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Hillary Clinton

We wonder if, during the 2016 election, as hordes of human beef tips in Hoverounds screamed “LOCK HER UP!” at Trump rallies, future Vice President Mike Pence ever stood backstage, hearing the AOL “You’ve got mail!” sound in his weird-looking head, and began to feel something resembling Christian guilt. We wonder if, when he sent this tweet, lavishing praise on the FBI for re-visiting a bullshit investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails, a tiny voice inside his head remembered being in an AOL M4M chatroom, and getting an Official Governor’s Business email that he accidentally responded to in said chatroom, because oops, he was using his private AOL account to do official Governor Business. We wonder if any of the other millions of times Pence was condemning Hillary for her emails, he felt embarrassed, because he knew he was concealing some of his own dirty emails, between his scaly white legs. We just wonder!

The Indianapolis Star has the scoop:

Vice President Mike Pence routinely used a private email account to conduct public business as governor of Indiana, at times discussing sensitive matters and homeland security issues.

Emails released to IndyStar in response to a public records request show Pence communicated via his personal AOL account with top advisers on topics ranging from security gates at the governor’s residence to the state’s response to terror attacks across the globe. In one email, Pence’s top state homeland security adviser relayed an update from the FBI regarding the arrests of several men on federal terror-related charges.

UH OH! Now, as the Washington Post points out, there are significant differences between Pence’s AOL free trial disk and Hillary’s high-tech lady email server. It was definitely legal for Pence to use a private email for certain things, whereas the legality with Hillary’s thing was a little murkier. (A LITTLE.)

Another difference is, whereas some said Hillz’s emails could have been hacked, Pence’s emails definitely for sure were:

While there has been speculation about whether Clinton’s emails were hacked, Pence’s account was actually compromised last summer by a scammer who sent an email to his contacts claiming Pence and his wife were stranded in the Philippines and in urgent need of money.

But could that not have been true? Mike Pence is a very stupid man, so we’re entirely willing to believe he and his wife went to the Philippines and got lost, then emailed all the screen names on their instant messenger to beg for dollars. Seriously, this is plausible to us:

(Maureen Groppe / USA Today)

Anyway, just fooling, his email was definitely hacked. And he had sensitive information on his emails too! Information so sensitive that the current governor of Indiana, Eric Holcomb, blocked out a bunch of shit before releasing that batch to the Indy Star, and also withheld some, because they were too “confidential.” LOCK HIM UP! LOCK HIM UP!

One thing that is THE SAME about Pence’s emails vis a vis Hillary’s emails is that he left it to his lawyers which emails should be turned over from his AOL account and archived in the first place:

Pence’s office said his campaign hired outside counsel as he was departing as governor to review his AOL emails and transfer any involving public business to the state.

Did we not constantly hear during the million-year-long Hillary investigation that it was GRRR ARGH ARGLE BARGLE! that Hillary’s lawyers were the ones who decided what was bidness and what was for personal? We are just saying.

Now, Hillary Clinton was cleared 100% of any wrongdoing (TWICE), and FBI Director James Comey said she did nothing a “reasonable prosecutor” would choose to go after. Is that true with Mike Pence? Well, we just don’t know! Maybe there was very serious stuff on there, and he shared Indiana Secrets with the terrorists! Or the Russians!

We should probably just lock him up anyway, just in case, for being a dirty aggravated AOL emailer, because that is a thing we lock people up for now.

Wonkette is entirely reader supported, so give us a few dollars, OK?

[Indianapolis Star / Washington Post]

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  • Nounverb911
    • Crank Tango

      Mon dieu, parler about un chat room !

  • laughingnome

    You’ve got nailed.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    AOL, the training wheels for the internet

  • msanthropesmr

    IOKIYAR

  • WomanInThePersistence

    I’m ready for the open thread. Because I’m pretty much done with the nutcases/fools today.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Like I keep saying, it’s always, ALWAYS projection with these assholes.

  • snigsy

    Okay, fuck this shit, all of it. I’m declaring Happy Hour as of right now. Bye.

    • Sandy Beaches

      >perk<

  • Zippy W Pinhead
  • Crank Tango

    On the one hand, I’m all boo hypocrisy, while on the other hand, I still don’t give a shit about emails.

  • Nounverb911

    Well, the good news was that AOL kept the post office alive for a while…. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a0fb70b9be1708b0a039fd56ffcdaf7e42491b607f4a3bf1eb9fa90789c7a021.jpg

    • dslindc

      They were good drink coasters, also too.

