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A bit more than a month ago, the Trump Gang proudly unveiled the first version of Trump’s definitely-not-a-Muslim ban, which put travel on hold for everyone from seven majority-Muslim countries that lack Trump hotels and also paused all refugee resettlement, with an indefinite stop to refugees from Syria, too. Today, after courts kept saying Travel Ban 1.0 was unconstitutional, Trump sent Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, and Homeland Security director John Kelly out to announce Trump has signed Travel Ban 2.0, a new and improved fig leaf the administration hopes will satisfy Trump’s Muslim-ban-desiring supporters (it probably will) and stop terrorist threats to the USA (probably won’t, any more than it prevents rogue dodo attacks), all without being laughed out of court (Who knows?).

So, what’s different in this new, much improved travel ban? It’s dropped one country, Iraq, from the list of countries from which travel will be put on hold for 90 days while the Trump administration puts its exciting new “extreme vetting” plan in place. It will also only affect applicants for new visas — anyone with a green card or a visa granted before the new ban is still eligible to enter the U.S.

As for refugees, the original 120-day pause on all entry of refugees is gone, substituting instead a 120-day pause on Syrian refugees only. The new executive order also scrapped a preference for Christian refugees from Muslim countries, which may help it pass First Amendment muster. And like the first version, this order will reduce the number of refugees allowed into the U.S.from all countries of origin, to 50,000 a year, down from 100,000 a year during the Obama administration. But there’s still plenty of anti-Muslim stuff in the new order, like a section calling for keeping tabs on “the number of foreign nationals in the United States who have been radicalized after entry into the United States,” and information regarding the number and types of acts of gender-based violence against women, including so-called “honor killings,” in the United States by foreign nationals. Violence against women by American citizens is still bad, we assume, but will not get any new attention.

To prevent a complete fuck-tussle at airports like what occurred when the first order was tossed out on a Friday afternoon with no advance notice, the new order will go into effect in 10 days. This should give Immigration and Customs Enforcement and Customs and Border Patrol time to prepare for enforcing the new rules, or at least to make up matching stories for when they get caught profiling people named Muhammad Ali. The new order also formally revokes the previous version and un-cancelled visas that had been revoked by the State Department under the first try.

Notably, when Trump sent out Tillerson, Sessions, and Kelly to announce Travel Ban 2.0, the president himself didn’t put in an appearance like he did the first time, where he signed the thing at the Pentagon in front of replicas of medals for valor, an odd place when you consider the travel ban is based in irrational fear. This time around, Trump signed the order in a Quiet Room, with no press present, possibly because he’s busy pouting.

So, now everyone’s satisfied and this thing’s going to keep us all safe, right? You know, apart from how two different leaked Department of Homeland Security reports indicate a travel ban is a dumb idea, because country of origin is a crappy predictor of terrorism, and most foreign-born people in the U.S. who’ve attempted or committed terrorism became radicalized years after coming here, so “extreme vetting” is likely to be useless.

Then there are the groups who sued the first time around. The ACLU’s Immigrant Rights Project plans to sue immediately, according to director Omar Jadwat:

This is a retreat, but let’s be clear — it’s just another run at a Muslim ban […] At its core, the second order looks very similar to the first, and I expect it will run into the same problems from the courts and the public that the first one did. They can’t un-ring the bell.

Senate Democratic leader Chuck Schumer called the new order a “watered-down ban” that was “mean-spirited and un-American,” and the executive director of Amnesty International USA, Margaret Huang, issued a statement saying the new executive order would “cause extreme fear and uncertainty for thousands of families by, once again, putting anti-Muslim hatred into policy.” So it’s looking like Travel Ban 2.0 may still get tossed, since there’s no way to make Rudy Giuliani un-say that stuff about finding a “legal” way to implement a Muslim ban.

Ever the terrible source of fake news, the Failing New York Times points out that in a recent analysis by University of North Carolina professor Charles Kurzman,

Since 2001, 18 of the 36 Muslim extremists who have engaged in attacks inside the United States were born in the United States, while 14 migrated here as children and would not have been stopped by the new vetting process […]

None came from the banned nations; Muslim extremists have accounted for 16 out of 240,000 murders in the United States since the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.

Now that’s simply not fair, to compare terrorist attacks by Radical Islamic Terrorists to plain old all-American murders, because terrorism is uniquely awful and makes people a lot deader than being stabbed or shot by a fellow American. Shame on you, Failing New York Times!

Yr Wonkette is brought to you by contributions from ordinary readers just like you, who are getting tired of carrying your freeloading ass. Make a donation, even a small one, to assuage your crippling guilt!

[Salon / White House / Failing New York Times]

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  • Msgr_MΩment
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Msgr_MΩment

    This time around, Trump signed the order in a Quiet Room, with no press present, possibly because he’s busy pouting.

    A padded cell would be very quiet, indeed.

  • Nounverb911

    In the meantime the ACLU, WA AG and NY AG are ready to litigate.

    https://twitter.com/kylegriffin1/status/838817682443087872

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Time for Xavier Becerra to get in on the fun.

  • Nounverb911

    I read on the internets that Aeroflot is offering special discounts for “Bad Dudes” in a hurry to get to the US before the ban takes effect.

  • schmannity

    Are Alabama, Idaho, and Utah included?

  • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

    Somewhat OT, but it appears Drumpf’s grandfather was also a draft dodger and made his money running a brothel. Seems about right.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2016/11/21/newly-unearthed-letter-shows-how-trumps-grandfather-begged-to-stay-in-germany/?utm_term=.3326975ba135

    • yyyaz

      Plus, denied re-entry when he wanted to go back to Germany. Double plus, very uncertain that Putin Puppet in Chief’s mum came here legally.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    a section calling for keeping tabs on “the number of foreign nationals in the United States who have been radicalized after entry into the United States”

    And how are they going to do that? What’s their measurement criteria going to be? What will they do after they come up with some number…

    …oh, why the fuck am I trying to make any sense out of this crap?

    • yyyaz

      IKR, like where do we start? The Mayflower passenger manifest? How many mass murderers are descended from those radical Xtains?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Well, the mass murderer descendants test leaves the Roanoke colony off the hook.

        Too soon?

      • Roadstergal

        Does hanging Quakers on Boston Common count as radicalized?

  • TJ Barke

    It’s easy to solve a problem that you make up.

    • That’s what makes my bengal tiger repellant so effective.

      • TJ Barke

        My anti mind control hats also, too.

        • natoslug

          My ant mind control hats have pretty much been a failure. I can’t keep them on their heads.

          • TJ Barke

            Well they are very small.

      • wait! what?

        Easy to market, too:

        “Too late for Roy, but not too late for you.”

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • TJ Barke

      Sleepy Ben is out of his depth, as usual.

    • Crank Tango

      Lemme guess, their descendants are all illegal immigrants now.

      • borninatrailer

        Frickin’ anchor babies.

    • theblackdog

      Yes, because they totally volunteered to come here in the first place!

    • ariel_gee_398

      I don’t get the same self-loathing vibe from Carson that I get from Thomas, so what on earth has brought him to this point? Is there any explanation left other than that he got an idea from that “physician, heal thyself” bit in the bible and accidentally broke his brain?

      • shivaskeeper

        There is money in this. It’s about the grift.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      “…who worked even harder for less….” Because how can you put a price on beatings, canings and hangings, much less shackles?…

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Okay, y’all, fess up: which one of you is putting the LSD in Ben’s Malt-o-meal?

      • Roadstergal

        Don’t blame drugs – I make way more sense than him when I’m on LSD.

      • yyyaz

        I dunno, LSD’s reputation was won by expanding consciousness. Thorazine, on the other hand….

    • The Wanderer
    • Latverian Diplomat

      FWIW, Pyramids are also great for Cotton storage.

    • Longstreet63

      Steerage class on the triangle route was limited in amenities. On the plus side, there was good security.

      • OneYieldRegular

        And shuffleboard? I’m sure there was shuffleboard on deck. I mean, wasn’t there?

        • borninatrailer

          Well, due to leg irons there was shuffling on boards while crossing the deck. Not sure if this counts.

  • exinkwretch

    It’s NOT a religious test, dammit! It’s a simple skin tone test!

  • Crank Tango

    So I haven’t been paying that much attention–it’s been 30 days, have we defeated ISIS yet? Never mind, I’ll just assume we have.

    • exinkwretch

      They wilted away in the face of the true manliness of the Trumpenfuhrer. Pathetic!

  • Nounverb911

    So does the travel ban include Khizr Khan? Rumors seem to be flying all over the place.

    • OneYieldRegular

      …Khizr Khan, Patrick Stewart, Meryl Streep, Jon Liebowitz…wait, is that name right?…

  • ariel_gee_398

    Did they really need marks on the floor to tell these three where to stand? They couldn’t figure out how to stand in a line together without help?

