Just your average everyday murder cultist
Just your average everyday murder cultist

In the last couple weeks, Donald Trump rallies have featured a whole bunch of people waving “Blacks For Trump” signs in the stands behind the Great Man — sometimes even by black people, but also often held by white people who are obviously very sympathetic to the message, or are every bit as confused as the Texas gent waving an “I regret my abortion” sign at an anti-choice rally a couple years back. But Trump sure is proud of all those folks, who are there to prove the polls are wrong and that the blacks love him:

I love the signs behind me. Blacks for Trump. I like those signs. Blacks for Trump. You watch. You watch. Those signs are great!

So clearly there’s a wave of support for Donald Trump among blacks and white people who’ll hold any Trump sign they’re handed. As it happens, those signs, and the t-shirts reading “Trump & Republicans Are Not Racist,” are the product of a perennial fringe political activist from Florida who goes by the moniker “Michael the Black Man,” AKA Maurice Woodside, AKA Michael Symonette. Turns out he has a fascinating background:

He’s also a former member of the murderous Yahweh ben Yahweh cult, which was led by the charismatic preacher Hulon Mitchell Jr., who was charged by the feds in 1990 with conspiracy in killings that included a gruesome beheading in the Everglades.

That’s not good! Michael was one of 16 Yahweh cultists charged with conspiring to kill two people, although he and six other members of the group were found not guilty. Mitchell, the cult leader, was sentenced to 20 years. Michael changed his name a couple times and became an anti-gay, anti-liberal preacher man with a real talent for glomming on to high profile rightwing figures including Rick Santorum, Glenn Beck, and now Donald Trump. He also really, really hates Barack Obama, whom he’s quite sure is the literal Antichrist and calls “The Beast,” and worries that Obama’s support for child support could reinstate slavery for black men.

Michael the Black Man is also no fan of Hillary Clinton, telling Miami New Times in a phone interview that she is definitely no friend to black people:

“One reason is because Hillary’s last name is Rodham, and their family members are Rothchilds, who enslaved 13,000 slaves as collateral,” he says. “She’s also on camera kissing the head of the Ku Klux Klan and saying, ‘That’s my mentor.’ That’s all on my website.”

The last is a reference to Robert Byrd, who, if you want to get all technical about it, was never the “head of the KKK,” renounced the group in the 1950s, and apologized for it for the rest of his life. That Rothschild stuff seems pretty solid, though.

Michael’s website, which we’d rate as about .85 Timecubes worth of crazy, prominently featured on the signs, is full of top-notch conspiracy weirdness like this:


And big word-salad essays like this one, titled “WHITE MAN & BLACK MAN WAKE UP!! (ISHMAEL) (arabs & East Indians) are killing us (Americans BLACK & WHITE) all over the world on TV,” which make a Dr. Bronner’s soap bottle seem refreshingly lucid:


The piece ends with the reassurance, “REPUBLICANS ARE NOT RACIST they are still against slavery (high taxes).” So that’s good to know.

Not that Michael has burdened Trump with the full range of his knowledge or any information about his background. He told New Times,

“I didn’t get to talk to him about any of that. I just came there with my signs,” Michael says.

But he says Trump shouldn’t worry about his past. “Yahweh is the one who told me white men are your brothers. Before that, I hated all white people. I hated their guts and wanted them dead,” he says.

So there you go — Trump is definitely having some success with a black voter, and if you ever hear anyone suggest Trump might be racist, or that Trump appeals to hate groups, you can cite Michael as an example of someone who’s past all that hate. Just don’t get him started on those filthy Canaanites.

[ABC News on Twitter / Miami NewTimes / New York / Snopes]

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  • SuspectedDemocrat

    Come on. The secret service would never allow Presidential dragons to ride on top of the limo like that.

  • dslindc

    He seems nice.

    • kaydenpat

      And so stable.

  • Bub the Bad Zombre

    Keith Olbermann on women supporting Trump. This one really carries a sting in the tail.

    • cousin itt

      Wow, just wow.

    • Good_Trouble_Yall

      The best outcome of this hideous farce of an election so far is the return of Keith Olbermann. My bucket list consists of one thing so far: have dinner with him, wind him up on just about any subject, and let him rip.

      • MizzMazz

        That would be good fun!

    • Bad Hombre Ron

      He’s absolutely right, as usual. WTF is WRONG with people?

    • grindstone

      Oh yuck, the Kelly Preston thing…visceral reaction. Cringe…..