      • Nounverb911

        Every once in a while I would stick an “IBM Registered Confidential” label on one and leave it lying around the campus somewhere where it would be found….

  • Anna Rompage

    Why does Pence always have a pained look on his face, like someone just slipped a butt plug that’s 1/2″ too big up his ass?

    • laughingnome

      It’s a look Jesus people get.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Because they think lube is a sin.

        • Anna Rompage

          It’s hard enough keeping a butt plug secret from your wife, why add to the burden by trying to hide a bottle of lube too…

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Did you hack my AOL email? You must have, because I don’t see how else you could have learned about my particular Race Bannon/Mike Pence fantasy.

    • Crank Tango

      Because he’s half potato?

    • arglebargle

      The problem is it’s getting a bit crowded, what with his noggin firmly lodged in there.

    • puredog

      Because they did?

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!
  • Gayer Than Thou

    it’s not rocket science, Evan: Hillary was Secretary of State at the time, not governor of some fly-over state. Also, she has a vagina.

  • elviouslyqueer

    And he had sensitive information on his emails too! Information so sensitive that the current governor of Indiana, Eric Holcomb, blocked out a bunch of shit before releasing that batch to the Indy Star, and also withheld some, because they were too “confidential.”

    Mmm hmm. $5 says the info consisted of Zac Efron nude pics and the entire Sean Cody video oeuvre.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I mean, that’s pretty much what my inbox consists of.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

        • Groundloop

          Hey you two. Can you keep the “what goes in your inbox” talk to yourselves? Like, I’m all supportive and ‘you do you’ and all that, but this is a family fucking mommyblog for shit sake.

          • elviouslyqueer

            Well, FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP to you too, sir or madam! I say GOOD DAY.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            The only thing in that inbox these days is cobwebs. The whole “gay life is a constant sex orgy” thing was a worse scam than Trump U!

  • Jennaratrix

    All I’m saying is, if this is the sound you hear when you’re getting your email, you might not be the most technically savvy tool in the shed.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFBLiHpkcOk

  • Undocumented Skwerl!

    Snail mail a potato to Ron Jonson.

    http://johnsonpotato.com/

    • Nounverb911
      • Gayer Than Thou

        Well that is going to keep me from getting too much sleep for the near future.

        • Groundloop

          I’ve said it before, and I’m saying it again:

          I don’t know if I can drink enough to erase that from my brain, but I’m willing to try.

        • OneYieldRegular

          Yeah, so much for making homemade fries tonight.

        • Msgr_MΩment

          Big Spudder is watching you.

      • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

        BRB. I need to run down to the hardware store to buy a deadbolt for my pantry door.

      • Doug Langley

        Potatoes and ears of corn: the Hoosier’s idea of multimedia.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        That’s why I always gouge out my potatoes’ eyes.

    • Doug Langley
    • Msgr_MΩment

      What if he really, really, really loves potatoes?
      I mean, maybe he’s Eastern European?

      • onedollarjuana

        Or Peruvian? That’s it! He’s a Peruvian illegal immigrant terrorist! He’s bleached himself and taken off that Peruvian bowler so that we wouldn’t figure it out, but I see through his evil scheme!

  • Lefty Frizzell

    I can’t even get angry about this – as far as I was concerned there was never any doubt that every high profile politician did this. I’ll try and use it as a conversation rebuttal but I suspect nobody will give a shit – the difference being that they think they already know that Hillary is a criminal.

    It’s like whack-a-mole – whenever you knock down one allegation they assert that that one isn’t significant, it’s all of them taken together that reveal her vile personality. By the time you’ve got to knocking down the 10th allegation they’re already citing the first 5 again.

    • laughingnome

      It’s like they all went to a specialized graduate program in Hillary hate. If they put that much effort into something good for the world, we’d probably all be living in the Great Society envisioned by LBJ.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        It would be helpful if they all removed themselves from society and migrated to say Gilligan’s Island or something.

        • Longstreet63

          I hear Johnson Atoll is free…

      • Lascauxcaveman

        No grad program needed. To small minded hypocrites the hate comes naturally for someone who is so obviously more intelligent, attractive, kinder, wealthier, funnier, and more Christian than they.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      There never was any there there. About the worst you can say for the Clintons is that Bill was once a horn dog philanderer, and for a time he even bought into that whole Efficient Market Hypothesis + Commanding Heights Dichotomy.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    By the way, since the topic has come up – is there any way to actually get Pence stranded in the Philippines? With votes, or whatever?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      There probably is, and I suspect it would involved one of those M4M chatrooms.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        or Grindr

        • Biff52

          Right? Who does he think he’s fooling?

