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Donald Trump hard at work reforming Veterans Affairs, or calling Brazil or something.

Buzzfeed’s Chris Geidner posted a pretty cool series of Tweets this weekend that offer more useful insights into how the Trump White House just plain has a problem with facts, and has little regard for some very simple basics of conveying accurate information to the press. Sure, all administrations want to get their side of any story to the press, but when it comes to Trump World, the White House Press Secretary’s office can’t even give an accurate summary of how the president spent his day.

Here’s the subject of Geidner’s ire: a release called a “Readout of the President’s Day,” in this case, for Saturday, March 18. Geidner cautiously says the release of these little pseudo-summaries of Donald Trump’s schedule “feels like a not-good development.” In part, it’s the very use of the term “readout,” a term of art which in the past has always referred to a very specific thing:

You get “readout” news about things that are truly the sorts of things where no press is present — calls with foreign leaders, for example.

For a president’s entire day, it doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense — as Geidner illustrates with a quick search of the phrase on the White House website. Going back to 2011, the term “readout” only applied to non-public events: phone calls, video conferences, and meetings President Obama held with various people and groups. The only “readouts” of a president’s whole day — when press was around — have been sent out by the Trump White House. Worse, says Geidner, the document isn’t even remotely an accurate account of how the president really spent his day instead, he says, it’s “such absurd propaganda” that he would rather not post it, but ultimately, he can’t really explain what’s wrong with the thing without posting it and then peeling it apart. So what did the White House say Donald Trump’s Saturday was like?

So that sounds like a really busy day! In the early morning and the afternoon, he fixed the V.A. (having canceled a “major meeting” on the subject he had plucked right from his bottom the day before) talked to the president of Brazil, and met with his National Security Adviser to talk about North Korea. That was one full early morning and afternoon! Except, as Geidner notes, you get a completely different impression of Trump’s “work” day if you actually look at reports from the print reporter on press pool duty that day, Ben Kamisar of The Hill, who was not actually following the president much of the day, but stranded at the West Palm Beach Library.

For starters, at 9:40 a.m., the pool report has Trump leaving Mar-a-lago for another of his own properties, Trump International Golf Course. The pool was told Trump would be “having meetings and phone calls” at the golf course before returning to Mar-a-Lago. He went back to the resort at 2:44.

At 2:18, Trump’s good pal Christopher Ruddy, the CEO of Newsmax, posted a photo of Trump hard at work in a MAGA hat and wearing a golf glove:

After Kamisar was picked up and returned to Mar-a-Lago, he added that he hadn’t actually seen Trump himself but did get an update on the president’s busy day at the golf course:

Have been told that the president took meetings and phone calls at the club and may have stepped out to hit a few balls. But was not given a confirmation as to whether he played any golf.

So he probably got a whole lot done that early morning and afternoon, just like the readout says. Except for a teensy detail, as Geidner notes: That phone call with the Brazilian president was scheduled for 4 p.m., which rather doesn’t quite present the president as the hard-charger the text of the “readout” seems to indicate:

Yes, yes, “early morning and afternoon” technically covers the whole period, but gives the impression of Trump hard at work from the early morning, when the “readout” says nothing about the trip to the golf course at all, or what he did there, if anything. (Asked about it at today’s press briefing, Sean Spicer said Trump sometimes has meetings at the golf course, all right). That would be the same Donald Trump who constantly slagged Barack Obama for wasting all his time golfing.

And then there’s the summary of the evening, which has one sentence stating what Trump did, and one sentence of pure fluff:

This evening President Trump had another meeting, including dinner, concerning the Department of Veterans Affairs and how to turn it around for the benefit of our great veterans. Great progress is being made and will be reported on in the future.

Not mentioned in the “readout”: David Shulkin, the secretary of Veterans Affairs didn’t travel to Florida with the president, so he missed out on all those meetings — apparently at the golf course and at dinner — about making great progress with his department. But we bet the people who did have dinner with Trump — Melania, Treasury Secretary Wilbur Ross, and the CEO of Marvel Entertainment, Ike Perlmutter, and his wife (Mike Pence joined them for dessert) — had some fantastic ideas for helping veterans. Possibly some involving giving them mutant superpowers. At some point, Shulkin will probably learn all about those plans, and he’ll be really glad to hear them.

In short:

One detail missing from both the pool reports and the readout: Did the president make par during his meetings?

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[Chris Geidner on Twitter / White House Public Pool on Kinja]

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  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Have been told that the president took meetings and phone calls at the club and may have stepped out to hit a few balls. But was not given a confirmation as to whether he played any golf.

    “What to say, what to say…I know! Donald’s a crappy enough player that I can get away with saying he was hitting balls, but not actually playing golf!”

    – Donald’s spox

    • willi0000000

      i wonder if joanie ernst supplied the balls.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      Not a golfer. She’s more into illegal street racing.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Really?
        She always struck me as the outlaw quilting bee/bare knuckle brawler type.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Yes, yes, “early morning and afternoon” technically covers the whole period, but gives the impression of Trump hard at work from the early morning, when the “readout” says nothing about the trip to the golf course at all, or what he did there, if anything.

    “Hey, 2 PM counts as early morning to some night owls!”

    – beleaguered Donald spox

  • memzilla Ω

    Assume “readout” dead.

  • janecita

    At this point, I’m actively praying for an asteroid to hit earth. I don’t think that I will be able to survive 4 years of this shit!

  • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

    Between birdies and tweets there really isn’t much time left for presidenting.

    • Counter Sniper

      Tweety Turd keeps a busy schedule. It’s filled with making sh*t up for his “readouts”, golfing, wasting taxpayer money, figuring out how to make more money before he’s impeached and maybe designing a Trump Luxory Prison for him and his cronies to lounge about in for when the time comes.

  • whitroth

    Of *course* he met with the head of Marvel. I mean, Captain America *was* a super soldier, created by the Army, or whatever…..

    • msanthropesmr

      Superman was DC, and an illegal alien.

      • Oblios_Cap

        He must be banished to the Phantom Zone, posthaste!

    • JMP

      But then Steve Rogers has been a lifelong liberal who has always stood up for the downtrodden and marginalized, he’d absolutely hate Donald, and feel more despair for the country than even in 1974 when he discovered that the Secret Empire conspiracy to take over the country was being run by the President in a story that wasn’t obviously symbolic of certain real-world event at the time or anything.

