SHARE


Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today.

Wonkette is reader supported. You’re a reader. Support us!

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Shibusa
    • kareemachan

      OMG….

      Do you think that bad people are taking note of this even as I type?

      • MynameisBlarney

        What?
        I can’t see the tweety linky thingy

    • Beowoof14

      Gee wonder if Trump has thought about Trump Tower and other NYC assets that could be exposed to terror attacks now that security has been cut. Naw that would mean he had a functioning brain.

    • Lizzietish81

      Considering how much the thugs at NYPD love Trump, there’s only one response to this.

      https://cdn.meme.am/instances/250×250/45643765/nelson-haha-ha-ha.jpg

      • DT

        Yeah, I’m… having a hard time being TOO upset over this one.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      But remember: If Russia attacks NYC, Trump will welcome them with open arms.

    • therblig

      does that include trumpy tower?

  • memzilla Ω

    Today in your Rethuglican Freudian Slip Parade: Paul Ryan says: “We’re not going to give up on destroying the health care system.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT3Px11xN-0

  • coozledad

    The military needs to kill the fucker, pronto. He’s going to get the west coast vaporized.

    • Oblios_Cap

      With votes, of course. Or canned clams.

  • kareemachan
    • Msgr_MΩment

      Squish it before it multiplies.
      With a 16 ton ballot box.

  • Proud Liberal
    • Vincent Ricola

      “The 52-year-old former first-grade teacher…”

      Wow.

    • Chadwells

      Ugh…wow. No words for the depths of stupid. I feel like more of these types should be exposed in the media. Shame them into shutting the fuck up.

    • Mary Sandoras

      I’d like to be the first to tell her, but I’m sure that line is long now.

    • RumAddled

      The stupid, it burns!!

  • Msgr_MΩment

    What a great day for the Oyrish Orange.

  • memzilla Ω
  • Mr. Blobfish
    • Proud Liberal

      Needs his ass kicked?

    • Chadwells

      I want to grab him by his pussy.

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Pick a spot. He’s all pussy.

        • Chadwells

          Exactly.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      That photo incites violence.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      His teeth make me nervous.

  • memzilla Ω

    This is like reading Flowers for Algernon, minus the temporary miracle.
    . https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f05cd32c29343652da097c777718f8907bcc159ea08497216a5e6e4f3aef5290.jpg

    • Proud Liberal

      The incoherence of Trump is dangerous to kill all of us. When are we going to wake the fuck up?

      • BosGrl

        We’re awake. We all want to go back to bed.

    • Chadwells

      Hmmm….but he has time for golf. Weird.

      • Proud Liberal

        Trump doesn’t know how to read.

        • Chadwells

          Obviously!!

    • snark-lurker

      ignorance is bliss…nope nope nope, i mean when Stupidity is bliss

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      His brain is dead.

    • Beowoof14

      He needs Bannon to summarize the books Dr. Seuss style so he can read them.

      • BosGrl

        One putsch
        Two putsch
        Red putsch
        Blue putsch

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I’m looking at a book. God help us all.

      • Oblios_Cap

        GWB left “My Pet Goat” lying around the White House? Probably in one of the loos.

        • wide_stance_hubby

          He left it in the desk drawer for Obama. Easier than writing “letters.”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      He’s trying to read a book, but he hasn’t figured out how to turn it on yet.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      I moved on that book like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      I’m going to pretend that’s just made up stuff to make us laugh.

    • therblig

      a folded $20 bill is not a book on andrew jackson.

  • BadKitty904

    It will be interesting to see whether Trump/the Repugs gin up a fake war, a fake terrorist attack, or both to increase and consolidate their power?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Yes. I’ve been wondering what will happen when there’s a terrorist attack, as there is almost certain to be – unless the terrorists are smart enough to realize that all they have to do is sit back and watch while we destroy ourselves from inside.

      • BadKitty904

        If there isn’t, they’ll create one, to invoke “war-time powers,” suspend civil liberties, “postpone” elections, etc. It will make the political hysteria that followed 9/11 look like a picnic. And the Dems/voters/media will do nothing about it…

      • bupkus23

        Never misunderestimate the stupidity of terrorists, either….

    • DrBigHead

      In 5,4,3………

  • Mavenmaven

    I commented on the weird hair here before Trevor did, where’s my check? (We don’t even have p-points anymore).

  • Beowoof14

    War talk from Tillerson is terrifying. Going to war with North Korea, last time we tried it, led to China joining in on the North Korean side. That didn’t go well for us. I don’t think the new war will go well with both North Korean and China having nukes.

    • BadKitty904

      Nothing would make Putin happier.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      Dont forgot that invading North Korea would be like invading Japan during World War 2. We would have to fight literally everyone. A excellent book explaining North Korea and the Kims is “Under the Loving Care of the Fatherly Leader” by Bradley K Martin.

      • Oblios_Cap

        So… we just nuke them preemptively?

        • Alexander Stallwitz

          Considering we have Donald “nuclear Triad, whats that ” Trump in the White House. We might very well. Most of North Korea’s military factories are underground so i am not sure it would work. Of course, i am a dumb leftist who actually reads books so what do i know.

          • bupkus23

            And with Rick Perry running the DOE, what’s the chances our nuclear arsenal will still be working 6 months from now?

    • Asterix

      Go look at the otters – it helps.

      For a little while, anyway.

