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He is so S-M-R-T and dreamy
Freaking frat boy jerkwads

For a lot of us, our college years were the time we learned who we are, drank a lot of beer, and thought Kurt Vonnegut was the smartest writer ever (and we were right!). But not Paul Ryan! When Paul Ryan was a college lad, turns out one of his big dreams for the future was dismantling the social safety net, as we learn in this interview with the National Review’s Rich Lowry:

“So Medicaid,” Ryan told Lowry, “sending it back to the states, capping its growth rate. We’ve been dreaming of this since I’ve been around — since you and I were drinking at a keg. . . . I’ve been thinking about this stuff for a long time. We’re on the cusp of doing something we’ve long believed in.”

We sure would have hated to go to a kegger with those guys. Ha, who are we kidding? Those guys had all the keggers, and still do, although it’s probably a rare frat boy who gets a buzz on, looks out on the quad through his beer goggles, and mutters, “Someday… someday, my brothers, we’ll ALL live in an America where aid for poor people’s health care will be rationed out to the states in inadequate block grants, and 24 million people will be uninsured thanks to ME!”

Then his frat brothers would lead him to a chair and he’d sit there with his head leaning to one side, mentally stripping a young woman across the room of her reproductive rights.

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  • Jim Johnson

    Yep. Just plain heartless evil.

  • Michael Smith

    Later they smoked a joint, and got all paranoid that they were being oppressed for being Christians.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I imagine 12 guys splitting a joint of piss weed shake and declared “whoa, man, I’ll never go near that stuff again.”

  • boredcatlady

    What an asshole.

    • Creepoman

      And a whole ass.

  • Up In Smoke O’hontas

    OT: Thanks for the Irish luck, all you wonking fuckaducks! Crazy Smokodad is in recovery! He’s feeling so good he’s already ornery and hitting on the nurses!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Did I miss this? What happened?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Woohoo! Good for your old man, & good for you.

  • Nightcrawler
  • Oblios_Cap

    I can think of a whole lot of more titillating topics to ponder on when I’m drinking. Ryan must have gotten beaten on a regular basis at those keggers.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Not near enough.

  • Crystalclear12

    I am sorry the “Who is the Worst” contest is closed. . . we have WINNER!

    • Slamtundra

      Whoa whoa whoa! Let’s not be too hasty.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Now we know why the republicans’ human suits always seem to be itchy. They’re not actually humans.

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Fortunately the malevolence is tempered by the incompetence.

    • Liberoid Ron

      But insufficiently.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I can’t believe that he thinks that top picture is flattering. Well, given it’s Ryan, yes I can.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Immediately afterward, he ran around making everyone touch his agitated bicep and declare awe.

  • JMP

    In college, Ryan was largely living off of Social Security survivor benefits following his father’s death. So he’s always been a hypocritical ass as well as being evil as fuck.

    • RobKanC

      Its because he sees what he has become because of the SS survivor benefit and he wants to prevent any future Paul Ryan to form because of it. Its like he is self aware enough that he realizes he is the cancer on our society but he is not self aware enough to realize that he can change it anytime he wants to.

  • jodyleek

    Speaking of Vonnegut, he’d have called Ryan a twerp.

    • Vecchioivan

      Or a sparrow fart.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        * See that? it’s an asshole. Just like Ryan.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Hi, ho!

    • OrG

      Ya know, W coulda been Eliot Rosewater, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    • He’d have told him to take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut.

      • snowmentality

        I went to a fancy doughnut shop in Dublin called The Rolling Doughnut. I really want it to be a Vonnegut reference. (Good doughnuts too.)

    • snigsy

      Too bad we can’t say “so it goes” whenever he’s named (with votes, etc.).

  • PubOption

    It seems that St. Patrick killed all the snakes in Ireland, but not before some escaped to the USA.

  • Rick Hill

    Not one redeeming aspect at all. Completely malevolent and, in a just world, would be forced to live the life he wants to impose on the great unwashed.

  • OrG

    I would love to go to a kegger with zegs. If I remember correctly, sometimes senseless violence would occur at such gatherings. ‘Nuff said.

  • Scrofula

    Do you even grift, bro?

  • memzilla Ω

    Can somebody please post the line on both the Legislative Shitmuffin Of The Year and Most Punchable Face competitions? I know that Paul Ryan is in both of them, but I don’t know the odds of his winning.

  • Shoto

    ZEGS Ryan and Rick Sparklepants yucking it up about gutting healthcare for millions of defenseless people is so utterly horrifying in so many ways, that I can’t even.

    I loathe ZEGS Ryan with the heat of fortyleventeengillion hot suns. (Yeah, I’m supposed to be pacing myself, but still…)

    • yyyaz

      Especially when this photo of his scrawny, poseur, punk self with the dickweasel leer appears.

