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Obama in Hawaii this past week

Thursday, we told you about the new hilarious conspiracy theory on the right-wing internet, which says the only reason that district court judge in Hawaii, Derrick Watson, ruled against Trump’s Muslim Ban 2.0 is Watson and Barry Bamz Barack went to law school together, and when Obama was visiting Hawaii this week, he ate dinner practically walking distance from the judge’s house, OMG CONSPIRACY SOLVED, OBAMA WROTE THE JUDGE’S DECISION! We found the story rolling around in the ass swamps of Outer Wingnuttia, being bandied about by the likes of Jim Hoft, Stupidest Man On The Internet, and Alex Jones’s Infowars. Of course, to Donald Trump and his acolytes, those are “legitimate news sources.”

So it should come as no surprise that the conspiracy theory made it, in record time, to the Stupidest Person On Fox News, Sean Hannity, who loves Trump like a fan girl who writes “SH + DT 4 EVER!” on all his three-subject school notebooks. And Hannity added his own flair to the story, asserting on his radio program Thursday that, Obama and Judge Watson probably … well YOU KNOW. They probably did D-R-U-G-S together:

By the way, this judge who issued the travel ban ruling is an Obama law school classmate. Maybe he should have recused himself from the case. Just a maybe. Were they best friends in Hawaii, were they part of the Choom Gang, smoking pot and hanging out, and doing a little bit of weed, and maybe even a little blow?

The Huffington Post notes that the “Choom Gang” was Obama’s name for his little group of marijuana-puffers when he lived in Hawaii. They are probably the ones who forged his fake long form birth certificate, also.

Now, it’s possible that Sean Hannity is (yet again) being a giant moron in suggesting Watson should have recused himself, since he’s probably just a really good judge who agrees with all other good judges, that Trump’s various Muslim bans are unconstitutional and un-American. MAYBE IT’S THAT.

Or maybe Sean Hannity is on to something here. HANG ON, HEAR US OUT! Because how do we really know that Obama and Watson didn’t do the “Choom Gang” and get drunk on reefer together? Could they have also done other stuff, rebellious stuff, which would totally explain why this U.S. district court judge might have done former President Kenyan McForeign a favor and ruled against Trump’s Muslim ban?

Well, we have made up the following rumors, which are every bit as valid as Sean Hannity’s theory, because when you’re dealing in the realm of conspiracy theory, it’s perfectly acceptable to just make shit up:

  • MAYBE, in addition to the potting and the coking, Obama and Watson went to raves together and got high on LSD stickers what made them hallucinate and touch each other a lot.
  • MAYBE they lied to their moms all the time and said they were going to “Bible study,” when really they were at Hot Topic becoming goth lesbians together.
  • MAYBE they used to skip third period together and hang out under the bleachers in the gym, because Kellyanne says Sean overheard Betsy and Mike talking about how Obama got to second base with Watson, god, WHAT SLUTS.
  • MAYBE they secretly left their houses after their parents went to bed like every night, because their other best friend in “Choom Gang” got sucked into this weird alternate dimension, but they knew he was still alive, they just knew it! Also, the oddest little girl showed up and joined their friend group and she lives in the basement now, but shhhh don’t tell anybody.
  • MAYBE their real dads are William Ayers and Jeremiah Wright, and they’re just doing this “Deep State” thing to Trump because they’re supposed to, according to the Bible their dads gave them, Saul Alinsky’s Rules For Radicals.
  • MAYBE Derrick Watson is a gay-sexual communist-o-Kenyan from Indonesia, just like Barack Obama is, and Obama threatened to expose the real truth if Watson didn’t rule against Trump’s Muslim ban.
  • MAYBE Obama and Watson shape-shifted and teleported to Orlando so they could try to murder Roger Stone with their car, EVER THINK OF THAT?

Sean Hannity has a responsibility to maintain his journalistic integrity by investigating each one of Wonkette’s theories. Until then, we will assume they are all as true as anything Hannity has ever said.

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[Media Matters]

 

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  • Oblios_Cap

    Stupidest Person On Fox News, Sean Hannity

    It wasn’t easy beating out Kilmeade and Douchy.

    • FlownΩver

      I see we’re on the same frequency today.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Carlson libel!!!