  • monoglot

    As much as I hate paying for the costs of 45’s frequent travel and golf games, the ROI is higher than paying for his work time…

  • cmd resistor

    Spent time “on issues concerning Department of Veteran’s Affairs….” That’s in there twice, awkwardly worded both times. They should at least get a high schooler who has taken English Composition to write these. The middle schooler is probably cheaper, though.

    • Groundloop

      Don’t matter what folks charge, if you have no intention of paying them.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      This reminds me of the joke about attorney’s billing time while on the crapper, “thinking” about a client’s case.

    • Veterans affairs? I heard about that. Let’s check out those later back at my rape room.

  • jesuswasablack

    I noticed last friday he made a public comment about meetings in FLA concerning the VA, that was an exuse for yet another needless trip to Florida, the man lies so effortlessly it’s somewhat of a skill!

    https://pics.me.me/i-would-rarely-leave-the-white-house-because-theres-so-14961888.png

    • cmd resistor

      Yeah, and either he or one of his people said it was different than Obama, because Trump conducted international meetings with foreign leaders on the golf course so it was really work. Of course they only had that one example, the Japanese Prime Minister, to give.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        A good response “Show me, at any point in the 8 years Obama was President, where he traveled 8 weekends out of 10 that weren’t diplomatic or foreign relations-related trips. Hell, show me one where he went 5 weekends out of 10 for non-foreign relations trips.”

    • JMP

      He goes on vacation every single weekend, after he constantly attacked Obama for allegedly going on vacation too much, and playing golf, both of which Donald does way more often then Obama ever did. It’s almost like he doesn’t have a problem with vacations or golfing, but just doesn’t think black people should be allowed to do them.

  • anwisok

    “Did the president make par during his meetings?” Psha. Par? Hell no! 7 under!

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      PERIOD!

  • snigsy

    The stinky smell of desperation is strong today.

  • Crystalclear12

    Obviously the Marvel guy is there researching villains.

    So many in one place!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Ben Kamisar of The Hill, who was not actually following the president much of the day, but stranded at the West Palm Beach Library.

    Maybe the pool should get a library card, because I have a feeling they’ll be spending most of their weekends there.

    • thewalkindude

      So the Kamisar wasn’t in town?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • Oblios_Cap

      Like the cat dress.

    • JCfromNC

      This song is pretty much on a constant loop in my head whenever I’m reading news related to this administration these days.

      As far as the video goes, my favorite part is the two guys dancing — they just look like they’re having so much fun.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Look at all those spare tires.

  • msanthropesmr

    Just for the record​, I think golf is stupid no matter who does it.

    • NastyBossetti

      I’m with you. Except mini golf. That can be fun.

      • msanthropesmr

        And activity that involves giant fibreglass mythical creatures is ok by me.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      It’s just an excuse to do nothing all morning and wear awful clothes doing it.

      • msanthropesmr

        I call that “Saturday”

    • Antonin Dvorak

      I have to admit that one of the reasons I was looking forward to Hillary being POTUS was that we would stop seeing Presidential golf outings for a while.

      • arglebargle

        But we don’t see Trump golfing. So, winning?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Not to even fucking mention the environmental costs of the course.

      • JMP

        It’s one of the greatest wastes of space that would be better off either being used for something actually important or let to return to a natural state in the modern world, along with cemeteries.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          And a chemical nightmare in every blade of grass.

      • tinker12

        Golf is a good walk spoiled. — Mark Twain

        • Paul

          Oops, shoulda read down

    • Suttree

      I’ll start playing golf when I stop eating those horrible empanadas from the food cart. I get food poisoning every time, but they are fucking delicious!

    • Little Lulu Ω

      It’s pretty amusing when you’re stoned, though.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Mini golf better.

    • puredog

      Golf libelz!

    • At least Disc golfers are blowing a chillum on the back nine…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      You have admit, the clothes are pretty cool.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        “Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?….Looks good on you, though!”

    • Paul

      “Golf is a good walk spoiled”

      Usually attributed to Mark Twain but who knows?

  • suziq

    And what is the reason given for going to Florida to make phone calls and meet with people who are likely also traveling from DC to Florida?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Pfft…”reasons”. BACK OF THE LINE, PEASANT!

    • msanthropesmr

      The White House still has black all over it from the previous occupant.

    • Royal Ugly Dude

      Because WIRE TAPP

    • Flur-i- DUH.

  • MynameisBlarney

    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C7N839gW4AAFju-.jpg

    So…

    While we were watching the hearing…other things happened also, too.

    http://cheezburger.com/1778181/fail-list-donald-trump-jr-in-the-woods

    • Oblios_Cap

      It’s hard to miss the brand-new woody outdoorsman boots…

      • snigsy

        And the “soulful” eyes.

      • MynameisBlarney

        I just can’t even begin to imagine just what in the actual fuck here.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Kerry should have loaned him his hunting hat.

      • I was going to say that those look like they just came out of the box. I doesn’t even look like he walked to that stump in them.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Worst solo pr0n ever.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        pretty lame, but it IS a dick pic.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      He was bitten by a møøsë?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Pretty nasti.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I hate that fucking goatse licker with every cell in my body.

    • Creepoman

      Administration’s new post-apocalyptic vision for the future of Amazon Rain Forest?

    • NastyBossetti

      So, the photographer was trying to make him a laughingstock here, right?

      • MynameisBlarney

        If so, then Mission fuckin’ Accomplished.

      • Kinda like that time cover, with the faux luxury and the tarnished chair and the back to the people.

    • But Dad, that shallow grave must be somewhere around here

    • willi0000000

      which one was this again . . . Uday or Qusay?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I think this is because Vlad is fucking with him, like some 415 Eater making a Nigerian scammer send a photo of himself with a loaf of bread on his head.

      BEFORE GETTING OF ROSNEFT $$$, YOU ARE TO BE WEARING THESE BOOTS, GOING TO WOODS AT THESE COORDS OF GPS, AND SITTING ON STUMP UNTIL NEXT TEXT ARRIVES. SEND PROOF PIC ASAP

      • MynameisBlarney

        LOL

    • DainBramage

      Junior: “I wish Dad hadn’t rubbed my new boots all over his face.”

  • Jgb979

    ACTUAL SCHEDULE LEAK

    3:00am: tweet when angry
    6:00: wake up, tweet
    7:00-11:00: Fox and Friends (NO DISTRACTIONS)
    11:00-12:00 Price is Right
    12:00-4:00 lunch/nap/ attend a few boring meetings about some stupid government shit/ tweet during them
    4:00-4:30: dick picks to Melania
    4:30-6:00: daily checkins with vlad
    6-9:00: eat some horrible charbroiled abomination, more dick picks to Melania
    9-10: SEAN
    10-3:00am: wander the halls in an existential depression, contemplating the futility of existence, realize that I’m now the most powerful man in the world and still feel like a loser, maybe my daddy was right to never love me, consumes a gallon of cocaine till passing out for the night.

