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victim of microwaves

Donald Trump apparently let Kellyanne Conway out of her cage again, and once released, she immediately explained that maybe her microwave is recording her. Yes, really, this is what we are telling you about. Do we need a big set up here, or can we just say she was talking about Trump’s bullshit thing about Obama doing a “wire tapp” to him and dive right in? Yeah let’s go:

“What I can say is there are many ways to surveil each other now, unfortunately,” including “microwaves that turn into cameras, et cetera,” Conway told New Jersey’s The Record newspaper in an interview Sunday. “So we know that that is just a fact of modern life.”

Kellyanne Conway’s Hot Pockets are recording her. That is a thing that is happening.

Also, George Snuffleupagus asked Conway on ABC if she had any evidence to back up Donald Trump’s allegations that Barack Obama did alternative facts a fake birth certificate the Bowling Green Massacre a “wire tapp” to him, and this was her reply:

No, of course I don’t have any EVIDENCE for those allegations, and that answer has nothing to do with what the president said last week.

Except for it kind of does? Anyway, Kellyanne Conway is very glad Congress is investigating the thing Donald Trump found in his rancid asshole, that there is no evidence for, because that is how democracy works.

We literally have nothing to add to this, except to ask what ELSE that Donald Trump loves is being wire tapped by Obama? Is the pussy he grabs full of Obama “wire tapps”? What about stairs, which the “president” finds very frightening? Are they bugged? Does Ivanka have a “wire tapp” in her body, because we know Trump looks at that a whole lot?

Anyway, the House Intelligence Committee has set a deadline of TODAY for Trump’s Justice Department to either put up or shut up with his claims Obama did a “wire tapp” to him, and John McCain has said there’s literally no “there” there, and the main idea is that Trump has nothing, so fuck him.

[Bloomberg / Washington Post]

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  • memzilla Ω

    #AlternativeEvidence.

  • Ryan Denniston

    I think Congress should investigate Trump unholy relation to Ivanka. I mean, there must be something there right? After all, with zero evidence I typed by theory into the Internet, so it must be true. DO YOUR JOB!

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      So…..naming your daughter “Ivanka”…..how long has trump had this love affair with Russia?….

  • memzilla Ω
    • Lance Thrustwell

      I always thought ‘tinfoil” was one word.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    “The answer is I don’t have any evidence and I’m very happy that the House intelligence committee (is) investigating,” Conway told ABC’s “Good Morning America.”

    Later, off-camera, Kellyanny Conway was overheard saying “Can you believe we’re getting away with this shit?!?”

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Evidence, smevidence. You’re just supposed to accept anything that comes out of my master race mouth, dolt!

  • SeeTrain65

    “Ever notice that ‘Obama’ and ‘Amana’ both have five letters in it? … Makes you think!”

    “If it doesn’t say ‘Amana,’ it’s not a RadarRange/Spy Camera.”

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    On the other hand, I think there is some evidence for the idea that Kellyanne is a tumor growing out of a hemmorhoid…..not that I’d like to investigate that….

  • elviouslyqueer

    KaCa’s necklace is quite very fetching, although I’m pretty sure that’s not the first time she’s had that many balls dangling below her neckline.

    • Crank Tango

      Ewwwww.

      Worst. Stag. Evar.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • ManchuCandidate

    Next thing she’ll be screaming about the importance of tinfoil hats to stop the NSA from comtrolling her mind though anal implants.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I understand she has a standing order with Alex Jones Millinery, Inc for those.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Just don’t put that hat in your microwave.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Evidence. Hmmm, is that word from some sort of foreign language?

  • memzilla Ω
  • Riley Whodat Venable

    I’m not worried about Ms. Conway’s microwave listening to her voice. I am more concerned that Ms. Conway is listening to voices from her microwave.

  • elviouslyqueer

    The calls are coming from INSIDE THE MICROWAVE!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    I saw Kelly on the microwave….

    • Msgr_MΩment

      ..while I was skyping some burgers.

  • canes_pugnaces

    Who’s to say her microwave isn’t listening to her?

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Because even a microwave ain’t that stoopid?

    • Oblios_Cap

      Nothing wants to listen to that voice.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    FBI director James Comey has privately urged the Justice Department to dispute Trump’s claim but has not come forward to do so himself.

    He’s no profile in courage, that’s for sure…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/f0c6396bccd4c20d04c9afc975b1709679e838c8ffcf218afa1ca7550c178be0.jpg

  • Crystalclear12

    From Barack Obama to this?!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      What a difference 70,000 votes in a handful of counties in MI, WI, PA, and OH will make.

      • janecita

        Fucking Pennsyltucky!

  • Oblios_Cap

    I always thought it was always the bowties that really were cameras. Thanks, KaC.

    • Mavenmaven

      They are likely the same spooks from Simon and Garfunkel’s day…

  • Inner Venom

    The photo for this article is nightmare fuel.
    And I thought I was just joking when I said Kellyanne Conway looked like the Cryptkeeper.

  • Martini Ambassador

    I was laughing about this, but then I realized these people are steering the entire country straight into crazy-burg. HOW the FUCK did we get here?!

    • TJ Barke

      The repeal of the fairness doctrine.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Morons. Morons who vote.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        And their little helpers: self-righteous morons who vote for Jill Stein and Gary whatsisname.

    • Shoto

      The country took a right turn at Saint Reagan, drove for thirty years, and now we’re stuck out in the middle of Bugfuck, Hellscape.

    • Paul

      Fox News plugged into their GPS’s.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    and that answer has nothing to do with what the president said last week.

    Then why did you say it?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Um…squirrel!

  • Ryan Denniston

    Ummmm. Maybe don’t buy microwaves with cameras and microphones installed in them? Don’t buy microwaves connected to the internet?

    • Jamoche

      John Oliver on how to stop your Samsung TV from spying on you:

      Step 1: Unplug your TV.

      • eka

        I find that advice applicable to a wide array of problems.

    • TJ Barke

      Internet of things, the surveillance state’s wet dream.

  • Crystalclear12

    One way to know for sure if her appliances are listening to her.

    Are any of them on antidepressants?

  • Flashman

    Asking Kellyanne for facts? Stop doing sexism on her!!!!11!!!

  • dslindc

    Actually. I am President now. I don’t have any evidence to support this, but I just am and Donald and his cronies are fired. FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

    • I am accepting this reality!

    • Oblios_Cap

      I like bloodless coups.

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I’m starting to root for the other kind also too.

    • msanthropesmr

      Well, you are in DC.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Yes Sir! And/or ma’am.