  • Anna Rompage

    “capping its growth rate.”

    Really? How about funding the research to cap cancers growth rate, or capping the spread of infectious diseases & congenital issues, before you limit the resources that are needed to fucking take care of people who have medical issues…

    • Liberoid Ron

      Don’t be silly. That might HELP people.

      • willi0000000

        if you give people what i got then that would mean less for me, retroactively.

  • He was jerking it while reading The Fountainhead.

    I wonder how many times he was dropped on his head as a babby.

    • Crystalclear12

      Too many or not enough?

  • Anna Rompage

    The more this guy opens his mouth, the more I want to punch him in the face….

    • Belasaurius

      why stop there?

      • Creepoman

        Nuts are made for kicking.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Did his brothers call him ‘Flounder ‘?

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Probably tortured puppies in elementary school for practice.

  • goonemeritus

    I remember when my Finance major son was just a toddler, he looked at the collection plate at church and said “this is exactly the way dependency is encouraged”.

    • Oblios_Cap

      My engineering son looked at the preacher and said the same thing!

  • Oblios_Cap

    Those must have been some keggers, since Lowry went to Virginia and Ryan went to Miami University in Ohio.

    • Me not sure

      Now I know why I’ve always thought that having a Miami in Ohio was one Miami too many.

      • Crystalclear12

        Another Miami in Oklahoma.
        Anyone else noticing a trend?

        • laughingnome

          Your move Arizona

          • Liberoid Ron

            And Texas – home of the National Cow Calling Championships.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    So punchable.

  • nightmoth

    So the frat party drinking killed their brain cells?

    • Oblios_Cap

      What little he had.

  • Scrofula

    Shocker, Ryan’s undergrad days were at U Ohio, Miami, in Oxford (Ohio).
    Shocking because it’s a) public b) never heard of it and c) sounds like a place you go for a resume (I went to Oxford) or impress your fellow bros (I went to Miami, bro).

    • Liberoid Ron

      I think PJ O’Rourke got kicked out of U Ohio, Miami.

  • x111e7thst

    Don’t care how much iron he pumps. Guy’s a fucking punk.

    • Slamtundra

      He does lots of reps, no weight.

  • jodyleek

    To facilitate his orgasm, his wife dresses like a homeless person and screams “debtors prison” at just the right moment.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Laugh. Out. Loud! An annuity of upfists.

      • jodyleek

        Awww shucks. Thanks.

    • nightmoth

      LMAO:)

  • Me not sure

    Every time I see him pull that “Muppet mouth” look, I honestly want to smack him upside the head with a tube sock full of manure.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Interestingly specific. What colour is the sock?

      • Me not sure

        It was white.

  • Greyhame

    See now, when I read The Fountainhead in college, it was like being taken on a bad acid trip while a malevolent narrator twisted convoluted phrases into a relentless assault against the logic centers of my brain.

    I guess Paul Ryan had a different experience.

    • OrG

      You read the whole thing?

      • Scrofula

        On acid?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        I did. There’s nothing like long, repetitive rants against collectivism to get me all hot and bothered.

        • OrG

          After just a few pages I thought “This is shit I have better ways to waste my time.”

      • Greyhame

        Well I had to find out how it ended.
        Turns out it was Colonel Mustard, in the library, with a candlestick.

        • Liberoid Ron

          Hey, spoilers!

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        It was the only infinite jest longer than “Infinite Jest.”

    • whitroth

      I read Anthem at 19. Ayn Rand was a *terrible* writer. Nothing but strawmen, and you could see the puppet wires on them. Late thirties, a co-worker/friend wanted me to read Atlas Shrugged. See cmts, above. 70? 80? 90? pages of a speech? As the old movie mogul said, “if you’ve got a message, send it Western Union”.

      Heinlein had some similar attitudes, but a) did reality checks, and b) could actually write.

      Oh, and she ended her last years on social security and Medicare. Yo, Ryan! You have Ayn Rand?

      • georgiaburning

        Heinlein’s ‘The Moon is a Harsh Mistress’ had a libertarian slant, but faced up to the reality that somebody had to keep the air running in the tunnels.

    • mailman27

      I read it in high school. Now, I read some stupid shit in high school and thought a lot of it was OK. But even at that tender age I could recognize cardboard cut-out characters, stilted dialogue and tedious fucking prose.

    • Doug Langley

      Don’t forget to visit today’s installment in Patheos’ deconstruction of The Fountainhead!

      http://www.patheos.com/blogs/daylightatheism/2017/03/fountainhead-roaring-twenties/

      • Liberoid Ron

        Dang, I missed the first ones. To the time machine!

    • Liberoid Ron

      We kept warning people, don’t take the brown Objectivist acid.

