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Don’t you want to phone chat with this guy?

Donald Trump got out his “president” phone last Saturday and used his tiny hands to dial the prime minister of “Australia,” a country that is highly over-rated and features kangaroos. Also it is one of America’s staunchest allies. So obviously the call did not go well, because Donald Trump is a fucking buffoon. Tell us, Washington Post, what had happened was?

It should have been one of the most congenial calls for the new commander in chief — a conversation with the leader of Australia, one of America’s staunchest allies, at the end of a triumphant week.

Hahahahaha, that is the lede. COULDA SHOULDA WOULDA! In other words, if ANY OTHER PERSON was president of America, it would have been all “G’day!” and “G’day back!” and they would have organized state visits and stuff. It’s AUSTRALIA, for god’s sake. But no:

Instead, President Trump blasted Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull over a refu­gee agreement and boasted about the magnitude of his electoral college win, according to senior U.S. officials briefed on the Saturday exchange. Then, 25 minutes into what was expected to be an hour-long call, Trump abruptly ended it.

Oh. For. God’s. Sake. According to WaPo, Trump said that out of all the phone calls that day, his Australian one was “the worst call so far.” And he even talked to Putin that day! Of course, for Trump, talking to Putin is basically phone sex (allegedly!), so we understand why he ranked that higher than Australia.

So what was up Trump’s ass? Apparently Dumb Barry Obama made some terrible deal (“the worst deal,” according to Trump) to accept some refugees from Australia, and Trump is a fucking racist who doesn’t like refugees. Here’s how Pussgrab tried to spin that Wednesday night on Twitter when this story came out:

Oh, Trump, let’s not pretend you have the attention span to “study” this, so we’ll CliffsNotes it for you: Bamz agreed to vet and accept 1,250 refugees, not illegal immigrants, REFUGEES. Those are actually different things.

WaPo reports Trump was joined on the call by President Steve Bannon, crazy pants National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, and walking diaper rash Sean Spicer, because who wouldn’t want to talk on the phone to all those human dental dams at one time?

According to the White House, Trump was very sweepy at the time:

He needed to be burped, his Pull-Ups were full of poo, and he wanted to watch Dora instead of talking to the yucky Australian foreign man. Happens to all toddlers and 45th presidents of the United States.

Also, the “end of a long day” was “at 5 p.m.” But Hillary Clinton died of rickets during the campaign. TWICE. So we dodged that bullet!

At least Trump didn’t threaten to invade Australia. He did that to Mexico.

President Donald Trump warned in a phone call with his Mexican counterpart that he was ready to send U.S. troops to stop “bad hombres down there” unless the Mexican military does more to control them — comments the White House described as “lighthearted.”

HA HA! Funny joke from man who might be mentally ill, who happens to have the American nuclear codes! HA HA!

“You have a bunch of bad hombres down there,” Trump told Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, according to the excerpt given to the AP. “You aren’t doing enough to stop them. I think your military is scared. Our military isn’t, so I just might send them down to take care of it.”

This call happened Friday, the day before the Australia phone call. We don’t know if Trump needed a nap or his daily spankings, or if he was in a good mood. We can confirm, though, that he was an idiot that day, because he’s an idiot every day.

Mexico denied that the conversation went so poorly, as did the White House originally, but as you can see in that statement above, America is now admitting that yes, dipshit said that stuff, but he was just fooling. And hey, maybe it WAS just a great big knee-slapper shared between two world leaders, neither of whom had just canceled a state visit to the other’s country THAT SAME WEEK over how one of them wants to make the other pay for a border wall between the two nations.

We don’t know how Trump would suggest taking care of the “bad hombres” in Mexico, or what his plan would be to weed out the rapists from the rest of the Mexican people — who are such good people, the best people, Trump loves the rest of the people so much he hires them to make taco bowls for him — but we imagine it’d probably be at least as good as his plan to take out ISIS. Or his Yemen raid.

Or his Black History Month speech.

We’re so fucked.

[Washington Post / AP]

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  • Vienna Woods

    I approve Shypixel’s message!! All the upfists!

    • Lizzietish81

      I DON’T LIKE CHANGE!

  • exinkwretch

    A modern parent would have a cookie and a juice box handy to tame tantrums, but Trumpie and his crew are old school. A good caning it is!

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    “Speak bigly and carry a tiny staff”
    — Not Teddy Roosevelt

    • calliecallie

      A tiny and incompetent staff.

      • An Outhouse for the Resistance

        an impotent staff.

        • AnnieGetYerFun

          It’s actually more of an inverted nipple.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            And probably bent when he has those rare chubbies because of the baldy medicine.

  • Snark Tank, Bad Hombre

    At least Trump didn’t threaten to invade Australia.

    It’s only Thursday. There’s still time.

    • suziq

      Probably scheduled for Friday night, as per usual. Or is there already some other deplorable thing scheduled?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      If we do, the intelligence, combat support, and logistics will suck and we’ll have our asses handed to us by wallabys.

      • aureolaborealis

        And wallabies are the Canadians of antipodean marsupials! If we got our shit at all together, they’d just deploy the red kangaroos and drop bears.

    • GoutMachine

      I think he didn’t because he’s afraid our troops will fall off the earth because they’re upside-down.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Also, too, he put Iran on double-secret probation!

  • ltmcdies

    all I can say is…America…you must be getting so tired of all this “winning”

    • Good_Gawd_Yall

      You have no idea.

    • Markuserektus

      We have extra. Want some?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I give up! Can we have some losing now, for a change of pace?

    • NastyBossetti

      Whenever I get tired of winning, I can just watch a Flyers game.

      • arglebargle

        Go Flyers! And take the Eagles with you.

      • ltmcdies

        you got nothing on the Maple Leafs, bud.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Best comments on the internet”? I’m boned.

    • laughingnome

      I know since Wonkette doesn’t allow comments.

    • Lizzietish81

      Actual thing Suttree has said to me “I post a bunch of stuff and get maybe five likes, YOU POST ONE THING AND GET FORTY!”

      • zerosumgame0005

        as FAUX says rating mean we ams the best!

      • Markuserektus

        Girls get more votes.

      • Nockular cavity

        You should say “I won the like war bigly. I’m the like machine. Suttree is failing. Sad!”

  • laughingnome

    I hope Trump never finds out about the Zimmerman Telegram.

  • Lizzietish81

    Didn’t he also yell at Japan?

    • GoutMachine

      Oh god. And he probably pinched his eyes while doing it.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        And pronounced his L’s as R’s.

  • Markuserektus

    Also too, Donnie threatened to cut UC Berkeley federal funds because Milo didn’t get to speak.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      The administration officials–who approved him as speaker and who expressed dismay after he was shouted down–are responsible for that because…?

      • Amy!

        Because they didn’t order campus police to (start and) keep shooting until the dissent, umm, died down?

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Easy. The bad hombres and rapists are the ones not doing business with Trump.

  • we’re still here

    He’s going to study the ‘dumb deal’, but knows it’s dumb before studying it. That’s dumb.

  • Given the history of the United States and Mexico, I can guarantee Mexico is not laughing off a US President threatening to send in the US Army.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      They’ve got bad hombres down there, you know.

    • Marla

      Certainly they are.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    I will study this dumb deal!

    So he still needs to study it, but he already knows it’s dumb because…

    …oh, right, because it was Obama’s plan.

    Yeah, I can’t wait to hear his grand plans to deal with the refugee crisis.

    • beingreleased

      People are wondering if Trump had ever heard about this refugee plan before he got on the phone. [spoiler: No]

  • NastyBossetti

    OT: My state senator has an idea about what Democrats should do with the supreme court nomination.

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      Interesting idea, though I’m not sure anything will work with Donald Trump. But saying “here are some picks from your side we will confirm–just don’t try to get a lunatic” would play well in the press, so there’s that.

    • puredog

      Reasonable, adult, statesmanlike, doomed approach. But good PR, maybe, just not with the people who need convincing.

      • NastyBossetti

        Dems need good PR with people who didn’t bother voting at all in the last election and are (hopefully!) now regretting it, and I think it could be helpful in that regard, even if it doesn’t work as a strategy to get someone more reasonable on the court.

  • WiscoJoe

    We’ve always been at war with Australia.

  • Sardonicuss

    “We’re so fucked.”
    Somehow, that sentence, though running through my head a thousand times a day, just doesn’t seem to do the situation justice anymore.

    • Chadwells

      I keep trying new ways to express that exact sentiment…but nothing says it better.

      • Sardonicuss

        Maybe with math: We are so exponentially fucked. Meh.

    • timpundit

      Hopefully, and this is silver lining talk, the mid terms can stanch the bleeding if Impeachment cannot heal us.

      • Historicat

        I doubt it. Plenty of time to kick voter-suppression into high gear.

        • timpundit

          You’re right. Might as well concede now and save the taxpayers the money and hassle.

          • Historicat

            Sorry – this didn’t just happen overnight. Voter rolls have been purged over several previous elections. But now the levers of power are all in the hands of people who DO NOT CARE about the law or what is right or our supposed ideals.

            By all means, fight. But simply expecting the mid-terms to be a major turnaround? Nope, not this time. Not unless massive efforts are put into getting voters out where it counts. And even that is only successful if those voters are allowed to actually cast ballots.

          • timpundit

            2 years from now is not “over night” , either.

            A massive effort to GOTV? Goodness what a shiny new idea you have there. have you told those in charge of the GOTV effort that GOTV is vital to victory?

            I don’t take predictions of impeachment or elections to heart anymore, nor should you, so “predicting” there will no “turnaround” is as stupid as predicting there will be one, for sure.

            The fact is the party out of the white house always does better. The fact that his approvals are in the tank now and probably will be is also a good sign. As are the executive orders. We’ll see, but it’s certainly much more likely than not that the dems will do quite well.

        • timpundit

          Well I doubt any of us can predict anything for sure, but the fact is the dems are better positioned for the mid terms now than they would have been had hillary won.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson
  • Markuserektus

    Fun fact: Bannon’s favorite book is Sun Tzu’s The Art of War…

    • zerosumgame0005

      pretty sure all he read was the title

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Agreed. It’s pretty obvious he didn’t grok anything in it.

        • Markuserektus

          He supposedly likes the secrecy and trickery. It explains Donnie’s first two weeks in office.

          • laughingnome

            Yeah, Bannon is employing some of the secrecy and trickery. But I don’t believe that’s the way the game should be played effectively in this modern world.

    • laughingnome

      I just read some of it the other night to try to get inside the head of the president. Trump definitely is not an acolyte. If Bannon is I think he’s overplaying his hand and will some battles but lose the wars.

      • Markuserektus

        I doubt Donnie is reading it.

        • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

          I doubt Donnie is reading it.

