• 2010 attack ads seem to come earlier every year! [RedState]
• OH merciful heavens! The SEIU are coming! The SEIU are coming! Quick Kenneth Gladney, go hide in the fallout shelter! [Gateway Pundit]
• Will America do the right thing and invade Fort Hood for harboring “al Qaeda?” There is, after all, a rather alarming precedent. [Weekly Standard]
• Is there anything the Westboro Baptist Church does like? How about puppies? Or chocolate cake? No. God hates it all. [True/Slant: Harmon Leon]
• AMERICAblog and Daily Kos are boycotting the DNC! Yes, they will no longer purchase boxes of Frosted DNC Flakes at the supermarket, even though the kids love it. The generic brand is more reasonably priced and just as tasty. [AMERICAblog]

Were you in northern New Jersey this morning? Ha ha, now you are in jail, maybe! Seems the FBI arbitrarily decided that today would be a good day to just arrest every powerful person for their obvious, constant corruption crimes, and so they did, and now most mayors, rabbis, and “men from Brooklyn” are in jail — for doing business with the Israelis! MORE »

The number one problem facing everyone in the Republican party right now is that they cannot bring themselves to foot the bill for their own clothing, and this ends them up in terrible scrapes. Like Sarah Palin, the amiable Alaskan parasite whose popularity plunged after it turned out the money-soaked Republican National Committee was paying for all her suddenly tasteful clothes. MORE »

The FBI and Secret Service have launched a Special Investigation into the important matter of some “hacker” breaking into Sarah Palin’s Yahoo! e-mail and taking a few benign screen shots. Michelle Malkin, Bill O’Reilly et al. have been lambasting our friends at Gawker for posting the screen shots; O’Reilly even said that Gawker owner Nick Denton should be thrown in jail forever. (Maybe? But not for this.) In the meantime, the supposed hacker has released an account of his complicated crime. We should warn you that only advanced computer science-trained minds will be able to understand this, but here goes: the hacker correctly guessed Palin’s simple “Forgot Your Password?” question. Crafty! MORE »

In little more than a month, the glut of political insiders and media types that preside over Washington D.C. will all squeeze into a single cardboard box and be dropped from the Enola Gay onto Denver, leveling the city entirely and offering radiation cancer for generations of future re-colonizers. And to make our Washingtonian invaders feel more comfortable during their Democratic National Convention, Denver officials are currently trying to replicate the invaders’ hometown with measures designed to eliminate anything fun, anywhere in the city. So yesterday, a team of FBI and “Denver Metro Gang Task Force” agents arrested 27 members of the city’s “Asian Pride” gang and confiscated its cache of over 10,000 Ecstasy tablets. Tragically, there will be no Ecstasy in Denver this August. MORE »

SUCKER: “FBI agents on Tuesday raided the offices of Special Counsel Scott J. Bloch, who oversees protection for federal whistleblowers. The agents seized computers and shut down email service as part of an obstruction of justice probe.” [NPR]

As America mourns the suspicious death of “D.C. Madam” Deborah Jeane Palfrey and gives up hope that anyone or anything can bring down Dick Cheney (or even David Vitter), let’s look back in anger at other recent suspicious suicides involving Our Federal Government. Did you know one of Palfrey’s escort-service contractor ladies also supposedly hanged herself? And what about all these FBI targets and mysterious CIA agents meeting weird, tragic ends? WTF, people, WTF? MORE »

Anibal Acevedo Vila, the “governor” of Puerto Rico (the island, not the New York City), has been indicted by U.S. authorities for “18 counts in a long-running campaign finance probe.” Apparently this is one of those things that the United States runs in Puerto Rico, the home of the third-to-last Democratic primary/caucus on June 3. Another 12 officials — all members of the “Popular Democratic Party” — have been charged along with the governor and are “accused of running a conspiracy to illegally raise money to pay off Acevedo’s campaign debts in 2000.” Christ, if that’s the case, we better put the whole FBI/CIA/DOJ/DOD/NBA on these sick motherfuckers, and then have a Surge. [AP/Google] MORE »

Bassem Youssef used to play by the rules. As an FBI agent, he help coordinate the investigation into the first World Trade Center bombing; he infiltrated Sheik Omar Abdul Rahman’s terror organization in an undercover operation; and he worked out of the U.S. Embassy in Saudi Arabia coordinating the FBI’s relationship with 7 other countries. But, then, because there are so many incompetents at the FBI with foriegn-y sounding names (and several without), he got mistaken for someone who sucked and taken off important stuff. After that, it was a downhill slide for Bassem, right into the loving and subversive arms of the American Library Association.

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GOOD-BYE, CROOK! Dirty little Congressman John Doolittle is retiring from the House, GOP spies said today. But you can’t retire from being the target of a massive corruption investigation! [AP/Yahoo]

START YOUR TERRORIST PHONE CALLS AGAIN, EVERYBODY! The FBI is broke and can’t afford to eavesdrop on all of our personal calls and instant messages and emails and everything, so let’s get back to that secret terror project to blow up Mars. [AP/Google]