You know what was posted on Andrew Breitbart’s masterful Big Hollywood blog last Friday? Oh, nothing much, except maybe the best poem since Hamlet and The Wasteland and Jesus combined! It is about 9/11, which was the date last Friday, to be sure. MORE »

• Michele Bachmann, Joe Lieberman, Sarah Palin, the Washington Post op-ed section and New York City all spent the past week being complete assholes. [Paul Slansky]
• Even if you look like some big bald chipmunk-cheeked giant baby — you know, John McCain — that doesn’t mean you will necessarily lose elections, like John McCain loses elections. [Alex Pareene]
• John McCain’s girlfriend Lindsey Graham went on a Sunday news-chat show and started lisping about John McCain’s dumb criticisms of Obama’s cool handling of the crazy Iran situation, and George Will said, “You, Lindsey Graham, are a pathetic old fool.” [Think Progress]
• John McCain is such a belligerent jackhole for making his idiotic, dangerous comments about how if HE somehow had become president, he would make sure that whole Iranian democratic revolution crashed as quickly as every plane he ever piloted … or so says Peggy Noonan, anyway. [Wall Street Journal]
• An actual Navy destroyer ship called the “USS John McCain” has gone rogue and will soon attack North Korea, to get back at Charlie for good this time. [Fox News]

• New lobbying group, “Hybrid Owners of America” to demand unlimited access to smug attitudes. [Detroit News]

• “Driving while honky” soon to be an arrestable offence in the Midwest. [HuffPo]
• In Oregon, macaca isn’t a racial epithet - it’s just a guy. [Re-Elect George Allen! ]
• Jim Saxton (R-NJ) can’t wait to pop a cap in some geese. [AP]
• Iraqi insurgent filmmakers praise Michael Moore, then go back to making bombs. [Reuters]

• British Deputy PM calls Bush administration, “crap.” Dick Cheney’s heart warmed by the innocence. [The Independent]

• Sneaky Canadians confuse American governors with their sneaky Canadian jokes. [Boing Boing]
• Willie Nelson makes a non-smokable donation to Cindy Sheehan’s “ranch.” [KCEN-TV]
• Orrin Hatch admits Democrats will take control of Congress, just like their terrorist masters want. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• TSA now targeting people who “looked pissed off,” everyone in the security line at Dulles to be arrested. [NYT]

• Bill Frist shows his compassionate conservatism by tolerating Nantucket-summering douchebags [Melissa C. Morris]

• In Sweden, all girls named Inge, all think Condi’s gay. [Swedes for Obama]
• The Colorado gubernatorial race hinges on the polarizing sheep-fucking issue. [Pandagon]
• Esquire “We’re not gay, really” Magazine congratulates Barack Obama for not dressing Sensenbrennerly. [Esquire]
• Newspapers plan on buying RV and blowing the kids’ inheritance, as they’ll be dead in 5 years. [E-Consultancy]

• At 9:30 tonight, after roughly your 8th beer, the US will have been in Iraq longer than it was in WWII. This is because the Nazis were total pussies. [Ironing The Flag]

• President Bush’s high school report card shows an eager, if unfocused young learner. [McSweeney's]
• More fuel for the debate on whether life in Washington imitates The West Wing or whether The West Wing imitates life. [Blog DC]
• Michael Fitzpatrick (R-PA) has a staffer crash a conference call to pepper his opponent with petty challenges - good thing John Kerry likes watching a campaign implode as much as the next guy. [Fact-esque]
• Air America is still on the air in America, you just have to have America’s most powerful radio to hear it. [WFMU]
• Fox News lets no paranoid conspiracy theory go unreported. [YouTube]
• West Virginia: so shitty even penniless immigrants from the third world won’t live there. [MSNBC]

• Bill Bennett: separated at birth from another fat blowhard. [Brains Over Bombs]

• The Condi Rice issue of Playboy will finally reveal her turn-ons, including, “a hard throbbing insurgency.” [The Anacostia Diaries]
• The massive anti-hotel-room-porn lobby badly stumbles when their ad featuring a masturbator in handcuffs incites more masturbation. [Pandagon]
• Power outage causes spontaneous orgies on Tokyo subway trains. [ Reuters]
• If you can’t get drunk on the plane, the terrorists have won. [BusinessWeek]
• Michael Chertoff got The Chase and Minority Report from Netflix last weekend, world to suffer. [Boing Boing]

• Ned Lamont not dissimilar from another famous Lamont, have more than just selling junk in common. [Hot Johnny]

• Congressman Ralph Hall “loves bush” wants to “pull down his britches” and show him how much. [Pink Dome]
• Blair and Bush: one is working hard, the other’s hardly working. [ThinkProgress]
• Americans go AWOL in culture war. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Deserters to form own Army whose central tenet is unwavering belief in all internet conspiracy theories. [Shakespeare's Sister]
• A double barreled shotgun: when you absolutely must shoot every motherfucker in the room, in the face. [Andrew Sullivan]
• ExxonMobil uses loser who lives in his parent’s basement as cover for their An Inconvenient Truth parody. [The Raw Story]

• Al Sharpton’s descent into madness reaches new milestone with incorporation of the “Space Jam” theme song into Connecticut rally speech. [Hartford Courant]

• Dilbert creator longs to be a cog in the machine. [Dilbert Blog]
• A convenient truth: global warming is producing new premium beers. [BBC]
• Intern humiliates DHS by creating informative website in two flip-flop-wearing months. [Boing Boing]
• If Smith Point advertised on television, this it what it would look like. [Logged Hours]
• Some days Tony Snow wishes he was still asking the questions, instead of not answering them. [Boozhy]
• National Conservative Student Conference peddling masturbatory fodder to “baby wingnuts.” [Pandagon]

• Katherine Harris pens blog post, incites flurry of pandering to Florida’s Cuban voters. [The Hill Blog]

• Ousted from Connecticut, Juan Liebermantienez to lead coup in Cuba. [The Satirical Political Report]
• Vanity Fair releases military tapes from 9/11, titles article as if it were a classic rock box set. [Vanity Fair]
• The Republican party of Oregon, apparently more racist than in other states. [Oregon Live]
• Expect one less mysterious “tax” on your phone bill as Congress closes books on Spanish American War. [News.com]
• Christians pray for stability in Iraq, so they can hurry up and start proselytizing. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Relive all the hot Texan backrub action at the G-8 with this new video game — fastest finger wins! [Addicting Games]

• Rupert Murdoch carries heads of state in his pocket, “like so many nickels and dimes.” [HuffPo]

• In order to make “Senator Katherine Harris” a reality, she’ll have to succeed where the Mafia and John Kennedy failed. [The DC Universe]
• Ohio’s centuries of bad luck continues, as billboard with gross-out aborted fetus image gets flown over Cleveland. [Evangelical Right]
• Prince “I’m Never Gonna Be King” Harry enjoys fine automobiles, Red Bull, and horseshit. [Borrowing Trouble]
• Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney kicks off nascent presidential campaign by heading to Iowa and blurting racist comment from his honky mouth. [AP]
• Laura Sessions Stepp immortalized by Great Moments In Journalism, still desperately needs to get laid. [Gawker]

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