trump sad :(

On Wednesday, we reported that FBI Director James Comey finally found some time, between washing his hair and writing fake Hillary emails in his Trapper Keeper so he can play like he’s “investigating” them, to go over to Congress to give Senators Chuck Grassley and Dianne Feinstein, respectively the chairman and ranking member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, a briefing on the Trump Russia investigation. Two other members of the committee, Republican Lindsey Graham and Democrat Sheldon Whitehouse, have also been demanding that the FBI turn over any “evidence” it has that Barack Obama put a “wire tapp” in Donald Trump’s bottom, like Trump claimed on Twitter. But that’s unfair, because the Justice Department and the FBI need more time to find this “evidence” that definitely exists!

Well, seems like Republicans have just ’bout had it with this shit. Or as the New York Times puts it, they are getting “openly testy” about it! First let’s look at this hot-off-the-presses letter from the Senate Intelligence Committee, signed by committee chair GOP Senator Richard Burr. It calls utter BS on Trump’s “wire tapp” claims:

That is, um, pretty definitive! And a big EFF YOU to Trump!

Next, let’s visit with Speaker Paul Ryan, who Thursday morning came this close to calling Trump a lying liar who lies all the time, in regards to his “wire tapp” allegations:

House Speaker Paul Ryan said Thursday that “no such wiretap existed,” citing intelligence reports to House leaders after President Donald Trump accused then-President Barack Obama of wiretapping Trump Tower last year.

“The intelligence committees, in their continuing, widening, ongoing investigations of all things Russia, got to the bottom — at least so far with respect to our intelligence community — that no such wiretap existed,” Ryan said in response to a question from CNN at a news conference.

Paul Ryan is probably just saying cruel lies because he secretly hates Donald Trump, MUST ALERT BREITBART!

So, that’s the Senate Intelligence Committee and the speaker of the House, saying Trump’s bullshit claim is bullshit. What about the other Republicans the NYT says are so TESTY right now?

The Republican chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, Representative Devin Nunes of California, told reporters on Capitol Hill that “I don’t think there was an actual tap of Trump Tower” and that Mr. Trump, if taken literally, is simply “wrong.”

Devin Nunes LOVES Donald Trump, and he wanted to investigate the “wire tapp” so bad! How can he betray the idiot “president” this way? ET TU, DEVIN?

Jeff Sessions, the attorney general, said he had provided no information to Mr. Trump that might have formed the basis for the president’s claim.

Jefferson Beauregard! How do you say “ET TU, JEFF?” in Alabamian-ese? Oh that’s right, you say it like, “Bless your heart.”

As we mentioned Wednesday, Senator Lindsey Graham has been so sassy about this that he and Chuck Grassley are threatening to hold up the confirmation of Rod Rosenstein, the nominee to be deputy attorney general, AKA the guy who would be responsible for overseeing investigations into Trump’s ties with Russia, since Jeff Sessions had to recuse himself. So mark South Carolina Sassypants and Grassley down as “testy.”

The Times points out that all this has put Justice in a weird kind of damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t kind of place. On one hand, if they call bullshit on Trump, they’re, you know, calling the president a big liar. (Comey basically asked Justice to do just that.) If it turns out that some FISA warrant did exist, then they’re probably confirming they have the goods on Trump, which would be UH OH!

But has Donald Trump not completely clarified that he didn’t really mean “wire tapp” when he said “wire tapp”? Um sort of not really! In a wide-ranging interview with Tucker Carlson that showed off the full breadth of the president’s intellect (they talked about how fun Twitter is), Trump explained that it all really comes down to what the definition of “is” “wire tapp” is:

[D]on’t forget, when I say wiretapping, those words were in quotes. That really covers, because wiretapping is pretty old fashioned stuff. But that really covers surveillance and many other things. And nobody ever talks about the fact that it was in quotes, but that’s a very important thing.

But wiretap covers a lot of different things. I think you’re going to find some very interesting items coming to the forefront over the next two weeks.

Tucker Carlson’s next question to Trump, we shitteth you not, was “Do you talk to anyone before you tweet?”

But you see, all this stuff about chasing down a “wire tapp” isn’t the point, even though Trump said Obama did a “wire tapp” to him, because Trump was talking about a WIDE RANGE of things, up to and including how maybe Kellyanne Conway’s Hungry-Man frozen dinners are recording EVERY WORD HE SAYS. Can’t you see how he put “wire tapp” in quotes?

To be clear, Trump puts things in quotes all the time, because he doesn’t know the rules of punctuation. (For god’s sake, GQ did a whole investigation into the man’s use of quotation marks.) And to be even more clear, he didn’t put “wire tapp” in quotes every single time in the tweets that started this whole controversy. Dumbass McSpellsBad definitely did not put it in quotes when he wrote, “How low has Obama gone to tapp my phones,” and ended his interrogatory sentence with a period.