      • MizzMazz

        Found that yesterday, and I thought I couldn’t be more disgusted by the orange turd. Keith as usual, has nailed it.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        “Classy broad, really, no, really classy. And Loyal. Let’s face it, folks. When I’m out get some tail, I’m not used to a fuckable broad like that saying no to me. I’m the whole package. Me, that’s right. Money. Brains. Good looks. The best words; words of seduction. The best! I charmed that bitch, and SHE. SAID. NO. To me! ME! In my eyes, of course, trust me, that made her even hotter, so hot. Man I wanted to, I still want to tear into that ass. But nope, she’s no whore. Classy!

        Oh and I’m sorry to hear her son died. That’s rough.”

      • Kelly Preston is a Scientologist, which is how she got the job of John Travolta’s beard. “Scientologists for Trump” is an underreported phenomenon. They’re trying to get Pam Bondi re-elected in Florida… and then there’s THIS guy.

  • Lulu Mac
  • Spotts1701, The Baddest Hombre
  • JVisconti

    Someone needs to tell this guy a cabinet position is really not gonna happen and The Apprentice is no longer interviewing potential contestants.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    We live in interesting times.

    • BadKitty904

      Way too.

    • kaydenpat

      Which will culminate in even more interesting times when this country elects its first woman President. YAY!!

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)

    I’m not going to suggest that everyone that’s a die-hard Trumpf supporter is crazier than a greasy paper sack full of rabid mongoose, but there’s a large percentage, certainly. We really need to take better care of our mentally ill.

    • fka_donnie_d

      No, sweetheart. Those are only the ones the media talks to. Have you forgotten that the media are rigged?

  • Good_Trouble_Yall

    Pfft. If the signs read “Colored Peoples for Trump” they’d be even more convincing to Trump voters.

    • Arolpin

      Nigs for Trump would work even better.

    • Vincent Ricola

      “Trump’s N-words”. I would believe the sincerity of that sign.

  • Blacktop Cadence

    Thank you Republicans for giving voice to crazy people.

    We’re all very grateful to hear about things like Jade Helm 15, chemtrails, aliens, and how Obama is a Kenyan, Muslim, Nazi, Antichrist.

  • weejee

    Mental health care in American is in such dire straights – funding is nothing and the nutz go free.

  • JVisconti

    Dude needs to visit his local Restoration Hardware where they have a selection of hinges to help the unhinged.

    • weejee

      And get chiseled like tRump Industries.

    • kaydenpat

      Too late for that. Too many screws are loose.

  • Señor Taco Hombre

    Welp, he has a black.

    • Bad Hombre Ron

      Do you think he knows?

  • Me not sure

    Hillary is in fuzzy boots, a bikinl bottom and armored bra, wearing a crown, and carrying a sword and battle axe, while riding on a dragon with Obama’s face, on top of a car. Could the message be any clearer? I think not.

    • Bad Hombre Ron

      What it says to me is that she’s even more metal than we thought. Yowza!

    • Creepoman

      Wonkbazaar shirt?

    • YoNastyBunny

      I think it’s a really bad-ass look for Hillz, actually.

      • Me not sure

        But is it on message? If so, what?

  • Randy Riddle

    Fascinating. He makes Jack Chick sound sane.

    • BadKitty904

      Believe me, if you grew up in Florida, any connection to Yahweh ben Yahweh tells you all you need to know…

  • Scooby

    I thought Hagar was a Viking?

  • Bad Hombre Ron

    .85 Timecubes? Impressive. Most sites never make it to even .60 Timecubes.

  • Good_Trouble_Yall

    What do you suppose this looney-tunes thinks is in it for him? Does he think he’ll get a post in a Trumpf administration? Become an ambassador? Be name-dropped in Cabinet meetings?
    Or is he just another opportunist, like the candidate he supports, hustling himself while pretending to be involved in an actual election for actual President of the actual United States?

  • Royal Ugly Hombre

    Yahweh? No way.

  • Edita Espinosa (Edith Prickly)

    Look out Alex Jones, you have competition.

  • one_who_wanders

    I can’t figure out if he is crazier than most Trump supporters or just as crazy but in a different way.

    • Good_Trouble_Yall

      You should change your name to “one who wonders,” then.

    • BadKitty904


    • Tacoclamgenda

      Is that one of those Zen questions?

  • BadKitty904

    So, a typical Trump supporter, then…

    • Bad Hombre Ron

      Now with extra melanin!

      • BadKitty904

        “Crazy” comes in all colors.

        • data_ninja

          Orange is pretty popular right now.

          • BadKitty904

            Waaay overdone, tho.

