SHARE
What administrators get up to on their own time is their business

Now that they’ve ruined the school Bible giveaways and the Baby Jesus Dioramas and the Ten Commandments monuments, those liberty-loving trolls at the Satanic Temple have found another sacred American practice to interfere with: They’re going after corporal punishment in the nation’s schools, in response to a Texas school board that retroactively changed its rules to allow a male assistant principal to spank a 15-year-old girl.

The policy had required all corporal punishment to be carried out by an administrator of the same sex, but if there were something wrong with a middle-aged vice principal leaving red welts on a young girl’s bottom, we’re sure cheesy midcentury porn novels would have let us know.

So now, the Satanic Temple has unveiled a cool new billboard in Springtown, Texas, where the freaky local penchant for spanking made headlines:

At the related website, the Protect Children Project, TST explains students and parents can register to have their schools notified of the student’s religious objection to being spanked, and that any corporal punishment would “violate their civil rights.”

Donations to the site will go to place billboards in other communities that advocate spanking as discipline, and to cover the costs of legal work to protect registered kids.

Since respect for religion is very, very important to the folks who believe the Bible tells them they must hit children, the Satanic Temple emphasizes one of its own key religious principles, which the group has also cited in advocating for a religious right to abortion:

We hold among our tenets that “The body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.” As such, we have launched a campaign to offer an exemption against corporal punishment and solitary confinement to any student who shares this deeply held belief.

Satanic Temple spokesperson Lucien Greaves (aka Doug Mesner) explained, without the least bit of hyperbole,

Hopefully, our billboard will serve as a daily reminder to the citizens there that they live in a barbaric backwater town where dysfunctional and possibly sexually disturbed middle-aged men may depravedly titillate themselves by violently spanking teenaged girls. The billboard should be disturbing to Springtown, as it is there because Springtown has proven to be a disgrace.

Say what you will about spanking when parents do it (we’re personally against it, but reasonable people can disagree), our own experience with corporal punishment in school was that it was used arbitrarily and didn’t accomplish much of anything. The main thing we learned from getting whacks with a wooden paddle (summary punishment for everyone in a gym class after a couple of kids misbehaved) was that 1) the vice principal enjoyed exercising power a hell of a lot and B) those in power can do what they want, because they are in power, and you DO NOT question that.

Crom bless the Satanic Temple. And now get to your Open Thread!

Yr Wonkette believes that adult, consensual spanking is none of our darn business, and probably way better than ads. Which in our case we have not got. Won’t you kindly drop a few Ameros in the tip jar?

[Protect Children Project / CBS Houston]

$
Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • TJ Barke

    Master trolls.

  • calliecallie
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Yeah, in middle school, I mostly got punished for when I got sick of turning the other cheek when being picked on. School punishment sucks in its utter arbitrariness. Thank goodness we managed to get rid of capital punishment in the schools. #neverforget.

    /SMOTI is a dick joke

  • Longstreet63

    I may have seen that film, but I’m pretty sure they were very clear about the young lady being eighteen.

    • Creepoman

      I believe the term of art is “barely.”

  • memzilla Ω
    • Because i’m sick of throwing things at Major Asshole?

    • FlownΩver

      He needs to leave Pvt. Partz alone.

      [Sorry the reply is so late. I had to deal with Col. Panic and Gen. Disarray]

      • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

        I need to find a way to work Col. Panic and Gen. Disarray into a therapeutic education session on managing anxiety and panic attacks! Thanks for this!

  • Crystalclear12

    They do love their work.

  • Pilotshark

    spare the child and save a rod.

    • FlownΩver

      Spank the child and stroke the rod.

  • goonemeritus

    Spare the rod and the rod will last a lifetime.

    • JohnBull

      In rod we trust.

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        Rod hears your prayers.

      • Gosala

        There was a bar in Milwaukee called Rods. I don’t know what went on in there, honest.

    • Creepoman

      Can we still spank the rod?

      • goonemeritus

        That’s between you and your deity

  • CindyinEncinitas

    You know the Peeps diorama contest is over. *sigh*

  • Crystalclear12

    Texas? Huh
    Florida, you up.
    Arkansas, you’re on standby.

  • goonemeritus

    I always used “The Chair of Woe” on my little ones.

    • doktorzoom

      Our own Robyn P said in the Sekrit Chatcave that when she was a tot in her time-out chair, her mom would make her bang her sippy cup against the bars of the nearby liquor cabinet and sing “Nobody knows the troubles I’ve seen”

    • snark-lurker

      you spanked your kids with a chair?

      • proudgrampa

        Really. What’s wrong with that guy?

    • clubseal

      The Chair of Whoa! is possibly a good name for a roller coaster. Will investigate.

    • LaylaOhGee

      We used the Stair of Woe when ours were small. The oldest would use the bottom step as a stage upon which to proclaim his grievances.

      • goonemeritus

        The airing of grievances is very important.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    One of the key things to remember about “religious freedom” as defined by the fundigelicals is only they should be allowed to exercise it, and it includes them being able to use the power of the state to force it on others.

    All other “religions” need not apply.

    • Gosala

      All other religions, being false, are not religions. Simple.

  • BearGHAZI

    Satanism: come for the bodily freedom, stay for the vampire costumes

    • And the nice candles

      • efoveks

        Are the scented? Asking for a friend.

      • proudgrampa

        Where DO they find those? Asking for another friend…

    • snark-lurker

      thses vampire costombs, thinkin ladies here oh never mind donut wanna get spanked

  • marxalot

    Comrade Mom and Running Dad didn’t much bother with corporal punishment, after it was established that my brother’s butt was not connected to his brain. In his words, what he experienced was not a chain of events which led to a spanking, but simply “and now someone is hitting me.” Also, our ‘rents were way too exhausted to waste physical energy on something which accomplished nothing.

  • Moebym the Persistent Returner

    This made me think of that controversial book on Biblical discipline, To Train Up a Child, that was blamed in part for the death of several children due to their parents following the advice contained within. It basically advocated for child abuse.

    Sorry for being a Debbie Downer – it’s just the first thing that came to mind.

    • clubseal

      I wonder if there exists a woman by the name of Debbie Downer somewhere in the world. I’m torn between hoping that, if there is, she’s either always incredibly upbeat or always unbelievably morose.

      • FlownΩver

        And does she have a certain trombone sound as her constant auditory companion?

        • willi0000000

          no . . . that’s just the sound she makes when she farts.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    How weird – I was just expressing my love for the Satanic Temple in an email this morning. They are more Christian than Christian.

    EDIT: Although I am very fond of This Particular Pope.

  • beejeez

    Hey, some people might be into … oh, children? Uh, no.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
  • Shibusa

    That Springtown, Texas billboard looks brand spanking new!

  • proudgrampa

    That woman at the top looks HAWT!

    Just sayin’.

    • maxneanderthal

      Is that Ronnie Raygun over her knee? Hot damn!

    • Ωbjectifier

      So what does something like that cost? Same as downtown?
      For a friend, etc.

    • arglebargle

      Kinda looks like that graduation pic of RBG.

  • Nockular cavity

    cheesy midcentury porn novels

    Don’t judge me!

  • clubseal

    The Satanists missed an opportunity to use the “wives and daughters” schtick from the transgender haters.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I like this Doug Mesner guy. As I started reading the article, I began wondering to myself, “Who allows their own teenage daughter to be spanked by a male principal, or anybody else for that matter?” A few paragraphs later:

    (people who) live in a barbaric backwater town where dysfunctional and possibly sexually disturbed middle-aged men may depravedly titillate themselves by violently spanking teenaged girls.

    Well, that pretty much answered it.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I’m going to send my mom this story.

    She’s a lifelong Catholic that will happily donate money to the Satanic Temple if it means gross vice principals don’t get to spank young children and then I’ll get to hear her amazing reasoning as to why her God will understand the $20 gift to the other side.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
  • PixieThis

    All joking aside – is this paddling on bare skin? I mean, what…the…fuck??? Even if it’s not bare skin, it’s a disgusting, depraved action. And I’m someone who lived a healthy, alternative lifestyle – and that didn’t come from being beaten by an older person in authority either.

    • BosGrl

      This is a violation. Even with parents, 15 is too old to spank.

      • willi0000000

        you never spank a child of any age . . . until the time comes when you absolutely must correct a life/health threatening behavior . . . that’s when you give them a little swat on the butt . . . they will be so surprised that you hit them at all they will look directly at you . . . this is your opportunity . . . you have now got about fifteen seconds to drop an indelible message on your child . . . don’t waste time!

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Expect a lot more of this crap if Obamacare is murdered:

    Knoxville woman with epilepsy dies after government benefits stop

    “She had a whole lot of seizures because one of the medicines didn’t come through,” said Sylvia Schnelle. “Once you stop your medicine so abruptly you go into a tailspin of seizures and you don’t come out of it.”

    Writing to Congressman Jimmy Duncan, Amy Schnelle was able to convince the government to resume her benefits. That happened in January 2017, but in February 2017, from her apartment, she texted her mother she had a “bad” seizure and asked her to “please” come. Her mother rushed to Knoxville from her home in Dandridge.

    “Amy was on her stomach and she had already died. She died from a seizure,” said Sylvia Schnelle through tears.

    Fuck. I picked the wrong year to stop day drinking FFS.

    • Yr. Gma

      Why wasn’t she out cleaning toilets to pay for her Medicaid instead of dying at home like a common taker?

    • ltmcdies

      who the hell makes these decisions….obviously not trained health care professionals who know damn well one manages epilepsy not cure it.

      just makes me ill

      • Serai 1

        Insurance company bureaucrats. he worst people to hand healthcare determinations to, aside from maybe car mechanics.

        • FlownΩver

          Mr. Goodwrench LIBEL!!1!!1 Mechanics are motivated to solve a problem, not to cut costs über alles.

          • Serai 1

            True. I was referring to knowledge about the human body. So okay, carpenters or dry cleaners or masons.

        • redblack

          right? it’s perfectly reasonable to let an insurance company stand between you and your doctor. but the gubmint?!?

          by the blue-eyed jesus, that will not stand.

    • Gosala

      Fuck

    • snark-lurker

      we can always pick up where we left off

    • BosGrl

      My heart breaks for Sylvia Schnelle. No one should have to find their child dead. I hope when she is able re-enter the world she sues the crap out of whoever denied the meds.

    • Red Bellied Black Shake

      This is only the very beginning. What happens when it’s 3 to 5 million dead thanks to ObamaCare repeal. I hate your face Trump. Forever.

    • bupkus23

      She had been on Social Security Disability – but in June 2016, they decided that her “dizzy spells” was not epilepsy.

      One has to wonder if the GOP’s demonization of SSDI was the reason why.

    • msanthropesmr

      That was a white rural lady. Hmm. You mean that poor likely Trump voters will be hurt by his policies? No way!

    • msanthropesmr

      It’s 647 on the east coast.

    • willi0000000

      death panel? . . . much?

  • Nick Scroggs

    I give up on understanding this world.

  • Serai 1

    That tenet of theirs is a bit dodgy. It could easily be used as an argument against, say, putting people in jail at all. Unless the Satanists can come up with some other way to deal with crime, I’d think about rewording it, lest their name gets dragged into something really unsavory.

    • clubseal

      Well, it seems that even Satan believes in running a prison, of sorts. According to the Bible, at least.

      • Serai 1

        It’s not a job he chose, remember.

        • clubseal

          Idea: Rewrite Shawshank Redemption from the point of view of Satan trying to dig his way out of Hell. 10/10 would read.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Didn’t Anne Rice write about something similar in Memnoch the Devil?

          • Serai 1

            You mean that mess of a book where Lestat witnesses the Crucifixion and Jesus actually offers his neck to the vampire?

          • Juan de Fuca

            Loved it.

          • Serai 1

            I’d like to see a story building on James Morrow’s idea that Jesus never got out of Hell after he died, but stayed voluntarily, and has spent the millenia since giving water to all the suffering souls. I think it could make a really interesting movie.

          • clubseal

            You can imagine the howling from the conservatives. “How dare they depict Jesus as selfless and caring! Sounds like soshalizm111!!”

          • Serai 1

            Yeah, unfortunately. When asked why, Jesus said, “You do what you can.” It was a really well-written scene.

          • bupkus23

            Wasn’t Morrow the author of “Towing Jehovah”? I’ve never read it, but it sounds like it was fun:

            God is dead, and now God’s two-mile-long cadaver is floating in the Atlantic Ocean, just off the coast of Africa. As a result, the archangel Raphael hires supertanker captain Anthony Van Horne to tow the cadaver into the Arctic, with the intention of having it be preserved by the cold.

          • Serai 1

            Yeah, that’s him. He’s an amazing storyteller. His tales combine history, science, religion, philosophy, art, into these intricate, thoughtful tapestries. And he has a way with words that tops almost any other author I know. How can you resist something that starts with, “May I speak candidly, fleshling, one rational creature to another, myself a book and you a reader?” That’s the opening to The Last Witchfinder. It goes on to talk about how, although writers think they are creating their books, the fact is that books are all written by other books. Check this out:

            Every desert romance novel was written by Madame Bovary ona lark/ Mien Kampf can claim credit for most of th eHallmark greeting cards printed between 1958 and 1967; Richard Nixon’s entire oeuvre traces to a collective effort by the science-fiction slush pile at Ace Books. … Once The Wasteland and Other Poems generated its first Republican Party platform, it couldn’t resist creating all the others. After Waiting for Godot acquired a taste for writing Windows software documentation, there was no stopping it.

            That’s Morrow in a light-hearted mood. He gets up to some real art when things get serious. I think the thing I most admire about him is his talent with endings, the bane of all storytellers. His endings never fail to hit me like a ton of bricks – usually they make me cry. The ending to Blameless in Abbadon, the second book of the God’s Death trilogy, really slayed me. The bit I referenced about Jesus is from Only Begotten Daughter, one of his best, but I would recommend anything he’s written. (This Is the Way the World Ends was the first one I read, and again, the damn ending left me a wrung-out rag from weeping.)

            This is not to say his tales are sad. They’re way too complex and rich to be called that. Really impressive work, all of them.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          Have you noticed that every reference to angels in the Bible is in the masculine gender? Not once does the Bible refer to an angel as “she” or “her”, yet religious art is full of female angels. I could make a good LGBT joke here, but I will refrain.

          • clubseal

            Every time you refrain from making a good joke, an angel changes gender.
            Look it up.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Which bathroom do they use?

          • clubseal

            Where do you think rain comes from?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            When I was 3 my mother told me rain was the silver lining leaking out of clouds.

          • clubseal

            Kind of sweet, but also kind of bleak.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            She also told me that whenever I heard the house creaking at night, it was my Guardian Angel walking around, protecting me. Also sweet, but I wondered why I needed protecting, and what from.

          • clubseal

            For some reason that reminds me of this bit I read the other day from comedian Mic Schirtzer, which goes like this:
            I heard the phrase “an elephant never forgets.”
            Anyone who uses that phrase sounds like they used to do some super weird stuff to elephants.
            What do you want him to forget?

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Good point. I find that cats never forget either. If you give them juicy, soft canned food ONCE they will never forget, and will demand it every single day until one of you dies. They also never forget what the vacuum cleaner sounds like.

          • clubseal

            They do of course forget that not every goddamn can you open is soft cat food, though.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            Very true. I used this fact to entice one in from outside for years. I didn’t even have to open a can. . . I just had to run the electric can opener, and in he would come.

          • Ill_Used_Floppy_Disk

            “What the hell?” said a cat of mine once, 1/4 of the way into canned asparagus.

          • shastakoala

            My mom always told me that thunder was just the angels bowling. And lightening was a strike!

          • Serai 1

            Old linguistic conventions, sounds like.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            That is very possible, but Bible experts say not, because the only angels mentioned by name in the Bible have masculine names, such as Michael and Gabriel. My thought is it is never wise to ascribe meaning to words written 2500 years ago in a different time and a different language and a different culture. It is hard enough to pin down the exact meaning of words some people say today, particularly politicians. And there are plenty of examples even today of people who say one thing and mean another.

          • Serai 1

            Translation is hard enough between contemporary languages. I did some in the 90’s and it can be really sticky. When you combine it with trying to parse ideas and mindsets over thousands of years, it can become a real crapshoot. That’s why I find the Bible so interesting – for such an influential document, it has a fuckton of uncertainty about it.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I read several books about Biblical translation many years ago. The one story I remember best is about Isaiah 7:14, which is translated as “the virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.” There is apparently great debate about the original Hebrew word that is translated as “virgin,” which many scholars interpret as “young woman.” There is a huge difference between “virgin” and “young woman.”

          • Serai 1

            The two words are almah (young woman) and betulah (virgin). The first is used in numerous places around the bible, including that Isaiah verse, while the second is only used in three, IIRC, where the point about virginity is important. Apparently there was some confusion when the text was translated into Greek, with its kore (young woman) and parthenos (virgin).

            There’s another issue there as well. Jonathan Kirsch, a Jewish author of some really good books about the bible, told me about a cultural thing that was happening around that time. Remember the scene in The Handmaid’s Tale, where the two women were present for sex? The Hebrews around this time had a ritual kinda like that, but for birth rather than for sex. If a woman wanted to give birth without having it count, she would do so on another woman’s lap, the baby would be drawn out between their combined legs, and then given to the second woman. This was referred to as a “virgin birth”. It’s possible the story of Jesus is referring to that instead of to an actual birth without male involvement. Writing for the audience of the time, the author wouldn’t need to explain the term, and when the text got translated to another culture, so did the words, as well as they could manage. And then, of course, you had to explain them. It’s an interesting possibility, certainly make for a good story.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            There are certainly plenty of good stories there. I always thought the story of Sarah and Hagar deserved further investigation. Abraham was not exactly a model husband or father, and the writers of the story don’t try to hide this fact, which I think is fascinating.

  • Yr. Gma

    I got “punished” when I was about 12 with a wooden paddle wielded by the male school principal. I was among a group of maybe six kids who were deemed “evil” by our teacher who just happened to be the granddaughter of Ellen G. White. She was an old hag who still wore a corset, and when she bent over, the corset stays would stick out on the sides of her dress. I happened to be one of the evil spawns of Satan who laughed when one of the boys in the class poked her poking corset stay. The late 1950s were very enlightened.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      And what lesson did you learn from this? I always saw corporal punishment as an act of dominance and humiliation, and I could never understand why whole generations were trained to accept either one.

      • Yr. Gma

        I thought the whole thing was pretty funny and a great distraction from math class. I recall I got one whack, and it wasn’t much. I got much worse at home on a regular basis (and continued to until I was big enough to fight back) so the hitting part wasn’t the worst of it. I think the guy who did the poking got 10 whacks, and he cried. I did feel bad about that because he was just doing what the rest of us wanted to do when he poked her corset.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          I’m sorry to hear you got whacked at home on a regular basis. That never happened to me. My mother could “whack” with a look, a few words, and a certain tone of voice, which sent chills down our spines and was very scary. I’m not sure how she did it, because I can’t reproduce this skill.

      • Weevie

        Those who use it that way are probably crappy parents, teachers, or are psych problems. I think it’s just a punishment to most people. I went to catholic schools decades ago and the Sisters, then Brothers in High School all had their own patented pain offerings. No one really paid any attention to it and it definitely wasn’t done in a humiliating manner.

        My dad spanked me once, sort of, by the time all the preparations were made, he reneged. That’s why I remember it, we laughed.

        We don’t hit our kids nor does their school. What seems to matter the most with any discipline is that when it’s over, it’s over and things go back to normal, no threats, no fear, punishment for the infraction only no ongoing sword of Damocles.

        • Angela Ruzzo

          My older bro and sis went to Catholic School. My bro was spanked when he was 6 for wetting his pants after he raised his hand and asked to go to the bathroom, but the nun wouldn’t let him. Why would a teacher refuse to let a child go to the toilet if they need to? Makes no sense to me.

          I was lucky – I was sent to public school after my mother found out what was going on in the Catholic school. In the public school, in my day, there was no spanking whatsoever. However, my 4th grade teacher made the whole class stay in from recess one day when ONE unknown child stuck gum on her desk, and nobody would tell her who did it. We didn’t tell her because 1) we didn’t know and 2) there would be hell to pay on the playground if we did know, and ratted. The injustice of this mass incarceration because one child misbehaved rankled then, and rankles now. However, it did prepare me psychologically for life in Trumpistan.

          • Weevie

            I didn’t get that stuff. No one should.

            This is the sort of stuff we got in High School; it was an all boys school. The girls school was across the street. There was a game called Sink the Ship, played by one particular teacher. The teacher drew a big ship on the blackboard with a bulls eye on it. The kids pushed their desks to both sides of the room, clearing a path for the Perp, who had to lean over and not look forward while running at the board in an attempt to hit the bullseye with his head and sink the ship.
            The class went wild, cheering the Perp, who always slowed way down right before hitting the board. If the ship was hit at all, game over. We all thought it was fun and it did serve as some sort of male bonding thing.

          • Angela Ruzzo

            I suppose if ALL of you thought it was fun, including the Perp, then it was OK. Perhaps you have to be a teenage boy to appreciate it. When I was a teenage girl, I often wondered if teenage boys were the same species as me. 45 years later I occasionally have the same thought.

  • OrG

    I will never hear the Velvet Underground the same again.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Comes in bells, your servant, don’t forsake him
      Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart…

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Ahem. The good book does say ‘suffer…little children’ ”
    — A Christianist

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    I don’t like to think about what I would have done back in the day to a middle aged man in a position of authority who hit my 15 year old daughter or to the members of the school board who enabled him.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      The cunt who lives behind me screams at her kids all the time. People don’t believe me until they sit out on my deck on a nice evening and she starts in on her kids, dropping “f-bombs” and acting the crazy lady. She doesn’t even care that people can here her. One time, she was screaming, “do you hear me?” “do you hear me?” and I said, “We all hear you, you stupid bitch.” Anyway, there’s a little creek that runs between our properties and my kids were playing in it. I was outside with them, but she waited until I was inside before she came out and yelled at them….Oh, no….I made sure she knew in no uncertain terms that she could talk to her kids like that, but she wasn’t going to talk to my kids like that. She called my kids “unsupervised heathens,” and I replied, “that’s okay. At least they don’t want to kill me in my sleep like your kids do.” That shut her up. Goddamned bully. She deserves to be punched in the tit.

      • redblack

        i agree with the sentiment and upvoted for your bully resistance.

        but also, too, because your post starts with “the cunt,” and ends with “the tit.”

        i’m juvenile like that.

