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As we all know, there is only one person in the entire country who opposes Donald Trump, and that person’s name is George Soros. The rest of us all love Donald Trump and think he is the greatest and handsomest president ever, but are willing to put that aside in exchange for the cold hard cash Soros is doling out willy-nilly to anyone willing to oppose him. It’s been quite a boon! I, for one, am about to go out and purchase a bitchin’ gold-plated Camaro with my sweet, sweet Soros earnings.

Of course, it may not be long before the jig is up here, as White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer is ONTO US and the fact that we are all just paid shills.

In a brief interview with Fox and Friends’ Brian Kilmeade, Spicer explains that the resistance against Trump is not at all “organic” like the Tea Party was, and is in fact an Astroturf movement where we are all being paid to protest, professionally.

Ah yes! The Tea Party! A totally organic protest movement that in no way was mobilized by the Koch Brothers’ Americans For Prosperity group! Who ever heard of them? Certainly not us!

It’s hardly surprising that Spicer is very suspicious about this whole anti-Trump movement. After all — when, in all of American history, has the political left ever organized to protest anything!?! Certainly no time that I can think of in the last hundred or so years! That’s just not a tactic we are accustomed to using. In fact, protesting things is very new to us as Americans in general, given that it was not even invented until 2008, with the first appearance of the Tea Party.

Curiously enough — although the idea of George Soros paying us all piles of cash to protest Donald Trump (even though we all love him very much) is very big among people like Spicer, none of them are ever able to prove exactly how this happens or how we are all recruited. Is it on the dark web? Is it through secret backwards messages in Beyoncé songs? I mean, there was that one website that claimed to hire professional protesters, but it turned out to be a hoax. A hoax that, curiously enough, was exposed as such by conservative commentator Tucker Carlson.

So weird! Perhaps the Trump administration should launch an investigation into that, huh? Why are they not on top of this? Over one-third of all Trump supporters believe that protesters at the Women’s March were paid to be there — and if it turns out that everyone who opposes Trump’s policies is only doing so because they are getting paid to, then wouldn’t proving once and for all that we all don’t even exist be advantageous to the Trump administration? Also, if we all don’t exist, then who was it that drove Republicans so crazy with all that “political correctness” that they had no choice other than to vote for a total lunatic in order to punish us? If we don’t exist then how are we controlling academia and the media?

It’s all very confusing! I mean, I feel like I exist, but who is to say? We could all very well be figments of our own imaginations.

The thing I really question here, however, is that if George Soros is doling out millions to people who are willing to walk around for a sign for half a day, then why isn’t he being hailed as the greatest job creator in all of America? Or whoever it is that is supposedly paying us to protest? Also where is my check? Where are all of our checks?

[Fox and Friends]

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  • dslindc

    I think I’m gonna buy a third McLaren with my Soros moneyz!

  • msanthropesmr

    This one weird trick spawns protests!

  • msanthropesmr

    Republicans can get around that whole “I think therefore I am” conundrum.

    • memzilla Ω

      “Grifto, ergo sum.”

      • Beanz&Berryz

        Snarky philosophizing is Good.

  • Yea, well, Donald Trump pays me NOT to protest.

    Explain that, Spicer!

    • coozledad

      Pssst. That check’ll bounce.

  • Swampay

    wow, a guy is on Faux news not using his real name! It must all be lies! LIES LIES LIES!

  • Vincent Ricola

    I was tapped to protest while on vacation in that hellscape war zone Chicago and Soros HR can’t seem to get my holiday pay right! What kind of dog and pony show are rich liberal commie financiers even running nowadays!

  • Ryan Denniston

    “Curiously enough — although the idea of George Soros paying us all piles
    of cash to protest Donald Trump (even though we all love him very much)
    is very big among people like Spicer, none of them are ever able to
    prove exactly how this happens or how we are all recruited.”

    Maybe if we had a standard whereby people released tax returns, Soros’ deposits would show up on the returns of Pelosi and Schumer. Alas, nobody gets to see tax returns anymore :(

  • LarryHoudini

    NO MISPELLINGS IN THERE SIGNS WAS THE TIP OFF FOR ME.

    • coozledad

      And here I thought dysent was the highest form of patritioc!

      • puredog

        Dysent doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

        • calliecallie

          Dyson does, however.

        • AJ Milne

          Good. Sounds like that would be _really_ messy.

  • WIDTAP

    “It’s all very confusing! I mean, I feel like I exist, but who is to say? We could all very well be figments of our own imaginations.”

    Yo swallowed the Blue Pill, didn’t you.

  • Iron Monkey

    George Soros is providing a jobs program we can all support.

    • cats530

      I wonder if Soros is also evilly unionizing these jobs? Oh the horror. Soros AND the unions…TOGETHER? Right wing boogeyman nightmare!

  • Oblios_Cap

    So… How much is George paying? Asking for a friend. He’ll do mayhem, if there’s money in it.

  • memzilla Ω

    Anybody know what today’s amero/whore diamond exchange rate is?

    • The Wanderer

      1 Amero = 0.5 whore diamonds = 1/75th of a quatloo

      • Shoto

        I forgot to short quatloos, dammit!

  • cats530

    I heard from a RWNJ that Soros is paying $25.00 per hour. I need some secondary income. Anyone know where I can sign up? The RWNJ didn’t get back to me, for some reason.

  • The Wanderer

    I wouldn’t take his money. I’ll piss off Trump for free.

    • Shoto

      Thank you for your service.

    • Ryan Denniston

      Better be careful, I hear he’s into that. Would want him to get all grabby suddenly.

      • The Wanderer

        Always good advice.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        On is what he’s into. And we’re definitely not doing that for free.

        • Khavrinen

          Not even if he’s on fire.

  • cheetojeebus

    Yes we’ve all heard about Soros, but did you know Trump’s campaign was financed by nazi gold found in a lake in Poland by Putin’s Judo team led by amateur diver Elvis Presley?

    • msanthropesmr

      Thank you very much. Thank you.

      • Oblios_Cap

        Elvis has left the lake in Poland.

    • dslindc

      I’m hearing that many people are saying that, yes.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Good goawd, Spicer….you’re damned lucky you don’t have to remember to breathe, you ignorant derptard.

    • The Wanderer

      Does he know when to come in out of the rain?

      • MynameisBlarney

        No, not really….it’s a conditioned response.
        They had to go all Pavlov on him because he’d just stare up to the sky in slack-jawed amazement.
        Almost drowned several times before the conditioning finally kicked in.

  • Iron Monkey

    Soros really needs to get his back office in shape. The recruiters are top notch and the protest organizers really know what they are doing. But I still haven’t gotten my first check so he better shake things up a bit.

    • Khavrinen

      Oh no! I hope you’re not accusing good ol’ George of failing to pay his contractors! Bad enough he’s paying people to protest against Trump, now he’s stealing Trump’s business model, too!

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    none of them are ever able to prove exactly how this happens or how we are all recruited

    silly Robyn, everyone knows that is Lori’s job. She’s the one who distributes all that sweet Soros cash through her spam posts

  • beingreleased

    Am I supposed to declare my protest income as “Employee earnings” or “contract work” on my income tax?

    • WIDTAP

      You need to get your paperwork in for Beingreleased, LLC to take advantage of that 15% tax rate for protesting this year.

    • Iron Monkey

      You should already have gotten your independent contractor Form 1090 statement of earnings–mine showed up in January. Give them a call at the Abortionplex and make sure they have you contact details right.