    • TJ Barke

      What are your policies vis a vis sex, drugs and rock n roll?

      • dslindc

        I encourage them!

        • msanthropesmr

          Dododododoootdoooo.

    • Reximus

      I for one welcome our mostly-consonanted overlord

    • wide_stance_hubby

      My vacuum cleaner told me that getting the popular appliance vote really got you over the finish line, despite the smear campaign from the broom & dustpan fringe groups.

  • Oh, I think we should encourage the paranoia.

    With any luck, Trump will lock himself in the oval office, wear Kleenex boxes as shoes and start to urinate in empty mayo jars.

    • Oblios_Cap

      “start”?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Hey now, don’t make fun of my household rituals. A man’s entitled to a few oddities.

    • Reximus

      and he can pee in the corner of the oval office

  • Chyron HR

    I said, “Be careful, his scotch-taped tie is really a camera.”

  • MizzMazz

    “She has her Father’s eyes.”
    “But Guy’s eyes are NORMAL!”

    Who said Rosemary’s Baby was a boy?

    • Indivisible Snark Tank

      “Gomez, take those out of his mouth.”

      • MizzMazz

        Snarfle. Now I wanna watch that again.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Drag version of Smellyanne was confronted in an Apple store: Hilarity ensues! Spicy’ tell woman that it’s great “….this country allows you to be here.”

    SEE IT: Sean Spicer confronted by Apple Store customer, tells her America ‘allows’ her to be here.

    rotfl….On Rightard blogs: “Indian Woman Attacks Spicer” Precious snowflake.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/sean-spicer-tells-apple-store-customer-usa-article-1.2996330

    Love that lady!

  • Inner Venom

    Yup, micowaves can turn into cameras, Obama is leading a political assassination plot against the Trump administration and Hillary Clinton runs a child trafficking ring out of a pizzeria….but somehow global warming is the real hoax.

    • Rick Hill

      Obama’s working with the decepticons…

    • Shibusa

      Don’t forget that an entire town in CT (home to the second largest gun lobby in America) pitched in to pretend that Adam Lanza murdered 20 kindergarteners, and 6 adults at a school….

  • msanthropesmr

    Didn’t Stephen King write a story about this?

  • dslindc

    A microwave that turns into a camera is not a very cool Transformer, tbh.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    The X-Files was a documentary!

  • Fartknocker

    Shit, that’s nothing KaC. Mrs. Fartknocker has a car that talks to her and it’s so smart it can call her daughters, friends and myself. I know it’s being hacked because one time Chairman Meow (our beloved cat who has since moved on to Cat afterlife) reached out to me and started purring after finding Mrs. Fartknocker’s phone. NSA has clearly heard everything I’ve said in that car.

  • msanthropesmr

    And the microwave, tired if all the lies and deceitfulness, defenestrated itself.

  • Oblios_Cap

    All those little pussies on her jacket have ears. Maybe they’re what’s listening.

  • msanthropesmr

    What does the brave Little toaster have to say about this?

    • Anna Rompage

      That brave little toaster comes alive at night while you’re in bed, and takes swigs off of the vodka bottle!

  • CutterTeam

    If you rearrange the letters in WHIRLPOOL you get HI LO PROWL. It’s right there in front of you. Suck on it, libtards !

  • Rick Hill

    “No, of course I don’t have any EVIDENCE for those allegations, and that answer has nothing to do with what the president said last week.”

    So, wait. No evidence but they want an investigation, though, there is evidence of…things…with trump and we can’t go investigating because there’s not enough evidence to start an investigation. Is that about right?

  • MynameisBlarney
  • msanthropesmr

    Is Kelly about to join L Ron Hoover at the first church of appliantology?

  • Notreelyhelping

    *sigh* Too dumb to understand smart appliances.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Can we be finished with Dolt 45 now? Please?

    • LarryHoudini

      Supposedly cable news ratings are at an all time high. I’m guessing that half the reason is people like me watching and waiting for the shit to finally hit the fan so we can all move on.

  • Mavenmaven

    I wouldn’t be surprised if we started seeing Trump walking around in tin foil “tapp-proof protective headgear”.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    I have hearsay and conjecture, those are kinds of evidence.

    • TJ Barke

      Don’t forget about wild speculation!

    • Reximus

      that’s why you’re the law-talkin’ guy

  • Martini Ambassador
  • Anna Rompage

    Perhaps I’m wrong about this, but last time I checked, there’s no Microwave mfg that is including built in cameras in their wares, and I doubt the CIA has figured out a way to turn a microwave cooking element into a camera, just by implanting a virus…

    • janecita

      Wake up sheeple! ALL your appliances are spying on you! Your hair dryer, your iron, your toaster, your dildo, THEY ARE ALL SPIES!

    • Lord Jim

      Surely you don’t think they would TELL you about putting cameras in the microwaves? I’m sure glad you aren’t in charge of our intelligence services! :)

  • Mavenmaven

    I never thought I’d find myself rooting for Skynet.

    • Nockular cavity

      Maybe we can tell our microwaves to send the nukes already?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        I just told mine to nuke a frozen burrito.

        • Nockular cavity

          See? They’re trying to kill us already!

          • eka

            it’s a mercy killing.

  • Inner Venom

    Honestly, I think the angry DC fanboys who formed a conspiracy theory that Disney and Marvel paid off critics to give Batman v Superman a bad rating on Rotten Tomatoes is more plausible than anything the wingnuts come up with.

    • Nockular cavity

      Yes, people had to be paid to say that movie sucked. (eyeroll)

      • Inner Venom

        They did it with Suicide Squad too! LOL

      • janecita

        Jesse Eisenberg was terrible! Truly puke inducing.

        • Inner Venom

          Literally, too. What, you didn’t think him filling his own urine in a jar and making a senator drink it was evil and totally something Lex would do?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Microwaves don’t turn into cameras. They turn into fighting robots. Also, 1980s boom boxes.

    • WIDTAP

      They do, however,have their own Twitter accounts:
      https://twitter.com/KellyannesMicro?lang=en

      • Hutch

        That is inspired! I already follow the Bronx Zoo Cobra and Half An Onion in a Bag, now: Kellyanne’s Microwave!

    • Persistent Tennessee Rain

      I use mine for Peep Jousting.

  • azeyote

    should of kept her on the leash and away from talking in public

    • natoslug

      I am doggedly refraining from expanding on your KaC on a leash imagery.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg

    I know KAC was spit roasted by King and Duke last Friday. I have no evidence to prove this but hey, That’s for congress to find out.

    • natoslug

      I heard it was an Eiffel Tower.