  • Shibusa

    “Are Spanx still okay?” ~Sarah Palin

    • Rick Hill

      “Follow up: What about spanking your spouse? Asking for a friend…”

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I only wear them because then the blood is forced into my brain. What a rush!”
      — Sarah Palin

  • Ωbjectifier

    “A spanking. A spanking. There is going to be a spanking tonight.”

    “And after the spanking … the oral sex.”

    “Well, I suppose I could stay a BIT longer.”

  • Rick Hill

    What’s wrong with a little religion in people’s lives?
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aG1z9vG_460s.jpg

    • Serai 1

      Yes, because humans spend so much time rescuing ants being eaten by spiders.

      • hendenburg2

        Metaphor doesn’t work. Humans didn’t invent spiders or ants.

        • Serai 1

          Her argument doesn’t work, either. Where the hell did she get “sends child rapists to rape children”? If you’re going to take a religious text as part of your argument, it would behoove you to read the fucking book first. I have no patience for atheists who use exactly the same tricks as the people they declare themselves above, and that’s all cherry-picking is – a trick.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    Even if you hit your own kids (for their own good of course), why on earth would you want a school administrator to do it?

    • Gosala

      Because kids have to learn to fear any and all authority figures?

    • Weevie

      The long arm of the law, you know!

  • HogeyeGrex
    • Ωbjectifier

      Seems perilous.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Can I have just a little peril?

        • hendenburg2

          No, it’s too perilous!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      And then, the oral sex!

  • JMP

    It’s 2017. HOW THE FUCK CAN THERE POSSIBLY BE ANY STATES WHERE CORPORAL PUNISHMENT BY SCHOOLS IS ACTUALLY STILL LEGAL?!??! Fuck, if I were a parent and found out a teacher had hit my kid, I would make sure to sue the school that allowed such a monstrously evil act into oblivion.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      The State Legislature says you don’t have grounds to sue.

      • JMP

        That is completely horrific and backwards. Texas actually thinks schools should be allowed to torture children Fuck it makes me so angry.

        • Panika MCD

          *with parental consent.

      • Panika MCD

        but this one said you have grounds to sue if you didn’t sign the permission slip.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          So only kids who’s parents suck have anything to worry about? Wonderful.

          • Panika MCD

            yeah, some people should not be allowed to have kids. but, then again, 100 children die in the TX foster system every year.

          • Juan de Fuca

            Exactly. Schools shouldn’t be doing this type of stuff. I went to a school in N.C. for a while that did this. It’s archaic.

          • clubseal

            Well, I mean, if their parents suck, they already have enough to worry about without getting beaten by the school.

          • Latverian Diplomat

            Kinda my point.

          • notaten

            My comment earlier, about my friend who felt that school was the only place he could go and not be beaten, just because my Mom happened to be walking by when he was being abused by a teacher. It changed his life.

        • I hope the 15 year old registers as Satanist and the church goes to bat on her behalf.

          • Panika MCD

            I hope someone tells the parents that they were supposed to sign a permission slip for it to be legit.

      • Gosala

        I’m no lawyer, but could something be made out of cruel and unusual punishment?

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Me neither, but It’s not a criminal proceeding, the school is acting in loco parentis, which gives them a greater latitude in some ways.

          • FlownΩver

            So there are things you can’t do to a violent criminal but you can do them to a kid. Sounds like some serious “original intent” bullshit to me.

    • Suttree

      Because it isn’t 2017 everywhere. These are the same fucks who talk about the good ole days, and yearn to return to them. Just with Iphones.

      • Gosala

        I read that as i-fon-eze and thought that was a geek philosopher I’d never heard of. It’s not impossible, a Greek philosopher yearning for a list golden age. In fact, there must have at least one.

    • Panika MCD

      under TX law, they’re technically supposed to have parental consent before the vice principal spanks your kid.

  • maxneanderthal

    “Say what you will about spanking when parents do it (to each other)”
    FTFY.

  • Weevie

    Well, the kids who join TST after seeing that can put a “weenie fall off spank curse” on teachers who spank.

  • shastakoala

    I knew I should have turned Sister Placida in. To this day I have an overwhelming fear of rulers. Oh, and tile.

    • Mary Sandoras

      I remember Sister Rose Marie, who lifted me off the ground as a child and shook me like a rag doll because she thought I was talking in line. Oh and our priest was a drunk and could be found across the street from my child hood home in a drunken, raging stupor every weekend. I think the school where I went to is where they sent all their nun and priest rejects to.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Prolly why I’m scared of penguins.

  • Panika MCD

    the TX lege requires parental consent for spanking. they passed it in 2011.

    • BosGrl

      I am trying to picture the parent that signs the consent form for a stranger to touch their kid’s body.

      • Panika MCD

        think the anti-choice people who put duct tape over their kids mouths. you know the ones that are red and say “LIFE” and the parents take off after 5 minutes because it’s uncomfortable, but don’t think of the comfort of their children? those people.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “A duly appointed male authority figure. That makes it OK.”
        — A Christianist

        • Creepoman

          You forgot “white” in your list of adjectives.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            it’s a given

      • snark-lurker

        try to picture their sexual fantacies

        • BosGrl

          Ew – no thanks!

      • OrG

        Picture a trump rally.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Have you met the Duggars?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Is it opt in, or opt out?

      • Panika MCD

        opt in. most ISDs have a no-spanking policy because they’d have to adopt rules about spanking and that’s really a lege thing.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “No pain, no gain. Prepare for a heckuva a lot of gain, you girls with cute butts.”
    — A Christianist school administrator?

    • Mary Sandoras

      Texas…..probably.

  • arglebargle

    Wait a minute… they RETROACTIVELY changed the rule? Was it against the rules and she was paddled and then the school district got taken to court so the school district changed it’s policy so the charges against the VP were dropped?

    • OrG

      Right Wing Magic!

    • Creepoman

      Ex post fucked-up (in legalese).

  • TJ Barke

    This is the open thread? It’s not even 3:00 on the left coast.

    • natoslug

      Yeah, but some of us on the left have been drinking like it was 5:00 for the past 6 hours. Get with the Wonk programme!

      • FlownΩver

        …for the past 6 hours 55 days.

        There. All better.

        • natoslug

          My liver’s screams are finally fading a bit — too weak to keep me up nights any more.

    • arglebargle

      It’s always open thread in the mountain time zone.

      • Panika MCD

        which does not exist.

        • Just like the comments!

          • Creepoman

            Which I can’t post or read since I’m in the “so-called” mountain time zone. I’m not even sure if I exist.

          • Panika MCD

            except when we’re doing legal talk according to that other story.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Is it 420?

      • Ωbjectifier

        Always.

      • arglebargle

        24/7

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      It’s 5:00 somewhere.

  • I think Professor Farnsworth said it best…

    http://i.imgur.com/MdHY0bR.gif

  • notaten

    My Mom sent a letter to the school board at the start of every school year saying basically you do not hit my kids without talking to me first, or woe betide you. None of us ever got a paddling because she would always go to the school and convince them they were better off with a mouthy kid than a pissed off Mama. She was on her way to talk to a teacher once about what a mouthy little shit I was when she saw this very same teacher slapping a kid in the face in the hallway. She didn’t know the kid, or the teacher, but she threatened lawsuits and worse against the entire School district until neither I nor this random native American kid ever got harrased in school again. Go Mom!

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Awesome mom!

    • Serai 1

      I would give everything I’ve ever owned to have had a mom like that.

      • notaten

        I’m sorry that you didn’t. Mom could be kind of cold at times, not much into affection, but she always had my back when I was troubled.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Ditto. I hate my mother. But then again, she never really liked me either.

    • amatulic

      Your Mom would have never known if her kids were paddled at my school. This was in the 1970s, back when parents cared more about their kids’ behavior. The school Authority Figure would tell the kid, “You have a choice. Two whacks with the paddle, or we call your parents.” EVERY kid, without exception, chose the paddle. Why? Because the paddling is over in a couple of seconds, the pain lasts for a little while afterward, but calling your Mom? You’d be grounded for 2 weeks! It was a no-brainer. Get paddled, get it over with, move on.

      I don’t know if the school had a policy to offer a choice like this, but one thing good about it was that paddling wasn’t doled out indiscriminately, it had to be for an offense worthy of calling the parents about.

      • notaten

        This was in the 70’s, and I don’t know what the district’s policy was, but she would send that letter every school year, just so they were clear on her policy.

      • notaten

        I would also like to add that the other kid my Mom witnessed getting slapped in the hallway, when I first moved back here I ran into him at the grocery store and he hugged me so hard! He said that after the incident with the teacher and my Mom, was the first time he ever felt like there was a place he could​go where he wouldn’t be beaten. He graduated high school, got a degree, and now he’s​ almost retired from teaching!

        • Ωbjectifier

          Damn onion ninjas!

      • Persistent Demme

        Maybe it’s because my parents were teachers for the DOD Overseas, and I went to those schools, (in the 70’s), but there was no corporal punishment, and I’m sorry to hear that it existed elsewhere.

        BTW: “This was in the 1970s, back when parents cared more about their kids’ behavior.”
        What does this even mean?

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Those of us who came of age in the 1970’s were definitely raised to be future victims of sexual assault.

      • notaten

        An incident in 3rd grade- my best friend​ got called a ni@##r by a kid on the playground, I’d never heard that word before, but she started crying. So I punched him in the face, made his nose bleed, and we all got taken to the office. My choice was to call my Mom or get seats, I said call my Mom now. Mom got there, asked me if I even knew what that word meant. I said no, but it made my friend cry. She told the principal she would take care of it, then she took me for ice cream and we had a long talk about prejudice and ignorance.

  • Panika MCD

    also too: it was Faith N’ Family Day at the Pink Dome and the ladies were dressed in sacklike outfits while the boys were wearing tight pants. is there some level of constriction that causes them to not get their weenuses in a bunch or are they just being hypocrites?

  • Serai 1

    I didn’t see this here, so… Did anyone notice Trump getting his panties in a twist over Snoop Dogg the other day?

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2017/03/15/trump-responds-to-snoop-dogg-music-videos-mock-assassination-of-ronald-klump/

    • I believe there was noteable mocking in the open thread

    • Jack Tenhet

      I just posted the same thing from Cafe a few minutes ago. Should have looked down thread first. Yeah, some people who never once listened to Snoop Dogg are threatening to boycott. Nothing new under the sun.

    • hendenburg2

      I guess we know someone who won’t be watching “Martha and Snoop Cook And Make Pot Jokes For An Hour (Sometimes With Seth Rogen)”

  • writersbloc

    Is the spanking link incorrect- I wasn’t looking for a man spanking a 15-year old girl, asking for a friend.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Just a little innocent fact checking, that’s all.”

  • Upright Ape

    Wait…..don’t the Bible say sumpin’ bout the inherent spankability o’ teen booties? Yup. I believe it do.
    Spank away, sexually dysfunctional Texan school guys.

    Edit: I have always used the phrase “Satan loves you” as sarcastic trolling, but damn, these Satanists got Christos beat all to Hell in the compassion department.

    • Gosala

      Book of Principals 3:13-21

      And if the booty be luscious, belonging to a girl just becoming a maiden, and if this booty giveth thee cause, as by transgression, or appearance of transgression or because thou bloody well wanteth; then shallst thou smack once and seven times and seven times seven according to thy pleasure

  • Amelia

    I adore this woman.

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/dominicholden/this-woman-refused-to-let-an-anti-transgender-group-use-her

    A woman assaulted by a man who hid in a public bathroom had her story used by an anti-trans rights group to justify a bill removing trans protections.

    In response, she released a statement on behalf of a group fighting the bill, saying:

    “To the people behind I-1552, I say, ‘Not today, motherf*ckers,” she said in the email, referencing what she told her attacker. “I refuse to allow anyone to use me and my horrific sexual assault to cause harm and discrimination to others.”

    Repealing transgender rights wouldn’t prevent the attack on her, she added.

    • Good for her!

    • Panika MCD

      they used this in the SB6 hearing in TX last week.

      • Amelia

        For or against?

        I’m assuming for, and they didn’t mention or care that it was a cis dude who wouldn’t have been stopped by a trans bathroom bill? Just OUR WIVES AND DAUGHTERS.

        • Panika MCD

          for. it was used by the bill’s author…though the bill’s true author was Lt. Gov. Dannie Goeb. the author probably disagrees with it behind closed doors and is pretty broken right now.

          • FlownΩver

            “Dannie Goeb” anagrams to “gained bone.” Just saying.

          • Panika MCD

            so that’s why he doesn’t go by his birth name!

    • hendenburg2

      I read that over on Jezebel!

    • Jennaratrix

      Oh, FFS. The guy didn’t dress as a woman or pretend to be trans, never mind ACTUALLY be trans, in order to gain entry into the women’s bathroom; he was just your ordinary, everyday male aggressor hiding in the women’s room to assault someone. Those stupid fuckers don’t understand that the women’s room isn’t a magical place that automatically keeps out anyone except “real” women with good intent – the fact that women are vulnerable to MEN in the restroom is the issue, not that a trans woman might have to take a piss. Jesus this makes my head hurt.

      • Amelia

        Not to mention the question of who the fuck they think they’re protecting when it comes to post- op trans folks. Because suddenly you’ve got trans women, one of the groups most likely to be assaulted, using the men’s room by law, and trans men using the ladies room by law! So whose wives and daughters are we protecting, exactly, if the law to keep the vagina-havers safe from the scary penis-havers doesn’t actually, you know, do that?

        • Jennaratrix

          Yes, this. And also too, to use one of their own arguments against them, there are already laws that make it illegal to assault women; passing additional laws to keep certain people out of certain bathrooms in the name of “protecting women” is passing laws for a problem that doesn’t exist and is government overreach.

    • SayItWithOtters

      The part that makes this the most Seattle thing that ever Seattle’d was when, after bashing the would-be rapist about the face, she locked him in the bathroom with a carabiner until the cops came.

  • TundraGrifter

    “Say what you will about spanking when parents do it (we’re personally against it, but reasonable people can disagree)…”

    Reasonable people can disagree – but beating children isn’t done by reasonable people. Striking a child simply teaches the kid that it’s perfectly OK to hit anybody smaller than the person taking the swing. Period.

  • Jack Tenhet

    Cracked’s John Cheese hits it out of the park again on the right-wings animos toward the poors. It’s a great read.

    http://www.cracked.com/blog/what-poor-are-really-doing-with-our-taxes/

    • Gosala

      Brilliant

    • Vincent Ricola

      It warms my heart that there are people in the comments offering to give his mom their stuff and money.

      • Jack Tenhet

        There’s still some hope. Not every human being is an unempathetic monster.

    • OrG

      TAKER! I bet the kock bros paid an extra 3 cents in taxes for her luxurious lifestyle.Sickening!

  • Jack Tenhet

    Today, in the derp files, angry, definately old white people who never listened to Snoop Dog anyway threaten boycott of same.

    http://www.cafe.com/trump-fans-call-snoop-dogg-boycott-even-though-definitely-dont-listen-snoop-dogg/

    • OrG

      They really don;t understand boycotts,do they?

      • Jack Tenhet

        They don’t really understand most things. That’s why they vote with their feels and not with logic.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Fo shizzle.

    • Weevie

      He doesn’t look to concerned!
      C’mon that vid is so ridiculous, it’s automatically funny!
      Old white guys have no sense of humor. (Except racist jokes which aren’t funny)

    • Ωbjectifier

      Well I ain’t giving up my Gin ‘n Juice!

      • Jack Tenhet

        ;) I admit, I actually like Snoop Dog.

        • MizzMazz

          Me too. Can’t wait for his new series with Martha Stewart. They be throwin dinner parties.

  • Lulu Mac

    I cannot even tell you the kind of hellfire and brimstone that would rain if a middle aged man-child vice principal even tried to lay a hand on my baby girl.

    • snark-lurker

      he would here from me: nobuddy’s lookin let’s physical, punk

    • SayItWithOtters

      How is the squeezing of an underage girl’s ass by a middle-aged male school administrator not three or four different categories of sexual assault?

      • Lulu Mac

        Exactly.

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        May as well, just go ahead and grab her by the pussy.

        • FlownΩver

          Where in the world would you get an idea like that?

    • Weevie

      I would feel really creepy in that situation (the teacher), but then I have a 14yr old daughter.
      That’s so obviously a fantasy dropped in your lap, it fools no one.

  • Don’t know if this has already been posted, but hey, Oklahoma politician caught with live boy. Yup, child prostitution, gay sex, Republican.

    • Panika MCD

      this is why it’s a bad idea to have working oil derricks on your capitol grounds. for one thing, it contaminates the water. for another, have you seen oil derricks in action? it’s very sexual.

      • Rasilom

        Well to be fair they are pumps not derricks, but as they look like jackasses it totally fits the not OK leg…

        • Panika MCD

          good to know. so they only squirt every once in a while instead of doing this:

          http://www.image-tmart.com/info_images/del-14007505-1.gif

          • Rasilom

            Lol. That is exactly what they do. I used to live in Edmond Ok about 30 years ago. We had those Dog Damed pumps everywhere. Noisy, dirty, messy damn things. My only point was that a derrick is used for drilling, the pump is installed after the well is finished and they are used for extracting the oil after a viable well is drilled.

          • Panika MCD

            nah, derricks can be used all the time. they have them all over TX. they make for the stinky.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        Well if all you had to do all day is work on your stroke, I imagine you’d be pretty sexy, too.

        • Panika MCD

          I don’t have to work on my stroke ever and I’m still pretty sexy.

          • CindyinEncinitas

            Is that Sex Panther you’re wearing?

      • Weevie

        Lubrication is important!

    • Lulu Mac

      And of course he’s a jeebus loving fundie. *sigh*. I hate people.

    • Weevie

      Well his name IS Ralph Shortey.

    • Ωbjectifier

      “This is not the first time Shortey made national news. Back in 2012, he proposed a bill banning human fetuses from being used in food, even though he admitted he did not know of any company in Oklahoma or elsewhere that was doing this.”

      • WotsAllThisThen

        But I want my babybackbabybackbabyback babyback ribs!

      • Juan de Fuca

        100% Organic!

        • Ωbjectifier

          Free range fetuses.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • Martini Ambassador

      I LOLed, hard. Fucking snowflake, needs Jesus hugs.

    • Jack Tenhet

      LMFAO! First laugh of the day. Thank you, Carpe!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      That pitcher is wrong. Jeebus had blonde hair.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Yep. It’s right there in the bible. Judas hooked up with the romans and told them to pick up the white guy who was a foot taller than everyone else so he didn’t have to kiss a boy.

  • Crank Tango

    “…they live in a barbaric backwater town where dysfunctional and possibly sexually disturbed middle-aged men may depravedly titillate themselves by violently spanking teenaged girls.”
    Sheesh, you say that like it’s a BAD thing.

    • Weevie

      Didn’t Turnip do something like that once and almost get sued three times?

  • Jennaratrix

    Whether I agree with corporate punishment or not (I don’t), as a stepmother it was off the table as a method for me. My brother won’t touch his kids as a result of getting smacked around by our dad as a young’un. We’ve both managed to raise the respective children in our care without hitting them, and as far as I know, none of them have turned out degenerate.YMMV and all that, but while I have heard plenty of people say it’s okay to hit your kids under some circumstances and that it works, I’ve never heard anyone claim it’s the ONLY thing that works. And I don’t want to hit anyone, so I’ll pass.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Ditto. I never hit my kids and, surprisingly enough, they have never been a discipline problem. I’ve put their asses in dance class for 10 hours a week, but that’s a whole different kettle of fish :D If it’s possible to raise decent, kind, respectful kids without hitting them, then why choosing hitting as the “go to” method? That makes zero sense to me.

    • notaten

      The only time I remember getting spanked was in life-threatening situations, like running into traffic or throwing my niece off of the roof of the barn into a pile of hay (she lived, young bones just bounce right back, plus I was only 7, and she still talks about that incident as a fun time). My point being, well, I guess I never threw anybody off of a roof since then. Learned my lesson, yep I did.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    It seems like you have to get up at crack of dawn just to cheek up on who might be ass-ociating with with underage girls, butt enough about Miss Teen USA impresario Donald Trump

  • yyyaz

    Now that is some Texass-sized trollery: Satan sez spare the rod. BWAAhhaAAAAAHhhahaqaa!

    • Panika MCD

      you missed the time that my state rep (well, I just moved, so now I’m in a different district, but I have another awesome state rep) sponsored their solstice installation in the Pink Dome, but it was really about the ratification of the Constitution and it had the founding fathers around a manger with the Bill of Rights in it. really pissed off the religious right.

  • dshwa

    Corporal punishment was linked to greater rates of depression and anxiety in a Swedish study a few years ago.

    It’s entirely about power and not discipline.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Isn’t this exactly what Chick Tracts tried to warn us about?

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Spare the Rod and Worship Statan is a classic(*)

      (*) AFAIK, not a real one, but with Jack Chick, one never knows.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        All I remember is you can’t join the satanic temple if you haven’t gotten past level 3 in the D&D basic set.

        • Rasilom

          Then thank the FSM I have several characters at 20th level in AD&D 2nd edition. That means I can join right?

  • The Librarian

    Bailiff, whack his pee-pee!

    • OrG

      “You get yer hands off me,ya goddamned fascist pig”

  • Panika MCD

    so we’re at the point of the TX budget process where they just adopted work group decisions and next week they’re going to pass the budget bill out of committee. two interesting things happened in the Senate’s version of the TxDOT budget:

    TxDOT tried to get rid of the minimum wage.

    they found a handy way to get rid of red light cameras without all the fuss of a public hearing.

    guess which one made it into the bill?

    • mancityRed6

      ooh, ooh, I know this one…I think…the minimum wage
      only because red light cameras bring in revenue

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        nope- conservatives HATE red light cameras, even more than they hate the minimum wage

        • Red Bellied Black Shake

          Seems they hate everything, except tyranny.

        • mancityRed6

          in the UK they used to and probably still do call speed cameras a stealth tax. as if everyone had to pay it.

          • Thiazin Red

            Why would you not just stop at red lights and obey the speed limits?

          • mancityRed6

            I never really got a good answer.

          • bupkus23

            That fits the red light cameras, but too often the speed cameras are abused ( particularly the movable ones ).

            But, hey, conservatives want to be able to break the law when nobody’s looking ( and if stopped by a cop, they’re sure to say, “Why aren’t you out fighting crime?” )

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            In practice, it’s never that simple. Baltimore, after installing cameras, significantly shortened its yellow lights…

          • Amy!

