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Oh, Sergey, he’s so hot right now. Sergey!

So, everyone, where were we? Oh yes, we were learning that Obama administration officials hid little intelligence clues about Trump’s Russia scandal freaking EVERYWHERE on their way out, to make sure officials would find them, even in their absence. And oh yeah, we learned that Attorney General Jeff Sessions had at least TWO meetings (and also a phone call!) with the Russian ambassador, Sergey Kislyak, and in response Democrats called for his head on a platter, while Republicans at least demanded he recuse himself from investigating the Trump Russia scandal HE MIGHT BE A PART OF. And that, he did, Thursday afternoon, in a press conference that raised more questions than it answered. What did Jeffers and old Serge talk about during their meeting? Aw fiddlesticks, Sessions cain’t remember. Jesus and Ukraine, he guesses, like most conversations he has? Who even knows what one discusses with the Russian ambassador, since everybody talks to him all the time, whenever they want?

Which brings us to the following unanswered question:

WHAT THE HELL DID JEFF SESSIONS TALK ABOUT WITH THE RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR ON SEPTEMBER 8, 2016?

There is a striking piece in Washington Monthly that attempts to piece together the timeline of what was actually happening in the timeframe surrounding Sessions’s September 8 meeting with Kislyak. The writer, Martin Longman, notes that a few things had recently happened:

  • Harry Reid was starting to go (publicly!) apeshit at the FBI about Russian election meddling.
  • Former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort had just resigned on August 19, due to getting bribed by pro-Kremlin goons in Ukraine.
  • According to the famous Steele Dossier — compiled by that old British spy, and which, let’s be real, is probably mostly true — Vladimir Putin was just cold firing mofos around that time, because everybody was starting to notice Russia was fucking around with our election. They wanted to “cover their tracks,” as Longman explains. The Russian ambassador, Kislyak, was part of the faction that didn’t get fired, and was actually encouraging Russia to cool its jets with election interference.
  • Remember that weird Carter Page dude? He is that (former?) Trump adviser who allegedly had a meeting with the head of Russian oil company Rosneft, and maybe facilitated the sale of a 19% stake in the company to (?????), in exchange for lifting sanctions on Russia. In December, after the election, (?????) bought 19.5% of the company, isn’t that weird? Longman notes that dead-eyed Trump adviser Stephen Miller and another Trump hire, Rick Dearborn, came from Jeff Sessions’s team. These are some of the guys who put together Trump’s group of foreign policy advisers, and Carter Page was likely one of their picks. Anyway, it was in the summer, not long before Sessions’s meeting with Kislyak, that the FBI started monitoring four members of the Trump team for their weird contacts with Russia. As Longman explains, one of those four was Carter Page.

Are your eyes blurring together yet? WELL TAKE A PILL, because we’re not done. But from those details, we agree with Longman that it’s pretty fucking unbelievable that the September meeting between Sessions and Kislyak was just about hookers, blow and Jesus. Longman says he “smell[s] perjury,” and Wonkette would have to agree.

Everybody else can’t stop meeting with the Russian ambassador, like he is so sexxxy!

SPEAKING OF CARTER PAGE, remember how Jeff Sessions also had a brief “pull-aside” with Kislyak at a conference associated with the Republican convention? (We were at the RNC! Did WE meet with the Russian ambassador? We, like Jeff Sessions, cannot even remember.) Anyway, Page also met with Kislyak there, as did another Trump campaign official, J.D. Gordon. OR DID THEY?

Ahahahahahahahahaha OK.

Anyway, weirdly, hacked DNC emails started coming out just after that, and strangely, also that week, the Trump campaign had changed the GOP platform so it gave a lot more handjobs to Russia, especially on the subject of Ukraine.

Here, have a news report on it, where J.D. Gordon reportedly confirms all the meetings with the Russian ambassador:

And now, have a completely BONKERS interview Carter Page did with the tall, handsome Chris Hayes on MSNBC Thursday night. He does not deny that thing he does not admit that he did, with the Russian ambassador:

Important context: Carter Page is pretty sure all this attention on him is a hate crime perpetrated by Hillary Clinton.

The Russian Ambassador went to Jared!

Not pictured: the Russian ambassador

Jesus Christ, is there anyone Donald Trump has ever met who HAS NOT shared a hot tub with Sergey Kislyak? OK, so remember how former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn got in big trouble mister and had to “resign” after we learned that he had gotten on the phone with Kislyak a bunch of times the same day President Obama decided to kick some ass over Russian interference in the election, and Flynn reportedly reassured the Russian ambassador that once that mean Obama goes away, everything will be better, the sanctions will probably be lifted, and Trump and Putin can finally have that weekend sexxx getaway, maybe at a nice chalet in the Alps, that they’ve been wanting for so long?

Well turns out, there was ALSO a meeting during the Trump transition period, AT TRUMP TOWER, attended by Flynn, Kislyak, AND ALSO Trump’s son-in-law/Ivanka’s boy-boy Jared Kushner. We highly doubt Kushner wanted to discuss Jesus with Kislyak, like a common Jeff Sessions, because Jared is a Known Jewish. Now, in and of itself, this is not illegal, as it was a meeting between members of an incoming administration and a foreign ambassador, but considering everything else we know? We’re going to assume the meeting was shady as fuck, until it’s proven otherwise.

SHADY. AS. FUCK.

Got any other weird Russia links to share with us, before our ‘splodey heads start ‘sploding?

Yeah why not. Here’s a long, VERY interesting thing from Josh Marshall at Talking Points Memo about “What The CIA and FBI Knew About Trump Before 2016.” Turns out, it’s a lot! And there are Russian names in there, shady criminal sorts who have worked with Donald Trump on the bidness side of things, that you may not have even heard yet, because apparently the number of skeevy Russians Trump knows is ENDLESS. We would tell you more about what’s in it, but this post has broken our brain.

Is Wonkette fully reader-supported, completely devoid of ads, and therefore we should give a hearty pat on the ass and also a financial donation to Wonkette, for wading through this stuff and trying to make sense of it?

SWEET JESUS YES. Do that right here!

[Washington Monthly / USA Today / New York Times]

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  • exinkwretch

    The Watergate parallels continue. We haven’t seen jowls like that since Sam Ervin.

  • Msgr_MΩment
    • TJ Barke

      FFS…

    • Villago Delenda Est

      The unintended consequence of the Internet: it’s a fount of stupid.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        Yathink if I type in the correct spelling that I’ll find this ultra-secret fraternity of evil?
        Asking for a friend.

        • Usedtobeyellerdawg

          Who knew they had a website? Look! Is that the Holy Grail on that guy’s desk?

    • Lefty Frizzell

      That’s superb – best laugh I’ll have today.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      On the other hand, I’ve been in more than a few Atlanta clubs that really messed up my world.

    • Ωbjectifier
      • Stulexington

        Is this Chubby Cheese?

    • msanthropesmr

      fnord

    • goonemeritus

      That’s exactly what I would expect the Illuminati to say.

    • CeeQ

      Hahahahahaha DYING.
      “Oh ok sorry”
      Hahahahahahahahaha IDIOT.

  • Chyron HR

    “I thought he was Poppin’ Fresh! I owe my robust physique to his tubes of triple-bleached goo.” – General Jefferson Beauregard Secessions

  • Nounverb911
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Carter Page’s funeral will likely be closed-casket, and you are advised to wear your lead-lined BVDs to the viewing.

