ohio

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape the dumbest possible news leftovers off our overheated browser tabs, blend them into an almost-digestible slurry, and serve them up to you with a muffin and a warning to imbibe heavily. Our Prime Derp this week is actually not so much the […]

Hey, 2014 midterm people? Especially those of you who are Tea Party Republicans? What is your hard-on for the dick-joke-themed ads this election season? Sure, we make dick jokes, but we are vulgar and obscene and ain’t nobody voting us into Congress, although they could and have done worse. And even we moved on from […]

Man, it is a great time to be gay and the saddest time ever to hate on the gays, as state after state after state turns homosexual. Ohio was only partly gay, having recognized gay marriage for the purpose of death certificates late last year, but now they have let the homosexxicans take over everything […]

Were you wondering if there was anyone left working at PETA who wasn’t the vegan equivalent of a Westboro Church member? Worry your pretty head no more, because PETA is disabusing you of the notion that anyone rational remains by suggesting it buy Jeffrey Dahmer’s childhood home and turn it into a vegan restaurant. We […]

Saturday’s “worldwide” march to preserve white people from getting genocided by diversity had a slightly disappointing turnout, though we hear that a bunch of people were talking about it on Twitter. RawStory was able to find all of two manifestations of the march’s huge success: 10 guys parading in Florence, Ohio, Kentucky, and several anonymous […]

Welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we bring you a bunch of stories that didn’t quite merit their own posts but were too stupid to ignore altogether. As usual, we recommend you fortify yourself with whatever helps you get through reading it — alcohol, weed, or a +10 Potion of […]

Welcome, kids, to Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we give our browser tabs a Silkwood shower, then inspect the drains for stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not enough to hang a full blog post on. We recommend that you apply the mood-altering substance equivalent of a wire brush to your […]

You solved the problem of lying in politics when you were like six years old. “Just pass a law against telling lies!” dumb little like-six-year-old you said, adorably. But it wasn’t that easy. “No, little you,” said a wise adult. “We have free speech in this country, which means that you can’t stop people from […]

This will probably come as a big surprise to regular readers of the Wonkette: A minor Republican elected official has gotten himself in the news for sending a racist email joke! Yes, it is astonishing, we know. This time around, it’s Norwalk, Ohio city council member Bob Carleton, who sent this hilarious satire on modern […]

Looks like someone finally figured out what to do with all this extra Ohio we’ve been stuck with: ties between Toledo and China have grown numerous. Chinese companies have paid more than $10 million in cash for two local hotels, a restaurant complex and a 69-acre waterfront property. Mayor Michael P. Bell has taken four […]

And the drumbeat march of teh gheys oppressing straight conservatives everywhere goes on. Since Friday, when a federal district court judge in Utah invalidated that state’s same-sex marriage ban, hundreds of gay people have gotten married, which means, of course, that hundreds of straight marriages have been destroyed because that’s always a 1:1 ratio, duh. […]

Look, just because a guy is stockpiling enough guns and ammo in the back of his store for a small Central American revolution, has a bunch of neo-Nazi literature, and keeps a list of black and Jewish leaders from all over Ohio and Michigan, that doesn’t mean he was preparing for a race war. Maybe […]

Good news, wonkeroos: Your U.S. American government no longer owns any stock in General Motors! So no more lame ‘government motors’ jokes by people who would have rather seen an entire industry and a million jobs move offshore! The headline in all the papers is all about how the government lost about $11 billion in […]

There is some big news out of Steubenville, Ohio, today. In case you don’t remember how Steubenville got itself on the map o’ scandals, here is a refresher: Back in 2012, a slutty drunk slut (i.e., a teenage girl) went and got herself raped by two real nice football stars who were basically just boys […]

So here is some good news for a change: the Ohio Supreme Court upheld the firing of former eighth-grad science teacher John Freshwater, who has become just the latest victim of the Constitution’s dumb insistence that teachers can’t proselytize to their students, even if they call it “critical thinking about evolution.” Now, to be completely, […]