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House Intelligence Committee chair Devin Nunes had fine little WTF moment in his interview with Fox News Sunday’s Chris Wallace, where he seemed to say a person currently working in the Trump White House is currently under some kind of investigation or surveillance. Or maybe he’s just really, really inarticulate, which we don’t have any problems believing, either. Here’s what Nunes said in reply to a question about whether “people in Trump world” were being surveilled by intelligence agencies:

Well, if you look at the folks that are working in the White House today that are involved in the — in the Trump — in the Trump administration, I don’t think there’s any but one there that’s under any type of — of — of investigation or surveillance activities at all.

Which sure sounds like he means there’s “not anyone but one person” in the White House who’s under investigation. Or that in his bobbling around to answer the question, he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to say “anybody” or “anyone,” or Crom knows what, which is the spin Nunes’s office put on it, according to a spokesperson:

It’s a bit garbled in the video but he didn’t mean to say there is one person under surveillance, he’s saying there is no one under surveillance, which is why he says ‘at all’ at the end of the sentence[.]

Maybe. Nunes is a mushmoushed numpty, so that’s definitely plausible. But it’s also exactly the denial his office would issue if he’d accidentally said there’s actually one member of the administration who’s being investigated. Unfortunately, Wallace didn’t pick up on the slip and ask a follow-up question, so the chance to grill Nunes in mid-garble is long past, and the official denial is now what he’ll fall back on.

But what if there is someone under investigation and Nunes let it slip, denials be damned? Heaven knows some rightwingers are accusing Nunes of “leaking” very sensitive information. Assuming Nunes doesn’t mean Mike Flynn, who’s already long gone from the White House, then who the heck might it be? It would be irresponsible not to speculate!

Who is The One? Some candidates:

Steve Bannon: A long shot, to be sure. He cozies up to neo-Nazis and racists, and his hard-on is for Clash of Civilizations anti-immigrant and anti-Islam stuff, not Russia. Then again, a rightwing strongman is a rightwing strongman, so Bannon probably loves him some Putin. Outside odds: Bannon’s actually under investigation because of the weird acid-filled hot tub at his rental house.

Wilbur Ross: OK, that’s more like it. He was the go-between for a deal where Russia’s Fertilizer King bought a house in Florida from Trump for a handy $50 million markup, and he was until recently the co-chair of a bank in Cyprus that launders dirty Russian money. Then again, who cares about commerce secretaries?

Michael Cohen: Trump’s personal lawyer either hand-delivered a sketchy peace plan for Ukraine to Mike Flynn’s office like he said, or never gave it any thought, like he also said. He had a bunch of business partners who were mobbed up as anything (allegedly!), and of course he’s a named character in the Steele Dossier, even though a photo of his passport cover proves he never went to Europe to meet any Russian agents. But is he actually “working in the White House”? That’s a stumper.

Rex Tillerson: The guy was personally awarded the “Order of Friendship” by Princess Sunbutt Vladimir Putin after signing a half-trillion-dollar oil deal (which sanctions got in the way of), and he’s happily going along with the hollowing out of the State Department, which is awfully convenient for the Russian government. May not actually remain awake long enough to gather anything useful on.

Kellyanne Conway: No known Russian ties, but already suspects her household appliances are spying on her, so why not Make It So? Besides, we hear her Roomba has been gathering all sorts of dirt on her.

So those are the only people in the White House we can think of who might be worth a surveillance program. Oh, sure, there’s also the guy at the top, but Donald Trump would make a lousy surveillance target. He blabs whatever’s on his mind, at any hour of the day, and nothing he says is reliable, so we can’t think of a single reason to investigate that guy.

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[Daily Caller / Independent / Tommy Christopher on Twitter]

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  • Bill D. Burger

    Personally, I’m just so gratified today, watching these hearings, that so many Republicans are sticking up for Russian hacking, eavesdropping and privacy rights.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Oblios_Cap

    You’ve got it all wrong. The one person being investigated in the White House is Donald the Trump.

  • Crystalclear12

    AOT,K

    He was faking them out by saying only one.

  • Greyhame

    I’ve gotta go with Cohen. He would be the one most likely to be out there in the field getting his hands dirty.

  • goonemeritus

    I can’t remember how many people in the Obama Administration were under investigation for treason. I’ve been told for years that Obama ran the must criminal Chicago style administration in history so I assume there must have bee quite a few.

    • MynameisBlarney

      NOT,K?

    • That’s because we’re all libtards, and we didn’t see nothing.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • Jon Sussex

      Are these the residents of the island of misfit toys?

      • therblig

        dipshit toys

        • Lascauxcaveman

          lol, the “GI Joe” Flynn action figure has had its head ripped off.

    • bupkus23

      Yeah, Steve Bannon as Pedobear – that fits.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        “Nobody wants a Spicer-in-the-Box!”

        (Dammit, hit reply to the wrong post!)

  • Lizzietish81

    Maybe we should put Hillary in charge until we figure out what’s going on

    • Zonath

      We definitely need a total and complete shut down of this administration until our country’s representatives can figure out what’s going on.

      Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in Trump’s bullshit, and have no sense of reason or respect for human life.

