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Just don't offer to play a 'text-based RPG' with the immigration agents, OK?
Just don’t offer to play a ‘text-based RPG’ with the immigration agents, OK?

Latest dispatches from the War On Foreign People And Maybe Terrorism: Celestine Omin, a Nigerian software engineer on his way to meet with an American client in New York, was detained by Customs and Border Patrol (CBP) officers who wanted to make sure he was really a software engineer, so they asked him some questions about his work that sounded suspiciously like the kinds of questions you might get if you Googled “Questions to ask a software engineer.” Omin was eventually allowed past the Customs checkpoint after the CBP agents at JFK International had the bright idea of phoning his employers, after which he tweeted this trenchant observation:

The fun started on Sunday, February 26, when Omin finally arrived in New York after a 24-hour flight from Lagos; he’s an employee of Andela, a company funded by Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan, that connects top tech developers from Africa with U.S. employers (so they can terk are jerbs!). Omin had been working with Andela for about six months, and was on his way to meet with an American financial tech company to help work on a JavaScript application for emerging markets. Once Omin got to the front of the customs line — a 20 minute wait already — the CBP officer seemed skeptical that this guy from Nigeria was really a software engineer, possibly because if Americans know anything at all about computers and Nigeria, it’s that Nigeria is where all the scams come from. So no way do they have actual computer engineers there, and no way was his short term B1/B2 visa valid, because who ever heard of a black computer guy (except in Die Hard and The I.T. Crowd, and those were fictional black tech guys, just like all the black presidents played by Morgan Freeman in science fiction movies).

Omin was taken to a small room and told to wait, which he did for about an hour, and then a different CBP officer came in:

“Your visa says you are a software engineer. Is that correct?” the officer asked Omin in a tone the engineer described as accusatory. When Omin said it was right, the officer presented him with a piece of paper and a pen and told him to answer the following questions:

“Write a function to check if a Binary Search Tree is balanced.”

“What is an abstract class, and why do you need it?”

Omin told LinkedIn editor Caroline Fairchild that the questions didn’t make a lot of sense to him, especially after not having slept for a full day and being jet lagged. They could have multiple answers, and struck him as the kind of thing you might find on a search engine if you knew nothing about computers but wanted some examples of questions a software engineer might deal with. Exhausted and “too tired to even think,” he did his best for about ten minutes, then handed the paper to the CBP guy, who told him the answers were wrong.

“No one would tell me why I was being questioned,” Omin told me by phone. “Every single time I asked [the official] why he was asking me these questions, he hushed me… I wasn’t prepared for this. If I had known this was happening beforehand, I would have tried to prepare.”

“That is when I thought I would never get into the United States,” he told me with noticeable fear in his voice.

Omin is pretty sure his answers, if read by another software engineer, were just fine, but they probably didn’t match up with whatever the CBP guys had Googled, and were therefore “wrong.” He said he suspected the officers had no technical training and wouldn’t know a right answer from a wrong answer. We guess they figured you could find an easy shibboleth for real software engineers, just like the Americans in old movies who asked baseball trivia questions to ferret out Nazi spies, then shot the one guy in the platoon who didn’t follow sports.

Just as he was mentally preparing himself to be deported back to Nigeria, the CBP guy told him he was free to go:

“He said, ‘Look, I am going to let you go, but you don’t look convincing to me,’” Omin said. “I didn’t say anything back. I just walked out.”

Omin later found out that the CBP officers had hit on a better idea than random Googling, and had called Andela, where they spoke to one of the firm’s co-founders, Christina Sass. She verified that yes, Celestine Omin worked for Andela, and why do you ask? Jeremy Johnson, the other co-founder of Andela, told Fairchild this was the first time any of the over 100 African software developers they’ve worked with has had any trouble entering the U.S. Hey, welcome to the New Cruelty!

“Celestine was the first software engineer at one of the most visible e-commerce sites in Africa and is exactly the kind of person we want coming to America and sharing his skills,” said Johnson, who was named to LinkedIn’s Next Wave last year. “Tapping into brilliant minds like Celestine’s is a huge help to many American companies who are struggling to find talent.”

But what about American tech workers, who are losing their jobs to all these immigrants who need to be kept out? Turns out we aren’t graduating enough of them, possibly because we’re too busy making young folks learn that critical thinking is a threat to Jesus and that science is all fake anyway. The problem is that for every web developer seeking a job in the USA, there are five available jobs, which is why tech firms are hiring so many foreigners and using firms like Andela to find them. Or if you’re Steve Bannon, you just whine that there are too many Asians working in tech fields. (Yeah, and too many Americans major in useless fields like “Rhetoric and Composition,” damn us.)

As for CBP, a few days after Fairchild’s article went online and Omin’s Twitter feed exploded with good wishes from outraged geeks, the agency sent a statement that sounds a hell of a lot like other denials we’ve heard from them lately, advising that the agency definitely “does not administer written tests to verify a traveler’s purpose of travel,” but also declining to comment on Omin’s experience, because privacy, you know. The spokesperson also advised Fairchild, a bit ominously we think, that travelers seeking entry to the Home Of The Terrified “bear the burden of proof to establish that they are clearly eligible” and “must overcome all grounds of inadmissibility.”

Translation: If you’re a foreigner with technical expertise traveling to the USA, make damn sure you have more than just a visa in good order. Try to ensure someone here is available to vouch for you; it may help if your U.S. contact is white, rich, and/or has some social standing. Mr. Omin, at least, is glad to know the Internet has his back:

Still, if you need to come to the USA, make sure before you leave to Google your own field, so you can explain your work in words CBP agents have looked up online.

[LinkedIn Pulse via BleepingComputer via BoingBoing]

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  • Oblios_Cap

    Welcome to America, the Banana Republic with nukes.

    • Crank Tango

      I thought they only sold nukes at the Missile Gap, or possible Old Navy.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Under Armor, also too

        • Crank Tango

          Might wanna check out Target, in addition.

          • willi0000000

            everybody’s got their eye on Target.

    • mardam422

      Without bananas.

      • Hardly Ideal

        Word. I thought most banana republics had something vaguely useful to export.

    • OneYieldRegular

      North Korea is the “Yes We Have No Bananas Today” Republic with nukes.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Banana riots used to be a thing in the Seoul Commissary at the US Military base in Yongsan.

