Tag Archives: mexicans

  a state without a mexican

TripAdvisor Reviews From Your Racist Uncle

It’s my birthday next week, and I started thinking about day trips my husband can take me on, since there will be no “Life, The Universe And Everything” parties or Pan-Galactic Gargleblasters in my immediate future. Read more on TripAdvisor Reviews From Your Racist Uncle…
  build the dang fence around congress

Republicans Suing Obama Again, This Time About The Mexicans

He's in charge here
Some days we almost feel sorry for John Boehner, what with having to herd the feral cat farm that is the House Republican caucus while simultaneously convincing the Beltway’s Very Serious People that he, too, is a Very Serious Person who wants to Get Things Done and Has Ideas and Jobs, Jobs, Jobs. So when the feral cats are demanding that he Impeach!!!1! over the fake Benghazi scandal or the fake IRS scandal or Obamacare or not deporting all the Messicans or not having the proper amount of melanin for a POTUS, The Boehner has to find a way to mollify the raving, addled lunatics who would just as soon depose him and arrest the president for TREASON, without looking like a raving, addled lunatic himself, lest he lose the power and position he clearly holds so dear. Read more on Republicans Suing Obama Again, This Time About The Mexicans…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Why’s Obama Letting Immigrant Terrorists Ebola Us To Death?

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
In the last seven days, the Sarah Palin Channel has published exactly nine minutes and twenty-eight seconds of content. Three minutes of that total is “Behind the Scenes” reels, one of which centers on Sarah going to a barn in North Carolina last year (it was Billy Graham’s barn, and it was a very boring visit). That means Palin’s team produced about six minutes of content in the last week, so yes, this is probably the laziest political grift we’ve ever covered in our short time as Yr Wonket. But by the same token, it is also the most ruthlessly efficient. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Why’s Obama Letting Immigrant Terrorists Ebola Us To Death?…
  no apologies

South Carolina Restaurant To Illegal Aliens: ‘Eat Me’

Hey South Carolina Messican restaurant Taco Cid, what’s got staffers in heelarious uniforms featuring Messicans getting trapped in boxes like animals by aid of a taco lure, are you sorry that everyone in the country except other racists thinks you are balls-out racist? Oh, you’re not? That is so weird, we thought you would say you were sorry “if” you offended anyone. But let’s see what you do have to say for yourselves, because we are sure it is swell and logical and compassionate and well-thought-out, we are sure of it. Read more on South Carolina Restaurant To Illegal Aliens: ‘Eat Me’…
  hispandering

GOP Source: Mitt Romney Threw ‘Tantrum’ At Univision ‘Brownface’ Forum

Oh, man. We were already aware that Egg Romney simply does not care for backtalk from The Help, and that Miffed Romney may not be great under pressure (or ever?). And Miffed Romney hasn’t had a good day we can remember since his Mr. Bean-level disastrous trip to Europe, which spawned the eternal, plaintive question “What about your gaffes?” But FUCK ALL, Buzzfeed has quite a story about Miffed’s trip to see the Mexicans at the Univision forum today, from sources both on the record (a Univision anchor, who detailed the many last-minute demands the campaign made) and off (a GOP source who says Romney threw a “tantrum” and refused to go on). A tantrum, Miffed? In front of people you are not actually paying? BEST. NOMINEE. IN HISTORY. Read more on GOP Source: Mitt Romney Threw ‘Tantrum’ At Univision ‘Brownface’ Forum…
  the banda singer

Mitt Romney Dons Brownface For Forum With Mexicans

Mitt Romney saw some Mexicans yesterday, at a Univision forum where he said “Illegal aliens” and all of Twitter got judgmental, as if saying “undocumented immigrants” was going to win Mitt points with his base, who are currently wondering if their hair isn’t going to need washing or their showers grouting come Election Day. Read more on Mitt Romney Dons Brownface For Forum With Mexicans…
  Teahadists

RNC Delegate Offended That a ‘Mexican’ Works at Epcot Center’s America

Aw, look at this nice picture of Mark Harris and his wife, who had a nice time in Florida until they went to the Epcot Center at Disneyworld and were shocked, shocked, to find a Mexican employee working at the American pavilion, which “showcases different cultures in the United States.” Read more on RNC Delegate Offended That a ‘Mexican’ Works at Epcot Center’s America…
  slate pitches

Mitt Romney Will Now Explain Why Implementing The Dream Act Hurts The Dream Act

It is hard to be Mitt Romney trying to decide what he wants people to think he believes about immigration. He has to strike just the right note: not alienating Latino voters while being totally and constantly bug-eyed, Jan Brewer-style racist for the GOP base. The most important part of this three-legged stool, though? Being the opposite of Barack Obama at all times! “I believe the status of young people who come here through no fault of their own is an important matter to be considered and should be solved on a long-term basis so they know what their future would be in this country,” Romney said. OK, Mitt Romney is for the Dream Act, fellows! You remember — the super-duper popular part of immigration reform that applies to kids who came here illegally before they were 16, and are good kids who want to either go to college or join the Army. How popular is the Dream Act? Three-fourths of Arizonans support it. So how do you think he will blame Obama for making it happen? Put on your thinking brain. Do you have a guess? Read more on Mitt Romney Will Now Explain Why Implementing The Dream Act Hurts The Dream Act…
  this week in mexicans

Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Anchor Babies Away!