      • marxalot

        *FREEDOM Tower, tyvm

        • natoslug

          For an authentic Freedom Tower, don’t you need to do it while at least two of the participants are chugging cold cans of Hormel Chili*?

          *Generic canned dog food may replace the Hormel for anyone who has functioning taste buds.

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            For an Eiffel tower you the men to high five each other.

  • natoslug

    I’d recommend KaC and co play it safe and remove everything more technologically advanced than a rock from their homes and offices. Cars, toilets, and copper wiring are all just as likely to be spying on them as the microwave is. And even if they’re not spying, they are likely sitting in silent judgment. Do you really want to be judged by the blender, KellyAnne?

  • wide_stance_hubby

    And the little people in the ATM make harsh judgements about what you want that cash for, also too. It’s a fact of modern life.

  • Me not sure

    I had a long talk with my Roomba 980 today and he said that he thought she was fucking crazy!
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/33daf3c1711da8af68adee9b3735a460f254d34fb22c1dc87efa3e25bb753857.jpg

  • LarryHoudini

    Casting Director: “Gene, we’re looking for a down-on-her luck divorcee type who’s been around the block a few times, kind of rough around the edges, like she’s got whiskey breath and just put her cigarette out in a half-eaten donut.”
    Agent: “So, like a Kelly Ann Conway look-alike?”
    Casting Director: “Ha! Jesus Christ no. Bring it down about five notches from that. This isn’t a horror movie we’re making.”

  • Slithytoves

    If microwaves have cameras I’m sure they are all covered by exploding burritos and chili that some asshole didn’t see fit to put a paper towel on.

    • Liberoid Ron

      That reminds me, I need to clean mine out. Again.

  • TJ Barke

    OT: fucking DLS, I feel like a zombie…

    • LarryHoudini

      dirty little secret?

    • janecita

      Dynamic Light Scattering?

      • TJ Barke

        Daylight savings, smartasses.

        • Oblios_Cap

          Oh. I thought the LDS might have split up into two organizations.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Dyslexic Mormon libel!

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That’s DML.

          • Crank Tango

            Less filling!

      • Hutch

        Dual Lube Squeegee?

      • Lance Thrustwell

        Dimorphic Latitude Synthesis?

    • natoslug

      Something went horribly awry with DLS for me this morning. I woke up two hours early, and couldn’t go back to sleep. I’m sure I’ll be zombified by noon, but for now, I’m going to ride out the weird energy.

    • Liberoid Ron

      Donnie’s Little Sister?

  • goonemeritus

    They called me crazy when I suggested that my juice maker might be judging me.

    • Lord Jim

      It’s the constant whining…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    “I have no evidence for the wire tapps. Now let me deflect the question by talking about other things for which I have no evidence.”

    • azeyote

      she thinks inspector gadget is a real person – of course she does – she’s da da da da da daaaaaa – keleyanne

  • wide_stance_hubby

    If microwaves did have cameras, you know they would upload what we microwave onto FB pages. We know this does not happen, because then we would all be talking about how stupid it is, instead of how stupid KAC is.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Does she think the Oval Office has a microwave in it? Or is she saying that Dolt 45 hangs out in the kitchen all day? I know he LOOKS like he spends all his time in close contact with fatty food, but unless he’s got a microwave on a little cart he tows behind the golf cart, I’m not sure how effective this “spying” would be.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Whew. I thought I was the only one who did that!

  • Spurning Beer

    I bought a high-end microwave that turns into a Hasselblad.

    • elviouslyqueer

      My microwave is named Kit and it turns into a Hasselhoff.

      HEY-YO.

      • BoatOfVelociraptors

        Knight had watches with voice commands and autonomous vehicles before it was dorky.

      • Anna Rompage

        I’m sure that’s quite a popular model over in Germany!

      • SterWonk

        KITT and William Daniels LIBEL!!!

  • goonemeritus

    This administration is making Silvio Berlusconi look really good by comparison.

  • OrG

    This topic is a waste of time. Next.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Oh hush up, mom, and get back to your macrame.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I’ll be the one to declare something a waste of time, thank you very much. Like my comments, for example.

  • Dan Rather should interview her.

    “What’s the frequency, Conway? What’s the frequency?”

    • Lance Thrustwell

      She awaits Tristero’s silent empire.

    • SterWonk

      ALL THE UPFISTS!!!

  • Sardonicuss
  • Tarheel
    • Snopes Shop

      May I nab that? It’s too good.

    • Liberoid Ron

      How did they get a picture of my hat?

    • Roger Wilco

      Ya nailed it

  • Chadwells

    Inspector Gadget libelz!!!

  • Chadwells

    How many times has that already been posted?! Hah!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Well, a TV can be used to watch and listen to you, as we learned recently from Wikileaks. Maybe Donald Trump should stop watching it for 13 hours per day.

    • marxalot

      Heck, I used to share a workroom with a SmarTV, I coulda told you that. I called it “Panopticon.” We had some laughs. And so did my boss (the senior network administrator) and the CIA, I assume!

  • Hutch
    • Msgr_MΩment

      “Smile. You’re on Canon Camera.”

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      fkn hilarious!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “Alternative facts” was creative but devious. This is just freakin’ weird. Like increase the meds and put her on a 48 hour watch weird.

  • alwayspunkindrublic

    That photo….it’s the one you show to little kids to frighten them about the creature that is going to come get you if you don’t eat your vegetables.

  • Spurning Beer

    I’ve got an old Minolta somewhere. I wonder if it could make me some oatmeal.

  • Msgr_MΩment

    At the very least, get Trump to change the channel. http://home.uchicago.edu/wnickell/soviet/files/snapz-pro-xscreensnapz054.jpg

    • therblig

      is that “I Love Trotsky”?

      “Sorry, you can’t be in my show, Trotsky”

      “Waaaaaaaaah!!!!!”

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        My favorite episode was when those wacky gals got themselves jobs in the factory that made transistor radios, and the line kept speeding up and they had to put all the extra knobs and screws down their bras. That was a classic!

        • therblig

          i liked the one where they denounced her friend’s parasitic landlord husband to the KGB and he got shipped off to Siberia.

          well, until the following week’s episode.

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    Kellyanne’s microwave is as sick of listening to her shit as I am.
    https://media.giphy.com/media/mIPkamm7cJifu/giphy.gif

    • Chadwells

      Speaking of…I’m shocked she didn’t refer to it as a “science oven”

      • Sardonicuss

        Its “The Magic heat-y box”!