  • Clyde Barrow

    Some people are saying that Sean Hannity pulls the swing shift at the glory hole (stall #2) at the truck stop at the New Jersey state line. I’m not saying it, but some people are saying it. Seems legit, right?

    • Oblios_Cap

      At the south end, on 295? Maybe.

    • Fun with Cthulhu

      Must be true, I read it on the internet.

    • mardam422

      Time for a Congressional investigation?

  • exinkwretch

    In Sean’s defense, YOU try sounding intelligible with Trump’s cock in your mouth.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      How many times does he have to be told to swallow BEFORE falling asleep?

    • Ωbjectifier

      I can speak just fine with a Tic Tac sized object in my mouth. Just sayin…

      • Mason

        Win!

  • DahBoner
  • Vincent Ricola

    “Were they best friends in Hawaii, were they part of the Choom Gang, smoking pot and hanging out, and doing a little bit of weed, and maybe even a little blow?”

    This line of attack only works if dumbfuck Sean Hannity is trying to make us all think Obama is cooler than we already believe.

    And LOL @ “doing a little bit of weed.”

  • BearGHAZI

    Very bold of Hannity. If the Deep State comes for him in the night, will his mixed martial artistry be enough to save him????

    • Oblios_Cap

      He’s packing heat.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Well, he DID get waterboarded that one time. Oh wait… he didn’t… he chickened out like a little scared idiot.

      • MizzMazz

        Yeah, he chickened out, but Christopher Hitchens did it and reported on how awful it was. I don’t agree with everything Hitchens said, but he was erudite and well spoken, and not a chicken.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hannity has his gun with the laser sight he pulled on Wan Williams.

  • calliecallie

    Sean Hannity is just jealous because he has no friends, and Obama does.

  • WomanInThePersistence

    If gravity were to suddenly reverse, sending Hannity shooting off into the total emptiness of space, I would be unconcerned.

    • Creepoman

      I’m ordering Velcro shoes, just in case.

      • WomanInThePersistence

        For you, I would feel concern. Nay, worry. You are no Hannity.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Isn’t Hannity supposed to be getting waterboarded any day now?

  • William
    • stankbait

      Man I spit coffee all over my TPS Reports,
      Fucking Lumbergh will be pissed.

    • Mason

      He probably does use his teeth!

  • FlownΩver

    “Stupidest Person On Fox News” – pretty much AOT,K. Keep this up and Doocey, Kilmeade et al. will develop an inferiority complex (which they deserve, but whatevs…).

  • Shibusa
    • Ωbjectifier

      He looks and acts like a former high school football player gone to seed.

      • Paul

        “Glory Days”

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Hannity O Schmannity
      Hannity will ban it he’s
      a balloon-headed
      addlepated baby….

      (where’s this tune from?)…

      • mailman27

        “Lydia O Lydia”
        -Groucho Marx

    • TJ Barke

      And I wouldn’t touch you with a 32 and a 1/2 foot pole.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Sorry, but I couldn’t leave the photo on my screen long enough to read what it said.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Has our National Embarrassment met with Merkel yet? Are we at war with Germany?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I read a little while ago that there was no greeting handshake, but that was fake news. Wasted schadenfreude on it, dammitall.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Is her arm still attached to her body?

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Turns out he actually did ignore a handshake at the press gaggle. It’s possible he just didn’t hear the request.

  • stankbait

    If it wasn’t for this dumb fuck Hannity, Tucker Carlson would be the stupiderest fuck on the FAUX.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    at Hot Topic becoming goth lesbians together

    BRB

  • mancityRed6

    “…smoking pot and hanging out, and doing a little bit of weed…”
    there’s just not enough face-palm in the world to deal with that statement.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      He’s lucky to be alive, mixing the 2 like that.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    MAYBE Little Babby Donnie was there, selling them drugs and using his vagina mouth the way God intended. (I read that on my computer … while I was typing it … so it must be true.)

  • BreakingDeadMen

    I told Big Boy not to take steroids, but did he listen to me?

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Let’s all point our votey laser sights at Crammity…

  • ZOMG this judge might have known a different president so therefore he should recuse himself from ruling on constitutional matters from the current president!!!!!
    ….whut?

