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You know the sniveling dickwhistle pictured above. He is the guy who opens his weird mouth and protests “SAYS WHO?” all the time, who serves Crown Prince Pussgrab of the Mar-a-Lago Pussgrabs, as his personal lawyer. His name is Michael Cohen, and he likes to put on the big mobster lawyer attitude, because what the Trump regime lacks in brains, it tries to make up for in weak-man’s-idea-of-a-strong-man machismo. ANYWAY, he is a dick. He has weirdo connections over in the “Russia slash Ukraine” part of the world, just like seemingly everyone Trump has ever met, and he either hand-delivered a peace plan from his pro-Russian pal in Ukraine to disgraced former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, or he sent it to Flynn in a candy-gram, or he did none of these things, depending on which source you believe. (All the sources were “Michael Cohen,” talking to different newspapers.)

And once again, he is a dick. Specifically, for the day of March 15, 2017, he has chosen to be a dick to Joe Brzezinski-Scarborough, who does the “Morning Joe” program, and who agrees with many people who think it was Donald J. Trump himself, or somebody in his organization, who orchestrated the leak of two pages of Trump’s 2005 form 1040 tax return to journalist David Cay Johnston, after which it ended up on Rachel Maddow.

Scarborough tweeted this Wednesday morning:

UH OH! Here comes Michael Cohen to defend his daddy Trump, with a huff and a puff and a GRRR ARGH:

How does “I know who has his taxes” in any way refute the idea that Trump or somebody in his White House may have leaked them? Meh, whatever, argle bargle, who gives a fuck.

Joe Scarborough definitely ain’t give a fuck. In fact, he ain’t give a fuck in several ways. First off, he ain’t give a Russian fuck, because those are the kinds of fucks Trump associates tend to give:

J-Scar additionally ain’t give a fuck about Cohen’s “Angry Weenus” song and dance, and responds to it with a resounding “SAYS WHO?”:

And finally, he ain’t give a fuck, because literally half of Twitter came to the same conclusion last night, because we KNOW Donald Trump and his band of merry sycophantic creeps aren’t competent enough to organize anything as well as their immediate response to last night’s Rachel Maddow program (not that their response was “good,” but it’s a mighty low bar). Scarborough also has a final dig about the nugget of poo Trump smeared on Twitter, about Obama doing a “wire tapp” on him:

DAYUM, he is done with Trump’s shit. We reminded you earlier that both Joe and Mika seem to have been evolving as of late regarding the Trump regime. It’s like all the things liberals and decent Republicans have been saying about the autocratic shitweasel in the White House are true!

This is a far cry from back in the olden timey days, when Joe and Mika were acting as informal “advisers” to Trump, visiting him at Mar-a-Lago and shit. Gosh, they could have even been there at the same time as Cohen was! Joe ‘n’ Michael could have crossed streams in the boy’s room, not that they’d ever do such a thing! SAYS WHO?

Anyway, we continue to congratulate the “Morning Joe” team on their slow promenade into Reality Land, and we vow to keep encouraging them as much as they need.

They have held Wonkette’s baby after all, so we are basically related.

This is what it would look like if Joe and Mika were young parents of a stolen Wonkette Baby.
All better now

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[h/t Politico]

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  • Longstreet63

    Oddly, I heard those tweets in Keith Olbermann’s voice.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I for one cannot wait to see a remake of Reds starring Joe and Mika.

  • Sardonicuss

    Stop making me like Joe Scarborough!

    • bobbert

      Not happening here.

  • vh

    i know who has his taxes

    all 4 pennies?

  • schmannity

    Scarborough’s balls have swelled to the size of baby garden peas.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      True fact: that was the original ending of the Grinch That Stole Christmas, but network censors wouldn’t permit it.

  • TJ Barke

    Damn, Joe is just DGAF!

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Wasn’t Joe Scarborough one of the people who gave Little Babby Donnie unlimited, uncritical air time during the campaign. And talked about Hillary’s emails the rest of the time? Sounds like Joe has enabler’s remorse.

  • Beowoof14

    Hey Joe this is a mighty big switch from when you were licking Trump’s balls everyday. Guess you found out he would use you like he would use everyone else for his own gain.

  • OrdinaryJoe
  • I may need to go take a long Silkwood shower because I found myself liking Joe for a minute there.

    Excuse me…

  • chimichanga

    Holy parsley, sage, mika and thyme, Batman

    • The Wanderer

      “Right you are, little chum.”

  • cmd resistor

    I agree this guy is particularly offensive in manner, even among Trump people. Speaking of, someone sent me an article from the Atlantic called Kellyanne’s Alternate Universe, which contained this very amusing line from an old teacher, who said basically that while she wasn’t the smartest kid in the class, ” But I do remember that she would argue her point relentlessly. You would pray to God that the bell would ring.”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      I am praying to God that the bell will ring on Kellyanne, Cohen, Sessions and the whole Trump Régime and the sooner the better.

      • cmd resistor

        The other (scaryP thing I remember from that article is a quote from Bannon describing a “cabal” he had started to build with Kellyanne, Jeff Sessions and Stephen Miller. Those people were planning their evil plots before they even latched on to Trump.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Because “cabals” and “conspiratorial cells” are good things, right?

  • Beowoof14

    Cohen acting like a thug defending Trump. Wow what a surprise that Trump has faux tough guys running around talking shit to everybody. When Trump goes down, this guy is going with him.