  • Snark Tank, Bad Hombre

    Me, on reading this (although I’m better looking than Ryan Reynolds):

  • Good_Trouble_Yall

    Just to be serious for a second here: I hope a Clinton administration includes some serious study of, and funding for, the much-needed mental-health facilities and programs Reagan decided were such a burden on a democracy.

    • Clinton has already announced a comprehensive mental health care program, the most detailed and progressive one ever to be proposed in our country’s history. The media didn’t cover it because they were too busy talking about Anthony Weiner’s dick. Unfortunately, since it’s looking less likely that we’ll retake the House now, I’m not sure whether it’ll end up happening. Maybe she can do some stuff to help through executive orders, at least.

  • Vincent Ricola

    I don’t have the attention span for these conspiracy theories. I end up stopping on the first unsourced nonsense thing that doesn’t make a lick of sense and can’t bring myself to continue. TLDR. The white people waving the “blacks for trump” signs are hilarious to see on teevee though.

  • John Iwaniszek

    Perverts for Trump!

    • Lance Thrustwell

      Hey! Don’t misrepresent my people.

  • shastakoala

    Signs with Werds for Trump!

  • Jenny, Manocidal Vagendiac

    So why is the “random doctor on tv” back there?

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    Some days… isn’t funny anymore, just plain disgusting. And scary. People are rising to a new level of viciousness and bigotry. As the world gets more and more fucked, there isn’t the slightest bit of a filter on this stuff. Just disgusting.

  • Jeffocaster in the desert

    America is ruled by Amazons? Jeff Bezos libelz!!11!! (actually not so much)

  • Shibusa
    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Look at all the European White People that lived in Israel…..and a black kid.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      More out loud laughing. The teens are now leaving room next door and heading to basement.

  • YoNastyBunny
  • Lance Thrustwell

    People who write like that should resemble twitching blobs of protoplasm.

  • MynameisBlarney

    There’s entirely too much crazy here for me to even try to make fun of.

    • BadKitty904

      This guy’s crazy even by Florida standards.

      • MynameisBlarney

        Yes he is.

        • BadKitty904

          I wonder how he’s not been Baker-Acted?

          • cmd

            Who says he hasn’t? There are time limits as to how long they can hold you.

          • BadKitty904

            True, that. If so, it’s time to do it again.

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      Too much Monkey Business….

  • therblig

    Spare the ROD, spoil the HAM!

    open your eyes, sheeple!!!!

    • Jeffocaster in the desert

      TRAYF!!!!! (not the sheepies)

  • anon_the_great

    I really am surprised the Trump campaign hasn’t put all those Crackers holding Blacks for Trump signs in blackface.

    • The Wanderer

      Wait a week.

  • Antonin Dvorak

    You guys are totally forgetting to read the rest of the sentence on the other side:

  • kaydenpat

    Only 3% of African Americans are voting for Trump. One noisy idiot doesn’t change that fact.

    • Roadstergal

      I find it hard to reconcile that even 3% of black people are voting Trump. Or any women at all.

  • The Wanderer

    Yeah, this guy’s a right piece of work. And worthy of the sobriquet Florida Man.

    • Bub the Bad Zombre

      He wanted to enter the Alligator toss event at the Redneck games, but he was a little bit too well tanned to be eligible.

      • starkitty

        There are real people like that, who get all twitchy with someone with even slightly tan skin, whatever the reason.

        I knew a guy who was a card carrying liberal, but he was raised in Virginia , very posh, and his neurosis when he spoke to someone who was not lily white was pathetic, not the least bit because he couldn’t admit it. Cuz that would make him a and person. But passive aggressively blaming these people for his discomfort was okay. Right. Many progressive. Much justice.

        This was directed at people who were Greek FFS,or heavily tanned, or of uncertain ancestry(like myself). It was almost worse because none of us were ACTUALLY black–People with obvious African features never got the full force of his neurosis–so maybe it was less internal bigotry and more not being able to handle ambiguity?

        • thixotropic jerk

          Racism is a mental illness

  • Bub the Bad Zombre

    The picture from Michael’s website certainly clarifies things! Wake up sheeple!

    Btw, Mike – you DO realize that if Donnie is elected then HE will be the “whore sitteth upon the beast,” right?

    • Man slut not whore. Get your euphemisms correct.

  • Juan de Fuca

    The restaurant I ate at over the weekend served a nice fresh baked boule with a baphomet vinegar dipping sauce. Bueno!

    • Nasty Duke

      No pic?


      There will be Boule Trucks on every corner!