    • suziq

      If I recall correctly, all the coke would be what is keeping him up in the wee hours of the morning. Um, from what I have heard, not personal experience.

  • memzilla Ω
    • Oblios_Cap

      I wish we had a president who was that truthful!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      We should just resolve this shit with an interpresidential golf match.

    • JMP

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlfxN28kyZY

      He’s never lost a game, except that one time.

  • willi0000000

    the SOB even fakes faking it.

  • JMP

    So Donald’s even lying about his playing golf, it’s extraordinary he just can’t tell the truth about anything. It also shows how every bit of criticism and mockery is really getting to him.

  • Jenny

    I thought that Trump was just going to do rallies and whatever the fuck he wants, and Pence would run the country? Maybe we should see Pence’s schedule?

    • cmd resistor

      So he’s off to a rally in Louisville today. Of course it is work — promoting TrumpCare.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    I will remember this next time HR asks me to account for my time. “9:00-5:00–making America great (with snarky comments)”

  • Counter Sniper

    Repost: placed in wrong spot. Was meant to be a solo comment.

    Tweety Turd keeps a busy schedule. It’s filled with making sh*t up for his “readouts”, golfing, wasting taxpayer money, figuring out how to make more money before he’s impeached and maybe designing a Trump Luxory Prison for him and his cronies to lounge about in for when the time comes.

    • TJ Barke

      Tweety Turd is great

      • Counter Sniper

        Thank you kindly. It’s just came to me. First use. Mark your calendar for historical posterity.

  • Creepoman
    • cmd resistor

      I hate that Thumbs Up thing he does.

      • snigsy

        I hate pretty much everything he does.

        • cmd resistor

          Yeah, I have yet to find anything positive or that I don’t hate.

        • NastyBossetti

          I find myself reacting to him in a way that used to be reserved for Adam Levine (as a person and all of his music). Just utter disgust and an immediate need to make it stop.

      • Look everybody… It’s not stuck up my ass!

        • Rags

          at the moment.

  • NastyBossetti

    I get it. I don’t want everyone to know what I’m doing every second of the day, either. But that’s why I didn’t fucking run for president of the us!

    • willi0000000

      it’s good for you that one reason came up.

      • NastyBossetti

        Some members of my family have forbidden any of the rest of us from running for public office, so there’s that, too.

        • NellCote71

          The actions of some members of my family, including my own, preclude my running for president.

  • Nounverb911

    Have they announced who the father of Lil Ewic’s wife’s baby is yet?

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    You can see why a bit of embellishment might be called for. To be fair, “blowing off any and all presidential commitments to play golf” doesn’t sound all that impressive, even when you call it a “readout.”

  • schmannity

    Between Trump Tower Taco Bowls, McDonalds, and well done steaks, there’s a lot of scheduled Trump Throne breaks.

  • Trump got Bill Gates to come over today for a little tech support at the White House…

    Trump just wanted to find out where the “ANY” key was.
    http://ftadjusting.com.au/adjusting/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/tl5za8a.png

    • Latverian Diplomat

      When people complain about your readout, you call tech support, right?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Trump’s still waiting for his Tab.

  • puredog

    “Did the president make par during his meetings?

    Well, hell, ask him. He would know!

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I’ve always been curious about Dampnut’s golf game. I mean, it’s gotta be galling to him to admit he was “below par” about anything, but in golf that’s a good thing!

  • memzilla Ω
    • Oblios_Cap

      Why did they stop him?!

      • wide_stance_hubby

        tee hee

    • wide_stance_hubby

      OK, treason charges for the idiot what stopped him.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      “Besides, is in his scro-tum, yes is true! He should be for drilling it many holes!”

      -Not Melania, No

  • TJ Barke

    Lugenpresident.

  • jesuswasablack

    Watching Comey’s testimony and the ridiculous questions being asked by the repugs I’m convinced that they (the repugs) are willing to destroy our democracy and willfully violate the constitution to keep der-Trump out of trouble and maintain complete power of all three branches of gubmint. We just might be completely fucked folks!
    http://www.azquotes.com/picture-quotes/quote-a-nation-can-survive-its-fools-and-even-the-ambitious-but-it-cannot-survive-treason-marcus-tullius-cicero-78-77-83.jpg

  • I get the feeling that if he wasn’t reaping enormous profits from the job/being forced to do it by Putin, that the president would probably quit in a few months because he had been hoping to be more of a king of England figurehead than an actual working president.

  • This is what I do not get.
    Why did they lie about this? It was stupid! They could have done nothing at all, and the press would not care. Why issue a readout that was more than 80% bogus? So the friendly press would breathlessly report how hard he is working? To create yet another distraction?

  • Chyron HR

    Yeah, but the thing about golf is that it’s in the way that you use it, it comes and it goes, it’s in the way that you use it, boy don’t you know. WEAK!

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Ms. MLG spent the morning windsurfing. She is a surprisingly good windsurfer for someone who trips a lot. After, she met Barack and Michelle Obama for brunch. Ms. MLG has waffles. They were delicious. They discussed the weather and their Walking Dead cast crushes. Michelle is a Daryl girl, and Barack is into Rick, but they are good natured about their differences, and they all laughed and laughed. There was a pony.

  • MynameisBlarney

    LOL

    Seriously though, who DOESN’T carry around their own Glamour Shot?

    https://twitter.com/franklinleonard/status/841334611124838402

    • And strategically place it in shot right behind their own child to make sure it gets in frame

      • Oblios_Cap

        They really did some serious airbrushing on that picture.

      • willi0000000

        there were 300 of them in that room . . . shot angle didn’t have a chance.

    • Jenny

      Look America, I looked like this before I met Trump!

      • boyblue122

        and apparently before discovering meth

    • Suttree

      A fucking non-narcissist?

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Do NOT Google Glamour Shot images if you want to get anything done today.

      • MynameisBlarney

        HA!

        Challenge Accepted.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          Popped denim collars and bedazzling await you!

          • MynameisBlarney

            Actually…
            I had to stop…
            It made my eyes bleed pretty bad after only a few seconds.

          • snark-lurker

            Whut is there? I need advice before proceeding.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            How old are you?? How did you miss Glamour Shots??

