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Maybe our free press and access journalism aren’t completely dead yet, because Ashley Parker has a REALLY FUN new piece out in the Washington Post, about the Trump regime’s first few days in office, and HOLY SHIT, Trump’s team is a bunch of clowns. The sources are mostly anonymous, so nobody knows who told Heather that Sarah Beth has a crush on Jonas but Jonas hates Sarah Beth because Donald always lets her sit on his lap, and Jonas never gets to sit there ever, meanwhile Derek and Ginger are boning, even though Derek is secretly gay and is blowing half the Secret Service, AND LIKE OMG.

Now, we’re not saying anybody is actually gay and blowing half the Secret Service, but MAN, these folks are sniping at each other, like the incompetent dicksnorts they are.

Let’s look at some fun stuff that happened in the West Wing since the inauguration, and remember that, even as they spend the next four (or two, or three, depending) years gaslighting us and destroying the country, they will ALSO be making us laugh, because LOL WHAT KNUCKLEFUCKS.

Sad! Donald Trump Was ‘Visibly Enraged’ By All Them Marchin’ Ladies Gussied Up In Pussy Hats!

As the WaPo tells it, Trump came back from that nice interfaith service on Saturday, and as usual, he turned on the TV. And when he did, he saw that ONE MILLION BILLION women were protesting him in DC and around the world, as opposed to the four inbred Bubbas who attended his inauguration. And the TV was making fun of him! Seeing this, he “grew visibly and increasingly engraged,” just like the crowd of pussy hat ladies was growing visibly and increasingly!

So his staff was like “Chill bro, do a tweet, rub one out,” but he knew that would not do, so it was he, Donald Trump, who demanded that Sean Spicer go out and have that pathetic hissy fit news conference.

Everybody Thought Sean Spicer Stepped On His Dick, But Trump Wished He Stepped On It HARDER AND STOMPIER!

For real:

… [I]n Trump’s mind, Spicer’s attack on the news media was not forceful enough. The president was also bothered that the spokesman read, at times haltingly, from a printed statement.

Trump has been resentful, even furious, at what he views as the media’s failure to reflect the magnitude of his achievements, and he feels demoralized that the public’s perception of his presidency so far does not necessarily align with his own sense of accomplishment.

Remember, the president has feelings too, and also the nuclear football.

Everybody Hates Kellyanne Conway!

So, according to WaPo, Jared Kushner is Mister Tuff Guy around the West Wing, and “two people close to the transition” say “Trump’s most loyal campaign aides have been alarmed by Kushner’s efforts to elbow aside anyone he perceives as a possible threat to his role as Trump’s chief consigliere.” Sorry, Steve Bannon, but you’ll never be as pretty as He Went To Jared. Anyway, BUT ALSO, apparently Jared tried to keep Kellyanne Conway from getting a job during the transition, and other aides are complaining about her so much:

Because Conway operates outside of the official communications department, some aides grumble that she can go rogue when she pleases, offering her own message and promoting herself as much as the president. One suggested that Conway’s office on the second floor of the West Wing, as opposed to one closer to the Oval Office, was a sign of her diminished standing.

SNAP. But wait, it gets sassier:

Though Conway took over the workspace previously occupied by Valerie Jarrett, who had been Obama’s closest adviser, the confidant dismissively predicted that Trump would rarely climb a flight of stairs.

STAIRS IS HARD, especially when you’re the oldest president ever and you’re also weak and pathetic. Bet Popular Vote Winner Hillary Clinton could visit any West Wing office she wanted, by walking to it on her much younger feet.

But maybe Trump loves Kellyanne Conway still, for real! He was reportedly super jazzed about her thoroughly embarrassing performance on “Meet The Press,” and he was GRRRR at the lamestream media and the entire American population for LOLing for 24 hours straight when she said “alternative facts.” Unfair!

Kellyanne Conway Has Gotten Death Threats, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!

OK look, Kellyanne Conway is one of the most despicable people we’ve ever laid eyes upon, but it should go without saying that if somebody is death threating her, that is WRONG AND BAD AND EVIL AND UN-AMERICAN AND CUT THAT THE FUCK OUT. Apparently she has to have her own Secret Service detail now, because of this.

Of course, there are also reports that Conway was throwing ‘bows at one of the inaugural balls, because that’s the kind of Jersey girl she is. (To be fair, she was reportedly breaking up a fight between two men, and decided she needed to beat some ass. If she wasn’t such a craven trashball liar, this would make us respect her more.)

Kellyanne Conway Will Get Off Our Television Now?

IF THIS IS TRUE, HOLY SHIT, PLEASE MAKE IT TRUE, MERCIFUL GOD:

Conway said she now hopes to limit her television appearances. Instead, she is taking on an expanded portfolio …

THAT’S RIGHT, GET OFF OUR TEEVEES.

Anyway, the article ends by saying it’s all good now and everybody is getting along, at least until Jennifer finds out Craig fingered Caroline in the Situation Room, which allegedly upsetted Steve Bannon because he still hasn’t found nobody to finger in the White House, and probably never will.

[Washington Post]

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  • dslindc

    The West Wing: Junior High Edition

    • WiscoJoe

      Or like an elementary school production of House of Cards.

      House of Tiddlywinks?

      • natoslug

        House of Tards Turds.

    • Latverian Diplomat

      Saved By the Electoral College

  • Nounverb911
    • NastyBossetti

      He looks so much like a guy I work with whom I also wish would shut the fuck up, but not because he’s a lying asshole. He’s a very nice person. I just find him annoying, and it’s really not going to help to have this guy on the tv all the time.

  • Nounverb911

    SPicer still needs to learn the ‘Jackal”.
    https://media2.giphy.com/media/BD0c3b9Jj4PsY/200.gif#15

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    it should go without saying that if somebody is death threating [Kellyanne Conway], that is WRONG AND BAD AND EVIL AND UN-AMERICAN AND CUT THAT THE FUCK OUT.

    Evan: Is that a fact or an alternative fact? I can’t tell anymore.

    • Tallmutha

      Note that the only source for the claim that she’s been getting death threats is the lady herself. And if you can’t trust Kellyanne Conway, who can you trust?

      • Latverian Diplomat

        True, but all it takes is a self-righteous nutjob or two. The left is not immune.

        OTOH, we know there isn’t a coordinated campaign to deluge her with death threats, has happens to liberal women every damn day.

      • It’s not as if she doesn’t have plenty of white powder to nose hand

  • major_asshole

    Trump is doing ALL THE SHOWBOATING, while his administration and executive office are infighting much like that of a certain Austrian from the early 20th century?

    Quick! Fetch some pearls that I may clutch at them!

  • beingreleased

    Also too, told a not-truth yesterday:
    Trump’s unsupported claim he has ‘received awards on the environment’

    “I’m a very big person when it comes to the environment. I have received awards on the environment.”

    — President Trump, remarks during a meeting with business leaders, Jan. 23

    [Edit: Someone in the comments to this story noted that Obama said you can keep your insurance plan, and so therefore everything Trump says is 100% true.]

    • “Nobody cares more about _____ than me!” – Donald Trump about literally everything.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      He has that Sierra Club membership card that they send to everyone they solicit.

      • beingreleased

        AAA sent me one of those yesterday. Should I add “AAA Award Winner” to my CV?

    • Markuserektus

      He’s probably gotten a few LEED certificates for buildings that has his name on them…

    • Celtic_Gnome

      But was it a major award?

  • This would be the greatest comedy show ever… if I were Australian or a Kiwi or a Martian…

    • As a Canadian, it’s just a bit too close for comfort to be as hilarious as I’d like it to be…

  • Nounverb911
  • WiscoJoe

    They didn’t come here to make friends.

    • Nounverb911

      Considering, he never really had any to begin with….

  • Nounverb911
    • beingreleased

      Grover Cleveland beat him twice.

    • wide_stance_hubby

      Up with Dolt 45!

    • anwisok

      And he won the race to the bottom in record time. Impressive, in a way.

    • Jgb979

      This includes William Henry Harrison’s month in office.

      Oh and James Buchanan who did nothing to prevent the Civil War.

      Oh and W

  • major_asshole

    Also, holy shit half the executive orders Trump signed were meaningless, like the one about TPP. And he signed them–shockingly–with a fucking sharpie.

    • PubOption

      from the sheer number of executive orders he’s signed in the last few days, Trump is more tyrannical than Obama.

      • mackafritz

        He’s Number One!

    • mackafritz

      I thought executive orders were bad, unconstitutional.

      • Oblios_Cap

        IOKIYAR.

    • Markuserektus

      He probably gets one use from the pen given the anger in his signature.

    • Hellhathnofury Demme

      And he has to hold everything up as if to say: “I’ve been a good boy! Can I have a cookie?”

      • aureolaborealis

        He’s showing us that, unlike previous papers and folders he has held for photo-ops, this one actually has something on it!

  • Me not sure

    Just to clarify, would a cream pie threat be OK?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Eeew, I could never …. oh, wait.

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    And the TV was making fun of him! Seeing this, he “grew visibly and increasingly engraged,”

    Who was it that said Baby Donnie was “temperamentally unfit to be President”?

  • Hither and Yawn

    Am I not kind and merciful? AM I NOT KIND AND MERCIFUL??!?!?

    • mackafritz

      Yes! You are not kind and merciful.

      • Oblios_Cap

        HEADS WILL ROLL!

  • puredog

    “Engraged”? Like, a combo of “enraged” and “engorged”? My, that’s. . . .disturbing.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Trump has been resentful, even furious, at what he views as the media’s failure to reflect the magnitude of his achievements, and he feels demoralized that the public’s perception of his presidency so far does not necessarily align with his own sense of accomplishment.

    If I weren’t attached to my avatar, I’d switch it out for this one:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/53743e4e8afdeed2ce35bc8490065afcdef153f2955b6bec3bfd8daae3b77336.jpg

    • anwisok

      I almost used this image, but it kind of belongs to you, so I didn’t think it would be fair.

      • Resistance Fighter Callyson

        I made it for everyone–feel free to join in!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Needz moar stigmata.

      • OneYieldRegular

        Problem: can’t find nails that are small enough.

        • LucindathePook

          use pins, like for butterflies

    • aureolaborealis

      Look at those widdow baby fingies!

      • Celtic_Gnome

        It’s times like this I wish Trump read Wonkette. I hear the nuclear burn only hurts for a moment, unlike this agony.