        • Liberoid Ron

          In the words of the great sage Tim Taylor:
          ‘Microwave magic. Magic BAD!
          ‘Barbecue fire. Fired GOOD!’

  • cheetojeebus

    Just a few minutes ago the donuts at the grocery store were talking to me as I walked by. Have they been hacked? Fucking CIA Man.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW9cCWm53H4

    • Me not sure

      The Krispy Kremes talk to me all of the time. 👍for Fugs “CIA Man”. Fuckin’ A, man.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      My Name is Johnny – Johnny Pissoff!….

  • Wild Cat

    I’m so proud to be part of an open-minded classical liberal republic, not a democracy, mind you, that doesn’t regret putting unqualified white people on nazi meth into high public offices.

  • Michael R
    • therblig

      wrap it in plastic or it gets gamy.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Depends.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I know it’s just a funny picture posing, but it still makes me squirmy.

      • SpideySenser

        Yup! Some horrible people have really done that. Beyond creepy.

      • Liberoid Ron

        Especially since it’s still plugged in.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • bookish

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-does-the-republican-health-plan-mean-for-your-taxes/?google_editors_picks=true

    Much of the early response to Republican lawmakers’ plan to repeal and replace Obamacare has understandably centered on the bill’s potential impact on participants in the federal health insurance program. But advocates of the American Health Care Act also face another challenge: convincing people that they’re not getting a raw deal as taxpayers.

    A range of analysis, from health industry experts, economists and other researchers, conclude that the House bill creates large tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans, while middle- and low-income families may see no tax relief and much higher price tags for health insurance. Here’s a look at how the plan, should it ever wind up as law, affect tax policy:

  • aureolaborealis

    Top KAC!

  • Sardonicuss

    Remember when she was the mastermind spox that made Drmp palatable to the masses?
    …not the ditz who becomes low hanging fruit every time she opens her mouth?
    Simpler times.

  • DainBramage

    I bet she was talking in garble-speak about taking control of wifi cameras. This is what happens when a really ignorant person hears a snippet of something and then attempts to talk authoritatively on it. But that’s what she and her ilk do.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      She sounds like a lot of the people who I overhear around here, mouthing off about things they don’t understand at all, but with supreme confidence that they’re right. Sigh.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        Hey! I resemble that remark!….

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      This is what happened in Sweden!….

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      *resists urge to type same old ilk joke*

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Not the icrowave-may!….

    • HogeyeGrex

      I was thinking the “smart tv” thing.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Is it really possible that the republicans aren’t embarrassed by this crazy train they’ve all hitched themselves to? How can you show up for work every few days (since they only work about 1/3 of the year) with a smile on your face, ready to fuck up everybody who isn’t a bazillionaire, and pretend that this is normal? That a “president” tweets nonsense at 3 a.m. and then demands it be investigated? That a spokesperson claims there are cameras watching them from kitchen appliances? That supporters think there’s a basement under a pizza joint that hosts a child-sex ring? That people like Alex Jones are cited by this “president” as something other than a joke? That the first National Security Advisor was an agent of a foreign government? That the current AG lied under oath and perjured himself? That the “president’s” son-in-law is one of his top advisors? That issues of national security are being discussed in front of diners at Mar-a-Lago? That the costs of maintaining this dysfunctional family exceed the budget of the NEA but the one they’re planning to axe is the NEA?
    I mean, fuck, I could go on for days, but – seriously, republicans? THIS is what you wanted? THIS is what you support?

    • YoBunnyBunny

      At least his not a blah or has a vajayjay!

    • OrG

      What do you have against making america great again?

      • natoslug

        America’s grating enough already.

    • Anna Rompage

      If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it…

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        seven times….

    • cmd resistor

      Speaking of Mar-A-Lago, whatever thing they get down there that lets them know he might be coming has come in for this weekend. Also, rumors he will host Top China GUy down there next month.

    • Antonin Dvorak

      All they see are liberals getting upset. In their mind, anything that upset liberals is good; even if it hurts them an equal or greater amount. We are essentially at the mercy of meth-addled nihilists.

      • Claire

        Just once I’d like someone to explain what specifically the fuck liberals have ever done to them, other than make them haz a sad in their feefees for being uneducated and pig-ignorant, which most liberals are too nice to remind them of anyway. Seriously. Why are we the Great Satan for wanting clean air and water and living wages?

        • grindstone

          Because we’re gay-loving, color-inclusive, baby-killing atheists. We’re baaaaad people. They’ve dumbed it down to “conservative = good”, “librul = EVILLLE!”, and people have bought it.

          I talked to my 13-year old just today and we came up with a bunch of metrics (I didn’t use that word) for how you could see how a society is faring. Things like crime rate, joblessness, homelessness, graduation rates, infant mortality, etc etc.. Then I told him if someone was trying to convince him with anything other than FACTS, that the facts were out there (for the time being, anyway) and he could make up his own mind.

      • Shibusa

        Too many GOP voters would feed their own children hexavalent chromium milkshakes if it meant upsetting liberals.

        • Melindaccarter

          Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dy251c:
          On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
          !dy251c:
          ➽➽
          ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs541ShopFlashGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dy251c:….,……..

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      The fourth graders have taken over the school!….

    • Lance Thrustwell

      When your goals include what amounts to the reduction (read ‘destruction’) of large parts of the government, it actually makes a certain amount of sense to accept stuff like that.

    • natoslug

      They support whatever it takes to transfer more power and wealth to themselves. And since this is still working . . .

  • Azazael

    This is your brain, this is your brain in the microwave.

  • Crank Tango

    So once when I worked at AOL, some enterprising young lad put an AOL CD in the microwave.

    Not long afterward, the fire department showed up!

    Maybe that microwave was bugged too?

    • DainBramage

      You can do it for a second or two and get a nice little lightning show.

  • Mehmeisterjr

    Little known fact: Her Sybian grabs pussies. The proof? I think I remember I heard it somewhere.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Recording you? That’s crazy. Nah, I’m just an ordinary man with an ordinary van, who’s an Arby’s fan. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0ab30b59a635a77e093680428162d0831bec47fb717ab5c561617179849152f9.png

  • bookish

    Goebbels’ household appliances may be listening to her, but I’m not. Trump WH still sending me almost daily emails, which I instantly delete without reading. Every email increases my resentment and resolve to oppose Trump.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Conway admits Trump’s allegations are utterly baseless, then suggests the reason Congress is investigating is to find evidence for those allegations. Either she has no idea how investigations work, or she’s advocating for a witch hunt.

    Bbbbuuttt….he said, “I just found out Trump Towers was wire tapped…blah, blah.” He found out; he had to have a source and evidence.
    You don’t look for what he says he had.