      • bupkus23

        I dunno – that suggestion kinda reminds me of Carol telling that psychopathic little girl Lizzie to “Look at the flowers” right before she put a bullet in her brain.

    • Hutch

      Not happy that The Hill is reporting Tillerson got sleepy in South Korea and had to leave early. That bodes well.

      http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/324438-report-tillerson-skipped-dinner-with-south-korean-officials-citing

    • DrBigHead

      I am deeply concerned about most of what is occurring in Washington (as I am sure most sane, informed people are), but very little worries me more than what is happening (or not happening) in the State Department. Not only has willful ignorance been elevated to a virtue, but diplomacy has obviously been kicked to the curb. No good can or will come of this.

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Just what god-awful shit will come out in the pre-weekend dump of god-awful shit?

    • Proud Liberal

      The stage has been set. We are all fucked.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m sure that Trump will be another Guy of Lusignan, and experience the same sort of success against the heathen infidels.

  • Chadwells

    I just don’t understand how Fox can get away with saying shit like that? Insinuating that Obama is doing blow with the judge…are you for fucking real? Christ, if a liberal news anchor suggested that Dampnut was doing blow with pee hookers in the Oval office, do you think anyone would get sued?

    Blah blah blah…rhetorical and obvious. The new normal.

    • Proud Liberal

      Nothing is normal anymore.

    • cmd resistor

      They are assholes and awful.

  • dslindc

    Jared Polis is the Democrat from Colorado. The way it appears above makes it sound like he’s the Republican.

  • dslindc

    The FAA is looking at 30,000 cuts under Trump’s budget, but Trump will probably still get his own airport, just like Reagan.

    That airport is and always will be, National Airport, to me.

  • BosGrl

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

    https://youtu.be/WaPjBCB-JNI

  • memzilla Ω
    • Msgr_MΩment

      It’s St. Patrick’s Day! If you see Paul Ryan, pelt him with potatoes. Or pull that dagger out of your toga, or hit him in the face with some pi. Whatever.

  • BadKitty904

    God bless all here! HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY, WONKETEERS!!1!

    Now, dance!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIT_ov0lOXo

    • BadKitty904

      (This is what I picture the Chat Cave actually looks like on an average day…)

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I have a soft spot for that movie. It fully embraces the cheese and the weird.

      • BadKitty904

        It is the perfect classic-Disney product, for the very reasons you mention. It’s a family tradition to watch it every St. Paddy’s Day and tonight will be no exception.

      • BadKitty904

        (Though I’ll admit the scenes with the banshee, the Coach of the Dead, even the pooka, scared the bejeezus out of me and my brother when we were wee gossoons.)

  • boyblue122

    Joe Biden enjoying a stroll in Ireland last St Paddy’s day

    https://twitter.com/JoeBiden/status/842732625446010880

    • Liberoid Ron

      Oh, Joe, we hardly knew ye!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Can I send my shit sandwich back, too? I didn’t know that was an option.

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Note to self: excellent protest idea, involving bread, feces, and my state representative Trey Gowdy.

      • Liberoid Ron

        ‘Meals on Wheels! Special delivery!’

        • Vagenda and Pee-ara

          LULZ!!!!

          • MizzMazz

            There’s probably legal/health issues with sending real shit sandwiches, but why not some nasty dog food on white bread? I love the “Meals on wheels, Special Delivery!” I miss the days when protesters dressed as clowns and threw pies at politicians, but that was assault, and bad. I even miss the glitter bombs – but a dog food sammich? Why not?

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            I’d LOVE to send an actual shit sandwich, but the FBI might show up at my door, and my DNA would be all over that sandwich. :-(

  • Oblios_Cap

    Rex Tillerson FINALLY emerged from hiding to suggest we’re going to war with North Korea

    If we would just sign a peace treaty and end the Korean War, it would go a long way towards making the situation more manageable.

    • BosGrl

      I’ve been watching a lot of MASH lately. Hawkeye approves of your comment.

    • dslindc

      And then he went home early, because “fatigue.” And they kept saying that Hillary didn’t have stamina. 🙄

      • Mary Sandoras

        He missed his nap = fatigue.

        • Liberoid Ron

          Maybe he’s actually Ben Carson in whiteface!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “In the oil private sector, we call that diplomacy. ”
      — Rex Tillerson, CEO of the State Department

  • dslindc

    Don’t forget, if you’re going out tonight, no drinking and driving!

    • janecita

      Yes mom.

      • dslindc

        And wear clean underwear!

        • Oblios_Cap

          or none.

          • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

            It’s the best way to avoid soiling your underpants when you die.

    • I am Irish, we don’t really drink on St. Patty’s because we can drink every other day of the year. We call each other and try to be civil.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Seconded. But if you are going out somewhere and will be driving – pick somewhere close to home. Even if you’re not drinking! Lotsa drunks out tonight.

      • MizzMazz

        Paddy’s day, NYE, and Halloween. All the amateurs are out and driving. Stay home or cab it. Stay safe, everyone.

  • Asterix

    OMG SQQUUEEEEEEEEEEEE! OTTERS!!!!!

    • therblig

      O’Terrs

  • dslindc

    This was a great segment on Full Frontal this week. Democrats still not doing well at showing the fuck up to vote EVERY SINGLE TIME.

    https://twitter.com/FullFrontalSamB/status/842374931258122240

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I voted,

      • janecita

        I vote, and I protest.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      That piece was really depressing. People will make a big show of protesting, but won’t use that one weird trick guaranteed to formally end the madness.