  • Crystalclear12
    • Lascauxcaveman

      Briefly, then they fall off.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    So he admits that the idea of funding Medicaid through grants to the state is the product of a drunken frat boy fantasy?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Granny don’t do keg stands!

      • Scrofula

        I’ve seen Yr. Gma do a Denny’s jam packet kegstand, before she got banned (I don’t see her, but she’s always reading).

        • Yr. Gma

          I told you you would pay if you let that get out, you little shit.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Why not? Grover Norquist proudly came up with ‘no new taxes ever’ in the bathtub.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        But the bathroom is supposed to be a place of quiet contemplation. I can see…oh, yeah, Norquist AND the Russian Puppet argue against that idea. Never mind.

        • Slamtundra

          It’s not that quiet when I’m in there. Maybe I’m doing it wrong.

      • prommie

        Grover was drowning one of his trannie hookers in the bathtub, when it occurred to him, if the Government were as small as a trannie hooker, he could drown the government and bury it under his porch, too.

  • snigsy

    Remember that asshole in that fourth-year seminar class? The one who sat across the table from you with that perpetual smirk? Him.

  • DahBoner
  • boyblue123

    Then after the keg party, Paul Ryan and his frat bros went and kicked the walkers from under some elderly people just for ish and giggles

    • prommie

      That’s a slanderous exaggeration. All they did was go out and try to do some gay-bashing, and when they couldn’t find any gays (except the closeted among them) they lit a homeless man on fire.

  • memzilla Ω

    Meanwhile, the guy who is tasked with implementing Zombie Eyed Granny Starver Paul Ryan’s wet dream of killing people quicker, Tom Price at HHS — it seems he was under investigation by just-fired Preet Bharara for his sleazy stock trades that he swore NOPE NOPE NUH-UH NOT ME at his confirmation hearing.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c60c7e9083f626c3d5e9a93b1f3212c84626524aadcb2d49ecf07cdb45fe2211.jpg

    • boyblue123

      Notable news headlines at this point with anybody associated with the Drumpf administration would be:

      “Holy crap, this guy is totally clean and is an upstanding citizen in society”
      “News at 11”

      • Liberoid Ron

        It’s a lovely thought, but we all know that this is purest fantasy.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    I imagine it was more like, “Where are we going to get more beer money? Tax cuts!”

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I believe he was like that. He reminds me of one of those assholes who would insist on strict adherence to Robert’s Rules during frat house meetings, when all anyone really wants to accomplish is choosing a theme for the next kegger, and despite not even being an officer.

    “What about ‘Pimps and Hos?’ Chicks look hot and doable that way.”
    “Trevor, you haven’t been recognized by the chair.”
    “Fuck you, douchnozzle! Lemme at him.”

  • Harry Eisel

    In a related story, the makers of Summer’s Eve have asked folks to stop referring to Ryan as a douche as it is harming their brand.

  • BrendaKay

    I know logic does not exist in Paul Ryan’s world… but when you cap the growth of medicaid, what program caps the growth of poor people?

    • jodyleek

      No access to affordable health care?

    • Prison capacity?

      • Jamoche

        Workhouses?

        • Liberoid Ron

          ‘If I can do a few curls for the camera, you sure as hell can walk on the treadmill for 12 hours a day.’

    • boyblue123

      death?

    • undercover epicurean

      Free bootstraps*

      *provide your own boots

    • georgiaburning

      War

      • puredog

        Huh. What is it good for?

        • Liberoid Ron

          Absolutely nothing.

        • georgiaburning

          Worse than nothing, it could get Trump re-elected in 2020

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Those late-night infomercials about real-estate investing?

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    Worst. Kegger. Ever. I bet they didn’t even do keg stands while discussing dismantling the establishment!

    • Scrofula

      He went to a public school in rural Ohio. No matter what, they were the most boring keggers ever.

  • Yuh
  • Finnabar87

    Paul Ryan’s father died when he was a kid.

    Where did his medical care come from?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • undercover epicurean

    I think a poor kid must have beaten him up once in junior high.

  • Creepoman

    So if this (starving and bankrupting the least among us) is what he publicly admits gets him off, I really, really, do not want to see his browser history.

  • Yr. Gma

    He calls himself a Catholic. Hes’ a sociopath. It’s a Christian dream to cause misery and death for older people and children, I guess.

    • Zonath

      He probably figures that even if the Rapture doesn’t happen anytime soon, we can at least get a head start on the thousand years of tribulation.

      • Yr. Gma

        Jokes on him cuz Catholics don’t do the Rapture. That’s a fundie thing.

        • Scrofula

          What with being a complete out-your-ass fiction from the 19th century.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          They don’t. They mostly just lay there.

          • prommie

            They tend to be quick with the blowjobs, though, so they can avoid the wicked sinful fucking.

          • Scrofula

            AOT, K. Definitely Mennonite girls (not the Amish ones. Or maybe? All the cow milking, a handie might be too much).