          • snark-lurker

            I am over 18, even over 21.

          • MynameisBlarney

            *squints at snark-lurker*

            Get offa mah lawn, you dang whippersnapper!

          • snark-lurker

            Okay. Sorry about the flowers.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I’m knock, knock, knocking on 40’s door. Glamour Shots were a big thing in the early 90s when I was a preteen. The dude ones are the best.

          • snark-lurker

            Aw, then you’re at the peak of your sexytime vibes.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Women just get better with age, like many of the fine things in life. Like cheese.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Terribad photos of people….

            Big hair…bigger glasses….

            GAH!!!!!

      • snark-lurker

        Taking your advice (for now).

    • PubOption
    • Everrett Fanuelli

      “Make me look like Kim Bassinger in Batman!”

    • Mike Steele

      How many times must I tell you…NO wire hangers!!!!!!

  • Nounverb911

    In between golf outings, trump told Iraq PM to deliver all their oil c/o Rex Tillerson…

    https://twitter.com/PressSec/status/843907519860916224

    • uhm…so Trump and Iraq’s prime minister think Isis is funny, Sean?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Is he *laughing*? That’s a first. I ain’t never seed him do that before.

      • Liberoid Ron

        He’s been experimenting with these things called ’emotions’ lately. Once he has the actions down he can get started on learning when they’re appropriate.

    • Teecha

      This is a really badly composed photo.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        KellyAnne’s not allowed on the furniture anymore.

        • Teecha

          Haha!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Trump’s markup:

    Needz moar “great”, “winning”, “yuge”, “landslide” and “terrific”.

  • exinkwretch

    Another key detail missing: Did little Donald go boom-boom in the potty like a big boy?

    • anon_the_great

      One Donnie, One Cup

    • Vienna Woods

      When he was tweeting, of course.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Then, everyone told Donnie he is the best president ever and they all brushed their teeth and went to sleep.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Amen.

    • snark-lurker

      yuh think? humph

  • CripesAmighty

    And what’s with that inane ‘thumbs-up-and-shit-eating-grin’ shit? It’s the closing shot of every sketchy-used-car-lot ad in every Bumfuck County in Nowheresville, Hickstate.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      That’s all any of these people ever should have been.

      • Liberoid Ron

        And even then they’d be in jobs they’re underqualified for.

      • Dudleydidwrong

        I’ve met some nice used-car sales people, and bought some decent used cars. None of these folks hired by the Orange Shitgibbon are nice and I wouldn’t buy a used pencil from any of them. Fuck ’em all.I’m losing my patience with this bunch of dicks.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          These are the car salesmen who wear gold nugget pinky rings and have really loud commercials in which they refer to themselves as various synonyms for insane.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Difference is, would anyone buy a used car from Donald?

      • Suttree

        No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.

      • CripesAmighty

        Somewhere around 60 million suckers, apparently.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Paperless Tiger

    Even so, if you add in the all residuals, board salaries, bonuses, profiteering, and foreign payoffs, it makes for one hell of a day.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Comey is already saying that POTUS misconstrued his answer on whether Russia influenced the election. https://twitter.com/liamstack/status/843891167855022082

    • vivian

      The Director of the FBI publicly showing that the President is lying. Repeatedly.
      Jeezus H. This is Day 59 in the “Never Thought I’d See The Day When…” series.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      He misconscrewed it?

    • The tweet nonsense was stupid. Now they have “Donnie” saying x and Comey calling him a liarpants and guess what? Now they can call Donnie up and make him admit to the American public that some aide does his tweets for him, he is not liable!
      Then all those schmucks who think he tweets the truth ™ can shut the fuck up

    • Suttree

      The owls are not what they seem.

      • MynameisBlarney

        The celery stalks at midnight.

      • Everrett Fanuelli

        That gum you like is coming back into style

    • The Wanderer

      I’m the keeper of the cheese, and you’re the lemon merchant.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well…then who’s the guy from the hamburger train?
        You know….haaaaaaambuuuuurger?!?

        • The Wanderer

          We will have to escape! Before sets loose . . . The Marmosets! Quick! To the big box marked Hamdingers!

          • MynameisBlarney

            GONRABULATIONS!

            Yer gen-u-wine TANK PARATROOPERS!!!

          • The Wanderer

            LOL

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    After watching the 4 or 5 pairs of lady legs On Fox’s Outnumbered for 60 minutes Donald needs time to recover in his bunk.

    • snark-lurker

      aww chute I watched the wrong netwerk

  • Mr. Blobfish

    It’s not a golf glove, it’s a fixing the government glove.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Or a puss-burglar glove. As a seasoned criminal, he knows better than to leave prints.

    • DainBramage

      Trump is more grandiose than that. It was the Infinity Gauntlet.

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      ****Polite, subdued “fixing the government” clap****

  • Suttree

    So we missed Gorsuch’s hearing today because Comey was on?

    • Clyde Barrow

      You didn’t miss anything. It was the typical softball questions, followed by a toast to how the Supreme Court will now be another political arm of the Reich Wing….and abortion, Medicare, and Social Security are bad because Satan, brown people, and blah blah blah.

      And this concludes the minutes to today’s Gorsuch confirmation hearings.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Perhaps, if he’d been…oh…I dunno…mebbe, just you know, ACTUALLY FUCKING VETTED, or something….

    http://www.politicususa.com/2017/03/20/republicans-close-trump-president-showing-signs-mental-illness.html

    • OrG

      Oooooooor……. maybe he’s just a fucking liar.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Oh…no…
        He’s DEFINITELY a liar.

        He has proven that beyond all doubt.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Every time he opened his mouth he failed vetting.

    • The Wanderer

      Trump’s the BEST, YUUUGEST at Bed Vetting!

  • lucidamente

    Jeez, that photo. Now we know what Taran Killam has been doing since got canned by SNL.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Now I see. And I thought Qusay and Uday had put on weight.

  • The Wanderer

    The President’s schedule (partial morning):
    0300: Wake up.
    0330: First tweet of the day, while drinking coffee on the loo.
    0430: Get today’s marching orders from ‘Raskolnikov.’
    0445: Question why he’s doing this again, receive daily threat.
    0530: Go back to bed.
    0730: Wake up, have McGriddles and Coke for breakfast.
    0830-0900: Potty break.
    0900-1030: Attempts by aides and Cabinet secretaries to brief the POTUS on world and domestic affairs. Note ‘attempts.’
    1030-1200: Reread Twitter and respond.
    1200: Lunch. Pizza Hut.