  • bookish

    http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/02/politics/special-counsel-jeff-sessions-recusal/

    Here’s a breakdown of Sessions’ options at this point:

    • willi0000000

      is the republican party comprised entirely of russian plants?

      [ . . . is it past time to do some weeding? ]

      • Lizzietish81
        • willi0000000

          i think i’d prefer Triffids.

          • Lizzietish81

            At least they give us oil

        • MynameisBlarney

          That movie scared the ever-livin’ shit outta me when I was 2 years old.
          I watched it a few years ago, and I was all like “This is the worst fucking movie, ever.”

          • The Wanderer

            I had a nightmare years ago about them infesting my workplace, lashing out from dark corners and such. It was my subconscious telling me that I needed to take a vacation.

          • MynameisBlarney

            Or, that you needed to water your damn plants!

      • Crank Tango

        I think this calls for…

        :::puts on sunglasses:::

        …a little Round-Up™

  • OneYieldRegular

    The Celestine Prophecy predicts that this is going to happen again and again.

    • MynameisBlarney

      And then at some point, the Pope’s gonna bring in the big guns.

  • bookish

    http://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/after-sessions-where-the-russia-investigation-goes-now

    As Sessions becomes engulfed in the Russia investigation, several other questions are emerging related to probes by law enforcement, the intelligence community, and Congress:

  • Lizzietish81

    At least they didn’t ask him to program in Pascal.

    • arglebargle

      I’d wager they did.

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    he should have told them he was a prince

  • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

    Are we recruiting CBP folks from the graduates of the Paul Blart Mall Cop Academy?

    • willi0000000

      just the rejects!

    • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

      There and Police Academy 4.

    • The Wanderer

      People with double-digit IQs, triple-digit incomes, and a yen for exercising petty authority.

    • JMP

      I think we’re recruiting them from Taskmaster‘s academy that trains thugs to work as henchmen for supervillains.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        Yeah, but AIM is the only one who has the good dental plan.

  • bookish

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/03/02/paul_ryan_covers_for_jeff_sessions.html

    Certain Republican members of Congress have decided they do not want to try to completely sweep under the rug the news that Attorney General Jeff Sessions met twice with the Russian ambassador during the course of the presidential campaign in contradiction to his sworn confirmation testimony. House Oversight Chairman Jason Chaffetz, most notably, has switched off his “nothing to see here” auto-reply to all questions regarding the Trump administration and called on Sessions to recuse himself from any Russian interference investigations. House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy made a similar call earlier Thursday morning, before apparently getting in trouble and walking it back. There are others.

    House Speaker Paul Ryan doesn’t think such judiciousness is necessary for Sessions, except in one very specific instance. “If he himself is the subject of an investigation, of course he would [recuse],” Ryan said in his weekly press conference Thursday. “But if he’s not, I don’t see any purpose or reason to doing this.” The only time that Jeff Sessions would have a conflict of interest is if Jeff Sessions were asked to investigate Jeff Sessions. Got it.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Recuse himself? No.

      Resign in disgrace? Yes.

  • whitroth

    About jobs: actually, the reason there “aren’t enough software developers” is actually “there aren’t enough American software developers who will work for sub-median US wages”. See, for example, the lawsuit from a couple years ago, against Oracle where the guy found evidence to prove *IN COURT* that “yeah, we can pay him $10k/yr less than an American”.

    And if you don’t think that’s true, I can come up with a list of friends who could use decent-paying jobs.

    But on the other hand… jeez, where’s all the ammosexuals and libertidiots who are INCENSED about jack-booted thugs?! (Oh, that’s right, these are right-wing jack booted thugs, and they’re hiding the Black Helicopters….)

    • whitroth

      Oh, and I don’t know how to algorithmically seesee if a binary search tree is balance, but I could write a quicksort in my sleep.

      Stupid questions. “How do you enable a user in Windows Server 2008 R2″? Damned if I know, how ’bout we just enable them in Linux?”

      • willi0000000

        lienux, that’s one of them furrin software thingamabobbies, isn’t it?

        • mancityRed6

          No, he’s the one with the blanket that always hangs out in the pumpkin patch.

      • marxalot

        “We’re having problems permanently mounting this Windows Server 12 NAS to a Linux client.”

        “…Good.”

      • Gayer Than Thou

        “At what point should you try to turn it off for 30 seconds and turn it back on?”

    • JMP

      They thing rights are something that only apply to white people, and are perfectly fine with jack-booted government thugs trampling all over black and brown people who they believe deserve it anyway.

    • Mr. Blobfish

      I did some contract work a few years back. Not development, but creating installer packages. I worked with another American, a Russian and an Indian. One day we got to talking. The Russians make half of what the Americans make and the Indians a quarter. Which is still more then they make back on their home planets.

      • kindness

        Did you end up buying the drinks?

        • Mr. Blobfish

          We were all so miserable we couldn’t wait to get home. Felt bad for the Indian guy. He was stuck in Jersey City in the winter. His wife was in Detroit. Their baby was back in India with the grandfolks. But they could also afford a living housekeeper back home with what they made here.

  • Crystalclear12

    Trumpers are giving intelligence tests? Shouldn’t they have some before they check others?

    • willi0000000

      they are all given intelligence tests before joining the party . . . if they are found to have intelligence they are rejected and forced to become Democrats.

    • Tj McGee Wright

      I thought their policy on intelligence was the same as the one they have on climate change?

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Hi friends. Wonking while on a lunch break. Hi!

    • Anna Rompage

      Hideee Ho!

    • Unnamed_and_MaybeFake

      Hi. Your employer gives lunch breaks? Where do I sign up.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        well, unpaid ones…

    • proudgrampa

      Yo!

    • Hardly Ideal

      *tabs in* You wai- *tabs out* … *tabs in* -wait until lu- *tabs out* … *tabs in* …until lunch to wonk?

    • OneYieldRegular

      No, no – you’re doing it wrong. You work during your lunch break, and Wonk the rest of the time.

  • Tj McGee Wright

    Its okay guys, its cool. Jeff Sessions said its TOTALLY racist. ISN’T, that is.
    Isn’t it great being great again!

  • Anna Rompage

    One of my friends who lives in Salem OR and works as a medical interpreter, just had a client, who is a legal permanent resident of the US (green card), that was detained by ICE.

    It appears the man doesn’t speak a lot of English, was detained by ICE, accused of dealing drugs, and threatened with deportation even though he has a green card, and that he does not deal drugs.

