Tag Archives: liz cheney

  The Daddy Daughter Dance

Liz Cheney Knows Real U.S. American Patriots Love Old Dick

If you loved last year’s op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, by Dick Cheney and his evil spawn Liz, about why OBAMA SUX, you’ll be quite aroused in your privates to know that they have written a whole entire book about why OBAMA SUX. It is an expansion on their ongoing dialogue with each other that the Cheney administration was AWESOMEBALLS, and it is the fault of President B. Hussein Sucksalot that Gee Dubya Bush destabilized the entire Middle East by invading Iraq because of his own daddy issues, which led to the rise of even worser terrorist organizations like ISIS. It sounds like a real fun book, if you’re into historical fiction. (We do not know if Mrs. Mama Lynne Cheney contributed any HAWT lesbian sex scenes, sorry.) Read more on Liz Cheney Knows Real U.S. American Patriots Love Old Dick…
  good luck with that

Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks

The least evil Cheney
Mary Cheney, spawn o’ Dick, is the one Cheney we kind of sort of do not fully despise. She’s The Gay One, and not even the self-hating kind. (Still a Republican, though, with otherwise terrible Republican values.) And while her evil Dark Lord of the Underworld father claims to love his daughter, he’d rather not talk about that because it’s a private family matter. Even though Dick’s other daughter, Liz, who is wholly despicable and evil just like Daddy, very publicly kicked her sister right in the girl nads when she ran (very unsuccessfully) in the Wyoming GOP primary for Senate, on an “I am not pro-gay marriage” platform, because she is wholly despicable. Which is why Mary, like the entire Republican Party in Wyoming, did not support her sister’s campaign and probably had herself a satisfying chuckle when Liz had to drop out of the race. As did we all. Read more on Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks…
  GOP will put a stop to all this GOP voter fraud

Voter Fraud Is Real, And It’s All Republicans

Sometimes you just forget you already did that
Republican governors and secretaries of state are determined to stop the scourge of Voter Fraud, by ensuring that the wrong kind of people can’t vote. (Poors, minorities, Democrats — you know the type.) Sure we laugh at them, but it’s no laughing matter. Voter fraud is a real problem. Among Republicans, anyway. Read more on Voter Fraud Is Real, And It’s All Republicans…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Penis Collecting, John McCain Does The Robot (Yes, Really) And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He's always been a great dancer
Would you like to start your day with some laughs, some tears, or maybe just go straight to the drinking? Of course you would! And we are here to help. You know things in Ferguson have gotten really ugly when CNN’s Don Lemon almost got arrested: Read more on Penis Collecting, John McCain Does The Robot (Yes, Really) And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  the family that preys together stays together

Politico Helps Cheney Family Continues Their Spectacular Charm Offensive Tour

Politico, which is a publication we all still have to pretend isn’t just a retrograde mouthpiece for dickheads, gave human death’s head mask Dick Cheney, his bride of satan, Lynne, and his chip-off-the-old-demon Liz (the gay offspring wisely declined to attend) a lunchtime platform to spew some nonsense and hate about oh, so many things really. You have to hand it to the Cheney family. Their hatefulness is really really well-rounded. Read more on Politico Helps Cheney Family Continues Their Spectacular Charm Offensive Tour…
  clipbait

Here’s Jon Stewart On The Latest Outbreak Of ‘America’s Tragedy Herpe, Dick Cheney’ (Video)

Iraq is back in the news, and so no one should be surprised, says Jon Stewart, that we’ve had another flare-up of “America’s tragedy herpe, Dick Cheney,” who’s returned like a venereal wart of sadness and fail. Fine, Dick, go ahead and Read more on Here’s Jon Stewart On The Latest Outbreak Of ‘America’s Tragedy Herpe, Dick Cheney’ (Video)…
  leave lord vader aloooooone

Judith Miller Simply Will Not Have You Second-Guessing The Heroes Who Started The Iraq War

Since they’re getting the old Iraq War band together for a Greatest Misses tour, it only stands to reason that we’d hear from the group’s publicist, Judith Miller. On Fox News Friday, Miller said that it is just SO UNFAIR for anyone to doubt the counsel of the people who were so spectacularly wrong on Iraq the first time around. After all, they probably have a lot that they can contribute, considering their expertise in being dead wrong. Maybe they’ll be right this time. It could happen! Read more on Judith Miller Simply Will Not Have You Second-Guessing The Heroes Who Started The Iraq War…
  murder ain't cheap