    • Ωbjectifier

      As if a body will be found.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Let’s play a game of what if:

    1. What if you were a failed real estate tycoon who turned to laundering money for the Gambino crime family to save your crumbling financial “empire”?

    2. What if you expanded this model by either providing assets to Russian mobsters and Oligarchs seeking to park their ill-gotten gains in US real estate or leasing your ‘name’ to others in the same business?

    3. What if you expanded this money laundering/asset hiding business to be a sort of global enterprise for anybody looking to park money they didn’t want people to know about some place?

    Now, who would you want in your inner-most circle?

    • memzilla Ω

      The person who can shout “SQUIRREL!” the loudest?

  • stankbait

    Eddie Murphy (James Brown) SNL In na HOTTUB!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    I took one look at the headline, and I thought “Evan put a lot of work into this and still only covered about 30% of the topic…”

  • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

    Great! Now we’ll have to see the name “Wonkette” all over the MSM in connection with the Russians. BOTH SIDES DO IT!

  • Nounverb911

    And now Russians are comparing the democrats to McCarthy….
    https://twitter.com/Ruptly/status/837676415420084225

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Not at all. We don’t need to even ask whether they have any shame.

    • Martini Ambassador

      They wanted to do the McCarthyism to their political enemies. Life is very unfair.

    • Perkniticky

      They’re also calling our media ‘vandalism’. I’ll take vandalism any day over government propaganda.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Weird how the Russians & the Trumpsters have the EXACT same talking points. “Fake news”, “witch hunt”, etc. I wonder who wrote the script for this shitshow…

    • DahBoner

      пропаганда 😋

  • Groundloop

    As I finished reading this post “I’m Your Puppet” by James & Bobby Purify came on the radio.

    COINCIDENCE!!?!!??!?!?!?

    • Hutch

      You need to put some tape over that camera in your laptop.

      • snark-lurker

        Doh!

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    Also too, despite Sessions claiming he never met with the Ambassador as anything other than an aw shucks Senator, certainly never as a campaign operative, for some strange reason campaign funds paid for his attending the GOP convention where he talky talked with said Ambassador. https://www.wsj.com/articles/jeff-sessions-used-political-funds-for-republican-convention-expenses-1488509301

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Forensic accounting is like magnets…no one can explain how it works.

  • gingerland62
    • Stulexington

      Nothing says Murika like a Russian gun and a Japanese pillow.

      • LesBontemps

        Thanks, but I still haz a confuze.

      • JohnBull

        And a t-shirt made in Guatemala.

    • TJ Barke

      Asuka would beat your ass, bro.

    • Hutch

      Hey, that’s not a kalashnikov, is it?!?

    • Nockular cavity

      That’s not Melania, dude.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I pine for the days when all we worried about was if the Russian ambassador would get to see the Big Board.

    • LesBontemps

      Still, we cannot allow a mine-shaft gap!

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Msgr_MΩment

    Apparently Evan’s romp with Kislyak in Cleveland was not very memorable.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      In his defense, Evan was super drunk that night week.

  • “Is nothing to see here.”
    “I can clearly see you handing him an envelope marked “stolen DNC emails” while he appears to have redrawn a map of Europe and given you Ukraine, the Baltic states, and part of Poland.”
    “Ah, would you like some Polonium tea?”
    “Uh no. There was nothing to see here, Comrades.”

  • memzilla Ω
    • Nounverb911

      “Nothing is so sure as Death and Tax….hmm, never mind.”
      –DJT

    • Crank Tango

      I wouldn’t say “unexpectedly.”

    • DahBoner

      Spot a pattern…

      Criticize the King, Take a dirt nap.

  • Nounverb911
    • PubOption

      Trump: You’re fired.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “Would it help if I vouched for Sessions?”
    — Julian Assange

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Blobfish predicts: 19% of Rosneft secretly sold to Trump.

    • TJ Barke

      Or at the very least Trump associates.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        I’ve recently been wondering what Nunes got in exchange for his soul…

      • Crank Tango

        A super secret company! Like Donald Trump Amazing President LLC.

    • memzilla Ω

      Like a Tootsie Pop, sold to a chewy holding company surrounded by twelve crunchy layers of shell companies. The actual amount was 19.5%, with the .5% (I assume) as commission.

    • Hutch
    • Lefty Frizzell

      There’s some other part of the deal – like he was given the shares or given the money by Putin or Oligarchs or something. There’s no way he’d have $40B of his own to spend or borrow.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Another content note: you guys can turn off the firehose now, we’ve got enough content to sift through for the next hour or so…

    • Nounverb911

      I bet they’re rushing so that can catch AF One down to Mar-a-Lago with donnie.

      • DahBoner

        Taxpayer funded golf!

  • Nounverb911

    “Your a puppet”
    “no you’re the puppet”

    Actually Sessions is the puppet.

    https://twitter.com/JOE_co_uk/status/837448871919878145

  • Latverian Diplomat

    This just in: Trump furious at Russians. His accountants went to Stockholm but found no trace of promised Swiss bank account.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      I could have told them they needed to go to Constantinople for that…

    • gamera23

      Should be Cypress.

  • Chadwells

    Hmmm…I wonder if the GOP will seize upon the opportunity to point out that the guy they arrested today for the Jewish Center bomb threats…is a left-wing, disgraced former reporter for Intercept?

    • Perkniticky

      Whoa! I’m sure it doesn’t have anything to do with the Intercept. But it’s not going to improve my opinion of that website. Let’s just say it fits a pattern….

    • Amelia

      Of course they will, because it is “proof” that democrats are the REAL RACISTS, not the GOP. The GOP just want to do American things, like slowly drain their rights and pretend crimes against them aren’t happening.

    • DahBoner

      Doesn’t sound left wing to me. Incompetent sociopath. I think he was an idiot all along.

      • Crank Tango

        Yeah but he has the blah.

    • gamera23

      Apparently he was trying to frame his ex for framing HIM for the threats. Intercept fired him for making up shit and/or lying. Or BOTH!

    • JMP

      Is he left-wing, or did he report for Intercept? Those are kind of mutually exclusive possibilities.

      • Chadwells

        Quoting news reports that are defining him as such…not my words!!

  • memzilla Ω
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Crystalclear12

    They aren’t even doing it well. A kindergarten would be ashamed of this work quality.

  • dslindc

    Are we sure this isn’t just some really elaborate ad campaign for The Americans on FX?

    • Nounverb911

      Then again donnie did shill some book this morning.

      https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/837633820417482754

      • Bill D. Burger

        Tells you all you need to know:
        Book blurb:
        [Nick Adams is the Founder and Executive Director of FLAG, The Foundation for Liberty and American Greatness. He is an internationally renowned speaker, lecturer, author and commentator. He is best known for his work in the field of American exceptionalism and is credited with fueling a resurgence in the idea worldwide. He is a Fellow of Colorado Christian University.]

        BTW: His last POS work:

        “Retaking America: Crushing Political Correctness”

      • Amelia

        He’s pretending he reads now? When will the lies stop?!

        • ariel_gee_398

          Probably about 2 seconds before his heart does?

          • LesBontemps

            I’m betting a few seconds after.

        • TJ Barke

          Bannon reads to him before bedtime.

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Pretty sure Canada will hand you a Canadian passport as long as you buy an expensive apartment in downtown Vancouver.

        • Nounverb911

          Vancouver now has a 15% tax on foreign real estate purchases. They are all coming down to Seattle now.

          • Shanzgood

            At least they know how to drive in the snow.

          • Nounverb911

            HAHAHA no, I was there recently when it snowed, they were almost as bad as Seattle drivers…

          • Shanzgood

            Dang. But are they still nice?

