Tag Archives: ohio

  The Price Of Liberty Is Eternal Dipshittery

Military Recruiters Not Thrilled With Militia ‘Protecting’ Them, By Accidentally Shooting Stuff

Not feeling a lot safer, nope
After the Chattanooga shootings, a whole bunch of armed militia loons took it upon themselves to do for the military what the Pentagon was too pussy to do for itself: dress up like they’re ready for World War Z and stand around outside recruiting centers, just in case any more 24-year-old Muslim guys with depression and drug problems decide to go on a murder spree. But is the military grateful? No, the ingrates at the U.S. Army and other branches of the military have asked them to please just go away, and advised recruiters to treat armed people milling around outside their offices as a security threat. Read more on Military Recruiters Not Thrilled With Militia ‘Protecting’ Them, By Accidentally Shooting Stuff…
  who?

Let’s Learn About That Jerk From Ohio Who’s Not Going To Be President, Then Promptly Forget

How many votes you getting, buddy?
You know how Republican primary voters are looking for a serious candidate? One with a record of governance, popularity within his own state (sorry, Carly, but these are not vag voters, they want a his), and even a moderate position or two, like on expanding Medicaid through Obamacare? No, of course not, because Republicans love Donald Trump the most right now. True story. Read more on Let’s Learn About That Jerk From Ohio Who’s Not Going To Be President, Then Promptly Forget…
  Boo hoo

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It's the end of the world! Except not
It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of them to matter, HAHAHAHA). Join us, as we read their word-weeping for their beloved institution of inequality, which is dead as fried chicken now, huzzah! Read more on Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful…
  Wonkette Music Hour

Here’s A Few More Lefty Neil Young Songs For Donald Trump To F*ck Right Off To

Not pictured: Neil Young flipping Donald Trump off behind his back.
It’s the same old story. Asshole wingnut decides to run for president, decides that the song he’s ALWAYS wanted to use is this lefty liberal anthem written by a lefty liberal rock star, and the lefty liberal rock star is like, “Fuck off, I did NOT say you could use my music, and also I hate you.” This time, it’s Neil Young, and he’s real pissed that Donald Trump decided to play “Rockin’ In The Free World” as he waddled onstage to announce that he’s pretending to run for president again. Young’s manager released a statement saying that “Donald Trump’s use of ‘Rockin’ in the Free World’ was not authorized,” and also, “Mr. Young is a longtime supporter of Bernie Sanders.” Read more on Here’s A Few More Lefty Neil Young Songs For Donald Trump To F*ck Right Off To…
  Twelve. Years. Old

Cleveland Rabble-Rousers Charge Cop For Murdering Tamir Rice, Since No One Else Will

But what about his Facebook page? have we found anything there to prove he deserved to die?
Since there’s been so little movement by Cuyahoga County in the shooting of 12-year-old Tamir Rice last fall — the Sheriff’s Office investigation was only delivered to prosecutors last week, more than six months after the child was shot to death by cops — community leaders in Cleveland have a new plan that’s so crazy, it just might work. They’re preparing to make use of a quirk in Ohio law that allows citizens to go directly to a judge and request the prosecution of the police officers who shot Rice two seconds after arriving on the scene. Read more on Cleveland Rabble-Rousers Charge Cop For Murdering Tamir Rice, Since No One Else Will…
  ooh poll taxes!

Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!

Ohio is even less expensive than Monopoly!
Ohio is on top of our nation’s massive problem with voter fraud. You know how Democrats do, during early voting, they vote 900 times, and then they vote 900 more times on Election Day, under the names of so many dead people. This is such a big problem that Ohio science studies show that 0.002397 percent of the votes cast in the 2012 election were bad, rude, fraudulent votes. So, we gotta tackle this! Thank goodness Ohio state Rep. Andrew Brenner is around, to put forth a new voter ID bill, Ohio HB 189, that, among other things, will charge voters $8.50, so they can get an ID for voting purposes. Poll taxes! So retro! Read more on Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!…
  Follow The Money...And Hold Your Nose

Big Oil: All Your Tax Dollars Are Belong To Us

Worth every penny
This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of oil spills, pipelines, fracking, and subsidizing our own demise via Global Warming Just in case you were wondering, America is still shoveling huge amounts of taxpayer money at fossil fuel companies, because without tax incentives, the poor dears would be unable to turn a profit. Or at least, unable to pile up higher record profits. And we’d never have any jobs ever again! Or something. The Guardian brings us a fun investigation of just a few of the wonderful ways in which the world’s richest corporations are receiving big taxpayer bucks — and would you believe the subsidies for each of the three projects they looked at just happened to be pushed by politicians who received nice fat campaign contributions from the oil industry? You would? Gosh, that’s pretty cynical of you. Keep it up. Read more on Big Oil: All Your Tax Dollars Are Belong To Us…
  bad analogies

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

Say what now?
We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that’s probably definitely we are pretty darn sure going to happen real soon.) Bigots say equality will mean the end of the world or at least make politicians get drunk and crash their boats into children. And it will cause a million more abortions and force dudes to have to explain periods to their daughters, can you EVEN IMAGINE. Read more on Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!…
 

Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!

