Tag Archives: Meghan McCain

  She Is A Expert

Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America

OMG, you guys, we are so psyched that Meghan McCain, the young “writer” with the charm of curdled egg nog who pulled herself up by her own stilettos (and also is the daughter of John McCain, which is totally irrelevant), finally figured out for us what is wrong with America. Guess. Read more on Meghan McCain: Get Your Own Damn Rich Family, America…
  if you're so smart why ain't you rich?

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Gun-Humpers, More Gun-Humpers, And David Brooks

Welp, time for another of our periodic muckings-out of the old comments queue. Friday’s piece on David Brooks and his explanation of why “income inequality” ain’t no thing was not well-received by “DavDar,” whose pseudonym suggests they have an uncanny ability to spot any Daves in the room at a glance. DavDar is one of those free-market cheerleaders who occasionally wander into Wonkette, write a dozen comments taking issue with every other comment on a story, and then flounce out with a grumble about how Wonkette Hates Free Speech — and indeed, the last thing we heard from DavDar was, Another cowardly leftist site that won’t post opposing arguments. Quelle surprise! Ah, but here is vôtre comment, right ici! It is quite la surprise, non? Needless to say, DavDar does not think this “income inequality” is anything to worry about either, since poor people mostly bring it on themselves by not planning well: This “hard work” meme is taken out of context deliberately by those on the Left. Obviously you can’t just dig ditches all day and expect them to be filled with money when you get up the next day. Hard work has to be accompanied by working smarter, setting realistic goals, making plans, having patience and avoiding stupid mistakes. Silly poors — if they want to get ahead in life, they should be stockbrokers. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Gun-Humpers, More Gun-Humpers, And David Brooks…
  She's telling you for the last time ... until she tells you again

Meghan McCain Has New Teevee Show To Save The Republican Party, And The World!

Damnit, Republicans, why don’t you listen to Meghan McCain and all her super nifty ideas about how to make the Republican Party, you know, relevant? Sure, most of her ideas come down to telling you how much you suck, but come on. You do suck. And besides, don’t you know who the f she is? She has written books — with words! — about being Meghan McCain. She has told the world — like, a thousand times, and you know, we sort of get it by now — that even though she is proud of being a big ol’ “strictly dickly” ho, she is totes fine with The Gays doing gay marriage to each other, unlike some Republicans (cough, her dad, cough). And she has, for years, been trying to single-handedly to save the rotted corpse that is her party from the rotted corpses (sort of like, oh, say, her dad) running it into the ground by telling Republicans how much they suck. But do they ever say thank you? No! That’s why she has a brand new TV show to prove once and for all that she is relevant, oh, and also that Republicans are “not all crazy rednecks.” ATTENTION MUST, LIKE, TOTALLY BE PAID! Read more on Meghan McCain Has New Teevee Show To Save The Republican Party, And The World!…
  jeez can't you all take a joke?

Ann Coulter Would Like Some Attention Again Please

You see, Wonkdiddlydaddies, this is why we won’t let you ideate on murdering your political enemies. You thought it was just us never letting you have any fun, when, in reality, it was to save you from ever having to look into a mirror and realize you acted like Ann Coulter. Read more on Ann Coulter Would Like Some Attention Again Please…
  meghan mccain is now officially the 'king of pop'

Hey When Did That Jerk Start Working There? A Guide To 2013’s Least Important Media Hirings

Are you a huge sports fan? Of course not. You are reading Wonkette, which means that you spent gym class defending yourself from a cloud of dodgeballs being thrown in your direction with copies of Mad Magazine and A People’s History to the United States. Well, in between seasons in professional sports, there is this thing called “free agency” where teams negotiate with players and eventually sign them to contracts after discussing salary, benefits, and specific performance clauses. It’s something like one of those fancy “union negotiations” that your grandpa used to tell you about back when he had a job that was able to provide for his family of 12. The news media that you compulsively ingest like the foie gras goose that you are doesn’t have a defined “season.” Its awfulness is spread out throughout the year to make sure that every nook and cranny of your brain is covered in a fine and even sheen of bullshit. But in the last week, THREE prominent folks whose names will immediately prompt shudders in the deepest depths of your soul have new jobs within the punditry universe! That’s right, GM is alive and journalistic integrity remains dead because Meghan McCain, Tucker Carlson, and Dana Loesch all have new homes from which to continue polluting the world with their derivative brands of battery-acid caustic drivel. Read more on Hey When Did That Jerk Start Working There? A Guide To 2013’s Least Important Media Hirings…
  sorry megs mccabe you're still dead to us