          • Until they lose at hockey

          • Shanzgood

            Apparently, I will need to learn about the hockeysport because baconz is a big fan and I will be required to attend games. I managed to figure out football (sort of) when my son played so I guess hockey is do-able.

          • Persistent Demme

            It’s actually more fun, and surprisingly graceful.
            (But old timers complain that it isn’t as bloody and violent as it used to be.)

          • Shanzgood

            My impression has always been that hockey is like simplified soccer but on ice and with more hitting and less histrionics (unless it’s a women’s team because we know how to soldier on whilst bleeding profusely).

          • Hockey is pretty straight forward, if fast

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            Wow, 15% matters to people with millions? Huh.

            That does explain why the value of my home has risen by 40% since I bought it 5 years ago, though.

        • Persistent Demme

          Ater Tiananmen Square, there was a lot of Hong Kong money coming in to Toronto.
          Three “China towns” people! Three!

          • AnnieGetYerFun

            I know! I was near some massive mall in Richmond and then ended up walking across the street to something else that kind of looked like a mall but was pretty much just a big cement structure filled with Chinese markets and tiny eateries, like I was used to in China. I was so happy. These were mainlanders, mind you, not from HK. Finally, dumplings worth the insulin required!

      • JMP

        Give me your rich, and no one else;
        Your millionaires sitting on piles of money.
        Everyone else, you’re not welcome here.

  • Shanzgood

    Speaking of romantic hot tubs…

    Kidding, it’s OT: I just talked to our resident jailbird baconzgood. He couldn’t pop in to say hi today because they get no computer time on Friday or the weekend. That might be construed as “having fun” of some sort. Like finally opening the recently renovated gym.

    Wonkette is helping me keep him up to date on the new administration’s shenanigans. THANK YOU! We had a lively conversation about civics (I learned some things!), world trade, and how he’s gonna cockpunch the next motherfucker who steals his lighter.

    Love you guys!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Thanks for the update, Shanz. Our crispy, delicious friend is in our thoughts.

    • TJ Barke

      Cockpunching is sometimes a necessary evil. Occasionally a moral imperative.

      • Shanzgood

        But not conducive to going home soon, so I talked him out of it.

      • UnsaltedSinner
      • The Wanderer

        Also crotch punching, as necessary:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5JNnItffM4

      • Cock Blockula

        So is cockblocking at times…

        • The Wanderer

          I did that to a coworker years ago. He was having some trouble with his marriage, and I saw him chatting up a nurse. I asked him, loudly enough that she could hear me, how his wife was doing.
          Worth it.

    • Treg Brown
    • Lascauxcaveman

      Aw man, I’ve been mostly AWOL since the election; I didn’t hear how BaconZ ended up in the slam? Something noble, like getting arrested for protesting too vigorously?

      • Shanzgood

        No, just a stupid mixup with a missed court appointment then asshole prosecutor and judge trying to make themselves look good.

        • Lascauxcaveman

          Check. I have a long term tenant who had to do a couple weeks for not knowing when to report. I myself am sort of a personal-responsibility stickler (heh, my Republican upbringing, no doubt) but I’m beginning to see how the system preys on poor, ignorant people whose lives aren’t in very tidy order. I hope that’s not a chronic thing with our porcine pal.

          • Shanzgood

            It was just a freaky mixup, from what I gather (and his mom confirmed). He missed an appointment ordered by Family Court back in November so a bench warrant was issued. He didn’t know about it so when he turned up for a regularly scheduled Family Court thing (with his XW to do with their kids), the judge ordered him arrested on a contempt charge and had him tossed in jail. He was there for 2 weeks before getting transferred to a “halfway house” where he is now. It’s been a nightmare month.

  • DahBoner

    The Clinton Foundation is an ‘organized criminal enterprise’…

    Look! A Squirrel who can water-ski!
    https://media0.giphy.com/media/TXvbvcWwnkUjS/200w.gif

    • Bill D. Burger

      “It’s always Opposite Day in Trumpland.”

  • Martini Ambassador
    • JohnBull

      Only a few people in the crowd saw it was a Russian flag. Guess conservatives are just as geographically illiterate as they are mean.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Pretty much a given. They honestly believe that the Nazis were leftist because they had “Socialist” in their party name.

        • JMP

          That, and because they believe anything that Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilley tell them to.

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          And that they were atheists even though every German soldier had “Gott Mit Uns” (God With Us) stamped into his belt buckle.

      • LucindathePook

        Bad at vexillilogy, too.

      • Jamoche

        Still haven’t noticed that the Russkies aren’t using the hammer and sickle anymore.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Just who WOULDN’T want to meet with him? I mean, he clearly knows how to party.

  • JohnBull

    This is like a return to the 90s under Yeltsin. Let’s see: Russian and American governments colluding to ruin the lives of its respective citizens while giving its billionaires tons of money; shady business deals, Russian ladies who won’t look at you unless you got $1 million in the bank, and religious assholes in both countries justifying it. The only thing missing is a few car bombs and a semi-free media (I really miss Matt Taibbi writing about this.)

    • marxalot

      He’s doing yeoman work for the Stone covering aspects of this, tho. And the Insane Clown President book looks good.

  • UnsaltedSinner

    Let no one say that the poor grunts at The Daily Caller aren’t trying very hard here. It’s just that they don’t have very much to work with…

    https://twitter.com/TheDCPolitics/status/837521936334770176

    https://twitter.com/davidfrum/status/837670299361546241

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I’m not sure what the point of Crater Page’s interview with Chris Hayes was last night. He did not come off looking good. A little too smirky, also too.

    • Anna Rompage

      Carter Page is under investigation from more US agencies than I even knew existed…

  • Ricky Gay
  • Anna Rompage

    Speaking of Trump, his minions, and all the weird connections they seem to have with Russia… It appears it goes pretty deep, a lot deeper than anyone would expect… A lot of the connections are not illegal per say, at least for a private businessman, but as a sitting president, they are quite shady…

    This guy has linked quite a few of the dots… It would be nice to see this info verified, until it is, I take it with a grain of salt…

    https://twitter.com/Khanoisseur

  • Joe T.

    How pissed do you think the Russians are over not getting sanctions lifted, especially after 19.5% of Rosneft was given? Pissed enough to merely buzz some of our ships with jets? Or pissed enough to invade the NATO member Balkans?

    • Anna Rompage

      Hopefully pissed off enough to finally leak Trumps tax returns….

      Though I guess that would bite them in the ass

      • Bill D. Burger

        ….and pee hooker tapes!!!!

      • magyar of infinite power

        I don’t see how it would. He’s already outlived his usefulness to them.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Balkans AND Baltics.

      • Joe T.

        AHH! I meant Baltics, really! I’ll leave it in my original as a testament to my mistake.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Check out the wikipedia page on NATO members; a number of Balkan states, once members of the Warsaw Pact or Yugoslavia, are now NATO members.

          • Joe T.

            Yep, and up in the Baltics, NATO member Estonia is preparing to be invaded.

    • Lulu Mac

      AOT, K

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Well they got an intelligence gathering ship parked off our east coast and Trump’s team pointing unsecured phones at national security documents, so that’s not a bad consolation prize.