  • memzilla Ω

    I’ll bet Watson and Obama were eating those cakes we like, also too!
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/882d9326f14a657410bfaf70bd6c1cf670fd001025fc4434bc2f042f4c1cb4d9.jpg

    • Oblios_Cap

      I like that cake. Especially the “candles”. Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

    • Liberoid Ron

      ‘Jeez, man, when are you gonna blow out those candles?’
      ‘… what?’

  • BMW

    They probably did their drugs in Saul Alinsky’s office after getting them from William Ayers. And Tony Rezko paid for them.

    • notanncoulter

      …with money he got from george soros.

    • chicken thief

      Not just any drugs – that really good shit from Kenya!

      • Oblios_Cap

        Mau-mau wowwies.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Varney’s more unpleasant, Doocey and Kimeade more vacant, but nobody beats Hannity in the proactive, creatively stupid department.

    • Proud Liberal

      Sad thing is, people believe their bullshit.

    • ariel_gee_398

      He’s a real idiot’s idiot savant.

  • Zonath

    Goddamn, Hannity, I knew you were dumb, but this…

    Maybe the judge should have recused himself because he probably knows Obama, where the case before him had absolutely nothing to do with Obama or any of his policies? Even by wingnuttosphere standards, that’s pretty weak.

    • notanncoulter

      ha ha ha… i see what you did.
      you used the word ‘standards’.
      funniest thing i’ve heard today, and i read something jim hoft said!

  • TJ Barke

    It’s definitely not because the travel ban is unconstitutional garbage.

  • Lizzietish81
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I hope no books were bought in the making of this photograph…

      • Sonyacaguilar

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dd266c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dd266c:
        ➽➽
        ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs556DigitalIndexGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dd266c:….,….

    • Proud Liberal

      Nope. Stupidity and hate won.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Some day, a real douche will come and wash all the scum off the shelves.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Points for the Taxi Driver/Clash reference.

    • notanncoulter

      so… the failing fake news NYT declares him a #1 bestseller… so, wait… that means… but if… nevermind… it’s not worth trying to figure out.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Two of those products, if used carefully and only occasionally, may leave you feeling fresh and clean in your no-no place. The other is not something you want near your swimsuit area under any circumstances.

      • Lizzietish81

        Actually douches are not necessary and actually potentially harmful for women, sold to us based on shame we’re supposed to feel about our own biology.

        So it’s a very fitting insult I find.

  • TJ Barke

    Another stupid fucker that really needs to be introduced to my voteball bat.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I’m sure this judge is Hawaiian, too, so not an American…

  • I am still having trouble with this whole thing.
    almost everyone in the Trump admin works or did works or has ties to Russia, owns businesses that are directly benefiting from said admin, or are otherwise conflicting their interest all over the place…..
    But Hannity gets all upset that two dudes went to the same school?

    • ltmcdies

      well one of those dudes was a black guy who had the gall to win two elections…so there’s that.

    • therblig

      it’s the “went to school” part that upsets him and his viewers. uppity.

      • puredog

        Watson went to Kamehameha School. Bamz went to Punahou. Choom was a Punahou “gang.” So much for that theory. They may have ended up at Harvard Law together, but they did not prep together.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    If they actually read the decision, they should be yelling at Donald for saying “muslim ban” all the time, because that’s what the judge cited as why he was slapping it down.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Maybe Melania’s next charity reading project can be reading the decision to Donnie and Sean.

  • Proud Liberal

    Meanwhile, in other news…

    “The Leader of the Free World Meets Donald Trump
    Angela Merkel, whether she wants the job or not, is the West’s last, best hope.”

    http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/03/the-leader-of-the-free-world-meets-donald-trump-214924

    • mardam422

      Who would have ever thought that the President of the United States wouldn’t be the leader of the free world? Anyone? Bueller?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Well, frankly during the time of W, I did think that.

      • mancityRed6

        who would have thought it would we’d be relying on Germany?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Been said before, but there’s some kind of poetry in Germany leading Europe against the rise of a new far right.

      And no the Nazi’s weren’t socialists. Fuck off.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        They were liberals, though.

        *runs away*

  • cat48

    What are Sean & the other wingnuts going to do, now that Obama flew to French Polynesia, staying at Brando Resort a private island for a month?? How will they get by without him to blame for everything bad that happens to them for the next month?? Maybe they’ll think that Michelle or Hillary are running the deep, deep state? Hmm

    • TJ Barke

      I think you’re seriously underestimating their ability to blame Obama.