          FIFY

  • zerosumgame0005

    the new comment system could be fun! all new trolls to banhammer. and old ones to re-banhammer also to!

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    The Mexican authorities aren’t afraid, they’re being paid off by the cartels. Something a tight wad like Trump wouldn’t understand.

    • Ummm

      Trump got his start in redevelopment dealing with the NY Mob

      • msanthropesmr

        And his lack of payment is why he is beholden to Moscow.

    • Lizzietish81

      Paying for stuff? Losers.

    • Sardonicuss

      I wonder if there is a point at which the military would draw the line?
      Trump: Okay, I want to send 100,000 troops to Mexico.
      Joint Chiefs: Nah.
      Trump: You’re fired!
      Next Generals in line: Nah.
      Rinse repeat ….

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    I think Trumpus also had words at South Korea, too. Basically if you’re anyone except Russia Donnie T doesn’t like you….I wonder why (Moscovian Candidate, pee hookers)

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Other countries had better start sending their best pee hookers OR ELSE.

  • Bamz agreed to vet and accept 1,250 refugees

    Let’s not forget that this is an asshole who breaks business contracts all the time.

    Our allies are going to learn very quickly that the word of the United States means absolutely nothing for the next four to eight years.

    • moebym posted this

      NOT EIGHT PLEASE NOT EIGHT

  • Chyron HR

    Wednesday is “the end of the week” now? So not only does the President take the weekend off, he doesn’t show up for work on Thursday or Friday either?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      He works a George Jetson schedule, apparently.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Missed that. I was still pondering “triumphant.”

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Same here.

    • cmd resistor

      Actually the call was Saturday, but for some reason the real poop came out yesterday.

  • Asterix

    I just love how the only country he hasn’t managed to terrify, piss off and/or insult is Russia.

    How’s them congressional hearings going??

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      See the comment directly above yours.

  • Bill D. Burger

    And…it begins. Our unholy realignment…evidently!

    [U.S. eases some economic sanctions against Russia
    Doug Stanglin , USATODAY 12:29 p.m. ET Feb. 2, 2017
    Breaking News
    ( USA TODAY)
    The U.S. Treasury department on Thursday eased some economic sanctions against Russia, specifically licensing cyber-security sales to the Russian Federal Security Service, the successor to the KGB, according to official documents.

    The license, listed by the Office of Foreign Assets Control of the Treasury Department, covers “all transactions and activities” involving the FSB that were prohibited by an earlier executive orders.

    The initial sanctions, as imposed by President Obama in April 2015, were titled “Blocking the Property of Certain Persons Engaging in Significant Malicious Cyber-Enabled Activities.” That was further strengthened in December in an order entitled, “Taking Additional Steps to Address the national emergency with Respect to Signfiicant Malicious Cyber-enabled Activites.”]

    Wheew! Perhaps Russia will help us in our horrific struggles with Australia and Mexico!

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/02/02/us-eases-some-economic-sanctions-against-russia/97399136/

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    New commenting system, eh? The powers that be must have gotten tired of our bitching about Disqus.

    We’ll still be able to keep our avatars and usernames, right? And post images as well?

    • Martini Ambassador

      I think I must have missed the official notice on this. When is changeover scheduled?

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        IDK, but the announcement from SP is just above the comments. Look for the red background.

        • Martini Ambassador

          Thx! (Typically I just scroll right past that section because it’s all adverts)

  • memzilla Ω

    Let’s see… trying to think of who stands to gain from President* Puss Burglar pissing off all of our allies… thinking… thinking…

    • Resistance Fighter Callyson

      “And the best thing of all, we didn’t have to do anything to facilitate the total downfall of the United States as an economic power!”

      – China

      • moebym posted this

        Always wait for the enemy to destroy itself.

        ETA: Applies to the American Left, too.

        • puredog

          This adds a certain piquancy to the other commenter’s observation that “The Art of War” is Bannon’s favorite book.

      • msanthropesmr

        And this is the reason that every fuck up like this he makes makes me less worried. The robber barons will tolerate a lot, but they will not tolerate economic losses. He’s doomed himself.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Putin! It’s always Putin, probably Marine Le Pen too. Germanys new Nazi Party, Nigel Farage, Greece’s Golden Dawn Party…..ya know, worldwide fascism.

  • Chadwells

    Strap in folks….we are headed for war. It’s un-fucking-believable.

    Anyone who says otherwise…this is only his THIRTEENTH day!!!

  • Good_Gawd_Yall

    This fucknugget is going to get us all killed.

    • grindstone

      I bet it gets tedious typing that every freaking day. I’ll try to remember to take over for you tomorrow.

      • Up In Smoke O’hontas

        Macro.

  • GoutMachine

    Fatigue was setting in? Long day? Awwww, poor baby. Perhaps you don’t have the – what’s the word? – stamina to be president.

    • therblig

      stamina
      brains
      integrity
      right

  • goonemeritus

    It’ about time we get some pay back for those Australian bastards stuffing Mel Gibson down our throats.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Yes but they also gave us Naomi Watts and Nicole Kidman…Russell Crowe, too. Okay so 50% isn’t bad

    • Sardonicuss

      Rupert Fucking Murdoch

    • Kateaux

      Eh, in Mel’s case, they were just sending him back to the country of his birth, so you can’t really blame them.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    If we want a comic to just josh in the WH, why not Sarah Silverman?

  • WiscoJoe

    My parents left for Mexico this morning. In related news, my parents are now pretending that they’re Canadian.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      Oh, ya know, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Wisco and Canuckians talk pretty much too the same.
      Shit, I’ve been pretending I’m Canadian every night for the last two weeks just to get too to sleep.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Too many “shrimp on the barbie” jokes? Hey, we’ve all been there.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    It’s soon going to be easier to list the countries and groups Trump hasn’t pissed off yet.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Pissing off Australia is a real accomplishment. I mean, they are pretty much just like us ‘murkins, only slightly drunker and with better accents, and fewer guns.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Perth, for example, reminds me of LA. Very similar climate, laid back people, noisy freeways.

  • calliecallie

    If he invades Mexico, I will have to scrap my plan to move there when I leave Trumplandia.

    • Mavenmaven

      Given how he runs operations, if he invades Mexico it may be the safest place to be.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    Sure, we’re all up in arms about the nonchalant threats of invasion, but bragging to the Australian PM about his electoral college win is the real WTF tidbit. I mean, yeah, it’s Trump, I expect he’ll be bragging about this on his death bed, but still, it’s just plain weird.

    • GoutMachine

      He probably couldn’t think of anything else to say. I’m surprised he didn’t say how much he liked the Alps and schnitzel.

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    He should have yelled at Australia for foisting Fosters off on us.

  • Vicious Babushka

    Such low energy. No stamina. Sad!!!!

  • timpundit

    Why not piss off two of our allies, one sharing a border with us. Sounds like solid international policy for someone who does want the world to burn.

    • kareemachan

      I’ve said this before, but I am MORE than concerned about what this is doing to our relationships with other countries. We’re pissing off our should-be allies, and the others are taking notes on how damned easy it is to needle him into some moronic action.

      • fishslappingdancer

        Yes, most Heads of State are intelligent, experienced and have expert advisers. They’ll run rings around him.

  • Mavenmaven

    They say Kushner was on the call as well, so much for his “moderating influence”.

  • Martini Ambassador

    The call with Pootypoot was also not recorded, a nice breach of protocol. Not that we should be worried about that or anything.

    http://usuncut.com/world/trump-putin-call-recording/

    • cmd resistor

      I did wonder why we didn’t hear much about that call, after all the hype leading up to it. So, does that tape recorder lady who worked for Nixon still work at the White House?

  • SnarkON

    You’re next, Canada, you warmongering bastards.

    • Lizzietish81

      Canada is so polite though they’ll probably break him.

      • Vienna Woods

        You Yankees tried to invade us twice (and gave the Fenians a hand a couple of other times, also, too). We can be plenty polite with a Brown Bess pointed at ya. https://i.ytimg.com/vi/KDMXnsw7YMw/maxresdefault.jpg

        • OneWhiteWhisker

          Yeah, send him on over. I hear he wants to renovate the White House anyways.

          • georgiaburning

            Leave it alone just to spite him, burn his place in Florida instead. You already have the snowbird militia in place

      • SweetDeeKat

        Yeah, I dunno. I’ve seen photos of Canadian Special Forces. I would not want to fuck with people who grin as they chase you down in sub-zero temps.

        • Lizzietish81

          It IS also where Wolverine AND Deadpool are from

    • Bill D. Burger
    • ltmcdies

      Oh I know…I figure the only reason we’ve been “spared” so far is Trump doesn’t actually know where we are

  • Mavenmaven

    With all of Trump’s views on the world coming from a long time ago, perhaps this is how he sees Australia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghCTZF61ey0

    • Proud Liberal

      OMG. Hilarious!

    • Shibusa

      Well, Steve Bannon did make his fortune off of “Seinfeld” reruns.

  • BigBoppa ~ Résistant

    “[Trump] was just joshing”.

    Is that another way of saying “grabbing by the pussy”?

  • laughingnome

    So when are we banning Australians?

  • beingreleased

    “HA HA! Funny joke from man who might be mentally ill, who happens to have the American nuclear codes!”

    I’m only very worried about this instead of extremely worried because I seriously doubt Trump would be smart enough to use the codes correctly. I mean, I’d be willing to give him the combination to my gym locker, because I don’t think he could work the lock.

  • DerrickWildcat

    NO BLOOD FOR TIM TAM!

  • Chyron HR

    Come on, Australia, what’s the point of electing Malclom Tucker to be your president if he isn’t going to call Trump back and yell, “Hey, King Ralph, are you so fucking stupid you can’t even use a phone, or were your wee shitey hands too small to work the buttons properly?!”

  • Creepoman

    Pssst . . . . Hey, Justin – if you get a call with a 202 area code, don’t answer!

  • Shibusa
  • timpundit

    I suppose a best 2 out of three games of Knifey-Spooney is out of the question now.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    Before Saturday, Donald thought Sydney Australia was an exotic dancer from Vegas.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Thunder Down Under libelz!!1!1!

  • kareemachan

    Totally O/T: I was channel-surfing last night, and $arah was on The Match Game.

    I watched maybe one minute and surfed some more. THAT VOICE…. THAT MIND…. ARGGHHHHH!!!!

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Was she auditioning for the role of Dumb Dora?

      • timpundit

        References for the oldz, I love you.

      • zerosumgame0005

        she does make Dory seem super-smart

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Was she there to put the cards in?

  • arglebargle

    I can hear Donald now. “We’re gonna send some troops down there to beat your ass just like Davey Crockett did at the Alamo. Or was that Fredrick Douglas?”