  • TheGrandWaz00
    • Tacoclamgenda

      Embarrassed teen nieces in front of friends in next room with hysterical laughter.
      An Olds so they can just do eye rolls.
      What’s sad is they don’t have a clue and not because parents don’t care.

  • BearGHAZI

    The last murder mystery party I attended was ‘A Gruesome Beheading in the Everglades”!!!!

  • data_ninja
    • Bad Hombre Ron

      Not big on articles or prepositions, are they?

      • data_ninja

        There are more parts to it, but I only uploaded a couple. I knew that once I found that treasure under my windshield wiper, it needed to be preserved for the ages. It was made with photocopies and scotch tape and everything. Sadly, I can’t trace an author to it, so I guess I’ll never know…

        • cmd

          Did they put one on all the cars?

          • data_ninja

            I never found out. I actually didn’t see it until I was driving down the road (was running late to work) and pulled off in a separate parking to to see what it was. When I got back home in the evening to my apartment complex, I did a quick visual and couldn’t see it on any other cars. That doesn’t mean that they hadn’t already been removed. If I was selectively targeted, that might have upped the creep factor by 100. I’ve since moved out of there, and probably for the better.

          • cmd

            I usually only get stuff like car detailing flyers.

    • Crank Tango

      Santa (Satan) Halloween Monster Drink sounds delicious tho, or maybe it would make a great costume.

    • Lara

      What did singers and water ever do to him?


        Legos? NOOOO!

    • cmd

      It might be my aunt who left that note. At least it contains many of her things.

    • theCryptofishist

      Is that the sort of thing you can send to Found Magazine? or is it too crazy?

  • peteywheats

    Doktor, thank you for this article so I didn’t have to keep fighting to urge to go to and see for myself the terrible weirdness that I knew would be there.

  • The Nasty Librarian!

    Well, if you look closely, Mr. Black Man/Woodside/Symonette says Eve will go to Heaven. Considering that most RWNJ consider Eve to be the downfall of mankind, I have to think he’s accidentally trolling Trumpkins.

  • Crystalclear12

    Who knew Trumpers came in “extra crazy”?

    • Nasty Duke

      Talk to a few. “Extra crazy” will be in there.

      • Big Boppa (BadHombre)

        “Extra crazy” is now the default factory setting with “Bat shit insane” and “Alex Jones” being the only other options.

      • Abby Normal

        Where do the people who think Obama is a gay Kenyan Muslim married to a transexual who kidnaps children fit in?

        • Nasty Duke

          “Extra, extra crazy.”

  • DoILookAmused2u ?

    He seems nice.

  • Pickle Truther (AntiDerpomeme)
    • Boscoe

      But wait… he’s ALREADY a pumpkin. So… what’ll he turn into at midnight??

      • Lara

        A handsome prince? No, what am I saying? He’ll turn into a Hubbard Squash!

        • Ducksworthy

          As in the Broadcasting Hubbards I presume. Well done madam.

      • Marion in Savannah


        • thixotropic jerk

          Porn on the cob, sure that sounds about right

  • Nasty Duke

    A caring society would give him a safe place to live his disturbed life.

    • Boscoe

      I keep saying there is a perfectly good Texas-sized garbage island in the Pacific that’s going to waste, but nobody ever listens…

  • eggsacklywright

    This is just a bunch of white noise to distract from the NAMBLA business.

    • puipui

      I did hear that Donald Trump won’t release his tax returns because they show donations to NAMBLA.

      • I keep wondering whether Trump would even be still allowed to roam free if the rape case instead involved a 13-year-old *boy.*

        • thixotropic jerk

          How do we know that he just hasn’t found the courage to come forth yet? T’would be irresponsible of us not to speculate, no?

  • Donkey Option

    PSA time – wrap it up! Come on people! If you are a dude and you don’t want to pay child support – wrap it up! You won’t have to pay child support if you don’t impregnate someone!

    Sorry, I just had a strange conversation with my husband who was having a conversation with the cousin of a friend about having sex outside of marriage. My only point – wrap it up and don’t get anyone into trouble.

    • rosenbomb

      Birth control is a two-way street– who knew?!

    • chicken thief

      I just wait until they reach menopause.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Oh wrap it up I get it now. At first I thought you were talking about a present or a subway sandwich or something…

      • Whale Chowder

        I thought maybe it was Closin’ Time here at the ol’ Wonket.

        “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!”

  • Rufus T. Firefly

    This dude’s time would be better spent memorizing all the digits of pi.

  • AJ Milne

    It was only shortly after Trump started his campaign that I added this macro to all my devices…

    It’s only sensible, really, that I can now type ‘Seems legit’ with a single keystroke.