Republicans are mad at Mexican lover Barack Obama because he wants to temporarily not destroy the lives of brown people who have lived in America pretty much their whole life by renditioning them to a country they have never lived in so they can starve in a lonely wasteland of fear. Go get em GOP! Always on the side of the little guy. We all know America is the greatest country in the world and everyone wants to come here for our shattered economy, fried twinkies, and so they can take part in murdering Arab children with sky robots. The problem is we are SO good that now we have to start being selective! This is why besides deporting old gross Mexicans and their demon music, some people want to go after their children who were raised here, made friends here, went to school here, loved here, and even fought in our illegal wars! (And some people want to go after their children who were born here, which is a whole other level of fucked-up racist.) Now many people who believe in strong immigration laws have a good point. Why should some weird-talker come in to our country when WE EARNED our stay by having our parents fuck here. Do you know how much effort it takes as a ghost sperm to convince your mom to fuck your dad? A. LOT. Don’t tell us we didn’t earn our keep. Read more on Sundays With Jamie Kilstein And The Lord: Anchor Babies Away!…
  ouch my uvula

Brutal Dictator Barack Obama Rams Messican-Loving Dream Act Down Everyone’s Throat

Perhaps you remember that heady last week of the pre-Tea Party Congress, when Harry Reid pushed about 57 major pieces of legislation through the Senate. (Nancy Pelosi had already passed them all through the House in about the first day and a half, and still had time for a mani-pedi.) But the one major piece of legislation that did not pass? The DREAM Act, the one about those terrible Messican children who come here at age eight and have the nerve to want to go to college. Well, here comes Barack Hussein NOBAMA to shove the DREAM Act down all our throats by using his executive powers in the form of an executive order telling DHS or ICE or Disney on Ice or whomever to stop deporting kids (under 30) who were here by the age of 16, and to give them work permits instead. TYRANNY! Stalin! Fidel Castro! Quick everybody, buy more guns! Read more on Brutal Dictator Barack Obama Rams Messican-Loving Dream Act Down Everyone’s Throat…
  great american songbook

Wingnuts Debut Boot-Scootin’ English-Only Anthem For Antonin Scalia (Video!)

Looks like we missed a fiesta grande outside the Supreme Court yesterday, where everyone gathered to gaze in awe at Antonin Scalia as he called your abuelita a bandita. Most of those gathered, according to our spies on Twitter, were just huge Mexicans being a bunch of gangsters whenever they weren’t busy napping under sombreros and cactuses, but a few brave Real Merkans came forth to drive them off with the power of a boot scoot boogie. Would you like some lyrics? OF COURSE you would like some lyrics! What’re you a comminist?! If it’s not too much to ask could you please speak Engleesh. Engleesh is my langueege it’s the langueege of this land. And every time it’s posted here (?) I should understand. I do not live in China, Mexico, no foreign place. Engleesh is the langueege of these United States. Good song you guys! But is there maybe another? Yes there is another, and it is even greater, if such a thing is even possible! Fuck you Leonard Cohen, why don’t you move to Arizoney and learn from some champions how to write a real music, for freedom! Read more on Wingnuts Debut Boot-Scootin’ English-Only Anthem For Antonin Scalia (Video!)…
  we can still hate them though

Mexicans Getting The Hell Out Of Miserable United States

What was that question from the dumb Republican debates, about Mexicans… oh yes: How do you “turn off the magnet” that brings all those Mexitrons to the United States? Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty. The Pew Hispanic Center has released a new report that shows “the net migration flow from Mexico to the United States has stopped—and may have reversed.” If so, it would be the first reversal since the Great Depression. Does this indicate that… something is wrong with the United States economy, now? Read more on Mexicans Getting The Hell Out Of Miserable United States…
  wonkette sports

College Kids Demand To See U.S. Citizen’s Green Card While He’s Playing Basketball

Let’s put politics aside for a minute and enjoy the beginning of America’s greatest annual springtime intercollegiate athletic competition, March Madness. Things got off to a thrilling start today: “During their school’s NCAA Tournament game against Kansas State University today, members of the Southern Mississippi University band chanted, ‘Where’s your green card?’ at a Puerto Rican Kansas State player.” [Think Progress] Read more on College Kids Demand To See U.S. Citizen’s Green Card While He’s Playing Basketball…
  triple play