      • Sedagive ’em Hell

        Sam Bee drives this point home all the time; it truly is our One Job, and we fail consistently.

        The Right may be a bunch of suicidal cretins, but at least they’re smart enough to show up at the polls.

        I keep this in mind every election (hello midterms): the only group dumber than a bunch of people who repeatedly vote against their own self-interest is a group of people who don’t bother to show up at all, even when their lives are on the line.

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          I learned some interesting things going to Dem Candidate School last month. In VA, there’s a Dem database of voters which has been edited over time showing history of showing up to vote, favorite issues, etc. and ranking from 1 to 5 the likely voting pattern of the voter (1=likely strong GOP, 5=likely strong Dem). Since there are party nomination votes, voting in either a Dem or GOP primary would allow them to take a stab at party affiliation. They largely said you should focus on the voters in 3 or 4 territory since elections are won in the middle. You don’t need to convince a 5 of your position.

          Flaw in the argument: You still need to motivate a 5 to ACTUALLY VOTE. I had a real problem with the approach due to that. You can’t ignore the 5s.

          • Sedagive ’em Hell

            Interesting.

            Glad you went to Dem Candidate School. That’s one of the few heartening things going on these days.

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            Thanks! I’m not going to run, but they billed it as a good way to get back into supporting those who do run. I used to run campaigns, back in the day. A lot has changed in 20 years. For the better. Much better tools.

          • bupkus23

            Since VA has open primaries, I would hesitate to put too much faith in a “voting history” to determine “party affiliation”, unless they also have data on how many “crossover” votes have been cast?

          • CogitoErgoBibo

            They indicate in the files when only one party held a primary. Those are the indicators used, but your point is well-taken. Crossover voting is obviously a thing. Luckily, for most voters, there are other factors taken into account. Nothing beats information regarding political contributions and notes taken/entered after face-to-face discussions.

        • Snopes Shop

          She’s the best

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      Nationwide vote by mail.

      But then it’d probably be: I’m not voting! That postage stamp is a polling tax and, that, I will not abide!

      • BosGrl

        See also: Montana. The Rs don’t want vote by mail because they know it gives Ds an advantage, i.e., most of us are Dems.

    • Snopes Shop

      Shameful

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Is this the point where Susan Sarandon says “I was WRONG! I should have been with Her. Please forgive me. And may God have mercy on my soul.”

    • Vincent Ricola

      I wish. I’m still waiting on her to apologize for doing the exact same thing to Al Gore.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Probably about as likely as Jill Stein issuing her own apology.

    • DrBigHead

      I frankly do not give a shit about Susan Sarandon’s opinion or actions.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Fuck that guy.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Yet another Republican in South Carolina is indicted on corruption charges: http://www.postandcourier.com/news/powerful-political-consultant-implicated-in-indictments-of-south-carolina-senator/article_29b62e92-0b11-11e7-b556-039f79e6a11b.html

    We really need to get rid of courts and special prosecutors, but not the ones who investigage how Hillary did Benghazi to everyone’s emails.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    In Russia, foreign lobbyist briefs you.

    Wait, isn’t that the way it’s supposed to work?

  • Rick Hill

    Coming soon: Month three…

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      …of the Trumpening, worse than you thought, and coming from within the house.

    • Vincent Ricola

      “the final month in our trilogy”
      *fingers crossed*

      • Rick Hill

        Yeah bu it’s like a Chinese movie. Everyone dies in the end. Villains, npc’s, heroes….

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “We’re splitting the final volume into two months, and thinking about a brand new series of months set in the same universe.”
        — Steve Bannon, Hollywood producer

    • Oblios_Cap

      It’s gonna be a long 4 years…

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Only four more months until glorious new regime implodes.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      OHGODOGODOGOD

  • Oblios_Cap

    Obama is in Hawaii doing the “blow” and “weed” with federal judges and conspiring against Trump. He’s probably just jealous that he wasn’t invited.

    I know that I am.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      I thought he was in bora bora?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      The thing is, weed is legal in DC, where Obama lives. Why the hell would he go all the way to Hawaii? As for the blow, he does not act like a coked-up idiot, as does Dolt 45.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    “Congress & FBI should investigate why nobody believes me about Obama wire taping me.” #DeletedTrumpTweets

  • Michael Smith

    Man, it always seems like the kind of leaders who eager to rush into war are exactly the worst kind of leaders to be in charge during a war.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Because good leaders know better than to rush into war.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    The link to the Freedom Caucus story doesn’t go anywhere.

    In a literal sense.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    What has my panties in a bunch this AM? Glad you asked! How come when Republicans are on CNN explaining why we need to get rid of Meals on Wheels, HUD, the EPA, etc…because we are SOOOO broke, nobody ever says “hey, maybe we should consider not CUTTING TAXES ON THE RICHEST AMERICANS AGAIN!!!” Also,too, “how can the country afford to spend $3 million every weekend flying the “president” down to Florida for a golfing vacation?” Why doesn’t he actually work, or go to Camp David?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Also, too…if we’re so broke, why do we need to buy shiny new blow-em-up stuff?