      • Rick Hill

        Wouldn’t take much to shut it the rest of the way down

    • Rick Hill

      Well…corporations are writing all rules and regulations to enable their sucking every dollar from consumers, our foreign policy consists of “Yeah but what have you done for me lately?”, Justice is giving a pass on ALL the things, the Supreme is about to go way to the right…and stay there, WH corruption is off the scale and going to keep going up as long as Ryan and McConnel get to gut our protections and entitlements. trump hisself is likely to have us in a war before May but…there’s no way we should let Killary run the show.

      • goonemeritus

        But other than that how do feel about the direction of our country?

        • Rick Hill

          I think that we should avoid this rocky path by going straight into those tar pits, over there

          • goonemeritus

            I wonder how long it will take for nostalgia for this time period in our politics to show up. I for one hope I’m dead by then.

          • Liberoid Ron

            I do not want to know how awful things would have to be for us to look back on this with nostalgic longing.

          • goonemeritus

            Come on I have met people that really miss Disco.

  • JohnBull

    He’s absolutely right. There are no intelligence activities going on at the White House.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Hasn’t been from day one! SAD.

      Trump: “I have nothing to do with intelligence.”

      • Suttree

        Truer words……

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    My money is on Rex Tillerson. Exxon/Mobil has its own foreign policy.

  • Martini Ambassador 🍸

    Dark horse candidate, Sleepy Ben Carson! He’s under investigation for a robbery-stabbing at a Popeye’s Organization and for storing all of the pilfered fried chicken in pyramids.

  • Melissa

    I think the more telling thing is “the folks that are working in the White House today”. A statement which wouldn’t include Flynn or anyone else who is not officially on the payroll (like Roger Stone?).

  • Bill D. Burger

    Trump: “By god, lies, tweets and full-on assaults on reality got me here and I’m not about to change now!”

    http://media.townhall.com/_townhall/uploads/2017/3/9/7.jpg

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    lock him up!

  • The Wanderer

    “Besides, we hear her Roomba has been gathering all sorts of dirt on her.”
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoDse9WV9po

    • proudgrampa

      The Doktor had me there…

      • Sister the Resister

        Me also too. I wish sometimes we could upvote individual sentences in the posts.

        • proudgrampa

          I know, right? Someone really needs to put together a compendium of “Doktor Zoom’s (and Others) Witty Aphorisms.”

          • doktorzoom

            I hope you clicked the linky, seeing as how I stole that from Tom Bodett :)

          • proudgrampa

            Well, to be fair, I did include “Others” in the working title… Cheers!

  • Resistance Fighter Astraea

    OT Time for a short break with Randy Rainbow.

    https://youtu.be/ji5nOTjlVuA

  • Crystalclear12

    It’s starting to happen!
    As you know I live in Missouri in the deepest, darkest Dumbfuckistan. The other day while checking out I overheard the conversation:
    Lady one: I didn’t vote for him. There were no good candidates so I just stayed home.
    Lady two: Same here.

    I saw BOTH of these ladies at the voting lines. They talking about making their vote count by voting for Trump.

    Haha

    • JMP

      According to my parents, by 1975 almost everyone claimed to have voted for George McGovern in ’72, which is weird considering Nixon’s victory was an actual landslide.

      • georgiaburning

        Don’t look at me, I voted for Gene McCarthy. 1st election!

        • Paul

          We all proudly had bumpah stickahs that read “Don’t blame me, I’m from Massachusetts.”

          • Liberoid Ron

            I remember those. Lots of ’em on Volkswagens.

          • Paul

            I was a hippie so there was one on my VW bus.

            First inkling I had how fucking dumb the rest of the electorate was. I’m too old for this horseshit again.

        • OneYieldRegular

          He was the first candidate I ever saw in person. I insisted that my parents take me to the local airport to see him.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        My parents never denied voting for him.

        • Paul

          Wow. Were they in SC at the time?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Nope, New York. I’m not even sure they ever turned against him. They probably just thought it was a little misunderstanding. My mother hates Hillary Clinton with the heat of 1000 suns. I asked her last November “why do you think the GOP has been investigating her for 30 years, and they’ve never found anything? Are Republicans incompetent dolts, or is she just innocent?” My mother said “I never said she wasn’t smart.” The good news is that she couldn’t bring herself to vote for Trump, so she wrote in McMullan.

          • Paul

            Small victories. We need to take them where we find them.

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          My mother was a precinct chair for Wallace and McGovern. I learned racism at her knee. Had to go to college to unlearn the toxic bullshit.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            My parents were basically country club Republicans who dislike “moochers.” Luckily, they were never terribly racist. My father was a bit racist, but for a man of his age, who grew up in the South, not so much. My mother was never racist, just doesn’t realize that everyone in the world didn’t invest in stocks in the 1970s like my father did, and that we’re not all going to get rich. She doesn’t understand that it’s not even that easy to get rich anymore.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Your family actually sounds pretty nice. My mom and dad were both completely southern racists raised in Oklahoma. So were their brothers and sisters. MOST of my cousins have given up racism, not all, but the few remaining are pretty easy to avoid.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            They had their faults, like we all do, but they could have been a lot worse, considering they were born in the deep South in the 1930s. Ironically, I got back from a walk earlier, and I walked past the house where the Grimke sisters lived. If you don’t know who they are, Google them. I found out about them from reading a book that was non-fiction written like fiction. They were southern belles raised in a wealthy family who became female abolitionists in the EIGHTEEN THIRTIES. I mean that is BOLD.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            Man, those ladies rocked! Thanks for the info.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Sue Monk Kidd’s book on the Grimke sisters was what got me interested in them. They were true radicals, and they’d probably post on Wonkette if they were still alive.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Okay, I actually did. It was the first Presidential election in which 18 year olds could vote, and I turned 18 in September of that year. But, I didn’t actually vote for McGovern. I voted against Nixon.