Right-Wing Anti-Mexican Arizona Sheriff Has Gay Mexican Lover

Here is the hot American president’s day news for those of you who didn’t spend the weekend searching for “gay wingnut arizona sheriff tries to deport gay mexican lover” on Ask Jeeves: Beloved right-wing anti-Mexican Arizona sheriff Paul Babeu has been caught trying to deport his homosexual Mexican lover, because Paul Babeu is a homosexual with an unquenchable thirst for the semen of illegal Mexican men. It is very common for anti-Mexican Republicans to have undocumented Mexican servants and gardeners and nannies, of course, and it is exceedingly common — almost required by the RNC — for Republican politician men to be self-hating homosexuals, and it is utterly expected that any Republican in Arizona is going to be a comic book villain/idiot. But to get all three in one person (a sheriff, even!) running for Congress is just a bit overboard. Read more on Right-Wing Anti-Mexican Arizona Sheriff Has Gay Mexican Lover…
  arizona being arizona

Arizona Schools Ban Mex-Am Studies, Angry Kids Put On Janitorial Duty

In a page right out of Newt Gingrich’s alternate-history science-fiction wingnut-polygamy utopian epic Candyland Space Land, the school district in Tucson has completely banned Mexican-American studies, seized all the textbooks and even wall posters from the classrooms, and punished the students who protested by sentencing them to janitorial duty. The self-hating Latina lady who oversees the now-illegal ethnic studies program even comically told the kids, “Mexico is where Mexican studies is taught, not America!” Why oh why does the Newt have to be in stinky old South Carolina during such a historical moment in stomping the Mexican, for freedom? Read more on Arizona Schools Ban Mex-Am Studies, Angry Kids Put On Janitorial Duty…
  weirder things have happened

Jesse Ventura Announces He Will Turn Into A Mexican

America’s second-most favorite whackadoodle ex-governor Jesse Ventura (whose crazy gave Minnesota such a hangover it then elected Tim Pawlenty) managed to gather enough bored reporters together to formally announce that he tragically lost his important lawsuit trying to get the government to quit letting TSA agents touch his nuts all the time. In revenge, he will now become a Mexican, in order to stick it to the fascist tyranny of Minnesota. Read more on Jesse Ventura Announces He Will Turn Into A Mexican…
  no country for old men

Both Sides of Congress Want Foreign Drug Lords To Buy U.S. Foreclosures

The serious proposals for fixing “the housing crisis” in this country have so far amounted to a) Alan Greenspan suggesting the federal government burn down the millions of vacant foreclosures across America and b) an actual government program that allowed Goldman Sachs to buy foreclosures in bulk for pennies on the dollar and then rent those same houses back to the financially ruined people who were evicted by the banks. But now there’s a new plan hatched by a Democrat and Republican in the Senate: Let any foreigner have a three-year residency visa as long as they spend half-a-million dollars, cash only, on some U.S. real estate. This proposal is foolproof. Read more on Both Sides of Congress Want Foreign Drug Lords To Buy U.S. Foreclosures…
  he can't practice his love on mexicans

Rick Perry’s Forbidden Love of Mexicans Dooms His Campaign

Noted anti-Mexican group “ALIPAC” (which means “No Mexicans” in Spanish) has distributed this video clip proving that haughty Texan country-club waiter Rick Perry will never be the Republican nominee because he just loves giving money to Mexicans too much: Read more on Rick Perry’s Forbidden Love of Mexicans Dooms His Campaign…
  death and carnage

Executioner Perry’s Murder Train Often Picks Up Teenagers and Disabled

It is not news that Future Sheriff-in-Chief Rick Perry enjoys murdering Mexicans, for sport. That is why Michele Bachmann is probably having a shame-based pill binge, right this very minute, while watching her already-questionable relevance get flushed further and further down the State Fair Porta-Johns. But Rick Perry knows that in order to win 2012, he can’t just kill Mexicans. There are so many other troublesome people in America that need to be injected with poison so they can go visit Rick Perry’s Jesus, for example, youths and the mentally disabled. And Rick Perry is not going to stop until he gets them all! He is already well on his way, with 234 executions overseen so far, and he is on a roll. Read more on Executioner Perry’s Murder Train Often Picks Up Teenagers and Disabled…
  press releases without comment

Michele Bachmann Apparently First Republican To Hate Mexicans

We get so many ridiculous press releases every day, we’re going to start featuring them in this new unintentional comedy section, “Press Releases Without Comment.” TO: tips@wonkette.com DATE: Wed, Aug 17, 2011 at 5:15 AM Press Release: Michele Bachmann First To Make Illegal Immigration Top Issue for 2012 Read more on Michele Bachmann Apparently First Republican To Hate Mexicans…
  reckless speculation

Washington Forcing Jews To Merge With Mexicans, Against Republicans

America was founded upon dusty Old Testament scrolls handed down from the Heavens by Jesus and the cowboys. And then the Jews came, as prophesied, and turned Washington into their surrogate Promised Land, and they have ruled ever since. Luckily for poor, uneducated and underrepresented Christian Patriots, Jewish interests mesh exactly with those of the unemployed American Heartland. But no longer! Indeed, according to CNN, “The following may cheer those who complain that Jews exercise too much influence in the American political system.” So, if you are someone who wants the Jews to quit having jobs in D.C., then this is your lucky day. Or is it? Read more on Washington Forcing Jews To Merge With Mexicans, Against Republicans…