  • Oblios_Cap

    The GOP in our state hasn’t quite ruined the place because they are all little kids with big egos, just like the Trumpkins.

  • Cousin Itt de La Résistance

    There’s a girl I know who makes me feel so good.

    And I wouldn’t live without her, even if I could.

    They call her Valleri.

    I love my Valleri.

    • alwayspunkindrublic

      Richard, is that you?

  • JustPixelz (((Ω)))

    WaPo today: Trump gets Four Pinochio rating for claiming he is “big on the environment”. BWAHAHAHA. BWHAHAHA. BWAHAHAHA. (gasps for clean air) BWAHAHA.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2017/01/24/trumps-unsupported-claim-he-has-received-awards-on-the-environment/

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Take away for day one. president donald trump is a small dick.

  • Nounverb911

    Has anyone even noticed that Melania has left him?
    https://twitter.com/DPRK_News/status/823533972114276352

    • Vincent Ricola

      Who can blame her?

    • schmannity

      Jong-Un: Terrible dictator, great troller.

    • Anna Rompage

      I’ve got to say, for as long as I thought Melania and Donnie were the
      super villain power couple, after watching their interactions over the
      last couple days, and her facial expressions & body language, it
      really makes me wonder if she’s the victim of domestic abuse…

    • CogitoErgoBibo

      I think it’s more an “escape” situation than her just leaving. Hope she stocked up on plenty of snacks.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Why, he’s just reaching out to the country and the world…and can’t imagine why they don’t love him and why they, in general, recoil in horror as he approaches!

    https://scontent-atl3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15541601_230637390696351_6192938347318413723_n.jpg?oh=87ae60599ac7be66fe5dd078eff73b42&oe=590BB2E6

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Kellyanne Conway is one of the most despicable people we’ve ever laid eyes upon, but it should go without saying that if somebody is death threating her, that is WRONG AND BAD AND EVIL AND UN-AMERICAN AND CUT THAT THE FUCK OUT. Apparently she has to have her own Secret Service detail now, because of this.

    Putting aside the immorality of murder for a moment…WTF good would offing K-Con do? Donald will just find another lackey FFS. Come on, resisters, be smart and fight the real enemy:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/3ce5094e4e65271d70670e55ef7505a2dae355be7483748499c40fe4a3c903c0.jpg

    • OddMan

      Yep, 3/4 of the crap that donald wants to do are right out of the GOP play book. It’s just that they got a crazy guy to push their agenda.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        That’s the thing. It’s not him. He’s not making policy. I doubt anyone is even listening to him.

  • dslindc

    I wonder if Melon has already changed the locks and codes at Trump Tower?

  • schmannity

    From lame duck to lame ass administration.

  • Ezio Auditore

    So basically to conservatives, anything that even remotely criticizes Trump for what he says or his totally not Wall Street insider cabinet is just “fake news with an anti-Turmp agenda and is paid for by George Soros”?

  • Nounverb911
  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    During the campaign, Trump was suspicious of both Priebus and Spicer, who ran the Republican National Committee and were seen as more loyal to the party than to its nominee. Some privately wonder whether Conway is now trying to undermine Spicer.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/83eb41f1ecb9da539b0df7aba3e981cb153d54030e27b0624bea97473ac36f18.jpg

    • Vincent Ricola

      Oh please yes yes yes.

  • I’ll humbly submit this photo of Simon Farnaby as Death in the BBC series Horrible Histories as a sub for photos of the real Kellyanne Conway:

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2e0866b51304cfdc4dd73d4d66f419fd2b916ed5b7fe4dc21d50a4d259d5caf7.jpg

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Woah. Uncanny.

    • “Stupid deaths, stupid deaths, with votes.”

  • CogitoErgoBibo

    I was curious about this “expanded portfolio” that Kellyanne took as her get-off-of-the-teevee booby prize. It’s a bit scary, as it includes:

    health care and veterans’ issues, and Pence — for whom she has worked for years as a pollster — is also expected to carve out more substantive responsibilities for her.

    Sorry vets and anyone who likes their ObamaACAcare; she’s your problem now. Plus, other than ordering vaginas to push out babies and hating on teh geyz, Pence seems to have few interests. So, basically, we all lose when Kellyanne isn’t wasting time creating new material for comedians.

    • TJ Barke

      Points off for not making that ObamACAre.

  • SpideySenser

    Yes, death threats are very bad. Only a little bit badder then telling T***p’s critics they better watch what they say. That also, too has a rather threatening tone.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Efforts to launch an outside group supporting Trump’s agenda have stalled amid fighting between Kushner loyalists, such as the campaign’s data and digital strategist Brad Parscale, and conservative donor Rebekah Mercer, according to people familiar with the tensions. Major disputes include who would control the data the outside group would use, with Mercer advocating for Cambridge Analytica, a firm in which her father is invested, and who would control the lucrative contracts with vendors, these people said.

    So the urge to grift is stronger than the desire to consolidate political power? Who would have thought that greed would be the force that saves the nation from these lunatics?

    • CindyinEncinitas

      Thank God, or Kokopeli or Little Nicky, or whatever godlike entity has the steering wheel now.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        “Well, we just put Sir Isaac Newton in the driver’s seat.”

        • CindyinEncinitas

          I could actually live with that at this moment. I would totally settle for Isaac Newton because at least he could be taught and he might actually have fun learning the advancements in science that have been made since his time. But I digress. We are fucked.

  • calliecallie

    Kellyanne’s going to take on an expanded portfolio of…what? WHAT?! I would rather have her on the teevee than have her recommending policy.

    • Ricky Gay

      don’t worry, it is just a doodled Pee Chee

    • Martini Ambassador

      Conway said she now hopes to limit her television appearances. Instead,
      she is taking on an expanded portfolio, which will include health care
      and veterans’ issues, and Pence — for whom she has worked for years as a
      pollster — is also expected to carve out more substantive
      responsibilities for her.

      Nothing to worry about here. Nope.

      • artem1s

        hehe, KAC has seen the light and is now defecting over to the VP. Or she is the first in the Night of the Long Knives. Doesn’t matter. How many other staffers will switch their loyalty in the next week? This is how the administration collapses.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      She’s being presented with an alternative portfolio.

  • Bill D. Burger
  • Ricky Gay

    everybody always wanting to finger the button

    • Latverian Diplomat

      “I don’t get it.”
      — Mike Pence

  • BMW

    “Everybody Hates Kellyanne Conway!”

    NONE OF THIS MATTERS BECAUSE THEY WON THE ELECTION AND HAVE A MANDATE FROM PEOPLE AND HILLARY HAD EMAILS AND INAUGURATION HAD BIGGEST EVER PERIOD.

  • Vincent Ricola

    Thanks again to all my people that marched with their pink hats and “fuck Trump” signs. It’s always nice to get that visual of an enraged Donald spending his first day on the job seething in front of his big tv while the entire world gave him the non-sexy finger.

  • Bill D. Burger
    • WotsAllThisThen

      A lot of empty chairs? That’ll teach him to put Clint Eastwood in charge of inviting VIPs.

  • Ryan Denniston
    • CindyinEncinitas

      Melanoma looks ashamed to me. Is that even possible?

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        Maybe she had her emotion chip upgraded for the event.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          Temporarily, of course, because if they leave it in, she’ll go crazy and Ten Forward will look like a tornado hit it.

    • Claire

      Oy, Melania. Girlfriend, the bottomless margarita brunch is on me.

  • Ilgattomorte

    Every time I look at Donald I think, “Can you imagine just how big of an unloving dick Fred Trump must have been?”.

    • Martini Ambassador

      Ha, that’s funny–I have the same thought, but about his bouffant’ed mother, Mary. She’s got a real Mommy Dearest vibe going on.

      http://americannewsx.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/trumphair.png

      • Ilgattomorte

        I see your point, but I still think little Donnie just so wants Daddy to be proud of him.

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          And the saddest part is that if Daddy Dearest were still alive <shudders> he’d’ve been one of the first to say to Donnie, ‘President? Big deal, you didn’t win the popular vote, so you’re not legitimately the President. Do better next time.’

      • AnnieGetYerFun

        Bouffant libel!

  • Martini Ambassador

    They are a bunch of weasels. No honor, no real loyalty, each ready to throw the other under the bus (or bite the jugular out of) anybody that they can sacrafice for their own gain. Actually, that’s really unfair to weasels.

    The article also mentioned that Drumpfy wanted to can Lie’ey Spice after that first presser, believing he didn’t defend him sufficiently (I guess embarrassing yourself by parroting shameless falsehoods isn’t nearly good enough).

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It’s funny, because when the press was, like, “What the fuck was THAT shitshow?” I thought, “I’ll bet Spicer toned that WAY the fuck down.”

  • pgjack

    You mentioned that Trump is old, weak and pathetic but didn’t mention that he is grossly overweight. I don’t think it is fat shaming to mention the Ogler in Chief’s girth in the context of climbing stairs as his gross weight does impair his stair climbing ability. Please don’t fall into the trap of political correctness when discussing the Floater in the Washington Cesspool.

    • TJ Barke

      Since he thinks he gets to fat shame others, his weight is fair game.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        I concur. And may he have a bag of Cheetos to soothe his injured fee fees every time we call him fat.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      He’s immune from fat shaming, because well, he fat shames like mad.

    • o’look Skwerl!

      But Taft could climb those stairs!

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        As a person built along XXL lines, I can tell you that weight isn’t all that much of an issue if you get regular exercise. The muscles adapt to carry the weight, and it can even make you stronger. I understand that Taft actually did exercise, even at his largest, while Donnie’s only activity is jumping to conclusions.

  • Ryan Denniston

    Doubtless the Trumpers will blame Michelle for taking out the elevator to encourage the staff to get fit.

  • Clyde Barrow

    So the old adage that ‘there is no honor among thieves’ rings true. I’d laugh if these crooks weren’t in control.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      They’re in charge. I’m not sure they’re in control. Not yet, anyway.

  • memzilla Ω

    You know what this clusterfuck reminds me of? Hitler intentionally arranged his bureaucracy with overlapping chains of command and duplication of effort. The resulting inefficiency was a factor in dooming the Third Reich, but the arrangement served Hitler’s purpose by having his underlings so busy plotting and scheming against each other that they had no time or energy to unite and plot and scheme against him.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      It would be a good ploy, but I don’t think Trump is that smart.

      • o’look Skwerl!

        Trump couldn’t even concentrate enough to finish a game of tic-tac-toe.

