Tag Archives: ohio

  ooh poll taxes!

Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!

Ohio is even less expensive than Monopoly!
Ohio is on top of our nation’s massive problem with voter fraud. You know how Democrats do, during early voting, they vote 900 times, and then they vote 900 more times on Election Day, under the names of so many dead people. This is such a big problem that Ohio science studies show that 0.002397 percent of the votes cast in the 2012 election were bad, rude, fraudulent votes. So, we gotta tackle this! Thank goodness Ohio state Rep. Andrew Brenner is around, to put forth a new voter ID bill, Ohio HB 189, that, among other things, will charge voters $8.50, so they can get an ID for voting purposes. Poll taxes! So retro! Read more on Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!…
  Follow The Money...And Hold Your Nose

Big Oil: All Your Tax Dollars Are Belong To Us

Worth every penny
This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of oil spills, pipelines, fracking, and subsidizing our own demise via Global Warming Just in case you were wondering, America is still shoveling huge amounts of taxpayer money at fossil fuel companies, because without tax incentives, the poor dears would be unable to turn a profit. Or at least, unable to pile up higher record profits. And we’d never have any jobs ever again! Or something. The Guardian brings us a fun investigation of just a few of the wonderful ways in which the world’s richest corporations are receiving big taxpayer bucks — and would you believe the subsidies for each of the three projects they looked at just happened to be pushed by politicians who received nice fat campaign contributions from the oil industry? You would? Gosh, that’s pretty cynical of you. Keep it up. Read more on Big Oil: All Your Tax Dollars Are Belong To Us…
  bad analogies

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

Say what now?
We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that’s probably definitely we are pretty darn sure going to happen real soon.) Bigots say equality will mean the end of the world or at least make politicians get drunk and crash their boats into children. And it will cause a million more abortions and force dudes to have to explain periods to their daughters, can you EVEN IMAGINE. Read more on Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!…
 

Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!

Yeah, we're getting throat-crammed
Tuesday was the last chance for bigots to explain to the Supreme Court why it is constitutional to deny equal rights to gay people because you think they have icky sex. The Court had two questions to consider: First, is it okay for states to prohibit gays from doing marriage together because “tradition” and “ewww gross” and “states’ rights” and “some people don’t like it” and “WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!”? Second, is it okay for states that prohibit marriage equality to tell already gay-married gay couples from other states that their marriages do not count, because this here is Kentucky (for example) damnit, and we do not like you liberal state gay types, for America? And freedom? Read more on Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!…
  Scenes From The Class Photo Struggle

Eighth-Grader’s Class Picture Photoshopped Because It Had F-Word On It (‘Feminist’)

Yes, in case you were wondering, “Feminist” is actually a dirty word — dirty enough to get retouched out of an 8th-grade class photo at Clermont Northeastern Middle School in Batavia, Ohio, at least. Thirteen-year-old Sophie — real first name, last name withheld — had worn her homemade “FEMINIST” t-shirt to school without any issues a few weeks back, according to a letter from her mom to the Women You Should Know blog. It was also class photo day. But when the class photos came back, Sophie’s shirt was cleverly retouched to a nice uniform black, with no trace of her handiwork: Read more on Eighth-Grader’s Class Picture Photoshopped Because It Had F-Word On It (‘Feminist’)…
  Tipgate

Prepare Madame Guillotine: Hillary Clinton Did Not Tip At Fast-Food Restaurant Chipotle Exclamation Point

She's coming for YOU. And YOU. And YOU.
It is far too early in the 2016 presidential election cycle to officially declare this is the stupidest story we are going to see, but hot damn, it’ll probably still be a strong contender by Election Day. Read more on Prepare Madame Guillotine: Hillary Clinton Did Not Tip At Fast-Food Restaurant Chipotle Exclamation Point…
  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
  introducing john kasizzzzzzzzzz

John Kasich Explores Presidential Bid, Hopes Everyone Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Vote For Him

Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?
Everyone scoot over, we’ve got another passenger for the Republican clown car. John Kasich, the colorless blob of wheat germ currently serving as governor of Ohio, is on an eight-state speaking tour that just coincidentally happens to include South Carolina, home of one of the nation’s early primaries. Even more coincidentally, news of his trip first leaked to the Washington Post last week, which meant a write-up from WaPo political reporter Robert Costa this week. Let us take a look at the latest boring white guy we might be writing jokes about for the next year. (Please kill us.) Read more on John Kasich Explores Presidential Bid, Hopes Everyone Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Vote For Him…
  For I was A Stranger And You Kicked Me out Into The Snow

Columbus Super 8 Motel Has No Room At Inn For Good Samaritans’ Homeless Couple

Oh no, it's the kittens
Here’s a story to make you love humanity: George and Joyce Gruss were traveling through Columbus, Ohio, during the weekend’s snowstorm, stopped in at a fast food restaurant, and decided to help a homeless couple they met, paying for the couple to spend three nights at a Super 8 Motel so they wouldn’t have to stay outside in 9-degree weather. Isn’t that the spirit of generosity that makes America so exceptional? Read more on Columbus Super 8 Motel Has No Room At Inn For Good Samaritans’ Homeless Couple…
  at least the bastard was convicted this time

Homeless Rape Victim Gets To Walk Miles And Miles To Face Rapist In Court, Because America

So here is a story that kind of has an okay ending, except all the parts that will make you want to skip your afternoon munchies because everything is terrible. A homeless woman in Columbus, Ohio, was brutally raped last spring, and she decided to do something to make sure the bastard who did it didn’t get to walk away from his crimes unscathed. So she just made sure, hell or high water, that she’d be there in court to face him down, even if it meant she had to walk eight miles to the courthouse to attend his court hearings. Which is exactly what she did: Read more on Homeless Rape Victim Gets To Walk Miles And Miles To Face Rapist In Court, Because America…
 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…
  The Decisis Stares Back At You

SCOTUS: Everyone’s Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June

Have fun biting your nails
Well, we saw this one coming: The Supreme Court will (probably) decide once and for all whether states can ban gay marriage. The Court agreed Friday to review the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals’ decision in DeBoer v. Snyder, which is the only one of a recent string of federal appeals court decisions to hold that four states — Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Ohio — can restrict marriage to straight people only. Read more on SCOTUS: Everyone’s Getting Gay-Marriage Throat-Crammed This June…
  The Derp Before Christmas

Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition

And that's what Hearth's Warming Eve is all about, Zombie Brown
It’s a special Ho-Ho-Huh? Edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the stories that don’t quite deserve their very own posts, but are too stupid to ignore altogether. So light the candles and gather round the hearth, and start drinking  first thing in the morning if that gets you through this mess. Absinthe is Christmassy, isn’t it? Read more on Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition…
  Not Sure I Agree With You 100% On Your Police Work There

Ohio Cops Who Killed Guy In Walmart Pretty Sure His Girlfriend Made Them Do It

A lotta police departments might base their interrogation on the facts of the case. Or not.
Remember John Crawford, shot to death by police in an Ohio Walmart for carrying a BB gun he’d picked up off the store’s shelf? For extra “fun,” we bring you The Guardian’s story on the interrogation of his girlfriend, Tasha Thomas, in an apparent attempt by police to prove that of course Crawford had it coming, don’t you know he was black? Read more on Ohio Cops Who Killed Guy In Walmart Pretty Sure His Girlfriend Made Them Do It…
  Mentors: The Faithmaker

Jesus Has A Whole New Bag: Mentoring Ohio Public School Kids

Mentoring means the kids get Mentos, right?
So here’s a terrific idea to help At Risk Youth (you know, poor kids) overcome the problems of poverty: get them into a mentoring program, so they can learn skills for success and learn gooder in school. And so, with a bit of fanfare and a photo op surrounded by underprivileged kids and their smiling teachers, Ohio Gov. John Kasich went to a Cleveland elementary school in June to sign into law a bill that would provide $10 million in funds for mentoring. Yay, kids and success! Oh, and also, if schools want to participate in the mentoring program, they’ll have to partner with a business — because entrepreneurs made America great, we guess — and also partner with a church or other faith-based group, according to a report by Cleveland.com: Read more on Jesus Has A Whole New Bag: Mentoring Ohio Public School Kids…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Just How Awful Is Cleveland’s Police Department? Federal Takeover Awful (Video)