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    Oh, wow. Paul Ryan is telling whoppers again.
    https://twitter.com/CNNPolitics/status/827196341763850243

    • GoutMachine

      Protip, Paul: If you have to keep repeating “This is not a Muslim ban” …

    • Crank Tango

      A brave stance.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Wonkette does not allow comments. If it did, I would be commenting.

    • Nockular cavity

      Look, just tell us when he tells the truth, OK? That’ll be news.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      I had a book I scrounged from my Dad’s old college collection, “Animals Without Backbones.” It had a middle section of photos. Something reminded me of that. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/be752867ed2f630772b42a9be66711ea364107228dcaabc08586659b4f5a489a.jpg

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Must.Again.Control.Fist.of.Votes

    • cmd resistor

      Definition of shifty-eyed liar. I am sure he was never successful trying that look on his mom.

  • Chadwells

    Seems like they are trying to distract the country away from being unable to repeal Obamacare.

    Just a thought.

    Haven’t heard anything about that in a while.

  • DerrickWildcat

    Australian is the worst language. A’s sound like I’s and I’s sound like A’s. Their slang words sound like baby talk and their pitch raises at the end of sentence so every thing they say say sounds like a question.

    • Martini Ambassador

      See, THIS is what Derr Drumpfalot should have led with. That stuff about his “historic” inauguration numbers is not that interesting to non-US folks.

    • george gonzalez

      Could be worse. I once rented my house to some New Zealand professor type of guy. The e’s were like awwws and he drove a Hillman Minx. And don’t get us started about those “haiches”.

  • Phoenixdoglover

    Donald: I don’t like that guy. He spoke funny.
    Steve: He’s Australian, Donald.
    Donald: They’re like Germans, right? That explains it.
    Steve: Well, maybe no harm done. Say, did you send some tweets?
    Donald: No!
    Steve: Kellyanne, what did I tell you about Donald and his phone?
    Kellyanne: Sorry Steve, I thought he was just taking a leak.

  • Crank Tango

    I don’t believe this happened. IRL, he would have bragged to the Australian PM about how much better his Apprentice ratings were than Arnold’s.

    • Nockular cavity

      “Schwarzenegger’s from your country, right?”
      “Um, no, he’s…”
      “He’s a loser. Sucks at The Apprentice. My ratings were much better!”

    • cmd resistor

      I did read he bragged about his Electoral College win on this call.
      ETA: Ooops, missed that this was actually in the article.

  • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

    OT: Spicey on TV looking calling out for lifeline help.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Don’t be rude. His nickname is Sphincter.

  • JohnBull

    Dear Australia,
    I pray that you ban this asshole from your country until the end of time. Maybe you should consider a litmus test for his voters, too. You really don’t want them fucking up another good country.

    • shivaskeeper

      Invite him in. Drop him in the Outback where pretty much everything, even the trees, are lethal. Then they can “try” to find him, but alas he would have been eaten by a Koala.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        The Donald could use a little Walkabout.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      We could just about balance the budget with all the money we’ll save from foreign trips Trump won’t be able to take because no one will allow him in their country.

  • Suse

    Spicer is saying the call with the PM was cordial and Dumbo has great respect for him and the Australian people.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Sure, Sean, tell us another lie!

  • Crystalclear12

    Oh Gawd, we are the crazy neighbor everyone avoids and eventually calls social services on.

    • NastyBossetti

      I’m ready for social services to remove me from this situation!

  • laughingnome

    Spicer is being an idiot right now.

    • Vienna Woods

      Evergreen comment, right there.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      In other breaking news, the sun rose in the East this morning.

    • Suse

      He always looks like he’s rubbed ground glass into his eyeballs.

      • Bad Tom

        That’s his job.

    • shivaskeeper

      Is he ever anything else?

    • dxyseilc of the rstesinace

      Spicer is being an idiot right now.

      FIXED

      • Villago Delenda Est

        a idiot. Style protocol.

    • Is it one of those days ending in Y then?

  • Nockular cavity

    So, who are we at war with today?

    • laughingnome

      Who aren’t we at war with today?

    • dxyseilc of the rstesinace

      Common sense and decency?

    • BrianW

      We are at war with Mexistralia. We have always been at war with Mexistralia. If you say otherwise, it’s a thoughtcrime.

      • Bad Tom

        I always thoughtcrimed that was odd.
        Shouldn’t it be a speakcrime?
        If I kept my mouth shut (which is unpossible,) it would be a thoughtcrime.

        • BrianW

          No, the Richard Burton version was on the other night and they explained it. To even think it is the crime, so speech is not necessary.

          • Bad Tom

            Oh, I know that.
            But, why isn’t speechcrime a worse offense?
            ——-
            But that would imply that thoughtcrime made sense!
            My bad thoughtcrime.

          • BrianW

            Exactly! Now, off to the Minluv basement with you.

  • shivaskeeper

    What’s the current invasion total? Mexico for sure, Iran because why not, Yemen because Flynn wants boots on the ground, and possibly Oz because DJT was tired and cranky. Have I missed any?

    • Picabo

      You missed Chicago.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Nah. He’s secretly afraid of screwing with Chicago.

        • Suttree

          But the big time thug gang leaders want to meet with him! If we can’t believe some crazy black republican, who can we believe?

        • Celtic_Gnome

          They’ll send deep dish pizza to the White House, and Donnie can’t handle that shit with his tiny, tiny hands.

    • canes_pugnaces

      Pretty sure Jina is in on there, too.

    • Markuserektus

      UC Berkeley…

      • Bad Tom

        Don’t forget Chicago!

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Iraq again, ‘cuz we should’a taken the oil the first time.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Probably Rand McNally because some cheeky bastard keeps insulting Trump by writing “Turkey” on Donnie’s maps and misspelling China- it’s Gy-na!!! Gy-na!!!

  • The last 14 days have been the longest 14 days of my life and I have lived through some seriously bad shit. Somebody please stop this ride, I want to get off!

  • Suttree

    So why would he be so angry at Malcolm for a deal that Obama made? Don’t answer that. The last time I hung up on someone was a drunken fight with an ex-gf, and this is supposed to be the President? Fuck every asshole who voted for this piece of shit.

  • WomanInTheResistance

    I take it I’m not alone in being terrified by all of this.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Well, as long as our allies continue to write him off as an oaf, a lout and a buffoon it’s slightly less terrifying.

      • WomanInTheResistance

        That is not helpful.

        • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

          I’m sorry. I think I’m low on helpful things today. I’ll go check ship’s stores to see if we have more.

  • DerrickWildcat

    The whole place was invented by rapists and prostitutes.

  • calliecallie

    America is being run by a gang of ill-mannered 12 year old boys.

    • Suse

      Who set fires and torture cats, no doubt.

    • aureolaborealis

      A senile narcissist and an angry, bitter drunk.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        Are those two people, or one?

    • grindstone

      As the proud mother of a sometimes ill-mannered 13-year-old boy, I object. My son is appalled at our politics at this time. He thinks racists are dicks.

  • Anna Rompage

    It took G W Bush nearly 3 years to soil the relationships we had with our most staunch allies, where as it’s only taken Trump 12 days….

    Can;t wait to see what’s next…

  • canes_pugnaces

    There is a tiny little speck on the horizon? Can you see it? It’s marked on the map: The 25th Amendment. And it’s getting closer. The question is, can we also send all of the rightwing zealots into space at the same time. More oxygen for the rest of us.

    • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

      You’ve got to get the VPOTUS and half the cabinet to declare President incapacitated. If POTUS disagrees, Congress must decide.

      • canes_pugnaces

        I think the GOP will all agree. In Trumpese, he’s hurting their brand…

  • NotDarkYet

    DT: “I carry twenty-three great wounds, all got in battle. Seventy-five men
    have I killed with my own hands in battle. I scatter, I burn my enemies’
    tents. I take away their flocks and herds. The Turks pay me a golden
    treasure, yet I am poor! Because *I* am a river to my people!”

    • aureolaborealis

      Donald of Arabia.

  • Suttree
  • Hairstrike Alpha

    That’s it, Trump has had all he can stand from Iceland. Go fuck yourselves, Iceholes!

  • Jennifer R

    Just gonna say: As the president one is not allowed to be tired.

  • Roadstergal

    Hey, remember when Hillary was grilled by a hostile committe for days upon days, and didn’t storm off in a huff like a jilted teenager?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    Spicer says Trump is “extremely upset” that “the previous administration” made “dumb deal” to accept refugees. Imagine how upset President Warren is going to be at the shit Trump is spraying all over America’s standing in the world.

    • laughingnome

      But then he said the Obama administration came up with the plan for the raid on ISIS in Yemen, which was a success.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Two lies, two lies, two lies in one!

  • Suse

    I hate you, Sean. You’re an asshole.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s a pathologically lying asshole. Bonus points!

  • azeyote

    i traveled through europe and central america a lot during the nixon, and then the reagan years and was amazed that no matter how disliked our government and american uppity attitudes in general were, people were accepting of individuals – i wonder how it is now

    • laughingnome

      I will be testing that this summer in Europe.

      • fishslappingdancer

        Don’t tell them you are American and stop being the loudest person in the room. They’ll accept you for who you are.

    • Sardonicuss

      I had a buddy who worked for an airline and traveled abroad quite a bit during the Bush era. He showed me his travel wardrobe.
      A maple leaf t-shirt for warm climates…A maple leaf jersey for the colder ones.

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Here at 58 East Longitude, this is a well known tactic.

      • cmd resistor

        Garrison Keillor had a nice column right after Obama was elected or inaugurated about how you could take those maple leaves off your luggage when travelling.

    • Crank Tango

      I used to frequent an arab sandwich shop outside of paris during the 2nd gulf war in 2003.

      The dude said things were fine under clinton, but bush was shit. Meanwhile, most americans didn’t even know where France was much less who the leader was.

    • Suttree

      My father’s world travels during the Bush years were the same. He says travels during Obama were even better. His school’s exchange program with Russia was cut off when Putin came to power.

  • DerrickWildcat

    The only good thing from outta there is that Outhouse Steakhouse place.

    • Shan

      And Clementine Ford

  • Picabo
    • I feel like they’re lying when they say that Joe Hockey is the AUSTRALIAN ambassador…

    • Antonin Dvorak

      Australia’s ambassador to the US, Joe Hockey

      Who did they send to be ambassador of Canada?

      • Phoenixdoglover

        Bob Curling?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Walt 52-Card-Pickup

      • Sekhmet1

        Yep, that’s his real name (and he’s a bit of a dickhead). He famously said when he was Treasurer that “poor people don’t have cars, or if they do they don’t drive very far” and was filmed smoking cigars and dancing after handing down a brutal budget involving massive cuts to welfare and essential services. He did such a crap job that when Turnbull replaced Abbott and reshuffled his Cabinet, he gave Hockey the ambassadorship as a way to get him our of Parliament.