          • puredog

            And the anal. Why, I knew a fine Irish Catholic lassie oncet. . . .

    • Hutch

      Maybe Pope Francis can excommunicate Ryan via a Tweet early tomorrow morning. And steal all Donnie’s thunder.

    • Scrofula

      His daddy was Irish. So, Catholic as that.

  • Finnabar87

    Paul Ryan has always dreamt that he would be the REAL Simon LaGree of America!

  • Zonath

    “Bro! I just had a thought! What if we dismantled federal entitlements. Wouldn’t that be epic, bro?”

    “Dude, you know it, bro! Pound another beer, bro!”

    “But bro, what if all this alcohol leads to liver disease later in life? Won’t we need Medicare around then?”

    “Naw bro! Just get elected to Congress, and you’ll have all the healthcare you ever need, bro!”

    “Right on, bro! EPIC!”

  • FZsdaughter

    The fantasy of the weak man.

  • Wild Cat

    Wait until it’s revealed that all the cheese Wisconsin produces is really Welfare-addict Paul Ryan’s smegma.

    • Yr. Gma

      Ew.

      • Wild Cat

        Thanks, Gram. What’s for supper?

        • Yr. Gma

          Nachos?

          • Courser_Resistance

            UR Evil.

  • Finnabar87

    I also once loved Ayn Rand and dreamed of the glorious work of railroads, Paul.

    Then I graduated from high school.

    • laughingnome

      You’re still down with railroads though, right?

      • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

        Railroads are awesome.

        • puredog

          Rewatched early Grimm episode last night where nerd clock-repairer model-train enthusiast wesen Monroe — still largely unformed as a character — get his first glimpse inside the Cabinet of Grimm Medieval Weapons in Aunt Marie’s trailer and says, with look of horror: “This is . . . . .[tone changes to one of pure geeky delight]: AWESOME!”

      • Liberoid Ron

        That’s a sign of exceptional intellect. And FWIW, Ayn knew as little about railroads as she knew about, well, anything else.

    • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

      Weren’t you a little old to be reading Ayn Rand? I stopped at 15, at the latest, maybe 14.

      • Jack Tenhet

        I stopped at “Atlas Shrugged”. I was only thirteen and still realized it was full of shit. Never picked up one of her books again and I do have a copy of Mein Kampf, no copies of anything by Ayn Rand.

  • MamaBrown

    My mother says he looks like an IRA assassin. can you just see him slipping a knife in someone’s ribs down at the pub?

    • DainBramage

      Hmmm… No, what I see is a guy who wants to murder people by spreadsheet. Wouldn’t have the guts to do it personally.

      • Isaac Heston

        Nailed it.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I shit you not, when I lived in Dublin a guy attempted to recruit me. My Irish friends were like fuckin’ hell, he’s IRA, stay AWAY from that bloke.
        Paul Ryan doesn’t have what it takes. He only wishes they’d have any interest in him. Even they aren’t interested in someone with as much blood on his hands as that twunt.

      • puredog

        No wet work for our Paulie?

    • Greyhame

      Good god, yes.

    • Shibusa
  • onedollarjuana

    When I was a geology student we hosted “stone soup” parties. Our keggers. Everyone brought something to put in the soup, and we supplied a nice chunk of granite. I guarantee no frat boy talk of screwing the poorz, just lots of soup, beer, and potato cannons.

    • BrendaKay

      Creative!

    • laughingnome

      You rock!

    • Christopher Story

      Stone soup is my favorite story!

  • btwbfdimho

    F. Nietzsche:
    What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger; but makes you closer to call that bankruptcy lawyer again.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    OT but Wisconsin-related. Anybody have the brolly bunny handy?
    http://milwaukeerecord.com/city-life/sheriff-clarke-now-threatening-beat-shit-mayor-barrett/

  • Step 1: invent time machine.
    Step 2: Get drunk with Hemingway.
    Step 3. Kill Hitler with Drunk Hemingway.
    Step 4: Get drunk with Teddy Roosevelt and Hemingway
    Step 5: Show up at Paul Ryan and Rich Lowry’s Frat party and give them atomic wedgies with Drunken Roosevelt and Hemingway.
    Step 6: Debate letting Drunken Roosevelt hunt them for sport and trophies before we drag their asses back to 17th century England in their underpants so they’ll hopefully learn something about how much poverty sucks.
    Step 7: Pick up Ben Franklin along the way. Party with drunk Franklin, Roosevelt, and Hemingway.

    • This sounds like a fun party. Where’s the phone booth?

    • OrG

      EXCELLENT!

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Sounds like a solid plan!

    • Fancy Meau-Faux

      How many people can you fit in your Delorean?

      • Slamtundra

        Not a Delorean, a hot tub.