Megan McCain Wants to Know if Her Party Will Betray God, Acknowledge Existence of Climate Change

Here’s an interesting question: what if one of America’s oldest and greatest cities was covered in ocean water and subjected to a once-in-a-lifetime style weather event because the moon happened to be full when a tropical hurricane drifted north and collided with an arctic storm? If that happened, do you think that the GOP might want to stop pretending that climate change doesn’t exist? This is what “political analyst” Megan McCain wants to know. (Yes, the Hill actually refers to her as “political analyst” Megan McCain.) Anyway, can we stop pretending we don’t believe in anthropogenic climate change, GOP, is what she wants to know? And the answer is OF COURSE NOT, DUH. Read more on Megan McCain Wants to Know if Her Party Will Betray God, Acknowledge Existence of Climate Change…
  daily beast on such a roll this week

Meghan McCain Fired From Being Wonkette GOP Gal Pal Bestie

All those years of hair-braiding and pillow fights. All those thousands of reader comments devoted to saying really terribly offensive shit about your rack. We loved you long time, Megs McCabe, but sometimes the things that fall out of your typey fingers are just too much to bear. You wanna side with Sarah Palin on someone else’s skull being a cauldron of brain-poop? And that person is our Old Handsome Joe? Sorry, Megs, but cue Donald Trump: YOU ARE NO LONGER EMPLOYED. Let us examine what you dictated to Siri for your Daily Beast Dear Diary, which is Just Cause for your termination: Read more on Meghan McCain Fired From Being Wonkette GOP Gal Pal Bestie…
  guns don't kill people joe the plumber kills people

‘Joe’ The ‘Plumber’ Will Shoot All Your Mexicans For You, Arizona

Samuel Wurzelbacher emitted one of his periodic publicity-grunts the other day while campaigning in Prescott AZ for Republican state House candidate and pointing-guns-at-people enthusiast Lori Klein. Since the self-designated Raging Id of Conservative America found himself in Arizona, he apparently thought it a good location to say something inflamatory about Mexicans, so he said this: “I’m running for Congress. How many congressmen or people running for Congress have you heard, put a fence up and start shooting? None? Well you heard it here first. Put troops on the border and start shooting, I bet that solves our immigration problem real quick.” To everyone’s complete surprise, many found the comments offensive, while a few nodded and praised Wurzelbacher for his refreshing honesty, because murderous bigotry is part of the great American dialogue, isn’t it? Read more on ‘Joe’ The ‘Plumber’ Will Shoot All Your Mexicans For You, Arizona…
  dan abrams' mediaite

Dan Abrams Will Not Let His Mediaite Be Bullied By That Trollop Meghan McCain!

Dan Abrams, owner of the often-fun Mediaite, wants you to know right in his headline that he, Dan Abrams, questioned his writer, Noah Rothman, over what Abrams perceived as Rothman’s total-bullshit hack-job hit piece on Meghan McCain, wherein Rothman said McCain was a “bully” for saying Michelle Malkin was a syphilitic granny-raper and that Andrew Breitbart could spin on Satan’s dick. LIBEL! Malkin is not a granny raper! She will make love to your granny (who was asking for it). But that was before Meghan McCain proved Rothman’s point by referring constantly to Mediaite as “Dan Abrams’ Mediaite,” and if being associated with Mediaite is not bullying Dan Abram, then what on earth would be? (Unless it is Mediaite that is being bullied by its association with Dan Abrams? There is only one way to find out, and that would be to contact him, and therefore we will never, ever know.) Read more on Dan Abrams Will Not Let His Mediaite Be Bullied By That Trollop Meghan McCain!…
  big tents

Young Meghan McCain Speaks Ill Of Dead Andrew Breitbart, Live Michelle Malkin

Wonkette bestie Megs McCabe was on The Al Sharpton Show (because why wouldn’t she be?) and she simply does not care for the rest of her Republican party fellows treating her like a freak and a mutant just because she loves gay marriage and boning! More big tents for Megs! (Also, the Democrats do it too, Megs says, because there are no moderate Democrats anymore, mmhmm!) And who is to blame? People sowing fear and hate, specifically “hateful extremist” Ghost Andrew Breitbart and horrible hellbeast Michelle Malkin. “Those are bloggers?” Sharpton asks. Well, in a manner of speaking. Read more on Young Meghan McCain Speaks Ill Of Dead Andrew Breitbart, Live Michelle Malkin…
  five and a half years alan