      • Liberoid Ron

        Buying shiny blow-em-up stuff is how you distract yourself from being broke. cf any red-state Fourth-Of-July celebration.

    • Heck, there’s a perfectly good golf course over at (nicely secure) Andrews AFB, and no need to head over to the Trump course…

      • BosGrl

        It’s not HIS golf course. The one with the magnetic holes, presumably.

      • bupkus23

        Of course, we’d still be stuck with the bill to fly Marine One ( the President’s helicopter ) the 10-mile trip to Andrews,

        [ And it ain’t just one helo – apparently, as a security measure, Marine One always flies in a formation of 5 identical helos ]

        Yo don’t think Rump would limo through Anacostia and Suitland, do ya? He might see brown people then….

      • Phoenixdoglover

        When Drumpf figures out how to sell memberships, he might consider it. Until then, it’s schmoozing with sycophants on the terrace at Mar a Lago.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      As others have noted, Reptards believe giving benefits to poor people creates a disincentive to work hard whereas giving more money to rich people creates an incentive to work hard.

      • cmd resistor

        Let’s just make one last delivery to the old folks, a package of bootstraps. We can call it Bootstraps on Wheels.

        • Martini Ambassador

          If those old people didn’t want to starve to death in rooms they can’t afford to heat, well they should just get their asses out there and grab some employment.

          • Sonyacaguilar

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dd267c:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !dd26s7c:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs557NetworkIndexGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dd267c:….,….

      • chicken thief

        Damn straight!

        ~ SoS Tillerson, as he went off to take another nap

    • Rick Hill

      “We have no money, that’ why we need a military, to go take stuff from other countries.”

      Btw, I wouldn’t doubt it if it came out as the actual plan.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        Some pundit asked a Republican this morning “if you’re really going to address the debt, aren’t you going to have to deal with SS and Medicare.” Weirdly, there was no talk about the number one debt inducing problem – the military. So military spending can never be cut, tax cuts for the rich have to go deeper, Trump can piss away $3 million every week on fun time travels, but we can’t afford Meals on Wheels. Makes sense!

        • cmd resistor

          It’s not just the food, either. I read a nice entry on Pantsuit Nation by a woman who took her fairly young son while volunteering with Meals on Wheels and how much the old folks enjoy seeing people (in their case, especially the kid). It’s good for the kids, too.

          • Vagenda and Pee-ara

            Exactly! We don’t want anything that saves money, and is good for people, though, do we?

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Ha! You’re using logic and math, I found your problem.

    • Martini Ambassador

      “The president care about taxpayer dollars!” says he, as they continue wasteful weekly vacations to Florida and unnecessary securing of some dumb building in NYC. It’s like they are hypocrites or something, possibly lying right to our faces.

      • Paul

        Heaven forfend!!1!

    • laughingnome

      He likes to spend time with someone he really cares about on the weekend. Himself.

    • Little Lulu Ω

      I think the idea is to defund Meals On Wheels and replace it with something to benefit the “uptrodden.” Furs On Wheels maybe? I mean, who thinks of Ivanka’s debutante friend Mariana, her calf gloves hopelessly stained with caviar? Furs On Wheels to the rescue.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Let’s incentivize the corporations and rich fucks to create jobs by taxing the fuck out of them every time they “outsource”, move jobs out of the country or convert to using 1099 contractors.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Martini Ambassador

    Happy Evacuation Day! (Bostonians know what I’m talkin’ ’bout.)

    I’m not wearing a shred of green today, so I guess that means you can pinch me. That is, if you can catch me.

    • NastyBossetti

      I have green eyes, so people who want to pinch me can fuck off!

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Good lord. I’m 53 years old and never thought to say that. I’m a moron.

        • NastyBossetti

          It’s not too late!

    • BosGrl

      Happy Evacuation Day! I miss living in Suffolk County!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Give me your goddamn lucky charms, you imp!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The best we can manage on the internet is to ping you, I think.

      In the old days, you cold also finger someone, but I don’t know what the protocol for that is anymore.

      • Unhappy Fingers

        If I buy a new microwave, will it be able to do that?? After all, if my old one already has a camera and mic, won’t the new ones have a robotic arm??

    • Shanzgood

      I have a LOT of green clothes. Imagine that.

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I thought I wasn’t wearing any green today, but I just remembered that my underroos are green. Not matching greens–think army green and bright grass green, but I don’t care cuz It’s Friday!

  • Liberoid Ron

    Otters in the snow. <melts>

  • geoffalnutt

    I take great comfort in the fact that (during the nuclear holocaust…next week) – Cletus and Larvaline will writhe and curl, burn and vaporize like the rest of us. Does that make me a bad person?

  • Rick Hill

    But have we had a big Fck you shout out to paul ryan? If not, then get to it.
    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/03/paul-ryan-channels-his-inner-ayn-rand-health-care-is-neither-a-right-nor-a-privilege/

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Health care is neither a right nor a privilege? What. the. actual. fuck.
      People who are as evil, soulless, and amoral as Paul Ryan make me fuckin’ stabby and shouty. I am so tired of feeling this level of fury.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Last month they worked on getting rid of liberty.
      This month they’re tossing out life.
      I guess ‘pursuit of happiness’ is the last inalienable right left. Wonder how they’ll alienate THAT one?

      • BackDoorMan

        … amping the war on drugs up to 11.

