ohio
What a busy few weeks it has been for VP Bitchen Camaro! There was Gentle Joe, singlehandedly making the world safe for gay love, and Scrappy Joe, singlehandedly making the world safe for little picked-on kids (with his fists!), and now there is Class War Joe, cold yellin’ at rich people like they are responsible [...]
Dear “Anarchists,” no one likes you, stop trying to blow shit up even if it IS the Federal Reserve. (A bridge? You wanna blow up a BRIDGE? The kind the WORKING MAN drives on, with his fambly? Way to stick it to The Man, dicks.) CLEVELAND, Ohio – The FBI arrested five men Monday evening, [...]
Mitt Romney is touring America for some reason, and on Thursday he was in Lorain, Ohio, at a National Gypsum plant that is no longer open, which he LOVES to do despite the fact that he was complicit in the closure of more things than many presidents. During this sadsack appearance the presumptive/uous Republican nominee [...]
GOOD MORNING. Did you have “March 31″ in your Race War Pool? Then you and only you are the winner. (The rest of us will just sob quietly into our Slankets.) The good news is that now roving bands of wilding youths seeking out senior citizens to attack in Toledo, Ohio, are racially transcendent. The [...]
The Democratic primary result in Ohio’s 2nd District this week presents us with another fine case study in how the federal campaign finance code, post-Citizens United, is now just a scribbled one-line note reading “just do whatver who cares haw haw.” The winner was William R. Smith, who narrowly defeated a candidate, David Krikorian, who’d [...]
Back before Joe the Plumber fell into an Internet spidy-hole and was still actually getting interviewed (granted, only by things called “Christianity Today”), America’s sweetheart let slip with some—how to put this delicately—fucking nuts comments about the “queers” and how he would never let them near his children. Ha, so heartland, right? Well, Joe recently [...]
Before being a “job creator” was even a thing, Joe the Plumber bravely and famously confronted then-Senator Barack Obama to carp about problems from his made-up financial future as one of these as-yet unheard of “job creators.” Now this same angrily prescient heartland shaman is only months away from unfettered bitch session access to his [...]
Dying and it’s only 8:30 PST. How do you people DO THIS all the time? Kirsten and I are going to liveblog Cougartown. GET READY! 11:30 — “What a huge caucus” — Wolf Blitzer.
Will Mittens lose Ohio to Weird Rick? We don’t know, is the thing! The two losers are still neck and neck as 65% 85% or so of precincts have been counted. The cable news channels are beginning to talk about important vote mini-clusters in small counties. This usually means we’ll be here until 5 a.m. [...]
We have been watching Wolf Blitzer check in with all of CNN’s weird “cock-us cams” molesting exit polls workers around the country for a few hours now, and now we are watching Rick Santorum give an incoherent lecture to a group of cheerleaders trying to ignore him as they finish Tuesday night practice in a [...]
Hello. What are you doing? It’s time to figure out what some quadrilateral land masses think about three organic masses and one gas, which were each forced to apply for Obama’s job because their tyrannical wives and gas-wife made them. We would say, We are watching this very closely, but that would be plagiarism, so [...]
Mitt Romney has “captured the Old Dominion,” Virginia, after the Illuminati threw all of Ron Paul’s votes in the trash dumpster. Does this count as a “Southern win” for Romney, at long last? Ugh, technically, but it wasn’t so hard when all of the non-Ron Paul candidates were taken out, for being to stupid to [...]
As the excitement (?) of Super Tuesday grips the nation the way a priest grips a young boy’s scrotum, Rick Santorum’s college fund for his dozens of children is paying for an onslaught of angry religious-fanatic robo-calls against Mitt Romney, himself a robot. And this makes sense, at least the part about Rick Santorum pissing [...]
