“Weird news,” indeed. Christ! Can’t you people keep your foul third-rate romance/low-rent rendezvous off the freakin’ Internet, which really doesn’t need more pornography, and certainly not the kind you two would create. Ugh. Thanks, Sadly, No!, for the year’s supply of Nightmare Fuel. [The Corner]

What better way to celebrate your favorite President-elect than by taking a leering purple gnome-head and rubbing it joyously over your nethers? Buy sixteen million for your family and friends, for the holidays, and they will never ask you for a holiday gift again. [Etsy via Washington Post]

Following a grinding New Hampshire campaign that resulted in a win, John McCain’s been tired. So very, very tired. I mean, he is like 200 years old or something. Luckily, there are so very many souls he can suck from the living to continue his campaign for President of Zombieland.