    • anwisok

      Yes. No.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
  • MynameisBlarney
  • Lefty Frizzell

    Is he saying that Iraqi ISIS militants are no longer a threat? Fucking RINO.

    • Longstreet63

      I know, right? Why are those brown people no longer dangerous? Did somebody buy a Trump Hotel there?

      • OneYieldRegular

        Coming! Spring 2019! Trump Tower Mosul!

  • Nounverb911
  • Lefty Frizzell

    Has anybody defined what “extreme vetting” actually is, seeing as how they’ve got 90 days to put it in place?

    • GoutMachine

      Not that I’ve seen, particularly since the vetting we already do seems rather extreme. I suppose what it looks like is making Afghan families with valid visas here on vacation get detained for days.

    • The Wanderer

      The applicant has to write a 500-word essay about why they want to enter the USA, then participate in a quadrathlon (biking, swimming, running, lawn croquet).

    • Crank Tango

      It’s vetting and it’s extreme. Jeeze.

      • natoslug

        So it’s not a mispronunciation of the W? I thought he was asking for more “extreme wetting” from his alleged pee hookers.

      • Persistent Demme

        Reminds of when I asked my daughter to define “space pirates.”
        She said, “They’re pirates. In space.”

    • Longstreet63

      It involves drinking Mountain Dew, I’m sure.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        While on a skateboard. It’s a whole Poochie thing.

    • sw19bunnies

      Giving a cow antibiotics whilst snowboarding?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        to the half pipe!

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Any vetting that’s short of “death or major organ failure”, I’m guessing?

    • doktorzoom
      • Lefty Frizzell

        They’re going to have to bring back Aaron Schock for that.

        Seriously though – what about waterboarding children to make the parents talk? How extreme can an undefined “extreme” be, from an executive that doesn’t think the Geneva conventions or any generally accepted standards of civilized behavior apply to them.

    • Alan

      Nope, don’t have to.

  • jaspersdad

    Gold Star father Khizr Khan has cancelled his speaking engagement in Toronto on March 7 because his “travel privileges are being reviewed”.

    • bookish

      Figures.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      I smell a hype – is there confirmation of this? Even Trump’s saying that citizens and green card holders are OK for the moment.

      • Sandy Beaches

        Why would you trust what he says?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        Except for the wide latitude ICE-holes have to harass them, of course.

      • Picabo
        • I’m still waiting on confirmation.
          From Global News Canada website:
          “According to a statement from Ramsay Talks, Khan, who organizer Bob Ramsay dubbed “Donald Trump’s arch-foe,” decided to cancel the speaking event at The Carlu Tuesday after he was notified of the alleged travel issues. It was not immediately clear how Khan’s travel privileges were being reviewed specifically or by whom.”

          Sounds pretty damned vague to me.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))
    • Jennifer R

      Some of those dudes might have been bad enough to rescue the president. Talk about short sighted.

  • Blackest Noobs

    file this under people are fucking dumb:

    libraries uses RFID tags and readers (it’s how we check out items). they are not magnetic. So when your dumbass forgets or loses your library card like you often do, i have to look up your record by ID. me placing that ID on the RFID reader does absolutely nothing to your fucking ID YOU DUMBFUCKINGMORON!

    and i get this pretty much on a daily basis….so when i heard Trump won….i said it figures…we’re a nation of dumbasses.

  • bookish

    Lies and other falsehoods.

    https://www.fastcompany.com/3068745/pov/untruths-falsehoods-and-lies-a-psychiatrists-tour-of-alternative-reality?partner=rss&google_editors_picks=true

    Even more worrisome, the general public seems to have an appetite for falsehood. As writer Adam Kirsch recently argued, “more and more, people seem to want to be lied to.” The lie, Kirsch argues, is seductive: “It allows the liar and his audience to cooperate in changing the nature of reality itself, in a way that can appear almost magical.”

    And when this magical transformation of reality occurs, whether in a political or scientific context, it becomes very difficult to reverse. As the writer Jonathan Swift put it, “Falsehood flies, and the Truth comes limping after it.”

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      It’s all about the grift.

    • Logic of Color

      Noice. I miss the old logo though

    • LesBontemps

      Um, how is Iran “compromised by radical Islamic terrorism,” exactly? I mean, other than it’s full of Muslims?

    • Alan

      Still don’t know why we are unsafe.

    • Thaumaturgist

      You don’t become a billionaire without first learning how to monetize everything you do.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      There should be some sort of rules about when you can start running for President again. Like, for instance, say you’re under investigation for colluding with Russians. You probably shouldn’t be out there trying to raise money for Make Russia Great Again V2.0.

    • therblig

      i assume the saudi royal family got this.

  • Me not sure

    Muslim band? If they’re gonna play bagpipes, I say get rid of them.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/17b157d927458913c99cdcb9ab9c37311b001b145ff39429b80c72e8f28a2cc0.jpg

    • Jamoche

      What if they’re bagpiping at a hate-mongering street preacher? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwLaDzKFiBY

      • LesBontemps

        Bagpipes, long used in battle to strike fear and dread into the hearts of enemies, especially those with a fondness for music.

      • yyyaz

        Finally! A better use for the ‘pipes than target practice.

      • marxalot

        The Irish bagpipe, or Ullean pipe, is smaller and less danderous than its undomesticated Scottish cousin…

      • Persistent Demme

        Bravo!

        Brilliant, American version of this:
        (never gets old)
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rs4P1kKK-5k

    • Nounverb911

      Didn’t they play at jared and ivanka’s wedding?

      • Me not sure

        Also birthday parties and funerals. They are very versatile.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Bagpipes in a Middle Eastern scale mode? How cool would THAT be?!

      • marxalot

        Check out the band Urban Turban, they seem like your style.

      • Me not sure

        That’s actually a Saudi Arabian Police band. You’re probably wise to seem enthused.

  • JMP

    Refusing Syrian refugees is great, because it’s not lie the mess there is due to our invasion of Iraq so that we have a special responsibility to them, or that this is exactly what ISIS wants.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • Ryan Denniston

      They do cavity searches at the border? That picture is so odd.

      • Persistent Demme

        They always wear those damn gloves for pat downs.
        Think about how nasty they must be!
        So glad that the TSA goons are protected.

    • Crank Tango

      What? It’s not like Australia is also listening in on the Russians or anything.

    • OrG

      Fuck,I’m planning on leaving the country twice this year.Maybe I shouldn’t wear my “Dump trump” t-shirt?

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Wear a MAGA cap just to pass thru customs?

        • OrG

          You Monster!

    • Marceline

      Is everyone in CBP a power crazed moron?

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Probably not, but the ones that are appear to be emboldened.

  • Crystalclear12

    Great.

    • sw19bunnies

      Again.

  • OneYieldRegular

    So this is essential for U.S. security, just like Muslim Ban 1.0 was essential, but they’ve gotten Iraq off the list now, so that wasn’t essential, and the permanent ban on Syrians is no longer essential, so that wasn’t essential either, and they’re not implementing it until the courts can review it, so the immediacy,which was so essential, is also no longer essential, so they basically admit that their first version was a total colossal f*ck-up that wrecked people’s lives, but still believe it’s essential that people’s lives get wrecked.

    GOOD F*CKING WORK.

    • GoutMachine

      Essentially, yeah.

  • Nounverb911
  • goonemeritus

    Is there any mention of closing the borders between NY and NJ. As a New Yorker that is the only immigration that makes me feel truly unsafe.

    • GoutMachine

      “The B&T Remediation Act of 2017”

    • Nounverb911
    • canes_pugnaces

      I can see the GW from my house in NYC. It’s a porous border, and every day scores of people come here, God knows what they are doing.

      • Roadstergal

        Some, I assume, are good people.

      • goonemeritus

        They are not vetted at all, and based on their driving and parking practices they can only be defined as a terrorist State.

      • BearDeLaOursistance

        Carrying all those jughandles…

    • Suttree

      Hey now! I have to get to Brooklyn to see Lizzie!

      • goonemeritus

        You need to be vetted and get a visa.

        • Suttree

          I lived in Brooklyn when I was a kid. I went to the same P.S. that Lawrence Fishburn went to years before me. I lived near Prospect Park. Can I has visa?

          • goonemeritus

            How do we know you haven’t been indoctrinated by a radical Garden State ideology?

          • Suttree

            The pizza here sucks ass. Good enough for ya?

          • goonemeritus

            Ok you pass, just keep your nose clean and don’t let us catch you humming Bon Jovi tunes.

          • Suttree
          • goonemeritus

            Bruce is owned by the world and The Band are naturalized Woodstock NY citizens.

