Tag Archives: tony perkins

  what about our freedom to imprison you?

Republicans Invite Hate-Group Leader To Whine To Congress About Persecution, Starting, Like, Now!

You’ve probably heard by now how all those Rainbow Shirt Enforcer Squads™ are coming straight from the Castro to cram buttsechs down Middle America’s throat. You have also probably heard that this country’s ever-increasing tolerance for The Gay is actually an Affront to Liberty, and more importantly the rights of Not Gays to discriminate against their sodomite compatriots, as Jesus and Thomas Jefferson intended. These are all existentially true statements, of course, and we should all be cognizant of the FACT that white fundamentalist Christians are the Real Oppressed Minorities, what with having to bake wedding cakes for homogay couples and maybe having to share a bathroom with a Not-Female who is no doubt only trannying to facilitate a legitimate rape. Read more on Republicans Invite Hate-Group Leader To Whine To Congress About Persecution, Starting, Like, Now!…
  freeeeeeeeeeeedom!!!!1!

Greetings From The Freest* State In The Land, Suckers: Your Florida Roundup

Good news, everyone! According to some outfit called the John Locke Foundation, which is based in North Carolina and apparently doesn’t visit often, Florida is not only the state where half-senile olds turn out in droves to elect baldheaded, Medicare-frauding cartoon ghouls governor (twice), but also the “freest” state in the nation. Of course, as the good folks at Reason remind, this can only be so if you ignore all the bullshit our cops do (and, I might add, the fact that we fought like hell against letting the gays marry and voted down medical marijuana at the Reefer Madness-style urging of the law enforcement establishment). But that’s okay, because the John Locke folks don’t really give a fuck about civil liberties or any other such hippie nonsense. Nope, it’s all guns and taxes and vouchers and hating on Medicaid for the poors — they seem like such nice people — and Florida kicks everyone’s ass on that stuff: Read more on Greetings From The Freest* State In The Land, Suckers: Your Florida Roundup…
  The revolution will not be ... happening

Alabama Anti-Gay Today, Anti-Gay Tomorrow, Anti-Gay FOREVAH

Well, actually ...
Hooray, the revolution is finally here! After years of judicial activists cramming marriage equality down the unwilling throats of Americans who are mostly cool with it at this point, Alabama’s probate judges, who are not judicial activists because they just aren’t, have answered the call of literally tens of Americans and refused to recognize the authority of the Supreme Court of the United States of America-Except-For-Alabama, because who do those guys think they are anyway, Supreme Court justices or something? Read more on Alabama Anti-Gay Today, Anti-Gay Tomorrow, Anti-Gay FOREVAH…
  UNFOLLOW POST

Gays Now Rudely Getting Nekkid On Persecuted Christian News Feeds

Here, wingnuts, you might need this.
Fundamentalist Christians sure have it tough these days, and if you were listening to hate group leader Tony Perkins’s radio programme the other day — which of course you were — you learned that the LGBTs (it’s pronounced “legbots”) have opened a new front in the battle for worldwide gayness, by sneaking right into unsuspecting wingnuts’ Facebook news feeds and just gettin’ NEKKID: Read more on Gays Now Rudely Getting Nekkid On Persecuted Christian News Feeds…
  Because The Gays are the real terrorists

Atlanta Fire Chief Simply Does Not Care For Gay People, Wingnuts Are ON IT

omg, y'all, I cannot even with this
Today in religiously freedoming The Gays, we are hearing about the martyrdom of Atlanta Ex-Fire Chief and Soldier of Our Lord Kelvin Cochran, who was fired either for being a Christian hero for perpetual non-gay straightness, or for being a problem employee with abhorrent views who didn’t follow procedure concerning Atlanta public officials who write books, you decide. Let’s freedomsplore! Last fall, Cochran wrote a book entitled Who Told You That You Were Naked. Someone at ThinkProgress seems to have taken one for the team, hooray, and read parts of it, hopefully aloud to a laughing, jeering audience. Read more on Atlanta Fire Chief Simply Does Not Care For Gay People, Wingnuts Are ON IT…
  It's Jihad All The way Down

Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Obama Supporting Jihad By Bombing ISIS

When in doubt, use this picture
Former Congressidiot Michele Bachmann explained in a recent interview that even when Barack Obama is trying to get one group of Muslims to bomb the hell out of another group of Muslims, he is actually advancing worldwide Islamic jihad, because of course he is. Read more on Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Obama Supporting Jihad By Bombing ISIS…
  Here have some news n stuff

