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Posts Tagged ‘GOP’

All Michigan Republicans Now Hate McCain

Friday, October 10th, 2008

I'm Gerald Ford, and you're not.John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. MORE »


Mean Obama Kids Put Stickers On Wyoming GOP Office!

Thursday, October 9th, 2008

What shall we do with the Boo Hoo Baby?There has been an OUTRAGEOUS CRIME committed against the little GOP office in Cody, Wyoming! Local children are accused of putting some Obama stickers and fliers on the windows of the Republican office! This is exactly the kind of Domestic Terrorism that Sarah Palin is working so hard to fight, you betcha. MORE »


GOP OUTRAGED: Black Lady Political Journalist Writing Book About Black Politicians!

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

The nerve of these people.These black people, they just don’t know when to stop, do they? First, a black lady managed to become a “political journalist” at PBS. Then a (half) black fellow managed to become the Democratic nominee for president, of America of all places! Now it turns out that a book the black lady wrote about black politicians including and especially that (half) black fellow is going to be published as scheduled in January. CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY ARE LETTING THIS BLACK LADY MODERATE A DEBATE TOMORROW??? [Washington Post]


Who Are America’s Worst Politicians Today? All Of Them!

Monday, September 29th, 2008

Dearest Wonkette readers. Now would be an appropriate time to grab a drink and reassess the value of, you know, representative democracy as an effective form of government at all. If you’ve been watching CNN for the last couple of hours… well, we’re right there with you. Oh god CNN is now looking at Internet comments to get more opinions on the Death Of The Bailout. INTERNET COMMENTS. We want forty guns right now with which to shoot furniture, appliances, alley cats and, most importantly, our own human selves. Let’s run through a list of the comically pathetic ways in which our American political leaders are “responding” to the failed bailout vote. Hint: very few people are blaming themselves! MORE »


Washington Mutual Collapses; McCain Destroys Bailout Deal

Friday, September 26th, 2008

Sleepwalkin' McCain, that scary old dude is so insaneThere are no more nights in politics or business — only the endless horrible grind of collapse and fuckery, 24 hours a day, including this newest chapter in our latest, greatest depression: Washington Mutual has collapsed, and was closed by the Federal Government late Thursday night. It’s the biggest bank failure in U.S. history. And the bipartisan congressional-White House-Treasury bailout deal that might have stopped the bloodshed, well John McCain visited Washington for the first time in half a year and wrecked EVERYTHING. MORE »


GOP Proof That McCain Is Walnuts!

Thursday, September 25th, 2008

We’ve always known, in our hearts, that he was and is Walnuts! You’ve known it, even if you’re not always sure why this is the case. (Here’s why.) And now, finally, from the California GOP itself, here is the ultimate proof that crybaby coward John “Walnuts!” McCain is indeed the one true Walnut. (Click “more” for the big version.) MORE »


Mark Foley’s Name Will Be Cleared!

Friday, September 19th, 2008

A/S/L?A long time ago right before this current presidential campaign began, in 2006, there was a charming middle-aged Florida bachelor congressman named Mark Foley who loved to masturbate while typing dirty messages to the boy-children who served as Congressional pages. Occasionally, he would show up drunk at the boy-page barn and demand some action. There is nothing wrong with this, and Congressmen wouldn’t have those young supple pages supplied by the government if not to fuck those kids, right? MORE »


GOP Delegate Robbed Blind By Sexy Hero Gal

Tuesday, September 16th, 2008


Check out this dude! He went to the Republican convention in St. Paul, as a delegate from Colorado! He is a 29-year-old attorney. He was real proud of himself, talking to the AP and giving this repulsive little interview to LinkTV. Ha ha ha ha ha, what happened to him is fantastic. It’s better than the infamous urban legend about the guy in the Batman suit raping some drunken loser at Mardi Gras — because this tale is true. MORE »


Palin Bilked Alaskan Taxpayers $16,941 ‘Per Diem’ To Stay Home At Her House

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

She was for this T-shirt before she was against it!Maverick small-government conservative Sarah Palin charged Alaskan taxpayers $16,941 to spend 312 nights of her first 19 months as governor at her own house in Wasilla. Governor Palin has an official mansion in the capital, Juneau, but she’s happier making Alaska’s citizens pay her $54.33 a night to sleep in her own bed. MORE »


EXCLUSIVE: North Hollywood Middle School Teacher Wonders Why McCain Campaign Is Dumb

Sunday, September 7th, 2008

Just another one of Cindy's 5,000 mansions.Your editor’s sort-of relative teaches at Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood! We knew she taught in the Valley but did not know where, exactly — and she is right there, at the heart of the failure of the John McCain Campaign and its weird attempt to put some kind of picture related to Walter Reed Army Hospital behind McCain’s head during his big acceptance speech about his plane crash 40 years ago, even if all most of you saw, on the teevee, was yet another dumb “green screen” behind his bald skull, just waiting for web geeks to fill that vapid void with dancing hobbits, furry porn or Abu Ghraib photographs. Anyway …. MORE »


Good-Bye Forever, St. Paul (and Minneapolis)

Friday, September 5th, 2008

Love You Till Friday.We loved you, Minnesota. You were nice. Your convention ran as smooth as a “Tuna Hot Dish,” which is apparently what you eat here, in your secret homes. But now we are at the Airport Service Center, in Concourse E or something, typing, while our phones charge. Newell is already gone — Lindsey Graham was two rows away, in coach! What a fag. Anyways, thanks for following our ridiculous cross-country Heartland Change Convention Tour. We’ll be quiet for a few hours now, as we will all be on terrible planes flying in every direction, 9/11 times Infinity, the end. Oh and Todd Palin’s ex-business partner just filed an emergency motion to seal his divorce records, and it was denied. [Andrew Sullivan]


Liveblogging John McCain at the RNC!

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

Did you know he was tortured?It is sad to think we will never be here again, at the Xcel Center Hockey Rink, in St. Paul of Minnesota. Ha ha, just kidding. We are so ready to get the living hell out of here! Do you know how long we’ve been covering these two conventions, in two cities 1,100 miles apart? FIVE AND A HALF YEARS. Or 13 days, same thing, really. Let’s liveblog Walnuts McCain giving the speech of, er, the night! MORE »


More Speeches You Don’t Care About, Before You See Them On TeeVee

Thursday, September 4th, 2008

WALNUTS!Welcome to the last night of this horrid week, which started with a hurricane and ends with an old man struggling to read a teleprompter — an American Journey, really. Anyway, your entire Wonkette Team is here, at the Xcel Center, just plain eatin’ sandwiches and typing, from tables on the Club Level (?), and we will liveblog things such as John McCain’s speech, or maybe we’ll just burst out of here with the usual disgust in about an hour, and blog from Liffey’s Pub, again & forever. Let’s glance over the Lindsey Graham and Tom Ridge speeches that are embargoed, okay? MORE »


Nobody Wants To Go To Lonely GOP Convention

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

So Ronery.Here’s a picture we took last night, of absolutely nobody in line to see the liberal Joe Lieberman lecture Republicans at the convention. Seriously, this was at about 8 p.m. local time, at the main entrance/security checkpoint, before Fred Thompson or Lieberman gave their speeches. MORE »