    • Anna Rompage

      Someone should plant some drugs on him, and turn him over to the authorities?

      • elviouslyqueer

        And have Duterte on speed dial.

    • Lefty Frizzell

      He seems a bit dim – compromise his computer, invite him to a “Christian Values” conference, cancel the return ticket and max out his credit cards.

    • CeeQ

      I have family in Philippines and according to them there was a spate of incidents at the airport where travellers were framed by unscrupulous airport security workers who planted bullets in luggage and then orchestrated the bullets being “found” during security check. Hapless travellor is then extorted by scoundrel airport security person to pay up or their day gets way worse. Is it bad that I giggle when I think of the Pences being held up like this?? LOL

    • puredog

      Coupled with a few well-placed whispers to Duterte, yes, yes, I’ll allow it.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Nefarious News!”

    “Also, too, include your bank account information so we can credit you with Alderaanian Megabucks!”

  • Crank Tango
    • Biff52

      Speshul Ed!

  • Nounverb911

    As usual the Palm Beach Post is having it’s weekly trumpgasm about nothing.
    https://twitter.com/gbennettpost/status/837755649350074369

    • Crank Tango

      LIMOS!!!!!
      Needs moar empty podium.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      The weekly traffic jams/ more tax payer monies flowing into Trump’s pocket event, huh?

    • weejee

      So basically tRump doesn’t work on Fridays either.

      • Nounverb911

        Now if would just stop working Monday to Thursday too, also….

      • OneYieldRegular

        Takes “casual Friday” to a whole new dimension.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          You can tell it’s casual because of the scotch tape on the tie.

    • Longstreet63

      Conflicted.
      He’s a lazy hypocrite, yes, but I can’t bring myself to want him to put in more hours.
      For one thing, I’m pretty sure the nuclear football they gave him is actually an early 90’s pager with a radiation warning sticker on it.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Lol, AOL?

    My Mom’s a million years old and even she doesn’t use AOL anymore.

  • cheetojeebus
    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Ha! Someone owes me a new keyboard!

  • Jenny

    Yeah right, Evan.

    He knew damn well he was a shittier email user than Killary. That’s why he was screaming so loud, he hoped to distract from his own email issues.

    To e-jail motherfucker!

  • weejee

    In Pence’s sad defense, besides some work at Purdue, is there anything remotely classified happening anywhere in Hoosierstan?

    • laughingnome

      Larry Bird got quite a sunburn last summer.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        French Lick? Well, I hardly know her.

    • dslindc

      Making sure people don’t have pizza at their gay weddings, probably.

    • Doug Langley

      You may rest assured that they are not divulging the winning numbers on the Fall Festival cakewalk.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Hoosier computer-illiterate white haired granddaddy?

      • weejee

        Msgr, I said classified, not ossified like you and me.

    • Suttree

      6 year old Peyton Manning dick picks?

  • OneYieldRegular

    ALOL

  • bookish

    Trump/Russia scandal guide.

    http://www.politico.com/trump-russia-ties-scandal-guide

    The Sessions scandal is just one part of a larger controversy that centers around what relationship, if any, Trump’s campaign may have had with Russia. Here’s a rundown of what issues are at play.

  • CeeQ

    “Christian guilt” LOL don’t be silly. You need a soul and a conscience to feel guilt about being aggressively hypocritical.

    Also: AOL??! Is that even a thing anymore??

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Yup. Crazy Smokodad in Florida has it.

  • Biff52

    Hey, he upgraded to netzero soon after!

    Full disclosure, I used both of those services ages ago, because free.

  • dslindc

    Now every time I see Crooked Mike Pence on TV, I’ll hear the sound of dial-up modem in my head.

    • Crank Tango

      Be sure to insert *71 to disable call waiting! Nothing worse than getting kicked off before Napster can finish downloading that Sugar Ray song.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Wow, a blast from the past!

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        see ya in a couple hours!

      • dslindc

        I remember being excited about an *internal* 2400 bps modem in the early 90s. Genuinely excited.

        • Crank Tango

          The internet is really going to make the world a better place, I can feel it.

        • Longstreet63

          I can top that. As an early adopter, my Commodore 64 had a 300 baud modem with which to contact a chat room and have an affair with a stranger. I didn’t know that until my mother showed me how, though.
          I’m completely over it.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Or dirty pictures.

        • Crank Tango

          I remember those! Black and white and all the pubes.