      • Rick Hill

        I do have to say that I amember the Russians had those close to our shores a lot in the 80s, not certain if that is a new thing or a thing that we are now concerned with

    • Rick Hill

      “Or pissed enough to invade the NATO member Balkans”

      Just as soon as the weather turns…

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Presumably that’s what all these meetings are about. Hang on guys, just stay with us, it’s far too hot to lift sanctions right now. Next year, we promise.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    “I don’t think there are ANY bears! Besides, I LIKE bears! They’re furry, and cute, and they like honey, and big piles of oil money, and lady bear pee is soo warm and tasty!”

    https://youtu.be/IHO4M_Tar7A

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Carter Page asked Ann Landers who said it’s polite to respect the confidentiality of Russian spies. That’s just common courtesy, folks!

  • Nounverb911
  • cheetojeebus

    Here’s a handy visual reference for Russiagate.
    http://www.dw.com/image/15965959_401.jpg

  • Nounverb911
    • Rick Hill

      And it’s only the second month…

  • Rick Hill

    Hmmmm. You’ve presented this in a thorough and very concise manner. I’ve had the chance to review it all and, after double checking with the trump administration, must conclude that absolutely nothing untoward has occurred. In fact, I agree with the administration that everyone conjecturing this absurdity must be placed in a facility for serious thought realignment. That is all, Comrade.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Wow, the Democrats are sure going to a lot of trouble trying to cover up their loss in the election. You’d think they’d know the news would get out eventually.

  • JMP
    • Villago Delenda Est

      Alles klar?

      • The Wanderer

        Ja, Herr Kommissar!

  • Nounverb911
    • SayItWithWookies

      My German’s not so good but does that say “What will Putin stick in Trump?”

      • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

        “How much Putin is in Trump”

        In inches or centimeters?

        • Villago Delenda Est

          If it was reversed, we’d be talking nanometers.

          • MizzMazz

            Angstroms.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Ven steckt in, das reacharound unt mittengrabbin.

        • The Wanderer

          Der mittengrabbin? Ach ja, Der Trumpenheimer mackt der grosse grabben von die Pussis!

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I don’t know German, but I read that as Putin will stick it in Trump?

      • Aileen

        Steckt = sex stick, I’m pretty sure. Not going to google translate and correct my interpretation either.

    • Persistent Demme

      Wow.
      The Germans are ruthless.
      Wonder why?

  • goonemeritus

    Anytime I have met with Russia’s top spy I always make carful notes in my day-planner.

  • Anna Rompage

    This whole Russian thing is just a witch hunt, even the Russian Foreign Minister has said so….

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/russian-foreign-minister-echoes-trump-calls-sessions-scandal-a-witch-hunt-144755703.html

    • The Wanderer

      We’ll made him into a ladder!

  • marxalot

    We need a new word. One that describes, like, a compund clusterfuck. A cluster of clusterfucks. And oodlefuck, possibly, though that might confuse Rick Santorum.

    • The Wanderer

      I’ll stick with Mongolian cluster fuck.

      • The KGB Ate Our Votes

        Comes with egg roll?

        • The Wanderer

          That’s the #4, yes. With #6 you get a handy.

      • Ωbjectifier

        Ghengis Khan libelz?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      The problem with clusterfucks is not all of the fucklets explode as soon as they’re dropped. Many don’t go off and they sit there on the battlefield long after the fighting stops. Later a child might come across it and mistake it for a toy.

      • Notreelyhelping

        “Some bad news. Joey’s in the hospital because he fucked with a fucklet. He’ll make it, but he’s pretty fucked up.”
        “Fuuuuuuuck.”

        • snark-lurker

          of for peats sake

    • snark-lurker

      me like “oodlefuck”

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Though I haven’t heard the term much in many years, “soup sandwich” I think conveys the sense, even if lacking in profanity.

      • marxalot

        I actually ate a soup sandwhich the other night. My leftover split pea soup, even after cutting with water, has… body.

        • mailman27

          Love that stuff.

        • UncleTravelingMatt

          Ertwensoep. Baal bless the Dutch for teaching me that soup can be a casserole.

    • Lance Thrustwell

      If you take out the vowels, does that compound it enough? Clstrfck.

    • ariel_gee_398

      Omnishambles works, though it lacks profanity.

    • Sardonicuss

      A Googleplexifuck

    • laughingnome

      A snafutorum

  • “Suspicious” fire erupts at Trump Tower this morning.
    I got two questions:
    1) Was Trump there?
    2) Was he wearing pants?

  • snark-lurker

    They thought they were grooming a “useful idiot”, little did they know the idiot was also stoopid (duh) and YOU CANT’ FIX STUPID!

    • ariel_gee_398

      They should have known by looking at his hair that he was ungroomable.

    • The Wanderer

      To be fair, Trump was the 2012 Guest of Honor at the Village Idiot’s Convention in Minsk.

  • Rick Hill
    • Lulu Mac

      You’re a young woman of color…OF COURSE he’s ruining your life, kid…get in line…

  • The KGB Ate Our Votes
  • Nockular cavity

    At this point, I assume The Americans is going to just end their whole run next week, with an episode set in the present showing the new National Security Advisor (and FSB agent) Paige Jennings being sworn in.

  • Cock Blockula

    I can’t even keep up with all this stuff. Is anyone else having this problem?

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I’d like a Homeland-style murder-board with pins, photos and red yarn connecting everything. Seeing it visually that way would help immensely.

      • Sardonicuss

        Except you would need a wall the size of an IMAX screen to hold it all.

    • The KGB Ate Our Votes

      Yes. Total scandal overload here.

    • Shoto

      Splodey-head keeps splodin’

    • Lizzietish81

      After 8 years of scandal free presidenting, it’s a lot to take in

      • snark-lurker

        well we got a lot of catchin-up to do

    • Hutch

      It’s been like being forced to binge-watch a show you DON’T want to see!

      • Nounverb911

        The Apprentice?

    • Nockular cavity
    • Ωbjectifier

      A feature, not a bug.

  • Shoto

    Is the fact that B. Barry Bamz (and crew) left scintillating intelligence nuggets all over hell-and-gone the coolest thing ever, or am I missing something?

    Take that, Preznit Unhinged Orange Man-Baby.

  • Martini Ambassador

    Slightly OT, but maybe not depending on if it goes anywhere and the contents of the documents what’s in it:
    Two Republicans sign on to effort demanding Trump’s tax returns

    (oh, also too, beware the autoplay)

    • Proud Liberal

      The Russian ties begin and end with Trump’s tax returns. There is a reason why he doesn’t want anyone to see them.

      • The Wanderer

        A probability in the high 90s, I think. Since US banks won’t lend to him, he’s probably deep into Russian banks as well as Deutsche Bank.

        • Proud Liberal

          Putin has got tRump by the balls. It’s obvious as hell.

          • The Wanderer

            “Grab ’em by the balls, and their hearts and minds will follow.”

  • Nounverb911
  • Bill D. Burger

    Caution: Trying to keep up with all the lies, spin and tsunami of horseshit coming out of the White House and Trump’s piehole causes premature aging.
    Matt Damon started watching only five week ago after the Inauguration, and it’s taken a toll.

    https://media.giphy.com/media/GrUhLU9q3nyRG/giphy.gif

  • Nounverb911
    • Shoto

      Collective IQ on that couch almost makes it into the double digits. From an aesthetic perspective, however, I would suggest that moar drool is indicated.

      • The Wanderer

        Almost.

    • Lulu Mac

      Doocy McRapeyface is looking a little too rapey…

  • Jenny

    It sounds like everybody on both sides liked partying with the Russian Ambassador cuz of how he threw the best parties, and maybe yelled at you about how Russia is best country but did it in the most delighful party bro way. Now party bro Russian ambassador is sad that no one wants to party with him like they’ve been doing for the past 20 years because the American Media is so mean, and questioning all these super cool, not bugged, or could be used for blackmail, parties.