        You young ‘uns never could understand the visceral hatred we old farts harbor for Richard Milhouse Nixon. Until now.

    • Suttree
    • Vincent Ricola

      I am living for the day that my Trump-loving coworkers try to act like they voted for Johnson.

      • Crystalclear12

        That’s stage 2.

      • Suttree

        Because voting for this idiot is an actual improvement. I want to live on another planet. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/55d63dabb7794a1025bc619d5a9b37f6541d346694a7eb72382a193fa491c7db.jpg

        • Sister the Resister

          It was the tongue out of the month that really put me off. But even before that, I found his ideas a bunch argle-bargley applesauce. What a dumbshit!

          • Crystalclear12

            Still more qualified than Trump.

          • Suttree

            Marijuana affects people differently. In this case,a rather atypical response.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Lock Them Up! Lock Them Up!

      • bupkus23

        On my morning walk the other day, I noticed that one of the neighbors had a “Lock her up!” sign in the attic window above his garage. Someone oughta tell him he’s living in the past….

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Lying to themselves, lying to each other, refusing to accept personal responsibility for their bad choices and motivations…I can’t imagine what drew them to Donnie to begin with!

    • Creepoman

      And these fuckers will still vote for a Republican in the next election.

  • azeyote

    all of the above and their scared as hell leader –

  • Chadwells
  • Suttree

    Republicans proving that government doesn’t work. Since 1980. Grover fucking Norquist has sure been silent lately.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Maybe he drowned in his fucking bath tub.

      With votes, or whatever…

      • Historicat

        I would consider that strong evidence of the existence of God.

    • PubOption

      He seems to have mellowed out since he went to Burning Man. Why would that be?

  • SmokinGood

    Um, Flynn, maybe? I know he only lasted all of 20 days or something, but he was definitely part of The Administration.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      No, Flynn no longer in Whitehouse. Nunes leaked that somebody still in Whitehouse under investigation.

      This is a leak of classified information. I found the leaker.

  • Chadwells
    • Sister the Resister

      that man is scary

  • azeyote

    all of the above and their leader who doesn’t need pee hookers cause he’s pissin himself right now –

  • JMP

    It’s even worse than Reagan’s administration, how being a crook is a job requirement to work in the new White House.

  • Paperless Tiger

    In Russia, messenger shoots you!

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    “Besides, we hear her Roomba has been gathering all sorts of dirt on her.”

    Aaaaand we need to clean the laptop’s screen.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Here’s to hoping you look back on this day as the best worst day of what remains of your fucking corrupt and traitorous cabal of dumbfucks and shit heels.

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/joe-scarborough-monday-has-been-the-worst-day-of-donald-trumps-presidency/

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      You talkin’ to me?
      You talkin’ to me?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Donald Trump lied to the American people. He lied. He lied. He lied.

    • Lizzietish81

      And people believed him.

      • OrG

        Still do.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Well..
        They’re morans.

      • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

        Especially Lyin’ Sean.

    • Mavenmaven

      And his people love it!

    • Marceline

      So did Jeff Sessions. That man should be in jail.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        See how well that “wire tapp” tweet did its job? You haven’t heard Sessions’ name in weeks!

      • NellCote71

        And Michael Flynn.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Where is his goddamned public apology to Barack Obama? For that, and for having dragged Obama’s citizenship through the mud for 8 years?

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    Totally OT but just had the first interview for a Job that turns out to be a dream job and during the interview was already told I was going to have a second and final interview. Jaaay!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Dat is geweldig nieuws!

    • Teecha

      Hurrah!
      Fingers crossed for the next one!

    • Shibusa

      Good luck! Wonketteers are pulling for you!
      http://funnytimes.com/wp-content/uploads/1995/11/199511083.jpg

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Good on ya. Just got back from meeting a recruiter myself. Phone tech interview to follow, hopefully followed by a face-to-face meeting.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I was gonna ask! Good! Moving right along…

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Yes, ma’am. It’s for a big NYC hospital. No more lawyers. Use my skills for good, not evil.

          • data_ninja

            We all say we’ll use our powers for good, but sometimes… well sometimes that bank needs to be robbed. Just sayin’.

    • Suttree

      Yay! Please rub some of that good luck on us who are out of work!

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        here you go

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        You’re having trouble finding a welding job? Come to my town. Construction is BOOMING.

    • WIDTAP

      Does this mean that we have to stop making NSFW comments and pic attachments?

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        First period I won’t be able to Wonk much so proceed with the shenanigans.

    • TJ Barke

      Yeah, but aren’t you in one of those gay soshulist countries? So either way you’ll be without the sweet boot of liberty on your neck.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Yeah but if I have to spend one more month watching Netflix while receiving SIngle payer healthcare and 80% of last earned salary, I might take a bath with the toaster.

        • bupkus23

          One hopes you get the toaster’s consent before your….

          Oh – not THAT kinda bath…

          • LesBontemps

            Reminds me of an old joke about a pickle slicer.

          • Erala Contratista

            Heard that yesterday on oldjewstellingjokes.com. Loved it/them.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Wow, that sounds so awful! Especially if you’re getting paid for it. You should come to America where we’d allow you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you couldn’t find a job, and then try to shame you for being a moocher.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            I know right? Socialist liberal fuckwads!