  • Crystalclear12

    I think some Republicans are waking up for the first time and looking at Trump without beer goggles. I hope it scares and shames them.

    Yeah, yeah I know it won’t but hope is eternal.

    • laughingnome

      Yeah, but you know he’s gonna get really nasty when they stop letting him fcuk them.

  • Chadwells

    So the UK told Dampnut to fuck off with these wiretap claims….and the Dampnuts apologized posthaste.

    • boyblue122

      general mcmanus apologized. Drumpf would never admit that he made a mistake

      • Chadwells

        Spicer apologized too!! Dampnut must be pissed!

        • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

          Gizmodo had a big photo of Spicer on the apology article, and his eyes were so bloodshot that it freuded my schaden. None of these fuckers are getting any sleep.

          http://gizmodo.com/sean-spicer-reportedly-apologizes-to-britain-for-talkin-1793366293

          • chicken thief

            Coke does that to my eyes, too.

            Oh, shit, did I say that out loud?!…

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            So you’ve heard.

          • Tallmutha

            Methought I heard a voice cry, “Sleep no more!
            Trump does murder sleep.”

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I’ve never seen a grownup who is literally incapable of ever apologizing. WTF?

        • boyblue122

          isnt it a tinpot dictator routine. Never back down no matter how wrong you are because it makes you look weak.

          • Liberoid Ron

            Look weak, or look stupid.
            Decisions, decisions.

        • subatomic

          I’ve known way too many. Narcissists never apologize, as it is always someone else’s fault.

        • laughingnome

          The Fonze

        • Sophia
        • Lord Jim

          Narcissists never apologize. Ever.

    • Crystalclear12

      White House apologized without, I imagine, Trump’s knowledge.

      I guess we’ll find out how that plays out.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        We’ll find out on the Twitters this weekend.

    • coozledad

      They haven’t apologized to Obama yet.

      • Chadwells

        Nor will they, I reckon. Rude.

    • laughingnome

      O, Trumpy will apologize.
      —O, if not, the eagles will come and pull out his eyes.

      Pull out his eyes,
      Apologize,
      Apologize,
      Pull out his eyes.

      Apologize,
      Pull out his eyes,
      Pull out his eyes,
      Apologize.

      With apologies to James Joyce

  • laughingnome

    The British and their codswallop. So eccentric that. Walloping a cod.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Reminds me of one of my favorite band names that I made up: Hard Swung Halibut.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Pip pip cheerio…

    • Crystalclear12

      Well, we gag lollies. For no reason

      Poor lollies.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Poor cod! Someone should call Doug at the Satanic temple!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “We do enjoy a good battered fish, with chips on the side especially.”
      — A British person

      • laughingnome

        Yes, would you like salt with that battery?

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Don’t forget the vinegar, you yank.

          • Liberoid Ron

            MALT vinegar, if you please. White vinegar is for cleaning, not eating.

    • I’d like to hear Fishslappingdancer’s take on this.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      You sure they’re not lopping codswals?

  • Antonin Dvorak

    I hate to be that guy Dominic, but Jared Polis is a Democrat.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The Wonkette Chyron strikes again?

  • Chadwells

    Headlines like this have GOT to have Dampnut punching kittens.

    “U.K. Says U.S. Claims About Spying Will Not Be Repeated”

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/uk-wiretap-trump_us_58cbe0b2e4b00705db4e9b97?ir=Politics&utm_hp_ref=politics

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Kittens? More like terrorizing the help, which you know he does. Hell, Spicey is probably hidden under a desk somewhere right now.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I think the Dolt 45 regime is actively trying to wipe this country off the map entirely. They’ll start with cutting programs that keep us alive and move on to nuclear war with the nutsack who rules North Korea to finish off any pesky jerk who has managed to survive. What other explanation for killing the EPA and the ACA at the same time, defunding Meals on Wheels, HUD, Planned Parenthood, and education, and poking Kim Jung Un with a stick can anyone come up with?
    (Note to my stupid computer: YES, I DO MEAN Kim Jung UN, not Kim Jung IN. Sheesh.)

    • BadKitty904

      What do you think Putin is paying the Republicans for?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      I’m just hoping a good majority of the American citizenry will notice this AND try to throw the brakes on this shit in 2018.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I honestly do not believe we will survive until 2018 if this level of shit keeps up.

        • Crystalclear12

          Take hope. The Democrat in Georgia running to replace Price has Republican volunteers.

    • Crystalclear12

      My computer knows when I type om I mean Obama, when I type Trump it tries to make it trumpet and takes away his capital.

      I like that.

    • Mary Sandoras

      The problem there is foresight. You kill off the poorz and your left with the middle class and the wealthy. The middle class then gets downgraded to the poorz. The 1% kill them off and nobody’s left to tend to the 1% needs. The 1% are left crying in the wilderness with their buckets of cash. At least that’s my fantasy of class warfare.

    • Sophia
  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Has it been four years yet?

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Feels like four decades.

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        Time in the Trump administration moves in dog years.

    • chortlingdingo
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Sean pulled a gun?!? Why won’t anyone talk about white-on-black crime?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Spicer will be pulling the gun next.

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        He does this every night, sitting in his office in the dark, contemplating where it all went so terribly wrong.