    The man was detained & interrogated for about 3 hours, and eventually let go.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “Medical intepreter”? That COULD mean he interprets dangerous drugs!

      • kindness

        Cramming for his drug test? I did a lot of that in the 70’s & 80’s.

  • proudgrampa

    FSM help us.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    “He said, ‘Look, I am going to let you go, but you don’t look convincing to me,’”

    Does he expect all software engineers to look like they haven’t seen the sun in 10 years and wear chunky black glasses?

  • Ms.MLG on Maui

    My whiteness will probably suffice, but just to be on the safe side, I’m growing a mullet and buying a Ted Nugent shirt before I fly back to North Carolina in May. Can’t be too careful coming into the United States from the exotic foreign birthplace of Barack Obama.

    • Make sure to pack a picture of Mohammed Ali with your passport.

    • MynameisBlarney

      And be careful not to speak, you know, actual English.
      Them Southerners might not take kindly to somebody speaking clearly and using multi-syllabic words in complete sentences.

    • Anna Rompage

      Better stay out of the sun for a while as well… You wouldn’t want to be confused for a light skinned Hispanic…

    • Mavenmaven

      Answer all affirmative questions with “A-yup”

      • Werewolf

        Or “Double-plus good!”

        • whitroth

          But then, Trumpolini would have to grow a bushy mustache.

    • TheGrandWazoo2

      Look down when you fly over Colorado.
      https://media.giphy.com/media/qjUjPCjeX8G3K/giphy.gif

      • Mpeg

        Ew.

      • Wild Cat

        Grandpa Al Lewis?

  • bookish
    • Zippy W Pinhead

      There’s no evidence, because we JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT IT

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Your code is not in order! Ve haff vays at Mar-A-Lago of making your code line up right that are most unpleasant I assure you!”

    • willi0000000

      SPACES NOT TABS!!!!!

      • DainBramage

        I hate it when people use tabs. Also, use proper indentation and COMMENT YOUR CODE, FFS!

        • whitroth

          Yeah, but a language that uses whitespace as a syntax element? BLEAH!

  • schmannity

    Wonder if Trump will be stopped at the border. President? Right buddy, and I’m Napoleon Bonaparte.

    • Tj McGee Wright

      Only if they know whats good for them.
      Nah I kid. Its pretty frikin obvious most Americans are clueless on that one.
      They’ll usher him right past metal detectors… wouldn’t want to spot that Russian probe up his butthole.

    • kindness

      Hopefully Trump will be stopped and cavity searched at the border of every country he goes to. Then he’ll know how big hands can really be.

  • eyelashviper

    totally OT, but this is great fun, a quiz to find out how “Fucking British” you might be, (I am very fucking so…..)

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/how-fucking-british-are-you?utm_term=.kcqd1Jw3x#.mp5gYM0oz

  • Martini Ambassador

    The reign of tRump is truly a boon for law-n-order types with fascist tendencies.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      ICE and CBP…the 21st Century American Gestapo.

    • Tj McGee Wright

      They used to be called skinheads in the Great Again old days.
      Now we can call em….. bake’n’fakes? Trumptsars? Ameruskis?

      • MynameisBlarney

        Fascist Pigs?

      • Wild Cat

        Oi Boys. Like the British skinhead scum. Those anti-Semitic twats will really be pissed off

      • Tj McGee Wright

        White Gold Goons?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Seriously. Are you a guy (probably) with a strong need to be an asshole bully especially to certain people? If so, Twitler’s America has exciting work opportunities!

      • arglebargle

        Michele Fiori may be the exception that proves your rule.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Trump’s job plan: he plans to hire half of America to harass and beat up the other half.

        • willi0000000

          from The Book of Wonderfulness™

          “I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.”
          – Jay Gould

          [ of course . . .

          “Jay Gould had just then reversed the commercial morals of the United States. He had put a blight upon them from which they have never recovered, and from which they will not recover for as much as a century to come. Jay Gould was the mightiest disaster to ever befallen this country. The people had desired money before his day, but he taught them to fall down and worship it. They had respected men of means before his day, but along with this respect was joined the respect due the character and industry which had accumulated it. But Jay Gould taught the entire nation to make a god of the money and the man, no matter how the money might have been acquired. In my youth there was nothing resembling a worship of money or of its possessor, in our region. And in our region, no well-to-do man was ever charged with having acquired his money by shady methods.

          The gospel left behind by Jay Gould is doing giant work these days. Its message is “Get money. Get it quickly. Get it in abundance. Get it in prodigious abundance. Get it dishonestly if you can, honestly if you must.”
          – Samuel L. Clemens
          ]

  • Mavenmaven

    The correct answer to the question is: “African or European?”

    • Martini Ambassador

      Red. No, blue! Aaaaaaaaa!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      “How do you know so much about swallows?”
      “You have to know these things when you’re a software engineer, you know.”

  • Jenny

    I dunno man, there are lots of jerbs in tech but is more better to hire a foreign who lies about their experience than hire an american who lies about their experience, for some reason.

  • MamaBrown

    Well I’m sure Jim Bob in West Virginia will be right on one of those tech jerbs. I’m sure his edumocation at the West Jesus High School and Auto Body Shop has prepared him well.

  • weejee

    Those clowns won’t see the light coming or going.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d91d9924a8437f5ae53d0524cc14bbeef6aa7be9a0742a9b200b262c4b12b975.jpg ♪ Bang, bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer came down upon their heads ♪

    • willi0000000

      the gods said

      ∇·E = 4πρ
      ∇xE = -(1/c)(∂B/∂t)
      ∇·B = 0
      ∇xB = (4π/c)J+(1/c)(∂E/∂t)

      . . . and there was light.

      • magyar of infinite power

        WITCHCRAFT!!!!!!

      • weejee

        When you cross your Es and Bs does it make you curl?

      • georgiaburning

        That’s the Law

      • arglebargle

        It’s all greek to me.

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    This is getting ree-donk-u-lous :( Looks like all border guards/homeland security is screening on a Pantone chart?

    • Nounverb911

      Pantone skintone charts are available at Amazon….

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        I thought Trump hated Jeff Bezos?

  • Nounverb911

    This is why Microsoft likes to stash it’s foreign ‘software engineers’ in Vancouver BC.