  • OT The USA isn’t the only country to loathe Trumpolini
    https://twitter.com/kfhall0852/status/828063636832788481

    • Shoto

      “Fake Newz!”

      — Sean Spicer

      • Oblios_Cap

        “Nuke the Limeys!”
        — Trump

  • Vincent Ricola

    Maybe my favorite tweet of all time. I can’t find it to embed it because twitter search is not my friend, but here’s the screenie I saved to send to my non-twitter friends. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/c7a23199058ac9e6fb81a7edd432e8028f73cece60a6b09f49d0b4bf16991d8a.jpg

    • Iron Monkey

      If it was military precision they would be olive drab and still sitting in a warehouse.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        And cost $587 apiece.

        • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

          And suffer successive production delays due to changing requirements like “they need to be bullet proof” and “have night vision”.

          • therblig

            and ultimately, traded for hostages.

      • snark-lurker

        behind the Katrina ice n wawa

    • Shoto

      How was this pulled off with “military precision?” Because George Soros has major reach, and he’s just that good.

      And speaking of George, where’s my check? I might have to charge him a late fee.

    • Do not piss off the yarn crafters on Ravelry, they will organise your ass off and they’re armed with sharp pointy things

      • Rags

        Why the TSA foolishly finally allowed those lethal knitting needles on planes is beyond me.

    • Claire

      Women don’t need to seize the means of production. Women ARE the means of production.

      • Naytch

        The original 3D printers!

    • Fun fact: Ailtirí na hAiséirghe was a 1940s Irish fascist group.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ailtir%C3%AD_na_hAis%C3%A9irghe

  • Shibusa

    In addition to submitting our protest time-sheets to Soros Inc., can we also submit our poster board, public transit, and Sharpie receipts?

    • cats530

      I heard a rumor that he’s going to pay part of our Obamacare premiums too. Isn’t that generous?

    • dslindc

      Yes, but remember not to exceed the per diems for meals.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        EBT Crab Legs or equivalent ONLY!

    • Alan

      Yep, but it’ll show on your 1099-MISC so keep a copy of your receipts.

  • cats530

    “So weird! Perhaps the Trump administration should launch an investigation into that, huh?

    Yeah, Issacarthiefandarsonist can spearhead it. Or perhaps Gowdy? Or Chaffetz?

    • Ryan Denniston

      What about those guys he sent to Hawaii to look into Obama’s birth certificate?

      • therblig

        they mutinied and went to Pitcairn instead, where they burned the ship and settled down with the native women.

    • snark-lurker

      it’s still early. waaaait for it in 3….2….1….

  • coozledad

    George Soros pays us in sweet, sweet, post-protest sex, and man is he tired.

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Honestly, this is just proof the Fox News programming material is geared to a bunch of idiots.

    Not only did Koch’s AFP get heavily involved in Tea Party nonsense, Glenn Beck–who worked at Fox News at the time–promoted the whole business including Capitol rallies on Fox News.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I’m rather aghast at how much the American taxpayers are paying Sean Spicer. What does a professional liar Press Secretary make these days, anyhow?

  • We have Soros

    Spicer has Sore Ass

  • cheetojeebus

    Also too, I was told there would be craft trucks? I didn’t see any? Not a single god damn avocado and cucumber salad drizzled in balsamic on hand made focaccia?? A fucking outrage.

  • tomamitai

    My brother claims that the whole world is a figment of his imagination, and I’m beginning to hope he’s right.

  • Hellhathnofury Demme

    I heard a rumor this weekend, (typical Silicon Valley stuff) that George Soros wants to buy Twitter, just to throw the Donald off!
    I think that sounds fun!
    But Mr. Fatale pointed out, (devil’s advocate to my raging partisan), that it wouldn’t be a very good investment, as T***p keeps Twitter in the news.

    • Beanz&Berryz

      A use of money for Good rather than Profit

      • Meccalopolis

        Tweeter should just fold up their tent for the good of the country. They’re nevergonna monetize that cow anyway

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    I do it for the exposure dollars.

  • Chadwells

    I want to break Tucker Carlson’s ignorant face so bad it hurts.

  • Alan
  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    On Soros: he was Steve Mnuchin’s–Trump’s Secretary of the Treasury–partner in One West. He was a silent partner, but so long as we are going to play really-one-degrees-from- George-Soros.

    Which is a game played by crazy people on Breitbart, Whirled Nut Daily, etc.

  • Shibusa
  • SnarkON

    Hurry up with my money, Soros; my family is low on crab legs.

    • dslindc

      Save some for the Caribbean cruises, also too!

      • Shan

        And strip clubs!

        • snark-lurker

          always the sexxytime stuff with you

          • Shan

            Hey, that was in the news!

            The strip club thing. Not my sexxytime stuff. Unless it was in the obits.

          • snark-lurker

            you are a funeral stripper?! well i nevuh…

          • Shan

            It’s a new thing. People love how life-affirming it is. The money is terrible but I get a lot of corn casseroles.

  • Clyde Barrow

    Robert Reich has made a pretty good case against Breitbart for hiring anarchists to cause trouble at Milo “debates”….
    http://www.newsweek.com/robert-reich-who-sent-thugs-berkeley-552577

    • Jennifer R

      Let’s start ramming that down right wing facebook people’s feeds.

      • Clyde Barrow

        They don’t listen, it’s easier to nail Jello to a tree than talk sense to these dolts. I’ve blocked all my RWNJ friends from my FB feed as a result. Good Riddance.

        • Jennifer R

          It isn’t to make them listen, it’s to clog their feed with the truth as much as they would clog ours with lies.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      When they scream “Soros”, they’re projecting. I know, surprise surprise.

    • C4TWOMAN

      There is a long habit of the alt-right manipulating lifestyle anarchists into theatrics that either get the anarchists arrested, or pander to the narrative of “violent leftists” or both.

      Recall the Federalist Gold Star families being spit on story? That’s the first thing I thought of, especially when one protester was described as wearing a mask, contrary to Mary Ham’s assertion on TV is was just regular looking protesters:

      http://thefederalist.com/2017/01/23/ham-anti-trump-protestors-spit-on-gold-star-family-members/

      To be clear, I have no reason to suspect the Gold Star family members were in on it. Just manipulated for political gain by sleazeballs.

  • Alan

    Irony is that this guy is getting paid to spout conspiracy theories.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Yeah. And he’s the Whitehouse Press Secretary.

      The whole Whitehouse is taking a credibility hit Nixon couldn’t even inflict on it.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Ron Ziegler is laughing his ass off in the sulfur pools.

  • OneYieldRegular

    And Trump won’t even spend a couple bucks to get a ninth supporter at a Portland, Maine Trump support rally. “Eight is enough!”

  • hendenburg2
    • Shoto

      There’s a teevee ad campaign running, as well.

    • Jennifer R

      Everything that a conservative accuses someone else of, is always projection.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Every.Fucking.Time.

        • Jennifer R

          I saw we search Flynn and his associates to find where they have hidden the children.

          • tomamitai

            Under the pizza parlor, of course!

          • hendenburg2

            Start with deep-dish places first, since we know that these assholes hate everything that is good and holy.

          • Meccalopolis

            Thank you. It’s not even pizza

          • C4TWOMAN

            In the non existent basement! We’re devious that way.

      • cats530

        It’s straight out of the Karl “Turdblossom” Rove playbook.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Sphincter thinks SNL was “mean” to him.

    Poor fucking babby. He makes me all baseball batty.