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Obviously Trump has spent most of his life with his thumb up his ass or he’d be able to make a normal “thumbs up” gesture

    • The Wanderer

      His thumbs are bigger than his penis.

  • Nephilim

    “Great progress is being made and will be reported on in the future.” This is a common response to any Trump fake meetings or telephone calls. Except the future never seems to come.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      “Great progress is being made and will be reported on in the future” sounds like something that the Politburo would send out regularly.

      • Liberoid Ron

        Or on Telescreen.

      • Suttree

        These fuckers can’t even come up with a five day plan.

    • cmd resistor

      The future is that day he donates his Prez. salary to charity. I believe it is at the end of the year.

      • gamera23

        And takes a huge deduction.

    • Suse

      Just like Malaria’s press conference to discuss her immigration stuff.

  • Teecha

    Every week, my head of year sends me the activities I need to do with my tutor group. This week, the theme is current affairs. So we all had to start our day by having a discussion about the US president. I showed the stuff I was sent, and the handshakes things (Japanese PM, Canadian PM and Angela Merkel) You’ll be relieved to hear that all my students think he’s a nasty, racist tool.
    Then we had a video from some guy who wrote a biography of the tool, and was being very diplomatic about his nastiness and racism. At the end, the question for discussion was ‘did this video challenge your opinion?’ One delightful child said ‘now I know that there are two people who think he’s not a racist. But the things he says and the the things he does are racist. He is a racist.’
    So I taught her that this is a perfect comment in which to use the word ‘ergo’ and then as a collective, we all agreed that if asked, we would claim to have completed the next two activities, but none of us want to think about the tool at 7am.

    TL;DR- I had to start my day at 7am actively thinking about this pus arse and I spent the rest of the day feeling slightly grubby and soiled.

    • tapp_my_wire,please
      • Teecha

        Yup. They do.
        Mine are 17/18. And many are Muslim.

      • Teecha

        Also too, he looks like he might dislocate his jaw and devour her.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        I’m sorry, but someone needs to point out that only one of his hands is showing (and it’s about the size of her hand). Ew.

    • bupkus23

      Mwah-ha-ha! The indoctrinations are continuing apace!

      • Teecha

        Is it indoctrination if it’s their own conclusion based on evidence?

        I make no secret of my opinions, but my kids know that they’re more than welcome to challenge me, and I will have a grown up discussion with them. I want them to be able to argue with opinions they don’t share.

        • bupkus23

          Sorry – wiseass snark backfire….

          • Teecha

            No! It didn’t at all.
            My reply didn’t fit your perfectly wonkettey snark- sorry 😢

          • proudgrampa

            What’s a “head of year”?

            Sorry. I’m an American and totally lacking in Edumacation. ;-()

            Cheers!

          • Teecha

            Nice use of a cheeky cheers there!

            It’s a pastoral role.
            So, in America I think you call it homeroom? We call it tutor period or form time or registration. All teachers have a form/ tutor group (all the kids are in the same school year) and every day we do the register, share notices, check uniform, equipment and so on. Registration lasts for 20 mins, so to develop the ‘social, emotional and communication skills’ of kids, we have other stuff to do.
            I am responsible for my tutor group, but there are several tutor groups in each year, and they are overseen by a head of year. Who usually provides resources for this sort of thing, runs assemblies and is available for tutors to escalate behaviour and child protection issues. So if a kid is frequently absent and my (lacklustre) efforts fail to make him/ her come to school, I pass it to the head of year.

            This is called a horizontal pastoral system. The alternative is a vertical system, where each tutor has children from all year groups in their form, and the next person up is then a head of house. Like in boarding school books. Of course, in a boarding school the houses are actual houses where kids live. In normal schools, they’re there to provide competition, a sense of community, and a way to make kids feel like they belong and aren’t lost in the mass of the school.

            Bet you wish you’d never asked!

          • proudgrampa

            Ah! Homeroom! I am over 65, but I DO remember homeroom.

            Sincerely, I am grateful. Multi-culturalism is a beautiful thing.

            Cheers! And Thank You.

  • northandwells

    Hmmm, Why doesn’t he conduct important business at Mar…Lago, or better yet, the White House. Why does he want to conduct important business at a golf course? Answer: GOLF.

    Does he think we’re idiots?

    • The Wanderer

      Do you truly desire a response to that question?

    • ariel_gee_398

      So he can charge the US government membership fees to his golf courses?

  • My very real, completely legitimate schedule for making America great again bigly:
    3:00 Wake up. Do 5,000 push-ups.
    3:05: check emails. See how the Nigerian price is doing and if he has my money yet.
    4:00 Pray. Jack off to pictures of my daughter.
    4:01: Watch Fox News. Receive daily instructions from Fearless Leader Vlad.
    5:30: Have breakfast. I don’t eat. I’ve learned to absorb energy from the sun like a handsome god.
    6:00: Solve world hunger. I cut food aid, when all of the hungry people die, problem solved. This also seems like a good solution to the health care problem.
    7:00: Watch more Fox News. Pre-meeting with Bannon where he shoves his hand up my ass and works my mouth like his dirty, dirty puppet. I’ve been a very bad little puppet.
    8:00: Tweet whatever comes into my brain while all of the boring people talk and Steve works my mouth. This is the ultimate

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Handsome God made me snort.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump couldn’t find the truth in a field full of truths in truth mating season.

    • Teecha

      Ah, the Blackadder superlative! Love it!

  • MynameisBlarney

    Also, too;

    Don’t forget this little gem…

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028821293

  • Bill D. Burger

    Uh oh! Looks like he’s heard about Comey’s testimony today…..Twitter freak out to continue.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/244ca59862bb2de991ea6cc46b48ce567d406e8a8557370def8fae3556264d14.gif

  • schmannity

    Rep Nunes to Comey:

    There’s a big, great cloud you’ve now put over people who have very important work to do to lead this country.

    POOR THING!!! At least the cloud didn’t appear days before the election.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      That’s all Nunes cares about – “Sure he’s a double-dealing, backstabbing, conniving dope. But it’s your fault people know that!”

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    For compasions sake Bill Clinton’s presidental schedule from his presidental library https://clinton.presidentiallibraries.us/items/show/12733

    • cmd resistor

      I noticed he drove 15 minutes on the second day (a Saturday) to play golf with a BUNCH of foreign leader types. Some Army Navy golf course? I imagine that was much cheaper AND more likely some actual U.S. governing business got done.