    • therblig

      unless trumpy is really so monumentally stupid that he fails to realize how others have insulated themselves from him.

  • The Wanderer

    Every once in a while, I think, Mika gets hold of Joe’s Twitter device and responds under his name.

    • laughingnome

      She gets a hold of his twitter device. That’s what kids are calling it these days.

      • arglebargle

        twitter and chill

      • Iron Monkey

        She just gives it a little caress once in a while.

      • The Wanderer

        I’m sure she can get him to chirp.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Meanwhile 45* is doing his white people should hate Messicuns schtick to a bunch of shipped in for the day supporters.

    • cmd resistor

      How are Mexicans relevant to sucking up to auto workers? Because they stole their jobs? I can’t watch. I hate that guy.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Of course all those 45* voting UAW auto workers in MI should probably be looking at the non-union auto workers in rural Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee and the like. That’s where their jobs went, to union busting right to work states full of other 45* voters.

  • MizzMazz

    I may be very old fashioned, but I want to go back to the days when journalists, reporters, and most importantly, politicians didn’t sound like spoiled toddlers.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nw6bqvOe-uE

  • Fuck you and your offset lip.

  • coozledad

    1.He seems to be indicating there’s proof. i can’t read it any other way, and I’m not an attorney.
    2. He is dumbfuck.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    How low did they have to lower the bar for him to get his law degree?..

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      During the 80’s and 90’s they were just letting anyone in, apparently.

  • arglebargle

    This may have been pointed out elsewhere. If Donald did leak his own taxes, it means he’s getting antsy about something. He had to be saving this for a big distraction.

    • Clyde Barrow

      Scratch & sniff the tax forms. If they reek of Russian pee, you know it’s from Donnie.

  • memzilla Ω

    Disillusioned with Hair Furor? Next you’ll be telling us that Scarborough will do a Rudolf Hess and commandeer a plane and parachute into Rachel Maddow’s studio to negotiate a peace treaty.

  • Iron Monkey

    Decent Republicans? You must mean the congress critters who get one vote out of one hundred right when they are backed into a corner–which is better than getting them all wrong all the time but not by that much.

  • Crystalclear12

    I like this “don’t give a fuck Joe” fellow. Where was he during the election?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Slurping Trump ratings, like the rest of them.

  • Clyde Barrow

    Did Trump hire a lawyer who has a billboard over Tony Two Toes’ Bail Bonds & Escort Service? Or is he another “lawyer” who got his degree from RWNJ.com?

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Good for Joe. Grudging applause. Admit that Obamacare is kinda OK and I might marry you.

    • Sardonicuss

      Just don’t intern for him.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    So the little ruse has not worked. They wanted to get some distance from the Trump lie about the “wire tapp”, the investigation focus on Russia and the NoAffordable Care Act. But those slow moving rivers of red hot lava continue to flow on in the news.

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Cohen seems like a shit lawyer.

    • Iam Reading

      He is definitely a shit. I would check with the bar before bestowing the title of lawyer.

    • Vincent Ricola

      You know Donald is up to his ass in dirt if he has shady Michael Cohen doing his law stuff.

    • boyblue122

      Probably graduated from the Larry Klayman school of law

      • Lefty Frizzell

        I forgot about him!

      • Cliff Hendroval

        He graduated from the Cooley Law School in Michigan. From Wikipedia:

        According to Cooley’s ABA required disclosures, only 27.4% of graduates
        from the class of 2015 obtained full time, long term, bar passage
        required employment 9 months after graduation.[6] 23.8% of graduates were unemployed 9 months after graduation.[7] Only 51.86% of graduates managed to pass a state bar exam in 2015, a requirement to practice law.[8]

        • boyblue122

          oh, i wasnt talking about literal schools of law lol.

          Larry Klayman is a lawyer who is best known for filing B.S. conspiracy theory lawsuits that read like something out of infowars

    • cmd resistor

      More like a bad actor playing a Mafia lawyer.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        So, basically, the kind of lawyer Trump would hire.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      Cohen seemis like a shit lawyer.

  • Iam Reading

    Slow clap, and all it implies.

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    Take this from an actual attorney: ones that talk shit outside of court and constantly threaten lawsuits are actually rather shitty attorneys. Primarily because representing your client doesn’t mean involving them in litigation because you got pissy.

    • Clyde Barrow

      I’d bet that whenever this guy walks into a courtroom, the judge sighs to himself, “Here’s another frivolous lawsuit…”

      • Oblios_Cap

        The judge just slams down the gavel and declares him in contempt of court – 10 days. Bailiff, take him away.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        I doubt this guy ever gets to see the inside of a courtroom, tbh. He gets paid to yell “lawsuit” at people that Trump doesn’t like.

        • Clyde Barrow

          Agree. Trump throws his muscle around by intimidating people with lawsuits who can’t afford the legal fees.

        • cmd resistor

          “Lawsuit” or “I’m going to break your legs.”

      • therblig

        i bet even the liberal judges he goes before think, “maybe we should carry sidearms”

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Cohen is a graduate of the then-Thomas M. Cooley Law School (now the Western Michigan University Cooley Law School) and that institution has an, er, colorful history:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_Michigan_University_Cooley_Law_School

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        “Law professor David Frakt described Cooley’s 2015 entering class as ‘statistically the worst entering class of law students in the history of American legal education at an ABA-Accredited law school.'”

