Tag Archives: nice time

  Obama's filling your grandma's doughnut hole right nice

Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money

Now Grandma gets to go to the Horseshoe, THANKS OBAMA.
U.S. Americans have been lately wondering why their Oklahoma Grandma has been sending them TWO crisp twenties for their birthdays these past few years. Is she sick? Has she reached the point where she can’t count moneys anymore? GOOD NEWS, it is not that, your Okie Mee-Maw is just fine! It turns out that, due to the Affordable Care Act, more popularly known as “Obamacare,” Grandma Rose has a bit more cash to throw around, stemming from Obamacare’s efforts to close the so-called “doughnut hole” in Medicare Part D, a dumb coverage gap that causes seniors to spend many extra dollars per year on prescriptions that they actually need. So far, though, since Black President death paneled all the Olds in 2010, Oklahoma grandmas (and grandpas, and grandsgenders, and also disabled people covered by Medicare who are not “grand” age) have saved $191 million on their prescription drugs, hurray! You know who is going to the race track this weekend? Yes, it is Grandma Rose and her 65,158 best friends: Read more on Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money…
  They're so nice they didn't even add "OR DEATH?"

Nice Texas Democrats Give Delicious Gay Love Cakes To Bigot Republicans

Try it, we promise it won't make you gay. Much.
Texan bigots are just NOT OKAY with all these homosexuals comin’ all up into Texas and destroying opposite marriage for everybody. Know who IS okay with the gays destroying everything? Texas Democrats, that is who! They decided this week to deliver gay love cakes to a select group of the worst gay-hatin’ Texas Republicans of all: Read more on Nice Texas Democrats Give Delicious Gay Love Cakes To Bigot Republicans…
  Here have some Nice Time

MI Gym Tells Lady Bellyaching About Trans People In Locker Room To Shove It

Behind door number three is this bitch named Yvette, who isn't allowed at this gym anymore.
How about a story with a happy ending? (Not that kind, you perverts!) Up in Midland, Michigan, there is an outpost of Planet Fitness, which happens to have moved into yr Wonkette’s own neighborhood recently. We have heard, from people, that it’s a place where everybody is welcome, and that it’s not full of meatheads. So, at the Midland location, a woman named Yvette Cormier was just shocked and awed and probably had all her religious freedom stolen, because there is a trans woman who goes to the same gym, and wouldn’t you know, the gym actually lets her use the locker room that corresponds with her gender identity! This was, of course, an outrage, so Ms. Cormier, like some icky people are wont to do, complained and complained, until the gym addressed her concerns by saying, “the trans woman can stay, and you get to leave, you suck, bye,” canceling her membership the way Jesus would’ve: Read more on MI Gym Tells Lady Bellyaching About Trans People In Locker Room To Shove It…
  Historical Apoplexy

Colorado District Decides It’s OK With Real History After All, Keeps AP Classes

Hey, Kids, you won one! Now get back to studying!
Finally some Nice Time from the War On Advanced Placement U.S. History! The Jefferson County school board in Colorado has decided to cancel its plans to review the APUSH framework, apparently deciding that it didn’t want to be in the same anti-education club as Georgia and Oklahoma. Jefferson County had made news four months ago when students walked out of several Denver-area schools to protest the board’s plan to review all curricular material to make sure it would “promote patriotic material, respect for authority, and the free-market system.” That proposal was eventually watered down to eliminate the more censorship-y parts, and now the board has decided to drop even that review. It will go ahead and implement the College Board’s revised framework for APUSH, which became a rightwing Culture War fetish in several states after the Republican National Committee decided the new standards didn’t love America enough. Read more on Colorado District Decides It’s OK With Real History After All, Keeps AP Classes…
  justice delayed

Judicial Nice Time: Man Wrongly Convicted Of 1978 Murder Exonerated, Finally

Crimes against fashion are all he's guilty of
Photo by Anne Cusack / Los Angeles Times Here’s a nice change: A story of what happens when the court system gets it right — belatedly, yes, but on a day like this, we’re about one post away from just saying screw it and posting adorable kitten videos all day, so we’ll take what we can get. Read more on Judicial Nice Time: Man Wrongly Convicted Of 1978 Murder Exonerated, Finally…
  Bavarian Nazis...I Hate Bavarian Nazis