    • What TJ said. There are all sorts of reports about the shadow government in French Polynesia now

      • gamera23

        French Polynesias. They kind men like.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      They will complain that he takes too many vacations

  • memzilla Ω

    Just this morning, someone polluted my feed with a Breitbart story that said the CNN report on Hannity pulling a gun was “fake news.” I replied that in point of fact, the article does not deny that Hannity pulled out his firearm. Hannity himself says he did. The contention is whether or not he did it in a dangerous manner. How surprising that Juan Williams, someone with a seven-figure contract at Hannity’s network that depends on toeing the party line — even though he may have had a laser beam play across his chest from said firearm — would agree with the brandisher. Kind of like a woman who’s beat up by her boyfriend will later fail to press charges. Response so far after two hours? Crickets and tumbleweeds. [no linky, because fuck breitbart dot com.]
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/4ca3f3d322d723164d17cd06d4e46a6ce02dffc68a4f289ffb6985e0331d7a6e.jpg

    • therblig

      totally fake – it wasn’t after an “argument”. it was after spirited lovemaking.

      • Mason

        Oh god…you’ve almost ruined my day with the image of Hannity and Williams in the midst of coitus.

        bleh.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Hannity demonstrated that he was a “responsible gun owner” in the same sense that those who leave loaded pistols in their 2 year old’s playpen are “responsible gun owners”.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        So that’s where I left it! Give me that, you.

    • mancityRed6

      yeah, he just wanted to show him his gun, like a responsible gun owner would: by pointing it at him.

      dammit, I should have been faster.

  • I’m going to go with the spiritual angle and say that Obama and Watson used their magic powers to summon kako-fiends from the Abyss to force Donald Trump to do stupid, unconstitutional things so they could slap it down legally, and he would look bad, get mad, and furiously use his tiny fingers to tweet storm stupid things, and the only hope now is if Evangelicals wish really hard against the kako-fiends to drive them away.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Well, duh.

  • laughingnome

    He should holster is opinions before he hurts himself.

    • Relativicus

      My vote is for him to hurt himself.

  • Relativicus

    I don’t care about this because I’m smart enough to wait until Trump makes it official tomorrow morning.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    If your Obama Derangement Syndrome lasts more than 8 years, see a doctor.

    • Proud Liberal

      Yeah, they are going on 9 now.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Even after hamburger dick got run off.

    • laughingnome

      Sean Hannity is likely a loner
      Hatred of Obama enormous
      With a serious case of a boner
      And his god is known as Priapus

  • William
    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      Face isn’t puffy enough…and without the pancake makeup, it’s as blotchy as Bannon’s…

    • OrdinaryJoe

      “…unbalanced and fairly crazy.” * Fixed.

  • fawkedifiknow

    Obama: “It’s elementary, my dear Watson.”

    Watson: “No shit, Sherlock.”

  • notanncoulter

    i know it’s friday and all that, and that we are all so looking forward to saturday’s 6 am psycho tweet from cheeto the clown that we left the baby at the grocery store with the homeless guy, but we forgot to mention sean’s favourite pastime: fisting

    • gamera23

      It’s known as the Tweeting the Shabbat.

  • gamera23

    It is so irresponsible of Obama and Watson to be performing abortions while stoned on cocaine.

  • boyblue122

    OT –

    https://twitter.com/HillaryClinton/status/842764830520082433

    Things i learned today:

    Russians spy
    Healthcare is complicated
    Diplomacy is exhausting

    Who knew

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      “Whew! Ain’t that the truth! Sure glad I’m off to Mar-a-Lago for another vacation!”

    • RobKanC

      Ummm. Like Hillary knew and literally anyone except the teabaggers.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I wanna be a Choom….

    • Vacuous Virgina

      I wish I was an Oscar Myer Choomer … 🤗

    • Serai 1

      Perhaps Obama could declare that any toker who voted for him is an Honorary Choomer.

  • ken_kukec

    “OMG CONSPIRACY SOLVED, OBAMA WROTE THE JUDGE’S DECISION! We found the story rolling around in the ass swamps of Outer Wingnuttia.”

    But according to Outer Wingnuttia, Obama can’t do writing; Bill Ayers wrote both of his memoirs for him. So it must’ve been Ayers who ghost wrote the opinion staying Muslim Ban II. Can you prove Ayers wasn’t in Hawaii during the two hours between oral argument and the issuance of Judge Watson’s opinion? Don’t lose sight of the big picture sheeple!