  • Tj McGee Wright

    Russians will get their own expediated special line,
    Because Patriotism! 🇺🇸

  • WotsAllThisThen

    What are these custom agents going to do when they have to vet a foreign proctologist?

    • natoslug

      Ask him to help dislodge their heads from their own asses?

      • mrpuma2u

        4 to the 10th power upfists for you, comrade. Well played.

  • laughingnome

    Too many American kids go to business schools and learn how to grift like a common Trump, so we need the foreigners to do the techie sciency stuff.

    • Tj McGee Wright

      That sounds like Democrat speak! Entry denied!

  • SullivanSt

    Just don’t offer to play a ‘text-based RPG’ with the immigration agents, OK?

    Yes, very definitely not a good idea to give them thoughts of going Rogue.

    • georgiaburning

      UNIX libel!

    • whitroth

      Those BC agents ought to be eaten by a grue.

  • YoBunnyBunny

    Nigerians aren’t “convincing” software engineers???? Tha fuck???

    Perhaps my experience has been skewed by spending must of my adult life at prestigious universities with amazing engineering departments, but…. I don’t think I’ve ever met a Nigerian who WASN’T an engineer (or doctor)!!!!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Don’t forget about the princes! They’ll be visiting here as soon as their rightful fortunes are restored.

      EDIT: yes, I know, it’s an easy internet meme/stereotype. They can’t all be gems.

      • Persistent Demme

        Actually, there was a guy from Nigeria at my University with such noble bearing that there was a rumor that he WAS a prince.
        He was a magnificent bass, and I remember our bigoted idiot choir director telling him to “be more black(!)” for a solo.
        *eyeroll*

  • cmd resistor

    Also, too, wear a pocket protector so you look legit.

  • yyyaz

    OT, but kiss some more orange ass, CNN: “US tries to ID hundreds of al Qaeda contacts thanks to Yemen raid.” Don’t even try to verify what the assholes say they are doing.
    http://www.cnn.com/2017/03/02/politics/yemen-raid-al-qaeda-intelligence-contacts/index.html?adkey=bn

  • Nounverb911

    If you really want to confuse them, tell them you’re a ‘software architect’.

    • therblig

      lemme see your t-square, smart guy!

  • WotsAllThisThen

    They’re right, he did get the answer wrong. The correct answer is, “That’s a ridiculous question, it has nothing to do with the job for which I’m applying and will only tell you if I memorized the answers from a programming interview study book before coming here. Ask me something about the work you expect me to do or I’m walking out of this interview.”

    • snark-lurker

      that…would not work, i am purdy sure, i guess

  • Ricky Gay

    Yep, we’re boned

  • bookish
    • Tj McGee Wright

      This assumes Republicans are capable of agreeing on something.
      Overestimating the GOP can be a fatal mistake.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • bookish

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2017/03/02/chuck-schumer-and-the-democrats-go-bigly-at-jeff-sessions.html?google_editors_picks=true

    These are three smart pressure points. If Republicans try to shut down all three, the back and forth will stay in the headlines for days.

    The calls for a special prosecutor will avalanche now. Republicans in the Senate who aren’t from deep-red states are going to join the call for a special prosecutor, as Ohio’s Rob Portman did shortly after Schumer spoke. Sessions will resist, and the White House will resist, but eventually, the untenable nature of their position will show up in the poll numbers, and they’ll relent.

    Sessions will have to relent to have a chance of keeping his job. But this just shows why it was so corrupt for Trump to name him in the first place. It’s becoming clearer and clearer why Trump wanted an attorney general he could trust not to investigate him.

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Fresh non-denial denials will be served at 2PM mysterious mountain time.

    https://twitter.com/BraddJaffy/status/837396779222073345

    • Wild Cat

      Can Keebler Elves reach the mic?

      • Nounverb911

        Only if someone drops it for them.

        • Wild Cat

          Well, hopefully he’ll be dropping the soap in a few months . . . (Doubtful, tho.)

    • Tj McGee Wright

      Oh goody. Who’s he excusing making love to today, white power or the kremlin?

      • Wild Cat

        He’s going to name George Zimmerman Asst Head of the Justice Dept.

        • Tj McGee Wright

          I guess David Duke had a schedule conflict

          • Wild Cat

            Duke is happy just sniffing the toilet seats in the Alabama State House’s mens room.

          • Tj McGee Wright

            Thats crazy! They’ll let transhumans use the bathroom, but not transgender folks?

      • laughingnome

        Why not both?

        • Tj McGee Wright

          I take that this ain’t your first time around playing Trump bingo

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Where he’ll say under oath that he never held a press conference.

    • laughingnome

      Question from Murdoch outlets: if innocence was a color, what color would you be?

      When did the Russian ambassador force his way into your office to talk about the state of international hockey play?

    • HogeyeGrex

      Oooh. Will he say something like this?
      https://twitter.com/lhfang/status/837155176116973568

  • SullivanSt

    I would actually expect that a lot of newer programmers would be unable to write a function to balance a tree.

    Because that shit’s all been built into frameworks now and you just don’t have to think about it any more.

    It actually has me slightly worried about the future of the industry, because it’s now really easy to bang out code quick that will work just great on test data but then when you get to much larger sets in production grind to a halt because the framework functions you called do nested loops instead of hash matches under the covers, and there’s a significant danger that developers won’t really understand what the problem is or how to fix it.

    • Nounverb911

      Can you balance a function tree using punchcards?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        If it’s not a heavy tree, and you fold the punchcards.

      • Jonny On Maui

        What are you using to tie the punchcards to the tree? Will the mass effect the tree balance?

      • SullivanSt

        Well, I cold probably balance the punchcards on a scale, would that help?

      • whitroth

        Why, do you have a working punchcard reader that connects via USB and a punch? And a source of unpunched cards?

        And Trumpolini’s such a card, can we punch him?

        • SullivanSt

          Well, someone got the ball rolling with Richard Spencer. He didn’t have SS protection though.

    • Painter of Swedish Tragedies

      Hash matches under the covers sounds naughty.

      • whitroth

        I prefer calling them associative arrays.

        awk! awk!

        • SullivanSt

          Who sed that?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            I got a grep on it.

          • SullivanSt

            Any other perls of wisdom?

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            I could bash a few together ….

          • SullivanSt

            This could get korny.

          • Résistance Land Shark Ω

            It makes no diff to me. I can’t make head nor tail of this cat.