          • Suttree

            OK. SO I drunkenly fell down the stairs of the 1 train at 116th on Thanksgiving. I gave myself a black eye. I have had subway grime rubbed into my face. I have a picture of my father in the lady’s arms in front of the Columbia library. I have spent years of my life at the Hungarian Pasty Shop up on Amsterdam. I remember the original H&H Bagels!

          • goonemeritus

            All laudable but how much do you still hate the Dodgers for leaving their fans. And do you remember Ebinger’s Crumb Cake?

          • Suttree

            I used to go to Shea back when the Mets games when played the Reds and Pete Rose had yet to be banned. I watched all seven games in 1986. I saw the ball pass through Bill Buckners legs!!!! My mother got me Junior’s cheesecake for my birthday. For my birthday last year, my father, Lizzie and a cousin went to the Met. I have three years of Met stickers pasted into my wallet because they don’t have the clip-on tokens anymore.

          • Suttree
  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I’m confused. Trump started saying “radical islamic terrorism”. Didn’t that fix everything?

    • laughingnome

      He didn’t say it with the proper zeal.

    • grindstone

      You have to say it three times into a mirror. Then Biggy Smalls shows up and takes out all the terrorists with the severed arm of bloody Mary.

  • Jamoche

    Does this mean we’ll be seeing a Trump International Iraq hotel soon?

  • Ryan Denniston

    “It’s dropped one country, Iraq, from the
    list of countries from which travel will be put on hold for 90 days
    while the Trump administration puts its exciting new “extreme vetting”
    plan in place.”

    Given that we’re now a month in and Fail Team Trump hasn’t managed to pass any major, SUCCESSFUL initiatives… hell, they haven’t even finished staffing the team yet(!), why are they sticking with 90 days? They’ll need a lot more than that!

    • natoslug

      It’s good to know we’ve thoroughly eliminated ISIS, Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, and Al-Gebra from Iraq.

      • Sandy Beaches

        My kid will be thrilled that Al-Gebra has been eliminated.

        • natoslug

          Hopefully he’s not planning on a career in data science. Otherwise he’s in for a severe disappointment — all of that quadratic crap returns to terrorize you. It’s an algebraic jihad.

          • Sandy Beaches

            She. And no. She’s a STEAMer not a STEMer

          • clubseal

            If she lives in Cleveland, you may want a different nickname.

      • sw19bunnies

        Mission Accomplished!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “It’s not a Muslim ban, it’s a Saracen ban. Uh, would you accept Mohammedan ban?”
    — Rex Tillerson

    “How about ban on the Islams? Does that work?”
    — Jeff Sessions

  • Nounverb911

    I read on the internets that there has been a sudden increase in the number “Saudis” interested in coming to the US for flight training.

  • canes_pugnaces

    I’ll only be satisfied, truly satisfied, when there is a yuge bigly ban on Republicans, red ties and orange spray tan. I don’t care where they come from.

    • Ryan Denniston

      I was just wondering to myself whether US state origin was an accurate predictor of Lone Wolves, and a travel ban might make sense. Probably no correlation though. Except Florida.

      • canes_pugnaces

        Perhaps an Interstate Stupidity Ban may solve this.

      • Suttree

        As a former resident of Louisiana, I’d say just include the whole gulf coast.

      • marxalot

        Poverty, childhood nutrition, and education are better predictors. We have a system which actually manufactures inequality, and from that raw material produces a whole host of other evils.

  • bookish

    https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/03/trump-travel-ban/518694/?google_editors_picks=true

    Washington Attorney General Robert Ferguson said Monday the state was reviewing the legal implications after the new order’s announcement. But legal experts noted Trump’s rhetoric and past comments could still threaten the revised order in court.

    “Some of the challenges to the initial order would be blunted by the changes reflected in the newly issued travel ban, but the most fundamental constitutional infirmities in the original ban, stemming from its grounding in anti-Muslim sentiment rather than in any rational assessment of danger, all remain,” said Laurence Tribe, a Harvard University constitutional law professor. “History cannot be so easily erased, and the Supreme Court’s decisions about the Religion Clauses and the Equal Protection Clause all reflect a strong concern with religiously or ethnically motivated restrictions that denigrate people based on their beliefs or their ancestry.”

  • OrG

    This is red meat for the trumpkins. Political theatre,nothing more.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      He needs to check something off the to-do list before the nativist natives get restless

    • Persistent Demme

      And lucky for us that it becomes more when it affects people’s lives.
      Thank you, hate-filled Trumpkins!
      *eyeroll*

  • Nounverb911
    • Roadstergal

      But it doesn’t ban ALL muslims, so it’s not a muslim ban! [/wingnutosphere]

      Just like it’s not a hate crime if you don’t lynch ALL the black folk in a town.

      • Raqueltlowe

        Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dl273c:
        On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
        !dl273c:
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    • Suttree

      One of the two Muslims in congress. Isn’t there one atheist also? Something something religious test.

      • Lefty Frizzell

        Mark my words – there will be an openly muslim president before an openly atheist one.

        • Roadstergal

          Didn’t Princess Dumbass of the Northwoods say she’d take an atheist president before a muslim one? Of course, who knows what she ‘thinks’ these days.

          • Persistent Demme

            Talk about someone who should have had extreme vetting…

          • Jared James

            An in-person interview might have eliminated the need for a decade of making fun of her 100% Authentic Frontier Gibberish, and now I’m a little conflicted because I’ve stropped my razored wit upon mocking her folksy style for years now.

        • Suttree

          It’s hard out here for a(n) pimp atheist.

    • canes_pugnaces

      But it isn’t a Muslim ban. It’s a ban on people who are Muslim.

      • Ducksworthy

        Once you accept that guns don’t kill people it gets easier.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    In the five weeks since the first Muslim ban, and the six weeks since inauguration, and the four months since the election … in all that time, what has Little Babby Donnie done to actually improve the (supposedly) broken vetting process. You know, the one where refugees spend years being vetted but we still know nothing about them. If I were a betting man, I’d bet the farm on double-zero for this.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Simply saying radical islamic terrorism wasn’t enough! You guys! Policy to defend our borders is tough! Who knew it could be this complicated?

    • ThePuckStopsHere

      Same as he’s done for your ave hard working American. Zip. Nada. Zilch.

    • clubseal

      Hey, he’s signed a bunch of Executive Orders, which were bad under Obama, but are now magically great!

  • Alan

    Stupid 2.0.

    • dslindc

      This release contains enhancements to stupidity, but no fixes.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        The user manual and end user license have been updated.

      • Longstreet63

        It’s just had the documentation rewritten as if the previous bugs were now enhancements.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        The stupidity is a feature, not a bug

  • Crystalclear12

    Most of what I want to say will get me banned so I will just sit here and think it really loudly. I’m sure my fellow wonkers can understand me

    • Ryan Denniston

      Something something with votes?

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        I’m not sure how you do that with votes….

        • Raan

          Or how you work the butterchurn in.

        • Suttree

          Roll them up in a long tube sock?

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          The eggplant maybe, but there’s no way you’re fitting votes in there alongside it…

    • marxalot

      I think so, Brain, but where are we going to get that much marshamallow creme?

  • Wild Cat

    OT: Has anyone had the masochistic urge to read Susan Chira of “The Asshole New York Times” article today on how the Evil Libtards are just as bad to Conway as the neo-nazis are to Evil Libtard Women? My blood pressure has been to high to hit that “both side do it” link.

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      I couldn’t finish it. Fuck her and fuck Conway.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    “Now that’s simply not fair, to compare terrorist attacks by Radical Islamic Terrorists to plain old all-American murders, because terrorism is uniquely awful and makes
    people a lot deader than being stabbed or shot by a fellow American. ”

    Especially the ones stabbed or shot by a fellow American in the name of Jesus Christ.

    • Raan

      Or with shrapnel in their necks because something something conception.

  • clubseal

    So the next asshole American who beats his wife to death won’t need to worry about being tracked, so long as he doesn’t call it an “honor killing”?

    Not that domestic violence is a humongous issue in this country, particularly in poor, rural areas. Or far more common than “terrorism.”

    Fuck.

  • bookish

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/republicans-poised-to-roll-back-worker-safety-regulations/2017/03/06/87a6c266-fd27-11e6-8f41-ea6ed597e4ca_story.html

    President Trump and congressional Republicans are poised to roll back a series of Obama-era worker safety regulations targeted by business groups, starting with a rule that would require federal contractors to disclose and correct serious safety violations.

    The Senate is set to vote Monday evening to eliminate the regulation, dubbed the Fair Pay and Safe Workplaces rule. Finalized in August and blocked by a court order in October, the rule would limit the ability of companies with recent safety problems to complete for government contracts unless they agreed to remedies.