In summary, Trump is a fucking idiot and even Republicans are starting to figure it out, hip hip hooray!

Wonkette is fully reader-funded, so throw us a few dollars by clicking the banner below!

[CNN / New York Times / Washington Post]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Crank Tango
    • ANNG14

      Both Trump and Putin being punked. GREAT!

  • proudgrampa

    SAD. Just SAD.

  • memzilla Ω

    Allow me to point out that it’s been LESS THAN A MONTH since the witches of the world placed a Spell of Binding on Dolt 45, and in that time, Twitler has not been able to get people to believe his “wiretapp” claim, nor pass his Muslim Ban 2.0, nor TrumpCare, nor his Budget of Doom, not his Messican Wall. Just Sayin’.

    • snark-lurker

      good witches are good : )

    • anwisok

      Things that make you go “Hmmmmm.”

    • OneYieldRegular

      So when does the house fall out of the sky and squash him?

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        IDK, but if you figure it out let’s set up a scheme simple system that allows us to charge admission!

    • proudgrampa

      It ain’t over ’til it’s over, or the fat lady sings.

      Just sayin’.

    • Jim Johnson

      Spellbound. Go Witches!
      When is the next spell to be cast? What do I need to help out?

      • Lamashtar

        Click on link in article to join facebook group to keep track, I guess.

  • anwisok
    • snark-lurker

      yep yep yep yep

      • OneYieldRegular

        Have you seen Trump’s proposed budget? You might want to put that popcorn away for awhile.

        Almost 1/3 cut from EPA. NEA & NEH eliminated. Huge cuts to NIH funding, which has been flatlined already for 20 years and is in desperate need of more, not less $$. Giant cuts to social and public welfare programs broadly defined. $900M cut from DOE’s science budget. I’m not even getting warmed up.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I can’t wait for some poor soul to pore through Trump’s twattering history to document all of the times he’s put things in “quotes.” That’s going to turn up a shitload of things Trump wasn’t saying when he was saying them.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    One day, Donald is going to have to pay the piper. And the bill is going to be terrifically YOOOGE.

  • Chadwells

    Good grief.

    • cmd resistor

      Charlie Brown.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Shibusa
    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      Nice try but where are the wires?

      • Eileen Besse

        Not needin’ any steenkin’ wires….

      • BrianW

        Don’t need the wires; the binoculars let Obama see right through Trump’s ears to the other window.

    • BrianW

      Obama to Trump: “I’m in yr brain, readin’ yr… wait a minute… Dammit man, that’s just GROSS.”

  • MynameisBlarney

    “In summary, Trump is a fucking idiot and even Republicans are starting to figure it out, hip hip hooray!”

    I guess they couldn’t tell during the campaign for some reason.

    • coozledad

      The ass- scent of a man who appears to have more money than them is a powerful intoxicant for Republican men.

  • coozledad

    At this point, Burr resembles one of those SS officers at Dachau who tried to hide out in a barn dressed as one of the local peasantry. He’s merely at one of the limits of his cowardice.

    There’s a lot more cowardice in him.

    • maxneanderthal

      With luck, he’ll be lined up in the coal-yard soon, just before he “Attempts to escape”…

      • coozledad

        One of my junior high school teachers was with the group who liberated Dachau. History teacher, even.

        He just left it at that. The same guys went on to occupy Obersalzburg. He had a bag of German medals and badges that he showed us. One was this big ornate Nazi eagle in silver. He said it came off of one of the refrigerators in the basement.

        • maxneanderthal

          Hmm, I bet you never gave him any disrespect, probably didn’t seem like a good idea…
          Same as an ex-Chindit sniper I worked with when I was a teenager. The fact he had a face like a skull kind of gave you pause, also…

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Trump and Tucker Carlson together? I just threw up in my mouth. A lot.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Is it only March? God it feels like twenty years of this pathologically lying know nothing.

    • Shawn Renee Ernoehazy

      It is the Ides of March, and I was hoping for a group stabbing with votes by now.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Just had cheese, crackers and a glass of wine for lunch! It’s nice having the week off. #Winning

    • Shoto

      All this #Winning is exhausting, right?

      • Crystalclear12

        Yep, tired of winning.

  • beejeez

    You know, if you ignore the lives that are being wrecked by this administration it’s given us more laughs in two months than W gave us in eight years.

    • laughingnome

      I still think Mitt Romney was the greatest source of humor ever.

      • Jim Johnson

        But it was a dry kind of humor.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Who’s that rapping, tapp tapp tapping at my windowpane?….Quoth the Ryan, “Nevermind”…

  • arglebargle

    And then Donnie was all like, “Oh yeah, well I’m rubber and you’re glue.” And then Lindsey said “No, you shut up.” And Rand and Uncle Walnuts got all, “I know you are, but what am I?”