    • Meccalopolis

      Can’t believe they used to give out bats at Yankee stadium

  • proudgrampa

    Yeah. I just got my first Soros check in the mail this morning!

    Later today, I am going to the local McLaren Dealership. That 650S looks sweet!

    • LesBontemps

      Wait, is Lori your roommate? You monster!

      • proudgrampa

        Ha!

        Lori’s a piker.

      • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

        You monster!

        Wait, Lori is a canned clam?!

        MIND BLOWN

  • Zippy W Pinhead

    Frederick Douglass pays me to protest

    • Vincent Ricola

      He’s doing an amazing job and I’m glad to see he’s getting recognized more and more!

    • Shoto

      I used my Frederick Douglass cash to set up a Bowling Green Massacre Memorial Fund.

      • tomamitai

        If I had the Soros bucks I’d be paying people to mail thousands of green bowling balls to Kellyanne.

    • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

      Where do I sign up? I could use the paycheck lately.

      • randomhookup

        Everybody is recognizing him more and more. He should be easy to spot at the rallies.

  • C4TWOMAN

    So one of the talking heads thought Spicer had it worst just because he was parodied by a women?

    ????
    I’m strangely in agreement with Spicer…they should focus on the issues, in this case the issues being parodied. And that’s why Spicer got it was worse, he’s part of the dumpster fire. The actor being female had nothing to do with the parody.

    There was a show where the guy told a female character, who suspected a conspiracy, that she was like Scully. When the woman pointed out Scully was the skeptic and she was more like Mulder, the guy didn’t understand. Because apparently GENDER is the final defining character trait above all others, ever.

  • My checks keep getting lost in the mail.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Mine are getting lost in the Twatter, I think.

    • tomamitai

      Maybe because Soros is Hungarian, not Czech!

      • Well at least the USA doesn’t have a bouncing Czech (old Private Eye reference)

      • mailman27

        I lost mine cuz I’m a total slav.

  • willi0000000

    idiots

    [ idiot disqus also too ]

    • As reported by Our Wonkette, the FCC is cutting the application of the “Lifeline” internet subsidy to the poors.

      How will the Tea Party use the internet now?

      Will Free Republic be forced to shut down?

  • azeyote

    the checks in the mail

  • schmannity

    Spicer is just jealous of palindromes, isn’t that right, Recips?

    • tomamitai

      “Recips”? Sounds Turkish to me!

  • chiefkurtz

    George Soros paid me to hold a sign all day, but it for a Piano Store that was going out of business, and all pianos were up to 80% off. It may have been someone other than Soros now that I think of it.

  • willi0000000

    disqus sucks!

  • Chadwells

    Soros spelled backwards is Soros. Illuminati is real!!! Also….where’s my monies?

    • proudgrampa

      AND his name in Numerology translates to the Number 8.

      GEORGE=756975=39=12=3
      SOROS=16961=23=5
      3+5=8

      Eight:
      The symbolism backing number eight deals largely with business, success, and wealth. This is due to the fact that eight represents continuation, repetition, and cycles. Such elements are seen in arenas where success is obtained simply because of dogged determination and repetition. Also, matters of business and wealth largely depend on cycles to fulfill their manifestation. It’s like the snowball analogy: As it continues to roll, in gets bigger and bigger with each revolution. Eight represents that kind of momentum.

      THE ILLUMINATI IS REAL!!!

      WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!!!!

  • FDRliberal

    I have a real big issue with Soros. He keeps sending me my payments for protesting the so-called president via PayPal, which charges a ridiculous fee. I’ve told him again and again, to just mail me a check.

    BTW has Wonkette turned of the ability to post images or Tweets? I have a hilarious photo of a pro-Trump “rally”.

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      Oh yeah, that function seems to have been disappeared!

      Probably Lord Dampnut’s FCC was commanded to remove all memes from the web.

    • Eileen Besse

      The eight snowflakes in Portland, Maine?

  • DoILookAmused2u? Résistance☨

    Since George Soros is all powerful, consider this post my application for employment also too. please?

    I will litter the entire interwebs with postings and attend any protests required in return for modest pay plus expenses.

    • C4TWOMAN

      Dude, I’ve been doing memes and marcos for free.
      What kind of chump am I?
      Don’t be like me…Do it for the moneeeey!

      – This Ad Not Paid For By A Soros Shill

  • laughingnome

    I keep tossing that Soros mail in the trash. I thought it was bogus like Publishers’ Clearinghouse.

  • arrrghle

    Just how rich is George Soros exactly? Because about 100K of us showed up in Portland, for hours on end, in the rain and brrrrrrr cold, for the Women’s March. You’d have to pay me more than a buck or two. And we were by no means the biggest march. Also, WHERE’S MY CHECK?

  • Courser_Resistance

    Yeah, CO Sen Gardner insists that he saw ads for protesters in Craigslist. So we’re all being paid. Hes a moran

  • Vincent Ricola

    Will protest for weed payments.

  • 3FingerPete
  • fawkedifiknow

    I would like to be paid for protesting in whore diamonds, thanks very much.

    • laughingnome

      Melania?

  • LesBontemps

    It’s all very confusing! I mean, I feel like I exist, but who is to say? We could all very well be figments of our own imaginations.

    “… and René Descartes was a drunken fart, I drink therefore I am.”

  • SayItWithWookies

    That’s an interesting take from Spicer. Reminds me of the sanitation workers in Memphis marching for better pay and working conditions and being called “professional Negroes” and “the professionally aggrieved” by the southern racists who opposed equal pay for blacks. Of course, these peoples’ cultural descendants are now deeply reverent of Dr. King, right as they claim that he would never endorse any kind of anti-Trump action.

  • C4TWOMAN

    “Over one-third of all Trump supporters believe that protesters at the Women’s March were paid to be there”

    These people are very bad at math.
    500,000(wild ass guess—too lazy to check actual number)
    /3
    =166,667
    X $$$$ going rate to protest a day-say $50 for someone desperate for cash. (In reality it’d probably be closer to $100 depending what they could spang in DC on a good day)
    = $833,335.00

    Now would a corporation, whose purpose is to make a profit, really consider that a rational investment just to make Trump “look bad”? That money is better spent on lobbyists.

    And that’s not counting all the people you’d have to pay for the front groups and the logistics. And they would have to be salaried loyal people to not spill the beans.

    A fair counter point is this is what Koch did with the Tea Party. But even they didn’t PAY people cash to show up–they just pandered to their biases and baffled them with bullshit so they volunteered.

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I think the Women’s March numbers were well in excess of 2 million, so if we go by $100 a day, we get Soros supposedly dropping $200 million in a single day. Figure that’d be hard to cover up.

      That, and to astroturf something, you don’t need millions of people. Just a couple dozen guys to go to a town hall meeting and start throwing chairs around.

      • C4TWOMAN

        Yeah, astroturfing doesn’t mean everyone protesting is a charlatan, just the people recruiting/running it.

    • beingreleased

      But everyone knows liberals are no good at business.

      • C4TWOMAN

        It’s worse when examining claims of “government agents” spying on people who are sure no one died at Sandy Hook, Pizzagate is real, and 9/11 was an Inside Job. The sheer man hours it takes to review data (video, audio, emails) pretty much means no one is monitoring your traffic at Infowars or any other website exposing the “truth” about the conspiracy du jour, unless you or the website is really up to something illegal.

    • OrG

      Oh you and your Liberal “facts”.