        So bad U.S. News won’t even rank them. That’s… wow.

        • Mehmeisterjr

          To be honest, I only checked to see the source of his law degree and when I realized it was Cooley, well Cooley says it all.

      • Indivisible Snark Tank

        Are we sure he didn’t go to the Antonin Scalia School of Law (ASSoL)? Seems like the perfect candidate!

      • Fartknocker

        So it’s the Velvet Jones of Lawyering? The fun things you learn at Wonkette.

      • msanthrope

        a/k/a “Cereal Boxtop U”

    • Daniel Hooper

      It does seem to me as a non-lawyery-type-person that a lawyer would be doing his client the most service keeping them out of courtrooms, not shoving them into them. Not that Trump has anything more important he should be doing…

    • schmannity

      Personal experience: tough guys out of court 7 out of 10 times have never picked a jury and 19 out of 20 times have never received a verdict.

  • One of the funny things about Cohen trying to bully Scarborough is that Scarborough is also … a lawyer.

    • cheetojeebus

      ???!! damn it, my jaw hit the floor and bounced under my desk. Fuck, grumble grumble…

  • Vincent Ricola

    Michael Cohen is such a mouthy dickface.

    • Ricky Gay

      indeed! I have a fistful of votes for that mug.

  • Iron Monkey

    Mika and Joe holding the WonkBaby must have given them ideas to have a little Morning JoeBaby of their own.

    • Sardonicuss

      Apparently, brief exposure to Wonkababby imparts small bits of decency which may emerge at later dates.

      • therblig

        a Wonkrux?

        • Sardonicuss

          The “little girl who survived”…being around JoMika.

      • Longstreet63

        If your sense of decency last for more than four hours, see your Breitbart correspondent immediately.

  • Asterix

    Joe is still an asshole.
    Mika is a bobble-head barbie.
    There are no decent republicans.

    • Clyde Barrow

      All the decent Republicans have been pushing up the daisies the past 3 decades…

    • Iron Monkey

      Not since Edward Brooke (sallallahu alayhi wasallam).

      • Eileen Besse

        Mass dem here, and we ALL loved Edward Brooke.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “Where is it Mr. Lawyer? Anyone?…….. Anyone?……. Cohen?……………………….. Anyone?”

    • Paganish

      Beuler?…Beuler?…Beuler?

  • Oblios_Cap

    Well Hell. I guess it has become apparent to some people that Trump and President Bannon may not be a good fit for America.

    • Sardonicuss

      I just seems like…I don’t know, getting out on a limb here but….maybe things aren’t working out?!

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        I want to see other administrations. It’s not me, it’s you…

        • Sardonicuss

          Maybe time to think about a “conscious uncoupling”?

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Bannon has never coupled with a conscious before.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            I doubt if he’s ever coupled with a conscience.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            Steam that man right out of my vag!!

  • Mehmeisterjr

    …[Cohen] either hand-delivered a peace plan from his pro-Russian pal in Ukraine to disgraced former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, or he sent it to Flynn in a candy-gram, or he did none of these things, depending on which source you believe. (All the sources were “Michael Cohen,” talking to different newspapers.)

    To be fair, it is a pretty impressive stunt to be able to talk out of three sides of your mouth.

    • Lizzietish81

      Navigator libel!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I hope you aren’t suggesting Michael Flynn is a Vorlon, because that would be bad. Really bad.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    This piece of flotsam literally looks like a penis, making it perfectly acceptable to refer to him as “Smegma Breath.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/65802960057c268f474f7a5c41d8159c91b8c26ec1dc0819eb21bc6f5b57c056.png

    • Paganish

      Eh, y’seen one dickface, y’seen em all

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Go back to Russia, jerkass.

  • msanthropesmr

    I can’t believe it’s a law firm!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    How long has this mafia mouthpiece been working for donald trump? – since the days when donald was a midlevel NY mafia bagman?…

  • Ricky Gay

    Donna Rose didit!

  • Lizzietish81

    Morning Joe has all the vindictiveness of a spurned lover.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/ftXvsSyRzKXXG/giphy.gif

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I believe I speak for all of us when I say EEEEEEEEEEEW.

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Yes, yes you do.

    • Suttree

      Who still can’t get the cum stains off of the sheets.

      • Lizzietish81

        He mostly just cries over them.

  • Only a lawyer for trump could specialize in “settling out of court”.

  • OrG

    “Dumb Thug Routine” YES!

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Cohen and Larry Klayman should form a partnership. They could bring in Oily Taintz too. It would be the world’s derpiest law firm.

    • Longstreet63

      Don’t leave out Matt Staver!

    • Truly Madly Derply

      Derp libelz, my dear.

  • Lizzietish81

    The thing is, an ACTUAL mafia Lawyer would be professional, quiet and competent.

    This guy is a wannabe.

    • Vincent Ricola

      Tony Soprano would’ve given this fuckwad a hard pass.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Sez who?….

        • Vincent Ricola

          Well… when Neil Mink told Tony to stop micromanaging his crew and invest in more legitimate businesses, Tony was smart enough to listen, so I like to think he’d have laughed amateur-hour Michael Cohen out of the Bada Bing.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      A proud alumnus of the worst law school in America.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Sez who?…

        • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

          Why I oughta…

        • boredcatlady

          Ok you’re with me on still thinking that is hilarious. It’s my new “that’s what she said”

      • schmannity

        THE BEST PEOPLE!!