    America Made Great Again

  • Prof. T. Green Bastard
    • Villago Delenda Est

      And Donald is way over there on the “stupid” side of the fine line.

  • Suttree

    I was researching “Obama pee hookers” on my phone, downloaded a video, and got a virus. That is the exact same as him tapping things.


  • jaspersdad
  • DOJ Lawyer: “Okay… so… anyone got any ideas on how to say ‘Someone should take the iPhone away from early onset dementia Grampa before he starts another scandal or international incident’ in legalese?”

    • anwisok

      Twenty. Five.

      • Suttree

        5150 also,too.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Okay. Does this mean I can sue trump (for being a lying sack of shit) on behalf of my ex-president, whom I admire and whose wife I adore?…

  • snark-lurker

    Poor poor Spiceman

    • ltmcdies

      he didn’t have to sign up for this gig….so…fuck Spiceman

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    This is a good candidate for LIE OF THE YEAR. But it’s only March.

    • HogeyeGrex

      We ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Wait ’til the investigations really get rolling.

  • maxneanderthal

    Is it just me, or does anyone else think that Ryan is just waiting until he’s adjudged to be the sole responsible adult in the administration, and given the keys to his dad’s Camaro…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      As long as it’s his dad’s, and not OHJB’s.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Trans-Am libel!!!

        • Suttree


      • Suttree

        I thought Joe had a Trans Am?

  • LarryHoudini

    There were a bunch of interesting things floating in my Twitter stream yesterday after Grassley and Feinstein had their little chat with Comey in the Cone of Silence down in the Congressional Basement. They were both interviewed and because they couldn’t comment on what was said (Cone of Silence) people were analyzing their affect . . . which was along the lines of “Last time I saw Diane Feinstein with an expression like that, she was announcing the assassination oft Harvey Milk.” And then Nunes and Shiff were also interviewed and Nunes kind of looked and sounded like he had just seen pictures of a blood-soaked murder/suicide.

    • memzilla Ω

      I saw that video too, and what would make me look that rattled would be to consider the implications of having a crew of Russian patsies giving classified info to Putin until the chief patsy could be removed from office.

    • Vincent Ricola

      I’m ashamed of myself for reading so many articles yesterday that were breaking down Chuck Grassley’s post-briefing body language. Gross.

  • Michael R
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Crystalclear12

    I’ll hip hip today when Republicans throw him under a bus. Don’t even care what kind of bus: Russian, healthcare or the lovely and talented 25th.

    I am not picky.


    Doubtful that Trump has ever been close to a microwave to be recorded.

  • bookish
  • Lefty Frizzell

    Trump finds new depths of “bloated dumbass” to plumb every day. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think Hannity might be brighter.

    • ltmcdies

      I suspect they share a brain…Sean has it Monday, Wednesday , Friday and Donald gets to use it weekends when KellyAnne gives him back his phone

    • DainBramage

      If Trump and Hannity were stars, their brightness would be probably be about magnitude 50.

  • Rick Hill

    trump;s next defense?
    “I never said Obama tapped my phone in this dimension.”

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      The “string theory” defense.

      • Rick Hill

        Obama is the string cheese master

    • proudgrampa

      Multi-universe defense?

    • Jamoche

      Is that why we’re not in the alt-45 ‘verse?

  • wide_stance_hubby

    He’s Spartacus. NO, HE’s Spartacus. . .

    • maxneanderthal

      I’m Brian, and so is my wife….

  • Fartknocker

    What a clusterfuck of a budget. Here’s a few pennies for opiates addiction but no education for your kids and no foreign aid, because fuck their hearts and minds. And clearly, fuck dignity.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Plenty of hookers and blow for defense contractors, though.

      • proudgrampa


    • BosGrl

      OMFG “Meals On Wheels” is “not showing any results”. Where do you look for results for that, in the toilet? WTF??

      • snark-lurker

        any [pro-GOP] results [in elections] is implied

      • Thaumaturgist

        If we could just add a work requirement for “Meals on Wheels,” it wouldn’t hurt my sensibilities.

  • DainBramage

    Trump is proving, even to Rethugs, that he has the “intellect” of an old, bigoted loudmouth who gets his “information” from FOX Noise and other, even less trustworthy “sources.”

    • Vincent Ricola

      The Repukes are now forced to follow a man who is the type of person they are used to courting for votes and laughing at back in their fancy offices. That part is funny.

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
    • Rick Hill

      Since his supporters voted for him regardless of the lying, that means the lying is unimportant which, quid sid vicious, means that lying doesn’t exist for the WH.

      • “If you never tell the truth you can never tell a lie.”