Let’s All Go Donate To Dick And Liz Cheney’s Cool New Non-Profit And Have War Forever

It was only yesterday that we had to endure Dick and Liz Cheney’s Op-Ed at the Wall Street Journal. It was a quaint little trip down memory lane, reminiscing about how when Cheney was the puppetmaster of one George W. Bush, everything was the coolest because we had war all the time. The Cheneys aren’t going to rest on their laurels and just sit around calling for perpetual war. No, they’re putting other people’s money where their mouths are by starting the Alliance for a Stronger America, a non-profit entity which appears only to exist to smack talk about Obama. We know that American security, peace, and freedom depend upon reversing the dangerous policies of the Obama Administration. Oh, and also the Alliance exists so that WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR. Read more on Let’s All Go Donate To Dick And Liz Cheney’s Cool New Non-Profit And Have War Forever…
  bless his undead heart

Megyn Kelly So Mean To Dick Cheney, UNFAIR

For the most part, we are not big fans of Fox’s Megyn Kelly. There’s just something about her head-tilted, unbelieving-skeptic pose that screams Fakey McFakerton to us, as if attitude = hard-hitting journalism. All the same, it’s kind of fun to see that pissed-off sorority-girl-who-can’t-believe-she-got-a-“C” face turned on kitten-devouring warmonkey Dick Cheney and his prop daughter Liz. Take this clip from Wednesday’s The Kelly Files, where Megs opened the segment quoting a WaPo piece asking why anyone would listen to the one person in America “who has been more wrong and more shamelessly dishonest on the topic of Iraq.” And then the mood started getting a little unfriendly. Read more on Megyn Kelly So Mean To Dick Cheney, UNFAIR…
  fuck you you fucking fuck

Dick And Liz Cheney Wax Nostalgic About How Great War Was When They Ran Things

We never remember what the paywall rules are over at the Wall Street Journal, so we can’t guarantee you’ll even be able to read the the link we’re about to yell about, but once you check out the yelling, you may not actually want to read the WSJ piece. Lord knows we wish we hadn’t. We already knew this week was Old Home Week for Iraq War Enthusiasts, thanks to Tony Blair’s lengthy piece about how much he loved invading Iraq so much that he would gay marry invading Iraq. It was really only a matter of time before someone fed Dick Cheney enough human blood that he could crawl out from his subterranean lair, scoop up his equally bloodthirsty spawn, and bludgeon one of his slaves until they ghostwrote him a WSJ thing about how kickass everything in Iraq was until the black guy came along and fucked it all up. Read more on Dick And Liz Cheney Wax Nostalgic About How Great War Was When They Ran Things…
  back in the addled again

Liz Cheney Works Hard, Earns All The Pinocchios Her Very First Day Back At Fox

Failed “Wyoming” Senatorial candidate Liz Cheney has triumphantly returned to her previous job as a Fox News contributor, proving that government assistance to the unemployed is not needed when you’re a friend of the conservative mediaplex. After a spectacularly unsuccessful challenge to incumbent Sen. Mike Enzi, Cheney ended her campaign in January, citing unspecified “serious health issues” in her family. We hope her re-emergence on cable TV means that whoever/whatever that was has gotten much better. Wonder if her sister is talking to her yet? Read more on Liz Cheney Works Hard, Earns All The Pinocchios Her Very First Day Back At Fox…
  salt of the derp

GOP Senate Candidate Ben Sasse Has Genius Plan To Move Nation’s Capital To Nebraska, Fix America Forever

It’s been about ten seconds since we had some nonsense person declare that he’s a salt of the earth man o’ the people tax-hatin’ rootin-tootin’ kinda guy, so let’s meet Ben Sasse. Mr. Sasse is running for Senate in corn-fed Nebraska, and he has a super smart idea we’re sure you’ll all dig: In a campaign advertisement released last week, Ben Sasse says that he wants to “cure the incredible ineffectiveness and dysfunction of both parties in Washington” by moving “the Capitol to Nebraska where they can experience family, conservative values, living within a budget, and pulling together, not pulling apart.” Oh, ok. That’s some thinking outside the box, where the box equals rational thought. Read more on GOP Senate Candidate Ben Sasse Has Genius Plan To Move Nation’s Capital To Nebraska, Fix America Forever…
  arrivals and departures