    Goddamn I hate these slimy Trumptool alternative fact fuckers and spinners.

  • Liberoid Ron

    The question is not, ‘Is someone using KaC’s microwave to spy on her,’ but, ‘Why would anyone bother?’

    • natoslug

      Three words: Hardcore leather fetish.

  • Jason M

    She looks like a microwaved Denis Leary. Sorry folks, they can’t all be gold.

  • data_ninja

    I was talking to a local cop once who was in the computer crimes division, and he told me that a call was sent his direction because someone said that their microwave oven was talking to them.

    So… not sure how that chain of command works, but whatever.

  • Apple Scruff

    Kellyanne shouldn’t be going anywhere near a microwave while wearing that tinfoil hat of hers.

    • natoslug

      Kellyanne shouldn’t be going anywhere near anything sharper than a Twinkie while using that recalled brain of hers.

  • Mr. Blobfish
  • KnaveOfSwords

    I think it’s time for someone to be moved to a posting with padded walls and a happy hug-yourself jacket.

  • Manhattan123

    If my microwave can spy on me you’d think it could figure out how to set itself for daylight savings time.

    • natoslug

      I kind of like that I can currently wander through three time zones as I walk through the house.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Yeah, but it’s midnight in all of ’em…

      • therblig

        ms. blig’s mom was like that – all her clocks had different times on them, but there were like 20 minute differences.

      • NellCote71

        Because winter time is so short compared to DST is so much shorter, I don’t bother changing two of my more complicated clocks.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Your microwave is too smart for that stupid human “Daylight Savings”.

      • natoslug

        I have to agree with the microwaves on this one.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      It can but it pretends that it can’t. They’re tricky, those goddam spying microwaves.

    • georgiaburning

      Compartmentalized clearances, you don’t want the microwave to know the can opener’s job

    • Resistance Ftr PuckStopsHere

      If the display is blinking I did the time change thing right, right?

      • Doug Langley

        No, it means “Recording”.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Apologies if already posted… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YvAYIJSSZY

  • Bill D. Burger

    Regi Brittain @RegiBrittain
    #KellyanneConway says microwaves can turn into cameras.

    I don’t know about all of that, but I am typing this tweet on a kumquat.
    9:14 AM – 13 Mar 2017

    • eggsacklywright

      My refrigerator turned into a ranch. I’m stumped.

      • Hutch

        “HOME, home on the range….”

  • chascates

    The Tinfoil Hat administration.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      The Tinfoil Dome Scandal.

      • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

        Trump is mosdef Tinpot Dumb…

  • Master Contrail Program

    Does Kellyanne have Flintstone appliances?

    “Eh. It’s a living.” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/887d2d602c8d49797fec00e9c94db2c84d43b6894b84b9cd0ddbd027409ecc03.jpg

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    #KellyanneConway here you go. Obama in a microwave. pic.twitter.com/N8WZcluf7Z— Alicia (@nerdjpg) March 13, 2017

    • therblig

      is that a KenyaMore?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    So I don’t have any S-M-R-T appliances, but I have an echo dot. Can I program it to turn on my next door neighbor’s coffeemaker at 10 pm?

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Hutch
    • Shanzgood

      Ha! I love Half An Onion!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • bookish

    https://www.wired.com/2017/03/ambitious-new-program-wants-support-democrats-surge/?google_editors_picks=true

    So Gupta is teaming up with his friend Swati Mylavarapu, a former Kleiner Perkins partner and technology executive, to launch an accelerator of sorts that’s trying to do for progressive organizations and leaders what Y Combinator has done for companies like Airbnb and Stripe. As part of the program, the so-called Arena Fellows will receive grant funding and exposure at quarterly events called the Arena Summit.

    The first Arena Summit, which Gupta and Mylavarapu planned together, gathered some 400 liberal activists and donors in Nashville just weeks after the election to discuss the future of the party. It ended with some 150 people committing to run for office, and dozens more creating their own activist organizations. With the fellowship program, Gupta and Mylavarapu hope to offer these ideas and campaigns the support system they need.

  • Sardonicuss

    Kac:…”but sir, how did they manage to get video of the prostitutes peeing?”
    Drump: Kelly, they do it with microwave ovens….

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Me not sure
  • Master Contrail Program

    Well, I hope she does all of her banking in person. One would wonder what behavior a seemingly mundane trip to an ATM would inspire. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/df675940f83e4455ddcbad40246f2c12c1465d6a4eabec2834a964a7f0e9302c.gif

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Mr. Blobfish

    However, I’m not in the job of having evidence.
    -Smellyanne on ABC

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    I microwaved tamales for breakfast. How long before ICE knocks down my door and deports me?

  • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

    Watch out for counter-spy stick figures:
    https://xkcd.com/1807/

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Creamed corn is rather suspicious…

      • puredog

        Garmonbozia.

  • mardam422

    She’s right. I have no EVIDENCE that Kellyanne Conway sucks Donald Trump’s dick under his desk. But that has nothing to do with the fact that I said it.

  • shivaskeeper

    So the plan is to make people fear smart tech? Good plan. It should go well.

    Just as an aside, she does realize that the groups that exploit the tech are the corporations that make them, right? No one is spying on you with your TV other than Vizio or Samsung. The government is not using the Amazon Echo to keep tabs on you, but Amazon damn sure is.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    **ANOTHER HOT POCKET, KELLYANNE?** https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0b10cc2449c8a6740dc1af09003409c823ffb1fb305109568270576ce2f1513b.jpg

    **OH I DID NOT KNOW YOU HAD VISITORS**

  • Master Contrail Program

    “Yeah. Tha microwave’s seen a few things. Sure, alla tha household electronics have. But if youse want the real story………” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/e2115d1435a9d94ffb5a6226509c08448629c3b8d1298349d8203d9706bbfa8f.jpg

    • shivaskeeper

      True story. Many, many moons ago I was having some issues with my arches. The doc recommended I go to the local sex shop and get one of them. So I could roll it under my arches. He was embarrassed as hell even bringing it. Especially when he had to tell me to get one that ran on D batteries since the ones that ran on C batteries would be to small.

      • Courser_Resistance

        ROFLMAO

      • Eddie Van Bernays

        Who knew THAT PLACE could cure bad foot arches!

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        “I read it for the articles, and this is for my feet!”

  • ariel_gee_398

    She’s veering into Sarah Palin levels of self-parody, where in a couple of years I won’t be able to remember if a quote was something she actually said or something the SNL version of her said.