German Town Punks Neo-Nazis, Raises Funds To Fight Neo-Nazis

Sure, darling, tomorrow is all yours.
We have to admit we love a good caper where the bad guys get burned — that moment at the end of The Sting (spoiler warning for a 1973 movie everyone should’ve seen by the age of 14 anyway) where Robert Shaw realizes that his great big bet is all gone, for instance. We’d like to think that a similar look was on the faces of a bunch of neo-Nazis last weekend when they learned that, by marching to the gravesite of Rudolf Hess in Wunseidel, Germany, they had unwittingly been participating in an anti-Nazi fundraiser for an organization devoted to fight extremism. Nicely played, city of Wunseidel. Read more on German Town Punks Neo-Nazis, Raises Funds To Fight Neo-Nazis…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: That One Time Richard Nixon Hated The Vietnam War

Whole lotta tapes comin' out
Monday night, Rachel Maddow brought us a segment on audio diaries kept by H.R. “Bob” Haldeman, which were recently released by the Nixon Presidential Library. At first, we were ready for another story about the Nixon administration’s penchant for backbiting and sliminess, and there’s definitely some of that — Haldeman casually mentions that Robert Byrd’s past as a KKK member actually weighed in his favor as a possible Supreme Court nominee — but then things take another turn altogether as Haldeman describes Nixon meeting the family of Col. William Nolde, the last American combat casualty in Vietnam. Read more on Morning Maddow: That One Time Richard Nixon Hated The Vietnam War…
  And A Little Child Shall Make Them Say 'Amazeballs!'

Nice Time! This 13-Year-Old Kick-Ass Baseball Phenom, Plus Rachel Maddow!

Wow, that kid :)
It’s been one brain-basher of a week, and it’s only Tuesday. So take a minute to watch this terrific little “Best New Thing in the World” clip about how ceremonial first pitches usually suck — there’s even a Washington Post chart to prove it: Read more on Nice Time! This 13-Year-Old Kick-Ass Baseball Phenom, Plus Rachel Maddow!…
  Did Romney Ever Get This Reaction?

Nice Time: Little Girl Meets Hillary Clinton, Joyously Freaks Out

This is 10-year-old Macy Friday, who was in the crowd at Denver’s Union station Monday when Hillary Clinton came to Colorado to campaign for Sen. Mark Udall. Hillz saw Macy in the crowd, waved her over for pictures, and Macy instantly earned her place as an icon of Kid Enthusiasm, which frankly is the very best kind there is. That right there is a genuine “I got a puppy, no, TWO puppies!” face. Read more on Nice Time: Little Girl Meets Hillary Clinton, Joyously Freaks Out…
  Jimmy Build World

Jimmy Carter Built That

This looks a lot like 'puttering'
We have some Nice Time for you, and it is Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter building more houses for more people, as they do. This Habitat for Humanity house is in Fort Worth, Texas, one of over a hundred homes in the Dallas-Fort Worth area that Habitat is building or repairing in a manic burst of barn-raising this week. Read more on Jimmy Carter Built That…
  Today's Anti-Cynicism Vaccine

Nice Time: Awesome Ferguson Kid Is Kid, Is Awesome

Oh. That. Smile.
Yr Wonkette would just like to take this opportunity to inform you that, despite the daily parade of stupid and horrible that we bring you here, we do not get kickbacks from Amalgamated Suicide Booths, Inc. We are actually quite optimistic in our own deeply cynical way! As evidence, let us share with you this video from CBS Sunday Morning this week. No, it’s not 2 minutes of birds chirping outside an old barn, get back here. It’s a pretty nifty profile of a pretty nifty kid, 11-year-old Marquis Govan of Ferguson, Missouri. Seriously, this kid is just LOADED with nift. At a St. Louis County Council meeting last month, Marquis gave a short speech that put plenty of adult presentations to shame: Read more on Nice Time: Awesome Ferguson Kid Is Kid, Is Awesome…
  Sportsball nice time

Get A Kluwe, Morans!

He seems nice -- except, actually nice!
Former Minnesota Vikings Sportsball Human Chris Kluwe announced today that he and the team had reached an agreement to settle a lawsuit filed by Kluwe in the wake of his firing last year and a subsequent article he wrote accusing the Vikings of tolerating a culture of homophobia. Under the settlement, Kluwe, the team’s former “puntsman,” will receive no money himself, but the Vikings will “donate an undisclosed amount to five charities over the next five years to benefit LGBT and anti-hate groups, and will sponsor a fundraiser.” Read more on Get A Kluwe, Morans!…
  Shattering the Glass Backboard