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Mitt Romney used to run a commercial where he’d say “America is falling behind in quality of life” and then he’d run a really quick scroll of countries with higher standards of living. All the countries were socialist democracies. Meanwhile Romney was running on a platform of cutting socialism, and also cutting taxes on the very wealthy.

        • NellCote71

          Monsters!

      • MynameisBlarney

        And without the religious right all up in his genital area.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Wait, you’re going to be paid for commenting on Wonkette? Er, I mean, dream job, er…never mind.

      • LesBontemps

        Intvw w G. Soros, obvs,

    • Iron Monkey

      “Second and final” sounds really good.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Her words:. There are three more candidates. Two we still need to interview but they come from a recruitment agency and with two already excellent candidates we really feel reluctant to pay thousands of euro’s to a recruiter while the two of you already interviewed responded directly. Plus then we discussed kids that happen to be the same age so I have a really good feeling.

  • SeeTrain65

    The only way any of these guys will do something half-way decent is by accident.

    • bupkus23

      Of course, the other half would be dumpster-fire incompetent or downright evul.

    • Bebecca

      or if it has a direct impact on them or a family member. They are conscienceless otherwise.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Mr. Blobfish

    The Gang That Couldn’t Speak Straight

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I have been programmed to counter every move Kasparov makes. And they forgot to switch me off! #MAGA”
      — Deep Blue Red

    • RobKanC

      Imbeciles! The real question is why is there fire coming from tiny wood particles with dirt on top. It’s not in the Bible. Must be a satanic liberal conspiracy.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Oh, god, that’s what I said earlier, but in a much better way. Fucking Trey Gowdy is concerned about who is doing the leaks that are exposing Trump’s Russian ties. No worries about the Russian ties though!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Of course not. Because the leaks had to be seriously embarassing to Devin Nunes, who personally cleared Flynn hours before it became clear that he knew Flynn was guilty.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        Gowdy should immediately write a letter to Russia and explain to them that they should not pay attention to anything Congress decides since many of the Congressmen will be gone in 2018.

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          Lulz! It’s still shocking to me that those traitors weren’t courtmartialed for that little escapade. It’s completely illegal.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            You and me both. But he’s a PATRIOT!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Maybe we can get Kasparov to come be our interim president once we drive Trump off the throne…er…out of the White House.

    • Stulexington

      Oh and Bannon is frantically having any gas employee who tries to shut the main off fired.

    • SweetDeeKat

      It’s like the wizards in Discworld. When a calamity happens, the very first thing that must be done is loudly figure out who is at fault.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I’m just going to presume that all the options are attached in some sort of Borg monstrosity wherein if you successfully surveil one, you surveil them all.

  • Mike

    It’s the Orange Ape they’re investigating…!!!!

    Stone and Manafort were the plumbers.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I have all the inside information about this administration. You might say I know where the bodies are dissolved.”
    — Steve Bannon

  • MynameisBlarney

    FBI has FISA warrant for turmps server.

    My Schadenfreude glands are gonna ‘splode.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/12512604434

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    One person? Who’s our 2017 edition of Scooter Libby?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      I’m going with Tiffany Trump. She’s not a closer.

      • LesBontemps

        Expendable, totally. Now where’s that bus?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      I’m more interested in who will be our Mark Felt.

  • Mike

    Trump wants to find the leaker who ratted out a spy before he starts naming the rest…

    • Sister the Resister

      one good apple…

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Who is The One?

    For the sake of our democracy, I am praying that the answer really is “All of them, Katie.”

    • Bebecca

      I want it to be their fearful leader.

  • Chadwells

    BTW, Eric Trump….no one fucking cares. We don’t need any more of you.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Nunes: So, I’m going on Fox to say that no one is being investigated.
    Bannon: That’s too good. People won’t believe zero.
    Nunes: 57? We’ve used that number before.
    Bannon: Way too high. Think single digits.
    Nunes: Single makes me think one. That’s all I can think of now.
    Bannon: [sighs] OK, let’s go with one.

    • cheetojeebus

      Hey, I can’t remember the login password for the microwave at 1600 and btw forget about the Samsung in the residence. He lost the remote. Could you IM the password for that Microwave?

      • redarmyzombie

        Try Birth Certificate. if that doesn’t work, try adding Long Form to it.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Sean Spicer “when you look and look and look, and there’s nothing there, that’s just a witchunt.”

    Mr. Spicer, Hillary Clinton’s on line one for you.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    One? I doubt it. More like eleventy.

    • Ducksworthy

      Well, “currently working” is clearly open to a wide range of interpretations.

  • OneYieldRegular

    “The One” will always be reserved for Barack Obama. “The But One” is the term you’re looking for here.

  • dlemex

    I suspect it was an attempt to minimize the investigation for when the next operative is outed, they can stay well that’s it. They already tried that with Flynn. Yelling… OK it’s over with.

    As they say… “No one can eat just one.”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Trump World? Worst. Amusement Park. Ever.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      What do you mean? The Kick An Immigrant ride is funtastic! And Griftworld is an interactive educational experience for the whole family!

      • cmd resistor

        The food is wonderful, also, too.

        • MynameisBlarney

          5 star. ask anybody!

          • cmd resistor

            Burnt steak on a stick, with catsup dipping sauce, for one thing.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Don’t forget the knife and fork for your pizza!