            That’s apparently very common. I was told (by a city council member opposed to camera installation, who had just listened to the camera vendors’ presentation) that the vendors (who get a cut of the fines? I thought that part was really shady) provide recommendations on how to increase revenues, and reducing yellow times was one of them.

      • Panika MCD

        yeah, but they bring in revenue for the cities. we can’t have the cities raising revenue for things, that’s why the same committee passed out SB2 at about 0002 hours on Wednesday.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    So. The Devil made me NOT do it?

  • Martini Ambassador
    • Panika MCD

      30% are Russian or Swedish spies?

      also too: Swedish spies are not near as popular as Swedish fish, but probably more popular than both Russian spies and Russian fish.

    • Jamoche

      Growing up with the Cold War and related spy novels, my reaction is “only 30%”?

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Right? Isn’t that part of the (unstated) point of embassies?

    • miss_grundy

      They need to watch “The Americans”. The embassy staff are all spies.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        One of the unstated jobs of any member of any embassy is to report anything they see out of the unusual to their boss. This is what most spying is all about. Just gathering information about the country they are in.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Embassies are traditionally nests of spies. This is nothing new.

    • hendenburg2

      HAHAHA!!! Bush league.

      This was the written notice given to everyone who stayed at the residence of the US Ambassador to the Soviet Union:

      “Every room is monitored by the KGB and all of the staff are employees of the KGB. We believe the garden also may be monitored. Your luggage may be searched two or three times a day. Nothing is ever stolen and they hardly disturb things.”

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    GOP to the poors on gutting Medicaid – let them eat cake
    – too bad about your diabetes situation, why didn’t you watch your diet?

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    OT Glenn Greenwald is at it again, concern trolling progressives for his BFF Vladimir Putin. Jesus, i’ve come to really hate this asshole…

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2017/03/potential-russian-influence-2016-election-distraction-real-issues

    • canes_pugnaces

      Glenn Greenwald and I share the same agent, and have crossed paths more than a few times. He is a smarmy confused guy, who can’t decide whether Trumputin is his daddy or if he’s on the good side.

      • Red Bellied Black Shake

        You get an up vote for the Trumputin name, I’m stealing it.

        • canes_pugnaces

          My gift, no need to steal.

          • Red Bellied Black Shake

            Thank you. 🙃

      • snark-lurker

        that is fucked up

      • hendenburg2

        why would a “journalist” need an agent?

        • canes_pugnaces

          Book agent. Plus every asshole in NYC and LA has an agent for some crazy-assed reason.

          • hendenburg2

            Ugh. Forgot about that.

            A friend of mine who lives in LA (but is decidedly not an asshole) and works at the Harry Potter themepark still has a manager. Even though she hasn’t even been an extra in years.

          • Persistent Demme

            Yep.
            When my daughter came back from drama camp in NY, she wanted an agent!
            One of her friends from there, (with an agent, of course) was later in some off, off, Broadway show, she yelled “See?!”
            We just rolled our eyes.

    • Panika MCD

      Glenn appears to have missed all the Republicans who think Russia is an issue as well. what? is he going to call John McCain, Lindsay Graham and a bunch of former Shrub officials “neo-liberals”?

    • Serai 1
    • Gosala

      One more time, vivace , Russia matters, nominations matter, the budget matters, ACA matters, it all matters and we can keep our eyes on all the balls because there are lots of us and, frankly, not so many of them.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Some asshole pervy-Jebus-lover spanks my 15-yo daughter, Satan is going to be very very cross. Thankfully, I live in a blue state where we spend our time preparing our kids for college, and the like.

    • Iam Reading

      Good choice!

  • Jamoche
  • mancityRed6

    so tomorrow I’m off to buy a vacuum. the ex is coming by on Saturday so we can do taxes and fill out some car stuff.
    parts of me are really not looking forward to it.
    and the vacuuming, too.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Meile… the only way to go.

      • mancityRed6

        you’re thinking I’m looking at spending that kind of money

        • MizzMazz

          The Meile is good but expensive. I bought a Shark I am very happy with, and it has the lights, the head pivots, and you can get under things with it. Nice big dirt catcher too.

    • vh

      what are you buying. i need one for carpets in a dusty basement. any recos? i need suckage more than jingchak like led lights. i have lights, i need good pumps. you know what i mean?

      • mancityRed6

        I’ve had others tell me they’re crap, but I remember vacuuming with a dyson for the first time. There were colors in the living room rug that I had never seen before.
        for me, right now, there’s a $50 dirt devil that will work just fine.

        • vh

          lol. thx. ya i’m also looking for robust vacuum at a middling price range.

          • Rasilom

            I had a Dyson Animal ball before the Divorce started. That thing was the Bomb!. Not overly expensive ( Costco usually has them instock for a couple hundred) and it out performed my parents Kirby to the point that my mom started borrowing it. My .02 worth anyway.

        • Jamoche

          And the Dyson was designed by people who actually thought about what happens to a vacuum that people use – got your long hair tangled around the roller? It pops right off so you can clear it.

    • vh

      regards taxes. sir we need to pay taxes so that the prejnit does not have to and PDR can pontificate on entitlements in the comfort of tax-payer bought healthcare.

      • mancityRed6

        the taxes I’m fine with
        it’s the rest of it

    • Ωbjectifier

      I just got a new vac a couple months ago. I was shocked how much it picked up that my old vac was leaving.

      • vh

        ok what did you buy & why?

        • Ωbjectifier

          I got a ‘pet rated’ Bissell, not sure which model but it’s mid-range, about $150. It replaced an old Hoover that I had for many years, the motor finally gave out.

          • vh

            kthnx

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Don’t buy a Hoover, I heard they suck

      WAIT!

      • Ωbjectifier

        What’s the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
        The position of the dirtbag.

      • bupkus23

        Nothing sucks like an Electrolux!

    • Gosala

      EVIL! Natural abhors a vacuum.

  • Martini Ambassador

    The big justification for conservatards re cutting foreign aid and general dickishness to immigrants is “we need to take care of our own, first.” So, how does starving senior citizens jibe with this supposed priority, exactly?
    https://twitter.com/RoseAnnDeMoro/status/842474994986704896

    • miss_grundy

      The mendacity! The Tangerine Toddler is under the impression that he can use the U.S. Treasury as his personal bank. I really wish a White House correspondent would walk up to Spicer and give him a good spanking in front of everyone. Because the entire Tangerine administration should be spanked every hour of the day. And without votes, too.

    • Gosala

      Because when you’re old and useless you’re no longer one of us.

      If your family chooses to help, that’s their look out.

    • LarryHoudini

      “Christ, what an asshole.” I say that a couple of times a day now.

  • ~ ☆ míkhαílα ☆ ~ 【忠実反抗】

    What the hell is it with these “Christian” fundie weerdos and the eternal need to harm their own kids?

    • MizzMazz

      Ask that James Dobson fellow. He wrote a whole book on spanking your kids. He’s a filthy piece of shit.

    • Panika MCD

      may have something to do with the tight pants the men wear.

    • snark-lurker

      and obsessing over/”marriage” to their own daughter(s)

    • Gosala

      “Beat the hell out” of someone is not a metaphor. According to them we are born damned and they’re going to save us whatever it takes.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        I’m amazed they don’t realize how often that backfires and generates a libertine. Why stick with Original Sin when you can have Extra Crispy?

        • Gosala

          That it doesn’t work means nothing except the beatings haven’t been severe enough

  • schmannity

    In my elementary, the paddle was known as The Board of Education. It also had holes drilled in it to reduce wind resistance on the downstroke.

    • cmd resistor

      Our principal in the 6th grade had one of those. One day he just walked through the cafeteria whacking boys in the back who were slouching (backless chairs). I do think he got in trouble He was not a nice man. One day he screamed at us for not lining up properly after music class and told us we had the brains of gnats. I think that was his last and only year. HE actually had Board of Education written on it. And the holes.

      • schmannity

        Sounds nice!

    • bupkus23

      That reminds me of ( at least ) one of the frats at my old school – all the pledges had to make paddles with which they would be hazed. Some of the paddles those guys carried around were works of ( sadomasochistic ) art.

      I stayed an Independent.

  • OrG

    I just noticed something.Whenever sphincter says “There’s no question….” Yeah,actually there is some question.Dumbass.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Well, this is like “believe me” and you immediately check to see if your wallet is missing.

      • Iam Reading

        Or “look” or “listen”

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          “Period.”

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    In my previous job, I was a manager and I tried to picture myself hauling off and hitting someone for poor job performance. As stupid as that sounds, if it’s not okay for adults, why is it okay to hit kids? I’d sue the ever lovin’ snot out of any adult who ever laid a hand on my kids. It’s downright barbaric.

  • Panika MCD

    overheard on the street outside my office (mother to 8 year old):

    I promise you, that was not Karl Rove. I would know.

    seriously, he’s usually on the 15th floor, but sometimes he slums it on my floor for some reason. likelihood was that it was Karl Rove.

    • Thiazin Red

      Maybe your floor has better bathrooms or coffee.

      • Panika MCD

        we do have better bathrooms, but I suspect his visiting one of the two law firms.

        • Thiazin Red

          Never underestimate the draw of good bathrooms. We get people coming from other floors to use ours, because ours are all single occupant and have places to set things down.

    • Crank Tango

      Ah turdblossoms in the springtime.

    • snark-lurker

      are you never tempted to accidentally leave a window open

      • Panika MCD

        I’m not in the office he’s visiting and the windows don’t open.

  • SayItWithOtters

    Pfffft. If literal paid foreign agents are just handed security clearances easy-peasy, why should’t Hungarian nazi “criminal organization” adherents get a free pass on lying in their applications for citizenship?

    http://forward.com/news/national/366181/exclusive-nazi-allied-group-claims-top-trump-aide-sebastian-gorka-as-sworn/?attribution=home-hero-item-text-1

    • TJ Barke

      FFS. As if we needed more proof that Trump and comp. were fucking nazis…

  • Gosala

    I was insolent at school exactly once — and it was pretty minor. The teacher pissed me off, I don’t remember why. So I said nothing, but I stared at her relentlessly.

    It unnerved her. She called the Principal. The Principal called my mother. My mother came to the school and sat down with me.

    She said, “What’s the matter? ” We had a nice long talk about my frustrations and how to deal with them. How to navigate the power structure that is the school system without sacrificing myself.

    Bless her.

    • My.mom stood up for me when i outlined specific reasons why my teacher was a idiot and wrong to the prinicpal

    • Weevie

      That’s funny. I got a call once from my son’s 2nd grade teacher who had him out in the hall for growling at her! She put him on the phone and I said “Don’t growl.” She sent an email telling me I was brilliant. She was fired later on, just a mean teacher in general.

      In 6th grade a bully was hitting my son and the teachers wouldn’t do anything about it even though they’d seen it. I told him he’ll get detention, but to decide if he wants to knock the shit out the kid and be sure tell the Principal who has done nothing what I said when you’re asked why. I know the Principal outside of school, so it was a safe bet. My son belted the bully where everyone could see it happen and they both spent 2 days without recess. The bully went away.

      Playing the game is a good thing!

      • Gosala

        Damn, you’re good.

  • schmannity

    Trump’s budget completely eliminates funding for the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, the National Endowment for the Arts, and the National Endowment for the Humanities. Remember when Mittens got all that blowback for “cutting” Big Bird’s budget? Good Times. Besides, who needs arts, humanities, and public broadcasting when Hee Haw and The Dukes of Hazzard are available to stream?

    • Martini Ambassador

      I really don’t get how killing everything that makes America great results in making America great again.

      • schmannity

        We love the uneducated! Constituencies must be served!

        • hendenburg2

          Constituencies must serve!

          FTFY

          • Villago Delenda Est

            Valar dohaeris

          • hendenburg2

            Voter dohaeris?

      • clubseal

        Step 1. ?????
        Step 2. $%$*%#
        Step 3. ?
        Step 4. America is great again!

        • Martini Ambassador

          You got a copy of the leaked President Bannon “Roadmap to Greatness” memo, then? Seems legit.

          • clubseal

            My translation may not be so great from the primitive depictions drawn using the blood of the poor.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          I think “profit” is at like 3.75.

          • clubseal

            I rolled profit, along with orgasms for everyone* into Step 4.

            *Except for women and the gays, because this is Trump’s America™

    • Lambsendbeds

      Don’t forget eliminating Meals on Wheels, FFS. Let granny fix her own damned cat food.

      • cats530

        She can just eat Paul Ryan’s vouchers if she’s hungry.

    • hendenburg2

      Ironically, Big Bird wouldn’t be hurt one bit anymore. HBO now.

      • Serai 1

        Great. Locked behind a paywall where only kids whose parents can afford to pay for premium cable can watch him. Exactly the children the show WASN’T meant for.

    • Thiazin Red

      He also wants to eliminate the CDC and cut the NIH, because who needs research?

      • Jenny

        Yay Ebola or other life threatening illness under Trump is going to be so fun!!!

      • Jamoche

        The CDC makes recommendations about vaccines. Can’t have any of that.

  • Martini Ambassador

    So, does his mean that the gaudy-as-fuck Trump Tower gets its security detail pulled? Because that would save some dough, no doubt.

    https://twitter.com/NYPDONeill/status/842476621525315587

    • Thiazin Red

      But I’m sure some battleships and an ant-Mexican wall will be able to cover that.

    • vh

      This really needs to be a thing. Until the first family eliminates all its discretionary spending. We can pay for DC & Camp David. We can’t pay for NYC & Mar a Lago.

    • Weevie

      Spectacularly hoisted by his own petard! I love it!
      “Details? We don’t need no stinkin’ details!”
      MorAn!!!!

    • Jamoche

      Wonder what the idiot from the Hawaii tweets has to say about that.

  • vh

    btw if anyone is in the market for irons/press. I wholly recommend Panasonic. Those things are fantastic. I can’t do ladies stuff (they have frills, fluff & cuts at weird places). So can’t say much about them. But simply cut stuff any material it is breeze with these things.

  • Jenny

    I dunno, like once a year I spank my kids when they do horrendously shitty shit that a grounding won’t fix.

    It is what it is. When I was a kid, the girls and boys preferred swats to in school suspension or expulsion. You get your punishment, your butt hurts, but you’re still in class. For whatever reason ISS and expulsion required parent notification of how bad the kid was a school. Swats didn’t even get a note sent home.

    As one of my friends once told me, the principal won’t put me in the hospital, but you can bet my dad will. Okay then.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I really don’t understand how depriving students of their education is supposed to discipline them, unless the goal is to make the parents so mad they go out of their way to harm the children.

      • Jenny

        It is more of a punishment for the parent. Because that will fix it!!

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          We have so many problems as a society.

          • Jenny

            The swats also happened to be a social deterrent because eeeeverbody knew you got swats. And everybody wants to know if you cried like a baby. The office assistants ALWAYS told. If you did, wow life over. So stay in line and no one has to know that you’re a cry baby.

            No one cared about ISS. Time out? Big deal.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I never could wrap my head around suspending or expelling a kid for, say, excessive truancy. Uh, the kid doesn’t want to be in school, and teenagers have a flimsy grasp of consequences and the long term ramifications.

        • Rasilom

          One of my favorite stories. A good buddy of mine was a senior in HS. It was spring and he wanted to spend time at the beach instead of in school. His solution? He wipped an actual apple at a teacher and clocked hom with it. Recieved a 1 week suspention. The morning he thought his little vaca was going to start he was awakened by the sound of a truck backing into the driveway. He went to see what was going on and found his dad signing for about 2 tons of cinderblocks. He askes.his dad what they are for and is told… “They are for you son. I will be home at noon today for lunch. When I get here for lunch all of.these will be neatly stacked at the back of the back yard. When I get home from work they will be back in the driveway, again neatly stacked. Welcome to you week. Maybe this eill give you pause to think abiut being a shit heal.” That is what I call a creative punishment with out needing to strike your child.

      • Serai 1

        I never got how sending kids home for a couple of days is supposed to be a punishment. Especially for kids who don’t particularly like school!

    • Weevie

      It’s not a big deal unless it’s cruel and unusual. We would get a choice sometimes, too. Immediate pain or drawn out agonizing boredom. Kids are more rubbery than patient.

  • Iam Reading

    This atheist loves these satanists. That is some epic trolling in the name of justice. By nature, I’m not a joiner, but I may have to seek these folks out if there are any in my area.

    • yyyaz

      They’re OK, but they don’t smoke enough crack or eat enough babbies for my tastes.

      • vh

        hmmm. interesting. then how do they do it?

      • magyar of infinite power

        Is there ever enough crack?

  • Mr. Blobfish

    By blurting out that the CIA was hacked, did trump violate any laws?

    • Doug Langley

      Probably.

      • vh

        Hopefully.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      One of the reasons Donald is in so much hot water with the IC is that while the President does indeed have the power to declassify shit and spew it all over Twitter, no President before has ever exercised that ability without consulting with his technical experts on if the revelation of said shit will tell people about how we came into the possession of said shit, which may prevent us from gathering similar shit in the future.

      Of course, this all assumes that the President has enough working synapses to understand any of the shit on sources and means in the first place.

    • OrG

      By definition,if the president does it,it’s not illegal.

      • FlownΩver

        There’s that Duke Law School coming through again.

    • Martini Ambassador

      I dunno, seems like “intent” might be part of any legal judgment. But I think we can infer malicious intent where tRump is concerned, so I’d say “yes.”
      http://edition.cnn.com/2017/03/16/politics/adam-schiff-donald-trump-hack/

    • Weevie

      Doesn’t it have to be true?
      Trump’s batting 0 in the truth game.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        He longs to reach the Mendoza line…

    • Sophia

      I think he was probably rambling on about the recent wikileaks dump and any info he has came from the news, not the I.C. If it’s not on Fox/Infowars he doesn’t know about it. I do think they should troll him though.

  • TJ Barke

    So can we refer to it as the nazi occupied government yet?

  • Shanzgood

    TST explains students and parents can register to have their schools notified of the student’s religious objection to being spanked, and that any corporal punishment would “violate their civil rights.”

    Why does the right to not be physically abused have to be a religious thing instead of simply a civil rights matter?

    Oh, cool. That’s TST’s take on abortion as well.

    • Jennifer R

      Because children are property to be owned and invested in or used and discarded as the owner sees fit.

      • Shanzgood

        And functional-uterus-havers are the venue for that. Check.

      • cats530

        Besides there’s a whole cottage industry of Christian authors promoting beating your kid. They’ll be put out of a job if the Satanists have their way! How unpatriotic. /s

    • hendenburg2

      Sometimes it’s easier to move the mountain to Mohammed

    • Weevie

      Not up to date on Satan, but has devil worship been determined to be a religion?

    • The Christianists have completely infiltrated local governments in Texas. Sharia law in fact.

  • Lance Thrustwell

    Spanking teenage girls….

    I’m just gonna leave that specific topic right the fuck alone, thank you very much. But I’ll make this point: Generally speaking, don’t hit people.

    I figger that’s safe.

  • cats530

    Shouldn’t the sign say, “Exorcise your religious rights?”

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    *Sigh* Still no dark sarcasm in the classroom.

    • Jamoche

      “Dark sarcasm ought to be taught in schools” – Terry Pratchett

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Just read some Sir Terry, you’ll pick it up.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Dark sore-ass-em is the closest we can get.”
      — Texas schools

    • Serai 1

      You were lucky.

  • Bill D. Burger

    I remember on some old long ago chat show a Satanist was debating a Christian preacher.
    The preachers asked: “Do you believe in evolution?”

    The Satanist: “Of course.”

    The preacher: “So you think monkeys evolved into humans.”

    The Satanist: ” (laughing) No. I believe monkeys evolved into higher levels of monkeys of varied kinds. I believe ‘a ape-like’ creature evolved into modern humans and I find it astounding that you are horrified by that idea, but you accept that a rib turned into a woman.”

    ~boom goes the dynamite.~

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I had a teacher who hated me once because of my mental issues (and because I couldn’t figure out how to write a book report). I think the staff in the principal’s office had to explain to her that I was “acting up” for fun. She thought my confused face was a glare and apparently I could have nervous breakdowns on demand.

    • C4TWOMAN

      The ignorance of teachers in a certain time is mind boggling when looking back. It’s a hard job, sure, but it being hard isn’t an excuse to do it badly. Or at all, if your really hate working with small people who are learning how like EVERYTHING works for the first time….

  • What Pierre said
    • vh

      honestly at that level, i’m not convinced that karma even works. karma gets to piddly retailers of loose cigarettes on main streets of small towns and bylanes of big ones pretty fast. but wholesale peddlers of fakery at high places? rarely has it been seen to work.

      • Gosala

        The function of the idea of karma is like the function of the idea of heaven and hell; to wit, to con people into behaving according to unquestioned social norms.

        I won’t say that religion is the opiate of the masses, but all too often it is used that way.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Is this an episode of a comedic mystery show? Because that’s the only way that makes sense.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Codename: Octopussy.

      • magyar of infinite power

        Only an 8? Trump only does 9 or above

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’ve got news for Sphincter: not only are the Brits spying on us, so are the French, the Spanish, the Germans, the Dutch, the Portuguese, the Italians, the Greeks, the Turks, the Belgians, the Danes, the Norwegians, the Swedes, the Finns, the Estonians, the Latvians, the Lithuanians, the Czechs, the Slovaks, the Poles, the Hungarians, the Romanians, the Bulgarians, the Croats, the Slovenes, the Albanians, and whoever else I may have left out, because it is in their national security interest to know just how safe the intel they share with the US is from the Russians, who have designs on every last one of them. Any of those states will be interested in just what Donald is up to with Vlad and his minions.

      • What Pierre said

        I’m counting on it. I’m hoping if the US IC never get off their collective asses and use what they’ve found out to rid us of this traitor, one of these other countries will just have had enough and do it for them.

        Edit: I mean releasing the information, not anything that would have to be done with votes.

    • What Pierre said

      What’s next? “It weren’t me, it were some big boys what ran away”

    • Sophia

      “Could’ve been anyone – from the Chinese to a “400-pound guy” lying in his bed” also too.

      • What Pierre said

        Double-plus, super upfist

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Fox News strikes again. That’s directly out of the mouth of Judge StrawberryVanillaChocolateIceCream

    • Mary Sandoras

      LOL. I like that the memory of Obama haunts Trump every day.

      • magyar of infinite power

        I want actual Obama to come out occasionally and needle Hair Furor.

        • Mary Sandoras

          YES!

    • The Wanderer

      Seriously? Lord Dampnut’s really grasping at straws.