    How sad! No one wants to hang out with him no more. What is he going to do with all these extra hookers, blow, and fusion russian food?!??! Thanks a lot media!

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      The vodka was always perfectly chilled. The caviar of the finest quality. Who could say no?

    • Sardonicuss

      Ain’t no party like a spymaster party cuz a spymaster party got…..pee hookers!

  • SayItWithWookies

    So the email document dumps were repayment for getting the Ukraine sanctions plank out of the GOP platform. No quid pro quo there, no sirree — just a couple of people getting together and taking some action they were going to do anyway, for the common good.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Nounverb911
  • Lizzietish81

    Slightly OT but last night the NYPD removed an emotionally disturbed man who was yelling about how the FBI was out to get him from Trump Tower.

    http://gothamist.com/2017/03/03/disturbed_man_trump_tower.php

    • Nounverb911

      Well they have him now….

    • UnsaltedSinner

      And we know this man was not the president?

  • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

    Carter Page is sounding like the weakest link here. He’s sounding kind of frightened and more than a little unhinged. (Or maybe that’s just his default mode)?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Five minutes alone with Hillary, and he’ll be singing like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

      • magyar of infinite power

        I vote for Lawrence O’Donnell to draw first blood.

      • Persistent Demme

        There must be a way to get to him.
        All that irrational Clinton hate…
        He seems a little unstable.

  • Crank Tango

    I’ve never even TALKED to Putin. Just ask him, he agrees with me!

  • Nounverb911
    • WotsAllThisThen

      $50,000? Thanks a lot. You just made every one of Hillary’s paid protesters feel like a chump. My invoices are all way overdue!

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Soros is such a damn tightwad. Makes Scrooge McDuck look positively generous.

  • OrG

    These guys are BAD at being criminals.

    • TJ Barke

      Well seeing as none of them are in jail yet, I’d say they’re at least sort of good at it.

      • OrG

        I see that more a failure of those who should be jailing them than their competence at crime.

        • TJ Barke

          Either way… outlook is grim.

      • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

        Not so much good as lucky. “Malice in Blunderland” was the term for Watergate. It works here too.
        If we had a Dem house and Senate while Trump was Pres things would be very different.

  • Tallmutha

    BREAKING: Jim Hoft, SMOTI (pay up, Shitbird), has a white-hot lid-blower of a scoop (no link) that reveals the fathomless hypocrisy of the Democrats! And that scoop is… Chuck Schumer once met Vladimir Putin! Out in the open! At the opening of a gasoline station in New York City! That’s right! The part where Schumer denied under oath that the meeting had taken place is, um, anyway TAKE THAT, LIBTARDS!!!

    • MynameisBlarney

      NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

      We may as well head for that big commune in the sky now.

      • Hutch

        Just ask for Dave.

        • MynameisBlarney

          I have it on good authority, that he is not there.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      My desk is taking a beating today, my eyes are constantly trying to roll to Saipan, it’s not going to be calm and relaxing.

    • Crank Tango

      I guess we should investigate errybody then!

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Nounverb911
    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Cats are always so nonchalant when they do the shell game. “It’s there, stupid!”

    • Thiazin Red

      I got it right, I am as smart as that cat!

      (My cat would just have attacked the hands and knocked over all the cups)

    • Tallmutha
  • Mr. Blobfish

    Welp, the post-speech afterglow didn’t last too long.

    • Rick Hill

      The context of this picture, I do not know…
      https://img-9gag-fun.9cache.com/photo/aebrjQv_460s.jpg

      • Mr. Blobfish

        Hey, good lookin’.

        • H0mer0

          it IS kinda cute.

      • therblig

        the heart wants what the heart wants

    • snark-lurker

      DON’T LOOK DOWN MR BLOBFISH!!!

      • Mr. Blobfish

        She’s hot.

        • snark-lurker

          you know you could go blind?!..

  • Jgb979

    Has someone given comrade human thumbski any form of protection?

    99.999% of those involved on the Russian side have already turned up mysteriously dead.

  • ltmcdies

    Completely off topic…so sorry…but amusing

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/837721103174889475

    • Tallmutha

      Be careful, Kid, or you won’t put his eye out.

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      LMAO “My mommy says you hate foreigners.” GO MOM!

    • Pilotshark

      has anyone located this kid, just to make sure she does not disappear?

      but mommy is so right and always listen to her.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Hearken to me!

    Whilst perusing the innertoobs for memes relating to pee (that I could safely post) I stumbled upon this odd site.

    *edit*

    Gah!
    Apparently it’s one o’ them damn autoplay thingies…

    Any…it’s a podcast called “Super Pee Pee Time”.

  • Nounverb911
    • CogitoErgoBibo

      Wonder if we could redirect that gator. “You think that fish is big? Wait’ll you see what’s on the next golf course over. Just look for the orange.”

    • Jenny

      Hey must be nice to jaunt off every weekend. Do your job asshole!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Scotch tape to keep his tie in order. Scotch tape!

    • Rick Hill

      “Preznitin’s hard…”

    • Crank Tango

      Alert Secret Service agents wrestled the fish to the ground.

    • Tallmutha

      A Date with Destiny!

    • Mehmeisterjr

      That gator closely resembles Putin with the Trump regime in his mouth.

    • yyyaz

      Choke on your nasty steaks, mofo.

  • Sardonicuss

    If the European IC is sitting on bunch of great intel, thinking to parcel it out for the most effect – perhaps now would be a time to dump it en masse. Because apparently, it is going to take a tsunami to dislodge these fuckers.

    • MynameisBlarney

      Yes please and thank you.

    • TJ Barke

      I kind of hope we have to send the seals into the white house.

    • Mack N. Nietzsche

      Nah, death by a thousand paper cuts is better. Much, much better.

      • Sardonicuss

        While it might be more satisfying…it takes far too long. ..and the cutter may get wiped out before the job is done.

      • yyyaz

        It will take millions of those cuts to bring down this coup. Meanwhile, they are inflicting a thousand a day on us, our country and our values.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    The thing whose name I shall not speak is in full troll mode now:

    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/837722869106880517

    • Crank Tango

      Keep tweeting, shitbird.

    • Jgb979

      Pretty sure working in government for more than “a month” and being near the top, you might have run into a foreign leader or two.

      That doesn’t mean you made a deal with them to get you elected president.

      (He is so breathtakingly willfully stupid my god)

    • Mack N. Nietzsche

      Yahoo Financial played this card earlier with Senator McCaskill. To answer the Head Pirate, neither Schumer or McCaskill lied to Congress about any such meeting. McCaskill’s was back in 2010 and is irrelevant to the issue at hand.

    • Jenny

      Ha picture sent straight from Putin’s personal archives, I’m sure.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        It’s from a Photo-op Putin/Schumer did at the first Lukoil station in NYC when Putin was here for the UN General Assembly.

        It involved waiting for Putin and his security team to arrive, buying of coffee and Krispy Kreme donuts, picture, Putin’s motorcade leaving, and Schumer telling reporters some boiler plate.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          Was in 2003, too, BTW.

    • Tallmutha

      This is apparently in response to the Jim Hoft, SMOTI, thing I nonlinked to slightly below.

    • Proud Liberal

      Yeah, Schumer wasn’t running for president at the time, tRump.

      • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

        Also it was 2003. There were no sanctions. No invasion of Ukraine, Georgia, etc.

