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Who loves gays more than Marcus Bachmann, the guy who is always hanging out with gays and inviting them to his office so he can “discipline” them? Nobody. Nobody loves to discipline a homo more than Marcus Bachmann. He even managed to convince the government to pay him $137,000 in Medicaid funds for performing these services at his unlicensed Christian-centered therapy “clinic.” So gay dating site Gaydar.net has kindly offered Marcus Bachmann a free lifetime membership, that he might connect with millions of other gays in need of discipline:

“In light of Marcus Bachmann’s spike in popularity on gay and gay-friendly blogs across the U.S., internet dating megasite Gaydar.net is offering the the husband of Tea Party presidential candidate Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) a complimentary lifetime membership,” reports Gaydar, on its blog.

“As a rep at Gaydar HQ explains, ‘Marcus Bachmann is popping up on everyone else’s gaydar, we figure he might want to be on the real Gaydar! With over six million members, we like to think Gaydar is the picture of inclusivity — from swarthy barbarians to piggy politicos — all are welcome!’”

[LGBTQ Nation]

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  • nounverb911

    Physician, heal thyself.

    • emmelemm

      Nice. Brevity is the soul of wit, and that nailed it.

  • Barb

    Bill Maher said last night, "you don't need gaydar to tell this guy is gay, any two of your senses gives it away"

    • BloviateMe

      That was funny, but I was still busy sulking over the fact Bill treated horseface with kid gloves. Hell, I'm still pissed about that.

      • Barb

        I kept saying last night, "look at her freaking adams apple!" Ann Coulter has one!

        • BloviateMe

          Truly. Coulter and Ru Paul singing ebony and ivory together would be amusing and terrifying, on so many fronts.

        • Geminisunmars

          I couldn't stand it. I had to leave the room where my husband continued to watch (he is nearly blind, which helped). And yet her fiendish laugh pursued me throughout the house. No snark, it really was annoying. We were experiencing our local monsoon, or I would have left the house.

      • Arken

        They have been good friends for years for some reason and Maher never directly disses his friends.

  • nounverb911

    I hear Marcus and Lindsey are getting married in NYC on the 24th.

  • widestanceroman

    Please, for the love of cock, NO Tweet pic scandals.

  • gullywompr

    Guess I'll have to find a new gay dating site. I only like hot guys.

  • His favorite movie is "Conan The Bare-Back-ian".

    • tribbzthesquidz

      I dig your loljazzcats very much. I will be sharing them with my jazz peoples. As well.

  • Leave Marcus ALONNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
    ~

    • chicken_thief

      What? Or his hit us with his purse?!

    • emmelemm

      No.

  • Come here a minute

    Marcus Bachmann believes that slavery was horrible and economic enslavement is also horrible, and having to pay a membership fee at your gay dating site is also horrible.

    • BloviateMe

      He can be like the Che Guevara of gay dating. Ghe Guevara?

  • MinAgain

    Do people still date?

    • BarackMyWorld

      More like date = show up at each other's rent-controlled apartments, drink some PBR, fuck, go home via city bus.

      • Negropolis

        go home via city bus.

        Why, that's awfully socialist of you.

    • Doktor Zoom

      For me, it's mostly just carbon dating now….

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Please, like he already doesn't have an account.

  • Tommmcattt

    I feel it is important to point out that "Dr." Marcus Bachmann got his PhD from a Diploma Mill, and that it is a "Generalist" Liberal Arts PhD, meaning he really isn't qualified to provide therapy to anyone. That never stopped "Dr." Laura, though, so there is right-wing precedent.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh, the precedent goes back at least as far as Dr. Henry Kissinger's honorary degree — and probably much further back than that.

      • SorosBot

        He 's not a wingnut, but did you know that Dr. J doesn't even have a PhD, or any other kind of doctorate?

        • Tommmcattt

          Dr. Pepper, either.

          It's a small world.

          • BloviateMe

            Just leave Dr. Evil out of the conversation. He didn't go to six years of evil medical school to be called Mister.

        • horsedreamer_1

          & George Gervin isn't an Abominable Snowman, either!

        • GOPCrusher

          Darrell Griffith did graduate from the University of Louisville, but never got an advanced degree.

      • PsycWench

        The bluegrass musician Ralph Stanley has been known to go by "Dr. Stanley". When you can get an honorary Ph.D by playing banjo, you know they're setting the bar at ground level.

        • Grief_Lessons

          Here in Canada we have a country music legend Stompin' Tom Conners who got an honourary degree for pounding on a piece of wood.