          • SullivanSt

            Uniq to cut that out.

    • mrpuma2u

      What a total BS question anyway. This is the sucky part of the internet, it makes the dumbz think they know stuff.

    • FukuiSanYesOta

      See: fuckwits that did the aca portal. Used all the latest stuff what is bleeding edge on heroku, didn’t load test, and it exploded in a clusterfuck of deathfail. Technical term.

      • SullivanSt

        And what was Oracle’s excuse in Oregon?

        Because holy shit that dog could never walk right again.

      • SullivanSt

        Well, just wasted my afternoon skimming the HHSOIG postmortem on the portal, and was strongly reminded of this classic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2F-DItXtZs

    • Lance Thrustwell

      I was just going to point that out! Right after I began and then finished my Comp Sci degree, that is.

    • Thiazin Red

      That reminds me of the outside observer who asked how a formula was derived during my dissertation. I don’t know, its been used for 100 years and no one shows the steps every time they publish something using it.

    • SullivanSt

      And I’ve also known a lot of older software engineers who wouldn’t have been able to either because they hadn’t actually written code in 20 years, instead wrote requirements specs, high level designs & acceptance tests all in Word.

    • Bebecca

      I wonder if the answer really mattered as long as it sounded like the right answer? I mean, total BS but it sounded like a credible answer to the unknowing (including the TSA people and me). as long as he didn’t say “I don’t know”.

      • SullivanSt

        They asked him to write a function. You could faceplant on a keyboard and I wouldn’t be able to distinguish it from a correct APL implementation.

        If I didn’t care to ever leave the interrogation room, I’d probably tell them I had a solution in Ook!.

  • MynameisBlarney
  • Nockular cavity

    travelers seeking entry to the Home Of The Terrified “bear the burden of proof to establish that they are clearly eligible”

    “Welcome to ‘Merica. You are considered guilty until you prove yourself innocent.”

  • FlownΩver

    “…baseball trivia questions to ferret out Nazi spies,”

    Heya, Joe – who wonna Secona Worl War, you so smaht?

    • Lance Thrustwell

      You must have gone to More Science High!

      • yyyaz

        Nah, he just cut the soles off his shoes to follow the other guys around.

      • msanthropesmr

        I have a plan to eventually get two hoodies. One with More Science High, and one with Commie Martyrs High

    • therblig
    • msanthropesmr

      Young Guy. Motor Detective! Not to be torturing me!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Can O’ Corn.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I got questions like that from a nasty immigration agent in the U.K. when I came in from France by ferry. I was a Los Angeles resident at the time, so the guy kept hounding me about all kinds of L.A. trivia and current events. I finally mentioned having seen Robin Leach walking down Melrose and he let me go.

      • Yr. Gma

        OT: is
        Robin Leach still alive?

  • gamera23

    If CPB doesn’t give written tests – those must not have been REAL CPB agents!
    But Hydra!!

    • Jack Tenhet

      Hail Hydra! Baron Von Strucker would be proud.

  • Mr. Blobfish
    • WotsAllThisThen

      And yet they let this guy in the country.

    • Jack Tenhet

      “All the lousy little poets come around
      Tryin’ to sound like Charlie Manson
      And there’s a white man dancin’.”– “The Future”, Leonard Cohen

    • OrG

      Good thing those glasses make him look smrt,otherwise he’d look pretty silly.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      America, your head of the Department of Energy. The people in charge of the nuclear stockpile.

  • President in Exile Firefly

    I’m surprised they didn’t ask him who plays center field for the Chicago Bears.

    • Nounverb911

      Marvelous Marv Throneberry?

    • Jamoche

      Because.

  • marxalot

    Worried about my buddy, the Permanent Resident, Australian, former/periodic world traveler and vaguely unemployed computer programmer. Like, I want him to visit me (from Texas to NV), but I’m worried about him getting on a plane.

    • Tj McGee Wright

      :(

      • marxalot

        Only solution: EPIC ROAD TRIP

        • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

          From TX to NV? I dunno…

          • marxalot

            I did it to get here. Overnight in NM. Beautiful county. And he’s white, so stopping for gas shouldn’t result in hassle (my queer ass, meanwhile…)

          • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

            I drove from Houston to Oakland. Twice. There were some pretty bits, but the vast nothingnesses got a little dull after a while. The 2nd trip we didn’t even have satellite radio, and the choices between Praize Jayzsus and RWNJ radio stations gave me the twitches.
            Good Messican food at a little place in Gallup, so that was encouraging.

  • bookish

    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-weighs-in-on-jeff-sessions/?google_editors_picks=true

    Donald Trump says he still has confidence in Attorney General Jeff Sessions, as lawmakers call on Sessions to recuse himself from probes into Russian contacts by Trump campaign associates.

    Asked directly about whether he still had confidence in Sessions, Mr. Trump replied, “Total.” The president was on the U.S.S. Gerald Ford in Newport News, Virginia and was meeting with Navy and ship officials in what the White House called an operations briefing.

    And on the question of whether Sessions should recuse himself, the president said, “I don’t think so.” He also told pool reporters in Newport News he didn’t know about Sessions’ contacts with the Russian envoy. “I wasn’t aware of it at all,” Mr. Trump said, although he said he thinks his attorney general “probably did” testify truthfully in his confirmation hearings (about his contacts with the ambassador).

    When Sessions was asked in his confirmation hearing what he would do if there was evidence anyone associated with Donald Trump’s presidential campaign had communicated with the Russians, Sessions replied that he wasn’t aware of any such “activities,” and added, “I did not have communications with the Russians.” A questionnaire he filled out for the committee also asked whether he had had contact with the Russians, to which Sessions, according to the Washington Post, wrote, “No.”

    Sessions is consulting with Justice Department lawyers as he makes a decision about his role in the investigations into Russian contacts by Trump campaign associates.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Trump’s total confidence is the kiss of death. Just ask Mike Flynn.

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Also he is probably unsure of the definition of ‘recuse’.

  • Persistent Demme

    *facepalm*

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Two types of engineers would get that question right:

    1) Someone fresh out of school who did this for a class assignment recently, and
    2) People who stay up all night studying their old algorithms textbook because they know inexperienced interviewers will ask a question like that.

    • capnkrunch
    • Dumbest interview I ever had was one where after the interview, they made me take a test on basic math and chemistry. Given that my resume listed several biochemistry publications, along with some serious programming experience, it was … insulting … to say the least.