      • What Pierre said

        Well, it’s not like he can back down and admit he’s wrong. That would be too…. what’s the word? Oh, I know, sane.

        • The Wanderer

          I’m waiting for him to go Full LaRouche and start accusing Queen Liz 2nd of drug trafficking.

          • What Pierre said

            You mean she’s not?

          • The Wanderer

            Nah, she’s too high class for that. Camilla, though . . .

    • Raan

      Jesus Christ, it is just babytown frolics over there.

    • C4TWOMAN

      And here I was thinking he’d gone 24 hours without blaming Obama for something….

      • What Pierre said

        Not on days ending in ‘y’

    • ltmcdies

      Does Trump not ever consider he might actually need the Brits for something, someday.

      • What Pierre said

        That would mean thinking before he speaks (tweets), why would he start doing that now?

  • Holly

    Striking a child is a crime. Period.

    • The Flaming Carrot

      Can I have my asshole, Trump-supporting mother arrested for child abuse 35 years after the fact?

    • C4TWOMAN

      Hitting anyone , without provocation , is a crime(ASSULT), so yeah, this is kinda “duh files” territory. Unless you want children to learn they can hit persons weaker than themselves and that’s okay….

      • yyyaz

        *battery, coff, hack*

        • C4TWOMAN

          Yeah, sure, if you’re going to be picky and shit…..

    • Shibusa
      • Holly

        Can you imagine being raised by that woman? Holy shit!!

    • Serai 1

      My dad would haul off and beat us with a belt. My mother would tell us we shouldn’t have provoked him.

      • Holly

        Parents can be “misguided” on so many levels.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    In the woods there grew a tree, and a fine, fine tree was he.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqKYzRjhNPw

    • The Flaming Carrot

      I loved this movie! Not the Nicholas Cage version. The original one.

      • Thiazin Red

        Its great. Lee is just the right mix of charming and menacing. Woodward does a great job with Howie’s morality, another actor might have made him obnoxious.

        Plus, a horror movie set on my birthday.

      • ltmcdies

        Come on… Nick in a bear suit…it had “everything “

        • Thiazin Red

          HOW’D IT GET BURNED???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Holly

    My dad was a Naval Commander….my mom was the quintessential southern lady. Dad would threaten and scare the living shit out of us…and then mom would step in with her quiet “I’ll handle this dear”, and all was forgiven. We were NEVER struck and I never struck my own, and I’d flatten anyone that even tried to raise a hand to my children. Thanks Mom, I love you for everything.

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Again, as I said earlier, it’s has been proven that one can raise decent, kind, loving, respectful people without hitting them. Therefore, there is no purpose to striking another human being except for the fact that one doesn’t have the verbal skills or the creativity to do otherwise.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Or they enjoy hitting people who can’t fight back…even if they don;t understand that’s why they’re doing it.
        Once you’re big enough to hit back, oh boy, they suddenly “get it.”

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I feel like if a child does something extreme (like bully another child), you might at least consider corporal punishment.

        • C4TWOMAN

          I would , in theory, consider, physical punishing IF I would also physically hit/use force to stop an adult for the same reason. And bullying could qualify.
          Otherwise it really is just “because they can’t fight back”.

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          Children who feel loved and comfortable and secure aren’t likely to be bullies. And I do apologize if I’m coming off a bit sanctimonious. I’ve made mistakes as a parent. No one is perfect. I rue the day that I lost my temper and told my then 13 year old to “stop being such a bitch.” So trust me, I’m not saying I have the answers. I guess from my own past with my own parents, I can only think, “there’s got to be a better way.

  • pgjack

    When I was growing up in New Jersey folks said Californian’s were weird, that’s one reason I moved here after getting out of the service. Now I find out that Texans are much, much weirder than Californians. But I don’t care, I ain’t moving to Texas even if they get asa weird as Florida or Kansas. I’m too old to change, I’ll settle for California weird.

    • yyyaz

      There is weird and there is sociopathic.

      • This.

      • Shibusa

        My San Diego neighbors just returned from a FL trip to visit family (near the Keys). They said Trump has A LOT of fans down there. Yuck.

    • Raan

      Also, as a Florida resident, don’t move to Florida.

      I guarantee your summers are better than ours. Unless you like walking into a steam room every time you go outside.

    • I was here for the cheap rents and barbecue.

      Neither are worth the hassle of being around Texans.

  • FreeCandyVanDriver

    Wtf is wrong with spanking? I mean… adult spanking… consensually… and the oral sex…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzyl4EUdc4k

  • snark-lurker

    I would like to see if all the girls that guy “spanks”* have any physical…aspects in common, e.g. cuteness.

    *at least assalt n battery if not sexual assalt

  • Bitter Scribe

    Does anyone remember an old SNL sketch–I mean really old, maybe even the show’s first year–about school spanking? It was part of “Weekend Update,” and it featured a guy (John Belushi?) describing every exquisite, lascivious detail of spanking a little girl, getting more and more frenzied, until finally he stopped (climaxed?) and the camera pulled back to reveal Jane Curtin staring at him in horror. Ring any bells?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Nope. But that sounds dark, and fucking hilarious.

    • Holly
      • Bitter Scribe

        Holly, you rock! Thanks.

        (It turned out to be Bill Murray.)

        • Holly

          I believe I just totally outed myself as an old, really, really old lady. I remembered this like it was yesterday.

          • Bitter Scribe

            At least your memory is good, granny.

          • Holly

            Sometimes it is….sometimes? Not so much. I can remember stuff like this SNL skit but I can’t remember where the fucking keys are.

          • magyar of infinite power

            Does anyone every really know where their keys are? I have three sets.

          • Holly

            That’s what I should do. Do I do it? No…because I forget to have the extra sets made. Memory is a thing of the past.

          • Toomush_Inferesistance

            They’re probably locked in your car….along with your glasses…

          • Holly

            Have you been spying on me or have you been talking to Paul?

    • Weevie

      Sounds like classic Belushi. Samurai Tailor, The Exploding Weatherman Guy…

    • Dg Hacket

      Wasn’t that Buck Henry?

      • Bitter Scribe

        No. He had a recurring role as a pervy babysitter, but it was Bill Murray (see below for link to clip).

  • ConnieHinesDorothyProvine

    If I were to get spanked, I’d want Sigourney Weaver to do it. I’d say “Sigourney, I’ve been a bad boy. Spank the fuck out of me, Ripley!”

    • I’m sure it would hurt.

      So, so good.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Zuul’s not here, man.

    • Shibusa

      They say a spanking is a one handed round of applause…

  • Bill D. Burger

    C’mon! Leave the kids out of it. Madonna had it right….

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1qDfCa-3Jk

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Everybody’s doing a brand new dance
      C’mon, baby, do the Hokey Pokey Hanky Panky
      You’re really gonna like it if you take off your pants
      C’mon, baby, do the Hokey Pokey Hanky Panky

      • yyyaz

        My baby does the screwy wooey.

  • Martini Ambassador

    I agree, but good luck in getting that consideration.
    https://twitter.com/BuzzFeedNews/status/842504689019248642

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Only he and President Hitler Bannon would think that’s OK in the first place.

    • Shibusa

      Those ICE agents should be stalking California’s Central Valley farms if they want undocumented immigrants–the farmer-patriots who voted for Drumpf will surely welcome them with open arms, especially during the harvests!

      • magyar of infinite power

        Rio Grande valley also, too.

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    My father went to grade school in a country where they caned you for writing with your left hand. It worked, because eventually he stopped being left-handed.

    • Juan de Fuca

      So, like a Catholic school in New Jersey in the early 70’s then? Granted, our nun’s used yard sticks but basically the same thing.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Didn’t work for me – still remember the rapped knuckles, though…

  • msanthropesmr
    • Shibusa

      Drumpf: Making Wall Street Great Again

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance
    • MizzMazz

      Christopher was so hot in that. Even in the dress.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Greta von Suckstobeher: I think that Trump’s unpredictability may serve him well when it comes to North Korea.

    The stoopid, it burns.

  • Prof. T. Green Bastard
    • wait! what?
      • Prof. T. Green Bastard

        Some of the best SP episodes of all time.

    • MizzMazz

      Satin is shiny and pretty but a pain to iron.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I was in middle school in the late 80s, when Satanic panic was still kind of a thing and so kids, particularly the metalheads, would feign an interest in Satanism to freak out their parents, authority figures, what have you. One of my buddies was a sweet kid but let’s just say he wasn’t going to be winning any spelling bees. He completely unironically scrawled “Hail Satin” all over all of his notebooks and folders. And the hallway walls. I never gave him shit about it, but I laughed nearly every time I saw it.

      • Persistent Demme

        Yeah, that was when my little brothers drew a huge pentagram into the grass, and put a kettle in the middle.
        Really freaked out and upset my folks!
        (They thought my parents would just laugh! Uh, no.)

        • alpacapunchbowl

          That’s hilarious! I hope they didn’t “draw” it with gasoline though.

          • Persistent Demme

            I think they did.
            It made a chemical burn in the grass, and was there for weeks!
            Thank goodness it was in the backyard.
            This was small town England, and my parents wouldn’t have been the only ones freaking out!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Oh man. This is the sort of thing that makes me bummed out that I don’t have a brother. I mean, I was the only girl my age in the neighborhood so I still got up to fun shenanigans with the boys, and my (quite a bit younger) sister is awesome, but still.

          • Persistent Demme

            Oh, they were quite the little juvenile delinquents.
            Nothing serious, but deeply annoying.
            I think my parents called them “Shithead” and “The Turd.”

            I always wanted a big brother.
            (I guess you always want what you don’t have.)

      • Prof. T. Green Bastard

        I love that. I was a late 90s metalhead & went thru what I guess would be the 2nd wave of that w Marilyn Manson & the Trenchcoat Mafia.

        My middle school-age stepkids report still seeing ‘Slayer’ carved into desks @ school. 🤘

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    My fourth grade teacher made a note in my report card that I could use some counseling. This was after she had marked up a girls face in the class with charcoal drawing stick because she got it all over her hands.

    • msanthropesmr

      I still think you could use counseling.

      • Jeffocaster in the desert

        What did Bill Cosby say?

        • msanthropesmr

          Something about giving roofies to a woman?

        • Shibusa

          “You had me at Jello”?

  • The Wanderer

    I apologize to the Wonketariat, long may it snark, but I must share these two links with you, as they are relevant to this article:

    http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22876511/
    http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22330621/

    And they’re both perfectly safe for work.

    • Scrofula

      SFW but WARNING: FURRIES.
      Potentially not safe for browsing history.

      • The Wanderer

        Hm? How so?

        • Scrofula

          DeviantArt-style anthropomorphized foxes and things?

          • The Wanderer

            Well, yes, but FA’s AUP doesn’t allow certain things. It caused a kerfuffle when they instituted the cub rule a few years back, and lost a bunch of artists.

          • Scrofula

            Do I want to know what the “cub rule” is?

          • The Wanderer

            Basically, it’s “Thou shalt never depict an underage (defined as under 18) character in a sexual act or situation of any kind.” It chased off the pedophiles, which was not a bad thing at all.

  • Martini Ambassador

    I apologize if a repeat (I’ve been too busy to deep dive on the comments today until now), but too funny and spot-on not to share:
    https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/842447416276205573

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I dunno – I’d hate to replace Jesus with Satan – can’t we all just be friends?…

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      Totally relevant to exactly nothing, but when Satan makes his appearance on Supernatural, it’s in Pike Creek, Delaware. I grew up in that area. Oh no. Maybe I’m Satan!

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Pleased to meet you, let me guess your name.

        • msanthropesmr

          The gangster of love?
          Maurice?

          • The Wanderer

            Do you speak of the Pompitus of love?

          • msanthropesmr

            No, but I’m a space cowboy.

          • yyyaz

            Even I wasn’t ready for that.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I am Spart…uh, Satan!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      On the other hand, Satan, double penis.

      • Raan

        Do what now?

        • The Wanderer

          Supposedly Satan’s got twice as much in his skinny jeans than your average archangel.

          • Msgr_MΩment

            Are you Satan, or are you just happy to see me?

    • Prof. T. Green Bastard

      Real Jesus is totally cool to kick it here, but Republican Jesus has got to go. That guy sucks.

    • Thiazin Red

      Satan is the true hero of the Bible. If not for Satan getting people to eat from the tree, humans would be nothing but brainless slaves.

    • SayItWithOtters

      The Serpent is the one who saved all humanity from being ditzy vegetarians who never questioned what they were told and romped around naked with animals all day like the most hippie ashram Montessori school of all time.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    Spanking is entirely about control. It’s also a hell of a lot of fun IF YOU ARE A CONSENTING ADULT AND INTO THAT SORT OF THING.

  • tehbaddr

    Spanking? Well you see, when two adults love each other very much…

  • Sheepshagger

    I firmly recall the trembling and in retrospect, plainly mentally unstable, school principal I had in 1982 having gigantic battle royale combat with the fox faced glandular and obviously at risk and acting out kid from the worst family in town. Happened on the regular and usually resolved in a vigorous smashing in the hallway with a leather strap.

    I’m sure that was good for everyone.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Was it well known in the town when he got home at night his fat and psychopathic wife would thrash him within inches of life?

      Or maybe that was just in my hometown.

      • Sarah Balfour

        We used to get either rulered or strapped in front of the entire school at assembly. Sister Kevin used to get off on it.

        Every single nun had a ruler; about 1″ thick with a metal ‘blade’ embedded along the thin edge (it was slightly wedge-shaped).It was razor sharp, and they’d always ensure it cut you.

      • Sheepshagger

        Looking back I’m fairly sure he was a raging alcoholic.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Right? I can’t even imagine how this seems okay. Would they do it to an adult? Would they advocate a boss doing it to a subordinate at work? It’s insane and literal assault.

  • Scrofula

    OK, yeah, public schooled in a blue state, but besides “community norms” being different, it’s the damn lawyers that make me wonder how the hell this continues.
    I thought just frowning at a minor was either a felony or at least actionable.
    ETA: and when I was in HS, a principal that tried to spank a fifteen yo girl would’ve been shot. By the girl.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      IOKIYAXtian. They love to tell other people how to live their lives, raise their kids, etc.
      I don’t think the venn diagram of people who condone corporal punishment in schools and people who call the cops because they see kids walking to the park/school without adult supervision would be a perfect circle, but there would be significant overlap.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        I think they also seriously love being brutal bullies and smacking the shit out of people smaller than they are. They’d have to. There’s literally no other reason they’d advocate it. They are cruel, hateful people.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          They always punch down. And they’re money-grubbing scum also too.

  • Raan

    Speaking of Satan and his fame and glory, Lucy, Daughter of the Devil was an underrated show.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xe_ThWEI6eg

    • msanthropesmr

      Never saw that, but I did think that Reaper was pretty awesome.

      • Thiazin Red

        Ray Wise is the best Satan.

    • Sarah Balfour

      That’s what the nuns used to call me. I am Rosemary’s Baby. I was kept away from my peers from the age of 3 to when I was 13. It has seriously fucked up my entire life. I was treated like I was stupid – and I mean STUPID – fuck the fact I could read by 18 months and write before I began nursery!

      I remember being forced to take special ed even though it was obvious I didn’t need it; I recall my mother sitting in Sr. Kevin’s office and out and out LYING that I could read! By the time they forced me into special ed, I was reading adult books. I remember taking in a book from home that I was reading at night in order to prove to Sr. Mary Candida that I could, in fact, read. It didn’t work, of course; when she asked where I got the book, “My bookshelf, Sister” was absolutely the WRONG ANSWER. I was rulered, and then forced to write “Little girls who tell lies will BURN IN HELL!” 1,000 times. This should’ve proven that I could at least write perfectly well. Of course it didn’t.

      Hence the fact I’m weird. I’ve spent much of my adult life kipping rough, because my interpersonal skills are completely nonexistent; I try and I fail, try and I fail. It’s all guesswork, and I’m wrong 100% of the time. Ill health has forced me back in with my parents who have made it crystal they resent me being here, but I’m stuck here forever because I don’t have the means to get myself unstuck.

      Sorry for ranting, I guess that kinda triggered me.

      😐

  • snark-lurker

    whatabout fapping. nobuddy ever spank their munkee anymoar?

    • The Wanderer

      Twice a day. Keeps the ductwork clean.

      • Jennifer R

        Last thing you want is an impacted prostate.

        • yyyaz

          Do.Not.Even.Want.To.Know.TYVM.

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • msanthropesmr

      GOOD LORD. YOUR GRAVITY IS REVERSED!

      • Carpe Vagenda

        nah, my phone is stupid.

        • Crank Tango

          Disqus is stupid.

      • Thiazin Red

        No I think its just Australia, thats how things are down there.

  • bluicebank

    It’s a sign of end times.

    When Christians stop acting all Jesus like, the Satanists move in to fill the vacuum by showing compassion.

    Cats and dogs shacking up is next!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I used to use a mixture of carrot and stick with my dogs. Until I realized that all carrot worked better. The Toomush kids never seemed to need any stick….

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name.

    • msanthropesmr

      It’s itt. What do I win?

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Donald Trump, obv.

        • msanthropesmr

          That’s third place.

  • Sedagive ’em Hell

    I sell old books and prints (amongst other things). I specialize in the works of Gustave Dore (particularly his illustrations for The Inferno and Paradise Lost).

    I can attest to the fact that Satan is far, far more popular (and commands more affection) than all the other angels combined. It must have something to do with his dark, brooding demeanor and those sexy, leathery wings.

  • Scrofula

    So I arrgarbled about spanking little kids in school, and how the lawyers in CA would descend upon the school district like a biblical plague if that happened, but this was a teenager.
    I think the principals above should swap with a “sister city” in a metro area and not some god-fearing holler, so they can even TRY to spank a teenager here, and live to tell of it. There would be tear gas before it was over.

    • HogeyeGrex

      CA used to have paddling as policy. It seems to have been stopped in the mid 80s.

  • nightmoth

    Yuck. I remember the whispered gossip that ensued after a “bad girl” got spanked in my 6th grade class (Georgia) as to whether or not the principal had pulled her panties down to do it. She never told. I still feel creepy thinking about it. Wonder how her life went? Great statement from Doug Messner: “dysfunctional and possibly sexually disturbed middle-aged men may depravedly titillate themselves”—yes, this.

  • Raan

    SAMURAI.
    ABSTINENCE.
    PATROL.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWXIZk2kTKQ

  • The Wanderer

    When my family moved down to Florida from NJ in the 70s, my Dad was informed that the school administered corporal punishment. He met with the principal and told him that the low justice was his department, not the school district’s, and if the principal laid a hand on either me or my brother, the principal would die.

    Never got spanked.

  • Persistent Tennessee Rain

    Did I mention that as the news worsens with every passing day, you people are what gives me hope? I can’t even go on Facebook because of the idiots. So I’m here and all ya’ll are stuck with me.

    • yyyaz

      Pleased to meet you, and yes, and yes. Molotov!

    • The Wanderer

      Happy to have you here. Avoid the canned clams; they’re off.

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        So are my pants.

        • The Wanderer

          Wotta coinkydink! My pants were shed as soon as I got home from work.

          • Sonyacaguilar

            Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dd267c:
            On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
            !dd26s7c:
            ➽➽
            ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs557NetworkIndexGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dd267c:….,…..

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        Did I mention I’m a food snob? I didn’t even know they put clams in a can.

        • The Wanderer

          They’re hideous, like pencil erasers.

          • msanthropesmr

            Pencil eraser libel.

          • Carpe Vagenda

            such a snob. They’re fine for chowder if you just stir them in right before you serve it.

        • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

          http://wonkette.com/597683/stop-being-a-child-about-seafood-and-eat-linguine-and-clams
          Browse through the comments (which are not allowed). Find the food snob, who has very mean things to say about canned clams and THE MONSTERS who cook with them. Point and laugh.

          ETA: Holy shit they deleted the snob, so all you can see are the (hilarious, mostly) replies by Our Wonkers.

    • Shanzgood

      I’ve thinned down the idiot crowd on FB but sometimes wish I hadn’t so I could see what the other side is like.

      Sometimes.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Not missing anything. Lots of morans with a teeth count higher than their IQ–barely.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      You do know you’re not allowed to comment…..

      • Shanzgood

        (I wasn’t sure if new person or altered Disqus handle.)

        • Persistent Tennessee Rain

          New non-commentor – long, long, long time lurker.

    • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

      They’re a fun bunch, no? So as they say over at dudism.com, “Have yourself an oat soda. Bar’s over there.”

    • clubseal

      Maybe it’s the persistent Tennessee rain that is getting you down?

      • Persistent Tennessee Rain

        I don’t live anywhere near Tennessee. That name is an homage to the late, great, wonderful, amazing Joe Strummer.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      Be careful. Lots of folks think alcohol gives hope also, too.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Oh, and welcome to Wonkville.

  • Thiazin Red

    The talk of spanking makes me want to get out the Coupling dvds. Inferno is still one of the funniest episodes of television I’ve ever seen.

  • WiscoJoe

    Satanic Temple Spanking just happen to be my preferred search terms on pornhub.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Hey, I just realized today where the two pages of trump’s 2005 taxes came from! That was the year Melanija had a copy, so she could prove to immigration that she could work here! She’s still pissed about the piss whores in Russia. Some people can really hold a grudge….

  • Sardonicuss

    So, what became of the horrified congress critters from yesterday’s once again horrifying briefing?
    A joint statement of luke warm piss…..
    The demons now control the narrative now no matter what nightmares are revealed.

    • bookish

      Good question. Haven’t heard a peep.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    Who would guess the DMV serves as a portal to hell? Fun TV series, great devil.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gtw1wQy2TU

    • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

      Yeah, I wish that show could have hung on.

  • Jeff Ackerman

    A Nun with a ruler set me down the left hand path to Atheism! Thanks Sister Mary Stigmata!

  • Thiazin Red

    This is something thats been bugging me for a while. Whenever Scalia comes up, people keep saying that he was super smart and a brilliant writer. I’ve read several examples of his writing, and that opinion is mystifying to me. He wrote like a petty bully who thought his personal prejudices should be the law.

    Is there some widely accepted example of this alleged brilliant writing?

    • Shibusa

      “I’d recommend Bush v. Gore.” ~ George W Bush

    • UnsaltedSinner

      A lot of people also call Paul Ryan a brilliant policy wonk, so you know…

      • alpacapunchbowl

        RWNJ types like him because of the mental acrobatics he went through to make his rulings appear to be based in any way whatsoever on the facts of the case. He loved railing against “activist” judges, when in fact by his own definition he was the most activist-y of all.