    • Thorn Spike

      “But according to Outer Wingnuttia, Obama can’t do writing; Bill Ayers wrote both of his memoirs for him.”

      No problem; Dear Leaker can’t read.

  • Reality Kills

    Donnie the most embarrassing US president ever! Made a lie so big and couldn’t make it any bigger!

  • SmokinGood

    Just like how all black people know each other, all Hawaiians also know each other. Why, just last week me and my avatar were chillin’, crafting some wicked Dampnut disses, and, of course, getting in some dank Dope Team training.

    • Serai 1

      Same here in Hollywood. Obama and I were chilling at Spielberg’s place a couple of months ago. By the way, did he pick up those seeds I asked him to get from you? He promised to drop them off but he hasn’t been by yet.

  • MynameisBlarney

    HAHA!!!

    Friend of mine just got back from Cuba with a handful of ceegars!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Smoke ’em if you got ’em!

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    I love how Obama is so sly he has to meet in person to tell the judge how to vote. If only there was a way to communicate with somebody who is not within earshot?

    I can’t think of any other way.

    • mancityRed6

      the microwaves are tapped!

    • mackafritz

      Obama, the worst president ever, is some kind of evil genius who can run a shadow government and undermine Dolt 45. But he is weak and incompetent.

      • mardam422

        Just more proof of his diabolicalness, as well as his incompetence.

      • doingthis1moretime

        AND motherfucker controls the weather AND has a time machines.

      • RobKanC

        Obama is the Doctor, proved.

    • RobKanC

      But Obummer being Moose limb and all can talk telepathically.

    • OrdinaryJoe

      He might be sending secret messages through the LED on the judge’s microwave oven.

    • puredog

      As someone commented elsewhere on the intertubez, how sneaky of Obama to slip right over to the judge’s house while with his family and a full entourage of Secret Service agents. And doing it at the same time he was in Maryland! ‘Splain that!

    • Vacuous Virgina

      Smoke signals, duh 😄😄😄

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    In an IQ contest with a tree stump, Sean would come out second best.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Third.

    • RobKanC

      No. Third best. *plot twist* the air around the stump was more smarter than him.

  • Hutch

    Until we go to war with a real enemy *shudder* Obama HAS to remain boogie-man -in-chief for the residents of Outter Wingnuttia and Lower Trumpland.

  • Liberoid Ron

    Odds that that list will appear on Infowars, Breitbart and/or Fox News, verbatim, by early next week?

  • Anna Rompage

    Do you think Obama is the top in that relationship, or the bottom? Or do you think they switch it up after getting jacked up on pot & coke…

  • msanthropesmr

    Puff puff
    Pass pass
    Puff puff
    Pass pass
    That’s the sound of the men working on the chooom gaang
    That’s the sound of the men, working on the chooom gang.

    • Vacuous Virgina

      Workin’ on the Choom Gang
      Smokin’ down down down … 😉

      • tomamitai

        Replace all the coal mining jobs with dope growing jobs!

  • MizzMazz

    Now I’m really depressed. Going to the flicks to watch Get Out. I think that might raise my mood a bit. Extra butter-like-substance on the popcorn.

    • puredog

      I saw a fine theater marquee yesterday which read in its entirety, without punctuation: “GET OUT I AM NOT YOUR NEGRO”

  • doingthis1moretime

    Yeah, gross, he should have done straight cocaine hooker weed with that judge, it is more manly.

    • RobKanC

      Real men do meth, my good sir.

  • chicken thief

    A little off topic, but when I was stationed in Hawaii back in the ’80’s all the locals smoked the reefer. I didn’t know they named their cliques.

    • I called mine the rollin’ stoners.
      GET IT???

      • chicken thief

        In Kailua – the corner of Kupau St and Keolu Dr?!

  • Reality Kills

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Beer!!

    • nightmoth
      • Reality Kills

        Unbelievable! The man keeps making shit up! His staff are terrrriiiiible!

      • A White House spokeswoman told the Hill the proverb was originally supplied in an email on March 8 by the State Department via the National Security Council “as building blocks in advance of this event.”
        HUH So he didn’t hear it many many times all his life?