      • Khavrinen

        Everyone knows math has a liberal bias.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          It’s the Arabic Numerals, of course they’re against us!!1

  • Susan Szews

    I mean, I currently get paid buckets of money to write technical manuals that no one reads for a Fortune 100 company (no seriously, I feel I am vastly overpaid for what I do, but that’s the tech industry for you). And I do protest on weekends, and if I could get a check, I would gladly sign it over to the ACLU or that Southern Poverty place or whatever. Let me know! George Soros, call me!

  • cmd resistor

    Very clever of Soros to get people to make their owns signs to look like they are individuals, especially the ones who use cardboard from boxes instead of paid for posterboard.

    • puredog

      Pro Tip: When your wages from Soros include expenses for making professional-looking signs from posterboard, pocket those Ameros and just cut up some cardboard. Win-win!

      • LesBontemps

        I’d cut up a cardboard box, but then I’d be homeless.

        • Usedtobeyellerdawg

          Switch parties, then you can take someone else’s cardboard box to cut up and not feel guilty about it.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    For the discerning radical, Soros offers white glove delivery of an actual abortion clinic.

  • randomhookup

    So they are complaining about Soros creating all these jobs?

    • Last Hussar

      That’s a good point to. Technically can’t Trump take the credit for June job creation.?

  • Tony Emond

    Everyone who was out to protest should individually file a civil suit against Spicer for defamation, it’d be hilarious.

    • Granny Sprinkles

      I’ll be honest, it’d be pretty hard to defame my character.

      • clubseal

        Granny Sprinkles libel.

    • Serai 1

      Get some lawyer with a puckish sense of humor to file a class action lawsuit on behalf of every protestor in America. That would be fun.

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Weird, Robyn! It almost seems like their premises are actually a bunch of lies loosely held together with wishful thinking and FOX News propaganda, and actually collapse when even the slightest bit of logic is applied to it!

    But I’m just saying that because KA-CHING! My Obamaphone just texted me some crab-legs!! I’M RICH!!

    • mailman27

      Don’t forget the melted butter!!

  • Mavenmaven

    It makes more sense when one realizes that “Soros” is a metonym for “The Jews”, and everyone knows they can do everything and control all the world moneys. And the media, which is why you never ever hear this mentioned anywhere.

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    Hey gang! Let’s post pictures of what we each bought with all our sweet, sweet Sorosbucks!

    http://daphne.palomar.edu/mlane/PLACES/PalomarObservatory/200inch/HalePan2.jpg

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      I bought this sign, commemorating the victims of the Bowling Green massacre. #neverforget

      https://zwingliusredivivus.files.wordpress.com/2017/02/img_1194.jpg

    • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

      I bought some awesome pee hookers!

      –Don T. (The Yoogest alt-fact Clinton Plant ever to grow in Soros Soil™!)

    • Doug Langley

      You forgot the infrared interferometer.

  • Marceline

    I only wish Soros was the left wing svengali they think he is.

  • mardam422

    I’m taking my Soros ameros and buying Budweiser and Starbucks.

  • PixieThis

    Weren’t you all in at the beginning? Soros told me if I join and then recruited 10 people to join, I would get paid for myself, a % of my recruited followers and then another % for any of their followers and so and so forth. I said, “Hey George, that sounds like a Pyramid Scheme” to which he replied, “No, more like a Trapezoid”

  • LesBontemps

    Well, it was all working out great until George Soros was killed in the Bowling Green Massacre.

    • Jack Tenhet

      Too soon! Too soon!

      • That’s right. We shouldn’t joke about the BGM until after it happens.

  • sorbs

    Yeppers, thanks to George, I’m cruisin’ around in my welfare Cadillac, yakkin’ on my Obamaphone, chewin’ on gov’t cheese, and dippin’ my roadkill in my tub o’ketchup, my most faves vegetable.

    Actually contacted Gardner, and would like him to know, again, that *I* paid for the call, so he should staple his pie hole shut.

    • clubseal

      Does Soros actually exist, or is he just the result of some right wing fever dream, built to be the shadowy puppeteer of everything conservatives hate?

      • cmd resistor

        I will say that in spite of hearing about him for years it was only maybe in the last month that I saw an actual photo of him. And for all I know, it might have been fake photo.

      • Jack Tenhet

        Soros is likely just a myth, like Keyser Soze and I’m pretty sure he is, in real life, *SPOILER* Kevin Spacey.

      • sorbs

        IF he does exist, (and it is a big IF) poor bastard’s gotta be broke by now; he’s single-handedly financed every anti-conservative platform for what, 25 years now? Pretty soon, he’ll be a sponsored ad on your feed: “Can’t even buy a filet mignon,” Soros says….

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    GE0rge sOros is p$ying $87 per HOUR w0rk you from the home base Pr0test! I bought Brand NEW Aston Martin with W0rked 27 hours!

    • Eileen Besse

      Where’s the boldface and symbols?

      • Usedtobeyellerdawg

        I knew I forgot something.

  • OrG

    Oh,I get it,this is like when I played in a RocknRoll band.Pay me something I would do anyway.The difference is I actually DID get paid sometimes in the band.I have yet to receive my protest pay. sad face

    • Lefty Frizzell

      Fuck. What was that like – getting paid to do a gig? I’ve heard it happens.

      • OrG

        Fringe benefits better than actual $$$.

      • mailman27

        Back in the days before MADD. I know, I know it’s a worthy org, but it was part of the death of Live Music in Bars.

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Had a weird conversation with my dad about how odd it was that so many protesters just showed up all over the place for the Women’s March, and I was all like “well they’ve been organizing it for months” and he was all like “but it’s weird how they just showed up like that,” like it was some big conspiracy, and I was all “no, but they’ve been planning it and announcing it everywhere for months already,” and he was all like “but it’s weird how they just came out of nowhere all of a sudden” and finally I was all like “are you having a stroke?”

    • The Rain in Spain’s Therapist

      Haha! I had a similar conversation with my uncle about Obama when he was first elected. He kept going on about: “Don’t you find it strange that he showed up suddenly out of nowhere?”, Saying it over and over. Like he was spawned from an evil book of Democratic witchcraft.

      • Roadstergal

        As I was born and raised in Chicagoland, I was familiar with the junior Senator when he was still fresh and green. I remember Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me covering a moment when one of his staffers was at an event at which GWB was also present, and he was visibly disconcerted by her “Obama” button. She had to explain to him that this was not “Osama.”

      • Jack Tenhet

        Me and my wife heard a piece of an Obama speech way back before either of us had ever heard of him and we liked what he was saying. NPR aired it and it was Senate thing.

        • Lamashtar

          Not surprising. I watched Obama’s appearance at an autism charity thing for a friend and other politicians were already joking about how much they hated him because he was going to be president someday.

      • Jgb979

        Had heard of Barry Bams at some point prior to his 2004 speech, but he was in the national public consciousness since absolutely tearing the roof off of the 2004 convention.

        That’s approximately 3 years and 8 months longer than caribou Barbie when she first appeared.

    • Ducksworthy

      Clearly they were bussed in from…..Everywhere!

    • YoBunnyBunny

      That’s the kind of question you ask after a flash mob does a dance routine in the food court of a shopping mall.

    • (((fka_donnie_d)))

      Nothing weird about it. No offense to Gayer Sr., Some People just cannot believe that anybody in their Right Mind would ever object to the Obviously Noble and Patriotic Mr. Trump.

  • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

    Whew…what a relief. If journalistic heavy hitters like Brian Kilmeade are on the job, we can be sure that the Truth will soon be brought to light.