          • mardam422

            And the taco bowls at the kick an immigrant ride are first rate.

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            For an extra $2 per meal, you can sign up for the Abuse Your Server option.

          • mardam422

            I love that option!!1

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            It’s been a bit problematic because most visitors to Trump World go ahead and abuse their servers withOUT purchasing the official option.

      • David Chaillou

        Grab Them By The Wherevers is my favourite.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Obviously, you missed the Starve The Disabled Adventure Safari. Best ever!

          • David Chaillou

            Been there done that. Did you try Lock Her Up with the gold-plated handcuffs ? And the glass labyrinth at Release My Tax Forms ?

      • thixotropic jerk

        And now featuring just in time for spring break: Death Panels For Reals!

    • MynameisBlarney
      • Mr. Blobfish

        that was a great show. There is/was an amusement park in NJ called Action Park. It was affectionately known as Traction Park, due to the variety of unsafe rides and numerous injuries and lawsuits.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      All the rides are unfinished, the workers are on strike, and the ride lines all lead into different payday lender kiosks.

      • MynameisBlarney

        And the Water Flume rides are actually filled with 100% Authentic* Russian Hooker Pee!

        *may contain Hooker pee from Hookers not actually of Russian descent.*

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          * may contain Slovanians. Ask your doctor if you suspect you have Croats.

    • Suttree

      It actually would beat out The Ark Encounter.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Not by much!

      • MynameisBlarney

        HA!
        Just fuckin’ barely though.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Melissa McCarthy may end up punching a reporter by the time this press briefing ends.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Rats. I was on MSNBC and didn’t realize that CNN is on Spicey patrol. Thanks for hinting that it was out there for our viewing displeasure.

    • Suttree

      Hillary! Obama! DNC!!!!!!!! I really wish there was a hell. Although maybe this is Spicer’s hell. Do you think that he sleeps at night?

      • redarmyzombie

        I bet you he’s gone to chugging rohypnol…

      • Suttree

        Mar-a-lago! Drink!

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Well, sorry about the ad, but this seems like a good place to watch this again.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqesEYUXr78

  • Mr. Blobfish

    What about Hillary’s connection to the Russians, he tweets. More poop thrown at the wall.

    • Liberoid Ron

      She clearly became SoS so she could meet her Moscow handlers in person and in public. I’m sure she’s laughing up the sleeve of her pantsuit at us from her Black Sea dacha.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Rainin’ hell…

    It’s a Cat 5 Hurricane.

    https://twitter.com/kurteichenwald/status/843882431518269440

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Seriously, the MSM is so unbelievably desperate to give Trump a good headline to show that they’re “balanced” to the 4 or 5 conservative viewers they have left. It’s just they literally can’t.

      • LucindathePook

        Hallelujah!

    • Ms.MLG on Maui
    • vivian

      It’s not over ’til the “rain” turns gold.

      • mardam422

        Or when it’s rainin’ men?

  • laughingnome

    For a second they were getting close to pee hooker talk but moved away swiftly.

  • Iron Monkey

    Nunes office said, “It’s a bit garbled in the video”

    Nunes office meant, “Its very garbled in his little hamster brain”

  • MynameisBlarney

    Also, too;

    I think what we’re witnessing is the entire GOTP losing their collective shit as they begin circling the drain.

    • Bebecca

      Yes, hoping for a circular firing squad. figuratively of course.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Oh, I do hope so.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    OH my gawd I can’t stand all this buildup and suspense. I just want all the other shoes to drop SO BAD and have this Manchurian orangutan get taken down like the malignant narcissist traitor that he is.

    All I can think of to describe this feeling of pent-up frustration – and the joy I would feel upon its release – are crude sexual metaphors that I would scarce deploy, lest I dismay the refined sensibilities of my esteemed and gentle Wonketocrats.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Pffft. I’m only here for the crude sexual metaphors.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Well then, let us have the HOT SPURTING JETS OF TRUTH!

        • Mr. Blobfish

          Point that thing the other way, would ya?

        • mardam422

          I just know someone is going to shove the truth down my throat. I can’t wait.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Penis.

        • Ms.MLG on Maui

          One penis? Or all but one? Or none? At all? No one knows.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Indeed.
            One of life’s Tiny Little Mysteries.

          • Perhaps when they make a documentary about the Trump White House it can be called, “The Fall of the House of Viagra?”

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I hope to be watching that soon!

        • Jim Johnson

          Would a metaphorical “bag of dicks” be crude and sexual enough?

          • MynameisBlarney

            Probably.
            It’s right up there with “sack o’ mashed assholes”.

    • I would expect nothing less than complete restraint when it comes to sexual innuendo from a man named Lance Thrustwell!

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Indeed!

    • artem1s

      I REALLY don’t want to be that person who spends the rest of their life chasing the latest conspiracy about that thing that will finally mean the Gang That Couldn’t Tweet Straight is going to jail or getting kicked out. I had to endure 8 years of wingnuts foaming at the mouth every time someone trotted out some chain email about the latest birther conspiracy or CDS theory about Killary going to jail for Benghazing her emails. If the Dems are just milking this shit for fundraising they are going to be very sad, unemployed people come 2018. They will lose their base if they are fucking around with this shit. Not to mention killing our democracy.