      • oh mannnn.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      “You’ve got jail!”

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Please come to the front desk to claim your prize.

  • Michael R

    Pence’s emails are Hillary’s fault , start another investigation !

    https://s12.postimg.org/kia7rl0zh/hitler_trump_middle_class_2.jpg

  • The Wanderer

    (glances at the header pic) Smirking Backpfeifengesicht (with votes) egregiously awful Race Bannon lookalike.

  • Doug Langley

    I swear, Trump could carpet bomb the WaPo offices, drive all the journalists into labor camps, and they’ll still say “But her emails!!!”

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      “Goldman Sachs speeches!!! Warmonger!!!! Vagina haver!!!!!!”

  • Msgr_MΩment

    AOLLOL.

  • bookish

    http://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2017/3/3/14805100/trump-russia-scandal-schumer-putin

    At face value, that seems much worse than merely sharing some donuts and coffee with Putin during the opening of a Russian-owned gas station.

    And at any rate, responding to serious allegations with a troll on Twitter is not the kind of response one would normally expect from the president of the United States.

    For more on the Trump-Russia scandals, read Vox’s explainer.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Want to see what is wrong with this country? These fascists actually believe they’re patriots and truly can’t see what’s wrong with violating someone’s civil rights by forcing public displays of fealty

    https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1417823701618329&set=a.542034099197298.1073741826.100001721393136&type=3&theater

    • yyyaz

      Sorry, no can click faceplant linkies. There is no ignorance meter calibrated high enough.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The stupid in the responses is a cornucopia of derp.

    • Jack Tenhet

      This turned up on my feed last night and I blocked this Jeff thing. it’s interesting that he felt it somehow relevant to point out that one of the men sitting was Muslim. That really just sells his “objection” as being just unskilled racism and not even a whiff of actual patriotism.

    • Jack Tenhet

      More interesting is that the premise of the photo is a lie.

      “The photograph was taken on 23 June 2009 by Associated Press
      photographer Tim Roske, and it shows New York state senators sitting in
      protest during a recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance.

      The New York state senate was controlled by Democrats by a 32-30
      margin at the beginning of the summer that year, but Republicans managed
      to take control of the chamber on 8 June 2009, when they persuaded two
      Democrats to switch sides and thus reversed control of the senate. The
      remaining Democrats protested, and for more than a month the senate was
      at a standstill:”

      http://www.snopes.com/stand-pledge-of-allegiance-congress/

  • Crystalclear12

    Further proof it had nothing to do with her emails and everything to with her having a vagina.

  • arglebargle

    But this was a loooong time ago. And Pence is forgiven, not perfect. WITCH HUNT!!1!

    • dslindc

      That crafty Jesus always forgiving the GOP so readily!

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    nm…

  • dslindc

    I know who is responsible for Mike Pence using a personal email account to conduct official state business, and it is Hillary Clinton! MOAR HEARINGS!!!!!111!!1!1

  • The Wanderer

    I’m starting to get a tad peeved at the AOL hate I see here in the comments (which are not allowed) since the revelations about the Veep’s emails came out. I’ve been using AOL since 1996, and the only real problem I’ve ever had with it surfaced 5 years ago. And that got corrected.

    So, yeah, I might not be the hippest techie here, and I might be a tad old and smell a bit, but that’s no reason for me to change my fucking email server. Thank you.

    This message brought to you by the Foundation to Aid Decrepit Emetophiles (FATE).

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Every single application you will ever submit to be a Kool Kid will be laughed out of the room.

      • The Wanderer

        Well, I gave up religion and marriage out of boredom. Wonkette won’t be a great wrench.

        • WomanInThePersistence

          Don’t leave us. There are other not-technical people here, also too.

          • thixotropic jerk

            earthlink or GTFO

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          You can come and sit by me. I still use yahoo (because I enjoy changing passwords) and I know where to find the skin mags and Wild Turkey.

          • The Wanderer

            I also have a Yahoo, and a Gmail, account. Along with my work email. I confuse hackers, not block them.

          • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

            Whew! Glad I’m not the only Oldz still using an ancient Yahoo account. I haz teh Google, too, but that one is for perfessional use only.

    • Hutch
    • eka

      aol is just easy to make fun of. it’s not as though google is looking so good these days either, but aol is an easy target since they spent years sending us free frisbees. when hiring, we do tend to judge more non-professional email addresses than aol – your email should be some version of your name to be taken seriously. so if you’re firstname.lastname@aol.com, fine. If you’re spankmeplease@gmail.com, not so cool. Well, I suppose it depends on what job you’re applying for, but in my world the latter would be rejected based on email address.