        • Rick Hill

          If your idiot followers believe you, then it’s the truth

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    So, I’m going to fuck on off out of here next week for some much-needed mental health and creativity, aka a quilting retreat. Will somebody page me if Dampnut gets himself thrown in prison? Otherwise I don’t want to hear one. fucking. word. about this regime because I’m about worn out from the rage-stroking and the stabbiness.

    • janecita

      That sounds relaxing, my BFF would love to do something like that.

    • grindstone

      I recommend ditching your cable, checking only amusing websites, and listening only to Slacker. It’s what’s keeping me sane. (Well, that and alcohol and aggressively ignoring my in-laws. And alcohol.)

    • efoveks

      Grrr! I “hate” you, you lucky girl! You go on and have a great time at your retreat, and I’ll be thinking about you every time I change out my sewing machine needle next week. It should be about a thousand times since I’ll be “thread painting” this zinnia thing that my friend talked me into doing. (It was a class on fusing. The fusing part was fun… now I get to stab stuff, as the pic says “3,000 times”. YAY!)

      Once again, have fun!!!!! :D

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Quotes are the new crossed fingers. Add that to the “nothing I said prior to the presidency counts” defense and he’s abdicated responsibility for pretty much everything he ever has or ever will say or write. Is that any way to run a fucking ballroom?

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      He’s never taken responsibility for a single fucking thing he’s ever done. Someone else is always left holding the bag. One bit of solace I take is the fact that his fucking kids are going to be the ones dealing with the fact that the historical opprobrium attached to the name “Trump” will last for generations. I hope they like being among the most hated people on the planet, because they are going to be. Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch either. (I do have a bit of sympathy for Barron)

      • Thaumaturgist

        You have to balance that off against the things Trump has taken credit for that someone else did. Evens out.

      • Liberoid Ron

        ‘Umm… Hitler. Eric Hitler.’
        ‘Really? Hitler?’
        ‘Umm, yeah… our family changed our names when we fled the US.’
        ‘You changed it TO Hitler? My God. What was it before?’
        ‘Err… <whispers> Trump.
        Get the fuck out of our country.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Lawrence O’Donnell made a good point last night about that interview (before I had to turn him off because of all the Dolt 45 clips): when you have the power of the presidency and you’re STILL getting your news from the Times* and one of the assholes at Faux, you are doing it wrong.
    *haha as if he can even read

    • snark-lurker

      mental bubble boy in old man’s skin

    • HogeyeGrex

      Cheney was known to keep Fox on all the time. For him, though, it was a matter of making sure the propaganda was being disseminated properly. You just know he’d look up approvingly with a one sided smirk when a particularly egregious lie came spilling out.

      Say what you will about that evil fucking toad, at least he had some idea of what he was doing.

  • goonemeritus

    He may be a lying idiot but he’s their lying idiot. Come the midterms they will have to wear him around their necks like intemperate gorilla that flings poop.

  • janecita
  • Jgb979

    You know it kills them to abort a zombie lie themselves.

    I don’t remember anyone demanding evidence of Trump’s birther lies

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    “From” “now” “on” “all” “my” “tweets” “will” “look” “like” “this”. “They” “can” “mean” “whatever” “I” “want” “them” “to”. ~”DJT”

  • tapp_my_wire,please

    Just wait until Donald comes up with a pair of mom jeans in the Tower that you.know.who changed out of while putting on his telephone guy disguise.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “And the Trump Tower lineman…is still on the line.”

  • Crystalclear12

    OK, everyone agrees he lied, great.
    Now do something about it!

    • Dudleydidwrong

      Oh, yes. With votes?
      We tried that before when his opponent got more than the Orange Shitgibbon and he still won with the FBI’s and Putin’s thumbs on the scales of justice.
      Impeach the bastard. Obama should bring suit against him for slander/libe.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Mulvaney now claiming that there’s no proof that Head Start or Meals on Wheels actually helps anyone, so they can’t continue to give states money without guaranteeing it will be used properly and be effective

    As opposed to the block grants for education and the block grants for health insurance, where they have eschewed any oversight on how that money is spent, because “it should be left up to the states to decide”

    also too, billions for the stupid wall- despite the fact that for the last ten years visa overstays account for more than half of the undocumented immigrants and by definition the wall wouldn’t fix that

    These motherfuckers are not only monstrously hateful and spiteful with their bullshit, but it isn’t even believable bullshit…

    • Thaumaturgist

      But you left out the part about how Mulvaney is compassionate — he’s not going to take money from the single mom in Detroit or the job creators to run social programs that don’t work. F-35 is completely different.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        It just amazes me how blatantly, obviously full of shit these people are, yet we find ourselves having to defend reality with the half of the country that credulously buys this bullshit. Also too, why is it so fucking hard for the media to think of the obvious question to ask about the contradiction with the AHCA and education block grants?