  • ariel_gee_398

    Nothing makes me prouder to be American than having a WH release statements that read like Orwell via Borat:
    “This evening President Trump had another meeting, including dinner, concerning the Department of Veterans Affairs and how to turn it around for the benefit of our great veterans. Great progress is being made and will be reported on in the future.”

    • boyblue122

      and the only person outisde the Drumpf circle that was there was the Marvel CEO

    • Bill D. Burger

      Great day for the great success of our great republic.

      https://cdn.meme.am/instances/61042537.jpg

    • vivian

      “Orwell via Borat”

      That’s a keeper!

    • BeachBum

      They don’t even have Russians that cant sound like Russians. Prolly the Russian Mafia.

    • mailman27

      Whoa, whoa, let’s back up here. The veterans are great, and the progress is great, but was the meeting great? The dinner? Or were they merely terrific? Perhaps the report from “in the future” will reveal all.

      • HooverVilles

        SAD!

  • boyblue122
    • Bill D. Burger

      The stupid in Nunes, along with the willful ignorance, are weapons grade.

    • Suttree

      If you’re going to lie, try to make it believable.

      • HooverVilles

        Trouble is only people with more than two functioning neurons can do that.

    • mackafritz

      He knows nothing and he’s in charge of the Intelligence Committee.

      • ariel_gee_398

        His fitness for that position was assessed using the Republicans’ patented DeVos scale.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          On a scale of 0 to 0, he’s a 0. Good to go!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        This is, after all, the party that put Michele Bachman on the Intelligence Committee. They really want to ensure that NOTHING works in DC.

    • vh

      doode, even i know a bit about carter page & roger stone.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Sgt. Schultz Nunes! I KNOW NOZING!

      • HooverVilles

        Nailed it!

    • vh

      in amazon

    • vh
      • vh

        hey thanks milne. my first attempt at making something.

    • Mike Steele

      Since Stone has been in the pack all along and Nunes was on transition, perhaps a good way to determine their place in the pecking order would be to review their titles as spokesjerks on Faux. Always seemed to me they inflated their role in this clusterfuck when representing Cheeto on his propaganda outlet.

    • HooverVilles

      Ugh. Sigh.

  • vivian

    0300: Tweet Angrily
    0400: Nap
    0600: Poddy time!
    0615: Let them dress me like a President
    0700: Try to act like a President
    0800: Try to act like a President (This is hard!)
    0900: Tire of Trying to act like a President
    1000: Watch TV
    1001: Get annoyed by anything; send Tweets
    1100: Resume trying to act like a President, but really who cares
    1200: Yay! Eats! I hope it’s fried!
    1300: Walk into rooms, Try to act like a President
    1400: Wash hands, again. (Can’t believe I have to touch these people – ick!)
    1500: Sullenly collapse inside myself as I realize I fail every time I Try to act like a President
    etc.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      I put 0400, 1000 and 1200 on my own to-do list.

    • HooverVilles

      This. This in a nutshell.
      Also, IMHO, I think Try to act should be strongified like this …Try to act

  • shastakoala

    Mannn, how many dinner meetings does he have to have before he gets stuck in the bathtub?

    • BadKitty904
      • wide_stance_hubby

        “And now, Cheetoface, we’re going to go back down this hill, so we can then come right back up this hill and so on until the stink of you is too much to bear. Git movin’ “

      • HooverVilles

        That splains a lot.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Do you suppose they kept Taft’s old tub, maybe in a deep dark Smithsonian warehouse?

      • shastakoala

        Maybe bits and pieces.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Imagine my surprise…

    Following Trump’s Lead, GOP Shifts from Russia Revelations to Attack on Leaks
    Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee focused on the problem of reporters unearthing information.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/house-intelligence-committee-gop-leaks-russia-trump_us_58d019b8e4b00705db518886?

  • proudgrampa

    Do you realize that the three guys with the thumbs stood in a circle, they could “connect” if you know what I mean.

    • The Wanderer

      And I’m certain it wouldn’t be ‘unusual’ for them.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      They’re just so golfey and douchey and white.

    • Everrett Fanuelli

      Circle of Jerks

    • Wild Cat

      I’m sure Night-Wonkette patron saint M. Scott Peck wrote about that in his NYT bestselling book, “Children of the Corn Hole: Good Rubes…Uhm, People, Buy My Books, Evil People Don’t Buy My Books .”

      • Carpe Vagenda

        “Men are from Mars, Women are from Some Off-Price Chocolate Company Where They Put Wax Or Some Shit In It”

        • Wild Cat

          John Gray earned a lot of coin saying, “You can’t live with him/her, you can’t live w/o him/her.”

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Short version “Men are strong and don’t want your advice”
            “Women complain a lot and just want someone to listen”

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Something I know and wish I didn’t: there is a Men are from Mars Women are from Venus podcast. From the sounds of it (I have a coworker who’s really into it), each episode reinforces a different dumb-as-fuck stereotype that bolsters the “war of the sexes” in the most archaic way possible.
            Said coworker insists that everything they talk about on the podcast is based on “real science”.
            Not all lawyers are smart, y’all.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • BeachBum

      I think half what Spicer says is an outright lie, and for the other half the opposite is true.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    “The pool was told Trump would be “having meetings and phone calls” at the golf course before returning to Mar-a-Lago.”

    Christ, this workhorse just doesn’t take his nose off of the old grindstone, does he? All work and no play are going to make Donnie a dull dim witted boy.

    • cmd resistor

      They must have better phones over there at the golf course.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    How many hours do you think Trump spends watching porn involving the one person he loves? Himself

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      Do they have a teevee that is just a mirror?

    • The Wanderer

      He shouts out his own name when he orgasms.

      • Toledo Window Box

        Probably because he’s by himself.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        Then, he cusses himself out because he had to do all the work.

      • BeachBum

        Ugh.

    • bupkus23

      Self-produced porn – no professional porn producer would stoop so low ( even the “lemon party” and “two girls, one cup” guys have standards )!

      • gamera23

        Bannon is a big cheese Hollywood filmmaker. BIGly.

      • ThePuckStopsHere

        I saw 2 girls, 1 cup. The don’t.

    • Crank Tango

      The entirety of the hours, Katherine.

    • HooverVilles

      AOT, K

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Anyone on here also think Trump talks to himself when he’s golfing like Carl the Greenskeeper
    http://i.imgur.com/GU7AhXi.gifv

  • gamera23

    OF COURSE he made par! He always makes (or beats!) par!