    • Sardonicuss

      Just emulating his evil namesake, which is probably why he got the job in the first place.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        sez who?…

        • Sardonicuss

          Roy Cohen. A real angel in america.

          • Tacoclamgenda

            Nicely done.

          • Sardonicuss

            I was supposed to reply: All of them…but too slow on the uptake. Coffee wore off.

    • boyblue122

      The mafia knows they need someone legally competent to defend them.

      Drumpf just likes people that are loud and brash like himself even if they suck at being a lawyer

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Sez who?,,,

      • Liberoid Ron

        Loud and brash AND obsequious.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        That is so true! Exactly! He just likes thugs, because he is a thug himself!

        • Celtic_Gnome

          I’m partial to the theory earlier that Trump picked him because he looks like a mob lawyer on TV. We do know that’s how he makes his personnel choices.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      Yep, walk softly and carry a big stick. It’s the “big stick” part that frustrates Cohen and Co. Not to mention their wives/pee hookers. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2dd4d85f88f139009f6cdd4f0b787585b965d75ac2928cd04d664e411faa6e72.png

    • YoBunnyBunny

      Right. Trump’s whole entourage acts like they’re trying to loudly re-enact every scene from the last Soprano’s binge-watch party they attended. The real mob types are all about keeping shit as quiet and unpretentious because, lawyers or not, they’re not trying to give the Feds reason to come a-knocking. Going to court and paying off and whacking people just takes too much time and resources away from real business. The Trump Idiocracy doesn’t seemed to be concerned about this last part.

    • boredcatlady

      Like how an actual badass doesn’t have to keep telling everyone they’re a badass?

    • Eileen Besse

      Yes.. I’ve known them, they generally fly below the radar.

    • NotConvinced

      Urckel could play a mafia lawyer better than Schmoen. Or perhaps Pee Wee Herman.

  • Beanz&Berryz

    Demand an Investigation! Or. Media. Ask why Trump isn’t demanding an investigation. Flush out that he released the thing. Then. Squeeze him on releasing all the others.

  • Hamilton Ω, AKA Formerly DN

    Jebus Krispy Creme K Hrist on a Motorized Doughnut, who snuck the testicle into Joe’s morning energy shake?

    • Eileen Besse

      You win!

  • Iron Monkey

    Joe is a classic centrist–no convictions of his own but a highly developed sense of what political opinions his audience wants.

  • gamera23

    Cooley has “the loosest admissions standards of any accredited or provisionally accredited American law school… the employment prospects of its graduates are grim, even compared to the generally dire state of the legal job market.”

    • The Wanderer

      So, it’s a good source for Russian mob consiglieris?

  • MynameisBlarney

    One looks at the staggering intellects and competency of those that turmp surrounds himself with, well…

    LOL

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Not to mention the receding hairlines.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Wait…what?

  • Jonny On Maui

    OT: This really should be over on the Rachel thread as this is what we were looking at while she was doing her thing…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3ec4417d13ec70908d6f879f27543143aaaca9e7157d7f8041068adc578afa9f.jpg

    Ms.MLG is the one with the photographer eye…

    • Longstreet63

      Does he know she took it?

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Who takes their microwave to the beach?

      • Jonny On Maui

        And she made me carry it!

      • MynameisBlarney

        All the cool kids are doin’ it.

        • Jonny On Maui

          “HOT POCKETS!!”

      • cheetojeebus

        I hear the kids are all into toaster ovens. Analogue snobs.

        • MynameisBlarney

          That’s those damn hipters!
          They probably ride to the beach on their Velocipedes!

        • wide_stance_hubby

          Tired steampunk aspirations.

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          Toaster ovens are so fake. Two-slice TOASTERS please.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        Literally laughed out loud

    • Pinkham’s Law

      That one cloud? Over there on the right? It looks like it has a boner.

      • Jonny On Maui

        Something on your mind? ;-)

        • Pinkham’s Law

          Well, DUH! *snicker*

          It’s a beautiful pic, actually.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Hehe…

        Clud boners.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        So many things I would have done, but boners got in my way.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        I applaud you. That dick joke slipped right past me.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Oh, my…

      • Tacoclamgenda

        That about covers it.

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    Is “big mouth” like a really fancy legal term I know nothing about?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Looking forward to SCOTUS ruling on the landmark case Big Mouth v Sez Who.

      • Sardonicuss

        “Ur Mom” will be filing an amicus brief.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Even bigger than the “I know you are, but what am I?” case back in ’97.

        • Liberoid Ron

          Which in turn cited Rubber v. Glue, 519 U.S. 221 (1981).

      • ariel_gee_398
        • wide_stance_hubby

          YES! I’ve been tossing Joan of Arc jokes out right and left. Thank you.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Every time I see or hear piss ant’ Cohen I hear Edward G. Robinson from “Little Caesar”

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Js6mgxdFLE4

  • MynameisBlarney

    Not gettin’ mah hopes up, but it looks like time might be runnin’ out for the orange faced wannabe dictator.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10141728954

    • Liberoid Ron

      Could time run a li’l faster, please?

  • Wild Cat

    Maybe MSNBC can rename the show “The Fighting Onanists”?

    • The Wanderer

      Upfist for gratuitous use of ‘Onan’ in a non-comment.

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Onan the Barbarian!

      • Querolous

        How long did it take to generate that non-comment?

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      The perfect tag line: “If you don’t watch it, you’ll go blind!” They could give out a “Hairy Palm” award.