    • TJ Barke

      How could you not go get FDR and give him a robot body with which to beat on Hitler?

    • Anna Rompage

      How about picking up an old Ayn Rand, who’s living off of the social safety net, and leaving her in care of Ryan, after giving him his atomic wedgies?

      • Shibusa

        “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”

        • Sonyacaguilar

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dd264c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !dd264c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs554MarketIndexGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dd264c:….,……..

        • Maryannmmarks

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !da185c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !da185c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs475DirectCoachGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!da185c:….,…….

    • chicken thief

      I’d swing by Spain with Hemingway and Ava Gardner to watch the running of the bulls also too.

    • Isaac Heston

      Bringing Hunter S. Thompson along to document it?

    • doktorzoom

      Look, everyone wants to kill Hitler, but will you just wait a damn minute and READ THE FAQ?

      • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

        We can punch Nazis and have James Comey set his dick on fire, but we can’t kill Hitler!!?!?!?

      • Jack Tenhet

        “Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no
        Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no
        computers, no time travel. Get the picture?”

        Thank you, Dok! That’s absolutely hilarious and I’ve bookmarked it.

        • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

          “I see in order to kill hitler I’m gonna have to kill silverfox316 first.”

          • Jack Tenhet

            LMFAO! Yeah, that silverfox316 seems determined to undo any Hitler killing.

        • doktorzoom

          It’s been a favorite around here for years :)

          • Jack Tenhet

            Well, I love it, Dok! It’s great to see people actually thinking and still keeping a sense of humor. Those are things I love about this place. :)

    • Liberoid Ron

      Are you selling tickets, and do you take PayPal?

    • Nockular cavity

      That would be some party:
      “C’mon, Ben, let’s go find some whores!”
      “Capital idea, lad!”
      Hemingway: “That’s the spirit!”
      TR: “Fine, but first everybody’s got to fight this bear…with your BARE HANDS!”

    • undercover epicurean
    • alpacapunchbowl

      Just don’t let Franklin bogart all the willing young ladies. Worst wingman ever.

    • Tiny kaiju

      Step 8: Get treated for syphillis and alcohol related liver disease. Maybe tick borne illnesses if you went hunting with Roosevelt.

    • georgiaburning

      Bring along some cash, Hemingway’s bar tabs in Havana and Key West were pretty big.

  • NastyBossetti

    That last line is a thing of beauty.

    • doktorzoom

      That last line is pretty much the only reason I took the story.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Kegs of Old Milwaukee don’t count.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      No one in Milwaukee drinks Old Swill. With the possible exception of this spineless dickfart.

    • Duke

      I’m thinking “Mickey’s.”

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Paul Ryan doesn’t strike me as the “kegger” type. He’s the type who would show up and the other dudebros would be like “Who invited the dweeb?”

    • Liberoid Ron

      He wouldn’t bring drinks or snacks, either, but somehow he’d manage to take home all the GOOD liquor.

  • Panika MCD

    of all the people not crushed by kegs in college. gonna have to crush ’em with votes now, but gerrymandering makes that such a bitch.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I believe that Screeching Munster was that vindictive of a little prick in college.

  • chicken thief

    Bullshit. Nobody would invite that fucking buzz kill Paul Ryan to a party.

  • Foocatchoo

    That guy would only get a bid from the Delta Delta Douches

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      WHere I went to college, the Kappa Deltas were a SORORITY

  • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

    This is what happens when you deny yourself the manlove you so deeply desire.

    • Foocatchoo

      I dont think he’s denying anything; it’s a well known fact that both he and Pence have attended numerous “Tickle Parties” hosted by Donald Jr. & Eric in the sub-basement of the WH

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

        • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

          It would be un-American not to assert it as fact.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            That’s the ticket!…

      • undercover epicurean

        They’re always hanging out down in the White House bowling alley. You don’t want to know where they put the pins.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    So…let me get this straight…even as he was accepting government assistance to go to college, he was planning on destroying the ladder for others.

    Fine. With votes it is. Sharp, pointy, curare dipped votes.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Sharp, pointy curare-dipped votes dropped from orbit.

      • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

        The things you can do with votes these days.

        • puredog

          IKR? Compared to the things you can’t do with votes (see, 11/8/2016).

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        you’re just droning on and on, aren’t you…

  • Jack Tenhet

    And screw this POS too! That’s all there is to say about heartless Ryan.

    I am just to pissed off today to be polite to these bastards.

  • Sardonicuss

    Yes. Who among us didn’t spend our time at keggers standing around discussing the best way to screw over the poors….while our college was being paid for by the govt.
    The word “asshole” really needs it’s own seperate thesaurus at this point.

    • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

      You know, that may actually not be so vanishingly rare, if you think about it.