GOP Congressman Lee Terry Wins Coveted Convicted Killer Endorsement

Convicted killers for Lee Terry
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins, from a Lee Terry ad Rep. Lee Terry of Nebraska is a real piece of work. He’s one of the charming fellas who insisted, during the government shutdown, that he was special and, unlike the rest of America, he really needed his paycheck because he, unlike the rest of America, had “a nice house and a kid in college.” Then he said he was sorry for saying that, he didn’t mean to seem like a total jerkwad, it’s not how he was raised.Being a jerk in all the other ways, however, is how he was raised, it seems, because he’s never apologized for his long voting record of being an anti-woman, anti-children, anti-gay, anti-healthcare, anti-everything jerk. Or for running some disgusting ads this election cycle, blaming his Democratic opponent, Brad Ashford, for the four murders committed by Nikko Jenkins after being released early from prison under the state’s “good time” policy. According to Terry’s campaign, there was nothing wrong with suggesting that it was basically Ashford’s fault that four people were dead — a charge so despicable, even former Republican National Chairman Michael Steele condemned the campaign.So it’s quite fitting that this week, during a competency hearing to determine whether none other than convicted Nikko Jenkins is competent to be sentenced to the death penalty (which is a whole other discussion for a whole other day), Jenkins endorsed, that’s right, Lee Terry: Read more on GOP Congressman Lee Terry Wins Coveted Convicted Killer Endorsement…
  Whine and Jesus Party

It’s A Good Friday For Values Voters To Feel Persecuted Again

nice ride
Outside the Values Voter Summit 2014/Photo by Beth Ethier It’s time for all the wingnuttiest Christianist wingnuts who will never be president to gather once again in D.C. to Biblesplain how President Obama is THE WORST, liberals have killed Jesus (again!), and it’s hard out there in these American United States of Real America for an outraged white dude. Read more on It’s A Good Friday For Values Voters To Feel Persecuted Again…
  Like Todd Starnes Has Ever Seen A Big Condom

Fox’s Todd Starnes Exposes Big Condom-Public School Industrial Complex

Invading a middle school near you title=
Can’t get enough dick? We can never get enough dick — news about dicks, politicians being dicks, anonymous airport dick, and sometimes dicks talking about dick-things. Enter Todd Starnes, Fox News comment-spewer and host of the physical embodiment of all the worst insinuations of the word “dick.” His latest complaint: Public schools are beholden to Big Condoms. No, not the Magnum condoms that you buy to put in your nightstand to impress ladies who snoop, but which you never use because haha, get real.  We are talking about the Big Condom-Public School Industrial Complex, which is a 100 percent real thing, sheeple. Read more on Fox’s Todd Starnes Exposes Big Condom-Public School Industrial Complex…
  What's All This Fuss About Eye Cysts Anyway?

Very Important Wingnut: Repeal The First Amendment So ISIS Doesn’t Get Us

Just look up 'Backpfeifengesicht'
Never one to let an opportunity for paranoia pass by, the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins found a way to link fear of ISIS with one of his favorite fears, the specter of secularism (which is going to make Christianity illegal any day now). Read more on Very Important Wingnut: Repeal The First Amendment So ISIS Doesn’t Get Us…
  Serial Loser Says What?

Rick Santorum Has Sexxy Advice For Barack Obama: Stop Being Pathetic About Iraq

On Monday, Rick Santorum dropped by the Family Research Council’s “Washington Watch” radio program, and he shared some of his foreign policy expertise with host and FRC head Tony Perkins. A couple of insights: Iraq is a mess because Barack Obama failed to strong-arm Iraqi President Nouri Al-Maliki into accepting a new status-of-forces agreement. Maliki insisted on sticking to the arrangement that he’d negotiated with George W. Bush, which required a U.S. withdrawal by 2010, but Santorum gives a hint of how he’d be a super diplomatic president who would make the rest of the world respect us. Since the U.S. had more or less put Maliki in office, Obama should have just gone to Maliki and said, “We’ll have a Status of Forces Agreement … or else.” That’s how America does international relations, for heaven’s sake: by bullying our allies into submission, like Jesus advocated. But did Obama make Maliki an offer he couldn’t refuse? No, the dumb weakling. Santorum continued: Read more on Rick Santorum Has Sexxy Advice For Barack Obama: Stop Being Pathetic About Iraq…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the very best of the worst detritus that’s clung to our browser tabs all week. We find the stories that are too short for a full post but too stupid to ignore altogether and serve them up to you in a delicious frothy blend — add whatever brain solvents you may need to help digest them. Read more on Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies…
  compelling explanations

Check Your Bingo Cards; Gay Marriage & Obamacare Finally Blamed For Isla Vista Murders