  • Iron Monkey

    Cohen is a grad of Thomas Cooley Law School, proudly representing the fifth tier of American law schools. For those who couldn’t get into John Marshall in Chicago, there was always Cooley.

    • Wild Cat

      And he was Cooley High all the time . . .

      *Ba Da Bum!*

    • Gil

      Wish I’d known that…

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    “So what!?! Sez who!?!”…..

    • Jack Tenhet

      Also, “So’s yer old man!”

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Trump’s Bannon’s plan to dismember government
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/14/politics/donald-trump-dismember-government/index.html?utm_source=pocket&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=pockethits
    Trump can’t plan anything more complicated than a golf weekend, but Bannon has a plan.

  • DerpyGurdyMan

    [url=https://imgflip.com/i/1lgydw][img]https://i.imgflip.com/1lgydw.jpg[/img][/url][url=https://imgflip.com/memegenerator]via Imgflip Meme Generator[/url]

  • beatbort

    Meanwhile, who does Barack Obama hire to argue his case against Trump for defamation of character over the false “tapp” accusation?

  • lucidamente

    So Donna Rose’s goodness and smarts rubbed off on Joey Scar.

    • Sardonicuss

      ….and they just thought it was a leaky diaper.

  • kindness

    Meh. Joe did everything he could to elect Trump. No kudos given for him & his sidekick/lover. On the other hand, Trump seems to hire really awful people for professional purposes. Look at his doctor, his lawyer, all his cabinet secretaries.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      Because he only hires “people” who tell him what he wants to hear. Competent professionals don’t do that!

      • (Major_Major_Major)ly_Pissed

        Nailed it on the head in one.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I’m surprised the NY bar exam doesn’t start with the pass/fail question, “Would you ever work for Donald Trump?”

        • cmd resistor

          I was surprised to see he actually passed the NY Bar, since it is one of the more difficult ones. But according to this story, he passed it in 1992, the year he graduated. Article also seems to indicate he did much more businessy and real estate stuff than practice law. It also suggests he came to Trump’s attention when he and his extended family( including Ukranian in-laws) were buying up numerous Trump apartment units in NY, NJ and Florida. INteresting read. http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/says-who-piecing-together-the-michael-cohen-story

      • Lance Thrustwell

        You don’t surround yourself with yes-men and yes-women?

    • boyblue122

      Well, he is running an organized crime syndicate for the most part. It just isnt very organized

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Hire imply that money changes hands.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      Exactly! I always think of that new wavey quote about how we become that which with we surround ourselves altho’ with this burping, bubbling bog of incompetence there’s a definite “chicken or egg” element. It can probably be traced back to how he and Ivanka were basically shunned by the landed gentry; given his dearth of personal charm or any other discernible redemptive quality it’s impossible to imagine he fared any better at Wharton, or Fordham, or preschool. I shouldn’t be in the least surprised to learn that he shared his mother’s womb with a twin, which either bailed voluntarily or was eaten. He’s too vain to have any discernment regarding virtue.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Oh JoeScar’ you’re in a heap o’ trouble now.
    (And Cohen, you sleazy little slug. Scarborough is a guy who laughed and skated like a freebird’ when a dead intern was found under his desk. You’re a fucking amateur and way outta’ your depth here.)

    http://img.pandawhale.com/post-58697-that-lawyer-on-late-night-tele-SWO9.gif

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    You’d think a man of Donald J. Trump’s vast wealth, great success and unsurpassed business acumen would have a personal attorney who graduated from a decent law school. Cooley is to law schools what Trump University was to the Wharton School of Business.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Nah, Trump just needs someone with the right mob connections.

  • cmd resistor

    Did I know that his wife is of Ukrainian descent? Not that there is anything wrong with that except just one more possible piece of the puzzles. I just read it on Wikipedia.

  • beatbort

    Response to Goofy Gumdrops Cohen (with apologies to The Smiths):
    “Bigmouth strikes again

    And I’ve got no right to take my place
    With the human race”

  • Martini Ambassador

    Wonkette Babby has a magical effect on people. Maybe we need to let tRumpy hold her and he’ll morph into slightly less of an asshole? Visitation under direct (and possibly armed) supervision, obviously. And with so much side eye.

    • Ms.MLG on Maui

      The thought of that thing touching any child makes my skin crawl.

      • Martini Ambassador

        Yeah, that’s for sure.

      • Liberoid Ron

        The kids’ skins as well.

      • Vincent Ricola

        This. My anxiety levels shoot up and I want to yell “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

      • Bitter Scribe

        Thank God Barron lives in NYC

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I don’t know what it is – maybe it’s just that, with typical rose-colored hindsight, I miss my own children being babies/toddlers. But gosh darn it, Donna Rose makes me misty, she is so cute, and she gives me hope for the future, what with being raised by parents with such good political and humanitarian instincts. Is that weird? That’s probably weird. But I don’t care. All hail Donna Rose!

      • Tacoclamgenda

        Nah, not wierd.

    • WIDTAP

      Wonkette Baby: Wearing those pink knit hats before they were popular.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Just no. We all know where those little hands have been.

    • Jack Tenhet

      The only way 45 would ever hold a baby is to use it as a human shield like a common Greg Stillson.

  • RobKanC

    Looks like someone is sore from sucking the “yooge” hands. A bit of lovers quarrel we have here. Seriously fuck you Joe.