      • Sardonicuss

        When I was in coolage, in the early 80’s, wingers were virtually non existent….or if they existed at all, kept themselves hidden in basements somewhere. And that was in a red state. They would have been mercilessly ridiculed.(as we did to all “frat rats”)..like Pauly probably was!
        I lived in a giant old two story house with a bunch of other stoners just off campus. Every May first, we closed down the block for a May Day Kegger.
        A band played on the upstairs balcony, and we flew the hammer and sickle.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Sounds a lot like the old Mifflin Street Block Party in Madison. It was the first weekend of every May to commemorate the time in the late 60s that those two blocks of Mifflin seceded from the US.

          • Sardonicuss

            I have been there…but it was way south of that.
            Also, I call it a red state but back then it had a dem gov and dem lege reliably.
            It was closer to PCU than Animal House because even though it was a former frat house….we really hated and tormented the nearby frats.

    • Anna Rompage

      Funny, when I was in college, we used to sit around the keg discussing how to fuck over the wealthy by addressing the income disparity in this country…

      • Weevie

        We sat around talking about nothing even remotely resembling politics.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Geez, we just sat around wondering when the MPs would show up and how to bring Nixon to his knees….times change….

        • H0mer0

          [insert here: twisted joke about Neil Young’s son, knees and Nixon cumming, not fully formulated yet.]

  • cats530

    The really pathetic thing about frat boy Eddie Munster is that he’s never grown up (and probably never will). Frat boys are obnoxious enough, but the Peter Pan syndrome morons are intolerable.

  • Ωbjectifier

    He never would have been a frat boy without federal assistance.

    • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

      Those people are such takers, aren’t they?

    • Jack Tenhet

      These people are the true welfare queens. Ryan took his fill, so did Limbaugh. Limbaugh was on welfare, sucking down pain pills for jollies.

  • CATMAN

    Wow–when me and my friends were standing around the keg thinking about pussy, Pauly was thinking about health care policy. That man is one sick sonofabitch

  • Liberoid Ron

    I take some small solace in knowing that at least they were getting shitfaced on weak, watery horse piss and not actual beer. Losers.

    • puredog

      something something destination something journey mutter

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      Are you speaking of the diff between 3.2 and 6. beer?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I don’t believe for a second that Paul “ZEGS” Ryan ever had enough empathy to have frat “brothers”. At best they were supporting characters in his quest for power.

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      He must have belonged to one that was a smarmy as he is.

      I bet when kids came on campus, the girls would warn all of the other girls – “NEVER go out with any of the creeps in the following fraternities”. And when the new girls would ask about Lyin’s ratfrat, they would be admonished to beg any prof to move them if they were required to sit next to one of those creeps for an entire semester.

      I had to do that once because the guy in front of me had PIG BARN class before Chemistry and the pig crap was ripe.

      The prof argued with me until I asked her to go check it out.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        I was never in a frat, though I will admit to going to rush parties…for the free beer of course. Didn’t know there were entire frats full of ZEGS wannabes. It makes me feel nauseated.

      • H0mer0

        you had assigned seating in college?

  • Weevie

    As a resident of a neighboring state, don’t overestimate Wisconsin. They’re called Cheeseheads for a reason.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      HEY!
      Well, okay, I did leave for a reason. Madison and elements of Milwaukee are pretty allright though.

      • DahBoner

        Where you from?

        Chicago.

        What part of Chicago?

        Northern Chicago.

        Oh really, where?

        Milwaukee.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Well, there are in fact a few neighborhoods on the northwest/far north side of Chicago that remind me of the south side of Milwaukee area I grew up in.

          • Shibusa

            Did you ever go to the Bristol Renaissance Faire?

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Many, many moons ago. I’m not much of an SCA kid or LARPer, but it is fun.

        • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

          Good that it’s northern Chicago because Herr Drumpfenfuhrer plans to nuke the south side.

          • H0mer0

            Isn’t that where Bad Bad Leroy Brown lives?

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      Considering that they hired Skank Walker three times and are probably going to rehire him yet again (feeling sorry for him since he has no place else to go after having to throw his parents out of his house to sell it to cover some of his debt, it will be no shock.

      Or, he could just order the legislature to give him the job permanently with new laws.

  • Paperless Tiger

    They always have the fantasy that they can ruin the working poor without ruining the economy. It’s like kicking the legs out from under a table and expecting it to float in midair.

    • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

      Rich people do everything, doncha know.

      • DahBoner

        Bitching, moaning, backstabbing, yup they do it all!

  • willi0000000

    found two in The Book of Wonderfulness that apply here:

    “The secret of a great success for which you are at a loss to account is a crime that has never been found out, because it was properly executed.”
    – Honoré de Balzac

    “If you can find money to kill people, you can find money to help people.”
    -Tony Benn

  • Suse

    Trump supporter credits Trumpcare — which hasn’t taken effect — for dramatically lower health costs http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/trump-supporter-credits-trumpcare-which-hasnt-taken-effect-for-dramatically-lower-health-costs/

    • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

      Friend posted that on the faceplacespace. Jeezis, what a moron!