    • BMW

      Does Trump really not understand what he’s being accused of?

    • Aaron Wise

      I agree with Trump on this one.

  • Aaron Wise

    It’s already past news.
    I was hoping the Dems would have done something.

    • Mack N. Nietzsche

      They are. They’re calling for investigation and for Session’s resignation. However, since they are in the minority party, they can’t start anything without the Repulsive’s help.

      • Aaron Wise

        Interesting surrender mindset here today.

  • bookish
  • Mack N. Nietzsche

    One of the questions that needs to be asked is very simply, was Jeff Sessions complicit in the hacking of the DNC and in Russian interference in our election? (Okay, technically, that is TWO questions, but he needs to answer them.)

  • Aaron Wise

    BREAKING NEWS:

    Dem leadership will not lift a finger to prosecute Sessions.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      How can they?

      • Aaron Wise

        You’re right. Silly to think that they would do anything.

        • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

          Well you’re not answering the question. What exactly do you think they should do? They’ve already called for an investigation. They also called for Sessions to resign. Should they get together in a big mob, run into his office and beat him up? Sue him in civil court? Take out a hit on him? What exactly?

          • Aaron Wise

            Lay down and surrender.

          • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

            Still not answering…..

          • Aaron Wise

            Ask Nanny and Chuckie?
            They are do-nothings.

          • SeriousSummer

            Troll.

          • Aaron Wise

            Both are worthless as Democratic leaders.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            The fact that the system is grossly flawed is bleeding obvious, but the Dems are stuck in it. If the executive branch is committing gross legal and ethical violations, the Congress is supposed to investigate, indict, prosecute and impeach, either directly or through the appropriate federal agencies. I doubt very much that the Founders envisioned a time where one party would control both the executive and legislative branches and that their Congressional majority would be willing to ignore evidence of criminal behaviour, treason and corruption on the part of a president of their party because it suited their ideological purposes and lust for power.

          • Jamoche

            IIRC they didn’t even predict parties at all, so they couldn’t see that Congress would go from hundreds of voices to an unbalanced two.

      • snark-lurker

        if the minority can do nothing, why do they even show up?

        • Aaron Wise

          Youre right.
          We should just surrender.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Suggest a possible course of action or shut the fuck up asshole.

          • Aaron Wise

            Fight for the people.
            But Nanny and Charlie won’t.
            They are Neoliberal lapdogs.

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Boilerplate crap. Fight how? Expand. Elucidate.

        • tomamitai

          They tried boycotting confirmation hearings, so the republicans changed the rules to allow a vote with no dems present.

    • Proud Liberal

      They have no power in Washington. What do you expect them to do?

      • Aaron Wise

        Lay down like beaten dogs.

        • Proud Liberal

          I don’t see that happening.

          • Aaron Wise

            I do.

    • Jgb979

      What exactly would you have them do right now?

      • Aaron Wise

        Fight back.

        • Jgb979

          How?

          • Aaron Wise

            By pressing charges, and investigating.
            By publicly stating that they will fight for Americans.

          • Jgb979

            How are they going to press charges?

          • Aaron Wise

            Perjury. Ask Bill Clinton how that worked out for him.
            Do you want the Dems to fold?

          • Lulu Mac

            Exactly what prosecutorial authority does the minority congressional party have?

          • Aaron Wise

            None.
            Let’s just fold, and wither.

          • Lulu Mac
          • Aaron Wise

            So, as a minority party, you actually think that they have no lawful authority? Are you mad?

          • Lulu Mac

            Um, no. I’m a constitutional scholar. They actually don’t have any authority to prosecute anyone for anything. Please cite your source if you think I am incorrect…

          • Jack Tenhet

            BAM! I love it when a legitimate expert takes down absurdist arguments! It’s like manna from heaven.

          • Jgb979

            Ok motion to press perjury charges comes up in committe: motion immediately denied on party line vote.

            What then?

            Why would you think anyone here wants Dems to fold? You just haven’t really demonstrated you understand the reality of how this works.

          • Aaron Wise

            So by your reasoning, everything that the Republican’s do, legal and otherwise is just fine and dandy. No reason to object.
            Have you lost your mind?

          • Jgb979

            Try rereading what I just wrote.

          • Aaron Wise

            I did.

          • Jennaratrix

            Reading comprehension, dude. NOTHING the Reps do is legal or fine or dandy. No Dems think this. But what you apparently fail to understand, along with common English and American civics, is that other than make a lot of noise and ASK for investigations, as the minority party in both houses with a Rep in the White House, there isn’t a motherfucking thing Democratic legislators can do. NOTHING. And currently, that’s a feature, not a bug. Why do you think the Reps are standing behind their flawed candidate? Because they can. Why do you think shit is happening in the background while we get (rightly) spun up about Sessions and Russia and pee hookers? Because it can. Because motherfuckers like you either didn’t vote, or split the party being all Bernie purists, or sat on your high fucking horse with your protest vote and screamed that Dems are just as bad, or whatever the fuck it is you did last election season other than working to make sure THIS didn’t happen. And now you’re bitching that Dems aren’t doing anything useful? WE CAN’T. We have no power, unless we can turn this shit around in 2018, and maybe not even then because our system is pretty damn close to broke now, and dog knows what it’s going to look like in a year.

            So take your righteous indignation and your “Why won’t you people DO something?” and shove it right up your ass. And then shake it off, and start doing something your own damn self.

            Mmmm’kay?

          • Aaron Wise

            I’m a progressive, not a neolib punk like you.

          • Jennaratrix

            And there it is, the name calling. You don’t know me. And you sure as shit aren’t a real progressive if your idea of “progress” is to let it all burn down because your preferred candidate didn’t win.

          • Aaron Wise

            “”Because motherfuckers like you””
            You started it asshole.

            I prefer a candidate who works for Americans and not wars, and Wall Street.

          • Jennaratrix

            Point taken, but I won’t apologize. Coming into a thread like this and yelling at everyone that Dems are dogs and nannies and pussies and aren’t doing anything – how is that useful? Pining for unrealistic non-Wall-Street-no-war candidates, the only one of which who even comes close did not win a major party’s nomination because he isn’t really a member of a major party, how does that help? It’s all pie in the sky. You’re talking about ideal candidates who don’t exist and refusing to acknowledge the system and people who do exist – refusing to understand that we have to either work within this system or burn it down. It seems to me you’re in the burn it down camp, and if so, that is a position of such privilege that it’s impossible to argue with.

          • Aaron Wise

            I want a real Liberal to represent me, my friends and family, and won’t stop striving for people who will work for American workers, the poor and helpless.
            I will not vote for the status quo, it’s a long term exercise in pain and suffering for those who need representation on their part.

          • Amelia

            Alright, let’s give you what you want. All the Dems in Congress are wiped out and replaced with clones of Bernie. Literally hundreds of Bernies, protecting the American people from whatever terrible things you think the current Dems are doing.

            Guess what the hundreds of Bernies are accomplishing in this situation.

            Did you guess? It’s ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING. The legal situation doesn’t change along with how far left the Democratic Party as a whole is at any given moment.

            No one is surrendering except you. Offer a real solution or GTFO.

          • Aaron Wise

            The Dems are wiped out because of Dems.

            Look at Pelosi and her leadership, then tell me where I went wrong and she is right.
            The party has been decimated for the last DECADE.
            I blame THE FUCKING DEMS.
            Wake up!

          • Yr. Gma

            Okay, I see now. This is a troll. Time to block it.

          • Aaron Wise

            Truth hurts huh?