  • Liberoid Ron

    Our Joe seems to have discovered the joys of being a clever, snarky anti-fascist.

    • laughingnome

      There should be some daylight between the traditional GOP and fascism. I’m getting doubtful about the new style GOP though.

    • OrG

      Even a .200 batter hits a home run every once in a while.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “It ain’t easy to make Joe Scarborough look cool, but I’m trying.”
      — Donald Trump

  • sosuume

    Bring on that lawsuit, Cohen, baby. There’s a few of us who would like to see the rest of those tax returns subpoenaed in discovery.

  • Wikipedia lists his birthday as1966/1967 (age 49–50).
    I’m confused. Are they just spitballing?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      He is both 49 and 50, and neither one. He practices quantum law, where all rulings are indeterminate.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        He’s Schrödinger’s mouthpiece!

      • Thank you! I suspected as much. Also, I’m having trouble locating a photo of his Ukrainian spouse. Perhaps she’s the wave and he’s the particle in their relationship?

        • Lance Thrustwell

          She’s just stringing him along.

          • Whenever she has the energy, she doesn’t have the time.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        It’s a very dark matter.

        • Querolous

          Spin but no charm.

    • Vecchioivan

      “Who’s askin’?”

    • Dang really? Is that all? I would have guessed 60ish to 65.
      Something about being a horrible human being makes you age like whoa I guess

    • stubbornirishlass

      Wikipedia is also unclear about Carter Page’s age (“born 1971 or 1972”). All of these Trump associates need to start producing their long-form birth certificates, stat!

      • lynchie

        yeah just to prove they have actually been born

  • Vecchioivan

    I have long maintained that the main difference between Republicans and the mafia is the high quality of GOP lawyers.

    Another theory shot to hell.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      The Mafia lawyers are sharper dressers

    • Bitter Scribe

      Don’t kid yourself, the Mafia has great lawyers. If I ever got in trouble with the law, I’d try to retain one.

      (Of course, if I could afford to retain one, I probably would never get in trouble to begin with.)

    • There may be some overlap between those categories among Trump-associating lawyers. He does apparently have a history, after all.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Nah. The Russian Puppet has stiffed a whole bunch of real lawyers in the past. Only the B teamers will work with him now. Pretty sure they get paid up front. Mob lawyers ALWAYS get paid.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Dammit, if Donald & Co make me like Joe fucking Scarborough, that’ll be yet another reason to hate them FFS.

    • We can continue to hate him until he fully accepts, out loud, with his mouth parts that YES he helped put the buffoon in and boy is he REALLY SORRY.
      Until then we can still hate on him because otherwise he is just covering his own ass

      • boredcatlady

        I still think it’s fun to watch him and Mika foreplay all over the desk

    • OrG

      Whoa,joemika’s got a lot to make up for before you start liking him.Don’t go off half cocked.

      • Me not sure

        Starbuck’s called. They want to warn you that JoeMika is a trademarked brand for their new horseshit latte.

        • lynchie

          It is special the barrista’s have all been trained to draw a horse turn in the foam on top

          • Me not sure

            You can get it with pumpkin spice in the fall.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      In the media of the blind, the one-eyed journalist is king.

    • Jennifer R

      This is the truest statement of the day.

    • Bitter Scribe

      Meh. I’ll like Joe Scarborough when someone invents a time machine so he can travel back and undo all the damage he did shilling for Trump before the election.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        Or gets in that SpaceX capsule to the moon and stays there.

        • Nockular cavity

          Or brings his intern back to life. THAT’S RIGHT, I WENT THERE!

          • Nasty Candy Apple

            So did Joe, ALLEGEDLY.

      • lynchie

        or doesn’t kill his intern and get away with it

        • Hollyinla

          Gulp, spilled my cup of coffee while reading your comment. Lol.

    • One of the most annoying things about the Trump regime is the way it makes other, slightly less awful people look appealing by comparison.

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        I know, right?

        Think about it… Dubya, Lindsey Graham, Joe Scarborough… who is next?

        • Dudleydidwrong

          Careful! You’re scraping the barrel’s bottom with those names. Any lower and you’re into the embedded scum, mold, and amoeba and platyhelminthes excrement.

        • Nixon and Cheney. Both evil, but not stupid.

    • Eileen Besse

      I’ll hate them both ’til my dying day. And I’m Irish.

  • DerpyGurdyMan

    [url=https://imgflip.com/i/1lh1jy][img]https://i.imgflip.com/1lh1jy.jpg[/img][/url][url=https://imgflip.com/memegenerator]via Imgflip Meme Generator[/url]

  • Mavenmaven

    He’s like this regime’s Moe Green.

    • DerpyGurdyMan

      [url=https://imgflip.com/i/1lh26p][img]https://i.imgflip.com/1lh26p.jpg[/img][/url][url=https://imgflip.com/memegenerator]via Imgflip Meme Generator[/url]

      • mardam422

        Nice.

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      He’s moments away from “Sonofabitch! Do you know who I am? I’m Mike Cohen! I made my bones when you were going out with cheerleaders! You don’t buy me out, I BUY YOU OUT!” And the Trump voters all play the part of Fredo.

      • Mavenmaven

        Yes, they all do!!!

      • Eileen Besse

        YES.

