All Michigan Republicans Now Hate McCain
Friday, October 10th, 2008
John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. MORE »
John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. MORE »
These black people, they just don’t know when to stop, do they? First, a black lady managed to become a “political journalist” at PBS. Then a (half) black fellow managed to become the Democratic nominee for president, of America of all places! Now it turns out that a 
Dearest Wonkette readers. Now would be an appropriate time to grab a drink and reassess the value of, you know, representative democracy as an effective form of government at all. If you’ve been watching CNN for the last couple of hours… well, we’re right there with you. Oh god CNN is now looking at Internet comments to get more opinions on the Death Of The Bailout. INTERNET COMMENTS. We want forty guns right now with which to shoot furniture, appliances, alley cats and, most importantly, our own human selves. Let’s run through a list of the comically pathetic ways in which our American political leaders are “responding” to the failed bailout vote. Hint: very few people are blaming themselves! 
There are no more nights in politics or business — only the endless horrible grind of collapse and fuckery, 24 hours a day, including this newest chapter in our latest, greatest depression: Washington Mutual has collapsed, and was closed by the Federal Government late Thursday night. It’s the biggest bank failure in U.S. history. And the bipartisan congressional-White House-Treasury bailout deal that might have stopped the bloodshed, well John McCain 
Maverick small-government conservative Sarah Palin charged Alaskan taxpayers $16,941 to spend 312 nights of her first 19 months as governor at her own house in Wasilla. Governor Palin has an 
Your editor’s sort-of relative teaches at Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood! We knew she taught in the Valley but did not know where, exactly — and she is right there, at the heart of the failure of the John McCain Campaign and its weird attempt to put some kind of picture related to Walter Reed Army Hospital behind McCain’s head during his big acceptance speech about his plane crash 40 years ago, even if all most of you saw, on the teevee, was yet another dumb “green screen” behind his bald skull, just waiting for web geeks to fill that vapid void with dancing hobbits, furry porn or Abu Ghraib photographs. Anyway …. 
We loved you, Minnesota. You were nice. Your convention ran as smooth as a “Tuna Hot Dish,” which is apparently what you eat here, in your secret homes. But now we are at the Airport Service Center, in Concourse E or something, typing, while our phones charge. Newell is already gone — Lindsey Graham was two rows away, in coach! What a fag. Anyways, thanks for following our ridiculous cross-country Heartland Change Convention Tour. We’ll be quiet for a few hours now, as we will all be on terrible planes flying in every direction, 9/11 times Infinity, the end. Oh and Todd Palin’s ex-business partner just filed an emergency motion to 
It is sad to think we will never be here again, at the Xcel Center Hockey Rink, in St. Paul of Minnesota. Ha ha, just kidding. We are so ready to get the living hell out of here! Do you know how long we’ve been covering these two conventions, in two cities 1,100 miles apart? FIVE AND A HALF YEARS. Or 13 days, same thing, really. Let’s liveblog Walnuts McCain giving the speech of, er, the night! 
Here’s a picture we took last night, of absolutely nobody in line to see the liberal Joe Lieberman lecture Republicans at the convention. Seriously, this was at about 8 p.m. local time, at the main entrance/security checkpoint, before Fred Thompson or Lieberman gave their speeches. 