Sportsball Nice Time: San Antonio Spurs Hire First Female Coach In NBA History

FUK YEH BECKY HAMMON
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming of nasty vile snark mob fodder to bring you this sportsball nice time report: the NBA Champion San Antonio Spurs have hired the first woman coach in NBA history. Her name is Becky Hammon, and she went from undrafted free agent to six-time WNBA All-Star with nothing but the bootstraps the good Lord gave her. ESPN gives us a little context. Read more on Sportsball Nice Time: San Antonio Spurs Hire First Female Coach In NBA History…
  Unskewed Stripper Polls

Arizona Strip Club Throws Its Pasties Behind Progressive Pastor For Congress

Naked political ambition
In a story that has a hint of Carl Hiaasen’s Strip Tease to it — the novel, not the Demi Moore movie, for godssake — a Phoenix strip club has endorsed the candidacy of Rev. Jarrett Maupin in the state’s Democratic primary. Maupin is one of four Democrats hoping to win the nomination to replace retiring Rep. Ed Pastor in District 7. That would have been five, but the Tea Party loon who changed his name to “Cesar Chavez” got thrown off the ballot for having a bunch of invalid signatures on his nominating petitions. Arizona, man. So the race is down one fake Democrat, and up an endorsement from “The Great Alaskan Bush Company,” which we swear is not taken from a Hiaasen novel. Read more on Arizona Strip Club Throws Its Pasties Behind Progressive Pastor For Congress…
  new south is best south

Nice Time Update: SC Town Reinstates Lesbian Police Chief Fired By Jerkwad Mayor

We sure do like the occasional story where people Do the Right Thing and there’s actually a win for the little guy. And here’s one right now: You might remember our April story about Crystal Moore, the former police chief of the town of Latta, South Carolina. She was fired by the town’s doodyhead mayor, Earl Bullard, as part of a good-old-boy vendetta because — he said — she went beyond her authority in questioning the appropriateness of Bullard’s decision to hire a Parks and Rec director whose qualifications were iffy. Not because she’s openly gay, no, not at all. And never mind the recording of Bullard saying he’d rather have a dead drunk watch his children than a gay person (the police chief job, incidentally, does not include providing babysitting services). As often happens with small-town politics, things got nasty, fast, and Moore was quickly fired, without following normal procedures. And now we get to the nice-time part. After a special election to change the city’s form of government from a “weak council” to a “strong council,” the town council, which can now overrule the mayor, is planning to hire Chief Moore back. The moral arc of the universe is long, and points away from power-mad jerk babies. Read more on Nice Time Update: SC Town Reinstates Lesbian Police Chief Fired By Jerkwad Mayor…
  cute fought the law and the cute won

Nice Time Update: Nifty Kid May Soon Return ‘Little Free Library’ To Front Yard

As we predicted, it looks like there’s going to be a quick, albeit temporary resolution to the social-media-friendly story of Spencer Collins, the Kansas 9-year-old who was told he had to remove his “Little Free Library” because it violated a zoning rule on structures in front yards. Stupid bureaucrats were stupid. But since Spencer is a cute kid, and “Kansas Town Does Not Like Books” is really crappy publicity, it looks like the city of Leawood is close to a solution that will soon allow Spencer to get the take-a-book-leave-a-book library out of the garage and back out front, and then Fox News will have to illustrate the evils of Big Government by finding stories about lemonade stands being shut down for not having a license. Read more on Nice Time Update: Nifty Kid May Soon Return ‘Little Free Library’ To Front Yard…
  unto the least of these

Nifty Kid, 8, Raises Money For School Lunch For Everyone (Hey, Michigan: He Shouldn’t Have To!)

Let’s have a round of applause for 8-year-old Cayden Taipalus of Howell, Michigan, who did a pretty awesome thing with a little help from his mom. One day at lunch, Cayden saw another kid being served the Poverty Lunch — a slice of American Cheese on plain bread — because the other kid’s lunch account was in arrears by more than $5. You know, there’s no free lunch, gotta teach responsibility, can’t let people get away with being moochers. But instead of triumphantly writing in his Junior Objectivist Journal about how good it felt to know that he had Responsible Parents, Cayden felt bad for the other kid, and told his mom about what happened and asked her what could be done. His mom, Amber Peters*, also failed to tell Cayden it’s a hard world but you have to be tough on Those People, and so instead they decided to start a little fundraiser, calling it “Pay it Forward — No Kid Goes Hungry.” Yes, we’ll wait while you get a tissue. Read more on Nifty Kid, 8, Raises Money For School Lunch For Everyone (Hey, Michigan: He Shouldn’t Have To!)…
  mammoth cave

Science Nice Time! S.C. Drops Creationist Nonsense From Awesome Girl’s Fossil Bill