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          ‘My opponent cheated. Even I know that “kings” are in chess, not checkers! Plus you don’t get more than one! Sad!’

    • o’look Skwerl!

      I’m also thinking you could jingle shiny keys in front of Hitler and he wouldn’t get distracted.

    • artem1s

      yea, that worked out so well for him they only tried to assassinate him 14 or 15 times.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In less than a week as President, Donald J. Trump has created ten million jobs for fact checkers, the Department of Labor has confirmed. http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-creates-ten-million-jobs-for-fact-checkers

  • azeyote

    meanwhile the tar sands are saved from not being a bigger part of the atmosphere –

  • Thaumaturgist

    Kellyanne is the first Trumpling to get a death threat! Rest of them are LOSERS!!!!1!!

    • Villago Delenda Est

      She claims she got a death threat. No iPhone capture, no threat.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        What happened, did she say something Melania didn’t like?

      • Thaumaturgist

        Villago, you’re the kind of person who’d say that if Trump can pack the CIA speech with cheering supporters, Kellyanne could send her white powder to herself. But that’s not me. I believe her. Also too Trump. Everything he says.

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          Easy now, Thaumaturgist. Easy now. Just lie down here and one of these nice nurses will give you something to make you feel ALL better. Are you cold? Here’s a nice jacket with REALLY long sleeves to keep you warm!

          • Thaumaturgist

            Who’s going to pay for that nice nurse and jacket. America is Great Again. No more Obamacare. Freedom.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Alternative facts: For Those Days When Real Facts Prove You’re a Damned Liar!

    https://cdn1.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/7848019/crowd_split_social_y.jpg

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      To be fair, it was the whitest crowd at an inauguration in decades. And Obama’s was, well . . . not.

      • Bill D. Burger

        If he had gone with, “Those are David Duke and my Southern fans!” it would have been more believable.

      • Latverian Diplomat

        “That’s the last damn time we let Pence hire the seat fillers.”
        — Donald Trump

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        And they don’t show up as well against a light background!….

    • NastyBossetti

      Look, the Obama picture in from 11:30, and the Trump picture is from 11:04. You gave Obama 26 more minutes to get all those people in the photo! NO FAIR!

      • Bill D. Burger

        Dishonest, lying libuuuurraaal media!

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I’ve seen less plotting, scheming and backstabbing amongst Decepticons.

    • artem1s

      or the Borgias

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        Make America Florence Again!

  • Oblios_Cap

    It’ll get worse before it gets better, unfortunately.

  • anwisok

    “he feels demoralized that the public’s
    perception of his presidency so far does not necessarily align with his
    own sense of accomplishment.”

    Can you say Dunning-Krueger? I knew you could!

    • Ezio Auditore

      The 45th President, Donald “The Snowflake” Trump.

    • artem1s

      hmmm, the unnamed staffers are admitting he is demoralized? whelp that’s a new level of self reflection I thought I’d never see. But then again, I’m pretty sure they are probably lying…or mistaking unhinged, foaming at the mouth rage for demoralized.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Trump has been resentful, even furious, at what he views as the media’s failure to reflect the magnitude of his achievements

    One would think punching a Nazi on the day of his inauguration would reflect the magnitude of his achievement perfectly.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    Firstly, that she gets Valerie Jarrett’s office is an insult to Valerie Jarrett. Secondly, are telling me there isn’t a single elevator in the entire White House?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Maybe he’s holding out for one of those assisted living chairs that goes up the stairs on a rail, but the rail can’t support the combined weight of Trump and a gold chair.

    • Alexander Stallwitz

      I bet Hiliary could powerwalk these stairs everyday

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        Carrying Bill.

        • puredog

          Backwards, in heels.

    • Celtic_Gnome

      I know there is. I saw it in Independence Day.

  • BMW

    The name on everybody’s lips is gonna be…Conway!
    https://youtu.be/sb9ybImGwkU

  • NastyBossetti

    It’s so unfair how everyone doesn’t have to just automatically love you when you barely win an election even though you lost the popular vote!

  • Latverian Diplomat

    “I don’t know why everyone is so upset. I have combined the integrity of Warren Harding, the regulatory vision of Calvin Coolidge, the civil rights philosophy of Andrew Johnson, the popularity of Herbert Hoover, the foreign policy genius of William McKinley, and the eye for judicial talent of Ronald Reagan.”
    — Donald Trump, if he knew anything about history, which he does not

  • LarryHoudini

    My favorite thing he did was declare his Inauguration Day the “National Day of Patriotic Devotion.” I plan to mark this day every year by taking a dump on the floor of his Washington Hotel men’s room, then pulling a fire alarm.

    • Prismo87

      Is Fourth of July still a thing?

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        You mean get drunk and shoot fireworks day? Or Summer sale day on Steam?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Funny, some guy in Germany proclaimed a “National Day of Awakening” shortly after he was handed the reins of power…

      • o’look Skwerl!

        François Mitterrand?

        Hey I’m ‘Merican!

    • Shucky Ducky

      Thank you, Comrade!

    • anon_the_great

      But its Lupe who’ll clean up your feces. Just pull the fire alarm

      • LarryHoudini

        Okay, point taken.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos
  • Nounverb911

    Gift was sent before Nuttyahoo announced 2500 more settlement hones to be built.
    https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/823937936056008704

    (Edit, the dates wrong)

    • WotsAllThisThen

      That picture goes all the way back to the Washington Monument. Period.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Interesting. That pic is VERY clearly edited. If anything, it looks like one of those hand-coloured postcards you used to see before colour film was invented.

  • MynameisBlarney

    Hey folks, take it easy on the bloated orange bastard with the ridiculously tiny fingers.
    He haz a sad, because most of America (and the world) don’t think he’s legitimately the preznit.

    http://www.gq.com/story/white-house-report-trump-sad?mbid=social_facebook

    http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/03/strong-lolololol.gif

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      hahahahahahahaha
      (gasp)
      hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahha

    • anwisok

      He haz a sad, because most of America (and the world) don’t think knows he’s [not] legitimately the preznit.

      FTFY. You’re welcome.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Thanks!

  • Villago Delenda Est

    Well, suddenly, overnight, Executive Orders are not the tools of tyrants. So say the wingnuts.

    • anwisok

      And, the facts say that Obama used fewer EOs than any other modern President. How soon do you think Donnie’s going to exceed the total number of B Barry Bamz’ EOs?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Mid afternoon today, at the rate he’s going.

    • aureolaborealis

      Or ARE they?

  • Ezio Auditore

    Barack Obama went through 8 years of people threatening to kill him and his entire family, calling him a monkey and other demeaning terms, people questioning his citizenship and so much more.

    If Donald Trump can’t accept or see that not everyone is going to like him then he made the wrong career choice. If he was even remotely serious about what people dislike about him, he’d actually address it, and not dismiss it as just “fake news out to get him”.

    • chicken thief

      Ya, that pivot will happen any day now…

  • Shades of the Third Reich another government led by an egomaniac.

    The supreme leader the Fuhrer used to have several competing offices within the Reichskanzlei the leaders offices with overlapping areas of responsibility. This conflict stopped the occupants of those offices plotting against the leader

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Can’t beat the classics!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    I guess it’s easy enough to tell if Smellyanne has SS protection. She would never lie.

  • Truck Fump
    • Creepoman

      I hear he can palm an egg.

    • Blackest Noobs

      Melania has bigger hands…BIGGER HANDS THAN THE DONALD.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Says.it.all

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    I noted last night, there is one section of the white house website they didn’t immediately change at 12:01 on Friday. Also too, the nominees section is similarly blank. As is the pending legislation bit. Ha ha!

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/fa03f0ab98117726da733460297876ea0b36d181769dbaf66a83d19168084248.jpg

  • Tallmutha

    Josh Marshall thinks the most significant thing about this story (and the NY Times ran a similar one, fuck pthem anyway) is the amount of leaking the Trump staff seems willing to do, 3 days into his administration:

    “The Trump White House not only leaks like crazy. It casually leaks the most intimate and humiliating details about the President – hurt feelings, ego injury, childlike behavior, self-destructive rages over tweets, media failure to credit his own grandiosity. We have simply never seen this level of leaking, with this little respect for the President’s dignity or reputation, this early.”

    • Anna Rompage

      If Trump was my boss, I’d likely do every little passive aggressive thing I could to show what a total anal douche nozzle he was… Then again, I would never work for someone like Trump, so there is that…

      • Blackest Noobs

        i work for someone who is like Trump. I didn’t know it at the time i was hired and only realized it when i disagreed with a direction he decided to do with our libraries ( at the time it had no effect on me whatsoever, i saw a stupid thing and pointed out it was a stupid thing)

        then this Director of the Library decided to be vindictive against me….just like Trump.

        • ahughes798

          That’s shitty, Blackest Noobs! Is this person still harassing you?

          • Blackest Noobs

            yeah kinda. i’ve basically completely given up at my job…like i’ll do it…but i rarely go above and beyond. like i know there’s absolutely no future for me. for example i have over 15 years experience, a Master’s, working on a second one ( <– a library one) and yet still can't get any other position in my library system, even one that pays me less than i make now, but someone who's been in the library system awhile (10-15 yrs) with just a HS degree is our ILS administrator…and no she not some integrated library system software self-made savant…it's because of favoritism…and it's not like i don't live in a college(s) town, as in plural, graduating computer science grads annually….even a fresh out of college computer science grad noob HAS MORE WORK EXPERIENCE THAN SHE DOES!!!!

            and oh yeah since her promotion….we've had problems with the ILS going on for, uh, six months and counting.

            that's just a small example of my work environment. i work in a culture of favoritism. and they're probably racsist-lite too.

            problems is all i can do is prove they're unethical but there's no law round these parts against being unethical fucks.

            like i had this friend who was WAY more qualified for a branch manager position ( cuz he's been one for another system for couple of years) interview for a branch manager position with my system ( we pay better but treat you like shit if we think we hate you)…he didn't get the job. someone who's a Library Admin favorite got the job….she has ZERO experience running a branch…she does have a Master of Library Science. but the clincher to this story….so me a staff member got the email she got the job….two days after he interviewed for it and they told them they would take a week to decide.

            they had decided before he ever walked in the door for the interview.

          • ahughes798

            I really do feel for you, Blackest Noobs. I’ve had jobs in a similar environment than you do, and it really does suck the life out of you. I can’t do anything to help you except hope that you can overcome all this BS, tough it out, or find a job you love! Peace.

    • WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot

      Wow. But I did read on the internets that our Russian Puppet is a big fan of the leaking.

      • Martini Ambassador

        LOL, ISWYDT

    • Sardonicuss

      He already has his Halderman and Erlichman setting up the slush fund to find the leakers and eliminate his “enemies”.

    • anon_the_great

      That’s not good. A paranoid narcissist with the nuke codes convinced his staff are plotting against him is recipe for some extinction level Tragedy.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        The guys and gals in uniform in the Pentagon were there before him. They’ll do the right thing, even if it means skirting with the “civilian control” heritage.

        • artem1s

          I never thought I’d see the day when I’d think a military coup would be the best America has to hope for. /ffs

          • Lord Jim

            God, are we gonna go the way of Egypt?

          • Fuck no. The military coup replaced a conservative but democratically elected Muslim with “General al-Trump”.

      • aureolaborealis

        But it will be great for comedy!!!!

        *sobs*

    • Thaumaturgist

      An invitation to Kremlinology

    • Marceline

      The entertaining part for me is that clearly the leakers are targeting not just Trump but each other Someone leaks about Kellyanne, maybe Kellyanne leaks about Jared, Jared leaks about Bannon, etc and they do it with no interest in how it makes Donald look.

      • artem1s

        so AOT are narcissists. This is gonna be fun to watch.

      • That’s how it always works in authoritarian regimes. All the underlings are trying to backstab each other to get first in line for the God-Emperor’s favour.

        • Lord Jim

          So who will be Trump’s Duncan Idaho?

          *rubs hands in wicked glee*

    • Pierre_de_Fermat

      This goes to Eliot Cohen’s article of about a month or so ago saying this group would screw things up and be full of backstabbers.

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Forget the briefing room, every news organization needs a desk in the nearest underground parking garage.

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          ‘Now serving Deep Throat number 221. Deep Throat 221.’

          • Lord Jim

            I LOLed! I needed that. I’ve been in a miserable funk since Election Day. I’ve been under a self-imposed news blackout because the thought of more Trump news almost sickened me. I’m getting a little better.

          • Alternative Pony Ron

            Glad I could help. It’s become clear that the best way of dealing with this shitshow is to find the funny bits and laugh at them. HARD. The PTBs are watching obsessively, and they HATE that we find them ridiculous.

    • OneYieldRegular

      Is there kompromat video of all this leaking, by any chance?

    • arundel

      Josh Marshall: “We are three days into the administration and the Trump White House leaks not so much like a sieve as a bucket with no bottom.” I liked that.

      I knew the Trump team would start eating each other alive, a bucket of crabs fighting. Interesting how quickly it’s happened. They are all such fucking horrible people, it’s no surprise. No honor among thieves. It’s good to see, a silver lining.

  • Bill D. Burger

    Well, someone, fashionably late, is really enjoying the Trump fubar freakshow’s beginning.

    https://cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder368/500x/72543368.jpg

  • Me not sure

    “Hey, guys and gals, why don’t we rent a big white house and put on an administration!” https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/142f82689a264c4c76cde09614a5f4abf5719af5a330aa956029e66fc63104a5.jpg

  • Nounverb911
    • Blackest Noobs

      Miss Lindsey apparently found her testicles

      • Nounverb911

        McCain borrowed them for a while until he realized they were too big for him…

        • Blackest Noobs

          so did Rubio…but his were just inflated balloons that leaked their air within nanoseconds.

      • wide_stance_hubby

        As Ryan slowly backed out of the room.

        • Blackest Noobs

          as terrible as Ryan is, you know fake washing dishes and all, you would think he is thinking what a fucking horrible mistake we have made electing Donald J. Trump.

          • wide_stance_hubby

            Ryan is nothing but a walking jizz sock of capitulation.

          • Villago Delenda Est

            He’s Randite scum. Fuck him and the wienermobile he rode in on.

          • puredog

            No, he is working out how to turn it to his favor, and is biding his time. Rue? Regret? Since he is a shameless, immoral, unprincipled asshole, such sentiments are not in his repertoire.

      • Toomush_Inferesistance

        tiny as they may be – and look, is that a penis or a slightly oversized clitoris? – you go, Grrl!….

    • NastyBossetti

      Start doubting him as a person?

      • WotsAllThisThen

        Fool me five hundred times, shame on you. Fool me five hundred and one times, okay I’ll let it slide this time.

    • timpundit

      When did she say this? Today?

      • Villago Delenda Est

        Was this before or after she voted to confirm Putin’s crony Rex Tillerson as SecState?

  • Spurning Beer

    I just saw the RawStory item about Trump’s DC hotel losing ONE MILLION DOLLARS in its first two months, and had a thought. Maybe this non-divestment business could work for us, not against us.

    NYC voted against Donald about 100:1, right? Well, there have to be a lot of business real estate tenants included in that number. What if a lot of them suddenly were not renewing their leases, or demanding elevator repairs and working radiators in the middle of winter for Christ’s sake. If Donald’s magnificent, really rich fortune started to leach away, would THAT get his attention, maybe?

    • Thaumaturgist

      The fact that the hotel is losing money doesn’t mean that Trump is losing money. Trump shuffles money around, among myriads of subsidiaries.. He pays he sibsudiaries top dollar. Look for Trump to take the hotel into bankruptcy.

      • Spurning Beer

        You talk as if he knew what he is doing.

      • aureolaborealis

        Yes. His businesses have always had a way of losing money while making him richer.

    • artem1s

      the hotel losing more money just means it’s worth less when he finally has to divest and sell the thing. It’s pretty much the reason he doesn’t want to divest. he’s already over-inflated the estimated value of all of his assets and he’s underwater on them to boot.

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    I really do love the idea of Trump working himself into a fit over women marching against him. Next march, let’s make sure there are some incredibly hot strippers in the front line. It just might knock him out completely.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      How much pee would 2 million women peeing on the street make?…

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    “Expanded portfolio” sounds much better than “a Hello Kitty notebook full of stories about offing Melania and marrying Donald.”

  • Michael R
    • Creepoman

      A shot from behind would show an awful lot of crossed fingers.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    OK, for any Firefox users that would rather yr Wonkette’s front page not reload itself automatically, stomping on your meager bandwidth with its size 12s:

    about:config in address bar
    second item in the list is:
    accessibility.blockautorefresh […] false.

    Doubleclick, and it changes to “true”, and no pages will automatically reload. Then you can install one of the autreload addons and enable it for those occasions when you actually want it.

  • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

    Steve King thinks there were plenty of illegals voting, based on “facts” but not “alternative facts” – again citation needed for, like everything here. Also, do you trust steve king with math and statistics? Nope, me neither.

    “Rep. Steve King (R-IA) said on Tuesday that he had personally done an “extrapolation calculation” from two Virginia counties and determined that President Donald Trump had likely lost the popular vote due to 2.4 million “illegal” voters.

    During an interview with King on MSNBC, host Hallie Jackson noted that Trump told congressional leaders on Monday that 3 to 5 million people voted illegally, causing him to lose the popular vote.

    “Let’s be clear, that’s not true,” Jackson pointed out. “There’s no evidence that exists.”

    “I hadn’t heard the 3 to 5 [million], I heard the 3 million,” King said. “There is data out there that is sample data from certain counties — two counties in Virginia, for example, and other counties scattered around the country. And I took that article when I first saw it come out a couple of three months ago and did an extrapolation calculation on how many illegals could have or could be voting in the United States.”

    “The number I came up with off of that extrapolation was 2.4 million,” the congressman continued. “So, it’s plausible. The number of 3 million sounds like it’s a plausible number to me.”

    “The fact checkers have knocked that down,” Jackson observed.

    “Well, sometimes the fact checkers have a political agenda,” King insisted. “And I don’t want to have a whole [conversation] about alternative facts. But I read those facts from those sample counties and I thought, ‘Huh, I wonder what that could mean for America?’ Got out my calculator, ran the numbers, I came to 2.4 [million].””

    http://www.rawstory.com/2017/01/rep-steve-king-i-got-out-my-calculator-ran-the-numbers-and-came-to-2-4-million-illegal-votes/

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      Did Jackson fall out of her chair when he said “fact checks have a political agenda”?

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        it’s steve king – par for the course.

        Also too – do you think he got that cantaloupe analogy staring at his head in the mirror?

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      I have extrapolated from a sample of one (myself) and have concluded that everyone in Canada wears size 14 boots. No wonder I can never find them in the store!

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        Canadian Tired of shopping?

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Estavan Rey esta un muy loco pendejo.

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        ¡Difamación a pendejos!

    • Doug Langley

      “Lessee . . . I found someone in this apartment building who I’m pretty sure is an illegal . . . and there’s 3 million apartment buildings in the country . . . AHA!!! Nobel Prize, here I come!!”

    • theCryptofishist

      That man couldn’t hold on to a decimal point if his life depended on it.

      • theCryptofishist

        (There, projection from me.)

    • Celtic_Gnome

      Oh, I want to see this extrapolation calculation he did. Bring out a chalkboard and make him show his work.

      • TX Dept. of Space Tacos

        IKR?
        Like what sample did he even start with?
        The only people arrested where Trump Supporters.
        He probably took the 2 and just kept adding zeroes on his calculator.

  • Alexander Stallwitz

    Well, time for my daily couching in the corner in fear, Dont mind me. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/66401b1e170e1f87f3ca6dcc547aeb405dfc55721b18ed38f63a4a0387f8b75e.gif

    • Crystalclear12

      Scoot over, please

      • Alexander Stallwitz

        Sure, let me you need more room

    • aureolaborealis

      Not sure if intentional, but I like the idea of ‘couching in the corner’.

    • Courser

      I had to come out of my corner last week and go into the office. And you know what? It was okay. It was nice to chat with a few follks. Since I’m very rarely in the office, I don’t know anyone, but I’m actually far more outgoing than I remember. I’ll say hi to anyone. Which is good news, I think.

  • Crystalclear12

    Evan, this is unfair comparison.
    No mean girl high school clique would be run this badly.
    Ever.

  • An Outhouse for the Resistance

    If KAC is getting death threats, they’re probably from the Russian mob, who would like to remind Trump how much he owes them and when the next payment is due.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      ‘Next time, Donald, will be someone you actually care about. Word to wise, nyet?’