      • Yr. Gma

        Do you also reject the use of the caps key?

      • EvilHRLady

        Um, yeah. Definitely. First we laugh at you for seriously applying with that as an email-even better when paired with a douchey picture on your resume.

        • eka

          or when half your resume is focused on your second job as a scifi writer. i mean, that’s fine, but it’s not related to the job you’re actually applying for, is it? i don’t work in hr now but was on hiring committees previously and did some onboarding procedures and payroll stuff as a temp as well. you do see some weird shit.

          • EvilHRLady

            My favorite was listing under skills for a supervisory position: I give good hugs.

        • Up In Smoke O’hontas

          Picture? Really? Sheesh. 8×10 glossy with resume printed on the reverse side is still accepted, right?

          • EvilHRLady

            That is the only acceptable way to include a picture with your application!

    • Yr. Gma

      It’s all part of the Oldz (read: Boomers) bashing that occasionally erupts here. Ignore the whippersnappers. With any luck, they will be Oldz someday, too.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        *Looks down in shame, toes circle in dusty driveway with tattered Jelly shoe*

    • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

      Sorry. I iz an oldz but made an AOL joke. Should know better since part of my jerb iz helping oldz and also, too, not oldz with crappy programs on work computers.

    • Lambsendbeds

      Thank you for making me feel better about using MY old AOL account. It would be a humongous pain in the ass to change my email and notify EVERYONE who has my AOL address. I’ve never had a problem with it, except for getting the side eye from youngs at shops and such when I am asked for my email address.

      For the record, I’m not THAT old and AFAIK don’t smell *crosses fingers,sniffs pits*.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      I was an early AOL user and go so screwed by them in those early days that I will forever hate them with the fire of a thousand really hot campfires.

      I literally had to cancel a credit card to get them to stop billing me after I’d cancelled. Because I was going to the far nerdier Compuserve.

      • phoenix00

        I was a Compuserve user too, waay back in the day.

    • good point.

    • phoenix00

      I have an AOL e-mail too, inherited from the Compuserve and Netscape days. I only use it for mailing lists and nonessentials.

  • Nounverb911
    • The Wanderer

      Dumb fucker, Pence is.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        They didn’t call him “Congressman Dense” for nothing, you know.

        • The Wanderer

          I didn’t know, but it is glaringly appropriate.

      • as a box of rocks.

    • dslindc

      . . . because he did it while in possession of a penis and an “R” next to his name.

      • snark-lurker

        i think the “R” is probly enouff to make IOKIYAR

    • puredog

      How in Christ can an adult so mangle the use of the word “between”? I get hung up on such things.

      • The Wanderer

        I use “zw” as an abbreviation for ‘between.’ From German zwischen. Because I like to irritate people who might read notes I leave around.

  • Longstreet63

    Mike Pence could get lost in the Indianapolis International Airport on the way to a flight to the Phillipines.
    But someone would find him and put him on the plane in hopes he wouldn’t come back.
    It finally worked!

  • Carpe Vagenda
    • The Wanderer

      Heh, heh, heh.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The ONLY change Trump pushed for in the GOP platform. One easing up on sanctions against Russia for aggression in Crimea, E. Ukraine.

    • CeeQ

      Abandon ship! Abandon ship!! Every rat for himself!!!

      • puredog

        Wheee! Whar’s tha popcorn?

    • Crystalclear12

      *looks closely*

      Yeah, I think you have a crack in that dam.

      Good luck with that.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      drip, drip. There’s the mechanism that ties it all together- he met with Kislyak and was responsible for changing the platform at Donnie’s behest

      • yyyaz

        The GOP will spin this as Donnie being a hero: “Gordon claimed that Trump said he did not ‘want to go to World War III over Ukraine’ ” …

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          Time to start calling him Neville Chamberlain

          Brave Sir Donald ran away from Putin

          • Ducksworthy

            Lest we forget, Neville was the Conservative Prime Minister and really, given the Hitlerite faction in his party at the time, he didn’t really have a choice did he?

          • WomanInThePersistence

            Calling him Chamberlain will just confuse many of his supporters. Because Donnie never played professional basketball.

          • BearDeLaOursistance

            And Wilt never had to resort to nonconsensual strange.

      • Yr. Gma

        That’s what will finally drown them. Drip, drip, drip. We must be patient. (I know, I know.)

      • putin’s behest.

    • WomanInThePersistence

      Whoa!