Hurrah and high-fives all around for 8-year-old science fan Olivia McConnell, the nifty South Carolina kid who wrote to her state legislators to propose that they name the Columbian Wooly Mammoth as the state fossil. Her state senator and representative thought it was a good idea, too, so they introduced a bill, and everyone felt good about helping South Carolina children to learn how a bill becomes a law. Except that after the bill passed the state House, it got hung up in the Senate because a couple of creationist morons wanted to insert language explaining how God made mammoths on the sixth day, about 6000 years ago (on a Saturday), and then we all felt terrible because Olivia was learning entirely too much about how government actually works. But now, here is the update we genuinely didn’t expect would come anywhere near this soon: Rachel Maddow reported Tuesday night that the Senate has agreed to remove the creationist language from the bill and let a clean version go forward. Yay, science, and yay, Olivia! Read more on Science Nice Time! S.C. Drops Creationist Nonsense From Awesome Girl’s Fossil Bill…
  jackbooted federal gramma

Government Employee Nice Time: Meet America’s Oldest Park Ranger, Betty Reid Soskin, 92

Let’s have a nice-time awesomesauce round of applause for U.S. Park Ranger Betty Reid Soskin, who at 92 is our oldest Park Ranger. Why are we writing about her? Some guy tweeted about her. And she was beautiful. Then we read her Wiki page, and said holy shit, awesome park ranger lady! And then we decided that would make a better post than Obama holocausting us (AGAIN) by making us get health care. Born in Detroit, grew up in New Orleans until a hurricane destroyed her family’s business in 1927, and then they moved to Oakland, California. Worked at a segregated union auxiliary during WWII, and ran a Berkeley record store after the war — it’s still in business. Wrote civil rights and peace songs during the ’60s, worked for a couple of state assemblywomen, and helped develop the park where she now works as a tour guide and interpreter, Rosie the Riveter/World War II Home Front National Historical Park. And couldn’t wait to get back to work last fall after the government shutdown ended. When we grow up, we want to be Betty Reid Soskin. Read more on Government Employee Nice Time: Meet America’s Oldest Park Ranger, Betty Reid Soskin, 92…
  justice is servd

President Obama Steps In To Correct Typo Because He Doesn’t Have Anything Better To Do

Are you ready for some Nice Time that only needed to happen because there was some very Not Nice Time in the first place? SHUT UP YOU ARE TOO. Today, Bamz partially commuted a prison sentence for one Ceasar Cantu, who was convicted in 2006 of drug dealing, dropping his sentence from 15 years to 11 1/2. The 15-year sentence was accidentally imposed based on a typo in a sentencing report. Cantu’s commutation came from a typo in the “base offense level” of his presentencing report — a numerical rating calculated by the court under federal sentencing guidelines that takes into consideration the crime’s severity and the defendant’s criminal history. The pre-sentence report correctly listed a level of 34 in one part of the report, but incorrectly listed it at 36 in the portion listing his recommended sentencing range. Wait. We need the President to fix motherfucking TYPOS these days? Doesn’t the leader of the free world have more important things to do? Well, in this case Bamz actually did need to step in because the judge in the case was being a massive dick. Read more on President Obama Steps In To Correct Typo Because He Doesn’t Have Anything Better To Do…
  uncloudy day

If You’ve Got Wendy Davis’s Money, Honey, Willie Nelson Has The Time

Willie Nelson playing a private “backyard bbq” fundraiser for Wendy Davis? YAY NICE TIME! SHOTGUN WILLIE! POT JOKE POT JOKE HAW HAW HAW! Also, that was a pretty good title for the post, we guess, so we have that going for us. Now, if we could just get Miss Dolly Parton to come play too, then it would be just like the end of Our Idiot Brother, when Paul Rudd’s dog meets the nice pretty hippie lady’s dog, and everybody is happy with love and highness and the best, most inclusive, most American — for all Americans, not just the Americans who think they get to decide who is American — country music. Read more on If You’ve Got Wendy Davis’s Money, Honey, Willie Nelson Has The Time…
  truth in advertising

No, YOU’RE Crying Over this Sweet “Screw You, Haters” Ad From Honey Maid Graham Crackers

Last month, Honey Maid graham crackers, which you buy once per year for s’mores and then leave at the back of the cupboard until the mice get them or they turn to dust, aired an ad that said everybody can buy crackers and make s’mores once a year, even the gays and the interracially married. It was a very nice ad! Read more on No, YOU’RE Crying Over this Sweet “Screw You, Haters” Ad From Honey Maid Graham Crackers…