        • Antonin Dvorak

          Thanks for filling me in. Too bad he is a complete ass; I was secretly hoping he was as cool as his name.

    • puredog

      I love that Ahnuld offered to trade jobs with Drumpf so that people could “sleep comfortably again.”

  • Come on, if he hired an actual Mexican to make his taco bowls, they probably would suck a LOT less.

  • mfp

    ‘walking diaper rash’…..’human dental dams’…bwaaaahahahahahaaaa, evan you’re killin it this a-m…if i could laugh this much every morning, it’s almost possible that i wouldnt fucking hate mornings!

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Cracked had an article about patriotic corporate PR efforts that went bad, and they referred to 45 as “a quasi-sentient whoopee cushion with the contents of a Roomba bin for hair”.

      • mfp

        wow…that’s just…wowsa…imma stealin that

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Bannon sez we’ll be at war with China within 5-10 years.

    • laughingnome

      No, he meant hours.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Did he use the words “or die trying”?

    • Crank Tango

      Sounds about right. Ban a billion people and start a war with a billion others. Anything we can start beef with India over?

      • Suttree

        Not enough hamburgers. Completely UnAmerican!!!!!!! I can’t wait for a Bollywood dance number that makes fun of him to go viral.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        just threaten to eat their beef- they’re not big on the whole cooking cows thingy

    • boyblue122

      because Korea and Vietnam worked out so well, why not instigate a war with a much larger country

      • JMP

        With nukes.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          and a billion plus in cannon fodder

      • Shan

        “start a beef with India”

        ISWYDT

    • AppleJackie

      What was the thing about land wars in Asia? Oh well. We’re well and truly fucked.

    • Lizzietish81

      chee, and all those Trumpers were going on about how Clinton was a war mongerer who wanted to start shit with Russia.

      • Crank Tango

        Mehh heeeh do you want another coooold war?

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      I suggest we give him a horse that can carry him and a lance and let him lead the charge of the not-so-light-brigade.

    • JMP

      He said that we are already at war with China; we have always been at war with China.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        just east china

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Bannon’s liver will finally explode in 5-10 days…

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Good, he can lead a battalion of ground troops. Also, he should wear a giant arrow pointing at his head.

    • HazooToo

      They really are doing their best to make the Fallout Alternate Timeline a reality.

    • JohnBull

      He and his supporters are going to get off their scooters and head for the recruiting offices then.

    • Bad Tom

      Bannon’s liver won’t be alive in 5-10 years.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    Chewy Chewgumma is an Orbitz shitting lying asshole….

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I never liked Australia. Gravity is upside down there! You have to walk on your hands. It makes it tough to grab women by the pussy! And that’s not Fake News!”
    — Donald Trump

  • boyblue122

    Parts of Drumpf’s border wall will be ‘transparent’

    Cant make this stuff up

    https://twitter.com/allegrakirkland/status/827211051703877637

    • beingreleased

      The Emperor’s New Wall.

    • Suttree

      That’s where the strippers dance.

    • laughingnome

      So the wall won’t be a wall except for where it is a wall.

    • DerrickWildcat

      So you can see the sharks in the moat.

      • boyblue122

        but do those sharks have freakin laser beams on their heads

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        unless they’re invisible too…

    • Suse

      Not too long ago “they” said it wouldn’t ‘be an actual wall, but a virtual wall.”

      • boyblue122

        next thing theyll take credit for the wall thats already up

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          they already are

          • boyblue122

            figures as much

        • Villago Delenda Est

          20 foot wall: $15 billion.
          21 foot ladder: $15

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        the Boeing boondoggle that doesn’t work worth a shit when it rains or in hilly areas

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Too bad there are so many hilly areas along the border…

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            and a rainy season

          • LucindathePook

            Which make it perfectly easy to build walls on them.

      • AJ Milne

        … also, the Mexicans will pay with virtual money.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      It’s so Trump can see who the 10s are for a little pussy banditry….

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Unlike humans, Mexicans have dichromatic vision and poor depth perception, making them susceptible to virtual walls, cattle guards, and “tunnel” entrances painted on canyon walls. Science fact.

      • boyblue122

        wily e coyote libelz

      • Tom Krueger

        Add to that description; inability to form an educated opinion, IQ scores lower than possumeses and propensity to follow large groups of small furry animals off the nearest cliff and you have a Trump VOTER…

      • Yr. Gma

        When I was a kid, I was mystified by those painted-on cattle guards. I thought no cow was so stupid as to fall for that. I pestered my grandpa with questions like “If they think it’s real, is that because then stepped on real one before? If they stepped on a real one, didn’t they break their leg and get shot? If they got shot, how did they see the fake one painted on the road?” Grandpa said, “Cattle are stupid.” I have the same feelings now when discussing Thump voters.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      So easy to disrupt. Of course, the important thing here is some contractor will be able to buy a Caribbean island with the grift.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        think of the profit margin if you don’t have to buy or do a thing- just point to a huge expanse of dirt and say “See? It’s an invisible wall!”

        • LucindathePook

          Crest toothpaste used to have an (tap,tap) invisible shield. Maybe we can get some of those.

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      THOSE INVISIBLE MEASURES ARE ALREADY THERE. Goddammit, I cross the Mexican border several times a year at Lukeville, AZ. There are ground sensors, drones and I think even satellites track vehicles crossing into the U.S. In addition to a wall that already stretches as far as the eye can see in either direction. THAT STUFF IS ALREADY IN PLACE.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Very expensive, and not terribly effective.

        • WotsAllThisThen

          Good at detecting movement. The problem is when you detect something, you have to send someone.

          • Yr. Gma

            Quick! Illegal jack rabbit!

          • AJ Milne

            (Also, be vewy vewy quiet.)

    • Swampgas_Man

      So he can just leave empty space, put up a sign that says THIS IS A WALL, and everybody will fall for it!

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Just as long as they install the toll booths that require dimes.

      • Bad Tom

        EXACT CHANGE ONLY!!!

    • btwbfdimho
    • chortlingdingo
      • chortlingdingo

        This isn’t even the wiggliest bit of the TX border, either.

    • Yr. Gma

      It’s a magic wall. How’s that working for you, mouth breathers?

    • Tom Krueger

      Really wish his supporters could start seeing through him!

    • Bad Tom

      Transparent, as in “invisible.”
      ——-
      Invisible, related to “non-existent.”

  • Suttree

    Breaking: Treasury is going to allow companies to do business with the FSB.

  • JMP

    I can’t believe he actually said “bad hombres” to the President of Mexico. That’s just beyond stupid and offensive.

    • Jennifer R

      Supposedly he also slurred it to sound like he was saying “bad hungers” instead of “bad men”

    • therblig

      nieto reportedly practicing the pronunciation of “douchebros”

      • Villago Delenda Est

        If he says that too loud, he’ll be flooded with MRAs.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        If he spent any time at all in Cabo he’d know that already.

    • Suse

      Like calling a French waiter “Garçon.” It means boy.

    • OneYieldRegular

      If on Twitter he could have drawn a cartoon of a “hombre” in a sombrero and poncho dozing under a palm tree, he would have done it.

    • Swampay

      Mexico should get the Frito Bandito on his ass.

    • arensb

      Hey, it’s not as if he greeted the president of Liberia in blackface… yet.

  • Jennifer R
    • Antonin Dvorak

      The 20 targets include many of the districts where Democrats hoped to unseat Republicans last year — including suburban districts in California, Minnesota, Pennsylvania and Colorado. But they are also going into districts represented by veteran GOP lawmakers — such as Reps. John Abney Culberson (Tex.), Peter J. Roskam (Ill.), Edward R. Royce (Calif.) and Pete Sessions (Tex.) — who did not face a strong 2016 challenge but where Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton ended up beating Trump.

      Good.

  • Chadwells
  • Swampay

    Note to idiot: If we accept them, they aren’t “illegal” immigrants at all. Pizdets!

    (you gotta watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjkaYF49dd0 – Pussy Riot on 5 russian words we need to learn in the new regime)

    • JohnBull

      What about blyad’?

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Is “vodka” one of them? Because I already know that word.

      • Swampay

        Pizdets!

  • btwbfdimho
  • Nasty Candy Apple

    But I thought you said the Iran deal was the worst deal ever, Donald.

    • DahBoner

      Who did it worster?

    • Master Contrail Program

      Please. That was like 280 characters ago.

  • Master Contrail Program

    A dingo ate my dignity.

  • aureolaborealis

    This new reality show we can’t look away from is kind of like It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, minus the intelligent, self-aware, sympathetic characters.

  • Proud Liberal

    Meanwhile, in other news:

    “Gorsuch in His Youth: ‘Fascism Forever'”

    http://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/gorsuch-his-youth-fascism-forever

    • MynameisBlarney

      That alone should have him removed from the bench.

    • Suttree

      Something something youthful indiscretion.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        but Obama smoked pot!!1!11!!

        • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

          I distrust anyone who didn’t smoke pot while in school. Bill, you inhaled.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      Color me surprised. While that Ginsburg nomination got kibboshed in the 90’s for smoking weed, today’s senate will see teen Gorsuch’s club as verifiable bona fides

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Alas, too true. It may take measures not approved by the Commenting Rules for Radicals to deal with these assholes.

        • snark-lurker

          i ben thingin the thame thing

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      The pic of a high schooler relaxing, wearing a white shirt and tie conflicts with my Bob Marley tee shirt wearing remembrances at that time of my life.

    • OneYieldRegular

      The words in that article that fairly leap off the page are “elite all-boys Jesuit prep school.”

  • DahBoner

    “You call that a dick? Ha! Let me show you a REAL dick”
    –Crocodile Dundee

    • Notreelyhelping

      And then the conversation ended early.

  • Mavenmaven

    …as good as his plan to take out ISIS. Or his Yemen raid. Or his Black History Month speech. Or his National Prayer Meeting speech this morning…

  • Zippy W Pinhead
    • Suttree

      Whatever John, go fuck yourself.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        as much as I despise the man, right now we need him

        • Nasty Candy Apple

          Half the time he enables this bullshit. You can’t trust him to do the right thing.

          • Zippy W Pinhead

            I said need, not trust, lol. Walnuts is my senator, I know full well how full of shit he is. But I’ll take his help anytime I can

        • Suttree

          We do. I just don’t trust him to do the right thing. no matter how grouchy he is before that.

        • Phoenixdoglover

          Egggggggsactamundo. He’s one of “mine”. I’m sending him love notes every day now. As my mom said, “Beggars can’t be choosers.”

          Today, it was a big thank you for his statement on Australia, and a reminder that the evidence is piling up that the US a year from now looks really grim.