    • DrBigHead

      She has moved WAY past Sarah Palin IMO. Self-parody seems to be her superpower.

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    I’m starting to wonder if they purposely send the Scarecrow on the shows full well knowing something stupid is gonna come outta her mouth. Trend I’ve noticed? WH scandal…KAC says “alternative facts”…WH scandal…KAC plugs Ivanka’s clothes, etc. ad nauseum. Focus shifts from scandalous thing of the week to “Dumb Shit Kellyanne Says”.

    • shivaskeeper

      She’s a good distraction as far as it goes. She’s keeping the wire tapp story in the news while other actual serious shit is going on.

      It will backfire eventually, likely when the MSM gets tired of the shenanigans and does their goddamned job and hold some feet to the fire.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        in 2020, do you think?…

        • shivaskeeper

          Hopefully sooner.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        MSM needs to just block her from all shows. Speaking of the wire tapp…what time today is Trump supposed to be showing his proof? Before or after the EO to reorganize the Executive Branch (that is NOT snark…it’s on his schedule today).

        • shivaskeeper

          No idea. There us no proof to be had. I think we all know that. This time Congress needs to actually challenge him when he fails to show anything. The lies about everything need to be checked, but they won’t be.

          • MeerkatsRMammals

            Oh, agreed 100%, there’s zero evidence. It would be nice if someone’s finally held accountable for all this chaos.

      • timpundit

        If congress investigates this there is no way from distracting form it for very long or even all the time. Someone in congress will want to talk about it. Trump stuck his dick in it this time.

        • shivaskeeper

          If Congress investigates. This Congress will not unless he does something so egregious that they have no choice.

          Congress should have investigated his claim that the entire election system was rigged. He claimed that as the President, not a private citizen. The POTUS called into question the entire system of voting, from the local dogcatcher to his own position and everything and everyone on between over a hissy fit. There is no way that should have been allowed to stand, but it was. Congress shrugged it’s collective shoulders and said nothing about it. He has never retracted it, he has never said he was wrong, he has never said it was a lie. He was allowed to move on like nothing was said. That established his baseline of what he could say with no repercussions and he will continue to push it and get away with it.

  • Hemp Dogbane

    The Internet of All Things is going to tapp Trump.

  • thewalkindude

    “And the media never told you about the Bowling Green massacre, did they?” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2e6a47b816266513a3adf99ab902d8c9dea3e1b72e755fd40de2b235139f9724.jpg

    • Kgprophet

      “Oh no, not you too Mr. Toaster”

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Faintly reminiscent of the Island of Misfit Toys. “What child wants to play with a Vladimir in the Box?!?”

  • Shanzgood

    Anyone else not getting new post notifications on the boards today?

    • shivaskeeper

      I’m getting them. But since comments aren’t allowed it’s all moot anyway.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I heard trump nominated Tyra Banks to the Supreme Court.

  • Bebecca

    Do that many spy-worthy things happen in the kitchen that the microwave spi-er was a worthwhile invention?

    • Doug Langley

      “Okay, here’s the plan. First, we contact our mole at NSA -”
      “Hold on. Let’s get out of these comfy chairs and go talk in the kitchen.”

      • Bebecca

        I’ll make coffee or would you rather have tea?

  • SayItWithWookies

    I’m glad Kellyanne’s microwave is keeping tabs on her — frankly, I didn’t think she had any friends.

  • The Witch of Endor

    So, once it’s established that the BannonPuppet was full of shit (again), what happens next?

    • Eddie Van Bernays

      We resume binge watching this never-ending season of House of Turds.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Same as last 40 times: nothing.
      Liberals expect it, Trumpanzees don’t care, and the press only has 24 hours to work per idiocy.

  • The Witch of Endor

    I know it’s wrong of me to (not)comment on appearance, but godDAMN, that woman should sue her plastic surgeon.

    • Sister the Resister

      … or otherwise make her look less severe. She’s wasn’t doin’ herself any favors dressing up like a Nutcracker, either, on Innog Day.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        It’s not easy to dress well when you get all your fashion advice from a toaster.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          It looked good to the microwave.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        It is, sadly, her character being reflected in her face, and there’s nothing they could do to change that.

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Ooh! It’s the Russian Reversal on the Portrait of Kellyanne Gray!

      • Eddie Van Bernays

        But she did US a YUUGE favor… funniest shit I’ve seen in forever.

    • dirtielaundry

      I normally don’t like commenting on appearances but she reminds me of the Crypt Keeper.

  • Robbertjan Brandenburg
    • Sister the Resister

      Do I even want to try to translate this? Ok, the Googles sez:

      Hey, Turkish President, the Dutch are NOT NAZIS! Were they never really!

      We can confirm Nazis.

      • Robbertjan Brandenburg

        Jan Böhmermann is a German satirical pundit saying in response of Erdogan’s remarks that the Dutch are nazi’s that the Dutch are not Nazi’s and he should know because the germans invented Nazism.

        • Thaumaturgist

          Germans invented Nazism. Cool. Americans invented Tump.

          • Zyxomma

            #NotAllAmericans

        • Sister the Resister

          thanks for the context, Robertjan. So, basically: “Hey, Erdogan, the Dutch never were Nazis! And we Germans know from Nazis!”

          • Robbertjan Brandenburg

            He actually acknowledged that thousands of Dutchmen died in resistance of Nazism.

  • pgjack

    I hope conger is keeping track of what’s spent on investigations Trump demands. Total them up with his frequent excursions to other Trump facilities and also track the government money channeled to his pockets when the Secret Service, etc. rents space in all his properties. Ohyeah! the trumpester is gonna make big bucks out of this little scam.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Really gives me confidence in my government to know that Congress will always investigate the black guy over the orange guy despite the evidence. And KaC will go along with it because…she’s paid to.

  • I haven’t cleaned my microwave in a while, so my microwave’s camera has pizza sauce all over it. Have to get on that.

    • Bad Tom

      Sounds like a feature, not a bug.

    • Juan de Fuca

      I just covered mine with black electrical tape.

  • Eddie Van Bernays

    While unfunny Dennis Leary with tits concerns herself with selfies from a Maytag, Drumpf’s claim is still wafting in the air like a stale fart in the oval office.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      House “Intelligence” Committee (air quotes because Republicans) have told him to put up or shut up: “Give us the evidence – today – and we’ll investigate it.”
      (“Otherwise, fuck off” has be read between the lines, because the Dems on the committee were outvoted.)

      • Eddie Van Bernays

        Little does he know he’s gonna get a VERY sternly worded letter after all this is said and done…

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Alternative facts are just a fact of modern life.

