Tag Archives: nice time

  2060 Protest Sign: Keep Government Out Of My Obamacare!

Medicare Turns 50, F*ck You Zombie Reagan

Today’s a special birthday! Fifty years ago today, Medicare and Medicaid were signed into law by that notorious communist, Lyndon Johnson. As a special treat, here’s Ronald Reagan telling us in 1961 that Medicare would inevitably lead to a socialist takeover of America, and by golly, he was right! Here we are, 50 years later, living under the thumb of a communist dictatorship, as oppressed Americans demand the government keep its filthy hands off their Medicare. Have any of you Olds taken the time to tell your children about how nice America was in 1965, when men were still free? Read more on Medicare Turns 50, F*ck You Zombie Reagan…
  dreams can come true

Texas Oil Heir Finds Secret Of Happiness: Murdering Endangered Rhinos

This fuckin' guy.
There are, like, 5,000 black rhinos left in the wild, tops. And now there’s one fewer, thanks to Texas oil heir Corey Knowlton, who legally shot an endangered black rhino and then legally brought it back to the United States, because that made Corey Knowlton feel like a big strong hunting man. What, how even, please explain to us NPR. Read more on Texas Oil Heir Finds Secret Of Happiness: Murdering Endangered Rhinos…
  Nice Time. OR IS IT?

Oh Great, Now Obama Wants Poor Kids To Read Books, Will This White House Ever Stop?

It's a book. For kids. Shut up.
Look what the Tyrant Obama is up to now! He’s got some half-cocked idea that poor kids should be able to read books, FOR FREE, instead of paying their fair share. So he’s announcing a program Thursday to give poor kids access to 10,000 e-books, which they can read on their Obamaphones, or other appropriate computers or tablets. The Obama administration seems to think it’s somehow a good thing to encourage disadvantaged kids to become better readers and do well in school: Read more on Oh Great, Now Obama Wants Poor Kids To Read Books, Will This White House Ever Stop?…
  Obama's filling your grandma's doughnut hole right nice

Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money

Now Grandma gets to go to the Horseshoe, THANKS OBAMA.
U.S. Americans have been lately wondering why their Oklahoma Grandma has been sending them TWO crisp twenties for their birthdays these past few years. Is she sick? Has she reached the point where she can’t count moneys anymore? GOOD NEWS, it is not that, your Okie Mee-Maw is just fine! It turns out that, due to the Affordable Care Act, more popularly known as “Obamacare,” Grandma Rose has a bit more cash to throw around, stemming from Obamacare’s efforts to close the so-called “doughnut hole” in Medicare Part D, a dumb coverage gap that causes seniors to spend many extra dollars per year on prescriptions that they actually need. So far, though, since Black President death paneled all the Olds in 2010, Oklahoma grandmas (and grandpas, and grandsgenders, and also disabled people covered by Medicare who are not “grand” age) have saved $191 million on their prescription drugs, hurray! You know who is going to the race track this weekend? Yes, it is Grandma Rose and her 65,158 best friends: Read more on Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money…
  They're so nice they didn't even add "OR DEATH?"

Nice Texas Democrats Give Delicious Gay Love Cakes To Bigot Republicans

Try it, we promise it won't make you gay. Much.
Texan bigots are just NOT OKAY with all these homosexuals comin’ all up into Texas and destroying opposite marriage for everybody. Know who IS okay with the gays destroying everything? Texas Democrats, that is who! They decided this week to deliver gay love cakes to a select group of the worst gay-hatin’ Texas Republicans of all: Read more on Nice Texas Democrats Give Delicious Gay Love Cakes To Bigot Republicans…
  Here have some Nice Time

MI Gym Tells Lady Bellyaching About Trans People In Locker Room To Shove It

Behind door number three is this bitch named Yvette, who isn't allowed at this gym anymore.
How about a story with a happy ending? (Not that kind, you perverts!) Up in Midland, Michigan, there is an outpost of Planet Fitness, which happens to have moved into yr Wonkette’s own neighborhood recently. We have heard, from people, that it’s a place where everybody is welcome, and that it’s not full of meatheads. So, at the Midland location, a woman named Yvette Cormier was just shocked and awed and probably had all her religious freedom stolen, because there is a trans woman who goes to the same gym, and wouldn’t you know, the gym actually lets her use the locker room that corresponds with her gender identity! This was, of course, an outrage, so Ms. Cormier, like some icky people are wont to do, complained and complained, until the gym addressed her concerns by saying, “the trans woman can stay, and you get to leave, you suck, bye,” canceling her membership the way Jesus would’ve: Read more on MI Gym Tells Lady Bellyaching About Trans People In Locker Room To Shove It…
  Historical Apoplexy

Colorado District Decides It’s OK With Real History After All, Keeps AP Classes

Hey, Kids, you won one! Now get back to studying!
Finally some Nice Time from the War On Advanced Placement U.S. History! The Jefferson County school board in Colorado has decided to cancel its plans to review the APUSH framework, apparently deciding that it didn’t want to be in the same anti-education club as Georgia and Oklahoma. Jefferson County had made news four months ago when students walked out of several Denver-area schools to protest the board’s plan to review all curricular material to make sure it would “promote patriotic material, respect for authority, and the free-market system.” That proposal was eventually watered down to eliminate the more censorship-y parts, and now the board has decided to drop even that review. It will go ahead and implement the College Board’s revised framework for APUSH, which became a rightwing Culture War fetish in several states after the Republican National Committee decided the new standards didn’t love America enough. Read more on Colorado District Decides It’s OK With Real History After All, Keeps AP Classes…
  justice delayed