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        He cares about someone? Does… not… compute…

  • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

    I’ve been pondering a while, and I think I’ve kind of figured out who Trump most resembles. It is a German, but for once, Godwin doesn’t get invoked this time; Hitler was many things, but a ideology-less, lazy narcissist with a bottomless need for approval wasn’t one of them. Trump is basically Kaiser Wilhelm II.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilhelm_II%2C_German_Emperor

    It’s all there: the alternating domineering thuggishness and need to please, the boorishness, the court of sycophants, the massive reliance on appearance over substance. Both Wilhelm and Trump are fundamentally weak people, so they tailor their images to the most over-the-top and forceful stereotypes of masculinity that their society upholds. Both *hated* criticism and will never admit fault in public. Both are ruled by their need to be taken seriously and treated as a force to be reckoned with, whether they actually deserve it or not.

    Good news? If Wilhelm is anything to go by, Trump won’t take us into a World War 2 situation, since he’s too fundamentally unguided and aimless. Bad news? He’ll definitely take us into a World War I situation because he ran his mouth too much and then had to back it up to avoid looking weak.

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      Ok. He’s not Hitler. Hitler is coming next. yeah.

      • artem1s

        after the GOP invokes the 25th we get the real Hitler

    • LucindathePook

      Except I personally have always thought that WWII was a direct result of WWI, or WWI, Part 2.

      • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

        It was, so we have that to look forward to, but my point is that Wilhelm/Trump aren’t ideologues who would start wars because they believe in something. They’d allow a war to happen because they’re insecure people afraid of appearing weak.

      • nick kelly

        This is common ground among historians. The late Arthur Menzies, who became head of MI-5, began preparing for the next war in 1919. His reasoning- the peace (Treaty of Versailles) was too harsh.
        At the same time another prominent Brit (Loyd George?) said ‘this is not peace it is a 20 year intermission.’
        20 years is the minimum time it takes to breed a new generation of recruits.

        It is odd that today’s public thinks of the two wars as separate events. (The several wars between Rome and Carthage, I believe spanned a longer period but are known jointly as the Punic Wars.)

        They don’t realize how short a time 20 years is.
        !997 is only 20 years ago. Not exactly ancient history.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Interesting analysis. And it jibes nicely with Donnie’s belief that he’s a ruler, not a leader.

    • nightmoth

      Interesting. I’ve been saying “Mussolini” but you sound on target.

  • Toomush_Inferesistance

    The idea of these folks walking around in the White House, getting it all greasy, pisses me off even if I’ve never been there….

    • An Outhouse for the Resistance

      We’ll never get that smell out.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        Hafta knock it down and put up a new one, or the next tenants are gonna complain.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          They’re never getting their deposit back.

        • nick kelly

          We Canadians may be able to help you out there. Again.

  • Nasty Candy Apple

    One of the main reasons I was pissed the Crotch Grabber won the White House is because it will give him an unending stream of narcissistic supply, when I just wanted him to be forgotten forever by the media. Can’t we just lock him in a mirrored room for four years or something?

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      I used to think that he was happy with any attention, as long as someone was talking about him. But it’s clear that he thought the presidency would grant him automatic respect and authority. And he can’t wrap his head around bad press now.

      This, frankly, is so much more fun than I thought it would be.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        If he had actually had a military education, he’d know that respect is not given away casually. It must be earned.

        • CindyinEncinitas

          He’s never earned anything in his entire life. This concept is new and unexpected and he has no way to cope with it.

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        The next leak will be video of him calling Mom into the room to complain that Kitty’s being a dildo and stealing his pot pie.

      • CindyinEncinitas

        This was my shining light through the darkness. The knowledge that he would be shocked and hurt that he is getting an overwhelming barrage of criticism from the American public. He truly didn’t expect it. It’s delicious.

      • Claire

        That’s why his supporters are still so mad – they thought everyone would start bowing and scraping to them as soon as the polls closed.

      • nick kelly

        If you are a stand- up comic who was worried about gigs – you can relax a bit. Start thinking about a family, mortgage.
        Obama was way too serious, dignified, thoughtful, a bunch of useless shit for comedy.
        Ever watch those gold shows when a guy looks in the riffles and whoops- holy shit!

    • Shucky Ducky

      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0c04334ea1d48b1d406e8bdca7f4f22ce10f2afc184997311709df97c331a430.jpg
      Real true photo of Trump, Kellyanne, Sphincter, and Bannon in a mirrored room.

  • Nounverb911
    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Narcissistic personality disorder, mixed with un-coped-with ADHD and need for attention/approval due to parental neglect. That’s my read, anyway.

      • Villago Delenda Est

        That and regular infusions of Bolivian Marching Powder.

        • Lord Jim

          Snifter of nose whiskey fer ya?

        • theCryptofishist

          I read that as “Bavarian Marching Powder.” A sort of nazi and oompah thing.

          • ahughes798

            Mit Bratwurst, ja!

      • Nounverb911

        He can always steal an interns Adderall…

      • Sandy Beaches

        Well, you are a doctor and all, so I trust your diagnosis.

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        100%. It’s sort of pathetic that his own parents were such assholes that instead of getting him pyschological help when he was obviously a disturbed child, they shipped him off to an abusive military school. But now the rest of us have to suffer for his deep character disorders and untreated mental illness.

      • BeanToes

        Cluster B disorder

    • Markuserektus

      That’s Keith Olbermann’s #25 video.

      • 6 months to do the wrecking, then Pence et al. pull the plug. Gives them 18 months to swing the mid-terms back their way (it wasn’t us it was the unfortunately incapable ex-Pres)

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      And a small penis.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I accepted that a long time ago, and I don’t feel any better.

  • Rick Hill

    “…media’s failure to reflect the magnitude of his achievements,”

    What’s wrong with you guys! Does he need to steal his legitimacy even harder than he has? Does he need to destroy ALL the things before you show him you lerv him!?!??!

  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Yes, Donald. If you feel like the press doesn’t respect you, you should get people to shout about how mean they are. That’ll learn ’em good. From now on, the relationship will be much better.

    • Lord Jim

      When in a hole, dig deeper.

    • Courser

      I’m really amused that he thinks it would all accolades and pussies? Bwahahahaha! Every single president has had to deal with scathing press. It’s what they do. Some more than others.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    KaWy goes Inaugural Brawl. Bwhahahahahahahahahahhaahahahahahha

    • WotsAllThisThen

      See what happens when you don’t have a Springsteen cover band to calm everyone down.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    There are embarrassing leaks coming from the Trump administration? Isn’t that, like, what Nazi Germany used to do?

  • Alternative Pony Ron
  • Blackest Noobs

    we need a vagina uprising!!!!

    The Dark Vagina Rises

  • Nounverb911

    OT
    Milo Yianapophismouthoff has backed out of talk at UCLA because they wouldn’t segregate his Skittles by color.

    https://twitter.com/studentactivism/status/823950617664225284

    • Lizzietish81

      My Right Wing friend just posted a video about how he “effortlessly shut down the black feminist president of the NAACP” and I’m wondering, is this the point of no return? She’s gone down the Milo hole.

      • Lord Jim

        I can hear it now:
        “…in summary, your assertions of fact are all false and your reasoning fallacious.”
        “And you’re a big dumdum doodyhead!”
        “Oooohh, he TOTALLY pwned joo!”

        We are witnessing the regression of the American electorate to infancy.

        • BearOmegaNomNom

          No, YOU’RE a butt.

      • BearOmegaNomNom

        Ew. Just… ew.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        Was it true?

        • Lizzietish81

          It was from Breitbart so I’m sure he yelled at her with a bunch of racist slurs

          • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

            You should have watched the video so we wouldn’t have to.
            I wish he would go speak at a Catholic University like Notre Dame.

  • ThePuckStopsHere

    I am shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, to learn that there is incompetence going on here!

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Captain of Trumtanic determined to run over iceberg.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Furious that the media is ignoring how smooth the first half of his voyage went.

      • CatCafe de la Resistance

        Furious that the media is ignoring how the rest of the boat totally didn’t hit the iceberg! Why do they keep focusing on the one tiny part that did?

  • Rick Hill

    Wait till he discovers that an unending stream of rejection and criticism awaits every move and action he makes. Not quite the “Yes, Chief! You’re so great Boss!” he’s used to hearing at the end of each boardroom meeting. Wait till he starts getting nervous about making those decisions because people die, people lose their homes and businesses.

    • Shucky Ducky

      Why would people dying, losing their homes and losing their jobs bother him?

      • Lord Jim

        Didn’t seem to have a significant impact on Bush’s decision-making.

    • AnnieGetYerFun

      If anything, I assume that imagining that he has control over whether people live or die is the only thing that gets him hard.

  • Jgb979

    “Trump has been resentful, even furious, at what he views as the media’s failure to reflect the magnitude of his achievements”

    Would love for him to try and name one.

    Trump mouthpiece is going to last no more than a month at one time if Spice Spice baby’s “lying to your face” still got a thumbs down from the Donald for not doing lies hard enough.

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Why can’t I stop picturing, in the middle of all this infighting, a chef wheels out a cart full of pies?

    https://static01.nyt.com/images/2015/07/12/arts/12PIEFIGHT7/12PIEFIGHT7-master675.jpg

  • Manhattan123

    Four days in, it’s a shitshow and they are already leaking like a sieve. If it wasn’t so depressing and dangerous, it would be hilarious.

  • Nounverb911
    • Antonin Dvorak
    • Picabo

      Same with USDA. This is only the beginning.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Do the career bureaucrats there have the balls to defy this?

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        No.

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      This is just a bunch of cynical business men killing the regulations they believe are hurting them.

    • WotsAllThisThen

      Quick, someone tell Trump’s voters that their coal jobs are back now. Report to the mines immediately!

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    Here’s an interesting scenario to make you feel good this afternoon: they’re so busy infighting and sabotaging each other that the whole thing falls apart without our needing to do much more than tweak their noses now and again. Wouldn’t it be luverly?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      I would actually rather the whole thing falls apart in the middle of the 2018 midterm campaigns, because people have REALLY short memories.

  • clubseal

    I’m not sure death threats are all that un-American anymore. It almost seems like it’s a part of the fame train.
    “Oh, my Youtube video got 3 million views last night. And I got my first death threat!”

    • Manhattan123

      I don’t believe a word she says so I’m not sure I buy that there even was a death threat, but I guarantee if there are any death threats made against Trump and his people it will be a minuscule fraction of the death threats made against President Obama and his family by the right-wing scumbags over the last years.