  • Thaumaturgist

    Quotation marks or not, what I like about Trump is “he means what he says.”

    • snark-lurker

      you saida moutful there

  • Hardly Ideal

    I thought I was incoherent, and I can’t stop talking about video games if you steer the conversation even near the subject.

    Just… fuck it. Can we talk about Death Stranding instead?

  • bookish

    So if you want to know why Steve Bannon ran a website that became a digital drag bar for neo-Nazis and racists, or why he is determined to ban desperate, war-ravaged Muslim refugees from reaching American shores, or to deport mothers of American children to nations they haven’t seen in years, or to stop subsidizing health insurance for the poor and middle class, or to eliminate environmental safeguards, or to deregulate Wall Street so that it has fewer constraints in exploiting vulnerable investors, or to deliver vast tax cuts to extremely wealthy people like Steve Bannon — all while the president of the United States conceals his tax returns and sells the presidency for profit, well, it all comes down to what the elites did to poor Marty Bannon.

    “Everything since then has come from there,” Bannon said. “All of it.”


    • Thaumaturgist

      Half the guys in prison in this country are there because society done them wrong too. I’m sure Bannon has a great deal of compassion for his fellow victims.

      • HogeyeGrex

        With any luck, Bannon can join them.

        • Liberoid Ron

          That would be cruel and unusual punishment. We’re not THAT bad! Why do you hate us so?
          – cutthroats, thieves and murderers

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      exactly, Bannon is full of shit and trying desperately to hide it.

      • Liberoid Ron

        He’ll need a LOT more makeup, then.

        • Pisto75666

          There isn’t enough foundation in the WORLD.

    • SayItWithOtters

      He worked at fucking Goldman Sachs. He couldn’t give his dad some investment advice?

  • Raan

    It’s kind of fun watching the GOP devour itself.

    • DainBramage

      I just wish they’d do it faster.

      • HandsOfFate

        Chris Christie, where are you when your nation needs you?

      • HooverVilles

        Much faster please!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    It’s a simple misunderstanding. There was a HUD proposal to throw a tarp over Trump Tower as part of a Manhattan beautification project.

  • Bitter Scribe

    How did Obama even know that Donald Trump exists? Because he watched TV and read newspapers and maybe even Internet news sites. If that’s not “surveillance,” I don’t know what is. And neither does Donald Trump.

  • azeyote

    obviously microwave ovens leave no traces of anything – just look at what happened to an orange that was left in to long –

  • Hardly Ideal

    I’ve said it before, but for a guy who’s a straight-talker and tells it as it is, he sure has to explain himself a lot.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Spicey is getting roasted

    • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

      He certainly hasn’t done anything to earn it.

    • Jamoche

      Roasting spices brings out the flavor.

    • Anna Rompage

      I wonder why kind of antiperspirant Lying Spice uses to keep from showing his flop sweats…

  • Mavenmaven

    One down. Now let’s get to the Russian connections.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    In summary, Trump is a fucking idiot and even Republicans are starting to figure it out, hip hip hooray!

    I thought they already knew he was A Idiot and that’s why they backed him?

    • Liberoid Ron

      But now he’s the wrong KIND of idiot.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        He’s embarrassing them, and maybe hurting their election chances. Otherwise, idiocy is a feature with Republicans and not a bug.

  • ServantToTheStars

    Let me know when I am allowed to call him “Retarded” as long as I use quotes.

    • The Wanderer

      How about “brain-dead micro-phalanged carrot-skinned arsfardel?”

      • Liberoid Ron

        It’s got a good beat and you can dance to it.

    • Anencephalic works better.

      • tkingt

        Many employees working for Trump Inc. in New York are convinced Donnie has syphilis. His mental faculties have been deteriorating for years. And he has traveled to Moscow for treatment.

  • jenny_whyme

    He can’t “quotation mark” right… and don’t even get me started on his use/non-use of the Oxford comma.

    • TundraGrifter

      So far, this Administration seems to be in the DC Coma.

  • Bebecca

    Oh, it’s our fault, I feel so dumb. We didn’t know quotation marks meant he didn’t mean what he said. . He said “and nobody’s talking about that” like it should be clear to anyone with a brain. Duhhh.

  • DahBoner
  • TundraGrifter

    I think it’s useful to keep in mind that Mr. Trump really isn’t a Republican. And many in the Republican Party haven’t forgotten that. He jacked the party for a joyride to the White House, and many of them are a bit pissed off that all he’s done so far is run it out of oil and jam the transmission.

    • DahBoner


      Donald Trump is a Republican. He is a registered Republican in the State of New York as of the year 2009.

      Trump is a Republican, just like Ronald Reagan was a Republican.

      Have you ever met a Republican who claims Reagan was not a Republican because he was once a Democrat?