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Oh Kelly Anne…everyone knows not to trust a microwave oven…they are little assholes who’re out to get you…OTOH, your refrigerator loves you. You can trust whatever frigey has to say.

    • Résistance Land Shark Ω

      As another non-commenter said, “Watch out for those smoke alarms! They are seditious little fucks!”

      • therblig

        and the carbon monoxide detectors just turn off if they don’t like you.

      • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

        The other non-commenter seems to have their head on straight. Smoke alarms consistently give me good advice.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    It was some of those tricky Obummer microwave-cameras that vanished the millions of his supporters from Donald Trump’s Greatest Inauguration Ever, Period.

    WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!1

  • Eddie Van Bernays

    For everyone who laughed and pointed while I dictated my innermost thoughts to my Mr. Coffee… who’s laughing now!?

  • Relativicus

    She also said — later, or during the above — that she’s not in the “evidence-having” business or something, which I took to mean she’s tasked with spreading bullshit, not verifying its quality.

  • Mirful

    “microwaves that turn into cameras, et cetera,”
    Reminds me of the old joke about the guy who picked up a pretty girl hitchhiker and as they drove along she put a hand high up on his thigh and he turned into a motel.

    • DT

      … I don’t get it.

      • Eddie Van Bernays

        He put his hoo-hoo dilly into her cha cha… in the motel.

        • DT

          So “turned in” as in parked there, not as in became. OK, I got it, it was just so not-even-the-so-bad-its-good bad that I assumed I had missed something.

  • therblig
  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    Why? Is Ivanka selling microwaves now? Buy, Kellyanne! Buy!…

  • therblig

    http://www.roomba-upskirt . com is apparently still available – skynet is not yet self-aware.

    • Eddie Van Bernays

      Now THAT’s bigly thinking.

  • Juan de Fuca

    To be fair to Kellyanne, she probably saw a new yellow Camaro back in Jersey and thought – see, if they’re able to make a car that turns into a robot, who’s to say they can’t make a microwave that turns into a GoPro?

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Some intrepid soul needs to convince Trumpkin followers that, like Trump’s microwave-cameras, their toaster is also a fully-automated sex-robot.

    “I didn’t believe it either! Until I stuck my penis in and pushed the lever down! Obummer may have been a damn worthless president, but he sure knew how to make sex-robots!!!1”

    • AJ Milne

      Penthouse Letters is… _different_ from when I was young.

    • therblig

      keep your skinny toaster, real men like a waffle iron!

  • Dickey Pringle

    Could this be another case of Frankenstein Mind Control?!

    http://www.bentoandstarchky.com/dec/mrfrc.htm

  • elan

    This administration gets all their information from TV. Not from experts, administrators, or department heads. From Fox News.

    Shit.

  • Oneofthebobs

    She should join the Toastmasters Club. Then she could BE a toaster, and listen to everything that happens in the kitchen.

  • Edith Prickly

    She’s going full Alex Jones.

  • AJ Milne

    … But is your microwave talking to you, Kellyanne?

    (… and is there also a tall, attractive FBI agent present whose delivery is so disturbingly flat and monotonous that it makes the oven’s LCD display look like Gielgud by comparison?)

  • DahBoner

    Kellyanne Conways pussy can’t take much more of this…
    https://media0.giphy.com/media/J3xx2QzpCGf0k/giphy.gif

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So the big story here is that Kellyanne Con-A-Way has had some plastic surgery, and also that Trump and his minions can’t open their mouths without lying.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    Schindler:

    Things DoJ may discover by COB today:
    1. Proof that Obama wiretapped Trump.
    2. Bigfoot.
    3. Chupacabras
    4. D.B. Cooper
    5. Ark of the Covenant

    //twitter.com/20committee/status/841337357425098753

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Combine crazy and stupid with poor grasp of IOT, and your microwave becomes an eavesdropping device.

    Poor dear. Your smartphone and tablets and laptops, on the other hand, could be used that way, I suppose.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    You know, it occurs to me that Trump/Putin and this disinformation campaign are trying to convince Americans that they live in a total surveillance state while ignoring that Russians kind of do. I mean, they spy on whoever they want to spy on in Russia, and they don’t need any warrants.

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    I’m way more interesting than you, Sillyanne — things don’t even have to be electronic to spy on me. The packet of legal pads in my file cabinet just informed me that deep down, I’m still working through bullying issues from 27 years ago, and there’s a bottle of Frank’s Hot Sauce trying to make sense of my Tumblr history as we speak. (Spoiler alert: It shattered. Dramatically).

  • Rok E Raccoon

    My new microwave is trying to communicate with me. It routinely produces three audible beeping sounds. I don’t know what this means but I probably should report it to Homeland Security just to be safe.

    • Doug Langley

      I put those beeps through Google Translate. They come out as “I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that”.

    • phoenix00

      But you’re gonna do that /after/ you have your frozen pasta, right?

  • Shibusa
  • Panika MCD

    “you know not to trust that Cup-O-Noodles, it’s foreign.” ~ K-Con

  • Panika MCD

    we’re also too going to need a new definition for “one thing having to do with another” because while things may not be the same, they may also too be related which makes them “have to do with one another”.

    and can someone investigate whether’s K-Con is being medicated and botoxed and feeled up by TN State Sen./Doctor Joey Handsey? I can’t tell whether she’s drugged or needs to lay off the fake lashes with how she can’t hold open her eyes. maybe she wants to be Trump Wifey #4. someone should tell her she’s too old for that.

    • Marsupial

      Maybe she is paying homage (in multiple ways) to the Wise Dr. Ben Carson? Eyes half shut, alternative facts, really bad metaphors, etc.

  • HazooToo

    Kellyanne Conway’s Toaster Speaks Out In Daring Video:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibOkPx_Ej30

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Obama wiretapped my newt!

    He got better…

    • whitroth

      Newts are cute (except for the black sheep on the newt clan, the Grinch….)

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    She’s also being watched by an alternative fax.

  • whitroth

    What she’s uncomprehendingly referring to is using microwaves to detect oscillation of glass windows, and so actually being able to record voices.

    How well that works in the middle of a city, I’m not sure….

    • Ill-Advised

      Wait ’til she finds out that a couple of guys from MIT recovered sounds from a potato chip wrapper. That will set of a whole ‘nother kind of panic.

  • timpundit

    So now we have “alternative ” appliances. Makes sense.

  • timpundit
  • BadKitty904
  • BearDeLaOursistance

    The microwave didn’t really care until it heard her talking about canned clams.