    • Jamoche

      I know someone who’s in group 2, but he still can’t answer it because – despite being an awesome developer on one of the nastiest parts of our code – he never had any formal training and he just generally sucks at interviews.

  • Chadwells

    This story above is gross.

    OT: Here’s more hilarious gross news. Try not to get fucking furious when you see the jacket and hat in the picture of the fucking moron.

    “Trump Promises ‘Great Rebuilding’ of Military Aboard Over-Budget Ship”

    https://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2017-03-02/trump-promises-rebuilding-of-military-aboard-over-budget-ship

    • capnkrunch

      Isn’t military buildup at the expense of domestic programs one of the defining characteristics of Fascism?

      Yes. Yes it is.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      That is probably the closest he’s ever gotten to wearing an actual military uniform rather than the parade-ground crap he wore in his boarding school.

      • Mehmeisterjr

        And that is actually less military training than serving America as a chorus boy in a revival of The Student Prince.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Donald somehow believes we do not already have the best military equipment in the world. I think he gets this belief from old GI Joe commercials.

    • marxalot

      Aside from the money, and the fact that we straight up don’t need that kind of materiel increase, where is the Navy going to get the troop strength to crew 75 more full line ships, include at least 2 aircraft carriers?

      Don’t tell me, the new emergency which justifies their existence and expense will also necessitate a new draft, preferably of Blahs and Poors first.

    • willi0000000

      the jacket and hat are bad . . . but that piece of equipment blocks the view of his jackboots.

  • proudgrampa

    “What are the four Divisions of a COBOL program?”

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Eenie, meenie, miney, and moe.

      • Tj McGee Wright

        -catch a klansmen by his webbed-toe?

        • Mehmeisterjr

          If he hollers, his name is Sessions.

    • whitroth

      You, Sir, are Evil. I’ve put them out of my mind for 20+ years….

    • georgiaburning

      Along with coal miners, COBOL programmers are another group that’s been unemployed for years. Outside of that bump from December 1999 to January 2, 2000.

      • proudgrampa

        Yup. That was pretty much the last time I wrote any COBOL…

        What a cluster that was, huh?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Today, Obama’s war on COBOL is over.

      • Jenny

        That to me is weird because there has been a big push lately to learn Java and Cobol at school. Government and large financial institutions still run on cobol. The olds are retiring and need younger people to modernize it.

        • Cliff Hendroval

          Yeah, I went through a COBOL course some 13 years ago or so that was supposed to funnel people into jobs with Prudential Insurance. Unfortunately no job ever turned up.

        • georgiaburning

          I stand corrected. 45 years ago my choices in undergrad school were COBOL, FORTRAN and PL/1. I’ve been glad ever since that after a few classes I drifted over to the hardware side and wrote only as much assembly or Basic code as needed to make some gadget run. In just a few years all of those languages became very passe until th y2k scare.

          Be nice to those olds and bear with their inane stories. They can teach you a lot if they choose.

      • Actually, COBOL is alive and kicking, and most of the financial industry still runs on it. Mind you, I haven’t done anything with it for (cough) almost 40 a lot of years. My first big programming job ended up taking a spaghetti coded COBOL analysis program and rewriting it in a different language.

    • DainBramage

      Geez, I had one COBOL class back in 1990.

    • laughingnome

      John , Paul, George, and Ringo?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That would have been my guess…

    • marxalot

      Truth, Beauty, Charm, and Strange?

      No, hangon, that’s something else…

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        Aren’t those the four little ponies of the apocalypse?

    • The Wanderer

      COBOL. Holy Turing, I wrote a COBOL program in, um, about 1983 or so. For a college course.

      • Résistance Land Shark Ω

        Ya know …. you too can be a fancy (no) pants programmer! Learn COBOL and try it out HERE!

    • doktorzoom

      Good, evil, neutral, lawful, unlawful…. oh, shoot, one too many.

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Caprica, Saggitaria, Virgon, and Picon?

      • doktorzoom

        So say we all

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Long division, short division, skinny division and portly division.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Hitler?

    • Vel Venturi

      Earth, Air, Fire and Water? And then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

    • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

      Sweet, sour, bitter, and salt?

    • willi0000000

      hubward, rimward, turnwise and widdershins.

      • proudgrampa

        Well done, sir!

    • Ill-Advised

      Ahem. Structured COBOL, surely. And given correct JCL, also, too.

      • proudgrampa

        Indeed!

  • bookish

    Every Trump has their price.

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/03/02/donald_trump_jr_possibly_paid_50_000_from_russia_connected_group.html?google_editors_picks=true

    Trump Jr. thus (apparently) joins former national security adviser Michael Flynn and former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort as individuals in POTUS’s inner circle who’ve been paid by Putin-affiliated entities. Trump advisers Roger Stone and Carter Page, along with Flynn and Manafort, are also reportedly being investigated for having had contact with Russian intelligence officials during the campaign, while attorney general and former Trump-campaign national security advisory committee chairman Jeff Sessions met in September with Russia’s ambassador to the U.S. and then failed to disclose that meeting to the Judiciary Committee during his confirmation hearings.

    • Tj McGee Wright

      Who could say no to those gold-covered Russian eggs?
      Thats like catnip for a Trump!

  • bookish

    http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/03/02/jeff_sessions_denials_are_incomplete_and_unconvincing.html?google_editors_picks=true

    Let’s assume that it’s true that Sessions and Kislyak did not talk about horse-race aspects of the election. That still leaves a lot of unanswered questions: Did they discuss the United States’ position on Ukraine? On NATO support for the Baltic countries? Did they talk about the U.S.-Russia relationship more generally, and did Sessions—Donald Trump’s top campaign national security adviser—signal any personal desire to move toward a more Russia-friendly policy?

    The overarching question of the Trump-Russia scandal is whether there was a quid pro quo by which Russia undermined Hillary Clinton’s campaign in the expectation that the Trump administration would treat it more favorably. The content of the Sessions-Kislyak meeting is crucial to understanding whether such a quid pro quo took place, regardless of whether the two individuals involved used the word campaign.

    • OrG

      None of that matters where a perjury charge is concerned.He said he didn’t speak to Russians.He lied.The end.