      • TundraGrifter

        I don’t care what he was or wasn’t registered as. I just look at what passes for his policies. Granted, it’s a moving target. But look at the problems he’s having right here – today – getting the House with a GNoP majority to pass his first major piece of legislation.

        • DahBoner

          His policies are bullshit. Haven’t you learned that yet? His ONLY policy is to make himself look “strong” and to enrich himself and his family, that’s it. Same as every other Republican. 😁

          • Pisto75666

            If it looks like an elephant, and smells like an elephant, you can’t turn around and say it’s a duck just to make yourself look better.

          • TundraGrifter

            Of course his policies are BS. So are the GNoP’s. Actually, Mr. Trump doesn’t have any policies. Or principles. Other than to scam people to make himself rich. And lust after his own daughter.

  • Mike Steele

    Lady MS here, just following Sphincterfest: First, you get to write your ArgleBargle answers, Sean, not the reporters’ questions. Secondly, if you’re keeping America safe, how does diverting DHS funds from TSA and the Coast Guard for your Mexican-paid wall help to achieve that goal? Thirdly, in what way do federal funds expended to guard Uday/Qusay on overseas business trips and Donald’s weekends w/Bernies in FL show respect for hard-working, tax-paying, law-abiding Americans? Put me in, Coach!!!!!

  • Mike Steele

    Also, too, may shamrocks form Mulvaney’s shroud…in God’s good time, of course.

  • marxalot

    GQ also mailed Trump a tie clip with instructions on how to use it. The video is (quietly, tastefully) savage.

  • Longstreet63

    When I use quotation marks, they mean exactly what I want them to mean…
    We know Trump is Dum, but which is Dee?

    • The Wanderer


      • kareemachan


  • OrdinaryJoe

    Liar Spicer: “You say wire tap I say surveillance. Toe may toe, tah ma toe.

    • Blackest Noobs

      and shitfuck Congress says uh wiretap, surveillance, there’s isn’t any of either.

  • OrG

    Ya know what? I’m starting to get a little testy about this shit too.

    • Jack Tenhet

      You know who else had little testis?

      • kareemachan


        drumpster jr?

        the other drumpster jr?


        all the russky-lovin’ drumpster-ass kissers?

  • Liberoid Ron

    Caught a bit of Lyin’ Spice trying to put lipstick on this particular pig this afternoon. I think the press pool was falling asleep. Natter, natter, natter, and more qualifiers than the Tour de France. I’ll give him this, though, now when reporters ask him if he’s kidding, seriously, dude, you’re kidding, right? he doesn’t fly off the handle any more. Well, not very FAR off the handle, anyway.

    • tkingt

      Behind the scenes, there is a rumor that little Sean is very close to a nervous breakdown. He was examined by a doctor recently. I have no sympathy for this little tyke.

      • Pisto75666

        Can’t wait for THAT skit on SNL.

      • Lamashtar

        I hear rumors that some of the leaks are from him. I hope its true.

  • Blackest Noobs

    shouldn’t making up shit…i.e. LYING be an impeachable offense?

    I MEAN COME ON, REPUBLICANS!! you preachy preach day in day out about accountability and right now you actually got a dude who’s a lying shit and you can ACTUALLY prove without a doubt you all ACTUALLY PRACTICE WHAT YOU FUCKERS PREACH DAY IN, DAY OUT.

    hilariously only a few are saying some things but not really much except for sassy Miss Lindsey…and yeah sorry even that sassy miss ISNT ENOUGH.

    • Poly_Ester

      Lying is an impeachable only if your last name is Clinton. The you only have to be perceived as lying.

      • Blackest Noobs

        now correct if im wrong but they convicted Clinton on perjury and a few days ago on the radio i heard them discussing Sessions’s possible perjury and said perjury was difficult to prove because you had to prove the person committing the perjury willfully intended to lie. like basically it rarely happens.

        so lawyer-peeps….what what is up with that?

        • HooverVilles

          This whole IOKIYAR behavior is blindingly obvious to almost everyone and yet the GOTPers get a pass because they have their get out of hell free card, aka their personal belief in jeebus.

          • davidhollenshead

            “aka their personal belief in jeebus.”
            And yet they can’t understand what “WWJD?” Means.

          • HooverVilles

            Yep. No cognitive dissonance at all.

        • Relativicus

          He did have sexual relations with that woman. It was proven. Therefore, by saying under oath he didn’t have sexual relations with that woman, he could easily be convicted of perjuring himself.

  • EddieFrancis

    He speaks (and tweets) out his ass to such a degree he must have two assholes.

    Or should that be anii?

    President Anii.

    • davidhollenshead

      You have noticed that Führer Trump’s face anus is often round ????