      • From Russia with Love

        Good. There’s nobody left at the press briefings except Republicans.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “At NPR, someone hurt my feelings once. So, both sides do it.”
      — Juan Williams

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Shanzgood

    I am going to try very hard to be a good person from now on so that I can come back as an otter.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I’m going for domestic house cat. All the food. No need to go outside to crap. Not giving a fuck unless I want to give a fuck. But I’ll be a fair dictator. I’ll allow all the snuggles in return for the ability to sleep in clothing straight out of the dryer.

      • arglebargle

        The Musing of Master Meow

        To awaken is a blessing, for it is only then that you can nap again.

        It is in your nature to climb to high places; It is in theirs to provide silk draperies.

        Never walk when you can prowl; never sit where you can sprawl; never eat when you can dine.

        The highest form of meditation is total indifference.

        Travel on silent feet; the sudden crash of crockery will have greater effect.

        What is the sound at six dogs barking at midnight? The sound of a cat fulfilling his responsibility.

        Do not yap like a dog, chatter like a bird, or scold like a human, dignified silence will annoy them all.

        Enlightenment is worthy; sleep often on a good book.

        The master is provided for and always at leisure; the servant provides and is always at labor, therefore know who is master in your own house.

        To purr is soothing, but a sharp claw communicates clearly.

        The thoughtful hunter remembers to offer gifts to his host, gopher heads or rat noses are suitable.

        The bird takes sudden flight; the fish darts away out of reach; but you can always count on the can opener.

        The dog has its master; the horse has its owner; the cat, being more fully realized, has its waitperson

        • CogitoErgoBibo

          That’s beautiful.

          • arglebargle

            It’s from a poster on the wall of my vet. I did find a word doc using the googles, but no poster. Frowny face.

        • Tallmutha

          One of mine consistently breaks the rule against chattering like a bird. I don’t mind, it’s cuter than hell.

      • Persistent Demme

        Hey!
        We love to go outside and crap!
        We don’t go in the house! (usually)
        Ewwww!
        —my dogs

    • Latverian Diplomat

      In other words, you will strive to do what you oughter?

      • arglebargle

        You minx.

      • Shanzgood

        For that, you are coming back as a slug.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          A fitting punishment?

          • Shanzgood

            Now it’s sounding like a step up.

      • From Russia with Love

        Or will you weasel out of it?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I’m on my thirteenth time around the Mandela. I want Nirvana next time or gtfo.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    In the true spirit of St. Patrick’s day, Marvel’s Iron Fist drops today.

  • MynameisBlarney

    PSA:
    2920 days since Hammity volunteered to be waterboarded.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/1017429326

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Ugh that Seth Myers video of his rally…look at all the Trumpler youth dressed like him. Disturbing

  • geoffalnutt

    Does Vlad really want his puppet playing with nukes.

  • Nounverb911

    Hey NYC is having a parade today in honor of my getting a senior discount starting today

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/cdb20945a9f63de3ca88eae3cd4f67a2413571c2f20932e15c8e44c9bd6db842.jpg

    • Liberoid Ron

      Molotov!

      • House0fTheBlueLights

        That’s Molotov go bragh today.

        • Liberoid Ron

          So noted!

    • Shanzgood

      When does that officially start? AARP is already sending me things. O.o

      • arglebargle

        They’ll start taking your Amero’s at 50 but you don’t get the sweet discounts till you’re 55. Commies.

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          Movies make you go to 62, but if you walk your gray-haired ass head up to the clerk and say “how old for senior discount” and then go “OH GREAT 1 SR Discount ticket plz” they’re too embarrassed to make you prove it.

          • BosGrl

            I am trying that this weekend.

      • Proud Liberal

        Ha. I got a letter from a funeral home. Ain’t that special?

        • BosGrl

          In Pelham, NH, there is a funeral home directly across the street from the senior center. My kids always pointed it out because it’s kind of awful.

          • House0fTheBlueLights

            I do gardening at senior centers sometimes and they’re always having to remind me not to call the garden beds “plots.”

          • BosGrl

            Oh man.

    • Asterix

      Lá breithe shona duit!

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Happy birthday!

    • BosGrl

      Happy Birthday! :)

    • Paul

      Welcome to the club you old codger. Can you read this OK or should I have used a bigger font?

      My parade had at least twice as many. It was bigly yooooooge.

  • Liberoid Ron

    News from the Future:
    Donald J Trump International Airport opens today. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtX-Uv7YmpQ

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Holy shit!

      • From Russia with Love

        Tough way to make a living.

    • arglebargle

      Wimmen drivers. Amirite?

  • chicken thief

    How many Meals on Wheels meals* could have been funded in lieu of Ryan’s bullshit video?

    *That is going to be my measuring stick from now on

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I measure things in $3M increments. $3M=cost of one Trump Circus trip to Mar-a-Lago. Tally to date, including this weekend’s trip, is $15M.

  • Liberoid Ron

    I know it’s traditional to wear green, but dammit, I was brought up Protestant. If I wore green I’d probably have to get drunk and fight with myself until I’m lying bleeding in a ditch, and I have way too much to do today.

    • kareemachan

      People need to remember that there are TWO traditional colors in Ireland: green and orange. And mean they what they may, all I can do is remember a teaching assistant who was in the US from Ireland (OMG, call Border Patrol!!!) when I was a kid, and she wore orange on St. Patrick’s Day, got teased to the point of tears. This was when our teacher gave us a MAJOR Talking-To about manners, beliefs, traditions, and such. A very effective one, I may add. Then we all had to write a letter of apology to… I think her name was Caitlin, but I could be wrong.