    • Roni Resistance Raven

      FAKE NEWS!!

    • been waiting for the friday night news dump.

  • TheGrandWazoo2
    • Crystalclear12

      Let’s go back to the “die quicker” plan.

      • Ducksworthy

        New sign in one of Bill Frist’s for- profit hospitals: No lingering!

    • snark-lurker

      that is wut tic tac tow looks like inside my head

  • bookish

    Canada’s immigration policy that is lauded by Trump.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/02/world/canada/immigration-trump.html

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      This would be the same Canada that welcomes refugees?

    • phoenix00

      Something tells me Trump has no idea what Canada’s immigration policy is. Just like he has no idea about anything.

  • bookish

    Noncitizens living in the country illegally can be arrested and held for deportation, but they have had a right to a full hearing before an immigration judge before they can be removed from the U.S. At such a hearing, they may rely on the help of a lawyer and can argue they have family and work ties here. If a ruling goes against them, they may appeal in the immigration courts and in federal court. The process typically takes years.

    In his Feb. 20 memo, however, Kelly complained the immigration courts were clogged and the removal process was too cumbersome, and he called for a new approach.

    • The Wanderer

      Basically, “Throw them all out without due process?”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        “Resettle them to the East”.

        • The Wanderer

          What, no Madagascar Plan?

        • Nockular cavity

          “Send them to a farm upstate.”

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The immigration courts are clogged, obviously, because they don’t have enough resources to meet the demands. Yet the solution for EVERYTHING but Defense is to starve the agencies tasked with doing too many things at once.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Emails released to IndyStar in response to a public records request show Pence communicated via his personal AOL account with top advisers on topics ranging from security gates at the governor’s residence to the state’s response to terror attacks across the globe. In one email, Pence’s top state homeland security adviser relayed an update from the FBI regarding the arrests of several men on federal terror-related charges.

    Rendering his “but I wasn’t sending anything classified so it’s totally different from Hillary!!!” defense a little hollow, then. Fuck Mike Pence with a chainsaw of investigations.

    • yyyaz

      In our fevered dreams, of course.

  • bookish

    https://theintercept.com/2017/03/02/palantir-provides-the-engine-for-donald-trumps-deportation-machine/
    IMMIGRATION AND CUSTOMS ENFORCEMENT is deploying a new intelligence system called Investigative Case Management (ICM), created by Palantir Technologies, that will assist in President Donald Trump’s efforts to deport millions of immigrants from the United States.

    In 2014, ICE awarded Palantir, the $20 billion data-mining firm founded by billionaire Trump advisor Peter Thiel, a $41 million contract to build and maintain ICM, according to government funding records. The system is scheduled to arrive at “final operating capacity” by September of this year. The documents identify Palantir’s ICM as “mission critical” to ICE, meaning that the agency will not be able to properly function without the program.

    ICM funding documents analyzed by The Intercept make clear that the system is far from a passive administrator of ICE’s case flow. ICM allows ICE agents to access a vast “ecosystem” of data to facilitate immigration officials in both discovering targets and then creating and administering cases against them. The system provides its users access to intelligence platforms maintained by the Drug Enforcement Administration, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and an array of other federal and private law enforcement entities. It can provide ICE agents access to information on a subject’s schooling, family relationships, employment information, phone records, immigration history, foreign exchange program status, personal connections, biometric traits, criminal records, and home and work addresses.

    http://mashable.com/2017/03/02/peter-thiel-palantir-ice/

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      And the beat grift goes on…

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Thiel is OFF my Christmas list!

    • Red Bird Ω

      I think the LAPD already uses something like this. The really bad part is that they use it to monitor mostly black and brown people, starting in childhood. They label children as known gang members to justify putting them on the database and keep track of them.

    • phoenix00

      Fascist: check
      East German Surveillance State: check
      Electronic mass data dragnet: check
      State-sponsored grifting: check
      Presence of known asshole: check

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Zyxomma

      Thanks, Zippy.

  • eka

    but emails! … oh, wait …

    • Khavrinen

      IOKIYAR

  • Randy Riddle

    Hmm … I wonder how long Pence has been on AOL. Was he there back in the 90s when they had those interesting M4M chat rooms?

  • JackLinks
    • whitroth

      If they’re about government business. But if they look, they’ll also be unable to avoid seeing personal business.

      You don’t like that idea? Fine – cancel BYOD, and carry two phones. I know this is *such* an imposition, they’re *so* *heavy*…..