    • msanthropesmr

      Yep. Every day we get closer to 25. The GOP knows that this is unsustainable. The question is when they pull the plug. My guess is after the confirmation of what’s his name, not Merrick garland.

    • ltmcdies

      hey McCain….cleaning up Trump’s mess will be a full time job from now on….hope you’re up to it

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        If I was a POW & a draft dodger insulted my service to my country, I don’t think I’d be as supportive as ol’ Johnny Boy here.

  • mardam422

    Yeah, like there won’t be anymore long days for the fucking President of the United fucking States!!!1 So there’s that.

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Weekend’s coming up. Gotta get back up to the Tower and have a little sweaty time with Melania.

      • ltmcdies

        eeewwwhhhhh…..says Melania

        • Villago Delenda Est

          My thought prezactly.

      • Yr. Gma

        I wonder if she’ll let him in.

        • Lizzietish81

          “Donald? I don’t know a Donald. Go away before I call police!”

          Or he’ll come back to an empty penthouse as she’s escaped to South America

      • Terpsichord

        People say she makes shopping lists in her head while they are doing it. But then again, who among us doesn’t do that?

      • Bitter Scribe

        What are you trying to do, make us all sick?

        • Notreelyhelping

          Particularly Melania.

      • Kateaux

        Poor Melon. She’s getting a bit long in the tooth by Drumpf’s standards. She’d best be careful. (It’s not like Donnie’d care how it might look for him to become the first Prez to get divorced while in office.)

  • Master Contrail Program

    Not surprising in the slightest that data-mining while providing a product that works 50% of the time, sometimes, just wasn’t enough for ol’ Disgust.

  • MynameisBlarney
    • Villago Delenda Est

      The puppeteer doesn’t want a paper trail. Or an audio recording trail. It might result in self-indictment of crimes.

      • Mike Steele

        Which seems to be why they’re all still maintaining personal/campaign accounts which needn’t be turned over for official records. So much for ‘but the SERVER!’.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Wasn’t there another guy who deleted recordings? Oh no, that’s right, he had his secretary do that… Trump claimed Jackson as inspiration? Nah. Pretty sure it was Nixon.

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        Oh, hell, Nixon was a fair-minded, brilliant statesman compared to this shitshow. Nixon was a functional person, a hardworking, trained lawyer, someone who fully understood governance, who also opened trade with a former deadly enemy (China), which was an astonishing achievement, and CREATED the EPA. Undone by his pathological paranoia and bitterness. There’s no comparison. Trump is so heinously, catastrophically awful that he is even making this old lefty Berkeley hippie, who demonstrated in the streets against Nixon, look back on Nixon approvingly. That’s how bad he is. Trump is Caligula. An insane, sociopathic, demented madman.

  • Chadwells

    So we can’t filibuster. We can’t boycott voting. We can’t demand answers.

    But…these midget dick fucking morons can.

    “GOP pushes back final DeVos vote until Monday”

    http://thehill.com/homenews/senate/317563-gop-pushes-back-final-devos-vote-until-monday

    • Nasty Candy Apple

      Good, let them own all of this.

  • anon_the_great

    1,250 refugees, not illegal immigrants.

    There is no difference twixt the two to a stone cold racist

    Un-Fck you Cheetolini and Steve ‘Immanent Zipper Club Member’ Bannon. May your genitals become even more flaccid and disappointing than they already are.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      That’s pretty damn flaccid and disappointing.

      • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

        They’re the MOST flaccid and disappointing EVER!! MAGA!!!

    • Phoenixdoglover

      Upvote for flaccid.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      It kind of seems like, even if they were at some point “illegal,” once a president says “come on down!” they automatically become “legal.” But I’m no semanticist.

  • Swampay

    I probably shouldn’t let myself get FUCKING ENRAGED by the idiocy of Trump and others like him being upset about drug gangs and violence emanating from south of the border. Don’t they know that it’s because those countries are fighting OUR drug war? It’s like Capone in the 30’s, except it’s not on our property so it’s invisible.

    Let’s spell it out. The street price of drugs is VASTLY higher than the production cost. Even after adding in the costs of illegality (paying off police and govt figures, fighting with competing gangs, losses due to police interdiction, etc) it’s immensely profitable. It’s bad enough in a rich country like ours, but in a poorer country the amounts of money the criminals have to bribe, cajole, and even war on their own countries is overwhelming. A cop who’s paid in not-very-many-pesos is going to be a lot easier to bribe than a cop who’s paid in dollars.

    Police departments and even parts of government are corrupted into the drug trade. Warfare litters the streets with the bodies of competing gangs, journalists, police & government figures, and the innocent. Lots of innocent.

    All because we want their drugs and are willing to pay high prices for them. It’s OUR problem, exported to them. And some of it gets exported back.

    Then along comes Tina (I can’t type the name, he’ll have to be Tina from now on). “How dare you export part of our problem back to us! We should send our soldiers down there!”

    (The answer, of course, is decriminalization. But that’s another rant.)

    • Yr. Gma

      Tina. I like it.

  • Master Contrail Program

    Is this how Trump Foster’s relationships with our allies?

    It’s Australian for smear.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I thought that was Vegemite.

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    Here we are nearing the end of week 2. To recap: he has gutted ACA, taken women’s choice back to the 1950’s, banned an entire religion from our country, threatened Iran & Mexico, insulted Crocodile Dundee…I’m sure I’m missing something. It’s been a whirlwind of a shitstorm.

    • Proud Liberal

      And it all began with Russian hacking.

    • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

      And only HE can save the Celebrity Apprentice ratings.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Right! That too… I liked Arnold’s reply. At this point, he might actually be a better choice :(

        • Unpresidented_in_Seattle

          And the Black History kickoff where the mention of MLK was limited to CNN lying about the location of the MLK bust. He did stop short of saying he had better ratings than ‘The Jeffersons’

        • CatCafe de la Resistance

          Yes, we’ve actually come to the point where I’d be perfectly happy to have Ahhnold as president, and we had to endure him for years here in CA. He is at least sane. And competent.

    • Up In Smoke O’hontas

      But he resurrected Fredrick Douglass, so that’s something.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        That is something!

    • Sandy Beaches

      Imagine if he worked for longer than 8 hours a day, five days a week.

      • MeerkatsRMammals

        Nope. No thanks. He’s cool to sit around & watch Faux News or cartoons.

  • HazooToo

    So when do we start developing the FEV? I know it came after the war with China and before the 2 hour nuclear apocalypse, but I can’t remember if it was before or after America was infected with the illness that enhanced paranoia and delusions. It’s been a while since I’ve studied the Fallout wiki.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Just before hanging up, Trump yelled something about why he should even listen to Australia since they had just completely capitulated to Hitler in the Anheuser-Busch or whatever it was called, and that they’d be hearing from Frederick Douglass about it.

  • onedollarjuana

    Comment rewards sound suspiciously like the old p-points system we used to have. You know, before comments weren’t allowed.

    • Master Contrail Program

      Give it a few months and Wonkbux for non-comments may be the most stable currency in the Western Hemisphere.

    • Mike Steele

      Unfamiliar with old system, but does this mean our posts are shared with places we may not care to go, or with new friends/firms we may not care to know?

    • President in Exile Firefly

      Saaaaay, you know who else likes pee points?

  • C4TWOMAN

    How long before Mexico (and Canada) decide they don’t want to even deal with the States?
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/7db5ddca780a626a60f71b0dee676b1a9cc655ed470bcb24f428c094a9d8de00.jpg

    • Me not sure

      They’ll be signing a mutual defense agreement in no time.

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      They can have WA, OR and CA. We can form a giant CANAMEXIWESTCOASTIA and build the wall to keep the rest of the Asshole States of America out. Anyone living west of us who wants to immigrate to us is welcome. No bans for us.

      • ZangoCrudmonger

        Nevada is pretty blue these days, and I heard they legalized the weed. We should take them along. Utah, not so much.

        • CatCafe de la Resistance

          Agreed. Canamexiwestcoastandnevadia it is.

    • ltmcdies

      a humorous cartoon of what I think might be a good idea…isolate this guy by any means necessary

  • Proud Liberal
  • Me not sure

    “NO STA-MI-NA!”

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

    Have Donnie and Milo met? It looks like they share some interests.

  • Markuserektus

    Aussies make the best deals: Three contractors arrive to quote a job for a local council – one Lebanese, one Vietnamese and the other an Aussie. All bidding to repair a broken fence. They go with a council rep to examine the fence.

    The Lebanese contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well” he says “I figure the job will run $900. That’s $400 for materials, $400 for labor and $100 profit for me”.

    The Vietnamese contractor does his own measuring and figuring, then says “I can do this job for $700. That’s $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me”.

    The Aussie contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the council rep and whispers: “$2,700”. The rep, incredulous, says “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” “Easy” the Aussie explains “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the Vietnamese guy to do the work!” “Done!”

  • Suse
    • Good idea. I plan on opening a toxic waste dump in his district.

      • TakingAmes

        Preferably next to his house. However, I have a hard time believing they’d want Scott Pruitt out of a job that fast.

    • NotDarkYet

      Let’s just make all this short and sweet and easy:

      Get rid of all federal agencies and workers, except those in the military.

      Get rid of all constitutional provisions and the Bill of Rights, except for the 2nd amendment.

      I think we can write up an EO making that so.

      That way, this piece meal approach is over, and I won’t wear out the refresh button to find out what fresh hell is being unleashed this hour/day.

    • Sandy Beaches

      This is good news…for Johns Manville

  • SadDemInTex
  • Medusa

    Letter from Peña Nieto:

    Mr. Trump,

    A reliable local organization would like to discuss the location and payment for the wall.

    Jared has asked me to arrange for you to meet with them, at their offices in Nuevo Laredo.

    You will be met at the border by a very presidential motorcade of black Escalades and promptly escorted to your destination.

    Upon arrival, please let them know that you have an appointment with El Maricón C. Cario …
    (he will be the one with the teardrop shaped birthmark near his eye)

    P.S. Please come alone… just in case they want to give you a down payment.

    • Scrofula

      The faggot hitman? He’s the best negotiator!

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    My prediction: Trumpy will invade Iran by 2019. They will work to undermine the nuclear treaty Obama worked for. And when Iran starts working on nukes or Bannon fakes the evidence. Trump will invade them claiming they need to be stopped. Trumpy will not invade Mexico right away but do raids into Mexico like we did in 1916. He is saving that for when he cant get Congress to pay for his Wall and or he needs a distraction from his policy.

    • Aaron Wise

      Based on his ratings plunge, I give it 6 months.
      Flynn’s saber rattling yesterday is a precursor to months ahead.
      The term “chemical weapons” will also be used more frequently as we sit and cringe.