John McCain: I Was Against the War on Women After I Was For It

Hooray, you guys, “Country First” John McCain can now go back to being America’s Sweetheart Divorced Husband! Having just a few weeks ago voted for the Blunt Amendment — that stupid thing that Mitch McConnell got a boner for, about letting all private employers determine just how slutty their workers were allowed to be in their off-hours — Senor Straight-Talk is now really wishing the GOP would just “get off it.” Read more on John McCain: I Was Against the War on Women After I Was For It…
  meghalomania

Meghan McCain to Playboy: I’m ‘Strictly Dickly’

You guys are gonna be sorry you ever said anything mean about Young Meg McCabe, for serious, because her new Playboy interview is out and she is basically the greatest political progeny ever. That’s right — even better than Amy Carter! Remember how you felt about Sarah Palin, when she was just Wonkette’s GILF and hadn’t yet peeled her face off to reveal the bizarro lizardoid replicant beneath? This is basically like that, except Megs opens her mouth and says stuff, and we still love it! Megs McCabe is Wonkette’s new Republican girlfriend! We like you! We really like you! Five best answers to Playboy’s 20 Questions, after the jump! Read more on Meghan McCain to Playboy: I’m ‘Strictly Dickly’…
  shallow water

MSNBC Clown Show Reaches Climax, Hires Meghan McCain

The natural conclusion to MSNBC’s long effort to win the Pulitzer in Applied Stupidity was reached today when the cable-talk station hired vapid airhead Meghan McCain as some type of on-air personality. “We were looking for someone who literally knows nothing about anything, MSNBC vice president of programming Koko the Klown said in pantomime, while sitting in a puddle of somebody else’s urine. Meghan McCain was created by scientists in a laboratory to prove a “reverse dark matter” theorem that something can be so shallow and idiotic that it would be equally despised and laughed at by people of any possible political persuasion. [Gawker] Read more on MSNBC Clown Show Reaches Climax, Hires Meghan McCain…
  dimwits have opinions about other dimwits

We Now Agree With Newt Gingrich About One Thing, Can You Guess?

This is a very inane video and we do not generally like to reward insipid topics like “interviews with Newt Gingrich” with more viewz, but this one is fun because it includes Newt having a giggle at Meghan McCain’s constant ridiculousness. Finally, a single theme that can bring America back together again! Who even cares what Mistress Meg said about Newt’s dumb campaign? The point is that she has No Clue. Even Newt Gingrich giggles when he thinks about her. EVEN NEWT GINGRICH GIGGLES AT HER, when she calls him stupid. And we laugh at Newt Gingrich all the time, so somehow these things multiply with one another like rabbits, on meth, having sex a hundred times per hour, to create infinite comedy. Read more on We Now Agree With Newt Gingrich About One Thing, Can You Guess?…
  leading political theorists

Meghan McCain Writes Least Insightful Column About #OWS In History

EVERYONE EXHALE, America’s foremost pillar of Internet opinionation Meghan McCain has finally found time in her manic schedule writing her bi-monthly Daily Beast column to drop by Zuccotti Park so she can do her part and help explain to any of her readers who have been in a coma for the last month, “what’s up with all that protesting?” The exciting title for her piece is “My Day at Occupy Wall Street” in accordance with the third-grade manual of style guidelines for first-person essays about field trips to the zoo, which is what we will call her “theme” since Meg has eschewed the more reporterly trope of using any kind of “angle” whatsoever. So let’s see, what trove of recycled generalizations has our intrepid columnist obtained through her journey? Read more on Meghan McCain Writes Least Insightful Column About #OWS In History…
  massively important political news

Meghan McCain Finally Takes Offense At Someone Calling Her Stupid

Oh boohoo, Meghan McCain is furious because mean old troll Erick Erickson’s right-wing website RedState.com posted some kind of half-wit parody of Meghan McCain’s vapid Daily Beast columns that her lawyers say too closely resembles her actual half-wit columns to count as satire. The original post has been taken down, but the full version of it can be found here and includes such showstoppers as, “Some ignorant jerk, clearly who doesn’t know about the young people, pointed out that George W. Bush 1.0 won, two elections, which is two more than my dad did.” Why Meghan McCain chose to pick on RedState.com out of all the Internet media outlets that have mocked her over time for her mule-like insistence that she is relevant to Republican politics is anyone’s guess (or not, because no one cares), but we will go ahead and assume princess is jealous of Erick Erickson’s recurring gig shilling right-wing talking points on CNN. HOW IS THAT FAIR? Because Erick Erickson’s dad is not John McCain, so why should he get a better media job? Read more on Meghan McCain Finally Takes Offense At Someone Calling Her Stupid…
  lives of the rich