    The measure to abolish it has already cleared the House. The next step after the Senate vote would be the White House, where Trump is expected to sign it.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Who needs the stupid government, anyway? Oh, right…those of us who want clean water/air; non-extinct animals; shred of humanity & not to be fucked over by our employer :(

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Violence against women by American citizens is still bad, we assume, but will not get any new attention.

    Depends on the American citizen and his net worth.

    • GoutMachine

      Skin color, also too.

  • Roadstergal

    Our work sent out an email almost immediately expressing their opposition to this ban, and how very bad it is for employees and business.

    This is a company that works hard to preserve the appearance of political neutrality. But this is just too Obviously Bad.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    Why would anyone want to come here anymore? Seriously, why would you put yourself through this, regardless of where you come from, when they’re stopping people like children’s book authors and the Australian “top cop” mentioned downthread? For people who make a lot of money from hotels, the Twitler family sure seems studiply anti-traveler to me.

    • sw19bunnies

      Who needs a tourism industry anyway?

    • ariel_gee_398

      I assume that proof of a reservation at or investment in a Trump property will be considered sufficient grounds for a waiver of any entry restrictions they put in place.

      • Roadstergal

        …you know, I think you’re on to something. Grifty McFuckusall is fine with any skin tone as long as it’s slipping him cash.

      • Persistent Demme

        TSA PreCheck.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Add this to how TSA will institute more “aggressive/invasive pat downs” that “may involve touching genitals”…whoopie! I’m sure everyone will be running to come visit! Come for the fondling, stay for the treasonous administration ;)

      • Persistent Demme

        The security theater people once put me through a rape scanner AND gave me a pat down. (How dirty are those gloves?)
        I think the TSA guy could feel the rage flowing off of me, cause I didn’t speak.
        He said, “you don’t have to be like this, ma’am.”
        I growled, “yes I do.”

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          Wow! So sorry you had to endure that :(

          • Persistent Demme

            Thanks!
            My waiting family was super nervous, (cause they knew how I felt about all this), and kept saying things like, “take your time” and “it’ll be fine.”

    • marxalot

      TSA air travel advisory has gone from “arrive 1-2 hours prior to departure” to “budget 2-3 days in holding prior to entry or exit,” new guidelines forthcoming.

  • Nounverb911
  • Raan

    Aand injunction in three, two…

  • Suttree

    (probably won’t, any more than it prevents rogue dodo attacks)

    Pickwick libelz!

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Surely the good Dok only eluded to American Dodo’s. Not those resisting from Canada ;)

  • sw19bunnies

    What about keeping tabs on the number of resident (white) nationals who have been radicalized from within the US?
    They could call it the Lone Wolf Executive Order.

    • yyyaz

      How about the 100 Million Moran EO? Starting with Bill-O’s viewers, Limpballs listeners, Bitefart’s “readers,” Pat Robertson’s acolytes….

    • georgiaburning

      Hmm, you can start with the list of NRA Life Members

  • puredog

    “All-American murders are as American as apple pie.” With apologies to H. Rap Brown.

  • Jenny

    As more crazy things leak, like whoops Trump might be money laundering with the Iranians and the Russians, and probably every other terrible person in the world, the Republicans will be asked hey why didn’t you vet this guy?? Why didn’t you stand up to all this corruption you fucking jerks?!

    Oh what a glorious dream for the next 8 years to have the stank of Trump tied to the Republican party.

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    I’m not surprised that this is being tried again, but I do wonder how they’ve managed to overlook the obvious fact that our economy is going to take a huge hit when companies who have business here can’t bring their people in, so they leave and set up in places where they’re welcome. Not to mention what’s going to happen to states that are heavily dependent on tourism. I thought the thing about Twitler was that he was this great businessman? Must’ve been the ‘shrooms.

    • GoutMachine

      Yup. The business community is pissed about this. Not only is it the free movement of people, it’s also a huge headache that’s unnecessary. Talk about superfluous regulations …

    • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

      I read that the EU is considering a visa requirement for entry by US citizens. That would go over really well with US businesses.

      • GoutMachine

        Yeah, me too, and as someone who travels to the EU frequently for work, I’ll be pissed if it happens. (It was a nonbinding resolution.)

    • Red Bird Ω

      They also blocked H1B visa approvals.

      • Roadstergal

        That’s the bit that will put tech/biotech companies in a super fit.

        • Red Bird Ω

          Not sure about that. I think locals want the ban on the H1B because they think they are losing jobs to cheaper labor.

          • Roadstergal

            Sure, but the companies know that they need H1Bs in order to keep certain positions filled. US Americans aren’t cutting it.

          • Red Bird Ω

            US Americans think they’re good enough so that makes it the truth.

  • bluicebank

    Good to see the ACLU is on the mofo. And flush with cash. And court victories.

    Lawyers and money. Two out of three ain’t bad. /ht Zevon

  • Blackest Noobs

    where’s the ban on radicalized white men?

    • natoslug

      We’re all lone wolves. Even the ones that conspire together.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “Radicalized white man” is a contradiction in terms to these folks.

    • natoslug

      “Yer honor, my client is simply too stupid to be a part of a conspiracy!”

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “I would have also accepted ‘too pale to be part of a conspiracy’.”
        — A judge

    • Asterix

      Radicalized white men? Child, please! No such thing. They are patriots exercising their 2nd Amendment rights to slaughter and/or terrorize anyone who isn’t a white male.

      • natoslug

        And to slaughter fellow white males who were too slow on the draw, or were dumb enough to interfere with the path of the bullets, also too.

      • Red Bird Ω
      • Blackest Noobs

        well this brown skinned person shoots back.
        they might have their fancy pants semi-autos with 15-17 rounds against my six shooter ( which unlike their automatics NEVER JAMS) but unlike them im a fucking dead eye shot like Danny Glover in them Lethal Weapons movies.

        (side side tangent- ive seen these fellas at the gun range and they couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn, like ZERO gun discipline.)

        • Persistent Demme

          Well, be careful, Noobs.
          They are idiots.

          • Blackest Noobs

            thanks but wouldn’t be my first rodeo ( well ok, first with crazy white men shooting but ive dealt with worse, i.e. brownie skinned folks with AK’s)
            and my revolver served me well and has never failed me.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      See, you’re not thinking about this in its proper context. The only “radical” white man is a liberal cuck who drinks Starbucks double latte and holds his wife’s purse while she spends the money Soros paid them to protest. Real white men are freedom-loving supporters of the Holy Second Amendment(tm) who occasionally, regrettably, might – just might! – accidentally shoot someone three or four times in the back, but only because they deserved it, and when that happens it’s completely due to a lone wolf-type situation, and anyway it’s too soon to talk about it, and we need to make it legal for every patriot to own his own Abrams tank. Now don’t you feel silly for thinking there’s a problem?

  • natoslug

    Time for the Trump admin to create a scheduled task to randomly rewrite and resubmit the ban every few weeks. Everyone loves the autoban.

  • Jamoche

    http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/gold-star-father-s-toronto-speech-cancelled-as-travel-rights-are-reviewed-organizer-1.3312966

    A Muslim Gold Star father who famously offered to lend Donald Trump his copy of the U.S. Constitution has cancelled a scheduled speech in Toronto because “his travel privileges are being reviewed,” according to the event organizer.

    Ramsay Talks, which arranged for Khizr Khan to speak in Toronto on Tuesday, said in a Facebook post that Khan was notified Sunday night about the travel review.

    Ramsay Talks says in its statement that Khan has been a U.S. citizen for more than 30 years and his speech would have been about “tolerance, understanding, unity and the rule of law.”

    • Asterix

      I’ve been waiting for this couple to show up in the news as having been harassed and/or detained by TSA or CBP or ICE. It was only a matter of time.

    • boyblue122

      petty vindictiveness

      • Raan

        Well shit, that’s why the Beast ran in the first place.

      • Edith Prickly

        That is the sole thing Trump is really good at

        • Hobbes’ Evil Twin

          nah, if he was any good at it he’d have waited for the review after the Khan’s had left the country. Just like everything with this fucking administration, it’s “Malevolence Tempered by Incompetence.”

        • Reximus

          It’s actually just what he’s least terrible at

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “tolerance, understanding, unity and the rule of law.”

      All things that are despised by the Donald Deplorables.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Feel safer yet?”
    — The Trump Administration

    • natoslug

      “No.”
      — The US of Amercians.

    • Roadstergal

      Only responses from the white of dick will be tallied.

      • puredog

        My turgid purple love muscle of love is ineligible?

        • Roadstergal
          • Raan

            I’m right around row 3 column 2 or row 2 column 3.

          • Roadstergal

            Ooh, buddy, you’re borderline. Better invest in some orange foundation.