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        I was just giving myself a generous window, its looking like i grossly overestimated the time table

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      Wait, though, if Trump invades Mexico, he’s so incompetent that Mexico will win, and maybe Mexico will take California back, and we, at least here, can breathe a sigh of relief. Then we can liberate the rest of the U.S.

      • Nodrama4mama

        If Mexico takes over, do we get taco trucks? I’m still pissed about the lack of quality tacos in my life.

        • CatCafe de la Resistance

          We already have taco trucks! Come to L.A.! Seriously, we have them literally almost on every other block. I go downtown for concerts a lot, and driving home late, along Sunset Blvd in Echo Park/SilverLake/etc, I don’t just drive by umpteen taco trucks, there are stretches where someone has just plain set up a grill and a table and people are hungrily waiting in lines for their delish food. Come visit us! We also have hundreds and hundreds of Mexican restaurants, as well as Salvadoran, Honduran, Guatemalan, Nicaraguan, Cuban, Ecuadoran, Argentinian, etc etc etc, and that’s just the Hispanic population. Here in Hollywood, a ten minute drive along Hollywood or Sunset will take you by blocks of not only the aforementioned different Latino restaurants, food stands, and trucks, but also Thai restaurants, Korean BBQ, sushi joints, Chinese restos, Armenian restaurants, Middle Eastern shawarma restaurants, delis, lots of salad-y type joints (it IS Los Angeles, after all), Lebanese roast-chicken grills, and on and on. We have over 180 nationalities here, all shoulder to shoulder with each other, millions of visitors from all over the world. Yeah, but according to assholes living in tiny backwoods lily-white ill informed rural towns, WE’RE in a bubble.

          • Nodrama4mama

            We have no taco trucks in Hawaii. I might have to visit.

      • Lambsendbeds

        I DON’T WANNA GET RETURNED TO MEXICO!!!1!1!1!!!

        • CatCafe de la Resistance

          Listen, it’s better than what we’ve got going on here……

        • richardgrabman

          We have cookies… also universal health care, and free tuition at public universities.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I’m all for a Mexico war if it means they have to take Texas back.

      • President in Exile Firefly

        Agreed. If we have a war with Mexico, I say we take a dive in the 2nd round.

      • richardgrabman

        You broke it, you bought it.

    • Flashman

      2019? So, this is the best case scenario, I guess.

      • Keith Taylor

        No. Best case scenario is that he gets impeached, or just removed from office as totally unable to handle it. Then maybe we can follow your example and impeach our Australian guy. On charges of aggravated pomposity if nothing else.

  • Scrofula

    Trump expected the Oz PM to, what, just listen to him ramble about himself for an hour, interrupting only with “Aye!” and “Digeridoo, you’re amazing!” and “the platypus, crazy, right?” He doesn’t have any staff that could say, “here are some issues the PM might bring up; also, Mad Max was not a documentary (yet) and Lord of the Rings was filmed in New Zealand, which is, in fact, a different country”?

  • Bitter Scribe

    who wouldn’t want to talk on the phone to all those human dental dams at one time?

    Hey, dental dams are actually useful. They help dentists fix your teeth. (Although those clamps can blister the hell out of your gums.)

    • Dazza

      Or special sexxxy times.

  • FlownOver

    “It was at the end of a long day & he was tired & fatigue was setting in.”

    Remind me – WTF was all that about “stamina,” again? Maybe he could toughen up with about eleven hours before some investigating committee.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Someone was posting on Twitter about how people with dementia get much crankier around sunset. Not that that should worry you.

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        The stairs thing, though. That is pure Alzheimers.

        • Tacoclamgenda

          It actually is. Just in case someone thinks CatCafe made a joke

          • CatCafe de la Resistance

            I’m not joking. My dad died from Alzheimers. Towards the end, this elegant, dignified, brilliant Professor of Electrical Engineering, would shriek at the sight of stairs. Oh God, it was so fucking sad. The brain circuits no longer can interpret stairs–I imagine it must have seemed inside his head like a terrible whirling abyss. Balance goes, too. It is a horrible, horrible disease, and I wouldn’t wish it on even Trump. But his terrible loss of words, his inability to retrieve the words he needs, is another symptom. Sundowner syndrome is absolutely also a thing. They get exhausted and stressed after the day has gone by, and the sun going down further disorients them. Any kind of change is deeply traumatizing–a stay in the hospital will often seem to worsen it, but then when they’re home again, they improve. My dear mom nursed him and kept him at home (with a lot of nursing care) till the end, bless her memory. It was unspeakable.

          • Sekhmet1

            I’m so sorry to hear this, and for your loss. My great-aunt has Alzheimer’s too.

          • CatCafe de la Resistance

            Thank you so much. He died years ago, but I am still broken hearted about it. So many years were missed. I’m so sorry about your great aunt. Somehow, there are still some lovely moments of grace. My Dad was European, and always a bit formal, but Alzheimer’s softened him, and even after he’d long forgotten my name, his whole face would radiate with love when he saw me, in a way I never remembered seeing, so unfiltered, so pure. He would always somehow summon up some actual coherent words to converse with me, as long as he could. I chose to see it and feel it as an unexpected, glorious gift. I hope you have some lovely moments with your great-aunt.

      • arensb

        I thought someone had analyzed Trumpy’s tweets, and found that he was crankiest around 3:00 a.m.
        Thankfully, no one ever calls a president on the phone at 3:00 a.m., and even if they did, I’m sure it would be just to say hello or something.
        But yeah, I’m sure Hillary “dying of lurgy” Clinton couldn’t handle that.

      • Naytch

        Sundown Syndrome is well-known to nurses. Gives you goose bumps when the nice old lady you had been caring for in the ICU suddenly tells you to get out of her house.

        edit: Shoulda read further down… nvm

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      cough projection cough

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy
  • Sekhmet1

    As an Australian, picking a side between Mr Harbourside Mansion and Cheeto Hitler is a dilemma akin to the one I faced when the Westboro Bigots’ Church went after the obnoxious Kim “Can’t be arsed to do my job” Davis. The refugee swap deal was a shitty agreement made in desperation, because PNG’s Supreme Court ruled the Manus Island camp has to shut and our Government is too fucking stubborn and racist to say, “Fuck it, they’re proven to be refugees, we’re still a signatory to the Convention even though we’ve been breaching the bejesus out of it for nearly 20 years, let’s just bring them here.” And Turnbull is as useless as a chocolate teapot who’s dominated by the wingnut right of his party. He’s a craven opportunist who sold an image of being a more progressive and classy alternative to his Abbott to the electorate, but it was a case of same shit, fancier bucket. On the other hand, well, it’s Drumpf. I honestly can’t work out what about this is more pathetic and hilarious.

    The threat to invade Mexico is a whole other level of WTF.

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      There some refugees Australia lets in without making them go through a waiting period. 0_o

      • Sekhmet1

        How do you mean?

        • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

          There have been complaints that Australia processes refugees with European ancestry faster than others.

          • Sekhmet1

            Ah, got it. And yes, they would be absolutely right. There’s a call here to prioritise Christians if we must take Syrian refugees at all but the preference for nice white people is blatant. Desperate brown people fleeing persecution on boats? GTFO. It’s disgusting and shameful.

          • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

            Which is probably why Trump was angry with the PM. He wanted them to take the refugees.
            Also, the fact that Australia makes little effort to hide its preference in refugees often makes me cringe when I hear an Australian declare how accepting Australian society is. Especially when visiting countries that are predominantly non-European.

          • Sekhmet1

            Oh, don’t start me! The number of people earnestly wittering about “mateship” and “the fair go” as “Aussie values” and using these as reasons why we shouldn’t let Muslims in because “they don’t respect our values”, when our record on not only asylum seekers but treatment of First Nations peoples is abysmal, and Turnbull and co refuse to even contemplate a free parliamentary vote on marriage equality, makes me want to vomit. I do love my home, and -as in the US – there are many decent people here, but we’re kidding ourselves if we really think we’re not a white supremacist, heteronormative and sexist society. We’ve got a shedload of work to do on that front.

          • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

            Oh do go on. I am Trinidadian by birth so maybe my opinion is a little biased but that’s what I hear. (cricket rivals)

          • Keith Taylor

            Yes.

          • I AM R U

            It always has been – since the very inception of modern Australia, our immigration practices have been racist and cowardly, under both Labor and Liberal governments.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Upfist for the rant. Don’t really follow as it’s in not America so the whole thing kind of sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher in my head. But the sentiment came through quite strongly. Thanks.

      • Sekhmet1

        I guess that’s a compliment? Heh. You’re right, most people in the US reacting to this wouldn’t know the nuances of what’s been going on here, although the US media quite properly called Australia out on its horrible mistreatment of asylum-seekers. To many of us, it’s a contest between shit vs shit, basically. I had that icky skin crawling feeling when I read about Drumpf’s reaction, because I actually partly agreed with him. We should never have countenanced palming off refugees we’re responsible for onto a third party. (And if this humiliation puts us one step closer to an early election and a chance to kick this fascist-lite mob out, then keep them coming).

        • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

          Well, I hope you get an early election. I only wish we could “no confidence” vote Bannon’s Bitch. Anyway, your rant did make me miss the wonderful Barrack Obama. He doesn’t think of refugees (or immigrants) as parts of a deal. He thinks of them as people who need help. So fuck both the Australian wanker who wouldn’t help the refugees and Bannon’s Bitch for seeing them as a commodity.

          • Keith Taylor

            Yes!!! (I mostly don’t approve of multiple exclamation points, but in this case … ) Fuck them both. Our former Prime Minister John Howard, who would have processed babies into pet food for GWB’s approval, God but that was a nauseating spectacle, was the prick who devised that so-called “Pacific Solution” to the boat people refugees. Bribe impoverished postage-stamp-sized Pacific nations like Nauru to violate their own laws and establish concentration camps for refugees so that us nice white Australians won’t have to notice their suffering and the rotten media won’t be able to report on conditions therein, was about the size of it.
            You’re not alone in really, really missing Barack Obama. For genuine class he left John Howard and our present PM, Mr. Harbourside-Mansion Stuffed Shirt Asshole, eight lengths behind at the finishing post, and his First Lady and daughters …
            I cannot conceive how anybody could have hated them except that they (the haters) must be truly horrible.

          • Sekhmet1

            I wish Obama had said, “Your mess, you sort it out, and by the way, stop breaching the damn Convention for once.” I may be overly optimistic but I hope this latest failure prompts a realisation that our current kick-a-refugee policies are completely impractical and untenable. I mean, the Cambodia resettlement fiasco was embarrassing enough.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            For real. Haters gonna hate. Let’s ignore the assholes and make the world a better place.

            Oh, and as a representative American I need to ask, will you guys (Australians that is) please take Ken Ham back? Forcibly if necessary?