    • HazooToo

      I want to shake her.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      These people are literally too stupid to live.

      • Suse

        Too stupid to teach school, certainly.

    • DahBoner

      McComic, who campaigned for Trump with some relatives by forming a motorcade and driving through their hometown shouting his name

      All I heard was:
      https://media4.giphy.com/media/TbelFqx54xiEM/giphy.gif

      • kareemachan

        Holy crap, WHY did you have to post this? I’m supposed to go to brunch in a bit…

    • Reximus

      In her defense, she also allows that maybe it was Jebus who dropped her insurance costs, if it wasn’t Trump…but probably both

    • Thorn Spike

      Wow. Victoria Jackson has really let herself go.

      • Suse

        lol!

      • mardam422

        Nice.

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      Typical right wing ‘brain power’.

  • JackLinks
  • Lefty Wright

    Every time I see that photo of Ryan with the backwards baseball cap I think Goober Pyle’s evil twin.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I just see dumbbells.

  • DahBoner

    I agree with Paul Krugman…

    Ryan is nothing more than a “con artist who started to believe his own con”.
    https://media1.giphy.com/media/SQRSAJiy3brwY/giphy.gif

  • pgjack

    Remember, Ayn Rand wound living off the state. Smug, smirking Ryan will be happy to be the most hated man in America.

  • Shibusa

    O/T but interesting. Fired US Attorney Preet Bharara had been overseeing an investigation into funky stock trades made by HHS Sec Tom Price. https://www.propublica.org/article/preet-bharara-fired-investigating-tom-price-hhs-stock-trading

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      Yep – we knew that was why. It had been discusses so NATCH it had to be NIPPED in the bud because Tom Price gets to steal anything he wants in any fashion he wants and making money the way he did is theft, pure and simple.

  • Mavenmaven

    Borrowing from that line about Trump, Paul Ryan is what an a$s hole thinks an economist is like.

  • Shibusa

    Duncan Black summed up Ryan’s hypocrisy nicely:
    Public high school.
    Public university.
    Congressional staffer, with service jobs for additional money.
    Speechwriter for Jack Kemp.
    Staffer for Sam Brownback.
    Member of Congress.
    Capitalism, just as Ayn Rand envisioned.

    • calliecallie

      Not to mention he used the Social Security money he got after his dad died when he was 16 to pay for his fucking college. Basically, your tax dollars paid for him to be at that fucking kegger.

    • Mike Steele

      Intellectually, he may have lusted for Ayn but, practically speaking, he’s always preferred the public teat. Just one in an endless list of hypocritical douchebags.

      • H0mer0

        [I think that’s what Shibusa meant]
        Also too, he staffed for Governor “He Blows A Lot”? Young grasshopper has pleased his master.

  • mardam422

    I’ll bet dollars to donuts Ryan was one of those guys who showed up at a party, drank his fill and never dropped a buck in the can.

    • ohpaleasegivemeabreak

      And tried to do ugly things to any girl who had too much to drink.

      • cleos_mom

        And then proceeded to an all-night eatery whose staff regularly fantacized about drunk frat boys being in horrible, gruesome accidents.

        Yes, I’m speaking from experience.

  • mardam422

    There’s a picture of Paul Ryan on the Summer’s Eve box. For some reason.

    • Lambsendbeds

      That’s the “Piss and Vinegar” scented one.

  • Paul Ryan is the brains of this operation.

    Paul Ryan is the brains of this operation.

    Paul Ryan is the brains of this operation.

    Let that sink in.

    • calliecallie

      Drunk frat boy driving the car we are all riding in.

  • psychobroad

    It’s blowing my mind, I didn’t know how many people are so cruel. Most of the stuff in trumps budget is just gratuitously cruel, and they’re all getting woodies over it. I don’t understand how you can get off on kicking down, and they do in a big way.

    • FWIW, this is what Susan Sarandon was talking about. I’m not saying I agreed with her, but this is the point in her logic where the shit hits the fan. The next few months will be very interesting. Hopefully not depressing.

      • And this is why I was pissed at Susan Sarandon, and everyone else making that argument. It’s not that the logic was bad, it’s that for the shit to hit the fan, so many people are going to have to suffer. People who can’t fight back and may not even know why they have to suffer, like little kids in after-school nutrition programs and seniors with dementia who get meals on wheels and sick people who are going to get thrown off their insurance in the middle of chemo or whatever. Yeah, fine, it’ll be a revolution, but we could have just elected Hillary and had forward progress without sacrificing a bunch of innocent people for a revolution that Susan Sarandon will never personally suffer for.