    • JesusWasAHippie

      It told her to “dip the points of (her) truth arrows in honey.”

    • SnarkON

      YOU MONSTER!

  • bluicebank

    Clearly Kellyanne is confused by, and conflating, the cosmic microwave background and Einstein’s gravitational lensing. So while we can “see” the microwave background, it cannot see us. Just as well, a large gravity well such as a galaxy cluster can “spy” on objects behind it (from our perspective) and give us an enlarged/distorted image, but the information is useless for modern spycraft purposes.

    This is a common mistake made by young students who have no business in a
    physics class, unless they’re wearing a football helmet. Kellyanne didn’t wear her helmet.

  • Belasaurius

    this is why I have a microwave from 1985, it records everything onto Betamax tapes and no one can play those anymore, so the footage of me dancing in my robe while I make eggs every morning is safe and you didn’t just read that.

    • John Lo

      That’s nice, but doesn’t come close to sleeping with your microwave like Miss Kellyanne does

    • TheBoatDude

      Mine records on super 8

  • BeverlyCrusher’sWig

    I’d like to say she’s wrong but the GOP has spent far too much time already investigating events, or let’s be real Clinton, despite a clear lack of evidence. https://youtu.be/S7Rjuuk6NAM

  • cosmiccowgirl

    Kellyanne Conway is a cylon, so of course she suspects toasters, microwaves, and all kitchen appliances.

    • RugzYaBurnt

      My sister tried to get me into Battlestar Galactica and mostly failed because I couldn’t get over how Gaius somehow hadn’t figured out all along that he was fucking a cylon; I was shouting at the TV, “Her goddamned spine heats up like a 2007 Mac Book when they fuck!!!”

  • John Lo

    Why does Kellyanne always remind me of the critter that exit’s through John Hurt’s chest in Alien?

  • Paperless Tiger

    They’re freaking out because they think somebody recorded their dirty deals with the Russians. So far what’s come out is their pattern of contacts with Russian intelligence agents, which was enough to bring down Manafort and Flynn. Now a mysterious Balkan nation is said to have ‘intercepts’, perhaps recordings? Again, we’re in the Brave New World of Trump, where he could shoot people on the street or whatever. Anybody else who pulled this shit would have been kicked to the curb long ago.

  • OhioHomo

    When I bought my microwave, I made sure to get the model that has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Me, too! It had this newfangled thing called a plug.

  • JohnQFugly

    Someone please tell me I’m full of shart, but this re-imagining they’re doing deep in the anal canal of the WH seems to be a preemptive effort to redefine Trump’s tweet as “not what he meant to say” to avoid consequences.

    • Scrofula

      I’m hoping KaC is trying to plant the idea in Trump’s head, so he will go on TV and say, “Loser Obama watching me by microwave! Sick/Sad!” Because that would be great (and KaC would be free).

    • Weevie

      They’ve done that. Now it’s “Metaphorical Trump.” “People take the President literally, and really shouldn’t.”

  • Jonny On Maui

    “microwaves that turn into cameras, et cetera,” Conway told New Jersey’s The Record newspaper in an interview Sunday. “So we know that that is just a fact of modern life.”

    Ummm… No KeCo. What we know from this is you’re batshit crazy.

  • Weevie

    It’s the coffee pots, the coffee pots, I tell ya. The round metal ones.

    • Jack Tenhet

      I always thought my coffee pot was looking at me kinda funny, like it had something to hide. Damned know-it-all coffee pot!

      I think it’s in league with the microwave, but that doesn’t make much sense as the microwave is Japanese and the coffee pot is Dutch.

      • MamaBrown

        I have long maintained that the Dutch are up to something. with their Heineken beer and their tulips and their gouda cheese. and who knows what they’re cooking in those ovens of theirs? its damn fishy.

  • dirtielaundry

    This article reminds me of this image:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5fad75adc7b19c881f7d2f6dcb4b8fbb6e23f883112c36dfa77c6cbd71a4ae7e.jpg

    Now I just noticed “Hobbes” is misspelled as “Hoobes.” Oh well, meth was involved, what did you expect?

    • Mack N. Nietzsche

      He said Hoobs.

  • Querolous

    I don’t know about the microwave but do watch out for the toaster.http://www.techeblog.com/index.php/tech-gadget/incredible-and-geeky-toaster-mods

  • thewalkindude

    “And microwaves that turn into cameras, et cetera. So we know that that is just a fact of modern life.”
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d665b0ce388036c9eb84ffb20522ee60f19d2afb8e6531eb1a4a97b3650c03fb.png

  • Jeff Mc Donald

    WHAT? Microwave cameras as spying devices used against the Trump campaign? She expects us to believe no one in a Bannon run organization thought of wrapping one of those “Make America Great Again” hats in foil? The unemployed Trump voter down the street from me knows that works! Not likely Kells, not likely.

  • Jack Tenhet

    So, microwaves that turn into cameras? Is KaC plugging a new Transformers movie?

    No? Just the usual crazy, is it?

    • phoenix00

      “More than meets the eye”……

  • Melindaccarter

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dy252c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dy252c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs542ShopFlashGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dy252c:….,….

  • phoenix00

    My microwave keeps telling me to “Enjoy your meal”. I’ve always found that disturbing.

  • GemlikeFlame

    So, let me see if I understand this. Trump can say any outhouse rat crazy thing that enters his orange noggin at 3AM, with nothing resembling evidence, and Ms. Conway gets snippy when someone questions her equally unsubstantiated defense of said outhouse rat crazy thing? Even going so far as to deny the substance and intent of that thing?

    Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence. All I see is a bunch of borderline psychotic paranoid ranting with no evidence and an administration that doesn’t give a damn one way or another.

    In what alternate universe would she not be ridden out of primetime news town on a rail wearing a new coat of tar and feathers?

    I seem to remember a campaign threat to tighten up libel laws. If anyone stands to lose by that, it’s Trump, unless this is one of those increasing number of cases in which if the president does it, it’s not illegal.

    I’m not even going to touch the microwave thing, save that to note that people who avowedly don’t believe in evolution are somehow under the impression that household appliances can spontaneously speciate.

  • goingohm

    I heard the “Ding!” and I figured it was the microwave, but it was just Kellyanne.

    Wait! Maybe Kellyanne is a microwave! Someone check the edits to the tape of that interview. I bet she took the interviewer’s picture when she crossed her legs!

  • Snarkbot 9000

    I picked a hell of a day to quit sniffing glue.

  • Truly Madly Derply

    Whoa if true, but assumes fax not in evidence.

  • Stein Olsen
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