  • clubseal

    Hmmm….that Photoshop of Obama and Hillary on a dragon on a limo …. 0/10 would not let Photoshop again.

  • Mpeg

    I was hoping this was a thread about a white guy who *thought* he was black..

  • Bitter Scribe

    Hey, everyone needs a Black Friend™.

  • Rags

    Orange is the new black.

  • Mavenmaven

    So heartwarming to see that the lunatic fringe knows no racial boundaries.

  • h4rr4r

    This guy needs to be medicated.

    • Jamoche

      Thanks, Reagan!

      • Ducksworthy

        But he emptied the insane asylums.

        • theCryptofishist

          And saved money!!1

      • thixotropic jerk

        “Homeless by choice” whatta saint!

    • nightmoth

      Recent headline in NYT said “Half of all mentally ill adults in USA get no treatment.” Most towns have a “Michael” or two, or three. There’s one here, white guy, who drives around in an old car emblazoned with white shoe polish messages that are all dire warnings mixing the Rapture with the Illuminati.

  • JesusWasAHippie

    Glad to see Michael the black man giving a shout out to the mgtow crowd, too.

  • Gorillionaire

    To paraphrase Zelig, isn’t it amazing what a bona fide insane paranoid schizophrenic who is likely a very serious danger to other people can accomplish in this country?

  • Objectifer

    I’m confused. The Beast is a Lincoln Continental?

    • calliecallie

      Then what does that make Matthew McConaughy?

      • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

        A dude-bro?

    • Joe T.

      My first car was a ’73 four door Impala that I called “The Beast.”

      Now I’m sad, ’cause apparently I’m the anti-christ.

      • proudgrampa

        My first car was a 1957 Rambler Ambassador that I called “Turbo.”

        I lost my virginity in the damn thing, so I have a special place in my heart for “Turbo.”

      • doktorzoom

        I still own the car I learned to drive in, a ’73 Impala 2-door I call “Vlad.”

        • Objectifer

          Custom AZ plate FTW!

          • doktorzoom

            Had similar plates in Idaho, but sadly when the car was unregistered and in storage for a couple years, some other smartass applied for the name and got it.

        • Whale Chowder

          God, those early ’70s American cars were terrible. I know you love Vlad but that may be one of about 12 of those cars left running, and sheerly by the grace of God.

          • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

            There were some good ones. The Grand Prix, the Impalas. I think the 80’s ones were the worst. It was truly the floor for the auto industry in terms of looks and reliability.

      • chicken thief

        Years ago I had a brown ’83 Olds Delta 88 that I called “The Two Ton Turd”.

      • cmd

        I think it only means you were the anti-Christ while you owned that car. Someone else gets to take over now.

      • Mine was a green 1970 Plymouth Duster that I named “Reptilicus.” Had an engine in it that was two sizes too big. Astonished I never got ticketed for the noise it made.

  • calliecallie

    The so-much-crazy from this election seems to be bleeding over into other aspects of life. Or maybe it started before, with climate change. But people ignoring facts, science, data, and promoting their own personal brand of ignorance as if it were fact seems to have run amuck. I ran across this the other day in a meeting involving engineering and scientific recommendations where people who are admittedly smart people but have no background whatsoever in those specific disciplines were questioning everything about said recommendations in a way that I have not heard in 30 years in this field. I was fucking appalled.

    • Marceline

      Yep. That’s where were are now. America has become a third world country held hostage by the superstitious and hysterical. My question is how do we punish these people for their ignorance? Because these people can’t be worked with. There’s no meeting someone halfway when they refuse to accept objective fact. The only option is to find a way to work around them or get rid of them.

      ETA: By “get rid of them” I mean get them out of positions where they they can inflict their ignorance on the rest of us. Not “get rid” of them.

      • theblackdog

        I really wish there was an effective punishment for their ignorance, especially when they double down on it.

        “I demand that you respect my ignorance!”

        Um, no, face facts instead of what RedState tells you is the “facts”

        • Marceline

          That’s why I’ve gotten rid of my Trump voting friends. Some of whom I’ve known for decades and I’m about to get rid of a doctor who I’ve been seeing since I was a teenager if he tells me he voted for Trump. (I’m going to wait for him to confirm it because he’s an Evangelical and some of them have actually stay true to their beliefs.) I’m not going to pay a man who votes for Trump and I sure as hell am not about to let him put his hands on me.

          • theblackdog

            I don’t blame you. I’ve been getting rid of them as well. It’s going to make the next sci-fi convention very awkward if I run into a few of them.