  • theblackdog

    Look, I was out this past Saturday protesting the Muslim Ban in DC and I still haven’t gotten my check yet. Soros, you suck!

  • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

    Someone should alt-fact a story that Soros pays protesters in Propecia.

    We would probably get Trump on our side against himself.

  • clubseal

    “In fact, protesting things is very new to us as Americans in general, given that it was not even invented until 2008, with the first appearance of the Tea Party.”
    Well, silly, remember, there were no protests of Obama by the right wing, because they gave him a chance before taking to the streets, just as they expect from the left wing now.
    – Sincerely,
    Every right winger living in history-free, alternative fact land

    • Ducksworthy

      The Alternative Fact Channel is between two of the regular channels on your TeeVee set. Also on the two or three the FOX Channels every set is required to receive.

  • chazmanr

    Here is the logical flaw in the argument that Soros is paying liberals to protest. Any conservative will tell you that every liberal lives on the public doll in their Mom’s basement. Taking money from Soros in return for protesting would therefore qualify as working. Any conservative will tell you that liberals don’t work.

    • ggaston1960

      Dude… I haven’t worked in years ….

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      Oh liberals and your “logic”

    • BeachBum

      Makes sense. I tried work but didn’t like it much. Better to live off the “fat of the land.”

  • JoeChristmas

    Yeah, in Russia we would all be killed too.

    • BeachBum

      In Russia exposure is –40 F.

  • JoeChristmas

    Actually, I’m getting paid in exposure dollars.

  • wtw5002

    The juicy little tidbit about all this Soros stuff is that Donald’s pick for Treasury Secretary, Steve Mnnnnuuuunnn, managed a Soros hedge fund for three years. Perhaps Alex Jones’s lizard overlords are behind all of it! /s

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    I ain’t paid in Ameros, but I feel more worthwhile after protesting.

    • Serai 1

      So you fell for the “paid in exposure” scam?

  • Punkysdilemma

    They’re projecting – because people had to be paid to show up to watch some orange fraidy cat slowly descend an escalator and proclaim how everything is terrific terrible horrible believe me bigly…

  • Mary Sandoras

    Where do I sign up? I just retrieved the last quarter from under my couch cushion.

  • Bill

    Soros just paid for my Porsche!

    All I had to do was say ‘Trumps a douche’ 3 times on the interwebs.

    • So THAT’S the “one weird trick”? Good to know!

    • mailman27

      I had to work way harder for my Delorean.

      • Bill

        I would assume so, my Porsche is fast, but it won’t allow me to time-travel.

    • ken_kukec

      Whatever you do, don’t mix up “Trump is a douche” with “Beetlejuice.”

  • TJ Barke

    You’d think o’queef’s little band of “journos” could easily get proof of Soros cash slushing protester’s pockets if it’s so rampant…

  • jodyleek

    Wait, I’m supposed to get cash? All I got was whore diamonds. Sad!

    • BigBoppa ~ Résistant
    • TundraGrifter

      Reminds me of the original Wonkette writing about Jessica Cutler getting paid for the buttsex – all she ever got was taxi fare home.

      • ken_kukec

        Wasn’t really all she got, now was it?

  • Khavrinen

    “I, for one, am about to go out and purchase a bitchin’ gold-plated Camaro with my sweet, sweet Soros earnings.”

    *Dead Milkmen not included.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v3CzvQ9e_w

    • TundraGrifter

      “Dead Milkmen” – name from the Monty Python skit?

      • According to the lead singer, the name came from a character in Toni Morrison’s Song of Soloman called “Milkman Dead.” Not having read that book, I can’t confirm this. (And being as how this is being claimed by a punk rocker, an appropriate amount of salt should always be taken first.)

        • ken_kukec

          Any relation to the Dead Man in Yossarian’s tent?

        • TundraGrifter

          I like my theory a whole lot better.

          • Toad the Wet Sprocket was definitely a Monty Python joke, if that is any consolation…

          • TundraGrifter

            I never heard of the punk rock band “Watery Bints.” But there should have been one.

            OH! And “The Dead Parrots.”

  • Roadstergal

    “I protested Trump, and all I got was this stupid violation of my basic constitutional rights.”

    Tough to fit on a shirt.

  • GunToting[Redacted]

    Paid?!? I only got a discount price on my pussy hat!

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      My mom went to the protest and all I got was this stupid President.

  • TundraGrifter

    People see the world as they see themselves. When they lie and say others are being paid to protest (or just to post in the Internets) that’s how they view things. Sometimes I ask them “Do you do it for free? Who’s the dummy here?”

    The Progressives don’t have Faux News and the hate radio gasbags as the Tea Party did. Off-the-Mark Levin, deeply in bed with Americans for Prosperity, is a prime example of a shill who provided free publicity. Sheer uh “Am I uh An Idiot?” uh InSannity is another.

  • Ducksworthy

    Tucker doesn’t like being pranked also he just doesn’t get it.

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    h9#MuuY

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      dammit.

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    It’s objective fact that they are trying to convince us is a figment of our imaginations.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    and of course, completely ignores the fact trump DOES pay people to support like at campaign kick off event.

    Also, behold this and palm thy face.
    (Note #2)
    (cannot post photos? Disqus fail?)

    Click the link
    https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/issue-international-arrest-warrant-george-soros

    • Jack Tenhet

      Well, it doesn’t count if #45 does it. There you go, using facts and logic and brainy stuff.

    • Lara

      2) Attempts to manipulate democratic elections by donating millions of dollars to his preferred candidates.”

      HAHAHAHHAHHAA!

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    The Tea Party wasn’t political. It’s a tax-exempt social welfare group.

    • undercover epicurean

      I went to a meeting once and they didn’t even have any tea! FALSE FLAG!!1!1!!

  • whitroth

    Dear Wonkette,

    *Surely* this Important Media Blog has credentials for the WH press conferences… could you mention my name, and tell them I’m not being paid… or, better yet, mention my name, and let him claim *I* am being paid to protest him?

    Then the courts would have to admit I have “standing”, so I could SUE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM for slander….

  • Serai 1

    I’d like to know where my fucking money is, please. I need a bench scraper and some sheet pans.

  • Juan de Fuca

    I just wanna say that Melissa McCarthy really nailed that Sean Spicer impersonation. Not only did the SNL crew do a great job of making her look like him but she did a great job at channeling his voice and temperament. Another reason why I love Melissa McCarthy. Hilarious.

    • Serai 1

      I thought she was great, too. But as is often the case with SNL, they dragged the bit out way too long. They seem to have a problem knowing when to end the bit. They should have had Ms. Fazio in their school. That was one of the points she was really big on us learning – when to exit. You can’t write good comedy if you don’t know when enough is enough.

  • Stulexington

    You forgot to mention we only accept all the cash for protest monies because we’re poor and lazy and are fresh out of bootstraps because we spent all our boots monies on drugs and social irresponsibility.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    This one isn’t as funny as Melissa McCarthy’s last sketch.

    • Jack Tenhet

      Yeah, didn’t even use the Super Soaker this time.

  • SweetDeeKat

    This may have been covered earlier, but if Soros is so goddamned powerful, WHY THE FUCK was Cheeto Jaysus elected?

  • mailman27

    I just called my congressman. I hemmed and hawed quite a bit, cuz Soros pays by the minute.

  • ken_kukec

    I, for one, will continue protesting Trump — at least until Vlad’s oligarchs top Soros’s offer.

    Bidding war, anyone?