      • clubseal

        It might be uncouth to split hairs on this topic, but there also seems to be a dilution of what “death threat” actually means. If someone says “I hope you die in a fire,” that’s not a death threat like “I will kill you by burning down your house.”
        Since we’ll likely never see what Conway believes was a threat, taking her word at it seems a little unwise.

        • Villago Delenda Est

          Just a teensie-weensie bit unwise. Because she’s a pathologically lying Nazi bint.

          • CatCafe de la Resistance

            A watery bint.

          • nick kelly

            How dare you slander GrossDeutschland!

        • Pisto75666

          Whether it was legit or not though, it seems a little grubby to be nitpicky “well why does it matter if she got one little threat when Obama got so many over the years?”

          I don’t care for KAC at all, I think she’s a moral-less person but to wish death upon the woman (when she’s just doing the job given her) is beyond gross and shouldn’t be happening.

          • clubseal

            I’m not giving the ok to death threats, or comparing her to Obama. I just think that 1. It’s sad that death threats have become so commonplace and 2. I don’t know if I trust that she actually received any.
            For what it’s worth.

          • theCryptofishist

            Well, I assume that the Secret Service investigated, and that they made an assessment of her veracity. Obviously, that doesn’t mean that we can see the evidence first hand, just that some not completely unqualified people are taking it seriously.

            Or Trump ordered them to, whatever.

          • Pisto75666

            1. Same. It speaks to the person sending them, to be honest IMO. 2. I actually wouldn’t be surprised. There are nasty anti-Trumpers just as much as pro ones.

  • Rob Trevena
  • Royal Ugly Dude

    PAthetic attendance at sad, weak inauguration. It’s a sign of a failing presidency.

  • boyblue122

    Trump’s advisers sound like they are ready to fight each other in a ThunderDome

    • Dr. Rrrrrobotnik

      Best get used to it. Since Trump’s not really interested in leading as he is in a 4-year campaign rally, it’s going to be internecine bureaucratic warfare 24/7 in the White House.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      a bitch-slap Thunderdome…

    • Courser

      Wonder who’s got money on KAC. She’s got a track record for that kind of thing!

    • ahughes798

      I suspect he treats his staff like he did/does his children. Favors one for a while, then cuts them down, then favors another, cuts them down…..

  • chicken thief

    “Now, we’re not saying anybody is actually gay and blowing half the Secret Service, but ….”

    Well of course you aren’t. That would be slanderous. Or libelerous. Or something-erous.

    It’s Rience, isn’t it?

  • OneYieldRegular

    All I know is that I was there in person at the Women’s March (San Francisco route) and there were at least eighty-seventy-hundred billion zillion people there. Period.

  • notanncoulter

    “STAIRS IS HARD, especially when you’re the oldest president ever and you’re also weak and pathetic.”
    you forgot to mention: and morbidly obese – so obese that he has to wear his ties taped to the layers of flab to help hide them. so obese that even with all his countless trillions he can’t seem to buy a fucking suit that fits his fat ass. sad.

    • Villago Delenda Est

      No tailor will do alterations for him without cash up front.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba
    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      I’m pretty sure she had just uttered the words: “That’s it, Donald. I’m never peeing on you again”….

      • WotsAllThisThen

        And he’s thinking, “Like I need you for that.”

      • Electric Ukulele Land

        “You told me that was our special thing…”

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      “I’m PRESIDENT! I’m PRESIDENT! Why isn’t everyone BOWING DOWN TO ME? I WANT EVERYONE TO BOW DOWN TO ME!!! And you, you little whore! Smile!” “I am smiling. This is how I smile.” “Whore!”

  • laughingnome

    I’m wondering if some of the threats against Conway are coming from inside the WHite House.

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Every day for the next four years someone needs to be reminding this president that 53% of the voters wanted somebody else. #notamajoritypresident.

    • Toomush_Inferesistance

      Oh, I don’t think it will take that long. This circus can’t go on forever….

      • cmd resistor

        I don’t know. Just saw a Jacksonville paper post on FB about how he’s not going to release his taxes, with the question, Does this bother you? An old h.s. “friend” commented, “no there is no need.”
        The next comment was, “The only people this bothers are liberals and leftists who are so infatuated with what other people do with their own money its ridiculous. Pro tip the only requirements for being president is to be 35 years old and a natural born citizen…which is still debateable on the last dude…” Then, I quit reading.

  • laughingnome

    Trump is fine with leaks as long as they come from Russian hookers.

  • Markuserektus

    The US Department of Agriculture has banned scientists and other employees in its main research division from publicly sharing everything from the summaries of scientific papers to USDA-branded tweets as it starts to adjust to life under the Trump administration, BuzzFeed News has learned. According to an email sent Monday morning and obtained by BuzzFeed News, the department told staff — including some 2,000 scientists — at the agency’s main in-house research arm, the Agricultural Research Service (ARS), to stop communicating with the public about taxpayer-funded work.

    • Shan

      Just the summaries? Maybe they can still share the actual scientific papers.

      LOOPHOLE

      • theCryptofishist

        ARe they really scientific papers until they are pier reviewed and published?

        • Shan

          I assumed that’s what they meant by the “scientific papers” themselves. I was nitpicking over the qualification that the “summaries” of the papers couldn’t be shared. Those are usually the most accessible to the public as far as understanding what the information in the papers actually means. I could be confused, though.

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      But they shared the email?

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Can’t have people knowing what their money’s being spent on.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Has the data sought Canadian citizenship?

  • BearOmegaNomNom

    Seriously? Death threats? That’s horrible. If something happens to her, we won’t have her to make fun of!!

  • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

    “Steve Bannon because he still hasn’t found nobody to finger in the White House, and probably never will.”

    Um, Peter Thiel, allegedly, supposedly, theoretically, not certain but just asking.

    • BearOmegaNomNom

      For a place that claims to welcome homosexxicans, our Wonket sure seems to engage in a lot of aversion therapy!

      • Courser

        Yeah, I was having a Do Not Want moment myself.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        What you don’t think they would make a cute couple?

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    ‘Oh my God! The phone calls are coming from inside the administration!

  • dxyseilc

    God damn it. This is all my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have written in Bernie Sanders.

    My bad, you guys.

    • Sister Artemis

      a little bird told you to do it, didn’t it?

    • WotsAllThisThen

      I told you you should have voted for Jill Stein!

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      We told you, you should have stayed home because “they’re just the same” and “you just don’t like her for some reason”!

  • chicken thief

    As the minions leak the dissatisfaction and disarray within the WH, Mike stands in front of the mirror practicing “President Pence” over and over.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    “Stop being so mean to me!”

    “You first, asshole.”

  • exinkwretch

    Left out of the Post story: Cheap entertainment in the West Wing is the betting pool on how many gin blossoms are on Bannon’s nose each day.

  • chicken thief

    What? Death threats?! OMG, does that mean that rancid lying shitbag is alive?!!!!

    • BeachLoafer

      I’m pretty convinced she’s a reanimated corpse, myself.

      • Meccalopolis

        She’s the crypt keeper

  • Pisto75666

    “Trump has been resentful, even furious, at what he views as the media’s failure to reflect the magnitude of his achievements, and he feels demoralized that the public’s perception of his presidency so far does not necessarily align with his own sense of accomplishment.”

    We’re just going by alternative facts, is all.

    • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

      What had he accomplished by Saturday afternoon? Other than pissing off most of the country?

      • Pisto75666

        That was about it. But there’s also all those businesses he bankrupted back in the 80’s-90’s.

  • Doug Langley

    Saaay, you know who else hired people that fought among themselves?

  • Markuserektus

    Moar:

    Amid the pomp and tumult of inauguration week, you may have missed that President (whoa) Donald Trump at last made his final Cabinet pick, naming former Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue US Department of Agriculture secretary. The “politically correct” bit is, no doubt, a reference to the fact that Trump’s 22-member cabinet and top staff is largely, like Perdue, white and male: It contains just four women, one African American, and not a single Latino. Indeed, Trump will be the first president since Ronald Reagan to enter office without having appointed a Latino to a cabinet-level post. (MJ)

    • Sandy Beaches

      I’m sure there are Latinos on staff…the janitorial staff, the grounds keeping staff and the kitchen staff. So, quit your bellyaching.

      • cmd resistor

        Not to mention the guy who runs the taco truck on the corner of Pennsylvania Avenue.

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          I am kinda bummed Hillary lost because I was was told there’d be taco trucks on every corner. Tacos are delicious. Instead of delicious tacos, we have to deal with a stale Cheeto.

  • SayItWithWookies

    President Assmouth is well on his way to uniting the whole country — in their desire to pitch him and his gang of idiots into the Potomac.

    • msanthropesmr

      The gang of idiots were the authors of my childhood. Or maybe that was Rick Dees.

      • Doug Langley

        Or maybe MAD magazine?

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Can we skip the daily briefings and just have more of this?

    • puredog

      They’re optional. You can always go with the daily beatings.

  • aureolaborealis

    In case you missed it:

    “To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”

    ― Theodore Roosevelt

    • Villago Delenda Est

      Fuckin’ commie.

      • aureolaborealis

        Probably queer, too. I hear he liked nature and parks and shit.

    • aureolaborealis

      And this song is now stuck in my head. Happy music from my youth. Pretty sure it’s relevant:

      https://youtu.be/KDJFEJsHhrs

    • cmd resistor

      He also said, “Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.”

    • arundel

      Did you see this?

      President Trump has officially declared the day of his inauguration a national day of patriotism…. On Monday, the paperwork was filed with the federal government declaring officially that Jan. 20, 2017 – the day of Trump’s inauguration – would officially be known as the “National Day of Patriotic Devotion.”

      http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/trumps-national-day-patriotic-devotion-raises-eyebrows

      Soon there will be a decree that we all have to wear our underwear on the outside.

      • nick kelly

        The words ‘patriotic devotion’ sound sort of blasphemous.

  • Teecha

    Ia it true that ole farty has ordered a media blackout for the EPA? Saw a tweet from the AP…

  • Duke

    Did anyone notice that this Spicer lickspittle uses the pharse “The Trump Administration” continuously? I’m sure The Donald is upstairs, watching the feed, and counting off how many times he does it.

    • cmd resistor

      Every time I heard that, or “President Trump,” I want to throw up.

    • Stulexington

      Part of the program, personalize the government, it’s all about the man not the organization. Expect to see Trump emblazoned on your tax returns and any government welfare checks until some ethics committee finds a spine and tells him it’s illegal.