          • Jennaratrix

            Yep. Done. And deleted my own comments, because fuck adding to that noise.

          • Aaron Wise

            Chelsea in 2020?

          • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

            Majority party decides what, and what not, to investigate. See Chaffetz, Jason.

          • Jenny

            Republicans had majority control back then just like they do now. They initiated under the independent council@ the Ag’ office. Guess what…. The independent council no longer exists! It ceased in 1999!

            Literally nothing the democrats can do now but either sway republicans or hope you dumbshits vote in 2018. But you won’t because you’re too busy poisoning the well that the Democrats are all the same.

            Fuck you. Fuck “journalists” like Cenk and Hamilton Nolan who scream about what they ought to do with no understanding of history or legislative manuevering, and fuck the idiots who blindly follow your bullshit rabble rousing because it’s easy.

          • Lulu Mac
          • Jenny

            He wants them to get on the microphone like good ol’ Bernie I’m guessing. Nevermind Pelosi has been on tv all week. We all know what a shrill corrupt old bag she is though, right?

          • Aaron Wise

            Has she made any statements?

          • Jenny

            Every fucking day for the past week dumbass.

          • eyelashviper

            Along with Schumer, Perez and Ellison, and any Dem who can get to a microphone.

    • Crank Tango
      • Shanzgood

        Lulz

    • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

      They don’t get to make that decision.

    • Logic of Color

      Are you really this ignorant or just trolling?

      • Yr. Gma

        I guess Aaron is frustrated because the Constitution does not give the minority party the power to (literally) march into the Oval Office and (literally) kick ass. I’m just going on the assumption that Aaron knows how the government is structured and how it works.

        • Logic of Color

          I applaud you giving the benefit of the doubt but I’m seeing an annoying pattern with this one.

      • Aaron Wise

        Prosecute means:( to follow to the end : pursue until finished)
        It’s that easy. A transitive verb.

      • Jack Tenhet

        Little of column A, little of column B?

    • snark-lurker

      i can not answer the below do-nothings because I donut know what can be done, but there must be SOMETHING!

      • Aaron Wise

        Apparently the readers here want to surrender.

        • snark-lurker

          aw some are just feelin punchy cuz so far, nuttin really bad has yet happened to that OPOS and its minions

    • therblig

      conclusion? annoying turd. blocked.

    • The Wanderer

      BREAKING NEWS:

      GOP leadership will not lift a finger to prosecute Sessions.

      Fixed that for ya. No charge.

      • Aaron Wise

        Definition of prosecute:
        transitive verb

        1 : to follow to the end : pursue until finished prosecute a war

        2 : to engage in : perform

        • Sitkajo

          Aaron: Please get Wise to the fact that the GOP being the majority, and this being a democracy (so far) would have to be okay with an investigation.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      Just guessing here, but I figure it’s because of voters like you are the reason that we have Mad Lord Snapcase in office right now.

  • Rick Hill

    I bet we could track the trump administration’s actions by monitoring the vodka consumption of the Kremlin.

    • Randy Riddle

      Or Bannon’s consumption of bourbon.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    Look, just because I know Vlad is ticklish behind his right knee doesn’t mean I’ve ever met the guy.

  • Chadwells

    OT: Fucking scumbags.

    “Big Airlines Cheer as Trump Administration Suspends Obama-Era Consumer Protection”

    https://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2017-03-03/trump-administration-suspends-obama-airline-consumer-protection

    • Rick Hill

      Put it in that pile over there. Yeah, that one, the one that reaches the ceiling….

    • eyelashviper

      The cash register at the door of the Oval Office has burned out twice in the past 24 hours, can’t keep up with all the payments.

  • bookish
    • Jamoche

      Each was noncontroversial: One would “break the back of the criminal cartels that have spread across our nation and are destroying the blood of our youth,”

      “blood of our youth”? That’s very, um, what’s the word, Nazi sounding.

  • bookish

    http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2017/03/did_jeff_sessions_commit_perjury_probably_not.html

    If that all sounds like an open-and-shut case of lying under oath, some cooling of the jets is in order. That’s because perjury, along with the handful of other statutes that criminalize dishonest statements made to Congress, requires prosecutors to prove that a defendant “willfully” made a statement he knew to be untrue. In other words, Sessions would’ve had to lie on purpose, not simply utter a falsehood by accident. A plausible case for perjury can be mounted only if there is no room to believe that Sessions thought he was being honest.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      Except that he answered a question he was not asked.

    • tomamitai

      Bill Clinton didn’t believe oral counted as sex, but Sessions still voted to convict him.

    • Proud Liberal

      “Did you know of any campaign officials’ communications with the Russians?”

      “I didn’t. I know I didn’t have contact with the Russians.”

      2 months later: I met with the Russian ambassador twice. I didn’t understand the question.”

      He’s too fucking incompetent to be Attorney General if he didn’t understand that question.

      • Sitkajo

        Whats worse is the response to Sen. Franken’s question. Franken was asking him what he would do if an investiagtion involving Trump-Russia came along? Instead of answering that staright forward question, he says that he himself didnt have any meetings with the Russians. Wrong answer to a misunderstood question. Which is about the dumbest way to purjure yourself ever invented. He should be spanking himself by now.

  • Aileen

    First I was all, yay, we’re going to get our first female President, and then I was all boo-hoo about half the country just elected a racist bigoted misogynist gameshow host instead, and after that I was all riled up and ready to burn this mo-fo down (through peaceful protest and political action!) but now, NOW, I’m just popping popcorn, opening a nice cold beverage and settling in. This is delicious.

    • snark-lurker

      can i sit with you? (figuratively, not literally)

      • Aileen

        You sure can! It is more fun in a group.

        • snark-lurker

          I am here!

          • SadDemInTex

            Me,too

    • Lulu Mac
    • tomamitai

      Yes, watching oligarchs from Russia and the U.S. collude to eliminate liberal progressive democracy from the world is so entertaining.

      • Aileen

        Nope, the cat is out of the bag. The ship has sailed. The shit has hit the fan. There’s no putting this genie back in the bottle.

    • Red Bird Ω

      That is me too.

    • Sitkajo

      Yea it was a stolen election after all is the only conclusion I can get out of this. EVen FOX news is starting to notice our new Russian landlords are not so nice.

  • Jeffery Campbell

    I fucking hate that Jared is so totally fuckable. It just turns my, otherwise perfect, outrage into a base desire to kiss the mezuzah.

    • Courser_Resistance

      So THAT’s what they’re calling it these days!

    • Shanzgood

      Kushner? Ew! No!

    • Yr. Gma

      Lie back and think of America.

      • TakingAmes

        And/or baseball. But I repeat myself.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        What make you think I’m the bottom!? Oh, wait…

    • magyar of infinite power

      Me too! But I have this recurring dream that I swoop in and save him from those awful Trump people.

      • Jeffery Campbell

        What make you think I’m the bottom!? Oh, wait….

    • Alan

      I wouldn’t know.

  • Pierre_de_Fermat

    A Florida Moment from Rick Wilson:
    //twitter.com/TheRickWilson/status/759473850425806848

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Amid the photo bombing/excuse making for Trump that includes pics of past politicians in photo frames/photo ops with Putin from before he went all anti-Western, pro-dictator-like wobbly…

    there was this pic… and Putin had hair!!!!

    https://twitter.com/Susan_Hennessey/status/837730296069906433

    • tomamitai

      Is David McCallum, not glorious leader!