Liz Cheney Quits Senate Campaign To Spend More TIme With Parts Of Family That Still Talk To Her

Shut it down, people. The 2014 midterms just got a lot less interesting as psychotic swamp beast Liz Cheney emerged from her Sith Meditation Pod and announced she is ending her bid for the Senate seat from Wyoming, citing unspecified “serious health issues” in her family. This was followed by a tortured howl of misery and loss rising from the darkest recesses of a sailor-filled dive bar on the edge of the industrial wastes near downtown Los Angeles Wonkette overnight news desk. Liz, Liz, why hast thou forsaken us? Read more on Liz Cheney Quits Senate Campaign To Spend More TIme With Parts Of Family That Still Talk To Her…
  You know who else was just like Hitler?

2013’s Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler

Oh 2013, how we will miss you and your multitudes of bad analogies, even though we are pretty sure 2014 will bring us even more bad analogies, because America is awful and Americans are awful, and it is now standard practice to compare anything you do not like to really bad stuff and/or really bad people. Like Hitler. (Or, on occasion, if you’re feeling creative, Rwanda.) The Republicans’ government shutdown this year was basically like the Battle of Gettysburg. Why? Because! A similar trend this year is to compare horribly awful terrible people who do horribly awful terrible things to great heroes who did great things because why not? Like, the Duck Dynasty dude is like Rosa Parks. Why? Because! (See also Ted Nugent, who is like Rosa Parks, according to Ted Nugent.) And of course Rick Santorum is just like Nelson Mandela, in that Rick Santorum is trying to destroy health care and Nelson Mandela gave his country health care, but if you forget that Santorum is doing the opposite of what Mandela did, they’re basically exactly the same guy. You can’t even tell them apart! But nothing tops the bad Hitler analogies because Jesus, that has become more popular than taking feminist twerking selfies at funerals. EVERYTHING is basically just like Hitler nowadays. Let us do the squiggly line flashback thingy where we fondly recall all the ways America’s Greatest Idiots idiotsplained to us how things they do not like are JUST LIKE HITLER. Read more on 2013’s Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler…
  that's so cheney

Liz Cheney’s Husband Sees Voter Fraud Every Time He Looks In A Mirror

Wyoming’s Own Liz Cheney is very from Wyoming, and probably so is her husband Phil Perry, who “continues to practice law in Washington,” and “has been registered to vote in both Virginia and Wyoming for the past nine months, even though he signed a document in Wyoming saying he was not registered elsewhere,” which is such a Wyoming thing to do, right? We don’t know, honestly, that’s why we’re asking. You see, we are not as from Wyoming as Liz Cheney and her husband who practices law in Washington and isn’t from Wyoming but is registered to vote there AND in Virginia, because he’s from Wyoming. Let’s look at Wyoming’s voter registration form (.pdf) to see what kind of fraud that high-powered Washington lawyer and Liz Cheney spouse Phil Perry committed in the name of being Mr. Mrs. Wyoming: Read more on Liz Cheney’s Husband Sees Voter Fraud Every Time He Looks In A Mirror…
  can't we just disappear our noncandidate daughter in peace?

Dick Cheney Surprised That Some Lady On Facebook ‘Attacked’ His Daughter Liz on Gay Marriage

Today on “Fun With Grammar,” let’s take a look at an old favorite, the political passive voice. The great thing about the passive voice, as we all know, is that you can say stuff happened without actually saying who did that stuff, the classic example being “Mistakes were made.” And now, here’s everyone’s favorite kitten-chomper Dick Cheney, explaining how he was shocked, shocked by something that happened without anyone in particular doing it: “We were surprised that there was an attack launched against Liz on Facebook, and wished it hadn’t happened,” Cheney said Tuesday at the National Press Club, as quoted by ABC News. “It’s always been dealt with within the context of the family and frankly that’s our preference.” Damn that Facebook and its complicity in that attack by (someone)! Gosh, if only we knew whose name would have to go in an active voice version of that sentence. Ah well, guess we will never (MARY CHENEY YOUR OWN DAUGHTER YOU BASTARD!) know. Read more on Dick Cheney Surprised That Some Lady On Facebook ‘Attacked’ His Daughter Liz on Gay Marriage…