  • Stulexington
    • cmd resistor

      Also, too, reminder that his hair is the same color as the new curtains, not a look I would have advised.

      • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

        Is that a metaphor for something else???

        • Stulexington

          Not sure since I’ll bet money that the curtains do not match the drapes. Also no one think about checking if Trump’s curtains match the drapes.

          • puredog

            I’m no interior decorator, and while I suspect that there are differences, to me “curtains” and “drapes” are the same things. Are you thinking of “carpets”?

          • Stulexington

            Yes, yes I am.

        • cmd resistor

          Wasn’t meant to be — just looking at the photo.

      • ButtercuptheHarelessRabbit

        What would you call that color? Amber or straw? Only another nurse will get this…

        • cmd resistor

          Not a nurse but have hung out in hospitals enough to guess.

          • TheFamilyThalamus

            Also, owner of 1-2 kidneys!

        • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

          Also too anyone who went to a baby shower.

        • GHERKINS OF RESTIVENESS!

          “Hooker Pee?”

        • Zyxomma

          I’m not a nurse, but I’m guessing those are shades of urine. Am I close?

          • mockingbirds88

            Very.

    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      How do we save it? As a jpg?

      • Stulexington

        That’s how I saved it.

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      Don’t overlook those gaudy “I’m a dictator” gold curtains, either. And notice the soon-to-be-replaced “old, not fancy, not gold enough” desk and chair.

      • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

        AHA! He’s trying to work gold fringe into his flags!

        • Jamoche

          I’ve seen pics from other angles – he’s got gold fringe on the flags.

    • Usedtobeyellerdawg

      And the flag has fringe! FRINGE! That means…what’s that s’pose to mean again?

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      Done.

  • Kooolest G

    so they’ve been there 3 days now, and at this point it’s pretty much just trump and about 20 or 30 of his most loyal suck ups, and already someone is leaking unflattering things from inside trump’s inner circle? maybe that’s why presidents usually hire people who have experience in the white house so they’re not surrounded by weasels who want to convince all the pretty girl reporters that they know a big secret

    • CatCafe de la Resistance

      Well, of course, most presidents have people who actually want to work for them.

      • John Resistant Tovarich Smith

        And many presidents actually have an idea what the job entails.

        • mockingbirds88

          And most are not actually mentally ill/senile.

  • haroldpp
    • Red Bird Resistance Engineer

      :)

    • Stulexington

      Which is very uncomfortable if you’re one of the facts that needs adjusting.

      • Jamoche

        “And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn’t that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people.

        As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn’t measure up.” – Terry Prachett

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      The ONLY doctor (IMHO)

      • Angela Ruzzo

        Yes.

        • ahughes798

          I liked David Tenant, and the guy before him, but I’m a relative newb with Dr. Who. Overall, it’s very creative, I enjoy watching, whoever the Doctor is, and I don’t even like science fiction much, because the technology usually outshines the people and story. Dr. Who is first and foremost about the humans/not humans.

      • Rags

        Patrick Troughton libelz! (But Lalla Ward….rowwwwrrr!)

  • eyelashviper

    I’d pay to see a Death Match between Kellyanne Conway and Jared Kushner. My money is on Kellyanne, she is a spawn of that alien creature that Sigourney Weaver finally vanquished.

    • Rick Hill

      “alien creature that Sigourney Weaver finally vanquished.”

      For now…

    • Picabo

      My bet would be on Jared because he is family. Good point though.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      Can Marilyn Manson drop a lighting rig on both of them?

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I think Jared can play WAY more dirty than Kellyanne, and she will lose that battle.

      • Carpe Vagenda

        and I agree with you. I wouldn’t be surprised if Bridgegate was his suggestion.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      And he’s the spawn of this guy, who (allegedly) installed a small town mayor in the Jersey Governor’s Mansion, honeytrapped him with a foreign dude with no security clearance who was nearly installed in Homeland Security, and then blackmailed him until he outed himself and resigned. Then when the investigation started into the illegal donations he put his family’s name on (while not sharing the profits) he hired a hooker, filmed his brother-in-law bonking her, and sent the tape to his sister’s house during a family party to keep them from testifying.

  • Rick Hill

    So…trump was really upset by all those women and men protesting about his proposed “vision” for America? Such a shame…

  • Picabo

    Speculation that Sean Spicer could get the hook.
    http://www.joemygod.com/2017/01/24/report-sean-spicer-might/

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      Spicer is just not a very spokeperson-y name. They should go with someone named al-Sahhaf or Goebbels.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Obama nailed it with Josh Earnest, two competing emotions.

        • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

          Never thought of it that way. Did the internet already give you your prize? Cuz you won.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      Can you imagine if he lets Spicer go this soon? Holy crap! I read an article yesterday where scumbag Chris Christie told “sources” he expects there to be high turnover in this administration, so he’s just gonna wait his turn. Please don’t make me have to say Christie is right about anything…

      • Carpe Vagenda

        Spicer’s Reince’s boy, so if he gets bagged, Reince and Steve aren’t going to like it a bit. And Jared has quite a few skeletons in his closet…

        • MeerkatsRMammals

          Good points!

      • Claire

        Jesus, his turn for what? To score big bucks for leaking things to the media or to get close enough to Trump to shank him with a sharpened toothbrush?

      • TheFamilyThalamus

        I don’t think there isn’t a single rational soul who doesn’t expect a high turnover in this administration.

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    She wants to hang on long enough to gather material for a tell all book. If she can do that she’s golden.

    • Zyxomma

      Everyone trump-adjacent signs NDAs.

      • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

        She’ll be writing it anonymously from the Witness Protection Program, so it may not matter.

  • 451 Byrnes

    Welcome to our national nightmare…Brought to you in prophecy by Matt Groening…
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSANTRnEBgg

  • Usedtobeyellerdawg

    Bannon’s gotta stop fingering his own ass first.

  • Rick Hill

    “Steve Bannon because he still hasn’t found nobody to finger in the White House, and probably never will.” So, Bannon’s this guy?
    http://c8.alamy.com/comp/D20A51/mars-attacks!-mars-attacks!-jerry-ross-martin-short-und-das-marsmaedchen-D20A51.jpg

  • disqus_lWwzrwNaw6

    I hate them all, so it’s sure enough hard to choose, but I guess for me Kellyanne “Death’s Head Barbie” Conway occupies a special place in the pantheon.

    Maybe even more than the great, fat, orange hell-devil himself.

    She’s just so unrelievably vile. There’s no aspect of her that is remotely not vile.

  • hendenburg2

    I was listening to On The Media on Sunday, and one of the heads of Politico was saying that he expects there to be a ton of federal employees turning whistleblower in the near future. Let’s keep fingers crossed

    • MOG253

      Before or after he fires them.

      • hendenburg2

        Hopefully before. At least if Newt gets his witch hunt people will see it coming first. And grab filing cabinets on the way out

      • Rags

        Before they repeal the whistleblower law

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    The Fuehrerbunker, above ground.

  • Khavrinen

    “the media’s failure to reflect the magnitude of his achievements”

    Well, the typical newspaper isn’t usually delivered with a complimentary microscope, so showing the true magnitude of his achievements is difficult for them…

    • MOG253

      We’ll get those mean reporters some magnifying glasses.

  • Picabo

    Someone found a video of Melania supporting birtherism. From 2011.
    http://www.teenvogue.com/story/melania-trump-supported-her-husbands-racist-birtherism-claims-on-tv

    • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

      uh-oh, Mellie, Teen Fucking Vogue just threw you to the curb!

    • nightmoth

      Okay—there went my incipient sympathy for Melanoma–“free Melania” by deporting her back to Slovenia.

    • Angela Ruzzo

      I cannot figure her out. Is she just in that marriage for the money, or could she possibly LIKE the Orange Slime? Her unwillingness to live in the White House makes me think it’s the money.

      • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

        Search for pictures of her and her father, just saying.

  • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

    Like a few have said already, we’re going to be using this a lot.

    Shit, wrong computer. Hang on!

  • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!
    • AJ Milne

      Can we get that in minutes?

      • JustDon’tSayPeriod.Period!

        OK, but we’ll break Disqus with all the updates. Not that that’s hard to do…

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    I don’t think we will be seeing any less of Conway on TV — 1) Nobody shills like she shills and 2) As nauseating the the spectacle is, it’s quite clear that she enjoys it

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    I hesitate to use a phrase like “inevitable implosion” given the utterly improbable duration this imbecilic clown show has lasted thus far, but it’s hard to imagine this leaky ship of state weathering any sort of storm. In fact, it brings to mind the Swedish ship the Vasa, a royal vessel so poorly ballasted and overburdened with gaudy statues that she sank 1400 yards into her maiden voyage.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      But Trump did say that his would be “a Titanic presidenting,” didn’t he?

    • nightmoth

      Great metaphor (& excellent avatar)!

  • mimar

    “Chill, bro, do a tweet, rub one out.”

    Evan, I don’t care about that hot guy in Washington who wanted to sex you. I am going to gay marry you then sex you RIGHT NOW!

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      But when you’re doing “the thing”, he might be thinking of . . . Jared Kushner EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

      • mimar

        Funny, Resist!

  • whitroth

    Let’s see, by Rule 34, any day now, we should see pics popping up of her on her knees in front of him, servicing him. But they will be the BEST PICS!

  • calliecallie

    Maybe instead of “alternative facts,” Kellyanne meant “Alt-Native” facts. Like a combo of Alt-right and Nativist.

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    So in other words they are just as dysfunctional in private as they are ridiculous in public

    • Angela Ruzzo

      They are power-mad narcissistic delusional psychopaths, so yes.

  • JD Mulvey

    Sounds like this is going to be easily the most terrific, pussy-grabbingest White House ever!

    Somebody needs to do a tv sitcom, like they did with Obama. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/241bff6b39e03f11bb883f00e668d97e6ce4308c07b2b7d5f4b19222fe786a41.jpg

    • I want a Shonda Rhimes-style show with thinly-veiled versions of Michelle O and Melon Trump, where they are frenemies and Michelle teaches Melon how to assert herself and be a bitchin’ First Lady, and also too Donny bettah start -R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ing her and that evil usurping stepdaughter better STEP OFF. Occasionally George W will show up and be all POSE FOR ONE OF MY PAINTINGS, MICHELLE and Barry will be all YO WTF. Working title: First Ladies Club. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a4adbea67503e5b19487e50cd62880c1a73fbf897a4d5112516bfb4938c695a2.jpg

      • JD Mulvey

        Is this another show where liberals watch and think that it’s satire and nutjobs watch and think it’s a documentary?