      This was a Learning Experience.

  • writersbloc

    “The Freedom Caucus is getting in bed with President Bannon” Link seems broken.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      Yeah, that’s OK. This is porn I do not want to see.

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Um. Dominic? Why does the orange man have an epaulette sticking out of his right collarbone?

    • BosGrl

      Optical illusion – he has a coat over his jacket.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        and it crosses his shoulders onto his hunchback?

        • BosGrl

          Yes, well I don’t think that’s supposed to be a hunchback LOL

    • From Russia with Love

      Space time continuum?
      Shitty painter?
      Shitty subject?

    • Doug Langley

      He’s Stuporduck and hasn’t set his shoulders yet?

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Has anyone noticed the Trumpettes at his rallies are dressing like him now? That’s fucking disturbing

    • NastyBossetti

      I went to a weightlifting competition in October, and it was a costume event. There was a guy dressed as Trump, of course. I didn’t get the impression he was a supporter, but I still wanted to punch him.

      • Doug Langley

        A weightlifting costume event??? When did those start?

        • NastyBossetti

          There’s a gym near me (in Philly) that does fun events like that. They also had a fog machine going. One guy was dressed as a t-rex, and it was HILARIOUS!

    • Meccalopolis

      And their ties double as dick warmers too

    • Zyxomma

      The (atheist) president of our shul dressed as Trump for our Purim party. While he was tying on the red tie so it would hang ridiculously low, he asked, “Isn’t this how presidents dress now?”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Keep trying to type a response about how fucking awful this all is, but I can’t find the words. Thank god comments aren’t allowed.

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Oh great. Trumpy just had a gaggle in the Oval with Pence sitting right beside him and said that all the GOP holdouts on the Ryan ACA replacement bill have been placated. Trump claims they’re all “yes” votes now. MSNBC said they’re currently running their own whip count. This sounds like overstated optimistic bullshit, but he said it. I can’t imagine the Freedom Caucus rolling over on this.

    • chicken thief

      Mah main man Louie Gohmert will stand firm*!

      *Yes, what’s yer name troll, that is a reference to his TLM

    • puredog

      “overstated optimistic bullshit” = “lie”
      Get with the program!

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        But “lie”=”alternative fact” so I’m really confused!

  • SnarkON

    The subtitle of Chelsea’s book is, “…But Nevertheless Had the Election Stolen From Her by an Old, Stupid White Man Hellbent on Destroying Democracy.”

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      “Volume I.”

      • puredog

        “Expurgated Edition”

      • BrianW

        “Volume I: 1/20/17-2/1/17”
        FIFY

  • ltmcdies

    well top of the morning to yah all on this St. Paddy’s Day….here’s an actual Irish proverb

    May you live as long as you want,
    And never want as long as you live.

    Of course that one will find that difficult if Trump/Ryan get their way…

    • SnarkON

      “May the fleas of 1,000 camels infest your tent.”

      • CogitoErgoBibo

        “May you live in interesting times.”

    • From Russia with Love

      Both parts!~

    • Lance Thrustwell

      May you work like you don’t need the money,
      love like you’ve never been hurt,
      dance like no one is watching,
      Make love like it’s being filmed,
      and drink like a true Irishman.

      • YoBunnyBunny

        Making love like it’s being filmed??? Ummm…. I dunno… I mightnix a few positions because it doesn’t show off my “good side” lol

    • bupkus23

      Yesterday, I posted the thought that Rump would ( further ) embarrass the US by leading off the presser after his meeting with the Irish PM by telling an offensive drunken Irishman joke.

      Close, but no cigar….

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    I too have been trained in firearm safety. My informal training began earlier than Hannity’s, and since then I have been trained by the U.S. Army and the state of Texas. One common element of all of those entities? Never point a gun, loaded or unloaded, at anything you don’t intend to shoot.

    • From Russia with Love

      They’re Republicans. They don’t need no fucking training.

      • puredog

        I D.O.A. IYAR

    • puredog

      Rully, I mean that’s firearms 101. (Which Hannity almost certainly flunked, assuming he’s not lying about having training at all, which is a biiiiiiggggg assumption, since his mouth was open.)

    • Occupied Territory of Kavefish

      Gene Hackman [from “Heist”]: He ain’t gonna shoot me? Then he hadn’t oughta point a gun at me. It’s insincere.

    • Meccalopolis

      Rule 2 assume any gun is loaded

  • I’m guessing Sessions’ problem with the DEMON WEED is a result of being a product of the Alabama political system.

    The way it’s suppose to work with drugs, liquor, etc.:

    1) Legalization for some substance or another proposed to help pay for a broke-ass state still pimpled with ‘dry counties’.

    2) The moonshiners/drug dealers fund the churches’ and politicians massive expensive media campaign against the legalization.

    3) Legalization is defeated because of JESUS.

    4) Moonshiners/dealers rake in huge money and contribute it to the helpful politicians ad church leaders.

    5:} Profit! Thank you JESUS!

    Everybody needs to realize Sessions is merely waiting for the bids to buy his favor to start pouring in.

    • chicken thief

      Hate the homos because of Old Timey Testament is WORD! but Buff Nordic Jesus playing vintner at a wedding – ah, forget that shit!