  • IdRatherBeDancing

    Well I got my check for the Women’s march. I’ve upped my fees since I am a veteran now, and have expenses maintaining my leftist protest beard. So, George better pay may raise if he wants me to continue protesting the greatest man ever.

    • roberteye

      Yes he’s so admired and beloved, people HAVE to be paid to reject him… which explains why Soros could only muster a measly 4-5 million worldwide, and constantly ever since. Non paid people would glom on because they wanted to show off their funny signs, and get Michael Moore’s autograph.

  • ez

    Soros is dry Dicking me, I have not seen so much as a sous out of that bastid.

    • Jack Tenhet

      I think he chips in on my cable bill, but I can’t prove it.

  • calliecallie

    Perhaps it makes it easier for them to believe that so many women could rally and speak out – and make hats and signs! – if a man is paying them to do so. Obviously, their pretty little heads could not come up with an idea like that on their own.

  • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

    And did you know Soros wants diversity at his marches?? I’m a white lady, and I got a fraction of the Soros Cash that all the non-white ladies got…AFFIRMATIVE ACTION IS RACIST!!!!!

    /s

    • Jack Tenhet

      And you also got paid less than I did. 27%, I believe.

    • janecita

      I told them that I was Latina, but then they saw that I looked like a common, freckled gringa and they refused to pay me the minority’s rate!
      Pendejos!!!

  • janecita

    I think that I might as well retire. Soros is paying me the big bucks for protesting, and I really don’t feel like working for 25 more years.

  • Raan

    For that matter, where’s my check from Monsanto for not being afraid of Roundup and GMOs?

  • Logic of Color

    It’s all very simple. Just get that O’Queefe guy to get “hired” to protest! He could come up with a “liberal taker” disguise or something. OH! He could dress like a woman with, like, a vag on his head or something!

    • Smibo

      “…with, like, a vag on his head or something!”

      Or maybe a dick.

      Wait, that’d never work; he’d need an actual disguise of some sort.

  • roberteye

    I need to email Soros my paypal address, caz I got NOTHIN so far. These guys have worn out their alternative reality fake welcome, I think. Soros (or whoever!) paid 5 million illegals to vote for Clinton, thus costing Trump his landslide?? And the huge throngs of protesters (in every state and worldwide) mess with his claims of popularity, so that must mean they are non organic (unlike the Tea Party, which was a totally organic creation of the Kochs).

    • Lara

      How shitty is Soros, that he shelled out all that money to influence the election, and didn’t get a Dem elected, even?

      • Barb

        I know he paid those 5 million illegals to vote but didn’t give them transportation to the states where it would count.

  • gaybymml96

    Yes, Soros – can you pay me 20 Australian $ an hour (thass our min wage, ya’ll) to protest from the comfort of my couch?!

    • jenny_whyme

      I’ve been told that Soros will pay people to troll the twitter and Wonkette and other places on the interwebz..

      When I find out where to send the invoice, I’ll let you know. Surely he has tons of money just lying around he can afford to pay everyone!

    • Sarah Balfour

      AU$20?! That’s, like, about £12! WOW! That’s 40% more than our minimum wage (the government likes to laughingly refer to it as a LIVING wage) and you’re only entitled the that amount if you’re 25+; under 25, if memory serves, it’s £6.50ph.

      Fuck knows what it’ll be post-Brexit, probably 50p, a stale loaf and a bottle of sour milk.

      • gaybymml96

        Slightly different now, it’s actually $17.70 = 10.80 pounds.

        In Australia, it’s set by an independent Fair Works Commission – none of this riffraff from the government.

        But it also accounts for very expensive cost of living.

        • Sarah Balfour

          That sounds FAR too democratic for the UK., but £10.80 is still a third more, and we have one of the lowest LW rates in Europe, never mind the EU. Sweden’s living wage is €20 (£17.20/AU$28), probably the highest anywhere on Earth. They also have free universal healthcare, free education (including higher education) and free childcare from from birth.

          Things are getting more and more expensive here all the time since the referendum, I only get £800 (AU$1300) disability a month now, and I’m constantly overdrawn. I’ll never be able to work, Brexit is going to be the death of me (literally).

  • Angela Ruzzo

    Gee, I wish I could meet Mr. Spicer face-to-face. He wouldn’t know what hit him when I was done with him. With words, of course.

  • Melinda Piette

    Once again, I love how the wingnut delusion and entitlement machine matches up with the “haters” (i.e. opposing ships) from my fave TV show.

    Because not only do I collect checks from Soros, I also owe my “canon” ship and my livelihood (for blathering about the two pretend people I enjoy seeing kiss on my TeeVee screen) to a seekrit millionaire who bankrolls not only us, but bribes the show runners, a legacy network, etc into our ship being canon (and receiving more screen time—-and it totally ISN’T because half of this couple is the show’s heroine or anything!!!). Oh and bought us a bot to win polls

    IDK, seems like both need to be billionaires of Bill Gates $$$….and even then, calling Paul Allen, etc for the occasional chip in to make this happen.

    And naturally, we’re paid to do all of the above, because it couldn’t possibly be people actually like the pretty pairing or hate living in a fascist police state, with an unelected “leader”, now could it?

    • HazooToo

      Whoa whoa whoa. You can NOT talk about ships and then not share.

      • Melinda Piette

        With pleasure…..(to my extreme embarrassment), my fave show is Once Upon a Time and I ship the super pretty couple of Captain Swan (Captain Hook and Emma Swan)
        https://onceuponasnarkyrecap.wordpress.com/2015/06/06/my-list-of-wonderfully-fluffy-captain-swan-moments/

        No that isn’t MY tumblr—-MINE’S way more snide and bitchy!!! These are just nice pics of them

        • HazooToo

          I have never seen it but it looks GORGEOUS! My ship is Fruk. It is loud and fightey and also very very old and weird. It’s from Hetalia, which everyone apparently finds weird and disturbing, but it it’s defense, it has only improved since getting as far from the official anime and manga as possible. Now I have to go find Once Upon a Time on putlocker.

          • Melinda Piette

            Sorry, got caught up in “stuff” yesterday—-it’s a goofy show, but I love it. She’s the daughter of Prince Charming and Snow White who was sent through a magic wardrobe to our world to break a curse the Evil Queen placed on them (it consisted of suspended lives for 30 years and living in a small Maine harbor town). Captain Hook doesn’t show up until season 2 (when he’s a “villain”, though more anti-hero and it’s obvious they’ll end up together, even when they’re adversaries).

            At the end of season 3 they have a real, fully consensual, beeyoootiful kiss. And have been a couple ever since. The antis who hate them are in 3, united, but much smaller, even combined camps:
            Those who want her with the EQ (who is also her step-grandma), because the EQ is hawt

            Those who hate Hook because they love Rumplestiltskin (while ignoring his propensity to be a genocidal maniac), the show’s primary antagonist and Hook’s enemy/foil—as well as ship Rumple with Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

            Those who wanted Emma with Baelfire (I call him Bagel) aka Neal, who was with her for 2 months when she was 16, knocked her up, framed and sent her to prison for his crimes (he was 23/24)—because Bagel is Rumple’s long lost son.

            You can check out my tumblr at zumpie.tumblr.com

            My daughter used to LOVE Hetalia, BTW

          • HazooToo

            That sounds freakin AWESOME. I need more things to ship, and this show would make a brilliant RP, I’m thinking. Also, your tumblr is delightful and makes me smile, even if I am dodging spoilers!