          • Keith Taylor

            Personally I would be in favour of that as a goodwill gesture. Not, you understand, that we want Ken Ham back — of course not — but right now the U.S.A. has troubles enough, and while our media have become pretty cheap and shallow I think they’d still deride him into the ground. Yeah, send Australia’s gift to international misunderstanding back. C.O.D.

          • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

            We’ll probably put him on a boat. Seems appropriate.

        • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

          So, misery loves company, I guess?

        • Dazza

          They only have one seat majority, so we live in hope, yes?

          • Sekhmet1

            I know right? All we need is a by-election or two…

        • I AM R U

          For me, the biggest concern the US should have is what might happen if Trump really does successfully alienate Australia; as an Australian, I have few issues with that (it would be nice if we had a PM that didn’t salivate at the idea of the US’ President’s dick in his mouth), but the loss of Australia (while most likely considered to be of little importance to most Americans) would be disastrous to the US’ spy, drone, nuclear programs and compromise US’ containment of China.

          • Sekhmet1

            Agreed. I’ve long felt the alliance benefits generally flowed one way. It can’t do us any harm if we become a bit more independent and less up the arse of countries that rarely appear to give two shits about us.

          • I AM R U

            And an administration that can’t even remember our leader’s name…

    • Dazza

      Well said.

  • Gayer Than Thou
  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Just embed permanent alt-text of “we’re so fucked”

    • Tacoclamgenda

      I was just thinking that exact thing as I scrolled down to noncommemts

  • BearDeLaOursistance

    He was just pissed because he couldn’t grab the shrimp off that Barbie.

  • SayItWithOtters

    Hang on, let’s go back the that “triumphant week”…

  • Flashman

    Of course, for Trump, talking to Putin is basically phone sex (allegedly!), so we understand why he ranked that higher than Australia.

    Apparently, the WH turned off the recorder during the call with Putin. Too much kissing and “put your hand…down there…for me”, I guess.

    • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

      “You hang up! No, you hang up first! Let’s hang up together!”

  • UnsaltedSinner

    “Veep” shows us what would happen in an administration with a minimum of competence:

    https://twitter.com/VeepHBO/status/827185313797779456

  • Jet Maier
  • Sister the Resister

    “Australia,” a country that is highly over-rated and features kangaroos.

    I do not understand how these two concepts can exist in the same sentence together. Because KANGAROOS!

    • Pisto75666

      Don’t forget tim-tams.

      • Maree Martin

        OMG Tim Tams! Best cookie invention never to make it to the States.

        • Pisto75666

          Sad to admit, I’ve never had one. One of these days though (unless Dear Leader bans them or something)

      • idiotboy

        Koala’s!!!!
        but so many nasty snakes and whatevers.

        • Pisto75666

          Australia’s always been on my bucket list but there’s that whole ‘every living creature that lives there can kill you’…….thing.

          • TheBoatDude

            Well, that’s one way to finish up the bucket list…

          • I AM R U

            lol nothing will kill you.

            Well, unless you poke it with a stick.

          • Pisto75666

            Well that’s a given.

  • Sandy Beaches

    Please Pivot….Pivot now….PIVOT ALREADY, goddammit.

  • JOHN MENUIS

    Trump will get us all killed.

    • BearDeLaOursistance

      Maybe not. I’d like to think at least some of the leaders he’s insulted are less id-driven and more generally sane than he. They almost have to be, by definition.

    • President in Exile Firefly
  • anthrodiva

    I worked past five pm the same day and I recently had major surgery. Just sayin.

    • idiotboy

      The guy has never worked an honest day’s labor in his life. He ain’t gonna start at 70 years old.

  • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!
  • Remember when the wingnuts were allll concerned about Hillary’s stamina?
    Tired out at 5? Fuck man, my fucking day is not even half over by 5 and I am up at 5 soooo….

  • Maree Martin

    The funny thing is, the Prime Minister of Australia is a Liberal Party member, which means just the opposite down under. He is basically a Republican. Can you imagine if the PM was from the Labour Party, the actual progressive party?

    • Keith Taylor

      True. It does mean just the opposite down under (I’m Australian) where the main political parties are Liberal and Labour. Liberals aren’t, and Labour doesn’t. The latter has its name because it was originally the party of the unions and the lefties, but it sold out its principles about three decades ago. Or mo

      • Mark Bloom

        Couple of things I have to disagree with. While the overton window of discourse has shifted to the right over the last few decades in Australia the Australian Labor (no U) Party is still to the left of most of the Democratic Party (in that its labour, environmental and welfare policies are to the left of the Democrats party platform).

        Also the refugees in detention are only those who come here by boat and Australia still accepts far more refugees per capita via other means than the US, Japan and South Korea (amongst others) do. It is also Labor policy to double our current refugee intake. Also there are plenty of reasons why refugees coming here via boat should be discouraged that aren’t racist, including: that it is dangerous as hell and governments shouldn’t induce dangerous behavior and people coming by boat are attempting to bypass the queue of those in refugee camps who do not have the resources to pay people smugglers. However, there are only two ways to discourage people smuggling: 1) detain people and prevent them from coming to Australia and 2) increase our intake of refugees so that the wait time in refugee camps is shorter. And for some reason the debate over the issue in Australia does not seem to push the second option.

        Lastly, without debating the morals of political realism, the arrival of refugees by is highly unpopular, especially in the west of Sydney (which ironically include large populations of immigrants) in working class suburbs that Labor need to win to form government. While most Labor MPs oppose offshore detention if they revert to the refugee policies of the early Rudd government then they will not win government and the Liberal party will continue to dismantle our labour and environmental protections and our welfare state while those refugees who arrive by boat will still continue to be housed off shore. I think the transfer of these refugees to the USA is a decent outcome as they get off Manus Island and get to go to a stable country without encouraging more people making the dangerous trip by sea to Australia.

        • Sekhmet1

          The “deaths at sea” argument is a furphy. The Coalition especially has given us no reason to trust that they care one jot about how they die. This is cheap populism, pure and simple. The eight refugees who have already died under our tender loving care on Manus and Nauru are just as dead as if they drowned. The pregnant Kuwaiti refugee with suspected pre-eclampsia, whom Nauru is refusing to let off the island, and her baby may well join them if we’re not careful. The simplest solution was bring them here.

          Want to deter people smugglers? Process refugee applications quickly before they try to board the boats, don’t cavalierly create conditions that produce refugees in the first place if you can avoid it, and work with countries to find a proper, humanitarian solution rather than trying to offload the responsibility. Or if that’s too hard,rescind our ratification of the Convention and be upfront about our contempt for asylum seekers’ rights.

          Our current policy is indefensible and history will not judge both sides of politics kindly over it.

          • Mark Bloom

            I fully support increasing the number of refugees that Australia takes in (which is the main cause of wait times for those refugees not traveling to Australia by boat rather than vetting timelines which is a relatively small part of their wait) and it is a policy supported by Labor (http://www.alp.org.au/asylumseekers). I do not support the Coalition’s policy (and given their treatment of people in detention don’t think they care about the deaths at sea) but the number of people who died coming here by boat did go up considerably during the last Labor government (http://theconversation.com/factcheck-have-more-than-1000-asylum-seekers-died-at-sea-under-labor-16221) and Labor, in making policy, have to consider whether their decisions could increase the number of such deaths (if the rates of deaths at sea under Labor had continued for the last 4 years the number of deaths from drowning would have likely been much more than 8).

            Labor is stuck between a rock and a hard place on the issue given that it played a large role in their almost losing the 2010 election and their losing the 2013 election; which gave us almost 4 years of Coalition government and all that entails. So the point of what I was writing before was that I don’t see Labor’s policy on refugees as being driven by inherent racism within the party rather a need to address the realpolitik question facing them. Any Labor government who returns to the policies of the early Rudd government and sees an increase in refugees coming by sea will most likely only last one term.

            Australia currently takes in more refugees than the US (who also put refugees who cross their border without coming through their refugee program in mandatory detention) per capita and there are legitimate reasons to deter refugees coming here by boat. Reasons that the Coalition use to wedge Labor if they try to soften their policy; which would be fine if it was the only issue facing Australia (the Greens can have any policy they want on the issue that will peel votes off Labors left as they will not have to form government anytime soon). A Labor government if it held to its current platform would drastically increase our refugee intake per capita compared to the world and hopefully reduce wait times.

    • I AM R U

      The “progressive”* party, you mean.

      *not so progressive

  • Paperless Tiger

    … not illegal immigrants, REFUGEES. Those are actually different things.

    Exactly. You have to qualify to be a refugee. You used to have to qualify to be President too, in a way, but not no more.

  • LadyTavestock

    Mexico seems to be taking this Donald Trump guy verrryy seriously. From the World of Tiles in Puerto Vallarta, 1/31/2017
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/69295f5cd6102360882f5278a3843a530354aa5e84e6c0a42de037206804d767.jpg

    • idiotboy

      The Mexican side of the wall would have lovely hand made tiles and Aztec and Folk art all over it, not to mention neat caves under it.
      Starting to make sense, for Mexico.

  • idiotboy

    Let’s invade Australia!!!! Yes, I am on board and will gladly sign up for the front lines. We have had a lot of Aussies rotate through our lives over the years and they are the friendliest people I have ever met.
    Be the best war ever, lots of parties on the beach, smooching with very wonderful women. Beer and the food, well the food…, it is coming around also. Bring back the draft! We need a vacay.

    • TheBoatDude

      Don’t the have flying snakes and spiders as big as your head down there?

      • sgt. jmk of the résistance

        Yes – according to my Aussie classmate, virtually every square inch of Australia contains at least one thing that could kill you if it wanted to.

        • Keith Taylor

          Australian snakes I won’t even get into. Never give one the benefit of the doubt.

          • sgt. jmk of the résistance

            It’s the thought of the spiders that used to haunt my friend.

      • Keith Taylor

        The spiders are not as big as your head. That’s a furphy (rumour). But the funnelwebs, trapdoors and redbacks, the latter basically the same as black widows, are venomous to a nasty degree, yes. Flying snakes, no. Another tall tale. And koalas won’t kill you at all, they’re too sluggish and too constantly stoned on gum leaves. But you do occasionally have to watch out for kangaroos while jogging.
        Our politicians are possibly the vilest venomous pests of the lot. For half of them, meeting a stroppy kangaroo of large size in the early morning would be too good for them.

        • TheBoatDude

          I do, however, have knowledge of a certain species of snake that will goddamn chase your ass – which is terrifying – most likely into the path of an oncoming road train…

    • Dazza

      Sure. Bring Ameros to spend on beer, hookers and pack lots and LOTS of sunscreen (it’s summer here). See you on the beach (um watch out for blue octopi, sharks, nearly invisible venomous jellyfish, 7 species of venomous sea snakes, and coneshells when they drop the front of the landing craft and you wade ashore – oh, and the rips, too).

