Tag Archives: metro section

  district of cord

The Great DC Drag Queen Race

Up in New York City, the gay bars are called things like “The Cock,” and the go-go boys start going full-nude at about 4 PM. In Los Angeles, all of West Hollywood is gay — especially your favorite action movie heroes. But in DC, “go-go” is a junkyard music I’m still trying to like, and the most popular gay bar is a fratty (but fun!) sports club full of straight people. Read more on The Great DC Drag Queen Race…
  district of cord

DC Men’s Shoes For Clowns and Elves, Not Men

A very kind, smart, attractive young woman I know took grave exception with my denunciation of those medallion shoes all the District’s WASPy women seem to fancy. While willing to admit that perhaps they were, indeed, crap shoes, she was angry that I’d not leveled a similar attack on the preferred footwear of DC men. I’d never particularly noticed the footwear of DC men, but she was right! Read more on DC Men’s Shoes For Clowns and Elves, Not Men…
  district of cord

DC Burger Battle Just a Proxy War For Lawyers v. Humans

Besides Bride Wars, Junkyard Wars and Star Wars, my favorite military engagements are burger wars. Lucky for me, and unlucky for dignity, there are actual adults currently waging a burger war in the heart of Dupont Circle, a really sort of fine part of town that idiot teabaggers call a “gay area.” Lawyers are mad at some burger joint and the burger joint people are all, “Screw you, stupid lawyers” — meaning, they lost to the law firm. I am an unpatriotic vegetarian, so it is educational to watch people get angry about the ground-meat sandwiches! Read more on DC Burger Battle Just a Proxy War For Lawyers v. Humans…
  district of cord

DC Sloths Can’t Stop Complaining About Broken Escalators

This smarmy crybaby in pleated trousers was just bitching so loudly because the escalator at the Shaw metro stop was “broken” yesterday. He was a grown man eating a candy bar, which is against The Subway Rules in the first place, and his too-pretty-for-him girlfriend was in those weird ballet shoes with the Neverending Story medallions on them. (Why is this a thing now?) She nodded her head in taut agreement when he said the outage was “ridiculous,” and you could tell theirs was one of those relationships with a severe pleasure imbalance in the bedroom. Read more on DC Sloths Can’t Stop Complaining About Broken Escalators…
  chocolate city

Teabagger Who Warned of DC Black People Celebrates Black Kid’s Death

What do you do when a young black man you don’t even know dies in a hail of gang-related gunfire? To be honest, I don’t do much but briefly consider the crushing absurdity of violence before getting on with my day. I’m not a particularly religious man, but you might say a little prayer for the deceased, which is fine too! What nobody should ever do is use the young man’s life and death to make some cheap point about how black people really are dangerous thugs. You know who does that? Scummy Tea Party idiots from our recent history. Read more on Teabagger Who Warned of DC Black People Celebrates Black Kid’s Death…
  district of cord

DC Chicken Wing Bones Drive Capitol Hill Yuppies Nuts

Where have all the DC hoodoo men gone? Time was you could find a good hoodoo man to bless a mojo bag as easily as you could buy a mediocre sandwich covered in goat cheese at Cosi. Without these neighborhood mystics, Washington residents have no way to deal with the mysterious mountains of chicken bones all over town. The greasy old bones are turning up literally everywhere — and white people are concerned. Read more on DC Chicken Wing Bones Drive Capitol Hill Yuppies Nuts…
 

Taking Turns Baking Worms With The Bacon & Eggs

“In the past 3 seasons, the Nationals have exceeded expectations, which was mostly a function of having very low expectations. After disappointing everyone last year by not having a historically bad season, expectations are higher this year.” [DCist] Read more on Taking Turns Baking Worms With The Bacon & Eggs…
 

Hip-Hop Macaca

“For our purposes, the definition of hip-hop will be broader than it’s typically constructed, and will include R&B, soul, certain electronic, or whatever else deemed appropriate by the author.” [DCist] “The Republican’s move, coupled with former Governor George Allen’s decision to sit out the race, leaves Attorney General Bob McDonnell uncontested for the GOP nomination.” [WAVY10] Read more on Hip-Hop Macaca…
 

Moron Protesters And Mango Blendinis

“Seriously? You’re aiming to squeak into the playoffs and you want me to commit a non-refundable up-front purchase of seats for all four rounds?” [Metroblogging DC] “Winard Harper is a local boy done good, and it’s always a pleasure to see musicians come back to perform to a hometown crowd. The 46-year-old drummer will be doing just that as he leads his wonderful sextet through two sets tomorrow night at the Kennedy Center.” [DCist] Read more on Moron Protesters And Mango Blendinis…
 

Send Lawyers, Guns & Money

“At stake is much more than the District’s gun laws. While the city’s restrictions on the ownership of handguns is the example that provoked the lawsuit that pushed the issue through the American legal system, the Supreme Court will focus its sights on a larger question — does the U.S. Constitution guarantee a collective or individual right to own a gun?” [DCist] Read more on Send Lawyers, Guns & Money…
 

