Tag Archives: GOP

  Line On The Left; One Cross Each

Idaho Republicans Vote To Ban Judeo-Christian Jesus

Not actually from Idaho; might as well be
In a shocking rejection of the Lord, Idaho’s Kootenai County Republican Central Committee has refused to move forward proposed resolution to declare Idaho a “Christian state.” Tuesday night’s vote greatly disappointed God, His Only Begotten Son, and the members of the committee who had been pushing the nonbinding resolution as a way of telling the world that Idaho was not going to stand for all the vicious attacks on Christianity that have been going on everywhere. Read more on Idaho Republicans Vote To Ban Judeo-Christian Jesus…
  Numbers don't lie

SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots

At least he spells good
Brace yourselves for some stunning, shocking, jaw-dropping, too-amazing-to-believe-yet-totally-believable news! According to a new poll from PPP, the Republican Party is overflowing with morons. It’s true. In fact, it’s SCIENCE! Or MATH! Or some kind of liberal hoax thing! Read more on SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots…
  if at first you don't succeed fail fail again

GOP Has New Plan To Keep Department Of Homeland Security Open, Just Kidding

Good plan
Hey, Congress, you fellas all tanned, ready, and rested after that well-deserved vacation you took last week just because you guys sure do love vacation? Great, maybe you can get back to the business of doing your job and figuring out how to keep the Department of Homeland Security up and running, since funding expires this week. Sorry that didn’t solve itself while you were on vacay! Read more on GOP Has New Plan To Keep Department Of Homeland Security Open, Just Kidding…
  House Investigative committees have a well-known liberal bias

Boehner: Latest Benghazi Investigation Not Trying To Hurt Hillary, We Just Like Shouting ‘Benghazi!’

Even though the Benghazi “scandal” has been investigated approximately eleventy-nine times (seven to be specific), and even though the Republican-controlled House Intelligence Committee did their OWN investigation, and all seven of these investigations found absolutely no scandal, you are probably aware that the Republican House is currently investigating Benghazi for an eighth time. Why? Well obviously, dum-dum, because House Republican investigatin’ committees have a WELL KNOWN LIBERAL BIAS, and they just know that Republicans are trying to hide the facts about what REALLY happened in Benghazi, from themselves! Of course, we completely know what happened in Benghazi, except that NO WE DO NOT, let’s keep asking the same things until we get the answers we want, at which point, INPEACH! Read more on Boehner: Latest Benghazi Investigation Not Trying To Hurt Hillary, We Just Like Shouting ‘Benghazi!’…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Moves Lips About Abortion, Lies Ensue. Surprise!

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Usually, Yr Wonket has some discretion regarding which Palin-flavored entrees we will shove down your throats each weekend on the Fartknocker Report. Unfortunately, this was one of those weeks when the Tundra Grifter couldn’t be bothered to do more than one take for a single two-minute-long video. So open wide, we guess, because here comes Sarah to misrepresent some facts about the House’s recent abortion bill. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Moves Lips About Abortion, Lies Ensue. Surprise!…
  Bumblin' Stumblin' Fumblin'

New Republican Congress Accomplishes Nothing, Goes On Vacation

Thank god somebody has some fresh thinking!
Back in November, Idea Men John Boehner and Mitch McConnell conserva-splained at America how they would fix Congress now that they’d won the midterms. These Bold, Robust Ideas were intended to unite the party and carry forward the Will of the People, who had Spoken in November. Read more on New Republican Congress Accomplishes Nothing, Goes On Vacation…
  If Obama hadn't done it none of this would be a problem

GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare

The other day we introduced you all to our new favorite people, the World Net Daily-style commenters recruited as plaintiffs in the latest Republican lawsuit to destroy Obamacare forever and ever. The case is called King v. Burwell, and it’s a complex lawsuit, but let’s try to spell it out: Under the Affordable Care Act, subsidies are provided to qualifying people in order to help them pay for their insurance, and they are provided by state insurance exchanges, and in states that were too lazy/wingnut to set up said exchanges, the federal government handles the subsidies. Read more on GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare…
  We Have Always Been At War With Climate Science

House GOP Posts SOTU Video With Climate Stuff Magically Erased

The transcript also appears to have been altered
Here’s a fun little bit of political ratfucking (not really, it’s totally an accident!): When the House Republican website posted a version of Tuesday’s State of the Union address, with Republican talking points popping up to reply to each point President Obama made, the posted version of the speech left out at least two significant portions of the speech, deleting almost everything about global warming: Read more on House GOP Posts SOTU Video With Climate Stuff Magically Erased…
  grift is a very big thought indeed

Ben Carson Shilled Scam AIDS And Cancer Cures For 10 Years, Will Be Your Next President Obvs

grift is a very big thought indeed
Just how much clownery do you need to completely obliterate the good will you built up from starting a foundation to do brain surgery for poor kids? How much pure nonsense does a trailblazing brain surgeon need to peddle to convince the world that he is venal and/or not very smart? Dr. Ben Carson, 2016 GOP presidential nomination hopeful/flirt, isn’t entirely sure, but being a student of the scientific method, he is apparently extremely determined to find out. Read more on Ben Carson Shilled Scam AIDS And Cancer Cures For 10 Years, Will Be Your Next President Obvs…
  Lifestyle Pages

Mitt Romney Meets With Old Campaign Chums For No Special Reason, Why Do You Ask?