Meghan McCain Plans To Eat Her Father’s Bones When He Dies

Well, Meghan McCain loves skull rings and Keith Richards loves skull rings — he kind of did it first — and Keith Richards supposedly snorted up some of his cremated father’s ashes, so of course Meghan McCain is going to actually eat her father’s ribs when he dies. This is in a New York Times Magazine feature, y’all, so it is totally journalism! Read more on Meghan McCain Plans To Eat Her Father’s Bones When He Dies…
  intellectual/comedy heavyweights

Meghan McCain Writes Jokes About Glenn Beck Criticizing Her Naked Body

America, we are in a time of national crisis. The worst has happened: Glenn Beck tried to make some jokes about Meghan McCain, and in response, Meghan McCain tried to make some jokes about Glenn Beck. Beck, you see, thought that confusing PSA of Meghan McCain appearing naked on a rooftop with a collection of forgotten ’90s teen actresses was gross. Here was the king of the Jews’ joke: He pretended to vomit. And here was the rich people’s daughter’s response: “But the thing is, Glenn, I wasn’t really naked and I know the idea of me being naked caused you to vomit on your radio show for 10 minutes.” Ooh! She knows the idea! Great sentence! “By the way,” she writes later, “you should really see a doctor because it isn’t normal to vomit for that long.” Meghan McCain is a vomit connoisseur and will turn her nose up at anyone who doesn’t vomit her way. Read more on Meghan McCain Writes Jokes About Glenn Beck Criticizing Her Naked Body…
  serious politics

Meghan McCain Finally Gets a Job, With Donald Trump

Meghan McCain has interviewed Donald Trump, of course. What else would she do with her days? Here’s how it begins: “So are we doing a radio show?” Trump asks. “No, this is an interview for The Daily Beast,” Meghan responds. “Oh, OK, good,” Trump says. (He’s never been to the Internet and has no idea what she’s talking about.) “I like you. I see you a lot on television.” These two are perfect for each other! There are no two individuals who have less to do with Republican policy than them. There are bloated half-dead starving kids in third-world countries who have more to do with policy, and Republicans don’t even like bloated half-dead starving kids in third-world countries. Anyway, Meghan McCain grovels for a job and Donald Trump gives her the first job offer of her life, because these people truly love each other, for they have been on television. And Cindy McCain, in the background, says she thinks Trump can win. We love these people. Read more on Meghan McCain Finally Gets a Job, With Donald Trump…
  boobs

Leading Political Scientist Meghan McCain Envisions Presidential Race

Meghan McCain has long wanted the world to take her thoughts on politics seriously, despite giving them absolutely no reason to do so, so for her latest column, she’s taken a studious look at the 2012 presidential race, and decided it will probably pit the Republican candidate Sarah Palin against a Democratic nominee named Charlie Sheen. WHAT’S THAT? YOU CAN’T STOP LAUGHING AT THE ABSURDITY OF THIS UNLIKELY SCENARIO? That’s precisely what Meghan wants! She has been paid money (we assume) to write out a HUMOROUS SKIT depicting these two individuals at a future debate. Of course, they can’t help but talk about Meghan McCain, considering how important she is to the Politics and the National Conversation and the Issues. Read more on Leading Political Scientist Meghan McCain Envisions Presidential Race…
  leading political theorists

Serially Unemployed Meghan McCain Has Thoughts On Wisconsin Workers

What is Meghan McCain up to these days? When she’s not buying AC/DC pajamas at Walmart for her new Daily Beast colleagues Howard Kurtz and Andrew Sullivan, she’s been very hard at work composing her fortnightly column. Yes, that’s every two weeks. What a workload! Tina Brown should be careful; Meghan could hurt her back and be on disability for months. Meghan tried her best to come up with an opinion on the Wisconsin unions and runaway state senators. She really did! The result doesn’t really make sense, but we think she’s trying to say unions should just let it go and allow the state government to do whatever it wants, because this is all hurting society. Sure, Meg agrees a $89,000 a year salary doesn’t “seem” like a lot of money for people who don’t have trust funds, but humanity itself will be doomed if we continue to let unions collectively bargain. Read more on Serially Unemployed Meghan McCain Has Thoughts On Wisconsin Workers…