          • Melinda Piette

            Awww…Thank you!!!! <3333 (as the tumblr kids say!). You'll love it. Netflix should have everything. Lots of other hot people, too (Snow White and Prince Charming, for example. And THEY wound up a married couple with two kids in real life)

          • HazooToo

            God, I love it when ships get shippy in real life! I don’t have a tumblr and I’ve abandoned my Facebook page, but I’ve got a proboards RP board with 113 different story threads that are all still active. New ideas are getting a little harder to come by, but this one sounds absolutely beautiful (and soooo easy to adapt to Fruk!) so I’m really looking forward to it.

          • Melinda Piette

            You should probably start a tumblr, I’m sure there’s a Hetalia community (there’s everything else, after all). Honestly, I’ve had more than one person want to ask me things on anon on my tumblr and eventually created their own, just so they could PM (and I’m not a particularly large blog). There’s lots of role playing, too! :-)

          • HazooToo

            Oh god, there’s a Hetalia community on tumblr and Facebook. Massive. But I don’t really fit in with the crowd, since I’m 34 (35?) and I don’t have a lot of patience for people who fill rps with replies like: “…” *shrugs* *stares* I’ve found my idea rp partner tho, and we’ve just started a GTA-themed rp.

  • Bill Slider

    How can I make sure George Soros has my correct mailing address? Perhaps I should send him a Tweet. I may include my bank routing number, along with my checking account number, Social Security and date of birth, in case he prefers direct deposit. The IRS got a little uppity when I told them to be patient, as I was awaiting my monthly annuity from a wealthy Nigerian business executive, who inherited millions, to start arriving.

    • Rags

      Just send me the info cuz when soros isn’t blowing Ilgattomorte, he comes over to carry my luggage.

      • Bill Slider

        First, I need to hear the magic words: How small are your hands. Secondly, do you want my bank account in the Cayman’s, or the other one? Finally, do you need a business partner? I understand big words. The bigly ones are the best.

        • Rags

          1. Diminutive, hence the need for someone to ‘carry my luggage.’
          2. AOT,K
          3. That’s a gynormous negatory on the mutualistic capitalism.

    • phoenix00

      I give trying to give him my Paypal but Georgie doesn’t seem to like that.

  • John McLaughlin

    Wow, you mean I could have been paid to attend the Woman’s March? What a ripoff. I actually woke up at 3 AM Saturday, Jan 21st and paid a bus company to drive my ass down to DC to march. I will write both Mr. Spicer and Soros to let them know my displeasure.

  • Jgb979

    3.5 million people marched. I seriously doubt most of us would do it for less than about 10 bucks per hour (I know my soros contract is clear on the matter), so assuming 5 or so hours of work that day, that means that Soros wrote a check for $175,000,000 for one days worth of work.

    That’s not even counting the immigrant marches the following weekend.

    • Wellstone En Resistencia, Coño

      Soros never called me. I’ve had my Obamaphone turned on and fully charged at all times. When did they call? Shit, I could’ve gotten some cash and food stamps to buy cigarettes and lobster.

    • Rags

      Wait a minute! I was promised meal vouchers!!!

      • Jgb979

        They’re still at one world order illuminati headquarters (the basement of the UN of course)

      • OddMan

        And all I get is the meat sweats.

        Sorry, I’m a progressive.

        Sorry again.

  • Samantha Price
    • I don’t
      Edit: Also
      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Good fiction! Imagine, rich dude donates to politicians. AMAZING.
      When the global cabal comes I expect to get a penthouse, for sure.

    • HazooToo

      Who the fuck are you?

    • doktorzoom

      Oh, look, it’s spam! Bye!

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

      • Stulexington

        advertising a pyramid scheme in an article about accusations of paid to protest. Seems somehow fitting.

        • phoenix00

          Also AWESOME.

  • Begin Anew Day

    Ah! The secret backwards code message to be found in pop music has returned! So Beyonce is the latest one to dust that old chestnut off?

    How I miss those days when we would play Beatles records backwards late into the night because Charlie Manson told us to!

    So how do I open my CD player to twirl the disc backwards?

    Damn! Now it’s broken! Or is that how it’s supposed to work? Conspiracies and secret messaging is HARD!

    yrs truly,

    Tony Huffingpaint

  • Ilgattomorte

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but George Soros is blowing me right now, at this very moment, and I haven’t even started protesting yet. However, once I start protesting I can be guaranteed to make One Million, Billion dollars, in my first year (plus all of the blowjobs). So I guess I’ll have to start hating Trump even though he’s an ugly, stupid, racist, misogynistic, lying, sociopathic, blowhard with teeny, tiny hands. And you know how inherently lovable all of that is.

    It’s a pretty good gig.

  • AJ Milne

    Oh, it’s all been planned for years. Clooney, the Cohens, they’re all in on it…

    Seriously. ‘I Am A Man Of Constant Soros’ is actually an initiation hymn.

    … I’ll get my coat.

    • Riley Whodat Venable

      Winner.

  • Jeff Ackerman

    My union contract has a provision for full pay and benefits to protest, so there Sean Spicer!

  • Marla

    “…George Soros paying us all piles of cash to protest Donald Trump…”

    TRUE. Why since I’ve been protesting Trump, Soros paid off my college loans, bought me a brand new BMW, and furniture for my third mansion. It’s like having your own imaginary sugar daddy to go along with Trump’s imaginary Bowling Green massacres.

    • jeffwa

      You settled for a Beemer!?!?!? I got a Mercedes! Oh, and he didn’t just FURNISH my mansion. He bought me one!

      • Marla

        I failed to mention my first Trump protesting car Soros bought for me was a 1967 Shelby Roadster

        • jeffwa

          Ohhh Eleanor!
          I guess Eleaonor’s the coupe not the roadster.

  • stubbornirishlass

    Is Soros paying all of the international protesters, and also too John Bercow?

  • Nezrite

    Has anyone else noticed that Cheryl’s roommate isn’t showing up around here anymore to tell us about the $$$$$ she makes working from home? I bet I know what she’s doing these days – $ORO$ing it up!

    • Phoenixdoglover

      S’true. My girlfriend’s aunt’s stepson bought a Land Range Rover Rover with Soros cash. Now he’s cruisin’ to clubs with Lori.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        No wonder she has no time to post here.

      • r wood

        Can’t believe I settled for a keg of Beer.

  • darnyoudarnyoutoheck

    I have no idea why, but all your non comments have cheered me up immensely. Thanks wonketeers.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      The enthusiastic mockery of the Great And Powerful And Stupid always brightens a room and cheers up the audience.

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    Danny is just upset because it turns out that George Soros is the greatest job Creator God ever created and not him.

  • Meliflaw

    Of course George Soros pays me to attend rallies and marches, and make dozens and dozens of phone calls to D.C. Godfather George pays my grandkids in Brooklyn, too, who can now afford to buy extra-fancy markers to make their little signs.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Oh, George, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz….

    *forgive me, Janet*

    • Meliflaw

      “My friends all drive Hummers, I must make amends.”

    • phoenix00

      Mine got me home during a snowstorm, so don’t turn one down if offered.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Janet would, I think, approve.

      • r wood

        It’s Janis….. but you young whippersnappers have no sense of perspective or history.

        FWIW.. Trump “pays” his crowds but, the Checks are in Ruples and only cashable at a bank in St Petersburg.

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          I am teh OLDZ whippersnapper, but for the last few days I have been flying on Tylenol codeine and naproxen, and my already small brain is curled up in a corner watching the pretty colours go by…

  • It’sWhitneyBitch

    The denizens of the literal best podcast on earth, Who Weekly, have found Spicer’s Venmo account.