Rounding Third He Was Headed For Home

“Every March I almost keel over in anticipation for the start of the new baseball season. This year is of course especially important for my fellow DC residents. The new Nationals Park opens in only a few weeks. And, sure, the parking situation still hasn’t been figured out and the team will probably be pretty terrible, but, come on!” [why.i.hate.dc] Read more on Rounding Third He Was Headed For Home…
 

Going Back To Houston, Do The Hot Dog Dance

“We returned to Columbia Heights and witnessed a mass congregation of firetrucks and pedestrians lurking on the sidewalk as a major blaze took hold of an apartment building on Mt. Pleasant St. We were able to get close to the blaze, scale a building and capture some moments as DC’s finest attempted to quell a wild fire.” [Brightest Young Things] Read more on Going Back To Houston, Do The Hot Dog Dance…
 

I Love You-ou, This Old Heart …

“One group of local guys took their ‘rock band,’ breadpig, out of the living room and into Chinatown. They set up their instruments (which, when not connected to a gaming system, don’t actually emit any sound) and “played” for a building crowd. They even recruited a lead singer from the bystanders, who specialized in Isely Brothers lyrics.” [DCist] Read more on I Love You-ou, This Old Heart ……
 

Thousand Dollar Wedding

“Everyone’s favorite falafel joint in Adams Morgan has always screamed European. Obviously with the name, Amsterdam Falafelshop, the Dutch mayo, and pictures of the Netherlands pasted all over. But now they’re going European in one more way.” [DCist] Read more on Thousand Dollar Wedding…
 

Viajo Sin Rumbo Fijo En Mis Botas Viejas

“Former Prince George’s County homeland security official Keith A. Washington, jailed awaiting sentencing for fatally shooting a furniture deliveryman and wounding another, was found last week with a handcuff key and had a ‘clear intention of escaping’, according to court papers filed by prosecutors.” [WP] Read more on Viajo Sin Rumbo Fijo En Mis Botas Viejas…
 

Take Him To A Whorehouse

“I buy the Post every weekday. I spend $120 a year on the Post. I can’t do it anymore …. I will not support an organization that promotes such outdated and misogynistic bullshit.” [why.i.hate.dc] Read more on Take Him To A Whorehouse…
 

And Your Deck Of Cards Missing The Jack And The Ace

“Parents who testified last night were mostly critical of the closures, using language like, ‘they want to take away education’ and comparing the closures to ‘taking a seed out of the ground that’s already been planted’.” [DCist] Read more on And Your Deck Of Cards Missing The Jack And The Ace…
 

Embassy Row, The Fumes They Lay Low

* “The statues grimace, scream, tear at their hair and skin. Several have collapsed in agony. Others cry and rage at the heavens.” [WP] * “The program, which starts Monday, directs county police officers to check the citizenship status of people suspected of breaking the law, no matter how minor the crime. The county also will start to deny some services to illegal immigrants.” [Below the Beltway] * “Hmmm… I’ll take a ballsmatic one” [Eavesdrop DC] * “Though Maryland doesn’t ban drivers from talking on phones while driving, sponsors said texting is even more dangerous and should be banned.” [WTOP] * “I’ll admit it. I’m a sucker for Pizza Hut’s stuffed crust pizza. You know, the one that packs as much cheese as possible into every crevice of the pizza pie? Wait — are there crevices on a pizza?” [Metroblogging DC] Read more on Embassy Row, The Fumes They Lay Low…
 

Nobody’s Crying ‘Cause There’s No One To Score For

* “A jury yesterday rejected a former Prince George’s County homeland security official’s claim that he acted in self-defense when he opened fire on two unarmed furniture deliverymen.” [WP] * “Starbucks will be closing its 7,100 stores nationwide tonight from 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. in order to re-train all of its employees simultaneously on … how to make coffee.” [DCist] * “If you thought you were whispering some conversation with a friend while riding in his cab and you think he is not listening, good luck! The chances are he probably heard all your kinky stories with his surveillance gear.” [Diary of a Mad DC Cabbie] * “Had I just seen what I thought I saw? Did this dude just eat my cookie?” [Arjewtino] * “I know there is something deeply offensive about these commercials (other than the surplus of man titties). But I can’t quite my finger on it. It’s such a bombardment of crazy.” [why.i.hate.dc] Read more on Nobody’s Crying ‘Cause There’s No One To Score For…
 

And All Us Mortals Struggle So

* “We had a very nice place in Pennsylvania for many years before we relocated down here. However, the cost differential between Western PA and the MD/VA/DC area was quite a staggering shock to my own financial sensibilities.” [Metroblogging DC] * “About 50 demonstrators participated in the emotional rally Saturday morning. No protesters were arrested. Protester Marco Del Fuego says the group promotes a white supremacist agenda, like the Nazis.” [Examiner] * “Fifty medical workers — doctors, nurses, therapists and administrators among them — sat in a room at Walter Reed Army Medical Center gazing at a slide of Donald Duck on a screen.” [WP] * “So Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee, in order to protect students from their counselors’ ineptitude, says no more foreign talk until you’re a sophomore.” [why.i.hate.dc] * “When I fell back down to the ground, I rubbed my eyes and took a closer look again. At this point the hawk is staring at me and I could easily see from its eyes that it was telling me to back the fuck up.” [Prince of Petworth] Read more on And All Us Mortals Struggle So…