          • nightmoth

            same here—have a coupla friends I THOUGHT were that rare and elusive breed known as moderate Republicans, but they’re voting for Trump–I don’t care if I never see them again

      • andyshelt

        Preferring ignorance over knowledge is not a new thing as Isaac Asimov pointed out back in 1980.

    • Slavakitty

      This article gave me an epiphany. It explains how people can be cajoled into that worldview. Equally surprising to me was that it is possible for one’s sanity to be restored, once one is removed from the echo chamber:

  • msanthrope

    Dr. Bronner libels!!1!

    • doktorzoom

      True. “Mother cat teaches her kittens Moral ABCs” is a lot nicer.

  • theblackdog

    His screed reads like one of the “13th Tribe” people who like to get on their bullhorns outside of the Chinatown Metro in DC.

  • AnOuthouse

    Is his cult opposed to punctuation?

    • andyshelt

      Hey come on now, be fair.

      As you can tell from the intermittent lapses into CAPS LOCK and weird colored font styles his keyboard is clearly suffering from technical issues as clearly no sane person would design his website like that……(reads actual content of word salad)….hang on, wait a minute, I see the problem now.

  • aureolaborealis

    He makes a mean peppermint castile soap, though.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Dr. Bronner was more coherent.

      • Lizzietish81

        ALL ONE!

        • Tacoclamgenda

          BTW, there’s an interesting documentary on Beginner, beliefs, soaps and family. Was on Netflix, don’t know if it still is.

      • Zen Diesel

        Almond is my favorite Dr. Bronner soap

      • Tacoclamgenda

        And then I immediately thought this.

    • Tacoclamgenda

      My first thought as well.

  • Bear OmNomNom

    So there’s one faction of the GOP that creates these horrible stereotypic caricatures of black men fathering 2,229 babbehs and running out on them… and another faction that thinks child support obligations are a tool of Obama-slavery? Yeah, the conservative movement has TOTALLY got its shit together.

  • andyshelt

    Dear Michael,

    Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

    • mailman27

      Is the alimony and child support in Isa3:12 or is it the part about taxi cabs?

      • theCryptofishist

        And what about Über?

  • puipui

    Does that other sign say “LGBTQs 4 Trump”? Who the fuck is making those signs? How is they don’t know how the abbreviation works and yet they still managed to get the Q in there? I am baffled.

    • cynmac’s bigly nasty pussy

      Trump never gets it right and never includes the Q. So obviously the sign maker is taking their cues from The Donald.

    • thixotropic jerk

      They meant their sign to say “BLTGQs* 4 Trump” but were just to hangry when they wrote it out.

      * Bacon-Lettuce-Tomato-Gett’em-Quick

  • OneYieldRegular

    There’s a guy in the Bay Area who puts out screes just like that – dense single-spaced text, lots of ALL CAPS, different colored fonts, random quotations pulled from the internet. One of his favorite topics appears to be how Jackie Chan is the son of great detective Charlie Chan (whom he apparently doesn’t realize is a fictional character) and is going to right the world, possibly through martial arts, though that’s not very clear. And so far as I know, the guy didn’t belong to a murderous cult.

    • Sister Artemis

      I got a 2-page hand-typed one at the tattoo shop 15 or 20 years ago, all about how we were sending people to the Devil, but with moar capz n krazee. Kind of scared me, though I didn’t do anything but file it. These days, I think I’d probably call the police for advice and just to put it in the record.

    • theCryptofishist

      For some of us, the standard is Steve Lightfoot. You do know that Stephen King killed John Lennon at the behest of Richard Nixon?

  • Land Shark Hombre

    That’s some USDA Certified Grade A crazy right there, ya know.

  • Villago Delenda Est

    In short, he’s a loony.

  • azeyote

    so much for duck dynasty or honey boo boo – this guy is a one man show ready for trump tv

    • Sister Artemis

      I keep thinking of the revamped news hour in Network

  • The Bird in a Red Pantsuit

    My Dad used to wear Haggar pants back in the day.

    • Hemp Dogbane

      They were great on Hee Haw too.

      • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

        Wasn’t one of them in Van Halen for a while?

  • chicken thief

    Good to know the African ladies prefer to be called ‘jezebels’. I’ll seem like a local when I start calling them that on my next visit!

  • chicken thief

    “Where’s my black? Where’s my black? Oh, there he is!”

    ~ Trump

  • Alan

    It’s a shame that people with mental health issues can’t get the help they need.

    • thixotropic jerk

      Good news though! Republicans are totes down with mental health care! You get some somehow for free but only after you do a mass shooting!