    Im not suggesting it would be funny if some of you ragamuffins descended on it and demanded payment for protest, gum, and Dippin Dots, but….

  • Kgprophet

    ..and I never got my newsletter “Liberal Traitor’s Monthly”. I need my orders from Mr. Soros on how to stop making this country great again.

  • Panika MCD

    a) if the worst that Sean Spicer has been subjected to is an SNL satirizing, he’s got it pretty good. though I guess his NDA includes not talking about the staff waterboardings they do on the Sabbath–LIKE JESUS WOULD DO!

    b) “I know you are, but what am I?” is not a good plan when the former is easy to disprove.

    c) Tucker, Tuckles, Tuckable…you know James O’Keefe, Joe Basel, Alex Jones and their acolytes are not growned ass men. of course they don’t have their wallets. their mommies have their wallets. that’s how they came up with the whole cuck thing in the first place.

    d) since when has Julian Assange been a National Treasure? he’s still Australian last time I checked. but maybe in alternative fact land, he’s a TRUE AMERICAN PATRIOT™.

    e) silly Wonkette, Tsarina Pee Party creates jobs, he doesn’t create pay checks.

  • jzj01

    There are paid agitators, if you are doing it for free, you may want to get your pay too.

    • Saxo the Grammarian

      Well, ma’am, I’m doing my protesting for America, and getting my beloved country back on a progressive track is my pay. Hard to believe, isn’t it?

      • Bongstar420

        Since they only vote for tax cuts and profits…yes. Very difficult to believe

        Well, gay abortions and illegal coloreds as well

    • Tiny kaiju

      Can you hook us up with a phone number or website address or do we have to find our protest paymaster by leaving notes in public bathrooms?

    • OddMan

      Not sure if your really think this or are just making a snarky comment and I can’t follow it.
      But in our world, no one was paid to demonstrate. But if you know of any alternative fact based realities where they are handing out good old Soros Gold clue us in.
      And if you are being snarky and I missed it.
      Never mind.

      • Bongstar420

        All liberals are getting paid to be liberals

        Why would anyone not be a con artist?

  • Sarah Balfour

    Do you think Uncle George’s generosity extends to A-Don-lf Twitler haters outside of the US? Coz I could really use a bit extra to subsidise the £800 (around $1,000) a month the government expects permanetly disabled, unable to work, people like me to live on. Every time I shop, my food bill is more expensive. Currently paying off an unauthorised overdraft that I begged and begged my bank to remove from my account, but it refused. I’m shite with money

    At least I’ve got a roof over my head (even if my living situation is shite) and that I don’t have to rely on housing benefit (whilst our MSM has been totally focused on the Manfant Terrible, the government snuck through housing benefit cuts that will render at least another 250k kids homeless, the majoriy according to the Child Poverty Action Group of infant and primary school age (2.5/3-11). And Brexit hasn’t even happened yet. I fear for the welfare state post-Brexit, the cunts will probably abolish it. I DON’T WANT *ANY* BREXIT!

    Sorry folks, that was selfish, I know there are many over there with problems too, but it’s 03:40 and I kinda get ranty when I’m awake at this time. I’m frustrated because my disabilities and situation make me impotent. Fuck all I can do to change my situation, let alone anyone else’s.

    Solidarity,

    SJ

  • Meliflaw

    Oh, damn, how I wish Jessica Mitford and her crony Molly Ivins were still with us. They would be having SO much fun. But at least we still have Fred Douglass to provide some snark.

  • Barb

    You don’t even have to march. He pays me to post comments.

    • OddMan

      Do you get the standard rates?
      $1 a word, 50 word minimum. Plus .1% fee increase for every 5 up votes on each comment.
      Hell my last good comment got me $142 and I may be able to get one of those Land Rovers that are so popular in another 100 comments.

  • Garbageman

    So, even if Uncle George paid us just 100 bucks apiece, which wouldn’t even cover a fraction of traveling expenses, that’d be a total of . . . oh man, dunno . . . I really suck at math , , ,

    • Stulexington

      Somewhere in the half billion range.

      • Garbageman

        It was a bad joke from me . . . but, um, yeah, a lot . . .

        • lowtechcyclist

          Now maybe if Google paid us all $97/hour to protest, we could go to work for them instead of that cheapskate Soros!

  • Phoenixdoglover

    In other news today, liberal activists announced March 17th as the date for a national sick-out and demonstration. The event, titled “No Soros Pay, No Soros Play” is a protest against the poor reimbursement practices of the notorious billionaire. Organizers also announced keynote speakers, including revived rap artist Frederick Douglass, and music by heavy metal supergroup, Spinal Tap.

    • ltmcdies

      held at the Bowling Green Memorial Garden and Waterpark, is it

      • OddMan

        Bowling Green . . . March 17th . . and “The Wearing of the Green”. It all comes together now. It’s those damn Irish.

  • Snopes Shop

    I’m in the hole over $1100 what with the DC march last month and now the DC march in April and the subsequent t shirt and sign makins’

  • ryp

    It would be hilarious if at the next big protest, Soros showed up and just started handing out twenties.

  • Brad H

    They haven’t figured out that Uncle George contacts us via psychic telepathy, and that’s how we all know where and when to show up?!?

  • phoenix00

    Organic Tea Party? You have any idea what kind of chemicals go into those?

  • Mehmeisterjr

    That Soros guy has a helluva nerve. How dare he survive the Holocaust?

    • Bongstar420

      But whats the worse is he pay liberals to protest in favor of raising his taxes

  • hvdv

    Oh, the poor thing.

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    It’s amazing that with all the unemployment that Trump alleges is out there, we didn’t have much LARGER protests. Where were all the downtrodden folks from the coal mines of Kentucky, and the rust belt?The Women’s March should have had 10 million protestors. Unless the coal workers just can’t imagine protesting for $15 per hour against their beloved Donald Trump.

  • marcus816

    Really enjoying that new Mercedes SUV! Thanks, George.
    Off to the White House to protest something! (Not sure just what yet.)

    • jbnorton

      You’ll get a text on your free Obamaphone about the cause du jour.

      • marcus816

        Oh goody! I like to stay current.

  • George Soros paid me to support his efforts in Congress to deregulate environmental laws and murder decent, law-abiding Christians with toxic waste. No, wait, I’m confused. That’s the Koch Brothers paying off the GOP in Congress. I protest because I passed science in 6th grade and understand human reliance on air and water.
    Culture of Life, Inc. Jesus wants them to poison you for more profits. You deserve it and they deserve it.

    • Suzie

      You gladly take Soros’ hourly rate because your welfare check only goes so far.

  • Riley Whodat Venable

    If you think this through, all of us protesting so we get our Soros Subsidy could be convinced with a better offer from Trump. I mean, Trump could pay me less than I’m getting if I could stay home. Pay me to not march.

    Of course this will never happen, the Trump business plan does not include paying the help.

  • Suzie

    Of course these leeches were paid. Do you think they would spend their own time/money traveling there?

  • Georgina Hall

    No one needs to pay me to protest an orange cheeto idiot with the vocab of a 3rd grader who can hardly read . Hard to believe I know but liars tend to get folks a little peed off . Who in the hell is George Soros anyway and who cares ! Dont bother I dont really care .

  • Bongstar420

    I thought they loved the “vote with your dollars” paradigm

    This is capitalism at its finest

  • READY2SCRAP

    Whoops
    I’m on the Wonkette
    LOL, BYE CUNTS…

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