Seriously bad cops
Rachel Maddow led off Thursday’s broadcast with a review of just how terrible the police are in Cleveland, Ohio. How terrible? Very. Very, very terrible. The Justice Department released a report Thursday on the policing madness in that city, along with an agreement to put a federal monitor in place to clean up the police department — for the second time in a decade. There’s almost too much bad police behavior to wrap your head around, and the investigation wrapped up before the recent police shooting of 12-year-old Tamir Rice. Read more on Morning Maddow: Just How Awful Is Cleveland’s Police Department? Federal Takeover Awful (Video)…
  The Second Amendment Is Not A Toy

Gun-Humpers Awfully Quiet About 12-Year-Old Dead Boy Tamir Rice’s Open-Carry Rights. Huh.

It took two seconds to kill him, but six months is too soon to talk about it
As everyone on the Internets knows, there’s nobody more dedicated to freedom and our precious rights as Americans than the Open Carry crowd. They love freedom, at least as long as it’s the freedom to walk around with an AR-15 anywhere you want to, and if someone says walking around packing heat just for the sake of pissing people off is stupid, then that critic obviously hates America and freedom, even if they’re the NRA. And if police ever hassle open carriers for carrying openly, you bet they’ll post indignant videos about how their rights are being menaced, and they’ll all shout “Moron Labia” and call for armed revolution if necessary. Read more on Gun-Humpers Awfully Quiet About 12-Year-Old Dead Boy Tamir Rice’s Open-Carry Rights. Huh….
  Our Cold Dead Hands

A Responsible Gun Owner Thanksgiving

Not related to the story but CUTE.
With the annual Harvest Feast nearly upon us, when we give thanks for all our blessings, especially the Second Amendment, which makes all other blessings possible, let’s take a quick look at how America’s Responsible Gun Owners are keeping themselves safe from crime and preventing tyranny. Read more on A Responsible Gun Owner Thanksgiving…
  Stick to TED Talks

Sixth Circuit Strikes Down Gay Marriage For Stupid Reasons That Are Dumb

But we're leaving out The Gay, right? Right!
Well, looky here, the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals has decided to cram homophobia down everyone’s throats. Talk about judicial activism! In a 2-1 decision, the three-judge panel — with the dissenter writing a most epic dissent, but we’ll get to that — ruled in DeBoer v. Snyder that it is perfectly fine and legal, and probably also good for the children, to ban marriage equality in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee. The court uses a lot of fancy legal jargon like “strict scrutiny” and “rational basis review” and lots of citations to lots of cases to make it look like the judges are just doing their jobs, but when you cut out all of that lawtalk, the basic premise of the court’s decision to overturn the lower courts’ decisions is that, as judges, they cannot possibly decide whether it is constitutional to discriminate against gay people for being gay. What are they — judges? Read more on Sixth Circuit Strikes Down Gay Marriage For Stupid Reasons That Are Dumb…
  Fraught With Fraud

Wingnut Group’s Exciting ‘Vote Fraud’ App Discovers Black Woman In Polling Place

The tech-savvy wingnuts at True The Vote (a group inalterably opposed to both truth and voting) had a brilliant idea to allow their supporters to document all the dirty shenanigans and voter fraud that they just knew for sure was going on in the election this year: A week before the election, they released a cool smartphone app so people could be all crowdsourcey and make sure that no fraud went unreported. The app allowed people to report all sorts of chicanery that had to be happening at their polling places: Read more on Wingnut Group’s Exciting ‘Vote Fraud’ App Discovers Black Woman In Polling Place…
  Please Run For President!

We Found You That Double Supersecret Video Of John Kasich Being An Asshat

I can't hear you, I can't hear you, la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Yesterday we brought you the odd story of the Disappearing John Kasich Video, in which we learned that the Cleveland Plain Dealer’s corporate overlords, Northeast Ohio Media Group, (call ’em “NEOMG,” because “Ni! OMG!” is fun to say) had removed a video of its editorial board meeting with Ohio gubernatorial candidates for an endorsement interview. Read more on We Found You That Double Supersecret Video Of John Kasich Being An Asshat…