  • geoffalnutt

    Not only that, but Kellyanne’s vibrator says “Your call is very important to us. Please continue to hold. Did you know your old windows could be costing you money?…”

    • Clyde Barrow

      But she doesn’t understand that as she has yet to complete her Russian language lessons through Rosetta Stone…

      • PubOption

        Was Rosetta part of the Family Stone?

        • Indivisible Snark Tank

          Rosetta, jump a little higher
          Signoretta, come sit by my fire
          I just wanna be your love, ain’t no liar
          Oh, Rosie you’re my stone desire…

  • memzilla Ω
    • cmd resistor

      Get the F off the official POTUS account.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        SERIOUSLY. That’s not the right channel, you orange idiot!

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      … the hell does that even mean? And I’m pretty sure that means his White House can do… whatever the hell that is too.

    • Bill D. Burger

      Gowdy Doody did his laughable best to scream {{{{{{ Squirrel! }}}}}}, but the only one noticed was that one on his head. Epic fail from the waterboy and Trump shill.

    • Chyron HR

      FBI Director Comey admits we all have a face that we hide away forever, and we take them out and show ourselves when everyone has gone. SAD!

      • Slamtundra

        I’ve even heard that some of us keep ’em in jars by the door.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Uh Turmp, you ignorant fuck stick.
      Just because YOU’RE stupid enough and desperate enough to belive that dumb ass shit don’t mean it’s true.

    • SAAYYYY you know who ELSE has the ability to unmask people?

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        The Scooby-Doo Gang?

      • chicken thief

        Don Diego? (himself)

    • So Bruce Wayne will be moving away?

    • NastyBossetti

      My face is my mask.

  • Stulexington

    Or maybe he was hedging his bets in case someone actually comes up with evidence of one being investigates. That would be ‘the one he meant.’

  • Sardonicuss

    Exactly how long does it take for the FBI to complete this..these “investigations” that we have been hearing about for months?
    Weeks? Years?
    or for as long as it takes for Bannon to replace every IC / JD lifer with a shred of decency left?

    • artem1s

      depends. if the Ds figure out what questions to ask this session could lead more questions than answers. that’s the key. Cotton and his tool box of idjits tried to actually introduce questions that would cast doubt on Hillary’s sexual preferences and her relationship with Huma. They just did an monumentally bad job of it.

      I’m not sure which Dems in the House has been showing leadership on this. Franken has been really good in the Senate. And from what I understand, the Senate committee hearings is where the trouble is going to start in earnest for the WH.

      • Schiff. He’s been amazing. And all over the airwaves with great talking points.

        My CP (mike quigley) was ok today too (which is good b/c i had no idea what he did besides hockey).

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    We’ll know they’re getting close when people in the administration suddenly decide they want to “spend more time with their family”.

    • The Witch of Endor

      Or die under mysterious circumstances. :(

      • Liberoid Ron

        Or both.
        ‘Mommy, why is there a knife in Daddy’s back, and why is there blood all over you?’
        ‘Hush, malenkiy malchik, and please to be watching the Spongebob.’

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Reporter lady to Spicy “is Trump planning on cutting his trips to play golf at Mar-A-Lago back, since Meals on Wheels is in danger of being cut?”

    Spicer “what a false and misleading statistic, since all presidents travel.”

    Reporter “no president has traveled this early and this often.”

    Spicer “whatevs”

    • artem1s

      well, it’s a start. maybe these lazy assholes learned something last week from that German journalist.

  • Persistent Demme

    OK, so what will be the distraction here?
    A tweet?
    Another tax release boondoggle?
    Military action?
    War?

    • The Witch of Endor

      Remember Bowling Green!

      • cmd resistor

        Damn, that wasn’t even that long ago and I’ve forgotten all about it, with all the shit in between.

        • Liberoid Ron

          See, this is why we need to put up that memorial!

      • And the pure blooded Swedes!

      • Bill D. Burger

        “The horror_____the horror!”

        • Swampgas_Man

          “The whores– the WHORES!”

      • Crystalclear12

        You know Kelleyanne Conway died there, right?

    • Notreelyhelping

      Hi, North Korea! What’cha thinkin’ about?

      • Liberoid Ron

        ‘Sneaking into South Korea because life is better there. Oops, did I say that out loud?’

    • georgiaburning

      Exactly when will the new Trump hotels or “foot massage” parlors be opening in China? Tillerson was just there, so must be soon.

      • Liberoid Ron

        He was extreme-vetting the employees.

    • HazooToo

      ALL.

    • Jim Johnson

      Maybe blame the Knights Templar?

      • Mike Steele

        Isn’t Bannon their CinC?

  • Bill D. Burger

    Spicy’s on ‘answering’ every question with, “What you should ask is….” What we need to look at is…..” “Bbbbuuuttt….Obama…..” ” Where was the media when…”
    In other words, screaming ‘squirrel’…look over there…and I have no fucking idea or answer.

    • Suttree

      I like that he is so fucking obvious about re-framing the question. He is actually trying to dictate reality. And failing.

      • cmd resistor

        I don’t like your question; it’s too hard. Let’s try THIS one!

        • Suttree

          “I don’t have to respond to you about your question”. Holy fuckballs Batman!

          • artem1s

            well, he won’t have to respond to any of them when Twittler finally kicks his ass to the curb.

        • Crystalclear12

          That didn’t work in algebra class.

          • cmd resistor

            Well, algebra is a jihadist radical thing anyhow.

      • Rumsfeld always did that, and failed, too.