  • beingreleased

    Apropos of nothing:
    Mayor Quimby: Er, uh, well… eh, in light of these new facts, of which I now realize I was largely aware, I must take action.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Blatantly stolen from @spacecrone on the Twitter machine, Jeff Sessions under arrest:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/15dd65adc2a0ef8e73848a98ec89c3c42c56743c264a9996e462ace59e9c0d92.jpg

    • Looks a little too orange to be Sessions. They finally catch Trump?

      • (((fka_donnie_d)))

        So thats what happens when you chug an entire case of gatorade

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      community college cops – why am I not surprised?

  • msanthropesmr

    I’m for this test. Just think. Republicans will never be allowed back in the country.

  • Michael Loraine

    I was a software engineer for 20 years. If someone asked me to “write a function to check if a binary search tree is balanced”, I would say “What?”

    If I were asked to describe data to be collected and analyzed to ascertain system or network performance, then we’d have something to talk about. Software engineering is not one small group of skills which all software engineers know everything about. Like electrical engineers don’t know electronic engineers’ stuff, and particle physicists don’t know astro-physicists stuff.

    There is no cop who can determine if a cosmologist really knows about dark energy and the inflationary effects of the Higgs field. Google and Wikipedia will not help you.

    That’s why scholars have credentials. If a guy has a Ph.,D. from the University of Kick-Ass Physics, then call the UKAP and ask them if that guy is for real.

    IF that really matters. If the real issue is about foreigners and how much Trumpniks hate them, as I suspect it is, then I guess no amount of logic will deter Trump from targeting non-WASPs for villification, and retribution at the hands of his political allies: the KKK and the white supremacists.

    • Vagenda of Rebel Scum

      Jeez. Don’t you people all know each other?

  • bookish

    http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-defense-idUSKBN1692SX

    During the campaign, Trump said he would increase the Army’s troop strength and increase the number of ships in the Navy to 350 from about 275 ships. The timeline and the exact cost of the buildup is unclear.

    “We are going to have very soon the finest equipment in the world,” he said. “We will give our military the tools you need to prevent war and, if required, to fight war and only do one thing. You know what that is? Win. Win.”

    ALSO IN POLITICS

    Trump stands by attorney general in storm over Russia contacts
    U.S. Senate confirms Trump pick Perry as energy secretary
    Trump said the Gerald R. Ford and other new ships “project American power in distant lands.”

    • WotsAllThisThen

      So the America First guy who said we need to stop getting involved in… oh forget it.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Define “very soon” with respect to advanced military systems.

      • willi0000000

        as soon as a defense contractor says “i’ve got an idea” . . . ?

  • Edith Prickly
  • OneYieldRegular

    Wait, we pay border and customs officials to surf the Internet at work?

  • Serai 1

    The problem is that for every web developer seeking a job in the USA, there are five available jobs, which is why tech firms are hiring so many foreigners and using firms like Andela to find them.

    It’s almost as if there were a whole sector of perfectly suitable candidates who stay away because of the treatment they receive in the tech industry.

    • Bitter Scribe

      You mean, like half the population?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Da bitches?

  • azeyote

    now terrorists know that all you have you have to do to get in is to be convincing – oh – and carry a bible for proof –

  • neminem

    As a software developer, I wouldn’t have had any problem answering the question about abstract classes, though being that the question is super vague and has a bunch of potential answers, that doesn’t mean I’d answer it “correctly” according to the arbitrary criteria of “matching whatever the page they got off google said”. As a software developer, I vaguely recall what a binary search tree *is* from college, but being that college was 10 years ago, I don’t recall very much *about* them or how to tell if they’re balanced, because that is ludicrously abstract, and not the sort of thing the average software developer ever thinks about. More the sort of thing CS professors think about. Out in the real world, you instantiate a built-in class that abstracts that sort of thing for you, speaking of why you use abstract classes.

    In conclusion, yeah, that’s pretty BS.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      yeah…what you said.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I never thought that there could be a more useless federal agency than TSA, or possibly ATF, but CBP is coming on strong.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    I don’t even bother balancing my check book much less my Binary Search Tree.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      My Binary Search Tree has Dutch elm disease. It is high time that we throw out all the Duchies.

      • Khavrinen

        Throw them out? I thought you were supposed to pass them on the left hand side?

  • Fartknocker

    Walker TSA Ranger at George W. Bush Airport in Houston is currently asking all Kenyans what street did the Obamas live in Nairobi and if they can’t answer that, he then asks them to provide the nominal air speed velocity of laden African swallow.

    • Ill-Advised

      You have to know these things when you’re a king, but what if you’re just a Nigerian Prince with a small banking problem?

  • doktorzoom

    Yes, I forgot this one time to triple-check that I’d only used the abbreviation “CBP.” Just wanted to reassure you all that the Corporation for Public Broadcasting had nothing to do with any of this, and I have fixed the two typos, sigh.

    • Undocumented Skwerl!

      But were the Communist Bakery Pirates involved?

  • reelreeler

    I’m guessing that CBP and TSA positions are for those who can’t pass the sanitation department test.

  • Unmutual Tetsu Kaba

    After a long flight like that, I’d have trouble answering the basic orientation questions of name, date and where I am; let alone random Googled info that I might have studied once.

  • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

    Another fun area in which the US has a shortage – good doctors! We import an awful lot of those at the moment. I know many doctors (one in the family, their friends are all doctors) who work across LA and those in charge of hiring are getting really nervous.

    So that will dovetail nicely with getting rid of affordable healthcare for many. Make sure we keep those darn foreigner doctors out so they don’t steal our jerbs. Which not enough Americans are trained for, just like tech! We are going to be SO GREAT.

    • gene108

      The problem is the U.S. economy is TOO LARGE.

      Think about it. Our GDP rivals the entire EU. The EU has 510.1 million people, the USA has population of 322 million.

      The EU has a GDP of $16.52 trillion. The USA has a GDP of $16.77 trillion.

      We just have so much money to hire more and more people. If we had a smaller economy, we would not have so many job openings and would not constantly be needing to import people to fill those jobs.

      We need more than just a recession to correct this. We need a complete crash of our economy, which forces people to get out of the country in search of jobs.

      It’s the only way to curb immigration.

      • JustDon’tSayDieInJail

        That’s kind of a Battle of Stalingrad approach.

      • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

        Yes, let’s break everything, damn the fallout or all those who would end up homeless and without food in hopes a bunch of people move elsewhere. And is breaking the economy/government not what the current admin is trying to do?