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    Dear Mr Trump:
    We remember the Alamo. Because we WON, viejo.
    No love
    Enrique Nieto

  • Sekhmet1

    Sean thinks our PM is “Mr Trumble”. This gets better and better. http://junkee.com/sean-spicer-just-called-malcolm-turnbull-mr-trumble-us-officially-negging-us/95074

  • Celtic_Gnome

    We’re so fucked seems so inadequate now. What comes after “we’re so fucked”?

  • The shittiest thing is that the Australian government have been operating an inhuman policy against refugees for 15 years, imprisoning them in offshore concentration camps. Some of their Cabinet were smugly saying a couple of days ago that Trumpy’s election proves that their way of doing things is correct. So this is an EPIC embarrassment for people who thought Trumpy was their BFF.

    • Sekhmet1

      I’m loving the hell out of this for that reason. Their humiliation is richly deserved. The sight of Morriscum, Know Nuttin’ Dutton and Asbestos Bishop cheering Der Gropenführer on was yet another sickening display from a sickening bunch of racist, grasping incompetents.

  • richardgrabman

    Couldn’t have happened at a better time… just as Mexico and Australia (along with New Zealand, China, and Japan) are considering a new trade agreement. Welcome to our fellow bad hombres, the Aussies.

    BTW, Mexico has also started (as of today) negotiations for a free trade agreement with the European Union, and started the process to renegotiate NAFTA.

  • Oh, let me drop in here the rant I posted on Facebook about this, so that my fellow Americans can benefit from my Ausplaining.

    Hello. I am a dual citizen of Australia and the United States of America. Recently a phone conversation between the leaders of those two countries has hit the headlines, and some people have asked me questions about it. Here is my response.

    Australia is racist as fuck. Racist. As. Fuck. I have been keenly aware of this my entire life, as an Asian growing up there, but just before I left Australia for good, this was brought home to me even more emphatically by the Tampa Affair. You can read more about it on wiki (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampa_affair), but basically: a boat full of refugees fleeing the Middle East was saved from sinking off the coast of Australia by a passing Norwegian ship. The Australian government then refused to allow the Norwegian ship to dock in Australia because OOGA BOOGA BROWN MUSLIMS. There was an escalating humanitarian crisis, and we all got to see first hand that Australians are racist as fuck and dumb into the bargain, as people said things out loud like: “We should drop Muslims into the Pacific and use them as target practice,” and “Why don’t they just wait in line like everyone else?” You know, even though the Australian military was eventually part of the forces bombing the shit out of these ordinary people’s homes in the Middle East.

    Ever since then, Australian politicians have done a bang-up job stoking the fears of the average Australian that OOGA BOOGA BROWN MUSLIMS IN BOATS are going to fuck up the whole country if we let even one of them in. Even if they are legitimately refugees. So whenever we find a boat of people in the Pacific fleeing their wartorn homeland, we mandatorily shove them into off-shore detention facilities on various islands in countries like Papua New Guinea. We have a zero tolerance policy for refugees arriving by boat: not a single one is allowed to settle in Australia, no matter what. Even if they are refugees according to the UN. Even if they are vetted. Fuck ’em!

    Then … AWKWARD SURPRISE! It turned out the detention facilities we put those refugees in were DOGSHIT. Sickness, rapes, abuse, murders, deaths! It looked really, really bad for us. Ordinary Australians (the less racist ones) were even getting kind of mad about it! One of the main detention centers was declared illegal and ordered to be shut down! Shit, what are we gonna do with all these people we locked up and refused to allow in now? The Australian government worked out a deal with Obama: we’ll take some of your refugees from Central America, and you can take these boat people off our hands. That way, we’ll save face: we can adhere to our promise to never let any of these OOGA BOOGA BROWN MUSLIMS IN BOATS ever settle in Australia, by swapping them for some Latinos, whom we are not so overtly racist against (yet).

    (I might point out here that billions and billions of dollars were spent keeping all of these OOGA BOOGA BROWN MUSLIMS IN BOATS in abusive detention centers, far more than we would have paid if we had not only vetted them and allowed them to settle in Australia, but bought them a nice house and probably a grand piano each.)

    You might argue that Obama accepting this swap was being a dirty pragmatist. On one hand, he was enabling the racist as fuck Australian government to continue being racist as fuck. On the other hand, at least these refugees wouldn’t be raped and killed and tortured in offshore detention facilities anymore.

    So Turnbull calls up Trump this week to confirm the deal, and Trump is like WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I AM *****ALSO***** RACIST AS FUCK?

    In conclusion: I have offered no comment on this conversation between the leaders of the countries whose passports I hold because both of the people involved in the conversation are fucking asshole cunt dick bastards. And Americans, you do not need to apologize to Australians for your shitty racist turd of a president, because we are quite used to shitty racist turd leadership, thank you very much.

    • Sekhmet1

      Oh my god, preach!!! I said elsewhere that I wish Obama had told us to fuck off and sort out the disgraceful situation ourselves. I wish I could upvote this multiple times. Turnbull richly deserved having his entitled bigoted overprivileged arse handed to him, even if it had to come from another entitled bigoted overprivileged arse with delusions of competence. The only people who deserve sympathy in this are the poor people stuck in concentration camps.

      There’s a really good piece by Jennifer Wilson here on this: http://www.theaimn.com/turnbull-thoroughly-played-trump/

      • javadavis

        “…with delusions of competence.” made me snicker. I am so borrowing that!

      • Keith Taylor

        Sekhmet is a warrior lion goddess of ancient Egypt, I believe. I like that. Like your point that the poor people stuck in concentration camps are the ones who matter, even more. Who really cares how much Turnbull and Trump clash their egos, or how they try to spin their exchange? One other thing about our putting the refugees in concentration camps (we call them detention centres, but a skunk by any other name still stinks, correct?) Our government — a succession of governments — also didn’t want them in Australia because the Australian media would have a better chance of checking the actual conditions, if the asylum seekers weren’t on some Pacific island somewhere that journalists are forbidden to visit. And yeah, a succession of our governments insisted on going on, and on, calling them “illegal immigrants”. My Oxford Dictionary tells me that to be an immigrant of any kind you have to actually make it into the country of which you are an immigrant. Also, by getting on boats and trying to reach Australia, they did nothing illegal even under Australian law.
        One more bit of evidence that “politician” means “professional liar.”

        • Sekhmet1

          In 2000, I was working for a law firm that had a contract to provide legal assistance to asylum-seekers in detention (back in the days under Howard where we went through the motions of obeying international law, stuck them in remote hell holes here and at least allowed them legal representation). Our clients were referred to by number, not name. One day a few colleagues and I were waiting for a group of clients to be led out when a guard remarked to us, “If you ask me [we hadn’t], we should gas the lot of ’em.” I have never forgotten that. After 17 years, I still feel sick.

    • mfp

      i didnt know any of this (about aus), thanks for the enlighten-ing

    • I AM R U

      Yeah, I mean the deal is shitty as fuck – BRING ‘EM HERE!!!

      Having said that, it is however pretty dumb for the US to piss Australia off too much – we’re a pretty big part of their Chinese containment plans and we have this nifty little place called Pine Gap.

    • Martin Chambers

      White Australian here, married to a mostly white American, living in Aus.
      And I agree with EVERYTHING you said.
      Imagine a country that 95% of is as racist as the American South. !
      Don’t apologise for that phone call America. MAYBE this is enough to jolt enough Aussies into going ‘ hey maybe those Muslims aren’t as bad as dealing with Trump’

      • Keith Taylor

        Another Australian weighing in here. I fully agree with Mormolyke AND Martin Chambers. Mormolyke did not tell the half of it. Google “Australian aborigines — stolen generations” if you have a strong enough stomach.
        There is not one thing anywhere on the horrible racist front that the U.S.A. need blush for before Australia of all countries. God Albloodymighty. We had a formal official policy for a long long time which was formally officially called the “White Australia Policy” and is just what it sounds like. The country’s most popular magazine for decades, the Bulletin, had the masthead slogan “Australia For The White Man”. Not even “and White Woman Too”.

        • Martin Chambers

          Yeah so we win the ‘who is the most deplorable’ contest… so there.

    • SatanicVagendaRebellion

      Yep, as a Floridian transplant to OZ, pretty much all of this.
      Which drives me batty, because individually, most Australians are kind, friendly, generous people who have been indoctrinated since childhood with an entire system of whitewashed history, to the point where they are genuinely ignorant of how casually racist their culture is, all the way back to the First Fleet…
      For example, one of our major newspapers (cough ‘Murdoch rag’ cough) went absolutely bugfuck crazy because a university syllabus referred to the Caucasian arrival in Australia as an ‘invasion’ rather than ‘settlement’…because arriving in a strange country and wiping out most of the inhabitants you couldn’t enslave is just how colonialism works, kids.
      Not to mention that we only recognized the Indigenous Australians as ‘people’ in 1967 – before that, I shit you not, they were regulated (i.e. told where they could live, work for pittances that were mostly stolen from them and marry) under the FLORA & FAUNA ACT.
      And despite this, when anyone suggests that maybe, possibly, celebrating Australia Day with a national party on the actual invasion date might be a tad insensitive to the relatives of all the people who were massacred during ‘settlement’, a depressingly large part of the community will start baying for blood because it’s UN-AUSTRALIAN to point out that anything White people did might not have been totally awesome.
      But, considering how laid-back to a fault most Australians are, the amount of marching and rallying I’ve seen in recent years gives me genuine hope for the younger generation. :P

  • RugzYaBurnt

    GOD. He ACTUALLY BELIEVES that “bad hombres” is such a fucking zinger that he’s RECYCLING IT.

  • I AM R U

    Australia is NOT HAPPY JAN!

  • Keith Taylor

    Since this thread and the lead story juxtaposes Australia and Mexico, it seems like the most suitable one for this little dissertation. Illegal immigrants, refugees, the border wall and so forth. One fellow Australian on Wonkette just recently described how, on a visit to Manus Island where we forcibly dumped asylum seeking boat people en masse in a concentration camp, heard one of the guards say, “If you ask me, we should gas the lot of them.” and has felt sick ever since on remembering that. Too right. Disgrace to Australia. And then some disgrace to the U.S.A. posted on a right-wing site, just now, referring to the proposed border wall, “I’d go for a bunch of hidden land mines that only the border patrol knows the location of … just think, we could have hidden webcams nearby to catch the action … ”
    Words fail. They fold up and quit. I wish both these characters and those who cheer their views could be sent to some remote island somewhere, a long way from all those of us who are even approximately human beings.

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