      • mancityRed6

        oh dear lord…those comments. a literal shit show.
        also, is tRump happy for his secret service today? everyone knows you don’t wear orange on 3/17

      • Antonin Dvorak

        “Some questionable Guinness pouring going on in Washington”

        Best summary I’ve heard all week.

  • chicken thief

    Larry Sinclair is so freaking pissed right now!!!

  • mardam422

    Now how should I rule on this? Hmmmm. Well, Barack did go to law school with me, and he did give me dope when I had no money. Which is better than money when I had no dope. And he did share that fine Polynesian hooker with me that time when we both did coke off her ass. Hmmmmmm.

    • Serai 1

      +10 for the Freak Brothers ref!

      • mardam422

        My work here is done.

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor

    I did not do drugs and trade blow jobs with Barack Obama.

    Darn it.

  • Tj McGee Wright

    Yah that’s nice, supernuts. Meanwhile another flaming-turd Trump policy goes down in flames. And we all laugh.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Maybe they went to go Mod Ska dancing
    Maybe they went to get a mohawk
    And maybe they went to get some gnarly thrash boots!

  • chicken thief

    Oh, come on, Sean – no insinuation that Mooseshell was also too there and had the man sex with another man also too? Low energy! SAD!

  • Tj McGee Wright

    If this is all they can do to console themselves, dabbing tears into their United States of Islamamerica flags, so be it. Because we liberals are gonna laugh and laugh and let in SO MANY MUSLIMS. Just to spite you assclowns!

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I am picturing President Warren annoucing that she signed a executive order letting all musilms into the US. Then laughing manically, and taunting “thats for calling me Pocahontas , Jackasses”

  • tomamitai

    So what advantage do these nut jobs think Obama stands to gain by this judge’s ruling? Do they think his kite surfing and Hawaii vacationing are going to be ruined if the ban-on-some-Muslims goes into effect? Do they think he was planning on hiring a Muslim from one of the affected countries to ghost write the books he and Michelle are getting $65 million for? Am I being an idiot for thinking that these chuckle heads put any thought into their chowder headed conspiracy theories?

    • chicken thief

      The fact that we can’t think of any logical explanation for their theory proves the conspiracy!11!!!!

    • Jamoche

      It makes Trump look bad, and it’s all projection with these folks.

    • Stulexington

      Oh, you’re acting like they’ve thought things through instead of just knee jerk blame Obama for literally everything.

  • bupkus23

    Wow – Obama went to law school in Hawaii? Here, I thought he only went to Harvard Law!

    Gawd – I can’t stand these mithafuckas. Hannity needs to be torn to shreds with the votes of his listeners ( better use than what they put them to ).

    • NastyBossetti

      It was Harvard’s lesser-known study abroad law school program.
      What? You thought Hawaii was in the US?

    • Rotisserie Teal

      Considering the demographics of his audience, I think his listeners are being torn to shreds as well as ravaged by father time. More of them are shuffling off their mortals coils everyday.

      Patience.

  • NastyBossetti

    “Doing a little bit of weed.” Could this guy be any less cool?

    • Jonny On Maui

      No.

    • Jim Johnson

      At least they weren’t “shooting up” the weed drugs.

  • WiscoJoe

    How did Hannity get access to my sexual fantasies?

    • chicken thief

      The one thing the GOP can’t get enough of is thinking about the man on man sexy times.

      • Serai 1

        They’re especially obsessed with blowjobs. All that throat-ramming really gets them hot.

  • Jgb979
    • NastyBossetti

      Oh man. Is that how it works? Maybe I was meant to be gay, and pot turned me straight!!

      • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

        Me also, too.

    • dslindc

      But I was gay before I tried pot.

      • timpundit

        Me too. Gay, the gateway drug.

    • …this was not real, was it?

      • suziq

        That was what I was just thinking! Also too, what has the world become when you can’t even tell?

      • Jgb979

        Sponsorship is fake:

        I think a real joke

        • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

          The sad thing is that Michele Bachmann probably authentically thinks that pot turns people gay.

          I wonder if that’s what happened with Marcus.

          • Jgb979

            He was born gay

            Pot turned him fabulous

    • Hardly Ideal

      Hardly Ideal’s teeth threatened to crack as he clenched his jaw.
      My sainted aunt was walking, talking proof that the Gateway Drug myth is just that. She only ever smoked pot, and yet she spoke at a million miles per hour. If she ever did anything harder, you’d hear something in the news about what police suspect was a gas explosion in an Anaheim duplex.