  • Trump on Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, David Cay Johnston who received the 2005 tax returns:
    “I know the reporter is a weird dude who’s been following me for 25 years so obviously he hasn’t done so well…”
    Trump is a marmalade-colored, mini-dactyled megalomaniac who sees everything in terms of winners and losers.
    Being called a “failure” is the worst insult this spraytanned walking inferiority complex can envision.

    • Truly Madly Derply

      And he’s too sloped to realize he just burned himself.

      • I was in court for a civil case last year and the judge blunty cut off the opposing party (who had no attorney) in mid-sentence and told her, “Don’t talk – you are NOT helping your case.” I was pissed that the judge interfered.
        Give ’em enough rope.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Upvote for mini-dactyled!

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      He keeps braying “failure” and “failed” since his entire universe only consists of himself and his unutterable failed existence.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    Any excuse to show a picture of DR is ok with me.

  • thewalkindude
  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I knew it. WONKETTE BABY has MAGICAL powers!

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Yes! That’s exactly what has happened! Editrix, you must bring Wonkette Baby and her Healing Powers to meet the other… wait, no, you can’t bring Wonkette Baby into such Impurity, she must be protected.

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    Well, Donna Rose didn’t have a meltdown in Joe/Mika’s presence, so there must be some good in them.

    Btw, there’s a family-size bag of salted rat dicks with Michael “Tough Guy Lawyer” Cohen’s name on it to ingest. Chew before you swallow, fuckface!

    • Zyxomma

      Better yet, choke on it.

  • Jacob Prescott

    While I am glad to see some pushback, let’s not forget who was the most egregious offender of giving Trump easy access to media in the beginning of the the primary season. Trump is the logical conclusion to the road that people like Joe Scarborough have been paving for decades. Even after being wrong about their own movement for most of their professional lives, why do I still see Hugh Hewitt, Ron Fournier, Michael Gerson, and the rest of the conservative wingnut welfare recipients still collecting lucrative pundit checks? Joe doesn’t hate Trump because he is a conman, he hates Trump because he disrupts the con people like Joe have been peddling for years..

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Michael Cohen is tough in the same way Tucker Carlson Is, very manly is what I’m saying. Not at all fake…

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Hahahah and hats off. You used “Tucker Carlson” and “tough” in the same sentence.

  • Me not sure

    “Well, I’m sorry panel, but I’m going to flip over all the cards. He’s not a monster, he’s Donald Trump’s personal lawyer.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/52936cfc08c30d2f83987caf8e62e30d27bc98ea9d5bddd2ec756118a1382ab2.png

    • Mehmeisterjr

      God help me, I am old enough to understand this.

      • Me not sure

        You mean I’m not alone on the island?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          Not yet. But people who recognize caricatures of Dorothy Kilgallen, Arlene Francis, Bennett Cerf and John Daly must getting thinner and thinner on the ground these days.

          • Me not sure

            People don’t realize the Kilgallen was far more than just a show-biz columnist. She reportedly had a Kennedy assassination book in the works before her untimely death.

          • Mehmeisterjr

            To be fair, Kilgallen was a Hearst writer all her life and she was hitting the sauce pretty heavily in her later years. Viz, that last episode:

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUOcxyDIYuI

            I doubt if her Kennedy book, had it ever materialized, would have blown the hinges off any doors. But maybe.

            What do I know?

            I can recognize some ancient caricatures. That’s about it.

          • Me not sure

            You’re probably right. Some of the JFK conspiracy folks feel like she might have been on to something, but who knows.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          Me! Me! Over here!

          • Sarah E. Grove

            Hahaa! I’m on your forlorn “old-folks island” too! 🌴

        • Mack N. Nietzsche

          YANA

    • Mack N. Nietzsche

      That’s one for Kitty Carlisle….

  • FlownΩver

    “the autocratic shitweasel in the White House…”

    LOTS more terms necessary to narrow search parameters.

  • FlownΩver

    Is it just me, or can I hear him crooning “Back Home in Indiana” in a rich baritone?

  • Apple Scruff

    Please don’t let me soften on Joe S. the same way I almost did with Megyn Kelly.

    • Well, the latter has consequences.

    • mardam422

      I would never soften on Megyn Kelly. Ever!

      • mfp

        ISWYDT

      • Sarah E. Grove

        Or Greta. She makes me throw up.

  • FlownΩver

    Joe vis-à-vis the Resistance: “I have to leave now. I’m their leader, and there they go.”

  • REPUBLICAN FIGHT!
    REPUBLICAN FIGHT!

  • John Resistant Tovarich Smith
  • Shibusa
  • boredcatlady

    Such a diiiiiiiiiiiiiick.
    Who says? Polls. All of them.

    (I don’t care what anybody says, I still find that bit hilarious and I’m not even close to being ready to let it go)

    • Chris

      Honey, none of us are. Hell, unless he ends up incarcerated for his Trump related actions it is likely the first line of his obit.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    Wow, Joe has grown one entire testicle!

    I am still not ready to forgive him for helping to foist the orange pussy grabber upon us, though.

  • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

    We’re so embarrassed and apologize, sometimes one of us turns out like this, it’s a shonda fur die goyim–us Jewishes

  • OppressedMass

    Ever since I saw this picture of Mika holding our Wonkette Babby and Joe S. tweaking her little pink hat ears, I have hated Morning Joe very slightly less.
    Progress!

  • Mike

    I’d call this a chick fight but every woman I know would kick the crap out either of these idiots…I’ll leave it a cat-fight….!!!