      • mailman27

        There are a half-dozen non-commenters on this here Wonkette during any given half hour who are more brillianter than yr Paul Ryan. I’m not amongst them, but I know talent when I see it.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Not to mention the classic “Newt is a stupid person’s idea of what a smart person sounds like.”

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Not particularly. And it’s not just lefties who aren’t impressed. This is from a few years ago, but I’ve always been amused at this article by Judge Posner, who is himself known to be quite conservative.
      https://newrepublic.com/article/106441/scalia-garner-reading-the-law-textual-originalism

      • Shibusa

        My high school BFF clerked for Posner, ages ago. Said he was truly brilliant.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          See, his opinions I find interesting to read because even when I (frequently) disagree, he actually is consistently applying a legal and judicial logic based on the actual facts of the case.
          A glaring exception his insistence on and rationalization for refusing to refer to female genital mutilation as such, instead using the patently misleading “female circumcision”. Hey Posner, fuck you, pal.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            right wing, but entertaining from what I recall. A rare breed indeed. (Can’t help the alliteration!)

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Definitely. I’m cool with exploring opposing ideas even if I think they’re a crock of horseshit. One of my best friends from all the way back in HS considers herself libertarian, though she’s more old school libertarian, not like MRAs and Silicon Valley douchebros. We tell eachother we’re full of crap all the time.

            Other than the FGM thing, Posner has never made me seethe with rage and want to throw my casebook/laptop/phone out the window.
            Scalia on the other hand? Every. Damn. Time.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            heh, now that i’ve been working two weeks, law is the last thing I want to talk about. Lol.
            After my first week, I went to civ pro after work. One of the students was talking about medical records with the prof (a thing I’m in charge of for my attorney). I told the prof, “I literally shuddered when I heard ‘medical records.'”

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Heh heh, now you’re starting to get it. I still come across people who don’t understand why I have no interest in teevee shows about lawyers. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ab0172e3f11eb75ae3e64b39aaf93d4592f1a319e590de6358dee1fd120447ce.jpg

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            lol, my sr. paralegal taught me: no work discussion on breaks/lunch.
            And yeah, I could see your point of view. Muthafucker I lived that shit all week. Give me some chick with dragons!
            (BTW, things are going well, if I can get past all the admin bullshit. I was assigned an investigation that resulted in some info that I’m now responsible for pursuing via an RFP and RFA I’m supposed to draft! Also, two very interesting medical summaries that may help my attorney get a dismissal (settlements are for the liable and suckers). If only I can find the damn time. Tomorrow things will come to a head on the issue.)

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Yeah, you need to step away. Finding a work life balance is crucial, and it’s important to set your boundaries early in your career. Never take work home with you, which is easier said than done and takes practice.
            So glad to hear that it’s going well! You’ll get used to keeping all the plates spinning at once. The admin stuff will gradually become second nature. They’re clearly happy with you so far, otherwise they wouldn’t be giving you those type of tasks!
            Oh, and I’m not obsessed like some people, but I know you weren’t talking smack about GoT…

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            thanks for the encouragement, I tell people, “I’m not sinking, but I’m not swimming.” But yeah, I did some research on a thing I couldn’t let go of the other night, finally had to force myself to shut it down.
            And no, not bashing GoT – I”ve literally, not figuratively, literally never seen an episode. So I don’t really *get it*.
            ; )

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      And here I’ve been wondering who it is that really likes spanking….

    • Sheepshagger

      He was capable of snark. And strangely receptive to search and seizure arguments that favoured defendants. But otherwise a huge gaping asshole. And brilliant is relative in legal writing.

  • Sophia

    Trump’s favorite Irish proverb isn’t even Irish or a proverb

    British intelligence probably set him up.

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/842409899359375361

    • The Wanderer

      I cannot bring myself to play the video. I’ve no desire to hear what this fecking gobshite has to say.

      • Sophia

        Just enjoy that he made a fool of himself again.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I’m pretty sure this isn’t Irish. It does sound like something the Russian Mafia might say, though…

      • Sophia

        Someone in the twitter feed found it. Albashir Adam Alhassan from Nigeria. Ireland/Nigeria close.

        • Here’s the poem in full

          Always remember to forget,
          The things that make you sad,
          But never forget to remember,
          The things that make you glad.

          Always remember to forget,
          The friends that proved untrue,
          But never forget to remember,
          Those that have stuck to you.

          Always remember to forget,
          The trouble that passed away,
          But never forget to remember,
          The blessings that come each day.

          Always remember to do your duty,
          And some kindness day by day,
          But never forget to live a useful and happy life,
          That is the only way.

          via Poem Hunter

    • Thiazin Red

      Fuck this guy. My great great grandfather didn’t come to this country illegally after committing acts of terrorism to have this douche talk about the Irish. My other Irish great great grandfather didn’t fight the confederates to allow racists and literal Nazis to serve in the cabinet, and neither did his grandsons who kicked Nazi ass.

    • vh

      and mehicans have not?

      • Sophia

        Well the Irish are accepted now, things are always better when there is someone you can look down on. It’s the Republican way.

    • Count Awesome

      Is it “Rules for Golden Showers”?

      • Sophia

        He’s saving that for his Putin meeting

    • MizzMazz

      What a crock of shit. The Irish I know say that you’re not drunk as long as you can hold on to a blade of grass and still not fall off the Earth.

      • alpacapunchbowl

        I’m pretty sure my poor liver will never recover from the year and a half or so I lived in Dublin.

        • MizzMazz

          But you got to live in Dublin! Lucky! I spent a couple of days in the Isle of Man, and all I got was a Mad Sunday T-shirt.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Oh, it was definitely fun! (For some reason my phone tried to auto correct fun to gin. Hmmm.)

          • MizzMazz

            There might be a reason for that. My phone puts up FUCK all the time. Still, Dublin – I love the UK, at least back before the Brexit shit. I love the Lake District, I love the isle of Man, and London was great fun. Didn’t make it to Wales or Ireland, still a thing to do.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Wales is cool, and quite picturesque in parts. A good music scene too. When you go to Ireland, make sure you get out to the country, even though the train and bus system are laughably sucky. Donegal is particularly stunning, and Galway also has a thriving music scene, especially if you’re looking to experience traditional Irish folk music.

          • MizzMazz

            Imma Bohdran player. Pipers hate me. “Why don’t you play that with a pen knife?” I love Traditional music and all their wars. I’m gonna be contrary and ask people to listen to Silly Wizard tonight, just to piss of the Irish.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I play bodhran too! Any pipers give you shit, just ask them if they’ve played for more than 21 years. The adage is that the uillean pipes take 7 years to learn, 7 to practice, and another 7 to finally be any good.
            When they say no, just smile and reassure them that they’ll get the hang of it eventually.

          • MizzMazz

            I have a piper I love, and he kicks ass on the Ulliean pipes. He doesn’t mind playing with me, and we used to rock out doing pipe metal, me on guitar and him doing inna godda da vida. He would jump on my coffee table and rock out – those were good days. Dude didn’t drink , smoke or do drugs – give him a coke and a candy bar, and he would just HOWL!

          • alpacapunchbowl

            How fun!

          • MizzMazz

            Lots of good songs we can play with just bohdran; okay, lying, there’s a bouzuki there.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8NIvbY3Y5I

          • alpacapunchbowl

            Hmm, I’ve never tried to use tones to play a melody. I haven’t listened to any Christy Moore in a while, if anyone could do it I’d say he could.

          • MizzMazz

            Listening to Bothy band right now, trying to talk the Mr into going out.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            I love Bothy Band! It’s not often I come across someone who knows them :)

          • MizzMazz

            I have a piper I love, and we used to play metal together, him on his Uillean pipes, and me on my guitar. Inna Godda da vida,, and just what ever punk rock we felt like. It’s the asshole pipers who don’t like us bohdran players, and they can go fuck themselves https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a5d860580765f060e84745357a00c1d87afcdfc2001a499c0f0e7b7f344f4a50.jpg Gonna go out and play it tonight.

  • bookish

    http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trump-may-have-blurted-out-classified-information

    All of which suggests Trump, responding to a question he was not asked, may have blurted out something important on national television. Indeed, Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.), the ranking member of the House Intelligence Committee, noted in a statement, “In his effort to once again blame Obama, the president appears to have discussed something that, if true and accurate, would otherwise be considered classified information.”

  • Michael R


    Melissa McCarthy is scheduled to host Saturday Night Live on May 13.

    • wait! what?
    • alpacapunchbowl

      Here’s hoping Spicey hasn’t been “you’re fired” by then!

      • Prof. T. Green Bastard

        Or his square, Pez dispenser-looking head hasn’t popped off the neckless brick he calls a body.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Okay, much as I dislike the guy, I would consider buying a Spicer pez dispenser because that would be hilarious.

          • Prof. T. Green Bastard

            You’d probably only ever get Fake Pez out of him.

          • clubseal

            Alternative Candy

          • clubseal

            It would be little hamster poops or something.

          • alpacapunchbowl

            There is in fact a line of plastic toy/candy dispensers called “Poopy Cow”, “Poopy Cat”, etc. You push down on the head which activates a lever and a little brown hard candy falls out the butt. One of the many great things about being an auntie is having an excuse to buy dumb but hilarious crap like that.

      • notaten

        He is so inept, unprofessional, and basically worthless, I can totally see why he has a job in the Drumpf administration.

  • Gosala

    OK, I’m done. Enjoy this completely irrelevant clip, and good luck

    https://youtu.be/tkplPbd2f60

    • BosGrl

      You may jump to the left but please don’t jump to the right.

      • The Wanderer

        Just a step to the right? I promise to do the pelvic thrusts.

        • BosGrl

          Pelvic thrusts ok, but not even a step to the right. We are already falling off that side.

          • But your knees – your knees are they both pulled in and tight?

          • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

            I wish I were under sedation.

            More wine? Oui svp, Marcel.

    • Thiazin Red

      Thats astounding.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    So, has anyone posted this yet?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yS2IBMQIjDo

  • Count Awesome

    “Boys rough housing, detention. Hot 15 year old chewing gum in the hall, spanking. Boys violating the dress code, detention. Hot 15 year old girl violating the dress code, then I’ll spank her until my hands falls off.”
    -Male administrators in Texas

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Bueno Wonkineers!

    How is everyone?

    • The Wanderer

      I is fine! (swills gin and tonic)

    • BosGrl

      It has been a difficult day if you care about this country. Hope your day was better!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        aye indeed my friend…it was rocky, but good all around. Are you still taking your classes? (I’m so sorry, I just haven’t had the time, energy, or inclination to look at computer monitors when I get home.)

        • BosGrl

          You’re better off. Yes, I am learning about health insurance (hahahaha, it’s all going to be different when I finally get a job).

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            oof, I’ve been there. My cranky (anti-LGBTQ) instructor noted Obergefell was going to change all the family law we were learning this time last year. (Although I disagree, I think only the pronouns are going to change).

            Anyway, best of luck. Learning new things is exciting and terrifying at the same time. (And I was looking up billing codes for medical insurance today…people think law is boring!) The best feeling is when you discover you’d be good at it with enough time and experience. I hope it turns out that way for you (it will, but don’t want to jinx things!).

          • BosGrl

            Thanks :). No, it is deadly boring. Hoping these skills will at least get me in the door and then someone else will have to do it :D

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            : D

            Tomorrow is my first full paycheck! I can’t celebrate much, but I”m thinking of a little semi-fancy lunch for myself, you know, $8 or $9 hot pastrami sandwich or something.

          • BosGrl

            Hooray! It is such a great feeling :)

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        P.S. Dare I ask what occurred today?

        • BosGrl

          Well, Dear Leader wants to starve old people and children, tell addicts and the mentally ill to go fuck themselves, shall I go on?

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            no no, that’ll do. I get enough human misery in our files at work as it is.

          • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

            p.s. – you know what’s crazy, i draft a routine legal document today and now I”m hoping drafted something similar for class. gotta love it!

        • snark-lurker

          we diqussed the whorers of spanking kids vs the delights of consentual adult spankings also guys spanking their munkees

    • Sophia

      Grab a drink, sit down, kick up your feet and get ready to say “WTF, did they really say/do that.” Just a normal day in Wackadoodle Land.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        lol, I got homework! (But I got beer too, so it’s a wash).

  • bookish

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4321930/White-House-Obama-asked-Brits-spy-Trump.html
    Just before press secretary Sean Spicer was due to take questions from reporters on camera, the Republican head of the Senate Intelligence Committee and the panel’s top Democrat released a joint statement affirming a lack of evidence to support the president’s claim.

    ABC News’ Jon Karl attempted to question Spicer about their statement and similar comments that were made yesterday at a news conference by the top lawmakers on the House’s Intelligence panel.

    In a nearly 10-minute dressing down of Karl, Spicer pointed to a March 14 Fox & Friends broadcast in which Judge Andrew Napolitano claimed he had three sources telling him that Obama used Britain’s GCHQ intelligence agency to spy on Trump.

    The British government had already said the report is ‘totally untrue and quite frankly absurd.’

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/03/16/sean-spicers-angry-lonely-defense-of-trumps-wiretapping-claim-annotated/

    • Jamoche

      At what level of paranoia do we get to Article 25 him?

    • vh

      so why was spicer ranting about quotes the other day? so what he’s too big to hold a line now?

    • Thiazin Red

      That denial is pretty forceful. Maybe the UK should make some back up plans if the US trade deals don’t work out.

    • cmd resistor

      Maybe instead of NCAA brackets, we could do a pool on who will implode first, Trump or Spicer. And, Go VT.

      • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

        Ryan did not have a good day today.

        Jayhawks rule, pretenders drool.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie
    • UnsaltedSinner

      As so many others, Lumpy knows that waving a gun around is the only way he’ll ever feel like a big man.

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    I’ve been stewing all day because I watched a human try to justify not feeding other humans who are at risk. There’s the weirdest cognitive dissonance that people who continue to support everything this admin puts out but insist they’re not monsters.

    I’ve seen so many people say – Meals on Wheels is important! My own Dad used it and it’s great, but I don’t think taxpayers should have to foot the bill. Private parties and charities will cover it. Which they also apply to the arts, schools, the climate, science – pretty much everything.

    Which – gee, it’s too bad there’s not a system wherein working people could say – pay into a fund, based on their own income, which a group of workers could then take and distribute to the needy, rather than each individual person deciding which charity or cause they want to support, how to best do that, and when to pay them. Say, a oh… income tax? A tax of some kind. With a large governing body. IF ONLY WE HAD THAT.

    Nope, people making this argument – you suck. Because if you don’t mind supporting causes like that, it shouldn’t matter to you how you contribute, right? Unless you would say, not actually give to certain people or causes.

    It hurts my brain to even try to get through that line of thought. How do they do it?

    • UnsaltedSinner

      But leaving it all to charity worked so well before the 20th century! Nobody ever starved back then.

      • clubseal

        We wouldn’t call them “the good ol’ days” for nothing!!1!eleven!

    • Thiazin Red

      Why can’t private charity cover it? Its not like the entirety of human history ever hasn’t shown us time and again that private charity doesn’t work for social problems.

      • cmd resistor

        If all the republicans were like my parents, who actually DID contribute to charities that would qualify as old George’s THousand Points of Light, then maybe it would be a different story. But most of them don’t, because they are mean shits.

        • BosGrl

          Then when they do, they want to photograph the unfortunate and post it all over Facebook so they can congratulate themselves.

          • cmd resistor

            Or fake pretend they give a crap about American unfortunates as an excuse to not care about foreign refugee type ones.

          • Jamoche

            You’d think their precious Bible would say something about people who do that… oh wait, it does.

      • Rags

        And the Union workhouses.’ demanded Scrooge. ‘Are they still in operation?’

        ‘Both very busy, sir.’

        ‘Oh. I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,’ said Scrooge. ‘I’m very glad to hear it.’

      • Sophia

        And then Religion gets in the way as well.

        I couldn’t believe when I watched this that the Evangelical church would not share their food bank with the Traditional worshipers. The whole 23 minutes is interesting if you have time to watch.

        http://aptnnews.ca/2014/11/07/feather-cross-2/

    • Sardonicuss

      I am seriously beginning to wonder if we are all even the same species.
      I can’t imagine doing the things these people want to do to their own country men….ot the world… for nothing but money.
      All in all as the days pass and their true plans become more and more obvious…..I admire more and more ..animals.
      They only kill to survive and care more for their fellow animals,, even different species, than Paul Ryan cares for people living in his own fucking country.

      • TootsStansbury

        The Republicans. They’re Orcs. The dark side, they embraced it. Old Scratch if you’re so inclined.

        • Other Chris

          What better hiding place for the King of Lies than the church?

      • Pierre_de_Fermat

        There is a subgroup that wants – desperately – to enact legislation they know will be hated by most of the public. They want to believe it will all turn out wonderfully, and we’ll all see they were right. There is another subgroup that thinks the first is crazy and knows full well what will happen in the next election.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        Something like Morlocks and Eloi, right? I can dig it.

      • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

        Yup, precious few animal species eff with other living things unless they need to for survival. There are, as always exceptions, but I’m right there with you.

    • BosGrl

      I’ve been in that same mood today. :(

    • RobKanC

      but that one time, a novelist wrote in a fictional novel about how poor people are stupid. Now it’s the reference book for something even though it’s fiction. Cos ‘Murica that’s why.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Hatred, racism, and the wicked “fear” that “those people” will get something?

      Here’s what I hate the most. These assholes drive on roads, bridges, interstates, depend on the FAA when they fly, enjoy drinking water out of their taps, rely on safe food supplies and safe medications, safe automobiles, safe bank accounts guaranteed by the FDIC, live in a stable, secure country with secure borders, despite their loathsome, racist paranoid fantasies, thanks to the mighty U.S. military, coast guard, customs officials, and border control.

      They have electricity in their homes, indoor toilets with sewer lines, fiber optic cable, a functioning internet, phone lines, and cell phones. If they need to call 911, they know there will be firefighters or police officers ready to come and help them. Their garbage is picked up by sanitation workers every week. Many of them rely on Social Security, or Medicare. They know the roads are relatively safe because the drivers are tested, and the highways are patrolled by officers making sure they drive safely, and the government makes sure the cars and roads have safety features.

      I’m not even beginning to get into municipal and county and state workers also make their lives function, or the whole concept of small-business loans, farmer subsidies, fair trade laws, and on and on and on and on BECAUSE THIS IS HOW A FUCKING COMMUNITY WORKS.

      We all band our resources together, and then a governing authority dispenses it for the benefit of all. It’s in THE FIRST FUCKING SENTENCE OF THE FUCKING CONSTITUTION, that whole thing about the government being “for the General Welfare” of the country.

      They’re completely happy to take full advantage of this community in every way, but then like the selfish, moronic, hateful, taker fuckwits they are, they somehow want to prevent OTHER people from using it. They happily take OUR FUCKING TAX DOLLARS for all the benefits they enjoy, but don’t want a single penny of their wretchedly small contributions to possibly help another.

      I CAN’T EVEN.

      • HogeyeGrex

        So many times exactly this.

      • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

        It’s such a determined insistence on not understanding how anything works that gets me. Well that and not just caring for others.

    • ltmcdies

      “I don’t think the taxpayers should foot the bill”…code for…”anyone but me should foot the bill”

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Begging you good Wonkers for help!

    So, I am trying to compile a spreadsheet for one of my resistance groups that would include details on Presidential and statewide election results by Congressional district for our 2018 targets. I can obviously find the Congressional results, and Wikipedia is giving me the Presidential ones, but I can only find the statewide races (e.g., US Senate vote) by county not Congressional district.

    I seem to remember that every two years, someone publishes a detailed reference book on each member of Congress, but for the life of me I cannot remember what it was called. Google is not helping much, and so far I’m not finding any universities that have research centers with websites that might have this information.

    Any help you can offer would be GREATLY appreciated!

  • Shibusa
    • BadKitty904

      So, he’ll be investigated and prosecuted from treason, just like Sessions is being investigated and prosecuted for perjury?

      • notaten

        Yeah, I had my drink on the other night and thought that sessions would be gone by today, so I did indeed donate 50 ameros to wonkette when that didn’t happen. I value wonkette more than I value my credit score. (In keeping with wonkette values, I would never really put my ability to eat, drink or be merry below my love for wonkette, although it is a fine line)

      • mailman27

        Nyet.

        • BadKitty904

          Imagine my shock.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So…a new group has popped up here in the Keys…”Drinking Liberally”.

    Think I’ll venture to the meeting next month.

    • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

      That sounds like a book club, without all that exhausting reading.

      • MynameisBlarney

        INORITE!?!

    • notaten

      I’m generally not a joiner, but I think I could definitely get on board with that group.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Same here, lol.

    • mailman27

      I’ve heard about these folks. I drink moderately, so I can’t recall what it is- but there are famous people involved.

  • Thiazin Red

    My other D&D group is finally back on next week after more than a month away. We left off on a cliffhanger too, my character got accidentally transported to a meeting of the chaos cult who was wrecking up the city. I’ve got to bluff my way through and hopefully not get killed in the process.

    • MynameisBlarney

      My last D&D character died almost immediately asking a half-orc NPC “Who raped who?”.

      So…don’t do that.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Sometimes when an orc and a non-orc love each other very much….

        Dear Tolkien slash-fic forum,
        I never thought I’d be writing to you, but…

        • The Wanderer

          “I sit on the floor and pick my nose
          and think of dirty things
          Of deviant dwarves who suck their toes
          and elves who drub their dings.

          I sit on the floor and pick my nose
          and dream exotic dreams
          Of dragons who dress in rubber clothes
          and trolls who do it in teams.

          I sit on the floor and pick my nose
          and wish for a thrill or two
          For a goblin who goes in for a few no-nos
          Or an orc with a thing about glue.

          And all of the while I sit and pick
          I think of such jolly things
          Of whips and screws and leather slacks
          Of frottages and stings.”

          Bored of the Rings

          • NerdWithNoName

            What a GREAT book! I never laughed so hard as I did when I read that. I especially loved Tim Benzedrine and Hashberry.

        • MynameisBlarney

          That theme is alive and well actually…

          Not sure if I’m proud that I know that or not.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • OrG

      Yea,’tis always better to regret something you’ve done, rather than something you haven’t done.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    Appropriate on so many levels. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/make-america-great-again-anus-tattoo_us_58cac967e4b0ec9d29d9bba0?23423423 Heroic Artist Gets ‘Make America Great Again’ Tattooed Around His Anus (NSFW)

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      You know, I get the gesture and all. But I don’t think I want to goatse that.

