    • Nine

      Have to say, that’s a fine coin.

      Can we start a movement to get “Mind Your Business” back on currency? What about “We Are One?”

  • rubikcube

    Abe Lincoln: (R) Vampire Hunter!

    • Tony Prost

      High-larious!
      YOu also might want to look up FDR American Badass, with Barry Bostwick as FDR, fighting Nazi zombies and werewolves

      • TakingAmes

        But are they flaming Nazi zombies?

        • Tony Prost

          by the time FDR was through with them!

        • FreddieFree

          All Nazis were flamers. Their clothes were fabulous.

          • ahughes798

            Designed by Hugo Boss, I believe.

          • Sakonyachen

            This explains the rumors about Hitler being “teh gay”!

    • mardam422

      Here’s something a lot of people don’t know. Abe Lincoln. Not a vampire hunter! Not even a little bit. He was a Republican, though. Did you know that? Lots of people don’t.

      • 🛶🗣️ Mr Canoehead 🛶🗣️

        Nuh uh! He was too! I saw it in a movie!

        • The Flaming Carrot

          Me too. In Springfield, next to Lincoln’s tomb, wherein Grant is buried.

  • Debra Dassow

    He should have gone to public schools as a kid. They are required to teach American History.

    • HooverVilles

      Soon it will be revisionist alternate history, science, etc.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    He is so narcissistic that he is unable to learn. If the subject doesn’t have anything to do with him he is incapable of absorbing it.
    Personality disorders are formed during childhood. I know from lived experience as I have one myself. I shudder to think of WTF his parents did to him.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      And he’s so narcissistic that he thinks “most people” are just as ignorant as he is.

      • BouncyFlyer

        Lucky for him, “most people” (his base) -are- just as ignorant, incurious, and convinced they’re the S-M-R-T ones, too.

  • rubikcube

    “I’ve just learned from a very reliable source that President Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. Who knew? I sure didn’t know that; frankly I don’t think anyone knew that. How could they when I just found this out now?” – Donald J. Trump

  • Scooby

    Wait until he finds out Nixon was a Republican!

    • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

      Yeah, but he “played a very limited role”.

  • Incoming (“Fake News”) Ham

    Hopefully someone will share the fact that the moon is not made of cheese with him.

    • mardam422

      The Moon! You know, lots of people don’t know this. But it’s not really made of cheese! And that man in the moon? Not really a man. I think most people don’t know that either. Now there’s some science knowledge for you. We should have teachers in schools teach that, don’t you think?

      • Incoming (“Fake News”) Ham

        How can you possibly fit that in around Jesus rode a dinosaur and the talking snake?

        • mardam422

          You’ve seen (and heard) his supporters? I can tell them anyfuckingthing.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    He just found out Lincoln was a Republican and wants to emulate him? He has no idea what happened on April 14, 1865, does he?

  • xbutter

    Trump somehow made it through the last 50 years without learning what the nuclear triad is. Someone with such perfect cluelessness about national defence would of course also be clueless about American history.

    • BIJ0U

      He made it through without even having a good fake explanation. I could have pulled something out of the air: “the nuclear triad is three interdependent feathers and much like a three-legged stool, each adjunct is critically important to a comprehensive defense strategy”.

      • Mike Steele

        Lady MS here: Were we in a class together?

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Most people don’t know this, but the founding fathers were of English descent. I don’t know what we do with this information, but, fuck it, it’s out there now.

    • ahughes798

      Don’t tell Trump. He’ll deport them.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Something involving bangers and mash, I expect.

  • Panika MCD
  • richardgrabman

    IN other news, most people don’t know it, but Francisco Franco is still dead.

    • davidhollenshead

      Wasn’t he seen at an Apple Store in Manhattan with Fredrick Douglas ?????

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    Another thing he just recently found out? Obama is NOT a Kenyan with a fake birth certificate. But let’s keep that quiet, M’kay?

    • You have to admire the way that he admitted that mean Hillary tricked him into being the leader of the birther movement for eight years. It’s nice to see that he’s so secure with his accomplishments that he can admit when he was a gullible fool.

  • HarpyLibtart

    Most people don’t know this, but if you want to pretend foundation is a tan, you have to do your eyes and neck too or you look like an alcoholic party clown.

    • ahughes798

      You’ve just given me the name of my next Polka band: Alcoholic Party Clown!

  • UK Canuck

    I’m just waking up (it’s 06:45 GMT). I also haven’t had my coffee yet so I’m still a bit slow on the uptake. Did this really happen or is it a satirical piss-take on Orange Numb-Nuts? If it’s a piss-take – yeah, not bad. I laughed (coffee’s still brewing). But if it’s for real, dayumm! I’m imagining the audience slouching a little and surreptitiously catching one another’s eye with a, “Bloody hell! This was the best we could do?”

  • Patriciaavaughn

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dw276c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dw276c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs536DigitalNationalGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dw276c:….,…….

  • UpstateNYObserver

    There have been a few articles positing that Trump is learning disabled – that he has real difficulty reading and he’s signing whatever his inner circle tells him to sign. Evidence piles up that this is true – our first functionally illiterate President. Fits that crowd that voted him in to a “T’.

    • Mike Steele

      Yeah, but that ‘T’ is gilded, snowflake/s

    • Hizzoner

      Did someone forget George W?

      • UpstateNYObserver

        Trump appalls even Dubya.

        • Hizzoner

          That is unassailable truth, but they share the “gift” of functional illiteracy

      • Nine

        Trump is making George W great again.

        No. 45* is not even in George W’s league intellectually.