          • Good_Gawd_Yall

            I’m the background. Sigh.

  • Nounverb911
    • natoslug

      I don’t care if he has no Russian ties. Can’t he be removed from his position for sheer stupidity?

      • yyyaz

        How do you think he got there?

        • natoslug

          He was the only “urban” Turnip could think of when he was told he needed to fill the position?

          • Persistent Demme

            Ben and Steve Harvey.

    • The Wanderer

      Dafuq?

    • Chyron HR

      “And every human being, they have a brain.”

      Not EVERY human being, clearly.

    • clubseal

      Also too, issue taken with the idea that nothing in the universe compares to the human brain. I realize he’s implicitly making a religious statement there, but we have no feckin’ clue what really exists even a couple light years beyond our humble home, if for no other reason than we’re seeing the information far too late.

    • OneYieldRegular

      “they too had a dream”

      Jesus f-ing Christ.

    • He’s also wrong about the brain-stimulation reference. The brain is not a solid-state processor or storage unit. It is corruptible over time. We remember incorrectly those things we initially misperceived.

      • Undocumented Skwerl!

        Damn straight. As a referee we train ourselves to call the play in the moment and not to second guess it because we almost always remember it wrong.

    • Doug Langley

      Tell me again why Liz Warren voted for him and said “Well, could be worse”?

      • bobbert

        Because it could be worse?

    • Raan

      “My GrandDaddy’s Granddaddy probably found himself moved from Africa to
      New Orleans pretty damn quickly without much say in the matter.” – CJ, Part 20, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas LP by Jerusalem.

      https://lparchive.org/Grand-Theft-Auto-San-Andreas-(Screenshot)/

    • Persistent Demme

      Yes, Ms. Sarandon, he’s just the same as Hillary.
      Is this the kind of thing that will bring on the “revolution” your wealthy, lily-white ass wants to see?

  • Manhattan123

    This is the ban that is vital to improve security. Except they delayed it for a week so they could bask in the (short-lived) glow of his congressional speech. You know, that one where he got kudos for reading off a Prompter for an hour without drooling or biting the head off a live bat.

    • boyblue122

      he didnt drop trou and moon anybody either

      • bluicebank

        Jim Morrison libelz!

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Ozzy LIBELZ!1!

    • emeraldSETI

      OZZY OSBOURNE LIBEL !

  • bookish

    At the most basic level, we cannot allow Trump, Bannon, Conway, and many others to set the standard of how we behave towards one another. This includes our personal and professional relationships with one another as well as how we respond to the authoritarian threat facing the nation. Social trust is essential to the functioning of a democratic society. Compassion and empathy are critical to respectful relationships and mutual understanding and tolerance. While we should be unyielding in our resistance, we should avoid the trap of treating those who promote an agenda of mistrust and dismissal as they treat us. If we fail to stand up for our values and behaviors through our actions and how we treat people, then we have allowed the authoritarian regime to set the standards of how we behave towards one another. As W.H. Auden said in a poem written as the clouds of fascism darkened Europe in 1939, “we must love one another or die.”

    Second, we cannot be bystanders, particularly if we are not directly targeted and seen as “other” by Trump and his followers. Whenever an authoritarian leader has risen, he has been enabled by thousands, millions of bystanders who could have stopped him. It is with particular distress that we watch mainstream Republican leaders embracing Trump, or Christians condoning his actions – because by not acting against him, they are making allowances for his way of treating others, which is a threat to not only the United States but to the world: We are not observing the rise of a tyrant in a small country, but in the world’s economically, militarily, and culturally most powerful country. No one who cares about democracy, peace, justice, kindness, and respect can sit on the sidelines. Our efforts need to go beyond criticizing Trump – that is the easy part – but to all those who enable and condone his behavior. Trump’s behavior must be seen as not only destructive to civic unity but as being politically radioactive for those who do not denounce it. Ongoing, daily, unrelenting peaceful activism at all levels and all forms is called for.

    Third, with the behaviors we described, what is called for is setting limits. Limits with a President include confronting lies, insults, and shirking responsibility by blaming others with facts. Limits include filing lawsuits against authoritarian, unconstitutional behaviors. Limits can be enacted through peaceful demonstrations. And setting limits also means confronting dystopian and harmful policies while emotionally disengaging from psychological and emotional mistreatment; he will not change but we can change how we react to him.

    • yyyaz

      “We must love one another or die.” Guess which one Trumpistas prefer.

    • Wild Cat

      I don’t think the French Resistance, over-romanticized as it is, would stand a chance if they all had twitter and blogs to rant on.

      “Jean-Paul, can you shoot that gestapo agent at the Plaza de Phartz?”
      “Merde! Can’t you see I am tweeting about Matthiu de la Rue’s boyish dreams in relation to Gide to some uncouth nazi, you cretin!”

    • Persistent Demme

      Nope.
      Nice idea, but the Trumpanzees can go to hell.

  • boyblue122

    OT – Now dumb-dumb is picking a fight with Comey apparently

    https://twitter.com/politico/status/838743747785605122

    • Latverian Diplomat

      I have to say, it would be hilarious if, after all he did for the Republican cause, Comey still winds up fired.

      • boyblue122

        then theyll just get a bigger a-hole to replace him

        • Latverian Diplomat

          Sure, but part of Comey’s motivation was probably the sense that if Hillary won, he was toast.

          Irony can be delicious sometimes.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            He definitely seems the self serving type

          • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

            Honestly, if Trump fires Comey, there better be bloody protests in the streets of DC because the fix is in.

            Grassley just announced he is investigating… wait for it… ties between the FBI and Christopher Steele.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            lolwut? Assume truth dead…

      • Roadstergal

        “Aren’t you happy you kept that meanie Hillz from getting elected?”

      • OrG

        Even more hilarious: comey gets trump impeached and put on trial for treason.

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy.

        • Latverian Diplomat

          If Comey’s not careful, he’ll end up in a Russian Gulag.

      • Persistent Demme

        I wanna read his tell-all book.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Maybe one day the so-called President will have access to the most advanced intelligence gathering apparatus in the world instead of relying on things he reads on Fake News sites like Breitbart who get their stories from Steve Bannon’s ass?

      • clubseal

        I don’t like the thought of anyone having that much power, Trump or not.

    • Jenny

      Loyalty oath! Get straight to making him take a loyalty oath! It’s the only way!1!1!!1

    • Edith Prickly

      Brilliant strategy, start a public pissing match with the guy who has the intel you are desperately trying to cover up. This should end well.

      • boyblue122

        The leaks will turn into a deluge at some point

    • A_Changeling

      If a president doesn’t believe the information collected for him to make decisions, what use is he? Isn’t that his job?

  • Martini Ambassador

    And just so that citizen Muslims don’t feel left out, the admin of shitty shitheads are making special arrangements to harass them too: Gold Star father cancels speech in Toronto, organization says ‘travel privileges are being reviewed’

  • goonemeritus

    Susan Sarandon asks us all to remember that Hillary would have been just as bad.

    • The Wanderer

      Fuck Susan Sarandon with a steel dildo of votes.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        a rusty, tetanus infected steel dildo of votes

        FIFY

      • Wild Cat

        With Tim Robbins’ street hockey sticks with votes.*

        *Ooops, he left her sorry ass for someone who is sane.

      • Raan

        Until the handle breaks off and she has to get a doctor to remove it.

        With votes.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “There’s no truth to the rumor that Susan Sarandon causes autism. Vaccines on the other hand…”
      — Dr. Jill Stein

    • Crystalclear12

      What’s she smoking and why isn’t she sharing?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        you really want any of what she’s smoking?

        • Crystalclear12

          Fair point.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            always stick to sources you trust- her’s seems to be laced with something worse than paraquat

          • angel dust

        • OrG

          Only if its the chronic.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Her own farts, honey.

        • snark-lurker

          you just gave me the mental image of a person toking on a rubber toob that is stuck up their butthole

          • Raan

            She’s ruining a perfectly good bong water pipe that way.

          • Ms.MLG on Maui

            I always picture her head directly up her own ass.

      • Raan

        Her and Ryder with that fuckin’ wet.

      • shastakoala

        Hormone replacement therapy.

  • weejee
  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Biff52

      Hee!

    • wait! what?

      “Crater the deal” sums up the outcome of everything Donald touches.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Sorta like the Midas Touch.
        Instead of things turning into gold. They turn into pewp.

        • wait! what?

          It explains why Donald has so many vacant cabinet positions. The fine print says that everyone has to take turns following him around with the scooper

    • bluicebank

      It’s a shame we couldn’t invent a financial instrument to buy the debts and litigate the injury. If Wall Street can do it …

    • Raan
    • Asterix

      Well now Trump can have that trial he wanted. Good for him.