  • sadboy

    Whatever. I just wish Joe, Mika and Cohen would just beat each other unconscious with big wet fish.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      I’d watch that, as long as House Hunters International wasn’t on.

      • Lambsendbeds

        Tiny House, Big Living, or GTFO !

      • Yr. Gma

        I love HH. Especially International HH.

        • Jeffery Campbell

          I spend more time screaming at those dopes looking for properties in foreign lands than I do at CNN.

          • thixotropic jerk

            I know right? They’re always like “OMG why is there no huge kitchen and gianormous toilet in this tiny flat in Algeria!!!!! So primitive!” Then why the fuck did you agree to move there idjut if you can’t deal with the living conditions? FFS!!!

      • Mack N. Nietzsche

        Mike Holmes is God.

        • sgt. jmk of the résistance

          This is absolutely true. I want him to be my uncle, so I can call Uncle Mike when I have house things go awry.

  • SterWonk

    They have held Wonkette’s baby after all, so we are basically related.

    Woo-hoo, I’m officially one of Donna Rose’s (PBUH) creepy embarrassing uncles. :-)

  • Royal Ugly Dude

    They cloned Roy Cohn. Of course.

    • Toledo Window Box

      Cohn was FAR smarter than this cementhead Mob middleman.

  • psychobroad

    Only the presence of Wonkette babby would get me to save a picture of Mika and Joe to my slideshow!

  • Al Swearengen

    Cohen is a committed acolyte of Trump friend, mentor, Carl Paladino look-alike, and reputed-lizardman Roy Cohn.

    • Ducksworthy

      Is it wrong to hope that he inherited Roy’s “virus” just before Roy passed on?

      • Jeffery Campbell

        Okay, these are loathsome people, but that’s beyond the pale.

  • The Flaming Carrot
  • Weevie

    Maybe Cohen should just change his name to Dick Trump.

    “Says who?” Me. No one else here.

  • Mike Steele

    Joe Pesci made a better mob lawyer than Mickey Cohen. BTW, we all knew Bruce Cutler, and he’s no Bruce Cutler. just more of Donald surrounding himself with all the best lackeys, uhhh, people. BTW, Evan, CPP of the Mar-A-Lago Pussgrabs has become our go-to euphemism. It’s especially effective with the more affluent Trumpanzees, and those of the Southern persuasion, bless their hearts:)

    • Jim Johnson

      I prefer the more descriptive term, lickspittles

  • mardam422

    That shit might work on some plumber from Queens who doesn’t have a lawyer on speed-dial.

  • Tony Prost

    everybody loves (other people’s) babies!

  • BMW

    Scarborough, stop making me like you.

    • Heyzeus Ahchay

      Nothing can make me like Scarborough, or Chris(t) Matthews. And I didn’t know the First Amendment protected idiotic speculation put into print as fact.

      • Hollyinla

        Same here.

      • Woody

        Really? You didn’t know? Because it does. In fact, it exactly does that.

      • dshwa

        Actually, FOX “news” won a lawsuit by arguing the First Amendment allowed exactly that.

    • Toledo Window Box

      He rocked out on Colbert, very impressive.

    • IKR? I’m sure this won’t last, though.

  • NotConvinced

    It’s nice that Cohen made it back from Ukraine in time to be a dick on behalf of President Bleeni Brain.

  • Heyzeus Ahchay

    Has he taken his shirt off yet, a la Alex “BBQ Sauce” Jones?

    • I saw that pic. Why did he do that? WHYYYYYY?

  • BigCSouthside

    Cohen is like if you gave Sonny Corleone an online law degree

    • Toledo Window Box

      And removed all the charm.

  • ez

    This crucial question may have already been answered, but, is that a Pussy hat on the young-un?

    • RumAddled

      nope, that was pre-pussy hat days

      • ez

        thank you

  • penny stock

    Russian Pee Hookers…..weeeeee

    • TundraGrifter

      Urine luck!

      • Jim Johnson

        Urine trouble?

  • rubikcube

    You know this only confirms one thing, Donald Trump did not mail out his tax return, Michael Cohen did.

  • Does this mean I can go back to thinking about Mika’s legs again?

    Right. Like I ever stopped.

  • Transreason Maidenheader

    On a particular phenomenon which seems common to autocracies: I am running through a list of Trump associates, in and out of the White House, trying to come up with someone who does NOT come across (speech/appearance/intangibles) as VERY floridly creepy. At least in this regard, the Third Reich ain got nothin on this crew…

  • Wow. He’s kind of a dick, no?

  • The Librarian

    Trying not to talky out of side of mouth, failed miserably.

  • BrianW

    “It’s like all the things liberals and decent Republicans have been saying…”
    I’m not familiar with the second category above. Could Wonkette please provide a definition, or even better, some sort of visual recognition guide? I think it could be VERY helpful for sightings of this thing in the wild.

  • It makes me happy that someone said what I was thinking. Wait. Am I in first grade, then?

  • bardgal

    Mikey had better LAWER-THE-FUCK-UP, since he’s been busted lying about having a wormhole to Putin’s Private Penthouse, and getting so many Frequent Flyer Miles he probably has his name on a seat.

  • rubikcube

    “If anyone calls, tell ’em I went to Prague.” – Trump consigliori Michael Cohen

  • Sarah E. Grove

    Ah! The Babby has a pussy-hat! I love it. ❤️

  • Maybe

    So where is Cohen’s proof for his claim?

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