Get out your Post-Tragedy Bingo Cards, kids — the Family Research Council (motto: “All research vetted by our opinion”) has found a couple of additional suspects in last weekend’s killing spree in Isla Vista, California. While crazy feminists think that maybe the killings might have something to do with Elliot Rodger’s open declaration of hatred for women who didn’t give him the sex he so richly deserved, the FRC wants nothing to do with such facile explanations, which make no sense at all since women actually do owe men sex, at least if the men do dishes. Instead, they link Rodger’s murderous impulses to far more logical culprits: marriage equality and the Affordable Care Act. It’s such a relief to see that we’re finally reaching a sensible interpretation of this otherwise inexplicable event. Read more on Check Your Bingo Cards; Gay Marriage & Obamacare Finally Blamed For Isla Vista Murders…
  religious freedumb

Mississippi Bakers Will Now Be Spared The Tyranny Of Making Penis Cakes For The Gays

Remember way back in February when we all got excited that Jan Brewer showed a modicum of human decency and vetoed Arizona’s “let institutionalize and business-ize hate against the gays” law? Looks like we started to rest on our laurels, got soft, failed to be eternally vigilant, and we didn’t pay attention to Mississippi, where the legislature was ramming through pretty much the same bill. The Mississippi legislature has passed legislation that would allow people to use their religion to justify discrimination. […] “Religious liberty” bills like the one vetoed in Arizona differ from other states’ “Religious Freedom Restoration Acts” (RFRAs) because they extend religious protections to businesses. Mississippi’s bill has this same problem, because state law already defines a “person” to include “all public and private corporations.” Thus, if Bryant were to sign Mississippi’s bill into law, it would grant all businesses in the state a license to discriminate based on religious grounds. Mississippi does not currently have any state or local nondiscrimination protections for the LGBT community, but a business could use this legislation to justify discrimination against anybody not protected by federal law. The big difference between Arizona’s law and Mississippi’s? Mississippi’s governor, Phil Bryant, signed the thing because of course he did. Read more on Mississippi Bakers Will Now Be Spared The Tyranny Of Making Penis Cakes For The Gays…
  rapture of the derp

Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist

Like a lot of your rightwing fundagelicals, Michele Bachmann is a big believer in the old Chick tract “Support Your Local Jew,” so she knows that the most important country in the world, next to maybe America, is Israel, because that’s where Jesus will come to end the world. And so if Israel is unhappy about an American policy, that’s not just international politics, that’s an affront to God. Which explains why ol’ Crazy Eyes is especially ticked at American Jews for not recognizing the self-evident truth that Barack Obama is bad for the Jews. You see, Obama went and reached a preliminary nuclear deal with Iran, and then he went and manage to convince Congress not to vote for any new sanctions on Iran while negotiators try to reach a permanent deal. This did not sit well with Michele Bachmann, protector of Israel — in fact, it’s a chaleria that so many Jews voted for the gonif. Read more on Michele Bachmann So Disappointed American Jews Don’t Recognize That Obama Is The Antichrist…
  you know who else liked day care? joanie caucus

Family Research Council Fears Preschool Education Camps Where Tots Will Learn Shapes, Colors, Atheism

The nutballs at the Family Research Council are worried about the feminazi socialist revolution that might result if early childhood education is expanded, because they know that the real goal is not to prepare children for school, but actually to get the Government’s hooks in their tender minds and destroy the family. Again. Read more on Family Research Council Fears Preschool Education Camps Where Tots Will Learn Shapes, Colors, Atheism…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Weekend Roundup Of Dumbth

Welcome to another edition of our Derp Roundup, that collection of virtual floor sweepings that are too stoopid to completely ignore but not worth a full-length post. To start with, let’s give an Excellence In Trolling medal to the sometimes-funny Andy Borowitz, whose New Yorker piece this week was characteristically meh, but managed to fool a few people, including Stupidest Guest Blogger On the Internet Mara Zebest, over at Gateway Pundit, whose impassioned overreaction — “Obama is a thin-skinned man-child and the laughing stock of the world” — doesn’t really depend on the veracity of the source material anyway. After commenters pointed out that Borowitz is satire — and a commenter whined about Obama being elected by “low information voters who get their info from Hollywood and comedians” — Zebest pulled the article, but it’s preserved by the magic of Google cache. Thanks, internet! Wonkette wishes a speedy recovery to Jim Hoft, and is exploring the possibility of asking Andy Borowitz to run a story about the $3150 that Gateway Pundit owes us. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Derp: Your Weekend Roundup Of Dumbth…
  they will know we are christians by our hate