    • Jamoche

      No, I’d say the “heroic” artist is the one with the tattoo needle. Couldn’t pay me enough to do that.

    • HogeyeGrex

      The tattooing of the phrase occurred in the Defibrillator Gallery in Chicago amongst a crowd of eager onlookers earlier this week.

      People have way too much time on their hands.

  • Rick Hill

    Never forget!! Unless, it’s okey dokey with republicans, that is
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/abpgeXE_460s.jpg

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      And of course, it was “Hillary” who was so tight with the Saudis. GAHHHHH

      • RobKanC

        But the emails.

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          “I just don’t like her for some reason”

          • RobKanC

            I like this one “the revolution will come soon if Trump is elected”

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            Oh god, I forgot about that moronic bullshit

        • TJ Barke

          That will be on America’s tombstone.

    • TJ Barke

      Well yeah, oil comes from there…

      • BadKitty904

        I thought it was “Texas tea”…

  • Shoto
    • TJ Barke

      The nazi occupied government is full of scum? No wai!

  • jesuswasablack
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Is this reverse doggie? I haz confuze.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Technically, I think it’s a reverse cowbitch,

  • BadKitty904

    Just who IS Corporal Punishment, anyways, and what is his deal?!?1?

  • SterWonk

    This is Springtown, TX, which is northwest of Fort Worth. For a moment there, I thought it was Spring, TX, which is northwest of Houston, which is where I grew up.

    • JustDon’tSayMicrowave

      I lived there before I moved to Cali, just off Rayford Rd (technically outside city limits, but anyway). Congresscritter was Kevin Fucking Brady. I miss the frogs chirping away all day and night.

    • Panika MCD

      is Spring in Bettencourt’s, Huffman’s or Kolkhorst’s district?

  • BadKitty904

    But enough of this tohubohu, tomorrow’s St. Paddy’s Day, so it is!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpkrr0-qut4

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Corporal punishment was common in school when I was a kid. The most fearsome administrator of it was our middle school librarian, an older, single-and very masculine-Mormon woman who lived alone on her family’s ranch. I grew up in a poor mining town and there were some hard kids, but she could strike such fear into the hearts of the toughest of them that they would cry and occasionally lose control of their bladders before she even started the beating. Good times!

    • BadKitty904
      • alwayspunkindrublic

        I think the toughest nun I ever met would’ve fled in terror from the librarian. She had the shop teacher drill holes in her paddle to cut down on air resistance…also happened to more effectively raise welts on your ass. She swung it two-handed with all her might. Kids in class would wince hearing her wail on someone out in the hall.

        • Ya don’t fuck with the Librarian. On any Earth or any part of the multiverse

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            Oddly, despite my childhood traumatization at the hands of this psycho, a disproportionate number of my adult friends are librarians…exTREMEly high quality human beings, I might add.

          • You should check out the Discworld. The Librarian is a character who is unique and amazing. And not at all a Monkey

  • Rick Hill

    Just a look at what alt right facts are coming out now
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/anbgg50_460s.jpg

    • TJ Barke

      Such delicate snowflakes.

      • BadKitty904

        Whiny lil’ bastids, ain’t they?

    • BadKitty904

      Let’s just settle on using the term “Republican,” since it covers both “bigots” AND “racists”.

    • TJ Barke

      Bigotry covers more than race, simpletons.

    • Me not sure

      I’ve been very scrupulous about always referring to them as bigoted asswipes.
      Precision!

    • Panika MCD

      we’re not calling them racists for that. they’re racists for the Messican thing and also too the 14 words. for this we call them Islamophobic and xenophobic.

    • janecita

      Can we still call them prejudicial mother fuckers?

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      “Islam is NOT a race. It is a set of ideas.”

      As is Christianity. How receptive are those shitstains to criticism of their religion? Not terribly, in my experience.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      “You can’t call me stupid because I’m also lazy and obnoxious. QED, libtards.”

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    My first grade school didn’t go so much for the hitting, but they were aces at humiliation tactics like making kids leave the room, stand on desks, or jog around the room as punishment, as well as encouraging other children to laugh at and ostracize the offender. Offenses could be things like “being Jewish,” “having an immigrant mother,” and “oh, you’re dad’s a professor? Well you can stand on the desk and tell him what a smarty pants you are.”

    so I’ve heard.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      I recall my first grade teacher going around the room asking each of us what our religion was. It was meant to be a good thing but all these decades later, it creeps me out.

  • Shanzgood

    Well baconzgood had me laughing so hard when he called this afternoon that I forgot to tell him the good news about my second interview next week. Somehow, he made it hysterically funny that one of the “job counselors” advised him NOT to make a follow up “thank you” call today to the place he interviewed at yesterday because he “might seem too anxious to get the job.” This person is supposed to have the job of helping people GET jobs. But they don’t care. And have no Idea how a person actually gets a job, apparently. So that’s helpful.

    Less funny but also in the same vein, the “job class” there also offers no help with resumes or applications and the putative “teacher” of this class sits there texting the whole time. That’s for the 2hrs a day, 4 times a week he’s allowed to look for a job online IF he’s lucky enough to get into the “class”. He’d normally only be allowed 2hrs on a Wednesday.

    They also post vague job descriptions for which things like a biochem engineering degree is required but the applicants don’t know that until they’ve wasted their limited time applying for the job. Nobody in the program screens these things because they don’t care. Or it’s someone else’s job. Or something.

    Getting a new job is the only way baconz can go home and end this nightmare, so why should anyone there try to help? The only “how to get a job” advice he’s has ever had the whole time there is “don’t use swear words during an interview”. And even if he’s in the middle of filling out an app, he has to shut down the computer whenever “class” is over, no matter what. And while he was in the middle of a phone interview the other day, one of the staff people there hassled him for 10 minutes to get off the call because she “had a job to do”.

    They’ve also told him “just get a job and quit so you can get out” which…okay, way to fuck over everyone ELSE in the program in the future. Potential employers will be like “oh, I remember that guy I hired from that program. He was here for 2 weeks and quit.”

    Insane. It’s all insane. And designed for chronic failure.

    • Paul

      Fuck. That blows. Both of you hang in there.

      “illegitimi non carborundum”

      • Shanzgood

        I know. I try. So does he.

        But I can’t imagine how hard it is for him and he STILL manages to have me in stitches most days. We had a good laugh over “but I’m white so why is any of this even HAPPENING to me?!” the other week, though.

        I guess it was funny in my at the time.

  • MynameisBlarney

    So…a bit of backstory from yours truly…

    Whilst in 5th and 6th grade I got the record for the most paddlings both years.
    They were doled out by older female teachers I had crushes on…

    Kinda explains a LOT about my current kink…
    Well…one of ’em, anyway…

    Heh…

    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/106/887/backpain-1292835351.jpg

  • Michael R
  • SayItWithOtters

    Let’s all pause to remember where this fuck-the-useless-eaters attitude takes us.

    https://twitter.com/stevesilberman/status/842041901192683520

    • The Wanderer

      Aktion T4, I believe it was called.

      • Me not sure

        It plays a role in season two of “The Man In The High Castle”.

    • Sophia

      Oh my God!

      • The Wanderer

        The idea was to eliminate “useless mouths,” also known as “life unworthy of life (Leben unwuerdig leben).

        • Sophia

          And people just refuse to see themselves in stuff like this. If you have any morality or integrity at all there should come a point where you say I just can’t do this.

          • The Wanderer

            We’ve done the same things. Sterilizations, the Tuskegee Experiments . . .

          • Sophia

            Yea, but your supposed to learn from history, not go back for a do over.

          • The Wanderer

            True.

          • yyyaz

            Project MKUltra didn’t end until 1973.

          • The Wanderer

            (nods)

    • TJ Barke

      Well we are currently under the nazi occupied white house…

    • yyyaz

      Where did you think Soylent Brown(shirts) comes from?

  • janecita

    I went to elementary school in Cuba, and corporal punishment was forbidden. I didn’t even know that spanking kids at school was a thing here in the US, it certainly wasn’t a thing in Middle School and High School in Jersey.

  • Thiazin Red

    I need to find my Undertones albums for tomorrow, one of the best bands from Ireland that almost nobody I’ve talked to has heard of.

    I hadn’t realized Ash were Irish, they can go on the playlist too.

    • BosGrl

      Thanks for posting this – listening now, they are excellent!

    • jaspersdad

      Soup Dragons

  • puredog

    Maybe I’m just tired tonight, but this whole post kind of made my head spin (not like The Exorcist, but more in a “wait — whut?” kind of way).

    • snark-lurker

      wr are all either tired or getting there fast, i guess, mebbee, i donut know nuttin i am an blockhead

  • janecita

    Feast your eyes, here is the Dutch Justin Trudeau!
    His name is Jesse Klaver, and he is the leader of the GroenLinks, the Green Party. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7d2167c071dfed0e4f228f0d382eaf8c9a0caef9793f616af73f4d9a7143caf2.jpg

    • Panika MCD

      yaaaaaaas.

    • BosGrl

      Meanwhile, we are stuck with old, bloated Biff. Unfair! Sad!

      • snark-lurker

        a reely old Biff who never got his lights punched out

    • Lavin!

    • TJ Barke

      I gotta say this sets an unrealistic standard of swarthy male beauty.

    • BJW

      Leftists are sexxxy!

  • LarryHoudini

    OT: Sean Hannity once pointed a gun at co-worker Juan Williams in the FOX News offices.
    Hannity defense: “Every precautionary procedure that I have been trained in since the age of 11 was followed.”
    NRA Gun safety Rule #1: “ALWAYS keep the gun pointed in a safe direction.
    This is the primary rule of gun safety. A safe direction means that the gun is pointed so that even if it were to go off it would not cause injury or damage. The key to this rule is to control where the muzzle or front end of the barrel is pointed at all times. Common sense dictates the safest direction, depending on different circumstances.”
    Hannity, you’re an idiot.

    • The Wanderer

      He’s a fucking moron. Why wasn’t he arrested?

      • TJ Barke

        Rich white male privilege.

    • Michael R

      ” He even turned on the laser sight, causing a
      red dot to bob around on Williams’ body “

      • LarryHoudini

        Yeah, he didn’t point it in anger–he was just showing it off. But you just don’t ever point a gun at another human being.

        • OrG

          Unless you intend to shot them.

          • LarryHoudini

            Yes, I suppose that is the one exception.

          • Shanzgood

            My best-known gunhumper 2nd Amendment freak peoples I know all say that.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Hannity needs to have that thing taken away from him and lodged firmly in his anus.

      Yeah, yeah. With votes.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        The gun would get lost in Hannity’s ass. Better to stuff a piece of field artillery up there. He might even feel that.

    • Dazza

      I posted the same. Sorry. I should have scrolled down.

    • Dazza

      Apparently he even turned on the laser sighting mechanism so that the red dot illuminated Williams’ shirtfront. Why isn’t Williams suing Hannity AND Fox?

      http://money.cnn.com/2017/03/16/media/sean-hannity-juan-williams-gun/

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      My grandma would have handed Trump’s shriveled testicles back to him flambéed in a white whine sauce.

  • Rick Hill

    Kids are growing up in a much different world than we did
    https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aQ9XqLz_460s.jpg

    • The Wanderer

      I saw her act on America’s Got Talent. Great comedic timing and good topical material.

    • Thiazin Red

      Thats terrible. I laughed, confirming that I am also terrible.

    • Count Awesome

      No joking. There is a serial “dine and dash” guy in the Los Angeles area that sets up on line dates and then skips out leaving them to pay the bill.

  • Shanzgood

    One of my teachers used to smack the kids with a 3′ chalk board pointer on their necks. It left marks. She also used to make them do “pumps” next to their desks, which involved holding however many dictionaries extended out in each hand while you did deep knee bends until exhausted. If you had “asthma” you got to skip the dictionaries and just do the knee bends with your hands behind your head. Until exhausted.

    Later, I had a math teacher with a paddle that had holes drilled into it to reduce wind resistance on its way to your sorry ass. There was a LOT of crying.

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      I was an abused child and these sorts of stories make me angry and despairing at the mentality of a society that thinks hurting children is good.

      • Shanzgood

        I’m sorry. Fear is the worst way to train a child.

        • yyyaz

          My parents could have been post-docs in it. If they had had brains, anyway.

          • Shanzgood

            I had teachers who were like that. That’s damaging enough without it coming from home, where you’re supposed to be safe.

        • SeekingResistanceBarbie

          No need to be sorry! It was a very long time ago, and I also used to work with abused children, so the topic makes me Grrrr.

          • Shanzgood

            It should make everyone Grrr. My dad worked with kids like that and the stories he told me were heartbreaking.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      I had a nun (at a public school) who hit kids with a drumstick.

      • Shanzgood

        Sounds like a similar implement.

  • Anna Rompage

    “As seen on TV”

    I feel like one of the olds, I bought a Mantis Tiller..

    I was skeptical at first, thinking it would be a cheap piece of crap, but the fact it came with a 5 year warranty, a honda motor, and 90 day money back guarantee, I took the risk…

    I’ve got to say, first day out and I’m really impressed. I just tilled under the weeds & prepped two large beds in 2 hours, that would have normally taken me 2-3 days…

    Now get off my lawn goddammit! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c120525a6f4d8a558232967bbfa3f8c8e0e3cba27a0f506068ce4c49f05d0395.jpg

    • BadKitty904
    • snark-lurker

      do you live on the side of the world?

      • Anna Rompage

        I guess that depends on which side of the world you live on…

        • snark-lurker

          purdy sure on top cuz dropped stuff falls down

          • Anna Rompage

            How can you tell the top and bottom of a sphere that’s floating through the infinite void of space?

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Plane of the ecliptic.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I thought they went out of business when the cost of jet fuel skyrocketed…

          • FukuiSanYesOta

            Should never have let John Denver drive.

          • Lord Jim

            “Top” is the direction opposite the turtles.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      garden weasel or GTFO!

      • Anna Rompage

        Oh, I’ve got one of those too!

        But that’s a manual push cultivator where as this has 76 cc of raw gas power!

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          I have a gas edger

          (and no, it’s not nearly as fun as that sounds)

      • HogeyeGrex

        Those are for Republicans to fuck themselves with.

        Though this tiller is looking promising for that as well.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          especially the rusty ones

  • Just saw Kong: Skull Island. Had quite a bit of fun. Good laughs. Awesome ‘splosions.

    • Anna Rompage

      Sounds like a great one for the home theater system!

      I built a custom cabinet for a 12″ Cerwin Vega subwoofer, and explosions are quite tasty now!

    • TJ Barke

      Everything about that film looks fucking idiotic.

    • snark-lurker

      i like the Hulk flix so much i got the DVDs (not a STD btw)

    • SayItWithOtters

      My impression: Sam Jackson thought he was acting in a different, much more serious, Vietnam movie, and everyone else was like, nah we’re in a King Kong movie. And the insane tonal shifts came every 5 minutes.

      • Oh yeah. But Tom Hiddleston in, effectively, the blue sibling of Anderson Copper’s Black T Shirt, makes up for quite a bit. Also, John C Reilly, bein’ crazy

    • RobespierreHoo

      Am I simply an outlier when I say that even if given an Old Testament life expectancy of,say 950 years, I would never see this fucking flick?

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        I would watch it for free on Amazon.

      • Lord Jim

        I just never got into the whole giant ape thing. Different strokes or whatever…

  • bookish
  • bookish

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ivanka-trump-child-care-budget_us_58cafe45e4b0ec9d29da47eb

    As part of a $9 billion cut to the Department of Education, Trump’s budget would eliminate funding for 21st Century Community Learning Centers. Created in 1994 and costing about $1.1 billion annually, the centers provide before-school, after-school and summer programs for 1.6 million low-income children, primarily those of color, across the country.

    Kids who attend the centers ― most located at public schools ― learn math, science and environmental literacy, among other things. They also get fed. In short, the centers offer children in grade school and middle school a safe and secure place to go after school.

    After-school programs can be lifesavers for parents whose workdays don’t end when the school bell rings. They also give low-income kids, in particular, a safe and constructive place to go after school.

    “[Trump’s] proposal would devastate working families,” Jodi Grant, executive director of Afterschool Alliance, a nonprofit advocacy group, said in a statement Thursday. “It is painfully short-sighted and makes a mockery of the President’s promise to make our country safer and to support inner cities and rural communities alike.”

    • Anna Rompage

      Hey if you weren’t born to rich parents, or fucked a bunch of people to create your own wealth, why should those who have have to pay for your lazy kids entitlements?

      • bookish

        Just have the nanny pick the kids up, amirite?

        • yyyaz

          The subminimum wage nanny for whom you pay no FICA/SS.

    • Thiazin Red

      Thats one of those republican code phrases. “Help inner cities” = lock up as many minorities as possible.

    • artem1s

      so another thing on the list of ‘what have you got to lose’.

      • yyyaz

        Freedom’s just another word. Period.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Mulvaney, on after-school programs

    “Let’s talk about after school programs generally… they’re supposed to
    help kids who don’t get fed at home get fed so they do better in
    school. Guess what? There’s no demonstrable evidence they’re actually
    doing that… no demonstrable evidence that they are actually helping
    results, helping kids do better in school.”

    It doesn’t work, so his solution? CUT IT! So kids that come to school hungry go home in the same condition. Wonderful bunch of assholes we have in charge…

    • bookish

      When they say, “no evidence”, we should ask them if they’ve actually looked for any evidence.

      • Thiazin Red

        Does he even PubMed?

        • yyyaz

          Club Med only.

          • snark-lurker

            Pube Med?

          • yyyaz

            So wrong, it just has to be right.

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        Quick Google search, top hit is a Harvard study: Afterschool Programs Make a Difference: Findings From the Harvard Family Research Project
        https://www.google.com/#q=effectiveness+of+after+school+programs&*&spf=377

        I perused several stories in which the assholes claimed the programs weren’t effective and the author showed in parentheses that they (the assholes) were wrong.

        • bookish

          So, a lying liar who lies. Who’d a thunk it?

      • TJ Barke

        Since fucking when do they give a shit about evidence.

        • yyyaz

          RQs are much better with periods.

          • TJ Barke

            Derp…

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Worse yet, it’s bullshit. The idea that those programs don’t help is a demonstrable lie. That fuck is lying through his teeth

    • yyyaz

      Who the fuck says they’re not working? Moldyveins? Where the fuck is the money going then? Apparently not into a corporate stooge’s pocket, which is just so wrong he can’t stand it?

    • ltmcdies

      first off….Mulvaney needs to show some study or other that supports his “conclusion” not just mouth off.
      According to him feeding old people doesn’t work either

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        Apparently “not being hungry” isn’t a good enough result.

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        The crackerjack team of O’Keefe, Klayman and Hoft are on it.

    • SayItWithOtters

      This guy is a real public policy scholar. The dollars saved on sandwiches and apples today are surely worth all the lost achievement and productivity among growing kids who otherwise wouldn’t eat between noon and next day’s breakfast. Because that’s good for them.

      • SnarkON

        Thank goodness they weren’t aborted, because that would violate their human rights.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Clearly, children with no energy due to lack of nutrition can learn just as well as thoroughly fed ones. It’s not like the brain needs food or anything.

      Fuck these people rusty garden weasels made of sweating tnt.

      • yyyaz

        Just out of curiosity, has anyone here ever hammered a nitroglycerin tablet?

        • HogeyeGrex

          No, but I did have fun with a box of .22s and a hammer once when I was like four. Not sure if I got a spanking for that, but I probably should have.

    • TJ Barke

      Well who gives a shit if poor kids are doing well in school? They’re to become expendable workers…

      • yyyaz

        Deltas rule!

      • BadKitty904

        Spirit. are they yours?‘ Scrooge could say no more.

        They are Man’s,‘ said the Spirit, looking down upon them. ‘And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy…

        • TJ Barke

          Republicans are all basically Dickensian villains at this point.

          • BadKitty904

            Thank you. I was starting to think I was the only one who sees that. Their next legislative push will be for debtors’ prisons and workhouses.

    • ltmcdies

      so while this cramped soul is telling Americans how to save moola by elimating food for the elderly poors….Vogue has a story about what Melaina needs to move into the WH….a glam room

      who knew that was a thing…

      http://www.vogue.com/article/melania-trump-white-house-glam-room

      • cmd resistor

        Ok, just puke.

    • Me not sure

      Has he done a study to see how this might correlate to hungry kids stealing food?

      • yyyaz

        Moar PROFITS!

        • Me not sure

          The private prison industry will be giddy.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            school>reform school>prison>military

            beat ’em up, break ’em, use ’em up, let ’em die

    • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • Sophia

      All this shit just so they can build a fucking wall and hand billions more over to war mongers.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Every time you figure they’ve found the most despicable, they trot out the despicabler.

      • yyyaz

        Aaaaaand LAdies and GEEEENTLEmennnnn, we are down to our FIVE FABBBBBulous FINALLISSTSSSS!!!!

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      DeVos thinks they should be janitoring.

    • BadKitty904
  • Greyhame

    I don’t see why same-sex ass paddling of a tween should be more of an acceptable practice in this scenario.

    • snark-lurker

      the perv issue

      • Sheryl Macy

        I demand equal perv rights for lesbians.

        • As you should.

        • snark-lurker

          i didn’t know about lez ladies sextytime spanking thought it was a guy/gal thing & now come to think of it, didn’t know guys ever sexytime spanked guys either

  • Résistance Land Shark Ω

    GOP pushes ‘economic terrorism’ bills in 18 states to discourage protests
    Republican lawmakers in at least 18 states have proposed a spate of bills making blocking streets a felony in North Carolina, allowing businesses to sue people protesting them in Michigan, and forcing Minnesota protesters pay the costs of policing.

    • TJ Barke

      Fuck them, fucking capitalist pigs.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        We’re going to need to start making signs with giant George Orwell quotes.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          2+2=5.

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          More like Goebbels.

    • snark-lurker

      unConstitutional!

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      The ACLU will swat down those bills like gnats.

    • Panika MCD

      don’t freak out when bills have simply been filed.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        Yeah, but as a child of Holocaust survivors, that there are people in our country even suggesting “seizing assets” from people who “might at some point in the future be enemies of the state, in our opinion” is a pretty big warning sign.