        Yes, I’m still bitter. Why do you ask?

        • It’sWhitneyBitch

          Maybe Susan Sarandon hasn’t suffered, but her poor daughter sure has! She has SUCH a difficult time with her household staff, poor darling.

          http://happilyevaafter.com

          • ahughes798

            She’s not quite the clueless twat Gwyneth Paltrow is.

          • cleos_mom

            No one knows the horrors inflicted on the helpless rich via The Servant Problem.

      • The Flaming Carrot

        Susan Sarandon can kiss the fattest part of my ass.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Matt Yglesias
    //twitter.com/mattyglesias/status/842767143607373824

    Imagine your youthful dream being denying health care services to the poor children, the elderly, and the disabled. https://t.co/PUlpxet9gn— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) March 17, 2017

    • WeaselPoo

      As the saying goes, “youth is wasted on assholes”.

  • RC

    I just stole this from Lit3Bolt and it pretty much says it all.

    Tiny Tim Deserves To Die. The New Republican Motto.

  • Sonyacaguilar

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dd266c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dd266c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs555DirectIndexGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dd266c:….,….

    • Sekhmet1

      No it isn’t, and no you didn’t.

      • WeaselPoo

        Although If I could get a !dd266c:, or spend more time with it, or exchange it for something of equal value, count me in!

    • ContextIsKey

      I make $97/hour writing fake new stories and publishing them on fake right wing news sites. This afternoon I’m going to write a story that North Korea is going to launch a preemptive nuclear strike on Washington, then forward the link to Fox News and Breitbart. Woohoo, watch the fun begin then!

  • phoenix00

    > I’ve been thinking about this stuff for a long time.

    And yet your Plan is this shitty? DISAPPOINT.

    • kareemachan

      And FAILURE!!!

  • H0mer0

    [Whenever I’m away from Wonkette, I go thru withdrawal whether or not you upfist my comments] but seriously, can you imagine being a social security survivor benefit legacy “it was mine since my dad paid into it” guy talking about destroying the social safety net? I didn’t even know the difference between Medicare and Medicaid when I was in college (now I know all too well in private practice.) So Ryan was already one of those assholes in college already (not surprised.) I gave a primer on the insurance game to a young long term patient who just managed to get on an Obamacare high deductible plan which she could afford to explain that even if she has to pay for this appointment with her deductible, she probably would only need to pay a fraction of it because of the “negotiated” price with the insurance company, so they can make it seem like she already had a benefit. Of course, they might have twisted the rules so far.

  • The Flaming Carrot

    So, he went to university while sucking at the government teat and he was dreaming about . . . doing away with the government teat?

    • kareemachan

      It’s the repug way.

    • ContextIsKey

      The GOP doesn’t want to “do away” with the government teats, they just want keep the government teats for themselves. Damned teat hogs.

    • Stephanie Rakowski

      But he’s a white dude. All for keeping white dudes teated

  • At the crossroads, stay strong

    Ryan could introduce a Surcease Society. Doesn’t that sound nice? They
    will visit the sick and determine the cost of healing them. If it’s
    beyond a certain limit, then it’s, “Here. Drink this Kool Aid. Your
    problems will soon be over.” Then a discreet removal squad moves in and
    ‘natural causes’ written on the death certificate. All neat and tidy.

    • thixotropic jerk

      You forgot the organ “donor” part

      • ahughes798

        Yes, but if you Drink the Kill Aid, it will contaminate your organs and make them unsuitable for donaton.

  • Prolecat

    Sociopaths sitting and plotting the deaths of millions. Dystopian novels come to life.

    • roberteye

      Ayn Ryan got all caught up in The Fountainhead in college, and forgot to notice Ayn Rand died while using Medicare. Ryan was raised on Social Security death benefits. It saul nutz I tell you.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Freaks.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Although, next time I watch Animal House, I am going to substitute their names during Bluto’s big speech…”Ryan? Lowry?”

  • John Mruzik

    A punch able face.

  • Maryannmmarks

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !da185c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !da185c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs475DirectCoachGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!da185c:….,……..

  • Friedrich

    Remember when we were supposed to think this doofus was “hot?” What I hate the most about Ryan is his fake poses. Like teaching us what insurance is (taking insurance away from poor people), with his sleeves rolled up. Or showing up with his wife at a homeless shelter to wash a clean pan for a photo op. He’s like the ultimate used-car salesman!

  • Andy

    << I was paid 104 thousand bucks in last twelve months by doing an online job a­­n­­d I was able to do it by wor­king in my own time f­­o­­r 3+ hrs /daily. I’m using a business model I found online and I am thrilled that i made so much money on the side. It’s really beginner-friendly and I am just so thankful that i found this . Check out what I do… ➤➤➤➤http://www.wzurl.me/AlRAyA

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