Bigoted Bakery Goes Buh-Bye

It’s a bad day for bigots out there today. We are having a super-duper SAD because Sweet Cakes by Melissa is closing its doors, according to KOIN.com. You don’t remember them? They are one of the bakeries that is being persecuted because they didn’t want to make wedding cakes for fags, lesbos, queers, and other abominable people, because JESUS. Rather than continuing to fight for their right to party discriminate, they are shutting their doors. Yr Wonket even highlighted them in our post-DOMA story about Tony Perkins being a terrible person. Well, our advocacy/snark campaign worked, so we would like to claim ALL THE CREDIT for ridding Gresham, Ore., of this establishment. You’re welcome.  Read more on Bigoted Bakery Goes Buh-Bye…
  we don't need no gay-loving education

Tony Perkins Will Save The Children From The Perils Of Learning

It’s back to school time boys and girls and parents who are sick and tired of the boys and girls hanging out at the house eating and sleeping and being bored all day. This means it is of course also time to start worrying about paying for school supplies, back to school clothes, updated immunization cards and how leftists are thought controlling all our childrens in public schools by being nice to the gays. Thank White Jesus there is Amazon and the Family Research Council. Yes, our dear friend and favorite gay-scout-slayer Tony Perkins is dropping some serious warnings on parents this month with an insightful and not at all fearmongering-for-cash newletter-prophecy of the coming schoolpocalypse: “Beginning THIS MONTH…they don’t want any American child to escape. Read how we can STOP them” Tony Perkins also wants to teach people the value of making reasoned arguments through rational understatement. But he is right, children escaping from schools are a giant pain in the ass. What can be done? If a foreign enemy had plotted to infiltrate America, I’m not sure an army of undercover subversives could have done more damage than our government-run schools…. Leftists don’t want a single American child to escape their thought control. And they are crowding out true education. First of all, IF? Our man Tony is slipping here as obviously since the illegal election of Barack HUSSEIN Obama, the US has been completely infiltrated by the Muslim Brotherhood of Loving Gays and Vaginas, but we digress. Tell us more about this “true education” sir! Read more on Tony Perkins Will Save The Children From The Perils Of Learning…
  this way for the hugs ladies and gentlemen

Deleted Comments Of The Week: ‘You Should Be Running A Death Camp Of Tolerance’

Writing a stupid comment is easy. Writing an epically stupid comment, on the other hand, takes something a little extra, a little special, a little hamsterfucking insane. We think we have found such a winner in our slushpile, kids. In response to Thursday’s story about homophobic sleazehead Tony Perkins being a big lying liar who claimed that Christians face jail time if they don’t bake gay wedding cakes, we received a comment from a gentleman who is not at all pleased: Refusing to participate in a gay wedding doesn’t make you a bigot. I support same-sex marriage, others do not. You people are ridiculous, you should all be running a Death Camp of Tolerance. We are TOTALLY stealing that line. Get ready for Death Camp Of Tolerance coffee cups, tees, and iPhone covers. How about panties? Probably we need panties, too. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: ‘You Should Be Running A Death Camp Of Tolerance’…
  they will know we are christians by our hate

Tony Perkins Calls Anti-Discrimination Laws ‘Religious Persecution’ Because He Is A Terrible Person

Tony Perkins, head honcho at the Family Research Council, is a terrible human being. In fact, he may not be human. We are guessing he was projectile vomited from the rubbish-filled gut of a hate-filled demon and sent to earth to punish us for the amusement of the Greek gods, or something. What asinine hate-filled lies is he spewing now? After DOMA was repealed by SCOTUS, Perkins went on teevee to torture the eardrums of innocent Americans everywhere, saying: “We’re already seeing bakers and florists and photographers forced to participate in same-sex marriages under the threat of law and in some cases even jail.” Is that so, Mr. Perkins? Politifact decided to fact check you, because you are a known liar and bigot and awful demon-vomit life form. What did they find? We didn’t find cases where people were forced to participate against their will. However, if vendors refuse service, there are consequences. There are 21 states that forbid discrimination based on sexual orientation. Vendors who refuse service there could face legal actions and fines. The “jail” part of Perkins’ claim is an exaggeration. We couldn’t find any evidence that a vendor had been sent to jail or that any legal authority had threatened jail time. What is this country coming to when we think that discrimination is against the law? Can’t we go back to the good old days when businesses can refuse service to Irish Italians Catholics Jews Blacks Gays without Big Government trampling all over their freedom? This deserves a wonksplanation.  Read more on Tony Perkins Calls Anti-Discrimination Laws ‘Religious Persecution’ Because He Is A Terrible Person…