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      Matt & Trey did a show called “That’s My Bush,” on the election of Junior. It only ran for a few episodes before they determined there just wasn’t anything funny about the administration. J

      The show was kind of wonderful, though, in its twisted way.

  • What? No West Wing shade about that Gucci coat? I has a sad.

  • Electric Ukulele Land

    The most amazing thing about Conway’s “alternative facts” line, which I have no just seen the video of, is how obviously she makes up the phrase off the cuff during the interview — that little pause just before she utters the phrase — that is the moment in time when those two words were brought to together in her mind. It was an improvisation . She herself had no idea what was going to come out of her mouth until just then.

    • jowgajen

      It’s an incredible talent being horribly misused.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      A hell of a lot got revealed in that moment. I’ve rarely seen such a thing.

    • Rags

      Trevor Noah interpreted the pause as a momentary ‘I can’t believe I am expected to say this shit’ that slipped through her demeanor at the critical moment.

  • Apple Scruff

    “Conway said she now hopes to limit her television appearances. Instead, she is taking on an expanded portfolio …”

    Translation — Every time I open my mouth, the big bad internet turns me into a meme. I don’t like being made fun of. Time to retreat.

    • mockingbirds88

      She will emerge, freshly botoxed, having “had some work done” and maybe, sweet jeebus, done something about that hiar.

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy
    • nightmoth

      (faint voice from bunk) works for me!

    • bookish

      I’ll never write another symphony.

      • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

        Why not? With so much inspiration?

    • Sandy Beaches

      Oh, Hai

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    I’ve had a feeling for a few weeks that Trump’s administration was going to be clown-like, but it’s already exceeded my expectations. It’s not only corrupt, but also completely juvenile and incompetent. It would be amusing if it wasn’t so fucking scary.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Remember how it was corrupt, juvenile, and incompetent beyond belief within a week of the election? It just keeps going.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        I guess the good news is that we’ve got almost one week down, and only 207 left to go. How thinking people are going to get through this, I don’t know. I used to just grit my teeth during the Bush years, but I can’t do it with this clown.

    • Penny Dreadful Says Resist

      That’s what I used to think. Now, I’m thinking it would be scary if it wasn’t so fucking amusing.

      Check back with me in a few hours.

  • sgt. jmk of the résistance

    Oh my gawd, it’s day 5, and this shit is already approaching meltdown status.

    Good gracious.

    *pops moar popcorn*

  • bluicebank

    Historical record:

    “In the end, it was widespread teasing, wedgies and spitballs from the other kids that destroyed the Trump administration.”

    I’m telling ya, old tricks are the best tricks when dealing with privileged snot-nosed kids on the schoolyard.

  • bookish

    Dumpy is feeling resentful, furious, and demoralized? Finally, some good news!

  • Sandy Beaches

    5 days into this and I still have these gut punching moments where I think, “Holy shit – this orange colored anal cyst is really the President.” Who needs a glass? I’m just gonna hold the box-o-wine over my head and pouring it directly into my mouth.

    • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

      See? I knew you’d fit in around here.

      • Sandy Beaches

        I’ve been lurking long enough…jeez. Except I don’t know about the canned clams joke or who Brad is (is that a Rocky Horror Picture Show reference). However, I do know that comments aren’t allowed and Rebecca knows all the best swear words and has one cute babby who happens to share the same first name as me!

        • 333tenant

          It SHOULD be a Rocky Horror Show reference!!

          • Sandy Beaches

            I’m doing the time warp right now. It’s really a shame that you can’t see me. I’m that good.

        • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

          “Canned clams/You monster!” is a running gag that started in some sort of seafood recipe exchange.

          “Brad” is somebody who emailed the staff about a month ago, saying he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hang out with us, so could they please explain things. This task was delegated to us here in the Peanut Gallery, for our amusement:

          http://wonkette.com/609364/what-is-this-thing-called-wonket-is-it-mean-funny-fake-or-just-different-a-guide-for-brad

          So far, I am unaware of anyone here owning up to being Brad, but we invoke him occasionally.

          • Sandy Beaches

            Oh THAT Brad…Yeah, every political forum I’ve ever posted on has a Brad who after three posts decides they don’t like it there and then they start a “Delete My Account” thread because they are too stupid or too drama queeny to understand that all they have to do is stop posting.

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
          • Sandy Beaches

            Well I’m gonna go then. And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything except this. And that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn
          • Tina in Spokane WA

            Is that a Hitchhikers reference I spot?

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

            And a Legend of Zelda reference!

          • Tina in Spokane WA

            Ooh, I forgot that one. Loved Zelda on my old Commodore 64.

          • Rags

            and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.

          • Tina in Spokane WA

            I love “The Jerk”! You can stay.

          • RugzYaBurnt

            You can make a totally respectable Monday night Linguine con Vongole with canned clams. I’m a believer!

          • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

            I’ll take your word for it. I’m kind of indifferent to clams. Love oysters, though.

          • Celtic_Gnome

            Not owning up to being Brad? Jesus! He took out a fucking billboard! https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/743430cb2083764237a60c618297a9cbe2a709f9e6d513a6b9c9faef8672b0e9.jpg

    • TheBoatDude

      No need for that…just punch a hole in the bag and use a straw. See? Easy peasy cheezy freezy.

      • Sandy Beaches

        Ooooh – a giant sized adult juice box. I’m down with that! Thanks!

      • SatanicVagendaRebellion

        Holy shit, I just now realized why I have been holding on to those novelty Crazy Straw Spectacles I got from my Secret Santa at work…
        Hello, giant alcoholic Capri Sun :P

        • TheBoatDude

          Now go live your best life…

  • WeaselPoo

    As far as I can tell there was no attempt at ‘transition’—because Trump doesn’t do that, his posse is incapable of such subtlety and they are all simpletons who think the world works strictly according to their own imaginings and if/when it doesn’t, there’s something wrong with the world that they will fix by waving the magic Wand of Denial and Just Do It, that they all have clenched in their respective sphincters.

    Nor is there a team of any sort: Trump and every one of his posse members have their own agenda and whilst there is some common ground and common modus operandi, Trump and each of his ‘team’ members appear to me to be strictly interested in their own opportunities to profit. Trump, by his nature, is not interested in teamwork from his ‘team’, he wants them competing with each other for his attention which they will get by attending to his ego.with maximum enthusiasm.

  • Kiri the Resistant Unicorn

    You guys know I like Talking Heads a lot, right?

    https://youtu.be/_NywTcGOUkE

    • Sandy Beaches

      This Clash fan approves of your post

    • CindyinEncinitas

      I wouldn’t trust anyone who doesn’t like Talking Heads at this juncture.

      • Celtic_Gnome

        Sean must be a big Talking Heads fan. He’s got the Big Suit to prove it.

        • TheBoatDude

          What, like 2″ of gap between the jacket and collar?

    • Jason M

      Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks?
      They won’t help me survive
      My chest is aching, burns like a furnace,
      The burning keeps me alive

  • Celtic_Gnome

    Is’t this great? We’ve got a Game of Thrones With Nuclear Weapons sceanario shaping up, and not a Tyrion in sight.

  • Martin Chambers

    So…
    1. Haha to the alt-right! A Jew is Trump’s closest advisor. And not just any Jew, but one who took a white woman and dirtied her up with Jew babies!!!
    2. Jared may be as evil as he is good looking… but he might listen to his wife (who is probably more moderate than anyone else in the Trumphouse), so good thing, maybe?

  • Incoming (AKA Large) Ham

    I wonder if the numbers stations are cranked back up yet.

  • Keith Taylor

    I was not a fly on the wall and I’m even on the other side of the world, so I can’t say if that epic fuck show was really as epic as the news makes it appear. But I wouldn’t be surprised. These people have made it absolutely plain that they don’t know what good faith is, so how can they show it even to each other? Doesn’t seem psychologically workable.

    • David Bailey

      Right. It’s hard to imagine that they magically shed their repugnant public personas when they huddle together to discuss policy initiatives. Let’s hope the leaks and “anonymously sourced” news continue to flow.

    • Tina in Spokane WA

      Can I come live with you? I need a safe space to hide.

  • BFD

    The latest offering from Black Mirror: “Donald Trump” Episode every day for four years AND MAYBE FOUR MORE. Now if that doesn’t scare the shit out you, nothing will.

  • NotConvinced

    How you like your nazi president now, Inbreds?

    • Ducksworthy

      I think the “deplorable” label was much too kind. We need another H.L. Mencken do these people justice. For example:

      “If one turns to such a commonwealth as Georgia the picture becomes far darker. There the liberated lower orders of whites have borrowed the worst commercial bounderism of the Yankee and superimposed it upon a culture that, at bottom, is but little removed from savagery. Georgia is at once the home of the cotton-mill sweater, of the Methodist parson turned Savonarola and of the lynching bee. A self-respecting European, going there to live, would not only find intellectual stimulation utterly lacking; he would actually feel a certain insecurity, as if the scene were the Balkans or the China Coast. There is a state with more than half the area of Italy and more population than either Denmark or Norway, and yet in thirty years it has not produced a single idea.” Not since Carter anyway.

    • TheBoatDude

      Sisterfuckers and Jesus blowers, is how I like to refer to them…

  • Tina in Spokane WA

    Has anyone noticed how unhappy TrumPutin looks since actually having to start work without adoring applause from his fans? He looks glum as is forced to sit in church on Saturday and as he signs away women’s rights and threatens the environment. Even his hair looks like he didn’t take his usual 3 hours fixing it up. His staff has said he is bored and only wants to watch TV and Tweet. He looks like he has been dragged away kicking and screaming, from watching all the news shows about him.

  • Jack

    It appears we just need a few more turns of the screw to make the Trump White House turn on one another like rats. Keep Turning the screw Peoples!

    • TundraGrifter

      Like a pack of starving rats in a bucket.

  • TundraGrifter

    “KNUCKLEFUCKS.”

    That’s a new one.

  • Brian Kowalczyk

    is this an actual publication ? If so thank you for helping continue with the 1200+ dem. seats lost countrywide under Obama along with Trump being elected , senate and house majorities , 31/50 rep. governors and in 2 short years supermajorities in house and senate with a continued death spiral of the dem. party. Keep up the AWESOME work with publications like this in which really make it an simple choice for may democrats to vote republican.

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