  • Panika MCD

    the “I regret my abortion” people aren’t the confused ones in the TX abortion debate–though they certainly don’t need to infringe on everyone else’s right to choose just because they got borned again when they entered addiction recovery. the confused ones are the ones who had abortions because the fetus was not viable and think that every woman experiencing the same should be able to do so and spend time with the dead fetus after–which is a thing, even Wendy Davis did it–that don’t realize that what they are describing IS an abortion and they are arguing against others being able to have the same “healing experience” they did.

    • Tacoclamgenda


    • cynmac’s bigly nasty pussy

      Fetus funerals are super weird too. Did not know that about Wendy Davis having a “jar baby” but the only links are to Dead Breitbart and CNS. I’m not going there.

      • Panika MCD

        she didn’t have a jar baby, she had a fetus with an acute brain abnormality that she chose to abort in the 2nd trimester. I don’t know if they had a formal ceremony related to the fetus, but it is an option they’re trying to make mandatory right now.

        also, she didn’t have 2 abortions because to have an abortion you need to be pregnant first and you are not considered pregnant until the zygote implants in the uterine wall–which doesn’t happen in ectopic pregnancies. therefore the procedure was a tubal ligation, not an abortion.

        • cynmac’s bigly nasty pussy

          Thanks for the details. I did see that the second pregnancy was actually etopic.

          • Panika MCD

            technically, neither the first nor second procedures related to her first pregnency.

        • theCryptofishist

          I do have a certain amount of sympathy for those who feel that was an abortion, no matter the site of the implantation. And I don’t think you’re going to win many arguments on that technicality.

          • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

            I don’t…ectopic pregnancies are not survivable for the fetus, or the woman.

          • theCryptofishist

            Not a complete sympathy. I think it can be hard to wrap your head around, this tiny piece of life is already dead.
            (Not that we aren’t all, but in a different way.)

          • Panika MCD

            Texas Right to Life said it wasn’t an abortion and it was very said, but they wish she hadn’t aborted Tate, they would pray for her and vote for Abbott. Texas Alliance for Life said, “BURN HER! BURN HER!” but Texas Alliance for Life wants to do away with wrongful birth as a civil cause of action along with all prenatal tests which is, folks, the line that most pro-life legislators won’t cross. I think I saw Donna Campbell’s jaw hit the floor on that one.

  • The DeplorableDemmeVagenda


  • beatbort

    Oh god, it would be so wonderful if some of these pudgy bigoted assholes show up in predominantly black precincts to “enforce” something something something integrity of the something something.
    The only thing they’re likely to leave with are some bootprints on their wide asses!
    Or worse! With votes, of course!

  • YayConspiracy

    Are these people Trump’s fringe benefits?

  • Oneofthebobs

    “REPUBLICANS ARE NOT RACIST they are still against slavery (high taxes).” I did not know that slaves paid taxes.

    • Longstreet63

      They never seem to say just exactly what the cutoff is between high taxes and just taxes, do they? It’s always just “Lower than now”.

    • OrG

      I hear the tax rate is quite low in Somalia.

  • Panika MCD

    oh, jesus. the 50/50 child custody/child support bullshit. those guys are terrible. the number of times I’ve seen them begin with something along the lines of “after the mother sued me to take a paternity test for the child I didn’t want anything to do with…” when demanding they should have 50/50 custody of their children and not pay child support is ridonkadonks. they also don’t seem to understand that when they don’t get their way in court regarding custody it’s because the judge has an obligation to assure the child is in the most stable and healthy environment possible just adds to the idiocy.

  • harryeagar

    So Yahweh ben Yahweh was released on parole after 15 years. I guess The (Florida) Man’s oppression of black prisoners is not what it used to be.

  • Zen Diesel

    That is a tankful of unleaded crazy, who knew you create a website using copy and paste.

    • phoenix00

      Wasn’t it the lead that was found to cause even more crazy?

  • mailman27

    Sounds like “somebody’s” got an issue with paying their child support…

  • JParkerSD46

    Holy freakin’ Jeebus, where do these people come from? I must say, though, that the graphic of Hillz is quite interesting. Who knew she looked like that under those pants suits.

    • Zen Diesel

      They remind of the black Israelites nut jobs that stand on the corner and yell total nonsense.

  • Dough

    In the video – most visible at 14-seconds – is a man wearing a white doctor/lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck… I’D LIKE TO HEAR HIS STORY NEXT, PLEASE.
    (directly over Trump’s left shoulder – right side of screen)
    – Though, without more info, I’m just gonna assume he’s a fledgling background actor who misunderstood the “dress professionally” directive… but he did share screen time with the lead character.. so..