  • Notreelyhelping

    How come Mr. supersalesman can’t sell this shit? Isn’t he supposed to be the greatest salesman ever known? Aren’t we all supposed to be rolling over and peeing ourselves over all this great stuff? Some maybe are, but I’m not smelling it. All I’m smelling is another Willy Loman.

    Even his wife doesn’t think attention should be paid.

    • Mike Steele

      Linda was devoted; Melania was mail-ordered

    • TheBoatDude

      It’s easy to sell when you don’t intend to deliver and the other party can’t stand up to you. Here, he’s being held to the fire…hence his pissy tone when he gets called out…

    • bluicebank

      “Put. That coffee. Down. Coffee’s for closers only. You think I’m fucking
      with you? I am not fucking with you. I’m here from downtown. I’m here
      from Mitch and Murray. And I’m here on a mission of mercy. Your name’s
      Levine? You call yourself a salesman you son of a bitch.”

      — Blake,

      Glengarry Glen Ross

  • calliecallie
  • Jack Tenhet

    For a business man, 45 doesn’t seem to understand that words can get you into deep financial and legal trouble. There have been lawsuits that have emerged from improper use of something as simple as the Oxford comma. One grammatical error can cost millions. This is presumably something a man in his position should know.

    As for the use of quotation marks, they’re called that for a reason. It denotes a quote, not anything else. It’s not parsing when the nature of language involves policy, people’s rights, and lives. You can’t play around with language while accusing someone of a felony. It IS important.

  • Choosymom

    Gaaah! Can we just get to the good part about how President McPu$$grab is in deep with the Russkies!
    That smoking gun has got to be out there!

    • JTS

      ” is in deep with the Russkies ” – could have been taken from Dr Strangelove – a parody of clueless american paranoia about Russia . Guys , Russia probably does look for ways to resist the USA , being surrounded by american bases , but it couldn’t match the destructive behaviours america’s political rot has produced on its own . The commie world domination plot is long gone ( they knew it anyway , disguising the failure as ‘Socialism in One Country ” policy ).
      Plug your ears against the NY Times , MSNBC et al and listen to Putin”s words , then compare them to Trump’s Dumps . Who sounds more believable ?

      • spacecat in space

        Yes, let’s listen to the dictator who murders all dissenting voices.

  • Reximus

    Are you trying to tell me that when someone gets on twitter at four in
    the morning, and then they announce that they “just found out” that the
    prior administration committed a felony, and then the next most
    important thing for them to do is send out a new tweet about Arnold
    Schwarzenegger’s television ratings…. you’re telling me that that
    person shouldn’t be taken seriously?

    • ksimms

      Then he goes golfing. I mean, his supporters call it “work golf”. Which means it’s just golf when he should be working.

      • davidhollenshead

        Work Golf, meaning Führer Trump takes his smart phone and an eight ball of cocaine.

        • mardam422

          To quote Otter from Animal House. “Don’t think of it as work. Just have fun.”

  • ThaagNasty

    Somewhat OT but….
    So there’s this little 5 year old chap on Ellen and he’s like Sheldon Cooper with flags (only way more charming). And he drew a little kid’s map of the world, so Ellen was getting his take on it. She pointed to this one bit and he said, “That’s Russia!”

    Now he draws little figures of things he associates with that country in their spot on his home-made map and there’s this little humanoid on Russia. So Ellen asks him what he drew on Russia.

    “Oh, that’s funny!” he says, and then after a moment of giggling he explains, “That’s Trump, because he likes Russia!”

  • AJ Milne

    WaPo at this hour has a headline… Contains that a certain asshole conman ‘stands by’ his ‘unproven allegations’…

    ‘Unproven’ is… erm… excessively charitable, I figure, by now, WaPo. Can’t we just go with ‘Asshole still refusing to admit he lied’? And thanks awfully.

    • Relativicus

      I’ve also seen it called an “unproven conspiracy theory” — by a media source (can’t recall which) — as if there’s proof of the conspiracy, but we just haven’t found it yet.

  • miss_grundy

    Bamz has always known that Tangerini is a fool and will trip over his own tongue and bring an end to his tenure in the Oval Office all by himself. While he isn’t happy that this jerk is making a laughingstock of the office he once held, he isn’t going to help him in any way. And if Tangerini would even have one of his surrogates ask, I hope he slams the door on that idiot’s face.

  • CeeQ

    They’re standing by their allegation even though there is no evidence. Spicer said today that there will be more info coming. Classified info that the Intelligence committee hasn’t been provided. Which begs the question – how does HE know? And if there is – then go on and call on the FBI to confirm it. Oh wait. The FBI already said this is all BS.

    OMG it is never going to end.

    • tehbaddr

      Exactly! Stay tuned for the never ending cliff hanger! Who will be eliminated (fired) next!

      • CeeQ

        Worst reality show evah.

      • spacecat in space

        The poor, the sick, and the elderly, based on their budget.