      (And back in the mid-nineties, I wore, for almost two years, a pager, 24x7x365.25, *except* for the two months I wore *two* of them. Don’t complain to me, and DON’T EVER SEND ME TEXTS!!!!!!!!!)

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Damn, two pagers? You must have been a really successful drug dealer!

        • whitroth

          Hah! I was working for Ameritech, the former midwest Baby Bell. And salaried, so no overfuckingtime.

          And paged to the point that my late wife started making semi-joking comments about threatening to sue Ameritech for alienation of affection….

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        I feel the same way about texts. They’re kinda, “I want to tell you something, but I don’t want to talk to you. So here, have something to read.” It’s like email and telephony had a drunken fling and made a baby that never grows up and never stops crying.

        • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

          So funny how people can feel so differently about a thing. I, and most people I, know far prefer text to a call. I can deal with the issue on my time, and I write better than I speak. Plus, there’s a record of our discussion.

          (Ow. Initially I wrote that I write better “then” I speak. Oh dear.)

  • Reality Kills

    I hope media gets their hands on his emails!

  • Paperless Tiger

    For Mikey.

  • Ducksworthy

    First Spiro and then the Dick. Might work.

  • Chick_Tract_Fil_A

    Oh come on, how hard could it be to hack this guy? Just at first glance: Password123.

    • mancityRed6

      you’re really pushing the boundaries of belief that it was capitalized and had numbers in it.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Yeah, probs just “password”.

    • Roni Resistance Raven

      1234567

    • EvilHRLady

      Mother#1

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      john3-16

      • tinker12

        It sure AF isn’t Matthew 25.

    • PENCEtrump2020

    • Foocatchoo

      ButtSexW/Trump123

    • phoenix00

      2Corinthians

  • mancityRed6

    I’m fine *said through gritted teeth* with everything that the law allowed, until it was time to hire outside counsel to determine what was private and what wasn’t.
    By law he couldn’t campaign with a state government email. Fine. Why doesn’t the Indiana Republican Party have their own email system to take care of that?

  • calliecallie

    Indulging in a brief fantasy that involves impeachment, jail time and/or resignation for, in this order, Pence, Ryan, Trump.
    Follow up Wonkette SAT question: At that point who would be president?

    • LesBontemps

      Assuming no replacements appointed/elected, it would be Orrin Fucking Hatch. And after him, Rex Fucking Tillerson.

      Is that really what you want?

      • Poorly Behaved Pérsistanista

        We want as many disgraced and/or imprisoned as possible. No consequence could be worse than the current shit storm (knocks wood).

      • Red Bird Ω

        Actually, by the time any impeachment or resignation happens, the midterms might give us a new congress that would help balance out anyone who would inherit the position.

      • azeyote

        if it kept the musical chair thing going – 2020 will be here before things get to fucked up

    • Aileen

      Unfortunately, that crafty fucker Trump has stacked his cabinet with swamp monsters so objectionable that we’d need some sort of meteoroid / hand of God type of invention before getting to anyone fit to lead the country.

    • Bill Slider

      The list is long, and eventually includes all cabinet officers in some kind of order, which means Ben Carson still has a chance.

      • Keith Taylor

        Ben Carson. He’s walking proof of the strange contradictions that can exist within the same person. Yale Graduate. Brilliant neurosurgeon. Distinguished man. Former Director of Pediatric Neurosurgery at Johns Hopkins, for the love of God! Which is not even half of it.
        And he endorsed Trump. He’s a Seventh Day Adventist. He believes literally in the Genesis creation story. (Stories. There are two. Mutually contradictory.) Six days. Sea life created after the land vegetation. The lot. He also believes that the Giza pyramids were not Pharaohs’ tombs, but were built by Joseph to store grain against the seven lean years mentioned in Genesis.
        Much more seriously, he’s against restrictions on firearms and claims gun restrictions in 1930s Germany aided Hitler’s rise to power and made the Holocaust possible.
        And he endorsed Trump.
        Actually, I find that weirder than his beliefs about the pyramids.

        • phoenix00

          Don’t forget the story about the knife and the belt buckle……

    • stubbornirishlass

      President pro tempore of the Senate, aka Orrin Hatch.

      • unless after ’18 and the senate flips.

        i know. i know. it’s a total longshot. but a girl can dream.

        • DahBoner

          67 million idiots are not going to wake up ever.

  • Tj McGee Wright

    Kind of ironic for an evangelical nut job to be the living, walking-taking-emailing proof of there is no God.

