metro section
The Great DC Drag Queen Race
Up in New York City, the gay bars are called things like “The Cock,” and the go-go boys start going full-nude at about 4 PM. In Los Angeles, all of West Hollywood is gay — especially your favorite action movie heroes. But in DC, “go-go” is a junkyard music I’m still trying to like, and [...]
DC Men’s Shoes For Clowns and Elves, Not Men
A very kind, smart, attractive young woman I know took grave exception with my denunciation of those medallion shoes all the District’s WASPy women seem to fancy. While willing to admit that perhaps they were, indeed, crap shoes, she was angry that I’d not leveled a similar attack on the preferred footwear of DC men. [...]
DC Burger Battle Just a Proxy War For Lawyers v. Humans
Besides Bride Wars, Junkyard Wars and Star Wars, my favorite military engagements are burger wars. Lucky for me, and unlucky for dignity, there are actual adults currently waging a burger war in the heart of Dupont Circle, a really sort of fine part of town that idiot teabaggers call a “gay area.” Lawyers are mad [...]
DC Sloths Can’t Stop Complaining About Broken Escalators
This smarmy crybaby in pleated trousers was just bitching so loudly because the escalator at the Shaw metro stop was “broken” yesterday. He was a grown man eating a candy bar, which is against The Subway Rules in the first place, and his too-pretty-for-him girlfriend was in those weird ballet shoes with the Neverending Story [...]
Teabagger Who Warned of DC Black People Celebrates Black Kid’s Death
What do you do when a young black man you don’t even know dies in a hail of gang-related gunfire? To be honest, I don’t do much but briefly consider the crushing absurdity of violence before getting on with my day. I’m not a particularly religious man, but you might say a little prayer for [...]
DC Chicken Wing Bones Drive Capitol Hill Yuppies Nuts
Where have all the DC hoodoo men gone? Time was you could find a good hoodoo man to bless a mojo bag as easily as you could buy a mediocre sandwich covered in goat cheese at Cosi. Without these neighborhood mystics, Washington residents have no way to deal with the mysterious mountains of chicken bones [...]
Taking Turns Baking Worms With The Bacon & Eggs
Hip-Hop Macaca
She Was Workin’ In A Topless Place And I Stopped In For A Beer
Moron Protesters And Mango Blendinis
Send Lawyers, Guns & Money
Rounding Third He Was Headed For Home
Going Back To Houston, Do The Hot Dog Dance
I Love You-ou, This Old Heart …
Just Like Calvin Coolidge’s Blues
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