    He has the pencil!!

    • vivian

      If Trump and Kim Jong Un played 18 holes of golf, which one would end up
      with the negative score first?

      • boyblue122

        Drumpfs golf ball bounced from the cup of the first hole into the cup of every other hole on the golf course. One shot to complete the entire golf course

        • vivian

          But when Kim Jung Un went to the tee, 18 balls flew out of their cups and into his bag making the first -18 ever recorded in the long history of the game!

      • HooverVilles

        Funny!

    • Everrett Fanuelli
      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        Those ball washers can be tricky.

    • OrdinaryJoe
    • alpacapunchbowl

      He must really love golf given he keeps playing despite his well-documented aversion to eagles.

    • HooverVilles

      I read somewhere that Trump’s caddies move the ball for him when not in view. That’s what is called plausible deniability. I wish I could remember where so as to have some sense of accuracy. Is that for realz?, I can’t say for sure. But it sure would not surprise me.

  • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

    The saddest thing is that our executive branch has been co-opted in this fashion. Now you have federal employees actively and knowingly lying for the president of the United States. And now over any and every little bullshit thing. Amazing.

    • Mike Steele

      meanwhile, the REAL federal workers, career types, are laid off, frozen out or menaced so as not to expose the pretenders.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    For comparison: my schedule v actual day.
    SCHEDULE
    8- prepare for work
    9- arrive at work
    9:01- work until lunch
    12 pm- lunch
    1 pm- back to work
    1:01- work until quiting time
    5 pm- finish work for the day
    5:01- go home
    ACTUAL
    8:40- wake up late, scramble to get to work before supervisor notices I am late
    9:10- arrive at work, dodge supervisor, try to hide hangover stink
    9:15- ask trusted coworker to bring me coffee
    9:20- shamelessly praise trusted coworker who brought me coffee
    9:21- drink coffee
    9:30- finish coffee, begin pretending to work
    9:35- log on to Wonkette, do not comment
    12 pm- lunch
    1 pm- back to work
    1:01- log back it to Wonkette
    3:50- log off Wonkette, frantically try to complete actual work
    4:30- finish actual work
    4:31- log back on to Wonkette, do not comment
    5 pm- go home

    • Teecha

      That’s a productive day!

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        It pays the bills…mostly. I did not include my 2nd job.

        • Teecha

          I’m inpressed that you get paid for all those hours and complete your work in less than one.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            It’s a gift.

          • Usedtobeyellerdawg

            It’s hell trying to do a 20 hr./wk. job in 40 hours.

          • Teecha

            I once had a temp job where I had 40 mins work at 10 am and 90 mins work at 2.30pm. There were 4 of us in the office. One person could have done the whole lot.
            I read a lot of books.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Hah!

    • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

      Hey, you stole my actual schedule!

  • boyblue122

    Fake WH official “readout” of Drumpf schedule: He was busy all day on phone call meetings with the Brazilian president and leaders of veterans affairs.

    Reality was that he was just golfing most of the day and later had dinner with the Marvel CEO. No one who had any military experience or VA experience was around

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      I have a feeling the President of Brazil and leaders of the VA breathed a sigh of relief.

    • gamera23

      Well, Captain America and Nick Fury are veterans, so he was probably trying to make progress on getting Avengers spoilers.

    • Bebecca

      probably golfing part of the day, watching faux news and screaming at the tv the rest of the day.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Is he building a hotel in Rio?

  • Everrett Fanuelli
    • Ducksworthy

      I’m starting to see crazy Christopher Walken character here.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Needs more cowbell. If cowbell = impeachment and jail time, that is.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      DOO EET.

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor

      The voices, Donnie…they’re growing louder, and louder, and LOUDER!!

  • Crank Tango

    So, lying on your timesheet is totes grounds for dismissal, right?

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Pretty much anywhere but TrumpWorld, it seems. He and his minions are too lazy to even lie in 6 minute increments, ffs.

    • chascates

      Wait till you see their mileage claims.

      • Crank Tango

        I can’t imagine the receipts he would submit for repairs (gold leaf) to AF1.

    • SayItWithOtters

      For any other federal employee, it would be.

  • CeeQ

    This man-baby is exhausting.

  • chascates

    I wonder if I could send the White House a bill for, say, $10,000 or so and see if they just pay it, due to their cognitive dissonance and the Trump bullshit mist.
    I’ll mark it “wireses and tapping”.

    • Teecha

      Do it!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Make it something they don’t dare ask the boss about, and it will get paid.

  • proudgrampa

    OH! I get it! It’s the EXPENSE REPORT routine.

    We’ve ALL fibbed on an expense report, n’est–ce pas?

  • Suse

    Breaking News! Qusay Drumpf and his spousal unit are expecting their first child. They plan to name it “Damian.” https://twitter.com/EricTrump/status/843854763825528832

    • Kiri the Paid Protestor
    • It still won’t make his daddy love him

    • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
      • Suse

        Hahaha!

    • vh

      hmm, how do i put this politely. pollination under appropriate conditions tends to produces offsprings. immobile trees & plants, earth crawling bugs, sundry cretins, amphibians, reptiles, mammals all reproduce the same way. no special blessing.

      • HarpyLibtart

        Well, except that apparently now vampires can reproduce with humans…
        I assumed from that vacant-eyed stare above the Stepford smile that her soul had been extracted before the wedding, I didn’t realize that facilitated inter-species breeding.

        • Strepsi

          Of COURSE vampires and humans can procreate– didn’t you read Twilight Saga?! Know your science!!!

  • EddieFrancis

    is his orange thumb half cocked because his hands are so small? like, is it some sort of defect?

    • Suse

      Repetitive stress injury from all the tweetering.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Even half cock might be exaggerating a bit.

    • Infrogmation

      Giving thumbs up: Something else to add to the ever-growing list of things Donald Trump thinks he’s great at, but actually sucks at.

  • Mike Steele

    ATTN VA, IAVA, VFW, DAV, American Legion, et. al.: In the big scheme of things, your CinC ranks your concerns below campaign rallies, weekends in FL, golf, dinners w/donors, state visits, sons’ business trips overseas (likewise, Rex Tillerson), watching Faux, tweeting, obsessing over electoral results and inaugural crowd size, insulting Meryl Streep and Snoop Dogg, trashing the intelligence community upon which your missions depend and so many other daily chores he finds FAR more pressing…like cutting the Medicaid funds on which so many social services rely. Just a heads-up, vets; you’ve been had. Wonder if any among you are willing to acknowledge this and assist in the efforts to depose Team Trump? w/votes!