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      Didn’t I read that Twitler took in something like $135 million with the scam and that paying back only $25 million leaves him with a massive net profit? I hope the judge has thought about that and decides that it’s time to get every penny back, with interest, for everyone involved (even if they were stupid enough to think Dolt 45 was a “savvy” businessman).

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    I would just like to congratulate the majority-Muslim countries who do not have Trump hotels. Personally, I would rather stay at the Overlook all winter long.

    • Crystalclear12

      I hear bar is nice.

      • shastakoala

        But stay out of the Gold room.

        • Crystalclear12

          I thought you’re supposed avoid the red rum?

      • Mpeg

        Gonna need a bigger snowblower~

    • Me not sure

      Try not to work too hard.

      • Ms.MLG on Maui

        Hehe!!

  • Me not sure
  • MynameisBlarney

    Perhaps now someone will lock that stupid fucker up.

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028756224

    • TJ Barke

      But we’re the evil authoritarians… FFS.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      stochastic terrorism

      • MynameisBlarney

        No even that subtle is it?

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      “enough to get (Jones) kicked off YouTube”? How about, “kicked off the planet” or “sentenced to life in prison” or “force-fed his meds”?

      • TJ Barke

        A well balanced on anti psychotic drugs Alex Jones renouncing all his previous bullshit would be so incredible…

    • OrG

      Hope he’s right about all that Destroyin’

    • A_Changeling

      “This is total war.”

      Credit where credit is due: it took a lot longer to get here the last time!

    • A_Changeling

      they’re going to destroy Eric, they’re going to destroy Donald Jr., they’re going destroy me, they’re going to destroy Matt Drudge, they’re going to destroy Ron Paul, they’re going to destroy anybody like Stephen Bannon

      Ahh, yes, please.
      “They” being themselves.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Very well, motherfucker. Heads on pikes.

    • Amelia

      Deep breathing. All the deep breathing.

    • Crank Tango

      So all those government conspiracies just magically ended, is that what happened?

    • Raan

      Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean…

      [deep breath]

      FUCKIN’ BRING IT, YOU IGNORANT DISGUSTING BLOB! YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A SHORT-CHAIN MOLECULE!

      God, I am really hitting the Ghostbusters quotes lately.

    • Suttree

      5150 at least.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Word I’m getting through OrdinaryKid is Muslims are being detained at this moment at LAX based on Trumpenazi Law No. 2.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      considering it isn’t supposed to take effect for ten days…

      • OrdinaryJoe

        Tell that to the ICEstappo.

        • Notreelyhelping

          They do seem to be enjoying themselves a bit too much.

        • Suttree

          Seriously. I just renewed my I.D. today because my white fucking ass is afraid to go through train checkpoints in NYC. I haven’t seen ICE but the NYPD and National Guard have been everywhere for the past few weeks.

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Ihre Papiere bitte.

          • Suttree

            Darf ich mit einem Anwalt sprechen?

          • OrdinaryJoe

            Nachdem du gestehst.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            ICE are here – the bastards hide behind jackets that say “POLICE” on them.

          • Suttree

            I am not about to start yelling at them. I just feel confident that I can make it through a checkpoint even though I have an open bottle of vodka underneath my pajamas in my closed weekend bag. About a decade ago, a friend of mine was stuck up in The Tombs for a week because he didn’t have I.D. That was the story anyway. A bunch of Louisianians piled in a car for a New York road trip. I’m sure hijinks ensued.

    • Asterix

      Yes, and they’re being released. The ACLU should move their offices to every airport in the country – save themselves some commuting time.

  • Proud Liberal

    Can we please get this man out of office as soon as possible? He’s destroying our country!

    • Persistent Demme

      C’mon FBI, CIA, IRS, anybody?!
      (While there’s something left!)

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Will no one rid me of this meddlesome president?

  • Undocumented Skwerl!
    • snark-lurker

      survived but deaf as a post

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        Well, that way he doesn’t have to listen to any more Toby fkn Keith.

    • wait! what?

      Percy for White House cat; he’d be the smartest orange thing in the Oval Office.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        A stowaway, without proper papers? I think not.

    • Longstreet63

      He probably didn’t even wake up until dinner time.

  • Mpeg

    Look at those three. Was their warm-up exercise before hitting the stage to huddle and then chime in succession:
    Rex: “RAD-ic-al-”
    Sessions: “IZ-lam –”
    Kelly: “TERrorist !”

  • Anna Rompage

    Speaking of immigrants, our new HUD director, Ben Carson, just said slaves are immigrants who came here with dreams for a better future….

    Jesus fucking christ…

    • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

      JFC is right. He’s feeding into the exact slave narrative that Republicans want. Ugh.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Uncle Ben’s Perverted Lies? I’d make the box for this product, but I no haz Photoshop.

      • GoutMachine

        Rice libelz!!!!1!!

    • Crank Tango

      Probably explains why they threw themselves overboard whenever they got the chance.

    • snark-lurker

      no shit?!

    • snark-lurker

      WTF is wrong with him? seriously. SERIOUSLY!

      • Bitter Scribe

        Now watch. He’ll claim that people “misunderstood” him.

        Hey Ben: Maybe people keep “misunderstanding” you because no one can understand you.

    • ariel_gee_398
    • azeyote

      it was already a nightmare –

    • Bitter Scribe

      Would that better future include not being slaves?

      • Longstreet63

        Well, I guess they got half their wish, right?

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        Ouch. You abused my language parser.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        Also, too, as well, it depends on if it weighs as much as a duck.

      • Ducksworthy

        An unladen African swallow?

    • NastyBossetti

      I mean… I guess after a period of time stacked like firewood in the belly of a ship, you probably couldn’t have dreamed your future would be anything BUT better than that?

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      Dammit, who woke him up? Now it’ll take forever to get him to go b… oh, wait, never mind.

    • LesBontemps

      In exactly the same way that HBCUs were the product of the free market and “choice” for private education.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      What the fuck is wrong with him?

    • Biff52

      I guess that’s why they traveled in steerage?

  • marxalot

    Sorry, can we get a caption on that photo? All these old white dudes look the same to me.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Rex, Jeffy and Kelley

    • A_Changeling

      “Old white dudes”

      • Longstreet63

        Old white hombres

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Villago Delenda Est

      One of the bad “dudes” is sitting in the Oval Office.

      • wait! what?

        …on the sofa, with her shoes tucked into the cushions…

      • LesBontemps

        Just one?

      • BackDoorMan

        … I believe you mean “is shitting in the Oval Office”. Dude is just doing his doody.

    • TJ Barke

      Fucking 7 year old logic.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        apparently, it’s no longer a problem though

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Trump to blame Obama in 3…2…1…
    https://twitter.com/WSJ/status/838842897827000321

    • Suttree

      How fucking quickly will Rick Snyder receive a phone call saying “something something tax breaks”?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        promise them bottled water for life

    • Longstreet63

      Well, thank goodness those jobs aren’t going to Mexico, right?

    • Liberal Fascist Ron

      Thanks, Trump!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Trump won’t be told about it, and Fucks Gnus won’t mention it, therefore it never happened.

  • bookish

    Are you ready?

    The Ides of Trump only a few days away. Wednesday March 15, 2017.

    Send Trump a postcard– or many– and make your voice heard.

    http://progressohio.org/event/the-ides-of-trump/

  • Notreelyhelping

    Nobody’s Last Words: “Well, at least it wasn’t a terrorist.”

  • bookish

    March for Science, DC.

    April 22, 2017.

    List of satellite marches worldwide.
    https://t.co/UAJgzR2Wkq

    • boyblue122

      theres also the tax march the week before that

      • bookish

        Thanks! You motivated me to look up the full calendar.

        April
        4/1/2017: Fire the Fool Rally

        4/15/2017: Tax Day March in DC

        4/22/2017: Science March in DC (satellite cities being added)

        4/29/2017: Climate March

        May

        5/6/2017: Immigrants March

        June

        6/11/2017: National Pride March

        • boyblue122

          wow…the protest organizers did a great job organizing all those events

        • Liberal Fascist Ron

          So not only will Donnie have to see all this displeasure with his skanky orange ass, those of us on the left will also be in REALLY great shape. Win-win!

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    And all because the trump administration needs to focus fear on an “enemy”. The Putin playbook says it should be one most folks don’t have daily contact with….

    • tapp_my_wire,please

      As a noted presidential historian that he is, the Donald seems to have forgotten that crippled guy saying Nothing to fear but fear itself.

  • weejee

    Dok, can you banhammer tRump?

  • Proud Liberal
    • Nounverb911

      He’s been an American citizen for 30 years!

      • Anna Rompage

        But he’s brown skinned and has a funny name….

        • Villago Delenda Est

          And he very publically challenged Donald at the DNC.