        • Suttree

          East, west, north, and south..

      • Liberoid Ron

        He was doing that all weekend. Glaringly obvious, too. His gravy train is slowly leaving the station and he knows he ain’t got a ticket.

    • Jim Johnson

      Every decent, relatively competent news organization should boycott Spicey. If there are attendees at any one of Trumpy or Spicey’s pressers, they should immediately be called out as “fake news” reporters. If they are reporting on the lies and distractions that this “administration” puts out there, they are reporting fake news for sure.

  • BadKitty904

    OT: Donald Trump Wouldn’t Have to Make $18M Education Cuts If Melania Lived in White House Instead of Trump Tower

    Security expenditure for the First Lady and her son costs between $127,000 (£102,000) and $145,000 (£116,000) per day, according to the New York Police Department.
    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-cuts-education-melania-trump-tower-white-house-security-costs-a7639016.html

    • cmd resistor

      So I read today she and Barron are moving in June.

      • Bill D. Burger

        So only about $75 million+ to secure that gilded cage for her and mini-Don til them. Maybe the elimination of meals on wheels was worth it then, huh?

      • I bet the people of Slovenia are not looking forward to that.

      • BadKitty904

        Does Moscow even have a Tiffany’s?

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        If he’s still in office in June.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Wouldn’t have to, will anyway, is the distinction everyone’s missing.

      • Liberoid Ron

        Yup. It’s the difference between incompetence and evil.

    • But he would find an excuse any way.

    • Ducksworthy

      But does she have a Womba?

    • Bill D. Burger

      [Chuck Schumer, the Senate Democratic leader, inserted himself into the debate on Sunday, saying it costs $500,000 per day for nearly 200 police officers to protect Trump Tower on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan, which houses the Trump family business headquarters and serves as the home of the first lady, Melania Trump, and the couple’s son, Barron. The senator estimated the cost could rise to as much as $183m annually.

      At current estimates, even a four-year Trump administration could be heading for a billion dollars in taxpayer-borne costs – an eight-fold increase of the $97m Judicial Watch, a conservative watchdog group, estimates it cost to protect Barack Obama over the two terms of his administration.]

      https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/feb/20/trump-family-security-new-york-palm-beach-taxes

      • OrG

        Wingnut deficit hawks remain silent.Funny,that.

      • BadKitty904

        Your Tax Dollars Not at Work

      • HazooToo

        And yet, this one asshole on Twitter thinks it’s okay because he’s “not taking” his $400,000 salary. Didn’t he just take his second paycheck?

      • Bad Tom

        At a half-million dollars for 200 cops presumably 24 hours a day, with three shifts (600+ cops required,) each officer is costing around $200,000 a year.

        That actually is probably about right, when you include wages, overtime, SS, health care, training, gear, pension / retirement, etc.

      • HogeyeGrex

        And that’s just for the NYPD. Then there’s the Secret Service, and the floor in TT they’ve rented.

      • Zyxomma

        Lest we forget, Obama got constant death threats from the wingnuttosphere, which required personnel to investigate whether or not they were credible. I want Melanoma and her spawn out of my city, now.

      • laineypc

        Is there no statutory limit on the executive office protection the government will pay for? If not, there oughtta be a law!

  • Suttree

    So, the best part about not having a job, is that I get to watch Spicer every some days. Please send money for booze!

  • laughingnome

    Okay, I guess to become a congressman from Utah you don’t have to be high IQ. What a douchecanoe Stewart is.

  • Suttree

    Paul who?

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Comey “the Russians determined Trump had no chance of winning at all, so they just focused on hurting Clinton.”

    Me to Russians “you’ve never been to the South or Midwest, have you?”

    Me to Comey “thanks for telling everyone that Hillary emailed Benghazi again 11 days before the election!”

  • Bill Slider

    The suspense always mounts when an investigation gets really juicy. Those investigating want no one to escape who might be guilty. The paddywagon for this shitton will be a motorcade 3 miles long. I hope the weather is sunny and warm. I love a parade of likely political fellons.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      The administration will finally get the crowds they claimed they had for the inauguration!

    • HogeyeGrex

      The DC distributor for Depends is going to be a wealthy man by the end of this.

  • DrBigHead

    Good God, I went to the Daily Caller and looked at the comments for this. I will never do that again.

    • Crystalclear12

      Silkwood shower to the left.

  • Crystalclear12

    Spicer: Gawd damn it! Why isn’t anyone looking at the squirrels?!

  • Vincent Ricola

    LOL – Jim Himes (D – Connecticut Hero) just asked Comey to confirm Trump’s crazy tweet from this morning and got him to discredit it in realtime.

    • artem1s

      bwahahahahaha! Jeebus plz give me a special prosecutor and investigative committee who has unlimited powers to put these tools on the stand and grill them for 11 hours at a time. I promise I’ll refrain from telling my family members they are agents of Satan and are all going to hell if they don’t denounce the GOP. I’ll turn the other cheek one more fucking time, if you do me this one solid and show the universe what a septic tank full of liars they are!

  • Suttree

    “To the dismay”

    /FFS Is he channeling Jonah?

  • Suttree

    Why isn’t the DNC being looked at!!!!!!!!~! Waaahahhhhhh

    • The DNC already had their turn?

      • Mike Steele

        True that, and yet…one (R) committee hack said, in effect, if we bring you more Hillarygate, do you promise you’ll go down that rabbit hole? Comey’s response was essentially “the line forms on the right”.