    • Suse

      Perhaps he will go out like Elvis did – shooting the teevee, unable to poop due to cocaine ingestion, dying on the toilet.

      • H0mer0

        It’s the opioids that make it hard to poop.
        As for dying on the toilet, your point?*

        *defecating and micturition stimulate the vagus nerve which slows down the heart and can make someone with stiff calcified arteries pass out. So it’s a common mode of exodus, not terribly dignified, but it happens

  • SayItWithOtters

    How does he always manage to find the world’s most embarrassing white men?

    • Jukesgrrl

      They’re the ones who flock around him. They look like the ones who yelled “Fuck you!” out their car windows when I was in a demonstration on Friday in front of Sen. Jeff Flake’s Tucson office. I guess they think they’re going to buy their health insurance AFTER they have their first heart attacks.

  • Nockular cavity

    Regarding that picture, I think of the words of Rodney Dangerfield to another golfer: “Hey Smalls, nice hat! What, did you get it with a bowl of soup?”

  • Everrett Fanuelli

    Trump met this weekend with President Rufus T. Firefly of Freedonia. Everyone knows that!

    • Bitter Scribe

      And then met with Jubilation T. Cornpone.

  • Weevie

    Can’t history just erase this guy. I mean Lance Armstrong effectively doesn’t exist any more. What Trump is doing is far worse, can’t he just be erased?

    • Doug Langley

      At last – job security for Photoshop artists.

  • Bitter Scribe

    A man in his 70s who watches TV for six hours a day and spends most of the rest of his time at a golf course in Florida is not a president. He’s a retiree.

    • Weevie

      Compare Trump’s keen wit to Al Franken’s. Al’s 65. Big, big, bigly difference!

    • SCK

      Can I quote you? That was awesome.

      • Bitter Scribe

        FIne, except you wouldn’t really be quoting me. I stole it from some Twitter comic.

  • Iam Reading

    Our illegitimate president has terrible, fake hair, orange skin, a crepey complexion, a big old fat ass, a couple of chins, a big fat belly, and moobs. He is at best a 2. Would not bang. Completely unfappable.

    Those are his good points.

  • Lefty Wright

    Make par? If he wasn’t so busy presidenting, he’d join the PGA Tour. And win every tournament.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Did the president make par during his meetings?

    Par? Hell no. He shot 18, aced every hole.

    • Duke

      He should golf with Kim Jong-un. They both have 18s and set a land-speed record in the process.

      • Me not sure

        Why even show up. Just fill out the card and be done with it.

        • Duke

          What?! No photo-op?

          • Me not sure

            I propose a best of three showdown between Obama and Trump. The sports will be golf, one on one basketball, and wind surfing. Winner of two out of three gets the Presidency. OK, Donnie, put up or shut up.

          • SCK

            How about golf, basketball and non-caged great white shark wrestling? And let the sitting president go first every time?

    • SCK

      18? He shot 16! One whole was so in awe of his hair that it gave up, and the other decided to make America great by ceasing to exist so Turmp could be the greatest golfer ever!

    • nosuchuser

      That’s actually true, the important thing that was left out was he played one hole…

  • Mavenmaven

    Well, he probably also had to drop some important documents for his Russian handlers at the golf course as well.

  • It was probably an innocent mistake, and things got lost in translation from the original Russian.

  • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

    Sometimes you can just glance at people and know you loathe them.

    • nosuchuser

      And then there’s the stench, I swear I could smell his used car salesman cologne through the TV

  • Relativicus

    Something about returning the government to the people, I think?

  • pgjack

    I’ll bet the Fearless Leader’s dinner date yielded some nice campaign donations.

  • Ray in VT

    What was that about how often Obama went golfing?

    • Queens Lawyer

      about once every two weeks on average.

      • Ray in VT

        I don’t see much of the critics of Obama golfing having much of anything to say about Trump teeing off. I guess that it was only a problem when Obama did it.

        • TakingAmes

          Well, how many golf clubs let in black guys?

      • Economist2011

        Donald been golfing every weekend since Jan 20. Obama was about once a month. Of course you judge the black guy more harshly.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Plus Obama finished 18 holes in about half the time (and probably half the number of strokes.)

        • Queens Lawyer

          I doubt it. Im sure Trump has a much bigger lie.

  • Panika MCD

    what bizarro world do they live in? do they think people are like, “shucks! guess I just missed the motorcade! oh, well. looks like the Kardashians are at the Trump Golf Course! no other explanation for all those black suburbans with federal plates and little American flags!”

  • Anna_in_pdx

    The language is so vague and dumb sounding it reminds me of having to read the Saudi state newspaper which always said stuff like “today his highness met with the minister from the brotherly gulf country of Bahrain and they discussed important bilateral issues.” Actually Saudi propaganda was not quite this ridiculous. We are living in a tinpot dictatorship.

    • Leliel

      No, we’re one step worse:

      We’re living in a tin-pot dictatorship where the dictator is actively undermining his own dictatorship on the advice of the one man stupider than he is.

    • nosuchuser

      It seems to me that ‘Baghdad Bob’ has found a new home… He will have to update his crowd favorite talking points by making a few updates: first replace all occurrences of ‘tanks’ with ‘indictments’, second replace all occurrences of ‘Baghdad’ with ‘White House’….

  • Spurning Beer

    Even if Donald made par, he would still be sub-par. Believe me.

  • 3FingerPete

    “Great progress is being made and will be reported on in the future.”

    It reads like Trump is outsourcing these daily readouts to the DPRK.

    • Zannah Merrill

      I was just thinking that!

  • Economist2011

    greatest BS artist ever.

    • Jared James

      No way; art’s too much like work.

  • All those guy’s in that picture should be walking the course and cutting back on the Kentucky Fried. They are just whales with golf clubs.

  • Foocatchoo

    Thumbs up from three DOUCHEBAGS? Now my day is complete!

  • CatCope

    When parents/teachers would talk about lying and the story of Pinocchio & what happens when you lie, Buffoon In Chief’s parents taught him TO lie or else he would ‘splode in flames. He hasn’t ‘sploded yet has he?

  • akita96th

    Trump is a laZY ASS..He doesn’t work he only runs his mouth blabbing out bullshit…Now he thinks he is a King.

  • Ducksworthy

    Lets not quibble about every little lie. This man is a Traitor to the United States of America and the entire Republican Party are colluding in his Treasonous Acts.

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