MITT ROMNEY POST SOMEHOW EATS DICK CHENEY POST: So where did that little post about Dick Cheney endorsing Kay Bailey Hutchinson go? you are wondering. We don’t know! Some complicated technological problem (”Jim Newell being retarded”) made us write the Mitt Romney post where the Dick Cheney post once was. This must have something to do with “Mizz Wonkette.” Anyway, yeah, uhhh, Dick Cheney is endorsing Kay Bailey Hutchinson, it’s big news! [Austin American-Statesman]

It had been a while since Marion Barry’s name cropped up in the Police Blotter, and frankly we were beginning to get worried — worried that he was dead in a dumpster somewhere, and that we’d never again have such easy material. But, hooray (?), America’s Mayor is alive and well. He was, of course, charged with Stalking over the July 4 weekend. And now the Washington City Paper has some super-gross vulgar audio recordings to share with everyone! MORE »

Magic prize goes to anybody who can figure out what these people are even protesting.

Rep. Michele Bachmann has sump’m to say, she does! She wants everyone to get a gun and go kill the Democrats and establish a new government, because of some tax: “I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back. Thomas Jefferson told us ‘having a revolution every now and then is a good thing,’ and the people — we the people — are going to have to fight back hard if we’re not going to lose our country. And I think this has the potential of changing the dynamic of freedom forever in the United States.” How very inappropriate! [Huffington Post]

Barack Obama is now officially bigger than Jesus, according to a new Harris poll — that’s right, a new study proves it! The survey, conducted last month in the United States, asked Americans to name their heroes. President Obama was the clear leader, easily beating the long-dead “Jesus” of christian mythology. Yes we can! MORE »

• PARTY ADVICE: Don’t show up TOO fashionably late, unless you enjoy standing in the cold! [Wonkette Inaugural Ball -- Facebook]

Still sad because False Unicorn Barack Obama won’t legalize it? Here’s heroic Texan Willie Nelson, dressed as the Angel Mohammad, bringing the gift of ganja to the Baby Jesus. This is apparently from a Stephen Colbert Christmas Special (?!), so Happy Xmas. [High Times]

This video is much like the first one except OMFG THE SEXUAL TENSION WITH MARY IS ASTRONOMICAL, so funny. [Velocity Store]

It could happen in this next half-hour. “It” being, hmm, a big hedge fund collapses? Oh no, that wouldn’t be real news. “It,” of course, meaning conclusive evidence that you dumb college liberals have succeeded in getting some Muslim ACORN guy into the White House. “Nice.” When (IF!) this becomes official, there’s only one channel we want to watch: Fox News. We expect sobbing racial tirades. MORE »

Some dingbat state Republican leader says John McCain is “kind of like Jesus.” Because they were both born 2,000 years ago? No! It’s because, according to Georgia Republican Party chairwoman Sue Everhart, John McCain never denounced the United States when he was a war prisoner — just like Christ, when he was in ‘Nam. Ha ha, but McCain did denounce the United States. Explore the idiocy, after the jump. MORE »

There’s a public radio show that enjoys making fun of religion and specifically the various real and fake Jesus religions, apparently. And the producers of the “Fair Game” program are in big trouble today, sort of, because of a fun-filled sketch that mocked the whole communion ritual and Baptist preacher/GOP star Mike Huckabee — who used to be so fat and is from the South where almost everyone is so fat. It sounds like comedy gold … and yet some people took offense. MORE »