    • Steverino247

      True, but Dr. Laura's nude pics were hot, so there's that.

    • C_R_Eature

      Well, there is Doctor Professor Longhair, School of Hard Knocks. He sure as hell earned both of those degrees.

  • nounverb911

    Does Marcus approve of slavery too? How about bondage?

    • MissTaken

      Yes, and oh god YES.

      • BloviateMe

        Simple, yet effective. I snorted at work, damn you. Upfist you shall receive.

    • bagofmice

      I am topfisting you for that.

  • Crank_Tango

    Too soon!

  • That's a $37.50 savings

    • Tommmcattt

      If you amortise it out over the year it comes to a cost of only fifty cents a peen! Waaaay cheaper than Manhunt!

  • SheriffRoscoe

    He's not gay. He's just effusive.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, and Rosie O'Donnell is just big-boned.

  • What's his profile going to say? "Power bottom looking NSA, PNP, etc"? I just grossed myself out.

  • pinkocommi

    A lifetime membership to a gay dating website puts Marcus Bachmann one step closer to fulfilling his dream of "curing" all the gay men in the world by sucking the gayness out of their cocks one man at a time. Or more than one. Orgies are cool.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Gaydar.net should be careful about who it gives complementary memberships to — those ex-gays recruit, you know. It's the only way they can spread their sinister lifestyle.

  • freakishlywrong

    I can't wait until this porcine hater is outed. And make no mistake, he will be. Wouldn't it be great if he was caught "laying eggs" with McConnell?

    • chicken_thief

      That just gave me the worst fucking (literally and figuratively) mental pic ever. Good job! But I hate you for it…

    • FakaktaSouth

      That is one of the floppiest sounding hookups I have ever imagined. FLop FLop FLop. Just all kinds of skin waddles flopping everywhere.

    • tcaalaw

      I'm pretty sure there are a lot of dead rent boys buried on the Bachmanns' farm to prevent that from happening.

    • Dammit, I don't even want to know what sort of weird gay thing "laying eggs" is….but I also can't resist temptation. [goes to Urban Dictionary]
      Wait….all it says for definitions for that is "Overall poor perfomance, not meeting one's goals" … so that's either a double-entendre or something so weird and gay that it's not even on Urban Dictionary, in which case, I really, actually don't want to know what it is.

  • Marcus Intherearius.

  • MildMidwesterner

    There's a Teabagger joke in this post somewhere….

    • BloviateMe

      …or a "post" buried in a teabagger. Repeatedly.

      • jus_wonderin

        Bag, being the operative word. Marcus is a two bagger.

  • Goonemeritus

    Were I married to Michele Bachmann I … oh fuck never mind I just puked in my recycle bin.

  • SenileAgitation

    "Bi MWM seeks same for threesome with my attractive sex crazed brunette wife, she is turned on by guys pretending to be straight then succumbing to terrible temptation and repenting tearfully afterward (until the next time!). Must swallow. Could be LT for the right person. Sorry, NO former foster children."

  • gullywompr

    So, "spreading the homosexual agenda" includes free memberships? I can't wait to see what WND has to say about this.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Santorum feels snubbed.

    • I have a feeling Santorum will be present.

      • KeepFnThatChicken

        Jesus God, I just spit peanuts all over my monitor.

        • BloviateMe

          …and Marcus has spitting penis all over his monitor.

      • bagofmice

        So, Santorum will still come?

  • DahBoner

    "He even managed to convince the government to pay him $137,000 in Medicaid funds for performing these services at his unlicensed Christian-centered therapy “clinic.”"

    Golly, $137K sure buys a lot of meth and male hookers, right Ted Haggard?

  • SorosBot

    Dr. Bachmann may not be a real doctor, but he is still both an analysist and a therapist; he's an analrapist.

    • freakishlywrong

      I see what you did there, Soros..

      • bagofmice

        I'll take "the rapists" for 200 Alex.

    • mumbly_joe

      He and Shely also have all those foster kids, and we all know his views on discipline. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm sure he's a bit of a discipline daddy.

  • Andrew Drinker

    CLANG, CLANG, CLANG went the trolley!
    DING, DING, DING went the bell!!!!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    With over six million members, we like to think Gaydar is the picture of inclusivity — from swarthy barbarians to piggy politicos — all are welcome!

    Why, that's more members than all the Tea Party organizations and their offshoots combined!

    • Doktor Zoom

      At the very least, far more throbbing, erect members.

    • Tea Bag Party isn't the only ones who like to…well, you know.

  • Funny, you'd think the gays would NOT like him.