It's the end of the world! Except not
Tuesday was the last chance for bigots to explain to the Supreme Court why it is constitutional to deny equal rights to gay people because you think they have icky sex. The Court had two questions to consider: First, is it okay for states to prohibit gays from doing marriage together because “tradition” and “ewww gross” and “states’ rights” and “some people don’t like it” and “WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!”? Second, is it okay for states that prohibit marriage equality to tell already gay-married gay couples from other states that their marriages do not count, because this here is Kentucky (for example) damnit, and we do not like you liberal state gay types, for America? And freedom? Read more on Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!…
  Scenes From The Class Photo Struggle

Eighth-Grader’s Class Picture Photoshopped Because It Had F-Word On It (‘Feminist’)

Yes, in case you were wondering, “Feminist” is actually a dirty word — dirty enough to get retouched out of an 8th-grade class photo at Clermont Northeastern Middle School in Batavia, Ohio, at least. Thirteen-year-old Sophie — real first name, last name withheld — had worn her homemade “FEMINIST” t-shirt to school without any issues a few weeks back, according to a letter from her mom to the Women You Should Know blog. It was also class photo day. But when the class photos came back, Sophie’s shirt was cleverly retouched to a nice uniform black, with no trace of her handiwork: Read more on Eighth-Grader’s Class Picture Photoshopped Because It Had F-Word On It (‘Feminist’)…
  Tipgate

Prepare Madame Guillotine: Hillary Clinton Did Not Tip At Fast-Food Restaurant Chipotle Exclamation Point

She's coming for YOU. And YOU. And YOU.
It is far too early in the 2016 presidential election cycle to officially declare this is the stupidest story we are going to see, but hot damn, it’ll probably still be a strong contender by Election Day. Read more on Prepare Madame Guillotine: Hillary Clinton Did Not Tip At Fast-Food Restaurant Chipotle Exclamation Point…
  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
  introducing john kasizzzzzzzzzz

John Kasich Explores Presidential Bid, Hopes Everyone Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Vote For Him

Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?
Everyone scoot over, we’ve got another passenger for the Republican clown car. John Kasich, the colorless blob of wheat germ currently serving as governor of Ohio, is on an eight-state speaking tour that just coincidentally happens to include South Carolina, home of one of the nation’s early primaries. Even more coincidentally, news of his trip first leaked to the Washington Post last week, which meant a write-up from WaPo political reporter Robert Costa this week. Let us take a look at the latest boring white guy we might be writing jokes about for the next year. (Please kill us.) Read more on John Kasich Explores Presidential Bid, Hopes Everyone Can Stay Awake Long Enough To Vote For Him…
  For I was A Stranger And You Kicked Me out Into The Snow

Columbus Super 8 Motel Has No Room At Inn For Good Samaritans’ Homeless Couple

Oh no, it's the kittens
Here’s a story to make you love humanity: George and Joyce Gruss were traveling through Columbus, Ohio, during the weekend’s snowstorm, stopped in at a fast food restaurant, and decided to help a homeless couple they met, paying for the couple to spend three nights at a Super 8 Motel so they wouldn’t have to stay outside in 9-degree weather. Isn’t that the spirit of generosity that makes America so exceptional? Read more on Columbus Super 8 Motel Has No Room At Inn For Good Samaritans’ Homeless Couple…
  at least the bastard was convicted this time

Homeless Rape Victim Gets To Walk Miles And Miles To Face Rapist In Court, Because America

So here is a story that kind of has an okay ending, except all the parts that will make you want to skip your afternoon munchies because everything is terrible. A homeless woman in Columbus, Ohio, was brutally raped last spring, and she decided to do something to make sure the bastard who did it didn’t get to walk away from his crimes unscathed. So she just made sure, hell or high water, that she’d be there in court to face him down, even if it meant she had to walk eight miles to the courthouse to attend his court hearings. Which is exactly what she did: Read more on Homeless Rape Victim Gets To Walk Miles And Miles To Face Rapist In Court, Because America…