          • LesBontemps

            Moose-limbed, also too.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        His son gave his life for this country, which is more than any Trump or Romney spawn ever did. I saw on the news the other day that they’re trying to deport a Mexican dude who has done two tours of duty in Iraq.

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        Wrong. True American citizens turn white and delightsome.

        • Biff52

          Like Chaffetz?

          • yyyaz

            It was part of LDS canon. TBF, I haven’t checked up on whether it still is.

          • Biff52

            Biff used to walk among them. It’s no longer in the book, but it only got taken out in 1978. Because the church preznit (and living prophet) had a revelation.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Welcome to the new Soviet Union.

      • TJ Barke

        Soviet libel?

      • OrG

        Same as the old Soviet Union.

        • yyyaz

          But with way more powerful tech tools.

          • shastakoala

            And better figure skaters.

          • UncleTravelingMatt

            Igor Larianov libelz!!!!1!!!

      • Reximus

        Back in the TSSR

    • There’s been no corroboration explaining who told Khan what in regard to travel. The story has been on the internet long enough to cough up some details by now, I would think. But there’s nothing.

      FUCK TRUMP all the same, however.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        Oh no. Please don’t let this be a repeat of the Austin Gay Cake hoax…

        • He also has responded “no comment” to The Hill. And the L.A. Times says “Gold Star father Khizr Khan has canceled a scheduled speech in Toronto after being told his “travel privileges are being reviewed,” according to the event organizer.
          It was not immediately clear which government agency contacted him or what was under review.”
          BECAUSE KHAN HAS NOT GIVEN THAT INFORMATION TO ANYONE.
          (all caps yelling mine)

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        He’s a U.S. citizen – they can’t touch him, unless they want to file some sort of criminal charge. (And making Trump look like an ass is not yet a felony.)

        • We have no idea who contacted Kahn. Zip. Zero Nada. This story was picked up and run with. Only Kahn knows WHO told him WHAT exactly. No one else.

  • shastakoala

    The watered down version of the ban does exactly the same as the first only it takes a little longer. Kinda like lite beer.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Not the Max Power way, I fear.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Yeah, now it’s just screwing with the unfortunate for the sake of screwing with them. Petty fuckery is now government policy.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    OT, but those two “Enemy of the People” models can demand snu snu from me any time they want.

  • bookish

    2h
    Indivisible Guide‏ @IndivisibleTeam
    Find the #Indivisible group, meeting, or event near you!
    (link: https://www.indivisibleguide.com/groups-nav) indivisibleguide.com/groups-nav
    Embedded

  • whitroth

    Y’know, the US really *does* need “extreme vetting”.

    Especially for candidates for government office.

    • yyyaz

      Don’t worry, the Koches, Adelsons, DeVoses and their ilk are on it.

    • bookish

      Every candidate should be required by law to release their tax returns.

      Conflict of interest regulations must apply to the executive, too, and be written into law.

      There should be a reasonable budget for presidential recreational travel with a top limit imposed.

      And while I’m wishing, eliminate the Electoral College.

      • LesBontemps

        New in town, sailor?

    • A_Changeling

      With so much leaking, why haven’t the tax returns leaked?

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        The Mrs and I have been wondering the same thing. We decided that it would be too obvious exactly who did the leaking – some sort of controlled access.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          The IRS system does keep track of who accesses what records. But with an audit in progress, there will be some number of people with legit access, so we can always hope.

    • boyblue122

      they should have to go through the same security clearance as workers with high ranking government jobs.

      The fact that theres literally none required is scary

  • Jgb979

    No iraq this time because it would eff with Devos’ brother’s government contracts…..

    Gosh it would be hilarious if this one met the same fate in courts.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Nah, I suspect Cheeto McFuckface wants to build a monstrosity there.

      • Biff52

        He wants to take the oil this time. He said so.

  • Nounverb911
    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      PP should have responded “let’s compromise, no abortions for Republicans.”

      • NastyBossetti

        “No abortions for people who don’t want them” is a compromise I could get behind.

        • Seems reasonable. There fore suspicious!

        • Liberal Fascist Ron

          But we WANT people to have abortions whether they want them or not! The RWNJs told me so!

        • BearDeLaOursistance

          Oh, they wants them plenty sekrit ‘bortions, for teh mistresses.

      • OrG

        UM… I’m kinda in favor of repuke abortions.

        • Wee Mousie

          Now, if they could only make them retroactive.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        I’d be totally down for a “conscience” law that said that PP had the right to refuse services for any reason, especially if the person coming in for an abortion is a Republican or PP picketer, and require them to then leave the premises through the front, public entrance. Because PP just wouldn’t feel safe with them skulking about.

    • Logic of Color

      How ’bout each PP has a little ‘bortion kiosk next door, like they do with liquor stores and grocery stores in some states?

    • Jgb979

      PP’s response should be “we promise not to spend any of the federal monies on abortion”

      (Not like Donald already knows that’s the case)

    • proudgrampa

      Uh, sure. We promise not to do something THAT WE DON’T DO ALREADY.

      Fuckwad.

  • Nounverb911
    • HogeyeGrex

      Did President Bannon give Spicey a black eye?
      “I ran into a door. Really.”

    • therblig

      they spelled “gagging” wrong

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    Adam Schiff (D-Awesome) “we may just have to acknowledge that the president may not know right from wrong, in which case we have a bigger problem than we thought. I don’t know if he’s capable of distinguishing reality from a Breitbart story.”

    Disclaimer: sick burns are not covered by Obamacare.

  • Which one’s Zeppo?

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Nah… those aren’t Marx Brothers… they’re clearly Stooges.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨
    • OrG

      I MIGHT go to a rodeo if they had this.LOL!

      • UncleTravelingMatt

        They’d still only serve Coors Light, probably.

        • OrG

          That’s what pint bottles of vodka are for.

          • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

            Bourbon. Must be bourbon.

    • And afterwards, the belt used to pinch the bull’s penis during the game is ceremoniously wrapped around each player’s neck for a bit of autoerotic fun.

    • shastakoala

      So you win if you live 8 seconds?

      • Wee Mousie

        Who win if you stay airborne for 8 seconds — posthumously, naturally.

    • RC

      that boys just not right in the head.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Man, I’m going to the special hell. The more I watched the more I laughed.

    • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

      If the people in the bubbles were Trump voters I would buy tickets for this.

    • jaspersdad

      Christ! That’s some impressive airtime!

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Do not try this at home.

        • Wee Mousie

          What to do when the only mark you may expect to make in life is a skid mark in the dirt.

  • bookish

    http://www.politico.com/story/2017/03/trump-new-travel-ban-who-it-affects-235724

    “What this document promises is the beginning, and not the end, of a new and potentially very broad set of immigration restrictions,” said Omar Jadwat of the American Civil Liberties Union, one of several groups that turned to the courts to block Trump’s original executive order.

  • bookish
    • RC

      can someone explain to me how a tax credit helps poor people? It still means they have to come up with the cash up front, right?

      • yyyaz

        What part of fuck the poor are you missing?

        • RC

          yea, that’s what I figured.

      • Longstreet63

        It’s simple. All they have to do is sell some stock or borrow a few million from their wealthy parents…

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        Well, everyone gets 5% off their taxes for their healthcare! And if that 5% comes to about 20 bucks and change, well, Mississippi just happens to have a cut-rate insurance plan that’s just in your income bracket.

      • ViveLaPersistence

        I’m not totally poor and it wouldn’t help me. When my husband needed cataract surgery, we had to pay the entire deductible up front. They sure weren’t going to wait for us to get a tax return before they got paid.

        • RC

          so it only helps people who don’t need it. Great.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            That’s what the GOP is all about.

      • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

        Of course it doesn’t. It’s also not remotely enough money, even if it DID. It’s literally just a way to stop having to cover “those people,” as well as the rest of us.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And they get rid of the mandate, so healthy people can just stay out and not pay into the system … until they get sick and need it. That’s money that will have to be made up with higher Gov’t spending (hahahaha, j.k.), or higher premiums. Which many people won’t be able to pay, leading to them not getting insured, which is the problem in the first place, plus the system loses their premiums as well, which will have to be made up…

        Ah fuck it. It’s GOP magical thinking, same mindless shit as supply side economics and “tax cuts for billionaires are good for you.”

  • Liberal Fascist Ron

    Don’t they know, you NEVER buy version x.0? Sheesh!

  • Rick Hill

    “The new executive order also scrapped a preference for Christian refugees”

    Persecyutin’ christians!!111!!1 This will not stand!! Unpeach!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Keeping out Christian refugees will make us safer? I look forward to the answer, when the 9th Circuit asks it.

  • I AM THE ROGUE DODO!!!

