Wonkette

For many Mexicans today is a day to celebrate what they call “Cinco de Mayo,” which is Mexican for “Huzzah.” And that is precisely how “Mexico John” is spending his time today, celebrating that is, sipping on frozen margaritas and eating liberal spare ribs at his terrorist shack in Sedona. Oh, what’s that? He’s also launching a Mexican version of his web site, so that his family can finally read about him. [McCain Espanol]

Are you feeling extra hippieish today, hippies? Maybe a little more communal, communists? That’s because it’s May Day, the main drunken pagan sex holiday of the first week of May. In fact, today used to be America’s Labor Day, until right-wing bloggers of the Soviet era found out it was actually a commie holiday built around the commie traditions of a) abortion and b) colorful paper streamers. And then the evil “May Day” was patriotically converted into “Loyalty Day” … but did anybody tell the Mexicans? MORE »

Panamanian-born immigrant John “Juan” McCain wants to be president of El Norte, the Estados Unidos de América , but of course he is not from our patriotic country. Luckily, he is a global elitist with many powerful allies in our Senate, so yesterday all the senators got together and agreed that McCain is a “natural born citizen” and can be our oldest president once Hillary destroys Obama and the Democrats forever. [AFP]

First they came for our jobs. Then they came for our jobs again. They came for our jobs several times after this. But now the Mexicans are coming for our White House BlackBerries. At a meeting of Canadian, Mexican and U.S. officials this week, a Mexican aide “pocketed” several BlackBerries belonging to the U.S. delegation. Two questions: (1) How did this aide illegally get into the country in the first place? (2) Why didn’t we elect Mitt Romney to stop this illegal behavior? MORE »

Priggish Acadian fur-trader James Carville appeared on Larry King Live last night with his mortal enemy, fat Mexican ex-presidential candidate Bill Richardson, to Assess the Race. Carville had famously called Richardson “Judas Iscariot” after the latter endorsed Barack Obama, because Bill Clinton gave Richardson two or three of his 80,000 stupid jobs in the 1990s and now he won’t even support the damn wife’s campaign. The two continued fighting each other last night, most notably when Carville makes fun of Richardson’s tropical beach vacation. Video after the jump. MORE »

Everyone’s favorite racist presidential candidate from Colorado, Rep. Tom Tancredo, is responding to the Pope’s Tour d’America by… well how is he responding? Let’s do the math: Tom Tancredo’s only issue is illegal Mexicans; illegal Mexicans are Catholic; Catholics perform Pope’s bidding… The Pope’s bidding is telling the Mexicans to enter the United States. Tom Tancredo hates the Pope! [Denver Post]

Several concerned readers have written to Wonkette pointing out a few errors in our unbiased, information-filled reporting surrounding Debbie Stabenow’s husband’s tragic hooker bust. In bringing this very important information to you, we failed to adequately acquaint ourselves with greater Detroit Metropolitan area roadways, for one, and then there is the little issue of “speaking Mexican.” MORE »

Here is the Absolut vodka ad that is Controversial for appealing to Mexicans, who want to take back the western United States (officially) in their perfect world. Well boo hoo. Look at the upside: Absolut also wants to squash Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez while simultaneously bottle-fucking Puerto Rico. [LA Times]