    • davidhollenshead

      Eventually it will end, first with Impeachment, last with Capital Criminal Charges for Führer Trump the TRAITOR.

      • CeeQ

        To quote Colbert – it’s funny because it’s treason!

        • davidhollenshead

          Too bad the Federal Government uses lethal injection.
          Otherwise they could put Führer Trump’s wall to good use.

          • spacecat in space

            We can make an exception, je pense.

    • Themostunclean

      Yeah, just like tRump’s wonderful plan to defeat ISIL was coming any day. And then it changed to his generals were going to come up with the plan. Then that deadline passed too.

      Anyone else remember that huge promise during the campaign? His genius brain had devised a way to rid the world of terrorism within 30 days but he was keeping it super secret so it wouldn’t tip off the bad dudes.

    • Ducksworthy

      Spicey has secret sources in the Kremlin helping him with “intelligence”.

  • pgjack

    If you think Republicans are finally figuring out that Trump is a fucking idiot you are giving far to much credit to Republicans. I think Mitch and Paul can stand right there next to Donald on the intellect podium and do a three stooges number fighting over who took top honors.

    • davidhollenshead

      Their party is not just the Mcconnell & Ryan, but also includes McCain & Graham, and the issue is not if, but when.
      They will act when leaving Führer Trump the TRAITOR in place will hurt them more than Impeaching him.

    • Snarkbot 9000

      Throw in a good slap fight, and I would pay upwards of $5.00 to see that spectacle.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        $10.00 if I get to do some of the slapping.

        • Ducksworthy

          How much for the eye poking?

          • Jeffery Campbell

            A bargain at the same price!

    • zerosumgame0005

      Don King to organize that Slap-fight of the Decade?

  • bluicebank
    • davidhollenshead

      Inky Finds your comment exciting.

    • phoenix00

      So where’s the sinking ship again?

    • spacecat in space

      (I think that’s from “Ratatouille,” and now I’m craving French cuisine, because Pixar.)

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    As long as there are grannies to starve, Republicans are not going to care that their president is a dangerous madman.

  • Paperless Tiger

    Testy or testes? Like they’re waving their nuts at us. Here’s your two chambers, America!

  • Damu #ToadSquad HeadHoncho

    Trump supporters are emotionally unstable and/or intellectually handicapped.

    • Mr Canoehead

      I don’t think all of them are necessarily stupid; it’s more that they view thinking with suspicion and resentment. There’s none so dumb as he who will not think.

    • Ducksworthy

      Maybe we should have invested in creating a mental health system at some point. Oh I forgot. The Reich Wing thinks mental health is a Jooish plot.

  • Jo Mathie

    when you’ve got the British Intelligence Agency calling your allegations out as “nonsense” rather than “no comment” then maybe take a step back from your attempt at deflection from your terrible healthcare plan.

    • potrzebie

      The British Intelligence Agency also called out the “Saddam tried to get yellow cake uranium” allegations as “nonsense”. But that didn’t stop them from putting it back into W.s State of the Union address after it was removed 16 times, or stop Cheney from outing Valerie Plame, or stop us from invading Iraq. Republicans have no shame, morals or ethics.

    • RandomNameAllocated

      I believe some people may have said : tut…..

  • William

    Actual quote: TRUMP: “I had been reading about things. I read in — I think it was January 20th, a New York Times article where they were talking about wiretapping. There was an article, I think they used that exact term. I read other things. I watched (FOX News) Bret Baier the day previous, where he was talking about certain, very complex sets of things happening, and wiretapping. I said “Wait a minute, there’s a lot of wiretapping being talked about.”

    The asked, “…but you are the president. You have the ability to gather all the evidence you want.”

    TRUMP: “I do, I do, but I think that frankly we have a lot right now, and I think if you watch — if you watched the Bret Baier and what he was saying, and what he was talking about and… how he mentioned the word wiretap, you would feel very confident that you could mention the name. He mentioned it, and other people mentioned it, but if you take a look at some of the things written about wiretapping and eavesdropping — and don’t forget, when I say wiretap, those words were in quotes.”

    • HazooToo

      Ever just want to rip your own face off, and then tear it in half, and again and again and again, until you have a handful of face confetti? Am I the only one who feels like that? And I actively avoid hearing him say these things out loud, because then I might actually do it.

      • spacecat in space

        Peter Serafinowicz’s Sassy Trump videos are really the only way a sane person can listen to what Trump says without losing their marbles.

    • John Orendorff

      Well, that certainly clears things up!

    • Ducksworthy

      Oh shit. We’re doomed aren’t we?

Previous articleGay People: Do They Exist? A Conundrum Wrapped In A Riddle Rammed Down Your Throat!
Next articleStupidest Man On Internet: Obama Made Hawaii Judge Kill The Muslim Ban. Impeach?