        George is a mediocre man, when it comes to reading and cogitating and empathy and such. Not brilliant, but could probably survive on his own and hold down a job of moderate difficulty even if he didn’t own the company. Functionally literate for sure, even if he doesn’t use that literacy as much as he ought to.

        George W is apparently aware that American soldiers were killed and injured in Iraq, and finds that, at the very least, sad. And not ‘sad’ as in ‘what a bunch of losers,’ but as in having some basic awareness that it would suck to be one of those people and that isn’t funny, combined with a wish that at least some of those people were not dead or in pain.

        George W may have been among the worst 5 Presidents. Historians will debate that eventually. But he was within the general range of U.S. Presidents.

        45* does not rise to mediocrity.

        There will be no debate about his ranking among Presidents, at least not among Presidents up until now. The difference between 45* and George W is larger than the difference between George W and Lincoln.

        • C4TWOMAN

          Too wordy.
          W was human. A flawed human unfit for the job, but basically human.
          Trump is super-intelligent slime–minus the super intelligence.

  • Keith Taylor

    Oh, crikey, Mr. Trump, you are actually right. President Lincoln was a Republican, although the social positions of both parties have changed a lot since his day, but don’t worry. Ann Coulter doesn’t seem to know that either. Also, Abraham Lincoln was President of the Union during the Civil War, and Jefferson Davis was president of the Confederacy. That’s Jefferson Davis, not the same person as Thomas Jefferson, who was a little earlier. Lincoln and (Thomas) Jefferson are two of the presidents whose faces are carved on Mount Rushmore. The others are Washington and Roosevelt. Theodore Roosevelt, the rough-riding trust buster, not Franklin D. Roosevelt, who was president during the Second World War, which was fought against Nazi Germany, led by Hitler, and his allies. Some of your supporters think those people have had an undeservedly bad press. All clear now?
    No, sir. I don’t think many of your fellow Americans would be pleased if you had those four faces blasted off Mount Rushmore and your own carved there instead. I think most of them would be outraged. Maybe you should go send some tweets instead.

    • Mike Steele

      “That’s Jefferson Davis, not the same person as Thomas Jefferson”, though often and understandably confused with Jefferson Beauregard Sessions.

      • Keith Taylor

        Yes. I’m pretty sure that if he didn’t exist, and someone wrote a part in a movie for a racist southern legislator named Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, people on both sides of the political fence would chuckle, “Oh, that’s going too far, but hey, it’s satire after all.”

  • Mike Steele

    The most pathetic part of this otherwise hilarious ‘awakening’ – he said this in front of the RNCC and STILL they refuse to impeach him, so who’s the smart one here?

    • britishvoiceman

      Unfortunately, stupidity probably doesn’t constitute a high crime or misdemeanor.

      • Mike Steele

        If it did, we’d have to build more prisons. Wait…what?

  • The Flaming Carrot
    • rubikcube

      Yikes a movie poster for: Los Chicos del Maíz.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Hola papá, estoy en la cárcel,
        Me gusta aquí, es agradable.
        Quiero quedarme aquí.

      • M.E. Lawrence

        Nice, but nope; I still say “Village of the Damned.”

  • Android Astronomer

    Ah, but the implications go even further. If Lincoln was a Republican, that means that whoever ran against him – Jefferson or Franklin or Agnew or whoever – was a Democrat. And the Democrat LOST! Which means Democrats are BIG TIME LOSERS.

    However, this must present something of a conundrum for Trump. Didn’t he once say, “I like presidents who DON’T get shot in the head.”?

  • Randy Riddle

    In a strange way, I could see this as a Talking Heads song.

    Does anyone know?
    A lot of people don’t know that.
    We have to build that up
    build that up
    a little bit more
    Let’s take an ad.
    Let’s use one
    use one of those PACs.
    Those PACs.
    You never know
    what the hell’s gonna come
    gonna come out of those PACs…

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Jesus. I like the Talking Heads. This is more like Vogon poetry.

      • britishvoiceman

        ROFLMAO!

  • pragmatist3

    Note to Fake President Trump: Lincoln WAS a Republican until people who would vote for you today shot and killed him.

  • William
    • rubikcube

      Um, can you repeat the question?

    • The Flaming Carrot

      He must be one of the main authors of the Uncyclopedia.

      • Sarah E. Grove

        You mean the Cyclopsopedia?

    • M.E. Lawrence

      That sort of waffling is usually done by 8th graders who were too busy texting to pay attention. Ah, well–cogent analysis would also be elitist.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    To be fair, this may be because Trump actually sat down and read a american history book for the first time ever. He just wanted to share his knowledge with everyone

  • goingohm

    Well, not to split a long, thin, combed-over hair, the party Lincoln represented at the time of his assassination was the American Union Party, because–spoiler alert!!–the Republican Party proved a little too full-up with pols all too ready to sandbag their president.

    Second time as farce–as usual.

  • Raan

    I mean, we’ll be all too happy to take him.

  • Sakonyachen

    I find it sad that when Republicans point this out, they forget that it was about the only reason he switched parties. They also don’t like to talk about any of his extra classy quotes like this one:

    “I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race. I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything.”

    Good old Abe and his honesty.

  • irishdave3

    Most people don’t know this…I pity the fool…Mister “T”!

  • M.E. Lawrence

    Knowing before Con did that Lincoln was a Republican makes you an elitist.

  • Cobrajet

    To be fair, most people that are ignorant in history, would have guessed that the Confederate slave states were Republican.

    • jerry

      Indeed, the parties of today shouldn’t be allowed to use words that do not represent the definition of the words.

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