  • Marla

    Surprised Alex Jone$ hasn’t blown him yet

  • whitroth

    Um, um, reading that screed… there are too many things wrong with that for me to count. Just as an example, a) no, no queens or princesses of Egypt were named Isis, Isis *IS* a Goddess, Osiris, her husband, is a God, so it’s reasonable that their child is *a* God, not G*d ™….

    I can read more fun screeds than that, if I take magnifying glass to my Dr. Bronner’s peppermint oil soap….

    • Unclejeems

      Just when you think you’d seen and read everything, here comes this guy.

      But I do think the whole naming people after gods and saints is pretty old and meant to capture for the person so named some quality claimed by the divine namesake. Ramses III had a wife named Isis. And as I recall, Ra-moses, or Rameses means “son of the sun god, Ra,” or something like that. Which means that the name of the biblical Moses meant something like Sonny Boy. Go figure.

    • I AM R U

      I couldn’t even get through it – it’s a graphic designer’s worst nightmare.
      C’mon people, if you want us to believe the crazy, at least make it legible!

      • theCryptofishist

        Wired magazine obviously touched many people. Deeply.

        • I AM R U

          Too deeply. Like, lobotomy deeply.

      • It does have that GeoCities circa 1996 design feel. At least they didn’t use the marquee tag with spinning gifs.

  • Longstreet63

    Welp, I’m convinced…

  • Saxo the Grammarian

    That screed was ghost-written by Dr. Bronner’s evil doppelganger.

  • SeeTrain65

    Those ravings seem to me to be the first time Dan Quayle’s “It’s a terrible thing … to lose one’s mind … or not to have a mind” have ever made sense.

  • redarmyzombie

    …What the fuck did I just look at?

    • phoenix00

      Damned if I knew

  • OrdinaryJoe

    Gunna need bigger FEMA camps come January.


    MMM! Please add more toxic and/or psychedelic mushrooms to my word salad please!

    • phoenix00

      Should we even ask what’s in the dressing?


    Looks like someone managed to evade Trump’s Extreme Vetting™.

    • phoenix00

      When one vets extremistly, one tends to find extremists!

  • arsehat

    OK, so Adam’s 1st wife (was) created from the dust on the sixth day. What about his third wife? Where did she come from? It was his DAUGHTER. And his fifth wife was his goddamned GRANDDAUGHTER. If that’s not enough, his fourth wife was his GAY GRANDSON. THEN ADAM FUCKED HIMSELF AND HAD A TWO ASSED DAUGHTER WHOM HE COULDN’T FUCK!

    • Wee Mousie

      You underrate Adam.

    • elpinche

      Sounds like a typical Trumpturd family tree.

    • Hairstrike Alpha

      Well maybe if Adam grabbed her by the pussy…it’s in the INSTRUCTIONS FFS

    • Nasty_ahughes798_woman

      How do the god botherers attempt to explain/make excuses for the multi-generational incest that had to occur in order for the human race to survive?

      • RugzYaBurnt

        Why do you think they’re absolutely delighted to vote for a dude who got lap dances from his own 12-year-old daughter?

    • Wasn’t there a rib somewhere in there?

  • Wow…this dude could be Trump’s Secretary of Education.

    • Mr Canoehead

      He has the best words.

  • elpinche

    The red rocker begat that shit!! Rock on Cabo!!

  • mary5920

    Beelzebubs for Trump!!!

  • eddi_the_Bad_Hombre

    Uh, yeah… The humidity down there in FLA is responsible for many cases of brain fungus.

  • theCryptofishist

    Needs more gators…

  • dshwa

    That’s an impressive word salad. A Palin ghostwriter couldn’t come up with better.

  • Grokenstein

    “I didn’t get to talk to him about any of that. I just came there with my signs,” Michael says.

    Translation: “He wouldn’t touch my black ass with a fifty-foot pole even if I wasn’t batshit crazy, but I still love him.”

  • flying rabbit

    So much crazy in the world.

  • Boko999

    I’m so confused, where do we put this guy?
    A. Basket of Deplorables
    B. Hamper of Detestables
    C. Boxcar of Despicables

  • goonemeritus

    He seems a little more normal than the average Trump supporter.

  • I’m thinking the colour changing type are different voices joining the chorus of crazy.

  • Laffing Crow

    From the Trump campaign site.

  • Laffing Crow

    Ok. Biffed that up. One more time.

    From the Trump campaign site. Exclusive Limited Edition Trump Black Card.

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