        Why is burning everything down a better option than working towards a better immigration system allowing more people into the country to balance out that human deficit? How is nihilism ever the better option?

      • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

        It is also, too, possible I missed sarcasm as sometimes happens to me here. JIC

      • Pinkham’s Law

        Your suggestion is heartless in addition to being ridiculous. You do realize that, if our economy crashes, it would almost certainly take the global economy down with it, right? Also, please explain where people with NO JOBS would come up with the money to emigrate.

      • it’s the only reasonable proposal.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Pffft, medicine in the future is easy!

      https://s2-ssl.dmcdn.net/3joU/1280×720-Z0G.jpg

    • JerryRich

      My primary care physician is Indian and my robotic prostrate surgery was performed by an Iranian. Nonetheless, get rid of all them furriners!

      • Odd Jørgensen

        prostrate surgery

        kneel before dr Zod!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Ugh. My husband is brown and has a Muslim name and was born in Iran. I guess if we leave the US for vacation, we had better plan on not returning.

  • Yr. Gma

    I don’t want to explain when to use “which” or “that,” and I damned sure don’t want to get into a discussion of “who” vs. “whom.” or why one is correct when it may “sound” as if the other is. Then, I guess I could just hold forth on why a tree diagram is more “accurate,” linguistically, than the more well-known Reed-Kellogg. Or I could just never travel anywhere and help destroy the global tourist industry

  • Carpe Vagenda

    I’m lucky. I can just say “No, I’m not going to design your daughter’s wedding invitations for the exposure, not least because your second wife who just learned PrintShop would scratch my eyes out.”

  • McMema6

    If I’d known there was going to be a pop quiz, I would have studied.

    Instant apology if someone has done this lame-o joke already. I obviously didn’t study either. Can I copy off you?

  • Greyhame

    Hey, we tried doing things the smart, competent way for years! Why not give bumbling cruelty a chance to show us what ignoramuses can do, for a change?

    • Beanz&Berryz

      Isn’t that a John Lennon song? Give Ignoramuses a Chance.

    • Jacob Prescott

      I mean sure, we have tried center right centrism, conservatism, and Ultra conservatism, but what about BIGLY conservatism?

  • Ms.Moon

    The thing is this will keep happening if the United States doesn’t get it’s mess together. When I moved to this country they put me in the 9th grade at age 12. I didn’t know any better I thought high school was super easy and took Honor’s classes because I always did. Coming from what was then considered a still developing country to the United States I skated though high school and graduated at 16 with scholarships to college. I found most of my education easy and I live in New York which has higher standards for education than Alabama. Both my parents work in hospitals most of the doctors are some sort of Asian or Nigerian and the doctors that are American are mostly second generation immigrants.

  • pgjack

    The Blackshirts have been unshackled.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    “Alright, bub. If you’re the so-called leader of the free world, how come you have such small hands? What’s with the spray on tan? And why is your tie all wrong, and taped together like a homeless man?”

    “Alright, last chance, mister bigshot, write down here what a $45 New York Steak tastes like.”

    –Alternate Reality CPB interrogating a risky character

  • Kooolest G

    Question: “Write a function to check if a Binary Search Tree is balanced.”

    Answer: did you try turning it off and back on again?

    I thought that’s the answer computer people always give

    • Old Man Yells at Cloud

      Easy answer: “I write microcode, and when your code runs directly on the metal, you don’t use stinkin’ binary search trees. “

    • Douglas White

      Who even uses binary search anymore…. HADOOP people!!!….unstructured is where it’s at….

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Sometimes the tree of binary needs to be watered with the fear-wee of Nigerians.

  • Iron Monkey

    They should have asked him if his refrigerator was running.

  • ggaston1960

    I can do the softwear real goodly and bigly. Give me that job, as I am American and need too work to!

  • SayItWithWookies

    “He said, ‘Look, I am going to let you go, but you don’t look convincing to me,’” Omin said. “I didn’t say anything back. I just walked out.”

    Saying nothing was probably more sensible than my knee-jerk reaction, which was “The feeling is mutual, motherfucker.”

  • TootsStansbury

    Gods, these people are stupid. Fuck all y’all Tr**p voters.

  • marshlc

    Or, just take a tip from tourists the world over, and don’t even think about entering the US. Brilliant young tech people? Canada might be able to find something for you to do….

  • doktorzoom

    What if he’d just said “Sudo let me into the country”?

    • bobbert

      I doubt that CBP runs on any variant of unix.

      • Mr Canoehead

        Ctrl-Alt-Delete?

    • Elizabeth Hillcrest

      He’d need to login as root, and he probably couldn’t think of the CBP password under duress (MY SOURCES tell me that it’s “ihatebrownpeople”)

    • Douglas White

      best post of the day!!!!!

  • Ill-Advised

    “make sure before you leave to Google your own field, so you can explain your work in words CBP agents have looked up online.”

    This also works for phone interviews, and any job with a 6-page qualification competency assessment attached.

    Sad, really. If you’re trying to hire the best people, you should be looking for people who can teach you something. Not people who looked at the same Google pages ten minutes before you did.

  • motmelere

    CELESTINE? Did CBP wave their tranny wand around him? That girl was obviously packing a terror penis to threaten our wives and daughters!

  • DahBoner

    Computer programming 101:

    X = X+1

    Subtract X from both sides…

    (X – X) = (X + 1 – X)

    0 = 1

    What kind of Socery is this??!?!?
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/13HgwGsXF0aiGY/200w.gif

    • Douglas White

      Try that equation where X = infinity…..

      • DahBoner

        Still would have the same result, algebraically.

    • Stulexington

      gigo

  • DahBoner

    One of my Muslim co-workers yesterday told me I don’t know what I’m talking about regarding a technical question that I know more about and have more experience doing, hahahahaha.

    I’m guessing he voted for Trump and thinks he’ll get special privileges when shit starts going down.
    https://media3.giphy.com/media/FeD8bBMZIK9Qk/giphy.gif

  • Skeptical_thinker

    There are 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don’t.

    • Stulexington

      There are 3 types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t.

  • Platos_Redhaired_Stepchild

    America lost $185million dollars in travel bookings IN ONE WEEK due to Trump’s Muslim Ban. Turns out people don’t want to vacation in racist shit pit. http://distractify.com/news/2017/02/28/1wHCMH/trump-slump-tourism-muslim-ban

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