GOP
Most people, when they imagine combat troops fighting in a war, picture gunfire and helicopters and blood and death. Rick Santorum, on the other hand, pictures sort of a dusty night club lit by the odd intermittent explosion where you know what happens when you leave the boys and girls alone in there too long [...]
Mitt Romney has so many children, he must like sexytime at least a little bit, right? No. Mitt Romney is so prim and sexless, his wife actually had to “be the man” when they made the pregnancies. (Weird religious stuff, never mind.) But Mitt Romney does love money! It is the only thing he has [...]
What are these two future co-presidents of Walmerica talking about, high above the commoners at CPAC? Nothing that makes any sense, that is for sure! Also is there some sort of Behind the Music style sob story to explain why 1980s teen teevee heartthrob Kirk Cameron is now reduced to hanging out with a spoiled [...]
According to the RNC’s Twitter droppings, handouts and giveaways are actually Patriotic, so long as they are given to wall-eyed fetus fetishists at CPAC and not the 670 million poors currently bankrupting the Federal treasury. Jim Newell, please enjoy your courtesy racist Barack Obama USB dongle! [RNC]
What is loopy church lady Rick Santorum whining about now? As he goes crazier, in public, Santorum has stopped bothering with traditional approaches to speaking and now just tosses out “They” a couple of times, mentions religion and then throws in France, for weird measure — and he pronounces “France” as guillotine. It’s marvelous. But [...]
People who are not Sarah Palin and/or “Snooki” may not understand the importance the Indoor Tanning Industry plays in making people look like wrinkled, rotten oranges with melanoma, but weeping boozebag would just be a bright red nose on a bloated clown face if not for the magic of the tanning beds down at the [...]
Uhh, wasn’t this supposed to be wrapped up by now? No. Not when all your candidates are so terrible. Rick Santorum is back in the race, in other words. He won Missouri! That’s … let’s see, 55% for Santorum, which is DOUBLE Mitt Romney’s second place finish. Meanwhile, in the “near the Mormons” state of [...]
One unfortunate Mitt Romney supporter in Florida seems to have discovered a novel way of getting kicked out of a campaign event: Alan Reynolds showed up to a Mittens rally with a sign bearing the (mysterious?) collection of words, “Tea Party Includes Cuban Coffee Romney.” NOT COOL, said Romney campaign staff. Because Mitt Romney does [...]
The number one reason nobody likes pedantic swamp bubble Newt Gingrich is because of all the horrible things they are reading about him on his Wikipedia page, obviously. Why else would Newt campaign spokesman Joe DeSantis spend so much time glued to his computer belaboring minor edits to Newt and Callista’s Wikipedia entries that even [...]
A quarter-century ago — when Newt Gingrich was still somewhere between dumping wife No. 1 and wife No. 2 before having a six-year-long adulterous affair with yet another woman from the office, who eventually became the third Mrs. Gingrich — a not-completely-white-haired Newt railed against Ronald Reagan for eight whole minutes from the House floor. [...]
Here’s some more awkward humor from the robot comedy that is Mitt Romney’s 2012 ascent to the GOP nomination: Mittens actually did worse on Saturday in the Nevada GOP caucus than he did back in 2008. This time around, “Inevitable Willard” got 50.1%, or a little less than his winning total back in the 2008 [...]
There was another caucus, apparently! The reason nobody noticed is because it was in Nevada, which is actually home to lots of Republican-voting Mormons. (Take out the corporate prostitution resort of Las Vegas in the southern corner of the state, and Nevada is just a sparsely populated length of mountains and desert right next to [...]
The Internet is chock full of dumb two-day fads, but there might be some real staying power in the concept of “Tea Party Jesus,” a Tumblr site that combines images of the Loving Jesus with cartoon speech bubbles full of 100% real quotes from leading right-wing Republicans who self-identify as “family values Christians.”
Ha ha, your editor promised herself to ignore whatever poop that jaundiced lizard Donald Trump decided to squeeze out of his mouth today (Allah love Kaia, she has braved the cesspool). We would just like to share this bit of heartening mid-January poll fun from the Pew Research Center that Political Wire noted on the [...]