      • In Sessions defense the truck stop bathrooms along Alabama interstates were/are scary and intimidating places, particularly for a little feller like him.

        SCARRED FOR LIFE is wots I’d calls it.

    • Shoto

      “Sessions is merely waiting for the bids to buy his favor to start pouring in.”

      At which time he’ll say, “Thank you, Jeezuz,” amirite?

  • Ghenghis McCann

    So if it wasn’t GCHQ “tapping” Trump’s phone, who will they blame next? Angela Merkel? The Boy Scouts of America? Anybody but Vladimir Putin?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Beyonce and her uterus… probably? Who’s to say her “oven” isn’t just another surveillance device, henngghhh!?!?!?!!

  • Those otters in the snow are almost as cute as Buzz Aldrin making snow angels in Antarctica: https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f5d2593c1f18821cc9f5cbd0b7ad19f3c30eead65186f7184a3784d7df32c2c7.jpg

  • Carpe Vagenda

    bet you could hear this explosion from outside the White House fence

    https://twitter.com/KatyTurNBC/status/842754220663230464

    • bupkus23

      Nah – Rump will just claim he’s “Leader of the Paidoff World”

  • SweetDeeKat

    OK, I’ve read as much as I could this morning. Need to know if shrooms are still a thing with the youngs, as weed and Xanax aren’t going to do it for me, and if it’s available around DFW. What sucks is that my adult kids are such squares that they won’t buy dope for their Hell Mom.

  • Pilotshark

    Dam Rex you are fatigue and had a spat, how many miles have you put on as SoS? how many hours have you negotiated things?

    what a putz, if you can not take the pressure of the travel than get the hell out of the kitchen!

  • Doug Langley

    It’s snowing outside. Guess it’s the last time I can be sure it’s not fallout.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    ♫ And it’s one, two, three,
    What are we fighting for?
    Don’t ask me why, I don’t give a dang,
    Next stop is Pyongyang;
    And it’s five, six, seven,
    Open up the pearly gates,
    Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,
    Whoopee! we’re all gonna die. ♫

  • Shibusa

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day, Wonketteers! Here’s the source of Trump’s “Irish” proverb, which was written by Albashir Adam Alhassan, from Nigeria.
    https://twitter.com/colz/status/842419121979551744

    • HazooToo

      The proverb is lovely, but I think he got all of the verses backwards.

  • eyelashviper

    I just slogged through this article from the Atlantic, posted yesterday, and it is lengthy, and painfully points out all of the egregious conflicts of interest by the Yammering and Bloviating Shitgibbon in the WH, and it is enough to make anyone with a brain furious, depressed, and just gobsmacked.

    Aside from the Asshole In Chief lying, inflaming, and colluding with Russia, he is working hard to turn the WH into one giant cast register (and he takes Paypal, also too)

    Worth the read, best to take it in pieces, all at once makes ya want to rip the keyboard into shreds…

    https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2017/03/donald-trump-conflicts-of-interests/508382/

  • goonemeritus

    If we go back to war with North Korea will we get a Mash reboot?

    • Ω cynmac will never surrender

      Yeah, but given the current dystopian mood (Handmaid’s Tale, Hunger Games), any root would not be as comical.

  • Lord Jim

    Statement from Rex Tillerson about budget cuts:

    “Clearly the level of spending that the State
    Department has been undertaking, particularly in this past year, is
    simply not sustainable,” he said. “As time goes by, there will be fewer
    military conflicts that the U.S. will be directly engaged in.”

    Uh, Rex, if we’re not gonna be so many military conflicts, doesn’t that mean we should cut the DEFENSE budget and increase the STATE DEPT’S budget, so maybe via diplomacy we can forestall a few military interventions?!

    WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK?!!!!!!!

    • HazooToo

      You misunderstand. “As time goes by, there will be fewer military conflicts that the U.S. will be directly engaged in.” <— BAD thing. That's why they need to get rid of all the filthy liberal diplomats.

      • Lord Jim

        I’m just a libtard. What can you expect of me?

        • HazooToo

          If rumors can be believed, a bag of pot, an Obamaphone, and a wealth of fetus recipes.

  • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

    Stanton Peele is good, as people in the field go (also Lance Dodes, who wrote the Trumps is nuts letter). Most of them are dangerous quacks.

    The Solution to the Opioid Crisis

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/addiction-in-society/201703/the-solution-the-opioid-crisis

  • Zyxomma

    Hi, Wonketteers! I’m late arriving today, because I started the day very early (and vewwy, vewwy quiet) to travel to midtown west for my very first colonoscopy. All went well. And the anesthesiologist’s name is Patrick. A friend brought me home, where I’ve been taking it easy as instructed. Watched the rest of season two of Mr. Robot. Resting.

    • whitroth

      My condolences. Especially on the prep…. *bleah* Can we order two or three of them for Trumpolini?

  • whitroth

    Dear Goddess, I just thought N. Korea through… What the *fuck* is he threatening? To just bomb them? To invade (perhaps he should read wikipedia about the last time)?

    Regime change?

    How would this tiny insignificant country next door, name of China, feel about that?

    This is beyond stupid.

Previous articleSatanic Temple Now Attacking Another Sacred American Institution: Spanking!
Next articleMichael Flynn Took Money From Russians Too, Like He’s A Weird ‘Foreign Agent’ Or Something!