    • Stulexington

      I remember seeing this one before. I expressed my happiness that pot allowed someone to realize something about themselves. Wasn’t well received.

  • nightmoth

    I enjoy poetry, and I like metaphors. Rupert Murdoch is a pimp, Sean Hannity is a whore, and everybody who watches him is a pathetic, needy john. Now I just need to make it rhyme.

    • chicken thief

      I’d help, if I had the time.

    • Opalescent Riddles

      I have a thing for poetry, I like a metaphor.
      Rupert Murdoch is a pimp, and pimp he has a whore.
      Hannity a whore is he, a whore is smarmy Sean,
      And everyone who watches a pathetic, needy john.

      • nightmoth

        O, most excellent!!! Applause, applause! Many upvotes to you.

        • Opalescent Riddles

          Thank you. I was given good words to start with. The best words.

  • Reality Kills

    Hannity shouldn’t be on TV at all. The only place he can work is on Fox. If he leaves that place, I bet no network would give him a job.

    • dshwa

      CNN hired Lewendowski last summer and just hired Chris Clizza, so I’d never bet against them hiring Hannity

      • Reality Kills

        CNN hire those to pretty much make fun of them and at times even cut them in the middle of their conversation! No much respect.

      • phoenix00

        Not to mention MSNBC hiring Kelly and Van Susteren

  • Raan

    Hannity once walked in on someone licking LSD off someone else’s red woolen shirt and it ruined his life.

    • Jack Tenhet

      Now Hannity’s always thinking that just behind some narrow door
      in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting
      incredible kicks from things he’ll never know.

    • Panika MCD

      and this is why we need bathroom laws.

  • goonemeritus

    And what about the judge in Maryland, did Obama do Jello shots with him?

  • Jack Tenhet

    Hey, Hannity, it wasn’t that long ago that the IRISH were treated pretty bad by this country. Happy St. Patrick’s day you idiotic POS.

  • arglebargle

    And then Obama said “Watson, come here, I need you.” And that’s how the interwebs were borned.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Oh lawsy, that was masterful.

      • Opalescent Riddles

        True story: the first internet was a pair of dixie cups connected by a string.

  • Master Contrail Program

    How does the sly trixter Obama find the time for all his nefarious deeds? Has anyone ever checked his intrinsic field? Huh? HUH?!?!?

    Just asking questions here. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/64c14d9f0575f8417f83ae361131f419d1e0b881870efd7b2af56156e85f977c.jpg

  • Panika MCD

    even if any of those things were true and Bamz also too submitted an amicus curiae, it’s Tsarina Short Finger’s executive order, so even in the conspiracy-o-sphere he did nothing wrong.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Bamz, yo. Hook that brother up with some purple drank and chronic and he’ll do anything for you.

  • Crystalclear12

    Alright, that’s it. Who is in charge of his meds? This isn’t funny anymore.

  • Serai 1

    There’s a dispensary in downtown L.A. called Wonderland, and in the waiting area, they have a big mural painted of that picture at the top. The first time I walked in, I stopped and stared at this seven-foot-high painting of the President smoking weed, and thought, “Goddamn, we really are in a new century!”

    *sigh*

  • Swampay

    By the way, this judge who issued the travel ban ruling is an Obama law school classmate. Maybe he should have recused himself from the case. Just a maybe.

    Huhwha? The judge should recuse himself from a case about 45’s immigration law because he might be friends with Obama? Does friendship with Obama mean your judgment on any law that 45 puts forth can’t be trusted? That’s gonna be a tough one to enforce

  • Antonin Dvorak

    We have always been at war with Outer Wingnuttia.

    • Michael Smith

      They’re barbarians I tell you!

  • hendenburg2

    Oh yeah, apparently, Hannity brought a gun on set and pointed it at Juan Williams

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/03/16/fox_news_hannity_reportedly_pointed_a_gun_at_juan_williams_on_set.html

    The number 1 rule of gun safety is “Don’t point a gun at anything you don’t intend to shoot.”

    I don’t know what is worse: if Hannity didn’t know this, or if he did.