    • Lulu Mac
    • tinker12

      It has always been evident to me that they really don’t believe any of that buybull god stuff, because if they did, they wouldn’t be so horrible to the least among us. Republican Jesus is a dick.

      • Keith Taylor

        If that bloke from Nazareth came back now and told a parable about “the good Mexican” the way he did about “the good Samaritan” he would NOT be popular with God-botherer Mike Pence or with most Trump supporters. Because the whole point he was making in the parable was that Samaritans were completely absolutely not considered good by true Jews. They were considered mongrel heretics and deeply suspect at best. They even favoured their own sacred mountain over the Temple Mount in Jerusalem for worship, so how bad and blasphemous is that? But if a dirty Samaritan helps a man assaulted and left for dead by robbers, and a socially acceptable Levite walks past and does nothing, then the Samaritan is closer to being okay with God than the Levite.
        Works for me.

        • Mr Canoehead

          Once again, I have to call for someone to bring the word of Jesus to the Christians.

  • ltmcdies

    the irony is pissing me off and I suspect I’m not alone

    https://twitter.com/RealSaintNick6/status/837774430185095168

    • DahBoner

      But the servers were in AOL’s basement not Hillary’s basement. Somehow the dunces in the MSM think that is preferable.

  • Holly

    I’m becoming more and more stabby as this nightmare I can’t seem to wake up from continues….

  • TheFamilyThalamus

    That is the face of a man who just shat himself.

    And sort of enjoyed it.

    • merty

      I thought that was Ted cruz’s trademarked expression? The Frown-Smile ™.

      • TheFamilyThalamus

        I think they are probably both diaper- fillers. Once seen, never unseen!!

        The only other question is: does VP Penis eat his boogers, too?

  • TootsStansbury

    We knew all the corrupt bullshit. It wasn’t a secret before the election. The press ignored it for the most part. The FBI, well. The whole thing stinks to high goddamn heaven. Godfuckingdamit.

  • mardam422

    IOKIYAR. Just keep saying that to yourself. It helps to understand.

  • Foocatchoo

    That picture of Pence is ALMOST more punch-able than ANY picture of Jason Chaffetz!

    • Me not sure

      I want to punch that face with a rat’s ass, but won’t because the rat might catch something.

    • Aaron Wise

      “Even his hair is racist”

    • phoenix00

      But Why Not (punch) Both?

  • QueerPunk

    I’m not sure if Pence is the wife-beating or child-molesting sort of complete utter failure as a human being, but it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

  • Mike Steele

    TRMS has gone above and beyond so, as for our house, we’re setting aside Pence & Sessions as yet two more SKWERLS! to keep the heat off our Manchurian candidate, where it rightly belongs. Trump is the alpha-omega of all Russian connections and has been for years. HE is leader of the once-free world who is currently selling out our country to the highest overseas bidder. As such, all diversionary threads must be followed back to the source, wasting no time, energy or (admittedly limited) Democratic cachet on any investigation not crafted specifically to bring down fearless leader, his bride Natasha, devil spawn Uday & Qusay, and likely, chief collaborator Tillerson. Bannon, Miller, Gurka, Anton et. al. will be toppled when it is FINALLY proven that the fish rots from the head.

  • Aaron Wise

    Another GREAT opportunity for the Dems.
    To roll-over and snooze.
    SAD

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Why don’t you go whine some more about how everybody but you is a sellout.

  • Poly_Ester

    He’d make a great mall Santa with those cheeks and a little rouge. North Pole, IND here we come.

    • DahBoner

      Santa Claus, IN.

      • Poly_Ester

        It was IND before the commies took over and shortened it in IN.

        • DahBoner

          Thank God in some places in IND they don’t do that Devil time change

  • DahBoner

    Pences email is different than Hillary…

    Hillarys email was not hacked.

    Pences email was hacked.

    Exposing Home Security information about Terrorists for the whole world to see.

    Information so SENSITIVE the State of Indiana refuses to release them for security concerns.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/6190924369ca3689e5305191bb736fc25c641df3c393a4c0ba1d32498361211e.png

    https://media4.giphy.com/media/l46C8tBCtXev4FJde/200w.gif

  • Michael Loraine

    I think Mr. Pence would look very attractive and Vice-Presidential in an orange jumpsuit with a black bag over his head, with matching stainless steel handcuffs and leg shackles! And since that swanky Gitmo Resort is still open with lots of spare rooms, perhaps a long Caribbean vacation is in order! I hear the gourmet force-feeding is to die for!

  • Resistance Fighter Puipui

    Wait, AOL? AOL? OMG. He should be locked up just for that.

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