  • Persistent Demme

    Chris “dog-on-a-bone” Hayes showing how journalism is done!
    Rapid fire, smart, to the point, (yes or no), and pleasant.

    (I love Carter’s “tell.”
    When he says the word “interesting,” the whopper is YOOGE!)

  • eyelashviper

    In the running for official Trumplethinskin portrait…and the Russians will pay for it..

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a9c9a3164a8994ff6fce7122003cb66b4a745b517b811e49acf9fd74121e7d4c.jpg

    • Rick Hill

      Heck. I’ll help pay for it

  • OneYieldRegular

    I almost pity the poor Russians in their dealings with Trump’s operatives. They thought they were getting James Bond, but instead they got Clouseau.

  • OH YOU MUSTA BEEN A BEAUTIFUL ZVYOZDOCHKA Dept

    Awwww! Kislyak looks like a big squishy happy babby!

    • Sitkajo

      The RUssian Ambassador reminds me of the malevolent Baron Harkonnen in the Dune series. That character met his end in a steam room so the hotub imagery is close enough and appropriate.

      • Keith Taylor

        No No No! It’s Steve Bannon who resembles Baron Harkonnen! And I can see him mouthing the Baron’s lines, too, with much joy. “Squeeze them, Rabban! Squeeze! Show no mercy!”

        • Sitkajo

          I was going to have Steve Bannon cast as Wormtongue, the villain who tries to dominate the King of Rohan on behalf of Saruman.

          • Keith Taylor

            Mmm, if you want to compare Steve Bannon to anybody from LOTR — how about Shelob?

  • Anna Rompage

    Speaking of Trump’s Russia connections. It just so happens that Rudy Ghouliani’s firm represented Rosneft (Russain Oil) , and Trump advisor Sever Schwarzman ran a Russian funded investment firm that has significant ties to Putin….

  • whitroth

    EVAN: READ THIS POST

    I did post this before, but let me remind you, about a week or so ago, I was googling about the Rossneft deal, and it went to the Qatar Sovereign Fund (investors in said fund? You think they’re going to say? It’s Qatar….)

    On other notes….
    And I want credit – yesterday, I posted that question, as to who *didn’t* meet with Russians in his campaign, other than possibly an intern. (And if any who were are reading this, and you have a blue dress with DNA evidence that you saved to remember the moment the Future Presidnent of the Greater America came on/for you, please step forward, there’s an impeachment looking for you, and a grateful America…

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Is this move All the President’s Men or Weekend at Bernies? How does that tragedy/farce thing work again?

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      All the President’s Men Spend the Weekend at Feculent Mar-A-Letgo.

  • ltmcdies

    that Chuck Schumer guy is getting real feisty

    https://twitter.com/scottbix/status/837725786018738176

    • Amelia

      Yes, good. Very good.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      Yeah… don’t fuck with Chuck. He may look nebbishy, but his elbows and tongue are both sharp AF.

  • bluicebank

    Say what you will about the Cold War, but at least we knew which side we were on.

  • Rickyphoo

    It kinda bothers me that Kislyak looks like the Russian ambassador in “Dr. Strangelove”. I hope it’s not foreshadowing our future…

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Don’t worry. There is no fighting in the War Room.

  • QueerPunk

    I’ll leave this here, for it is a beautiful thing.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vpOHq8bkzA

    In related news, a dude was posting on a friend’s wall (friend’s the US correspondent for a major newspaper here, centre-left).

    Dude started out by saying that newspapers were losing credibility on the US and Russia because of their “red scare”,written without irony, as in “don’t be afraid of Russia / Putin” – as if the left-wing created the aforementioned “red scare”. Am I the only one who finds that extremely odd?

    Also, #fakenews. It was very strange to read.

    I’ve been watching Germany and France, and the meme that Putin’s a stand-up guy is creeping up to Denmark as well. This new-found love between right-wingers all over and Russia worries me. Honest. I mean, really.

    There seems to be a fellowship of sorts between some really shitty people, and they’re doing their best to regress us. I’m not happy.

    #missivesfromasocialisthellhole #swedenincident

  • stankbait

    I wonder if I had a beer with this guy? On the south side.

  • HorseChestnut

    Man, I’ve been saying “Russian mob” for months now.

    I feel like we’re living in an episode of Archer.

    • SayItWithOtters

      Except that really dumb KGB guy (Boris?) is calling all the shots.

  • Me not sure

    Kislyak knows too much to be left for long at his current position. I see two options…
    1. Putin calls him home and gives him a raise and a big new title at the Russian Foreign
    Ministry, because his work here is done.
    2. He kisses his wife, gets in the car to go to work, and disappears off of the face of the
    Earth.

  • John Lo

    What does a dwarf (Sessions,) and two corpulent old men do in a hot tub, besides rubbing each other out before cutouts of Kellyann?

    • Keith Taylor

      I do not know. And that is such a horrible concept it could put anybody off sex forever. Getoutahere!

  • Keith Taylor

    I’m afraid I’m here with egg all over my face, not too long after posting on Wonkette that our very own Australian refugee-loathing ignorant politician, Pauline Hanson, is at least relatively nice compared to Donald Trump. I added, “only relatively” but clearly I was so, so mistaken. She has just come out forcefully defending Vladimir Putin as a “strong leader” who is admired by “97 per cent” of the Russian people, and expressed doubt that he had anything to do with the missile attack that blasted aircraft MH17 out of the sky. She also opposes vaccination and penalty pay rates, and assures us Muslims “hate western society”.
    I guess she decided she hasn’t been enough like Trump and Putin so far and should emulate them even more. So, cancel what I said about her. Not even “relatively nice compared to Donald Trump”. A total Trumpoid.

    • HazooToo

      I apologize for our normalizing your batshit asshole politicians’ behavior.

      • Keith Taylor

        No apology called for AT ALL. And no implication meant AT ALL that the U.S.A. is responsible for Pauline Hanson. This is her second go at politics, the first having failed badly, and she would probably be just as much worse the second time around even without the example of Donald Trump before her.
        (She’s a politician from the great state of Queensland. Her main inspiration is probably former, now dead, Queensland state premier Bjelke-Peterson, not Donald Trump so much. I won’t describe him — Bjelke-Peterson — except to assure you he was rather more unpleasant and batshit crazy than even Donald Trump, and like Donald Trump had a considerable measure of low rat-cunning combined with appalling ignorance.)
        Thinking about it, I’m almost insulted! You believe we Australians can’t produce out own horrible batshit assholes without help? Trust me! We have notable ones here!

        • HazooToo

          We had a troll for a while who claimed to be Australian, but who knows? If he was, I’m thinking he was either kicked in the head by an emu, or got stranded in the outback until the heat melted his brain, like a tim-tam on hot asphalt. There’s no other excuse for his deranged behavior.

          • Keith Taylor

            I’m sort of hoping he wasn’t Australian, but hey, he probably was. And probably never was anywhere near the outback, or he might have met an indigenous aboriginal person, which would have been traumatic for him. (Although we have become so disgustingly soft and liberal these days, our laws permit aborigines to move around freely, live in cities, associate with their own relatives, get just as drunk as whites if they’re silly enough to want to, and even marry without signed permission from some petty bureaucrat, so he might have met one anyway.) We’re not, as I said, short on deranged trolls. Here’s to the day Trump and Pauline Hanson are both left on the garbage heap of history, with a strong reaction in progress against their memory and even conservatives vowing, “Never again!”

  • Joe Monte

    WHat the world needs now…

    …is a Donald Trump gay porn movie starring the most out of shape gay porn veterans they can find!

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