    • Serai 1

      Jesus Christ. More than one person has died because some fuckwad pointed a gun that was supposed to be unloaded and it went off.

    • Hardly Ideal

      For fuck’s sake, I always practice that with my guns, and they’re only chambered for 12mm rifled polyurethane slugs. Unlike my Responsible Gun Owner cousin, who is so responsible that she once shot a hole through the bathroom.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Is it just me, or does Hannity seem to be getting progressively more unhinged than he was in the first place?

      • hendenburg2

        Can’t say, I purposely try to have as few data points as possible.

    • phoenix00
  • pgjack

    Hannity’s audience doesn’t care about truth, justice or the American way. Obama is no longer president, Hilary is no longer a viable politician. The right wing nuts have to be fed an enemy or they’ll wind up paying attention to what Donald and the gang are doing to the country. Trump’s audience are apparently easy marks.

    • mardam422

      What’s with the “apparently” stuff?

  • whitroth

    Oh, if the judge should have recused himself, what’s SH(it) got to say about Clarence Thomas not recusing himself on Bush v. Gore, when his wife *right* *then* was working for the Bush transition team?

    • Khavrinen

      Same thing they always say: IOKIYAR.

  • Annie Towne

    They smoked pot and did a little weed? Choose, guys, one or the other!

    • Serai 1

      Just goes to show how greedy those liberals are.

    • Who says you can’t learn new things? Here I’ve gone years thinking that pot and weed were synonymous!

      • BackDoorMan

        … no no no! It’s like ACA and Obamacare – two totally different things! They just are! – every Fux News viewer, everywhere.

    • Jim Johnson

      Why choose? Do the reefers.

  • Me not sure

    Sean Hannity did ringside wrestling interviews in a previous life. I just know it.

    • boredcatlady

      Sean Hannity got his ass kicked a whole bunch of times growing up in this life. I just know it

      • Me not sure

        I hear he had to have an asshole transplant, but the asshole rejected him. (Yeah, I know it’s old.)

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I call bullshit. Have you ever tried to read a legal brief/memo/ruling while high? Unpossible. To say nothing of trying to write one. Even Bamz isn’t that good of a lawyer and constitutional scholar.

    • Jim Johnson

      “Good people” don’t read legal briefs while high.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        It could be argued that “good people” don’t read legal briefs.

  • boredcatlady

    No no no no, Derrick is that “cop from Rhode Island” that won Big brother a few years ago, proving that Les Moonves is in on it too.

  • Mike Steele

    Well, we all know that Barry’s a time traveler, which is how he arrived in MD for a tray of streamers and a Natty Boh with the judge who agreed with Watson (sorta) that very same night. Coincidence?

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    Isn’t it time for Obama to stop playing nice with these assholes and call them out on their bullshit?

    I often call Sean Hannity “Nathan Lane’s evil twin”.

  • Lefty Wright

    My theory is Sean Hannity is an asshole. Anyone want to peer review that?

    • Ricky Gay

      I read on the internets that he blows goats. whoa if true!

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I read that on the interwebz also too, so it must be factual. Sean Spicey said that’s how it works.

        • Ricky Gay

          thanks for the confirmation!

    • Damian L

      By jove I think you’ve got it!

    • phoenix00

      Lemme verify that…. yup asshole confirmed.

    • UpstateNYObserver

      Yeah, but he’s Rupert Murdoch’s kind of asshole

    • ContextIsKey

      We ask: “Do you have any evidence for your wild-ass theory?”

      You reply: “We haven’t had the investigation, yet. Duh. There will be lots of evidence.”

  • ahughes798

    There’s this book that was written a decade of so ago. It’s title is “Bleachy Haired Blondy Bitch.” It’s a fun book, a light read, The author of the book is best friends with Lumpy’s wife. In the book, towards the end she says something like “i’ve smoked a lot of pot at their house when I go to visit,” So maybe Lumpy is a closet hippy?

  • Ray in VT

    Of course. The former President went to law school with the judge and also appointed him, which totally means that the judge should recuse himself from considering the flaming turds coming out of the current administration. That makes total sense.

  • LarryHoudini

    I just googled “Hot Topic.” It must have reminded God about the time my dad asked me what an Urban Outfitter was.
    STOP SNICKERING GOD–I’M STILL HIP AND COOL.

  • Epstein’s Mother

    BO is a gay tranny effer.

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