        • Panika MCD

          they’re trying again to seize private property on the border also too. that didn’t work out so well.

          besides, if you pay too much attention to these nutbar bills, you miss things they hide in the budget. I’m all for getting a crowd and going down there to testify against. but it’s worth not FREAKING THE FUCK OUT about.

          while people are down at their leges, they should find a lege nerd that can decode exactly how seriously the leaders in the chambers take the bill (by what committee it’s referred to) and how seriously the committee chairs take any given bill. there are millions of ways to kill a bill, but only one way to pass one.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            That’s really true. You’re absolutely right.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Why do I imagine there is a carve out exception for Planned Parenthood and abortionplexes.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Also, you can just stop at: “GOP pushes ‘economic terrorism'” now can’t you?

  • SayItWithOtters

    Somehow Jenna Johnson has spent over a year on this beat without going totally apeshit on these people: https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/who-to-trust-when-it-comes-to-health-care-reform-trump-supporters-put-their-faith-in-him/2017/03/16/1c702d58-0a64-11e7-93dc-00f9bdd74ed1_story.html?utm_term=.b4aee932fba3

    I absolutely would be incapable of that level of detachment/objectivity.

  • Sophia

    Kid Rock to ‘make grilling great again’ with barbecues

    So apparently to advertise this the moran is shooting Chinese made BBQ’s. Like they would care. They got his money already, he can keep buying and blowing them up for all they care.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRL4D7hgTff/

    • SnarkON

      An idiot encouraging idiots to part with their money.

  • janecita

    I swear, watching Rachel Maddow depresses the living hell out me! This whole administration is treasonous as fuck!

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Have to admit I never heard of the term ‘kleptocracy’ until 8 weeks ago and I’m from Mayor Daley’s Chicago.

      • janecita

        And now you are living in one!

        • Keith Taylor

          By everything I’ve been seeing, in a shocked daze, from the other side of the world to Chicago … are you bloody ever.

    • bookish

      Sometimes I give myself much needed mental health days from politics.

    • Ωbjectifier

      I’m going skating in Guatemala.

      • janecita

        Wait until July;-)

    • OrdinaryJoe

      MIKE FLYNN == Lock him up!!!!! And since he is military, court martial his ass.

  • Reality Kills

    I wanna a color version of that picture above with Donnie there being spanked while bleeding. Is that sadistic?

    • janecita

      No, it’s just and necessary;-)

    • Panika MCD

      only if you’re doing the spanking yourself which is also too masochistic.

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    When my friends wanted to watch “Sweet Home Alabama” I refused to do it because if the male lead really respected her, he wouldn’t have deliberately ruined their wedding or a lot of the stuff he either does or is implied he does and I’m not OK with that and I nearly convinced my friend not to watch it either so I got kicked out of the room because it’s her favorite movie.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      as they say in Mobile, bless her heart.

    • Isaac Heston

      I couldn’t be emotionally invested in that piece of shit.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Watch Wild instead. Never been a fan of Reese but that’s a damn good movie.

      • sw19bunnies

        Just Like Heaven is a better like-for-like swap. But yeah Wild was great.

        And Reese Witherspoon is a SAINT!

      • Persistent Demme

        See “Election,” or HBO’s “Big Little Lies.”
        These are roles she was born to play.

  • Me not sure

    “…and that’s when her pelvis and lower spine shattered, doc.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a90b9dc2c9bdb710fd439872490da11f7f67e06c013321f4543423338236c80a.jpg

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Lois Lane. Member of the press and original enemy of the people. Lock her up Superman.

      • Me not sure

        A known cohort of Lex Lügenpresse.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Are we sure this isn’t a dream or an imaginary story?

      • Me not sure

        Wait… are you implying that some Superman stories are real?

  • Reality Kills

    Play Ouija, kids.

  • SnarkON

    “Say what you will about spanking when parents do it (we’re personally against it, but reasonable people can disagree)…”

    Reasonable people would never hit a kid, and if they would, they’re not reasonable.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I grew up with corporal punishment. If you’d asked me before Drublic Jr. was born, I probably wouldn’t have endorsed it, but I wouldn’t have strongly objected either. Five minutes after that child was born, the thought of EVER raising a hand to him-or any child- was inconceivable.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        Right? My parents hit us all the time, and once Master Cat Cafe came along, I couldn’t begin to understand it. Who hits a defenseless small child? Would you do it to a co worker, or feel fine if your boss did it to you? Would it be helpful? It’s a pure statement of anger from a bully.

        • Lord Jim

          My mom used to babysit for a living, many years ago. She had a pretty balanced approach to child rearing. For one thing, she didn’t believe that “discipline” meant “beat ’em cause they pissed you off”. She spanked occasionally, but she also participated in their lives. She would watch TV with them, sit on the floor and color with them and generally treat them like she raised me and my brother. Several of the kids preferred to be at her house rather than theirs on account of this latter factor.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            Well, I suppose we have to differentiate from a light pat on the rear end from a beating. The problem is, these people don’t.

        • alwayspunkindrublic

          Yeah…I don’t know if I came out any the worse for wear, but like you said, once you are gifted with that innocence and defenselessness, even the thought of striking a child becomes repugnant. As a single parent, I could understand why people do it….tired, stressed etc., but that’s never an excuse. I always think of people hitting their kids as the easy way out, a capitulation…a failure of imagination and effort. When you get frustrated, you just have to dig deeper and get more creative in dealing with the situation..

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            Yes, exactly. I will even sometimes stop in the store and try to help out a mom with a couple of kids and one of them’s throwing a tantrum. It’s so hard and I understand losing it, but even though I had a really busy, acting-out little boy who had a mind of his own, I can’t. even. imagine. hitting that precious innocent child. (And when they get to be surly, rude teens, they’re too big HAHA)

          • alwayspunkindrublic

            To be fair, Drublic Jr. was a sweet, agreeable kid, so I wasn’t often tested too sorely. But yeah….and it’s not even effective discipline.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            You’re very lucky. Those of us with, er, strongminded kids, especially very active boys, had an entirely different parenting experience….

    • idiotboy

      I cannot even. Fuck this gets me so worked up.
      My wife had the best line I ever heard in answer to someone’s question “what’s the secret to having such great kids”? “common sense and the Golden Rule”.
      Of course she is an unbaptised heathen so wtf does she know.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Obviously, Trump’s budget and health care plan are in for a tough fight. But much-if not virtually all-Republican opposition to both of these proposals will be because they are not punitive and vindictive ENOUGH. Chew on that next time you’re out in public…take a look around, make some guesses about the sympathies of your fellow citizens.

    • Belcor Experiment.

      • TJ Barke

        ???

        • Ωbjectifier

          Belko Experiment. Disturbing movie.

        • A new horror genre film pitting corporate employees against one another to an extreme.

          A showcase for moral justification, the film asks, “what’s the right thing to do?” in a disturbing setting.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    I was spanked as a child. I turned out perfectly okay. That is, if an extreme disdain for authority, especially stupid authority, is considered to be okay. So you can imagine that I might have issues with the current Trump Maladministration and their shit.

    Oh, and I do not associate with any family or relatives either (except for the few you are not Trumpoidal Cultists or otherwise wackjob republican scum).

    • SnarkON

      Mr. SnarkON got a belt beatin’ or two in his day. He turned out perfectly okay too. That is, if still being pissed at his parents about it 50+ years later is okay.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        Thanks, but what Mr. SnarkON and you do in your private time….

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        I had a dad with a hairtrigger temper who used a hairbrush, or sometimes a broomstick. I ain’t got any problems, if you don’t count the crippling anxiety and self doubt and pathetic fear of confrontation.

      • Isaac Heston

        So you don’t like hypocritical assholes?

    • Master Contrail Program

      I knew we had made the transition from Midwesterners to Southerners the first time my Dad told me to go cut a hickory.

      Saying something to the effect of: “What the hell’s a hickory? Is that from the Beverly Hillbillies? We’re from Iowa, you’ve got a belt right there!” Did not help my cause one bit.

  • mailman27

    Mike Flynn sucked up $530,000 dollars for peddling his ass to Russia. Mr Trump spends millions of dollars every month to jet back and forth between DC and his resort in Florida, just because. And the political party responsible for this reckless largesse feels that $4.50 per fucking DAY in SNAP benefits is far too generous. As John Lennon put it: “How do you sleep?”

    • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

      Flynn got that money by peddling his ass? Jebus, I’m in the wrong business!

      • mailman27

        That would be some grim ass!

        • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

          I used to have grim ass, but I installed a bidet, one of those inexpensive jobs you can get on Amazon for $25. It works pretty well.

    • mackafritz

      How much did his stupid rally in Nashville cost us?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Until you kick Tiny Tim’s crutch out from under him, how will he ever learn to walk on his own?
      – Mick Mulvaney

    • BadKitty904

      Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?

      ~ Joseph N. Welch to Sen. Joe McCarthy (R), June 9, 1954

      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        Sadly, the answer is No.

      • UpstateNYObserver

        It was perfect then, it’s perfect now. Except they, in fact, have no sense of decency nor are they capable of developing one. They are monsters, self-serving amoral sociopathic monsters. Their ignorant and stupid followers who’ll be the first victims of this crap deserve everything that gonna come their way. With luck their death rate will skyrocket and there’ll be fewer of them to vote in 2018 or 2020. I don’t hold out any hope that there’ll learn anything, just that they’ll simply fall victim to this self inflicted atrocity early and die.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      I stopped at “MIke Flynn sucked”.

      • mailman27

        Can’t really blame you.

    • Reality Kills

      Don’t call Donnie “Mr. Trump” unless you are citing. :)

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Also, too, this nice fact I’ve been tweeting on the Tweeterbox:

      Trump wants to cut $3mil from #MealsOnWheels (for both seniors and vets); it costs taxpayers $3mil for one Trump trip to Florida.

      • cmd resistor

        Yeah and his sorry ass is apparently on the way back down here tomrrow again.

      • Zippy W Pinhead
        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          That is nice. Much better. That’s my go-to from now on! Thanks, Zippy! Yow!

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          ps I just tweeterboxed it to Seth Meyers who is apparently doing a big piece on this tonite. His mom volunteers for Meals on Wheels. I LOVE SETH MEYERS

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      In a wooden box, made from votes?

  • Reality Kills

    Funny story. I have been programming on this language for pretty much my whole adult life (MATLAB for anyone curious). So one of the so many things they have is features like uploading sample data so you can play with it and test stuff. The command to upload data into memory is ‘load’. They have this toy data called ‘clown’ (is literally an image of a clown). I have type load ‘load clown’ like for eons for my projects. Well, today I ran the command to do something and the whole thing had a whole different meaning. I thought I typed ‘load donald’.

    • Reality Kills

      I know. Nerd joke.

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        LOL! Even though I am a Mathematica™ snob.

        • Reality Kills

          When is time for symbolic math, Mathematica is the way to go (at least that’s how it went in college)!

          • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

            Then there are strange people who’s avatars look like electrical wizards, who have been known to write Mathematica applications that output MATLAB code.

            Don’t ask.

          • Reality Kills

            That was funny as hell, Tesla Omega Hamilton! Maybe I am getting way into believing I am a human AI. I love cyberpunk and William Gibson is my favorite writer. The picture is WG Pattern Recognition novel. There is nothing I want more than people thinking I am an AI chabot … with a human brain. :)

    • Persistent Demme

      Speaking of nerds…
      Mr. Demme cut his teeth on APL (A Programming Language).

      That’s always cracked me up!

      • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

        To me, APL code looked like Greek on acid.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      That’s the command in Russian export versions of the program.

      • Reality Kills

        Cyrillic keyboards? Hope not.

  • Juan de Fuca

    Van Jones is on with Rep. Chris Collins (R-Revolting) and Jones just showed him a video interview he did earlier with a 70 yr old, disabled lady who relies on the Meals for Wheels program to eat, saying that she hasn’t been able to leave her apartment in seven years or so. Jones asked how he could support that.

    Collins: My own family relied on the Meals on Wheels program and I don’t support cutting that. You don’t have to worry about anything. Just give Trump a chance.

    Some people are part of the problem, some are part of the solution. Chris Collins is just a fucking idiot.

    • mackafritz

      Give him a chance to do what? Destroy the country?

      • Juan de Fuca

        He disavowed most of what Trump is doing now while praising Trump for doing “exactly what he said he was going to do.”

        I was sitting there watching it like – WTF? These people are batshit crazy.

        • alpacapunchbowl

          Peak Trump voter.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Give him a chance

      I swear, I’m ready to strangle the next clueless fuckwit who says that. He’s had a chance. Several, in fact. He’s failed EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.

      • sw19bunnies

        Beaten Spouse Syndrome.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Or worse, disingenuous apologist syndrome.

          “I don’t want to admit he’s a fucking disaster, but I need to defend him, so this BS is the best I can come up with”

      • Persistent Demme

        A chance?!!
        A chance for what, asshole!?
        NEVER, EVER, EVER!!!!!

      • NastyBossetti

        I always just say, “Why would I give him a chance to do all the things he said he was going to do, which go against everything I believe in? No, I will not give him a chance.”

    • ltmcdies

      chance has been had..Collins and, I believe, blown.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      I am somehow taken aback that people are still whipping out the whole give him a chance bullshit. Fucking hell.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I’m sorry, the shitgibbon has had 50 odd days of chances. He’s out of chances.

    • tomamitai

      He deserves the same chance the repugnants gave Obama.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Oh jeezzuzzz. Now we see how far down ballot the Russian hacking went against the Dems. Fuck fuck fuck this makes me so depressed.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      It seemed pretty clear to me when every single one of those Senate races that was tipping towards the Democrats suddenly went Republican.

      • BadKitty904

        Amen. I’ve said all along that there’s no way this super-majority was the result of fair elections. There were just too many “sudden shifts”.

        And the GOP is perfectly aware of that.

        • yyyaz

          And perfectly good with it, as long as it appears they will get away with it.

          • BadKitty904

            And I’m afraid they’re not going to voluntarily give it up.

    • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

      Did I miss something?

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      Excellent!

  • Martini Ambassador

    This is fascinating and terrifying, recently declassified nuclear test videos: http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2017/03/terrifying-nuclear-weapons-test-videos
    The fact that the ignorant toddler in the WH doesn’t understand why we should never use these should really scare the crap out of all of us, even cowardly Rethugs that refuse to impeach his treasonous ass.

    Geeze, that’s some dark shit before bedtime. Sorry. Have a hug:
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/257800d9550fac00f40710e4fee99ab2777cd46a6eebd6bbac80de6db964436f.jpg

    • sw19bunnies
    • yyyaz

      See: “Sedan Test, July 1962,” which — merely coincidentally, I’m sure — took place when I had mumps. A week later, I was in quarantine in the community hospital with IVs in my legs that had to be changed in position where the needles go every 12 hours. I was there for 8 days on that regimen, and wasn’t allowed solid food for 6 weeks after I was released. I was 8 years old.

      • Ωbjectifier

        You’re a downwinder?

        • yyyaz

          Yep. And my cancers aren’t covered. Ain’t that a peach.

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            That’s so wrong.

          • Ωbjectifier

            Wrong side of an arbitrary line on a map? Guess you just have to suck it up and know that you did your part in defeating the Russians.

            Wait…

            Srs tho. I spent a lot of time on The Strip and it’s a shameful history. You guys were (are?) guinea pigs in a cruel twisted experiment..

          • yyyaz

            And that is close to the kernel of what pisses me off so much about the current crop of Nazis: when science said “radiation bad,” JFK pushed through the Test Ban Treaty. These assholes have less awareness of (insert hyperbolic example of anything here) than planaria.

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            Even Romney was intelligent by comparison — being a NE MA toad.

      • Martini Ambassador

        Holy smokes! How close were you to the blast site?

  • sw19bunnies

    Today in Fuck You Canadian Politician Piece Of Shit:
    “Don Meredith says ‘racism has played a role’ in his sex scandal”
    http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/don-meredith-no-resignation-1.4028557
    Fucking prick. Oh, and he’s a Conservative, obviously. ‘Moral guardianship’ knows no national boundaries.

    • yyyaz

      I trust you with my life, but the implications from that statement are so far beyond my current tolerance for bullshit that I cannot, nay, will not, click that linky.

      • sw19bunnies

        A good call.
        The poor delicate snowflake is now on “sick leave” from all the stress of being caught. It gets even worse from there on in.

    • Liberoid Ron

      He has a point, though. For all that the Canadian Senate is a rather pointless appendage, and the idea of it as the body of ‘sober second thought’ is enough to make most Canadians fall over with uncontrollable laughter, we do at least prefer the Senators to act like members of the human race.

  • KittyCastiel

    I’m going to disagree that reasonable people can disagree about whether hitting kids as discipline is ok…tho I bet if I read down, I won’t be the first.

    • yyyaz

      Honey, let me explain to you what it is like to live 63 years with 57 of them mangled by PTSD.

      • KittyCastiel

        Sweetie, I think you misunderstand. I DISAGREE that REASONABLE people could disagree about whether hitting kids as discipline is ok, because it is not ok. Not at all ok.

        • yyyaz

          My misread, my apology. I get lighted off into a scream burn whenever child abuse is the topic.

      • KittyCastiel

        Also, so sorry for your trauma. Parents/guardians can really suck sometimes. I wish more of us did better by our children.

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Sister Marie’s ruler did much to scrub my Nobel Laureate mathematician potential.

  • Anna Rompage

    If it’s considered felony assault & domestic abuse if I spank or hit my sweetie against her will when she acts up, or to hit my mother with dementia when she asks what time it is for the 10th time on 5 minutes, why is it okay to hit a defenseless child who has no means of defending themselves?

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      THIS ^^^^^^ 100% THIS^^^^^^^ Also, if a boss hits a subordinate, or if you hit a coworker.

      • calliecallie

        Hit a co-worker? There are places where you could hit a co-worker? Asking for a friend.

  • Keith Taylor

    Go Satanic Temple! Dear old Bertrand Russell wasn’t a member, so far as I know, although a lot of people thought that as an outspoken atheist he was definitely a servant of Satan … but he had something to say about corporal punishment in schools, going right back to the English public school system under Dr. Arnold. He quoted Arnold’s furious diatribes against those who criticised caning and flogging at his precious Rugby, and observed that he was so angry about it that one could only conclude “that he enjoyed flogging boys and did not wish to be deprived of this pleasure.”
    Which suggests that even limiting spanking to teachers of the same sex as the young offender may not close all the doors to unsavoury motives.
    Going down a bit in literary quality from Bertrand Russell, I recall a series of spy novels by Adam Diment in the 1960s, which may have helped inspire Mike Myers’ Austin Powers movies. MacAlpine, THE DOLLY DOLLY SPY, was very Carnaby Street and only working for British Intelligence because they blackmailed him. Once in an interview he was asked, “Have you ever had any homosexual experiences?” He answered, “I went to a British public school. Of course I have.”
    (The author, by the way, is British himself and went to a public school; apparently knew whereof he spoke.)
    Gasp. There are perverts in the right wing establishment. Who knew?

  • Sophia
    • tapp_my_wire,please

      This news begs of a hiding the salami joke that I am above of making, First Lady and all.

      • Sophia

        I’m sure someone will come up with it

        • tapp_my_wire,please

          Well, Anthony Weiner is not credible for any hiding salami jokes.

    • Isaac Heston

      Is it dried out, leathery, and cheap?

      • Sophia

        I think that’s what the line of cosmetics do to your skin.
        Slovenian producers are now selling salami made from a rare breed of local pigs, chocolate, beauty creams, and a special wine made from Blaufränkisch grapes all under the “First Lady” name

        • Dazza

          Er, yuck. That sounds gross.

          • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

            BUT SHE WILL GET SOME OF THE $$, or ## (whatever their currency symbol is), I’m sure of it. They never saw a grift they didn’t like, these assholes.
            Okay, the Slovenian unit of currency is the Tolar (cognitive with “Thaler,” from which the word “dollar” comes). The 10,000 Tolar note features their greatest writer, Ivan Cankar, and a rendering of the stage plan of the former Theatre of Ljubljana. Sadly, they were then replaced by the Euro.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Should I feel bad because her husband is abusive and clearly she’s trying to do her best as a mother or should I mock her because she’s clearly a terrible person in her own right? Decisions, decisions…

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        Needs more information. IS she trying to do her best as a mother. Or is she just absolutely refusing to live with the monster?

    • Jenny

      Made from only the finest pig buttholes!

  • Sophia
  • Begin Anew Day

    That’s my peeps! I could bust the buttons on my shirt I’m so proud of them!

    Yrs,

    Lucifer Almighty

  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • TJ Barke

      FSM bless the internet.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I remember McCain having the misfortune of giving a presser of some sort in front of a green background. Much entertainment was had.

    • boyblue122

      That moment when your tie becomes a green screen

    • sw19bunnies

      *tears of joy*

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Did we learn nothing from that comedy where a meteorologist wore a green dress?

    • calliecallie

      Should have saved the green tie for tomorrow, right?
      Edit: should have played the video. Awesome.

  • Picabo
  • Dazza

    So Sean Hannity pulled a gun on Juan Williams in front of witnesses. As chief media acolyte of the president* he probably feels immune to any legal or career repercussions regarding his threat to a co-worker’s life.

    See http://money.cnn.com/2017/03/16/media/sean-hannity-juan-williams-gun/

    • Picabo

      NEVER point a gun at someone unless you intend to use it. Always assume a gun is loaded. I do not own a gun, but for creeps sake, I know this. WTF?

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        RIGHT? I’m a die hard Berkeley leftie who is fervently opposed to guns and even I know this. Where are all those gun-humpers now? It even had the sight triggered, with the red dot on his forehead (or whatever you call it).

        • Picabo

          I used to own a S&W .357 Magnum when I was young. I had enough insight to get instruction on the proper use and maintenance of the equipment. Same with skydiving. Know your equipment.

    • Ωbjectifier

      Legal or career repercussions? Fuck that. If you do that to me there will be orthopedic and dental repercussions.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/9d2d40c79e137c167ae28709fb4138f27cc0a676a1dbf4760d139f4000f0edeb.jpg

    • Liberoid Ron

      I can’t even. I really can’t even.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    Gayer Than Thou, if you are monitoring this thread, get you to ESPN nao . NCAA wrestling tournament!!! #nom

  • BadKitty904
    • calliecallie

      That shitty ass guy from Game of Thrones comes to mind. The one Sansa fed to his dogs. Yeah, I support that fate for Paul Ryan. With Votes. Really sharp votes.

  • Liberoid Ron

    Up at 9 this morning. Just enough time to swallow some cereal before I had to go help out with a counselling group one town over. Home just in time to take the housemate to the optometrist. (Seems she needs surgery on her right eye – waiting to hear when it’ll be. She’s almost blind on that side right now.) Home from that, just enough time to microwave some mac and cheese, make my sushi rice for tomorrow and cook some porkburgers. Finished that just in time to go to rehearsal. And now I am home and I am beat to death. Gonna pretend to read the comments that aren’t actually here and go to bed. Just in time to get up, probably.
    Night, everypony!