  • BornInATrailer

    Haven't The Gays suffered enough?

  • RedNM

    Looking for his soul mate…enjoys long walks, waterfalls, rainbows…ideal first date: dinner in a hot air balloon over the Taj Mahal…

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      is that a euphemism for "eating Rush Limbaugh out in a graveyard"?

      • Doktor Zoom

        Obligatory Bill Hicks clip.

        (Audio is Decidedly NSFW)

  • WriteyWriterton

    There HAS to be luggage-lifting in "Dr." Bachmann's future, amirite?

    • No need to travel when you have a sex dungeon.

      • WriteyWriterton

        "…sex dungeon" = horizontal bop anywhere, at any time, w/ Michele Bachmann?

        • GOPCrusher

          I get the impression that Michele throws on a strap-on and does the pitching in that relationship.

          • WriteyWriterton

            Ew! Also, too, ow!

  • DaSandman

    His 2317 children should have had a clue when he decorated the Xmas tree with bedazzled butt plugs last year.

    • I bet his poos look like monster glittery unicorn shits.

    • Steverino247

      Reminds me of the decorations we put up in the Quonset hut when I was stationed in Korea. We pulled out all the green and red condoms we could find from the box at the front gate and pinned them all over the place.

  • He strikes me as coupon clipper and will not be able to resist such a bargin.

  • fuflans

    in general it is a good rule of thumb to not piss off the gay community.

  • ingloriousbytch

    You know who else should've been given a free lifetime membership on Gaydar.com.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Half the Bush administration?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Top half or bottom half?

        • SheriffRoscoe

          Karl Rove is proving once again to be difficult to categorize.

    • WriteyWriterton

      George Rekers?

    • iburl

      Every single other person who ever claimed to be able to cure gayness?

    • GOPCrusher

      Larry Craig?

    • emmelemm

      Mark Foley?

    • SorosBot

      Richard the Lionheart?

    • BloviateMe

      The Sham-Wow guy?

    • KeepFnThatChicken

      Gary Glitter?

    • zhubajie

      GW Bush?

  • MARCdMan

    His Jeff Gannon moment will come soon, and it'll be epic to watch his harpy "wife" melt down.

    • GOPCrusher

      Oh no. She can play the victim card and gain the evangelical vote as her husband tearfully claims to be tempted by the Devil and has prayed the Gay away.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I'm hoping for an arrest while he's out searching for gay men to "heal of their affliction" at a roadside rest area on I-35 north of Minneapolis.

    • Doktor Zoom

      Oh…..I read that as "his Jeff Garlin moment," and was looking forward to Susie Essman screaming "YOU FAT FUCK!!!" at him.

    • sati_demise

      she will simply have to take that beard off

    • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

      Where IS Mr Gannon these days?

      • zhubajie

        In the "Obama = Queer = Satan" van!

  • hagajim

    Gay discipline…hmmm, is there bondage with that as well?

  • mavenmaven

    We'll see who is carrying his luggage for him on business trips.

  • not that Dewey

    Not that there's anything wrong with that…

  • FakaktaSouth

    The idea of ANYone getting on this dude just icks me out so hard. None of my gay guy friends would go near those fish lips. Bleh.

  • Doktor Zoom

    I would never join any club that would have him as a member.

    • Or join any club that would have his member as a member.

      • Doktor Zoom

        I thought of adding that myself, but generously left it to others.

        Well-played, Jesus Dude

  • KeepFnThatChicken

    What would his username be?

    FiveKidsAndUnsure
    Regret_Fuck
    Really-With-Stupid
    Will_Suck_Dick_To_Leave

  • mumbly_joe

    Seeking barbarian for disciplining.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Behind every strong woman is a sensitive man secretly dreaming of Thai ladyboys.

  • DahBoner

    This proves God has a sense of humor because according to Bachman, she didn't even like Marcus that much, but 'God told her to marry him'.

    God: Fabulous!!!

    • Isyaignert

      Notice, also, too, that batsh!t crazy and her prop of a spouse had 23 foster children – curiously, all teenage girls. Allegedly they used them as domestics and to homeschool their other kids. The state paid them $30 per day per girl, tax free. Do the math. If true, it's a pretty sweet deal, albeit unChristian-like, to get paid by the state for expoiting vulnurable children. IOKIYAR

  • Negropolis

    This is how American capitalism works. And boy does it work. Workin' for the man every night and day.

  • GregComlish

    Just because a guy is into right-wing, transgendered, MTF politicians doesn't mean that he's gay.

  • Isyaignert

    Everytime you point a finger, there's three pointing back at you.

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