Wonkette

Senator Orrin Hatch is an old conservative Republican from Utah, the most conservative Republican state in the country: so it’s no surprise that in a moment of weakness the balladeer of the Senate would pen a sweet, romantic ode to one of his male colleagues. Apparently he is great pals with Ted Kennedy, whose battle with brain cancer compelled Hatch to write a ballad called “Headed Home.” But it is not about heads. MORE »

Utah Senator Orrin Hatch is an accomplished musician, and these days he’s using his natural gifts to celebrate his homosexual love for President John McCain. His new song, “Together Forever,” is a lovely ode to John McCain’s Campaign for America. Try syncing it up with a vigorous reading of John McCain’s economic plan — right when it mentions the reduction in corporate tax rates from 35% to 25%, there’s quite possibly the best staccato flourish Hatch has composed in 17 years. Lyrics after the jump! MORE »

In what world could the partnership of Orrin Hatch, Joe Lieberman, and Tom Davis becalled “bipartisan”? When Eleanor Holmes Norton is getting cozy with them, obv, so she can finally have a real-life “vote” in that crazy House of Representatives. As this is a deal with the devils, it means fucking Utah gets one more representative. Because poor and black people may only be allowed equal rights if white nutjobs in the hinterlands get a little something in return for their troubles. Oh, these four all “wrote” an op-ed today, that’s why we’re talking about it. Fun Facts we learned about DC voting rights, after the jump. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Al Gore: Sinister agent of the Queen of England? … House members outraged over changes to taco salad procedure … Orrin Hatch uses obscure loophole in Mormon doctrine to say “shit” and get away with it. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Bill and Hill drive across the street, gladhand Ellie Smeal, get a table before she does. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Clintons too cheap to feed their followers … People keep buying Thomas Friedman’s damn book for some reason. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Jesse Jackson Jr. has a Segway … Chris Shays leaps over a fence for some reason. [Politico]
* Page Six: Eric Bogosian disses Tom DeLay, who is no longer permitted to kill men on a whim. [NYP]

* Heard on the Hill: Real estate website features on online tour of Samuel Alito’s house… Joe Lieberman voted on Shabbos, walked to the Capitol from his Georgetown house… Orrin Hatch’s website is full of lies. [Roll Call]
* Yeas and Nays: Dennis Kucinich’s website is full of pictures of his hot wife. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Hillary has not co-sponsored legislation to make her husband’s childhood home a national historic site… Tony Snow is going to ask questions of reporters tonight at the Press Club in a hilarious switcharoo. [Politico]

* You do know what happens if you just assume everyone hates Cheney more than Bush, don’t you? [Election Central]
* O’Reilly checks the mirror at 8 and 11:30 EST. [Just a Bump in the Beltway]
* Nothing gets Orrin Hatch harder than watching Alberto Gonzalez busting pornographers on the internets. [Unclaimed Territory]
* Chinese “satellite killer” missiles target only military assets — iPod and Xbox ordering infrastructure remains unscathed. [Defense Tech]
* Straight from the home office in Phoenix, Arizona: tonight’s top 15 things John McCain is doing to turn himself into a pandering cartoon. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Al Franken appeals to “Minnesota Nice” voters by actually running as Stuart Smalley. [Wizbang Politics]
* Bob Ney would start cracking beers in the morning even before the glue on his head was dry. [TPM Muckraker]

A dumb new poll proves Americans continue to be religious bigots: 43% say they’ll never ever vote for a weirdo Mormon president, while just 38% said they’d even consider voting for a scary Mormon. MORE »

• British Deputy PM calls Bush administration, “crap.” Dick Cheney’s heart warmed by the innocence. [The Independent]

• Sneaky Canadians confuse American governors with their sneaky Canadian jokes. [Boing Boing]
• Willie Nelson makes a non-smokable donation to Cindy Sheehan’s “ranch.” [KCEN-TV]
• Orrin Hatch admits Democrats will take control of Congress, just like their terrorist masters want. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• TSA now targeting people who “looked pissed off,” everyone in the security line at Dulles to be arrested. [NYT]

* Bush twins unemployment index goes to zero at the same time the Bush twins in DC index goes to zero. Saddest possible trombone plays a solo for every bar owner in Georgetown. [Fresh Politics] MORE »

Utah: we don’t get it. Is everyone there preternaturally friendly and white, or just the ones they allow the rest of us to see? Case in point: the “DC notebook” column of the Salt Lake Tribune. It is ostensibly written in the style of a “gossip column,” but every item is about how much everyone in the Utah congressional delegation is preternaturally friendly and how they all like one another. Then there’s this item: MORE »

3:10 — Hayden: “if I had no lawful authority to do something that needed to be done to protect this country, of course I would do it.”

Russ: “Can you explain to me why we even need to pass laws in this Congress?” if the Pres is going to get all Article 2 on us. Well, Russ, uh, no. Have you been paying attention? TIME OF WAR.

We aren’t liveblogging that much because Feingold actually asked interesting questions. Hayden didn’t answer them, but they were interesting questions. And now we’re on to Chambliss, so BRING ON THE CRAZY!

3:00– Yes! Russ “See Ya!” Feingold! The program is illegal, the President mislead the country! And WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US? “What kind of CIA director will he be? Will General Hayden follow the law?” You could ask him, Russ, he’s sitting right there.

Hayden — You have to look at the context in which I lied. “I knew in my own heart and mind that we were not talking about domestic-to-domestic.” But his voice failed to make that distinction. “I think that was the speech where I talked about Osama bin Laden traveling from Niagra Falls to New York.” OSAMA BIN LADEN HAS DEVELOPED BARREL TECHNOLOGY. Why would Hayden want to remind anyone of that speech? It’s the stupidest hypothetical ever. Seriously. And we already heard the “WILL YOU CALL RUMMY BACK” bit earlier.

2:40 — Don’t crowd the ball! Focus on the scoreboard! No “I” in team! A lot of it is attitudinal! Should the head of the CIA be a complete idiot? Does that make their lack of oversight more or less dangerous? We usedta think “less,” but complete idiots have demonstrated an alarming ability to fuck things up a lot these last couple years.

“For every 10 analysts with fewer than four years service, we only have one experiences analysts with between 10 and 14 years service.” No one in the CIA knows what the the hell they’re doing.

We are cheering ourselves up by watching this.

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* Diane Feinstein is richer than you. [SFluxe] MORE »

Under the Dome: SNL’s Rachel Dratch is invited to fill in for Rep. Jean Schmidt (R-Ohio) at a primary debate. . . Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) says HBO’s “Big Love” is “just plain trash”. . . Frank Luntz: “Every time I see the Republicans on TV immediately I get a migraine headache. I’m allergic to Republican language.”. . . Peter Gabriel visits Capitol Hill today to advocate against human-rights abuses in Burma. [The Hill]
Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Andrew Card, Alberto Gonzales, Robert Mueller and Joe Albaugh have a less-than inconspicuous dinner out. [NYDN]