Mitt Romney gives a lecture about 2016 election at Stanford University. Pic by Stelio Ropokis via Twitter Mitt Romney has been keeping busy since our wayward nation made the biggest mistake of her life by walking away from the blissful comfort of his mechanical, Downy-scented embrace two years ago. Mitt is the forgiving type and has remained in the background of our political lives, just being our friend, because he would hate to think he and the American voters couldn’t be friends anymore. And he’s been meeting up with some of his best buds who, by total coincidence, played integral roles in his last run for president, just to say hi. Read more on Mitt Romney Meets With Old Campaign Chums For No Special Reason, Why Do You Ask?…
  Congressional Calvinball

New GOP Congress Pretty Sure All You ‘Disabled’ ‘Folks’ Are Fakers Anyway, So Suck It

We just like this picture a lot
The new 114th Congress, sworn in just yesterday, included in its rules a measure that appears designed to force an ugly and wholly unnecessary showdown over Social Security in 2016. For the voters have spoken, and they demand more ugly, unnecessary showdowns! Read more on New GOP Congress Pretty Sure All You ‘Disabled’ ‘Folks’ Are Fakers Anyway, So Suck It…
  In With The New

Meet Your New Michele Bachmann, Same As Your Old Michele Bachmann

Image via KARE video While Yr Wonkette joins the rest of the nation in mourning the loss of Rep. Michele Bachmann’s unique brand of political wisdom, we look forward to the arrival of her Republican successor in the House of Representatives, former talk radio host and failed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer. Read more on Meet Your New Michele Bachmann, Same As Your Old Michele Bachmann…
  Politigation

With No Other Problems In Sight, GOP Will Spend 2015 Fighting Obamacare

Pic via sugarfreeglow Welcome to 2015, Republicans! With the changing of the year, we assume you’ll be turning over a new leaf, looking toward the future and leaving behind the petty bickering and toddler-like tantrums that characterized 2014. Ha ha, just kidding, of course. Read more on With No Other Problems In Sight, GOP Will Spend 2015 Fighting Obamacare…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  Like a Boy

Congressfelon Michael Grimm Realizes God Wants Him To Resign After All

Rep. Michael Grimm, felonious tax-evader and media relations expert, announced his intention to resign from Congress, after insisting only a week ago that he would NOT resign, despite pleading guilty, according to a late-breaking report from the New York Daily News on Monday. Softening the blow for the few remaining Grimm groupies, he’ll be staying in office until Jan. 5, allowing him to put “2015” as an end date on his resume and have a bitchin’ New Year’s party in his office since he probably won’t be getting the deposit back anyway. Read more on Congressfelon Michael Grimm Realizes God Wants Him To Resign After All…
  that's why you always leave a note

Hackers To Crush Sony Pictures Unless Sony Wants To Be Pen Pals

Angelina didn't see this coming at all when she starred in 1995 film Hackers.
The shadowy hacker group that has been sowing chaos, panic, and dissension in the ranks of Sony Pictures Entertainment by releasing thousands of private emails also has a condescendingly benevolent side. Read more on Hackers To Crush Sony Pictures Unless Sony Wants To Be Pen Pals…
  conservachristmas

Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life

Greetings, godless liberals! Since you don’t celebrate Christmas in your heathen belief system, you might not realize that the more upright members of society are using one of their “holy days” as a reason to spend the next two weeks exchanging bobbles and trinkets to signal fellowship and lord their financial prosperity over each other. Read more on Here Are Stupid Things To Buy For The Beloved Idiot Republicans In Your Life…
  Hell YEAH

Let’s Enjoy Watching Elizabeth Warren Kick Some More GOP Ass, For America

On Wednesday, Sen. Elizabeth Warren spoke at the Center for American Progress where, as we’ve come to expect from her, she used her big ol’ professorial brain to little-wordsplain at us how America used to be, how it should be, how Republicans effed it all the heck up, and how we can make it better. Read more on Let’s Enjoy Watching Elizabeth Warren Kick Some More GOP Ass, For America…
  Christie/Walker 2016

Scott Walker Clinches Lowest Seed In 2016 Primary Bracket

So… Wisconsin. We here at the Washington Bureau have largely averted our eyes from this particular race until now, preferring instead to ease ourselves into the abstract knowledge that Scott Walker was, in fact, rewarded for his behavior with another term in office. Read more on Scott Walker Clinches Lowest Seed In 2016 Primary Bracket…
  bring back the demon sheep

Vote Republican Or Everyone Will Die From EbolaISISGuantanamoGhazi

Vote GOP or ghost terrorists will kill you and your stupid dog.
We are now into the last week of the midterm campaign, by which point the candidates and parties traditionally have long given up any remaining shreds of dignity or pretense that the election has anything to do with such high-falutin’ concepts as “ideas” or “democracy.” Not that we need to tell any of you that. You would not be reading Wonkette if you ever thought otherwise. Read more on Vote Republican Or Everyone Will Die From EbolaISISGuantanamoGhazi…