Judicial Nice Time: Man Wrongly Convicted Of 1978 Murder Exonerated, Finally

Crimes against fashion are all he's guilty of
Photo by Anne Cusack / Los Angeles Times Here’s a nice change: A story of what happens when the court system gets it right — belatedly, yes, but on a day like this, we’re about one post away from just saying screw it and posting adorable kitten videos all day, so we’ll take what we can get. Read more on Judicial Nice Time: Man Wrongly Convicted Of 1978 Murder Exonerated, Finally…
  Bavarian Nazis...I Hate Bavarian Nazis

German Town Punks Neo-Nazis, Raises Funds To Fight Neo-Nazis

Sure, darling, tomorrow is all yours.
We have to admit we love a good caper where the bad guys get burned — that moment at the end of The Sting (spoiler warning for a 1973 movie everyone should’ve seen by the age of 14 anyway) where Robert Shaw realizes that his great big bet is all gone, for instance. We’d like to think that a similar look was on the faces of a bunch of neo-Nazis last weekend when they learned that, by marching to the gravesite of Rudolf Hess in Wunseidel, Germany, they had unwittingly been participating in an anti-Nazi fundraiser for an organization devoted to fight extremism. Nicely played, city of Wunseidel. Read more on German Town Punks Neo-Nazis, Raises Funds To Fight Neo-Nazis…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: That One Time Richard Nixon Hated The Vietnam War

Whole lotta tapes comin' out
Monday night, Rachel Maddow brought us a segment on audio diaries kept by H.R. “Bob” Haldeman, which were recently released by the Nixon Presidential Library. At first, we were ready for another story about the Nixon administration’s penchant for backbiting and sliminess, and there’s definitely some of that — Haldeman casually mentions that Robert Byrd’s past as a KKK member actually weighed in his favor as a possible Supreme Court nominee — but then things take another turn altogether as Haldeman describes Nixon meeting the family of Col. William Nolde, the last American combat casualty in Vietnam. Read more on Morning Maddow: That One Time Richard Nixon Hated The Vietnam War…
  And A Little Child Shall Make Them Say 'Amazeballs!'

Nice Time! This 13-Year-Old Kick-Ass Baseball Phenom, Plus Rachel Maddow!

Wow, that kid :)
It’s been one brain-basher of a week, and it’s only Tuesday. So take a minute to watch this terrific little “Best New Thing in the World” clip about how ceremonial first pitches usually suck — there’s even a Washington Post chart to prove it: Read more on Nice Time! This 13-Year-Old Kick-Ass Baseball Phenom, Plus Rachel Maddow!…
  Did Romney Ever Get This Reaction?

Nice Time: Little Girl Meets Hillary Clinton, Joyously Freaks Out

This is 10-year-old Macy Friday, who was in the crowd at Denver’s Union station Monday when Hillary Clinton came to Colorado to campaign for Sen. Mark Udall. Hillz saw Macy in the crowd, waved her over for pictures, and Macy instantly earned her place as an icon of Kid Enthusiasm, which frankly is the very best kind there is. That right there is a genuine “I got a puppy, no, TWO puppies!” face. Read more on Nice Time: Little Girl Meets Hillary Clinton, Joyously Freaks Out…
  Jimmy Build World

Jimmy Carter Built That

This looks a lot like 'puttering'
We have some Nice Time for you, and it is Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter building more houses for more people, as they do. This Habitat for Humanity house is in Fort Worth, Texas, one of over a hundred homes in the Dallas-Fort Worth area that Habitat is building or repairing in a manic burst of barn-raising this week. Read more on Jimmy Carter Built That…
  Today's Anti-Cynicism Vaccine

Nice Time: Awesome Ferguson Kid Is Kid, Is Awesome

Oh. That. Smile.
Yr Wonkette would just like to take this opportunity to inform you that, despite the daily parade of stupid and horrible that we bring you here, we do not get kickbacks from Amalgamated Suicide Booths, Inc. We are actually quite optimistic in our own deeply cynical way! As evidence, let us share with you this video from CBS Sunday Morning this week. No, it’s not 2 minutes of birds chirping outside an old barn, get back here. It’s a pretty nifty profile of a pretty nifty kid, 11-year-old Marquis Govan of Ferguson, Missouri. Seriously, this kid is just LOADED with nift. At a St. Louis County Council meeting last month, Marquis gave a short speech that put plenty of adult presentations to shame: Read more on Nice Time: Awesome Ferguson Kid Is Kid, Is Awesome…
  Sportsball nice time

Get A Kluwe, Morans!

He seems nice -- except, actually nice!
Former Minnesota Vikings Sportsball Human Chris Kluwe announced today that he and the team had reached an agreement to settle a lawsuit filed by Kluwe in the wake of his firing last year and a subsequent article he wrote accusing the Vikings of tolerating a culture of homophobia. Under the settlement, Kluwe, the team’s former “puntsman,” will receive no money himself, but the Vikings will “donate an undisclosed amount to five charities over the next five years to benefit LGBT and anti-hate groups, and will sponsor a fundraiser.” Read more on Get A Kluwe, Morans!…
  Shattering the Glass Backboard

Sportsball Nice Time: San Antonio Spurs Hire First Female Coach In NBA History

FUK YEH BECKY HAMMON
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming of nasty vile snark mob fodder to bring you this sportsball nice time report: the NBA Champion San Antonio Spurs have hired the first woman coach in NBA history. Her name is Becky Hammon, and she went from undrafted free agent to six-time WNBA All-Star with nothing but the bootstraps the good Lord gave her. ESPN gives us a little context. Read more on Sportsball Nice Time: San Antonio Spurs Hire First Female Coach In NBA History…