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      Rest well, dream happy.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      What is the rehearsal for?

      • Liberoid Ron

        Godspell. I got cast as John the Baptist, even though our producer knows damned well I’m an animist. Yay ecumenicalism!

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          WOW!!!! So impressive! Congrats!!

          • Liberoid Ron

            TYK, but I claim no special talent. I just happened to have the exact sort of beard they were looking for.

  • Daisy

    Yeah, both of my parents are on the same page about spanking in schools: they don’t like, and neither did my mom’s parents. And both my parents and grandparents believe in corporal punishment.

    • BadKitty904

      Hiya, toots!

      • Daisy

        Hi BadKitty!

        • BadKitty904

          What’s poppin’ with your Lil’ Squeaktoy?

          • Daisy

            Not much, really. He’s still quite pretty, though. And a lovely person, for the most part.

          • BadKitty904

            Well, there’s that, then. Ask him to dye some Easter eggs with you.

          • Ωbjectifier

            “Dye some Easter eggs.” I really cannot keep up with what the kids are calling it these days.

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      Nice to see you, Daisy. How’s it going?

    • Liberoid Ron

      Welcome back, Daisy!

      • Daisy

        Awww, thanks!

  • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

    There is far too much evidence about the harms of physical violence as a means of discipline on the psychological development of children, I will not insult the intelligence of my fellow Wonkers with links to long, boring, peer reviewed articles. Also, too; the interview with the Program Director (Lindsay) and Assistant Director (Sean, who hired me when he was the manager) went pretty well. Some time next week is the next round with the CEO, his name is also Shawn. I am not sure if Sean will also attend, but I am still amused by all the potential name confusion! Sean has already started making comments as if it is a sure thing that I will get the manager position at the satellite program in West Sacramento; today he joked about sending a patient who is now on the “careful consideration” list to West Sac if she wants to come back. I gave him “the look” my kids know so well. I have only told one co-worker, she was happy for me!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I know plenty of people who think spanking is fine but my PTSD strongly disagrees.

      • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

        I see that a lot in my work. Patients or clients (I work in different settings) start out with deflection, “I am fine! I learned to respect my parents,” later, when they look deeply into their “anxiety and depression” the connection happens. Complex PTSD and the grief and loss of the parents they wished they had. It is hard work for them to do, I am gentle since I did it also. I have genuine empathy for pain.

        • SeekingResistanceBarbie

          Exactly. I didn’t know my parents were unnatural until I sought therapy for depression, and came to truly understand their culpability when I became a social worker in CPS.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Is not what paws are for.

  • Rachel Book Harlot
    • tapp_my_wire,please

      And now Donald will get her son a job as a coal miner.

      • BadKitty904

        Then her widowed daughter-in-law and fatherless grandchildren can come live with her in her hovel. Yay!

        • ariel_gee_398

          And they will eat Trump-branded gruel out of Trump-branded bowls. A gift from god via the great man himself.

          • yyyaz

            Braise jeebus!

          • SeekingResistanceBarbie

            Plastic bowls, made in China.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      Reality is going to come as something of a shock.

      • sw19bunnies

        It’ll be one in the pink and two in the stink for her.

      • BadKitty904

        It will be a lesson I daresay she’ll remember.

    • Jenny

      Oh for fucks sake! Did anyone try to correct her? Or say hey stupid why the fuck did anyone let you near children?!

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        I’d love to have seen her face when she found out it was the other dude in the WH that made it possible.

        • FukuiSanYesOta

          That”s the thing – she probably won’t believe it

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          Oh, I’m sure she simply refused to believe it. “That’s fake news,” she drawled, waving me away. “That’s what THEY want you to think. It don’t make no sense. Our blessed Trump is praysident, and now, here’s the lower premium. Who ELSE makes the laws?”

          • Rachel Book Harlot

            Can you believe she’s a teacher? I almost choked.

          • Liberoid Ron

            Yes. And I’m sure her students know ALL about Creation and the Flood and all those other history things.

    • TJ Barke
      • Rachel Book Harlot

        Oh my God, I want this on a T-shirt. I would wear the hell out of it.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot
    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      What. What will it take. WHAT WILL IT TAKE. HOW CAN THEY BE SO STUPID and WHY DO WE HAVE TO GET DRAGGED DOWN INTO THEIR MIRE WITH THEM

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        This. Sooooo this.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Clearly, being an idiot is her right as an American. But it’s not an obligation.

      • Liberoid Ron

        She’s allowed to be A Idiot. But is she allowed to force everyone else to be A Idiot along with her?

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      Ignorant and unaware. Does she think Trumpcare magically took effect upon the inauguration? Probably.

      • FukuiSanYesOta

        That’s the bit I don’t really get. She’s aware enough that Don’t care involves tax credits, but doesn’t understand anything else.

        • yyyaz

          I am 95% persuaded that willful ignorance is the most powerful drug in human history.

        • Rachel Book Harlot

          And even how a tax credit actually works seems to be too much for her to understand.

      • Rachel Book Harlot

        She probably thinks the Affordable Care Act is Trumpcare because I’ve heard it be said that some people don’t know or understand that the ACA and Obamacare are actually the same thing. It was hard to facepalm and write that sentence at the same time. I really don’t understand these people.

    • aktlib101

      Here is a good example of a situation, where spanking might be useful: school administrators/teachers that are into spanking could be encouraged to apply their mastery to Trump supporters who think Trumpcare is/will be better than the ACA. Problem solved.

    • TJ Barke

      But liberals are the dumb sheep…

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      I simply can’t say what I’m thinking. And this woman was a teacher…

      • Yr. Gma

        She is referred to as a former teacher in the article, but there is no evidence that that is true. She was probably an aide in a first grade classroom somewhere years ago and tells people she was a teacher. That’s a common lie among the poorly-educated.

        • Roni Raven, Just Microwavin’

          Probably a Sunday school teacher.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/1c9749129f0f402c4420a33ce571c4bd7df7d1bc6bb5db1b7d23c48a685dc264.gif

      You’re ahead of me, as always. By the way, we all realize that these people will blame Obama when they lose their health insurance, right?

    • OneYieldRegular

      And when her insurance gets eliminated entirely under TrumpCare, she’ll surely find some way to blame it on Barack Obama and his “wire tapp.”

  • IOnlyLikeCats

    It’s 2017 and I’m excited when there’s more than one female in a movie and neither of their roles are primarily 1) mothers/daughters, 2) wives/girlfriends or 3) witches. I don’t know why anyone thinks that’s OK but it’s not.

    • calliecallie

      This gets some criticism, but it makes sense to me:

      The Bechdel Test — created by Alison Bechdel in her 1985 comic, “Dykes to Watch Out For” — is a well-known measurement of gender bias in movies…to pass the test the movie must have three things.

      Two female characters (preferably named),
      Who talk to each other,
      About something other than a man.

      Think hard about the movies you love and ask yourself if any of them pass this test. There are some.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        Of course there are. But I also notice when a movie has a female lead and suddenly they think it’s OK to reduce the women in supporting roles to one of the archetypes listed above.

      • Liberoid Ron

        Hmm. Quite a few of mine pass. But I may have to rewatch some of ’em just to see which ones don’t.

  • Cock Blockula

    OK, let’s stop talking dystopia, spankings, and Trump’s perfidy. Time to change to a new topic, one close to many of our hearts: The Oxford Comma

    http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/03/16/520381718/the-oxford-comma-great-for-listing-pontificating-and-winning-court-cases

    Yes or No? My opinion: AP style guide sucks! Vive la Comma de Oxford!

    (Discuss amongst yourselves…)

  • Begin Anew Day

    Another, often overlooked, service provided by The Satanic Temple can be found on their website. I am speaking of their Cult Rate Soul Exchange. TST gets a wholesale discount on the surplus souls that Hell Inc. provides on a time to time basis. Now these are used, damaged and damned souls but TST passes the savings on to you with their volume discount. You are not going to find a cheaper soul anywhere else. So they are a little dinged and damned? Big deal! They are still in mint condition compared to the shriveled, worthless things that the Freedom Caucus / Tea Party Patriots are using.

    Easter is coming and you don’t want to miss TST’s Easter Blowout Soul Sale! Two for One!

    • yyyaz

      If they accept SorosBux™ count me in for a couple dozen.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My cat could use a slightly used soul. To curl up with when I am not available.

      • Begin Anew Day

        Your cat already has nine souls. Wouldn’t that be gilding the lily?

  • NastyBossetti
    • TJ Barke

      Charlie Day pictures himself as a very elegant young woman?

      • BadKitty904

        Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

      • NastyBossetti

        That sounds right to me.

  • Shoto

    O’Donnell is bringing it hard to the lying, unhinged orange man-baby.

  • Daisy

    Okay, stupid/odd question: I have some scarring on my ear from a mild infection after a piercing a few years ago, would it hurt to get it pierced in the same spot?

    • Shanzgood

      Same happened to me and I had no problem. Depends on where, though. Mine was in the lobe.

      • Daisy

        Mine too. I want the lobes double pierced because I like the way it looks, and I was curious if it would hurt because the piercing wasn’t painful the first time around.

    • Jennifer R

      You should be good to go.

    • Suse

      I had my dermatologist do my ear piercings when I was 20. He told me that the openings never fully heal. Forty years later, my openings still get red and sore on occasion. Just throwing that bit of info out there.

    • Begin Anew Day

      This is obviously caused by liberalism.

      AIN’T IT GREAT OR WHAT!!!!?????

    • Alan

      Ow. My philosophy is no puncture wounds, particularly intentionally inflicted.

  • Shanzgood

    Fuck! I washed the hell out of my comforter to get rid of the gag-making cat pee smell in my bedroom and a few days later it’s back again with a new load of laundry that I just now brought up uo fold.

    DO I NEED A FLAME THROWER OR WHAT?!

    *standing here with a can of gasoline and a book of matches*

    • cmd resistor

      You haven’t lived till your cat pees in your gas space heater.

      • tapp_my_wire,please

        I remember. Think I was living up stairs from you at the time.

        • cmd resistor

          on the roof?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      Cats just know when to hide when the gas and matches come out. /s

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Wait, the comforter has suddenly reappeared, like Carrie’s hand from the grave? Or the cat pee smell reappeared? Or the cats definitely just peed on the comforter again?

    • jaspersdad

      Cat peed in the back of my work truck once. Had to sell the truck to rid of the smell.

    • sillybill

      No! cook the cat in the oven, flame throwers cook things unevenly. and the gasoline messes up the flavor.

    • Jenny

      My oldest dog sucks sometimes and likes to go on a basket of laundry. It stinks like hell, mostly because I don’t discover it for several days cuz I do laundry on the weekends.

      I’ve tried baking soda, vinegar, nature’s miracle and every possible offshoot and mixture of NM, even the stuff specialized for urine. Nothing ever works but bleach. Bleach is the only thing that will get the smell completely out. So for whites I use a shit ton, for darks, a capful of the concentrated bleach. It slightly fades the darks which ya know sucks, but the urine is gone. A faded black shirt is way better than one that smells like piss. I also wash on the hottest setting possible, because that’s what my “sanitary” cycle sets it to.

      I have a HE washer so I can put in a capful just fine, and not cause damage but if you have an older machine, dilute the capful in the water first before adding clothes.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Years ago I adopted an old and crotchety kitty who exhibited her displeasure by peeing on my stuff.
      This product is a must, it’s got anti-cat pee enzymes or something.
      https://www.amazon.com/Natures-Miracle-Destroyer-32-Ounce-P-5721/dp/B003I5QRJ2

    • Anna_in_pdx

      Add some white vinegar in the bleach dispenser and wash it again.

    • Alan

      Wash it alone in vinegar then rewash it in detergent. Is this a medical or behavioral problem?

    • HarpyLibtart

      Soak everything in the washer or a giant bucket with a cup of vinegar, 1/4 cup of bleach and a dishwasher tablet…
      (Dishwasher powder might work too, but I haven’t tried it)
      Leave it at least 2-3 hours, preferably overnight, then throw another 1/2 cup of vinegar in with the rinse water and you should be good.

  • Kiri the Paid Protestor
    • TJ Barke

      You’re a lot shorter than I pictured…

    • BadKitty904

      Nice unicorn on the right! And the candle-holder on the left looks very unique!

    • Jennifer R

      Nice, a grinder with a handle.

    • UnsaltedSinner

      Is that unicorn peeing in your cup?

      Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        It’s a good mix with 7-Up and that green melon liqueur.

      • dshwa

        Taste the rainbow!

      • Jennifer R

        Now I can’t help but see unicorn junk.

        • Ωbjectifier

          Apparently ‘hung like a unicorn’ is not a compliment.

          • Kiri the Paid Protestor

            That’s the ‘stowed’ configuration. ‘Enabled’ would get me banned.

          • Ωbjectifier

            You’d think a unicorn would be more of a shower. Mother Nature is a mad scientist!

          • Kiri the Paid Protestor

            Unicorns are pretty polite, also too.

        • Kiri the Paid Protestor
    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      Cool Galileo thermometer too, also.

      • Kiri the Paid Protestor

        It’s more decorative than accurate, but I like the look of the thing.

  • UnsaltedSinner
    • Rachel Book Harlot

      This gif is so freaking perfect!

      ETA: I feel like this every day while reading the paper on my way to work. On the outside I’m sitting calmly, but inside I’m like Joe Pesci after Billy Batts asks him to get his shinebox.

  • Annie Towne

    I love these guys. I’d even marry one of them.

  • Alan

    What century is it in Texas?

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      breaking ground on the Alamo construction next week.

      • Alan

        Thanks, that’s about right where I pegged it.

    • TJ Barke

      19th I think.

  • SayItWithOtters

    http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/3/15/14908524/obamacare-lessons-ahca-gop

    Obamacare ran into the paradox of cost control: The policies that control costs are the policies people hate most. At the core of that paradox is confusion about what different groups mean when they talk about cost control.

    When economists in Washington say they want to control health care costs, they mean something like this: People should buy less health care, or cheaper health care, so that total spending on health care falls.

    When voters say they want to control health care costs, they mean something like this: Someone else should pay for my health care so I can purchase what I need without much financial strain.

    • Pinkham’s Law

      When voters say they want to control health care costs, they mean something like this: I wish drugs essential to my survival, which were first developed 30 years ago, didn’t cost more (on an inflation adjusted basis) than 10 or 12 times what they did when they were first released.

      FTFY.

      • SayItWithOtters

        Yeah, whichever Emmanuel this was (Zeke?) just waves off single-payer but then concedes throughout that that’s what people are actually hoping for.

    • Alan

      No, when voters say they want to control costs they mean caps on how much you can be gouged for an almost completely inelastic necessity.

  • Blacktop Autumn

    So, who wants to give me career advice? :-D

    I currently work as a teacher’s aid in a school where I’ve found a lot of friends and supporters for my transgender behind. Pay is crap, but bennies are good. I am licensed to teach social studies all by my lonesome, and there is apparently someone retiring before next school year in said department in our sister school (across town, same district).

    I’m probably the heavy hitter and likely candidate given my references, my recent review (all top notch), and my really solid reputation.

    But, I’m scared shitless of leaving my comfort zone, and trying to transition as a first year teacher. As an aid I go home at 3:25 with no work. I go to voice therapy twice a week for an hour after school, I visit my head peeper every other week, and I practice and pursue transition goals.

    I just wonder if I’d be taking on a lot and whether I’d meet a hostile reaction. I’m leaning to interviewing and being upfront. I plan to change my legal name soon, and they’ll have to contend with the discrepancy if I interview as male (likely). That could be a good way to feel things out since the principal and department head would conduct the interview.

    Thoughts?

    • SeekingResistanceBarbie

      It seems like there are 2 issues: pursuing your transition goals and the time and energy it takes for that, and fears about interviewing. If you interviewed and it went well, would that make it easier to pursue your other goals? Or would securing the job make it too much harder to keep your personal schedule needs? Would it harm your career prospects to wait a little longer to change jobs?

      • Blacktop Autumn

        That’s the debate. Social studies jobs aren’t common here, but my old CT is retiring at the end of the 2018-19 year, and I’m tight with the department head.

        That WOULD give me room to breath.

        BUT, the money is tempting for just starting my life and ramping up transition. At the same time, I worry about doing a poor job because I need to transition and I’d leave behind my support network.

        • Jennifer R

          If you were me I would be worried about trying to do both at once. But you seem much more capable than I was, so it may not be an issue.

          • Yr. Gma

            This. I know changing jobs places high on that list of most stressful life events, so I can imagine that transitioning would at least tie for it.

        • SeekingResistanceBarbie

          You could interview for the experience. Interview doesn’t mean you’ll be offered the job; being offered the job doesn’t mean you have to accept it, and it gives you a little more time to think through how you might be able to make it work if you are.

    • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

      In my experience, so much depends on the district and building in which you will teach. The principal is so important. If you have her/his support, I would go for it if they are upfront with you and willing to support you in and out of the classroom. What you have going for you is self-awareness and experience in the classroom prior to going f/t.

      • Blacktop Autumn

        I am wondering that if the job comes up if my own principal and department head might arrange a talk before hand, to be honest.

        I almost think that might be worthwhile.

    • Anna Rompage

      I think it comes down to two thIngs.

      It sounds like taking on a teaching job would definitely cut into your personal time in major way… are you okay with that? The teachers I know seem to say they easily work 50-60 hours a week…

      The second is do you live in a community that has a decent amount of support for the LGBT community? As shitty as it is, while there’s a lot of communities that support the LGBT community & rights, there’s still a lot out there that don’t, and many that are somewhere in the middle.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      My thoughts? First-year of teaching is very difficult as it is. It should not be pursued while going through major life changes unless absolutely necessary. The learning curve is steep, and it will chew up a significant amount of your time.

    • sillybill

      I think you should talk to other transfolk to get their ideas and experiences. Do you have a support group in your town or nearby? If you live in the middle of nowhere or Bible Belt there are many specifically trans blogs where you might get others experience. Free Thought Blogs has several and seems supportive.

    • Amy!

      I can’t speak for what first year of teaching, especially in a new environment, is like.

      First year transition tends to be fairly hectic, even for those (like you) who have prepared well for it, and who aren’t finally taking the plunge because they’ve run out of options. Also, twenty years ago it was far safer to do the work with the same name/presentation as when you applied for it. Things have changed a lot since I knew Vast Amounts™ about first year transition, though, so take with a teaspoon or so of salt.

    • akryan

      If you get offered then jump at it because if you don’t you’re not going to be offered again anytime soon. The tough truth, which I’m sure you know, is that social studies licensed teachers are a dime a dozen. You’re name won’t come up again if admins think you’re flaking on actually pursuing teaching as a career.

  • Begin Anew Day

    If you want some empirical evidence that corporal punishment and it’s long term effects can be bad for people you are free to check out my show.

    I didn’t get this way by the grace of god.

    –Alex Jones

  • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend
    • dshwa

      Depends. Has his golf score gone down?

      • Anna Rompage

        I’m not sure about that, but I hear he can shoot a golf ball out of his ass and get past the 100 yard mark…

        • Ωbjectifier

          This one time, in Thailand….

      • Idiokraticdrumpfenjugend

        It is almost as low as Kim Jong Un’s, what with all the holes-in-one.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Hey! No reason to bring his under garments into play.

    • TJ Barke
      • BadKitty904

        GOP Amerika…

      • Alan

        Fuck, that’s sad.

        • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

          Yeah, but beautiful.

    • Rachel Book Harlot

      It’s truly amazing.

  • Michael R
    • Ωbjectifier

      Give him half a chance and he’ll bang the crack of dawn!

    • Blacktop Autumn
      • SeekingResistanceBarbie

        Bless its little heart. I hope it found satisfaction.

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        Wait a minute…that’s a Croc! Miscegenation! Unacceptable!

  • Bill D. Burger

    SSDD for the GOP….always a winner! Family Values, Conservative Christian, Trump supporter………….and a big ol’ Republican Oklahomo’ a diddlin’ da’ boys!

    [Oklahoma Senator Who Endorsed Trump Faces Child Prostitution Charges
    Sen. Ralph Shortey was under investigation after he was allegedly found in a motel room with a boy last week.
    By Nina Golgowski

    Prosecutors in Oklahoma filed child prostitution charges on Thursday against a state senator after he was found in a motel room with an underage teen last week.

    Sen. Ralph Shortey (R-Oklahoma City), who had been an early supporter of Donald Trump’s presidency, has been charged with three felony counts of engaging in child prostitution, engaging in prostitution within 1,000 feet of a church and transporting of a minor for prostitution/lewdness, according to documents filed by the Cleveland County District Attorney’s Office.

    The 35-year-old conservative, family values, senator, who has a wife and two children, has been under investigation by the local Moore Police Department since March 9 when authorities said he was found in a Super 8 Motel with a 17-year-old boy.]

    Keep the theme a going’: THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT! lmao

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/senator-faces-prostitution-charges_us_58caaa4ce4b0ec9d29d95724?g89y1gi6aq07fogvi&

    Oh..and he’s all manly and luuuuuuuuuuvs’ his guns.

    http://68.media.tumblr.com/8bd5d02b74fd3b920c3c0854deb360c7/tumblr_inline_neyrobo5LM1sm10cy.jpg

  • calliecallie

    Dear Open Thread,
    WTF has this country come to? Donald Trump’s heinous budget proposal will not go too far, but it is interesting to me that it gets so much attention, because Obama’s budget proposals generally landed with a dull thud. Could this be another shiny object? Horrifying as it is, it’s not clear. Seriously, what congresscritter in his right mind is going to zero out Meals on Wheels?
    Russia, Russia, Russia. I really think that is where the focus must be. Never give up, never surrender. Also too I just saw something about Trump Advisor Gorka is in bed with a Nazi affiliated group. We need to stem the bleeding on the budget stuff, but not allow it to distract us.
    http://www.thefader.com/2017/03/16/donald-trump-sebastian-gorka-nazi-hungary-vitezi-rend

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      The first lesson a con man learns is dealing a game of 3 card monte.

    • Jennifer R

      Gorka wore Nazi medals to a post inauguration party too.

      • BadKitty904

        It IS interesting to see the Republican Partei finally stop pretending…

    • TJ Barke

      The Nazi occupied government must be brought down.

    • theCryptofishist

      I’ve been fan