    • Vincent Ricola

      This is the stupidest deflection I’ve ever heard, these idiots should be ashamed that it’s the best they could come up with.

      • FrenchFriar

        That wasn’t meant for sane people. It was solely for their base.

      • Suttree

        I was better at lying when I was five years old.

      • artem1s

        well, it’s all they have. besides who could have predicted that emails would have been enough of a deflection for millions of voters to ignore 70 years of vulgar and egregious behavior of the GOP’s orange Russian troll doll?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Trump’s continuing campaign rallies – with their nostalgic chants of “lock her up” – demonstrate that they like the old songs best, and don’t have any new ones.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I hope this ends with Trump and half of the WH being led off to jail in leg irons, while everyone screams “lock them up” as they drive past.

    • Suttree

      Can they be pelted with rotten tomato votes also, too?

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I would highly encourage it!

        • Perkniticky

          And don’t forget the rotten egg public opinion polls!

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      If I died 10 minutes after seeing Trump frog-marched out of the White House in manacles, I’d die a happy man.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I might actually die of happiness. I’d be THRILLED.

    • OrG

      Why just half?

  • FrenchFriar

    Wallace said “trumpworld” as if it were an actual place. And Nunes reacted like it existed.

    • weejee

      Swift’s Lilliput and Carroll’s Alice chasing rabbits quickly come to mind. Are any of you literary Wonketteers penning a tRumpworld satire?

      • laineypc

        I don’t know how you begin to satirize this lunacy.

  • At some point there has to be a video of 5 Trump spokes people singing a parody of a spice girls song and dancing around questions.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Pffffft….what?!? LOL!!! Ok.

    “Spicer says Manafort played a ‘very limited role’ in the campaign”

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/03/paul-manafort-role-in-trump-campaign-236269

    • rubikcube

      Sure he did…he only recommended BOTH Tillerson and Flynn….were there any OTHER recommendations?

    • SayItWithOtters

      And he’s, you know, Trump’s roommate. Or I guess just Melania’s now. Hmmm…..

  • Chadwells

    I’m surprised Steven Seagal has been so quiet on all this Russia business. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/367ae6bdb592313d054c1b3a2fc160479b8cd1ea8cf4432bc71ddf4b24e8ce17.gif

  • Creepoman

    Can sharks smell blood in the water when the water is made entirely of blood?

  • tomamitai

    Kellyanne Conway: No known Russian ties

    Oh really? She showed up to the inauguration dressed like a character from The Nutcracker Suite, a ballet with a score by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky, a well known Russian composer! Vstavay ovtsa lyudi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!

    • David Chaillou

      Is she still at the WH ? She seems to have disappeared from the radar.

    • vh

      she was talking about the wearables. those were hecho en chine.

    • phoenix00

      LOCK HER UP!

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Jennifer R

      Nice for the trail to be so out in the open.

  • Gorillionaire

    I never even heard Nune’s name until a couple months ago and he is already tops on my “shitweasel list.”

  • whitroth

    Unfortunately, he’s probably thinking of Flynn.

  • lucidamente

    “Her Roomba has been gathering all sorts of dirt on her.” ISWYDT.

  • msanthropesmr

    Numpty is my favorite python library.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Numpy libelz!

    • vh

      num pie or num pee?

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    “I don’t think there’s any but one there that’s under any type of — of — of investigation or surveillance activities at all.”

    Clearly, AOT,K.

  • CrazyDogLady

    Love you Dok Zoom, and your brilliant capitalising choice for Make It So.

    • vivian

      By the way, Dok, I’ve been meaning to ask:
      Is that a pillow on your head…
      or are you just glad to see me?

  • “Besides, we hear her Roomba has been gathering all sorts of dirt on her.”

    Falls off cliff and dies

    • Thorn Spike

      Right behind ya.

  • SayItWithOtters

    That cross-eyed dumbfuck really grates on me. We’re going to have to develop an elaborate taxonomy of face-punchability with these people.

  • VirginiaLady

    Princess Sunbutt! That ones theft worthy.

    • Wm Kiernan

      The line about Crazee Conway’s Roomba was pretty good too.

      • doktorzoom

        …and also stolen, though with careful attribution.

    • ExecutorElassus

      You obviously do not know of Dok Zoom’s long-known Brony status. He slips the Magic of Friendship into posts on the regular.

  • Zyxomma

    Oceania is at war with Eastasia. We have always been at war with Eastasia …. OMFG.

  • Panika MCD

    I’d usually say it’s the family dog, but the family doesn’t own any pets (whether by force or by choice) and that’s weird.

    It can’t be the butler because he uses H1-B loopholes to exploit the shit outta the help which he then spraypaints gold and lets Ivanka sell on HSN.

    so that can mean only one thing…FLYING MONKEYS!!!

  • DT

    I want a recording of Carl Castle reading today’s Trump Epithets for my voicemail.

  • Bryan Beecroft

    He was the Hall Monitor who was constantly Overruled.

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    Hssst! It all of them! They’re all under investigation for shady sh*t!

  • phoenix00

    > Nunes is a mushmoushed numpty

    As opposed to a moushmushed numpty?

  • jackaroe

    I think his brain was trying to say “not” instead of “any”, so it would be, “not but one”, which still means there is one, but I’ve heard people say that and mean “not a one”, because people don’t talk so good.

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