  • Logic of Color

    I think the ban after this will be the 2s

    • Rick Hill

      The mini?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Ban 2 Plus.

  • Smibo

    There is not a blindfolded lady in the basement of the DOJ who is their secret queen and tells them what to do.

    How do you know, Doc? Clearly, some guy named Eddie needs to arm up and go “self-investigate”, before we’ll get to the real truth of the matter. Does the DOJ even have a basement? Whoa if true! I wonder if it has a secret tunnel, leading to Comet Ping Pong? I bet there’s a secret tunnel leading to Comet Ping Pong…

  • neminem

    Based on what I’ve read, I’m a *little* happy. I mean, it’s still both mean-spirited, and completely unlikely to actually stop any terrorism (likely the reverse, if anything), and I would still be happy if it continued to be overturned. But it doesn’t sound nearly *as* egregious as the first one – I certainly wouldn’t say that at its core, it looks “very similar to the first”. It looks like a watered down, still crappy but way *less* crappy, version of the first – not *retroactively* banning people who had already been totally vetted and cleared, without any warning or appeal, is a pretty big change. It still sucks, and is still pretty un-American, but I wouldn’t call them “basically the same”. This is a step in the right direction. It’s still awful, but if the last one was 100% awful, this is only like… 90% awful.

    • Oh so….yeah let us accept 90% awful because they are trying.
      Never mind the vague language buried in it where they can, in fact, suddenly decide to revoke visas and such

      It’s not even watered down. It is the same thing with a few tweeks to make it seem watered down.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Hey, if Hitler had decided to kill only 90% of the Jews, it would have been a step in the right direction, no?

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      Yeah, no. It’s a meaningless, hateful, religion-based, racist, piece of shit. It has no basis in reality–it’s just demonizing an entire religion. It doesn’t make us safer. It doesn’t even include the few countries who HAVE harbored terrorists. It’s absolutely nothing but hatred. Hatred of a peaceful religion with 1.3 billion followers, a religion almost exactly like Christianity and Judaism, with the same values and the same tenets, with the same old-world vengeance in its language but not in its actual practice. WE KNOW WHERE THIS GOES.

    • BehaveYrself

      No! That is not how this works, that is not how any of this works! “Less” crappy is not acceptable, does it really make you a “little” happy? I mean, come on! This is not a step in the right direction, this is still a step in the wrong direction…Maybe it’s a tiptoe baby-step compared to Ban 1.0, but it’s still vile and racist and wrong. Let’s go, neminem, we have a really long road ahead. You admit it sucks, you know it’s un-american AF…stick with us, resist…

      • Adam Field

        When did I say I would accept it? I mean, sure, I suppose I said it made a little happy, rather than just happi*er*, which is what I mean – I’m happier with this one than with the previous one. Aren’t you, too? It’s still both terrible and completely back-asswards, but if one of them were going to pass anyway (and, not being a lawyer or a jillionaire, there isn’t really much I can *actually* do to stop it), wouldn’t you prefer it was this one over the previous one? *Obviously* I’d prefer it be neither of them, and am hopeful that this one will get just as shit-canned as the previous one did, but if we’re stuck with this for two years (yes, two – I’m hopeful at least in two years, they’ll have trashed so much, so obviously, that we can’t help but have a better legislative branch, at least), wouldn’t you prefer *this* stinking dumper-fire over the even bigger one we almost got?

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Keeping out the refugees is 100% shitty, whether or not they fuck around with green card holders. They’re still shitting on the people with the least power. As one does when a Republican.

    • Dazza

      The countries on the list do not have any Trump investments. Nor have any immigrants from those countries committed acts of terror in the US. It still is a gift to ISIS and others like them because it is targeting Muslims. The EO still sucks..

  • andyshelt

    Just when you thought you’d scraped the bottom of the barrel with this piece of shit, it looks like we haven’t even scraped the surface of this asshole’s repulsive racist behaviour.

    http://occupydemocrats.com/2017/03/05/actor-don-cheadle-just-revealed-trump-refers-black-women-golfing/

    • Odd Jørgensen

      Just when you thought you’d scraped the bottom of the barrel, you realize some fucker brought a pickaxe and shovel.

  • ViveLaPersistence

    What changed in Iraq during the last month?

    • gullywompr

      Nothing. They just finally realized that Green Zone translators might need to come to a meeting at the Pentagon occasionally..

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Plans for a Trump hotel?

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    I am a liberal in a red state. I am much, much more afraid of my ignorant, blood thirsty, gun loving neighbors than I am of Muslims, even extremist ones.

    • ViveLaPersistence

      Same here. Y’all Qaeda is far more dangerous to my community than all other terrorists combined.

  • ViveLaPersistence
    • Lulu Mac
      • ViveLaPersistence

        I will be right there with you.

    • SAAYYYyyyy you know who ELSE took people’s kids away from them to make them not want to live there?

    • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

      For those times when you read “Sophie’s Choice” as an instructional manual…

      • Quercus Queen

        It certainly made me a little nauseous when I heard about it. It confirms there is a whole lotta evil and wickedness coming out of the Oval Office.

        • CatCafe #ShePurrsisted

          One of the big problems in the run up to WW2 was nobody could really believe that Hitler and his thugs were really THAT evil and THAT wicked. But they were. And it started exactly like this….

  • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

    Some days I deal really well. This day is overwhelming my resources of persistent resistance. It’s just too goddamn much. SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP!

    That is all. Thank you.

  • cmd resistor

    As for the refugees, I think what it did was remove the indefinite Syrian refugee ban but there is still a 120 day ban on all refugees. Also, there is some vague stuff in Section 2 (e) and (f) about the SOS, A.G., of Sec. of DHS submitting names of other countries to be added to the list?

  • DahBoner
    • Wee Mousie

      I never heard any of their recordings, but they sure are in the news a lot.

  • Ducksworthy

    Weren’t the Boston Marathon Bomber Brothers from Russia?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      They were Caucasians. (Don’t tell anyone.)

      • ahughes798

        And the younger one was hot. Sorry.

  • So Muslim refugees do not kill people, probably as they are too busy being grateful to the country that takes them in….
    But lots of Murricans kill Murricans?
    HOW EVER?

    • BehaveYrself

      Well, why ELSE would we have some many guns?! What do you expect us to do, keep them locked up and not USE them?!

  • What good is a temporary ban anyway?

    The country that exported any kinda terra wrists Saudi Arabia is still not on that list.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    If you actually were to keep score, I bet you’d find more immigrants killed by U.S.Merkins than U.S.Merkins killed by immigrants. Including immigrants from the Scary Seven Six.
    Nobody point it out to Il Douche, because he’ll turn it into a safety thing: “We’re keeping ’em out for their own good.”

    • Delu

      There are more Merkins killing other Merkins and immigrants than immigrants killing other immigrants and Merkins overall.

      It has something to do with the population of Merkins being higher than that of immigrants.

      It might also have something to do with how many of them hold guns.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Keep score per capita – I bet it holds.

  • Shibusa

    O/T but earlier today, Ben Carson said, “Slaves came here as involuntary immigrants.”

    • Alt-dog

      Alternative tourists.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        Well, the Disney Pirates of the Caribbean ride didn’t exist then, so to give them the experience…

    • motmelere

      WTF is even the point of that statement, Ben? (Damn it, now I have to look up & pay attention to what Ben Carson said)

    • motmelere

      Okay, read it. Must give the sleepy dumbass the benefit of the doubt and interpret that his comments referred to the descendants of kidnapped people. The man doesn’t do empathy good, or he might have imagined the shining dream of his first colonial ancestors was to be allowed to go home.

  • TimJ

    I like the post-its on the floor to show them where to stand.

  • Wee Mousie

    Now, we’ll find out who seriously wants to become an American! Extreme vetting with harsh interrogation techniques, stress positioning, and waterboarding.

  • Jared James

    These dudes have not even a Fox & Friends understanding of what security and police forces do, or even what national security is, as a concept.

    Is it too late to send them all back to grade school and try again? Maybe somewhere public schools aren’t going to be starved into uselessness by Betsy DeVos’ “Jesus first, gullible voters second” educational policy.

  • freakishlypersistent

    Jesus fucking Christo, can someone please take the fucking wheel already? I want outta this car!

  • Raqueltlowe

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours & have longer with friends and family! !dl273c:
    On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
    !dl273c:
    ➽➽
    ➽➽;➽➽ http://GoogleFinancialCashJobs563TopReviewsGetPaid$97/Hour ★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫★★★✫::::::!dl273c:….,……..

    • GodEmperorCaptainHowdy

      I became unable to forgive myself long, long ago, Raquel.

  • TundraGrifter

    I read the NYT artlcle twice and couldn’t find the quote(s) from Prof. Kurzman.

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